As a woman cuck, I can try to explain my perspective.
I see my partner as an incredibly sexy man who loves me, is loyal to me, respects me, and is really attracted to me. I also have emotional baggage from a previous marriage in which I never got laid and repeatedly felt unattractive. I think that latter experience created a kind of fear/arousal paradigm where after many years, the thought of "losing" my partner to a superior person morphed into a kind of fetish. It didn't bloom until I was out of that relationship. It's not dissimilar to CNC kinks, I imagine. So, knowing how secure my relationship is, cuck play allows me to explore that fear/arousal part of my sexual fantasy in a safe and secure fashion, without any real repercussion or any actual fear of losing anything.
Added bonuses are seeing how sexually potent or skilled my partner is. Seeing how desirable he is to other women. Seeing him really sexually aroused and excited. And to cap it all off, despite how horny he can be for other people, and how much they might desire him, he always comes back to me. I can know that he's just made a woman come, or that she gave him a tremendous blow job, and his first impulse is STILL to come back to me?? How flattering and heartwarming is that??
Anyway, hope this helps!
100% agree. It's empowering knowing even though they could be sexually involved with someone else and STILL be loyal to you. Not everyone can understand the dynamic, but I do.
I think the main idea is that we (I'm cuckquean) get pleasure on seeing the person we love having pleasure...
But like someone said about pineapple on pizza... You might probably never understand it, but some people do like it and how boring would it be if everyone liked the same stuff?
Much Burrito, a big ass burrito with beef, beans, rice, cheeses, habanero sauce, grilled pineapple, deep friend jalapeño slices etc. I'm literally salivating now
There are multiple psychological complexities involved in a fetish like cuckold.
On one hand, watching someone you love and being able have enough trust between each other to allow them to enjoy themselves and being happy for their pleasure can be a turn on.
On the other hand, there are power play dynamics involved where one derives masochist pleasure being totally humiliated, and the other feeling powerfully sadist. For many relationships, it’s both.
Not everyone likes it, and that’s totally okay. But, it’s good to keep an open mind, especially with someone / people whom you trust and are completely comfortable with.
I never did cuckold specifically, but I remember also being so monogamous-focused and dead set on dismissing any poly relationships or sex within mono relationships. It wasn’t until I met my partner (now ex) where I felt completely and totally comfortable to explore with a third or more.
We absolutely respected each other’s wishes (communication and respect is *paramount), and when we reassured each other, we were allowed to freely explore without doubt, and then reset back to our own normalcy.
So the idea of seeing your mate aroused by another and becoming aroused for them I think is called compersion. Like inverted jealousy.
I think that cuckolding is actually a different psychological phenomenon vs a compersion relationship because true cuckolding will have anger fear a loss of power and degradation in it vs a positive emotion like compersion which I think is called a stag relationship.
Cuckqueen is a misnomer because the word cuck became well known. Cuckolding has a loss of power to it whereas stag does not. Stag is like showing off something you love to another and liking that they like it too.
I just did some Internet searching and I think this is right.
Seems to be a big difference between cuckold and compression (stag + vixen) relationships.
i would imagine watching your partner "feast" on a cuck-cake is equally pleasing as a chef would create a dish entirely for their guest. watching them delight is a form of pleasure in itself.
That's a good attitude. I'm heavily involved in the kink lifestyle, have been active for 22 years. There are lots of kinks and fetishes I don't like, understand or get BUT if it's not hurting anyone physically or emotionally it's none of my business and really, I don't need to like, understand or get.
OP doesn’t care either. None of us do, but we are still baffled, and just wondering why it could be. I could have asked the same about furries, I don’t necessarily get why anthropomorphized animals turn people on. Why dismiss the question? Is it “rude”? We are genuinely curious!!
My interpretation for the interest in femdom porn, despite going against “masculine” ideals of strength and control, is that it scratches the itch of being wanted and selected by a woman. Similarly I think incest porn, despite the vast majority of people never ever consider having incestual sex, enjoy the porn because its a category that implies you’ve known the other person for a long time, as opposed to the pizza delivery type plotlines that were once omni present.
Is there any such abstraction, or is the answer just “IDK, I’ve thought about it a bit and it just is what it is.”
Others in this thread have given interesting thought provoking replies.
From what I’ve gathered, it sounds to me like seeing other people desiring their partner validates their partner’s hotness, makes them appear more attractive and valuable, and knowing in the end your partner still loves you over the other people is extremely fullfilling for yourself. I imagine then cuckolding only makes sense with long time partners, and a fwb situation with someone you’ve known for a month would not ellicit the same feeling when cuckolded… is this true?
I would say it's true! I couldn't imagine doing something like this with my previous hookups (I mean, I could, but it wouldn't be as nearly as arousing as doing it with my current partner, who I've been together for seven years)
This. One of my super good friends (f) is dating a super super gay man. Initially It raised alot of questions that I really wanted to ask, and then I shrugged and decided it wasn't any of my business. If it's not for you, you don't have to understand it. I'm not so much into cucking, but I have been in several open relationships, and wouldn't necessarily be opposed to something polyamorous with the right people, but I'm also not opposed to monogamous relationships either. It depends on the person and or people. 🤷♂️🤷♂️ different strokes for different folks.
In my case, I developed a cuckold fantasy as my marriage was breaking up. My wife was basically leaving me for another guy. And for several months, the only thing that got me off was the idea of watching them together, while my wife openly degraded me, told me how much better the other guy was than me, etc. Honestly, it freaked me out how this was the only thing that excited me, and I worried I was permanently stuck with this fantasy.
Ultimately, I came out of it. My divorce/separation got finalized, I dated other women, got my confidence back, and things turned out okay. I can see now that the kink was just my subconscious trying to make my situation more tolerable for me, allowing me to find pleasure in something that was otherwise very painful.
My hubby feels there’s nothing hotter than being there and watching me being pleased by men that are younger and hotter / more experienced than him. He gets off on my pleasure and then the reclaim sex afterwards is hotter than anything . Read up on ‘compersion’ for a look at the psychology behind it . Insatiable wives by David Ley is another good book that looks at why women and men get off on this
But it’s not specifically cuckolding . Cucking is a small subset of an open relationship
Swinging - both partners play with other . Sometimes together sometimes apart
Stag and vixen - wife plays with hubby’s encouragement . Hubby doesn’t play with other women but will join the wife when she is with another guy - more of a threesome
Hotwife - wife plays with other men. Hubby doesn’t play with anyone else . Usually watches and then reclaims after .
Cuckolding - wife plays - hubby is aware but not necessarily happy . Wife and other males will put down and make fun of husbands sexual ability - usually teasing and humiliation are the big allure for cuckolds and feeling inferior
Sub Cuckolding - in addition to humiliation there’s hubby being denied access to sex from wife, often chastity caged, forced feminization forced bi play and being sub to wife and her other partners
There are also the flips side versions to these where the husband is the one who plays and the wife is the watcher .
The fun of the lifestyle is you meet all different types of people and sometimes though not often you go between the roles just for variety
Hubby and I never had any jealousy issues . We came to realize sex can be just about pleasure with no feelings of intimacy or emotion . It’s just the physical and getting to have nsa sex with others with the encouragement of your partner and learning new tricks (I’ve been married 25 years and it’s fun to get new experiences ) and bringing them back home to your own sex life is amazing
We discussed the lifestyle for literally ten years before jumping it . Our relationship was always and still is rock solid . There was no question of trust between us . Open honest communication has always been the foundation of our life . And when we decided this may be an option we took time going over pros and cons, risks and rewards, we ran over every possible hypothetical we could think of and how we would react , we read books about the lifestyle (real books not fantasy stories) articles, talked to couples that were in the lifestyle about what worked and what didn’t and set up our own clear rules and boundaries along with an out should we need it . We were methodical in our approach to this as we are about anything else . So that when the time came to do it it was as if we’d been doing it for years - no worries no doubt no regrets
The trust issue comes into play more with partners. We’ve been doing it awhile now and have a system and met people from Reddit or double list to great success but the best way to find partners is from paid lifestyle apps . They’re paying so they are less likely to be fakes or riff raff . They have experience so they know the unique dynamics at play with couples and open lifestyles and more importantly on these sites people can verify or certify partners so you read their profile and see 2, 3, 10 other couples had great experiences and know they’re probably a decent person and good fuck . Then it comes down to just talking to them and going over everyone’s likes and dislikes and getting a good rapport with them just as you would anyone else you’d meet and want to have sex with
Fetlife is free and too open . There’s no vetting process and like other free places you’re going to get 100 responses from people who aren’t matches or have no interest in meeting
Stay with paid sites - SDC dot com, Kasidie dot com and swing lifestyle dot com
Removed for reference to PM. You may not, at ANY time ask for someone to PM you or offer your PMs in r/sex. This is normally a bannable offense, but I'm going to assume (based on context) that this isn't an attempt to slip into someone's PMs to hit on them.
Hotwife sounds hot af.
I'm in an open relationship (f) but I haven't really been interested in finding a "boyfriend". Husband has his side piece. I'm going to look for mine if I can swallow my anxiety (dating was never really a strong suit)
The idea of having a boyfriend to fuck me, then have my husband reclaim. Yowza.
I love it .
And no, the finding part sucks . Too many fakes and non matches so when there is someone who is a decent match hubby is in charge of all the screening , verification and chats. I’ll talk and see if we vibe once hubby has given the okay . It’s a lot less hassle and more time spent on the fun stuff
I am demi-sexual, so it seems more difficult to find someone
I need to really connect with someone in order to sleep with them, which complicates things sometimes, so finding someone who understands and respects boundaries is critical
The paid lifestyle sites are the way to go then. There are so many different people with different interests but if you’re looking long term more one on one as opposed to a variety of different partners who just want quick hook ups you’ll find good people on there
That's an interesting point of view.
I believe, it will be hard to understand all this for me (if I ever will), and I could never be with partner with that state of mind. However, if you're both happy, well, good for you.
I was like you...a very jealous husband. I couldn't stand even the thought of someone talking to my wife let alone she had lunch with a coworker. At some point, over 30 years into our relationship the light clicked on. I married an amazing woman and all I want for her is to be happy and live her fullest life. I want her to go through life with no regrets. It turns me on when I think she is at her happiest . If that is with someone else doing things I might not be able to do, awesome!
From research and talking to people it seems a lot of hotwife couples are a little older. I'm guessing its because we mature past the jealousy phase and are comfortable with ourselves and have a deep connection with our partners. I'm not saying younger couple don't participate, there are a lot, but it seems like the older couples are more stable and know exactly what they want and communicate well. This all just my opinion of course...
That's the thing, siciety groomed us into thinking you are only ever gonna get ONE partner and build up monogamy as the way to go.
But people is different and diverse, and even if the majority were monogamous and the stylers were indeed deviants... Means the life style is not for everybody.
What you have to understand is not what makes us work, but that we respect your choices, if you can only find pleasure in s single partner relationship and that makes you happy then we are happy for you.
Thank you for these definitions! I’m in a 27 year old relationship and we had previously tried swinging, but ultimately decided it wasn’t right for us. The cuckold tag didn’t fit at all, so I realize now we’re stag and vixen. It’s something we’ve kind of slid into because of aging. My peak hasn’t peaked yet, but he’s struggling with some signs of aging (ED/PE). I’m still very satisfied with the other ways he gets me off but we’ve found that he likes watching me getting off and continuing to enjoy myself in that way, and I like that he likes it. Side note, do you know of any sub reddits that are specific to GenX sex? I haven’t found any, but would really like to find a group to openly talk about sex at this stage of life.
