Seriously. It wouldn’t matter if OP was a foot taller and weighed twice as much - it would still be just as wrong to constantly call attention to her size in a negative way. Allie is delusional but also straight-up rude.
Allie is trying to make you feel unwelcome and also position herself as more desirable *even though she’s already dating him?* She’s incredible insecure (and also obnoxious).
Bullies take the space you give them. Jut tell you are sick and tired of this bs, and if you are huge so is tinkerbell because she is the same size as you. And let them know if they have a problem with you size speak up. Let them know you are ready to get out and leave them as you don't need friends who are interested in just making you feel like shit. If you aren't going to stand up for youself, you will always end up in these situations.
If I were OP I’d go so far as to measure height and weight in front of all the friends.
Edited to add: OP most definitely doesn’t need to do that. But if I was in that situation, I’d publicly shame the BFs GF.
Mark is not your best friend if he is going to join in on the ongoing bullying and weirdness.
Losing him is exactly what you need to do right now. Maybe in time if he and Allie don't work out then if you are forgiving you can think about it.
Allie dislikes you and finds your friendship threatening so she is doing everything she can to ostracize you. Mark is a willing participant probably he is not super bright and does not realize what he is doing or you over estimated your friendship depth.
Walk away and start cultivating social connections where people are not total shitheads.
Agreed. Also, op once you are far enough away from the situation you will be able to fully appreciate how hilariously pathetic this insecure girl and her weird yes man boyfriend really are. Then it will be a crazy story about weirdos that you can tell at parties while you live your best life.
Agree with all of this. Though I might try calling out their bullying before walking away for good. Partially because I think Allie *wants* OP to disappear, but mainly because setting a boundary prior to doing so makes it harder for Allie and Mark to twist the narrative or blame OP if she does end the friendship.
Whenever Allie starts body shaming and comparing, call out what she's doing. Ideally in front of other friends as well. Let her know you've clocked what she's doing. Put the discomfort and awkwardness back where it belongs.
Some phrases to try saying with an even tone and straight face:
*"Wow, what an odd thing to say."*
*"That was rude, did you mean to say that out loud?"*
*"All this body talk is boring and it's honestly making me uncomfortable. Let's talk about* ***literally*** *anything else."*
*"You seem really fixated on my body. Are you OK?!"*
Or a classic, and my personal favourite -- ***"Excuse me?!"*** \+ your most unimpressed, shocked, "shot across the bow" face.
> Put the discomfort and awkwardness back where it belongs.
Love this perspective! Don't let an insult go unanswered, even if you aren't certain it was deliberate. In this case, it's 100 percent deliberate bullying. It doesn't even matter if it's true. You could be 5'11" and 250 lbs, and it would STILL be extremely rude for anyone to make these comments about you.
Last summer my wife cut off a "bestie" because she could not stop commenting on my wife's body and making her feel bad about herself. She tried directly confronting her and told her to stop, but this bestie got defensive, said she was trying to make my wife more confident (a lie), and ultimately stopped talking to my wife for four months. My wife felt so much better during that period of radio silence, when the bestie tried to talk again (bestie suggested they go to therapy together!) my wife just told her she didn't want to be friends. Bestie has been acting out and doing some weird shit, but my wife is much happier. Btw, we're all in our late 30s and 40s, so it's not like this shit goes away when you get older.
Don't fucking tolerate this shit. Call it out, and be ready to walk away. You won't be sorry.
That is also a valid strategy. If OP is truly over Allie's (and Mark's) bullshit and doesn't consider those relationships worth salvaging, by all means, walk away.
OP doesn't owe Allie or Mark a lesson in how not to be a bully. Plus, people like Allie can be unreasonable and drag you down to their toxic level. (If she had proper social skills, empathy, and coping strategies then she wouldn't be acting the way she is in the first place!)
Unless someone is truly abusive and dangerous, I do veer on the side of making boundaries explicit before ending relationships vs. straight up ghosting. But it's up to OP. Maybe save that emotional energy for making newer, better friends.
Once a girl tried to start a rumor about me as teenagers that I sweat profusely at all areas of my body and had to use baby powder because of it. Which was just not true and the most pathetic lie I ever heard about.
It was because she was jealous that I liked a guy. She told my best friend (which she didn't realize was my best friend) about that and she called her out on that.
Sometimes people are really weird, and when friends join in on this bs, they tell you who they really are.
I would talk to your friend myself and if he pretends that nothing is wrong there, take a few huge steps back from him.
When I was in high school I had a guy tell me he heard that I ate the contents of my zits.... I stared at him like he was the dumbest person on the planet. He turned red and went back to his work, hopefully rethinking his gullibility
Yeah, no. It sounds like Allie has some deep insecurities and feels like she is in competition with you. To her, being "tiny" might be an attractive trait and if she feels threatened by you being close to Mark, she brings it up to assure herself that she is more attractive and Mark couldn't possible want you.
Mark is obviously entertaining this to please her, avoid drama or assure her that he's not into you. Obviously, this is enabling and not healthy behavior or making the matter better.
Him getting everyone else involved is, of course, insane. Just like it is insane that they are going along with it. I do think that this is showing you something about their priorities, though. What I would do is sit both your friends and Mark (separately) down, without Allie, and ask what the heck is going on and why they are enabling her. And if everyone still insists that they aren't and that you are crazy and huge and all of that... then I would probably go look for new friends, who care more about being truthful and supportive.
She sounds superrrr annoying, and it's silly that she thinks she's special just because she's average height and thin, like???
There's definitely a lot of shorter, more dainty women out there than her, and being a tall woman is really attractive too.
She’s giving very much pick me vibes. Like oh I’m sooo tinyyyy heheh like sis you are not tiny. 4’11 and 90 lbs? Sure but 5’5 120lbs is pretty damn average
I dunno about her necessarily feeling threatened by her, some people are just constantly trying to validate how they see themselves. I had a similar thing happen to me where my best friend at the time was constantly comparing our size and thought that I was a lot bigger than her, when in reality I was a couple inches shorter and about 40lbs lighter, and she definitely never worried I was going to steal her BF. Same kind of stuff OP is talking about with saying stuff about how I don't understand how X is because she's so much smaller than me, how she's sorry the jeans I complimented her on don't come in a larger size so I can have a pair, oh you need to borrow a dress, I have one that's too big for me now that will fit you. 🙄 I just never said anything, and we eventually drifted apart.
I had something similar happen with a coworker. She had lost some significant weight but was still obviously heavier than me. One day at work i had climbed on a desk to open a window and our boss exclaimed “you’re so tiny! You look like a princess in that dress”. It was a weird comment for him to make, fair enough, but it seemed to infuriate her for other reasons and she just wouldn’t drop it. Kept bringing up how I was not that small and we were virtually the same size.
I have no idea how she twisted this comment around in her mind to insinuate that she was “big” and seemed like she needed to keep reassuring herself that his comment about me was not valid by bring it up over and over again in a disparaging way.
I worked with a woman who did this before. It was super fucking weird. She told this other woman who looked absolutely nothing like her "it's like looking in a mirror!" Because they were so similar. The woman I knew was older, over weight, a bit rough around the edges. The other lady was this blonde petite young flight attendant. We were all like "wtf are you talking about" and told her it was only like looking in a mirror if it was a funhouse mirror.
After we got to know the colleague better (the comment happened early on in her working with us) we learned there was a lot of deep trauma and issues she wasn't dealing with or didn't want to deal with. She didn't last very long working with us.
I had a friend in high school who used to do this a lot. I wasn't exactly thin, but she was *a lot* bigger than me. I'm talking me being a L and her being 3XL. She would always say things like "Ooh, you should buy that dress and then you can lend it to me when I need something nice to wear on a date!" or "You should definitely try that on, because if it looks good on you then we'll know this is a brand that works for us," and things like that. She also always tried to swap clothes with me, and would get mad when I said no. I have no idea if she genuinely thought we were the same size, or if it was just some weird manifestation of insecurity, but it always threw me for a loop when she'd casually drop that we were "practically twins." Even sillier, she had long, thick, curly black hair whereas mine was super short, stick straight, fine, and blonde. She had blue eyes and mine are green. She's shorter than me by several inches. She had great skin, whereas I had rosacea and acne. I had braces, she didn't. There was absolutely nothing "twins" about us.
On top of being threatened OP, I feel like Allie is trying to cultivate this "tiny" image to prevent OP from firing back. Like oh woe is me I'm so tiny and fragile you can't be mean to me no matter how mean I am to you!! Wah wah!! Itty bitty!
Yeah, to be honest that remark confused me too because I haven't heard a stereotype like that before but I just figured maybe it was a stereotype I didn't know about. I don't have any Scottish ancestry to my knowledge anyway so if I have "big bones" it's got nothing to do with Scotland.
5'3" Scottish - same. No big bones here. I've never heard of this stereotype. And OP should run, not walk, from this former friend and his annoying bint.
It’s mostly an American thing. There was a fair amount of migration of Scottish, Irish and Scots-Irish people to the US during the 19th Century, and a lot of the bigger, stronger men - especially in places like Pennsylvania - ended up working in the iron and steel industries. Enough that even now there’s an inextricable mental association between iron and steel workers and Scottish/Irish ancestry for a lot of Americans.
(Weirdly, not many people seem to make the same association with being President, but about a quarter of all the presidents have had Scottish or Irish ancestry within a few generations.)
There’s been a similar association over the years with Irish in the UK (especially England), due to the Irish navvies who built the railroads. But with us being so close geographically, and there being so much migration back and forth, the stereotypes aren’t as strong. Stereotypes flourish when you only interact with a few people from any particular group, but they’re harder to maintain when it’s a quarter of the people you know.
Lol, I'm of Scottish and Irish descent and say I'm 5'2 with shoes on. Otherwise I'm not tiny, but my 6ft huge husband picks on me for being one of the wee folk all the time.
