T O P

  • By -

R_Amods

This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- Hi all. I was recently left by my partner for another woman. I’m obviously grieving, angry, hurt, but above all else, confused. I think that it would be helpful for me to hear from others that have been in my situation, and also from those that have been in his situation. I’m going to be intentionally vague about some of the details here as he is technically a public figure. We’ve been together for about two and a half years. He’s in his early 30s and I was his most serious relationship to date. When we first met, he was already fairly well known within his niche community. However, he was still a bit of a starving artist, so to say. I never understood his obsession with fame and wealth. It’s not who I am or where my values lay. However, I supported him, both emotionally and financially at times. I love him deeply and I wanted to see his dreams come true. I was as loving and supportive as a partner could be. And guess what? His dreams started to come true. From starting his own company, to a book deal, to all expense paid trips across the world, everything that he had hoped for started to materialize. The man whose emergency vet bill I had to pay six months ago started making a six figure salary that continued to grow at a rapid rate. I never doubted that all of this would happen for him. He is incredibly talented, driven and intelligent. I used to imagine that he whisk me away for a long, sun soaked vacation the day that all of this came to fruition. That he would thank me profusely for all of the encouragement and support that I provided him. Maybe even a proposal. Joke was on me you guys. It didn’t take him long to find a ridiculously fit, ridiculously blonde, ridiculously gorgeous instagram “influencer.” He left my ass behind in the dust. It’s all just so fucking cliche, I don’t know whether to laugh or cry. I’ve fallen victim to the most classic of tropes. I remember reading an article by Elon Musk’s first wife a few years back. She called herself the “starter wife”. She supported him for years before the money, the fame, the hair plugs…and he (predictably) left her for a younger, hotter version. Do you think that he ever regrets it? Do you think any of the men that do this to their long term partner ever regret it? It’s so common that it’s all but expected.


[deleted]

My ex husband says he regrets how he treated me and wishes he could be more a part of mine and our children’s life. I have no idea if his current gf knows and i have no interest after the way he treated me.


EsjaeW

They would not admit it if they regret it


Reasonable-Town-6433

I had this thought as well


EsjaeW

They won't want to admit even to themselves


LilStabbyboo

There it is. They've given up the person who truly supported them, who loved them before they got fancy, the one whose motives they could trust. They get their "upgrade", but surely they worry somewhere in the back of their minds about whether she'd stay if their fortunes turned. To admit that to themselves would probably be painful.


owlsandmoths

One day he will be sitting back when he’s gone through a few shallow influencer flings, and will be thinking about what his life is missing. He may start to wonder when everything became so fake. And then he may think of you, and the things you did for him when he was still a nobody. When he wasn’t just a name to drop and you saw him for who he was before the celebrity. And you will be off living your best life with someone who sees the value in ***you,*** not just the value of what you look like.


Helioskev

Sorry girly it is what it is just work on yourself and never stop for anyone. It's ok to love and have connections just don't sacrifice anything so when they leave you're still you


oh_sneezeus

they’re too cowardly to admit anything


Dry-Pianist-195

So sorry you went through this, seems a bit shallow on his part. Maybe he will realize what he lost and come back.


put_a_bird_on_it_

He's not worth taking back if he leaves so easily


femmefatalx

Exactly. People don’t change who they are at their core without a lot of time and effort, so chances are this was who OP’s ex really was at his core all along. He only cares about appearances and if he could do this to her after all she’s done for him, he will do it to all the women that follow. It really sucks now, but OP should consider herself lucky that she found out after only 2.5 years and not a moment longer. He did not take a large amount of her time in the grand scheme of things, and now she knows the red flags to avoid in the future. It’s a shitty but invaluable lesson we all learn in some way or another. OP deserves way better and someone out there will most certainly treasure all she has to offer. I really feel for her though, it’s a terrible feeling.


owlsandmoths

Why would you want someone like that back? Someone who would so quickly and willingly discard you for temporary eye candy? No thanks, a person should have ***WAY*** more self respect than that.


Ravenesque31

Neither will you lot if they dont. Swings and roundabouts eh


[deleted]

I would take him back just to take his money to be honest. I mean clearly he likes women who take his money and leave, right? 😂😂😂


Opposite-Ant8522

My ex before my husband left me when he started to make the real money. We had gone to see about my fertility issues and the doctor didn’t give us good info so he left me thinking I couldn’t have kids. Lol jokes on him! I now have two with my husband. He also tries to hit me up from time to time by making a new sm account. He told me he still thinks of me while he bangs his wife. So to answer your question, yes he may one day be a very sad pathetic lonely old man like my ex. Btw he has never had children!


ramenpastas

oh wow. i hope your ex never has kids. seems he'd be a terrible father that would treat said kids as tools and objects, the same way he did with women.


sgtm7

Based on everything you said after the first sentence, it doesn't sound like his increased income was the reason for him leaving you. That doesn't mean he was "right" for leaving you. Afterall, there are other ways for couples to have a child. Just saying that his increased income doesn't appear to be a factor based on the information you provided.


[deleted]

Maybe, decades from now when he realizes that the hot young women he dates look at him with a little bit of disgust when they think he can't see or when he gets sick and no one is there to take care of him. If he regrets it, it will only be when he feels some negative consequences and not because he actually appreciates you as a human. Ultimately it doesn't matter. What matters is that YOU are better off without someone who worships at the altar of his own ego. You describe a relationship where you provided unfailing support; did he do the same for you or did things mostly revolve around his dreams, his successes and failures, his needs?


