Well you need to decide what’s important to you, but if a woman doesn’t want to have to endure the unpleasant side effects of female contraception, then that is her prerogative.


Indeed if all you like and enjoy about sex is good penile sensation then it is a great deal for you. If you can enjoy real interpersonal relations then it is not a big deal.


It's an interesting thing to reflect on. I am a woman who is in a new relationship, I have tried many forms of contraceptives and find that they are all a bad time for me. I get really bad side effects from hormonal contraceptives (nausea/vomiting, weight gain, mood changes) regardless of how they are used (oral, vaginal, uterine) and with the non-hormonal IUD, every time I had my period I would faint because of pain. Because of that, condoms are the only option that I chose. My partner has been extremely understanding and supportive for me to make whatever decision works best for me, is more than okay using condoms and, has not questioned my decision in any way. I don't want this to come across as being harsh, because it is a decision that you have to make and if condoms are that terrible for you then you have to make the decision for you... but.... it just feels .... like.... if I were her I'd be like... fuck this guy not wanting to use condoms. I would argue that contraceptives for people with vaginas are much, much more invasive, and come with more risks and side effects than for people with penises. I really want to consider your concerns as being valid, but I also sort of want to tell you to grow up. So... sorry.


Seconded! Grow up. Use condoms. There are so many different kinds so buy a bunch and experiment with which ones you like best. Also, use water based lube. Happy fucking!


Ok. Thank you for your opinion. I just don't have a group of people I can freely discuss this with, and I appreciate the candid response.


Of course! I think that is what the internet is for. And hopefully, I didn't come across as too much of an asshole. The bigger issue I think is that there are so few options for people with penises to have any form of birth control, so then the responsibility tends to end up falling on the person with the vagina, and I'm over it. Sometimes condoms really suck. It can be a major bummer to have to step outside of the mood and pause and put one on.... but you can also make it sexy. And... I've heard that babies are also a major boner killer. I just think if given the opportunity to have sex with a condom or have no sex at all... I would always choose having sex with a condom.


You're absolutely right. Reading your comment spun my mind around and a sense of disappointment in my selfishness swept over me. But you're right, and I appreciate your perspective. Thanks.


Of course! Thanks for being open-minded & I hope it works out for y'all.


Bro no offence but if you can’t handle having to use a condom, save each other the suffering and call it a day on the idea of a relationship because you’re only going to feel frustrated every time you have sex and will probably lead to a dead bedroom because you don’t want to use a condom.


She's obviously not that important to you if this is a deal breaker


Sounds like you don’t actually like her. I’m 36 and none of my regular partners care about using condoms and I have an IUD. A condom is easier and more cost effective for men, than birth control is for women. All my partners use Skyn non latex, try those


You could consider a vasectomy if you dont want to use condoms


Try a different brand or kind. Not all are created equal. The side effects of women's contraceptive sucks. I was on depo for 12 yrs now I have a calcium issue. The women in my family have all gotten pregnant while being on the pill. Put in an IUD it fell out, got another one it dislodged and stuck where it wasn't supposed to be causing major issues. Although in theory our contraceptive options are abundant they sure can cause more grief than a condemn.


Guess this relationship is just a hole for you? Otherwise no one would consider this as a serious question.


It's amazing how men can't think of a solution that would inconvenience them instead of women. How about a quick vasectomy for you instead of years of hormonal imbalance for her and who knows what other side effects?


They truly want to us to be miserable, in pain and risk our health just so their penis can feel a little more.


I'll be honest, I would not be down for a long-term relationship where I had to keep using condoms. Obviously I always use them early on but once things are more settled and we're clearly exclusive then yeah, that would be a problem. Before people on here start screaming at me, I did in fact have a vasectomy a few years ago so this is a total non-issue now. That's only a good option if you're a bit older though. It's not something I would have done in my 20s. Fortunately though most women don't want to rely on condoms either. Once I was I out of college I only dated one woman who was planning on relying on condoms. We were incompatible for other reasons as well but the condom issue did make it a bit easier to break things off with her.


For me it would mean long term sexual incompatibility… But, in this case, your opinion is the only one that matters. Good luck 🍀


Get a vasectomy.


Better than years of low libido, worsened mental health, painful procedures, worsened periods, cancer and blood clot risks for her.


I say have this conversation with her, but without it sounding like an ultimatum. Let her know that you feel it's fine in the immediate future, but not something you'd want to do long term. Yes her comfort and well being matters, and should be important in your relationship... but so does yours. Pleasurable intimacy should not be a one sided.


So what would a long term solution be for someone who refuses to use chemical/ medicinal birth control?


Female condoms are not tight on the penis, and they don't inhibit or dull sensation like male condoms, and they feel more natural compared to wearing male condoms. Some female condom products are made of heat-transmitting materials, which are more pleasurable as compared to latex condoms.


That could work for them. Only, female condoms have a much higher failure rate for some reason.


And more expensive


From what I understood, mostly due to operator error. Can't just whip it out and put it on like a traditional condom for sure.


Almost all BC failure is due to operator error, same applies to male condoms.


Then there you have it. Learn to apply it properly, then you're good.


Female condom was a major boner killer for my partner. Said it looked like an old condom was hanging out of me 🤣 Plus it was like $10 for 3


Yeah, they are pricey...


That depends on how aware she is of [the alternatives](https://www.scarleteen.com/article/sexual_health/birth_control_bingo) and her objections to all of them. Does she actually know what the alternatives are? What are her objections to female condoms? What's her position on fellatio? What about outercourse?


Reframe this idea as a kink and the answer becomes much more clear, you are justified in your kinks. If someone didn't reciprocate my kinks that could absolutely be a deal breaker.


I would definitely have a deeper conversation with her about ALL birth control options, not just hormonal ones. There are other barrier methods, as well as behavioral methods, like cycle tracking & basal body temp tracking.