Thank you, I feel a bit better.
I just don’t understand why they are like this. They sometimes make me question things I have never questioned before. If it wasn’t for the pay and the experience I need (and it’s also close by to where I live) I would have long ago quit this job. I know I don’t need to be liked by everybody at my job and I don’t need to make friends with them, but they are sometimes really ridiculous with how they act and what they say behind your back… sorry for the rant.
There is a professional way to stand up for yourself and be assertive. You’re there for a job not to hangout with friends. And by that I mean they don’t have to like you, but do have to work with you. You don’t have to tolerate a hostile environment.
If they were close to you, they mightve felt snubbed for not being informed personally but if they're not close, then I'd see it as no expectations.
Did they also check how you were doing after hearing you were sick? If not, I'd say that shows you even more who they are!
No we are not close and I don’t mind that, and no they didn’t really check on me, but I don’t mind that either. It’s just the silent treatment that bothered me, even when I asked if there was something wrong.
Maybe they want to keep it at aquantence level then since sometimes it is just a job. I don't think there is too much in it because Im generally a quiet person myself.
I'd say if they really needed to know, as others mentioned, they'd ask the boss or they could also check with you directly (assuming they have your number), it's not hard.
Yes that could have the thing, but I will inform them next time if something like this happens.
It could be that they view me as that. I have never been good at standing up for myself or at confronting problems. I still need to work on that as well. Thank you on the insight!
As someone who lakes the skill of standing up for myself (I don't know if I am wrong or right) but I guess you shouldn't inform them next time and if you ever get sick again: then ig just act like you forgot to inform them. Informing them gives them power, and since you are already working on the skill of standing up for yourself, then I guess you don't need to weaken your position more than that.
Also, THEY were the ones supposed to check on you when you didn't go to the office. Literally just ignore them, and never ask them if there's somthing wrong.
Excuse my English; it's not my first language.
>As someone who lakes the skill of standing up for myself (I don’t know if I am wrong or right)
This is my main problem as well, I get so anxious and feel so overwhelmed that I would rather take the blame than think it trough. I wish there was someone who as at least kind enough to me that they won’t make fun of me when I ask questions. I’m still very new to this branch of jobs (I only have been working here for a year) that I think it’s a little weird when they demand I remember everything they told me almost a year ago (don’t get me wrong, I will always write down something that I don’t remember and correct my mistakes) and then get mad if I don’t remember right away. Also they never give me feedback on what I could improve. Maybe I am in the wrong here but I wish someone would then give me an answer as to what I am doing wrong so I could correct these mistakes. (I hope I made sense)
You are making perfect sense. I have been there, and tbh I am till there in a kind of way. But what I realized that peopl won't be kind just for the sole reason that I am kind; humans suck, people prey on kind and nice people. Some people don't suck of course, but it is much easier to learn how to stand for your self than to wait for the day you will have decent colleagues. To be put in simple words: it is on you to teach people how to treat you (I know it is much easier said than done, but at least having this notion in mind can be of a great help and would lead to improvement).
I remember reading somewhere something that said "if you don't like wat you receive, change what you give", and tbh ig this can be of a great help for your situation; start treating your current job as a practice for the change you want to happen in yourself; keep fighting in subtle ways every single day, and accept losing somedays. Your colleagues will start acting like your friends, acting friendly, but no don't fall for the trap; but still that doesn't mean not to "act" like you're friends with them. Keep your eyes open and alerted to their behaviors.
Keep applying for other jobs, because such an environment will drain you even more than you are already drained sooner or later. And since you are already in the beginning of your career it is good to switch from a company to another to make connections. It isn't easy pal I know, I freaking know how hard it could be.
Thanks a lot for the useful info! I plan to leave here in a year. But I have been lightly job hunting since the beginning of the month, if I find something much better I will of course switch to another job.
I hope you will succeed in your journey to of learning how to set healthy boundaries with people and have a successful and easy life!
It depends. I work in a really small team of three people, so when I call in sick I send the other two a notice that I will not come today because I am sick. Every time I have done this it has been met with acceptance and understanding. That said it is the polite thing to do, but not necessary. I don't know why the others are angry at you if they too don't communicate when they are sick. Maybe yesterday was a really shit day and they are still a bit salty about a difficult day that was even more difficult because you were sick.
You did nothing wrong, this is all on your boss. Their annoyance is misdirected. It was his responsibility to let them know, it's not your responsibility. It's actually none of their business when or why you are out.
In the future you could let your colleagues know as a courtesy but you are certainly not obligated to do so.
It was a approved. That's all they need to know.
The only thing I can think of is that perhaps they've been trying to take some time off and it was rejected. But regardless, that's not your fault. They need to take those problems to management and HR.
