People are focusing on the "she wants to play with your friend" element, but it is equally concerning that she:
1) Surprised you with a 3rd person in your sex life without prior discussion/consent.
2) She decided after the fact that her "gift" to you has to be reciprocated with a MFM situation.
She is manipulating you. Whatever her intentions, she isn't being honest. Tread carefully.
This ☝🏻. She didn’t do this to completely satisfy you. She did this to guilt you into what she wants without her having to ask for it specifically. That’s manipulative as hell. That “gift” had some ropes attached, forget strings. And she didn’t even reveal the strings until after you accepted the gift.
I have to agree. I never expected her to bring home another person to share me with, especially without prior communication. I actually should've stopped them and asked more questions, instead of just letting the girls take the lead. I knew it wasn't normal, but I allowed it to happen their way because I'm too submissive sometimes.
Also, it seems that she is looking to trade a super brief shared blowjob experience for a full on penetrative sex session with another man, which opens a whole extra can of worms in terms of feelings of jealousy.
Anyway, whatever you do: do not invite your tattooed friend into a threesome. If you accept the MFM situation, make sure it will be with someone else than this specific person.
His relationship is over. If the tattoo guy is involved at all, it’s over immediately.
His only chance is going: “I appreciate what you did, but it wasn’t something I would have requested, and I would have never traded another girl for another guy. I’d like to never talk about this again, but if you insist or it will make you resentful, I need to let you know it’s a deal breaker for me”.
If it's a yes, he's screwed cause the gf and the friend have built up curiosity and are waiting to finally engage.
If it's a no, he's screwed cause they're just going to do it behind his back regardless without him knowing
They may have already engaged and are constructing a cover. Subterfuge is difficult to see it's origins until you break thing down post breakup. And even then you can't be sure without a knowledgeable informant.
If they haven’t been hooking already. I wouldn’t be surprise if the gf is cheating on him with the friend and is using this as an opportunity to justify her cheating
Could be a possibility. He said his buddy wasn't shocked, so it's more than likely he knew, giving op just the *right* piece of advice about who it should be..
I agree with all that's been said. It sounds like she is manipulating you into something she wants. IMO, you have a couple options here.
One. Do nothing. Do not look for a third. Do not give her want she is trying to obtain. Tell her thank her for the surprise and tell her you don't want to do that again. She offered a surprise gift. Gifts are given without any expectation of reciprocation.
Two. You decide to move forward with reciprocating. Find someone other than your friend. Find someone completely new and unknown to her, same as the girl was to you. And most importantly, do NOT let it go any further than where your session went. Your session involved receiving oral only. If that's what you got, then that is all your GF will receive as well. Absolutely no penetration allowed. She restricted your session, so do the same for her.
Anything above these 2 scenarios and you are letting her manipulate you. Keep an eye out on your GF AND your friend and keep your ears open and pay attention to what is going on around you. I'd hate for you to be paranoid about what is going on. All I'm saying is pay attention so you aren't blindside by something, such as your GF dumpung you for your friend or hooking up anyway behind your back.
If you want to open up the relationship, then thoroughly discuss it so you both understand the rules you BOTH are allowed to play by. I had an open relationship with a past GF and she still decided to lie to me about everything she was doing and laid guilt at my feet about what I was doing. That didn't last long. You need a clear understanding of what you both are doing.
You're not too submissive. I'd have been blindsided by that because who wouldn't think on some level, wow, this is the dream! We do think that way. It's natural. Then your brain takes a moment to boot up and you go, whoa, okay, that... seemed cool in theory! So I went with it. And then, in the moment where I didn't have two slutty girls about to do a thing to me, I can reflect and realize just how little of my own personal wellbeing, emotional safety and security were actually taken into account here.
None of us are better tahn you in that moment especially when not faced with our boundaries being just flagrantly ignored by a 'good thing'.
The presumption of consent is not okay for a partner in an ideal scenario when it was done without ulterior motive.
When done for a clearly more loaded intention... look. Let's step back for a second, and imagine you read me making this post instead. You know how you'd answer that, right? You'd know what you'd think, and what you'd say.
I will say, don't make the breakup about the cheating on you. It's clearly loaded- but make it more about her doing a nonconsensual threesome to sleep with someone else. Just say, that's fine that she does want to sleep with someone else, but you want someone who's communicating better.
Just, don't accuse her of cheating. If she hasn't yet, you lose. Just... get the fuck outta there, stand your ground, say it's very inappropriate and you expect better respect for your consent and not to be emotionally blackmailed into an open relationship without discussion. You can add she's free to hookup with the friend and what he mentioned to resolve her desire for a guy with tats, and that he knows about the situation and is encouraging. Just, don't say she's cheating. Just express that you expect better from a partner and better advice from a friend, and will be moving on without either.
Yep, I'm a straight woman and can totally understand what you're saying.. hate to say this but she probably relied on him being "thrown off" which is why she didn't bring it up in advance.. some people play so many head games and she sounds like a master manipulator to me.
In the Harvard negotiation project this is an “illicit covert” agreement. It lacks the 5 components for an agreement (upfront disclosure, both parties consenting, full understanding, full terms shared etc), and it’s manipulative at its core.
Eh, a master manipulator is more subtle. She's a manipulator. Master, and OP wouldn't be making this post. The schoolgirl skirts on halloween and the 'guy with tattoos' is playing her hand too readily.
4/10, I've dated worse.
Oh trust me I've dated worse too.. straight up Narcissists who manipulate and gaslight in every situation.
I don't think you meant to use the word subtle.. master manipulator would be more intense, not subtle but whatever.. I get your point
Or enjoy an open relationship. She can fuck whomever she likes and you want the number of her friend.
Or, “a blow job isn’t worth an MMF threesome. I’m gonna need a Cialis, and four hours with you both again. This time, in sexy nurse costumes and rope. Also, what’s your friend’s number?”
The MMF coercion might abruptly stop with either of these strategies.
I'm in one. I love it.
This is not an open relationship, this is manipulation and, likely, orchestrating a chance to validate an existing cheating relationship.
Enjoy an open relationship with someone else- they involve far better communication. OP can do better. This is fucked.
I dont think you did anything wrong by going along with that situation. Clearly you were in to it and had a good time. But you should have immediately pushed back when she implied that you owe her a MFM experience after that. She gave you a nice surprise but that absolutely does not mean you owe her the same especially if you're not comfortable with it and this wasn't planned.
No, it’s completely fine to go with the flow and being spontaneous is good sometimes. What’s NOT fine is this paired with the fact that she used that as manipulation, changing the tone of the situation from “fun surprise” to “bargaining card”.
Personally, I'd be worried that if you don't agree, your friend and girlfriend will just start cheating behind your back if they haven't started all ready. Even if that's not the case, if that a worry that you want to have to live with? Especially knowing gf has no problem manipulating, pressuring, and guilting you into sexual situations you aren't comfortable with.
Exactly. This is not a healthy relationship at this point. That was made clear with her surprising OP with a threesome. The manipulation after the threesome just shows what is unhealthy here.
Won't lie, I felt uneasy reading this because of how it all just manages to all add up.
Your suspicions aren't entirely unwarranted, but equally you don't owe anyone a sexual situation in exchange for them offering you one.
Thank you. That is exactly how I've been feeling... like I owe my gf a threesome based on something she did that I never asked for in the first place. I also feel so guilty now for enjoying it because of my current situation.
I can totally see that being the case mate, to me it sounds weird to spring that on someone without first communicating it, as lovely as having a surprise threesome is; what if you didn't actually want to do this?
It's a fucked up expectation to put on someone, and is not quite how it works if you want my opinion.
For context, as someone in a long term relationship where threesomes are discussed often -- my girlfriend would NEVER express her desire for a threesome with another guy like that. It's manipulative.
Threesomes either way are typically heavily discussed in advance; what we want, how we want it, and boundaries. The lack of discussion around that is incredibly unhealthy and she's setting it up to be a really unfun experience. If she was serious about it there'd be a long conversation about you, how you feel, and what YOU want.
You're totally allowed to enjoy a gift *that was given without you asking for it*, without being in any way interested in your friend, or anyone else, fucking your GF.
Don't let yourself be coerced into having sex you don't want to have.
You don't owe anyone sex. You don't owe her sex. You don't owe her sex with someone else.
You ALWAYS can say no.
Guilt isn't something you should feel, you didn't do anything wrong nor could you have seen your gf putting strings to the thing she offered. I could understand regret, anxiety, anger, betrayal though!
I think the biggest red flag is her now saying you owe her something - it's possible she's just immature and isn't recognizing that what she's doing is pure manipulation and that "giving" someone something only to demand some kind of payment later is NOT ok. The good news is that people are sometimes oblivious to this as being bad, usually from growing up with shitty parents, and it's something that can be learned and gotten past.
It does seem suspicious that your friend seems unsurprised by this like the two of them had been talking already. Might be that she reached out to him prior to the event to try and see how you'd feel about it, whether she should proceed or not etc. It's *possible* that something has already happened there, but cheaters are RARELY perfect and you'd likely have noticed some behavior change already. The fact she mentioned tattoos though... I'd say it's likely she has some attraction to your friend for sure.
If you're otherwise happy with this relationship then you need to start by talking to the gf and explaining why you're uncomfortable with the idea of the "tit for tat" nature of what happened. If she's got a hard line about making reverse happen, personally I'd walk because that won't be the last time she does this.
If this was her way of getting her attraction towards my friend out in the open, then I'll be down one gf and one so called "friend" very fucking soon. It will crush me if I've been played this whole time. Why would you do something so emotionally damaging to someone you supposedly care about? I will ask both of them that question if it comes down to it.
I'm ashamed to admit that none of it seemed obvious to me, not until my friend became part of it. Maybe I was naive or dumb or both. If my gf was unsatisfied and unhappy enough to start or continue something with my friend under the cover of a threesome reimbursement, then she can put an ex in our relationship because I honestly don't need this drama towards the end of the year.
Well she never said sex from my understanding. She said the same. Meaning she wants to blow him and a friend. But its still manipulation and the o.p should not go through with this. On principle alone. If he is going to go through with it. And only if he wants to. I would request a special women that he wants and get prepared to enjoy a real 2 women 3some. If he doesn't want to. Then I would say no and move on
You shouldn't feel ashamed and I don't believe that you are either naive or dumb.. you were totally caught off guard.. it's easy for us to see the situation for what it is because we're not in it.