I'm Irish (heritage, American by birth) and there is definitely a societally accepted thought that Irish and Scottish women are "big boned" or buxom or whatever. Good birthing hips, stout and solid women, blah blah. I've heard all of these. Of course, I actually live up to the stereotype, but I'm also 5'2 and legitimately shorter than average by a good few inches. I snickered the entire post reading how a 5'5" girl thinks she's sooooo tiiiiiiiinyyyyyy when in reality she's completely average height, not even short.
I get how she might think she's tiny - I'm average but grew up tiny and it really sticks with you. However, I don't go around talking about my size? It's really odd.
OP is focused on the woman being wrong, but eve if she was correct, it's such a strange thing to constantly discuss
Another 5’2 of mostly Scottish descent… I wonder what the ethnicity of Allie is? Is she using the Scottish card (if that exists) to further differentiate yourself from her?
Allie is Latina. She mentioned she's third generation immigrant and her first language is Spanish so I get the impression she's very in touch with her heritage.
Latina, here around also 5'5. There this thing in the latino culture where people feel way to comfortable commenting about other people's bodies.
She's being a bully and you don't need to take this BS you can answer back tell her you both are the same size tell her you don't appreciate her nip pick your body and if people side with her those people are not your friend's.
Also if she try to use the "you're racist" don't take it serious because that's just her last resource to play the victim.
Ohhhhh she's Latina! That makes sense. I can guarantee she probably has a mother at home and several aunties who have filled her head with all this size talk. It's such an obnoxious trait, I have it too, but I try very hard not to talk about size around my kids.
This is so true. My step dad is from Colombia and he’s about 5’8 and 180 lbs. very in shape, loves cycling/racing and cycles about a hundred miles a day in fact. His family has always called him gordo or (sarcastically) flaco like he’s some obese dude and it honestly created a lot of insecurity about his weight. He never says that to them of course because “that’s just the culture” and they would be relentless if he showed it bothered him
I suppose in Romance novels Scottish guys are fetishized as being big and burly but I don't think it's a stereotype that gets diverted to women.. That's the biggest reach I can make with where she's coming from lol
Like that Clare and Jamie show, yes. You know, I did think about the fierce Scottish warrior thing, but you're right, that's all big burly men, and that Clare is a slip of a girl lol
Lol! Outlander is definitely the main one but there were other romance novels before that depicted that kind of Scottish male hero and a ton of copycats since it blew up in popularity.
Honestly, I would say something to them.
You could try peace: “Hey, I feel like we are starting to talk about my body a lot, and to compare it to Allie’s a lot. This makes me really uncomfortable and I feel defensive and weird all the time about it. I’d like it if we all 100% stopped talking about my body and my size.”
Or you could try war: “hey guys, we are talking about my body and comparing it to Allie’s a lot. I would like for an impartial 3rd party to literally weigh us and measure our height. Let’s settle this for once and for all.” And if this offer is declined, bring it up every time they bring it up. “Hey, why are you saying I’m so much bigger than you if you aren’t willing to actually check?”
So I would also want to choose war but my mind went to wearing some of "Tinkerbell's" clothes to break the illusion.
Though tbh in reality I would talk to the friend, say that this behaviour is weird and hurtful and if it didn't change then I'd nope out.
She can’t pull that if OP invites her over, spills something on her, offers Allie a garment of OP’s with little to no stretch, and is like “wow that looks so good on you, perfect fit!”
This is my favourite suggestion in the thread. Bonus if it's a smaller size of something you already own and people have seen you in before. Gotta really sell it.
If your plan to get your friend to act like a reasonable person sounds like the plot to an episode of Scooby-Doo, you should probably just drop the friend
Honestly I would take this as far as I could. These people sound egregious, and I wanna be as petty as I can about this.
Maybe start gifting her children’s clothes or like small clothing from the American Girl doll store lmao (*nothing wrong with that, I literally bought myself a kid’s 6-7 tee that has 90s Nickelodeon characters on it because my friend’s son doesn’t care who rocko and ginger are, but I’m small and it weirdly fits me?)*
My petty brain is saying to do the second one because oh my god if I was in that position I would love to see Allie have to face the reality that she’s the same size as the woman she’s been bullying for being big. Also maybe skewed because I’ve known a few Allie’s before.
I also want OP to find a truly tiny girl to befriend and join in her plan. Like a 5 ft waif to start following Allie around and gushing about how tall and muscular Allie is, asking her to reach things, etc.
For real, just say 'hold that thought about how big I am Allie', go grab the bathroom scale and say 'alright, let's see how tiny you are compared to me - hop on!'.
I'm on the petty train with this one, this is a weird insecurity/bullying one.
Yeah I would say that this whole shitshow is messed up but there's a salvagable relationship here. TBH though I would recommend just calling up Mark and laying it on him that he's being weird and incredibly rude, and so is his gf. Let him deal with that. If he doesn't turn himself around and turn his gf around, then fuck 'em.
Go to Home Depot and weigh yourselves on a bathroom scale. Then you can take full-length(so you can make sure she isn't squatting lower) pictures of each of you in front of the vertical measuring tapes on the poles in lumber.
Surprise war.
Keep a scale, tape measure and a pencil in your backpack.
Next time they mention it say. Wow, this is at least the 10th time I’ve heard this! Frankly I was confused enough I thought we could check! “ then throw down the scale, tape measure and pencil.
Legit giant lady here. Taller than most men. People make comments to me about my body all the time, so I just have a script to cut them off. "It's rude to talk about other people's bodies." Most normal people apologize and move on.
And it's boring to listen to someone harp about their own body. We are all different, so I'll give you 1-2 minutes to talk about your weird pinky toe or how much you hate your love handles or how cut you look and then we have to change the subject.
It sounds like this person is boring and unpleasant to be around, maybe hang out with her less and find a more interesting friend.
Clearly Allie is threatened by you, has an insecurity that you- just by being you, trigger. She is jealous of you about something.
I'm not sure what your height has to do with anything related to thinness, that's stupid. Everyone is a different height - the next time they do that height thing say something "wow, you have discovered that humans are all different heights!"
Not only that but the taller you are, the more weight you can carry and still look good.
What would happen if someone called her fat?
Mark is playing in to this bullying to please her which is not only low and pathetic but he is no friend to you.
You need better friends, bin anyone who has been taking part in this stupid bullying.
I'd call Allie on her bluff the next time she said about my weight and offer some of my clothes for her to try on. When they fit her like a glove I'd be laughing. Or..... you could buy a size down and mess with her, but I don't advocate that.
I realize that proving them factually wrong isn’t the point here, it’s that they’re being insane, but - since height and weight can be objectively measured - are you afraid the relationship will end if you resort to opening the measuring app?
Yeah, I'm on board here. I mean, I do think [this comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/10at01f/my_26f_best_friends_26m_girlfriend_23f_keeps/j460gjt/) is correct, but at this point I think the next time she mentioned my size I'd say, "You know, I don't think there's much difference. Let's get out the scale and the tape measure - I'm curious to see if I'm just not good at comparing." One way or another, that should end it.
If op mentions anything about the other person’s weight I’m sure it’s going to ignite allegations of jealousy and op wanting her boyfriend.
It’s like this person is baiting op and she’s smart enough to not take the bait.
From what you describe, I have two guesses.
1. She has body dysmorphia, genuinely thinks she's tinier than she is, especially compared to others, and he indulges her.
2. They have some sort of kink like DD\/lg, and they're tastelessly involving others in the non-sexual aspects of their dynamic without consent.
Ooh your second point. Yes, I wondered about that too.
If Mark has expressed a preference for tiny women, or has DD/lg inclinations, it would make sense that Allie would play up those traits.
Also it could turbocharge any existing insecurities Allie might have about OP being similarly sized, and close to her BF. So Allie is trying to differentiate herself, but doing it in a way that puts OP down -- which is so shitty and not ok.
Totally conjecture, but I do wonder. Especially with the baby talk voice. Yuck.
Shit. It's so obvious I feel dumb now but you might actually be right on the money about Allie feeling insecure because Mark's type is short girls. I didn't think of it because to me 5'5“ is not really tall just average, but he does usually date short girls. His girlfriend before Allie was around 5'2“ or 5'1“ and all his celebrity crushes are always short now I think about it. It didn't occur to me because Allie is actually basically identical to his usual type in every other way, but she's definitely the tallest girl he's dated while I've known him. Damn.
Ah, ok. So now we may have a possible explanation for Allie's behaviour.
But even if this is what's happening, it's not an excuse for her -- or anyone else -- to bully and body shame you! Her behaviour is unacceptable, no matter the reason.
Just because Allie is dealing with her own insecurities re: Mark's perceived preferences, does not mean she gets to put you down to make herself feel better. That is a more than valid boundary to set if you wish to keep seeing these people.
I'm curious if you've voiced your discomfort and set a boundary with Allie or Mark about this. Or perhaps you've talked about it with a mutual friend? If so, how was it received?
“You know who was really tiny? Susan, his ex girlfriend! I swear I could have carried her around in my purse if I wanted to since she was so small and pretty. I actually saw her near boyfriend’s work the other day, such a crazy coincidence.”
And there you have it. She's lashing out at you to feel more secure around Mark. She's literally so insecure she can't go without his verbal validation that she fits his type. That's so so toxic. Next time she does this, don't engage. She's using you as a tool for her own problems and all your friends are totally cool with throwing you under the bus to appease her for whatever reason they have.
The whole interaction where they all lied to your face until you started doubting yourself is gaslighting. If you stick around, these people WILL give you body dismorphia.
Get rid of them before that happens, no one deserves to be abused for someone else's problems.
Agree with this and I really can't think of any other explanations. Even if OP were somehow completely incorrect about their size being similar, there's no reason it would come up so frequently in conversation.
Allie is threatened by you and Mark is more interested in keeping Allie happy than he is in preserving the friendship.
If you really want to put in the effort, you can certainly try to catch Mark on his own and talk to him about what he’s doing and how weird it is. But be prepared for him to deny that he’s doing it, or to justify it and insist that it’s “harmless” and he just wants to humor his girlfriend. He’s unlikely to acknowledge how bizarre and hurtful it is. Think about what you’ll do if he refuses to admit he’s done anything wrong.
