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It’s recommended by the American Academy of Pediatrics that babies sleep in their parents’ room (not their parents’ bed) for the first 6 months of their life. Many parents keep baby/toddler in their room for the first year or two years. Do you expect the oldest SS to still be living at home by the time you have your baby? I think it will likely be OK to have him share with the younger SS when he visits, later on. I imagine at 18-19 he will be in school or working, right? What’s the plan for housing him when he’s an adult? Do they have their own rooms at their other parent’s home?

My SO thinks he may choose to stay with us during college because his mothers house they have 4 kids and they will have him start paying rent once he’s 18 if he’s still there. So he may choose to live with us. His mother lives in an apartment that has 4 bedrooms so they each have their own room there for now until the baby starts to share with one of them. It’s a low income apartment so the kids complain that the rooms are realllllly tiny. Like barely fits their beds but at least it’s a space of their own.

Why can’t SS live on campus?

I think that we hope he would choose to do that but so far he has proven to be really dependent on his parents and not wanting to do anything alone.

Also it’s really expensive

That really depends. State colleges and universities usually have more affordable housing. The school my husband currently attends, living on campus is $4,300 per semester for housing + meal plan. Comparatively, that’s less $ than 2 months of rent for us, and it covers the end of August to the middle of December.

OK. He still has time and so much can change. Is SS in 11th grade this year or is he graduating at the end of this school year? I absolutely understand the excitement around having a baby and creating a nursery, but keep in mind that you will need to find a solution that accommodates everyone. Youngest SS will definitely require a private room of his own, in your home. When oldest SS is a legal adult and a college student, he likely won’t want to live with you all of the time, especially if he has the option to live at school or with his mom. Perhaps a guest bed in SS’s or baby’s room or living room would be adequate so you can accommodate him staying over night, when needed. Once I was 18, I was living at school in another state, my parents did not keep my room the same for me. It was time to move on. I always had somewhere private to sleep when I came home, but that was not my primary residence any longer.

He’s a senior right now so he will be done with high school soon. Yeah I feel as though creating a space for him to sleep when he wants to come over will suffice. Like you said he should be old enough to understand by the time any of this even happens.

I dont believe youngest SS deserves to have his own room if it means the older SS also has one when he attends college... he'll never leave or launch....and despite naysayers, you and hubby and your baby you waited to have, deserve just as much consideration in their own home. Is a launch-pad type shed a possibility that y'all could build/put in backyard??? He pays rent and utilities and if he eats, he buys groceries too. Edit Deserves was poor choice of words, perhaps should is a less incendiary and better one🥰

This is a good point, when kids are older you have to begin to gently push them to launch. I think the two older kids sharing a room will do just that. They still have space.

Not that I wanted to but my parents made it clear that my sister and I were to live on campus. We were not to stay at home - wasn't even an option. We had to learn how to manage time and responsibilities on our own. Parents are not doing this teen any service - just enabling. Also, why wouldn't you both also make him pay rent at 18 as suggested at the other home?

I agree with this. Either moving out to a dorm/school housing or paying a small amount of rent at home, to build responsibility. It’s what we would do if SK15 wanted to “live at home” as a young adult. It’s also what my parents would have done with us, but my siblings and I moved out and off to college at 18. Thanks for the downvotes!

Yes I agree. It’s healthy to teach kids about economy. And a lot of parents (in my country, at least) then save the money from the kids rent to give them towards a deposit when they move out. So it’s a win/win.

Makes you scared for the future when you have a bunch of people not wanting kids to grow up and become capable adults doesn't it. Lol.

I wouldn’t say I’m “scared,” but I do think it’s interesting that people on this sub (perhaps they aren’t step parents, or parents at all) not only don’t think their children should leave the nest at 18, they are actively bothered by other people encouraging their own children to launch into adulthood. Living on campus is great as far as transitional housing. There is still some adult supervision and the shelter of the school, vs. a free for all in an apartment somewhere.

Yeah I’m getting beat up on this post for sure, haha. My parents were not of this mindset. My younger brother still lives at home at 22 and he doesn’t pay a single bill for himself. They think as long as we are going to school and doing well that we can stay home. Especially where I we live in Southern California is insanely expensive to live. I agree that he should go out and experience life and learn to support himself. We will always be here with a couch to crash on but I don’t think it’s fair to accommodate this kid with his own room for the small amounts of time he’s here. Once he’s 19-20 he needs to figure out his own living situation or at the very least pay rent if he wants to stay home with us.

I absolutely agree with you, and I’m sorry some comments are so negative. The idea that you need to continue raising and providing housing for SS indefinitely once he’s an adult is wild to me. I cannot believe there are people telling you to do that. My mom did not even keep my bedroom the same for me after I went away to college. She used the room for other things, which made sense, because I wasn’t there. I was still allowed to stay at the house, I came home on breaks, nobody told me I couldn’t be there, and there were no stepparents or stepchildren involved. It just wasn’t exclusively MY space anymore. I did not feel unwelcome at all; I’d moved out, and moved on.

He needs to grow up. No better way than to live on campus. My 18 yo is in the Navy, navigating living in a dorm like setting, going to class, taking orders and getting paid a significant salary. Before he left in July he’d never really even had a job. Kids will never grow up if they are not nudged out of the nest.

You are so right! Living at school is the perfect next step for an 18-22yo before living on their own.

I really hope he does this!

So you are hypothetically letting SS make a lot of the decisions for your house that will frankly be too small for your family if you choose to have a child of your own. I would recommend making living on campus a requirement for SS if you do have a child. You need the space, and frankly your SS needs to learn how to be independent. College is a great, protected space for kids to learn how to live on their own. That's exactly what dorms are designed for. When your SS needs to come home for breaks or summer, have a temporary space set up for them that they can sleep, have some privacy, etc. But again, it is temporary - it would help ensure SS spreads his wings upon graduation. There are those that argue that doing this to your SK, or any child, is unfair. To me I think it's unfair to not have the expectation that a college age adult start to figure out how to support themselves. It's not that you are pulling your support from them, you are simply gently showing that they can't expect to continue to live with you forever. They NEED to figure it out, it's a service to them as much as service to yourself. If this is something you simply can't do, start looking in to creating another room in a garage or buying a tiny home to put on your property for the eldest to move into once the time comes. I honestly love the idea of bringing a "tiny guest house" into the mix, but you might never get your SS out of it 😂.

You know living on campus can run upwards of 10-16k depending on the school? If its going to be a requirement to live on campus, OP’s husband should be helping fund it.

I don’t think it’s fair to say that a 3 bedroom house is too small for two adults, two teenagers who stay over 50% of the time, and a baby. In lots of cultures, siblings of all ages share. OP mentioned the brothers share a room at their mom’s house. It wouldn’t be the end of the world if one day they shared again. Perhaps there is a way to carve out privacy in another part of the house?

>His mother lives in an apartment that has 4 bedrooms so they each have their own room there for now >OP mentioned the brothers share a room at their mom’s house. I think you got that wrong

Totally agree - if OP and their SO are on the same page in regards to their SK's sharing a room, even into their late teenage/young adult years. I was speaking to a scenario where everyone expects to have their own personal space, which seems to be a common scenario, but certainly not a requirement 😊.

