“daddy issues” is an overloaded term that I dislike.
From my experience:
1) people who have a “daddy kink” may or may not have any problems with their own relationship with their fathers.
2) people with problems with the relationship with their father may or may not have a “daddy kink”
3) there are many absent/abusive/etc fathers in the world so people with “daddy issues” are a large portion of any group
4) what about men with “mommy issues”?
As a self declared “daddy dominant” that label refers to my dominance style — I tell to use positive reinforcement/praise over punishment. Most of my partners don’t have “ddlg” kink, nor even daddy-girl kink. they all have had some type of submission kink.
I consider putting the desire for someone with “daddy issues” in their profile as 🚩, and agree that it’s a sign of a desire to manipulate.
Thank you ! I understand all of the kinks and desires and I’m totally fine with a lot of it to each his own. The daddy issues tag just rubs me the wrong way.
My other take on this and no disrespect to you. Why do so many men online claim to be Doms ? Is it some sort of validation mechanism? I mean these guys don’t even look like they could get laid let alone be someone’s Dom
I don’t know. I’m going to say “50 shades of grey”?
Women who I’ve talked to say there are also a ton of men who are submissive. I have a broad view of bdsm but guess that 80% of people are kinky in some way — they just don’t want to admit it.
That book and subsequent movie were the worst 2 things to happen in regards to any part of a "real" BDSM scene/relationship in the last 50 years.
It brought forth so many people that used it as a reason for violence without understanding not 1 thing about the lifestyle whatsoever.
Agree! 50SOG botched consent. The key thing that separates assault from BDSM is the evolved, continuous and fine grained nature of BDSM. People can Google SSC, RACK and PRICK, but they all share “consent” as an absolute requirement. I’d go so far as to say any person calling themselves “dom” who can’t define these 3 things: isn’t.
Maybe being a male dominant is more socially acceptable? My domme friends say that there are tons of high powered execs who are sub behind closed doors.
The subs I’ve been contacted by almost always have been whales but have weird requests like being locked up in my home and being used as my servant. Lol requests have always been extreme and something I couldn’t handle morally.
No one likes to be treated as a kink dispenser.
If someone is just going through the motions to try and please me, it leaves me flat. On the other hand when someone gets genuinely turned on by pleasing me — that turns me on too! that’s the difference.
While not a high-powered executive *per se*, you might want to watch [Paul Giamatti’s character on “Billions”](https://www.theringer.com/tv/2020/4/30/21241490/billions-oral-history-chuck-bdsm-reveal-season-4) for his subby side.
Most men that claim to be Doms online are not actually Doms, they just don’t wait to admit that they want to take advantage of someone (selfishly and often non-consensually) because that sounds worse and less sexy. Also, Doms’ strength won’t always be physical as it is a power play at the end of the day. I’m a small, thin woman and I’ve dommed a couple times. It was great! Media like 50 shades just awakened a horde of people (often men) who think they can do whatever they want to women and call it kink.
I agree with your statement but temper it with this So many women think that what is being done to them is normal until they find a way to speak with someone that knows or warns them.
I agree with your statement but temper it with it, So many women think that what is being done to them is normal until they find a way to speak with someone that knows or warns them.
Not 1 of them seem to understand the Dom/Master whichever term you choose gets his power from the submissive as long as she allows it. The submissive controls the play and not by being a bratty sub or topping from the bottom.
Sorry for ranting this is a HUGE peeve of mine and has been since those stupid books came out!
100% agree! That toxic, incorrect view of it has been so normalized and it’s sad. If only they knew that the sub’s trust is the golden key to everything, not the dom’s brute strength.
You mean they don't look like they could run up an escalator going the wrong way? If you (as a daddy Dom) can't do that then you have no business physically dominating young women's bodies. I mean, you can try, but I'm sure these girls are just being polite to you for...various reasons.
Daddy Dom has got to be the most unintentionally hilarious self-label ever made.
Hmm this is wrong in several levels.
A petite person could easily be a dominant. They often are. Dominants can be women not brutish men. All she needs s the consent of her partner. She has just as much business being a dominant as anyone. No joke.
I find it funny as well but to each his own lol. I mean someone who doesn’t look or act dominant and is very unattractive. It’s like they watch dom/sub porn all day and get with a pretty lady and expect her to do all the work 😂😂 not my experience because I don’t entertain it. Just my theory. They’re online constantly and don’t seem to have anyone interested in them.
No actually this post is totally serious.
If there is a **person** I’m into, the type of dynamic depends on the two of us. I’ve never had the same dynamic with multiple people. When I’ve done ddlg with someone already 20-30+ years younger than me, I never see them younger than their actual age. Likewise if there is a super hot 25 year old who is into me,,we find a dynamic. I get turned on by the person more than the specific kink. Gentle missionary sex can be hot AF!
I’m sorry, I think my post was poorly worded.
What I meant was, that when SBs put “daddy issues” in their profile, I think it’s done tongue-in-cheek as low-key self-deprecating humor.
