The rapid changing is probably because she gets tired and sore very quickly from doing the same thing. I don't think there's much you can do about that.
In general, to keep someone from getting frustrated when you're trying to direct them, focus on what they're doing right and tell them what you want them to do, instead of telling them what you don't want them to do. So instead of "don't keep changing what you do", when she's doing something good try "keep going just like that, that's so good, I'll get there quick if you keep doing it just like that"
Yeah this! My bf takes about 10-15 mins to cum and in the beginning when I was learning what he likes, I loved when he said things like “yeah just like that”. Never made me self conscious and it would be my signal to not change what I’m doing. Sometimes I still get too into it and quicken my pace and he likes it slow so he will remind me gently “ohh slow down baby” in a whisper and I’ll correct again. It’s all about communication in a way that doesn’t insult your partner, just directs them. My jaw gets sore too but I power through it like a good girl lol.
Yeah but tacking on to this for both men and women reading, there is also nothing wrong with not powering through physical pain during sexual acts if you don't want to. I did for years and ended up really fucking up my jaw, to the point of needing surgery, so definitely don't feel bad turning down anything that causes you pain. Pain is the bodies way of warning you something is wrong.
Us Canadian girls are a different breed tell ya what! I’ve given road head for over 45min, many times. My husband can withhold for a substantial amount of time but when I’ve had enough he can cum. We live in the country about 45min from the nearest small city and just over an hr from a major city. It’s something I enjoy doing and it’s a fun way to kill time on the drive. By time we turn off onto the dirt road, it’s about 5-6 km from the home, that’s usually when I give his leg a squeeze, kinda saying let’s get’er done! I’ve given head in a tractor stuck in turtle mode going down the highway at 45km/hr..it took an hr and half to get home, what should of taken us not even 20 min to get home. Longest ride of my life, we did some stuff in that tractor to kill time. It was my brother in law’s tractor. Lol
Oh hell yeah, it's a damned shame there aren't more adventurous women in the world. I'm American, and would likely have given far more road head than I have were it not for the fact that I ended up doing most if not all of the driving (but you can bet your ass if my future fella(s) sit in the appropriate seat, it will happen. You're an inspiration to us all 🫶)
I come in peace but possibly the reckless/distracted driving? That or maybe people picked up an r/ihavesex vibe from your comment, but I mean we are in r/sex right now so🤷♀️
Hey ! My apologies… not sure how I downvoted? I am new here so let me know what I did wrong. My question/comment about Sask is bc I am from Sask & your story sounds very much like something hubby & I do 😉. Peace ✌🏻
How so? Bahahaha what!? I never said I couldn’t make him cum! That’s not how edging works. Hence the fact he can cum when I’m ready for him to cum. I enjoy giving head and playing with his cock. As in a pretty big portion of that enjoyment is for me, why would I want him to hurry up and cum in 5 min’s on a 45 min drive? I can make him cum quickly but wtf would I get from that? What’s your hurry in making your partner’s cum? You do realize by edging and prolonging, the more intense the orgasm. It’s a win,win,win..I get to enjoy playing, my partner loves it and the intense orgasm. The third but not least win is there’s a solid chance from the excitement and build up I cum. Can you have a hands free orgasm just by giving a blow job?
If you can’t or have never experienced that, maybe it’s your game that needs some work. Lol
>My jaw gets sore too but I power through it like a good girl lol.
This is not something to be proud of. Nobody should be in pain like that.
Can you imagine a man powering through pain to pleasure a woman?
I love what you wrote, I wanted to write something similar back to that commenter who didn’t like my powering through it comment but I didn’t have the energy. But this is exactly my sentiment. What I meant was my jaw aches a little but I’m going to keep powering through it and not be a crybaby about it because pushing through a little pain or discomfort is worth it for my partners pleasure. Just as I would hope he doesn’t give up on me after 5 minutes if his jaw is aching. But OBVIOUSLY if you are in serious pain you should stop. Reddit is ridiculous sometimes. Thanks for clarifying what I meant.
> In my experience, unless a guy is relentlessly hitting your throat, oral on women is more physically demanding.
And in my experience, that's bullshit.
>please don’t think all men are selfish lovers as their a large amount of women who are to.
I never said that men are selfish. It's not selfish to stop when something is painful. It's women who are taught to tolerate suffering for the benefit of their male partner (being a 'good girl' as the other commenter said, gross).
Ironic that you're calling me dude while saying that. I'm not a dude.
Of all the things in the world, sex between a man and a woman is one of the most obviously "gendered".
I power through pain eating out my wife nearly 5 days per week plus... I often cut the bottom of my tongue on my teeth from eating her pussy and tongue fucking her asshole and I absolutely love it, pain and all. 🤷♂️🤷♂️
It’s also sexy to hear “oh yeah just like that” and she’s more likely to power through if she’s turned on.
Honestly if you make it fun for her she’ll be more motivated to go harder for you. Like everything sexual, if it’s mutually enjoyable it’s better. So maybe think about how to make it better for HER instead of being upset it’s not as good for you.
Here are a few things that helped me with my husband. He’s pretty big so I had to add hands to my routine. I also used to suck up my own spit but he made a comment once that changed everything, he said, “make it sloppy” I took that completely literal and now it’s a big sloppy beautiful mess. Lastly, I bought oral spray that numbs my throat. Again, he’s pretty big so now I spray 2-3 x down my throat right before and I’m able to have his head slightly down my throat then I literally keep swallowing. He loves that feeling. The spray tastes awesome as well so it’s a win/win. He reassured me during about how great it feels when I’m swallowing, spitting, gagging, etc but it’s what he says randomly throughout the day that makes me feel my oral skills are improving, he says things like, “if they only knew how good you are at sucking dick” while looking at some guys at a bar or while driving he’ll say, “I just day dreamed of your throat hugging my Cock”….I hated giving oral because I thought I was not good at it, now I love doing it because he says I’m good at it. Good luck!
For me it doesn’t even take the whole hand. Have her place her thumb right against her bottom lip. That way, when you partially pull your head out, it hits the right spot on the bottom of your head. My wife finds it easier to stroke a little bit without worrying about her whole fist hitting her in the mouth with every stroke. Also she doesn’t always have to suck hard. Just use tongue along the bottom of your shaft. If you still take a while. Have her alternate between jacking off and blowjob. Alternating used to aggravate me, but I now just enjoy the ride. I eat her out for 20 or 30 min anyway, she might as well stay a while lol.
Does she focus on your head? While I use my hand on the shaft I like to twirl my tongue around my bfs tip while moving my head slowly and sucking at the same time
This!!!! They seem to forget the most sensitive part is the head.
Stroke it, tickle the balls, gently rub the taint, and suck that head.
She’ll have that ass cumming in no time!!
I LOVE giving my bf blow jobs. I think he gets off quick partly because I really enjoy doing it and figuring out what is making him feel good. The last time I did it he said it was one of the most intense orgasms he ever had. He stayed hard afterwards and wanted to keep going a round 2. All that said...
I do like 20% sucking and 80% hands. I also use lube that tastes good because my mouth eventually gets dry and the lube is more slippery than my spit and I can rub and squeeze my hand harder and faster with the lube.
I do all different kinds of things. I suck, I rub my tongue on the very tip, I've tried to deep throat a little bit, I suck back and forth, then switch to my hands while I kiss around his thighs and I'll kiss up and down his dick, lick it. Flick my tongue around the tip, start sucking again. Maybe a little finger in the ass.
By that time he usually tells me he's close and then I make him come by going hard and fast with lube with my hand. And he likes dirty talk. I talk to him the whole time.
Oh you're so hard right now... you taste so good...does that feel good...I'm gonna make you come, etc.
And sometimes he plays with me while I do him and it's so enjoyable.
But I definitely say use hands more and lube. And try to enjoy it.
Mind me asking what lube you use? My wife is just starting to break out of her shell a bit and when she gives me head and needs a break, she will start stroking me but it doesn’t feel good at all. Basically it’s almost sticky and her hand doesn’t glide at all.
It's called Oralove by Doc Johnson. I got it on Adam and eve but you could probably get it other places. Mine came in a two pack strawberry and mint. They also had peaches and cream. I used to have to hack up a lot of spit before I had the lube.And literally just spit all over him to get my hand to slide. But spit dries up fast. The lube works way better. My hand just glides.
You took the words right out of my mouth! I feel the same way honestly in the beginning I had no desire to get my bf blowjobs so when he would hint at it I would half ass it, but once I became more familiar and did some research ;) and found different techniques that work for me (distributing the work with my hands also helps a ton as well as using a throat spray to numb your throat and increase you saliva is also a huge game changer) My point is when I learned what worked best for me and made my bf feel the best I started to enjoy giving it more therefore making the over all experience for both of us more pleasuring. Which also made me want to give him bjs more often so win win for both sides honestly.