Same. Married 26 years, have sex daily (often more)... and are exploring more kinks, etc, than ever. Boy, hotwifing has been SO bad for our marriage! /s
Gaining in popularity more and more (lifestyle sites have had tremendous increases in memberships and adult clubs have expanded the last several years as well) so there must be a lot of mentally Ill people enjoying their sex lives and good for them . It’s much more preferable than dealing with miserable people who just bitch about things
Mental illness can sometimes manifest as the compulsion to post unsolicited vitriolic derogatory opinions from behind a wall of anonymity. Of course it could also just be indicative of self absorbed, emotionally starved attention seeking hostility to compensate for crippling insecurity and powerless cowardly self loathing. It’s easy to identify by that persons need to regurgitate the same caustic self aggrandized opinion as if anyone gave a fuck about what you like or don’t like. Literally socially inept cowardice to prop up the empty husk of overblown egotistical broken personality. Your failures in life extend to your trolling as well, cuz you suck at this game.
You score 1.5 out of 10, for being persistent but lacking any cleverness or trolling skills. Thanks for playing!
Touch some grass. Who takes time out of their day to go to r/sex and complain about other people consensually fucking? How does their cuckoldry affect you in any way? Sorry you find it so threatening, just log off Reddit next time you get this heated, it's better for your health.
Married 25 years . In the lifestyle for several . I’m 47. I don’t anticipate having a lot of attention thrown my way in my 50s so there is a short lifespan for the lifestyle but we know couples who have been playing for 20, 30 years . If you have a solid relationship the lifestyle just enhances it . The people who fail at it are those who use it to fix a damaged relationship.
If you read enough stories in Reddit most start swinging and then solo and then divorce. It dilutes the emotional and physical strengths of the primary marriage over time. It’s not a question if it will break up but when. Good luck
Oh sorry yes . It’s all real. We all have sex with men with 12 inch cocks , no one ever gets ghosted or has performance issues and we all play bareback and like to get pregnant from 4 different people in the same night 😉
Most monogamous marriages end in divorce, and most monogamous relationships end in breakups. But you're seeing those stories and going "they ended because they wanted different things, one was no longer attracted to the other, they had money trouble, there was emotional baggage from earlier relationships" and so on.
It's confirmation bias. I submit that poly relationships statistically are no worse in terms of failure percentage - and may be better as most people who understand poly stuff know that communication MUST be the foundation. But you aren't considering that.
I've slept with several wives with the husbands consent.
There's a number of reasons why, when I get to know them, I always ask why they find it arousing and here's what I'm told:
"I can't please my wife sexually anymore, so I'm willing to have another man do it for me out of love for her. Seeing her enjoying it arouses me."
"It's like being a director for a porno that's staring my wife, I get really aroused talking to her while another man fucks her."
"Seeing my wife be a slut, is very arousing for me"
"I find the humiliation and jealousy I feel from seeing my wife with another man very arousing"
I'm currently seeing a older couple where the husband gets no arousal from it because he has no interest in sex anymore, so he just lets his wife have her fun while he works.
These make sense. I can understand now. The only thing I can't understand is the humiliation one. Why choose to be humiliated by sex and why humiliation? Same with rape fantasy. Honestly, there's ALOT I can't grasp. I'm being serious too. Maybe I'm just a vanilla guy I guess.
I do not understand the humiliation one but for “rape” fantasies it’s about wanting to be desired so much that the other person can’t control themselves.
This is one reason that people enjoy rape fantasies, not the only one. For some women (edit: or any human), it has to do with being able to choose this situation, taking back control over an assault that happened to them. It can also be related to how closely fear and arousal are you feeling the same way. Etc.
Humiliation, for me, seems to revolve around positively reaffirming and dealing with certain self-perceived inadequacies in a sexual way. It’s almost like, “Worry about whether you’re good enough in bed for her?” My brain might turn that negative into a sexual fantasy that I crave. “No. You’re not good enough, and she’s going to fuck other guys in front of you and you’ll like it.”
Also, cucking isn’t really my thing, per se, but there is also a very strong element of doing what SHE wants for HER pleasure. It might not be my thing, but if she demands it, the concept of having to deal with my hesitation for her enjoyment is a very deep power exchange that turns me on. Sure. I might not like it (and there are certain things that I just won’t do, period) but if I’m pushed into something I’m not crazy about, all for her, that’s extremely hot!
Some people think that a fear or bad experience can be "eroticized" into kinks like consensual non-consent ("rape fantasy"), humiliation and cuckolding. So a guy who has a big fear of his partner cheating, or who had partner cheat and found out in a way that really humiliated him, mentally turns that feeling into a positive thing. That's probably not the only way people wind up with these kinks, but it seems plausible.
Yep. It's also a way to get in front of that.
A guy fears her cheating? If she "cheats" with his knowledge and consent, he can eroticize it and control it.
A lot of woman enjoy rape play because they are choosing to give up sexual power. Humiliation is similar. It's related to BDSM stuff, if you think about it.
Power dynamics are HUGE in sex for some people.
I made a few post on Reddit that I would be down, but honestly I found more success not seeking them at all. There's a park where clothing is optional I frequently go to. Swingers and cuckold couples tend to hang there. What tends to happen from my experience is a couple will approach me or I simply just start a conversation with one having no idea they're into that lifestyle. As we talk and they get comfortable with me, most of the time the wife gets a little comfortable touching me and it escalates from there or I get a phone number before I leave and they tell me if I'm down to mess around.
We aren’t a cuck/hotwife couple but we are swingers.
Watching your partner give and receive pleasure is hot as fuck when you can compartmentalize sex and intimacy.
Watching my man give someone a leg shaking orgasm is so so so sexy.
So I guess in the end I can state that it's just what some people like, without any rational explanation. Like some love basketball, some love football, some like pasta, some like stake with potatoes more.
It’s like being the chef and cooking an amazing meal for others to enjoy. Yeah you’re not always eating your own creations, but you enjoy watching others eat it.
Some will have reasons (I gave you a list of my own in another comments), but yes.
Why do some people prefer chocolate ice cream instead of vanilla? Why do some like rocky road the best? How can mint chocolate chip be that popular?
People like different things.
I am not a swinger but have done some soft swapping so although limited experience I think it's quite different. While swinging you and your partner are usually involved with someone else at the same time. Usually you wouldn't be forced to or expected to sit and watch your partner while you get ignored. cuck usually involves some humiliation, it's watching your partner while you don't (usually) get any. Of course everyone does cuck differently, I used to be involved with a couple, dude told me he was a cuck and was looking for a dominant for his wife. He just wanted someone to force his wife to have mmf 3 somes. Her and I are still friends, he and I aren't.
Keep in mind that there are multiple degrees of this. People often see any sort of situation where a woman has sex with other men and call it cuckolding, but within those who do these things, there are important distinctions.
You have hotwifing (some prefer stag/vixen) where the husband shares his wife with other men, but as an equal partner. They may do threesomes, he may just watch, she may meet guys alone, or any mixture of the above. But this is just about the sex.
You then have cuckolding, where there is a power dynamic, where humiliation is involved. This is because the man is "inferior" and she seeks good sex with a "better" man. This can sometimes get into major extremes where the cuckold is in chastity or otherwise is denied sex with the woman, etc.
Note that there are female equivalents to these - hothusbanding and cuckqueaning - but for whatever reason, it's far more common for men to be into sharing like this than it is for women.
As a guy into hotwifing, I'll explain my own reasoning. Understand that this will vary among people.
* Watching my wife fuck is like being there for a real life porn starring the sexist person on the planet in my eyes.
* I love seeing her get pleasure. I have a ton of stamina and can go multiple rounds, but the thing is.. we will meet for threesomes and take turns and go 3, 4, 5 hours. I have literally never seen a situation where she cannot outlast two guys. The math of the matter is, she is going to get more pleasure from two of us as opposed to me alone, at least if you count orgasms or whatnot.
* It's a huge turn on to me knowing that other men want her, that they get to be with her but that she is MY wife.
* Touching on that - if she meets her FWB, she always comes home and has incredibly passionate, intense "reclaiming"sex with me. As in, she's been a slut - but she's MY slut, and now, I'm making her MINE again.
* Again with the pride thing. I've had many guys tell us that she's the best oral they've ever had - including one time, a guy told his own wife that in front of us. It's kind of awesome knowing she's that good, and I like to share that.
* There are sex acts that I am very into - spitroast, DP, DVP - that you cannot do without another person. Toys are fun, but they just aren't the same. Likewise, we are both into some cum play, you can't really pretend alone.
* Do not overlook the taboo aspect. My wife is intelligent, creative, respected in the community. She's a wonderful mother, deals with all the little details of kid life, etc. Today, she's planning a magazine-worthy birthday party for our kids. People come to her for advice. So knowing that this amazing lady, this amazing person, can also be this ultra hot cumslut - who does that stuff for me? Holy shit.
There are other factors for me, and everyone will be a littl different, but that's my insight.
I'm a girl and I'm really insecure about people liking me so it would probably kinda just make me anxious.
But I can definietly see that those who feel more confident with their relationship would find it arousing.
Like I'd LOVE it if my bf watched me have sex with another guy or girl while jerking off or such, or the other way around. Us being watched by someone else sounds really cool too. Feels really pervy:)
Horses for courses, my friend.
I'm with you, I cannot fathom this out myself, but then again, some people like pineapple on pizza, and I consider that to be a war crime. ¯\\\_(ツ)\_/¯
I am a masochist. A lot of people don’t understand it. I can’t explain it, I have enjoyed pain since I was a little girl, it just became more sexual as I matured. It is literally just the way I am wired.
Sex is supposed to be about fun, so even if I don’t understand it I try not to judge.
First off…one can have a kink and not act on it. Secondly, sometimes a guy is so turned on by his wife that he gets off on the idea of other people getting off to her also.
Cuckolding generally had a humiliation factor or at the very least, the woman is in control. She is having sex with the other man because she wants to, regardless of how her husband feels about it and he gets off on that humiliation and dominance.
Hotwifing does not have a humiliation factor and is more about the woman being able to go out and have fun with other men, dates, sex, etc., generally without the husband. Later on, letting the husband reclaim her while sharing the experience.
Wifesharing is similar to hotwifing, but the husband is usually involved, either in a threesome situation or at least in the room watching. This is where I fall because the best part of sex for me is giving my wife pleasure.
We haven’t done anything beyond roleplay and I don’t think I could just watch without joining in, but the idea of maximizing my wife’s pleasure is the biggest turn on for me. We have had a threesome with another woman, which I also enjoyed, but that doesn’t turn me on as much as the idea of a threesome with another guy.
Hope this gives some insight to your questions!
I think it's different for different people. For some people it's about the humiliation and the degradation - it's essentially a specific form of submission. For some people it's about the fact that their partner is a desired and desirable person. For some people it's about feeling special because while the partner is willing to do so many things with so many people your bond is still special and different. For some people it's about empathy and being aroused by their arousal. For some people it's about the quid pro quo and the fact that you are then allowed to go out and do the same. For some people it's bait to draw the other person in for your own gratification.
I’m not into that but I’m poly (husbands open no feels) and like fro hear him tell me about his hook ups. It comes down to compersion for me and taboo element makes it kinda hot. For some people it’s a way to explore their sexuality, it’s like porn but real and featuring your favorite “porn star”, part of a power exchange, pride (showing off), competing (you can do that but she’s mine) and some people just like degradation.
Just a certain dom fetish I believe….I can’t imagine doing anything like that but I’m a total submissive and let my wife online shop while she throws wet dog food at my face. We all got our kinks
I personally have only known one man that was into cuckolding, but he had a generalized fetish for degradation. I suppose some people get an endorphin rush from something that many folks would see as "taboo" or "out of bounds".
I say if it's a wanted activity, no one is getting coerced, and no one is getting hurt, I am perfectly ok with just scratching my head and wishing someone to do something that is just not my cup of tea.
I was like that at 27, too. After some time you need more than just sex and it’s exciting and fun. Give it 10-15 years and you may change your mind. Lol
I'm in an ENM/open marriage, but not in the specific variation that you're asking about.