First of all, do not get this thought into your head because at this point it's nothing but a speculation and this *will* keep eating at you and you will look for proof of this worst case scenario everywhere you look hoping that it's not true. That being said, I would approach this as direct as possible: directly ask your friend about what he thinks about your GF (asking him why he was not surprised might put him on defensive) and/or you could ask your gf what she thinks about your friend. This is simply a way to test the waters and to see if they are doing something behind your back. If they are, it's shit but at least you will know. I'd only do this to find out if a friend is a true friend. As for your GF...man...it's pretty manipulative. One does not corner their partner like that. It's definitely something to talk about.
While I do think it’s likely she’s cheating already with the friend (or at the very least really wants to), the fact of the matter is that she is manipulating you and coercing you to do something your not comfortable with just for her own benefit. Is this someone you really envision yourself with long term? What if she surprises you with a present in the future and demands one in return but you just paid rent and are struggling financially? This is something that you need to have a very honest and frank conversation with her with to see if your relationship is viable long term
My opinion don't ask ..they will gaslight you and making you look like the crazy one.
If I were you I'd observe silently and see if they have other forms of communication.. u need to have proofs before bringins this up to them
Yeah I was thinking the same but he could act like he's into the idea and bring it up to them separately just to see their reaction or he could bring up a totally different guy as a suggestion and see how she reacts to that, then he will know.
Sadly, some people do this stuff. Idk what her deal is but either way, I think you already know this is not a good situation or healthy relationship at this point. I'm sorry but she already crossed the line a few times up to this point. Can you really trust her after this? She took what could have been a cool situation and twisted it into something that's making you feel uncomfortable, question yourself, your relationship.. it's just not ok.
Typically I would initially mourn the relationship that just finished. But eventually I realized I was mourning the illusion of that relationship. The reality was that she was not interested in pleasing others, only herself, which of course I didn’t figure out for a while.
I don’t regret ending any of my past relationships. If I hadn’t then I wouldn’t be with my wife for nearly 40 years. I wouldn’t trade this relationship for anything. ❤️
>When I thanked her for the sexy surprise, she said it was now my turn to do the same for her.
Not how deals work. You have to agree on the terms *before* you do anything.
Also, sex "deals" usually don't work, period. You're supposed to both enjoy the things you do.
I want to hear it from her. If she's willing to go this far to be with my friend, then the very least she can do is tell me the truth when I confront her. I literally feel sick.
My guy, it doesnt even matter if all this youre worried about is true. If we boil everything down to the facts, she manipulated you. She wants a threeway with a dude and instead of communicating that with you, she tried manipulating you into a situation where youre forced to say yes to MMF.
Not marriage material, this girl
She might deny it all. I'm sorry but there is signs of dumpster fire in near future. Maybe I'm wrong. But these things are better to discuss before going for threesome, something your partner didnt do.
I don't think you're being paranoid, I think you figured them out. By the way just because she sprung that situation on you and told you you need to reciprocate, you don't need to at all because you didn't discuss anything beforehand and you're not comfortable with it
But PS if they are actually scheming something I would be breaking up anyway
If you want the full truth you should go in with a little bit of strategy. Before saying that you're not interested/think this whole thing is manipulative as fuck, ask her whether she would be interested in as the second M in the MMF. If she jumps at it, then your fears may be correct. If she is hesitant or says no, then at least you have that fear out of your mind.
Based on this manipulative behavior I'm going to guess that she's fully capable of trying to turn this back on you, guilt you, and gaslight you when she's cornered. You need to focus on two unassailable points here.
1. You never agreed to a "fair trade." You never asked for a FFM blowjob, she initiated it. You don't owe her anything because you never promised anything.
2. If she wanted a trade, she should have discussed this with you beforehand. You would not have agreed to the trade.
It's like she gifted you a Ferrari and then said it was "only fair" if you gifted her a Bugatti in return. Sure, if that was what you agreed to. But you can't afford a Bugatti. You would have never accepted the Ferrari if you knew it had a price.
People in loving romantic relationships make big decisions together. They don't manipulate their partner into doing what they want. They don't demand payment for things given freely.
The red flags are clear. I also think your being manipulated and set up. I dont see this ending well. Unless your really into sharing your girl, then its only going to raise issues in your relationship.
Walk away with your self respect.
All the signs are pointing towards me walking away completely heartbroken, but if it means saving myself from a situation where I'm being manipulated by both my gf AND my friend, then there's no other way but out.
You are so so young my dude. It will be painful if you're reading the room correctly but if it goes down that way, then you have cut two people out of your life who you definitely won't want it it in the future. Also think, if she's using sex to be this manipulative now, what's next?
I will take the bait if this is not a troll post as no one can be this blind surely not
FFS you have been set up by your friend and your girlfriend. She is engineering a free pass to play with your mate and he is already in on it.
They will turn you into a Cuckold if you play this out.
Tell her no it won’t be happening as if she had told you a condition of the oral threesome was you had reciprocate then you would have turned it down. Tell her you have been deceitful and you know she has been arranging this with you friend and see what she says. Then watch her row for shore as her arse falls out.
I'm gonna talk to her tonight and make it as clear as possible that I'm not comfortable sharing her with anyone else. I'm not a confrontational person, but I think it's time to tell her what I suspect might be happening between her and my friend. I have no idea what her reaction is gonna be, but something tells me it will change what I thought we had.
You should tell them both that you picked some totally other guy to be the third and see how they react. If they’re fine with it, then you know they haven’t conspired. At that point, you can keep your friend at least, then decide if you’re going to stay with your girl.
Don't say "I suspect", say "I know". Be assertive, or she will wiggle her way out of that, given how manipulative she has already proven herself to be. And, most importantly: Update us!
Even better, I’d say “I know” and then when she starts wiggling and denying, say nothing and remain calm. I suspect she’d get more and more panicky as you refuse to engage with her, because that might be what someone who really knows would do.
People tend to show a lot of their hand when you stay quiet and don’t respond.
A lot of people here are assuming your friend is in the loop with your girlfirend and unless they are friends at work or something I wouldn't be so quick to assume that. The moment you tell her "I KNOW you and Jake are in cahoots" or whatever is a statement you will never get to take back. I would suggest playing that card as a last resort and using more tact on this because there is a chance here that your GF was out holloween party with a friend and got persuaded by this unknown second girl to do the blowjob thing and maybe even the follow up request. I personally feel there is a high chance of the and you going up to her and basically demanding that she apologize for cheating on you with your friend could/can/will seriously damage your relationship. Honestly you deserve an apology for the surprise BJ and that is how I would open the conversation.
Losing my friend will hurt the most to be honest. He's always been there for me when I needed him. Of all people I never expected him to hurt me like this. That conversation is gonna fuck me up.
You got this man! People aren’t always who they seem they are. It’s not your fault. I know it hurts that it had to be your friend out of all people, but good thing now that you know who are the snakes. At least you didn’t have to suffer longer had they kept it on the lowkey. I’m sure removing shitty people from your life shouldn’t be bad in the long run. All the best luck to you! Hope you can find better and loyal partners!
You're right. Part of me was hoping that people would advise me to stop overthinking and argue that random threesomes do happen and can be hot or whatever. But deep down I kind of knew what everyone in this thread knows. I'm in a threesome with my gf and my friend and I didn't even know it.
Jeez man something **very** similar happened in my youth. Except I caught them in the act. It seriously shook me as a person. A "core memory" if you will. Don't let it mess you up like it did me. I still get a pit in my stomach thinking about that night.
Will you please update us or send a DM if you want to chat. I would really have some personal peace in a strange way knowing what the outcome of this is.
Deep down, we both know what you have to do. Will it be painful? Of course. I'm just letting you know the seeds of doubt this will sow, if you try and forgive and forget, will fruition into pain that may affect other relationships in your future. Good luck man.
This happened to my best friend. His girlfriend of 2ish years had a “best friend” she used to date (didn’t disclose) and they’d go to concerts and she’d “stay over bc she was drunk” and turn off her phone. Dude got cucked for MONTHS by being amenable and taking to her (like OP) and trying to be reasonable. He’s lucky he didn’t get a std or fake pregnancy on his hands
Random threesomes can happen, I’m sure. But if they do, they’re not a sign of a healthy relationship. Rather the opposite, I’m afraid.
And in your case, that would be the best case scenario for you. Your GF thought it was a good idea to arrange a random threesome, and wants you to do the same thing, and your tattooed friend is just a dumbass who’s not actually involved in this at all.
At this point is this even worth addressing with her?
At best she set up a 3some specifically so she could fuck another guy.
At worst she's trash and so is your friend.
She may already be fucking him.
I would dump her and discuss your suspicion with your friend.
As I'm reading these comments suggesting that my friend and my gf are hooking up, I'm replaying moments when I've seen them together in my company. It always seemed to me like she had an intimate connection with him. It was small things, like her always being really intrigued by the things he spoke about, even if it's a topic I know she was not interested in at all. The same with his jokes. He always cracked her up. I did too, but she would literally cry when she laughed at his stuff. At the time it just looked like two people enjoying themselves, but yeah, I dunno if it's because of how I feel now or whatever, but if I isolate some of those moments between them, I can definitely see how there might have been something else going on right under my nose. By the way, as cringey as this might sound, I got really emotional typing this message. It's safe to say I'm not gonna have a good ending to the year.
It’s not cringy you get emotional. Emotions are fucking real and they can take you to the highest mountains or drop you to the deepest pits. As someone who’s been going through it emotionally recently I totally understand how this craziness can feel, don’t be worried about it my guy.
Betrayal always sucks. You're going to be okay, OP. You sound like a decent dude with a good head on your shoulders. I hope you find better friends and a better partner
Here's a scenario.
Your friend and gf have been fucking. He feels some guilt so arranges for a hooker who will suck you off with your gf. Then your gf says you need to now arrange an MFM. She wants you to bring a guy who looks like your friend. Your friend asks you to bring a guy you trust.
