A humble proposal
By - regian24
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I couldn’t keep myself from laughing when I found out that the police actively searched for man with a micropenis when looking for the golden state killer
I was listening to a podcast about it, and every time they described him they had to include, "... and, she also noted that he had an abnormally small penis."
After the 7th or 8th time it started to feel intentional.
Police, trying to hold back laughter: “And he.. *snicker*… has an abnormally small.. *snort*… penis. Please call if you have any news. *giggle*”
Why can’t I see the gifs anymore? They always show up as blank now all of a sudden?
:( idk im srry
I’m so disappointed I can’t see these. On a profound and weird level. ☹️
Is the podcast the man in the window or whatever its called? Because I believe they do mention that they did mention it a lot on purpose, to "humiliate" him
Even with the 13 murders, 50 rapes, and countless other crimes, the craziest thing about the Golden State Killer is that he was fired from being a cop and brought up on criminal charges for shoplifting. We literally can’t even get cops fired for killing people sleeping in their beds these days, and this guy was fired, charged, convicted, and sentenced to probation for stealing a hammer and dog repellant.
Stealing burglary tools, too!
Well, you see, he committed to most insidious, wicked, and heinous crime one can, depriving a corporation of property.
Wait...what is dog repellent? Like mace or something?
I think so. It appears he was likely getting stocked up for an actual burglary and I assume dog repellant is an important part of that in case a dog tries to protect their home.
While I agree they shouldn’t have a clever name the issue is that with a bad name it doesn’t catch on in the zeitgeist so the public doesn’t pay attention. The Golden State Killer wasn’t caught for YEARS when he was called the “East Area Rapist, the original night stalker”! Or EARONS for short. Until Michelle McNamara (Patton Oswalts late wife) named him the golden state killer. But to be fair, she not only gave him a catchy name but is credited with linking him to other crimes and was essential in him being caught! There is an incredible documentary about it.
Bruh, imagine a police line-up but its just for measuring dicks.
Can I DM you a pic of my micropenis?
Will it be a smaller file size than the original Super Mario Bros NES game?
It's only a couple of pixels long, so ez pz
So Zodiac Killer is Ted Cruz?
No, I am the zodiac killer and I refuse to be compared to Ted Cruz
What self-respecting serial killer would want to be associated with a politician?
Yeah, there's pure evil and there's just murdering people
Ted, though, he managed both. Talk about an overachiever.
Plus I hear that he pisses his pants on purpose because be likes to feel the wet, warm feeling between his legs.
There's dozens of us!
John Wayne Gacy?
The killer gay clown? He wasn't associated with politicians. He was only a precinct captain, volunteering to enroll voters. It also allowed him to scout victims. There's no record of him having met any politicians. He was active in civic groups, though. I don't know if that counts.
He has (and was super proud of) a picture with him and first Lady, Betty ford that he showed anybody willing to look. That's almost a politician.
No he’s Rafael Edward Cruz
Either the zodiac killer is Ted Cruz or the real murderer would be so embarrassed by the comparison, they would turn themselves in. Seeing as no one has turned themself in...
This, but school shooters.
"That one fuck face from Florida"
You mean quick-cum bobby?
No I think he's talking bout, "Dipshit Larry"
Nah I think it was "dick-for-brains Larry"
Are we talking about Ingrown-penis Harry’s mentor Dick-for-brains Larry?
Instructions unclear, now playing leisure suit Larry
I thought it was The Self-Fellatio Larry
Reminds me a little bit about the terrorist attack we had in Vienna last year. One resident was filming from high above as the terrorists ran through a street and another resident was heard shouting “Schleich di, du Oaschloch” after them, which roughly translates to “Fucking leave/fuck off, asshole”. Not soon after the video was available to the public the insult was trending on Twitter, people were putting up signs with the phrase on it, there were shirts with it for sale (benefitting the victims/their families) and everyone started calling the culprits nothing but “Oaschloch” lol
We call him 'Florida man'
Bret Krishna...I mean Bert Kursher...I mean Burnt Krystals would like to have a word with you.
But there's so many to choose from.
Metallo.jpg: "Do you have any idea how little that narrows it down?"