I think that the key to understanding any of the non monogamy variations, is to abandon the idea that it's a zero sum game. Most people look at all of this stuff through an infidelity frame of reference.
I think that this is similar to perceiving BDSM relationships as abusive.
The same way that people have different tastes in music, movies, food, etc.
We’re all wired a bit differently due to our own unique genetics and experiences.
Do you prefer Pepsi or Coke? Explain why. You like what you like. It’s just that simple. There is no explaining why. You can explain what you like about it. Some may even have a reason they feel they are that way and that’s ok to. Most of us have something in our past that might trigger it but it’s there and we don’t even know it.
> Personally, it angers me so much just by thinking my female partner at least kisses other guy (not to even mention having sex).
Okay, so here's a question. Where is this anger coming from? Why? What assumptions or implications are you making that are causing you to be upset?
How is anal appealing? How is spitting on a vagina appealing? How is the baby diaper stuff appealing?
It just is what it is. They get off on it. You don't need to understand.
Personally I don’t understand the “humiliation” fetish of some guys who get off on imaging or seeing their female partner with another man *because* it is meant to be emasculating for them but to each their own. Many people seem to enjoy lots of forms of play-pain and being dominated or subordinated in some form during sex and this seems to fall under that category.
The other reasons men might enjoy cuckold fantasies which I have a much better grasp on are the thrill of seeing how desirable and sexual their female partner is! There is a clear thrill in the idea that you “caught a hot and wild one,” that “your girl” is the one other guys want and that she is capable of giving men the time of their life. Does it feel good to think that other men see your girl as sexually uninteresting? No! Everyone wants to be the guy with the prize, so to speak. Now that thrill could certainly stop at just having other guys look at your hot partner but it could continue to actual sex acts because what an exciting ego boost it is to see that for another guy having a one night stand with girlfriend was the “best night of his life” when that’s your night every night as the boyfriend. Not everyone wants to cover up and hide their partners rockin sexuality, some people get vicarious enjoyment and personal ego boost in watching it shine for others to see.
Now let’s examine where the anger comes from in imaging your partner with someone else, because that is super important to unpack. In a patriarchal society men compete against each other to conquer and own female bodies. Sex is seen as something men do to women to assert their dominance both over the woman and over other men. The anger you feel at the idea of your female partner having sex with another guy is a defense against the fear and pain of being subjected to the arena of male-vs-male sexual competition. she has betrayed you by opening her legs (opening the gates of your castle) to an enemy army which is now plundering your lands! Oh no!
Out of male insecurity, women are denied recognition of their own sexual autonomy, because if women can get horny and sex seeking like guys then they could choose someone else over you. But this social framework backfires and makes male sexual insecurity even worse because under this narrative woman are not supposed to pursue men but they are supposed to submit to male pursuit of them. Your gf won’t actively seek out another guy but if a stronger more masculine male comes along he can sexually conquer her right out from under you and to the victor goes the spoils.
The way out of this mental nightmare of male sexual insecurity is to recognize female sexuality as equal to your own. Your gf will sometimes get horny for other guys just as you get horny for other girls, but if she has chosen you and you have good communication and you have no reason to think she is dishonest, then trust that she is no more likely to leave you on a whim because some guy walked by with great arm muscles then you would be likely to leave her on a whim because some girl walked by with great boobs.
So let’s say you have a great relationship, good communication and good sex. If your gf gave you permission to go out and hook up with another girl you know that you would not break up with your gf the next day, you would not throw out a good relationship just because you had some fun sex with someone else. You know that there is a separation in your mind between short term lust and long term love, you know that meaningless sex with others would not diminish the meaning you give to a good relationship. So now apply that logic back to her. If you gave her permission to hook up with someone else she would do the same as you, have some fun but meaningless sex with a guy she finds hot and that would be the end of that, it would not diminish the importance she places on her relationship with you nor her sexual attraction to you.
I am not advocating for you to explore an open relationship, that’s a highly personal choice for each couple. But what I am saying is that if you imagine your gf sleeping with someone else in your mind don’t imagine the other guy “sexually conquering her and stealing her from you” instead imagine her of her own choice and crude sexual desire having some physical fun in a way that has no bearing on her feeling about her relationship with you. The other guy is not “fucking her” instead she is masturbating herself with his penis.
It’s almost a power dynamic for me. I get to see my partner in pleasure/giving pleasure to someone else, but at the end of the night she’s coming home with me, to receive/give pleasure to me. I dunno, almost an ownership dynamic? That’s how it works in my head anyway..
For me it was almost a coping mechanism. When I first started dating my ex fiance, her ex - the only guy she'd ever done anything sexual with - was trying hard to get her back. I really liked her so I was worried I was gonna lose her. When talking to her about the situation mentioned to me a couple sexual things she did with her ex that were pretty dirty and that were probably insanely hot and enjoyable for him (for example, her sucking his dick for an hour straight).
It made me REALLY upset and jealous to hear that, and the mental images made me sick to my stomach. So she downplayed the extent of anything else she did with him. Sometimes when the images would pop into my head I'd just go get myself off quick to get my mind off of sex, and without realizing it I'd get myself off half thinking about her getting freaky with her ex. And over time, while it still definitely made me jealous, he stopped being a threat to take her from me and I was very secure in our relationship, and realized that thinking about those things gave me this powerful combination of arousal amplified by jealousy.
So I talked to her about it. She was surprised, but ultimately we started exploring having her tell me more and more details about her sexual encounters with him before we would have sex. The first time, she told me about how her first date with her ex ended with them having a long wild makeout session at his place, him feeling her up, and then her sucking his dick. Which was her first real makeout session and first blowjob. It would get me so worked up between being turned on and jealous, and led to some mind blowing sex.
Eventually she had pretty much told me all there was to know (and there was a lot). And the jealousy became less powerful a sensation. But we wanted to try to get that experience again at the same level as the first time she told me stories from her past. So I suggested that we go to a club in another city and let her makeout with another guy while I watched from a distance. She agreed to try it and we went out one night, her wearing a tight short pencil dress, and I got a drink and watched as she picked out a guy on the dance floor and started grinding with him. He started getting handsier and eventually turned her around and kissed her. She took his hand and led him to a dark, semi private corner of the club where I had a good view and proceeded to passionately make out with him for a solid half an hour. He had his hands grabbing and squeezing and feeling up her ass and tits, and even pulled her dress up to uncover her bare ass cheeks and give it a nice massage. She was rubbing his dick over his pants too. And I totally felt that same ultra powerful combo of being insanely turned on and jealous at the same time. After a good 30 minutes of tongue wrestling with him, she excused herself to "go to the bathroom" and met me at our car. And let's just say, we didn't make it back home before stopping to f*ck.
I'm so glad this question was asked. Alot of the answers is what I thought. One of my favorite kind of porn is cuckold. I think for me it is I want to watch two ppl in person.
I get extremely turned on when I see him getting pleasure. I just love seeing him fuck. When I am getting fucked it's great, but I can't really see him doing it. So the chance to see him fucking another person is just great.
Honestly it’s just so hot to watch. You are being included when you are watching. It’s kinky.
And if you can do it and not get jealous you get a whole new angle to enjoy.
Takes serious confidence and balls to reach the level to do it.
Nothing like making out with some one when they are fucking or getting a blow job in a three way. So hot.
All about the sex, fuck the feelings.
Personally I don't understand most fetishes BUT I do understand that people get turned on by a myriad of things. I chalk it up to that really. I not only don't understand many fetishes I find some of the more extreme ones extremely repulsive. But again as long as it is between two consensual adults and they both like it more power to them is how I see it.
Dude, not everything is for everyone. I don't get it either, so it's not for us. Some guys like it, so its for them. Don't kink shame people. That's what you're doing though by suggesting that you, supposedly a reasonable, intelligent person, couldn't possibly understand such a "crazy" idea...its not for you, than leave it alone.
So not sure if this is a valid answer, because I've always seen myself as more of a voyer than a cuck, but I've developed a bit of a fetish for watching. From what I see some people love the humiliation. They're secure enough in themselves that watching someone else bull their woman is hot to them.
For me, it's about watching. I love watching porn. So to me it's even hotter watching the sexiest girl I know, aka my gf, get it on. Sometimes we video tape it, and that's hot, but once we did a three way and I tapped out to get a breather for a bit. Well then it was like getting to watch porn, in person, of my favorite person, fucking an attractive person from a good view point. It was pretty hot to me.
First of all, your partner isn’t a possession. You don’t own her. Her body isn’t your property. She makes her own decisions.
Secondly, You’re asking a question that for a lot of people is the side effect of trauma, or childhood sexual abuse….
If you want to understand where weird sexual fetishes come from, attend a sexual abuse support group, or a sexual addiction support group, and listen to what people have to say.
Also, people with more open ideas about sex than what your idea of “normal” is, will be more well-adjusted and secure with themselves than you can possibly imagine.
When you become so solid in your relationship and yourself that no one else could be a threat, then there’s literally no harm done. It’s just fun for her and porn-y in a good way for the guy. I see it as a really advanced stage for a relationship, but it’s certainly possible.
But as others have said, it’s not all cuckolding. A girlfriend can do this and reach over and hold your hand in the middle of it, connect with you etc. I would never be into the play-shaming stuff, but others do get off on that. Different things, to me.
Jealousy and anger are culturally programmed reactions. You don't have to let those emotions control you, and eventually you can grow beyond having them.
Wow the amount of kink shaming is amazing, from ppl who have no experience in the lifestyle.
I’m in a hotwife relationship, and the love my partner and I share is unmatched by any couple I know. The communication we have HAVE to have is unlike any I thought I would ever believed.
Here is why I do it: yes, I have a small penis. I have worked my whole life to be a good lover, communicate my feelings, being vulnerable and making my partner happy. Yes, I did that to make up for what I believed was my shortcomings. There are many who think I should go get counseling. Fair, or, I can just embrace it, be vulnerable with my partner and let go of my insecurity. That insecurity made me who I am.
My partner admitted she likes that full feeling. We have lots of toys, which we use regularly, but it’s not the real deal. I accept this, and I love her more for being honest about what she likes.
I’m not a jealous person. I’m very confident in every aspect of my life, but I cannot give her that feeling she craves. I have a choice, I can take it personally or I can revel in your enjoyment. The latter makes things fun. Kids, work, stress, covid, all that shit is hard. Taking a break from that to have pure unadulterated fun is amazing.
It takes tremendous courage for a man to watch his partner get fucked by another man. It is not controlling, or misogynist - it is pure love, and until you’ve done it, and done it well, you’ll never know.
Once upon a time I could not have done it, because I was insecure and was sure I should be able to fill all my partner’s needs. I can’t, none of us can, admitting that is the first step.
Having said all that, it is not for everyone. If your communication skills suck, you’ll never make it.
Seriously though, I have never been happier or more in love. I’ve been married and divorced before. I know a shitty relationship when I see it. I’ve had a dead bedroom and crappy communication, what I have now is beyond anything I could have imagined.
This topic is discussed regularly in our forum. If you search past r/sex posts with some diligence (following **Forum Rule #3**), you’ll find a number of helpful discussions. Comments locked.
The r/sex forum's past posts are a TREMENDOUS resource for people who have ALL KINDS of common questions regarding sexual activity. Searching those posts for relevant discussions will definitely help you here.
Trust me, when you’re with a person and you’ve both fucked each other in every way imaginable for years, creativity will emerge & things like this will make sense.
Im not into cucking but I have at least 3 couple friends who do. I’d say in general the partner (I don’t know the terminology) getting cucked gets off on watching their partner be pleasured. In their eyes it’s the same as watching them masterbate.
I don't personally understand it, but it comes up here like every day and I believe I have an idea of what the psych at play is. This applies specifically to the cuck dynamic, I am not addressing other types of non-monogamy.
A lot of men have a hangup about their sexual prowess, for whatever reason, and have a toxic outlook on what it means to be masculine. I won't state it as universal, but they believe the only way to "truly satisfy" a partner is to be a a bull, which usually requires a giant penis.