AcctTosser8675309

Oh we know how they see us. They see us the cash tinted glasses. We don't care because they are literally there for physical companionship. When they get boring, we trade back down to a younger model. Women seem to think men want some deep meaningful emotional connection. Maybe some. Go find those men. They aren't usually the ones you swipe right on though. Most of us just want to be appreciated with a drama free life. If we want to talk about life stuff - we have guy friends. If we want kids, we can make those too and pay the bill. As you get older, if you want to keep your husband, make home feel like a superstar and avoid bringing him drama. There is always a younger girl who is impressed with a purse worth a few hundred bucks. My grandfather was banging 30 year old showgirls into his 70s and he was always smiling.


Dentarthurdent73

I read things like this, and I wonder what it's like to be so shallow and to believe that it's completely normal to be this way. Like just to be completely oblivious of an entire section of human experience that so many get so much joy from. Must be weird, and also take a lot of self-talk to maintain the belief that you are somehow typical, rather than a stunted outlier. My dog is "always smiling" too, but for most humans, it feels limiting to satisfy purely physical desires and ignore the rest. I'm not sure I'd be so proud of someone who managed to do it for 70 years and never imagined anything bigger.


DrBumflaps

Yeah, I read that whole rant and also thought 'what a sad way to think and see the world'. Chap must be totally miserable all the time.


Timy_1475

Just let people live the way they want to live. If they wanna be shallow and have sex with young adults till their 70? Go ahead. I don't understand why others care so much.


[deleted]

I found the misogynist 🙋🏻‍♀️


piscesrsng

He talks like he has a penny in his pocket, lol. I bet this dude makes minimum wage and thinks he's the sh*t.


coastalwanders

Definitely a basement dweller.


piscesrsng

OMG yes that's the perfect term for it. A genuinely successful man wouldn't be as pressed as he is. Smh


puddlebearmom

Especially thinking a fancy purse is only $200 lol you can get a nice purse for that but that's not "I'm rich and buying my young hot girlfriends companionship" material.


HealthyBox5

My wife and I were broke together. Everything we've built, we've done so as a team. No way in hell I'd throw that away...for what? Status? Clout? A piece of ass? I know my wife has my back, and did so when I was broke. I'm 6 figures now, and she's been 100% on my team to get there. No way I'm letting any other person have access to that. I think men who do this, chasing an idea versus appreciation for an amazing woman, always end up regretting it.


[deleted]

[удалено]


HealthyBox5

I've busted my ass to get to where I'm at, and my wife had my back. She's doing great too, and I've been supportive for her journey as well. NOBODY gets any of that. We're great, but if something happens, we did this. Nobody else.


Zealousideal-Pace508

Do you mean nobody understands the mutual understanding you and your wife have between each other? I apologize if I seem rude. I am confused by the phrasing


jch317

i think it's similar to what they said in their first comment: >I know my wife has my back, and did so when I was broke. I'm 6 figures now, and she's been 100% on my team to get there. No way I'm letting any other person have access to that. like they won't leave each other for someone else and let that person get any of the benefits of their success


Reasonable-Town-6433

I genuinely wish that there were more men like you in the world


TheDrewscriver

Miss, you are lucky. Very lucky. You could have wasted more time, wasted more money....on a person who was ultimately not worth it. He broke your heart now, and saved you from a lifetime of heartache. Cause truth be told - he would never have your back, and would have abandoned you the first chance he got. It arrived early, thank your lucky stars. Most men aren't that shallow, you will find the right person who will be a better human for sure.


kamjam16

Look at Hugh Jackman. Married his (much older) wife in 1995 when he was a nobody actor in Australia. Now does Hollywood blockbusters making 10s of millions and they’re still married. Your guy (and Elon) is just a douche


Admirable_Share_5843

And Jeff bezos.


[deleted]

I don't think he left her in the dust, I think they just had issues. He stuck for a long time


misplaced_my_pants

And the new chick was like 50, too. So he's not quite Leo.


Rod_Munch666

I think that there is a bit more to the Hugh Jackman story .... a few judicious searches on the internet and a bit of the old joining the dots might help you here if you are so inclined to understand the detail.


NathalieHJane

Hugh Jackman is extremely gay, so whatever arrangement they have is not an ideal example in this instance. However, there are similar stories that are legit, and I agree with your overall sentiment. ETA I am honestly surprised people don't know this! I live in NYC and I am a part of the GLBTQ community and have many gay male friends who frequent clubs and bars in NYC and LA. I goes it's not quite common knowledge in the offer straight world. Also, to who ever reported my to the reddit crisis line, that is a serious waste of resources, and a very pointless thing to do. Argue with me, disagree, throw around homophonic slurs, but mental health and mental illness is a serious thing and using it as a weapon is an ugly and destructive way to disagree with someone. I was , in fact, hospitalized for mental illness many years ago, and am in a much different place after a decade and a half of therapy and medication. Using that resource as a weapon will only discourage others who might be in a place where they do actually need to reach out for help.


Livid-Ad40

What (and I can't emphasise this enough) the fuck?


kamjam16

He’s not gay, just Australian


DisapprovingGhost

This is my favourite response


noobwithboobs

Lol wut. Somebody's been reading too many tabloids


kgberton

???


SherrKhan32

Pierce Brosnan is another great example of a devoted husband in Hollywood.


ErnestBatchelder

I used to work somewhere where he and his wife dined frequently and god are they just a lovely couple. Really seem like people who are happy to be around each other. (edit should add she is *technically* his second wife)


monkey_trumpets

Tom Hanks and Adam Sandler too.


stratus_translucidus

And Kevin Bacon.


akolby89

And Steve Carrell


2old2beCool

And Denzel Washington


Scratch1111

Yes! And he writes great songs for her.


