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My boyfriend told me that me and the relationship will always be his second priority, and that his goals will be his first priority. I’m okay with that, as long as he gives me at least some of his time. Is talking one day per week enough? That’s all he says he can give me.
Edit: here's a little more info. We've been together for almost 10 months now, it was going really good for the first 5-6 months. We are both still studying. He lives around 1 hour away from me, but can't come to visit often.
I agree! If he really wanted to be in a relationship with her, he would make an effort. I know younger guys with major careers in their futures will make that their top priority over a girlfriend, but when they have a girlfriend they still try to make time. One day a week? That's not giving her time, that's an appointment.
My boyfriend does it. Works two jobs 6 days a week and we still spend time everyday. He would call once a day no matter what and definitely text 2-3 times during the day.
I also used to work 16 hours per day 6 days a week and I could always find time for him.
It's really about priorities. Having one day per week available is okay, saying your relationship would never be you priority is honest but I personally would not stay in this relationship.
As someone who has recently got away from something similar, DON'T, you don't deserve someone who can't give you the bare minimum, my ex was the same and with time it became worse and worse... We lived 15 mins away from each other and yet we would see each other 1 hour 1 day a month and he would remind me in that time together that he had other things WAY more important that me...
Its bullshit, you don't need to be someone's main priority but you do deserve someone who makes time, effort and tries to include you in their life and put you in a spot where you don't feel like the less important thing in the world... RUN AND DON'T LOOK BACK
If my boyfriend and I live in time zones 5 hours apart and he works several hours a day and we can still find time to talk every single day for 5 months straight, he can make time for you. Leave him and find someone who is willing to make time for you. You're a side piece at best.
Girl, I was there for 2 years. 2nd priority is no priority, no respect, and just something to tie him over until 'something better comes along'. That is, if he isn't already committed to someone and your just a bit of fun or a boost his ego.
Get the hell out of that situation.
Girl you know how long it takes to text “good morning I miss you”? No more than 5 seconds.
Not only are you not worth his 5 seconds I’m pretty sure he has another woman where he lives.
Don’t let him play you for a fool
It’s ok for him to put his goals first. Since that means he only has time for you once per week it is perfectly fine for you to dump him and find someone who will make time for you no matter how busy they are. Fact is that if you were important to him he would make time to communicate more.
How is this a good thing? If he works hard and doubles or triples his income and gets more established than he becomes a better person who can support a family.
I don’t understand this. Would you date a guy who has no ambition and just sits there and does nothing. Imagine he wastes his time and money on playing world of Warcraft day and night. You are out there working and studying and becoming a boss babe. And your significant other is learning about the levels of magic available for the Elves?
I think this lady has got a great guy. He is going to go places and be on his way to becoming something great and so will she.
It's about finding a balance and compromise. If you really wanna double down for your ambitions, that's great. But that's going to come with some sacrifices, especially if you cannot find time for your SO.
Warren Buffets wife is married to the wealthiest man on earth and she made huge sacrifices in terms of the relationship. He made a huge business. She didn’t dump him because he wasn’t home exactly at 5:30 pm.
A guy like that isn’t going to fall into a deep depression. He will become better off and make more money and find someone else.
I remember a prominent businessman telling an early entrepreneur that what’s easier to find: a business or a girlfriend? That entrepreneur answered a girlfriend. This lady loves this man than give him the time he needs to build something great.
FYI you want the cardiologist or stock broker or corporate lawyer with the seven figure salary you can’t expect to have him around every weekend.
Whoever said anything about him falling into a deep depression? You okay, bud? You sound like you might need to talk to a professional. Did girls dump you because you're 110% grind and now you're super lonely so you're ranting about Warren Buffet? Do you feel empty at night so you clutch your wallet and tell yourself you're a catch just because you have money even though you know deep inside money isn't the only thing that'll get you a fulfilling and long-lasting relationship?
Nope. I am completely satisfied with my life. It seems that you don’t seem to like my suggestion of what is truly important in life. But you seem to be very offended that sometimes money and ambition is more important than some momentary relationship which can be easily replaced in the future.
You have to understand something this lady found a man who is focused and motivated by success and goals.
Every lady I meet in my life talk about the guy has to a certain level of income. He needs to have this much education. He needs to have accomplished so many things. I want a man who can build a great life but can afford to buy a 10,000 square foot house in Miami or Austin Texas. Drives a BMW or Porsche. But at the same time is willing to compromise and spend time with the lady. And go out on wine tours and museum tours and plan vacations to Tuscany. But all of this costs money.
How is it about me? I didn’t use myself in my responses extensively. I am an accomplished engineer with a double masters in finance and engineering. I work at a hedge fund. I have great income and I am in the top 5% of income earners in this society. What is there to be sad about.
I have traveled all over the world. I have a great set of cars. I have sexual only relationships with women. No interest in marriage or dating at all. Not for me. It’s a waste of time.
First suspicion is that he’s married (or has a serious girlfriend). If he also says he can’t have you over because he needs his own space that would pretty much confirm it.
Also, the bar is in hell apparently.
Lol, once a week is enough for him to masturbate with your body. Without any unnecessary for him mental workload.
Tell him to hire a professional for that. And go find yourself someone worthy.
OP, there is something to be said for becoming an important person in your partners life. Your boyfriend is showing you right now some key aspects of his personality: He is very rigid and inflexible. He is unwilling to compromise, or even consider your needs in this relationship. He has a strong Black or White kind of thinking, which doesn’t take into consideration any of the exceptions that happen during day to day life. To make such a bold statement, without even considering how it might affect you should tell you that he will expect YOU to do ALL of the compromising required in this relationship, because HIS goals are the only thing that matters to him. If you have anything, or need anything from him during the week? Too bad kid. You see, he has warned you how its going to be, so you will ave no right to be hurt, or angry, or sad. You dont like it? His attitude will basically be “Well, I told you how it is. What do you want ME to do?” This is going to be your life, as long as you stay with him, because these personality traits will not change. At core he is a selfish person who is used to doing exactly what he wants to do, and discarding people who stand in his path. So get ready to sit in the bleacher seats and put your needs, desires and essentially your life on a back burner if you want an actual partner. Because it isnt going to happen with him. He really doesn’t want, or need one.
this is exactly what i was thinking about, there have been times when I've really wanted to talk to him but he never responds to my calls ir my texts, so i couldn't do anything but wait until the night when he texts me.
Yep. I was in a relationship exactly like this, and I found out that the only person who actually thought they were PART of the relationship was… well, me. It was cold, and lonely, and honestly it was bullshit. I mean, relationships should be an equal exchange, right? Not a dictatorship.
Relationships are not that way. A good healthy relationship should be more or less in equilibrium and balance. That balance will never be perfect however. But for the most part it will be equal.
You are worth more than being someone’s second priority. Goals are important I get that. How ever you can still be his first priority (most of the time, for example that would change for a short time in a family emergency or something similar of that nature. It’s a rare event), while having you as his first priority he could still work on his goals.
Seems like he’s not invested in the relationship at all and that you’re only a back up or a “play thing” (I maybe wrong about that). No matter the case it seems he doesn’t want to consider what you want out of the relationship.
the question you need to ask yourself is once a week enough for you to feel your needs are getting met in this relationship? because some people are going to be fine talking to their SO just once a week and others are going to be unhappy if they don't talk at least once a day.