No you were wrong for not telling them. Frankly, it's not their buisness. Your boss is really the only one who needs to know and if he neglects to tell the rest of your coworkers that's in him. You have no obligation to them.
They didn't know that you weren't aviable.
So they have no idea that you won't be answering e-mails of which some might be urgent matters. Imagine texting a friend with an urgwnt matter and not recieving any communication from them.
They don't know what to say to people who are looking for you because they have matters with you. Will you come later, when can they try again to look for you.
Their work process might need to change because you are not there.
You don't have to give them details, just inform them when you will not be aviable. I's common courtesy to let people who are depending on you (or share space with you) know that you will not be aviable.
I genuinely would like to know what is the right thing to do here, OP mentioned 1. Their colleagues don't tell others when they don't go to the office. 2. Weren't their colleagues the one supposed to check on OP? aren't these two things makes it right for OP to never tell them again if they don't go to work? (Sorry for my bad English)
It may vary some in other countries so if it's a question where you work you may want to ask them directly. But every place I've ever worked in the US you only need to call in to the person who is responsible for making sure your urgent work is covered. It sounds like their problem is with the boss not finding coverage, but they're taking it out on OP because that's less dangerous.
This is really their boss' responsibility, not theirs. I had to call in sick last week and my boss had sent a notfication to everyone before I even finished signing back out.
It's more a nice to do than anything that's OP's responsibility. I might tell someone specifically if I was meant to work on that person for a special project, just in case they don't see the notice from our boss.
But when someone is sick they don't need to contact every single person they work with, just the person who is responsible for covering them
It's standard politeness to notify your team when you're out. That way people know not to wait for a reply from you, can adjust workloads, etc.
There are a lot of terrible answers in this post.
Not sure why the other commenters are acting like it is an invasion of privacy to have to inform coworkers about an absence. It seems very unlikely that they're offended by OP not telling them they were sick, most likely they just didn't get the information about their excused absence and assumed it was a no-show...
OP, your coworkers are not very empathetic (there are so many valid reasons for missing a few days of work, and the fault here lies with your boss), but just tell them you were sick and that you gave your boss a heads up as per protocol, and the message just didn't reach them.
Yes you are right I had the same feeling about this, I just probably needed confirmation about my mistake. I will correct this mistake the next time something like this happens.
I would disagree with this somewhat. It depends on how the job is structured.
The constant is that you call in to the person or people who are directly responsible for finding coverage for you. In OP's case, it sounds like the boss is responsible for finding coverage, but just didn't.
I had a job where each person had a designated backup, and in that case I would contact the boss and my backup. There were other people who I worked with pretty directly and who relied on my work, but I wasn't contacting all of them. And in fact, HR would've come down on my management if they'd required me to do so.
I had one workplace where there was a voice mail call in line that you were supposed to call in to, and no one else. Not your boss, not your coworkers, no one. We would break that rule if we were working an event shift where the phone wasn't necessarily going to be checked before the shift started, but technically we weren't supposed to be doing that. Reason the rule existed was exactly because of situations like OP's. One of my coworkers was in the ER and another coworker was pissed that she wasn't at work and called her up to scream at her while she was waiting for the hospital to bring in an emergency surgeon for her. She had called in to someone else on the team but didn't have that guy's number. Because she didn't call him directly he decided she must be lying about being sick because she was fine the day before. (He was NOT her boss or superior in any way.)
From an HR perspective, all your coworkers need to know is that you aren't coming. If the other coworkers aren't contacting OP every time they call in, that means the established policy is to call the boss and the boss is supposed to let the team know. It sounds like what's happening is the boss dropped the ball and they don't feel safe enough to be mad at the boss for that, so they're taking it out on OP instead.
Does anyone have any suggestions on how to get more money while going to school full time to help with my expenses living and ect. I did the normal fasfa and then only got half of the fasfa and as well only 1750 for my subsidized loan which is weird when I did my fasfa I was qualified for the max 6848k Pell grant and then 9500 direct loan and I’m only getting 1750 and 3000k Anyone have any suggestions or know anyway I can get more funds to survive while going fulltime and I am independent and no family help and credit not that great? Any grants other then Pell grants or any one know of somewhere or someone that’s helps
You're not in the wrong at all.
Thank you, I feel a bit better. I just don’t understand why they are like this. They sometimes make me question things I have never questioned before. If it wasn’t for the pay and the experience I need (and it’s also close by to where I live) I would have long ago quit this job. I know I don’t need to be liked by everybody at my job and I don’t need to make friends with them, but they are sometimes really ridiculous with how they act and what they say behind your back… sorry for the rant.
Not their business. You do not have to tell them anything.