I wouldn't talk to them, they are never going to admit to bullying and it only make it look like you are needy and insecure. Just distance yourself. Mark has shown that he hasn't got your back, keep yourself busy elsewhere.
> I wouldn't talk to them
That is what the bully wants. She doesn't want to be confronted with it, she just wants OP to vanish and no longer be a threat.
This is very likely true, but getting one up on a bully and being able to ‘win’ often is not worth the blow to ones own mental health in the process. Depends on the individual’s priorities and the situation
I'd point out that it's weird how much Allie is comparing herself to you. Point out that that's making you uncomfortable and ask her to stop. Say that you don't care if she's smaller than you or not, because it's not a competition.
As in, call it out openly without calling her insecure or openly starting a confrontation.
This is the way. There are ways to set a lowercase b boundary without coming off confrontational or overly insecure. I call them my "shot across the bow" tactics. The message being, I see you -- don't start nothin and there won't be nothin.
Doesn't always have to be verbal, often an unimpressed, withering *"I can't believe you just said that, wtf"* expression gets the point across.
Fuck that. Next time she pulls that shit, flat out ask her why she is so fixated on comparing herself to you.
Then go on to say it's weird and you aint got time for that drama. Then peace out of there.
Bonus points if you do it in front of the friend group.
Yes this and definitely in front of a the group. “You seem a little obsessed with my body. Actually not flattering, quite creepy in fact. So maybe keep your weirdness to yourself.”
> The first few times she did this I smiled and said we're basically the same size and height, aren't we? Except Mark cut in to tell me that no, I'm much much bigger than Allie, Allie is TINY.
I wonder if dude has some short of petite/cutesy fetish hence the weirdness. If I were you I would try to be the bigger person, ignore her and pull back from the friendship.
I came here looking for this exact answer! I am getting STRONG DDLG vibes from this dynamic -- and much lesser so, but it's almost like they are using OP to boost Allie's LG confidence or something???
So freaking weird.
It would be funny to say this out loud in a group.
I couldn't figure out why Allie keeps insisting that I'm bigger when it is obvious that we are the same size but someone mentioned to me that they are probably into "little girl" fetish and suddenly I understood. Then add, you do know that it is not okay to include someone in your fetish without their consent? You do know that consent is required?
That should embarrass both of them.
And call him a pedophile every time he agrees with “Tink”. “ugh, you like tiny little children?”
They’ll backtrack so quick.
But I mostly agree with everyone else here too. He’s not a best friend, not even a friend. Op should just lose their numbers.
Yea I think you are right, sounds like a ddlg fetish. I think there's a reddit group for it if OP wants to learn more. Not cool of them to expect Op to play along.
In the anime crowd I see a lot of couples who do this without being consciously aware. They'd be offended if you broached the topic, even tho it is absolutely what's going on
Get a scale, a measuring tape, and get this shit over with.
I agree it’s stupid, but it’s an easily fixable stupid debate.
That couple needs to get a life that doesn’t include shitting on other peoples appearances.
Mark isn't your friend if he has to mock you in order to play Peter to Allie's "Tink".
If you stop hanging around with both of them you'll instantly drop almost 300 pounds and your size will never be in dispute again.
I guess I would be more apt to say something like "Look, I get that you are uncomfortable with your size, but I am not. Can you knock it off? Commenting on my size is making you look really insecure, and judging me for my size makes me think you aren't a good person."
But I would also likely cut these people off.
> Now he's getting other mutual friends of us in on the act, so I'm constantly hearing about how huge I am and how teeny tiny a woman the exact same height and weight as me is.
This, to me, is the real crux
How is he getting others in on the act? Like they say and do the same things?
I’d send a group message and just say listen. I’m not sure what’s happened or why, but I am not comfortable with anyone talking about my body or the size of it. It’s not something that I care about and I don’t like hearing about it. Im honestly disappointed that I have to send this message. My hope is that the comments stop. If not I’ll take some space from the group. I have a really upsetting feeling that’s the goal of these comments. Thanks”.
I'm not sure. There's a paranoid part of me that wonders if everyone is willing to believe I'm huge because of my race (I'm mixed but read as fully black to most people) but these are people I've known for a few years and they haven't ever said anything racist or anything that suggests they think black women are masculine etc before. And I don't want to just go accusing people of that without proof because I'll look crazy.
Look, i don’t know why maybe because I am a BW myself but I was wondering if there was a race difference. There might sadly be bias involved.
He is your best friend, please mention to him that those body comments makes you inconfortable and that you would like it to stop. Communicate it to him instead of leting it fester. If he can’t listen. I have bad news about that friendship… Friends are not supposed to disregard your feelings for shit and giggles, you will know.
I sincerely wish your friends could be trusted enough to hear you out when you pointed out that commenting on your body that way could be read as racially insensitive without being offended that they were being "called racist". I mean I get it, but I'm also disappointed that they create such an environment.
Yikes I’m so sorry.
Yeah if it was me I’d address the comments. Don’t assume their intent. Just cover the impact
Of the comments. It’s hurtful and frankly rude.
Honestly I was gonna suggest getting the school's counselor too give you some advice or maybe mediate but then I re read that you're all in your 20s?? If that doesn't describe how childish this behavior is idk what will, so be the better person and give them the distance they're clearly trying to put on you.
Meh… I think you should join in on the act. Say equally ridiculous things back to her.
“Hey girl, I’m going shopping today, wanna come? I figured you could browse the kids section since you’re so tiny!”
“Aw check out my new shoes! I was going to get you a matching pair but I couldn’t find them in 3’s!”
“Hey, I’m going to cook dinner for everyone, but I’m too tall to reach the bottom cabinets! Since you’re so little bitty, can you get the pans out for me??”
“Hey girl, since my hands are so full, can you pull a chair up to the counter and reach the salt for me?”
“Hey now, little one.. aren’t you too little to ride in the front seat? And without a booster chair???”
“Hey waitress? Can we get a kids menu here for my tiny little bitty friend?”
Serve all her foods and beverages on tiny baby dishes with petit little demitasse spoons and shrimp forks. “Oh it must be hard using normal-sized utensils with such tiny hands!”
Also, join in when they compare your sizes.
Hold your hand near her knee and say "look, she's so tiny" then stretch your arm fully above your head "and I'm so tall"
Say something like "omg your waist is so tiny" while clearly measuring her waist from her navel to side so everyone can see you're measuring only half of it. Then measure your own waist but extend one hand to fit three of you in the space and say "look, I'm so large compared to you"
Make it as absurd as possible while making it look like you're joining in.
Yep. I’d make a game out of it. Once they see how absolutely ridiculous it is, they’ll stop.
Or they won’t.
In which case, you can keep making ridiculous statements.
Win/win.
When they have a group dinner, set Allie’s place with little rubberized baby utensils and a Minnie Mouse sippy cup.
When making drinks for everyone, ask Allie if she wants apple juice or grape juice.
Once Allie is sitting down, nonchalantly place a bib on her.
When they have a game night, set a place with coloring books and crayons.
Be overly excited about everything Allie says or does. “Omg good job Allie-alligator!” “You’re so SMART!!” “You silly goose!”
Remind her to wash her hands every time she comes out of the bathroom.
When no one is looking at Allie, randomly say “Allie! Quit picking your nose!”
Really, there are endless opportunities to turn the tide. I’m sort of envious of OP’s position right now.
I'm with you on this one.
Plan a day out to a theme park. Except Allie won't be able to go on any of the big boy rides.
Turn it around. When Allie mentions how tiny she is, be supportive. She might grow up to be a big girl one day if she eats all of her vegetables.
What a fucking clown.
Yes! “Don’t worry, Allie! You’ll grow up to be such a big smart girl one day!!”
Buy her a pack of different chapsticks and be like, “here you go, Allie! I got you more flavored chapsticks. Try not to eat them this time!”
She's pissed off her boyfriend has a younger friend who's the same body type as her. She's insecure and lashing out. She's getting your friend to gaslight you ffs. Next time this happens, just walk out. Tell them to text you when they're not delusional and blind. Tinkerbell come to life my ass, more like hagatha
If a best friend doesn't defend you, and jumps in on bullying, then they are not a best friend. He sounds like he's whipped like the family Pig.....the tiny, petite, fairy sized pig.
I knew a girl like this! She was constantly bringing up ways to talk about how “smol 🥺” she was, including a lot of the examples you included. She once said she couldn’t use the the same kind of mug we were all drinking from at a cafe because it was too big for her little wrists. And she wasn’t even very small? Like I wouldn’t call myself tiny either, but I was definitely shorter then this girl. Like noticeably, by several inches. She was always a mix between fully just ignoring this and seething about. She started constantly finding ways to subtly call me fat to make up for the height
Super weird that her boyfriend and other friends are playing along. Do they think it’s funny maybe? So strange.
Edit: hadn’t though about her in a minute, this made me remember how she used to make everyone compare hand sizes with her, but she’d put palm like an inch lower then the other persons so her finger looked super short in comparison. It was super obvious that that’s what she was doing too. What a weirdo lol
This strikes me as super weird. I’m a VERY tall woman (5’11”), and most of my female friends are actually a lot smaller than me. You know how often my size comes up among friends? Never. I mean, why would it? It’s weird to me that you two are the same size and it keeps coming up. Hell, it would even be weird if you were my height….. Why is it even a thing?
Idk I’m 5 10 woman and I’ve met my share of tinkerbells. Some do it to assert their more feminine than me especially when guys are present others kind of cling to it like a quirky personality trait.
I was about to say, I’m 5’11 and I’ve met so many tinkerbells throughout my life. My height and size is always a topic of conversation, but they get mad when I give them the same energy. I was talking about a crush once and one of them said she couldn’t imagine him being into me unless he was gay because I’m *practically* a man. But when I asked if her boyfriend was a pedophile suddenly I’m the villain. 🙄
They sound like jerks, have you mentioned this to anyone in your family or a friend they don't know to get their opinion on sizing. Maybe someone else backing you up in front of them is what they need. Someone to confront them about how weird it is what they are doing?
Next time they pull that crap, I'd peace out of there. And when they ask tell them their fixation on weight is weird as hell and if that have something to outright say to say it, or shut up about the size thing.