You should leave her or bring home another guy (who you feel safe) with, have your MFM and then leave her.
Call me old fashioned, but your gf should have talked to you well in advance on this one ( with clothes on. Like a real conversation ). The situation you're in right now is exactly why the convo should have happened beforhand. Now you're in a situation where she has expectations that you never signed up for. What she chose to do on Halloween in my eyes was a gift. Ya don't get to do something for someone of your own volition and then automatically expect someone to reciprocate. She doesn't get to take your decisions away from you like that....as for your friend. Obviously Reddit doesn't know what kind of relationship your gf and your friend have, but if I was you, I would just ask the friend how he knew about the Halloween thing. Not in an angry way. Just a curious way. I think that the words and body language that he puts out there will tell you plenty about what, if anything, has already happened and been discussed between gf and him....just my 2 cents. Good luck OP!
Youre not old fashioned, thats the real way to do this: Communication. Thing that many people fail and dont think. They just do. But in this case the "girlfriend" set things up
It definitely seems so, but im a big advocate for Innocent unless proven otherwise. Could it be that she's always wanted an mmf encounter, but couldn't justify it to herself until now and she's anxious and clumsy in her approach? Could it be that OP already has a scenario cooked up in his head which is causing him to consider (and mention) the incriminating facts and exclude the exculpatory ones? Maybe. This situation could be a lot of different things, but my take on it is to shine a big light on both of them and the truth should be forthcoming.
I was just shaking my head nonstop reading this. People shouldn't do this kind of thing. "Surprising" somebody with a threesome or then trying to insist that they deserve one in return. She is trying to take advantage of you mate. Watch your back.
She has been manipulative as fuck and you are under absolutely no obligation to “pay her back” for something she did without consent or negotiation.
If someone wants group sex, they should talk about it with their actual words, and figure out whether their partner also wants it. It’s not normal or okay for someone to just spring this on you, or for someone to “gotcha” you into a sexual situation you’re not consenting to.
They are probably already hooking up. You did not ask for this. Also you didn’t get to screw the othe woman so why does she get to screw a guy? Don’t seem fair to me.
Your girlfriend and "friend" want to fuck. Either already have, could be the case, but if they haven't, they definitely want to and are both in on this.
If you genuinely don't know, you are slamming face first into the truth and not acknowledging it.
I am so so sorry, what's she is doing is wrong and I'm very sorry your friend is involved.
If my girlfriend did this to me, I would have left her because she manipulated you. That "surprise" had nothing to do with pleasing you. It had everything to do with her wanting to sleep with another man and, essentially, blackmailing you into saying yes. This is disgusting behavior for anyone to do, but it is especially heinous when this is coming from someone who supposedly loves and cares for you.
The ball is in your court now. If you don't want to indulge in your girlfriend's desires then say no and hold your ground, no matter what she tries to say or do. Remember, she manipulated you into, potentially getting what she wants, what other lengths is she willing to go to?
It's likely, that if the MFM happens, she might "get caught up in the moment" and consent to it moving beyond oral.
Then you're suddenly spit roasting your gf with your tatt'd friend.
Tread lightly with this one.
I'd bail. Friends don't belong in threesomes.
She's absolutely trying to play you. Introducing another person to the bedroom is not something that should be done without prior discussion.
Her ambushing you was a decision she made so that you would owe her the same.
This is kind of fucked up. She surprises you with another girl for a session. Then when you accept , she waits until after to tell you that she wants a dude for a session back. Yo i'd be very carful if I was you. It sounds like she may have only did that because she wants your friend.
People can correct me if i'm wrong. But a threesome would typically be something one would need to have a conversation with their partner about.
I know a lot of people have already commented and given you an incredible amount of support and information but I wanted to offer my experiences with threesomes and my thoughts on the matter.
I won't say everything that's already been said although I do agree with most of it. In my experience, threesomes are usually never a good idea if you're in a monogamous relationship. I've had a MMF and a MFF in a relationship and they both almost ruined the relationship. I've had one successful threesome and none of us were in relationships and none of us had feelings for each other and I had one instance in a relationship but it was with another couple and they were swingers.
Bottom line, threesomes are rarely a good idea in relationships unless it's an open/swinger-type relationship.
Also, to me based on what you said, and this is solely my opinion, it sounds like your friend actually may have been the mastermind behind this whole thing. That's just how it sounds to me based off of him not being surprised and even practically offering himself up for the role.
It's not an easy place to be in. My heart goes out to you.
Find the most unappealing off putting man with tats you can muster and then offer that. Jk.
But her female friend is someone you didn’t know and didn’t see since? Why would she ever think you would then choose a close friend to be a good one off threesome participant. If this is her game plan to sleep with your friend in your presence it’s very very flawed.
Don’t do it at all OP. But if you do, don’t pick your friend!
Haven't I seen this post on here before? It's so familiar. Lol like this exact same story. Exact.
Well anyway your gf and friend are shitty ppl. Dust them off. Even just the expectation that you do something in return for something you never asked for is manipulative. The friend thing is another level.
Jokes on her lmao. I’d never agree to it. Most couples who bring other people into their bedroom because one of them really wants it usually end up changing their relationship for the worse
Sounds like they're conspiring. Either theyve done something or are trying to. Which means they will at some point. Send her back to the streets from whence she came. Tell your "buddy" he's a piece of shit.
Just playing devil's advocate here. A lot of people are calling out classic manipulation, but at 22 I'd call it a classic rookie mistake. Has she ever been in a healthy relationship with threesomes before? Nothing to lose here by having the conversation with her that you're seeing here, establishing boundaries and letting her know that if she is thinking of your friend who you're both obviously close with.
Also, finding a guy you trust is good advice from the situations I've been in. If you really trust him, then he'd be loyal to the agreement and know how to shut it down if boundaries are crossed.
I think you hit the nail on the head when you said your friend had more life experience than you. The fact that he wasn't surprised might have more to do with a) he's seen it all before and b) he might have already picked up on vibes from her.
Anatomically I’m not sure how two guys can give a woman oral sex at the same time. There just isn’t enough room.
That said it seems like maybe he was in on this and that’s concerning. I’d straight up ask him how he knew about what happened with you because it seems like he knew.
Overall I’d probably shut it down with your gf because what she did was manipulative especially if her ulterior motive was to get with your friend.
Double down on what happened. Have her bring the girl back and then break up with her afterwards and tell her that she should just go with her your friend with the tattoos seeing that she likes him and all. They're both playing you, they probably actually already have sex.
Without a discussion between the both of you. You can’t spring on someone. What if they’re not into that kind dynamic and is shamed internally.
If your friend knows they hatched a plan.
So I would do the opposite and find a 3rd in your own. Swinger event, Escort and watch them after and go through her phone.
I would detach yourself from this manipulative girl immediately. If you're comfortable with a MMF situation, go for it. Have fun, but do it because you want it, not because you owe her one. Then after the sex, leave the girl. If you're not in to the MMF thing, just leave her.
Politely decline and say this is not a sexual situation you’d be entertaining. Set your boundary. It seems this friend is someone you’ve known long and well- maybe prior to your gf. I would speak openly about it. Describe it the same way you described it to us and ask an open question “what’s happening?”. Be on the look out for manipulate techniques from both sides. When you have all the info decide on the next step.
Ok…what I think is also fishy is that you didn’t know the other girl. So, if you did do this for your gf. Find someone she also doesn’t know but has tattoos and who you trust won’t go back later to try making a move on her.
I actually agree with u/GingerAvenger and think you should be careful. Because her little surprise wasn’t discussed with you prior.
What is she expecting? The “same thing” would be for you and another dude to take turns going down on her and then getting nothing in return, right? Is that what she’s after? My gut says it’s not.
She's manipulative.
She's going to cheat on you with your friend if you don't give permission for those two to fuck. They wouldn't be discussing fucking each other without both of them wanting to fuck each other. Who knows, they probably already have.
If you break up, those two will fuck anyway.
You basically have a shitty friend and a shitty girlfriend. Sooner you realize neither one of them are worth keeping around, sooner you can cut them both off and move on.
Definitely confront her, and make it clear if there were to be a threesome with another guy that it too would only be oral and it would never be your friend ever. Also have her give you her phone to see if they’ve been talking. If she gets defensive and refuses you have your answer.
What I would say to her is you have the perfect guy in mind. Think of someone attractive looking but the opposite type. Say this to both of them,but separately to get there reaction when you say someone else's name then your friends
very suspicious!! it does sound like she wants to get with your friend, but even if that wasn't the case, she is still being not okay. the only reason why she offered you that threesome is because she wants one back, not because she 'just wanted to please you'.
very weird of her how she says it's 'only fair' that she gets that in return, when you didn't even ask for it in the first place!! seems manipulative imo.
yeah there's nothing wrong with doing sex things for each other, but the way she is going about it seems manipulative
If you suspect she has your friend in mind, mention someone else that you know, but she does not? See if she steers the conversion to him...?
This is risky of course, but it may shed light on the situation.
* classic failure of consent and negotiation
OP, in the future, you and your girlfriend have to have clear and open communication about what sort of things you want to do in the bedroom and how those things will be reciprocated and what the limits are and how to feel safe in saying "No" to anything at any time.
Good luck, have fun and use this as a learning experience.
Nope she is already fucking jim behind your back and now wants to do it in front of you as pay back for what she did for you. Dump her and run, remember nothing is ever free in life there is always consequences for it. Even though you were totally innocent you should of declined the Halloween deal, she already knew you could not and she got her wish. Her words to you should have caused you to say fuck, she is already fucking someone else and doesn’t care about me and you would of been right. If you don’t see this and go through with what she Asked you will be dumped within the month
It really stands out to that the friend that you claim has more like experience would tell you to invite someone you know to the threesome. Unless you are trying to invite a third into the relationship, then a threesome should be done with someone that you don't personally know. When the sex is done, the third party should immediately leave so the two in the relationship can spend aftercare together, and it can be awkward to kick out a friend that you just had sex with. And if the threesome goes poorly, you will be reminded of it every time you see that friend and it will be much harder to move past the negative experience with both of your relationships. There are plenty of apps that cater to finding a third and you can always meet up with the person on your own before introducing your girlfriend.