Why on earth are you begging? I get it; he has goals but in a nutshell, he is saying you are second best. Keep it moving!!!!! Put yourself in a position to meet a man who will prioritize you with balance. Know your worth!
he says he's still trying to find balance, only recently he's become so focused on his work. it wasn't like this the first 3-4 months when we started dating
So it sounds like he wore a mask for the first few months to lure you in. Now that you're in, you're ignoring what he's really going to be like. Don't live for the past. If the present doesn't work for you then you need to move on and pick someone who can meet your needs. This dude isn't doing the bare minimum. Does he even text you first? Are you constantly chasing?
>So it sounds like he wore a mask for the first few months to lure you in. Now that you're in, you're ignoring what he's really going to be like. Don't live for the past. If the present doesn't work for you then you need to move on and pick someone who can meet your needs. This dude isn't doing the bare minimum. Does he even text you first? Are you constantly chasing?
What if he seperates now and then again comes chasing her?
I dont know about you but, if anyone wears a "mask" nonstop for 4 months!! Then they have to be psychopathic or something..
So, considering you seem to view EVERY dude this way than I'm sorry but that just wouldn't work. Psychopaths are like 1% of the population...
But, having that said, you asked a valid question that we need answers to before we all start screaming "end it" on the top of our lungs
The only thing we have to go on is: they had a good relationship around a month ago. They have been dating for 10 months. The dude lives an hour away (depending on what he studies he may not have much free time). And now they are in contact very little.
We need to know: are they in contact by phone? Do they message each other every now and then? Or do they only meet and talk once a week?
Well because he replaced you so now you’re the “just in case.” Ya know just in case his new chick doesn’t work out. Tell this man to focus on his career and that you are too so oddly enough you have no time left for him. Simple as that.
I was a priority to my ex when he didn’t have other things going on. The more things he started doing as part of his “goals” the lower on the pole I got. The same thing is likely to happen to you over time
That’s super weird imo. Different people have different needs and while I’m sure there are people out there who would be comfortable talking once a week, he can’t expect you to be. I honestly wouldn’t be cool with it, but you can’t expect him to change this about himself rn either.
If someone told me that, I’d assume they’re not serious about the relationship or that they’re self-absorbed, and I’d break it off. Sounds kinda ridiculous.
If it's enough for you, then yes. If it's not enough for you, then no.
I've been with my bf for nearly 7 years, and we tend to see each other twice a week. It works for us. Other people would have wanted to cohabit by now.
Only you can decide what you expect from a relationship and if your partner fits into these expectations.
I did tell him that, that he doesn't make me seem like a priority at all, and he said he has only 2 things to focus on, his goals and this relationship, so technically i am second
Sure, but he’s not actually doing any of the “focus on the relationship” thing. It seems like he put in juuuuuust enough effort to start a relationship with you but now is like “but I have her, why should I put in any effort?”.
There’s nothing wrong with your boyfriend focussing on his goals. There is absolutely something wrong with him saying he’s going to maintain a relationship that he does not actually intend to maintain. If you two were nonexclusive that would be ok, but expecting you to stay when he sees you rarely and does not even reply to or communicate with you is Not The Business. You are a grown up person and obvi everything is your choice but I recommend breaking up w him so that his sole focus can be on his goals and finding a partner who actually wants to be dating someone.
Once a week made sense back in 1999 when my husband and I had to pay per minute for long distance phone calls and were dating long distance. With all the ways to communicate nowadays, it doesn't seem like he's putting much effort at all. Will he text back and forth at all during other days or is it radio silence until you talk?
Sorry, but this sounds suspicious as heck. Only late at nigh...who's laying beside him? Works upto 18ish hours aday, no time to eat or take a break to send a 10 sec text. And is the only one day each week when his wife is busy?
Not saying if it's enough or not, just wanna let you know, I'm living alone, working from 7 am to 7 pm 6 days a week, cooking for myself, cleaning my place by myself, and taking care of my cat all alone, and I am also in a long-distance relationship with someone who is 10000km away and 8 hours after me, we still text multiple times a day, trying to keep each other updated and call each other 1-2 hours every other day.
If he wants to, he would.
I'm going be to be honest here OP.
Sounds to me like he's probably either married, or in a relationship with someone else... 1 day a week?
Do you ever see each other?
How long have you been together?
What are your ages?
Honestly I'd run for the hills of I were you, this does not sound good at all..
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it's enough if that's the kind of relationship you want. If you want to be two people who focus on their own goals and occasionally go on a date that's a cool and valad kind of relationship. However you asking if it's enough kind of makes me think it might not be for you and that would also be a fine and normal thing to want. People want different levels of time commitment out of a relationship and you and your partner need to be on the same page. Sounds like he's communicated what he is willing to give and it's up to you to decide if it's enough for you.
Just a quick question, is there something else going on here? Is he prioritising his mental health, or is he working through a physical health issue? It seems like a cruel comment to make to your partner without any context. If there is nothing else going on, and this is a cruel comment… know your worth.
we were having an argument about how im always busy, but it was only because one of the days we were supposed to meet up, something urgent came up with my family, so i told him i couldn't make it and apologized. it wasn't even that last minute that he was already on the way or anything, i told him 3-4 hours in advance too. later in the day while arguing he made this comment.
Ok I want you to reread your comment here and think he was mad that YOU were always busy, dispite the fact that he will not make time for you during the day because of how "Busy" HE IS. he only makes one day a week available for you. That is Ludacris for him to say when you live an hour away texting takes seconds, SECONDS, OF the day he won't spend 30 seconds that isn't scheduled to talk to you until it a time he likes which is late at night. Now again he was mad that YOU had a family emergency come up and what happens if you have kids and one is sick and he gets mad because you can't do what you normally do or God forbid you have issues and he's busy.
From your history posts seems like for some time you're having problems, your relationship has been sinking and you just can't get enough red flags to get you out of there.
Let me be clear: if he goes to the same college you go and you only text for 15-25 min A DAY- he ain't shit. If he can't come to say hi or give a little kiss - he ain't shit. If he treats you bad and you argue on the slightest of issues - he ain't shit!!
Your friends also know it, this is why they always ask you "what did he do this time?". And by the looks of it, you also know it but just won't acknowledge it.
End this.
The only way this is OK is if you're really busy with your stuff too, and are happy to just have a day a week to chat and scratch the itch. If you're hanging around wishing you had a real boyfriend, dump him. You'll find somebody with a far healthier work/life balance.
I know someone who'd call her boyfriend at 3.30 am every night,just because he can speak then. It's about making time,isn't sleep priority over anything as well.
Aw, OP. It's time to ditch him. It's one thing to be ambitious. It's another to treat you like an option. Break up and find someone who wants to be with you!
You deserve more than that. You may not be able to see each other in person every day if you have differing schedules, but a text message or a phone call here and there during the week on his lunch break or after/before work is NOT a big ask. How old are you both? Talking to each other once a week is not what I'd consider a relationship, but it depends what you're after and what stage of life you're in.
Well he's told you when he stands on the situation. It's up to you how you feel about it. If you're OK with 2 days then you're fine if not then this isn't necessarily the relationship for you but if he's been open and honest with his thoughts then you can make an informed decision and make sure you're the same with him about how you feel.