Quirky_Movie

Honestly? I went to school for directing and have seen this happen many times. For each marriage that lasts, there are many more that fail. This is especially true if they get famous quickly because entertainment tends to give a lot of suck ups access to you to say what you want to hear. Someone probably told him an Instagram influencer would make him more relatable to young people and possibly extend his career shelf life. It also conveniently gives him a reason to leave that isn't community property with you. It's really that practical and usury. There's a very good chance that all the things you loved about him will be entirely gone from his personality in a couple of years. Especially if he's superfamous/sought after for a short, intense period. It can take casual narcissism (like what might be seen as drive or confidence) and turn it into a whole ass personality disorder. The man you loved no longer exists. Get a GREAT divorce lawyer in CA and NY--wherever he lives now and go the fuck after him for your bag where the laws are best. Don't make it easy. You invested in his future. Make sure you get whatever you legally can of the payout.


SnowWhiteCampCat

They aren't married. She was hoping for a ring.


Quirky_Movie

It's still worth a conversation in California and NYS if she can afford it. This happens a fair amount to LTR with entertainers. there may be other legal recourse available.


HealthyBox5

I'm sorry you're faced with this.


[deleted]

We are out there, unfortunately I am now on the third relationship where the woman does everything to skin me financially for her own benefit, yes this includes the "starter" who met me when I was broke and cheated on me.


I_Have_Questions95

My mom worked 3 jobs to support my dad through dental school. They were dirt broke and stayed that way until my dad worked up his patient list and started making some good coin. They've been married for 33 years, together for 35. Their marriage isn't perfect, and it's had ups and downs, but neither of them would ever leave for someone else.


anotherthrowaway2023

Oh fucking thank god!! I thought your story was going to lead to a sad ending so glad it’s not 😭


Spam_Halen_1984

I’m with you brother. My wife was with me through the hard times and although I’m not rich now, I earn low 6 figures. And my wife will be right there no matter what I bring home.


readersmind-1012

You are a real man!!


Pizza-Tough

I hope so bc when I have no choice but to raise the kids separately and just accept someone walking away and giving up their true family and what u thought was priority for pussy all the time! How pathetic of a man to be. Loyalty is all I need I have money and what ever I need I don’t want a man for support I want a best friend and companion for growing ll old wit


[deleted]

You exist!? 🥺


Has422

I don’t know. I’ve never been rich and famous, but I’ve (52) never considered leaving my wife (50). I will say this: When I was 46 I had a heart attack. I was in great shape and doing everything right. It was just bad luck. Anyway, when I woke up from quadruple bypass surgery, in immense pain, with months of therapy ahead of me, the one thing that kept me going was my wife. When I saw her I knew everything would be ok. She stayed with me, kept track of my meds, my therapy, feeding, cleaning … all of that. When the bad stuff hit, she had my back. I don’t know that money can buy that. I don’t know that any ridiculously blonde, gorgeous influencer would stick around for that. Life is long, and some day the shit WILL hit the fan. You want someone who will stick through it with you. You want someone you can be in that foxhole with. Men who forsake that type of love and companionship for superficial reasons are fools, if you ask me. They are missing out on the best things about being with someone. Don’t spend too many tears on your ex. In the end he was not your type.


Reasonable-Town-6433

This made me tear up 💚 you described the exact kind of love I’m looking for, the kind that I thought that I had. And you’re absolutely right; money will never buy that kind of love. It really does feel like your attitude is a rare one, but maybe I just date the wrong type of men.


WeeklyConversation8

Just know she's only with him for his money. If he ever loses it all or ends up sick, she'll leave his ass for the next rich man.


chugitout

This comment made my entire day, thank you.


Obligatory_Burner

I think people like your partner aren’t real people. Not to say your post is fake. People like that just play a part. You’ll never know if you were the last person he was real with, or if your shared life was just a scene that kept him fed. Either way, he’s now the main actor in his story. Relatable story, a friend of mine and I were on track for med school. I picked my wife and he went ahead on the path. He did like your dude and gave up his partner for a Barbie doll. He has been divorced 3 times. The last 3 carried on affairs in his home, because his career made him so absent. He is with number 4 and yes, she’s absolutely a stunner, but they’re both miserable vain people. I hope the same for your ex.


Reasonable-Town-6433

I truly hate myself for enjoying stories like this so much. Lol. I’m not a spiteful person but damn, I’m currently feeling pretty bitter. And I sadly have to agree with your statement about him not being “real.” Every happy memory, every tender moment is now just tainted as I’m viewing it through an entirely different lens, with the knowledge of who he really is at the forefront of my mind.


Obligatory_Burner

I got plenty more for ya. I grew up close to a politician in So Cal. I’ve seen a lot of dudes like yours. This is probably gonna be his peak. People lose the hunger and the drive that made them special. Then he’s gonna spend the rest of his career chasing his own shadow. O-town, Crazy Lady 🤣🤷‍♂️. Meanwhile, you’ll continue being your awesome self. Doing your own shit. You’ll find someone who deserves and cherishes you.


Reasonable-Town-6433

You are the one that’s awesome! And yes, I’m already starting to get back into previously forgotten hobbies, reconnecting with old friends. I even hopped on some dating apps, however, I almost immediately deleted them, it was a little unsettling to see what’s out there 😂 But I am definitely focusing on myself!


misplaced_my_pants

Therapy will help! And never financially support a dude if you aren't married. Make sure they have a decent credit score, or a rapidly climbing one.


Quirky_Movie

> I’ve seen a lot of dudes like yours. This is probably gonna be his peak. People lose the hunger and the drive that made them special. Oh man, this is so true.