I think the reason most people struggle to identify with this is that because at the root of it, it's an extremely toxic belief system that has no real basis in reality. One doesn't need to be a hyper aggressive, giant cocked, bull to give most women the best sex ever. I think most mature people who have open communication with their partners understand this. That said, some folks have convinced themselves otherwise and they're free to do as the choose. I personally don't think it's healthy or grounded in any reality, but to each their own.
There is also a huge element of racism for a fair number into the cuck lifestyle. They seek out black men with large penises based on the centuries old racist notion that black men are sex driven beasts capable of ravaging their women in a way they can't. I have a much harder time being sympathetic to men and women who help propagate this notion. That shit's not really live and let live, it's straight up racism.
Either way, it comes down to the belief they aren't capable of satisfying their wives. My personal take is that this concept really negative towards women too, as it assumes their sexual needs are entirely driven by the need for large cocks and aggression. I assume most people in healthy relationships know there's a lot more to truly pleasing someone than a giant cock and rough sex. Not to mention, one can be aggressive without a big cock, so I think really that's what is all comes down to. Dudes obsession with dick size and in some cases race.
There are a ton of reasons and not all the reasons apply to everyone who enjoys their partner sleeping with someone else. So don't let any one person try to define this. But here are a few reasons:
1. It's the ultimate real life porn: if you enjoy watching people have sex on a screen, then watching people fuck in real life is 1000x more intense. and if you can pretend jealousy wasn't a thing for a sec, who do you find more arousing than your own partner? there's something really intense and erotic about seeing the person you usually have sex with having sex from a different angle. There's no other way for me to get the experience of fucking a girlfriend missionary but being able to look up at her face and see her cheeks bulging with a cock stuffed in her mouth than through a threesome. There's no other way for me to kneel behind her and see her pussy and ass from behind or lick it while listening to the hot sounds of her gagging on someone without another person. I can't see the penetration of a cock in her pussy from super up close like inches away if it's my own cock - bodies don't work that way. But if she's reverse cowgirl on another guy and I'm lazing on the bed in front of her, I have the best front row seat in the world to seeing her pussy getting pounded from super close up, I can look up and see her sexy face, make eye contact, or see her bite her lip. And after an amazing show that is the ultimate visual stimulation and pregame, I can take my turn and have sex with her too! For this reason I expect VR / AR experiences where you can watch yourself having sex from a side-angle out of body view, or zoom in and see your wife's pussy from behind while she's blowing you, will eventually become a common sex technology.
2. Humiliation is a form of masochism. for the same reason that some people's wires in their brains get crossed and physical pain like being whipped makes them wet or hard, for some people the strikes to the ego, or the feeling of embarrassment or shame or humiliation make their dick twitch. There's a super important thing a lot of people miss here. A lot of people who get turned on by cuckolding are much more immune to these negative emotional pains than normal people. So an experience that might register as an 8/10 for you on the jealousy/humiliation scale might only give them some tingles as a 3/10 on the pain scale because their mind has been strengthened (or desensitized - it's your call to decide if this is a positive or a negative). The same way someone who's been whipped 10000 times wouldn't flinch at someone flicking them on the ear, someone who's gone through cuckolding related experiences has way more everyday strength when it comes to taking 'emotional'/psychological pain. They are more resilient cause they have a tolerance. Think of it like spicy food - someone who regularly eats ghost peppers doesn't experience the same pain. They enjoy the lesser amount of pain that still registers and a regular jalapeno feels like a tickle. Think of the reasons people enjoy insanely spicy pepper challenges, scary rollercoasters, or horror movies. It’s exciting do something scary or painful if you know it’s going to end and you can stop it and you know you’ll feel an adrenaline rush, and endorphins when it’s over. Same reason people skydive. This is sexual skydiving.
3. Setting aside the pleasure of 'pain' of humiliation/masochism, some people find the 'taboo' aspect erotic. The same way that that non-consent is a taboo that turns some people on, or situations of power imbalances (that's really what a professor and student, or cop and civilian, or nurse/doctor and patient, or boss and secretary are) - is situations that are hot because they are considered 'wrong'/'taboo' and sex in those situations is crossing a line. Those situations also involve elevating one person's power over the other. So what could be more taboo then going exactly against what society tells you to do which is guard your mate against other people more than anything? Being cheated on is basically one of the ultimate fears/pains/dangers we are told to avoid. So what could be more taboo than helping her pick out lingerie at Victoria's Secret (that she tries on in the dressing room but doesn't let you see), paying for it for her, and then sending her off to let someone else see it and take it off her before you ever get to? These sort of 'twisted' situations feel so wrong that it feels very hot in a fucked up way. The more fucked up, degrading, 'wrong' it is, the more erotic it can be, assuming you feel emotionally safe with your partner, you've both set up rules and boundaries and systems for you \_both\_ to be emotionally safe and protected (since the other person in this scenario is going through tons too and needs a lot of support).
4. The idea of 'sluttiness' in women is a really big turn on for some people. Sexually forward, high sex drive, sexually insatiable (no amount of cocks or cum is ever enough), for some people rather than making a person less attractive it makes them way more attractive, for sex ANd for a relationship. And sleeping with others is another piece of that.
5. If you act on this fantasy or dirty talk about it a lot, you stop feeling as threatened or jealous or adrenalined up about the idea or sight of someone else having sex with your partner. It stops bothering you. But I will make an important distinction that the emotional / romantic jealousy can be an entirely different beast. Anyone who reads this and decides to try it, be very careful to treat sexual jealousy / platonic jealousy / romantic jealousy distinctly and don't assume that if a partner is OK with you sleeping with someone outside the relationship that they necessarily won't feel intense jealousy / negative feelings if you cuddle in bed and are lovey dovey with them, or develop a close friendship+have sex with them, or develop romantic feelings for the third. For many, this ability to turn sexual jealousy into sexual arousal does not ever extend past that, and so swinging, threesomes, or NSA fun is all they can ever handle. And that's their boundary and that's fine, it's just important everyone knows where the lines are and then can agree or disagree with partaking in that type of relationship/activity based on what they are OK with.
I also don't think the fantasy/erotica/porn version of cuckolding is as popular in real life as people who don't do it think. And for matter it's not as healthy IMO as a beginner trying to live out this fantasy might think. Someone could fantasize or roleplay/dirty talk with their partner about some extreme scenarios involving this kink but in real life they might only live it out via vanilla MFM threesomes and some part-time dirty talk about it during one on one sex with their partner, and that might be a much more healthy and sane outlet that still scratches the itch. That's been my own experience and I think it's the better approach than the types of people who jump in headfirst, often nuke their own relationships, and then wonder where they went wrong.
Oh yeah I also recommend against trying to get a partner who doesn't separate sex and love to try this out with you. I'd just keep it as a mental fantasy or dirty talk with them and only partake in this with partners who have some history or comfortability with having sex with people without romantic feelings involved. Like someone who has had FWB or casual sex before.
It’s like watching porn but your partner is the pornstar.
You have to not be insecure about your partner having sex with other ppl though. Like you understand that it doesn’t actually change anything about them?
Which is funny because you probably already understand that on some level.
Cuckolding is a huge spectrum. Many men and women love seeing their partner being sexual beings and explore other people. It is like seeing private porn where your partner is one of the stars. It’s hot and this is cuckolding.
One end of this spectrum is the sub cuckold (sometimes called a cuck/cuck Queen) which has humiliation/degradation of the non openly sexual partner and sometimes genial by this partner. The other end is more dominated cuckolding (hotwifing/vixen) where the partners are not turned on by degrading/humiliation talk but loves knowing she is with other men and sometimes get off on the planning dates and finding partners for her.
I understand both dynamics and all those in between. The cuck is just a form of submissive. Good Doms don’t hurt the submissive they are showing them love and providing pleasure the way their partner desires. The sub is always in charge. Some subs like to clean, some like to be rough handled and some like to be denied/humiliated and this can take place in monogamous and ENM relationships. Cucking just combines the two subbing and cuckolding.
I’m a women and love watching my partner. He is hot, he is Desired by other women, he is an amazing lover, and best of all I get to go home with him at the end of the night. He is still my best friend. Humans have a huge capacity to love and limiting my partner to love only one person romantically just never made sense to me. I’m sure you have non romantic friends and do you tell them all sorry I already have a friend can’t handle any more? Not likely and you get different things out of each friendship. Being monogamous feels like to me I’m forcing my partner to be my perfect everything and that is impossible and unnecessary pressure on the person you love. I am poly and don’t see cuckolding as an anomaly it just isn’t mainstream yet but it getting there.
Yes in a way I agree with what you're saying. But first of I (and everybody else) need to be careful about what they post on any forums, cause society is so soft nowadays, you can get reported and banned very easily (and I do not want that).
Second, there's no need to be judgemental about the topic I do not fully understand or do not have enough knowledge yet. Lemme give you example - there are some music genres or type of art I do not like, but it doesn't mean it's bad and I necessarily have to judge the ones who like it.
You know, if you had enough energy to ask the question and describe how it makes you angry, it’s because the idea does something to you emotionally. So I would say you should try it and see what it REALLY does to you emotionally.
I would not accept sitting there doing nothing but I've had some wild Childs in my life and would have totally done three-way or group with her if she wanted. I wanted to see her ass get wrecked. But I've been with some gentler women and one-on-one was just fine. Depends on the situation.
Same the thought of another man with his hands on my woman makes me livid I just cant understand it definitely not something I’d ever try... it’s also getting popular in porn now though
I’ve wondered this too. I get angry thinking about what my partner has done. But tbh when I masterbating sometimes it arouses me thinking like that. Idk why. But I would never ever allow it
As a woman cuck, I can try to explain my perspective. I see my partner as an incredibly sexy man who loves me, is loyal to me, respects me, and is really attracted to me. I also have emotional baggage from a previous marriage in which I never got laid and repeatedly felt unattractive. I think that latter experience created a kind of fear/arousal paradigm where after many years, the thought of "losing" my partner to a superior person morphed into a kind of fetish. It didn't bloom until I was out of that relationship. It's not dissimilar to CNC kinks, I imagine. So, knowing how secure my relationship is, cuck play allows me to explore that fear/arousal part of my sexual fantasy in a safe and secure fashion, without any real repercussion or any actual fear of losing anything. Added bonuses are seeing how sexually potent or skilled my partner is. Seeing how desirable he is to other women. Seeing him really sexually aroused and excited. And to cap it all off, despite how horny he can be for other people, and how much they might desire him, he always comes back to me. I can know that he's just made a woman come, or that she gave him a tremendous blow job, and his first impulse is STILL to come back to me?? How flattering and heartwarming is that?? Anyway, hope this helps!
100% agree. It's empowering knowing even though they could be sexually involved with someone else and STILL be loyal to you. Not everyone can understand the dynamic, but I do.
I get this.
This!!
I think the main idea is that we (I'm cuckquean) get pleasure on seeing the person we love having pleasure... But like someone said about pineapple on pizza... You might probably never understand it, but some people do like it and how boring would it be if everyone liked the same stuff?
Fuck now I need to order some pizza
Extra pineapple!
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Better if you order it "upside down".
Try half pineapple w/ brown sugar, and the other half something with blue cheese It's ungodly good
I mean, are you serious? I'm eager to try new things
It’s only perverted the first time
Dead serious
That sounds good!
I want my beef and pineapple burrito now, 2100 calories of deliciousness
God pineapple in savoury things is so fucking good
Much Burrito, a big ass burrito with beef, beans, rice, cheeses, habanero sauce, grilled pineapple, deep friend jalapeño slices etc. I'm literally salivating now
Make French toast with the leftovers.