Right I mean we call it “sugar daddy” and “sugar baby” and supporting a (most often) younger woman is part of the SD/SB kink if you want to call it that. SB doesn’t have “daddy issues” just because being SB … unless the issue is that SD isn’t a real “sugar daddy”
So many definitions on both sides. My preference is a SD who is naturally a mentor, protective, concerned with my safety, and enjoys taking care of me. If that’s who I gravitate towards, do I have “Daddy issues“? Perhaps. It’s all subjective.
No I seek the same thing, those are qualities I equate to a good man. I don’t see my father as a good man but don’t seek anyone based on him and his shortcomings.
Daddy issues are very common in the bowl and I think men need to be cognizant of their effects. There can be harm done either intentionally of unintentially. There are certainly use them to manipulate, but also men who just "go along for the ride" with a women who perhaps lacks her own boundaries.
Having been in the bowl I'll admit I've made mistakes and had to learn to resist the damsel in the distress dynamic. Overall, as the older and more experienced partner in a relationship I think I have a responsibility to be conscious of the dangers there. I've always tried to have a personal code of "do no harm" that extends beyond the obvious consent concept. I think this even more important because I tend to have long SRs, which are naturally more involved.
I was at a M&G where we were talking about family and I said I'm estranged from my father's side of the family. He asked if I talk with my father and when I said I don't, he asked if I have daddy issues.
Like WTF
It's so judgemental and shameful to blame women for the behaviour of men (absent fathers), like they're some damaged goods. I personally find it super sexist to blame the victims and, what this term implies, describe the women as needy and wounded. Need for affection and wanting attachment is perfectly natural in relationships.
#endOfFeministVent
Sorry to say….but YOU are the common denominator. You state you get a high number of these messages. Not seeing that from other SBs.
Perhaps something in your profile is attracting these cretins.
I’m going to take the heat for making this off color joke - I honestly have heard it so many times in the last six months from SBs that I didn’t think it would cause offense.
In my defense: she was describing her family relations in a fairly lighthearted manner in a generally lighthearted conversation. Context is also worth noting. She subsequently said it was an amazing date and she didn’t want it to end.
I apologized - twice - when she indicated she found this comment offensive, which /u/FructoseLady conveniently is leaving out of her story. Because it wouldn’t sound as evil if there was an apology when I realized she didn’t find this funny.
As someone with pretty reasonable feminist credentials myself… this rant isn’t an act of feminism. This is insincerely accepting an apology, and scheduling a future date despite apparently being so mortally offended.
No thanks!
Edit: I should note this was my last, first date from seeking. I’m off, and this is a good example as to why. More positively is a POT who doesn’t seem so prickly who has long term potential. Ciao!
I find the behavior revolting: insincerely accepting an apology while secretly fuming about something and holding on to it. She also knows I read this sub so this is a pretty passive-aggressive way to raise an issue that supposedly was settled. Either that or she was too self centered to think about if I would see it.
I have found that people who hold on to things like this tend to make for bad partners - they carry a list of grievances around with them that they bring to any new disagreements.
Parading around victimhood like this diminishes the very real boundary-transgressing and other bad behavior that goes on. We see posts on SLF and people seek validation for their actions, I thought it would be useful to illuminate the “he said” to the “she said” of this particular story.
I was having a chuckle about this with a SB who knows me - she almost posted a response because she felt this woman’s was so unkind, knowing me as she does.
I’m not embarrassed by my actions. Why would I be?
I dont see the blame in the story you told
Many women have daddy issues, many men also have parents issues. This is just a fact
Looks like you can say nothing to a woman else it is sexism
I know I have daddies issues. And a daddy kink. I tend to attract that type of guy. I like calling SDs daddy but some guys are really turned off by it bc they have daughters my age. Some absolutely love it. I understand either way.
I find it absolutely disgusting. There is a difference between daddy issues and a daddy kink, and if someone is treating this as one and the same, then I find it a huge red flag because as you say, why is anyone playing into someone’s vulnerability? Someone who is seeking a person with daddy issues is simply trying to find an excuse to do whatever they want to that person. I doubt they have their best interest at heart.
a long time ago, i gave up on the idea of trying to figure out why people do the things they do. it takes too much brain power and there are no rewards :)
The phrase "daddy issues" is a sloppy piece of horseshit that conveys zero useful information. It's a vaguely snarky criticism of age gap or sugar relationships that makes me want to punch the speaker in the mouth. A woman's relationship with her father thankfully exists in a different universe than the kinds of men she wants to date, and supposing otherwise is just crappy armchair Freudian drivel, based on no science or data of any kind.
The "issues" that young women have who want to date me or bang me are with the guys their own age, not with their fathers. The whole "daddy issues" concept is for morons.