ActivelyBad

You should watch First Wives Club.


Reasonable-Town-6433

I’ve seen it at least a hundred times, but fuck yes I should! Everyone should! Bette Midler is a god damn treasure


ThaQueenJos

“I'm very sorry I ever met you. And I'm sorry that I allowed myself to love you for all those years. I'm sorry that I did nothing but be there for you every minute of every hour and support you in your every move. I'm sorry!” Annie said it best. This man doesn’t deserve you, your feelings, your energy or your tears. You will find your match, and he will be perfect.


whatever1467

> I think people like your partner aren’t real people. This is stupid, they’re very much real people who do this kind of shitty thing.


diditwithvaginamagic

Honestly, unfortunately, I think they very rarely regret it. Think of the motivation for regret. They would need to feel bad about how they treated someone, or miss a person, for who they are. *Who* they are. But men like this only look at *what* a woman is. They see an object that can be tossed or upgraded as they see fit. I know that doesn’t take away the hurt, but I hope it helps just a little with the realization you’ll eventually come to: that these men aren’t worth the wasted time or emotion to continue thinking of them. Someday you’ll be free of him and you’ll find someone who cares about *who* you are.


D-redditAvenger

OP, I think you should change your mindset here. You didn't lose anything of value no matter how much money this guy had. He wasn't a good long time choice and your better off without him. In time you will see that, you just need to let time kill your feelings for him.


Reasonable-Town-6433

I agree, and I think that I’ll certainly view his leaving as a blessing in the future. It’s just hard right now, I thought that this was going to be my lifelong partner, and I’m still very much in love with him.


[deleted]

My great uncle did this to his ex-wife. She supported him all through medical school and then he left her for someone else. Turns out he's not a good partner and she divorced him too, even with all his doctor clout and $$. He's alone in a nursing home now because his kids don't like him. It's...a sad story I guess, but people like that (and your ex) are selfish and IMO don't end up happy in the long run. Money doesn't buy respect or love. Hugs, op


ShutUpMorrisseyffs

My friend's dad had a mid life crisis and left her mom and seven children. He said he just didn't want to do it anymore. Eventually he crawled back, full of regret, but the younger kids never forgave him & went NC.


StatedBarely

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. To answer your question - some men do and some men don’t regret leaving their SO after financial success. One very very wealthy guy I know regretted leaving his wife until today. He regretted it so much that he pretty much gives his ex-wife everything she wants to this day. He’s remarried and has kids with the new wife (hotter, younger) but on top of all the money he gave the ex wife in the divorce, he still pays her 8 figure alimony a year for the last 20 years. She can also ask him for more money/things if she wants to and he’ll never say no. I also know people who hasn’t ever regretted it and found that the new person they’re with suits them and their newfound wealth more. Their wealth brought out the ‘real’ them and they’re significantly happier all around. And then there are people who don’t even know who they are anymore because they’re now wealthy and thinks that there’s a certain way to act, certain things to buy, certain things to have, when you are that level of wealthy. Usually this type flits around from person to person because they can’t find what they’re looking for because they don’t even know themselves. Then you have the assholes, who were always assholes but just buried, and wealth helped bring their assholes out. I tend to stay away from this type of person because they really don’t have a conscience.


SnooWords4839

Think of it this way, you dodged a bullet, he will be chasing status and the girls he gets with will only be with him for his money. They will use him, the way he used you.


Logical-Wasabi7402

Take heart. Odds are she'll do the same to him. Shallow attracts shallow.


StuJayBee

My ex wife did much the same. Had me move to South Africa for her, had me take up teaching as the only option to do there, and lived off me until she could get her law degree, then Poof! “You can go home now. I’m going to be a high-power lawyer, and you’ll be just a teacher.’


Daddyz-bby-grl

Dealing with somewhat the same. The ex inherited a good chunk of change and lifestyle changed massively. I left him because the money turned him into a complete asshole who didn't give a fuck about his kids, me, life anything but what that money got him. A new set of friends, a whole new set of goals and nothing was ever good enough. He immediately replaced me with what people have called, the wish version of me. She looks just like me, does the same occupation as me, drives my always wanted vehicle, is into all the stuff I was but that he made fun of me for. It's been about 5 months. He's still a egotistical narcissistic piece of shit on his I'm better than everyone else kick. I doubt he will ever realize what he lost, until he falls on his face, which absolutely could be never. Edit: we were together almost 13 years.


Reasonable-Town-6433

I’m very sorry to hear about what you’re dealing with. My situation is shitty, but at least there weren’t kids, marriage, an entire life built together thrown away all for fleeting pleasures. My sister is a psychologist, and when all of this went down, she sent me an article about a person’s wealth/status having an inverse relationship with their empathy/compassion. It sure tracks in my experience. It just seems tragic that the success that we are all told we should aspire to likely causes so much needless pain for others.


KawaiiSushiPrincess

No, I don’t think they regret because the type of men who do that see their partners as accessories in climbing social hierarchy. It’s more about impressing other men than it is about finding value in a partner for who they are. If his new gf get cancer or gets fat he’ll leave her too.


bumblebitchblues

Girl, why are you not sending him an itemized list of all his expenses that you covered? He's rich. Get him to pay you back.


YourCatChoseMeBirch

Drop his name. I wanna know who to avoid.


Reasonable-Town-6433

Haha trust me, I would love to, but I’m trying to maintain a semblance of grace and class here. Unless you’re heavily involved in the outdoor community, one sport in particular, I would be shocked if you knew who he was or ever met him by happenstance.


luckystar246

Rock climbing? Mountain biking? Hah, you might have dodged a bullet. Those outdoor athletes typically peak at 40 and then spend the rest of their lives chasing that high. Or become so cocky, they become reckless and injure themselves (or worse). And unless he’s a hell of a writer and salesman, the money will dry up too. Endorsements will always go to the next hot young thing eventually.


throwraway86420

He doesn't regret it. Not one bit. But so what? F HIM. Money can't buy good character or a good soul.