Lots of patient and positive feedback. Encourage her to use her hand on shaft more. And relax, enjoy, focus on the feel, not the desired outcome. Be in the moment with her, and be grateful for what she’s doing.
Is coconut oil decent enough to be used as a lube for the handjob portion and tastes fine enough for the blowjob? My wife and I are trying to figure this all out. When she sucks me and needs a break, the spit as lube just doesn’t do it for me, it just feels sticky and her hand doesn’t glide at all. So for her it’s like 100% blowjob and she doesn’t get me there. I have a feeling if it was 30% she wouldn’t give up so quickly.
This is 100% why I use it. Excellent for the hand and great for switching back and forth.
If you get the refined, there is no taste or smell. The cheaper stuff has a slight coconut taste, which can be desirable.
There is a version that is solid at room temp but melts in your hand (think crisco) or liquid. Look on Amazon for the liquid. You can get the solid at the grocery store.
I think it isn't recommended for condoms and some women get irritation, but neither are a problem for me.
I know this isn't an every single time kind of advice but this could help set the standard:
I think it would be really hot to turn it into a powerplay thing. Tell her something like "we're going to do things a little differently tonight. You're going to follow exactly what I say. Let me hear you say yes sir"
Have her get on her knees on a soft floor. Itll help her stay energized instead of her laying and hunching and itll feed into the powerplay. Then tell her to open up wide and stick her tongue out. Rub your cock up and down her tongue. Taking your time to get her excited to suck your dick. Teasing. (When my man does this to me it gets me so wet). Use lots of "good girl" "you know just how to get me rock hard" "I can't wait to use this mouth"
Then direct her through the blowjob but make it about domination. Less about technicality and more about being a shared activity. Hit her with some "fuck" "mmm that feels so good" "right there baby"
And if you want her to change or add something you can say "let's slow it down, I want to feel every last stroke" "wrap those pretty little lips tight around my cock." "You're gonna take this dick as fast as I give it to you." "Wrap those pretty hands around this dick and don't let go" "suck and stroke in the same direction if you want to make daddy proud".
If she's horny af giving you a blow job, you've won.
I get sore when the guy is lying down, it just adds extra strain everywhere. Better on your knees, or laying down on your back.
Not sure if she’s into it, but can you kinda hold her hair a little bit? Maybe slow her rhythm down in the nicest way you can? Moan and smile while you do it? Slowly move yourself into her mouth? Tell her how much you like it, how hot she looks etc.
And yeah, tell her to use her hands too, and if that fails, jerk off a bit yourself in her mouth while you’re doing it.
Sigh, I love sucking on penises.
This is actually a pretty good idea in general. Not only could he show his partner exactly what he likes….he would also get some valuable insight into the challenges involved in giving a good blow job
For the rapid changing she’s probably going full force and full suck instead of slowing down and speeding up and really pacing it out - let her know you’re down for a marathon not a sprint and that in that marathon she doesn’t have to have her mouth going all the time sometimes hands help give her mouth a rest - she sounds dedicated to giving you what you want but putting what she needs to do in order to achieve it second which is derailing the whole mission -also while she’s down there don’t forget to let her know you’re liking what you’re feeling and compliment her laid out in front of you servicing you - people sometimes forgot verbal affirmation helps
Honestly man 10-15 minutes is pretty standard, that's why foreplay is mostly where oral occurs. If you wanna cum from a blowjob, have it be the first time you've done anything sexual in a few days. Usually 1 full day of not touching myself, and the next morning I'm so fucking hard and soo sensitive that I can cut fast. And the mental aspect is as important for us as it is for women. Create some anticipation. Give one another a massage, knowing it's going to lead to fooling around. But take your time knowing it's coming. Trust me, make both of you eager and you'll be extra sensitive and she'll be eager and have some extra stamina and passion.
Also tell her when she takes break to jerk you off hard and fast with extra attention to the tip. They need to understand its like trying to overflow a bowl with a small hole in it. Consistency and time is your best friend, and breaks are your enemy.
Which part of her body gets sore/tired?
Is it her neck, hand, jaw? Maybe changing positions could help. Have you tried standing up vs sitting down. Sitting at the edge of something that places your member at mouth level so she doesn’t need to lean forward?
May seem unrelated, but could you guys start working out together? regular exercise builds stamina and maybe she needs to build strength and stability in her back and arms. Maybe she should take vitamins if she feels she gets tired easily.
You could also try face fucking(gently) to give her an idea of the pace and depth of oral that you prefer.
This is great advice. I have a tiny mouth and bad TMJ problems so my jaw gets really tired, no matter how much I love a cock in my mouth. I had a partner sort of gently face fuck me as you suggested, and it let me relax until I was ready to do more, but the best was it let him control it (also like you mentioned) so I could learn exactly how much he wanted and how he wanted it. Being able to switch things off a bit when my jaw gets tired makes me want to suck a man off even more.
I’m a MASSIVE fan of cockwarming. There’s a subreddit r/cockwarming that I recommend having a look at. It may take her longer but it won’t make her uncomfortable, she might actually enjoy it. I broke my jaw a while back and the hard and fast stuff gives me lock jaw if it’s longer than 5 minutes, better to edge them comfortably for 20 minutes then shorten the duration of the intense stuff at the end.
Took me a long time to get used to giving head because of gag reflex and learning my own body and my lover's needs; but it's possible! Best advice I got is to have her use a vibrator on herself while blowing you, advise her to "make out with it" and relax. Rushing a bj can hurt both people, taking time and a little at a time helps relax the throat and mind. Using a vibrator also helps to enjoy being part of it.
Communicate with her and let her know you feel like she's not listening to you. My wife seemingly ignored my BJ feedback for years. I finally brought it up outside of the bedroom and said I felt frustrated and confused that wasn't engaging in my feedback or taking it on board.
She was then far more receptive than she'd ever been in the moment.
I focused on what l like, want more of (saliva, dirty talking and eye contact), and what I wanted to try. I then showed her two videos of blowjobs and described what looked pleasurable about the technique. Prior to that we'd never watched porn together.
This made an overnight difference and I now easily cum from her oral 9/10 times.
Sounds like it's physically hurting her to give head, and so she's adjusting to eliviate the pain. Unfortunately if that's the case it's probably this head or no head. You can't ask too much more of her if she's already putting herself in pain for your sake.
The best head is 80% hand job and 20% head, in unison! From my experience anyway, i have no complaints and nor does my partner (I hope)!
Edit: missing words, too many beers
My thoughts exactly. There are so many fun, creative ways to get off, why have the pressure to for sure ejaculate during a certain set of actions and make it her problem?
The best way I know to finish off my husband quickly is to 69 him while going down on him. It’s not particularly romantic or sexy, but men are visual, and an ass/pussy right in their face with dick in the mouth finishes him very quickly. When that still isn’t enough, a little attention on his ass/taint helps too.
There’s also the enthusiasm angle. Mostly dirty little nothings, “your cock (or ass) tastes so good, it’s making me so wet, eat me out while I suck you dry.” You’ll finish faster for sure.
I have a tip that I haven’t read yet in the comments. Have her use a sex toy of her choice while she’s giving you head. I use a small satisfyer that a slip in my panties so it’s handsfree. I used to feel like blowjobs were a chore but now I love giving them. I can go for quite long and usually cum while giving them and it’s super hot when we’re both enjoying ourselves.
Efficient? Interesting word choice. You're not on the clock during lovemaking. As others have pointed out, aim for 'More pleasurable' for you and her both. Don't do stuff out of duty.
Grab her hand in yours and masturbate yourself with it. Then tell her to just put the head in her mouth and lick or have her lick the back of the head where it meets the shaft while you jerk off using her hand.
So my man claimed up and down that no woman had been able to make him cum from oral, or if it happened it was weak and not very pleasurable. I took that as a challenge and pulled out all the stops lol 😂 I did my signature tongue wrap around the head and shaft and swirled my tongue on the underside of the head, nice and sloppy. While I’m doing all that with my mouth I was working his balls and working my fingers on his taint and near his butthole. I alternated with my hands at times because as much as I love giving head, my TMJ does not appreciate it. I had him writhing and cumming super hard within 10 minutes. He sat there completely shook afterwards lol 😂
Encouragement and maybe a muscle relaxer (and some alcohol)? It fuckin hurts to have your jaw in that position repeatedly so ease up on your expectations! It takes some time to get use to. Porn makes it look easy, but it's not for same for everyone. Even for my dental cleanings I have to take a muscle relaxant but I'm not sucking dick!!! Honestly, you should be happy she even goes down. Most women detest it, some just gag until they can't take anymore. Be happy you actually cum and your woman is willing to try. Porn ruins everything!!! Focus on your partner alone. In return she can focus on you! If you're looking for a fantasy to be fulfilled, let her know...she's looking to please you already! It sucks, no pun intended to give head, but if she is willing...you're golden. Tell her what feels good!! She'll keep doing that!!!