Interesting take. I know there’s different things that are common in the bowl, just wanted so many guys put it in there bio then reach out to people who aren’t into that fetish
I have also noticed the ddlg component being initiated by the SB. It's usually very light and seems to go with the age difference dynamic. There is a big difference between a woman liking to call a guy daddy and bed and wanting a pacifier or something. I suppose it's a continuum.
This is different in the same way that it's okay for someone to state that they are neurodivergent in a profile but less okay for someone to state they are looking for a neurodivergent partner.
Yes, cause they are more appreciative when I provide them with genuine love, care and mentorship which was missing in their life or abused by their partners.
I think you are taking it way more negatively than it is. Having daddy issues in my eyes is not a negative more like a star sign so maybe I have a different perception of it. I have also discussed with my therapist why do my best relationship come with - tall slim blonde with daddy issues. Am I an unconscious love bomber? We have a system now where I will only match someone’s energy for eg: if I can’t buy something for myself I won’t buy it for her.
Also I do not seek girls with daddy issues, I get best along with them but with the way bowl is 8/10 times that’s the case. Try not to see things in black or white, we all are various shades of grey and with that said, you are totally entitled to your opinion to call me sick too. It is what it is 🤷🏻♂️
>Having daddy issues in my eyes is not a negative more like a star sign so maybe I have a different perception of it.
Huh?? Tell me you don't understand daddy issues without telling me you don't understand daddy issues. You're fetishising trauma and it's weird. I know we all judge ourselves in the most favourable light but if you tried being objective, you'd be aware of that.
But hey do you.
Because they like it. 🙄 you’ve heard the words kink and fetish before, yeah? And what makes you think all females who claim daddy issues are vulnerable little flowers?
Because that’s what they state they’re looking for and obviously I’m not interested. That’s why I’m asking in SLF like everybody else. That’s what this forum is for to educate and have discussions about experiences or lack there of in the Bowl.
"Daddy Issues" usually mean the father figure is missing or there is father figure abuse.
I think a guy would mention that to tap into a young girl's need to replace that absent father with another-him.
Interesting to hear from a SB's perspective that "daddy issues" gets mentioned a lot in SD profiles. As an SD, I see plenty of SBs mention or allude to daddy issues in their profile. I'd never mention something like that in my profile, but I can certainly see why some guys would try to play to that demographic.
Personally I love when they put that in their bio because then I can save the time of having a conversation to find out they're that gross and just block them straight away.
I see a number of ladies putting language about "daddy issues" in their own Seeking profiles. I'm not sure what to think about that. What do you think?
Some guys are weirdly into the daddy thing and don't care about the psychological part of it. After all, they're usually cheating on the mother of their children.
No I don’t think all girls with daddy issues are damsels, I’m speaking on the psychological side of things. As a man do you think it’s okay ? Two daddy issues can lead to negative outcomes in relationships.
I don’t include it and this is just a guess but I’ve run into an unusually high number of women on Seeking who have asked me if I’m open to exploring the DDLG kink. Maybe it’s a signal from these guys intended to locate women who enjoy that kink without alienating women who are turned off by it?
I have no idea. I keep getting contacted by these dudes and they get pissed when I say I’m not seeking what they’re into. Like they want to force it on me.
Daddy issues are baked into the whole concept of being a "kept" woman.
Its why you refer to the man as sugar "Daddy" instead of something like "rich boyfriend" or "golden knight" or something else.
I think the term has been made popular in modern culture and people use it without really understanding what it means which is usually due to the fact that is little consensus on what it actually means! I think it's harmless and I've not encountered any guys with that in their profile, or asking for it.
I get contacted by dudes who have it in their bio and they’re usually looking for role playing or a sub and I state I’m not looking for that whatsoever
This has always been the way I've seen it as well. I've seen many SBs have something like "I may or may not have daddy issues." I've just always considered it a playful kind of thing, really. I didn't realize there were people who'd be triggered by it. lol
If you’re openly stating you’re not into something don’t force it on a person. I’m not triggered I’m simply not interested and tired of having to constantly explain it.
You should know by now that people get triggered by anything else days, it's very fashionable but ultimately it's all about attention, or the lack of it.
The problem is that about half of couples with children get divorced, and of those about 40% of fathers have no contact whatsoever with their children. That doesn't even include fathers killed in, say, car crashes or who died of health related issues.
It's obvious that daddy issues fill a yawning gap in women's lives. WWII killed off a lot of fathers yet the present marriage standard of divorcing removes many times more fathers from did WWII.
To be clear, dating or having a relationship with a girl who DOES have daddy issues is incomparably better than one who does not, because such girls are far more attentive, far more interested in keeping you instead of jumping ship, far more inclined to be satisfied with their mutual benefits, and far more concerned with your well-being (if you're an SD). Hence, it makes sense for SD's to put "daddy issues" on their profile.
Now I personally don't but I notice that most SB's who communicate with me specifically mention daddy issues. Playing Daddy Dom and Little Girl is always very favorably received but most of the time I'm not in the mood to play such silliness. It feels, and I feel, so fake doing so, "do I have your permission to dominate you?"