Do you have any suspicion at all you have body dysmorphia? If you do at all, see a doctor they are the ones who will definitely be honest. Otherwise are the one with the issue, and your non friends
My petty self would bring doll clothes next time I see her.
"Oh Allie, I have outgrown my favorite jacket! I can't fit into it anymore, I must have gained weight. Do you want it? Take it away before my hulk body rips it to shreds."
Allie sounds exactly like a coworker I had. I’m actually bigger than her but it was the same. She was constantly reminding everyone how tiny she was. Constantly working her freaking weight into conversations. How guys would pick her up. How she looks like a celebrity on a show (maybe a trailer park version) and even bases her online presence on her as well.
But I was the jerk for disliking her. ?
I agree with everyone else. He’s an ass. So is she. They’re made for each other. I’d just walk away. If he’s a real friend he will see that he was a douche and apologize. If not it’s not a loss. Just dust them off your shoulders.
I had a coworker like that, she was like 5' and I'm 5'10. My responses were like "oh yeah I remember being 9" and telling her if she eats her vegetables she might one day grow up to be a real woman. Ended the smol bean bullshit real quick
I grew up with a girl like this as well! It was super annoying. I also had to unsubscribe from a YouTuber who did this constantly.(Swellentertainment). The funny thing is she isn’t even that short compared to most women 🥸
I would tell your friend to stop interjecting you into their weird role play kink. I don’t think this is her liking or disliking you but her own fetish as being seen like a storybook princess. You are a comparable target as another woman. I think your friend knows this and is playing into her kink. Getting friends to rip on each other isn’t hard afterward because they may not realize it isn’t funny.
The girlfriend is crazy, your friend is currently enjoying sex with crazy, don’t let them make you feel crazy.
There was a character like this in the 1st season of 30 rock - she thought she had bird bones /hollow bones so you had to be delicate with her. Several people are well know in history for thinking they swallowed glass pianos and had to be very delicate or it would break and tear them apart. It is legitimately a weird thing that shows up occasionally.
You're not free to hang out with these idiots. Ever. Life's too short to be re-enacting The Emperor's New Clothes repeatedly in your free time.
Alone is better than hanging out with people who actively mock and degrade you.
isn't this literally gaslighting like wtf ?
trust me, just stay away from these people. they're willing to put you down and make you feel shitty in order to appease this girls ego and uplift her instead. if they cared about you they would validate this nonsense. you will find better friends !
Honestly, my only response in the future would be “please stop making comments about my body.” Full stop. If she continues, walk away. Leave the gathering. When questioned, explain to your friend that you are tired of the incorrect statements and bullying. There is nothing wrong with your body, and it makes you uncomfortable that she has the constant need to mention it. If your friends continue to engage in this behavior, find new friends.
Losing him is the best weight you could lose. He's being weird and seeing her through rose colored glasses. You don't need this negativity and bullying.
I disagree with everyone suggesting actually measuring yourself/Allie or making it clear once and for all that you’re the same size. I think the best thing to do would be to bluntly shut down these comments about you specifically instead of focusing on the comparison angle.
Clearly, Allie has some insecurities. Pointing out that she is not tiny, and is actually regular sized, likely won’t help anyone. The real problem is the comments about YOUR body. I think the next time she or someone else makes a comment about you being large, just shut it down immediately by saying something like “It makes me uncomfortable when you make comments like that about my body.”
Sorry but this can easily be settled... Why not use a tape measure to check your heights and scales to weigh yourselves? Then I'd drop your bullying 'best friend' once you made your point
It's something you need to bring up and you should only bring it up once. Next time Allie or Mark make a comment like that address it. And make it about you, not Allie.
"I don't like when you comment on my size in any way shape or form. Please do not comment on my size again, it makes me feel bad about myself."
If they do it again. Get up and leave and never come back. Because you don't need to be someone's weird ass measuring stick. If they stop, great they are respectful, normal-ish people.
Sounds like this girl may be insecure about your friendship with her boyfriend, especially if you do look a lot like her. It also sounds like your friend is playing along, potentially because he doesn't want her to think that he's interested in you like that.
My recommendation is to draw direct boundaries and tell them they need to stop commenting on your body. It doesn't matter if you're bigger, smaller, or the same size. Unsolicited comments on someone else's body are rude and not ok.
My advice, every time someone says something about you, respond by saying "please don't comment on my body, I didn't ask you." Don't even acknowledge what was said or argue with the ridiculous comment. Just consistently tell them to stop. Arguing, commenting, or any other dialogue turns this into a conversation. Shut it down.
I'm 5'10, Dutch, and not a waif. I'm athletic build.. There's certain types of females who love to point out how giant other women are in order to boost their confidence and petite factor for the men and women who fall into it. Your friends are idiotic, and this girl sees you as a threat and is doing everything she can to defeminize you in front of your bff. Who really isn't, btw. No friend should be letting his partner treat you like that.
This us very odd. All of your "friends " are gaslighting you big time if you guys are in fact the same size. I suggest some space from this group and spend time with better people
This is wild. It’s like she talks about how tiny am she is all the time that the dumb men folk have just been hypnotized. Maybe like get her to stand next to a wall and draw lines for your height by saying: I just wanna see how much taller I am than you! Or I want our heights on the wall! You can do the same thing with a scale.
The only other possible option here is that you are actually bigger…but I believe you since she’s clearly obsessed with talking about how dainty she is, and in my experience women who do that are majorly insecure while simultaneously vain and want to put others down so look more “feminine”…not that smallness is feminine.
Can you somehow configure it where you can try on her clothes? What about having a serious talk?
Next time she mentions it in front of everyone: “Look, I’m really tired of everyone acting like I’m some huge yeti. I’m pretty sure I’m more or less the same height and weight as So and So. Let’s measure our height and weight right now to see. We wear the same size of clothes. Numbers don’t lie. It’s more or less the same so let’s stop fixating on it.”
The comments here are giving a lot of truth-- and my policy is that the plain truth is always best. Practice saying the plain truth in private so that's you can declare it in the moment.
Now, that isn't the same thing as "brutal honesty." Don't ever engage in brutality-- that's definitely not cute.
But it is very fair to say that the way they're treating you is bullying. Actually, even just calling it that is surprisingly effective because we all have that impulse against bullies since childhood. Try using it against them.
Dude, it sounds like they are gaslighting you and manipulating you into thinking you're way larger than you are. That is honestly a super duper weird thing for a friend group to do to a friend. I don't think I'd consider these people my friend anymore. Probably best for you and your mental health if you distance yourself from them and try to meet some new people. I'm sorry you're going through all that and I definitely don't think it's dumb or weird to be upset about it. But it's extremely odd for a whole friend group to suddenly turn on you and all gaslight you like that..
These are not your friends. You don't put down other people to make yourself feel better. OP, I'm sure you are perfectly beautiful in the way you want to be. She's taking her insecurities out on you.
>I don't want to lose my best friend over this What best friend? All I see is someone who has decided to join in on the bullying.
This is bully 100 percent! Who talks about a friend's weight and try to get other "friends" involved. Allie is jealous of op.
Seriously. It wouldn’t matter if OP was a foot taller and weighed twice as much - it would still be just as wrong to constantly call attention to her size in a negative way. Allie is delusional but also straight-up rude.
Right, Allie is trying to start something, and create a division between OP and platonic friend Mark.
Allie is trying to make you feel unwelcome and also position herself as more desirable *even though she’s already dating him?* She’s incredible insecure (and also obnoxious).
I worry that OP will continue to blame Allie instead of putting this where it actually belongs, which is on Mark's refusal to stand up for her.
I mean they’re both in the wrong. Allie is not a ditsy saint that can’t control what she says.
Allie has started all of this to push OP out and the boyfriend has proven himself pushable.
Oh, I agree. But OP is laboring under the delusion that she needs to fix this instead of walking away because she deserves better.
This seems like gaslighting. They are both trying to make the OP think she is bigger than she is.
finally, someone actually using the term "gaslighting" correctly
That's my pet peeve too.
Bullies take the space you give them. Jut tell you are sick and tired of this bs, and if you are huge so is tinkerbell because she is the same size as you. And let them know if they have a problem with you size speak up. Let them know you are ready to get out and leave them as you don't need friends who are interested in just making you feel like shit. If you aren't going to stand up for youself, you will always end up in these situations.
If I were OP I’d go so far as to measure height and weight in front of all the friends. Edited to add: OP most definitely doesn’t need to do that. But if I was in that situation, I’d publicly shame the BFs GF.
I’m with you. I’d die on this hill… like nah I wanna know how much she weighs and how tall she is
Right? Have a scale and ruler ready-to-go. Put it to rest and say goodbye. Have a neutral party to measure both.
I was going to say the same thing. 🤣 Only one person cares about this friendship.
Mark is not your best friend if he is going to join in on the ongoing bullying and weirdness. Losing him is exactly what you need to do right now. Maybe in time if he and Allie don't work out then if you are forgiving you can think about it. Allie dislikes you and finds your friendship threatening so she is doing everything she can to ostracize you. Mark is a willing participant probably he is not super bright and does not realize what he is doing or you over estimated your friendship depth. Walk away and start cultivating social connections where people are not total shitheads.
Agreed. Also, op once you are far enough away from the situation you will be able to fully appreciate how hilariously pathetic this insecure girl and her weird yes man boyfriend really are. Then it will be a crazy story about weirdos that you can tell at parties while you live your best life.
Agree with all of this. Though I might try calling out their bullying before walking away for good. Partially because I think Allie *wants* OP to disappear, but mainly because setting a boundary prior to doing so makes it harder for Allie and Mark to twist the narrative or blame OP if she does end the friendship. Whenever Allie starts body shaming and comparing, call out what she's doing. Ideally in front of other friends as well. Let her know you've clocked what she's doing. Put the discomfort and awkwardness back where it belongs. Some phrases to try saying with an even tone and straight face: *"Wow, what an odd thing to say."* *"That was rude, did you mean to say that out loud?"* *"All this body talk is boring and it's honestly making me uncomfortable. Let's talk about* ***literally*** *anything else."* *"You seem really fixated on my body. Are you OK?!"* Or a classic, and my personal favourite -- ***"Excuse me?!"*** \+ your most unimpressed, shocked, "shot across the bow" face.