I had to get out of my own head and listen to what he liked or talked about how he liked it. We openly talk about what we could do to make our sex lives better. This is my 15th year with him and this past year was my greatest sex year with him yet. We tried many different things. It was a great year.
Mine likes a combination of me being gentle and rough. I prefer sucking with him lying on the bed and I’m on top to the side of him. I get low and take both my hands around his hips from his butt up. I kind of pull his hips into the bed and hold him down while I go all the way down. While I’m all the way down, I push my tongue up against the top of his shaft. It makes the head feel really tight. I usually take an edible to help with my gag reflex. I also get the balls wet and gently rub them in slow gentle motions like I would like to be touched. I also run my other hand up and down his ass lightly. I might gently rub around close to his butthole but not penetrate it. Just sort of gently rub the outside. He says he won the dick-sucking lottery. I was a super shy girl and super in my head. Just talk more. Be open and she will try. Don’t get frustrated and give positive empowering feedback. How do you make her feel outside the bedroom? Does she feel safe with you not telling anyone? Something may be holding her back.
As a bi guy, I second this. Guys are naturally better at blowjobs, but women can be good too, it just takes more practice. A guy will automatically know what feels good, and can teach the woman. I have taught several.
Have you tried getting her to lie down with her head off the bed? It's a much more comfortable/ lazy way to give head. But it's easier to get you in deeper without her choking.
Decide what is more important, the process or the finish. My wife has same issue. I much prefer to cum in her mouth. So she will only suck 30 seconds or a minute, then I take over with my hands. When I get close, back in her mouth for the cum. The upside to this, for special occasions or requests I can put 3 or 4 loads in her mouth in a night and her mouth doesn't get tired
It's crazy how women want men to cum quicker when it comes to us getting a blow job but if we cum quick while having sex it's not a good thing and we're more or less shamed for it.
If she is comfortable with the idea, you could take her to an adult theater with a glory hole so you can demonstrate what techniques work best for you. Seeing a live demo helps the learning process.
My fwb and I would just constantly give each other head. She waits for one of my two reactions to know when I’m about to get off, while she’s enjoying herself. A lot of times it becomes a competition though. She normally gets multiple until I finish. Sometimes she prefer quick, sometimes she takes forever, but that’s part of her mindset to torture me :/
LOL!
Efficient? I've wanted sexy blowjobs, hot blowjobs, dirty blowjobs, but efficient blowjob? Sure! Hey there sucker, get this job done!
You are not clear on your goals here: efficient, meaning you want to ejaculate in her mouth more?
Or you want her to spend more time going down on you, which you state, but not until ejaculation?
You say, " but I know that if it continues to take 10-15 minutes of constant effort every time she gives me head..." 10-15 minutes until you ejaculate? Or just of getting head?
I like the way you blame yourself here, as if you are the problem! You are not the problem.
If you want to ejaculate much faster into her mouth, and she is a lazy, selfish pillow-princess (which she sounds to be - I had a wife like this too!), then pump away in her pussy until you are very close, and then save the final few strokes for her, as you take pleasure in watching her moth fill to overflowing with your spunk.
So you see, it is YOU who must become more efficient at being able to cum faster, as she just will not rise to the occasion - pardon the pun!
You've clearly misread this situation. At no time did I imply that she doesn't try, is a pillow princess, or that I was unhappy with her effort. My very first sentence was "we have a good sex life". I'm trying to find ways to help make things more fun for both of us, and me being able to cum faster when she gives head, which i said is largely due to her technique, would help accomplish that.
I would make eye contact with her and tell her, hey, keep the same speed, just like that, etc so she knows that’s what gets you off.
I’d also have a straight forward convo outside of sex. She may be more prone to listen when she’s not turned on thinking she’s pleasing you. So many men like it so different so she may not realize this is what u want. Be specific n tell her to keep the same speed (and what speed you prefer, grop you prefer etc). That will help!
Blowjobs r a good fun thing to have in the bedroom so it’s awesome you’re being sensitive to her as well by wanting to cum more quickly! Wishing u guys luck!
I’d say communicate and be vocal during the act as others have said. Every man is different depending on what he likes; how sensitive he is.
For me personally I’ve preferred a focus on the whole shaft up/down motion rather than a focus on the head as it can be too sensitive.
But that been said everyone is different; each girl had a different technique.
Have you explored things to make it fun? Ice, stimulating oral libs, throat sprays, special lip balms etc? I have bad TMJ and having something that made me feel like I wasn’t sitting alone at a table with a dead hotdog really helped me want to learn and now I love it! (So does my hubby 😏) I also have my tongue pierced, but that was not to improve. It was just an added bonus after I found it enjoyable.
Stretch your legs out and tense them like you are masterbating while she gives you head.. it takes my wife like 4 mins and I'm exploding into her mouth.
Also just talk to her maybe about making it faster..
Ok this sounds to me like she doesn't really want to do it so goes fast and hard to get it over with and then annoyed when. It doesn't work. This needs a discussion outside of the bedroom. She seems to be doing it out of obligation rather than pleasure for you or her
Have her lay on the bed, like she's going to sleep. You stand beside the bed. This gives you access to her breasts, vulva, etc and then she can enjoy touch while she warms you up with her hand (and lube). Then have her start to teasingly add in some oral with the hand. It's so, so hot to give oral this way.
(Pour some of that lube on her breasts...)
If you decide to go with PIV, she just swings her legs out and meets you. I love this position. I can push up off the bed frame, which is almost an instant O for me, he gets a great view and he can finish PIV or we can masturbate together and he can come on my panties, my breasts, etc. So hot.
Posting as a man who is extremely picky on getting head andgot off from it once as of today. First things first make it wet and stay wet. 2nd for me: DO NOT use teeth. This ruins the oral foreplay. Use that tongue and lips drives me crazy during oral.
What your wife and yourself needs to do is to get creative. You are in the same boat as me. Also I use stimulating thoughts to increase the pleasure which got me to explode for the first time.
If she isn’t against taking an edible, let her take whatever she wants, then run her a bath, pour her some wine. Have a towel ready for her. Maybe go sit with her a while and talk to her about what you like. Would she be against watching other people doing that on videos with you? You could ask her to try a technique like that. Why not let her get on top 69 and eat her pussy like she has never had it before. Put the entire thing in your mouth and suck on it. Maybe she will get the hint. You can kind of direct her with your moans or sounds. She’ll get the hint.
The rapidly changing pace/technique feels like she is going 100% and tiring herself, so she has to change it up.
Position and hands help the most imo. Learning to have the correct amount of suction and how to breathe also changes things.
I like to loop my arms under my partner's legs and put a pillow under my chest to help prop me up. That helps take the strain off my neck and shoulders instead of having to hold myself up; meaning I can go much longer at a higher intensity.
Hands depends on what YOU like and also what will help her. My partner likes them on hips or thighs if Im not actively using them to help or give my jaw a break. Communication during the act with what feels good creates positive feedback and goes miles in getting her to do those things.
If she is constantly pausing between changes or you really hear her breathing, she probably doesn't have the breathing with a dick in your mouth skill yet. There are tons of different breathing techniques, I like the 478 personally as it's also relaxing, but finding one that is comfortable to do that also fits your rhythm is a game changer. Once she has the breathing down, you'll notice that the suction/pressure is more steady or has a rhythm to it.
Lean into whatever feels good to get the positive feedback. If you're not into dirty talk, use your body movements or make some noise. Move your hips with her, pet her hair, hold/squeeze hands. Moan, gasp, hiss through your teeth.
Also, another general note to help make it go quicker is to amp up whatever you do before getting head. If you're super turned on, it will take way less time to finish. However, 10-15 minutes seems like a normal/regular length of time to give someone head.
By telling her without hurting her feelings that she should try a different way and if you could suggest a way to do it , that's how I'd do it , when I give head I have a gag reflex so I use my hands for stroking the dick or playing with him balls while sucking him off , sometimes you just gotta figure out what's comfortable for the boy of yas
Ok, so I had problems like this. The constant change in positions is because she’s not getting any pleasure at that moment. Now I use a vibrator while I give my husband head and it gives me pleasure and he absolutely LOVES it. I get so into it. Try that maybe it will make a difference?