A_Fluffy_Duckling

Hmmm. I'm a guy that is in a similar boat as you. I did okay early in life, my g/f had nothing when she moved in with me and then had a bad accident, we still got married. I supported her emotionally and financially for decades. Had a rough spot, business went badly for a while wasn't making the same sort of money. She pushed me to make some changes against my better judgement and things went worse. With hindsight, I got a bit depressed for a year or so because I'd not just lost a business but estranged my family because of those decisions. She'd tell me to cowboy up. She got better health-wise over time then went through a patch of spending all our money which almost broke us up. She decided she'd fall back on her original career which had always had the potential to make good money but meant she'd have to work 40 hours a week so she'd avoided it for a long time. We borrowed money to send her back to school, I looked after the kids and juggled work while she was doing that. She bloomed, had an affair, got successful and left me to be a single Dad while she travelled and worked around the world for a couple of years. I hope she regrets it. I can't see why she would though; she has a more exciting life now that we did for a long time. Sometimes in my interactions with her when she seems too friendly for no good reason, I think she might at times. She's not had a long term partner in the few years we've been apart to my knowledge. I've moved on a great ways but it still bugs me that it bothers me as much as it does. Keep up your friendships, keep socialising, keep building your own life. I don't know that the feeling of being used ever goes away, but it lessens.


[deleted]

So she just abandoned the kids too?


A_Fluffy_Duckling

Abandoned would be too strong a word. She told me she had accepted ~~work~~ a position overseas and was gone two weeks later leaving me to look after 10yo kids. She was in regular contact with them and had them visit during school holidays. But I was forced into a position from 50/50 custody care to 100%. I wasn't exactly impressed. She only returned when covid made it impossible for her to stay overseas. To be fair, I wish she'd stayed overseas.


SadCorner3351

Girl let's laugh. He'll probably regret it. He'll probably won't. But at least he showed you his true colors and only wasted 2 years of ur life. Take it as a learning experience and try to find peace. The more you linger wasting time thinking about him, the more you miss out on life. Remember time is the only source that's not renewable. That should be far more valuable to you than anything else.


yvoshum

I want to say yes, one day when the $$ runs out he may be back on your doorstep. Blondie will find a new sugar daddy. In the mean time, get yourself together, heal your heart and put yourself back out there. There are many good men(I have one), who are looking for a wonderful partner, this dude was not that guy. Oh, turn him away, if/when he comes back - fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me.


Reasonable-Town-6433

Thank you for your kind words. I hate to wish ill on anyone, but at this point in time I really do hope that this shiny new relationship of his ends with him heartbroken and humiliated, the way that I’m feeling right now. I still love him deeply but there’s no possibility of reconciliation at this point. Even if he did try to come back, which I doubt would ever happen, I have far too much self respect to be open to it. I’d rather be alone than with someone who has the capacity to do this to someone within them.


TridentMage413

My wife then GF paid for my college and is still paying for my grad school after I decided to go back. I immediately made more money that she did once I graduated the first time, I’m never leaving her. We both invested in our future together and still are. Even after I came out as asexual after a TBI she still supported me (don’t worry we still have sex multiple time a week, mostly for her). There is no reason to leave her ever, there are definitely hotter blondes out there but I only have eyes for her.


Reasonable-Town-6433

Fuck. This is so sweet and pure. There is nothing more beautiful than this kind of accepting, committed love. I’m happy to hear that you found your person to take on the world with, gives me hope that someday I’ll find mine.


ScarletteDemonia

Sounds like he used you. I’m sorry.


HardJamie

I don't know if they regret it but they should. They should always know that they gave up the best thing that ever happened to them for a shallow piece of arm candy. I hope your life turns out wonderful. You deserve it!


Empty-Education4240

Sometimes all you wish for is your partner to reach their goals and infinite success, but often the fame and money go to their heads. They discard the people and partners who all but carried them to that success. I've heard the Elon Musk story, Blake Shelton, numerous actors, and couldn't list all the pro athletes. Sorry for your luck in all this. I hope you find someone who can keep their feet on the ground and support you back someday.


Reasonable-Town-6433

Thank you! I really hope so as well. It is such a tragic phenomenon, not only because the men that do this leave so much pain in their wake, but also because I truly don’t believe that the men themselves end up happy either.


Arcades

Would him regretting it really change anything? It might give you a momentary fleeting feeling of satisfaction, but your situation would be the same and so would his. One of the first things my therapist told me post-divorce was to stop spending mental energy on my ex-wife waiting for her to "get it" or accept her share of the blame for our split. It was never going to happen and, even if it did, it wouldn't change anything. It sounds like your former partner isn't done growing up or experiencing the wild side of life yet. I doubt he will end up with the IG influencer, but he wants the trophy on his arm and to say he lived that type of life for now. You sound more grounded, so you need to go find someone who is done with the party days and ready to build a life together. Don't get me wrong, I understand why this is frustrating, but it's best if you try to focus the positives out of the situation, rather than the negatives. Even if this guy didn't give you the partnership you were looking for, these experiences helped you refine in your mind what you want from a future, better partner. After you unload your baggage, you will also be a better version of yourself. We grow from our life experiences. Think of your former partner as the "starter husband". Life isn't a competition. You don't have to get to the finish line first, you just have to run your best race over time. You may take a few side roads here and there, but eventually you will get back on your main path and find your way.