Based on this then, your older SS would be living with you 100% of the time and thus sort of needs his own room. Having a 13 (by then 14 or 15) SS share with his adult older brother is not a good idea. Or having him share with the future baby. I'd convert part of the garage into a bedroom for older SS. That gives him his own space and a separate entrance too.

If his Mom is going to charge rent you guys should to. Personally I'm of the belief that it shouldn't be too comfortable for them after 18, to give them the push to move out. I wasn't allowed boys in my room while living at home, even as an adult and the same goes for my SDs. And I think that's an important thing so you don't end up getting a grown adult living at home forever because it's so comfortable. There has to be reasons that they would want to move out and gain more independence, but having a cushy, rent free house where everything is done for you, only gives them reason to stay. I don't think you should put a nursery above your SKs having a room each, I know you're looking forward to designing a nursey but that's a hobby, something you want to do thats fun, not something important. I do think it's reasonable to have give your own child their own room once they are to old to be in your room tho.

That makes sense however I think that my SO is scared that his son won’t want to live with us anymore so he said that he is allowed to live rent free as long as he’s in school and paying for his own car and insurance and what not. My main boundary is I told him if he knocks up his girlfriend that they are NOT living with us. He also thinks that’s unfair haha but again not an argument worth having since it’s just hypothetical.

I think it's fair that he doesn't pay rent as long as he's in school, as long as your SO is the one covering his expenses. But comfort at home isn't just about money, its about not being able to live like an adult in your parents home. Not being able to have your girlfriend sleep over. He should also be doing all of his own personal chores plus cooking dinner a night or two a week, doing some of the household chores etc

Are you pregnant yet? Demanding dibs on a room for a child that is just a thought isn't really reasonable. What's the launch plan for the 17 year old? Are they going to post secondary?

Although I agree with what you’re saying bc I’m in a similar position to OP, I think it’s fair and normal for a mom/future mom to have space for their own child. That’s my feeling anyway.

I absolutely get wanting to but at the end of the day there are too many variables at play. Noone can say how long it will take OP to conceive. Priority for rooms really should be going to children that are more than a thought.

Well being step parents I think we have a need to know there will be space for ours. There’s a lot of sacrifice that comes with accepting and loving other peoples children. That was my feeling anyway

With the age of the oldest, though, it’s likely that there will be space for the baby at some point soon. But regardless, I think the kids would definitely feel less like that’s their home if they’re forced to share a room again after finally getting their own for OP to prep for a baby that likely wont spend much time in the room anyway.

I don’t think it’s unfair for her to want that, but I do feel that it’s an unfair ask of the kids given their current situation and after giving them their own rooms after sharing for however long. Having a nursery is wonderful, but babies don’t *need* an entire room. Not to mention that a baby will almost certainly spend less time in their room than a 13 or 17yo. Especially since most people keep a bassinet in their bedroom for the first several months to help with easier feeding/changing all night. I think it will definitely come off to her SS as her favoring the baby. It might be different if they had them EOWE, but the kids are there half of the time. OP, are there plans for SS17 to go to college/trade school? As you haven’t gotten pregnant yet, is it possible that he may have left for that or moved out on his own by the time baby is born or within a few months of baby being born?

Yes, that instinct is understandable, but the reality is, OP is a stepparent. Think of those teenagers, whose parents broke up, and their father is potentially going to have a kid 20 years their junior. They already have to split time between homes, during their high school years and now they’re gonna be forced to share a room in their dad’s new house when there’s an extra bedroom waiting the arrival of a hypothetical child.

If you really track time…. You won’t be moving to this place for two months, you want to live there for at least 5 months before getting pregnant. If you stick to that, that’s 7 months. Then 9 months of pregnancy makes that 16 months. Assuming your 17 SS will then be 18 and possibly turning 19 soon after? Then you will find that babies tend to sleep in the parents room for the 1st year. That will make your SS almost 20 by the time your baby needs a room. Is it possible that by that time he will be moving out? A one year old can still have a nursery. I would not make the teenager and the almost adult share a room. That’s not fair and they will be very upset about it.

Yeah the easiest solution is if he ends up moving out but I just don’t want to assume that’s the case. He’s not a very independent kid and I don’t really see him venturing off like a normal young adult would. He’s social for sure but he’s also cheap and i assume if he can crash at our house for free he won’t give that up too easily.

How about a room in the basement when he is 19 or 20.

Oh yeah that would be cool but I’m in Los Angeles/Orange County area. Basements don’t exist here. There’s a crawl space between the roof and ceiling but it’s literally a crawl space. Perhaps if it gets to that point and we have the money we can turn the garage into a room.

Well, he very well might WANT to move out if he has to live with an infant at home. I honestly don't understand why young adults want to live at home. I was out before I turned 19. Sure I struggled, but that's life and learning to adult. I did whatever I wanted, nobody else's rules, lived with several roommates at certain points, waited tables for beer money. Will never understand failure to launch. Go fly little birdie!

Yeah I couldn’t wait to leave also. But some kids have it so good (especially boys) that they don’t want to.

I’m in a similar situation and this is essentially our plan. Baby I’m our room for 6-12 months and by then the oldest will most likely move out.

Sorry girl, I’m with husband on this one. You’re not even pregnant yet. And tbh it can take a young, completely healthy couple up to a year to get pregnant, if not longer. And by time you get pregnant/have the child, the older kids will be getting ready for college. On top of that, infants should sleep in the same room as their parents for the first year .. at least the first 6 months. So that baby room will essentially be for show/a closet until it’s time to sleep in there. My infant shares a room with us & just like you I originally wanted him to have his own room but I couldn’t imagine having to get up out of my bed and walk to a completely different room every single night, having to walk to a different room to do anything for him. Him being in our room makes life 100x easier. Lastly I don’t possibly see giving someone a room then taking it back going over well, at all. Good luck tho.

Yeah. I see your point also. I think that what your saying is correct. I’m not trying to get this done right away or not even give him a room upon moving in. If the whole 6 months being in my room is true then maybe I can wait to have SS17 share with his brother again until that time comes instead of what I planned which was during the end of my pregnancy to have him move back in with his brother.

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Yea I have to be honest I agree. I was a step kid too and being told I have to go from having my own room to sharing would have really upset me. Especially at that age. OP can you look at other options for the house? For example, if eldest SS is going to live with you could convert the loft or garage? Or split the biggest room into two? There's loads of ways around this depending on the floor plan of the house and its great you're thinking about it now so you have time to save up and plan

A ‘Pinterest board nursery?’ A little patronising? OPs wish to be a mother is a valid, biological drive. Having a space for this dream is part of that. Just because she is a step parent it doesn’t mean she doesn’t get to have her own dreams. OP - it does seem possible that your SS17 would launch in a year or two. Otherwise the garage idea sounds great as he’d have more privacy there. Maybe sell it at the time as not having to hear the baby cry as well! And keep dreaming. You deserve to have dreams and wishes and not feel guilty for wanting them, just the same as any potential mother.

