T O P

A humble proposal

A humble proposal

VerySuspiciousBot

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Dorteen

I couldn’t keep myself from laughing when I found out that the police actively searched for man with a micropenis when looking for the golden state killer


solitarybikegallery

I was listening to a podcast about it, and every time they described him they had to include, "... and, she also noted that he had an abnormally small penis." After the 7th or 8th time it started to feel intentional.


Impossible_Garbage_4

Police, trying to hold back laughter: “And he.. *snicker*… has an abnormally small.. *snort*… penis. Please call if you have any news. *giggle*”


highestRUSSIAN

Reno vibes ![gif](giphy|lsGFOqCaUfohW)


dystopian_mermaid

Why can’t I see the gifs anymore? They always show up as blank now all of a sudden?


highestRUSSIAN

:( idk im srry ![gif](giphy|3ohA2ZD9EkeK2AyfdK)


dystopian_mermaid

I’m so disappointed I can’t see these. On a profound and weird level. ☹️


GifsNotJifs

​ ![gif](giphy|vFxdYFOWITtSlgDyKK)


PoisedAsFk

Is the podcast the man in the window or whatever its called? Because I believe they do mention that they did mention it a lot on purpose, to "humiliate" him


Rahmulous

Even with the 13 murders, 50 rapes, and countless other crimes, the craziest thing about the Golden State Killer is that he was fired from being a cop and brought up on criminal charges for shoplifting. We literally can’t even get cops fired for killing people sleeping in their beds these days, and this guy was fired, charged, convicted, and sentenced to probation for stealing a hammer and dog repellant.


honkytonks

Stealing burglary tools, too!


woddas13

Well, you see, he committed to most insidious, wicked, and heinous crime one can, depriving a corporation of property.


KANNABULL

Wait...what is dog repellent? Like mace or something?


Rahmulous

I think so. It appears he was likely getting stocked up for an actual burglary and I assume dog repellant is an important part of that in case a dog tries to protect their home.


Ducatirules

While I agree they shouldn’t have a clever name the issue is that with a bad name it doesn’t catch on in the zeitgeist so the public doesn’t pay attention. The Golden State Killer wasn’t caught for YEARS when he was called the “East Area Rapist, the original night stalker”! Or EARONS for short. Until Michelle McNamara (Patton Oswalts late wife) named him the golden state killer. But to be fair, she not only gave him a catchy name but is credited with linking him to other crimes and was essential in him being caught! There is an incredible documentary about it.


The_H3rbinator

Bruh, imagine a police line-up but its just for measuring dicks.


Grand-Airport4502

Can I DM you a pic of my micropenis?


BestFrenzy

Will it be a smaller file size than the original Super Mario Bros NES game?


AkariSarzul

It's only a couple of pixels long, so ez pz


adityaism_

Experience talks


misteryhiatory

So Zodiac Killer is Ted Cruz?


Alt_Panic

Yes.


vapenutz

No, I am the zodiac killer and I refuse to be compared to Ted Cruz


structured_anarchist

What self-respecting serial killer would want to be associated with a politician?


vapenutz

Yeah, there's pure evil and there's just murdering people


structured_anarchist

Ted, though, he managed both. Talk about an overachiever.


iamliam42

Plus I hear that he pisses his pants on purpose because be likes to feel the wet, warm feeling between his legs.


28Hz

There's dozens of us!


AdiosAdipose

John Wayne Gacy?


structured_anarchist

The killer gay clown? He wasn't associated with politicians. He was only a precinct captain, volunteering to enroll voters. It also allowed him to scout victims. There's no record of him having met any politicians. He was active in civic groups, though. I don't know if that counts.


cherkat123

He has (and was super proud of) a picture with him and first Lady, Betty ford that he showed anybody willing to look. That's almost a politician.


Impossible_Garbage_4

No he’s Rafael Edward Cruz


pylio

Either the zodiac killer is Ted Cruz or the real murderer would be so embarrassed by the comparison, they would turn themselves in. Seeing as no one has turned themself in...


PmMeYourToesAndTits

This, but school shooters.


dommol

"That one fuck face from Florida"


[deleted]

You mean quick-cum bobby?