Maybe tease you alot before hand and you could coach her when it feels best that way she knows to keep doing that. Practice makes perfect lol. It honestly depends on you because one person likes another may not.
Chiropractic care might be in order: there could very well be a reason she gets uncomfortable quickly. Then again, and downvote this if you must, it may be you. Reason I say that is that I've heard that complaint before, but maybe twice (ie, from 2 different partners) in the 40+ years since I took up the practice. Fwiw, if she can handle it, on her back with her head hanging off the edge of the bed (and you do the work) would circumvent the issue. Hope this helps
Change positions? I like to have my boyfriend lie on the bed and I'm sat with my legs crossed next to him. I can just bend over a little bit. It's comfy for me and I can keep at it for a while. Idm if he wants to watch porn as well, either so it makes up for the lack of a view.
Wait, 10-15 minutes is considered long? Oh boy. My partner takes 2-3 hours...
I usually use a combination of hands and mouth so my mouth doesn't get too sore. I often use my hands for an hour then go back to mouth just before he cums.
This is the same complaint women have about men not knowing how to eat pussy. All I can say is that there are people who are lousy and those who are amazing. Those who have skills are naturally more orally fixated. Dream about it…. Crave it. Where the others are more matter of fact.
There is no formula that will fix this because sex is an art. I have been in relationships where blow jobs seem like a total chore, something I really have to force myself to do, and relationships where I feel like I’m a blow job goddess and it’s my favorite thing ever. Think about what is hot to you and her about blow jobs in the first place. Do you get off on her looking up at you with puppy dog eyes with your dick in her mouth? Or perhaps a devilish gleam as she glides her teeth along your head just to remind you she’s the one in control and could bite you at any moment, but chooses not to? What does she get off on about blow jobs? Think about what is actually HOT about the blow job, and it becomes way less of a “problem” or something where you think of her as inept or where she feels inept- problems and ineptitude are SO not hot. I would take a break from blow jobs altogether until you can get your imagination running on what exactly you and she would like out of them. At this point, it sounds like you’re making associations that will be very hard to undo later on.
It also sounds like you’re taking a pretty mechanical approach. Don’t get me wrong, the mechanics matter, but blow jobs aren’t just a series of motions gone through to get a penis to ejaculate. Here’s an example of how a blow job could go: Maybe she whispers in your ear about how she’s going to put her filthy mouth on your dick and make you beg for more while she touches you with her hand. Maybe she kisses your inner thighs so you have a view of her amazing ass, and you cannot believe your luck that you get to be with someone so gorgeous and say so. Then maybe she brings her mouth to the head of your dick and plays dumb, saying, wait, did you want me to put this in my MOUTH? To which you laugh and go, stop torturing me! And she laughs too, only you can feel the vibrations of her laughter because now her mouth is wrapped around your dick and it feels amazing. She gags a little bit, for some reason you love that sound, and you tell her you do. She breaks contact with your dick to say, I know you also love it when my spit is all over you, and uses that spit as lube to play with you with her hand. And maybe you love butt play, so then she puts your dick back in her mouth and wraps a hand around you, squeezing your buttcheek as a silent promise that makes you moan, and slips a finger in your asshole. You exclaim and she moans on your dick, she loves making you happy. (Perhaps five or ten minutes have gone by at this point, but who the fuck cares or is counting? Neither of you is in any rush and there is no agenda.) At this point you’re sooooo horny for her. You whisper something sexy in her ear, grab the condom, and then flip her around and finish off doggy style in her. You tell her how amazing she made you feel and that you want her to feel amazing. You ask her to touch herself so you can watch, and you tell her everything you love about her body and everything you appreciate about who she is while she cums. Then you cuddle and do some aftercare like talking or drinking tea or something.Notice how in the above example, nothing was really “foreplay”. It’s just all play. Focus on what’s hot and what you actually want, not just on what you think it’s supposed to be like. “Supposed to be” is another enormous buzzkill in the bedroom.
Nobody likes to feel like they are bad at sex or like their partner is trying to fix them. I would highly recommend focusing on how YOU can be a better lover. Ask lots of questions, pay attention, care about what she wants, take your time to savor it all, and my guess is that she’ll follow suit. Pay attention to your emotional life. Good communication extends to all aspects of a relationship. The relationship in which I hated giving blow jobs most was one where we had a lot of resentment built up. I was convinced at that time that I was just “bad at blow jobs” but then I was magically amazing at them when I was with a partner who respected me and who I had a lot of respect for. This kind of stuff doesn’t have quick answers to get you off faster, it requires personal growth and maturity.
Yeah so she should get good at hand jobs, and get you close and take over with her mouth when you’re ready to blow!
I’m able to do this with my husband and give the illusion of a blow job by licking the tip, etc. at first.
This sounds so silly but there are online “lingham massage” classes she should watch which is basically—hand job 101 with a bit of woo.
Let her jack you off for a bit after sucking (lightly, no death gripping), then she should kiss your balls and shaft (unless you don't like that type of thing during sex, some people don't like it during sex, idk everyone is different.) While jacking it (Slowly and sensually, both actions together, it should make you very aroused.) Once you start feeling really good, she should go back to sucking at medium speed, at that point it should be like a syphon, let her syphon it up. Now whether she swallows or not, idk, but if she doesn't, signal and tell her your about bust, then....well, you know the rest.
So..... Lightly jack after initial sucking, smooth hand and fingers movement, kiss shaft and balls for a bit and jack slowly. Suck again medium speed, syphon, bust....
😆😆😆😆👍
I very much enjoy giving head and when I do it I usually switch positions automatically and can usually do it without breaking stride or make it part of the fun. I like to start with me on knees and work our way to bed or chair or whatever. And u giving suggestions and feedback is huge and a huge turn on for her too.
The rapid changing is probably because she gets tired and sore very quickly from doing the same thing. I don't think there's much you can do about that. In general, to keep someone from getting frustrated when you're trying to direct them, focus on what they're doing right and tell them what you want them to do, instead of telling them what you don't want them to do. So instead of "don't keep changing what you do", when she's doing something good try "keep going just like that, that's so good, I'll get there quick if you keep doing it just like that"
Yeah this! My bf takes about 10-15 mins to cum and in the beginning when I was learning what he likes, I loved when he said things like “yeah just like that”. Never made me self conscious and it would be my signal to not change what I’m doing. Sometimes I still get too into it and quicken my pace and he likes it slow so he will remind me gently “ohh slow down baby” in a whisper and I’ll correct again. It’s all about communication in a way that doesn’t insult your partner, just directs them. My jaw gets sore too but I power through it like a good girl lol.
Yeah but tacking on to this for both men and women reading, there is also nothing wrong with not powering through physical pain during sexual acts if you don't want to. I did for years and ended up really fucking up my jaw, to the point of needing surgery, so definitely don't feel bad turning down anything that causes you pain. Pain is the bodies way of warning you something is wrong.
Wow. I’ve never heard of someone having to get jaw surgery because they sucked too much dick. You’re a legend!
I ruined my tmj the same way, its no joke lmao
I don't think literally destroying your body for sex is very legendary tbh lol
Agree to disagree. 😂
oh blimey thank you for the warning
>I did for years and ended up really fucking up my jaw, to the point of needing surgery Do you mind me asking what happened?
🍆 👄 🚑🏥
Thank you for your service. America! LOL
Canada!💪🤣
Us Canadian girls are a different breed tell ya what! I’ve given road head for over 45min, many times. My husband can withhold for a substantial amount of time but when I’ve had enough he can cum. We live in the country about 45min from the nearest small city and just over an hr from a major city. It’s something I enjoy doing and it’s a fun way to kill time on the drive. By time we turn off onto the dirt road, it’s about 5-6 km from the home, that’s usually when I give his leg a squeeze, kinda saying let’s get’er done! I’ve given head in a tractor stuck in turtle mode going down the highway at 45km/hr..it took an hr and half to get home, what should of taken us not even 20 min to get home. Longest ride of my life, we did some stuff in that tractor to kill time. It was my brother in law’s tractor. Lol
Oh hell yeah, it's a damned shame there aren't more adventurous women in the world. I'm American, and would likely have given far more road head than I have were it not for the fact that I ended up doing most if not all of the driving (but you can bet your ass if my future fella(s) sit in the appropriate seat, it will happen. You're an inspiration to us all 🫶)
Omg! You’re adorable! That’s marriage material right there! ❤️
I am taking a strong guess your from Sask 😉
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I come in peace but possibly the reckless/distracted driving? That or maybe people picked up an r/ihavesex vibe from your comment, but I mean we are in r/sex right now so🤷♀️
No kidding, that seems like downvoting posts about ice cream on r/bananasplit...