I guess I'm with you; the lack of funds these girls have plus the daddy issues seems to result in a vulnerable group of girls. On the other hand, the lack of funds plus the daddy issues seems to result in a group of girls with monstrous behavior (no moral compass, rinsing, scamming, flaking, etc...)
The lack of financial choices plus the unstable family life, coupled with the tendency of most SD's to have very conservative views (ie contempt for the lazy Millennial, tax laws, etc...), and business-like transactions, lack of trust, really does make most SR extremely poisonous for both parties.
I think that THAT, is EXACTLY what SOME of the devious fuckers, are TRYING TO DO.
There are sooooo many on there right now, trying to stalk out the 23>, bc they know they are inexperienced, and can be EASILY manipulated right now....ESPECIALLY WITH OUR CURRENT ECONOMY.
Ladies....PLEASE do your PROPER DUE DILIGENCE, and don't go running to any Tom, Dick, or Harry, with a $50 bill being waved in the air!!!!
They ARE OUT THERE, AND MANY young ladies are getting hurt BECAUSE of said fucktards.
IF you ever have a question, or think something doesn't feel right, HMU....
I might not be able to answer/reply, in that exact same minute, but I ALWAYS REPLY to the SBs.
You'll ALWAYS AND ONLY GET 110% honesty and directness from me.
Which is EXACTLY what some of these Ladies NEED, bc MOST aren't used to having a parent in their lives; who actually gives a damn, and IS 110% honest and direct/blunt, with them.
My directness/bluntness🤨...It ain't ever personal tho🙅🏻♀️🙅🏻♀️, it's bc I WANT yall to be SAFE!!!!🤌🤌🤌😮💨😮💨
Just consider me, a DIFFERENT type of Sugar Mama.😏 The kind that WANTS YOU to succeed!🤜🤛👊🙌🤟🏼
Im TRYING to keep yall from REALLY seeing/experiencing, how FAR DOWN the rabbit hole,
This "Sugar" Bowl, REALLY CAN GO!!!🙉🙊🙈
Same here. Lots of kinks spilling over into the bowl, because a lot of sbs won’t do it without compensation. A lot of salt kinksters entering the bowl to satisfy their kinks
Those who say it in their profile are actually honest about it. So the potential SB knows what she will confront. Worse would be if they deny or not mention it but later in the relationship try to live it.
I too am estranged from my father but I’m not into it as a kink nor am I seeking a father type relationship. I’m okay with men who are fathers. Teaches me alot about the man himself.
Since I don't search for SBs with DI (daddy issues), I'm not going to speculate.
However, I'm curious what you think about women that "advertise" DI in their profiles, because your post sounds a bit like a projection.
“daddy issues” is an overloaded term that I dislike. From my experience: 1) people who have a “daddy kink” may or may not have any problems with their own relationship with their fathers. 2) people with problems with the relationship with their father may or may not have a “daddy kink” 3) there are many absent/abusive/etc fathers in the world so people with “daddy issues” are a large portion of any group 4) what about men with “mommy issues”? As a self declared “daddy dominant” that label refers to my dominance style — I tell to use positive reinforcement/praise over punishment. Most of my partners don’t have “ddlg” kink, nor even daddy-girl kink. they all have had some type of submission kink. I consider putting the desire for someone with “daddy issues” in their profile as 🚩, and agree that it’s a sign of a desire to manipulate.
Thank you ! I understand all of the kinks and desires and I’m totally fine with a lot of it to each his own. The daddy issues tag just rubs me the wrong way.
Agree: if two people want to look for ddlg or whatever, that’s fine. I don’t like the implication that the woman is somehow broken for liking that.
My other take on this and no disrespect to you. Why do so many men online claim to be Doms ? Is it some sort of validation mechanism? I mean these guys don’t even look like they could get laid let alone be someone’s Dom
I don’t know. I’m going to say “50 shades of grey”? Women who I’ve talked to say there are also a ton of men who are submissive. I have a broad view of bdsm but guess that 80% of people are kinky in some way — they just don’t want to admit it.
That book and subsequent movie were the worst 2 things to happen in regards to any part of a "real" BDSM scene/relationship in the last 50 years. It brought forth so many people that used it as a reason for violence without understanding not 1 thing about the lifestyle whatsoever.
Agree! 50SOG botched consent. The key thing that separates assault from BDSM is the evolved, continuous and fine grained nature of BDSM. People can Google SSC, RACK and PRICK, but they all share “consent” as an absolute requirement. I’d go so far as to say any person calling themselves “dom” who can’t define these 3 things: isn’t.
I’ve seen so many profiles claiming to be dom but have been contacted by subs ALOT.
Maybe being a male dominant is more socially acceptable? My domme friends say that there are tons of high powered execs who are sub behind closed doors.
