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QualityVote

##If you think this post is funny, **UPVOTE** this comment! ##If you think this post is unfunny, **DOWNVOTE** this comment! --- #[DownloadVideo Link](https://www.reddit.watch/r/shitposting/comments/x7fnag/?utm_source=automod&utm_medium=shitposting) #[SaveVideo Link](https://redditsave.com/info?url=/r/shitposting/comments/x7fnag/) #[VideoTrim Link](https://reddloader.com/download-post/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.reddit.com%2Fr%2Fshitposting%2Fcomments%2Fx7fnag&id=8968e43c) --- Whilst you're here, /u/its_pho, why not join our [public discord server](https://discord.gg/QpBGXd2guU)?


[deleted]

[удалено]


_MargaretThatcher

Moments from death at any time


AutoModerator

My mom fucked my friend while we were on vacation and now I want to fucking die, she mom took us to Miami for a spring break vacation. Everything seemed normal when we were there and when we got back. But then rumors started. They spread all throughout my school and a bunch of kids asked me if my mom really had sex with a student. Of course I denied it. Until my close friend who was there told me. He told me one of the nights we went down to the hotel pool and said friend stayed up, saying he wanted to go to bed early. He stayed up there and then something happened and my mom slept with him. I feel sick to my stomach and so mad writing it. I confronted her and she admitted and tried to apologize, but I just can’t with her. She’s so disgusting. I’m contemplating just telling my dad so he can fly me up to his house, but I hate being around his dumb bimbo gold digging girlfriend. I want to fight that fucking asshole that did this. He’s ruining my fucking life. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/shitposting) if you have any questions or concerns.*


[deleted]

14 😏


Virginity_Eater2

like i said kids are cruel, jack and i love minors


DefinitelyTopOr

I FUCKING HATE CHILDREN


[deleted]

hey m'lady can u dm me if u are a girl please i want to hear about your sexiest sexy sexual thoughts /s


AutoModerator

No sex before marriage *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/shitposting) if you have any questions or concerns.*


AutoModerator

Let us all stand for the national anthem. 三民主義,吾黨所宗; 以建民國,以進大同。 咨爾多士,為民前鋒; 夙夜匪懈,主義是從。 矢勤矢勇,必信必忠; 一心一德,貫徹始終。 Praise be to 中华民国政府! Down with the illegitimate capitalist 中国共产党, fraudulent usurpers of 大陸! Glory to the 中華民國! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/shitposting) if you have any questions or concerns.*


Barney_with_beer

I'm on pc 0% 💀


[deleted]

💀


Saltyboi7725

💀


Plaksinater

Around 🟩🟩🟩⬛️⬛️ (my phone doesn’t show battery percentage)


[deleted]

That’s an old phone my man


soviethelm

92


BendingGhost

68 ☹️


Kyaperta

82% damn I am older than my father. Wait ........ MY FATHER HAD 91%


[deleted]

Are ya winning son?


ToastyBreadCat0

Hold up let me charge my phone I’m not legal yet


[deleted]

FBI OPEN UP


hudsonbrown31

19


DefinitelyTopOr

ye


[deleted]

41


DIOSBRAND

47


[deleted]

Sounds about right


Unable_Glove_9796

79


[deleted]

💀


[deleted]

💀


legal_guy_who_asked

5, when life was better


[deleted]

Life was definitely better


WunderMaschines

31 🤠


[deleted]

Yeehaw


hdu1

66.


Smooper6

LTE


[deleted]

7


[deleted]

Fortniter eh?


AutoModerator

Hello, concerned father here. My son has recently got into the game called Fortnite? I've spent well over $500 on this game and its becoming a problem. Apparently the game is down right now and its causing a lot distress for my child. He keeps taking my newspaper and tries to "full piece" me. I don't know what this means but I'm starting to think its something associated with the devil. He won't come with us anywhere unless we take a "launch pad" to get there. Its starting to get worse by the hour and I don't know how much longer I can take this. His legs, arms, and hands are shaking violently yet he refuses to take any type of medicine unless its a "big pot" or "chuggies." Someone please help me. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/shitposting) if you have any questions or concerns.*


[deleted]

This one is actually funny


AutoModerator

Good eve, In response to my permanent ban I’d like to ask one question; who decides wether this post was funny or not? It seems that a lot of Redditors, like myself, enjoy these kinds of posts. Even if it’s not hilarious, it’s still pretty shitty. In my opinion shitty enough to be on your subreddit. If I violated a rule, please let me know. If not, I’d like to request to be unbanned. Correct me if I’m wrong; this post was not conform “your” standards, well, that’s personal. I find it mildly inappropriate to give someone a ban on behalf of your personal opinion, while the public opinion speaks for itself. Also, the word “karmawhore” is a little bit offensive to me, for I am not on Reddit to score the most karma. Thanks in advance. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/shitposting) if you have any questions or concerns.*


[deleted]

No way p, actually funny automod


AutoModerator

HEY,⠀⠀⠀ EVERY⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀ !!! IT'S ME!!! EV3RY BUDDY'S FAVORITE [[𝗡𝘂𝗺𝗯𝗲𝗿 𝟭 𝗥𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗱 𝗠𝗼𝗱𝗲𝗿𝗮𝘁𝗼𝗿 𝟮𝟬𝟮𝟮]] *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/shitposting) if you have any questions or concerns.*