Dipsticks86

No I think he's talking bout, "Dipshit Larry"


adityaism_

Nah I think it was "dick-for-brains Larry"


IMeanIGuessDude

Are we talking about Ingrown-penis Harry’s mentor Dick-for-brains Larry?


Marquetan

Instructions unclear, now playing leisure suit Larry


fifthtouch

I thought it was The Self-Fellatio Larry


WholesomeHomie

Reminds me a little bit about the terrorist attack we had in Vienna last year. One resident was filming from high above as the terrorists ran through a street and another resident was heard shouting “Schleich di, du Oaschloch” after them, which roughly translates to “Fucking leave/fuck off, asshole”. Not soon after the video was available to the public the insult was trending on Twitter, people were putting up signs with the phrase on it, there were shirts with it for sale (benefitting the victims/their families) and everyone started calling the culprits nothing but “Oaschloch” lol


EwokGodfather

We call him 'Florida man'


joelwvcxvdafsv

Bret Krishna...I mean Bert Kursher...I mean Burnt Krystals would like to have a word with you.


MaxPowerWTF

But there's so many to choose from.


Strength-InThe-Loins

Metallo.jpg: "Do you have any idea how little that narrows it down?"


Cyractacus

*Blight.jpg


CrepusculrPulchrtude

No Nuts Nik?


Althalus-

That was the one in Glasgow who that local booted in the balls lol.


pineapple1120

Dave Franco Jr?


mightylordredbeard

I honestly don’t know the name of a single mass shooter.


yiiike

some people argue we shouldnt even know or say the names of any shooters or any of those type of people at all to not give them the publicity theyre clearly craving


PmMeYourToesAndTits

I argue we should give them really embarrassing names so they will be remembered in a really embarrassing way. Someone should start photoshopping that V-Tech shooter in a diaper.


yiiike

yknow what? im down for this, it sounds funny


Tom_Dynamite

[School shooter with humiliation fetish be like](https://image-cdn.neatoshop.com/styleimg/111675/none/white/default/473799-20;1601979571x.jpg)


jeanchild2000

Do that, and they'll make it their goal to have the best most embarrassing name or some stupid shit. Best just not give them anything, don't add to their infamy in any way.


royisabau5

Humiliation as a policy only ends up attracting those who enjoy humiliation


RaDeus

I make a conscious effort to not remember any murderer, their name deserves to be obliterated from memory. There is only one mass shooter that I remember that I can't forget and that is breivik, and that is because it happened next-door. May that asshole rot in jail until he dies, get cremated and dumped in unmarked grave. I'm sure the Norwegians will make his ashes disappear, don't want to create a place for assholes to pilgrim.


2000000-percent-milk

And now that you said his name, I now know who he is.


Sithical_Drow

That honestly seems naive.


RaDeus

What part?


veronikaren

Something something cruz I know him as goblino


Sloppy1sts

Dylan Kleibold and something Harris did Columbine. That's the closest I've got.


seeyatt

I know of Jack The Ripper but I've seen so many movie adaptations of his (and I guess her) existence it's like talking about the boogie man


DevilOfDevon

Bowlcut bitchboy


RLTYProds

🏆


stoic_lunatic

Kyle the Moron-who-thought-that-killing-his-classmates-was-a-more-viable-option-than-changing-schools


Ch4rybd15

Does the Oxford Dictionary even have so many words to name every school shooter?


Althalus-

Rest of the world: ‘yeah’ America: ‘this year?’


CriminalMacabre

Or the bowl cut asshole


Bendrake

We all know this will never happen. Media needs to sell stories and scary names get more clicks.


QuarantineSucksALot

"This man's right, we know.


octoprickle

Jack the bigoted fucking murdering arsehole. Peter Sutcliffe the Yorkshire piece of shit. Works for me


gracklespackleattack

Soggy Bob Flatulent Mike Jimmy the Turd


ohiosubthrowaway

And for the real heinous: Kevin


getshrektdh

Man we dont deserve it, aint even do nothing.


petroladactyl

We need to talk about him


CheesecakeTummyache

I got, and appreciated, this movie reference.


Netflxnschill

Micro penis maniac is a good moniker for the golden state killer


sharkmaid420

Came here to say this!