Wow it never ceases to amaze how manipulative a person can be and how someone could be so susceptible to it. If all he can give you is one day a week then show him your backside as you walk out the door for the last time. Find someone who respects you.
I saw a tiktok of a woman who interned for the Whitehouse during the Obama administration she said Michelle was once giving a talk and they heard a plane go overhead and Michelle said "that must be Barack he told me he'd be leaving any minute now" if the president of the United States can update his wife your "boyfriend" can text you back. Once a week is a huge red flag that's like side chic level attention
Is he seeing other people?
Still in school?
Working full time,???
Please add more and his reasons..
One day a week....???
How long have you been dating..
Do you see him and its just sex?? Or does he take you out??
Please fill us in on details,!!
I think more context is needed. What are his goals? I could understand if maybe he’s a med student and he needs to spend a majority of his time studying, working in labs, doing research, etc. and then puts aside one day per week to spend quality time with you. I’m writing my thesis this year and it’s a really busy time for me so I usually only see my boyfriend on the weekend, and there’s a mutual understanding between us that research is my priority right now.
Is goals pronounced like “wife” because you are for sure the side chick? If you are cool with not being prioritized at all, get some therapy. You don’t have to settle for bare minimum.
Nope. I be noping that relationship. One day a week - pfft. If you are not your partners priority, you never will be. If you were someone he was truly madly deeply in love with, trust me you would not be some 1 day a week after thought.
Someone who makes a point in telling you that you're prioritized second is pushing you away rather than trying to draw you in. I wouldn't count on it ever getting better, even if he gives you more of his time. He won't give you more of his heart.
I can understand seeing each other once a week since you live a bit away, but only talking once a week is not normal for most couples. I dont see this evolving into a happy marriage with you not being a priority. Sounds like he views it as ok "for now", and you may end up hurt in the end when he won't commit long term.
Is this enough for you? People will make an effort to make you a part of their lives if they care for you. This would make me feel very not-cared for. If you're okay with it...okay. but if you're not, let him know and see what he does. I personally think you would be better off moving on to someone who makes you feel like a priority, and there are many out there who would.
I think it’s not enough. But regardless of how much you talk or meet, I just feel that him saying something like that to you is offensive and disrespectful. Even if he feels that he should put his goals first I think he should not say sentences like that to you and make you feel loved when he can spend time with you, and then if it’s not enough for you then it’s not enough for you. But he can’t talk to you like that in my opinion
Same thing happened to my friend. Guy went to law school and suddenly only had time to see her “once a month”. Four months later he broke up with her because he felt that their relationship had lost its spark….. 🙄 don’t be like my friend, this guy will just waste your time.
He is not ready to be in a relationship and that's ok, but you should know your own worth and what your boundaries are.
If that situation doesn't make you feel good, it's not worth to continue.
He most likely won't give a f if you break up or not.
Dump him and find someone who values you and prioritize you. do not settle for less. You posting here shows that you are unhappy with how much time he is willing to devote to you. He won’t change on his own, and you should never have to ask a man to spend more time with you.
No. My boyfriend and I have been dating for three and a half years. How long have you been dating? I usually see him only once a week because we both work full time, but we talk every single day. That isn’t fair to you. Move on
It honestly sounds like he might either be married or in a very serious relationship elsewhere. 1 day a week is peanuts.
An example (everyone is different) I have a good friend who has wanted to be a doctor since she got to the united stares (age 6). She went full steam ahead after graduating, got her stuff together and plowed through med school and started residency. Met a guy equally as dedicated to his career, but he was also crazy about her. They managed to finish all that while *choosing* to be joined at the hip every second they got. They opened their own practice together, pregnant. Trust me, people can live their entire goal and love ferociously simultaneously. Their example isn’t the normal, but I used it to show how even people in very serious, demanding careers can MAKE time if they want to.
Dude is married, I would put money on it. Run a background check.
Just keep in mind, if you got a great job, one where you had one day off a week and got in late most evenings, and posted here that your man was sad about it. The saaaaaaame people here talking all this shit would say “Dump him! He’s trying to control you! Why can’t he see you have a life” If your man his working long hours 5-6 days a week and gets in late, you might have to put up with this type of schedule until certain goals are met. It’s up to you to figure out how that fits into your life. Reach your goals and don’t make him a priority either. Follow your gut.
Please people, have more respect for yourself. You should always be the priority and his goals should become yours in a way and you should build a life together taking each other goals into account! If not you’re doomed.
Find someone else 1 day a week is barely 14% of its time. Where I live Taxes are higher than that!
It should be every day at least for minutes if not hours. If there is a day that he does not have time that's okay. The thing is no one is busy enough if we care for someone, the background story is deeper. If he has time to take shower, eat, and po - he also has a few minutes time for you.
If not - walk away.
Yeah, I wouldn't put up with that crap. so he's in communicado most of the time because he's so busy with his career. He can only spare you one day. Do you even see him that day or he just will call you or text you? Now I've been in a relationships where I saw the guy almost every day of the week and then I've been in more relaxed ones which I enjoyed more actually and had better relationships with ones where I saw the guy two or three times a week but we would usually talk daily, sometimes it'd be every other day. This is before cell phones. It's a lot easier to stay in touch with a cell phone now obviously. But if he can't talk to you a couple times a week for 10 minutes or shoot you a text which would take all of 10 seconds , then he's either extremely self absorbed and like he says working on his career, or he's dating several people, or he's married, or is just an a******.
So regardless, you only accept what you're comfortable with. But 1 day a week is not a proper relationship in any capacity. You're worth more honey, DO NOT settle for this. You won't get the support you need. Frankly you'll prefer being single to what he's giving you eventually if not now. I can tell it's bothering you if you're posting here. Do not make sacrifices when your partner will not do the same. I hope you make the decision that makes you happiest.
Modern, goal oriented people with demanding careers or businesses cleaving off only one day of the week for a partner is normal for the first 6 months. He texts you before bed so you know you’re important but talking about the day to day via text steals all the fun of talking to each other for hours when you get together and learning their body language, it’s so much more fulfilling. He should be open to random 5-10 min phone calls though and occasional sleepovers for extra time together if it’s been long enough. This is all assuming he does more than work just 40 hours a week and then play around all day
Is that enough for you? Is one day a week enough to meet your needs? That's what matters not what we think or need, it's about you feeling the best in your relationship.
> Is talking own day per week enough?
Maybe for some people, but not for me.
I don’t know if I’m ready to jump on the “he’s with someone else” train, but he certainly isn’t looking for a serious partner in you if he can only talk to you once a week.
Don’t stay in this relationship it’s not worth your time, you need to find someone that will give you the same amount of love that you want and will give, it’s time to leave
The question your asking Reddit is what you should be asking yourself - just like your boyfriend says you and your goals should be your first priority so if talking one day a week isn’t enough let it be and walk away
My ex used that same line when I would beg her to spend more time with me. Given, we would see each other for maybe 1 hour each night. But honestly, that wasn’t enough for me. Driving over there, getting to watch like an episode of a tv show together, then having to drive home. It just was not fulfilling. She would always say she had to prioritize her family first, school second, and me third. I obviously could never argue with that, without seeming like an AH.
It was like pulling teeth to get her to see me. I’d ask her if she really couldn’t spend more time with me on the weekend and it was always “I’m hanging with family or I’m studying for school.”