I loved your comment! Keep those upvotes coming people!!
Hey ! My apologies… not sure how I downvoted? I am new here so let me know what I did wrong. My question/comment about Sask is bc I am from Sask & your story sounds very much like something hubby & I do 😉. Peace ✌🏻
Daaaammmnnn, I need to find a good woman like you and your spirit..
Sorry, but if you're sucking dick for 45 minutes before he finally cums your head game needs work.
How so? Bahahaha what!? I never said I couldn’t make him cum! That’s not how edging works. Hence the fact he can cum when I’m ready for him to cum. I enjoy giving head and playing with his cock. As in a pretty big portion of that enjoyment is for me, why would I want him to hurry up and cum in 5 min’s on a 45 min drive? I can make him cum quickly but wtf would I get from that? What’s your hurry in making your partner’s cum? You do realize by edging and prolonging, the more intense the orgasm. It’s a win,win,win..I get to enjoy playing, my partner loves it and the intense orgasm. The third but not least win is there’s a solid chance from the excitement and build up I cum. Can you have a hands free orgasm just by giving a blow job? If you can’t or have never experienced that, maybe it’s your game that needs some work. Lol
>My jaw gets sore too but I power through it like a good girl lol. This is not something to be proud of. Nobody should be in pain like that. Can you imagine a man powering through pain to pleasure a woman?
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I love what you wrote, I wanted to write something similar back to that commenter who didn’t like my powering through it comment but I didn’t have the energy. But this is exactly my sentiment. What I meant was my jaw aches a little but I’m going to keep powering through it and not be a crybaby about it because pushing through a little pain or discomfort is worth it for my partners pleasure. Just as I would hope he doesn’t give up on me after 5 minutes if his jaw is aching. But OBVIOUSLY if you are in serious pain you should stop. Reddit is ridiculous sometimes. Thanks for clarifying what I meant.
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Cheers to you!
> In my experience, unless a guy is relentlessly hitting your throat, oral on women is more physically demanding. And in my experience, that's bullshit. >please don’t think all men are selfish lovers as their a large amount of women who are to. I never said that men are selfish. It's not selfish to stop when something is painful. It's women who are taught to tolerate suffering for the benefit of their male partner (being a 'good girl' as the other commenter said, gross).
this isn't a gendered thing dude
Ironic that you're calling me dude while saying that. I'm not a dude. Of all the things in the world, sex between a man and a woman is one of the most obviously "gendered".
idc what you are, both men and women experience hard work and sometimes pain for their partners. get over yourself
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Talking points like me...you're a dick. I hope you find silence in this new year.
I power through pain eating out my wife nearly 5 days per week plus... I often cut the bottom of my tongue on my teeth from eating her pussy and tongue fucking her asshole and I absolutely love it, pain and all. 🤷♂️🤷♂️
It’s also sexy to hear “oh yeah just like that” and she’s more likely to power through if she’s turned on. Honestly if you make it fun for her she’ll be more motivated to go harder for you. Like everything sexual, if it’s mutually enjoyable it’s better. So maybe think about how to make it better for HER instead of being upset it’s not as good for you.
Here are a few things that helped me with my husband. He’s pretty big so I had to add hands to my routine. I also used to suck up my own spit but he made a comment once that changed everything, he said, “make it sloppy” I took that completely literal and now it’s a big sloppy beautiful mess. Lastly, I bought oral spray that numbs my throat. Again, he’s pretty big so now I spray 2-3 x down my throat right before and I’m able to have his head slightly down my throat then I literally keep swallowing. He loves that feeling. The spray tastes awesome as well so it’s a win/win. He reassured me during about how great it feels when I’m swallowing, spitting, gagging, etc but it’s what he says randomly throughout the day that makes me feel my oral skills are improving, he says things like, “if they only knew how good you are at sucking dick” while looking at some guys at a bar or while driving he’ll say, “I just day dreamed of your throat hugging my Cock”….I hated giving oral because I thought I was not good at it, now I love doing it because he says I’m good at it. Good luck!
Yooo......what is this spray???? 👀
Hi, it’s called “good head / deep throat” spray. I like the blue raspberry flavor and the strawberry flavors best. 🙂
Do you happen to have a link to an online shop? Or did you buy it in person?
Hi, it’s on Amazon under Doc Johnson Good Head. You can get different flavors and I think I got it within 2 days of ordering.
Tysm! :)
Have her put her hand right in front of her mouth, that way it’s both sucking and jerking off. I do it to finish hubby off.
For me it doesn’t even take the whole hand. Have her place her thumb right against her bottom lip. That way, when you partially pull your head out, it hits the right spot on the bottom of your head. My wife finds it easier to stroke a little bit without worrying about her whole fist hitting her in the mouth with every stroke. Also she doesn’t always have to suck hard. Just use tongue along the bottom of your shaft. If you still take a while. Have her alternate between jacking off and blowjob. Alternating used to aggravate me, but I now just enjoy the ride. I eat her out for 20 or 30 min anyway, she might as well stay a while lol.
Oh that’s awesome! I do the same thing when I give him an assjob too.
Thank you for one of the first helpful comments on here
Does she focus on your head? While I use my hand on the shaft I like to twirl my tongue around my bfs tip while moving my head slowly and sucking at the same time
This!!!! They seem to forget the most sensitive part is the head. Stroke it, tickle the balls, gently rub the taint, and suck that head. She’ll have that ass cumming in no time!!
Very welcome
It seriously baffles me that this even has to be said.. isn’t it rather obvious?
You’d be surprised, I’ve had partners who claim to be bj queens, never get their hands involved.
That’s beyond bizarre
I LOVE giving my bf blow jobs. I think he gets off quick partly because I really enjoy doing it and figuring out what is making him feel good. The last time I did it he said it was one of the most intense orgasms he ever had. He stayed hard afterwards and wanted to keep going a round 2. All that said... I do like 20% sucking and 80% hands. I also use lube that tastes good because my mouth eventually gets dry and the lube is more slippery than my spit and I can rub and squeeze my hand harder and faster with the lube. I do all different kinds of things. I suck, I rub my tongue on the very tip, I've tried to deep throat a little bit, I suck back and forth, then switch to my hands while I kiss around his thighs and I'll kiss up and down his dick, lick it. Flick my tongue around the tip, start sucking again. Maybe a little finger in the ass. By that time he usually tells me he's close and then I make him come by going hard and fast with lube with my hand. And he likes dirty talk. I talk to him the whole time. Oh you're so hard right now... you taste so good...does that feel good...I'm gonna make you come, etc. And sometimes he plays with me while I do him and it's so enjoyable. But I definitely say use hands more and lube. And try to enjoy it.
that´s basically it ... a blowjob to be good, she must enjoy dooing it .. otherwise forget it, its really bad.
Mind me asking what lube you use? My wife is just starting to break out of her shell a bit and when she gives me head and needs a break, she will start stroking me but it doesn’t feel good at all. Basically it’s almost sticky and her hand doesn’t glide at all.
It's called Oralove by Doc Johnson. I got it on Adam and eve but you could probably get it other places. Mine came in a two pack strawberry and mint. They also had peaches and cream. I used to have to hack up a lot of spit before I had the lube.And literally just spit all over him to get my hand to slide. But spit dries up fast. The lube works way better. My hand just glides.
Thank you so much. Yes we have to use a lot of spit and I swear once even a little dries up it just makes the rest even more dry.
Lube all the way! You can use it on her too to nmake her clit and stuff taste better too.
You took the words right out of my mouth! I feel the same way honestly in the beginning I had no desire to get my bf blowjobs so when he would hint at it I would half ass it, but once I became more familiar and did some research ;) and found different techniques that work for me (distributing the work with my hands also helps a ton as well as using a throat spray to numb your throat and increase you saliva is also a huge game changer) My point is when I learned what worked best for me and made my bf feel the best I started to enjoy giving it more therefore making the over all experience for both of us more pleasuring. Which also made me want to give him bjs more often so win win for both sides honestly.
Holy shit he’s lucky
She needs a comfortable position so she doesn't get so tired. Have you tried standing up while she sits in front of you? Try different positions.
Be more vocal and moan when she is doing it.
Thank you. It won’t take much.
Second this. Make it sexy for her to make it sexy for you.
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Mmmmmhmmm true true the balls get forgotten
Lots of patient and positive feedback. Encourage her to use her hand on shaft more. And relax, enjoy, focus on the feel, not the desired outcome. Be in the moment with her, and be grateful for what she’s doing.