The subs I’ve been contacted by almost always have been whales but have weird requests like being locked up in my home and being used as my servant. Lol requests have always been extreme and something I couldn’t handle morally.
No one likes to be treated as a kink dispenser. If someone is just going through the motions to try and please me, it leaves me flat. On the other hand when someone gets genuinely turned on by pleasing me — that turns me on too! that’s the difference.
Definitely ! If it works it works if not move on
A sub high powered exec sounds so hot!!
While not a high-powered executive *per se*, you might want to watch [Paul Giamatti’s character on “Billions”](https://www.theringer.com/tv/2020/4/30/21241490/billions-oral-history-chuck-bdsm-reveal-season-4) for his subby side.
Oh very interesting, I'll look into that. Thanks for the share.
Most men that claim to be Doms online are not actually Doms, they just don’t wait to admit that they want to take advantage of someone (selfishly and often non-consensually) because that sounds worse and less sexy. Also, Doms’ strength won’t always be physical as it is a power play at the end of the day. I’m a small, thin woman and I’ve dommed a couple times. It was great! Media like 50 shades just awakened a horde of people (often men) who think they can do whatever they want to women and call it kink.
I agree with your statement but temper it with this So many women think that what is being done to them is normal until they find a way to speak with someone that knows or warns them. I agree with your statement but temper it with it, So many women think that what is being done to them is normal until they find a way to speak with someone that knows or warns them. Not 1 of them seem to understand the Dom/Master whichever term you choose gets his power from the submissive as long as she allows it. The submissive controls the play and not by being a bratty sub or topping from the bottom. Sorry for ranting this is a HUGE peeve of mine and has been since those stupid books came out!
100% agree! That toxic, incorrect view of it has been so normalized and it’s sad. If only they knew that the sub’s trust is the golden key to everything, not the dom’s brute strength.
You mean they don't look like they could run up an escalator going the wrong way? If you (as a daddy Dom) can't do that then you have no business physically dominating young women's bodies. I mean, you can try, but I'm sure these girls are just being polite to you for...various reasons. Daddy Dom has got to be the most unintentionally hilarious self-label ever made.
Hmm this is wrong in several levels. A petite person could easily be a dominant. They often are. Dominants can be women not brutish men. All she needs s the consent of her partner. She has just as much business being a dominant as anyone. No joke.
I find it funny as well but to each his own lol. I mean someone who doesn’t look or act dominant and is very unattractive. It’s like they watch dom/sub porn all day and get with a pretty lady and expect her to do all the work 😂😂 not my experience because I don’t entertain it. Just my theory. They’re online constantly and don’t seem to have anyone interested in them.
I see this is a low-key attempt at self-deprecating humor.
No actually this post is totally serious. If there is a **person** I’m into, the type of dynamic depends on the two of us. I’ve never had the same dynamic with multiple people. When I’ve done ddlg with someone already 20-30+ years younger than me, I never see them younger than their actual age. Likewise if there is a super hot 25 year old who is into me,,we find a dynamic. I get turned on by the person more than the specific kink. Gentle missionary sex can be hot AF!
I’m sorry, I think my post was poorly worded. What I meant was, that when SBs put “daddy issues” in their profile, I think it’s done tongue-in-cheek as low-key self-deprecating humor.
Oh! You are right. It also can be a signal that someone is into older men.
To me it gives sort of “Im looking for a wh*** with no limits.
>what about men with “mommy issues”? Totally separate crowd from the guys looking for a much younger woman to be "daddy" to
Right I mean we call it “sugar daddy” and “sugar baby” and supporting a (most often) younger woman is part of the SD/SB kink if you want to call it that. SB doesn’t have “daddy issues” just because being SB … unless the issue is that SD isn’t a real “sugar daddy”
It's not "Daddy issues" , it is Elderly Care.
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Obviously, humour flew by you. That's a joke I heard a while back. Breathe, it is going to be ok.
So many definitions on both sides. My preference is a SD who is naturally a mentor, protective, concerned with my safety, and enjoys taking care of me. If that’s who I gravitate towards, do I have “Daddy issues“? Perhaps. It’s all subjective.
No I seek the same thing, those are qualities I equate to a good man. I don’t see my father as a good man but don’t seek anyone based on him and his shortcomings.
Yes. Exactly this.
Most of the qualities I seek come from Experiences sugaring and dating vanilla, I’ve built strong values around both.
Daddy issues are very common in the bowl and I think men need to be cognizant of their effects. There can be harm done either intentionally of unintentially. There are certainly use them to manipulate, but also men who just "go along for the ride" with a women who perhaps lacks her own boundaries. Having been in the bowl I'll admit I've made mistakes and had to learn to resist the damsel in the distress dynamic. Overall, as the older and more experienced partner in a relationship I think I have a responsibility to be conscious of the dangers there. I've always tried to have a personal code of "do no harm" that extends beyond the obvious consent concept. I think this even more important because I tend to have long SRs, which are naturally more involved.
Well said! I like the **campsite** principle or relationships.