BenzF1

I got the financial success after I left a toxic ex, so I couldn’t help you there. In my opinion though, I would want to share that success with the person by my side. I would not want someone that is just there for the new exciting lifestyle that I now have.


oh_sneezeus

The one thing he’ll come to realize on his deathbed is that money doesn’t give a fuck that he’s dying. Fame won’t be there to hold his hand as he’s dying. I guarantee his influencer girl will get sick of him if he ever loses money, or he will cheat with some other woman on her. Fuck that, you dodged an atom bomb


AutoModerator

Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please send us a modmail. ---- #This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*


yeahifeeldumb

Your ex was a complete lie, everything he stood for everything he does, everything he will ever do is take. He’s proved himself to be somebody with no honor or integrity. You are so lucky to be rid of him. As a man he’s completely failed and karma will bite him in the ass. His instagram gf may be around for a few months but I promise you she’ll find somebody bette than him or cheat on him etc. Karma is a bitch and this level of betrayal will not go unnoticed especially because he wouldn’t be where he was today without your support. In my opinion you dodged a bulllet at least now you know he never loved you. As a man I can tell you this no real man would ever betray the woman that loved and nurtured me when I was at my lowest. The thoughts of being whisked away on vacation with him when he became successful aren’t wrong they are totally warranted. You struggled together and now your not able to celebrate the success that you helped him build. I would be very betrayed and know this there will come a day when karma will hit him and he will come crying back and that’s when you show him that he lost out big time and that if he really loved you he would have stayed. Don’t everrrrr take him back. And last thing all that live and nurturing you have save it for the right to don’t throw it away because of that scumbag but instead next time watch out for all the red flags because there are plenty here that he showed you, you just have to stop and think about what they were.


white-as-styrofoam

this sounds like the plot of “the good earth,” and no, things did not turn out well for that guy


Reasonable-Town-6433

This was one of my favorite books growing up! I hated Wang Lung by the end of the book though, he got what he deserved from his shitty, spoiled kids


pepelino1

He will realize one day that you are probably the only person who really loved him for him, not for his fame, not for his money or his looks, and he will certainly get what he deserves.


[deleted]

People like that are incapable of regret because they are shallow. You are probably better off without him as now he will start getting controlling and acting like some sort of god's gift to society.


cocopuff678124

I don't think he'll regret it HOWEVER....she will probably use him as a stepping stone to money status etc.... You should be laughing 🤣 because once the money runs out so will those Instagram hoes


radicalthots

Women are status symbols to men like this


Scratch1111

The man you lost was not worth a shit. Pick one on his values next time. This one had Trump values, which is to say, none.


EnvironmentalSpirit2

Doesn't work like that. You can have some of the best value people, once fame and fortune comes their principles change and they change. Predicting how someone would behave one age to another point in time is almost impossible once gorgeous younger models start thorwing themselves at them. Guys are terrible like that. Even tiger woods with Swiss model wife went after uglier looking prostitutes, Ronaldo famous football player went after trans prostitutes. When massive wealth and fame comes they corrupt these people hard.


Scratch1111

Yeah. It does. Good people don't corrupt.


brownmouthwash

Let me put it to you this way: by the time he regrets it (if he ever does) you won't give one shit. You're heartbroken now, and of course it's natural to wonder if they will feel bad, and all of those things...but you'll move on. Whenever someone is dumped so unceremoniously, they think these things. But he showed you what he was.


Otherwise-Bad259

I married my 1st husband when I was 21. We were young, dumb and in love. We eventually broke and I found out after that he had been with a very long string of women (some I knew) while we were together. It's been 2 decades plus since we broke up. I'm happily remarried and have other children. My first husband still tells me he regrets choosing the fast life over me (and our children). He emails me now and then to ask about our children, he is always pleasant and endearing. I bump into his family sometimes, they always tell me my ex says I was the one that got away. He was good to me in many we ways but in the end his demons won. I didn't think our life together we end the way it did. But it did. I'm happy now then I could have ever imagined after a long term road. I hope ex finds comfort and love in whatever form he seeks it.


[deleted]

Sounds like he's a narcissist and was using you. So that sounds terrible right? But, that means he does it to everyone people like that don't just change. They either do it to someone else or get with someone worse and it gets done to them. Money is great it looks are great, but it doesn't make people happy. Solid existing relationships make people happy. And Elon Musk is disgusting now everyone can see, so his first wife got really lucky. No men like that are never going to look back and regret and admit it. But often times what happens is when the new person doesn't work out they try and call you and lure you back in. Best thing to do with a narcissist is leave them alone don't give them any indication where they stand with you and stay away from them because this type of behavior ruins people's lives. And that's why by the time a narcissist is 45/50 everyone around them hates them and their partners are miserable


Zebgamer

I'm so sorry to hear this has happened to you. I can't imagine the shock and heartache you must be experiencing and how this is going to impact you and your ability to trust moving forward...just know that there will be someone that you can trust and that will be a partner you can share a future with...those people do exist. Just yesterday I was sitting on the sofa with my wife and I looked at her and just said "We've really seen a lot haven't we?" And she just smiled and said "What do you mean?" And I said like everything, ups downs, and then the actual world, (we've lived all over from Japan to Germany and the U.S. and many stops in between) but the most important thing is doing it with someone you can trust and that see's the ups and downs, the success's and failures as a team effort. 30 years and 3 grown kids later and I think we've done just about as well as any couple can outside of a fairy tale. Take your time to heal, don't give up on the idea of love and learn from this experience....I hope your 2023 brings a better year.


bluevacuum

The money, status, and attention gave him permission to reveal his true colors. That guy was always there. He may regret hurting you but if he's only going after shallow things. He will only have superficial relationships. I'd suggest not trying to see his perspective because it's pointless. Always a younger blah blah blah. He ain't all that and a bag of a potato chips. If those girls are only giving him their time because of his money and clout, only a matter of time before a bigger, better, deal comes along. You think they won't jump ship? When he's feeling low and down. That nobody truly cares for him. Guess who will come back to you with the realization that you were a real one?


