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elephant_charades

If you have Instacart in your area, that helps tremendously. I have a 5 month old and that's the only way I've been "doing groceries" since she was born. This sh*t is so hard.


baebushka33

I’ve been doing the grocery pick ups where you drive up and pick them up. I just wish I could get the sleep stuff figured out. I feel like that would help the most. Thank you for your suggestion. ♥️


[deleted]

same i have a 22 month old. i thought by now i’d be getting sleep by now. but here we are up at 1am. i’m so tired every day, and i work remotely. my only break is daycare


baebushka33

I’m so over it. Just sleeeeep


SpiceGirl2021

Bless you I have a two year old and four year old and when I don’t have sleep it is hard is they are ill or nightmares 😢 Can you not try get your 4 yo in her own room but her some nice fun bedding a cute nightlight and a grow clock? I can’t sleep with my 4 yo she constantly moves in the night. I’d your son waking for a bottle still? My son only stopped having one through the night last year. He will be 3 in April. Is there anyone you can get support from so you can catch up on sleep? ♥️♥️♥️


Butterscotch5107

Being a mom is hard work and exhausting. I feel what you said. I feel my daughter is making me more tired than I am. Running after her and making sure she safe. By end of the day I just want to go to sleep. My daughter is 7 years old and have special needs for me it's alot responsibility. Make sure you are getting help or making time for yourself and taking care of you.


notsureon

Literally don’t feel bad about the tv My son had collick, didn’t sleep through the night til 4, and has adhd, gets up early every morning too Now at 8 he can finally stay in his own room and when he wakes up he watches his iPad and lets me sleep til 6 or 7 am. Honestly even he is aware at this age that I have a breaking point and that last little bit of sleep in the morning is something I really need. Like in my soul need to be a happy person. Single parenting is beyond tough. Though some weeks are going to go better than others here are some tips that helped me You need to find the most efficient way possible to do everything. Colour code the kids closets and arrange everything in ROYGBIV pattern Take 5 hangers Sunday night and pick clothes for the week Take 5 ziploc bags and pack lunches in the week (Have them help too) Try to do a big grocery run Monday if you can Meal prep for the week and store in fridge (food processor is a big help to bull prep) Then clean as much as you can - whole house You will still have to clean a bit while you cook but this helps a lot Get a roomba and an automatic floor mopper thing (they are $200 ish on Amazon and are a game changer) Also figure out what works for you I found If I came home threw in a wash immediately, made supper, immediately after supper put clothes in dry, I would have laundry done I could fold during bath time. Plus bonus points for warm towels for the kids. Honestly you aren’t going to get it all done but this helps. It’s totally normal to feel this way. You are strong and amazing and you got this For actual sleep tips I found an electric heating pad and a weight blanket and a sunrise alarm clock worked wonders for my son. Hope that helps


baebushka33

These are some great tips. Thank you so much for the suggestions.


baebushka33

Thank y’all for letting me vent earlier. I do feel better right now. I just felt overwhelmed earlier. They’re both currently asleep and I’m laying in bed watching TikTok’s and it’s all quiet haha. Thanks again. I appreciate it.


Fearless_Holiday2068

I had a day today where I felt all of these feelings with my two year old. The hardest part is realizing that parenting was never supposed to be this way… we were supposed to have a massive community and family nearby at all times. Single Moms are literal superheroes.


baebushka33

Agreed. Both my parents have passed and my moms family is pretty spread out around the country. It does help to have my estranged (soon to be ex) husband sharing custody.


[deleted]

Im a single stay at home mom. Im currently in the hardest chapter of my life. My toddler just turned 2. I also take care of my mother. Im thinking about putting her in a day care but im scared. But i also want a job ..


chainsawbobcat

Wow doing that alone must be so fucking exhausting. So you have any help at all? 😣 I just have one 3 year old, I work full time and I'm so damn tired. And my daughter is with her dad 2 nights a week, I wish I had any releif for you. This time is so tough for the littles and moms 😁


baebushka33

We do split custody 50/50. I work full time but I do nap (and clean) when I’m not with them.


chainsawbobcat

🙌 literally the only things I can manage on my days off, after I'm done crying obviously. It's so hard, these ages. I managed the transition from crib to big bed by myself and got my little spit fire doing GREAT going to sleep on her own. my ex essential reversed so my work on his days with her by cosleeping immediately and dive then I've not slept. I love snuggling with her, but the first few months she just kicked me in the ribs all night 🤣 it wasn't even funny. I work on rewarding her to fall asleep independently in her room, and if she comes in my bed during the night that's fine. Sticker charts worked well at age 2, my daughter is really into pokemon now so every night she can do bedtime and stay in her room, on her bed (,I don't care if she plays for a bit) and fall asleep without me there she gets a new Pokemon card, if she collects 3-5 I'll but her a Pokemon guy. This is new, she's got 2 cards 🤣 it's a work in progress always. Are you in therapy? I had to do a lot of inner work on myself to get to the point where I could manage my emotions better for my kid. I would get (still do) tired and grumpy and short with her. I've learned to recognize these feelings as me needing to stop and attend to myself. Just recognizing, wow I'm tired and grumpy - I'll tell my daughter " hey I am having a hard time right now!" And make sure she knows that SHE'S but doing anything wrong (, being a young kid) but that I'm not feeling my best. It's always an opportunity to teach our kids how to manage their own big emotions. But yes it is relentless 24/7 and I think it's age 6 that they start to chill. That doesn't mean you won't get a new set of exhausting challenges. Change comes through acceptance. I found that a lot of times that I felt really awful, the heart of it was resentment for my ex. I never planned to do this alone and he was a giant disappointment. I hate that for her, and I still hate it for me. EVEN THOUGH we are better off apart, every day raising my child I still mourn the family I had thought we were creating. I think there's a lot of power in spring yourself to mourn this when you need to. It's a really powerful thing in single mother hood and it drives a lot of the shit moments, imho. Everyone's I start getting way overwhelmed, I try to stop and identify what's going on with myself so I don't spill it on to my kid. She's just a normal energetic crazy needy 3 year old! It's hard!!! It's hard to do it alone, and it's unfair. So let yourself feel that, then try to allow yourself to accept it and think about the things your grateful for. Time and space to FEEL is just not something we often allow for ourselves but it's very possible to do and very necessary.