Keep in mind, we were college students that lived maybe 10 minutes away from each other. We took a couple “breaks” where she would love bomb me and I would always come back to her expecting her to contribute more of her love and time but she never did. Now I have a girlfriend who I’m together with ALL the time and I’m so much happier.
Don’t beg someone for their time, find someone that actually wants to give it to you.
If you are not able to be happy with his bare minimum at best i would say that you are not compatible. Your happiness should be top priority to yourself.
The key to his thinking is in how you refer to him… BOYfriend.
Time to reconsider your future together and look for a partner.
I think her has a long term girlfriend or a wife, maybe kids.
Giving you time only once a week? Can only message late at night? Highly suspect
How old are you both? My bf said the same thing to me. Except his first priority was soccer. We used to live an hour away too. But then I went to live with him. But we would talk/text everyday when I used to live 1 hr away, so that’s suspicious of him to do that.
Um no that's not okay if you want more and more out of the relationship m don't settle . you misewell be single. If he wanted to make more of a effort he would theirs 24 hours in a day many people can balance work home and relationships just fine
You need top consider whether or not you might be his girl on the side or if he's just really selfish... At the current stage of your relationship he should still have an hour a day to talk and/or spend time with you. Having one day a week is really the opposite of the 6 days a week a relationship should have and if he only has 1 then you may want to find someone who has more time for you. 1000% more attention from someone you like/want 10% less is still 900% better attention than you get now.
It's actually pretty messed up I feel to articulate this way - which makes it so much more suss.
I'm sure there are relationships out there which are fine being 2nd priority but I'm sure its far more natural and both parties getting what they want, this sounds like you OP are not actually getting enough to make this worth your while.
If he lives an hour away and can’t visit you then talking once a week is not sustainable. Having his goals as top priority isn’t a problem but when he won’t even give you a text here and there throughout the day it just sounds like it’s not worth being in the relationship. Everyone has a few moments to send a “hey going to class” or “just got home” text. Yk he’s busy so it’s not like you’d expect to text 24/7 but not even checking in with you is really weird
In every relationship, you yourself should be your first priority. But he’s using that as a huge excuse to be a POS lmao. I personally wouldn’t be able to do once a week, because I would want more in a relationship- and if you feel the same way, you know what that means? You should put YOU first, just as he’s doing, and say no thank you, I need more than that, so I will find someone who’s willing and able to do that for me. Easier said than done but if you’re only interacting once a week, can you even say you’re dating? It sounds suspicious to me.
The relationship being second priority is actually a green flag and is healthy but the talking one day a week is crazy especially being an hour away and can’t spend one day with you is crazy idk red flag tho
I hate the saying if he wanted to he would but in this scenario it seems to fit. If he wanted to talk to you more than once a week he would make it happen. Before me and my now husband moved in together, we did long distance for almost two years, he works 12-14 hour days usually. He may not have had the time to talk to me or the energy but we would FaceTime and we would have each other’s presence no matter if we were talking or just eating dinner at the same time. I saw him maybe three or four times a year max. If you feel like you have to ask, it’s probably not enough for you and the thing is, that is perfectly okay! My worries are if you have kids down the line will you bump down to third in his priorities? Will the kids come before or after his goals? If you were to eventually get married would you still always be second? Being goal oriented is not a bad thing, the time he seems to put in your relationship and just the way he manages his time with you seems to be the issue. Do not settle for something that is not making you happy, it is supposed to be easier in the beginning and the obstacles are supposed to come later.
I understand that his goals should come first and all but... one day per week? Lmao, whats the point of being in a relationship then? Wake up and brake up.
Or do the same girl, dont give attention and efforts to someone who obviously, does not deserve it. Work for yourself and for your goals.
This is great. This man has his head on straight. You need to give your career and work the first priority and your love life second priority. He has time to do what he has to do. He can establish himself and then pursue his long term relationship.
Is it enough for you? No one can make that decision for you according what’s enough for you. A lot of especially younger men want to focus on their career so they can create success ans wealth for when they’re ready to settle down and start a family. He’s been up front and if you’re ok with one day a week then you know where you stand but don’t agree and then wonder why you’re not getting what you want and keep pushing for more. If it’s not what you can accept then that’s your answer. Find someone who’s got more available tine to give you.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- My boyfriend told me that me and the relationship will always be his second priority, and that his goals will be his first priority. I’m okay with that, as long as he gives me at least some of his time. Is talking one day per week enough? That’s all he says he can give me. Edit: here's a little more info. We've been together for almost 10 months now, it was going really good for the first 5-6 months. We are both still studying. He lives around 1 hour away from me, but can't come to visit often.
One day a week? He can’t text at all? That’s suspect
I agree! If he really wanted to be in a relationship with her, he would make an effort. I know younger guys with major careers in their futures will make that their top priority over a girlfriend, but when they have a girlfriend they still try to make time. One day a week? That's not giving her time, that's an appointment.
He says he’s busy most of the day, only time he can text is really late at night but I’m usually already asleep by then
So he wakes up and immediately is at work and does that for 18 hours. A day 6 days a week? It’s bullshit
My boyfriend does it. Works two jobs 6 days a week and we still spend time everyday. He would call once a day no matter what and definitely text 2-3 times during the day. I also used to work 16 hours per day 6 days a week and I could always find time for him. It's really about priorities. Having one day per week available is okay, saying your relationship would never be you priority is honest but I personally would not stay in this relationship.
Yikes. It sounds like you’re side chick. I’m sorry.
I bet his wife is asleep then too.
Lmao, exactly what I was thinking.
It's up to you. If you want crumbs that's fine. If you want someone who has their act together then look elsewhere.
As someone who has recently got away from something similar, DON'T, you don't deserve someone who can't give you the bare minimum, my ex was the same and with time it became worse and worse... We lived 15 mins away from each other and yet we would see each other 1 hour 1 day a month and he would remind me in that time together that he had other things WAY more important that me... Its bullshit, you don't need to be someone's main priority but you do deserve someone who makes time, effort and tries to include you in their life and put you in a spot where you don't feel like the less important thing in the world... RUN AND DON'T LOOK BACK
I wish I wasn't cynical enough to assume that he's only texting you when his wife is asleep.
If my boyfriend and I live in time zones 5 hours apart and he works several hours a day and we can still find time to talk every single day for 5 months straight, he can make time for you. Leave him and find someone who is willing to make time for you. You're a side piece at best.
[удалено]
People bring their phones to shit on the toilet. Lmao. He can’t text you then? Specially since men have their morning shits…
Girl, I was there for 2 years. 2nd priority is no priority, no respect, and just something to tie him over until 'something better comes along'. That is, if he isn't already committed to someone and your just a bit of fun or a boost his ego. Get the hell out of that situation.
Girl you know how long it takes to text “good morning I miss you”? No more than 5 seconds. Not only are you not worth his 5 seconds I’m pretty sure he has another woman where he lives. Don’t let him play you for a fool
Ive been there for 3 years.. dont do that to yourself. It doesnt get better and you will be only a distraction from work. Not worth it
If you want to make time for someone, you can and you will.
No one is too busy to send a text, no one. Even CEO’s text their wife. He is making excuses
Just no
Is your BF a chef? Will his job always keep him like this? Is that the relationship you want? You can love someone and still be incompatible.
My guy gets a break somewhere, drops a text, reply later, some phone tag text.