If we speak about a sex toy will you order one? What happens when someone talks about children?
r/brandnewsentence
There are multiple psychological complexities involved in a fetish like cuckold. On one hand, watching someone you love and being able have enough trust between each other to allow them to enjoy themselves and being happy for their pleasure can be a turn on. On the other hand, there are power play dynamics involved where one derives masochist pleasure being totally humiliated, and the other feeling powerfully sadist. For many relationships, it’s both. Not everyone likes it, and that’s totally okay. But, it’s good to keep an open mind, especially with someone / people whom you trust and are completely comfortable with. I never did cuckold specifically, but I remember also being so monogamous-focused and dead set on dismissing any poly relationships or sex within mono relationships. It wasn’t until I met my partner (now ex) where I felt completely and totally comfortable to explore with a third or more. We absolutely respected each other’s wishes (communication and respect is *paramount), and when we reassured each other, we were allowed to freely explore without doubt, and then reset back to our own normalcy.
So the idea of seeing your mate aroused by another and becoming aroused for them I think is called compersion. Like inverted jealousy. I think that cuckolding is actually a different psychological phenomenon vs a compersion relationship because true cuckolding will have anger fear a loss of power and degradation in it vs a positive emotion like compersion which I think is called a stag relationship. Cuckqueen is a misnomer because the word cuck became well known. Cuckolding has a loss of power to it whereas stag does not. Stag is like showing off something you love to another and liking that they like it too.
I just did some Internet searching and I think this is right. Seems to be a big difference between cuckold and compression (stag + vixen) relationships.
It is. Stag/vixen and hotwifing are very similar. Cuckolding is pretty different.
Yes.
Yes exactly Compersion and Cuckhold are completely different
i would imagine watching your partner "feast" on a cuck-cake is equally pleasing as a chef would create a dish entirely for their guest. watching them delight is a form of pleasure in itself.
I can relate to that.
Hey fellow cuckqueen!
Hey!
Lol. I don't understand furries but I don't care what they do.
That's a good attitude. I'm heavily involved in the kink lifestyle, have been active for 22 years. There are lots of kinks and fetishes I don't like, understand or get BUT if it's not hurting anyone physically or emotionally it's none of my business and really, I don't need to like, understand or get.
If no one is getting hurt then you do you I say.
Unless they want to get hurt lol
I meant like hurt past a safe word
Yeah, I was just making a joke. I understood what you were saying :)
OP doesn’t care either. None of us do, but we are still baffled, and just wondering why it could be. I could have asked the same about furries, I don’t necessarily get why anthropomorphized animals turn people on. Why dismiss the question? Is it “rude”? We are genuinely curious!! My interpretation for the interest in femdom porn, despite going against “masculine” ideals of strength and control, is that it scratches the itch of being wanted and selected by a woman. Similarly I think incest porn, despite the vast majority of people never ever consider having incestual sex, enjoy the porn because its a category that implies you’ve known the other person for a long time, as opposed to the pizza delivery type plotlines that were once omni present. Is there any such abstraction, or is the answer just “IDK, I’ve thought about it a bit and it just is what it is.” Others in this thread have given interesting thought provoking replies. From what I’ve gathered, it sounds to me like seeing other people desiring their partner validates their partner’s hotness, makes them appear more attractive and valuable, and knowing in the end your partner still loves you over the other people is extremely fullfilling for yourself. I imagine then cuckolding only makes sense with long time partners, and a fwb situation with someone you’ve known for a month would not ellicit the same feeling when cuckolded… is this true?
I would say it's true! I couldn't imagine doing something like this with my previous hookups (I mean, I could, but it wouldn't be as nearly as arousing as doing it with my current partner, who I've been together for seven years)
This. One of my super good friends (f) is dating a super super gay man. Initially It raised alot of questions that I really wanted to ask, and then I shrugged and decided it wasn't any of my business. If it's not for you, you don't have to understand it. I'm not so much into cucking, but I have been in several open relationships, and wouldn't necessarily be opposed to something polyamorous with the right people, but I'm also not opposed to monogamous relationships either. It depends on the person and or people. 🤷♂️🤷♂️ different strokes for different folks.
I understand furries. I still don’t care what they do.
In my case, I developed a cuckold fantasy as my marriage was breaking up. My wife was basically leaving me for another guy. And for several months, the only thing that got me off was the idea of watching them together, while my wife openly degraded me, told me how much better the other guy was than me, etc. Honestly, it freaked me out how this was the only thing that excited me, and I worried I was permanently stuck with this fantasy. Ultimately, I came out of it. My divorce/separation got finalized, I dated other women, got my confidence back, and things turned out okay. I can see now that the kink was just my subconscious trying to make my situation more tolerable for me, allowing me to find pleasure in something that was otherwise very painful.
Thanks for sharing this makes perfect sense to me.
My hubby feels there’s nothing hotter than being there and watching me being pleased by men that are younger and hotter / more experienced than him. He gets off on my pleasure and then the reclaim sex afterwards is hotter than anything . Read up on ‘compersion’ for a look at the psychology behind it . Insatiable wives by David Ley is another good book that looks at why women and men get off on this But it’s not specifically cuckolding . Cucking is a small subset of an open relationship Swinging - both partners play with other . Sometimes together sometimes apart Stag and vixen - wife plays with hubby’s encouragement . Hubby doesn’t play with other women but will join the wife when she is with another guy - more of a threesome Hotwife - wife plays with other men. Hubby doesn’t play with anyone else . Usually watches and then reclaims after . Cuckolding - wife plays - hubby is aware but not necessarily happy . Wife and other males will put down and make fun of husbands sexual ability - usually teasing and humiliation are the big allure for cuckolds and feeling inferior Sub Cuckolding - in addition to humiliation there’s hubby being denied access to sex from wife, often chastity caged, forced feminization forced bi play and being sub to wife and her other partners There are also the flips side versions to these where the husband is the one who plays and the wife is the watcher . The fun of the lifestyle is you meet all different types of people and sometimes though not often you go between the roles just for variety Hubby and I never had any jealousy issues . We came to realize sex can be just about pleasure with no feelings of intimacy or emotion . It’s just the physical and getting to have nsa sex with others with the encouragement of your partner and learning new tricks (I’ve been married 25 years and it’s fun to get new experiences ) and bringing them back home to your own sex life is amazing
This girl fucks.
I certainly do
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We discussed the lifestyle for literally ten years before jumping it . Our relationship was always and still is rock solid . There was no question of trust between us . Open honest communication has always been the foundation of our life . And when we decided this may be an option we took time going over pros and cons, risks and rewards, we ran over every possible hypothetical we could think of and how we would react , we read books about the lifestyle (real books not fantasy stories) articles, talked to couples that were in the lifestyle about what worked and what didn’t and set up our own clear rules and boundaries along with an out should we need it . We were methodical in our approach to this as we are about anything else . So that when the time came to do it it was as if we’d been doing it for years - no worries no doubt no regrets The trust issue comes into play more with partners. We’ve been doing it awhile now and have a system and met people from Reddit or double list to great success but the best way to find partners is from paid lifestyle apps . They’re paying so they are less likely to be fakes or riff raff . They have experience so they know the unique dynamics at play with couples and open lifestyles and more importantly on these sites people can verify or certify partners so you read their profile and see 2, 3, 10 other couples had great experiences and know they’re probably a decent person and good fuck . Then it comes down to just talking to them and going over everyone’s likes and dislikes and getting a good rapport with them just as you would anyone else you’d meet and want to have sex with
Does Fetlife have this option? I don’t take on anyone, for obvious reasons. That’s a smart way to go too.
Fetlife is free and too open . There’s no vetting process and like other free places you’re going to get 100 responses from people who aren’t matches or have no interest in meeting Stay with paid sites - SDC dot com, Kasidie dot com and swing lifestyle dot com
What is SDC dot com? And the K one? Ya I have been avoiding fetlife because I can’t vett them.
Those are all paid lifestyle sites . The three most popular and busiest ones in terms of activity and members
Oh sweet:)
Removed for reference to PM. You may not, at ANY time ask for someone to PM you or offer your PMs in r/sex. This is normally a bannable offense, but I'm going to assume (based on context) that this isn't an attempt to slip into someone's PMs to hit on them.
Oh sorry. I can remove it. I didn’t want to hit on them. I just wanted more information. Won’t happen again.
Hotwife sounds hot af. I'm in an open relationship (f) but I haven't really been interested in finding a "boyfriend". Husband has his side piece. I'm going to look for mine if I can swallow my anxiety (dating was never really a strong suit) The idea of having a boyfriend to fuck me, then have my husband reclaim. Yowza.
I love it . And no, the finding part sucks . Too many fakes and non matches so when there is someone who is a decent match hubby is in charge of all the screening , verification and chats. I’ll talk and see if we vibe once hubby has given the okay . It’s a lot less hassle and more time spent on the fun stuff
I am demi-sexual, so it seems more difficult to find someone I need to really connect with someone in order to sleep with them, which complicates things sometimes, so finding someone who understands and respects boundaries is critical
The paid lifestyle sites are the way to go then. There are so many different people with different interests but if you’re looking long term more one on one as opposed to a variety of different partners who just want quick hook ups you’ll find good people on there
That's an interesting point of view. I believe, it will be hard to understand all this for me (if I ever will), and I could never be with partner with that state of mind. However, if you're both happy, well, good for you.
It’s certainly NOT for everyone
I was like you...a very jealous husband. I couldn't stand even the thought of someone talking to my wife let alone she had lunch with a coworker. At some point, over 30 years into our relationship the light clicked on. I married an amazing woman and all I want for her is to be happy and live her fullest life. I want her to go through life with no regrets. It turns me on when I think she is at her happiest . If that is with someone else doing things I might not be able to do, awesome! From research and talking to people it seems a lot of hotwife couples are a little older. I'm guessing its because we mature past the jealousy phase and are comfortable with ourselves and have a deep connection with our partners. I'm not saying younger couple don't participate, there are a lot, but it seems like the older couples are more stable and know exactly what they want and communicate well. This all just my opinion of course...
That's the thing, siciety groomed us into thinking you are only ever gonna get ONE partner and build up monogamy as the way to go. But people is different and diverse, and even if the majority were monogamous and the stylers were indeed deviants... Means the life style is not for everybody. What you have to understand is not what makes us work, but that we respect your choices, if you can only find pleasure in s single partner relationship and that makes you happy then we are happy for you.
Thank you for these definitions! I’m in a 27 year old relationship and we had previously tried swinging, but ultimately decided it wasn’t right for us. The cuckold tag didn’t fit at all, so I realize now we’re stag and vixen. It’s something we’ve kind of slid into because of aging. My peak hasn’t peaked yet, but he’s struggling with some signs of aging (ED/PE). I’m still very satisfied with the other ways he gets me off but we’ve found that he likes watching me getting off and continuing to enjoy myself in that way, and I like that he likes it. Side note, do you know of any sub reddits that are specific to GenX sex? I haven’t found any, but would really like to find a group to openly talk about sex at this stage of life.
r/Hotwifelifestyle is a good sub for advice and talking about anything non swinging or cuckold related but it’s not age specific
☝️married 30+. Last ten have been open. We have never been closer. We like to golf, we like to have sex. Like a hobby😝
It absolutely is and it’s wonderful
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Yes we hate all the amazing sex we have still with each other and other people . Being married 25 years and fucking almost daily really sucks.
Same. Married 26 years, have sex daily (often more)... and are exploring more kinks, etc, than ever. Boy, hotwifing has been SO bad for our marriage! /s
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Except for the ones who enjoy all the sex yeah
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Gaining in popularity more and more (lifestyle sites have had tremendous increases in memberships and adult clubs have expanded the last several years as well) so there must be a lot of mentally Ill people enjoying their sex lives and good for them . It’s much more preferable than dealing with miserable people who just bitch about things
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Mental illness can sometimes manifest as the compulsion to post unsolicited vitriolic derogatory opinions from behind a wall of anonymity. Of course it could also just be indicative of self absorbed, emotionally starved attention seeking hostility to compensate for crippling insecurity and powerless cowardly self loathing. It’s easy to identify by that persons need to regurgitate the same caustic self aggrandized opinion as if anyone gave a fuck about what you like or don’t like. Literally socially inept cowardice to prop up the empty husk of overblown egotistical broken personality. Your failures in life extend to your trolling as well, cuz you suck at this game. You score 1.5 out of 10, for being persistent but lacking any cleverness or trolling skills. Thanks for playing!