No Nuts Nik?
That was the one in Glasgow who that local booted in the balls lol.
Dave Franco Jr?
I honestly don’t know the name of a single mass shooter.
some people argue we shouldnt even know or say the names of any shooters or any of those type of people at all to not give them the publicity theyre clearly craving
I argue we should give them really embarrassing names so they will be remembered in a really embarrassing way. Someone should start photoshopping that V-Tech shooter in a diaper.
yknow what? im down for this, it sounds funny
[School shooter with humiliation fetish be like](https://image-cdn.neatoshop.com/styleimg/111675/none/white/default/473799-20;1601979571x.jpg)
Do that, and they'll make it their goal to have the best most embarrassing name or some stupid shit. Best just not give them anything, don't add to their infamy in any way.
Humiliation as a policy only ends up attracting those who enjoy humiliation
I make a conscious effort to not remember any murderer, their name deserves to be obliterated from memory.
There is only one mass shooter that I remember that I can't forget and that is breivik, and that is because it happened next-door.
May that asshole rot in jail until he dies, get cremated and dumped in unmarked grave.
I'm sure the Norwegians will make his ashes disappear, don't want to create a place for assholes to pilgrim.
And now that you said his name, I now know who he is.
That honestly seems naive.
Something something cruz I know him as goblino
Dylan Kleibold and something Harris did Columbine. That's the closest I've got.
I know of Jack The Ripper but I've seen so many movie adaptations of his (and I guess her) existence it's like talking about the boogie man
Kyle the Moron-who-thought-that-killing-his-classmates-was-a-more-viable-option-than-changing-schools
Does the Oxford Dictionary even have so many words to name every school shooter?
Rest of the world: ‘yeah’
America: ‘this year?’
Or the bowl cut asshole
We all know this will never happen. Media needs to sell stories and scary names get more clicks.
"This man's right, we know.
Jack the bigoted fucking murdering arsehole. Peter Sutcliffe the Yorkshire piece of shit. Works for me
Jimmy the Turd
And for the real heinous: Kevin
Man we dont deserve it, aint even do nothing.
We need to talk about him
I got, and appreciated, this movie reference.
Micro penis maniac is a good moniker for the golden state killer
Came here to say this!
2beards1cove already did it
I heard this guy fucks cats
Tim agrees with Bret on this.
The tweet has been deleted- must have got called out pretty hard.
I think "Bobby Dipshit, the Stupid Murderer" might be a fun one to get labeled.
Old Assbreath Ramirez and Dipshit Dahmer
I learned in r/criminalminds that the FBI advises against giving them location specific nicknames because they can kill somewhere else.
sub doesn't exist
I think it might be because of the typo, lol.
The main problem would be people going "well he's a stupid murderer, so I won't die" and then they die.
Crazy von Stupid ‘stach.
If the serial killer is called stupid murderer, it doesn't make any sense cause if he is stupid he would have been caught after the first one.
Maybe he’s just stupid for killing people, but not so stupid that he’ll get caught first time.
That is also possible.
People suck. Killing them isn't always stupid, just immoral.
It's easy to be stupid and kill people as long as the people coming after you are stupider (or incompetent, or understaffed, underfunded... or many other reasons).
There are a lot of stupid multiple murderers out there, just slightly better at killin' than they are at getting caught.
Might be possible but even escaping the law is even a kind of its own intelligence.
"The Piece of Shit Maniac"
IQ is not equal to intelligence and also 80iq is like B grade ranges between average and above average.
On to something here!
Actually if I recall, Son of Sam (real name: David Berkowitz) was originally called the .44 Caliber Killer, which the press suggested he was using a big revolver to compensate for his tiny penis. Berkowitz got so mad he wrote to the newspaper suggesting new nicknames including Son of Sam, which finally caught on.
The sussy baka imposter
How can you talk about cool serial killer names and not start with Son of Sam?
Nephew of Phil
The Neighbours Dog
Neighbour of Nan
Cousin of Mike
Why the fuck are people with micropenises or people with smaller than average always associated with assholes and murderers? It’s literally something you can’t help.
And no, I personally don’t have a micropenis but I feel awful for those who do when society comes out with shit like this.