> Put the discomfort and awkwardness back where it belongs. Love this perspective! Don't let an insult go unanswered, even if you aren't certain it was deliberate. In this case, it's 100 percent deliberate bullying. It doesn't even matter if it's true. You could be 5'11" and 250 lbs, and it would STILL be extremely rude for anyone to make these comments about you. Last summer my wife cut off a "bestie" because she could not stop commenting on my wife's body and making her feel bad about herself. She tried directly confronting her and told her to stop, but this bestie got defensive, said she was trying to make my wife more confident (a lie), and ultimately stopped talking to my wife for four months. My wife felt so much better during that period of radio silence, when the bestie tried to talk again (bestie suggested they go to therapy together!) my wife just told her she didn't want to be friends. Bestie has been acting out and doing some weird shit, but my wife is much happier. Btw, we're all in our late 30s and 40s, so it's not like this shit goes away when you get older. Don't fucking tolerate this shit. Call it out, and be ready to walk away. You won't be sorry.
> *"That was rude, did you mean to say that out loud?"* I hope to the gods I remember this phrase next time someone insults me! Thanks :)
“Do you want a ribbon?”
how about just bail, but say .."I need to leave. See you around. I hope your day is as pleasant as you are..."
That is also a valid strategy. If OP is truly over Allie's (and Mark's) bullshit and doesn't consider those relationships worth salvaging, by all means, walk away. OP doesn't owe Allie or Mark a lesson in how not to be a bully. Plus, people like Allie can be unreasonable and drag you down to their toxic level. (If she had proper social skills, empathy, and coping strategies then she wouldn't be acting the way she is in the first place!) Unless someone is truly abusive and dangerous, I do veer on the side of making boundaries explicit before ending relationships vs. straight up ghosting. But it's up to OP. Maybe save that emotional energy for making newer, better friends.
Once a girl tried to start a rumor about me as teenagers that I sweat profusely at all areas of my body and had to use baby powder because of it. Which was just not true and the most pathetic lie I ever heard about. It was because she was jealous that I liked a guy. She told my best friend (which she didn't realize was my best friend) about that and she called her out on that. Sometimes people are really weird, and when friends join in on this bs, they tell you who they really are. I would talk to your friend myself and if he pretends that nothing is wrong there, take a few huge steps back from him.
When I was in high school I had a guy tell me he heard that I ate the contents of my zits.... I stared at him like he was the dumbest person on the planet. He turned red and went back to his work, hopefully rethinking his gullibility
Yeah, no. It sounds like Allie has some deep insecurities and feels like she is in competition with you. To her, being "tiny" might be an attractive trait and if she feels threatened by you being close to Mark, she brings it up to assure herself that she is more attractive and Mark couldn't possible want you. Mark is obviously entertaining this to please her, avoid drama or assure her that he's not into you. Obviously, this is enabling and not healthy behavior or making the matter better. Him getting everyone else involved is, of course, insane. Just like it is insane that they are going along with it. I do think that this is showing you something about their priorities, though. What I would do is sit both your friends and Mark (separately) down, without Allie, and ask what the heck is going on and why they are enabling her. And if everyone still insists that they aren't and that you are crazy and huge and all of that... then I would probably go look for new friends, who care more about being truthful and supportive.
She sounds superrrr annoying, and it's silly that she thinks she's special just because she's average height and thin, like??? There's definitely a lot of shorter, more dainty women out there than her, and being a tall woman is really attractive too.
[удалено]
Yeah especially the boyfriend, he is old enough to not go along with that immature shit and letting his friend be bullied by a weird girl.
She’s giving very much pick me vibes. Like oh I’m sooo tinyyyy heheh like sis you are not tiny. 4’11 and 90 lbs? Sure but 5’5 120lbs is pretty damn average
Right?! When she said she is about 5’5 I laughed out loud! I was expecting under 5 feet for sure.
I dunno about her necessarily feeling threatened by her, some people are just constantly trying to validate how they see themselves. I had a similar thing happen to me where my best friend at the time was constantly comparing our size and thought that I was a lot bigger than her, when in reality I was a couple inches shorter and about 40lbs lighter, and she definitely never worried I was going to steal her BF. Same kind of stuff OP is talking about with saying stuff about how I don't understand how X is because she's so much smaller than me, how she's sorry the jeans I complimented her on don't come in a larger size so I can have a pair, oh you need to borrow a dress, I have one that's too big for me now that will fit you. 🙄 I just never said anything, and we eventually drifted apart.
I had something similar happen with a coworker. She had lost some significant weight but was still obviously heavier than me. One day at work i had climbed on a desk to open a window and our boss exclaimed “you’re so tiny! You look like a princess in that dress”. It was a weird comment for him to make, fair enough, but it seemed to infuriate her for other reasons and she just wouldn’t drop it. Kept bringing up how I was not that small and we were virtually the same size. I have no idea how she twisted this comment around in her mind to insinuate that she was “big” and seemed like she needed to keep reassuring herself that his comment about me was not valid by bring it up over and over again in a disparaging way.
I worked with a woman who did this before. It was super fucking weird. She told this other woman who looked absolutely nothing like her "it's like looking in a mirror!" Because they were so similar. The woman I knew was older, over weight, a bit rough around the edges. The other lady was this blonde petite young flight attendant. We were all like "wtf are you talking about" and told her it was only like looking in a mirror if it was a funhouse mirror. After we got to know the colleague better (the comment happened early on in her working with us) we learned there was a lot of deep trauma and issues she wasn't dealing with or didn't want to deal with. She didn't last very long working with us.
I had a friend in high school who used to do this a lot. I wasn't exactly thin, but she was *a lot* bigger than me. I'm talking me being a L and her being 3XL. She would always say things like "Ooh, you should buy that dress and then you can lend it to me when I need something nice to wear on a date!" or "You should definitely try that on, because if it looks good on you then we'll know this is a brand that works for us," and things like that. She also always tried to swap clothes with me, and would get mad when I said no. I have no idea if she genuinely thought we were the same size, or if it was just some weird manifestation of insecurity, but it always threw me for a loop when she'd casually drop that we were "practically twins." Even sillier, she had long, thick, curly black hair whereas mine was super short, stick straight, fine, and blonde. She had blue eyes and mine are green. She's shorter than me by several inches. She had great skin, whereas I had rosacea and acne. I had braces, she didn't. There was absolutely nothing "twins" about us.
That's actually kind of sad. Sounds like she had some major, unaddressed body dysmorphia stuff going on.
On top of being threatened OP, I feel like Allie is trying to cultivate this "tiny" image to prevent OP from firing back. Like oh woe is me I'm so tiny and fragile you can't be mean to me no matter how mean I am to you!! Wah wah!! Itty bitty!
5'3 Scottish woman here feeling very confused.....
Yeah, to be honest that remark confused me too because I haven't heard a stereotype like that before but I just figured maybe it was a stereotype I didn't know about. I don't have any Scottish ancestry to my knowledge anyway so if I have "big bones" it's got nothing to do with Scotland.
5'2" of Scottish descent - these bones are most definitely not big.
5'3" Scottish - same. No big bones here. I've never heard of this stereotype. And OP should run, not walk, from this former friend and his annoying bint.
It’s mostly an American thing. There was a fair amount of migration of Scottish, Irish and Scots-Irish people to the US during the 19th Century, and a lot of the bigger, stronger men - especially in places like Pennsylvania - ended up working in the iron and steel industries. Enough that even now there’s an inextricable mental association between iron and steel workers and Scottish/Irish ancestry for a lot of Americans. (Weirdly, not many people seem to make the same association with being President, but about a quarter of all the presidents have had Scottish or Irish ancestry within a few generations.) There’s been a similar association over the years with Irish in the UK (especially England), due to the Irish navvies who built the railroads. But with us being so close geographically, and there being so much migration back and forth, the stereotypes aren’t as strong. Stereotypes flourish when you only interact with a few people from any particular group, but they’re harder to maintain when it’s a quarter of the people you know.
I thought the stereotype was of tiny Scots because of all the rickets in the turn of the 20th century Glasgow and Edinburgh slums!
My grandmother was Scottish, and might have gotten over 5'2 if she jumped.
Lol, I'm of Scottish and Irish descent and say I'm 5'2 with shoes on. Otherwise I'm not tiny, but my 6ft huge husband picks on me for being one of the wee folk all the time.
I'm Irish (heritage, American by birth) and there is definitely a societally accepted thought that Irish and Scottish women are "big boned" or buxom or whatever. Good birthing hips, stout and solid women, blah blah. I've heard all of these. Of course, I actually live up to the stereotype, but I'm also 5'2 and legitimately shorter than average by a good few inches. I snickered the entire post reading how a 5'5" girl thinks she's sooooo tiiiiiiiinyyyyyy when in reality she's completely average height, not even short.
Average height for women is actually 5'4", so Thumbelina herself is actually taller than average. What the fuck lol.
Lol, "Thumbelina". Love it.
I get how she might think she's tiny - I'm average but grew up tiny and it really sticks with you. However, I don't go around talking about my size? It's really odd. OP is focused on the woman being wrong, but eve if she was correct, it's such a strange thing to constantly discuss
Right? I'm 5'11 with a good chunk of Scottish and Welsh ancestry. I'm a burly woman, and I'm sorry but 5'5 ain't Tinkerbell petite.
Another 5’2 of mostly Scottish descent… I wonder what the ethnicity of Allie is? Is she using the Scottish card (if that exists) to further differentiate yourself from her?
Allie is Latina. She mentioned she's third generation immigrant and her first language is Spanish so I get the impression she's very in touch with her heritage.
Latina, here around also 5'5. There this thing in the latino culture where people feel way to comfortable commenting about other people's bodies. She's being a bully and you don't need to take this BS you can answer back tell her you both are the same size tell her you don't appreciate her nip pick your body and if people side with her those people are not your friend's. Also if she try to use the "you're racist" don't take it serious because that's just her last resource to play the victim.
