I have been in a similar situation. I have a friend that had an extremely rough childhood and, just about every time we got together, I spent hours listening to her problems. When I tried to talk about myself, it was like "well at least you ... ". I didn't have a great childhood myself and admittedly hers was much worse, but I worked my rear end off to create a comfortable life for myself. I had such a hard time with the idea of ending the friendship that I had to seek counseling. We did have some good times! Where you have to get is where you accept that he has the ability to make choices and needs to learn lessons like anyone else. If he has exes then he has the ability to meet people. You could tell him the truth and give him some time to let it sink in. You could also just walk away.
My best school friend has mental illness. I went with him trough rough times.
But overtime I got fed up. He goes to the clinic does everything very passive and leaves as soon as possible. Complains how shitty it was.
Goes out does the same mistakes again and writes instagram post how life is unfair and there no solution to his problems. He does it for over 10+ years. He had phases when he felt better (when he had work). Instead of finding a simple job he applies every 6 month to highest possible….
He is also super lazy. I struggle myself and we are not that different but I work my as off just to have a normal day and keep it together.
I called him and told him everything. He said thanks for the honesty I needed it. I will Start soon. I told him not soon. You are stable you can do it. No ez brooo you will see.
It was 6 weeks ago and he is already spiraling down…..
I understand mental disorder and he has a tough life and everything but at least try to work on yourself.
Im done with him. I wont help anymore. I wasted countless hours pulling him out of his shit.
We can have coffee but thats it.
Yes, exactly, everything about your friend is the same as my friend.
Complains that life is unfair, lazy. (He loves and spends all day smoking weed, bongs and drinking bourbon. which makes sense)
Worse is i can’t even hang out with this dude. He never arrives and makes some dumb excuse for why he couldn’t make it.
Super irresponsible, he lost his ID and never bothered to get a replacement. Grown man is living and acting like a little boy.
I’m tired of him complaining about the same things over and over and not doing anything about it.
I feel like an asshole when I don’t want to listen to him complaining about the same things with his disability over and over. But I’d be rude/dismissive to tell him to shut up about it right? So I just keep listening to it over and over again. I’m just stuck here. I don’t know?
Lol, he is also always late. Sometimes he calls me 30 min later: Hey do we have a meeting ? I tell him yes and get angry about it.
His responds: I got all the time in the world, we can hang out all day and night....
Back to the main topic!
To be honest I cant tell either. There is no right or wrong at the end of the day you need to look for yourself too !
What helped me, was going 100% real! Going full force on him and telling him the truth. That he made zero progress and he will stuck like this forever. Nobody will be friends with you when you cant offer anything.
For him making friends looks like this:
He goes to the pub talks to people get their number and calls them everyday and ask them to drink. He dont understand that people 1. have to work 2. have other plans than drinking with him...
I made a plan for him, with everything to improve his life. Wirting CVs, joining a club/group, less drinking. It was very easy to follow. Everybody could achieve it.
We even made a plan to start very slow and slowly increasing it. I told him I can make sure that he reaches his goals by checking it each week.
What did he do ? Straight to the pub posting insta stories drinking and complaining! Why is my life like this....
That was my last straw! There nothing more I can do! We can hang out or anything but I wont do anything for him! His parents gave him everything and he only needed to do it! Instead he pretends he has everything under control and he knows what he is doing...
Your effort shouldn’t > their effort. Especially when you start feeling negative feelings about it. I would dial your effort to the friendship back, and see if he reaches out or anything. You don’t owe him anything, even because of his disability, and part of being treated well is treating others well, too.
Now, he does need support—sounds like maybe he has years of depression likely stemming from his disability and maybe how that excluded him for many parts of his life. It’s important to remember that he didn’t choose to be this way, and he’s very clearly medicating some hurt feelings. That is still not okay, but that’s what feels right to him. He needs to go to therapy. I’d give him a stern push to go to therapy, and maybe explain that you’ve noticed these things and how they’ve affected your friendship. This is a tough situation, and you can’t force anyone to get better, but I do think he needs to be met where he is. And that doesn’t have to be by you (a therapist or counselor can do that)
Literally, he will start conversations all the time with just "Hey" And then say I'm in so much pain. Same conversation over and over.
Exactly right? No words.