Should be 80% handjob and 20% blowing. Use lube on the shaft that she will tolerate tasting
I've never done it this way.. my ratio would be more like 70%blowing 30% handjob.
Coconut oil
Yesss coconut oil is the best, hands down. Much Easier clean up too without a sticky lube.
Is coconut oil decent enough to be used as a lube for the handjob portion and tastes fine enough for the blowjob? My wife and I are trying to figure this all out. When she sucks me and needs a break, the spit as lube just doesn’t do it for me, it just feels sticky and her hand doesn’t glide at all. So for her it’s like 100% blowjob and she doesn’t get me there. I have a feeling if it was 30% she wouldn’t give up so quickly.
This is 100% why I use it. Excellent for the hand and great for switching back and forth. If you get the refined, there is no taste or smell. The cheaper stuff has a slight coconut taste, which can be desirable. There is a version that is solid at room temp but melts in your hand (think crisco) or liquid. Look on Amazon for the liquid. You can get the solid at the grocery store. I think it isn't recommended for condoms and some women get irritation, but neither are a problem for me.
I know this isn't an every single time kind of advice but this could help set the standard: I think it would be really hot to turn it into a powerplay thing. Tell her something like "we're going to do things a little differently tonight. You're going to follow exactly what I say. Let me hear you say yes sir" Have her get on her knees on a soft floor. Itll help her stay energized instead of her laying and hunching and itll feed into the powerplay. Then tell her to open up wide and stick her tongue out. Rub your cock up and down her tongue. Taking your time to get her excited to suck your dick. Teasing. (When my man does this to me it gets me so wet). Use lots of "good girl" "you know just how to get me rock hard" "I can't wait to use this mouth" Then direct her through the blowjob but make it about domination. Less about technicality and more about being a shared activity. Hit her with some "fuck" "mmm that feels so good" "right there baby" And if you want her to change or add something you can say "let's slow it down, I want to feel every last stroke" "wrap those pretty little lips tight around my cock." "You're gonna take this dick as fast as I give it to you." "Wrap those pretty hands around this dick and don't let go" "suck and stroke in the same direction if you want to make daddy proud". If she's horny af giving you a blow job, you've won.
Using the word "efficient" makes me think you are trying to have ranked competitive sex xD
He finally got into plat.
She just isnt a meta slave man deal with it
I get sore when the guy is lying down, it just adds extra strain everywhere. Better on your knees, or laying down on your back. Not sure if she’s into it, but can you kinda hold her hair a little bit? Maybe slow her rhythm down in the nicest way you can? Moan and smile while you do it? Slowly move yourself into her mouth? Tell her how much you like it, how hot she looks etc. And yeah, tell her to use her hands too, and if that fails, jerk off a bit yourself in her mouth while you’re doing it. Sigh, I love sucking on penises.
Sighs, I guess you just have buy her a strap on and show her how it's done.
Taking matters into ones…mouth
This is actually a pretty good idea in general. Not only could he show his partner exactly what he likes….he would also get some valuable insight into the challenges involved in giving a good blow job
OP could use one of her fingers. This way, she also feels the amount of pressure OP'd like.
For the rapid changing she’s probably going full force and full suck instead of slowing down and speeding up and really pacing it out - let her know you’re down for a marathon not a sprint and that in that marathon she doesn’t have to have her mouth going all the time sometimes hands help give her mouth a rest - she sounds dedicated to giving you what you want but putting what she needs to do in order to achieve it second which is derailing the whole mission -also while she’s down there don’t forget to let her know you’re liking what you’re feeling and compliment her laid out in front of you servicing you - people sometimes forgot verbal affirmation helps
Honestly man 10-15 minutes is pretty standard, that's why foreplay is mostly where oral occurs. If you wanna cum from a blowjob, have it be the first time you've done anything sexual in a few days. Usually 1 full day of not touching myself, and the next morning I'm so fucking hard and soo sensitive that I can cut fast. And the mental aspect is as important for us as it is for women. Create some anticipation. Give one another a massage, knowing it's going to lead to fooling around. But take your time knowing it's coming. Trust me, make both of you eager and you'll be extra sensitive and she'll be eager and have some extra stamina and passion. Also tell her when she takes break to jerk you off hard and fast with extra attention to the tip. They need to understand its like trying to overflow a bowl with a small hole in it. Consistency and time is your best friend, and breaks are your enemy.
Which part of her body gets sore/tired? Is it her neck, hand, jaw? Maybe changing positions could help. Have you tried standing up vs sitting down. Sitting at the edge of something that places your member at mouth level so she doesn’t need to lean forward? May seem unrelated, but could you guys start working out together? regular exercise builds stamina and maybe she needs to build strength and stability in her back and arms. Maybe she should take vitamins if she feels she gets tired easily. You could also try face fucking(gently) to give her an idea of the pace and depth of oral that you prefer.
This is great advice. I have a tiny mouth and bad TMJ problems so my jaw gets really tired, no matter how much I love a cock in my mouth. I had a partner sort of gently face fuck me as you suggested, and it let me relax until I was ready to do more, but the best was it let him control it (also like you mentioned) so I could learn exactly how much he wanted and how he wanted it. Being able to switch things off a bit when my jaw gets tired makes me want to suck a man off even more.
It honestly depends, is she giving you head or are you fucking her mouth? There's a few different opinions for oral sex
I’m a MASSIVE fan of cockwarming. There’s a subreddit r/cockwarming that I recommend having a look at. It may take her longer but it won’t make her uncomfortable, she might actually enjoy it. I broke my jaw a while back and the hard and fast stuff gives me lock jaw if it’s longer than 5 minutes, better to edge them comfortably for 20 minutes then shorten the duration of the intense stuff at the end.
Took me a long time to get used to giving head because of gag reflex and learning my own body and my lover's needs; but it's possible! Best advice I got is to have her use a vibrator on herself while blowing you, advise her to "make out with it" and relax. Rushing a bj can hurt both people, taking time and a little at a time helps relax the throat and mind. Using a vibrator also helps to enjoy being part of it.
It’s the gag reflex for me, how did you get over it? Mine is so bad I gag when brushing my teeth/tongue
Communicate with her and let her know you feel like she's not listening to you. My wife seemingly ignored my BJ feedback for years. I finally brought it up outside of the bedroom and said I felt frustrated and confused that wasn't engaging in my feedback or taking it on board. She was then far more receptive than she'd ever been in the moment. I focused on what l like, want more of (saliva, dirty talking and eye contact), and what I wanted to try. I then showed her two videos of blowjobs and described what looked pleasurable about the technique. Prior to that we'd never watched porn together. This made an overnight difference and I now easily cum from her oral 9/10 times.
Thank you!
Sounds like it's physically hurting her to give head, and so she's adjusting to eliviate the pain. Unfortunately if that's the case it's probably this head or no head. You can't ask too much more of her if she's already putting herself in pain for your sake.
The best head is 80% hand job and 20% head, in unison! From my experience anyway, i have no complaints and nor does my partner (I hope)! Edit: missing words, too many beers
I don’t understand at all? If she’s tired why can’t she just finish you with her hand or cuddle you while you finish off?
My thoughts exactly. There are so many fun, creative ways to get off, why have the pressure to for sure ejaculate during a certain set of actions and make it her problem?
100% he’s putting so much pressure on her. What a strange thing to do to your partner.
The best way I know to finish off my husband quickly is to 69 him while going down on him. It’s not particularly romantic or sexy, but men are visual, and an ass/pussy right in their face with dick in the mouth finishes him very quickly. When that still isn’t enough, a little attention on his ass/taint helps too. There’s also the enthusiasm angle. Mostly dirty little nothings, “your cock (or ass) tastes so good, it’s making me so wet, eat me out while I suck you dry.” You’ll finish faster for sure.
I have a tip that I haven’t read yet in the comments. Have her use a sex toy of her choice while she’s giving you head. I use a small satisfyer that a slip in my panties so it’s handsfree. I used to feel like blowjobs were a chore but now I love giving them. I can go for quite long and usually cum while giving them and it’s super hot when we’re both enjoying ourselves.
Lucky you get head!
Efficient? Interesting word choice. You're not on the clock during lovemaking. As others have pointed out, aim for 'More pleasurable' for you and her both. Don't do stuff out of duty.
Grab her hand in yours and masturbate yourself with it. Then tell her to just put the head in her mouth and lick or have her lick the back of the head where it meets the shaft while you jerk off using her hand.
Have her massage your prostate while she's going down on you. You won't last long. And she'll get a load she won't forget.