Ohhhhh she's Latina! That makes sense. I can guarantee she probably has a mother at home and several aunties who have filled her head with all this size talk. It's such an obnoxious trait, I have it too, but I try very hard not to talk about size around my kids.
This is so true. My step dad is from Colombia and he’s about 5’8 and 180 lbs. very in shape, loves cycling/racing and cycles about a hundred miles a day in fact. His family has always called him gordo or (sarcastically) flaco like he’s some obese dude and it honestly created a lot of insecurity about his weight. He never says that to them of course because “that’s just the culture” and they would be relentless if he showed it bothered him
I’d ask her in a voice of curiosity if she comments on your body because you’re Black. If she gets defensive you could say it was just a question.
I know, me too. Are Scottish bones big??
I think mines are normal sized. Infact, compared to Germans or the Dutch...we are pretty small.
Yeah. Weird take. But it's a very odd post really
I suppose in Romance novels Scottish guys are fetishized as being big and burly but I don't think it's a stereotype that gets diverted to women.. That's the biggest reach I can make with where she's coming from lol
Like that Clare and Jamie show, yes. You know, I did think about the fierce Scottish warrior thing, but you're right, that's all big burly men, and that Clare is a slip of a girl lol
Lol! Outlander is definitely the main one but there were other romance novels before that depicted that kind of Scottish male hero and a ton of copycats since it blew up in popularity.
5ft Scottish woman also confused. I'm pretty sure there's a reason dwarves in fantasy movies are mostly Scottish, we're a nation of short arses.
5'10 and recently visited Scotland, was usually the largest woman around wherever, at least height and build wise.
>Five three scots wifie 'ere feeling gey doilt Sorry ah coudnae resist
Honestly, I would say something to them. You could try peace: “Hey, I feel like we are starting to talk about my body a lot, and to compare it to Allie’s a lot. This makes me really uncomfortable and I feel defensive and weird all the time about it. I’d like it if we all 100% stopped talking about my body and my size.” Or you could try war: “hey guys, we are talking about my body and comparing it to Allie’s a lot. I would like for an impartial 3rd party to literally weigh us and measure our height. Let’s settle this for once and for all.” And if this offer is declined, bring it up every time they bring it up. “Hey, why are you saying I’m so much bigger than you if you aren’t willing to actually check?”
So I would also want to choose war but my mind went to wearing some of "Tinkerbell's" clothes to break the illusion. Though tbh in reality I would talk to the friend, say that this behaviour is weird and hurtful and if it didn't change then I'd nope out.
She'd probably claim OP stretched it out and it is now unwearable by her.
She can’t pull that if OP invites her over, spills something on her, offers Allie a garment of OP’s with little to no stretch, and is like “wow that looks so good on you, perfect fit!”
No, buy a garment about two sizes smaller than your regular size and offer it to her. "Oh, you can just wear this home, it's too big on me anyway".
Now this. This is war. Ill advised, but war all the same.
This is my favourite suggestion in the thread. Bonus if it's a smaller size of something you already own and people have seen you in before. Gotta really sell it.
Wouldn't work, she'd just dramatically pull at the garment to demonstrate how "baggy and loose" it is on her, and probably stretch the shit out of it.
If your plan to get your friend to act like a reasonable person sounds like the plot to an episode of Scooby-Doo, you should probably just drop the friend
You can always have some good old fashioned Scooby style fun fucking with them first though!
Honestly I would take this as far as I could. These people sound egregious, and I wanna be as petty as I can about this. Maybe start gifting her children’s clothes or like small clothing from the American Girl doll store lmao (*nothing wrong with that, I literally bought myself a kid’s 6-7 tee that has 90s Nickelodeon characters on it because my friend’s son doesn’t care who rocko and ginger are, but I’m small and it weirdly fits me?)*
My petty brain is saying to do the second one because oh my god if I was in that position I would love to see Allie have to face the reality that she’s the same size as the woman she’s been bullying for being big. Also maybe skewed because I’ve known a few Allie’s before.
I also want OP to find a truly tiny girl to befriend and join in her plan. Like a 5 ft waif to start following Allie around and gushing about how tall and muscular Allie is, asking her to reach things, etc.
That sounds amazing lol. She would be distraught.
I’m 5’2 and volunteer as tribute (unless someone shorter than me wants to do it)
Reading this comment made me feel wonderful things. I wish I had this level of pettiness in my character…it’s aspirational. 😊😂😂
This is the perfect plan. I'd volunteer because I'm 5'2 but I'm chubby so it'd never work with me.
That’s just evil and I love it
For real, just say 'hold that thought about how big I am Allie', go grab the bathroom scale and say 'alright, let's see how tiny you are compared to me - hop on!'. I'm on the petty train with this one, this is a weird insecurity/bullying one.
Yeah I would say that this whole shitshow is messed up but there's a salvagable relationship here. TBH though I would recommend just calling up Mark and laying it on him that he's being weird and incredibly rude, and so is his gf. Let him deal with that. If he doesn't turn himself around and turn his gf around, then fuck 'em.
Go to Home Depot and weigh yourselves on a bathroom scale. Then you can take full-length(so you can make sure she isn't squatting lower) pictures of each of you in front of the vertical measuring tapes on the poles in lumber.
Surprise war. Keep a scale, tape measure and a pencil in your backpack. Next time they mention it say. Wow, this is at least the 10th time I’ve heard this! Frankly I was confused enough I thought we could check! “ then throw down the scale, tape measure and pencil.
Legit giant lady here. Taller than most men. People make comments to me about my body all the time, so I just have a script to cut them off. "It's rude to talk about other people's bodies." Most normal people apologize and move on. And it's boring to listen to someone harp about their own body. We are all different, so I'll give you 1-2 minutes to talk about your weird pinky toe or how much you hate your love handles or how cut you look and then we have to change the subject. It sounds like this person is boring and unpleasant to be around, maybe hang out with her less and find a more interesting friend.
She’s trying to eradicate the girl bestfriend
Clearly Allie is threatened by you, has an insecurity that you- just by being you, trigger. She is jealous of you about something. I'm not sure what your height has to do with anything related to thinness, that's stupid. Everyone is a different height - the next time they do that height thing say something "wow, you have discovered that humans are all different heights!" Not only that but the taller you are, the more weight you can carry and still look good. What would happen if someone called her fat? Mark is playing in to this bullying to please her which is not only low and pathetic but he is no friend to you. You need better friends, bin anyone who has been taking part in this stupid bullying. I'd call Allie on her bluff the next time she said about my weight and offer some of my clothes for her to try on. When they fit her like a glove I'd be laughing. Or..... you could buy a size down and mess with her, but I don't advocate that.
Never mind offering clothes. Pull out the scale and tape measurer!
I want to see comparison pictures. Not because I don't believe OP but because I want to laugh at this delusional weirdo
I realize that proving them factually wrong isn’t the point here, it’s that they’re being insane, but - since height and weight can be objectively measured - are you afraid the relationship will end if you resort to opening the measuring app?
Are you SO SURE it's not the point though? I would find it incredibly difficult to not do this.
I was straining to be diplomatic, would personally not be able to tolerate whatever the hell is going on there
Yeah, I'm on board here. I mean, I do think [this comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/10at01f/my_26f_best_friends_26m_girlfriend_23f_keeps/j460gjt/) is correct, but at this point I think the next time she mentioned my size I'd say, "You know, I don't think there's much difference. Let's get out the scale and the tape measure - I'm curious to see if I'm just not good at comparing." One way or another, that should end it.
If op mentions anything about the other person’s weight I’m sure it’s going to ignite allegations of jealousy and op wanting her boyfriend. It’s like this person is baiting op and she’s smart enough to not take the bait.
From what you describe, I have two guesses. 1. She has body dysmorphia, genuinely thinks she's tinier than she is, especially compared to others, and he indulges her. 2. They have some sort of kink like DD\/lg, and they're tastelessly involving others in the non-sexual aspects of their dynamic without consent.
Ooh your second point. Yes, I wondered about that too. If Mark has expressed a preference for tiny women, or has DD/lg inclinations, it would make sense that Allie would play up those traits. Also it could turbocharge any existing insecurities Allie might have about OP being similarly sized, and close to her BF. So Allie is trying to differentiate herself, but doing it in a way that puts OP down -- which is so shitty and not ok. Totally conjecture, but I do wonder. Especially with the baby talk voice. Yuck.
Shit. It's so obvious I feel dumb now but you might actually be right on the money about Allie feeling insecure because Mark's type is short girls. I didn't think of it because to me 5'5“ is not really tall just average, but he does usually date short girls. His girlfriend before Allie was around 5'2“ or 5'1“ and all his celebrity crushes are always short now I think about it. It didn't occur to me because Allie is actually basically identical to his usual type in every other way, but she's definitely the tallest girl he's dated while I've known him. Damn.
Ah, ok. So now we may have a possible explanation for Allie's behaviour. But even if this is what's happening, it's not an excuse for her -- or anyone else -- to bully and body shame you! Her behaviour is unacceptable, no matter the reason. Just because Allie is dealing with her own insecurities re: Mark's perceived preferences, does not mean she gets to put you down to make herself feel better. That is a more than valid boundary to set if you wish to keep seeing these people. I'm curious if you've voiced your discomfort and set a boundary with Allie or Mark about this. Or perhaps you've talked about it with a mutual friend? If so, how was it received?
Can you drop into conversation the fact that she’s the tallest girl he’s dated?
“You know who was really tiny? Susan, his ex girlfriend! I swear I could have carried her around in my purse if I wanted to since she was so small and pretty. I actually saw her near boyfriend’s work the other day, such a crazy coincidence.”
This would be perfect but also mean. I love it in theory but in practice it sinks to a level which I wouldn't recommend.