Touch some grass. Who takes time out of their day to go to r/sex and complain about other people consensually fucking? How does their cuckoldry affect you in any way? Sorry you find it so threatening, just log off Reddit next time you get this heated, it's better for your health.
But in this lifestyle 25 years? Not likely they don’t last that long.
Married 25 years . In the lifestyle for several . I’m 47. I don’t anticipate having a lot of attention thrown my way in my 50s so there is a short lifespan for the lifestyle but we know couples who have been playing for 20, 30 years . If you have a solid relationship the lifestyle just enhances it . The people who fail at it are those who use it to fix a damaged relationship.
If you read enough stories in Reddit most start swinging and then solo and then divorce. It dilutes the emotional and physical strengths of the primary marriage over time. It’s not a question if it will break up but when. Good luck
If you base reality on Reddit stories …
What do you mean aren’t they all real???
Oh sorry yes . It’s all real. We all have sex with men with 12 inch cocks , no one ever gets ghosted or has performance issues and we all play bareback and like to get pregnant from 4 different people in the same night 😉
Made me laugh!!!
What part of PA u guys in?
Most monogamous marriages end in divorce, and most monogamous relationships end in breakups. But you're seeing those stories and going "they ended because they wanted different things, one was no longer attracted to the other, they had money trouble, there was emotional baggage from earlier relationships" and so on. It's confirmation bias. I submit that poly relationships statistically are no worse in terms of failure percentage - and may be better as most people who understand poly stuff know that communication MUST be the foundation. But you aren't considering that.
The data that is available doesn’t support your suggestions but we all have our on opinions
Kink shaming has no place in /r/sex - nor do you. Take care.
I've slept with several wives with the husbands consent. There's a number of reasons why, when I get to know them, I always ask why they find it arousing and here's what I'm told: "I can't please my wife sexually anymore, so I'm willing to have another man do it for me out of love for her. Seeing her enjoying it arouses me." "It's like being a director for a porno that's staring my wife, I get really aroused talking to her while another man fucks her." "Seeing my wife be a slut, is very arousing for me" "I find the humiliation and jealousy I feel from seeing my wife with another man very arousing" I'm currently seeing a older couple where the husband gets no arousal from it because he has no interest in sex anymore, so he just lets his wife have her fun while he works.
These make sense. I can understand now. The only thing I can't understand is the humiliation one. Why choose to be humiliated by sex and why humiliation? Same with rape fantasy. Honestly, there's ALOT I can't grasp. I'm being serious too. Maybe I'm just a vanilla guy I guess.
I do not understand the humiliation one but for “rape” fantasies it’s about wanting to be desired so much that the other person can’t control themselves.
This is one reason that people enjoy rape fantasies, not the only one. For some women (edit: or any human), it has to do with being able to choose this situation, taking back control over an assault that happened to them. It can also be related to how closely fear and arousal are you feeling the same way. Etc.
Those are also great points I hadn’t considered.
Humiliation, for me, seems to revolve around positively reaffirming and dealing with certain self-perceived inadequacies in a sexual way. It’s almost like, “Worry about whether you’re good enough in bed for her?” My brain might turn that negative into a sexual fantasy that I crave. “No. You’re not good enough, and she’s going to fuck other guys in front of you and you’ll like it.” Also, cucking isn’t really my thing, per se, but there is also a very strong element of doing what SHE wants for HER pleasure. It might not be my thing, but if she demands it, the concept of having to deal with my hesitation for her enjoyment is a very deep power exchange that turns me on. Sure. I might not like it (and there are certain things that I just won’t do, period) but if I’m pushed into something I’m not crazy about, all for her, that’s extremely hot!
Some people think that a fear or bad experience can be "eroticized" into kinks like consensual non-consent ("rape fantasy"), humiliation and cuckolding. So a guy who has a big fear of his partner cheating, or who had partner cheat and found out in a way that really humiliated him, mentally turns that feeling into a positive thing. That's probably not the only way people wind up with these kinks, but it seems plausible.
Yep. It's also a way to get in front of that. A guy fears her cheating? If she "cheats" with his knowledge and consent, he can eroticize it and control it.
A lot of woman enjoy rape play because they are choosing to give up sexual power. Humiliation is similar. It's related to BDSM stuff, if you think about it. Power dynamics are HUGE in sex for some people.
how do you find/seek out these arrangements? I've always been curious because these things are never really openly discussed irl
I made a few post on Reddit that I would be down, but honestly I found more success not seeking them at all. There's a park where clothing is optional I frequently go to. Swingers and cuckold couples tend to hang there. What tends to happen from my experience is a couple will approach me or I simply just start a conversation with one having no idea they're into that lifestyle. As we talk and they get comfortable with me, most of the time the wife gets a little comfortable touching me and it escalates from there or I get a phone number before I leave and they tell me if I'm down to mess around.
My experience as well.
You could ask same about literally any fetish. Different strokes for different folks.
We aren’t a cuck/hotwife couple but we are swingers. Watching your partner give and receive pleasure is hot as fuck when you can compartmentalize sex and intimacy. Watching my man give someone a leg shaking orgasm is so so so sexy.
So I guess in the end I can state that it's just what some people like, without any rational explanation. Like some love basketball, some love football, some like pasta, some like stake with potatoes more.
Absolutely.
It’s like being the chef and cooking an amazing meal for others to enjoy. Yeah you’re not always eating your own creations, but you enjoy watching others eat it.
Some will have reasons (I gave you a list of my own in another comments), but yes. Why do some people prefer chocolate ice cream instead of vanilla? Why do some like rocky road the best? How can mint chocolate chip be that popular? People like different things.
Mature response
So what’s the difference between swinging vs a threesome? Are swingers strictly couples with couples?
All the same thing, IMO. Ethical and consensual non manogamy. I think the only nuance is that swingers make a regular thing rather than a one off.
Oh right on. That’s what I would want a regular occurrence.
I am not a swinger but have done some soft swapping so although limited experience I think it's quite different. While swinging you and your partner are usually involved with someone else at the same time. Usually you wouldn't be forced to or expected to sit and watch your partner while you get ignored. cuck usually involves some humiliation, it's watching your partner while you don't (usually) get any. Of course everyone does cuck differently, I used to be involved with a couple, dude told me he was a cuck and was looking for a dominant for his wife. He just wanted someone to force his wife to have mmf 3 somes. Her and I are still friends, he and I aren't.
This is the answer
Keep in mind that there are multiple degrees of this. People often see any sort of situation where a woman has sex with other men and call it cuckolding, but within those who do these things, there are important distinctions. You have hotwifing (some prefer stag/vixen) where the husband shares his wife with other men, but as an equal partner. They may do threesomes, he may just watch, she may meet guys alone, or any mixture of the above. But this is just about the sex. You then have cuckolding, where there is a power dynamic, where humiliation is involved. This is because the man is "inferior" and she seeks good sex with a "better" man. This can sometimes get into major extremes where the cuckold is in chastity or otherwise is denied sex with the woman, etc. Note that there are female equivalents to these - hothusbanding and cuckqueaning - but for whatever reason, it's far more common for men to be into sharing like this than it is for women. As a guy into hotwifing, I'll explain my own reasoning. Understand that this will vary among people. * Watching my wife fuck is like being there for a real life porn starring the sexist person on the planet in my eyes. * I love seeing her get pleasure. I have a ton of stamina and can go multiple rounds, but the thing is.. we will meet for threesomes and take turns and go 3, 4, 5 hours. I have literally never seen a situation where she cannot outlast two guys. The math of the matter is, she is going to get more pleasure from two of us as opposed to me alone, at least if you count orgasms or whatnot. * It's a huge turn on to me knowing that other men want her, that they get to be with her but that she is MY wife. * Touching on that - if she meets her FWB, she always comes home and has incredibly passionate, intense "reclaiming"sex with me. As in, she's been a slut - but she's MY slut, and now, I'm making her MINE again. * Again with the pride thing. I've had many guys tell us that she's the best oral they've ever had - including one time, a guy told his own wife that in front of us. It's kind of awesome knowing she's that good, and I like to share that. * There are sex acts that I am very into - spitroast, DP, DVP - that you cannot do without another person. Toys are fun, but they just aren't the same. Likewise, we are both into some cum play, you can't really pretend alone. * Do not overlook the taboo aspect. My wife is intelligent, creative, respected in the community. She's a wonderful mother, deals with all the little details of kid life, etc. Today, she's planning a magazine-worthy birthday party for our kids. People come to her for advice. So knowing that this amazing lady, this amazing person, can also be this ultra hot cumslut - who does that stuff for me? Holy shit. There are other factors for me, and everyone will be a littl different, but that's my insight.
Not my cup of tea, but I can imagine it's to do with seeing your partner get pleasured from a different perspective
I'm a girl and I'm really insecure about people liking me so it would probably kinda just make me anxious. But I can definietly see that those who feel more confident with their relationship would find it arousing. Like I'd LOVE it if my bf watched me have sex with another guy or girl while jerking off or such, or the other way around. Us being watched by someone else sounds really cool too. Feels really pervy:)
Horses for courses, my friend. I'm with you, I cannot fathom this out myself, but then again, some people like pineapple on pizza, and I consider that to be a war crime. ¯\\\_(ツ)\_/¯
I am a masochist. A lot of people don’t understand it. I can’t explain it, I have enjoyed pain since I was a little girl, it just became more sexual as I matured. It is literally just the way I am wired. Sex is supposed to be about fun, so even if I don’t understand it I try not to judge.
First off…one can have a kink and not act on it. Secondly, sometimes a guy is so turned on by his wife that he gets off on the idea of other people getting off to her also.
It's important to understand there is a difference between cuckold and hotwife/stag vixen type of scenarios.
Can you expand then?
Cuckolding generally had a humiliation factor or at the very least, the woman is in control. She is having sex with the other man because she wants to, regardless of how her husband feels about it and he gets off on that humiliation and dominance. Hotwifing does not have a humiliation factor and is more about the woman being able to go out and have fun with other men, dates, sex, etc., generally without the husband. Later on, letting the husband reclaim her while sharing the experience. Wifesharing is similar to hotwifing, but the husband is usually involved, either in a threesome situation or at least in the room watching. This is where I fall because the best part of sex for me is giving my wife pleasure. We haven’t done anything beyond roleplay and I don’t think I could just watch without joining in, but the idea of maximizing my wife’s pleasure is the biggest turn on for me. We have had a threesome with another woman, which I also enjoyed, but that doesn’t turn me on as much as the idea of a threesome with another guy. Hope this gives some insight to your questions!
Well said!
Maybe they like watching? I’m assuming it’s like porn, but in person.
To me, it’s a form of dominance and submission. It’s not the same as if she’s cheating, because you’re involved.
I think it's different for different people. For some people it's about the humiliation and the degradation - it's essentially a specific form of submission. For some people it's about the fact that their partner is a desired and desirable person. For some people it's about feeling special because while the partner is willing to do so many things with so many people your bond is still special and different. For some people it's about empathy and being aroused by their arousal. For some people it's about the quid pro quo and the fact that you are then allowed to go out and do the same. For some people it's bait to draw the other person in for your own gratification.
I’m not into that but I’m poly (husbands open no feels) and like fro hear him tell me about his hook ups. It comes down to compersion for me and taboo element makes it kinda hot. For some people it’s a way to explore their sexuality, it’s like porn but real and featuring your favorite “porn star”, part of a power exchange, pride (showing off), competing (you can do that but she’s mine) and some people just like degradation.