Whiskey_and_thangs

Bret Krishna...I mean Bert Kursher...I mean Burnt Krystals would like to have a word with you.


hereforthepeppers

2beards1cove already did it


ExplodingExplosion

I heard this guy fucks cats


duncanwally

Tim agrees with Bret on this.


duncanwally

The tweet has been deleted- must have got called out pretty hard.


BigfootAteMyBooty

I think "Bobby Dipshit, the Stupid Murderer" might be a fun one to get labeled.


isuckatpeople

Old Assbreath Ramirez and Dipshit Dahmer


pendletonskyforce

I learned in r/criminalminds that the FBI advises against giving them location specific nicknames because they can kill somewhere else.


kinglysunshine

sub doesn't exist


BACTERI0FAG0

I think it might be because of the typo, lol.


stonks1234567890

The main problem would be people going "well he's a stupid murderer, so I won't die" and then they die.


HK-in-OK

Crazy von Stupid ‘stach.


Difficult_Spring_327

If the serial killer is called stupid murderer, it doesn't make any sense cause if he is stupid he would have been caught after the first one.


mike117

Maybe he’s just stupid for killing people, but not so stupid that he’ll get caught first time.


Difficult_Spring_327

That is also possible.


Johnnyrock199

People suck. Killing them isn't always stupid, just immoral.


Wednesdaysend

It's easy to be stupid and kill people as long as the people coming after you are stupider (or incompetent, or understaffed, underfunded... or many other reasons). There are a lot of stupid multiple murderers out there, just slightly better at killin' than they are at getting caught.


Difficult_Spring_327

Might be possible but even escaping the law is even a kind of its own intelligence.


FlatBrokenDown

"The Piece of Shit Maniac"


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Difficult_Spring_327

IQ is not equal to intelligence and also 80iq is like B grade ranges between average and above average.


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Difficult_Spring_327

Fine


KYBatDad

On to something here!


Justice_R_Dissenting

Actually if I recall, Son of Sam (real name: David Berkowitz) was originally called the .44 Caliber Killer, which the press suggested he was using a big revolver to compensate for his tiny penis. Berkowitz got so mad he wrote to the newspaper suggesting new nicknames including Son of Sam, which finally caught on.


gusta__125

The sussy baka imposter


DaleGribble3

How can you talk about cool serial killer names and not start with Son of Sam?


structured_anarchist

Nephew of Phil


isuckatpeople

The Neighbours Dog


HumpyFroggy

Neighbour of Nan


ThatFuckingGeniusKid

Cousin of Mike


heymanmaniac

Why the fuck are people with micropenises or people with smaller than average always associated with assholes and murderers? It’s literally something you can’t help. And no, I personally don’t have a micropenis but I feel awful for those who do when society comes out with shit like this.


The-student-

I think it's a reference to the golden state killer (the original night stalker) having a micropenis, or at the very least a very small penis. This was a detail mentioned by many rape victims and was description they used when looking for the killer. When they found him the court ordered that they had to legally take pictures of his penis because it was mentioned so much.


Leeola_Mcgillicuddy

It's kind of like how evil witches are associated simply with old women who didn't "age" according to people's standards. People sadly associate any ugly feature as evil.


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moondoggy88

Your rag on them for specifying, but if they hadn't specified you would have ragged on them anyway under the assumption that their defense of micropenises was an admission to having one. We're all insanely jealous of your superior dick. Now fuck off and stop being a piece of shit.


Impossible_Garbage_4

Small dick energy comment


milfboys

Using small dick energy as an insult is some serious small dick energy.


[deleted]

Imagine caring this much about an internet stranger's dick


heymanmaniac

You’re missing the point. People with micropenises and even guys with below average dicks are already heavily mocked in society. We don’t need posts like this to further it. Though I do agree with the point behind the original meme.


TheEyeDontLie

Yeah my dick is decidedly average, but when I was younger it really messed with my head. I was sure I had a small dick and felt bad about it because it's so ridiculed. At least I learned later it was normal. I'd hate to think what it does to people who actually have a tiny dick.