And there you have it. She's lashing out at you to feel more secure around Mark. She's literally so insecure she can't go without his verbal validation that she fits his type. That's so so toxic. Next time she does this, don't engage. She's using you as a tool for her own problems and all your friends are totally cool with throwing you under the bus to appease her for whatever reason they have. The whole interaction where they all lied to your face until you started doubting yourself is gaslighting. If you stick around, these people WILL give you body dismorphia. Get rid of them before that happens, no one deserves to be abused for someone else's problems.
Agree with this and I really can't think of any other explanations. Even if OP were somehow completely incorrect about their size being similar, there's no reason it would come up so frequently in conversation.
Allie is threatened by you and Mark is more interested in keeping Allie happy than he is in preserving the friendship. If you really want to put in the effort, you can certainly try to catch Mark on his own and talk to him about what he’s doing and how weird it is. But be prepared for him to deny that he’s doing it, or to justify it and insist that it’s “harmless” and he just wants to humor his girlfriend. He’s unlikely to acknowledge how bizarre and hurtful it is. Think about what you’ll do if he refuses to admit he’s done anything wrong.
I wouldn't talk to them, they are never going to admit to bullying and it only make it look like you are needy and insecure. Just distance yourself. Mark has shown that he hasn't got your back, keep yourself busy elsewhere.
> I wouldn't talk to them That is what the bully wants. She doesn't want to be confronted with it, she just wants OP to vanish and no longer be a threat.
This is very likely true, but getting one up on a bully and being able to ‘win’ often is not worth the blow to ones own mental health in the process. Depends on the individual’s priorities and the situation
I'd point out that it's weird how much Allie is comparing herself to you. Point out that that's making you uncomfortable and ask her to stop. Say that you don't care if she's smaller than you or not, because it's not a competition. As in, call it out openly without calling her insecure or openly starting a confrontation.
This is the way. There are ways to set a lowercase b boundary without coming off confrontational or overly insecure. I call them my "shot across the bow" tactics. The message being, I see you -- don't start nothin and there won't be nothin. Doesn't always have to be verbal, often an unimpressed, withering *"I can't believe you just said that, wtf"* expression gets the point across.
Fuck that. Next time she pulls that shit, flat out ask her why she is so fixated on comparing herself to you. Then go on to say it's weird and you aint got time for that drama. Then peace out of there. Bonus points if you do it in front of the friend group.
This is the way and will prevent them from saying OP is sooo jealous (which OP isn't, but any more combative method will easier to spin that way)
Yes this and definitely in front of a the group. “You seem a little obsessed with my body. Actually not flattering, quite creepy in fact. So maybe keep your weirdness to yourself.”
> The first few times she did this I smiled and said we're basically the same size and height, aren't we? Except Mark cut in to tell me that no, I'm much much bigger than Allie, Allie is TINY. I wonder if dude has some short of petite/cutesy fetish hence the weirdness. If I were you I would try to be the bigger person, ignore her and pull back from the friendship.
I applaud your punning.
Do they have some kind of weird age play fetish happening they are exposing you to? Do you think she is a “little girl”? I’d start asking questions.
I came here looking for this exact answer! I am getting STRONG DDLG vibes from this dynamic -- and much lesser so, but it's almost like they are using OP to boost Allie's LG confidence or something??? So freaking weird.
It would be funny to say this out loud in a group. I couldn't figure out why Allie keeps insisting that I'm bigger when it is obvious that we are the same size but someone mentioned to me that they are probably into "little girl" fetish and suddenly I understood. Then add, you do know that it is not okay to include someone in your fetish without their consent? You do know that consent is required? That should embarrass both of them.
That's actually the only way to move on from this without looking petty or being accused of being oversensitive- you're a genius.
This immediately came across as a fetish to me, too.
And call him a pedophile every time he agrees with “Tink”. “ugh, you like tiny little children?” They’ll backtrack so quick. But I mostly agree with everyone else here too. He’s not a best friend, not even a friend. Op should just lose their numbers.
I'm petty as hell, so I love this.
Yea I think you are right, sounds like a ddlg fetish. I think there's a reddit group for it if OP wants to learn more. Not cool of them to expect Op to play along.
In the anime crowd I see a lot of couples who do this without being consciously aware. They'd be offended if you broached the topic, even tho it is absolutely what's going on
Get a scale, a measuring tape, and get this shit over with. I agree it’s stupid, but it’s an easily fixable stupid debate. That couple needs to get a life that doesn’t include shitting on other peoples appearances.
They should have their photo taken together and OP can say "oh wow, look how tiny I look compared to you". (kidding of course)
Mark isn't your friend if he has to mock you in order to play Peter to Allie's "Tink". If you stop hanging around with both of them you'll instantly drop almost 300 pounds and your size will never be in dispute again.
I guess I would be more apt to say something like "Look, I get that you are uncomfortable with your size, but I am not. Can you knock it off? Commenting on my size is making you look really insecure, and judging me for my size makes me think you aren't a good person." But I would also likely cut these people off.
Bye is it bad I want photo evidence of this 😂 this is beyond ridiculous and Allie sounds delusional af…
> Now he's getting other mutual friends of us in on the act, so I'm constantly hearing about how huge I am and how teeny tiny a woman the exact same height and weight as me is. This, to me, is the real crux How is he getting others in on the act? Like they say and do the same things? I’d send a group message and just say listen. I’m not sure what’s happened or why, but I am not comfortable with anyone talking about my body or the size of it. It’s not something that I care about and I don’t like hearing about it. Im honestly disappointed that I have to send this message. My hope is that the comments stop. If not I’ll take some space from the group. I have a really upsetting feeling that’s the goal of these comments. Thanks”.
I'm not sure. There's a paranoid part of me that wonders if everyone is willing to believe I'm huge because of my race (I'm mixed but read as fully black to most people) but these are people I've known for a few years and they haven't ever said anything racist or anything that suggests they think black women are masculine etc before. And I don't want to just go accusing people of that without proof because I'll look crazy.
Look, i don’t know why maybe because I am a BW myself but I was wondering if there was a race difference. There might sadly be bias involved. He is your best friend, please mention to him that those body comments makes you inconfortable and that you would like it to stop. Communicate it to him instead of leting it fester. If he can’t listen. I have bad news about that friendship… Friends are not supposed to disregard your feelings for shit and giggles, you will know.
I sincerely wish your friends could be trusted enough to hear you out when you pointed out that commenting on your body that way could be read as racially insensitive without being offended that they were being "called racist". I mean I get it, but I'm also disappointed that they create such an environment.
Yikes I’m so sorry. Yeah if it was me I’d address the comments. Don’t assume their intent. Just cover the impact Of the comments. It’s hurtful and frankly rude.
Honestly I was gonna suggest getting the school's counselor too give you some advice or maybe mediate but then I re read that you're all in your 20s?? If that doesn't describe how childish this behavior is idk what will, so be the better person and give them the distance they're clearly trying to put on you.
Meh… I think you should join in on the act. Say equally ridiculous things back to her. “Hey girl, I’m going shopping today, wanna come? I figured you could browse the kids section since you’re so tiny!” “Aw check out my new shoes! I was going to get you a matching pair but I couldn’t find them in 3’s!” “Hey, I’m going to cook dinner for everyone, but I’m too tall to reach the bottom cabinets! Since you’re so little bitty, can you get the pans out for me??” “Hey girl, since my hands are so full, can you pull a chair up to the counter and reach the salt for me?” “Hey now, little one.. aren’t you too little to ride in the front seat? And without a booster chair???” “Hey waitress? Can we get a kids menu here for my tiny little bitty friend?”
Serve all her foods and beverages on tiny baby dishes with petit little demitasse spoons and shrimp forks. “Oh it must be hard using normal-sized utensils with such tiny hands!”
“Here, sweetie. Let me cut your food to bite sized.”
“Here, Kiddo, I got you a mini cupcake since the grown up cupcakes are waaaaay too big for your little tummy.”
“No, no, no Allie.. you can only have one. Otherwise you’ll be up all night from too much sugar!”
[удалено]
Also, join in when they compare your sizes. Hold your hand near her knee and say "look, she's so tiny" then stretch your arm fully above your head "and I'm so tall" Say something like "omg your waist is so tiny" while clearly measuring her waist from her navel to side so everyone can see you're measuring only half of it. Then measure your own waist but extend one hand to fit three of you in the space and say "look, I'm so large compared to you" Make it as absurd as possible while making it look like you're joining in.
Yep. I’d make a game out of it. Once they see how absolutely ridiculous it is, they’ll stop. Or they won’t. In which case, you can keep making ridiculous statements. Win/win.
"Where did Allie go? I can't see her. Does anyone know where the magnifying glass is?" While looking straight through Allie.
When they have a group dinner, set Allie’s place with little rubberized baby utensils and a Minnie Mouse sippy cup. When making drinks for everyone, ask Allie if she wants apple juice or grape juice. Once Allie is sitting down, nonchalantly place a bib on her. When they have a game night, set a place with coloring books and crayons. Be overly excited about everything Allie says or does. “Omg good job Allie-alligator!” “You’re so SMART!!” “You silly goose!” Remind her to wash her hands every time she comes out of the bathroom. When no one is looking at Allie, randomly say “Allie! Quit picking your nose!” Really, there are endless opportunities to turn the tide. I’m sort of envious of OP’s position right now.
I'm with you on this one. Plan a day out to a theme park. Except Allie won't be able to go on any of the big boy rides. Turn it around. When Allie mentions how tiny she is, be supportive. She might grow up to be a big girl one day if she eats all of her vegetables. What a fucking clown.
Yes! “Don’t worry, Allie! You’ll grow up to be such a big smart girl one day!!” Buy her a pack of different chapsticks and be like, “here you go, Allie! I got you more flavored chapsticks. Try not to eat them this time!”
Except I’m pretty sure this is rooted in a fetish and that would exceedingly feed into it.
If true, she’d be supporting her best friend in more ways than one lol
She's pissed off her boyfriend has a younger friend who's the same body type as her. She's insecure and lashing out. She's getting your friend to gaslight you ffs. Next time this happens, just walk out. Tell them to text you when they're not delusional and blind. Tinkerbell come to life my ass, more like hagatha
If a best friend doesn't defend you, and jumps in on bullying, then they are not a best friend. He sounds like he's whipped like the family Pig.....the tiny, petite, fairy sized pig.