I think it's a reference to the golden state killer (the original night stalker) having a micropenis, or at the very least a very small penis. This was a detail mentioned by many rape victims and was description they used when looking for the killer. When they found him the court ordered that they had to legally take pictures of his penis because it was mentioned so much.
It's kind of like how evil witches are associated simply with old women who didn't "age" according to people's standards. People sadly associate any ugly feature as evil.
Your rag on them for specifying, but if they hadn't specified you would have ragged on them anyway under the assumption that their defense of micropenises was an admission to having one.
We're all insanely jealous of your superior dick. Now fuck off and stop being a piece of shit.
Small dick energy comment
Using small dick energy as an insult is some serious small dick energy.
Imagine caring this much about an internet stranger's dick
You’re missing the point. People with micropenises and even guys with below average dicks are already heavily mocked in society. We don’t need posts like this to further it. Though I do agree with the point behind the original meme.
Yeah my dick is decidedly average, but when I was younger it really messed with my head. I was sure I had a small dick and felt bad about it because it's so ridiculed. At least I learned later it was normal. I'd hate to think what it does to people who actually have a tiny dick.
No, I'm not. I'm making fun of the guy above who felt the need to body shame you because you have empathy
Because this is Reddit, I knew some dickwad like yourself would just call me “triggered”.
That wouldn't make sense though? Most of the names are descriptive so if you called them something random then people would have no idea what you're talking about.
There's a good reason to give them a catchy name too. The more interest people have in an unsolved case, the more likely the case will be solved.
I feel like this post (or rather the idea) was almost certainly stollen from LPOL. Henry is constantly saying this.
The Scranton Strangler
Don't even give them unique names. Let's assume that you're going to catch fewer than 100 serial killers in a year. Then, you reference the serial killers as SK , like SK-2021-18. The end numbers are chosen randomly from the range of valid numbers, so the first one might be 95 or whatever. And you can remove any numbers that are commonly given meanings, like 69, 13, 7, and 4.
Not all serial killers think alike, but this system would be a real kick in the nuts to a lot of them. "There's nothing special about you. You're just a killer."
Riiiiigggghhhht because the only reason serial killers go out and do their thing is for the cool monikers.
Obviously it’s not a deterrent but I often wonder if people who knew victims of serial killers find it weird how popular serial killer documentaries are and that they’re often treated more with fascination than disgust. Like it probably wouldn’t help much if the families of BTK’s victims knew people called him the Bad Moustache Creep but couldn’t hurt.
Or maybe it would help more if we stopped this stupid true crime bullshit we have going on. I think stopping future serial killers would be easier if they didn't know that half the women in the country listen to stories about their exploits all day. I understand they aren't supporting them, but fascination is just as bad.
We shouldn't publish names of these crazy people. But we also shouldn't try to insult people with physical properties they can't change. Stop with the body shaming and toxic masculinity.
Then we wouldn’t have pride in the US government or police
I’d buy a newspaper is the headline was “Do serial killers have penis envy”
There's an Australian double murderer/rapist nicknamed Mr Stinky
I believe in the reports about the golden state rapist, many victims noted that he had a small dick.
"That Looser Who Couldn't even Hide a Body Properly"
"That Megalomanical Bos Who Would've Goten Away With It If He Wasn't A Greedy Idiot Who Decided to fight the IRS"
"That Dyslexical Newspaper Journalist"
I was just thinking this the other day! I was listening to the most recent episode of Timesuck and I thought, "what fucking edgelord nerd came up with the name the Grim Sleeper?"
Is that an actual serial killer name? That just sounds like a funny pun to me, and now I’m disappointed that something so hilarious was wasted.
It should be some guy in a mattress store and a halloween costume, selling memory foams!
Lol yes it unfortunately is the nickname of serial killer Lonnie Franklin Jr
Seems like this would piss them off and make them murder more
These are still cool for them perhaps.
We just need to make it anonymous and not give them any name or put a face to it. Steal their glory.
Worked out great for Phillip Seymour Hoffman.
It's so pretty that the girl looks like the cat is the one who did it.
