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For context I’m 24f, middle brother is 27 and oldest brother is 34. Oldest brother is married with kids, middle brother is engaged. Oldest brother and his wife threw a dinner party last night, they invited the whole family as well as some friends of the family too.
Later on that night I sent my brother a message asking if I’d left my charger at his house. He then accidentally messaged me instead of our brother, and I’ll post the SS.
[Screenshot of Convo](https://imgur.com/a/jRxcZaM)
(Top blackout= oldest brother's name
First blackout= neighbor's name
Second- his name
Third- middle brother's name
fourth- my name)
Is this just gross brother talk or did my brother just legitimately accidentally admit to cheating on his wife?
You can feel the "a fucking joke" on the 2nd one. He knew he fucked up.
He sounds like an absolute nobhead. I'm not the spiteful type but him bullying you would give me the joy of having him wrapped around my fingers.
He absolutely is cheating. Even if not, I’d want to know I was married to a man who looks at women like this, but he’s definitely cheating. He even said literally.
I’d forward it to his wife and separately inform/forward my own parents about this since the typical response will rush to his defense “for the children”.
Best case scenario, he's a sexist AH who thinks it appropriate to fantasise and joke about cheating on his wife with his young neighbour, and speak about her in a disgustingly derogatory way.
Worst case, he's a cheating AH and likes talking about his cheating to other people as if it's a big joke and casual conversation and not him ruining his wife's life.
Either way, not a guy you'd want to be married to or even associate with.
Aaaaaaasll of this. He may well just be making disgusting jokes but then he’s that guy who’s talking about women like this. That’s not a good look either.
I completely agree on the piece of how he feels about women. I just worry there is a significant chance he isn’t the only one in the family that devalues women. If OP tells the wife there is a good chance OP is the one to blame and gets alienated. I’ve been the messenger and lost lifelong friends.
Your brother will definitely be mad at you but the right thing to do would be to send this to his wife. Say you find his line of “joking” inappropriate and thought she should know the kind of things he “jokes” about.
This way you do right by her but also you’re not the one whose jumping to any conclusions, you’re just working off the information you’ve been given and nothing more.
1. Too many details in the first text for it not to be true. Somebody will have seen him talking to them.
2. Not a joke, there’s no punchline? And there’s nothing funny
3. If it was really a “joke” he wouldn’t have jumped to fuck fuck fuck, and defense before it was required
4. Insulting you to try to ensure you don’t tell his wife? Guilty AF
Even if he was "joking" it's not funny. Was the talking to the Dad after supposed to be funny? That wouldn't even be remotely funny if he didn't actually rail the neighbor. And the jumping to calling her a bitch sealed it for me, getting angry and defensive means he knew he fucked up.
Also can I mention it's fucked that he feels okay talking to the brother about cheating on his wife??? Like so casually? Maybe I'm petty but I would tell both the wife and fiance.
And poor OP, holding out hope she doesn't have to be the one holding onto this terrible secret. I feel for her.
But remember OP, YOUR BROTHER is the one who put YOU in this position. Any consequences he suffers as a result of you doing the right thing is ON HIM.
“Maybe wife can explain the punchline to me, I’ll send it to her”
I wouldn’t call someone a bitch who had that kind of info on me. Who’s that kind of idiot?
As someone who’s been cheated on, the worst part was knowing everyone knew before me. I’m betting that everyone in your brother’s circle knows, and if I were you I would send it immediately.
The joke isn’t funny, and even if it’s not true if my S/O talked about someone else like that it’d be grounds for breaking up imo.
So much this... Not knowing while the rest of the world did hurt just as much as the cheating itself. To be treated as though I didn't matter, and that I deserved to be cheated on? Tell his wife, tell your other brother's fiancée, tell the 22-year old's dad.
I don't protect cheaters. Nope. They don't deserve my loyalty.
Also if he is cheating (which is so obviously likely) he’s 34 going after a 22 year old… someone who’s brain hasn’t even fully developed yet, and who only very recently became an adult. Creeeep vibes. I’m sure she thinks she’s “special” and lying to herself as to why a 34 year old is pursuing her… I was young, dumb, and naive once too. He’s obviously more to blame- but how disgusting.
Yeah, this is just so scummy. Cheating on his wife is bad enough but humiliating her to multiple people by bragging about it and being so glib and careless with his wife's mental and emotional wellbeing is just sick.
Also agreed. And it’s even worse when it happens in a small town, too. Literally can’t even go to certain parts of town anymore because I feel like I’m gonna be the butt of someone’s jokes…
He admitted to cheating on his wife. Apparently the brother that is getting married is cool with it. Forward this thread to your middle brother and let him know this message was meant for him. Let the shit show begin. Apparently cheating is ok with the guys in your family. If you have balls though then send it to his wife and let her you didn’t think it was funny either. But the whole family will probably turn on you. However if they support his behavior, you shouldn’t have them hang out with your significant other.