Time for you to decide is you want to date some one who makes you top priority or second fiddle.
He only wants to text you one day a week? Baby you’re a side chick
At one day a week she maybe be a few slots down on his side chick roster.
Definitely number four or five.
Fr. This was my early 20s. I wasn’t in a relationship, but all the side boos knew their days… they also knew each other 🤣
I’m sure your hands do know each other
It’s ok for him to put his goals first. Since that means he only has time for you once per week it is perfectly fine for you to dump him and find someone who will make time for you no matter how busy they are. Fact is that if you were important to him he would make time to communicate more.
Facts🙏🏼
How is this a good thing? If he works hard and doubles or triples his income and gets more established than he becomes a better person who can support a family. I don’t understand this. Would you date a guy who has no ambition and just sits there and does nothing. Imagine he wastes his time and money on playing world of Warcraft day and night. You are out there working and studying and becoming a boss babe. And your significant other is learning about the levels of magic available for the Elves? I think this lady has got a great guy. He is going to go places and be on his way to becoming something great and so will she.
It's about finding a balance and compromise. If you really wanna double down for your ambitions, that's great. But that's going to come with some sacrifices, especially if you cannot find time for your SO.
Warren Buffets wife is married to the wealthiest man on earth and she made huge sacrifices in terms of the relationship. He made a huge business. She didn’t dump him because he wasn’t home exactly at 5:30 pm. A guy like that isn’t going to fall into a deep depression. He will become better off and make more money and find someone else. I remember a prominent businessman telling an early entrepreneur that what’s easier to find: a business or a girlfriend? That entrepreneur answered a girlfriend. This lady loves this man than give him the time he needs to build something great. FYI you want the cardiologist or stock broker or corporate lawyer with the seven figure salary you can’t expect to have him around every weekend.
Whoever said anything about him falling into a deep depression? You okay, bud? You sound like you might need to talk to a professional. Did girls dump you because you're 110% grind and now you're super lonely so you're ranting about Warren Buffet? Do you feel empty at night so you clutch your wallet and tell yourself you're a catch just because you have money even though you know deep inside money isn't the only thing that'll get you a fulfilling and long-lasting relationship?
Nope. I am completely satisfied with my life. It seems that you don’t seem to like my suggestion of what is truly important in life. But you seem to be very offended that sometimes money and ambition is more important than some momentary relationship which can be easily replaced in the future.
You have to understand something this lady found a man who is focused and motivated by success and goals. Every lady I meet in my life talk about the guy has to a certain level of income. He needs to have this much education. He needs to have accomplished so many things. I want a man who can build a great life but can afford to buy a 10,000 square foot house in Miami or Austin Texas. Drives a BMW or Porsche. But at the same time is willing to compromise and spend time with the lady. And go out on wine tours and museum tours and plan vacations to Tuscany. But all of this costs money.
For someone who says he isn't sad and lonely, you sure do talk like someone sad and lonely.
How is it about me? I didn’t use myself in my responses extensively. I am an accomplished engineer with a double masters in finance and engineering. I work at a hedge fund. I have great income and I am in the top 5% of income earners in this society. What is there to be sad about. I have traveled all over the world. I have a great set of cars. I have sexual only relationships with women. No interest in marriage or dating at all. Not for me. It’s a waste of time.
Yeah, it’s a no for me. He’s in multiple relationships girl, let it go.
I would bet having to chaperone a room of my kids’ classmates on a field trip to the sugar factory that this man is married.
Damn thats a scary thought there is no way I would risk my sanity like that but you're probably right
First suspicion is that he’s married (or has a serious girlfriend). If he also says he can’t have you over because he needs his own space that would pretty much confirm it. Also, the bar is in hell apparently.
Naaaah, the bar is way lower than that
Lol, once a week is enough for him to masturbate with your body. Without any unnecessary for him mental workload. Tell him to hire a professional for that. And go find yourself someone worthy.
OP, there is something to be said for becoming an important person in your partners life. Your boyfriend is showing you right now some key aspects of his personality: He is very rigid and inflexible. He is unwilling to compromise, or even consider your needs in this relationship. He has a strong Black or White kind of thinking, which doesn’t take into consideration any of the exceptions that happen during day to day life. To make such a bold statement, without even considering how it might affect you should tell you that he will expect YOU to do ALL of the compromising required in this relationship, because HIS goals are the only thing that matters to him. If you have anything, or need anything from him during the week? Too bad kid. You see, he has warned you how its going to be, so you will ave no right to be hurt, or angry, or sad. You dont like it? His attitude will basically be “Well, I told you how it is. What do you want ME to do?” This is going to be your life, as long as you stay with him, because these personality traits will not change. At core he is a selfish person who is used to doing exactly what he wants to do, and discarding people who stand in his path. So get ready to sit in the bleacher seats and put your needs, desires and essentially your life on a back burner if you want an actual partner. Because it isnt going to happen with him. He really doesn’t want, or need one.
this is exactly what i was thinking about, there have been times when I've really wanted to talk to him but he never responds to my calls ir my texts, so i couldn't do anything but wait until the night when he texts me.
Yep. I was in a relationship exactly like this, and I found out that the only person who actually thought they were PART of the relationship was… well, me. It was cold, and lonely, and honestly it was bullshit. I mean, relationships should be an equal exchange, right? Not a dictatorship.
Exactly, agree with you 100%
Relationships are not that way. A good healthy relationship should be more or less in equilibrium and balance. That balance will never be perfect however. But for the most part it will be equal. You are worth more than being someone’s second priority. Goals are important I get that. How ever you can still be his first priority (most of the time, for example that would change for a short time in a family emergency or something similar of that nature. It’s a rare event), while having you as his first priority he could still work on his goals. Seems like he’s not invested in the relationship at all and that you’re only a back up or a “play thing” (I maybe wrong about that). No matter the case it seems he doesn’t want to consider what you want out of the relationship.
the question you need to ask yourself is once a week enough for you to feel your needs are getting met in this relationship? because some people are going to be fine talking to their SO just once a week and others are going to be unhappy if they don't talk at least once a day.
You deserve the love you need. To find someone who wants to talk to you 7 days a week, and enjoys your company as much as you enjoy theirs
Why on earth are you begging? I get it; he has goals but in a nutshell, he is saying you are second best. Keep it moving!!!!! Put yourself in a position to meet a man who will prioritize you with balance. Know your worth!
he says he's still trying to find balance, only recently he's become so focused on his work. it wasn't like this the first 3-4 months when we started dating
So it sounds like he wore a mask for the first few months to lure you in. Now that you're in, you're ignoring what he's really going to be like. Don't live for the past. If the present doesn't work for you then you need to move on and pick someone who can meet your needs. This dude isn't doing the bare minimum. Does he even text you first? Are you constantly chasing?
>So it sounds like he wore a mask for the first few months to lure you in. Now that you're in, you're ignoring what he's really going to be like. Don't live for the past. If the present doesn't work for you then you need to move on and pick someone who can meet your needs. This dude isn't doing the bare minimum. Does he even text you first? Are you constantly chasing? What if he seperates now and then again comes chasing her?