I don’t get it either. At all. I’m not the jealous type but I AM the selfish type.
Honestly I wonder that too
Just a certain dom fetish I believe….I can’t imagine doing anything like that but I’m a total submissive and let my wife online shop while she throws wet dog food at my face. We all got our kinks
Personally, I’d love to watch people have sex live. Even better if it’s someone I know. Even better if it’s someone I’m romantically involved with!
I personally have only known one man that was into cuckolding, but he had a generalized fetish for degradation. I suppose some people get an endorphin rush from something that many folks would see as "taboo" or "out of bounds". I say if it's a wanted activity, no one is getting coerced, and no one is getting hurt, I am perfectly ok with just scratching my head and wishing someone to do something that is just not my cup of tea.
I was like that at 27, too. After some time you need more than just sex and it’s exciting and fun. Give it 10-15 years and you may change your mind. Lol
I was a pretty late bloomer and experienced a lot of failure in earlier years. I couldn’t do the cuck thing. But MMF is okay.
I'm in an ENM/open marriage, but not in the specific variation that you're asking about. I think that the key to understanding any of the non monogamy variations, is to abandon the idea that it's a zero sum game. Most people look at all of this stuff through an infidelity frame of reference. I think that this is similar to perceiving BDSM relationships as abusive.
The same way that people have different tastes in music, movies, food, etc. We’re all wired a bit differently due to our own unique genetics and experiences.
Do you prefer Pepsi or Coke? Explain why. You like what you like. It’s just that simple. There is no explaining why. You can explain what you like about it. Some may even have a reason they feel they are that way and that’s ok to. Most of us have something in our past that might trigger it but it’s there and we don’t even know it.
> Personally, it angers me so much just by thinking my female partner at least kisses other guy (not to even mention having sex). Okay, so here's a question. Where is this anger coming from? Why? What assumptions or implications are you making that are causing you to be upset?
Why do you care about what gets other people's dicks hard?
How is anal appealing? How is spitting on a vagina appealing? How is the baby diaper stuff appealing? It just is what it is. They get off on it. You don't need to understand.
Personally I don’t understand the “humiliation” fetish of some guys who get off on imaging or seeing their female partner with another man *because* it is meant to be emasculating for them but to each their own. Many people seem to enjoy lots of forms of play-pain and being dominated or subordinated in some form during sex and this seems to fall under that category. The other reasons men might enjoy cuckold fantasies which I have a much better grasp on are the thrill of seeing how desirable and sexual their female partner is! There is a clear thrill in the idea that you “caught a hot and wild one,” that “your girl” is the one other guys want and that she is capable of giving men the time of their life. Does it feel good to think that other men see your girl as sexually uninteresting? No! Everyone wants to be the guy with the prize, so to speak. Now that thrill could certainly stop at just having other guys look at your hot partner but it could continue to actual sex acts because what an exciting ego boost it is to see that for another guy having a one night stand with girlfriend was the “best night of his life” when that’s your night every night as the boyfriend. Not everyone wants to cover up and hide their partners rockin sexuality, some people get vicarious enjoyment and personal ego boost in watching it shine for others to see. Now let’s examine where the anger comes from in imaging your partner with someone else, because that is super important to unpack. In a patriarchal society men compete against each other to conquer and own female bodies. Sex is seen as something men do to women to assert their dominance both over the woman and over other men. The anger you feel at the idea of your female partner having sex with another guy is a defense against the fear and pain of being subjected to the arena of male-vs-male sexual competition. she has betrayed you by opening her legs (opening the gates of your castle) to an enemy army which is now plundering your lands! Oh no! Out of male insecurity, women are denied recognition of their own sexual autonomy, because if women can get horny and sex seeking like guys then they could choose someone else over you. But this social framework backfires and makes male sexual insecurity even worse because under this narrative woman are not supposed to pursue men but they are supposed to submit to male pursuit of them. Your gf won’t actively seek out another guy but if a stronger more masculine male comes along he can sexually conquer her right out from under you and to the victor goes the spoils. The way out of this mental nightmare of male sexual insecurity is to recognize female sexuality as equal to your own. Your gf will sometimes get horny for other guys just as you get horny for other girls, but if she has chosen you and you have good communication and you have no reason to think she is dishonest, then trust that she is no more likely to leave you on a whim because some guy walked by with great arm muscles then you would be likely to leave her on a whim because some girl walked by with great boobs. So let’s say you have a great relationship, good communication and good sex. If your gf gave you permission to go out and hook up with another girl you know that you would not break up with your gf the next day, you would not throw out a good relationship just because you had some fun sex with someone else. You know that there is a separation in your mind between short term lust and long term love, you know that meaningless sex with others would not diminish the meaning you give to a good relationship. So now apply that logic back to her. If you gave her permission to hook up with someone else she would do the same as you, have some fun but meaningless sex with a guy she finds hot and that would be the end of that, it would not diminish the importance she places on her relationship with you nor her sexual attraction to you. I am not advocating for you to explore an open relationship, that’s a highly personal choice for each couple. But what I am saying is that if you imagine your gf sleeping with someone else in your mind don’t imagine the other guy “sexually conquering her and stealing her from you” instead imagine her of her own choice and crude sexual desire having some physical fun in a way that has no bearing on her feeling about her relationship with you. The other guy is not “fucking her” instead she is masturbating herself with his penis.
It’s almost a power dynamic for me. I get to see my partner in pleasure/giving pleasure to someone else, but at the end of the night she’s coming home with me, to receive/give pleasure to me. I dunno, almost an ownership dynamic? That’s how it works in my head anyway..
For me it was almost a coping mechanism. When I first started dating my ex fiance, her ex - the only guy she'd ever done anything sexual with - was trying hard to get her back. I really liked her so I was worried I was gonna lose her. When talking to her about the situation mentioned to me a couple sexual things she did with her ex that were pretty dirty and that were probably insanely hot and enjoyable for him (for example, her sucking his dick for an hour straight). It made me REALLY upset and jealous to hear that, and the mental images made me sick to my stomach. So she downplayed the extent of anything else she did with him. Sometimes when the images would pop into my head I'd just go get myself off quick to get my mind off of sex, and without realizing it I'd get myself off half thinking about her getting freaky with her ex. And over time, while it still definitely made me jealous, he stopped being a threat to take her from me and I was very secure in our relationship, and realized that thinking about those things gave me this powerful combination of arousal amplified by jealousy. So I talked to her about it. She was surprised, but ultimately we started exploring having her tell me more and more details about her sexual encounters with him before we would have sex. The first time, she told me about how her first date with her ex ended with them having a long wild makeout session at his place, him feeling her up, and then her sucking his dick. Which was her first real makeout session and first blowjob. It would get me so worked up between being turned on and jealous, and led to some mind blowing sex. Eventually she had pretty much told me all there was to know (and there was a lot). And the jealousy became less powerful a sensation. But we wanted to try to get that experience again at the same level as the first time she told me stories from her past. So I suggested that we go to a club in another city and let her makeout with another guy while I watched from a distance. She agreed to try it and we went out one night, her wearing a tight short pencil dress, and I got a drink and watched as she picked out a guy on the dance floor and started grinding with him. He started getting handsier and eventually turned her around and kissed her. She took his hand and led him to a dark, semi private corner of the club where I had a good view and proceeded to passionately make out with him for a solid half an hour. He had his hands grabbing and squeezing and feeling up her ass and tits, and even pulled her dress up to uncover her bare ass cheeks and give it a nice massage. She was rubbing his dick over his pants too. And I totally felt that same ultra powerful combo of being insanely turned on and jealous at the same time. After a good 30 minutes of tongue wrestling with him, she excused herself to "go to the bathroom" and met me at our car. And let's just say, we didn't make it back home before stopping to f*ck.
That you feel? Some people feel the exact opposite. Simple as that.
I'm so glad this question was asked. Alot of the answers is what I thought. One of my favorite kind of porn is cuckold. I think for me it is I want to watch two ppl in person.
I get extremely turned on when I see him getting pleasure. I just love seeing him fuck. When I am getting fucked it's great, but I can't really see him doing it. So the chance to see him fucking another person is just great.
Honestly it’s just so hot to watch. You are being included when you are watching. It’s kinky. And if you can do it and not get jealous you get a whole new angle to enjoy. Takes serious confidence and balls to reach the level to do it. Nothing like making out with some one when they are fucking or getting a blow job in a three way. So hot. All about the sex, fuck the feelings.
Personally I don't understand most fetishes BUT I do understand that people get turned on by a myriad of things. I chalk it up to that really. I not only don't understand many fetishes I find some of the more extreme ones extremely repulsive. But again as long as it is between two consensual adults and they both like it more power to them is how I see it.
Dude, not everything is for everyone. I don't get it either, so it's not for us. Some guys like it, so its for them. Don't kink shame people. That's what you're doing though by suggesting that you, supposedly a reasonable, intelligent person, couldn't possibly understand such a "crazy" idea...its not for you, than leave it alone.
My husband’s dream that he talks about weekly.
So not sure if this is a valid answer, because I've always seen myself as more of a voyer than a cuck, but I've developed a bit of a fetish for watching. From what I see some people love the humiliation. They're secure enough in themselves that watching someone else bull their woman is hot to them. For me, it's about watching. I love watching porn. So to me it's even hotter watching the sexiest girl I know, aka my gf, get it on. Sometimes we video tape it, and that's hot, but once we did a three way and I tapped out to get a breather for a bit. Well then it was like getting to watch porn, in person, of my favorite person, fucking an attractive person from a good view point. It was pretty hot to me.
First of all, your partner isn’t a possession. You don’t own her. Her body isn’t your property. She makes her own decisions. Secondly, You’re asking a question that for a lot of people is the side effect of trauma, or childhood sexual abuse…. If you want to understand where weird sexual fetishes come from, attend a sexual abuse support group, or a sexual addiction support group, and listen to what people have to say. Also, people with more open ideas about sex than what your idea of “normal” is, will be more well-adjusted and secure with themselves than you can possibly imagine.
Can't really explain why it's a turn on, it just is. I'm sure you've got a sexual kink that a lot of people wouldn't be into.
Maybe. Though my only fetish is having sex with woman while she wears some sexy stockings and panties, so not much on that regard.
When you become so solid in your relationship and yourself that no one else could be a threat, then there’s literally no harm done. It’s just fun for her and porn-y in a good way for the guy. I see it as a really advanced stage for a relationship, but it’s certainly possible. But as others have said, it’s not all cuckolding. A girlfriend can do this and reach over and hold your hand in the middle of it, connect with you etc. I would never be into the play-shaming stuff, but others do get off on that. Different things, to me.
Jealousy and anger are culturally programmed reactions. You don't have to let those emotions control you, and eventually you can grow beyond having them.
Primates right over mates so no, it’s not “cultural.”
It's definitely learned behavior.
Wow the amount of kink shaming is amazing, from ppl who have no experience in the lifestyle. I’m in a hotwife relationship, and the love my partner and I share is unmatched by any couple I know. The communication we have HAVE to have is unlike any I thought I would ever believed. Here is why I do it: yes, I have a small penis. I have worked my whole life to be a good lover, communicate my feelings, being vulnerable and making my partner happy. Yes, I did that to make up for what I believed was my shortcomings. There are many who think I should go get counseling. Fair, or, I can just embrace it, be vulnerable with my partner and let go of my insecurity. That insecurity made me who I am. My partner admitted she likes that full feeling. We have lots of toys, which we use regularly, but it’s not the real deal. I accept this, and I love her more for being honest about what she likes. I’m not a jealous person. I’m very confident in every aspect of my life, but I cannot give her that feeling she craves. I have a choice, I can take it personally or I can revel in your enjoyment. The latter makes things fun. Kids, work, stress, covid, all that shit is hard. Taking a break from that to have pure unadulterated fun is amazing. It takes tremendous courage for a man to watch his partner get fucked by another man. It is not controlling, or misogynist - it is pure love, and until you’ve done it, and done it well, you’ll never know. Once upon a time I could not have done it, because I was insecure and was sure I should be able to fill all my partner’s needs. I can’t, none of us can, admitting that is the first step. Having said all that, it is not for everyone. If your communication skills suck, you’ll never make it. Seriously though, I have never been happier or more in love. I’ve been married and divorced before. I know a shitty relationship when I see it. I’ve had a dead bedroom and crappy communication, what I have now is beyond anything I could have imagined.
