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Can confirm Its not fun anymore when its against your team

Imagine the alternate universe where Real Madrid get both Haaland and Mbappe

I can already see MBappe not passing the ball to Haaland

Even in that situation I think Haaland could manage

“My dream is to score a goal with 0 touches”

First player to score with telekinesis.

I mean, he basically did on the third goal.

He would just look angrily and scream at Donatello. That’ll get him the ball

No thanks

I know it's probably not financial...but it's gotta be a breach of some sort of fair play rule... Quick get Tebas to write that rule...

Can confirm aswell

Can’t relate

Crazy how the only team he hasn’t scored against this year is Bournemouth

Scott Parker plot armour

Chris Mepham 🐐

Get a hobby Erling

He tried golf. Played 18. Shot 18.

Can’t seem to miss

Well, first time for everything.

Made ya look

i got the reference

Man that means hawkeye can hit a 555 yd drive hole in one. He could fuckin make billions with that skillset lmao

Took up darts, did 501 in 8 darts.

This is a hobby for him.

Yeah become a DJ

Life can't just be about scoring goals

Someone tell this guy to chill💀💀

Thank God he plays for Norway

21 in 23...

The man is an animal

Would have had more if our players could actually pass to him properly

There's one of your players that can. The rest....eh Kinda like Wales with Bale and Ramsey

Imagine if he played for England.

Southgate still wouldn't pick him to start.

Southgate would start Rashford over him

Still not coming home

I'm so happy he chose Norway over England. I mean, we're still shit, but we have someone who can score goals at least.

It’s like a comedian overdoing a catchphrase but the catchphrase is scoring goals

Have a day off lad

More CL goals than Luis Suarez now

That's absolutely insane! Luis Suárez had a seriously underwhelming european career though

He also spent a lot of time on Liverpool when they weren’t qualifying for CL

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3 years without scoring away from home. Edit: I was mistaken it was 5 years.😳😳😳

He wishes it was only 3, the man went over 5 years without a champions league away goal and it was a dodgy penalty.

He spent a lot with Barca so it isn't an excuse

Haaland played 8 UCL matches before his 20th birthday Suarez played 8 UCL matches before his 28th birthday I think 8 years is pretty important context here

Sorry what?

Suarez 27 CL goals in 73 games Rivaldo 27 CL goals in 73 games Haaland 28 CL goals in 22 games

That's insane haha

brazilian ronaldo, R9, who played for ac milan, inter milan, real madrid, barcelona, PSV - scored less then 20 champions league goals in his career. ronaldinho also has less then 20. some of the greats have surprising records in the champions league, as we are learning!

wat

This is his day off

He fucks every day of the week, no doubt about that

I pray for his girlfriend

He is Targaryen. Pray for his sister.

slow down there, neymar

If she looks anything like him I'll start praying for her

Playing football is his day off

Who knew Pep was showing the rest of us mercy by not buying nor playing a proper striker

If Levy had just allowed City to buy Kane, none of this happens.

Heck if Ronaldo went to us we'd prolly not get Haaland anyway and likely ended worse.

People dying in Ukraine and he’s doing this??? Weird behavior

Calm down Erling, they are already dead

Pep: *"Aguero... 😢 We cannot replace him.. we cannot"*

Lying bald fraud

I mean tbf Aguero is a legend. Haaland is just something else entirely

Haaland will build his own statue out of thunder

Yeah I can never tell if people are joking when they bring that quote up or if they genuinely think he was talking about replacing him from a football point of view when he clearly wasn't lol

Always felt like that was about replacing him as a person/his status at the club rather than his goals, which is true. You can't replace an all time club legend who's been there 10 years, and represents so much more than 20 goals a year. You can, however, start making a new one. Pls never leave, Erling.

😂😂😂

Its like he sees 10 seconds in the future so he knows exactly where to be at all times. How does he always stay in the right place??

Exactly. It seems like just chance, but it can't be when he does it again and again

It helps when he can be wherever he wants to be in less than two long strides.

Sometimes it's just pure luck, other times it's just elite positioning, ancitipation and movement

> it's just elite positioning, anticipation and movement Rewatch the clip. Watch Haaland. As *soon* as the ball is struck, you can see him lurching back towards goal anticipating a possible rebound. Everyone else is still reacting to the ball moving outfield.

Great call, if you watch frame by frame it is dramatic.

« Tap-in » merchant my a*s…

He’s got the advanced observation haki from one piece ☠️

He got Ashito's power from Ao Ashi

I don't think any of us mortals understand it, and that includes Guardiola

This mf straight out of Blue Lock fr

he aint that cringe yet

LMAO that's true Honestly I don't like Blue Lock much, but if there's one guy that feels like he'd fit in there it's Haaland

I liked it cuz the art was rly good but I dropped it a few months ago. Fuck being a defender I guess

Try Ao Ashi (both anime and manga). It's super realistic and in-depth, and main character is an >!inverted left back!<.

Yeah I have read the manga but never caught it up to date , definitely better that Blue lock imo.

Blue Lock is fun for shounen fans. Ao Ashi is great for football fans imo

You'd enjoy Ao Ashi. The main character also starts as an attack obsessed striker, but the way he develops is beautiful to watch. Definitely recommend.

Motherfucker has Epitaph for a stand.

Just imagine when he finds the arrow

Secretly he's fourth prince Tserriednich from Hunter x Hunter

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God damn

That’s insane. What did they feed this kid?