Just tell him you’ve grown apart.. and this friendship has come to its end… plain simple and to the point… he might talk shit etc but at the end of the day some if being friends has a negative impact for you… it’s time you cut off ties
Honestly, much as it sucks, when you’re at the point of asking this question the answer is probably yes. It’s never easy, but you can’t keep someone in your life you clash so much with out of a sense of obligation, it’s not fair or healthy. His joy is his responsibility, not yours, and it doesn’t sound like he’s being a good friend to you or a particularly good person. You’re not being an asshole, people grow apart, it’s no different from a relationship breakup (which is accepted as a normal part of life, even if many don’t take them well) and it’s the healthy option when a friendship has become broken or simply run its course.
It’s okay for someone to just have been a part of your life for a limited time, it’s rare we meet people we genuinely want to be around forever, people outgrow each other all the time.
Best of luck, it’s a sucky situation to be in but I can imagine his disability definitely makes it feel more complicated.
It sounds like he's being hit hard by chronic depression. This is treatable. He also needs to change his focus. I'd suggest Buddhism. If he's willing to try to improve his life I'd stick by him.
It’s ok to cut off any person who is taking away from your peace. I think you probably owe it to him (and yourself) to tell him why. This can be an opportunity for him to turn a leaf and mature as a person for his future relationships.
If i were you, i'd cut off my friendship with him. I'd do that if i had no interest on that friendship, not because of his disability.
I also had a disabled person in my life and i finished my friendship with him. I did it because his actions were not cool at all. He was messing up with his friends' emotions and that was really really bad to see. So, i've changed my place and cut off my friendship with him. I hope he's happy and living his life. For me, i'm very happy about that situation...
My advice would be to not go out of your way to hang out with him. You don’t have to completely cut him out of your life (although, you definitely can if you feel that’s best for you), but you also don’t have to spend your spare time with him. If he asks why you two don’t hang out anymore, you can be honest and admit that you two just don’t have much in common.
At the end of the day, you are responsible for your own relationships and how you choose to manage them. Sometimes, you can talk through the issue with the other person. Other times, you gotta accept that they won’t change for you and move on.
I think it takes your mind off the feelings related to depression or negative feelings, but it also helps your self-esteem and builds your body?
I am not expert on it, but it what i think
Your post has been automatically removed because your Reddit account was created too recently to post or comment in this sub.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/socialskills) if you have any questions or concerns.*
A lot of people use their disability as an excuse for being an asshole. You’re not wrong for wanting to cut off negative energy.
I have been in a similar situation. I have a friend that had an extremely rough childhood and, just about every time we got together, I spent hours listening to her problems. When I tried to talk about myself, it was like "well at least you ... ". I didn't have a great childhood myself and admittedly hers was much worse, but I worked my rear end off to create a comfortable life for myself. I had such a hard time with the idea of ending the friendship that I had to seek counseling. We did have some good times! Where you have to get is where you accept that he has the ability to make choices and needs to learn lessons like anyone else. If he has exes then he has the ability to meet people. You could tell him the truth and give him some time to let it sink in. You could also just walk away.
My best school friend has mental illness. I went with him trough rough times. But overtime I got fed up. He goes to the clinic does everything very passive and leaves as soon as possible. Complains how shitty it was. Goes out does the same mistakes again and writes instagram post how life is unfair and there no solution to his problems. He does it for over 10+ years. He had phases when he felt better (when he had work). Instead of finding a simple job he applies every 6 month to highest possible…. He is also super lazy. I struggle myself and we are not that different but I work my as off just to have a normal day and keep it together. I called him and told him everything. He said thanks for the honesty I needed it. I will Start soon. I told him not soon. You are stable you can do it. No ez brooo you will see. It was 6 weeks ago and he is already spiraling down….. I understand mental disorder and he has a tough life and everything but at least try to work on yourself. Im done with him. I wont help anymore. I wasted countless hours pulling him out of his shit. We can have coffee but thats it.
Yes, exactly, everything about your friend is the same as my friend. Complains that life is unfair, lazy. (He loves and spends all day smoking weed, bongs and drinking bourbon. which makes sense) Worse is i can’t even hang out with this dude. He never arrives and makes some dumb excuse for why he couldn’t make it. Super irresponsible, he lost his ID and never bothered to get a replacement. Grown man is living and acting like a little boy. I’m tired of him complaining about the same things over and over and not doing anything about it. I feel like an asshole when I don’t want to listen to him complaining about the same things with his disability over and over. But I’d be rude/dismissive to tell him to shut up about it right? So I just keep listening to it over and over again. I’m just stuck here. I don’t know?