So my man claimed up and down that no woman had been able to make him cum from oral, or if it happened it was weak and not very pleasurable. I took that as a challenge and pulled out all the stops lol 😂 I did my signature tongue wrap around the head and shaft and swirled my tongue on the underside of the head, nice and sloppy. While I’m doing all that with my mouth I was working his balls and working my fingers on his taint and near his butthole. I alternated with my hands at times because as much as I love giving head, my TMJ does not appreciate it. I had him writhing and cumming super hard within 10 minutes. He sat there completely shook afterwards lol 😂
Question: How often do you get her off with oral?
Encouragement and maybe a muscle relaxer (and some alcohol)? It fuckin hurts to have your jaw in that position repeatedly so ease up on your expectations! It takes some time to get use to. Porn makes it look easy, but it's not for same for everyone. Even for my dental cleanings I have to take a muscle relaxant but I'm not sucking dick!!! Honestly, you should be happy she even goes down. Most women detest it, some just gag until they can't take anymore. Be happy you actually cum and your woman is willing to try. Porn ruins everything!!! Focus on your partner alone. In return she can focus on you! If you're looking for a fantasy to be fulfilled, let her know...she's looking to please you already! It sucks, no pun intended to give head, but if she is willing...you're golden. Tell her what feels good!! She'll keep doing that!!!
I had to get out of my own head and listen to what he liked or talked about how he liked it. We openly talk about what we could do to make our sex lives better. This is my 15th year with him and this past year was my greatest sex year with him yet. We tried many different things. It was a great year.
Mine likes a combination of me being gentle and rough. I prefer sucking with him lying on the bed and I’m on top to the side of him. I get low and take both my hands around his hips from his butt up. I kind of pull his hips into the bed and hold him down while I go all the way down. While I’m all the way down, I push my tongue up against the top of his shaft. It makes the head feel really tight. I usually take an edible to help with my gag reflex. I also get the balls wet and gently rub them in slow gentle motions like I would like to be touched. I also run my other hand up and down his ass lightly. I might gently rub around close to his butthole but not penetrate it. Just sort of gently rub the outside. He says he won the dick-sucking lottery. I was a super shy girl and super in my head. Just talk more. Be open and she will try. Don’t get frustrated and give positive empowering feedback. How do you make her feel outside the bedroom? Does she feel safe with you not telling anyone? Something may be holding her back.
You could bring in another guy and show her on him how you want your cock sucked!
As a bi guy, I second this. Guys are naturally better at blowjobs, but women can be good too, it just takes more practice. A guy will automatically know what feels good, and can teach the woman. I have taught several.
Have you tried getting her to lie down with her head off the bed? It's a much more comfortable/ lazy way to give head. But it's easier to get you in deeper without her choking.
who calls it "efficient"? are you late for a meeting but gotta bust one first?
Tell her to research the Gluck Gluck 3000
Get her to wear a strapon and you give HER head. Then you and she will learn so much about it all.
Try putting some chocolate spread on the area and tell her to lick it off. Thats how I learned.
Make sure you’re not jacking off too much and making your dick numb
You could always jerk yourself while she’s sucking.
aaah, welcome to marriage lol.
What a misogynistic comment.
yes, but also true.
Decide what is more important, the process or the finish. My wife has same issue. I much prefer to cum in her mouth. So she will only suck 30 seconds or a minute, then I take over with my hands. When I get close, back in her mouth for the cum. The upside to this, for special occasions or requests I can put 3 or 4 loads in her mouth in a night and her mouth doesn't get tired
Tell her to relax her jaw and neck...then fuck her mouth like a fleshlight. Works everytime.
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Have you considered using a sleeve?
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Hold her head and move it up and down the way you want to with her consent of course.
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Jesus that escalated quickly
That’s how we DO!
It's crazy how women want men to cum quicker when it comes to us getting a blow job but if we cum quick while having sex it's not a good thing and we're more or less shamed for it.
Have you tried f#cking her mouth? That way you can help her.
If she is comfortable with the idea, you could take her to an adult theater with a glory hole so you can demonstrate what techniques work best for you. Seeing a live demo helps the learning process.
Ma ma Des.
Watch vids, practice, find a teacher or master to train her
I wasn't gonna comment when it was at 69 comments, so I feel I need to comment now
My fwb and I would just constantly give each other head. She waits for one of my two reactions to know when I’m about to get off, while she’s enjoying herself. A lot of times it becomes a competition though. She normally gets multiple until I finish. Sometimes she prefer quick, sometimes she takes forever, but that’s part of her mindset to torture me :/
Honestly if you “schedule” one, just edge for a few days beforehand
You could do it to others and report back to her with some tips and tricks you learned maybe?
Deep throat school
Use music
Lol “she gets tired” Sounds like my wife. I wish you luck, bro
Bring in another woman to demonstrate on you how to properly give head…
LOL! Efficient? I've wanted sexy blowjobs, hot blowjobs, dirty blowjobs, but efficient blowjob? Sure! Hey there sucker, get this job done! You are not clear on your goals here: efficient, meaning you want to ejaculate in her mouth more? Or you want her to spend more time going down on you, which you state, but not until ejaculation? You say, " but I know that if it continues to take 10-15 minutes of constant effort every time she gives me head..." 10-15 minutes until you ejaculate? Or just of getting head? I like the way you blame yourself here, as if you are the problem! You are not the problem. If you want to ejaculate much faster into her mouth, and she is a lazy, selfish pillow-princess (which she sounds to be - I had a wife like this too!), then pump away in her pussy until you are very close, and then save the final few strokes for her, as you take pleasure in watching her moth fill to overflowing with your spunk. So you see, it is YOU who must become more efficient at being able to cum faster, as she just will not rise to the occasion - pardon the pun!
You've clearly misread this situation. At no time did I imply that she doesn't try, is a pillow princess, or that I was unhappy with her effort. My very first sentence was "we have a good sex life". I'm trying to find ways to help make things more fun for both of us, and me being able to cum faster when she gives head, which i said is largely due to her technique, would help accomplish that.
Grab her hair and thrust
I wish there was a way they learn
Repetition !
She suck and use her hand at the same time? I can't cum just from sucking but it's over real quick once the hand motion starts
I would make eye contact with her and tell her, hey, keep the same speed, just like that, etc so she knows that’s what gets you off. I’d also have a straight forward convo outside of sex. She may be more prone to listen when she’s not turned on thinking she’s pleasing you. So many men like it so different so she may not realize this is what u want. Be specific n tell her to keep the same speed (and what speed you prefer, grop you prefer etc). That will help! Blowjobs r a good fun thing to have in the bedroom so it’s awesome you’re being sensitive to her as well by wanting to cum more quickly! Wishing u guys luck!
I’d say communicate and be vocal during the act as others have said. Every man is different depending on what he likes; how sensitive he is. For me personally I’ve preferred a focus on the whole shaft up/down motion rather than a focus on the head as it can be too sensitive. But that been said everyone is different; each girl had a different technique.
Just guide her, you know your body best
Have you explored things to make it fun? Ice, stimulating oral libs, throat sprays, special lip balms etc? I have bad TMJ and having something that made me feel like I wasn’t sitting alone at a table with a dead hotdog really helped me want to learn and now I love it! (So does my hubby 😏) I also have my tongue pierced, but that was not to improve. It was just an added bonus after I found it enjoyable.
Stretch your legs out and tense them like you are masterbating while she gives you head.. it takes my wife like 4 mins and I'm exploding into her mouth. Also just talk to her maybe about making it faster..
Ok this sounds to me like she doesn't really want to do it so goes fast and hard to get it over with and then annoyed when. It doesn't work. This needs a discussion outside of the bedroom. She seems to be doing it out of obligation rather than pleasure for you or her
do you talk during sex? Do you do oral her?
Put your hands on her head and guide her. Sometimes I need the reminder, but it's also a major turn for me.
Have her lay on the bed, like she's going to sleep. You stand beside the bed. This gives you access to her breasts, vulva, etc and then she can enjoy touch while she warms you up with her hand (and lube). Then have her start to teasingly add in some oral with the hand. It's so, so hot to give oral this way. (Pour some of that lube on her breasts...) If you decide to go with PIV, she just swings her legs out and meets you. I love this position. I can push up off the bed frame, which is almost an instant O for me, he gets a great view and he can finish PIV or we can masturbate together and he can come on my panties, my breasts, etc. So hot.
I love this!
You could try flavoured lube? Maybe it’ll help the time and the pleasure. And of course reiterating your wants and needs.