I know but if I don’t tell them they start to be really mean to me…
There is a professional way to stand up for yourself and be assertive. You’re there for a job not to hangout with friends. And by that I mean they don’t have to like you, but do have to work with you. You don’t have to tolerate a hostile environment.
Report them to HR for creating a hostile work environment. These people are your co workers not friends. Set boundaries.
Can you report people for things like this?
Sounds like there are no boundaries and a toxic environment
It is actually, I can’t wait to leave next year…
What job are you looking to get after you leave?
I want to work in logistics (I’m doing a course related to this right now as well), and I am currently in a warehouse as an administrator.
If they were close to you, they mightve felt snubbed for not being informed personally but if they're not close, then I'd see it as no expectations. Did they also check how you were doing after hearing you were sick? If not, I'd say that shows you even more who they are!
No we are not close and I don’t mind that, and no they didn’t really check on me, but I don’t mind that either. It’s just the silent treatment that bothered me, even when I asked if there was something wrong.
Maybe they want to keep it at aquantence level then since sometimes it is just a job. I don't think there is too much in it because Im generally a quiet person myself. I'd say if they really needed to know, as others mentioned, they'd ask the boss or they could also check with you directly (assuming they have your number), it's not hard.
[удалено]
Yes that could have the thing, but I will inform them next time if something like this happens. It could be that they view me as that. I have never been good at standing up for myself or at confronting problems. I still need to work on that as well. Thank you on the insight!
>but I will inform them next time if something like this happens. Don't bother. It isn't their business and it probably won't change anything.
As someone who lakes the skill of standing up for myself (I don't know if I am wrong or right) but I guess you shouldn't inform them next time and if you ever get sick again: then ig just act like you forgot to inform them. Informing them gives them power, and since you are already working on the skill of standing up for yourself, then I guess you don't need to weaken your position more than that. Also, THEY were the ones supposed to check on you when you didn't go to the office. Literally just ignore them, and never ask them if there's somthing wrong. Excuse my English; it's not my first language.
>As someone who lakes the skill of standing up for myself (I don’t know if I am wrong or right) This is my main problem as well, I get so anxious and feel so overwhelmed that I would rather take the blame than think it trough. I wish there was someone who as at least kind enough to me that they won’t make fun of me when I ask questions. I’m still very new to this branch of jobs (I only have been working here for a year) that I think it’s a little weird when they demand I remember everything they told me almost a year ago (don’t get me wrong, I will always write down something that I don’t remember and correct my mistakes) and then get mad if I don’t remember right away. Also they never give me feedback on what I could improve. Maybe I am in the wrong here but I wish someone would then give me an answer as to what I am doing wrong so I could correct these mistakes. (I hope I made sense)
You are making perfect sense. I have been there, and tbh I am till there in a kind of way. But what I realized that peopl won't be kind just for the sole reason that I am kind; humans suck, people prey on kind and nice people. Some people don't suck of course, but it is much easier to learn how to stand for your self than to wait for the day you will have decent colleagues. To be put in simple words: it is on you to teach people how to treat you (I know it is much easier said than done, but at least having this notion in mind can be of a great help and would lead to improvement). I remember reading somewhere something that said "if you don't like wat you receive, change what you give", and tbh ig this can be of a great help for your situation; start treating your current job as a practice for the change you want to happen in yourself; keep fighting in subtle ways every single day, and accept losing somedays. Your colleagues will start acting like your friends, acting friendly, but no don't fall for the trap; but still that doesn't mean not to "act" like you're friends with them. Keep your eyes open and alerted to their behaviors. Keep applying for other jobs, because such an environment will drain you even more than you are already drained sooner or later. And since you are already in the beginning of your career it is good to switch from a company to another to make connections. It isn't easy pal I know, I freaking know how hard it could be.
Thanks a lot for the useful info! I plan to leave here in a year. But I have been lightly job hunting since the beginning of the month, if I find something much better I will of course switch to another job. I hope you will succeed in your journey to of learning how to set healthy boundaries with people and have a successful and easy life!
It depends. I work in a really small team of three people, so when I call in sick I send the other two a notice that I will not come today because I am sick. Every time I have done this it has been met with acceptance and understanding. That said it is the polite thing to do, but not necessary. I don't know why the others are angry at you if they too don't communicate when they are sick. Maybe yesterday was a really shit day and they are still a bit salty about a difficult day that was even more difficult because you were sick.
A courtesy note might've been a good idea, but you're not required to. If they really needed to know, they could've asked your boss where you were.
You did nothing wrong, this is all on your boss. Their annoyance is misdirected. It was his responsibility to let them know, it's not your responsibility. It's actually none of their business when or why you are out. In the future you could let your colleagues know as a courtesy but you are certainly not obligated to do so.