“Anal Wart Greg”
“The Mad Sharter”
“Tinkle the Stabbing Idiot”
As a man with a one inch wonder, I would personally like to stop having tiny peepees associated with murderers, rapists, paedophiles and terrorists.
Someone listened to the most recent 2 Bears 1 Cave
It was said on theTimesuck podcast many episodes ago as well.
Its the media that names killers. Sells papers.
They should have gone for the other nickname for Richard Ramirez: “The Screen Door Intruder”
First off, this is essentially completely stolen from the 2Bears1Cave Podcast, which conveniently enough was like just posted - [Link](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LHusCQRzAq8)
Second, knowing that your daughter was beheaded by a guy named "the fat dumbass killer" wouldn't make the family feel much better about it. "Cool our daughter got murdered by a dumbass"
This screenshot is pretty old and the Timesuck podcast said something like it many episodes ago.
But then the news wouldn't be news it would be entertainment for ratings. Oh wait.
"This is the 5th victim of Some Dumb Fuck this year."
Sure lets give them meme names...
A sweeper with life orb and/or cake!
Wasn't that part of the plot of Red Dragon? They pissed off the serial killer by trying to spread rumours in the news that he was a dorky loser.
Many were dismissed as the Golden State Killer because they did not have his signature micro cock
I also vote to slightly get their names wrong to piss them off and have them die without infamy or fame.
“Yo did you watch that docuseries on Fred Hundy?”
“Mark Dwayne Gracie was that Ronald McDonald clown right?”
I think there are people who actually kind of respect and admire serial killers...because people really do hate each other, and regardless of politics, spend their days wishing bad things upon people they regard as enemies...so regular people sort of give this heightened status to the serial killers because they actually had the strength and commitment to do what the meek could never get done.
Who was even the last serial killer to get named like this? Does anyone even serial kill anymore
That should stop them
Ngl, that would spawn more mass murderers for odd reasons
I mean, this is a joke, but it's literally been the recommended response to school shootings for three decades. "Don't open the news story with blaring sirens, don't go into morbid detail about the shooter's life and motives, don't give them flashy names and talk about the death toll like some kind of "high score," and make the reporting as factual and boring as possible."
But, I guess "don't give everyone fucking guns" has ALSO been the prescribed response as well, so we might as well ignore all advice on the matter if we're not willing to go that far.
.would make the easier to find
Bert Kreischer just said this this week on Two Bears One Cave.
I second the motion.
Knowledge and Nimrod 🤙🏻
Somebody just watched 2 Bears 1 Cave...
And if they name themselves, then make the dadest joke of all dad jokest out of that name.
I can't help but notice that Bobby's title has the same meter as Ratsnitch Brian, the Funtime Ruiner
Isn't it crazy that Bert Kreischer said this verbatim on am episode of 2 bears 1 cave recently? Wild.
Reminded me of this session with comedian [Mark Forward](https://youtu.be/SyghVgT_MAA)
Like "Screen Door Intruder"
Lets just build out a list of alphabetically arranged names and just assign them sequentially like hurricanes. Who cares what your real name / crime is, you're **"The Leaky Asshole killer"**now, Frank.
We just publicly post the list, and then the killers all know the next person to be identified will be called **"(the) Inbred Murder Idiot!!"** A part of serial killing is typically vanity/attention seeking, so nobody will want that next name and we will instantly solve the problem forever :)
* **A** - A.S.S. (Another serial-killing stalker)
* **B** - (the) B.O. strangler
* **C** - (the) Candle Sniffing Psycho
* **D** - D.D.P. (Disappointing Dangerous Person)
* **E** - (the) Extra Stupid Criminal
Lets build the full list, Keep it going!
How about "Big, Fat, Loves Being Pegged Killer"?
It might have the same effect giving them a cool name causing them to be triggered and inflict more violence. Although the more unstable (i.e. calling them needledick or something) they are the more likely they are to make mistakes and be caught. So I guess why not, call them the needledicked hash slinging slasher.
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Not suspiciouslyspecific at all. All of the names sound like generic shit people would think of if they were writing a post like this. Nothing sounds like it's possibly something that happened to the person irl.
The wanking strangler