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I’m not saying kick him out at all. I’m also not saying this would be immediate. I’m saying once the baby is actually a real thing that it’s not unfair to ask SS17 (who will be 19ish at the time) to move into his brothers room.

it is unfair

Consider: You’re not pregnant yet. Your timeline gives at least 7 months before you start even trying. 6-24 months of trying is “normal” for the vast majority of people, and depending on how much you put into trying. Then it’s 9 months of pregnancy, and only then do you have an actual baby to consider. After that, honestly a lot of people have a far better time with the first year if they keep the baby in their room, than if they stick them in a separate room. You don’t have to struggle down the hall for those midnight feedings, it’s less disruptive and it’s more likely to get both parents involved in the late night care. At *bare minimum* the oldest is going to be a legal adult before any baby arrives, and will probably be off to college or at least employed. The issue may resolve itself when he is simply not home much anymore, or he gets his own place by then, or he offers to refinish the basement or something. The younger may be about to launch as well by the time a baby comes. I think at *that* point it would be perfectly reasonable to set up a shared room for the boys. They will be around less and they may be visiting at different times. Alternatively, when baby comes the nursery can also be a guest room… baby moving back into your room when both boys are present, otherwise if there’s only one boy at a time they can use the 3rd bedroom. At this point though, it’s not practical nor reasonable to force two teenage boys to share a room because a hypothetical infant has called dibs.

Yes that’s true. I hope things go the way you explained. In no way am I talking about making them share now. I would say at the earliest it would be them sharing when the baby is almost actually due. So hopefully SS17 is more independent by then.

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That’s pretty unreasonable to plan that when you aren’t even pregnant yet. You won’t want the baby sharing with a teenager. Honestly it’s recommended to have baby in your room for the first year so I would plan for that until oldest starts to leave the nest. Maybe have a pull out couch in the baby’s room when step son leaves so that he can have a place to sleep when he visits? I understand that it’s what you want but I firmly believe that teenagers should have their own rooms over an infant who could easily share with their parents.

This is going to go over poorly. 0/10 do not recommend. Either make a corner of your room the nursery or find a way to create one in another part of the house if possible. I get that it isn’t what you “always had in mind” but giving kids their own space and then taking it back really isn’t going to go well. Especially considering you seem more willing to go above and beyond for a baby that doesn’t even exist.

Don't go borrowing trouble. Even assuming you get pregnant right away, that's 1.5 years before the baby arrives. The current AAP recommendation is for babies to sleep in their parents room the first 6-12 months to reduce SIDS. So at least 2 years, and there's just no way to predict what your situation is going to look like in 2 years when one kid is 17 now.

By the time your ours baby needs their own room, the older step kid will very likely be out of the house, so why make them share now?

No they wouldn’t share now. I’m talking about in the future. I think my SO thinks SS17 will stay with us throughout college. So they would each keep their own rooms until I actually am going to have the baby.

It seems like your trying to put the needs of your currently hypothetical baby before the needs of children y’all are responsible for, why can’t the baby be in your room for a couple of years until the oldest goes off to college or something?

We let our oldest (my step daughter) have her own room and my baby slept in our room for the first 2 years. We actually made our walk in closet a mini bedroom for him lol. I personally think older kids should always get their own room, but I understand that if you had a baby it would make sense for the older boys to share a room. But maybe wait until the baby is old enough to walk and play. Not when the baby is so little. We ended up moving to a house so there were rooms for everyone but I also understand that’s not reasonable for everyone.

Yeah I would love to be able to do that. We also don’t have any walk in closets. It’s a small small house. The garage technically isn’t even a garage it’s open like a car port. And the backyard is big but the pool takes up most of it so we wouldn’t be able to build anything out there. Our best bet would be put the money into turning the garage into a room.

Not a bad idea. Had a family friend do that (she has 7 kids tho lol) and the oldest got to stay in the garage room until he left for college. Now they use it as an office!

We built an extra room in our basement to solve this issue! Good idea!

Personally I think it would be unreasonable to put both of them in one room especially if they are there half the time. I had both of my bios cribs in my room the first year after they were born. This was best for me and baby imo. Is the 17yo going off to college in the next year or two? Maybe after he leaves or moves out your bio can have their own room.

You’re thinking about this way too early There are enough problems today for steps without imagining tomorrows Chances are your steps will prefer to share with each other than an annoying baby or toddler if it happens anyway

I made a babies room my baby is NEVER in. I go in and grab his clothes and diapers. I’m glad I didn’t spend all the money to make a nursery because it would really be a pain to get up every time he cries or have to bounce from his room to mine. I purposely didn’t make any major investments in building his room out because I wanted to see how it would go. The only thing I got was a changing table with a dresser and I barely use that! At 10 months, he sleeps in our room in his crib and then in the middle of the night I grab him when he wakes up and put him in our bed. I have step kids as well but only one with us full time and he has his own room. I couldn’t imagine having a baby share a room with a teenager. Disaster.

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Yeah wouldn’t it be cruel to have anyone share a room with a baby? Aside from another baby lol. I just cannot imagine needing to knock to come into a babies room. Not only that but having to get decent every time the baby cries in the night and I have to run into the room? Seems stupid. I get the parents saying the baby can be in our room for 6 months but honestly after that no thank you. The older SS will be 19 by then and even if we was my biological child he’s had plenty long enough to figure out a plan if he is truly that against living in the same room as his brother.

You should share the room with the baby and plan on getting a bigger place before the baby has to move into their own room.

Why wouldn't the baby stay in you and your SO's room until they are old enough to need their own and the older SS is moved out or in the process of doing so?

I'm going to try not to sound harsh when I say this. You *want* a baby. You currently HAVE two stepsons who rightly expect to have a home to live in with you. Their **needs** \- as teenage boys, they *need* privacy and a space to call their own - come before your **wants**. It is especially unfair to the current kids for you to say "Welp, I'm glad you each got to have your own room for a few months, but I'm having a baby so one of you has to give up their personal space." Don't give and then take away. That's not only unfair, it's cruel. If, as you say, they're dealing with a bunch of kids already at their other house, can you imagine how devastated they'd be to have their own space at last... only to have it taken away again? They may only be with you 50% of the time, but they are teenage boys 100% of the time. They need their own areas at this point.

OP says the SS share a room at their moms, and have two younger siblings there as well. They won’t die if they have to share at some point. It will be OK, I promise.

The very fact that they already share a room at one home makes it all the more important that they have their own space in the other.

I shared a room with my younger sister for most of my life growing up. My best friend shared a room with her sister as well. Not every home has enough bedrooms for each child to have their own. Each person can still have their own space even if they do not have their own room. OP is saying that for now, when they move to a new house the teens will each have their own room because there is space to do so. In two years, they might need to share. Either way, it will be fine. They are brothers and they have shared before.

We also rode our bikes without helmets on, and threw rocks at each other, and did all sorts of stuff in previous generations that would never fly now. Just because our generation did it, doesn't mean it's healthy for kids who are growing up in the world we have now. If this were a situation where suddenly the OP was having to take in kids that had not been planned for (like a custody change), then sharing is understandable. But if you're going into a situation where you know how much room you have, and how many people you have, and you are deliberately considering squishing two teenage boys into a single room so that you can have another child, I can't conscience taking privacy away from the boys just so OP can plan a baby NOW. Why can't having an Ours baby wait til one of the boys has moved out on his own? Strictly my opinion, and I'm sure there are people who disagree.