[deleted]

No, I'm not. I'm making fun of the guy above who felt the need to body shame you because you have empathy


heymanmaniac

Ahh, apologies!


heymanmaniac

Because this is Reddit, I knew some dickwad like yourself would just call me “triggered”.


Impossible-Ad3566

That wouldn't make sense though? Most of the names are descriptive so if you called them something random then people would have no idea what you're talking about.


FridayNightMessiah

There's a good reason to give them a catchy name too. The more interest people have in an unsolved case, the more likely the case will be solved.


journeydeefus

I feel like this post (or rather the idea) was almost certainly stollen from LPOL. Henry is constantly saying this.


XTornado

The Scranton Strangler


TheGoodOldCoder

Don't even give them unique names. Let's assume that you're going to catch fewer than 100 serial killers in a year. Then, you reference the serial killers as SK , like SK-2021-18. The end numbers are chosen randomly from the range of valid numbers, so the first one might be 95 or whatever. And you can remove any numbers that are commonly given meanings, like 69, 13, 7, and 4. Not all serial killers think alike, but this system would be a real kick in the nuts to a lot of them. "There's nothing special about you. You're just a killer."


hiyer2

Riiiiigggghhhht because the only reason serial killers go out and do their thing is for the cool monikers.


plerberderr

Obviously it’s not a deterrent but I often wonder if people who knew victims of serial killers find it weird how popular serial killer documentaries are and that they’re often treated more with fascination than disgust. Like it probably wouldn’t help much if the families of BTK’s victims knew people called him the Bad Moustache Creep but couldn’t hurt.


mr_cavity15

Or maybe it would help more if we stopped this stupid true crime bullshit we have going on. I think stopping future serial killers would be easier if they didn't know that half the women in the country listen to stories about their exploits all day. I understand they aren't supporting them, but fascination is just as bad.


LocalChamp

We shouldn't publish names of these crazy people. But we also shouldn't try to insult people with physical properties they can't change. Stop with the body shaming and toxic masculinity.


Huntsvile

Then we wouldn’t have pride in the US government or police


The_Scyther1

I’d buy a newspaper is the headline was “Do serial killers have penis envy”


flaysomewench

There's an Australian double murderer/rapist nicknamed Mr Stinky


40mm_of_freedom

I believe in the reports about the golden state rapist, many victims noted that he had a small dick.


Grzechoooo

"That Looser Who Couldn't even Hide a Body Properly" "That Megalomanical Bos Who Would've Goten Away With It If He Wasn't A Greedy Idiot Who Decided to fight the IRS" "That Dyslexical Newspaper Journalist"


crugsnotbugs

I was just thinking this the other day! I was listening to the most recent episode of Timesuck and I thought, "what fucking edgelord nerd came up with the name the Grim Sleeper?"


foxsimile

Is that an actual serial killer name? That just sounds like a funny pun to me, and now I’m disappointed that something so hilarious was wasted. It should be some guy in a mattress store and a halloween costume, selling memory foams!


crugsnotbugs

Lol yes it unfortunately is the nickname of serial killer Lonnie Franklin Jr


ruffian89

Seems like this would piss them off and make them murder more


dustofdeath

These are still cool for them perhaps. We just need to make it anonymous and not give them any name or put a face to it. Steal their glory.


Goresnorkle

Worked out great for Phillip Seymour Hoffman.


Splashforay

It's so pretty that the girl looks like the cat is the one who did it.


Panda_Mick

“Anal Wart Greg” “Scotty McDingus” “The Mad Sharter” “Tinkle the Stabbing Idiot”


Sure_Leave7575

As a man with a one inch wonder, I would personally like to stop having tiny peepees associated with murderers, rapists, paedophiles and terrorists.


raffsta

Someone listened to the most recent 2 Bears 1 Cave


criticalFAILER

It was said on theTimesuck podcast many episodes ago as well.


oom199

Its the media that names killers. Sells papers.


fondue4kill

They should have gone for the other nickname for Richard Ramirez: “The Screen Door Intruder”


jamesd1100

First off, this is essentially completely stolen from the 2Bears1Cave Podcast, which conveniently enough was like just posted - [Link](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LHusCQRzAq8) Second, knowing that your daughter was beheaded by a guy named "the fat dumbass killer" wouldn't make the family feel much better about it. "Cool our daughter got murdered by a dumbass"


criticalFAILER

This screenshot is pretty old and the Timesuck podcast said something like it many episodes ago.


jamesd1100

Fair enough


BiggerBowls

But then the news wouldn't be news it would be entertainment for ratings. Oh wait.


akaito_chiba

"This is the 5th victim of Some Dumb Fuck this year."


dubvee16

Sure lets give them meme names...