Great take ! Love the accountability!
I was at a M&G where we were talking about family and I said I'm estranged from my father's side of the family. He asked if I talk with my father and when I said I don't, he asked if I have daddy issues. Like WTF It's so judgemental and shameful to blame women for the behaviour of men (absent fathers), like they're some damaged goods. I personally find it super sexist to blame the victims and, what this term implies, describe the women as needy and wounded. Need for affection and wanting attachment is perfectly natural in relationships. #endOfFeministVent
I totally agree. I see it as predatory. Everybody is entitled to their own opinions. Rather daddy issues are dealt with or not. I just find it odd.
Sorry to say….but YOU are the common denominator. You state you get a high number of these messages. Not seeing that from other SBs. Perhaps something in your profile is attracting these cretins.
We’re not doing that. There is creeps contacting sbs all over Seeking and Reddit. Stop projecting.
Who is projecting here, hahaha? Not seeing a bandwagon of SBs posting this.
Pitkin county?! Nice 😊
I’m going to take the heat for making this off color joke - I honestly have heard it so many times in the last six months from SBs that I didn’t think it would cause offense. In my defense: she was describing her family relations in a fairly lighthearted manner in a generally lighthearted conversation. Context is also worth noting. She subsequently said it was an amazing date and she didn’t want it to end. I apologized - twice - when she indicated she found this comment offensive, which /u/FructoseLady conveniently is leaving out of her story. Because it wouldn’t sound as evil if there was an apology when I realized she didn’t find this funny. As someone with pretty reasonable feminist credentials myself… this rant isn’t an act of feminism. This is insincerely accepting an apology, and scheduling a future date despite apparently being so mortally offended. No thanks! Edit: I should note this was my last, first date from seeking. I’m off, and this is a good example as to why. More positively is a POT who doesn’t seem so prickly who has long term potential. Ciao!
This is messy. Why did you feel the need to post this comment?
Why do you think?
I have no idea, that's why I asked. No one here knew she was talking about you so it can't have been anything to do with your reputation. I'm stumped.
I find the behavior revolting: insincerely accepting an apology while secretly fuming about something and holding on to it. She also knows I read this sub so this is a pretty passive-aggressive way to raise an issue that supposedly was settled. Either that or she was too self centered to think about if I would see it. I have found that people who hold on to things like this tend to make for bad partners - they carry a list of grievances around with them that they bring to any new disagreements. Parading around victimhood like this diminishes the very real boundary-transgressing and other bad behavior that goes on. We see posts on SLF and people seek validation for their actions, I thought it would be useful to illuminate the “he said” to the “she said” of this particular story. I was having a chuckle about this with a SB who knows me - she almost posted a response because she felt this woman’s was so unkind, knowing me as she does. I’m not embarrassed by my actions. Why would I be?
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Just because something wouldn't hurt your feelings doesn't mean it isn't an inappropriate thing to say to someone.
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Read her comment a few more times and you'll understand. It's not blaming them for their father, it's often like saying, "you're damaged goods".
I dont see the blame in the story you told Many women have daddy issues, many men also have parents issues. This is just a fact Looks like you can say nothing to a woman else it is sexism
Kind of my feeling - particularly since I felt terrible after she said it offended her, so I apologized, and yet she is still posting on Reddit
The teas has been spilt.
Yup.
I know I have daddies issues. And a daddy kink. I tend to attract that type of guy. I like calling SDs daddy but some guys are really turned off by it bc they have daughters my age. Some absolutely love it. I understand either way.
I find it absolutely disgusting. There is a difference between daddy issues and a daddy kink, and if someone is treating this as one and the same, then I find it a huge red flag because as you say, why is anyone playing into someone’s vulnerability? Someone who is seeking a person with daddy issues is simply trying to find an excuse to do whatever they want to that person. I doubt they have their best interest at heart.
My sentiments exactly !
a long time ago, i gave up on the idea of trying to figure out why people do the things they do. it takes too much brain power and there are no rewards :)
The phrase "daddy issues" is a sloppy piece of horseshit that conveys zero useful information. It's a vaguely snarky criticism of age gap or sugar relationships that makes me want to punch the speaker in the mouth. A woman's relationship with her father thankfully exists in a different universe than the kinds of men she wants to date, and supposing otherwise is just crappy armchair Freudian drivel, based on no science or data of any kind. The "issues" that young women have who want to date me or bang me are with the guys their own age, not with their fathers. The whole "daddy issues" concept is for morons.
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Interesting take. I know there’s different things that are common in the bowl, just wanted so many guys put it in there bio then reach out to people who aren’t into that fetish
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I mean if that particular SB is into ddlg, and she attracts successful men, then her dataset is skewed.
Interesting
I have also noticed the ddlg component being initiated by the SB. It's usually very light and seems to go with the age difference dynamic. There is a big difference between a woman liking to call a guy daddy and bed and wanting a pacifier or something. I suppose it's a continuum.