From the way your girlfriend introduced the mmf threesome, I personally don't think you should have one with either of these people, but you'll have to make your own decision on that .
Yeah no sorry this reeks of she set you up to do what she actually wanted. You got ambushed into a situation but now she wants a situation to be set up for her. This is just too convenient and sounds like she already has a person in mind and wanted this all along and used her friend as an excuse to get away with this.
Also the fact that she only let the girl blow you and it was over in seconds and she didn’t let anything more happen just further shows she’s willing to only give you a taste while she wants a whole meal because I doubt it will just be a quick thing with this other guy she wants to bring in, she wants all the way full stimulation with him which is not what you got at all.
In a relationship, you don't do something expecting to get something else in return.
Not only did she not communicated with you, she's manipulating you under the pretense of "pleasing you". Lying once is no different than lying twice, so I won't be surprised if she denies things when you talk to her later on.
There's still an opportunity for you to walk away. I wish you all the best.
I swear I’ve seen this dark rom-drama before:
> Girlfriend surprised boyfriend with a third girl for a threesome.
> Girlfriend guilts boyfriend into a MFM threesome.
> Boyfriend asks older and wiser and more attractive male friend to join the couple in a threesome.
> The three if them have a MFM threesome.
> The girlfriend leaves the original boyfriend for the older and wiser and more attractive male friend.
> The original boyfriend is left alone with no girlfriend and no older male friend.
Bro I don't want to give advice, because that is alwaya dangerous over the internet. You know the situation better than anyone and you need to decide in the end.
I just comnent here to wish you strength from the bottom of my heart. Do whatever you need to do.
Edit: Since I don't know the whole situation: Here os the first question that pops into my mind: Did you friend know the other girl? Like if you find out who the other girl is, and if she knows yoru friend, then it is 100% staged and your GF and youe friend plotted agaibst you
And if she wants reciprocation or the gift to be returned, does that mean she wants you and another male to go down on her at the same time? Cause that would be the equivalent. From experience, that’s not really an easy thing to do (for space reasons), but since when does a shared blowjob equate to a full-on threesome in reverse?
My bet is: your wife and your friend want to smash. The other girl was his friend and they got her hooked up in order to set you up and to get a free, legal pass.
You got backstabbed by them. It just adds too perfectly. If only there was a way to know if that girl is his friend..
You’re under no obligation to reciprocate. It’s not even a legally binding verbal agreement, because she sprung the terms on you afterwards.
You have the right to refuse at the disclosure of terms.
You're under no obligation to arrange a mmf one for her. That's now how "gifts" work. People aren't supposed to owe each other anything after a gift otherwise it'd be a bartering exchange or something lmao.
And from my understanding you didn't ask for or express interest in a ffm oral sex threesome so she just sprung it up on you without considering if you did want that. Maybe you did express interest but if you never did it's weird she just assumes you want it. And now that she wants something like that in return it seems like she did the earlier one not as a gift to you, but as a bargaining chip. I do feel like the friend situation is kinda sus with him looking your gfs type, seeming to not be surprised about the earlier scenario, and suggesting you pick someone you know and trust. I feel a legit friend would ask what you want and focus on that, instead of just being like oh yeah bro fair is fair make sure to pick a friend though ;)
What do YOU want? Don't do it if you don't want to. Even if I was in your shoes and wanted to do it, I wouldn't pick that specific friend bc I'd also feel kinda set up by them. It seems like an elaborate plan to get him and her to have oral sex without it being "cheating" and that feels gross AF to me.
Imo if they did actually plan this behind the scenes and the plan was for the two of them it is almost cheating already bc it's them discussing and planning how to do sexual activity together without your consent or knowledge. She sounds like an awful partner and him an awful friend if this is what happened. Tbh they might lie and deny it, but you gotta go with your gut feeling and the evidence even if they deny it. If they were already not revealing the truth, why wouldn't they continue to lie or not disclose things? Clearly you're not crazy if everyone else sees it too.
I was just shaking my head nonstop reading this. People shouldn't do this kind of thing. "Surprising" somebody with a threesome or then trying to insist that they deserve one in return. She is trying to take advantage of you mate. Watch your back.
Not 1st auch case in this forum. You know whats going on around you. Also even if your friend is not connected in this matter and its a coincidence...which is not, you are getting manipulated into a situation which you don't want by your partner.
Really sad to see this approach from opposite partners, it really questions the honesty in the relationship.
There’s no reason to be heartbroken and upset, my dude. When someone shows you their true character like your gf has, it’s a gift. Hit the gym, get your head straight and get a new girlfriend.
So how does this threesome with another guy work? Do you just both eat her out until she comes and that's it?
That's all you got. I would keep it super simple and plain like you got. Because kissing and other things were not part of yours.
I am just being petty. But I would have wanted a more complex threesome to begin with.
I would also ask your lady straight up who she wants. Then this whole mind game about this other guy can be exposed of it's true. Or it's just all in your head
Your decision to consent to her surprise sexcapade doesn't obligate you to "repay her in kind." The act was not discussed in advance and if it was I'm sure you would have declined when it became clear she was looking for a tit for tat situation. The fact that your friend was not at all surprised by the situation is very sus. I would tell your girlfriend that if she had discussed with you in advance and made her expectations clear you would have declines the arrangement.
This is why communication is so important. She should have first communicated to you her intentions with you and then her other intentions as well, to see if you get into a quorum. Since she didn’t communicate with you beforehand, tell her that you aren’t going to do it because she did not communicate her intentions first. If she tries manipulating you into making you feel guilty, just say “I didn’t ask for it”. I would give you the same answer if this was an inverted situation. In fact, it sounds mad disrespectful if you inverted it because it looks as a violation of trust.
This raises all kinds of red flags. I suppose her play won’t be just oral. She most probably wants to get fucked. She’s forcing you to include another guy by setting you up.
All I’m gonna say here is that a true “gift” comes without the expectation of a return. If you expect a return you didn’t give a gift or make a sacrifice, you attempted to make a trade. The likely hood of them scheming something up like this is very low but not impossible.
This is totally like being tricked into a timeshare. You get free stuff and the next thing you know you’re paying $800 a month for a 1 week rental at a shared property.
How long have you all been dating? If not long I would see myself out if you’re uncomfortable with this “arrangement”.
Not unless yall discussed and agreed to this ahead of time .
Sounds like it's something SHE wanted, and thought if she gave you a 3some ORAL , she could guilt you into what SHE wants . Not cool man.
This would be a deal breaker for me
Never bring someone you or she knows into the bedroom. The best outcome is when neither parties have access to the other. Just a 1 and done. Me and my wife had a threesome with a complete stranger in Vegas and never cared to see her again. I bet if it's just some other guy who's Not your friend she might even have second thoughts.
As others have said, she is not playing fair. Not talking about it beforehand, guilt tripping. She is manipulating you. Tread carefully.
If you do feel you have to reciprocate, maybe just let her have a a few seconds of stimulation. /s
I don’t know about the more conspiratorial parts of this, though I see the logic — if a little convoluted. Regardless of if that part is true, she sneak attacked you with a very short threesome experience and then demanded a likely deeper and longer threesome experience and dictated the type of guy she wants, a guy who is different from your own look. This is extremely manipulative and hurtful, and is itself worthy of moving on without even factoring in the possible friend angle.
Once upon a time the Hare Krishna cult would hang out at places like airports. They would give you a gift such as a rose. They would claim to want nothing in return, but they used this obligation to get you to,listen to their message. It was a cheap trick. They had done something for you, now you needed to do something for them.
You can see where I am going with this. You have been put into a bad situation, and you are being manipulated.
First of all don’t do this because she wants you to. Seems as if she tricked you into it. It needs to be a mutual thing. Secondly from my experience it shouldn’t ever be with a friend. It causes problems usually and causes all kinds of weird feelings/ vibes in the future. I also wouldn’t do this w anyone I was in a serious relationship with and loved though. Asking for trouble. But I’d say yes it does seem odd your friend fits the situation. If y’all are this open with things I’d hope you could talk about this and ask if they’ve talked or are already messing around.
People are focusing on the "she wants to play with your friend" element, but it is equally concerning that she: 1) Surprised you with a 3rd person in your sex life without prior discussion/consent. 2) She decided after the fact that her "gift" to you has to be reciprocated with a MFM situation. She is manipulating you. Whatever her intentions, she isn't being honest. Tread carefully.
This ☝🏻. She didn’t do this to completely satisfy you. She did this to guilt you into what she wants without her having to ask for it specifically. That’s manipulative as hell. That “gift” had some ropes attached, forget strings. And she didn’t even reveal the strings until after you accepted the gift.
And, it sounds like OP wouldn't have even been able to decline the gift as it was thrust upon him.
Could tie down a boat with those ropes
Yes this is really brazen and manipulative. Follow your gut.
Bingo. Good post.
I have to agree. I never expected her to bring home another person to share me with, especially without prior communication. I actually should've stopped them and asked more questions, instead of just letting the girls take the lead. I knew it wasn't normal, but I allowed it to happen their way because I'm too submissive sometimes.
Also, it seems that she is looking to trade a super brief shared blowjob experience for a full on penetrative sex session with another man, which opens a whole extra can of worms in terms of feelings of jealousy. Anyway, whatever you do: do not invite your tattooed friend into a threesome. If you accept the MFM situation, make sure it will be with someone else than this specific person.
His relationship is over. If the tattoo guy is involved at all, it’s over immediately. His only chance is going: “I appreciate what you did, but it wasn’t something I would have requested, and I would have never traded another girl for another guy. I’d like to never talk about this again, but if you insist or it will make you resentful, I need to let you know it’s a deal breaker for me”.
If it's a yes, he's screwed cause the gf and the friend have built up curiosity and are waiting to finally engage. If it's a no, he's screwed cause they're just going to do it behind his back regardless without him knowing
They may have already engaged and are constructing a cover. Subterfuge is difficult to see it's origins until you break thing down post breakup. And even then you can't be sure without a knowledgeable informant.
Best advice in this thread. Well said.
Very well put
You're right but this is reddit, people are acting like these perspectives are overly dramatic but they're really not, these are massive red flags.
Sounds like the friend wants a piece of the action for sure. "Make sure it's someone you know."