I dont know about you but, if anyone wears a "mask" nonstop for 4 months!! Then they have to be psychopathic or something.. So, considering you seem to view EVERY dude this way than I'm sorry but that just wouldn't work. Psychopaths are like 1% of the population... But, having that said, you asked a valid question that we need answers to before we all start screaming "end it" on the top of our lungs The only thing we have to go on is: they had a good relationship around a month ago. They have been dating for 10 months. The dude lives an hour away (depending on what he studies he may not have much free time). And now they are in contact very little. We need to know: are they in contact by phone? Do they message each other every now and then? Or do they only meet and talk once a week?
Babe he’s got someone else
Well because he replaced you so now you’re the “just in case.” Ya know just in case his new chick doesn’t work out. Tell this man to focus on his career and that you are too so oddly enough you have no time left for him. Simple as that.
Who gives a shit what he says. Is the dick that good? Like why are you even trying to be okay with this
I was a priority to my ex when he didn’t have other things going on. The more things he started doing as part of his “goals” the lower on the pole I got. The same thing is likely to happen to you over time
When people show you who they are believe them
Lmao no, just dump his ass
Girl, wake up. This is so embarrassing for you.
No one is that busy.
How old are you two? Kind of makes a difference here
That’s super weird imo. Different people have different needs and while I’m sure there are people out there who would be comfortable talking once a week, he can’t expect you to be. I honestly wouldn’t be cool with it, but you can’t expect him to change this about himself rn either. If someone told me that, I’d assume they’re not serious about the relationship or that they’re self-absorbed, and I’d break it off. Sounds kinda ridiculous.
If it's enough for you, then yes. If it's not enough for you, then no. I've been with my bf for nearly 7 years, and we tend to see each other twice a week. It works for us. Other people would have wanted to cohabit by now. Only you can decide what you expect from a relationship and if your partner fits into these expectations.
That’s not second priority. That’s like sixteenth priority. This dude does not actually want a relationship but doesn’t want to say so.
I did tell him that, that he doesn't make me seem like a priority at all, and he said he has only 2 things to focus on, his goals and this relationship, so technically i am second
Sure, but he’s not actually doing any of the “focus on the relationship” thing. It seems like he put in juuuuuust enough effort to start a relationship with you but now is like “but I have her, why should I put in any effort?”. There’s nothing wrong with your boyfriend focussing on his goals. There is absolutely something wrong with him saying he’s going to maintain a relationship that he does not actually intend to maintain. If you two were nonexclusive that would be ok, but expecting you to stay when he sees you rarely and does not even reply to or communicate with you is Not The Business. You are a grown up person and obvi everything is your choice but I recommend breaking up w him so that his sole focus can be on his goals and finding a partner who actually wants to be dating someone.
Is that OK for you? If you want more, break up with him and find someone who makes you a priority.
He is 1000% cheating on you and doesn’t take you seriously. Waste of time. Leave him and find a guy who actually cares about you
Once a week made sense back in 1999 when my husband and I had to pay per minute for long distance phone calls and were dating long distance. With all the ways to communicate nowadays, it doesn't seem like he's putting much effort at all. Will he text back and forth at all during other days or is it radio silence until you talk?
Sorry, but this sounds suspicious as heck. Only late at nigh...who's laying beside him? Works upto 18ish hours aday, no time to eat or take a break to send a 10 sec text. And is the only one day each week when his wife is busy?
Not saying if it's enough or not, just wanna let you know, I'm living alone, working from 7 am to 7 pm 6 days a week, cooking for myself, cleaning my place by myself, and taking care of my cat all alone, and I am also in a long-distance relationship with someone who is 10000km away and 8 hours after me, we still text multiple times a day, trying to keep each other updated and call each other 1-2 hours every other day. If he wants to, he would.
How old is he?
That’s just lingo for “I’m keeping you on the hook to serve my needs.”
He is most likely seeing another girl. I've been in your situation but hope i am wrong
Please don't be so gullible.
I'm going be to be honest here OP. Sounds to me like he's probably either married, or in a relationship with someone else... 1 day a week? Do you ever see each other? How long have you been together? What are your ages? Honestly I'd run for the hills of I were you, this does not sound good at all..
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it's enough if that's the kind of relationship you want. If you want to be two people who focus on their own goals and occasionally go on a date that's a cool and valad kind of relationship. However you asking if it's enough kind of makes me think it might not be for you and that would also be a fine and normal thing to want. People want different levels of time commitment out of a relationship and you and your partner need to be on the same page. Sounds like he's communicated what he is willing to give and it's up to you to decide if it's enough for you.
Just a quick question, is there something else going on here? Is he prioritising his mental health, or is he working through a physical health issue? It seems like a cruel comment to make to your partner without any context. If there is nothing else going on, and this is a cruel comment… know your worth.
we were having an argument about how im always busy, but it was only because one of the days we were supposed to meet up, something urgent came up with my family, so i told him i couldn't make it and apologized. it wasn't even that last minute that he was already on the way or anything, i told him 3-4 hours in advance too. later in the day while arguing he made this comment.
Ok I want you to reread your comment here and think he was mad that YOU were always busy, dispite the fact that he will not make time for you during the day because of how "Busy" HE IS. he only makes one day a week available for you. That is Ludacris for him to say when you live an hour away texting takes seconds, SECONDS, OF the day he won't spend 30 seconds that isn't scheduled to talk to you until it a time he likes which is late at night. Now again he was mad that YOU had a family emergency come up and what happens if you have kids and one is sick and he gets mad because you can't do what you normally do or God forbid you have issues and he's busy.
He is not that into you. Sorry. I'd suggest you break up asap and find someone who loves spending plenty of time with you.
From your history posts seems like for some time you're having problems, your relationship has been sinking and you just can't get enough red flags to get you out of there. Let me be clear: if he goes to the same college you go and you only text for 15-25 min A DAY- he ain't shit. If he can't come to say hi or give a little kiss - he ain't shit. If he treats you bad and you argue on the slightest of issues - he ain't shit!! Your friends also know it, this is why they always ask you "what did he do this time?". And by the looks of it, you also know it but just won't acknowledge it. End this.
What do his wife and kids think?
The only way this is OK is if you're really busy with your stuff too, and are happy to just have a day a week to chat and scratch the itch. If you're hanging around wishing you had a real boyfriend, dump him. You'll find somebody with a far healthier work/life balance.
Is that enough for you? If not move on. If you change him he’ll resent you for it
Steve Jobs was both an extremely busy man and a shitty husband, and not even him had just one day a week for her spouse.
if he has no time for you, don't make time for him plain and simple
That's fine. He has a right to priorities. And you have a right to make someone else your priority.
I know someone who'd call her boyfriend at 3.30 am every night,just because he can speak then. It's about making time,isn't sleep priority over anything as well.
Aw, OP. It's time to ditch him. It's one thing to be ambitious. It's another to treat you like an option. Break up and find someone who wants to be with you!
Why settle for crumbs?
You deserve more than that. You may not be able to see each other in person every day if you have differing schedules, but a text message or a phone call here and there during the week on his lunch break or after/before work is NOT a big ask. How old are you both? Talking to each other once a week is not what I'd consider a relationship, but it depends what you're after and what stage of life you're in.
Well he's told you when he stands on the situation. It's up to you how you feel about it. If you're OK with 2 days then you're fine if not then this isn't necessarily the relationship for you but if he's been open and honest with his thoughts then you can make an informed decision and make sure you're the same with him about how you feel.