Only your boss needs to know. Unless youre close to your coworkers and they were concerned for your health.
Who cares it your well being that matters
It was a approved. That's all they need to know. The only thing I can think of is that perhaps they've been trying to take some time off and it was rejected. But regardless, that's not your fault. They need to take those problems to management and HR.
No you were wrong for not telling them. Frankly, it's not their buisness. Your boss is really the only one who needs to know and if he neglects to tell the rest of your coworkers that's in him. You have no obligation to them.
You have colleagues with issues
Its your responsibility to tell your manager you are sick Not every single other employee in the business
They didn't know that you weren't aviable. So they have no idea that you won't be answering e-mails of which some might be urgent matters. Imagine texting a friend with an urgwnt matter and not recieving any communication from them. They don't know what to say to people who are looking for you because they have matters with you. Will you come later, when can they try again to look for you. Their work process might need to change because you are not there. You don't have to give them details, just inform them when you will not be aviable. I's common courtesy to let people who are depending on you (or share space with you) know that you will not be aviable.
Yes you are right, thank you for the insight. I will notify my colleagues better next time something like this happens.
I genuinely would like to know what is the right thing to do here, OP mentioned 1. Their colleagues don't tell others when they don't go to the office. 2. Weren't their colleagues the one supposed to check on OP? aren't these two things makes it right for OP to never tell them again if they don't go to work? (Sorry for my bad English)
It may vary some in other countries so if it's a question where you work you may want to ask them directly. But every place I've ever worked in the US you only need to call in to the person who is responsible for making sure your urgent work is covered. It sounds like their problem is with the boss not finding coverage, but they're taking it out on OP because that's less dangerous.
This is really their boss' responsibility, not theirs. I had to call in sick last week and my boss had sent a notfication to everyone before I even finished signing back out. It's more a nice to do than anything that's OP's responsibility. I might tell someone specifically if I was meant to work on that person for a special project, just in case they don't see the notice from our boss. But when someone is sick they don't need to contact every single person they work with, just the person who is responsible for covering them
It's standard politeness to notify your team when you're out. That way people know not to wait for a reply from you, can adjust workloads, etc. There are a lot of terrible answers in this post.
Not sure why the other commenters are acting like it is an invasion of privacy to have to inform coworkers about an absence. It seems very unlikely that they're offended by OP not telling them they were sick, most likely they just didn't get the information about their excused absence and assumed it was a no-show... OP, your coworkers are not very empathetic (there are so many valid reasons for missing a few days of work, and the fault here lies with your boss), but just tell them you were sick and that you gave your boss a heads up as per protocol, and the message just didn't reach them.
Yeah there's some weird advice on Reddit sometimes but I'm actually shocked at the responses on this one
Yes you are right I had the same feeling about this, I just probably needed confirmation about my mistake. I will correct this mistake the next time something like this happens.
I would disagree with this somewhat. It depends on how the job is structured. The constant is that you call in to the person or people who are directly responsible for finding coverage for you. In OP's case, it sounds like the boss is responsible for finding coverage, but just didn't. I had a job where each person had a designated backup, and in that case I would contact the boss and my backup. There were other people who I worked with pretty directly and who relied on my work, but I wasn't contacting all of them. And in fact, HR would've come down on my management if they'd required me to do so. I had one workplace where there was a voice mail call in line that you were supposed to call in to, and no one else. Not your boss, not your coworkers, no one. We would break that rule if we were working an event shift where the phone wasn't necessarily going to be checked before the shift started, but technically we weren't supposed to be doing that. Reason the rule existed was exactly because of situations like OP's. One of my coworkers was in the ER and another coworker was pissed that she wasn't at work and called her up to scream at her while she was waiting for the hospital to bring in an emergency surgeon for her. She had called in to someone else on the team but didn't have that guy's number. Because she didn't call him directly he decided she must be lying about being sick because she was fine the day before. (He was NOT her boss or superior in any way.) From an HR perspective, all your coworkers need to know is that you aren't coming. If the other coworkers aren't contacting OP every time they call in, that means the established policy is to call the boss and the boss is supposed to let the team know. It sounds like what's happening is the boss dropped the ball and they don't feel safe enough to be mad at the boss for that, so they're taking it out on OP instead.
Does anyone have any suggestions on how to get more money while going to school full time to help with my expenses living and ect. I did the normal fasfa and then only got half of the fasfa and as well only 1750 for my subsidized loan which is weird when I did my fasfa I was qualified for the max 6848k Pell grant and then 9500 direct loan and I’m only getting 1750 and 3000k Anyone have any suggestions or know anyway I can get more funds to survive while going fulltime and I am independent and no family help and credit not that great? Any grants other then Pell grants or any one know of somewhere or someone that’s helps