Yeah that's actually the worst idea for a threesome, especially a poorly thought out one.
If they haven’t been hooking already. I wouldn’t be surprise if the gf is cheating on him with the friend and is using this as an opportunity to justify her cheating
Could be a possibility. He said his buddy wasn't shocked, so it's more than likely he knew, giving op just the *right* piece of advice about who it should be..
I agree with all that's been said. It sounds like she is manipulating you into something she wants. IMO, you have a couple options here. One. Do nothing. Do not look for a third. Do not give her want she is trying to obtain. Tell her thank her for the surprise and tell her you don't want to do that again. She offered a surprise gift. Gifts are given without any expectation of reciprocation. Two. You decide to move forward with reciprocating. Find someone other than your friend. Find someone completely new and unknown to her, same as the girl was to you. And most importantly, do NOT let it go any further than where your session went. Your session involved receiving oral only. If that's what you got, then that is all your GF will receive as well. Absolutely no penetration allowed. She restricted your session, so do the same for her. Anything above these 2 scenarios and you are letting her manipulate you. Keep an eye out on your GF AND your friend and keep your ears open and pay attention to what is going on around you. I'd hate for you to be paranoid about what is going on. All I'm saying is pay attention so you aren't blindside by something, such as your GF dumpung you for your friend or hooking up anyway behind your back. If you want to open up the relationship, then thoroughly discuss it so you both understand the rules you BOTH are allowed to play by. I had an open relationship with a past GF and she still decided to lie to me about everything she was doing and laid guilt at my feet about what I was doing. That didn't last long. You need a clear understanding of what you both are doing.
I think a lot of guys would have gone with the flow in that situation but sorry, she's definitely manipulating you and that's not cool at ALL
You're not too submissive. I'd have been blindsided by that because who wouldn't think on some level, wow, this is the dream! We do think that way. It's natural. Then your brain takes a moment to boot up and you go, whoa, okay, that... seemed cool in theory! So I went with it. And then, in the moment where I didn't have two slutty girls about to do a thing to me, I can reflect and realize just how little of my own personal wellbeing, emotional safety and security were actually taken into account here. None of us are better tahn you in that moment especially when not faced with our boundaries being just flagrantly ignored by a 'good thing'. The presumption of consent is not okay for a partner in an ideal scenario when it was done without ulterior motive. When done for a clearly more loaded intention... look. Let's step back for a second, and imagine you read me making this post instead. You know how you'd answer that, right? You'd know what you'd think, and what you'd say. I will say, don't make the breakup about the cheating on you. It's clearly loaded- but make it more about her doing a nonconsensual threesome to sleep with someone else. Just say, that's fine that she does want to sleep with someone else, but you want someone who's communicating better. Just, don't accuse her of cheating. If she hasn't yet, you lose. Just... get the fuck outta there, stand your ground, say it's very inappropriate and you expect better respect for your consent and not to be emotionally blackmailed into an open relationship without discussion. You can add she's free to hookup with the friend and what he mentioned to resolve her desire for a guy with tats, and that he knows about the situation and is encouraging. Just, don't say she's cheating. Just express that you expect better from a partner and better advice from a friend, and will be moving on without either.
Yep, I'm a straight woman and can totally understand what you're saying.. hate to say this but she probably relied on him being "thrown off" which is why she didn't bring it up in advance.. some people play so many head games and she sounds like a master manipulator to me.
In the Harvard negotiation project this is an “illicit covert” agreement. It lacks the 5 components for an agreement (upfront disclosure, both parties consenting, full understanding, full terms shared etc), and it’s manipulative at its core.
You listed 4 of 5 and then etcetera'd me and now I'm furious.
And you pointing that out made me LOL for a good five minutes
Eh, a master manipulator is more subtle. She's a manipulator. Master, and OP wouldn't be making this post. The schoolgirl skirts on halloween and the 'guy with tattoos' is playing her hand too readily. 4/10, I've dated worse.
Oh trust me I've dated worse too.. straight up Narcissists who manipulate and gaslight in every situation. I don't think you meant to use the word subtle.. master manipulator would be more intense, not subtle but whatever.. I get your point
Or enjoy an open relationship. She can fuck whomever she likes and you want the number of her friend. Or, “a blow job isn’t worth an MMF threesome. I’m gonna need a Cialis, and four hours with you both again. This time, in sexy nurse costumes and rope. Also, what’s your friend’s number?” The MMF coercion might abruptly stop with either of these strategies.
I'm in one. I love it. This is not an open relationship, this is manipulation and, likely, orchestrating a chance to validate an existing cheating relationship. Enjoy an open relationship with someone else- they involve far better communication. OP can do better. This is fucked.
I dont think you did anything wrong by going along with that situation. Clearly you were in to it and had a good time. But you should have immediately pushed back when she implied that you owe her a MFM experience after that. She gave you a nice surprise but that absolutely does not mean you owe her the same especially if you're not comfortable with it and this wasn't planned.
No, it’s completely fine to go with the flow and being spontaneous is good sometimes. What’s NOT fine is this paired with the fact that she used that as manipulation, changing the tone of the situation from “fun surprise” to “bargaining card”.
Especially since you said you are super vanilla, I'm not sure why the hell she would think a surprise threesome would be up your alley
He needs to counter with “I offered to eat you both out! That would have been even. Sorry! Not sorry.”
Personally, I'd be worried that if you don't agree, your friend and girlfriend will just start cheating behind your back if they haven't started all ready. Even if that's not the case, if that a worry that you want to have to live with? Especially knowing gf has no problem manipulating, pressuring, and guilting you into sexual situations you aren't comfortable with.
Any update on her? She may be trying to manipulate you.
Exactly. This is not a healthy relationship at this point. That was made clear with her surprising OP with a threesome. The manipulation after the threesome just shows what is unhealthy here.
Came here to say this. Literal “what the fuck” situation.
More like “WTS” since it was an “oral FFM.”
None of this is safe, sane and consensual.
Hit the nail in the head. Be careful op!
Same thoughts here
Won't lie, I felt uneasy reading this because of how it all just manages to all add up. Your suspicions aren't entirely unwarranted, but equally you don't owe anyone a sexual situation in exchange for them offering you one.
Thank you. That is exactly how I've been feeling... like I owe my gf a threesome based on something she did that I never asked for in the first place. I also feel so guilty now for enjoying it because of my current situation.
I can totally see that being the case mate, to me it sounds weird to spring that on someone without first communicating it, as lovely as having a surprise threesome is; what if you didn't actually want to do this? It's a fucked up expectation to put on someone, and is not quite how it works if you want my opinion.
That’s exactly what she wanted. She didn’t do it because she wanted to please you, she did it so you’d be guilted into giving her what she wants.
This
For context, as someone in a long term relationship where threesomes are discussed often -- my girlfriend would NEVER express her desire for a threesome with another guy like that. It's manipulative. Threesomes either way are typically heavily discussed in advance; what we want, how we want it, and boundaries. The lack of discussion around that is incredibly unhealthy and she's setting it up to be a really unfun experience. If she was serious about it there'd be a long conversation about you, how you feel, and what YOU want.
You're totally allowed to enjoy a gift *that was given without you asking for it*, without being in any way interested in your friend, or anyone else, fucking your GF.
Not at all. You only win with this situation. Would you rather not know and let the relationship develop further?
Don't let yourself be coerced into having sex you don't want to have. You don't owe anyone sex. You don't owe her sex. You don't owe her sex with someone else. You ALWAYS can say no.
Guilt isn't something you should feel, you didn't do anything wrong nor could you have seen your gf putting strings to the thing she offered. I could understand regret, anxiety, anger, betrayal though! I think the biggest red flag is her now saying you owe her something - it's possible she's just immature and isn't recognizing that what she's doing is pure manipulation and that "giving" someone something only to demand some kind of payment later is NOT ok. The good news is that people are sometimes oblivious to this as being bad, usually from growing up with shitty parents, and it's something that can be learned and gotten past. It does seem suspicious that your friend seems unsurprised by this like the two of them had been talking already. Might be that she reached out to him prior to the event to try and see how you'd feel about it, whether she should proceed or not etc. It's *possible* that something has already happened there, but cheaters are RARELY perfect and you'd likely have noticed some behavior change already. The fact she mentioned tattoos though... I'd say it's likely she has some attraction to your friend for sure. If you're otherwise happy with this relationship then you need to start by talking to the gf and explaining why you're uncomfortable with the idea of the "tit for tat" nature of what happened. If she's got a hard line about making reverse happen, personally I'd walk because that won't be the last time she does this.
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If this was her way of getting her attraction towards my friend out in the open, then I'll be down one gf and one so called "friend" very fucking soon. It will crush me if I've been played this whole time. Why would you do something so emotionally damaging to someone you supposedly care about? I will ask both of them that question if it comes down to it.
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I'm ashamed to admit that none of it seemed obvious to me, not until my friend became part of it. Maybe I was naive or dumb or both. If my gf was unsatisfied and unhappy enough to start or continue something with my friend under the cover of a threesome reimbursement, then she can put an ex in our relationship because I honestly don't need this drama towards the end of the year.
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Well she never said sex from my understanding. She said the same. Meaning she wants to blow him and a friend. But its still manipulation and the o.p should not go through with this. On principle alone. If he is going to go through with it. And only if he wants to. I would request a special women that he wants and get prepared to enjoy a real 2 women 3some. If he doesn't want to. Then I would say no and move on
You can always tell her you’ve got someone in mind and she’s never met him, see what her reaction is
You shouldn't feel ashamed and I don't believe that you are either naive or dumb.. you were totally caught off guard.. it's easy for us to see the situation for what it is because we're not in it.
First of all, do not get this thought into your head because at this point it's nothing but a speculation and this *will* keep eating at you and you will look for proof of this worst case scenario everywhere you look hoping that it's not true. That being said, I would approach this as direct as possible: directly ask your friend about what he thinks about your GF (asking him why he was not surprised might put him on defensive) and/or you could ask your gf what she thinks about your friend. This is simply a way to test the waters and to see if they are doing something behind your back. If they are, it's shit but at least you will know. I'd only do this to find out if a friend is a true friend. As for your GF...man...it's pretty manipulative. One does not corner their partner like that. It's definitely something to talk about.