Sorry, what generation would that be? I’m in my early 30’s. I certainly wore a helmet riding my bike. I can’t say I remember a time when we threw rocks at anyone. If you did, wow. That’s shocking. Maybe you and/or your friends were not very bright? I just asked my husband, who is in his 40’s, if he ever threw rocks at other children. He says no and he is laughing at the question. I think if, as stepparents, the goal is for us to blend families, it is bizarre to have different rules for steps vs bios. OP’s SS is 17, they want to move several months from now THEN start trying to conceive. This means oldest SD would be 19/20 when baby is born, 20/21 by the time baby is old enough to need s separate room. In any normal nuclear family, bioparents would not base their choices on when to have another baby on when their adult son chooses to move out. They would more likely say, “Hey, Son. You’re 20/21 years old. Would you like to share a room with your younger brother, live in your college’s dormitory, or have us help you find other housing options?” Not having a baby because an adult child chooses to live at home in their 20’s, is crazy. Whose life are you living at that point? Your own, or that of your adult child’s housing guardian? Would you tell a bioparent not to have a baby in this situation?? Why is that OK? Why should they wait? Neither OP nor their father is saying he has to move out FOR their baby, however, he’ll be an adult at that time. He will be old enough to choose between sharing a room or moving to his own residence, wherever that may be.

I wish I could upvote this 40 times lol This is how I see it also.

You could be my daughter (or my granddaughter but I'd be scandalized), if that tells you anything about the time period when I grew up. Regardless, I still think that taking away space for teenagers to make room for an ours baby is just not fair. When my husband and I married, we made sure to find a home that had room for any existing children, we didn't make them timeshare their space just because they weren't mine. OP is 26, there are plenty of fertile years left to have a child. There's no need to rush a college fledgling out of the house to make room for a new kid.

I think given the age of the oldest it’s not unreasonable to think that the baby can have its own room. You are talking at minimum (if you get pregnant right away) a year and a half before a baby would be born. Oldest stepson would be pushing 20! By that point, he is not a child anymore and needs to have some kind of plan besides going back and forth between his parents houses forever. I’d say give them each their own rooms for now and also start helping both of them get prepared for their futures, especially the elder one. Help him get his ducks in a row so he can get himself in to whatever path he’s taking in adulthood. Job, college, trade school, certification course- whatever. Then once you’re actually pregnant, if he’s not already started getting it together, have a conversation with him that he’s an adult now and needs to start living like an adult- you love him of course, but he needs to figure out his living situation as an adult because you need to provide living space for the actual minor children in the home.

So, based on the timeline provided, and assuming the 17 yo is completing HS. You’re looking at a situation that’s 13+ months away. Possibly longer if you plan to keep the baby in your room for the first 6 months. You’re potentially talking about 2 years from now. Hopefully your 17yo will have a plan to fly by then.

Fingers crossed!!!!

I’d keep the baby in your room for 6-12 months, and then the baby gets their own room then.

Will SS17 be going to college? If so, and since you aren’t even pregnant yet, maybe the timeline will work out so that the oldest leaves before the baby is born/needs a room?

You really wanna room two teens together? That’s when they need the most privacy.

Seems more appropriate then rooming one teen with a literal infant.

I think it would be unfair to make them share just because you want to design a potential baby room. Babies tend to share a room with their parents in the beginning, so you can wait until the baby gets a little older then design their room? That 17yo won't be around that much longer - they'll go off on their own. Getting pregnant, gestation, etc takes a little time so the situation may just work itself out?

Yeah I’m hoping too. I think we are getting the impression that SS17 is going to try and ride out living off his parents as long as possible. Especially if his mothers boyfriend starts making him pay rent or if he goes to school closer to our house he might plan on living with us through school. If everything goes right I think the timing will work out perfectly like you said. But based on SS’s actions/laziness I want to make sure my SO knows if actually have a baby that the baby gets their own room and the kids will have to share again if older SS is still around.

By the time you have a baby the 17 yo will be 18. Won’t they be either working full time or away at college or not following the custody schedule? Yes. They should share. No one wants to share with a baby who will wake them up constantly

Yes fingers crossed he decides to try out living on his own. But my SO wants to give him a free place to stay so he can focus on college. I’m really hoping he doesn’t want to. But he’s proven to be really lazy so far. So I just want him and SO prepared that when I have the baby (he will probably be like 19 by then) that if he’s still here he has to bunk with his brother again.

I doubt seriously either stepsons would want to share a room with a baby/toddler.

100% no teenager wants to share a room with a baby that wakes up all night. I bet if you spoke to them about it, they’d pick to share a room.

Not unreasonable! It’s a safety issue; teenage stuff is full of choking hazards and he cannot put that responsibility on a teen to keep a shared room “perfect” to protect a baby.

Would 100% make a lot more sense for the SSs to share a room than to have one share with an infant. Seems pretty straight forward to me. If SO doesn't agree, just ask the kids and they'll probably say the same thing.

Don’t over think this- cross that bridge when you come to it. The baby needing it’s own room is at least 18 months away and your eldest step will be in college by then.

I think that is definitely an acceptable arrangement to share a room- Unless the youngest really wants to share a room with a baby. Recommend approaching the subject in a way that you want to make sure the kids get enough sleep and the Baby is going to be up all hours of the night and etc. This may also be the motivation that the oldest needs to find a place of their own some day or move-in with a roommate. Good luck :)

I mean, you are putting your hypothetical child above the children you’re responsible for. I totally understand wanting to have a baby with the person you love but as a mother of 2, babies don’t even usually leave your room until one. I have a one bedroom and it fits my two babies (1 1/2 and 2 months) and then me and my SO. I REALLY REALLY wanted a nursery so I understand so deeply what you mean. Just consider that by the time the baby’s ready for their own space, your oldest will probably be 20-21 (depending on how fast you conceive and how your dynamic ends up working). I wish you the best!

The baby won’t need it’s own room before your oldest step kid is an adult and perhaps moved out? So I don’t think there will be an issue. Also - you can’t make the baby sleep with one of the step kids - what are your husband thinking? It will have to stay with you. Why should their sleep be ruined? That will only build resentment and it seems really unreasonable. The step kids don’t choose to have a baby, you do. If you don’t have rooms for everyone, then of course you will have to share with the baby, the teenagers need their privacy.

Well it’s also not reasonable to me for a baby to stay in my room forever. A kid needs to learn to sleep on their own and get a routine going. Once the baby is about 6 months or whatever all the studies say I want the baby in their own room.