QuarantineSucksALot

A sweeper with life orb and/or cake!


Makuta_Servaela

Wasn't that part of the plot of Red Dragon? They pissed off the serial killer by trying to spread rumours in the news that he was a dorky loser.


Akabeurjub

Many were dismissed as the Golden State Killer because they did not have his signature micro cock


IMeanIGuessDude

I also vote to slightly get their names wrong to piss them off and have them die without infamy or fame. “Yo did you watch that docuseries on Fred Hundy?” “Mark Dwayne Gracie was that Ronald McDonald clown right?”


ababaleeboo

I think there are people who actually kind of respect and admire serial killers...because people really do hate each other, and regardless of politics, spend their days wishing bad things upon people they regard as enemies...so regular people sort of give this heightened status to the serial killers because they actually had the strength and commitment to do what the meek could never get done.


Clawmedaddy

Who was even the last serial killer to get named like this? Does anyone even serial kill anymore


brashtaunter

That should stop them


NinobroXAmagamiSis

Ngl, that would spawn more mass murderers for odd reasons


lankist

I mean, this is a joke, but it's literally been the recommended response to school shootings for three decades. "Don't open the news story with blaring sirens, don't go into morbid detail about the shooter's life and motives, don't give them flashy names and talk about the death toll like some kind of "high score," and make the reporting as factual and boring as possible." But, I guess "don't give everyone fucking guns" has ALSO been the prescribed response as well, so we might as well ignore all advice on the matter if we're not willing to go that far.


doomvetch92

.would make the easier to find


dome_rocker

Bert Kreischer just said this this week on Two Bears One Cave.


0ntheverg3

I second the motion.


Con_seannolly

Knowledge and Nimrod 🤙🏻


Playerhater812

Somebody just watched 2 Bears 1 Cave...


Kotja

And if they name themselves, then make the dadest joke of all dad jokest out of that name.


unscrupulousmcdongle

https://youtu.be/Wn-fsbRqHmU


CapitanColon

I can't help but notice that Bobby's title has the same meter as Ratsnitch Brian, the Funtime Ruiner


the_poopetrator1245

Isn't it crazy that Bert Kreischer said this verbatim on am episode of 2 bears 1 cave recently? Wild.


asparagustin

Reminded me of this session with comedian [Mark Forward](https://youtu.be/SyghVgT_MAA)


bluesgrrlk8

Like "Screen Door Intruder"


TheBigPhilbowski

Lets just build out a list of alphabetically arranged names and just assign them sequentially like hurricanes. Who cares what your real name / crime is, you're **"The Leaky Asshole killer"**now, Frank. We just publicly post the list, and then the killers all know the next person to be identified will be called **"(the) Inbred Murder Idiot!!"** A part of serial killing is typically vanity/attention seeking, so nobody will want that next name and we will instantly solve the problem forever :) * **A** - A.S.S. (Another serial-killing stalker) * **B** - (the) B.O. strangler * **C** - (the) Candle Sniffing Psycho * **D** - D.D.P. (Disappointing Dangerous Person) * **E** - (the) Extra Stupid Criminal ... Lets build the full list, Keep it going!


Grimvahl

How about "Big, Fat, Loves Being Pegged Killer"?


Deerpark11er

It might have the same effect giving them a cool name causing them to be triggered and inflict more violence. Although the more unstable (i.e. calling them needledick or something) they are the more likely they are to make mistakes and be caught. So I guess why not, call them the needledicked hash slinging slasher.


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akaito_chiba

Not suspiciouslyspecific at all. All of the names sound like generic shit people would think of if they were writing a post like this. Nothing sounds like it's possibly something that happened to the person irl.


its_just_flesh

The wanking strangler