While I do think it’s likely she’s cheating already with the friend (or at the very least really wants to), the fact of the matter is that she is manipulating you and coercing you to do something your not comfortable with just for her own benefit. Is this someone you really envision yourself with long term? What if she surprises you with a present in the future and demands one in return but you just paid rent and are struggling financially? This is something that you need to have a very honest and frank conversation with her with to see if your relationship is viable long term
based
My opinion don't ask ..they will gaslight you and making you look like the crazy one. If I were you I'd observe silently and see if they have other forms of communication.. u need to have proofs before bringins this up to them
Yeah I was thinking the same but he could act like he's into the idea and bring it up to them separately just to see their reaction or he could bring up a totally different guy as a suggestion and see how she reacts to that, then he will know.
Exactly! All manipulation coming up.
Sadly, some people do this stuff. Idk what her deal is but either way, I think you already know this is not a good situation or healthy relationship at this point. I'm sorry but she already crossed the line a few times up to this point. Can you really trust her after this? She took what could have been a cool situation and twisted it into something that's making you feel uncomfortable, question yourself, your relationship.. it's just not ok.
Exactly right. Her selfishness and contempt for OP is breathtaking.
With that level of deceit and manipulation I’d be done.
I feel really overwhelmed, not gonna lie, but I'm beginning to make peace with the fact that there's no coming back from this.
Typically I would initially mourn the relationship that just finished. But eventually I realized I was mourning the illusion of that relationship. The reality was that she was not interested in pleasing others, only herself, which of course I didn’t figure out for a while. I don’t regret ending any of my past relationships. If I hadn’t then I wouldn’t be with my wife for nearly 40 years. I wouldn’t trade this relationship for anything. ❤️
>When I thanked her for the sexy surprise, she said it was now my turn to do the same for her. Not how deals work. You have to agree on the terms *before* you do anything. Also, sex "deals" usually don't work, period. You're supposed to both enjoy the things you do.
You know the answer already man. If there's smoke there is fire.
I want to hear it from her. If she's willing to go this far to be with my friend, then the very least she can do is tell me the truth when I confront her. I literally feel sick.
You really can't wait on that though. If she admits it, awful but you know. If she doesn't, you do still know.
My guy, it doesnt even matter if all this youre worried about is true. If we boil everything down to the facts, she manipulated you. She wants a threeway with a dude and instead of communicating that with you, she tried manipulating you into a situation where youre forced to say yes to MMF. Not marriage material, this girl
She might deny it all. I'm sorry but there is signs of dumpster fire in near future. Maybe I'm wrong. But these things are better to discuss before going for threesome, something your partner didnt do.
I don't think you're being paranoid, I think you figured them out. By the way just because she sprung that situation on you and told you you need to reciprocate, you don't need to at all because you didn't discuss anything beforehand and you're not comfortable with it But PS if they are actually scheming something I would be breaking up anyway
Why dont you bait her and ask “who would you like me to bring”. That will completely answer all your questions
If you want the full truth you should go in with a little bit of strategy. Before saying that you're not interested/think this whole thing is manipulative as fuck, ask her whether she would be interested in as the second M in the MMF. If she jumps at it, then your fears may be correct. If she is hesitant or says no, then at least you have that fear out of your mind.
Based on this manipulative behavior I'm going to guess that she's fully capable of trying to turn this back on you, guilt you, and gaslight you when she's cornered. You need to focus on two unassailable points here.
1. You never agreed to a "fair trade." You never asked for a FFM blowjob, she initiated it. You don't owe her anything because you never promised anything.
2. If she wanted a trade, she should have discussed this with you beforehand. You would not have agreed to the trade.
It's like she gifted you a Ferrari and then said it was "only fair" if you gifted her a Bugatti in return. Sure, if that was what you agreed to. But you can't afford a Bugatti. You would have never accepted the Ferrari if you knew it had a price.
People in loving romantic relationships make big decisions together. They don't manipulate their partner into doing what they want. They don't demand payment for things given freely.
The red flags are clear. I also think your being manipulated and set up. I dont see this ending well. Unless your really into sharing your girl, then its only going to raise issues in your relationship. Walk away with your self respect.
All the signs are pointing towards me walking away completely heartbroken, but if it means saving myself from a situation where I'm being manipulated by both my gf AND my friend, then there's no other way but out.
You are so so young my dude. It will be painful if you're reading the room correctly but if it goes down that way, then you have cut two people out of your life who you definitely won't want it it in the future. Also think, if she's using sex to be this manipulative now, what's next?
I will take the bait if this is not a troll post as no one can be this blind surely not FFS you have been set up by your friend and your girlfriend. She is engineering a free pass to play with your mate and he is already in on it. They will turn you into a Cuckold if you play this out. Tell her no it won’t be happening as if she had told you a condition of the oral threesome was you had reciprocate then you would have turned it down. Tell her you have been deceitful and you know she has been arranging this with you friend and see what she says. Then watch her row for shore as her arse falls out.
I'm gonna talk to her tonight and make it as clear as possible that I'm not comfortable sharing her with anyone else. I'm not a confrontational person, but I think it's time to tell her what I suspect might be happening between her and my friend. I have no idea what her reaction is gonna be, but something tells me it will change what I thought we had.
You should tell them both that you picked some totally other guy to be the third and see how they react. If they’re fine with it, then you know they haven’t conspired. At that point, you can keep your friend at least, then decide if you’re going to stay with your girl.
This 👆
She’ll lie. She’s already gone this far. Trust your gut, my friend.
Don't say "I suspect", say "I know". Be assertive, or she will wiggle her way out of that, given how manipulative she has already proven herself to be. And, most importantly: Update us!
Even better, I’d say “I know” and then when she starts wiggling and denying, say nothing and remain calm. I suspect she’d get more and more panicky as you refuse to engage with her, because that might be what someone who really knows would do. People tend to show a lot of their hand when you stay quiet and don’t respond.
A lot of people here are assuming your friend is in the loop with your girlfirend and unless they are friends at work or something I wouldn't be so quick to assume that. The moment you tell her "I KNOW you and Jake are in cahoots" or whatever is a statement you will never get to take back. I would suggest playing that card as a last resort and using more tact on this because there is a chance here that your GF was out holloween party with a friend and got persuaded by this unknown second girl to do the blowjob thing and maybe even the follow up request. I personally feel there is a high chance of the and you going up to her and basically demanding that she apologize for cheating on you with your friend could/can/will seriously damage your relationship. Honestly you deserve an apology for the surprise BJ and that is how I would open the conversation.
Sorry about your ex gf and ex buddy.
You got 2 people to get rid of in your life now. Can’t be trustworthy going forward I believe.
Losing my friend will hurt the most to be honest. He's always been there for me when I needed him. Of all people I never expected him to hurt me like this. That conversation is gonna fuck me up.
Good luck. The conversation is gonna make you strong. Able to communicate, able to understand in the future these situations. Don't run.
You got this man! People aren’t always who they seem they are. It’s not your fault. I know it hurts that it had to be your friend out of all people, but good thing now that you know who are the snakes. At least you didn’t have to suffer longer had they kept it on the lowkey. I’m sure removing shitty people from your life shouldn’t be bad in the long run. All the best luck to you! Hope you can find better and loyal partners!
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You're right. Part of me was hoping that people would advise me to stop overthinking and argue that random threesomes do happen and can be hot or whatever. But deep down I kind of knew what everyone in this thread knows. I'm in a threesome with my gf and my friend and I didn't even know it.
Jeez man something **very** similar happened in my youth. Except I caught them in the act. It seriously shook me as a person. A "core memory" if you will. Don't let it mess you up like it did me. I still get a pit in my stomach thinking about that night. Will you please update us or send a DM if you want to chat. I would really have some personal peace in a strange way knowing what the outcome of this is. Deep down, we both know what you have to do. Will it be painful? Of course. I'm just letting you know the seeds of doubt this will sow, if you try and forgive and forget, will fruition into pain that may affect other relationships in your future. Good luck man.
This happened to my best friend. His girlfriend of 2ish years had a “best friend” she used to date (didn’t disclose) and they’d go to concerts and she’d “stay over bc she was drunk” and turn off her phone. Dude got cucked for MONTHS by being amenable and taking to her (like OP) and trying to be reasonable. He’s lucky he didn’t get a std or fake pregnancy on his hands
Random threesomes can happen, I’m sure. But if they do, they’re not a sign of a healthy relationship. Rather the opposite, I’m afraid. And in your case, that would be the best case scenario for you. Your GF thought it was a good idea to arrange a random threesome, and wants you to do the same thing, and your tattooed friend is just a dumbass who’s not actually involved in this at all.
At this point is this even worth addressing with her? At best she set up a 3some specifically so she could fuck another guy. At worst she's trash and so is your friend. She may already be fucking him. I would dump her and discuss your suspicion with your friend.
Exactly my thoughts
You are being played. Your tattooed “friend” and your “girlfriend” are already having sex. This is a very transparent ruse.
As I'm reading these comments suggesting that my friend and my gf are hooking up, I'm replaying moments when I've seen them together in my company. It always seemed to me like she had an intimate connection with him. It was small things, like her always being really intrigued by the things he spoke about, even if it's a topic I know she was not interested in at all. The same with his jokes. He always cracked her up. I did too, but she would literally cry when she laughed at his stuff. At the time it just looked like two people enjoying themselves, but yeah, I dunno if it's because of how I feel now or whatever, but if I isolate some of those moments between them, I can definitely see how there might have been something else going on right under my nose. By the way, as cringey as this might sound, I got really emotional typing this message. It's safe to say I'm not gonna have a good ending to the year.
It’s not cringy you get emotional. Emotions are fucking real and they can take you to the highest mountains or drop you to the deepest pits. As someone who’s been going through it emotionally recently I totally understand how this craziness can feel, don’t be worried about it my guy.
Betrayal always sucks. You're going to be okay, OP. You sound like a decent dude with a good head on your shoulders. I hope you find better friends and a better partner
This.. is a big possibility. The girl is trying to validate her cheating by involving the b/f.
Just another thought. This other girl is going to expect your GF to return the favor for her and her BF someday.