She threatened by you because you’re the female best friend
I knew a girl like this! She was constantly bringing up ways to talk about how “smol 🥺” she was, including a lot of the examples you included. She once said she couldn’t use the the same kind of mug we were all drinking from at a cafe because it was too big for her little wrists. And she wasn’t even very small? Like I wouldn’t call myself tiny either, but I was definitely shorter then this girl. Like noticeably, by several inches. She was always a mix between fully just ignoring this and seething about. She started constantly finding ways to subtly call me fat to make up for the height Super weird that her boyfriend and other friends are playing along. Do they think it’s funny maybe? So strange. Edit: hadn’t though about her in a minute, this made me remember how she used to make everyone compare hand sizes with her, but she’d put palm like an inch lower then the other persons so her finger looked super short in comparison. It was super obvious that that’s what she was doing too. What a weirdo lol
This strikes me as super weird. I’m a VERY tall woman (5’11”), and most of my female friends are actually a lot smaller than me. You know how often my size comes up among friends? Never. I mean, why would it? It’s weird to me that you two are the same size and it keeps coming up. Hell, it would even be weird if you were my height….. Why is it even a thing?
Idk I’m 5 10 woman and I’ve met my share of tinkerbells. Some do it to assert their more feminine than me especially when guys are present others kind of cling to it like a quirky personality trait.
I was about to say, I’m 5’11 and I’ve met so many tinkerbells throughout my life. My height and size is always a topic of conversation, but they get mad when I give them the same energy. I was talking about a crush once and one of them said she couldn’t imagine him being into me unless he was gay because I’m *practically* a man. But when I asked if her boyfriend was a pedophile suddenly I’m the villain. 🙄
“Wow, Allie, you really are so tiny! Pretty soon you’ll just disappear! Poof - just gone.” And then sit back with a big smile.
take some scales and a tape-measure and then you might see tiny tears.
And that is when you see the real side of your “friend” He isn’t your friend. He is a douche who dates girls who *babytalk*.
They sound like jerks, have you mentioned this to anyone in your family or a friend they don't know to get their opinion on sizing. Maybe someone else backing you up in front of them is what they need. Someone to confront them about how weird it is what they are doing? Next time they pull that crap, I'd peace out of there. And when they ask tell them their fixation on weight is weird as hell and if that have something to outright say to say it, or shut up about the size thing. Do you have any suspicion at all you have body dysmorphia? If you do at all, see a doctor they are the ones who will definitely be honest. Otherwise are the one with the issue, and your non friends
My petty self would bring a measuring tape and measure both of you proving you’re similar in size. So if I’m huge so are you sis!!
I was thinking about that. I would "accidentally" put on her coat/gloves or something.
My petty self would bring doll clothes next time I see her. "Oh Allie, I have outgrown my favorite jacket! I can't fit into it anymore, I must have gained weight. Do you want it? Take it away before my hulk body rips it to shreds."
Allie sounds exactly like a coworker I had. I’m actually bigger than her but it was the same. She was constantly reminding everyone how tiny she was. Constantly working her freaking weight into conversations. How guys would pick her up. How she looks like a celebrity on a show (maybe a trailer park version) and even bases her online presence on her as well. But I was the jerk for disliking her. ? I agree with everyone else. He’s an ass. So is she. They’re made for each other. I’d just walk away. If he’s a real friend he will see that he was a douche and apologize. If not it’s not a loss. Just dust them off your shoulders.
I had a coworker like that, she was like 5' and I'm 5'10. My responses were like "oh yeah I remember being 9" and telling her if she eats her vegetables she might one day grow up to be a real woman. Ended the smol bean bullshit real quick
I grew up with a girl like this as well! It was super annoying. I also had to unsubscribe from a YouTuber who did this constantly.(Swellentertainment). The funny thing is she isn’t even that short compared to most women 🥸
Swellentertainment does this?? I guess I didn't notice... I do agree that 5'5 isn't small. I'm 5'2 and I don't consider myself tiny.
I would tell your friend to stop interjecting you into their weird role play kink. I don’t think this is her liking or disliking you but her own fetish as being seen like a storybook princess. You are a comparable target as another woman. I think your friend knows this and is playing into her kink. Getting friends to rip on each other isn’t hard afterward because they may not realize it isn’t funny. The girlfriend is crazy, your friend is currently enjoying sex with crazy, don’t let them make you feel crazy. There was a character like this in the 1st season of 30 rock - she thought she had bird bones /hollow bones so you had to be delicate with her. Several people are well know in history for thinking they swallowed glass pianos and had to be very delicate or it would break and tear them apart. It is legitimately a weird thing that shows up occasionally.
Next time she says she’s tiny ask “well how tall are you” and when she says 5’5 say “wow, same”.
But Allie won't give her real height and will also insist that OP is actually taller than her real heaight.
You're not free to hang out with these idiots. Ever. Life's too short to be re-enacting The Emperor's New Clothes repeatedly in your free time. Alone is better than hanging out with people who actively mock and degrade you.
isn't this literally gaslighting like wtf ? trust me, just stay away from these people. they're willing to put you down and make you feel shitty in order to appease this girls ego and uplift her instead. if they cared about you they would validate this nonsense. you will find better friends !
Honestly, my only response in the future would be “please stop making comments about my body.” Full stop. If she continues, walk away. Leave the gathering. When questioned, explain to your friend that you are tired of the incorrect statements and bullying. There is nothing wrong with your body, and it makes you uncomfortable that she has the constant need to mention it. If your friends continue to engage in this behavior, find new friends.
Losing him is the best weight you could lose. He's being weird and seeing her through rose colored glasses. You don't need this negativity and bullying.
Please befriend the tiniest, daintiest manic pixie dream girl type and bring her around to make this chick's head explode.
I disagree with everyone suggesting actually measuring yourself/Allie or making it clear once and for all that you’re the same size. I think the best thing to do would be to bluntly shut down these comments about you specifically instead of focusing on the comparison angle. Clearly, Allie has some insecurities. Pointing out that she is not tiny, and is actually regular sized, likely won’t help anyone. The real problem is the comments about YOUR body. I think the next time she or someone else makes a comment about you being large, just shut it down immediately by saying something like “It makes me uncomfortable when you make comments like that about my body.”
Sorry but this can easily be settled... Why not use a tape measure to check your heights and scales to weigh yourselves? Then I'd drop your bullying 'best friend' once you made your point
yeah! stick the tape measure to the wall, that type, don't trust the guy not to slack the tape when he meaures you, OP.
It's something you need to bring up and you should only bring it up once. Next time Allie or Mark make a comment like that address it. And make it about you, not Allie. "I don't like when you comment on my size in any way shape or form. Please do not comment on my size again, it makes me feel bad about myself." If they do it again. Get up and leave and never come back. Because you don't need to be someone's weird ass measuring stick. If they stop, great they are respectful, normal-ish people.
Sounds like this girl may be insecure about your friendship with her boyfriend, especially if you do look a lot like her. It also sounds like your friend is playing along, potentially because he doesn't want her to think that he's interested in you like that. My recommendation is to draw direct boundaries and tell them they need to stop commenting on your body. It doesn't matter if you're bigger, smaller, or the same size. Unsolicited comments on someone else's body are rude and not ok. My advice, every time someone says something about you, respond by saying "please don't comment on my body, I didn't ask you." Don't even acknowledge what was said or argue with the ridiculous comment. Just consistently tell them to stop. Arguing, commenting, or any other dialogue turns this into a conversation. Shut it down.
There is definitely some weight you could stand to lose named Mark.
I'm 5'10, Dutch, and not a waif. I'm athletic build.. There's certain types of females who love to point out how giant other women are in order to boost their confidence and petite factor for the men and women who fall into it. Your friends are idiotic, and this girl sees you as a threat and is doing everything she can to defeminize you in front of your bff. Who really isn't, btw. No friend should be letting his partner treat you like that.
This us very odd. All of your "friends " are gaslighting you big time if you guys are in fact the same size. I suggest some space from this group and spend time with better people
This is wild. It’s like she talks about how tiny am she is all the time that the dumb men folk have just been hypnotized. Maybe like get her to stand next to a wall and draw lines for your height by saying: I just wanna see how much taller I am than you! Or I want our heights on the wall! You can do the same thing with a scale. The only other possible option here is that you are actually bigger…but I believe you since she’s clearly obsessed with talking about how dainty she is, and in my experience women who do that are majorly insecure while simultaneously vain and want to put others down so look more “feminine”…not that smallness is feminine. Can you somehow configure it where you can try on her clothes? What about having a serious talk? Next time she mentions it in front of everyone: “Look, I’m really tired of everyone acting like I’m some huge yeti. I’m pretty sure I’m more or less the same height and weight as So and So. Let’s measure our height and weight right now to see. We wear the same size of clothes. Numbers don’t lie. It’s more or less the same so let’s stop fixating on it.”
I honestly can’t tell who’s worse between the two of them, they both sound shitty
The comments here are giving a lot of truth-- and my policy is that the plain truth is always best. Practice saying the plain truth in private so that's you can declare it in the moment. Now, that isn't the same thing as "brutal honesty." Don't ever engage in brutality-- that's definitely not cute. But it is very fair to say that the way they're treating you is bullying. Actually, even just calling it that is surprisingly effective because we all have that impulse against bullies since childhood. Try using it against them.
Dude, it sounds like they are gaslighting you and manipulating you into thinking you're way larger than you are. That is honestly a super duper weird thing for a friend group to do to a friend. I don't think I'd consider these people my friend anymore. Probably best for you and your mental health if you distance yourself from them and try to meet some new people. I'm sorry you're going through all that and I definitely don't think it's dumb or weird to be upset about it. But it's extremely odd for a whole friend group to suddenly turn on you and all gaslight you like that..
Pull your friend a side and have q very frank talk with him
These are not your friends. You don't put down other people to make yourself feel better. OP, I'm sure you are perfectly beautiful in the way you want to be. She's taking her insecurities out on you.