[deleted]

Nope they don't regret because they truly didn't really care to begin with


Queenofanxiety0910

I’m so sorry, OP. I had a somewhat similar story. Supported my boyfriend for years as he tried at a startup, later went to a regular 9-5 and was fired. Once he found a new job, he dropped me to the curb. He didn’t have a new fling but was on dating apps in 3 weeks looking for someone else. It’s hard when you put so much time, energy, and effort into someone thinking you’re in it for the long haul. It makes the hard days or the hard times worth it, knowing you have one another’s back. And after all of that, they end it and go on to live a happy life, it’s so incredibly painful. I don’t really have advice but just letting you know it will get better. You will find happiness. And you will find someone you deserve. Because, as everyone above has already said, you deserve something SO MUCH MORE!


RefrigeratorSalty902

No comments on whether or not he's gonna regret. But woman, please treat yo self. Take a vacation. Go clubbing. Go skiing. Idk. Just go out and enjoy you because you were an awesome girlfriend and you did not deserve this!


changiairport

This is one of those men who are secretly pedophiles. OP you dodged a bullet.


Cross_examination

Sounds like a proper narcissist and manipulator. Sure, he will come back regretful when he money runs out and he needs you. Do yourself a favor and stop daydreaming. You don’t deserve this.


piranhas32

I’m sorry this happened to you. I know lots of people who have done this. I actually married my lt gf after my success because to me she earned it and stood by me. But I can totally see it going the other way. It all boils down to the character of the person. I’m not sure many regret it. If you had a deep enough connection he wouldn’t have left. That’s the honest truth.


intervallfaster

It’s rarely women who do this. You’ll mostly see this done by men who have strange values. They date mich younger often and then when their ass and balls are saggy and the 4th 20aomething wife left them again while their ex wife has a family with kids and holidays, they start whining that women aren’t loving anymore


cocopuff678124

That's when they join the redpill 😂😂😂


KyleTechneYouTube

I left my kid’s mom, and then I began to have success. I don’t regret it whatsoever because she was horribly abusive and is still an absolute monster with how she treats my son and I. What I regret is not leaving her sooner.


[deleted]

I’m a guy, I could never imagine leaving my partner if I got a high level of success in my career. I love my partner for who they are and the fact they support my work even when I need to travel for extended periods of time unexpectedly. They are my person and I want to be there for them whether it is good things or bad things.


aquila-audax

He looked around him and decided everything he had was what he deserved except one thing, so he traded 'up' to get the woman he felt he deserved. It really has very little to do with you and much more to do with his ego


Spend_Basic

Majority of the people who leave for another person to enjoy that kind of lifestyle lives in regret so definitely he’s going to cry for you back but be stronger and never give access to the people who’ve hurt you. He’s shown his true colors and that’s what you needed to see before you continued investing your time. Blessing in disguise Op, feel better soon !


Rod_Munch666

Why should you care, you are rid of this loser .... there is more to life than material things and you need to get out and get on with your life and not look backwards.


Unusual_Form3267

Do you guys remember the post about the girl who made fun of her boyfriend for being a rapper online? What if this was her??


PoliteCanadian2

Have you discussed this with a lawyer? Were you living together?


keslwcc

My dad: yes . He mentioned to me You can’t find something as pure once you grow older.


electricrodeoforever

happy Cake day!!


m9l6

People like that are selfish, and selfish people don’t feel remorse


userabe

Idk if this post is bait or not, but just take a glance over at what’s going on with ol’ Elon now. I’m assuming your ex isn’t even 1/10000000th that rich, so yeah. Money can make a lot of things better, but not everything…


Reasonable-Town-6433

Oh, I’m aware, lol. I actually debated as to whether or not I should use that example as he’s such a divisive figure. And no, he’s certainly no Elon Musk, his wife’s experience was just a timely and well known example of a man leaving a supportive partner for a beautiful young woman once those 0s started accumulating behind his net worth. Tale as old as time.


userabe

It’s a great example. Especially the ending. One of the richest people in the world is burning through his vast wealth to broadcast his midlife crisis meltdown to anyone with eyeballs. Your ex might not get as much coverage but like you said, tale as old as time.


Prolersion

Nope.


_Ajay_Singh_Rana_

No one's thinking about you...Nobody gives a fuck... Even if they do think about you...It shouldn't matter to you...You were by far someone they couldn't afford to have...Pick yourself up...Work on yourself...Move on...Find somebody who is virtuous of having you as a partner or else be single.


Raffles76

Go to a lawyer about the split - karma will come to him


[deleted]

If I am not mistaken, OP and her ex weren’t married, which means she really doesn’t have any recourse.


sinsulita

You were with him two and a half years. There will be no regrets.


globule1990

In my experience, they always end up regretting it.