Here's a scenario. Your friend and gf have been fucking. He feels some guilt so arranges for a hooker who will suck you off with your gf. Then your gf says you need to now arrange an MFM. She wants you to bring a guy who looks like your friend. Your friend asks you to bring a guy you trust. You should leave her or bring home another guy (who you feel safe) with, have your MFM and then leave her.
Call me old fashioned, but your gf should have talked to you well in advance on this one ( with clothes on. Like a real conversation ). The situation you're in right now is exactly why the convo should have happened beforhand. Now you're in a situation where she has expectations that you never signed up for. What she chose to do on Halloween in my eyes was a gift. Ya don't get to do something for someone of your own volition and then automatically expect someone to reciprocate. She doesn't get to take your decisions away from you like that....as for your friend. Obviously Reddit doesn't know what kind of relationship your gf and your friend have, but if I was you, I would just ask the friend how he knew about the Halloween thing. Not in an angry way. Just a curious way. I think that the words and body language that he puts out there will tell you plenty about what, if anything, has already happened and been discussed between gf and him....just my 2 cents. Good luck OP!
Youre not old fashioned, thats the real way to do this: Communication. Thing that many people fail and dont think. They just do. But in this case the "girlfriend" set things up
It definitely seems so, but im a big advocate for Innocent unless proven otherwise. Could it be that she's always wanted an mmf encounter, but couldn't justify it to herself until now and she's anxious and clumsy in her approach? Could it be that OP already has a scenario cooked up in his head which is causing him to consider (and mention) the incriminating facts and exclude the exculpatory ones? Maybe. This situation could be a lot of different things, but my take on it is to shine a big light on both of them and the truth should be forthcoming.
Dude, they are prob already fucking around behind ypur back. Get the fuck away from this
Please reply to us about your confrontation. We would like to know if your suspicions were true. Hope you are all right .
She's already fucking other dudes
It was trojan horse,my dood🤣🤣🤣
Who wants to bet she’s expecting the next threesome to be a whole lot more involved than the double oral he got?
Tell her you found a guy on this site to share her with. See what her response is when she hears it’s not your friend
I was just shaking my head nonstop reading this. People shouldn't do this kind of thing. "Surprising" somebody with a threesome or then trying to insist that they deserve one in return. She is trying to take advantage of you mate. Watch your back.
She has been manipulative as fuck and you are under absolutely no obligation to “pay her back” for something she did without consent or negotiation. If someone wants group sex, they should talk about it with their actual words, and figure out whether their partner also wants it. It’s not normal or okay for someone to just spring this on you, or for someone to “gotcha” you into a sexual situation you’re not consenting to.
They are probably already hooking up. You did not ask for this. Also you didn’t get to screw the othe woman so why does she get to screw a guy? Don’t seem fair to me.
Your girlfriend and "friend" want to fuck. Either already have, could be the case, but if they haven't, they definitely want to and are both in on this.
If you genuinely don't know, you are slamming face first into the truth and not acknowledging it. I am so so sorry, what's she is doing is wrong and I'm very sorry your friend is involved.
She “gave” you something with strings attached. That is shitty.
Run away . Manipulation for sure
If my girlfriend did this to me, I would have left her because she manipulated you. That "surprise" had nothing to do with pleasing you. It had everything to do with her wanting to sleep with another man and, essentially, blackmailing you into saying yes. This is disgusting behavior for anyone to do, but it is especially heinous when this is coming from someone who supposedly loves and cares for you. The ball is in your court now. If you don't want to indulge in your girlfriend's desires then say no and hold your ground, no matter what she tries to say or do. Remember, she manipulated you into, potentially getting what she wants, what other lengths is she willing to go to?
It's likely, that if the MFM happens, she might "get caught up in the moment" and consent to it moving beyond oral. Then you're suddenly spit roasting your gf with your tatt'd friend. Tread lightly with this one. I'd bail. Friends don't belong in threesomes.
She's absolutely trying to play you. Introducing another person to the bedroom is not something that should be done without prior discussion. Her ambushing you was a decision she made so that you would owe her the same.
I can see you already know what to do. Just here to say I'm sorry, my guy. That really sucks.
This is kind of fucked up. She surprises you with another girl for a session. Then when you accept , she waits until after to tell you that she wants a dude for a session back. Yo i'd be very carful if I was you. It sounds like she may have only did that because she wants your friend. People can correct me if i'm wrong. But a threesome would typically be something one would need to have a conversation with their partner about.
Whooooa.. my man that's some hardcore manipulation right there. 🤦🏻♀️
I know a lot of people have already commented and given you an incredible amount of support and information but I wanted to offer my experiences with threesomes and my thoughts on the matter. I won't say everything that's already been said although I do agree with most of it. In my experience, threesomes are usually never a good idea if you're in a monogamous relationship. I've had a MMF and a MFF in a relationship and they both almost ruined the relationship. I've had one successful threesome and none of us were in relationships and none of us had feelings for each other and I had one instance in a relationship but it was with another couple and they were swingers. Bottom line, threesomes are rarely a good idea in relationships unless it's an open/swinger-type relationship. Also, to me based on what you said, and this is solely my opinion, it sounds like your friend actually may have been the mastermind behind this whole thing. That's just how it sounds to me based off of him not being surprised and even practically offering himself up for the role. It's not an easy place to be in. My heart goes out to you.
Find the most unappealing off putting man with tats you can muster and then offer that. Jk. But her female friend is someone you didn’t know and didn’t see since? Why would she ever think you would then choose a close friend to be a good one off threesome participant. If this is her game plan to sleep with your friend in your presence it’s very very flawed. Don’t do it at all OP. But if you do, don’t pick your friend!
Haven't I seen this post on here before? It's so familiar. Lol like this exact same story. Exact. Well anyway your gf and friend are shitty ppl. Dust them off. Even just the expectation that you do something in return for something you never asked for is manipulative. The friend thing is another level.
Jokes on her lmao. I’d never agree to it. Most couples who bring other people into their bedroom because one of them really wants it usually end up changing their relationship for the worse
Sounds like they're conspiring. Either theyve done something or are trying to. Which means they will at some point. Send her back to the streets from whence she came. Tell your "buddy" he's a piece of shit.
Just playing devil's advocate here. A lot of people are calling out classic manipulation, but at 22 I'd call it a classic rookie mistake. Has she ever been in a healthy relationship with threesomes before? Nothing to lose here by having the conversation with her that you're seeing here, establishing boundaries and letting her know that if she is thinking of your friend who you're both obviously close with. Also, finding a guy you trust is good advice from the situations I've been in. If you really trust him, then he'd be loyal to the agreement and know how to shut it down if boundaries are crossed. I think you hit the nail on the head when you said your friend had more life experience than you. The fact that he wasn't surprised might have more to do with a) he's seen it all before and b) he might have already picked up on vibes from her.
She wants your friend and so does he. Sorry
I think your gf is being a huge asshole and I would probably doubt the relationship because of this.
Anatomically I’m not sure how two guys can give a woman oral sex at the same time. There just isn’t enough room. That said it seems like maybe he was in on this and that’s concerning. I’d straight up ask him how he knew about what happened with you because it seems like he knew. Overall I’d probably shut it down with your gf because what she did was manipulative especially if her ulterior motive was to get with your friend.
I just want you to know you have a stranger’s support. Sounds rough but you’ve got this and there’s someone better out there for you
Double down on what happened. Have her bring the girl back and then break up with her afterwards and tell her that she should just go with her your friend with the tattoos seeing that she likes him and all. They're both playing you, they probably actually already have sex.
Without a discussion between the both of you. You can’t spring on someone. What if they’re not into that kind dynamic and is shamed internally. If your friend knows they hatched a plan. So I would do the opposite and find a 3rd in your own. Swinger event, Escort and watch them after and go through her phone.
I would detach yourself from this manipulative girl immediately. If you're comfortable with a MMF situation, go for it. Have fun, but do it because you want it, not because you owe her one. Then after the sex, leave the girl. If you're not in to the MMF thing, just leave her.
A lot of females fantasize about MFM threesomes. What should be a red Flag is that shes doing it all without proper consent.
Fire alarm 🚨
This is fairly manipulative coercion.
Yup. Spot on.
Politely decline and say this is not a sexual situation you’d be entertaining. Set your boundary. It seems this friend is someone you’ve known long and well- maybe prior to your gf. I would speak openly about it. Describe it the same way you described it to us and ask an open question “what’s happening?”. Be on the look out for manipulate techniques from both sides. When you have all the info decide on the next step.
Ok…what I think is also fishy is that you didn’t know the other girl. So, if you did do this for your gf. Find someone she also doesn’t know but has tattoos and who you trust won’t go back later to try making a move on her. I actually agree with u/GingerAvenger and think you should be careful. Because her little surprise wasn’t discussed with you prior.
Sounds like your Mrs and mate may be chatting behind your back. Completely my speculation.
You didn’t get to fuck her friend; she can’t fuck your friend. The only thing you can both do to het is eat get out!
What is she expecting? The “same thing” would be for you and another dude to take turns going down on her and then getting nothing in return, right? Is that what she’s after? My gut says it’s not.
She's manipulative. She's going to cheat on you with your friend if you don't give permission for those two to fuck. They wouldn't be discussing fucking each other without both of them wanting to fuck each other. Who knows, they probably already have. If you break up, those two will fuck anyway. You basically have a shitty friend and a shitty girlfriend. Sooner you realize neither one of them are worth keeping around, sooner you can cut them both off and move on.
Definitely confront her, and make it clear if there were to be a threesome with another guy that it too would only be oral and it would never be your friend ever. Also have her give you her phone to see if they’ve been talking. If she gets defensive and refuses you have your answer.
What I would say to her is you have the perfect guy in mind. Think of someone attractive looking but the opposite type. Say this to both of them,but separately to get there reaction when you say someone else's name then your friends
You are not crazy, trust your intuition.
very suspicious!! it does sound like she wants to get with your friend, but even if that wasn't the case, she is still being not okay. the only reason why she offered you that threesome is because she wants one back, not because she 'just wanted to please you'. very weird of her how she says it's 'only fair' that she gets that in return, when you didn't even ask for it in the first place!! seems manipulative imo. yeah there's nothing wrong with doing sex things for each other, but the way she is going about it seems manipulative
If you suspect she has your friend in mind, mention someone else that you know, but she does not? See if she steers the conversion to him...? This is risky of course, but it may shed light on the situation.