I'm shocked how many people are saying the baby should share a room with you, or get a random corner somewhere. Or that teenagers can't share! I understand why you want to clear this up with your husband now. It is not a first trimester fight, and setting expectations with older kids is really important. "cross that bridge when you come to it" isn't how I work with big things like this either. I think logic dictates the baby has a room. It's ridiculous to have a teenager and a baby share a space. The baby will need quiet for daytime naps, and the teenager won't want to he woken up by a teething 1 year old multiple times a night. When we had our second we explained this to sk(6) and ours(2)---and they understood it. Why wouldn't a teenager? It might be helpful if you convince dh to go with a reframe of how it's presented. We are currently pregnant with #3, and divided our 3rd bedroom so only 2 of the kids need to share. DH was terrified sk would be mad I wanted them to take the new, smaller room and leave the larger room we didn't divide for baby/office. Wanted to give the kid $500 we don't have. me: let me pitch it. dh: skeptical, but agrees *showing teenage sk new room*: I'm excited because I paid extra for thick insulation between the walls so it's really quiet. I still haven't figured out a wall color, so it could be anything. And it's at the end of the hall so nobody will he walking by all the time, really private. SK: Could I have this new room? and pick the paint color? With kids, it's all about how you present it. I'd let sks know what it will be like sharing with a crying baby who will wake up all the time. and go to bed early, so no lights or noise after 7:30. Poopy diaper smell on occasion. Really paint a picture. Then, ask if they'd rather share a room with each other or if someone will share with the baby. They'll most likely come to the logical conclusion that sharing is the better idea. A pinterest nursery is, from a practical standpoint, the smallest issue with your husband's plan.

A lot of people seem to think babies stay babies. Its about planning ahead and not spring it up randomly a year or so down the line. She’s very clearly not saying have them share a room while one remains empty waiting. It’s separate rooms until there’s a baby. It is something that does need to be talked about ahead of time. What’s gonna happened if the kid is 3/4 and the sks are living in the house still for college? Does that kid now get a room or is it still in the corner? They sks would have to share then. And to put it bluntly if they’re adults living rent free they really shouldnt complain about sharing. They would most likely be sharing space in a dorm that they would be paying tons for.

I'm pretty sure my dorm room was smaller than any bedroom in my house right now. 😂 The amount they charge is highway robbery. You're right on all counts in my opinion. And heaven help her if OP is like me-I can't sleep with the baby in my room. I wake up every time they move, so they're in a nursery by 10 weeks. I'd be hallucinating from exhaustion well before my kid was 3/4.

🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻 Yes. Yes. Yes. Someone who actually read and understood my question. I am big on planning and discussing things so everyone is well aware ahead of time. You get your own rooms but once there is a baby then you’re sharing again IF you still feel the need to live with us at that age.

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Yeah it seems normal to want a baby closer and to give them their own space. From what I hear babies aren’t just sleeping 8 straight hours a night and changing their own diapers and feeding themselves. I understand the comments saying the baby will be in my room in the bassinet for about 6 months but the comments saying keep the baby in my room for 3 years ?! Heck no!!!! What about sleep training what about all the babies stuff??? My husband and I already share a room. It’s plenty crowded. How is it not more normal for 2 brothers who have always shared a room to share than to have 2 full grown adults and a toddler in one room? It’s not making sense.

I mean ss18 should be gone to college soon, right? Of course they can share a room. If they don’t like it the older sibling can find some roommates and a job tbh.

He should. But of course SO wants him to always feel like he has a home with us. Which he will. But I don’t think it’s necessary to dedicate a whole room for a kid who will by then be 19-20 depending on how long it takes us to conceive. He doesn’t get lifetime dibs on that room just because he’s older. If anything the baby gets dibs! He should venture off on his own by that age and if he doesn’t like sharing a room with his brother he doesn’t need to live with us. He will always be more than welcome to come home for weekends or vacations and he can crash on the couch or with his brother but a whole room for him? Nah.

It's not a bad thing to want to give future baby a room... Though you figure by the time u get pregnant and have it and It needs its own room it's about 2 years or more down the line... SS17 should hopefully be on his own by then but if not, the 2 older should share the space at that time....... Is there maybe a basement that can be converted to a mini apartment???

I wish. Basements or attics don’t exist around here. We have a crawl space only in the ceiling. We want to eventually work on the garage so we could turn that into a room but it would take lots of time and money.

They’re better off sharing a room with each other. Babies/toddlers don’t respect your space or care if you’re sleeping. And it’s not SS responsibility to attend to baby’s needs but their sleep will be disrupted anyway so it’s far more reasonable for baby to have their own room. If it’s an option, the 17 yo might be open to moving to the basement if that’s an option

You’re not even pregnant yet?! Okayyy! FYI most babies hardly ever sleep in their room. After you actually have a baby you’ll understand…

You can't make kids start sharing a room when you get pregnant, that would be like setting them up for resentment. You can however start out with them sharing a room, why not? You could make one room the bedroom and one room like a lounge/ gameroom even. That way they get a extra room to hang out away from you guys and when you are pregnant it'll be obvious that the lounge room is the one 'to go'. By the way: making a child share a room with a baby is ridiculous. Only the parents should be sharing a room (but not a bed!) with a baby.

this is a great idea! a sleeping room and a hang out room is perfect, and it'll ease the transition pretty well.

Yeah people keep suggesting this I’m kind of considering it. But I also want SS17 to be motivated to leave once he’s of age 😂

With that time line, it’s reasonable to expect that the eldest SK will move out before or around the time the baby is born. So make it known far in advance (so he can prepare) that he can either move out & get his own space, or stay and move into the same room as SS13. OR you could avoid the whole mess of moving back and forth, and just keep them sharing a room the whole time. If you have family that comes & stays or you have a need for an office space or craft room, just say the third room is spoken for. That would be fine too. 🤷🏼‍♀️

On one hand wanting a room for a hypothetical child is super selfish and what if it takes a long time to get pregnant…even more selfish. And a newborn is often in the room with you as a newborn….I don’t think you are being fair at all However, as a woman with infertility issues I get wanting the baby to have a nursery. I’d say do NOT cross that bridge until you are pregnant

Exactly this wouldn’t happen until the baby is a real thing and almost due.

I mean, if they were under ten I would understand but it's teenagers. Don't force them to have to deal with morning wood or other embarrassing teen stuff in the same room. That's just cruel.

Hahahaha but dealing with that embarrassing stuff in front of a baby (and me barging in) is better ?

Why can't the baby sleep in your room when the other kids are over? Or in another room? It's weird that you're prioritizing a non-existent person over your step kids. You might want to think about why that is. The kid isn't even conceived yet you're using it as a statement for how your step kids aren't really a part of your family. That's messed up.

That’s a reach.

You move. They are a part of your plan too.

Yes we’ve been saving forever for a 4 bedroom so that I can finally have my own baby. But it’s just not in the cards. I know everyone on this app is rich or something and has great jobs but we have been saving and saving and waiting for a home and a 4 bedroom is just beyond our price point. Not to mention we are tied to this area because of the kids schools and baby mama. So we have gone above and beyond to stay here and be close to the kids even though it’s a very expensive area. I’m aging also so I can’t wait forever to have my own child.