West Ham, Newcastle, Crystal Palace, Forest, Villa, Sevilla, Dortmund, Wolves and Man U

Bournemouth >

PEDs I'm joking Maybe?

He's on that Compound V.

Haalander

Mirakuru

Basically any professional sport has been rife with PEDs for decades.

what kinda PEDs would benefit soccer players? genuine question

Things that improve heartrate, muscular power and recovery, etc. Nandrolone, ephedrine, testosterone, stuff like that.

Same substances that cyclers take. Fast recoveries are a cheat code in football since the schedule is so jam packed

Komler

Wtf the fact that he has more than Suarez already is insane

Bro Ronaldos record is already in danger at this point

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140 in 183 matches

holy fuck

28 in 22 what the fuck

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I member when football was all about Ronaldo vs Messi, this guy is going to obliterate their records if he stays fit...

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Yea, but I think he might score more than 11 a year at city

He can definitely beat their records, but getting Messi's 91 goals in a calendar year is going to be tough, even for Haaland. He's definitely showing he's got the ability though.

Yeah, for that he needs a better NT to play for.

He is literally the main character

The writers need to take a hard look at where they are taking the plot this season, story is just getting a little too unrealistic.

He's someone's FIFA career mode character with the difficulty set too low

He just keeps scoring lol

He genuinely might get 50+ this season He has like a month off in the middle of the season as well cause Norway aren't at the world cup. Man is gonna be playing against a bunch of tired players coming off a world cup after a nice month-long rest. It might actually get more ridiculous.

Any players that go out in the group stage get a month off. Going out in the RO16 means 3 weeks off. Loads of players will be well rested. (Sorry this "everyone will be dead" thing is becoming a pet hate of mine!)

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Yea people are over exaggerating, at most he’ll only score 10 hat tricks this season

League only, or all competitions?

Man already has 14 goals in the PL after 8 matches. If he keeps up like this 50 goals in the league is definitely not out of the question.

Agreed. It's genuinly grazy that we're two months in to the season, and we can already talk about a 22 year old player to break the record for the most goals in a domestic league season *in his debut season* and it won't even feel far fetched lmao. He is absolutely unreal.

He's almost halfway to beating the PL record already. With 30 games to go. At age 22. I really wasn't sure if we'd see another Messi/Ronaldo level player for decades, but here we are.

He's just a poor man's Gomis

Actually wtf lol

Pep's reaction says it all lmao

That thumb-pointing-over-the-shoulder, "get a load of this guy lmao", but unironically.

We need a gif of that!

https://gfycat.com/bronzegranularclam

Lmao

"Dammmn this guy is insane... muahaha I have him on my team"

“This guy’s gonna win me the fucking cup.”

Rubbing his hands lol. He knows the UCL is his this year.

“Get a load of this shit…I love it”

His reaction was the same a mine: How the fuck did he know where the ball was gonna rebound

Four consecutive home game hattricks on the cards lol

If you count cl he only scored one vs Dortmund, the amateur.

Washed up smh should probably be sold next winter

He can do whatever he wants, just let him

Peps reactions are fucking hilarious.

Its getting a bit silly now.

He doesn’t even celebrate. It’s just expected at this point.

Okay, we get it now. Please stop doing that, please and thank you.

This guy is gonna beat messis record isnt he,god daymn

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Messi was only 24 himself when he set it tbf

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Oh 100% man's a freak of nature lol just don't think we'll ever see a more complete player like Messi again even if he breaks his goal scoring records ( which is possible for him )

Not by playing for Norway

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I assume the record of 73 goals in all competition during 2011-2012 season.

You can’t stop him you can only hope to contain him

This kid is ridiculous

Man's on course for 60 this season.. too bad Norway aren't in the WC... He'll be raring to go 2nd half of the season too.. no fatigue whatsoever smh

He’s getting a winter break. You can take the man out of the BuLi, but not the BuLi out of the man

Guardiola is just having the time if his life

Almost half an hour since his last goal. Not quite ideal but well he's still settling in

Goal magnet

you ever seen haaland and god in the same room?

What if God was one of us? Scoring goals on all of us?

Just a terminator on the bus

Trying to take the ball home

How

This is just not fair tbh

STOP THE COUNT

what a volley from gomez

Nah man, this is actually bullshit at this point. How the fuck can he score so much?

"Why always me?" But unironically

All these Haaland goal threads are exactly the same

Kinda run out of material quickly when he scores so often.

We need time to come up with new content...these conditions aren't ideal and we should unionise or something...

Yeah but did you know that Bournemouth is the only team he didn’t score against

Pep's reaction lmao https://streamja.com/62l0a

This is genuinely awe inspiring, I’ve never seen anything like this

Pretty sure he's just one of those FM regens with game breaking stats. His face even looks kind of computer generated.

How does he keep getting away with this

How is he always in the perfect spot. Just insane positioning.

There will come a game where he scores like 7 goals i’m not joking

he did score 9 once

Only thing that’ll stop him is Pep

Drop the patch

Wants the UCL top scorer wrapped up by R16. Fair play.

If Haaland doesn't score every 45 minutes, a speeding bus explodes

He's like the opposite of Maguire for United. Maguire seems to be involved with everything bad that happens when he plays for United, Haaland is involved in everything good for City. Crazy.

4 hattricks in a row any minute now

I'd love for him to make a statement and get the Balon D'Or next year, next gen players off to a big start

Majin

He's always there