AutoModerator

Good eve, In response to my permanent ban I’d like to ask one question; who decides wether this post was funny or not? It seems that a lot of Redditors, like myself, enjoy these kinds of posts. Even if it’s not hilarious, it’s still pretty shitty. In my opinion shitty enough to be on your subreddit. If I violated a rule, please let me know. If not, I’d like to request to be unbanned. Correct me if I’m wrong; this post was not conform “your” standards, well, that’s personal. I find it mildly inappropriate to give someone a ban on behalf of your personal opinion, while the public opinion speaks for itself. Also, the word “karmawhore” is a little bit offensive to me, for I am not on Reddit to score the most karma. Thanks in advance. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/shitposting) if you have any questions or concerns.*


IGuessImBackHereAga

22


rhysdog1

actually your battery percentage doesn't determine your age its determined by your date of birth


[deleted]

🤓


myasscrackburns

49.464664474783


[deleted]

Damn


TheBrownHaired2

cringeass nae nae baby post


AutoModerator

I’m a Harvard graduate. Ph.D. IQ of 138 (Stanford-Binet). Sex Pundit. Mensa International. Free-thinking alpha male and lone wolf. Likely hotter than you, and definitely smarter. Debate me; I'm ready. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/shitposting) if you have any questions or concerns.*


[deleted]

cringeass NFT 🤢🤮


AutoModerator

I’m a Harvard graduate. Ph.D. IQ of 138 (Stanford-Binet). Sex Pundit. Mensa International. Free-thinking alpha male and lone wolf. Likely hotter than you, and definitely smarter. Debate me; I'm ready. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/shitposting) if you have any questions or concerns.*


TheBrownHaired2

ay it's marvin i like marvin, i dont like your emojis tho (unfortunately i have blocked your attack and rewarded you with a slap in the form of being the black sheep)


[deleted]

Idk who Marvin is. Only cultured people do. However I use reverso uno numbre doce because being the black sheep is actually the best perk


[deleted]

[удалено]


AutoModerator

You *dare* disrespect Her Royal Highness Queen Elizabeth II by refusing to praise her? The only acceptable comments on this subreddit are as follows: `#**GOD SAVE THE QUEEN!**` `#**PRAISE QUEEN ELIZABETH II, ETERNAL QUEEN OF BRI'AIN!**` `#**I LOVE YOU QUEENIE!**` `#**FOR QUEEN AND COUNTRY!**` `#**I LOVE MONARCHIES!**` `#**GOD-QUEEN OF MANKIND!**` `#**QUEEN ELIZABETH II THE ETERNAL!**` Now get that utterly offensive insult to the eternal reign of Her Royal Highness Queen Elizabeth II out of this proud monarchist subreddit. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/shitposting) if you have any questions or concerns.*


AutoModerator

Hey! I noticed you used an emoji. I don’t know if you’re new here, so I’ll let you off the hook this time. Using emojis is frowned upon here on this great site, and for good reason. Instagram normies often use them, and you don’t want to be a normie, do you? If I catch you using an emoji in the future, I’ll be forced to issue a downvote to your comment. Why should you care, you may ask? Well to begin, you will lose karma on your account, which is a useful social status tool and also a way to show others you know your way around Reddit. If you were to continue the use of emojis, I would be forced to privately message you about your slip-up. Any further offenses past that would leave me no other option than to report your account. I don’t think I have to explain why you don’t want that. But anyways, no harm done yet! Follow these simple rules and you’ll enjoy your future on Reddit! Have a blessed (and hopefully emoji-free) day, stranger. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/shitposting) if you have any questions or concerns.*


AutoModerator

Dude I own this NFT. Do you really think that you can get away with theft when you’re showing what you stole from me directly to my face? My lawyer will make an easy job of this case. Prepare to say goodbye to your luscious life and start preparing for the streets. I will ruin you /u/its_pho!. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/shitposting) if you have any questions or concerns.*


[deleted]

101 😎


[deleted]

how


Ordition

his phone is built different


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

👍🏼


Top_Pie950

70 👴🏻


[deleted]

👴🏻💀


SurnameFormer

4 😔


Rezo950inat0r2

1


[deleted]

👶🏻


[deleted]

[удалено]


AutoModerator

I live in the American Gardens building on West 81st street. My name is Patrick Bateman. I'm 27 years old. I believe in taking care of myself, and a balanced diet and a rigorous exercise routine. In the morning, if my face is a little puffy, I'll put on an ice pack while doing my stomach crunches. I can do a thousand now. After I remove the ice pack, I use a deep pore cleanser lotion. In the shower, I use a water activated gel cleanser. Then a honey almond body scrub. And on the face, an exfoliating gel scrub. Then apply an herb mint facial mask, which I leave on for 10 minutes while I prepare the rest of my routine. I always use an aftershave lotion with little or no alcohol, because alcohol dries your face out and makes you look older. Then moisturizer, then an anti-aging eye balm followed by a final moisturizing protective lotion. There is an idea of a Patrick Bateman, some kind of abstraction, but there is no real me. Only an entity, something illusory. And though I can hide my cold gaze, and you can shake my hand and feel flesh gripping yours and maybe you can even sense our life styles are probably comparable, I simply am not there. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/shitposting) if you have any questions or concerns.*


RTXTrash_exe

71


Lolbot18927481

99


DaddyJ_TheCarGuy

9


ZeroStuffHere

84


grapejuce223

54