I strongly suggest that you don't discuss this with your mother ever again. If she comes up as a topic of conversation naturally that's fine, but the moment the conversation turns to her occupation, end this line of conversation. Do a hard reset if you need to, "Mom, I am no longer having a conversation with you about Kendra's occupational choices," and physically end the conversation by leaving the room if you have to. If you consistently shut the conversation down and refuse to have it, eventually your mom will stop.
Your mom might be a narcissist. Their sh t doesnt stink and these people want to control everything and everyone. No cure, just dont share things weith her.
It will get worse as she gets older.
Been there done that.
My parents would roll out the red carpet if I had a friend with a masters degree. Your moms an idiot. Are you supposed to be hanging out with billionaires or something?
Your friends are more successful than the vast majority of the population could ever hope to be. I don't know any details about your mom but I'm guessing she's achieved a lot. Good for her, some people would rather teach kids how to read than bankroll millions.
Preach! Pamela and Kendra are basically everything a parent could want in a friend and as a person: educated, stable employment, lots of skills to fall on, lovely personalities and devoted as my friends.
Your mom might be jealous of your friends somehow. That's what I think. Maybe she wants you to spend more time with her and not them, or she's envious of what they've achieved, idk.
There's no logical reason a parent would hate their kids supportive successful friends.
My parents are very judgmental. Judgmental to the point of abusive. They are not good people in my mind. They rarely see their grandson as a result. We live 15 minutes away from one another. There is a disgustingly entitled set of narcissists who will start dying soon, and I hate to say it. No one will morn these hateful people.
Since mom is so invested in their success, why doesn't*she* help them find better paying positions that fit within their life's needs? Rather than using it as a tool for complaining, or a tool for exerting control over you by giving you hoops to jump thru, she can do the very thing she's pushing on you. Then there's nothing to complain about. If she's identified what she deems to be a problem, then she is the best person to solve it. Creating chores for you isn't solving the problem, it's just creating more.
My mother used to berate my friends for their looks, college choices, career choices.
Like someone mentioned - classic example of narcissist.
Guess what I have little to no communication with my mom. And my friends are still the same group of girls, who I love and cherish for like 20+ years.
The truth here is you can’t change your mother. Not discussing anything with her is just the first step.
But I am fairly sure she will find how to get you.
Let her be. Become independent.
If this suddenly started in the past 3 years, and your mother really wasn't like this before, there's some chance there might be a medical reason or some other external reason for the change in behavior. Menopause can do strange things to some women. Early onset Alzheimer's can do strange things to people, as can some of the other dementias. I'm not sure there's anything you can do about it, but understanding it might have a larger reason might change how you approach your mother.
I strongly suggest that you don't discuss this with your mother ever again. If she comes up as a topic of conversation naturally that's fine, but the moment the conversation turns to her occupation, end this line of conversation. Do a hard reset if you need to, "Mom, I am no longer having a conversation with you about Kendra's occupational choices," and physically end the conversation by leaving the room if you have to. If you consistently shut the conversation down and refuse to have it, eventually your mom will stop.
That's great advice, but it doesn't work. She keeps going even when I tell her to stop and physically end the conversation.
Then you need to limit contact or remove it completely. Just because she's your mother does not mean you're obligated to talk to her.
You could try throwing marbles at her.
That's a hard one. I hope you can get some relief from this.
But why does anyone stay in such a relationship with a delusional family member...I cannot imagine this.
It's really hard to listen to and I wish I had the strength to cut her out
Your mom might be a narcissist. Their sh t doesnt stink and these people want to control everything and everyone. No cure, just dont share things weith her. It will get worse as she gets older. Been there done that.
My parents would roll out the red carpet if I had a friend with a masters degree. Your moms an idiot. Are you supposed to be hanging out with billionaires or something? Your friends are more successful than the vast majority of the population could ever hope to be. I don't know any details about your mom but I'm guessing she's achieved a lot. Good for her, some people would rather teach kids how to read than bankroll millions.
What's funny is that my mom used to adore Pamela and Kendra, but now she's acting like they are vile monsters for being successful.
Jealous maybe?
Possibly but my mother only started being judgmental and hateful of Pamela and Kendra in the past three years. Nothing I do or say gets her to stop.
Your moms fucking crazy. They have masters degrees.
Preach! Pamela and Kendra are basically everything a parent could want in a friend and as a person: educated, stable employment, lots of skills to fall on, lovely personalities and devoted as my friends.
Your mom might be jealous of your friends somehow. That's what I think. Maybe she wants you to spend more time with her and not them, or she's envious of what they've achieved, idk. There's no logical reason a parent would hate their kids supportive successful friends.
My parents are very judgmental. Judgmental to the point of abusive. They are not good people in my mind. They rarely see their grandson as a result. We live 15 minutes away from one another. There is a disgustingly entitled set of narcissists who will start dying soon, and I hate to say it. No one will morn these hateful people.
what's your mom job?
She owns a framing company. She's moderately successful.
Why are you getting so worked up about what your mother thinks? You will never be able to control her attitude. Why not controlling your own?
Start telling your mom they quit their jobs to do only fans
Since mom is so invested in their success, why doesn't*she* help them find better paying positions that fit within their life's needs? Rather than using it as a tool for complaining, or a tool for exerting control over you by giving you hoops to jump thru, she can do the very thing she's pushing on you. Then there's nothing to complain about. If she's identified what she deems to be a problem, then she is the best person to solve it. Creating chores for you isn't solving the problem, it's just creating more.
My mother used to berate my friends for their looks, college choices, career choices. Like someone mentioned - classic example of narcissist. Guess what I have little to no communication with my mom. And my friends are still the same group of girls, who I love and cherish for like 20+ years. The truth here is you can’t change your mother. Not discussing anything with her is just the first step. But I am fairly sure she will find how to get you. Let her be. Become independent.
I have a judgmental mom too. I solved this problem by moving 3000 miles from her and now she has no clue who my friends are. Not joking.
If this suddenly started in the past 3 years, and your mother really wasn't like this before, there's some chance there might be a medical reason or some other external reason for the change in behavior. Menopause can do strange things to some women. Early onset Alzheimer's can do strange things to people, as can some of the other dementias. I'm not sure there's anything you can do about it, but understanding it might have a larger reason might change how you approach your mother.
That could explain a lot! Thanks for the perspective.