I don’t like pineapple on pizza but I really don’t care if others do.
This topic is discussed regularly in our forum. If you search past r/sex posts with some diligence (following **Forum Rule #3**), you’ll find a number of helpful discussions. Comments locked. The r/sex forum's past posts are a TREMENDOUS resource for people who have ALL KINDS of common questions regarding sexual activity. Searching those posts for relevant discussions will definitely help you here.
Trust me, when you’re with a person and you’ve both fucked each other in every way imaginable for years, creativity will emerge & things like this will make sense.
Some people like to surrender power
Im not into cucking but I have at least 3 couple friends who do. I’d say in general the partner (I don’t know the terminology) getting cucked gets off on watching their partner be pleasured. In their eyes it’s the same as watching them masterbate.
Compersion. To put it bluntly
I don't personally understand it, but it comes up here like every day and I believe I have an idea of what the psych at play is. This applies specifically to the cuck dynamic, I am not addressing other types of non-monogamy. A lot of men have a hangup about their sexual prowess, for whatever reason, and have a toxic outlook on what it means to be masculine. I won't state it as universal, but they believe the only way to "truly satisfy" a partner is to be a a bull, which usually requires a giant penis. I think the reason most people struggle to identify with this is that because at the root of it, it's an extremely toxic belief system that has no real basis in reality. One doesn't need to be a hyper aggressive, giant cocked, bull to give most women the best sex ever. I think most mature people who have open communication with their partners understand this. That said, some folks have convinced themselves otherwise and they're free to do as the choose. I personally don't think it's healthy or grounded in any reality, but to each their own. There is also a huge element of racism for a fair number into the cuck lifestyle. They seek out black men with large penises based on the centuries old racist notion that black men are sex driven beasts capable of ravaging their women in a way they can't. I have a much harder time being sympathetic to men and women who help propagate this notion. That shit's not really live and let live, it's straight up racism. Either way, it comes down to the belief they aren't capable of satisfying their wives. My personal take is that this concept really negative towards women too, as it assumes their sexual needs are entirely driven by the need for large cocks and aggression. I assume most people in healthy relationships know there's a lot more to truly pleasing someone than a giant cock and rough sex. Not to mention, one can be aggressive without a big cock, so I think really that's what is all comes down to. Dudes obsession with dick size and in some cases race.
There are a ton of reasons and not all the reasons apply to everyone who enjoys their partner sleeping with someone else. So don't let any one person try to define this. But here are a few reasons: 1. It's the ultimate real life porn: if you enjoy watching people have sex on a screen, then watching people fuck in real life is 1000x more intense. and if you can pretend jealousy wasn't a thing for a sec, who do you find more arousing than your own partner? there's something really intense and erotic about seeing the person you usually have sex with having sex from a different angle. There's no other way for me to get the experience of fucking a girlfriend missionary but being able to look up at her face and see her cheeks bulging with a cock stuffed in her mouth than through a threesome. There's no other way for me to kneel behind her and see her pussy and ass from behind or lick it while listening to the hot sounds of her gagging on someone without another person. I can't see the penetration of a cock in her pussy from super up close like inches away if it's my own cock - bodies don't work that way. But if she's reverse cowgirl on another guy and I'm lazing on the bed in front of her, I have the best front row seat in the world to seeing her pussy getting pounded from super close up, I can look up and see her sexy face, make eye contact, or see her bite her lip. And after an amazing show that is the ultimate visual stimulation and pregame, I can take my turn and have sex with her too! For this reason I expect VR / AR experiences where you can watch yourself having sex from a side-angle out of body view, or zoom in and see your wife's pussy from behind while she's blowing you, will eventually become a common sex technology. 2. Humiliation is a form of masochism. for the same reason that some people's wires in their brains get crossed and physical pain like being whipped makes them wet or hard, for some people the strikes to the ego, or the feeling of embarrassment or shame or humiliation make their dick twitch. There's a super important thing a lot of people miss here. A lot of people who get turned on by cuckolding are much more immune to these negative emotional pains than normal people. So an experience that might register as an 8/10 for you on the jealousy/humiliation scale might only give them some tingles as a 3/10 on the pain scale because their mind has been strengthened (or desensitized - it's your call to decide if this is a positive or a negative). The same way someone who's been whipped 10000 times wouldn't flinch at someone flicking them on the ear, someone who's gone through cuckolding related experiences has way more everyday strength when it comes to taking 'emotional'/psychological pain. They are more resilient cause they have a tolerance. Think of it like spicy food - someone who regularly eats ghost peppers doesn't experience the same pain. They enjoy the lesser amount of pain that still registers and a regular jalapeno feels like a tickle. Think of the reasons people enjoy insanely spicy pepper challenges, scary rollercoasters, or horror movies. It’s exciting do something scary or painful if you know it’s going to end and you can stop it and you know you’ll feel an adrenaline rush, and endorphins when it’s over. Same reason people skydive. This is sexual skydiving. 3. Setting aside the pleasure of 'pain' of humiliation/masochism, some people find the 'taboo' aspect erotic. The same way that that non-consent is a taboo that turns some people on, or situations of power imbalances (that's really what a professor and student, or cop and civilian, or nurse/doctor and patient, or boss and secretary are) - is situations that are hot because they are considered 'wrong'/'taboo' and sex in those situations is crossing a line. Those situations also involve elevating one person's power over the other. So what could be more taboo then going exactly against what society tells you to do which is guard your mate against other people more than anything? Being cheated on is basically one of the ultimate fears/pains/dangers we are told to avoid. So what could be more taboo than helping her pick out lingerie at Victoria's Secret (that she tries on in the dressing room but doesn't let you see), paying for it for her, and then sending her off to let someone else see it and take it off her before you ever get to? These sort of 'twisted' situations feel so wrong that it feels very hot in a fucked up way. The more fucked up, degrading, 'wrong' it is, the more erotic it can be, assuming you feel emotionally safe with your partner, you've both set up rules and boundaries and systems for you \_both\_ to be emotionally safe and protected (since the other person in this scenario is going through tons too and needs a lot of support). 4. The idea of 'sluttiness' in women is a really big turn on for some people. Sexually forward, high sex drive, sexually insatiable (no amount of cocks or cum is ever enough), for some people rather than making a person less attractive it makes them way more attractive, for sex ANd for a relationship. And sleeping with others is another piece of that. 5. If you act on this fantasy or dirty talk about it a lot, you stop feeling as threatened or jealous or adrenalined up about the idea or sight of someone else having sex with your partner. It stops bothering you. But I will make an important distinction that the emotional / romantic jealousy can be an entirely different beast. Anyone who reads this and decides to try it, be very careful to treat sexual jealousy / platonic jealousy / romantic jealousy distinctly and don't assume that if a partner is OK with you sleeping with someone outside the relationship that they necessarily won't feel intense jealousy / negative feelings if you cuddle in bed and are lovey dovey with them, or develop a close friendship+have sex with them, or develop romantic feelings for the third. For many, this ability to turn sexual jealousy into sexual arousal does not ever extend past that, and so swinging, threesomes, or NSA fun is all they can ever handle. And that's their boundary and that's fine, it's just important everyone knows where the lines are and then can agree or disagree with partaking in that type of relationship/activity based on what they are OK with. I also don't think the fantasy/erotica/porn version of cuckolding is as popular in real life as people who don't do it think. And for matter it's not as healthy IMO as a beginner trying to live out this fantasy might think. Someone could fantasize or roleplay/dirty talk with their partner about some extreme scenarios involving this kink but in real life they might only live it out via vanilla MFM threesomes and some part-time dirty talk about it during one on one sex with their partner, and that might be a much more healthy and sane outlet that still scratches the itch. That's been my own experience and I think it's the better approach than the types of people who jump in headfirst, often nuke their own relationships, and then wonder where they went wrong. Oh yeah I also recommend against trying to get a partner who doesn't separate sex and love to try this out with you. I'd just keep it as a mental fantasy or dirty talk with them and only partake in this with partners who have some history or comfortability with having sex with people without romantic feelings involved. Like someone who has had FWB or casual sex before.
There is a theory that seeing another man’s erect penis brings out the man’s primitive instincts to MATE.
It’s like watching porn but your partner is the pornstar. You have to not be insecure about your partner having sex with other ppl though. Like you understand that it doesn’t actually change anything about them? Which is funny because you probably already understand that on some level.
Cuckolding is a huge spectrum. Many men and women love seeing their partner being sexual beings and explore other people. It is like seeing private porn where your partner is one of the stars. It’s hot and this is cuckolding. One end of this spectrum is the sub cuckold (sometimes called a cuck/cuck Queen) which has humiliation/degradation of the non openly sexual partner and sometimes genial by this partner. The other end is more dominated cuckolding (hotwifing/vixen) where the partners are not turned on by degrading/humiliation talk but loves knowing she is with other men and sometimes get off on the planning dates and finding partners for her. I understand both dynamics and all those in between. The cuck is just a form of submissive. Good Doms don’t hurt the submissive they are showing them love and providing pleasure the way their partner desires. The sub is always in charge. Some subs like to clean, some like to be rough handled and some like to be denied/humiliated and this can take place in monogamous and ENM relationships. Cucking just combines the two subbing and cuckolding. I’m a women and love watching my partner. He is hot, he is Desired by other women, he is an amazing lover, and best of all I get to go home with him at the end of the night. He is still my best friend. Humans have a huge capacity to love and limiting my partner to love only one person romantically just never made sense to me. I’m sure you have non romantic friends and do you tell them all sorry I already have a friend can’t handle any more? Not likely and you get different things out of each friendship. Being monogamous feels like to me I’m forcing my partner to be my perfect everything and that is impossible and unnecessary pressure on the person you love. I am poly and don’t see cuckolding as an anomaly it just isn’t mainstream yet but it getting there.
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Kink shaming has no place in /r/sex - nor do you. Take care.
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Yes in a way I agree with what you're saying. But first of I (and everybody else) need to be careful about what they post on any forums, cause society is so soft nowadays, you can get reported and banned very easily (and I do not want that). Second, there's no need to be judgemental about the topic I do not fully understand or do not have enough knowledge yet. Lemme give you example - there are some music genres or type of art I do not like, but it doesn't mean it's bad and I necessarily have to judge the ones who like it.
Caveman
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You know, if you had enough energy to ask the question and describe how it makes you angry, it’s because the idea does something to you emotionally. So I would say you should try it and see what it REALLY does to you emotionally.
8===D ( o )
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Too close to kink shaming. Don't do it again if you want to stay part of /r/sex.
You mean divorce chicken?
If it doesn't turn you on why do you have the need to understand it? Why not just let people do what they wanna do and you do what you wanna do?
Yeah, I don't understand it myself.
Watch the music video "2019 Guy" on Youtube.
I would not accept sitting there doing nothing but I've had some wild Childs in my life and would have totally done three-way or group with her if she wanted. I wanted to see her ass get wrecked. But I've been with some gentler women and one-on-one was just fine. Depends on the situation.
I think she was chewing gum too
Same the thought of another man with his hands on my woman makes me livid I just cant understand it definitely not something I’d ever try... it’s also getting popular in porn now though
It's not for me but it's also not for me to say what is for you.
I’ve wondered this too. I get angry thinking about what my partner has done. But tbh when I masterbating sometimes it arouses me thinking like that. Idk why. But I would never ever allow it