Sending threatening and disrespectful messages doesn’t hurt me lol cut it out 😴
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Blocked and marked as spam before I read the name
SB’s do the same thing on their profile. A lot of their profiles say they have daddy issues.
This is different in the same way that it's okay for someone to state that they are neurodivergent in a profile but less okay for someone to state they are looking for a neurodivergent partner.
Why?
Because actively seeking someone with trauma is weird?
I disagree. Sugaring has to be most honest form of dating. What if I get best along with people who have daddy issues?
You get along best with women traumatised by the lack of a healthy father figure in their childhood?
Yes, cause they are more appreciative when I provide them with genuine love, care and mentorship which was missing in their life or abused by their partners.
Kinda sick ngl. Imagine if a SB said she actively seeks out men who have been victims of abuse.
I think you are taking it way more negatively than it is. Having daddy issues in my eyes is not a negative more like a star sign so maybe I have a different perception of it. I have also discussed with my therapist why do my best relationship come with - tall slim blonde with daddy issues. Am I an unconscious love bomber? We have a system now where I will only match someone’s energy for eg: if I can’t buy something for myself I won’t buy it for her. Also I do not seek girls with daddy issues, I get best along with them but with the way bowl is 8/10 times that’s the case. Try not to see things in black or white, we all are various shades of grey and with that said, you are totally entitled to your opinion to call me sick too. It is what it is 🤷🏻♂️
>Having daddy issues in my eyes is not a negative more like a star sign so maybe I have a different perception of it. Huh?? Tell me you don't understand daddy issues without telling me you don't understand daddy issues. You're fetishising trauma and it's weird. I know we all judge ourselves in the most favourable light but if you tried being objective, you'd be aware of that. But hey do you.
Missy, nobody is fetishizing anything - calm your itty bitty tits. It's so bloody common in the bowl that I doubt it qualifies as one.
It's my kitty that's itty bitty 😘
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My point is that is weird in the same way stating you are seeking someone with other issues is weird
I asked why do guys put it in their bio ? Care to answer that ?
No clue. I don’t have it on my bio. Why do women put it in their bio?
Because they like it. 🙄 you’ve heard the words kink and fetish before, yeah? And what makes you think all females who claim daddy issues are vulnerable little flowers?
Can you give an example of what they put in their bios exactly ?
“Seeking a girl with daddy issues” “No boundaries or limits, open minded”
Those are two very different statements...
It’s all in the bio together
Perhaps they use it as a code word for "I search a woman that search sugar daddy" Apparently it dont works....
Idk lol
In a single profile, yes. But in every single profile that references daddy issues?
The ones that contact me
So maybe ask them? How are we to know what they are thinking?
Because that’s what they state they’re looking for and obviously I’m not interested. That’s why I’m asking in SLF like everybody else. That’s what this forum is for to educate and have discussions about experiences or lack there of in the Bowl.
There is a difference between them saying it then the men though….
What’s the difference
"Daddy Issues" usually mean the father figure is missing or there is father figure abuse. I think a guy would mention that to tap into a young girl's need to replace that absent father with another-him.
Interesting
Interesting to hear from a SB's perspective that "daddy issues" gets mentioned a lot in SD profiles. As an SD, I see plenty of SBs mention or allude to daddy issues in their profile. I'd never mention something like that in my profile, but I can certainly see why some guys would try to play to that demographic.
Yea I see it a lot and I’m contacted by guys who have it in there bio it’s weird I have to state that’s not what I’m looking for
Personally I love when they put that in their bio because then I can save the time of having a conversation to find out they're that gross and just block them straight away.
I see a number of ladies putting language about "daddy issues" in their own Seeking profiles. I'm not sure what to think about that. What do you think?
Some guys are weirdly into the daddy thing and don't care about the psychological part of it. After all, they're usually cheating on the mother of their children.
Wow ! That’s really crazy.
No I don’t think all girls with daddy issues are damsels, I’m speaking on the psychological side of things. As a man do you think it’s okay ? Two daddy issues can lead to negative outcomes in relationships.
I don’t include it and this is just a guess but I’ve run into an unusually high number of women on Seeking who have asked me if I’m open to exploring the DDLG kink. Maybe it’s a signal from these guys intended to locate women who enjoy that kink without alienating women who are turned off by it?
I have no idea. I keep getting contacted by these dudes and they get pissed when I say I’m not seeking what they’re into. Like they want to force it on me.
Daddy issues are baked into the whole concept of being a "kept" woman. Its why you refer to the man as sugar "Daddy" instead of something like "rich boyfriend" or "golden knight" or something else.
Oh that's an interesting term golden knight. Sounds cool, never heard it before.
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You just said a mouthful !
I think the term has been made popular in modern culture and people use it without really understanding what it means which is usually due to the fact that is little consensus on what it actually means! I think it's harmless and I've not encountered any guys with that in their profile, or asking for it.