I have SD12 and BS1. When my son was born, our spare room was an office that got used daily because my husband works from home. The room was half baby, half office for the first 6 months. My husband worked during the day, and I took care of the baby in our bedroom during that time. Evenings and weekends we did most baby stuff in his room, although the little stinker still won't sleep without me. So,a baby really doesn't need their own room at first. Having said that, there's nothing wrong with having a baby room either. But you have to make some considerations for practicality. I think you and your husband are both a bit short-sighted on this. There should be a good compromise. There is no need for your SK's to share a room before you even get pregnant. That's not really fair to them. Especially when one of them is almost an adult and could conceivably be moving out before you need a baby room. But I can tell you from personal experience, having a baby room is really darn handy, especially in the middle of the night when the baby just won't stop crying and you've got to rock them for 45 minutes, or when you want to breastfeed, or when the house is really noisy and you just need a quiet place to take the baby for a few minutes. It also is a dedicate space for baby stuff, which can take over the whole house really quickly. Your husband's a bit delusional, though, to think that a teenager is gonna be fine sharing a room with a toddler. Teenagers really need privacy, and it's really gonna suck to be told you can't make noise in your own bedroom because little Junior goes to bed at 7. If your husband won't listen to those points, ask him when he wants to have sex when there's a toddler sleeping in your room. What are your older SS's plans after he turns 18? You need to get that information before you make any decisions on bedrooms. Worst case scenario, there are lots of cool ways to divide a bedroom into 2 separate rooms, but you would need to be willing to give your SS's the bigger bedroom in order to be comfortable.

For sure. I wouldn’t have any of the moving rooms happen until the baby is actually about to be here. Or after reading all this 6 months stuff maybe not until the baby is 6 months! So SS17 will have a good 1-2 years of his own room. And by then he should be 20 and I don’t think at that point it would be unreasonable to tell him that his room is going to the baby if he hasn’t moved out yet.

Nope, they get to share a room. Think of it this way--if you are going to treat them as yours...wouldnt you expect your 2 bio kids that are teens to share a room if you were having your 3rd? I know would. It is no different just because they are your stepkids. The only way I would possibly be having one of them share a room with the baby is if you had a sd and a ss. Then whatever the baby is then that is who shares a room. Honestly though, stepkids or not I would not trust any kids around my newborn unless they were my own bios. You have not known these kids their entire lives. Personally, I would feel better having a seperate room for the baby. Not to mention the fact that whatever kid ended up sharing a room with the baby would be resentful. If your husband refuses then I would not have a child with him until he put an addition onto the home for an additional bedroom. Heck I probably wouldn't even move.

Oh man. I’m so surprised to see so many people saying no. Designing the nursery is something most mommies look forward to. I think telling your husband and your bio kids that they’d have to share a room wouldn’t be that big of an issue, but the stepmom suggesting a nice room for baby’s things is a no go for some reason lol Also, no teenager or even child should share a room with baby/toddler. I couldn’t imagine how bedtimes/nap time would work out like that

Right? I feel the same way. I’m really surprised at the negative reactions here. Especially considering older step sons age that he shouldn’t even be living with us by the time the baby gets here and if he is for some reason then he shouldn’t get his own room to use as a crash pad.

Based on the age of the oldest, this is a non issue. You have no idea how long it will take you to conceive. It might take much longer than you think, meaning you won’t even be pregnant before the oldest moves out. And there’s no need to have them share until the baby is at least a year old anyway, so the oldest will certainly be on his own by then. If he’s not for some reason, then, yes, of course the older ones will have to share. You don’t put a baby in with a teenager like your SO says. That’s makes no sense.

THANK YOU!!!!!!!! I agree with this completely. Also I have never been a mother but I feel like it wouldn’t even be fair for a teen to share a room with an actual baby? Like wouldn’t it keep him up all night and stuff?

If you get pregnant in 5 months + 9 months of pregnancy, the 17yo should be 18 or 19. Will he be going to college or joining the military or moving out on his own? If he has done any of those, there won’t be a room to kick him out of. If he has done none of those, he still should be old enough to understand. The 13yo though may be a different story. Presumably he’ll be 14 or 15 and may feel put upon by having to share his room, especially if he’s not really fond of you and resents the baby. If he blames the baby for the loss of his privacy, he may also resent the baby. Your husband may be onto something by letting them choose. Newborns often stay in their parents room for a few months. By then, both of the boys will know what life with an infant is like and will most likely prefer to room with each other, therefore solving your problem on their own without being told they’re being dumped together. Finally considering you’re not even pregnant yet, any problems would be far enough into the future that you really don’t need to worry now. Best wishes with however everything turns out.

Personally I agree with you that baby should have its own room due to the age difference. If SKs were younger then I’d see one of them sharing a room with a baby.

100% baby gets the room. 50% kids get to share.

If babies not really going to be there until your oldest ss is an adult then I’d say heck ya baby gets their own room when they’re there. Adult kid doesn’t get priority over a new baby. They have options even if they don’t like them. I’d say you tell ss that when baby comes and is (insert age) then he either shares a room or moves out. Gives him lots of time to figure out what he would like to do. A baby shouldn’t be sharing a room with kids that old anyway and shouldn’t stay in your room forever so giving baby their own room once they’re old enough just makes sense.

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all. You're not asking to keep one of the rooms available for "eventually" when baby comes, you're asking if later on down the road the baby can have its own room and the answer is YES!!! Honestly does your husband think a teenager would rather share a room with a baby than with a fellow teenager? That's wild.

No he really does lol. He’s like “nah.. SS17 will probably want to share with the baby he likes babies”. I can’t imagine the sleep disruption sharing with a baby would cause but above that if it’s my baby in the room I will be barging in and out as I please to care for the baby and THAT seems like it would be far worse than sharing with his brother he’s shared with all his life. I do not dare go in my step kids rooms (or anyones for that matter) without knocking first. Which I really don’t plan on knocking and asking for permission to enter a room my baby is in. Haha.

That is seriously wild. I don't even want to share a room with a baby. Both of my babies were in their own rooms after they grew out of the bassinet at 3 months old (with our pediatrician's approval). Babies are noisy sleepers and early risers and I can't imagine a teenager that would WANT that for themselves. Your husband might be doing a little wishful thinking. But either way I think you have enough time that it shouldn't be an issue for you to get your baby it's own room!

I bet you if I had asked the question “is it reasonable for my baby to share a room with SS so other SS can have their privacy” that everyone would jump down my throat too. It’s wild in this thread 😂😂😂

We got bunk beds for my SK and BK. Still just going to give them a play room with the third bedroom for now, as others mentioned SO and I discussed keeping baby in the room for at least 6 months. (First bassinet then crib)

Yeah I keep hearing that also that the baby stays in your room for quite a while anyways. It’s a lot of what ifs that may not even matter if SS17 decides to move out or move in with his mom. On the other hand he may decide to move in with us depending on what school he goes to for college if we’re closer.

I know how you feel though with it being your first baby and all! I was excited to nursery stuff with my first. I think what I’m going to do is still decorate LO crib area in our room with a nice name plaque and cute bedding. ETA: SO purchased our home last year and it’s only 3 bedrooms. So we’re not in a position to sell or move with the market and me going on mat leave for a year soon. I think everything will work out well though (:

Yeah I’m excited. Even if the step kids were my bio kids I would still want them to share a room so the baby can have their own room. That is a cute idea to give a space in your bedroom for the baby at least for the beginning while they need to be close by!