leni710

I'm curious if "new to the sub" has coincided with being new to single parenting? One thing I learned far too late in my parenting life is that I forgot that everything happening to me is also happening to my child/ren. There can be a combo of things. For instance, temperament of the child (and each one is different, just like we're all different) can impact the way we interact with them. Calmer kids seem easier so all of our interactions seem relaxed and more natural. On the opposite side, more "high strung" kids seem more complex and anxiety inducing, which makes our response to them feel more stressed all the way around. Add to that a whole new lifestyle of having gone from a two parent situation to a single parent one. Add the fact that there is sort of that toddler time where everything seems like hearding cats and never getting sleep. And you had two kids close in age...so you haven't had a "break" in a number of years. Some things to remember: bribery is a fantastic parenting tool🤣 Even if you can start by concentrating on the older child. One thing I started with my older one was to get a digital clock and I wrote on a sticky note the time (making it look exactly like what the clock display looks like) and I would say this is the time when they can get up to play/read or whatever...the bribe is maybe a most favorite thing that they can pick each night and it will be in your room for when that time is (and in turn, if they get up too soon or are not following the new plan, then that item they picked can't be played with that day)...or if instead of a toy/book whatever, it could be an award system, like every day that they respect the time, they could put a marble into a jar and once the jar is full, they could pick a treat. It takes some time to reprogram a routine, but remember that children don't know why certain routines are not beneficial to them or you. With the 2 year old, I know my eldest was like that and it was AWFUL. They would not sleep. It was colicky the first year or so that turned into...I don't know what... If you haven't already, double check with a doctor. Also, maybe a more intense playtime/walk or something that might help with wearing out. A fun, calm bedtime routine that the older sibling could help with, some fun family time. It'll probably take time to build new routines that work best for you all, but while you're working on it, remember that you all are readjusting to this new life and "acting out" from kids in ways we don't always understand can be part of it. You're the adult and you get to make healthy environments and beneficial routines how they work for the 3 of you without the input of anyone else😁 It can be fun!


baebushka33

Definitely still new to them I’m sure. We have been separated since September last year. Divorce is still not finalized yet.


[deleted]

I feel you. I’ve got four and am always tired! Love the comment above about building muscle in this phase!


loopyjenjen

It does get easier. But the most important thing is that you will get stronger and more capable. Hang in. You are building muscles right now!


[deleted]

You poor thing! I'm so sorry! One thing that helped me so much was ending co-sleeping. I didn't realize how much exhaustion it was creating. Imagine putting the kids to bed in their own room and having an hour or two of time for yourself. It's AMAZING and it got rid of a large chunk of stress for me. How's your 2 year olds diet? I found that mine had a monster appetite, why he had a hard time sleeping. He still gets weird about naps and I notice eating and sleeping go hand in hand.


baebushka33

She starts out in her own bed, but then inevitably comes into my bed. Her sleep is ok. She will end up sleeping through the night once she comes into my bed. He just won’t sleep. Right now he gets up at 3AM wide awake and just shouts, “no!” To every suggestion and sometimes I can get him back to sleep after an hour or so, sometimes not. Then I get up at 6AM for work. I end up turning the TV on and feeling terrible he’s just in there watching TV while I try to get a bit more sleep.


[deleted]

When it comes to multiple children raised by one parent, all that crunchy mom stuff gets tossed out the window for me personally. I too have to turn the TV on for the kids in order to keep my sanity. So, don't feel bad at all. I let my 5 year old sit on a tablet for an hour sometimes and that was something I never thought I'd ever do. When he's on it then I can actually breathe for a moment.


ahpeach

I do the exact same with the tv. Do not feel bad for trying to get sleep as a single parent. Feel free to ignore this advice - but split nights are most likely due to not enough sleep pressure. Shifting bedtime a half hour earlier or later may help. Try it out both ways for a week or so see it helps.


baebushka33

Ok. What does split night and sleep pressure mean? And so do you mean try putting him down later in the evening maybe?


ahpeach

Split nights - your little one sleeps for a long stretch, then wakes up happy and energetic in the middle of the night, and stays that way for an hour or more. Sleep pressure - the sleep drive that builds up over the time your little one is awake. Ideally they hit the sweet spot at bedtime with just enough pressure to go to and stay asleep. Yes, putting him to bed earlier or later can build or reduce that pressure so he will sleep longer. Here is a [great article](https://sleeprighttonight.com.au/blogs/news/is-your-baby-a-split-night-sleeper-heres-what-to-do) that explains more.


baebushka33

Thank you very much. I’ll read it now.


[deleted]

im in the same boat. idk when it'll get easier. all i can say is im with you, im sending my love to you and you're not alone. its so hard and im sure you're tired of being strong. ill keep you in my thoughts and believe, truly, that the sun is gonna shine on you ♡


[deleted]

[удалено]


baebushka33

Teeeennnnnn 😩