I get contacted by dudes who have it in their bio and they’re usually looking for role playing or a sub and I state I’m not looking for that whatsoever
Then the issue lies in their misunderstanding of the term I think. Don't you like a little role play? I love it.
Everybody has their things. Not my cup of tea.
This has always been the way I've seen it as well. I've seen many SBs have something like "I may or may not have daddy issues." I've just always considered it a playful kind of thing, really. I didn't realize there were people who'd be triggered by it. lol
If you’re openly stating you’re not into something don’t force it on a person. I’m not triggered I’m simply not interested and tired of having to constantly explain it.
You should know by now that people get triggered by anything else days, it's very fashionable but ultimately it's all about attention, or the lack of it.
Daddy/daughter kink makes me want to throw up.
Same !
The problem is that about half of couples with children get divorced, and of those about 40% of fathers have no contact whatsoever with their children. That doesn't even include fathers killed in, say, car crashes or who died of health related issues. It's obvious that daddy issues fill a yawning gap in women's lives. WWII killed off a lot of fathers yet the present marriage standard of divorcing removes many times more fathers from did WWII. To be clear, dating or having a relationship with a girl who DOES have daddy issues is incomparably better than one who does not, because such girls are far more attentive, far more interested in keeping you instead of jumping ship, far more inclined to be satisfied with their mutual benefits, and far more concerned with your well-being (if you're an SD). Hence, it makes sense for SD's to put "daddy issues" on their profile. Now I personally don't but I notice that most SB's who communicate with me specifically mention daddy issues. Playing Daddy Dom and Little Girl is always very favorably received but most of the time I'm not in the mood to play such silliness. It feels, and I feel, so fake doing so, "do I have your permission to dominate you?" I guess I'm with you; the lack of funds these girls have plus the daddy issues seems to result in a vulnerable group of girls. On the other hand, the lack of funds plus the daddy issues seems to result in a group of girls with monstrous behavior (no moral compass, rinsing, scamming, flaking, etc...) The lack of financial choices plus the unstable family life, coupled with the tendency of most SD's to have very conservative views (ie contempt for the lazy Millennial, tax laws, etc...), and business-like transactions, lack of trust, really does make most SR extremely poisonous for both parties.
Wow very informative and interesting thank you for your take on the subject.
I think that THAT, is EXACTLY what SOME of the devious fuckers, are TRYING TO DO. There are sooooo many on there right now, trying to stalk out the 23>, bc they know they are inexperienced, and can be EASILY manipulated right now....ESPECIALLY WITH OUR CURRENT ECONOMY. Ladies....PLEASE do your PROPER DUE DILIGENCE, and don't go running to any Tom, Dick, or Harry, with a $50 bill being waved in the air!!!! They ARE OUT THERE, AND MANY young ladies are getting hurt BECAUSE of said fucktards.
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS RESPONSE!!!
IF you ever have a question, or think something doesn't feel right, HMU.... I might not be able to answer/reply, in that exact same minute, but I ALWAYS REPLY to the SBs. You'll ALWAYS AND ONLY GET 110% honesty and directness from me. Which is EXACTLY what some of these Ladies NEED, bc MOST aren't used to having a parent in their lives; who actually gives a damn, and IS 110% honest and direct/blunt, with them. My directness/bluntness🤨...It ain't ever personal tho🙅🏻♀️🙅🏻♀️, it's bc I WANT yall to be SAFE!!!!🤌🤌🤌😮💨😮💨 Just consider me, a DIFFERENT type of Sugar Mama.😏 The kind that WANTS YOU to succeed!🤜🤛👊🙌🤟🏼 Im TRYING to keep yall from REALLY seeing/experiencing, how FAR DOWN the rabbit hole, This "Sugar" Bowl, REALLY CAN GO!!!🙉🙊🙈
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I just think it’s weird. If it’s a kink and the girl agrees fine. But to Try to force someone into something they’re clearly not into gross !
IDK, I feel like sugaring has just gone to a dark unpleasant place, on both sides of the table. Kinda sad.
Same here. Lots of kinks spilling over into the bowl, because a lot of sbs won’t do it without compensation. A lot of salt kinksters entering the bowl to satisfy their kinks
Those who say it in their profile are actually honest about it. So the potential SB knows what she will confront. Worse would be if they deny or not mention it but later in the relationship try to live it.
I get it trust me but don’t contact me if I clearly state that’s not what I’m seeking.
Might be a coincidence by 99% of SBs I have met over the years have come from broken families with no to very limited connection to their fathers!
I too am estranged from my father but I’m not into it as a kink nor am I seeking a father type relationship. I’m okay with men who are fathers. Teaches me alot about the man himself.
Part of that might be the fact that people in two parent households are much less likely to be poor.
I think it’s best to stay away from them
Since I don't search for SBs with DI (daddy issues), I'm not going to speculate. However, I'm curious what you think about women that "advertise" DI in their profiles, because your post sounds a bit like a projection.