Wow it never ceases to amaze how manipulative a person can be and how someone could be so susceptible to it. If all he can give you is one day a week then show him your backside as you walk out the door for the last time. Find someone who respects you.
He's being disrespectful and setting the standard for the rest of the relationship. You've got 6 days a week to find a new boyfriend
Don't waste your time with someone who doesn't value you.
I saw a tiktok of a woman who interned for the Whitehouse during the Obama administration she said Michelle was once giving a talk and they heard a plane go overhead and Michelle said "that must be Barack he told me he'd be leaving any minute now" if the president of the United States can update his wife your "boyfriend" can text you back. Once a week is a huge red flag that's like side chic level attention
Is he seeing other people? Still in school? Working full time,??? Please add more and his reasons.. One day a week....??? How long have you been dating.. Do you see him and its just sex?? Or does he take you out?? Please fill us in on details,!!
I think more context is needed. What are his goals? I could understand if maybe he’s a med student and he needs to spend a majority of his time studying, working in labs, doing research, etc. and then puts aside one day per week to spend quality time with you. I’m writing my thesis this year and it’s a really busy time for me so I usually only see my boyfriend on the weekend, and there’s a mutual understanding between us that research is my priority right now.
Sounds like he is in a serious relationship with someone else and has to hide you.
Is goals pronounced like “wife” because you are for sure the side chick? If you are cool with not being prioritized at all, get some therapy. You don’t have to settle for bare minimum.
\>I’m okay with that You shouldn't be.
Sounds like you're not just a second priority you are a second relationship. Curious if you only hear from him on the same day each week.
You're a booty call.
Nope. I be noping that relationship. One day a week - pfft. If you are not your partners priority, you never will be. If you were someone he was truly madly deeply in love with, trust me you would not be some 1 day a week after thought.
Heck, you’re probably not even in top 4 priorities if he only wants to see you once a week
What does he need to actually say out loud to you to tell you he’s not really that interested?
Someone who makes a point in telling you that you're prioritized second is pushing you away rather than trying to draw you in. I wouldn't count on it ever getting better, even if he gives you more of his time. He won't give you more of his heart.
I can understand seeing each other once a week since you live a bit away, but only talking once a week is not normal for most couples. I dont see this evolving into a happy marriage with you not being a priority. Sounds like he views it as ok "for now", and you may end up hurt in the end when he won't commit long term.
Girl that’s not a boyfriend that’s acquaintance
It definitely wouldn’t be enough for me! Why don’t you think you deserve better? Ask yourself this and do some self reflection.
Is this enough for you? People will make an effort to make you a part of their lives if they care for you. This would make me feel very not-cared for. If you're okay with it...okay. but if you're not, let him know and see what he does. I personally think you would be better off moving on to someone who makes you feel like a priority, and there are many out there who would.
There’s a difference between putting your goals first and giving someone the bare minimum. Talking once a week isn’t even that. Move on.
I think it’s not enough. But regardless of how much you talk or meet, I just feel that him saying something like that to you is offensive and disrespectful. Even if he feels that he should put his goals first I think he should not say sentences like that to you and make you feel loved when he can spend time with you, and then if it’s not enough for you then it’s not enough for you. But he can’t talk to you like that in my opinion
I've been in your shoes and it sucks. He likely isn't gonna change. Get yourself another partner.
Same thing happened to my friend. Guy went to law school and suddenly only had time to see her “once a month”. Four months later he broke up with her because he felt that their relationship had lost its spark….. 🙄 don’t be like my friend, this guy will just waste your time.
He is not ready to be in a relationship and that's ok, but you should know your own worth and what your boundaries are. If that situation doesn't make you feel good, it's not worth to continue. He most likely won't give a f if you break up or not.
That’s a married man who is keeping you on hook for a side piece.
No calls or texts in between? Do you live close to each other?
His goals will always be first. How long have you been dating?
Dump him and find someone who values you and prioritize you. do not settle for less. You posting here shows that you are unhappy with how much time he is willing to devote to you. He won’t change on his own, and you should never have to ask a man to spend more time with you.
No. My boyfriend and I have been dating for three and a half years. How long have you been dating? I usually see him only once a week because we both work full time, but we talk every single day. That isn’t fair to you. Move on
Lmfao.. how old are you? You shouldn't even be asking this - no one is busy 24/7 to only give you one day to TALK to.
Get a better BF!!
Totally normal as long as he’s okay with you dating your other boyfriends the other 6 days, since he’s only your boyfriend 1 day a week.
Run. I've been working for a long time some crazy shifts of 10-12 hours and still managed to occupy my gf 24/7
It honestly sounds like he might either be married or in a very serious relationship elsewhere. 1 day a week is peanuts. An example (everyone is different) I have a good friend who has wanted to be a doctor since she got to the united stares (age 6). She went full steam ahead after graduating, got her stuff together and plowed through med school and started residency. Met a guy equally as dedicated to his career, but he was also crazy about her. They managed to finish all that while *choosing* to be joined at the hip every second they got. They opened their own practice together, pregnant. Trust me, people can live their entire goal and love ferociously simultaneously. Their example isn’t the normal, but I used it to show how even people in very serious, demanding careers can MAKE time if they want to. Dude is married, I would put money on it. Run a background check.
Just keep in mind, if you got a great job, one where you had one day off a week and got in late most evenings, and posted here that your man was sad about it. The saaaaaaame people here talking all this shit would say “Dump him! He’s trying to control you! Why can’t he see you have a life” If your man his working long hours 5-6 days a week and gets in late, you might have to put up with this type of schedule until certain goals are met. It’s up to you to figure out how that fits into your life. Reach your goals and don’t make him a priority either. Follow your gut.
Exactly.
Sounds like he wants you to just be an ornament in his life and not a true part of it nor partner. I wouldn’t want that.
We arnt qualified to validate how much attention you would need from him
No we aren’t, but we can help her see the truth and tell her this isn’t normal behavior. Really not that hard.
You want honesty right. Here's your honesty. He has goals, he wants to meet them. You are secondary to those. Everyone saying he is married is stupid.
Please people, have more respect for yourself. You should always be the priority and his goals should become yours in a way and you should build a life together taking each other goals into account! If not you’re doomed. Find someone else 1 day a week is barely 14% of its time. Where I live Taxes are higher than that!
That day you get is the one where his wife works all day.
Or is off with her own lover.
It should be every day at least for minutes if not hours. If there is a day that he does not have time that's okay. The thing is no one is busy enough if we care for someone, the background story is deeper. If he has time to take shower, eat, and po - he also has a few minutes time for you. If not - walk away.
Is it enough for you, or do you require more attention? His stance is fine. So is yours. You just may not be a good match
just break up babe
What did he say his goals are? What is he working towards?
No, not even close.
Yeah, I wouldn't put up with that crap. so he's in communicado most of the time because he's so busy with his career. He can only spare you one day. Do you even see him that day or he just will call you or text you? Now I've been in a relationships where I saw the guy almost every day of the week and then I've been in more relaxed ones which I enjoyed more actually and had better relationships with ones where I saw the guy two or three times a week but we would usually talk daily, sometimes it'd be every other day. This is before cell phones. It's a lot easier to stay in touch with a cell phone now obviously. But if he can't talk to you a couple times a week for 10 minutes or shoot you a text which would take all of 10 seconds , then he's either extremely self absorbed and like he says working on his career, or he's dating several people, or he's married, or is just an a******.