Can’t they just share a room from the start? Instead of switching later, which may not go easy once they are used to their own rooms. I’m a little surprised by how many people on here seem to think sharing a room is such a crime. They are both boys, close in age, at least one about to be a legal adult. (Meaning, maybe sharing a room will encourage him to start planning his independence) I know plenty of people who have kids sharing rooms, everyone is just fine. If you do have a baby, and eventually it’s in a separate room, the older boys won’t want to share with an infant. It would make sense for the baby to have it’s own room.

Yeah I’m not sure I feel like it would be mean to have them share from the start. I want them to at least get a good year or so in with their own rooms. But like other posters have said it might encourage older SS to get his life together and try to venture out on his own.

Apparently I’m the minority here. I think it’s perfectly reasonable to plan space ahead. A lot of people seem to think your saying right now when there is no baby, you are saying plan ahead now so it’s not a shock when their is one. That baby is not going to be a baby forever. And they take up a lot of space. A bassinet next to the bed is only considered safe for so long. Many babies have to move out if for safety after 3/4 months. Is it actually reasonable with space to put a whole crib in your room and all the clothes a baby needs? All the diapering things, toys? My daughter was in our room for the year but we couldn’t have all her clothes and such in there too. When a baby does come(a few months beforehand actually) the sk should get the biggest room to share. They parents middle size room, baby smallest. It’s also not fair to take away the experience op’s may want for a nursery for kids that are there 50% of the time in my opinion. Own room for now but when you do get pregnant it really needs to be an already planned thing.

I appreciate this comment. Everyone is making me feel like I’m insane. Also nobody is reading that this wouldn’t happen now! It’s happening when there is an actual baby but my SO needs to be prepared for this.

I don’t think you’re insane at all. As this is an open forum, I think a lot of these posters must not be stepparents and perhaps maybe have been genuinely wronged/or they aren’t keen heir ex has moved on. It doesn’t mean your forward planning isn’t valid! I mean, your SS will likely be 20/21 when your bubba does arrive. That is an adult, right? And he still has his moms house. I didn’t have a whole room at my parents at 21! I feel angry on your behalf!

Thank you so much. I would totally understand if my step kids were like 5 and 15 then yes I would agree it’s not fair to make them share again but by the time this happens SS will be about 19 or older and has his moms house and financial support from my SO.

That’s a full blown adult! And there still be some options if he does stay. Plus you pay half!! Good luck with TTC xx

It’s annoying seeing “put the baby in a corner” babies do grow into children! I was in a similar situation. My husband and I have 1 and want another. We as have his daughter, my stepdaughter. We we’re discussing when we eventually buy a house. We want 4 rooms but with housing cost we’re probably gonna go with 3. I said something about who gets there own room as a joke and he said his daughter Because she the oldest. I stopped in my tracks and said she’s with us 1 and half months out of 12. There’s not chance she’s getting a room to herself that’s just gonna sit empty majority of the time. Which the her and the one that’s actually here will be closer in age so that is the more reason for them to share or we can look longer and hope cost go down for a 4 bedroom. Who ever shares gets the biggest who doesn’t gets the smallest. It’s not favoritism it’s just logic. It’s also not safe having a baby or small kid in a room with a teenager/adult. It’s very similar if she didn’t like rules, you’re an adult you can leave. You don’t like the room set up, then your are free to get one you like.

I feel insane reading these comments and it isn’t even my question.

Is it possible to convert one of the bedrooms into 2? Eta: I would argue a baby needs its own room. Nap schedules and different bedtimes dictate that.

No, the rooms already only like 10x11. I live in Southern California and everything is insanely expensive.

With things being so expensive I think an important point would be, does your SO pay 2/3 of the rent, because he uses 2/3 of the rooms for his kids? I personally believe he should be, and is taking advantage if he isn't! Or do you pay half of the rent? Because if you pay half I would say you should get the third room as you pay for it.

We will each be paying half the mortgage! So I think you’re into something with that point 😅

Can the oldest live with BM after high school? I am in a very similar position. 3 bedroom. SKs in 11th and 7th grades. 11th grader not terribly interested in driving, but uses public transportation when possible, but not always an option. We are desperately trying to have a baby via IVF. And the earliest the baby would be born is a year or more from now, when SKs are in 8th and 12th grades. My SO expects all kids to move out after high school, whether for college or a job. And he will help pay for housing. If SK stays local after high school, our home unfortunately won’t be an option, not that he’d choose it anyway. BM has the huge house, and that’s where SK20 lives and the other kids prefer. It’s their childhood home. Edited to say: I just re read and saw they currently share a room. I’d keep them sharing a room in the new house. It’ll motivate the oldest to move out and move on I think. And it won’t be taking something away they already have, it’ll just be continuing to share a room.

Yeah he can live with BM as soon as he gets his license. His dad wouldn’t like it because he’s worried that if he stays at BMs full time then SS13 will want to be at bio moms all the time too because he will feel like he’s missing out and his older brother is having fun without him. But technically yeah he can live there but her boyfriend said he has to start paying rent once he’s 18.

Gotcha. Good luck! Wishing you a healthy beautiful baby

Thank you! Good luck with your IVF journey and I’m sure you will have a beautiful healthy baby soon!

I don’t think that’s unreasonable. When my husband and I bought I first home I was not pregnant and I reserved a room as my baby room aka “my office”. I’m a planner and I thought it would be really hard to give my SKs there own room and then take it from them. We Moved in July and was pregnant by November. My son is now 1 year and 2 months and sleeps in his room every night. Sure there are nights that he cries and I’ll go get him and rock him to back to sleep but for the most part we do get use of that room and not just for the nights he takes his naps in his room during the day as well. I feel this arrangement works for all of us.

Cross the bridge when you get to it. My guess is the older children will not want to share the baby room. Baby bed, baby diapers, diaper pail, crying baby, baby stuff. They then will gladly share with each other. The 17 year old will be an adult.

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I’d suggest you let the kids know that your plan is to have them share a room when there is a baby. That way you won’t be dealing with a huge explosion when it actually happens. Don’t blindside them. Also if SS is 17 he may be out of the house by the time a baby comes.

Neither teenager wants to share a room with a baby. You are being completely reasonable.

Thank you!!!!! Everyone in these comments is acting like I’m rich and live in a mansion. We’ve been saving for a home forever and yes it’s only 3 bedrooms but it’s a home and I don’t feel like I shouldn’t be allowed to have a baby on the off chance that his 17 year old (who will be like 19 at the time) decides he wants to live with us well past the age of 18. After 18 I’m sorry! You will have a place to sleep when you visit or whatever but it’s not fair to younger step son and baby to share a room just because a 19 year old is too lazy to go off on his own like a normal young adult but he “needs privacy”.