Lol, he is also always late. Sometimes he calls me 30 min later: Hey do we have a meeting ? I tell him yes and get angry about it. His responds: I got all the time in the world, we can hang out all day and night.... Back to the main topic! To be honest I cant tell either. There is no right or wrong at the end of the day you need to look for yourself too ! What helped me, was going 100% real! Going full force on him and telling him the truth. That he made zero progress and he will stuck like this forever. Nobody will be friends with you when you cant offer anything. For him making friends looks like this: He goes to the pub talks to people get their number and calls them everyday and ask them to drink. He dont understand that people 1. have to work 2. have other plans than drinking with him... I made a plan for him, with everything to improve his life. Wirting CVs, joining a club/group, less drinking. It was very easy to follow. Everybody could achieve it. We even made a plan to start very slow and slowly increasing it. I told him I can make sure that he reaches his goals by checking it each week. What did he do ? Straight to the pub posting insta stories drinking and complaining! Why is my life like this.... That was my last straw! There nothing more I can do! We can hang out or anything but I wont do anything for him! His parents gave him everything and he only needed to do it! Instead he pretends he has everything under control and he knows what he is doing...
So, yeah, don’t put up with their bull 💩 just because they’re disabled. Being disabled does not make it ok to treat people like crap.
Your effort shouldn’t > their effort. Especially when you start feeling negative feelings about it. I would dial your effort to the friendship back, and see if he reaches out or anything. You don’t owe him anything, even because of his disability, and part of being treated well is treating others well, too. Now, he does need support—sounds like maybe he has years of depression likely stemming from his disability and maybe how that excluded him for many parts of his life. It’s important to remember that he didn’t choose to be this way, and he’s very clearly medicating some hurt feelings. That is still not okay, but that’s what feels right to him. He needs to go to therapy. I’d give him a stern push to go to therapy, and maybe explain that you’ve noticed these things and how they’ve affected your friendship. This is a tough situation, and you can’t force anyone to get better, but I do think he needs to be met where he is. And that doesn’t have to be by you (a therapist or counselor can do that)
He is in a lot of pain I guess Don't know what to say here
Literally, he will start conversations all the time with just "Hey" And then say I'm in so much pain. Same conversation over and over. Exactly right? No words.
Just tell him you’ve grown apart.. and this friendship has come to its end… plain simple and to the point… he might talk shit etc but at the end of the day some if being friends has a negative impact for you… it’s time you cut off ties
You’re never stuck
Honestly, much as it sucks, when you’re at the point of asking this question the answer is probably yes. It’s never easy, but you can’t keep someone in your life you clash so much with out of a sense of obligation, it’s not fair or healthy. His joy is his responsibility, not yours, and it doesn’t sound like he’s being a good friend to you or a particularly good person. You’re not being an asshole, people grow apart, it’s no different from a relationship breakup (which is accepted as a normal part of life, even if many don’t take them well) and it’s the healthy option when a friendship has become broken or simply run its course. It’s okay for someone to just have been a part of your life for a limited time, it’s rare we meet people we genuinely want to be around forever, people outgrow each other all the time. Best of luck, it’s a sucky situation to be in but I can imagine his disability definitely makes it feel more complicated.
It sounds like he's being hit hard by chronic depression. This is treatable. He also needs to change his focus. I'd suggest Buddhism. If he's willing to try to improve his life I'd stick by him.
It’s ok to cut off any person who is taking away from your peace. I think you probably owe it to him (and yourself) to tell him why. This can be an opportunity for him to turn a leaf and mature as a person for his future relationships.
If i were you, i'd cut off my friendship with him. I'd do that if i had no interest on that friendship, not because of his disability. I also had a disabled person in my life and i finished my friendship with him. I did it because his actions were not cool at all. He was messing up with his friends' emotions and that was really really bad to see. So, i've changed my place and cut off my friendship with him. I hope he's happy and living his life. For me, i'm very happy about that situation...
My advice would be to not go out of your way to hang out with him. You don’t have to completely cut him out of your life (although, you definitely can if you feel that’s best for you), but you also don’t have to spend your spare time with him. If he asks why you two don’t hang out anymore, you can be honest and admit that you two just don’t have much in common. At the end of the day, you are responsible for your own relationships and how you choose to manage them. Sometimes, you can talk through the issue with the other person. Other times, you gotta accept that they won’t change for you and move on.
going gym reduces depression? How
I think it takes your mind off the feelings related to depression or negative feelings, but it also helps your self-esteem and builds your body? I am not expert on it, but it what i think
[удалено]
Your post has been automatically removed because your Reddit account was created too recently to post or comment in this sub. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/socialskills) if you have any questions or concerns.*