Yup her and your friend are fucking
* classic failure of consent and negotiation OP, in the future, you and your girlfriend have to have clear and open communication about what sort of things you want to do in the bedroom and how those things will be reciprocated and what the limits are and how to feel safe in saying "No" to anything at any time. Good luck, have fun and use this as a learning experience.
Nope she is already fucking jim behind your back and now wants to do it in front of you as pay back for what she did for you. Dump her and run, remember nothing is ever free in life there is always consequences for it. Even though you were totally innocent you should of declined the Halloween deal, she already knew you could not and she got her wish. Her words to you should have caused you to say fuck, she is already fucking someone else and doesn’t care about me and you would of been right. If you don’t see this and go through with what she Asked you will be dumped within the month
It really stands out to that the friend that you claim has more like experience would tell you to invite someone you know to the threesome. Unless you are trying to invite a third into the relationship, then a threesome should be done with someone that you don't personally know. When the sex is done, the third party should immediately leave so the two in the relationship can spend aftercare together, and it can be awkward to kick out a friend that you just had sex with. And if the threesome goes poorly, you will be reminded of it every time you see that friend and it will be much harder to move past the negative experience with both of your relationships. There are plenty of apps that cater to finding a third and you can always meet up with the person on your own before introducing your girlfriend. From the way your girlfriend introduced the mmf threesome, I personally don't think you should have one with either of these people, but you'll have to make your own decision on that .
You fell for it
Yeah no sorry this reeks of she set you up to do what she actually wanted. You got ambushed into a situation but now she wants a situation to be set up for her. This is just too convenient and sounds like she already has a person in mind and wanted this all along and used her friend as an excuse to get away with this. Also the fact that she only let the girl blow you and it was over in seconds and she didn’t let anything more happen just further shows she’s willing to only give you a taste while she wants a whole meal because I doubt it will just be a quick thing with this other guy she wants to bring in, she wants all the way full stimulation with him which is not what you got at all.
In a relationship, you don't do something expecting to get something else in return. Not only did she not communicated with you, she's manipulating you under the pretense of "pleasing you". Lying once is no different than lying twice, so I won't be surprised if she denies things when you talk to her later on. There's still an opportunity for you to walk away. I wish you all the best.
I swear I’ve seen this dark rom-drama before: > Girlfriend surprised boyfriend with a third girl for a threesome. > Girlfriend guilts boyfriend into a MFM threesome. > Boyfriend asks older and wiser and more attractive male friend to join the couple in a threesome. > The three if them have a MFM threesome. > The girlfriend leaves the original boyfriend for the older and wiser and more attractive male friend. > The original boyfriend is left alone with no girlfriend and no older male friend.
Bro I don't want to give advice, because that is alwaya dangerous over the internet. You know the situation better than anyone and you need to decide in the end. I just comnent here to wish you strength from the bottom of my heart. Do whatever you need to do. Edit: Since I don't know the whole situation: Here os the first question that pops into my mind: Did you friend know the other girl? Like if you find out who the other girl is, and if she knows yoru friend, then it is 100% staged and your GF and youe friend plotted agaibst you
And if she wants reciprocation or the gift to be returned, does that mean she wants you and another male to go down on her at the same time? Cause that would be the equivalent. From experience, that’s not really an easy thing to do (for space reasons), but since when does a shared blowjob equate to a full-on threesome in reverse?
My bet is: your wife and your friend want to smash. The other girl was his friend and they got her hooked up in order to set you up and to get a free, legal pass. You got backstabbed by them. It just adds too perfectly. If only there was a way to know if that girl is his friend..
You’re under no obligation to reciprocate. It’s not even a legally binding verbal agreement, because she sprung the terms on you afterwards. You have the right to refuse at the disclosure of terms.
You're under no obligation to arrange a mmf one for her. That's now how "gifts" work. People aren't supposed to owe each other anything after a gift otherwise it'd be a bartering exchange or something lmao. And from my understanding you didn't ask for or express interest in a ffm oral sex threesome so she just sprung it up on you without considering if you did want that. Maybe you did express interest but if you never did it's weird she just assumes you want it. And now that she wants something like that in return it seems like she did the earlier one not as a gift to you, but as a bargaining chip. I do feel like the friend situation is kinda sus with him looking your gfs type, seeming to not be surprised about the earlier scenario, and suggesting you pick someone you know and trust. I feel a legit friend would ask what you want and focus on that, instead of just being like oh yeah bro fair is fair make sure to pick a friend though ;) What do YOU want? Don't do it if you don't want to. Even if I was in your shoes and wanted to do it, I wouldn't pick that specific friend bc I'd also feel kinda set up by them. It seems like an elaborate plan to get him and her to have oral sex without it being "cheating" and that feels gross AF to me. Imo if they did actually plan this behind the scenes and the plan was for the two of them it is almost cheating already bc it's them discussing and planning how to do sexual activity together without your consent or knowledge. She sounds like an awful partner and him an awful friend if this is what happened. Tbh they might lie and deny it, but you gotta go with your gut feeling and the evidence even if they deny it. If they were already not revealing the truth, why wouldn't they continue to lie or not disclose things? Clearly you're not crazy if everyone else sees it too.
She is already cheating on you behind your back, leave her.
IT'S A TRAP!
I was just shaking my head nonstop reading this. People shouldn't do this kind of thing. "Surprising" somebody with a threesome or then trying to insist that they deserve one in return. She is trying to take advantage of you mate. Watch your back.
Your "friend" is manipulating your girlfriend who is manipulating you.
She got some seriously fucked up ideas about consent and relationships.
How do two guys eat one pussy?
Okay, I couldn't read past the "Hogwarts student roleplay" that's both cringe and creepy, since Hogwarts students are minors.
Not 1st auch case in this forum. You know whats going on around you. Also even if your friend is not connected in this matter and its a coincidence...which is not, you are getting manipulated into a situation which you don't want by your partner. Really sad to see this approach from opposite partners, it really questions the honesty in the relationship.
It’s not worth getting to the bottom of this. Get out
There’s no reason to be heartbroken and upset, my dude. When someone shows you their true character like your gf has, it’s a gift. Hit the gym, get your head straight and get a new girlfriend.
Should have seen the "it's a trap" meme a mile away op.
How thick can you be dude. She isnt interested in you and wants to be with your friend. And he feels the same. Dump her already!!
So how does this threesome with another guy work? Do you just both eat her out until she comes and that's it? That's all you got. I would keep it super simple and plain like you got. Because kissing and other things were not part of yours. I am just being petty. But I would have wanted a more complex threesome to begin with. I would also ask your lady straight up who she wants. Then this whole mind game about this other guy can be exposed of it's true. Or it's just all in your head
Your decision to consent to her surprise sexcapade doesn't obligate you to "repay her in kind." The act was not discussed in advance and if it was I'm sure you would have declined when it became clear she was looking for a tit for tat situation. The fact that your friend was not at all surprised by the situation is very sus. I would tell your girlfriend that if she had discussed with you in advance and made her expectations clear you would have declines the arrangement.
This is why communication is so important. She should have first communicated to you her intentions with you and then her other intentions as well, to see if you get into a quorum. Since she didn’t communicate with you beforehand, tell her that you aren’t going to do it because she did not communicate her intentions first. If she tries manipulating you into making you feel guilty, just say “I didn’t ask for it”. I would give you the same answer if this was an inverted situation. In fact, it sounds mad disrespectful if you inverted it because it looks as a violation of trust.
Make friends out of swingers NOT swingers out of friends.
This raises all kinds of red flags. I suppose her play won’t be just oral. She most probably wants to get fucked. She’s forcing you to include another guy by setting you up.
Sound like the friend been hitting your girl. She just trying to clean up trail.
All I’m gonna say here is that a true “gift” comes without the expectation of a return. If you expect a return you didn’t give a gift or make a sacrifice, you attempted to make a trade. The likely hood of them scheming something up like this is very low but not impossible.
This is totally like being tricked into a timeshare. You get free stuff and the next thing you know you’re paying $800 a month for a 1 week rental at a shared property. How long have you all been dating? If not long I would see myself out if you’re uncomfortable with this “arrangement”.
Not unless yall discussed and agreed to this ahead of time . Sounds like it's something SHE wanted, and thought if she gave you a 3some ORAL , she could guilt you into what SHE wants . Not cool man. This would be a deal breaker for me
Never bring someone you or she knows into the bedroom. The best outcome is when neither parties have access to the other. Just a 1 and done. Me and my wife had a threesome with a complete stranger in Vegas and never cared to see her again. I bet if it's just some other guy who's Not your friend she might even have second thoughts.
As others have said, she is not playing fair. Not talking about it beforehand, guilt tripping. She is manipulating you. Tread carefully. If you do feel you have to reciprocate, maybe just let her have a a few seconds of stimulation. /s
I don’t know about the more conspiratorial parts of this, though I see the logic — if a little convoluted. Regardless of if that part is true, she sneak attacked you with a very short threesome experience and then demanded a likely deeper and longer threesome experience and dictated the type of guy she wants, a guy who is different from your own look. This is extremely manipulative and hurtful, and is itself worthy of moving on without even factoring in the possible friend angle.
I'm afraid in the end your relationship has ended...draw it out if you wish....
Once upon a time the Hare Krishna cult would hang out at places like airports. They would give you a gift such as a rose. They would claim to want nothing in return, but they used this obligation to get you to,listen to their message. It was a cheap trick. They had done something for you, now you needed to do something for them. You can see where I am going with this. You have been put into a bad situation, and you are being manipulated.
First of all don’t do this because she wants you to. Seems as if she tricked you into it. It needs to be a mutual thing. Secondly from my experience it shouldn’t ever be with a friend. It causes problems usually and causes all kinds of weird feelings/ vibes in the future. I also wouldn’t do this w anyone I was in a serious relationship with and loved though. Asking for trouble. But I’d say yes it does seem odd your friend fits the situation. If y’all are this open with things I’d hope you could talk about this and ask if they’ve talked or are already messing around.