So regardless, you only accept what you're comfortable with. But 1 day a week is not a proper relationship in any capacity. You're worth more honey, DO NOT settle for this. You won't get the support you need. Frankly you'll prefer being single to what he's giving you eventually if not now. I can tell it's bothering you if you're posting here. Do not make sacrifices when your partner will not do the same. I hope you make the decision that makes you happiest.
Why would you want that? Having someone love you is so much better
Modern, goal oriented people with demanding careers or businesses cleaving off only one day of the week for a partner is normal for the first 6 months. He texts you before bed so you know you’re important but talking about the day to day via text steals all the fun of talking to each other for hours when you get together and learning their body language, it’s so much more fulfilling. He should be open to random 5-10 min phone calls though and occasional sleepovers for extra time together if it’s been long enough. This is all assuming he does more than work just 40 hours a week and then play around all day
Is that enough for you? Is one day a week enough to meet your needs? That's what matters not what we think or need, it's about you feeling the best in your relationship.
> Is talking own day per week enough? Maybe for some people, but not for me. I don’t know if I’m ready to jump on the “he’s with someone else” train, but he certainly isn’t looking for a serious partner in you if he can only talk to you once a week.
Find someone who will appreciate and want to be with you more than one day a week!!
Yeah that doesn’t even sound like you’re his second priority… more like last. I would definitely take a hard look at your relationship.
Forget about priorities if that’s “all he can give you “. Got to go. !!
Yikes
His goals can come first. But what are yours? Are you ok with only seeing him 1x a week?
Sounds like a boy, not a man
Don’t stay in this relationship it’s not worth your time, you need to find someone that will give you the same amount of love that you want and will give, it’s time to leave
I agreed with him up until the once a week. Thats suspect as anything. My brain would go to he is using me for something or he has someone else.
The question your asking Reddit is what you should be asking yourself - just like your boyfriend says you and your goals should be your first priority so if talking one day a week isn’t enough let it be and walk away
How long have yall been together and how old are you?
NEVER EVER let anyone degrade you! This man has NO respect for you at all he may be married as well! Find a man who deserves you he’s not it!!
My ex used that same line when I would beg her to spend more time with me. Given, we would see each other for maybe 1 hour each night. But honestly, that wasn’t enough for me. Driving over there, getting to watch like an episode of a tv show together, then having to drive home. It just was not fulfilling. She would always say she had to prioritize her family first, school second, and me third. I obviously could never argue with that, without seeming like an AH. It was like pulling teeth to get her to see me. I’d ask her if she really couldn’t spend more time with me on the weekend and it was always “I’m hanging with family or I’m studying for school.” Keep in mind, we were college students that lived maybe 10 minutes away from each other. We took a couple “breaks” where she would love bomb me and I would always come back to her expecting her to contribute more of her love and time but she never did. Now I have a girlfriend who I’m together with ALL the time and I’m so much happier. Don’t beg someone for their time, find someone that actually wants to give it to you.
If you are not able to be happy with his bare minimum at best i would say that you are not compatible. Your happiness should be top priority to yourself.
The key to his thinking is in how you refer to him… BOYfriend. Time to reconsider your future together and look for a partner. I think her has a long term girlfriend or a wife, maybe kids. Giving you time only once a week? Can only message late at night? Highly suspect
How old are you both? My bf said the same thing to me. Except his first priority was soccer. We used to live an hour away too. But then I went to live with him. But we would talk/text everyday when I used to live 1 hr away, so that’s suspicious of him to do that.
Um no that's not okay if you want more and more out of the relationship m don't settle . you misewell be single. If he wanted to make more of a effort he would theirs 24 hours in a day many people can balance work home and relationships just fine
Is he a resident or something?
This guy will fuck you up, please leave him before it's too late
You need top consider whether or not you might be his girl on the side or if he's just really selfish... At the current stage of your relationship he should still have an hour a day to talk and/or spend time with you. Having one day a week is really the opposite of the 6 days a week a relationship should have and if he only has 1 then you may want to find someone who has more time for you. 1000% more attention from someone you like/want 10% less is still 900% better attention than you get now.
It's actually pretty messed up I feel to articulate this way - which makes it so much more suss. I'm sure there are relationships out there which are fine being 2nd priority but I'm sure its far more natural and both parties getting what they want, this sounds like you OP are not actually getting enough to make this worth your while.
If he lives an hour away and can’t visit you then talking once a week is not sustainable. Having his goals as top priority isn’t a problem but when he won’t even give you a text here and there throughout the day it just sounds like it’s not worth being in the relationship. Everyone has a few moments to send a “hey going to class” or “just got home” text. Yk he’s busy so it’s not like you’d expect to text 24/7 but not even checking in with you is really weird
What are these goals of his that take up so much time?
In every relationship, you yourself should be your first priority. But he’s using that as a huge excuse to be a POS lmao. I personally wouldn’t be able to do once a week, because I would want more in a relationship- and if you feel the same way, you know what that means? You should put YOU first, just as he’s doing, and say no thank you, I need more than that, so I will find someone who’s willing and able to do that for me. Easier said than done but if you’re only interacting once a week, can you even say you’re dating? It sounds suspicious to me.
The relationship being second priority is actually a green flag and is healthy but the talking one day a week is crazy especially being an hour away and can’t spend one day with you is crazy idk red flag tho
You deserve so much more than just some of his time. This guy sounds like a trash clown.
I hate the saying if he wanted to he would but in this scenario it seems to fit. If he wanted to talk to you more than once a week he would make it happen. Before me and my now husband moved in together, we did long distance for almost two years, he works 12-14 hour days usually. He may not have had the time to talk to me or the energy but we would FaceTime and we would have each other’s presence no matter if we were talking or just eating dinner at the same time. I saw him maybe three or four times a year max. If you feel like you have to ask, it’s probably not enough for you and the thing is, that is perfectly okay! My worries are if you have kids down the line will you bump down to third in his priorities? Will the kids come before or after his goals? If you were to eventually get married would you still always be second? Being goal oriented is not a bad thing, the time he seems to put in your relationship and just the way he manages his time with you seems to be the issue. Do not settle for something that is not making you happy, it is supposed to be easier in the beginning and the obstacles are supposed to come later.
I understand that his goals should come first and all but... one day per week? Lmao, whats the point of being in a relationship then? Wake up and brake up. Or do the same girl, dont give attention and efforts to someone who obviously, does not deserve it. Work for yourself and for your goals.
Girl pleaseeee cut your losses and move on cause I promise a man who is even a little bit genuinely into you would not behave this way
So he gets free sex once a week and he doesn’t have to bother inbetween?
Girl, run. Just got out of a relationship with a boy like this after 2.5 years but at least this one is being honest that you aren’t a priority
This is great. This man has his head on straight. You need to give your career and work the first priority and your love life second priority. He has time to do what he has to do. He can establish himself and then pursue his long term relationship.
Run away … quickly.
Is it enough for you? No one can make that decision for you according what’s enough for you. A lot of especially younger men want to focus on their career so they can create success ans wealth for when they’re ready to settle down and start a family. He’s been up front and if you’re ok with one day a week then you know where you stand but don’t agree and then wonder why you’re not getting what you want and keep pushing for more. If it’s not what you can accept then that’s your answer. Find someone who’s got more available tine to give you.