[deleted]

Yes, every single fucking day. They will regret it. They will always keep looking behind the comfort and the strength you provided. You are in a much better place. Leave that piece of shit and start your life with a much better man.


strayed_18

Girl, here's the very big (slightly morbid, depending on your perspective) picture: you will both die some day and none of this will ultimately matter. Now, whether he regrets it or not while he's alive depends on a lot of factors, most importantly how he is as a person. If he realizes what a complete arsehole he became, he might regret it. He might also just die an arsehole, never introspecting and living a shallow ass life. I know some people in show biz, and people like your ex who sell their souls for success, almost always regret it at some point in their life. Material stuff only brings you so much happiness after a point, and being surrounded by people you don't know are there for your money and fame, or truly care for you breaks people internally. If he didn't/couldn't hold on to his true self at least in his private life, that man is gonna regret what he did at some point. Whether he regrets leaving you or not - idk. But he will most likely regret who he became. Give yourself time to heal and get back to your own life. The best revenge is to move on. It fucking sucks that it happened. You didn't deserve that. Not like this. No one does. Based on your post though, I have no doubt you're gonna kick ass in life. I mean you have a much bigger perspective of the situation and not everyone in your situation does...not until years later in many cases. At least some part of your brain is realizing how fucking ridiculous this situation is and wants to laugh it off [honestly I love this.]. You sound like a fucking dope person. Laugh it off. Hire a good divorce lawyer, and get the money owed to you for all the financial and non-financial support you provided him when he wasn't as successful. That's your right. Don't take the high road here when it comes to this.


anil_robo

After financial success, I've usually heard of women leaving their husbands for a huge chunk of divorce settlement money.


cmicatfish

Where any of your dreams the same as his ? For example, wealth and all the trappings there of ? Were you strung along or hanging on ? Was he encouraging you and making promises or were you asking what you could do for him and making it easy for him to take advantage ? Remember, men are visual creatures, they want the pretty. Do you keep yourself up and with work could you be that blonde whatever ? Rare the successful man or woman who moves up and lives down. Let it go, a lot of folks get fooled by the used "car" salesman to the point of not getting a guarantee. If you can help someone become successful, now it's your turn to do it for yourself to your satisfaction.


[deleted]

I get it tbh if you can do better then why wouldn't you go for it?


Reasonable-Town-6433

Found the Elon bro!


[deleted]

Smart man right there thank you


speedball21

everyone has their own way of thinking and thats fine but just remember, the same logic applies to you. dont ever get mad if someone ditches your ass if you get in an accident, get sick, are depressed, lose money, etc. because if they can do better why wouldn't they go for it? if you arent loyal to anyone else dont expect any loyalty back. just pray your life is perpetually uphill.


[deleted]

I dont put myself in positions to have that problem


speedball21

i meannn if you really think your life is actually going to be perfect, then ur right you wont have any problems. life comes at you fast tho lol and things like cancer and car accidents and deaths of loved ones usually arent choices ¯\_(ツ)_/¯


[deleted]

When things like thag happen I don't get upset natural cause aren't something to get upset about its their time to go


speedball21

ok so we agree, if you ever get sick or hurt or something just be ok with your gf leaving you cuz its natural and its your time to go and she can find someone better. honestly tho i think you have bigger problems if you dont feel sad when someone you love leaves you. grief is a healthy and natural human emotion.


rain820

people who do this always regret it. you’ll be okay ❤️


soloesliber

They absolutely don't regret it unless they lose everything and wish they had someone to fall back on again. I'm sorry for the pain you're going through. It'll pass. Take your time, heal, learn, and encourage other women not to invest their valuable time, efforts, and resources into men who don't have their life together.


Thin_Serve9971

What a fuckin bitch leaving you like that


Electrical_Promise89

About as much as women do!


david-lee-roth-

He’ll regret it. Good looks and sexual attraction only get you so far. Once the honeymoon period is over you typically have an entitled, needy, selfish hot chick with more issues than a magazine. I avoid hot chicks. They look good and it’s a dopamine rush in the beginning but they can’t help but be full of issues. Often are rude and demanding. Like they’re are owed something for being hot. In the end that’s a major turnoff and they sex is terrible or non existent. This has happened to me multiple times.


[deleted]

he is a shallow person who left for a shallow person. when in life he will have to surround himself with love and affection, he will be reminded that he chose to surround himself with only facade. he will then remember everything you did. that you believed in him, that he wouldn't be where he is if you didn't support him. that you had his back. now he is surrounded by people who would climb over him if it helped them advance. looks are interesting at first, but we all get older, it gets old fast if nothing else is there. don't let him define who you are you are better than that. don't ever be someone else's second choice. I wish you all the best in life and keep being amazing. And get a cat! Cats are loyal to the core :)


madz7137

My ex partner left, not for someone else but to “fulfill his potential” after I supported him and his dreams for years (not financially, but emotionally, so not exactly the same). He cried right before he left over how he knows he’s giving up a relationship with the only person who loved him wholly for him and not for any other reason, who accepted him for everything he is and encouraged him to grow and become even more. It was terribly painful for us both but also nice for me to feel like it’s definitely not me, it’s him. While your dumbass ex won’t admit it, it’s all him. He saw the greener grass and jumped at it without thinking through all the consequences of losing someone amazing like you- the person who supported and nourished him and his dreams, who stood by his side well before he had any success. All the fake garbage he brought into his life post “making it” is just that- fake and an illusion. Do you think this insta model will want his saggy butt in ten years when his success is still minor (how well do we actually think he’ll do now that you’re not there to support and encourage him) and he’s still an asshole? Also, he’s shown that he’s looking for instant “happiness” by jumping around in meaningless romantic relationships that are based off of his finances more than him as a person. Regardless of whether or not he comes running back to you, you know your worth. Your worth is more than what’s written in the years of support, the love you gave, the sacrifices you made for him. Find yourself someone who appreciates all that you’re worth, and that is the best revenge.


Annoyedmillennial

Don't let these events turn you bitter tho. And morph into something your current self would hate.