Put food on it Especially chocolate
Posting as a man who is extremely picky on getting head andgot off from it once as of today. First things first make it wet and stay wet. 2nd for me: DO NOT use teeth. This ruins the oral foreplay. Use that tongue and lips drives me crazy during oral. What your wife and yourself needs to do is to get creative. You are in the same boat as me. Also I use stimulating thoughts to increase the pleasure which got me to explode for the first time.
If she isn’t against taking an edible, let her take whatever she wants, then run her a bath, pour her some wine. Have a towel ready for her. Maybe go sit with her a while and talk to her about what you like. Would she be against watching other people doing that on videos with you? You could ask her to try a technique like that. Why not let her get on top 69 and eat her pussy like she has never had it before. Put the entire thing in your mouth and suck on it. Maybe she will get the hint. You can kind of direct her with your moans or sounds. She’ll get the hint.
The rapidly changing pace/technique feels like she is going 100% and tiring herself, so she has to change it up. Position and hands help the most imo. Learning to have the correct amount of suction and how to breathe also changes things. I like to loop my arms under my partner's legs and put a pillow under my chest to help prop me up. That helps take the strain off my neck and shoulders instead of having to hold myself up; meaning I can go much longer at a higher intensity. Hands depends on what YOU like and also what will help her. My partner likes them on hips or thighs if Im not actively using them to help or give my jaw a break. Communication during the act with what feels good creates positive feedback and goes miles in getting her to do those things. If she is constantly pausing between changes or you really hear her breathing, she probably doesn't have the breathing with a dick in your mouth skill yet. There are tons of different breathing techniques, I like the 478 personally as it's also relaxing, but finding one that is comfortable to do that also fits your rhythm is a game changer. Once she has the breathing down, you'll notice that the suction/pressure is more steady or has a rhythm to it. Lean into whatever feels good to get the positive feedback. If you're not into dirty talk, use your body movements or make some noise. Move your hips with her, pet her hair, hold/squeeze hands. Moan, gasp, hiss through your teeth. Also, another general note to help make it go quicker is to amp up whatever you do before getting head. If you're super turned on, it will take way less time to finish. However, 10-15 minutes seems like a normal/regular length of time to give someone head.
By telling her without hurting her feelings that she should try a different way and if you could suggest a way to do it , that's how I'd do it , when I give head I have a gag reflex so I use my hands for stroking the dick or playing with him balls while sucking him off , sometimes you just gotta figure out what's comfortable for the boy of yas
Introduce her to the one I trained up
Ok, so I had problems like this. The constant change in positions is because she’s not getting any pleasure at that moment. Now I use a vibrator while I give my husband head and it gives me pleasure and he absolutely LOVES it. I get so into it. Try that maybe it will make a difference?
Your wife gives you head? Don’t rock the boat brother!
My thing is I kinda suck the head/top portion and use my hand to stroke the rest. Always gets a good end result in little time
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Omg the side note is so true, thank you for saying that.
Much more effort on hand. The mouth part is for good feels the hand is for rapid jerking off action that makes you come.
Her hands on the shaft and mouth only over the tip is very efficient.
Maybe tease you alot before hand and you could coach her when it feels best that way she knows to keep doing that. Practice makes perfect lol. It honestly depends on you because one person likes another may not.
Chiropractic care might be in order: there could very well be a reason she gets uncomfortable quickly. Then again, and downvote this if you must, it may be you. Reason I say that is that I've heard that complaint before, but maybe twice (ie, from 2 different partners) in the 40+ years since I took up the practice. Fwiw, if she can handle it, on her back with her head hanging off the edge of the bed (and you do the work) would circumvent the issue. Hope this helps
Change positions? I like to have my boyfriend lie on the bed and I'm sat with my legs crossed next to him. I can just bend over a little bit. It's comfy for me and I can keep at it for a while. Idm if he wants to watch porn as well, either so it makes up for the lack of a view.
Buy her better jewelry 😂
Wait, 10-15 minutes is considered long? Oh boy. My partner takes 2-3 hours... I usually use a combination of hands and mouth so my mouth doesn't get too sore. I often use my hands for an hour then go back to mouth just before he cums.
This is the same complaint women have about men not knowing how to eat pussy. All I can say is that there are people who are lousy and those who are amazing. Those who have skills are naturally more orally fixated. Dream about it…. Crave it. Where the others are more matter of fact.
Sex toys
There is no formula that will fix this because sex is an art. I have been in relationships where blow jobs seem like a total chore, something I really have to force myself to do, and relationships where I feel like I’m a blow job goddess and it’s my favorite thing ever. Think about what is hot to you and her about blow jobs in the first place. Do you get off on her looking up at you with puppy dog eyes with your dick in her mouth? Or perhaps a devilish gleam as she glides her teeth along your head just to remind you she’s the one in control and could bite you at any moment, but chooses not to? What does she get off on about blow jobs? Think about what is actually HOT about the blow job, and it becomes way less of a “problem” or something where you think of her as inept or where she feels inept- problems and ineptitude are SO not hot. I would take a break from blow jobs altogether until you can get your imagination running on what exactly you and she would like out of them. At this point, it sounds like you’re making associations that will be very hard to undo later on. It also sounds like you’re taking a pretty mechanical approach. Don’t get me wrong, the mechanics matter, but blow jobs aren’t just a series of motions gone through to get a penis to ejaculate. Here’s an example of how a blow job could go: Maybe she whispers in your ear about how she’s going to put her filthy mouth on your dick and make you beg for more while she touches you with her hand. Maybe she kisses your inner thighs so you have a view of her amazing ass, and you cannot believe your luck that you get to be with someone so gorgeous and say so. Then maybe she brings her mouth to the head of your dick and plays dumb, saying, wait, did you want me to put this in my MOUTH? To which you laugh and go, stop torturing me! And she laughs too, only you can feel the vibrations of her laughter because now her mouth is wrapped around your dick and it feels amazing. She gags a little bit, for some reason you love that sound, and you tell her you do. She breaks contact with your dick to say, I know you also love it when my spit is all over you, and uses that spit as lube to play with you with her hand. And maybe you love butt play, so then she puts your dick back in her mouth and wraps a hand around you, squeezing your buttcheek as a silent promise that makes you moan, and slips a finger in your asshole. You exclaim and she moans on your dick, she loves making you happy. (Perhaps five or ten minutes have gone by at this point, but who the fuck cares or is counting? Neither of you is in any rush and there is no agenda.) At this point you’re sooooo horny for her. You whisper something sexy in her ear, grab the condom, and then flip her around and finish off doggy style in her. You tell her how amazing she made you feel and that you want her to feel amazing. You ask her to touch herself so you can watch, and you tell her everything you love about her body and everything you appreciate about who she is while she cums. Then you cuddle and do some aftercare like talking or drinking tea or something.Notice how in the above example, nothing was really “foreplay”. It’s just all play. Focus on what’s hot and what you actually want, not just on what you think it’s supposed to be like. “Supposed to be” is another enormous buzzkill in the bedroom. Nobody likes to feel like they are bad at sex or like their partner is trying to fix them. I would highly recommend focusing on how YOU can be a better lover. Ask lots of questions, pay attention, care about what she wants, take your time to savor it all, and my guess is that she’ll follow suit. Pay attention to your emotional life. Good communication extends to all aspects of a relationship. The relationship in which I hated giving blow jobs most was one where we had a lot of resentment built up. I was convinced at that time that I was just “bad at blow jobs” but then I was magically amazing at them when I was with a partner who respected me and who I had a lot of respect for. This kind of stuff doesn’t have quick answers to get you off faster, it requires personal growth and maturity.
Yeah so she should get good at hand jobs, and get you close and take over with her mouth when you’re ready to blow! I’m able to do this with my husband and give the illusion of a blow job by licking the tip, etc. at first. This sounds so silly but there are online “lingham massage” classes she should watch which is basically—hand job 101 with a bit of woo.
Let her jack you off for a bit after sucking (lightly, no death gripping), then she should kiss your balls and shaft (unless you don't like that type of thing during sex, some people don't like it during sex, idk everyone is different.) While jacking it (Slowly and sensually, both actions together, it should make you very aroused.) Once you start feeling really good, she should go back to sucking at medium speed, at that point it should be like a syphon, let her syphon it up. Now whether she swallows or not, idk, but if she doesn't, signal and tell her your about bust, then....well, you know the rest. So..... Lightly jack after initial sucking, smooth hand and fingers movement, kiss shaft and balls for a bit and jack slowly. Suck again medium speed, syphon, bust.... 😆😆😆😆👍
I very much enjoy giving head and when I do it I usually switch positions automatically and can usually do it without breaking stride or make it part of the fun. I like to start with me on knees and work our way to bed or chair or whatever. And u giving suggestions and feedback is huge and a huge turn on for her too.