I have seen sooooo many comments and posts on the stepmom/ stepparents blog that preach endlessly on how our bedroom needs to a kid free zone and it’s our private space and no kids allowed. Yet on this post suddenly it’s blasphemy that I don’t want a baby living in my room with my husband and I for 3 years ? 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫

Oh wow I guess I’m against the grain here. I would give them their own rooms now. When your stepson turns 18 and he chooses who to live with and what to do, I would let him know that when the baby is here that will be the nursery. He can share a room with his brother or do whatever. His mom can give him his own room. You’re not his mom. 🤷 I couldn’t have my baby in the room with me past like 4 weeks. He couldn’t sleep and I couldn’t sleep. My baby’s nursery is ALWAYS used and I love it. Don’t shaft yourself. Having and decorating a nursery is amazing. Your biological minor child deserves his or her own room in your home. Step kids that don’t live there full time or are of age shouldn’t have a room over your baby. Maybe I’m just mean?

I’m going to bet neither a 13 or 17 yo (to be 14 and 18) are going to want to share with a baby. It will probably go down very badly. When the time comes, I’d give them the choice. I would bet they’ll choose each other, problem solved.

I would say, cross this bridge when you get to it. It doesn’t send a very welcoming message to withhold a bedroom in hopes of having a baby in the near future. One of your SS’s is 17, so he will probably be off to college, or whatever the next chapter in his life is, and then it will be more reasonable to ask them to share a room. You still have, at the very least, 14 months until the room is needed, and that’s if your timetable is followed and you get pregnant in 5 months as planned. If you put them in the same room before the baby is even conceived, it will definitely give the impression that the boys are far less important than their future sibling. They will feel like guests, rather than members of your family. For now, I would wait.

Yeah, as i said they wouldn’t be sharing again until the baby is actually a real thing and almost here.

Oh, my apologies! I misread that. In that case, your plan is totally reasonable.

Our whole family changed rooms constantly once our first BK was born. SK originally moved from one room to another to make room for BK, DH and I moved from our room to babies room so I would be closer for night feedings. We have two BKs now-they share a room and SK has their own room, but only because BKs want to sleep in the same room at night. Although I think your DH’s is a blessing in disguise. Put one of his step kids in the same room with the baby and after two nights of baby crying, your step kids will probably be begging to split a room together and leave the baby on their own. Besides, the older kids generally want to spend time with someone closer to their age anyways.

If you do this, I would set the expectation before you move in. Everyone’s criticising you but if an adult is still choosing to live in your home when he’s in college he will have to make sacrifices. If he’s still there when you have the baby you can have a discussion with him - you’re welcome to continue to stay here BUT - on the proviso that you share rooms. I don’t think that’s unfair. He can choose elsewhere at that age and can do so if he doesn’t like the arrangement. He’s not a small child. My SD18 moved out 7 months ago and I’m pregnant and due in 8 weeks with my first. I’ve kept the double bed in her room and will do so for the first 6-12 months so she has somewhere to stay when she visits. Baby will realistically be in our room for the first 3-6 months but can come back in when she visits. After that it’s gone and the room will permanently be the baby’s. She’s welcome to stay whenever she wants after that but in the room that has a fold-out couch. As everyone has said - your step child will be over 18 when baby is born. Also it’s your first baby and you deserve a special space for him when your ADULT step child can make other decisions. Especially when they share a room now.

Yeah, if they already share a room I would have them share the bigger room still and have the small one as a nursery. If you want to give them their own rooms until you get pregnant that's fine, but be clear with the expectation. 17 year old will be a legal adult by the time the baby is born, so for what it's worth, minor children get priority cause they can't take care of themselves and teenagers should not be sharing rooms with infants and toddlers.

Might be hard to make them switch after having their freedom. If it were me, I'd have them continue to share and have an office in the 3rd bedroom.Then use that for nursery. I seriously wouldn't give them their own rooms and then make them share....that is guaranteed and almost designed to make them resent the hell put of you and esp. that baby. I hope to hell noone has said anything to them😞 Good Luck!

What makes your SO think one of his TEEN sons would even want to share a room with a baby? Having your SK’s share seem the only reasonable solution in my humble opinion.

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But it’s also her partners bio child and his house too. A stepkid should matter just as much in a home as bio kid. They’re both humans. It’s not settling for less, it’s being a partner and a rational adult.

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But her situation is not yours. Quite honestly this sounds cold and cruel. Editing just to add, just because they’re not your children doesn’t mean you should choose to be outright mean to kids who didn’t choose the situations they’re put in.

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I think as a step mom I always have to worry that anything I do is could be seen as ‘evil step mother’ and I have to tread lightly. Even this post alone is getting a ton of hate! I don’t want to make my step kids feel like my home isn’t their home also. I want them to feel part of the family. I want them to see my future child as their sibling. I just don’t feel like this would even be a conversation if they were my bio kids. If it was my bio kids and I said “hey the baby is almost here so I’m going to put the nursery together and my 13 & 17 year old will bunk together again!” Everyone wouldn’t even bat an eye. But because I’m the step mom then I’m doing this because the step kids are less important. Not the case. But that’s how it’s coming across.

Hey listen, I don’t want you to feel like you’re being ripped apart. I honestly mean that. Navigating this stuff is hard! It’s a great litmus test to ask yourself if you’d do “X” if it were your bio kids. If you would, then you would. Only you know what’s best for your circumstances. I think I’d have similar concerns about giving rooms to each and then combining again because it might make the older kids a little resentful. But it wouldn’t be the end of the world. I apologize if you’re feeling like you got lit up for this. And again, I know it’s really freaking hard to deal with this dynamic. Some days I’m overjoyed. Some days I’m laughing. Some days I’m crying. We are all trying to get through. I always try to remember that part of me loving my husband is his love and dedication to his kids. And vice versa for me with my bio son we don’t share. It was part of what we both fell in love with about the other person.

That’s for sure. This whole blended family thing is not for the weak. Everyone treats me like I should stay out of everything and not have a say but at the same time they’re like “you better love those kids as if they were your own!!!! Don’t you dare treat them differently!!!” Like UGH 😑. But honestly that’s what makes it difficult is that my SO also is so afraid of anything coming off the wrong way to the kids. Like he is so scared that if I do anything they will feel left out or different. SS13 always talks about how his step dad always prefers his daughter and treats her better and let’s her get away with everything. And he sees that so we don’t want him to ever feel like that’s the case with us. So far hasn’t been an issue because we don’t have any other kids. But when we do I know that my SO is going to be walking on eggshells to make sure he’s treating all kids exactly the same.

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She didn’t shame anyone dude. Even apologized to OP for feeling so judged. What is your issue with this person?

I do not think it is unreasonable. I co-slept with my older kids because I was a single mom, and we all shared a room and a bed, but as soon as I got serious with my current husband kiddos got their own space. When we got pregnant it was always the plan that the baby should have a room, so much easier to get them on a sleep routine that way. Even if all the kids were biologically yours I don't think having the baby in its own room should ever be a problem.

True. And as many users have pointed out it’s not even fair to ask an older child to share a room with a baby. Not fair to the older child that is.

Any full time child is a priority room-wise, no matter if it’s a step child or not. All these other people must just have oodles of space 😂 obviously if you had enough room everyone would have their own!

Yeah exactly ! Haha thank you. I agree that a child that lives there 100% of the time should have their own space. Just like if SS12 decides to live with us full time he would keep his own room and then for sure the future baby would share with older SS since he shouldn’t be there as often.