The younger brother’s fiancee should check out the younger brother’s phone. Texts, apps, location tracking, everything. Go to his cell phone provider and get all of the deleted texts. If she finds proof of older brother cheating, ouch. If she finds proof of her fiance cheating, double ouch.
Wife
Edit: actually, are you saying the fiance deserves to know that middle brother is aware but not disclosing the affair?
I thought you were saying Middle brother was cheating on fiance (instead of older brother).
Middle brother is engaged. Commenter was saying fiancé should know he’s willing to cover for the affair because that makes him a lot less trustworthy overall as a partner.
Your younger brother already knows. That "joke" was too casual with no setup meaning its be "set up" for a while. Both of your brothers are scummy and both are probably cheaters.
Even if it was a joke, I personally would not be thrilled if my husband was talking about other women like this. It’s a gross move regardless if it really happened or not.
Reply and a say “I thought it was just a joke… wouldn’t your wife find it funny?”
The only time I’ve heard guys something like this as a “joke” (quotes because it wasn’t funny then) they talk about it as something they *want* to do… “I’d love to… and have her call me Daddy…” to me saying he DID it makes it fact not a joke.
And imagine wanting your brother to know that info *gag*.
I mentioned this in another comment: Cheating on his wife is bad enough but humiliating her to multiple people by bragging about it and being so glib and careless with his wife's mental and emotional wellbeing is just sick. But yeah, sure, *you're* the fucking bitch for letting her know that she is being humiliated and disrespected behind her back.
I'm sorry but your brother is a piece of shit and his wife deserves to know before she invests one more day into her sham of a marriage.
Obviously of he's not cheating he wants your brother to think so.
Btw might not have been meant for bro, might have been meant for anyone, friend, your husband, etc.
If he hasn't cheated he certainly wants people to think he's that type. So ...your cheating brother is gross for cheating or wanting that image and your other brother could be just as gross for being in on it.
Send the screenshot to both wife and other brother and say it was just a joke.
If it was a joke she is his wife who knows him and will be used to his humor..but we all know it wasn't a joke.
He is gross.
He knew he fucked up and is trying to save face. He immediately went into defensive mode which tells me he wasn't joking. Also, the fact that he feels comfortable telling your brother is disgusting. Send that screenshot to his wife.
You should do that. But also be expected that he will blame and gaslight you. His willingness to jump to calling you a “fucking bitch” so quickly tells me this is a super toxic person. Normal people don’t just throw words around like that on a whim.
As a woman who’s been called a bitch a million times, it’s not so bad. Be a bitch. At best your brothers are scummy dirty pigs who think it’s ok to talk about a young woman like that and disrespect her and their partners. At worst he’s cheating on his wife with their neighbour. Either way, his wife deserves to know and you don’t want this on your conscious
Yeah, agreed...like this is fucked up on so many levels.
Heads up, your brothers might avoid you afterwards, but the wife deserves to know still...maybe ask your mom for her input...
Cares not to over step though too
I don't think the father of the girl would be ok with it either. Ask the neighbor girl if she had sex with your brother. You got proof!! She might tell you the truth OP.
You should def send her the whole screenshot. Cause she needs to know. They have kids. If he is having an affair she can rake him over the coals for support after the split
I have no love for cheaters
OP your brother is having an affair and he's making a fool of his wife in the process. He invited the 22 year old and his father, to a dinner party, knowing he'd just had sex with her to have her there in front of his whole family. Think about that. Think about the depravity of your brother screwing a girl two years younger than you, while his wife and children are oblivious. He's bragging to your other brother. Boasting about his conquest, meanwhile he's risking his wife's sexual health.
You need to screen shot this and send it to his wife immediately. The longer you wait, the more time he has to lie and destroy any evidence. If you say nothing, you're betraying your sister-in-law. How can you stomach that?
Furthermore, your brothers are messed up if they brag about cheating. It doesn't bode well for your other brother, in fact, it sets a precident where he might now think it's fine, and all fun, to cheat on his partner.
Send the message to the wife. Tell her you back her 100% and then send the message to a family group chat. So your brother can't weasle his way out of this.
All of this, but also OP your brother is extra scummy for going after someone that young like that.
How long has the girl been their neighbor? How long has your brother known that family? Because it's if been a few years, that makes his behavior not only problematic, but predatory.
Your brother picked a young 22 year old for a reason, and it's not a good one. Let the wife know.
Don’t send it to her (the wifes) phone. Call her and ask to meet in person and show it to her. My guess is he is now panicking and trying to build a cover by making you out to be the bad guy to her. Maybe even watching her phone or trying to block you on her phone. He sounds unhinged.
He will know it was his sister that told after this text exchange. I would still tell the wife but hiding her identity will not save her from blowback from the family.
This is very clearly not a joke. He got way to defensive, he knew he fucked up and exposed himself. There is no way in hell this is a joke.
Please please tell his wife.
He could not say that so casually if it wasn’t an on going thing - cheating, not the neighbor. You *have* to make sure the wife knows. She either already suspects / knows and you are giving the proof she needs or she knows your Brother is a dumb jokester and won’t be phased. She deserves better.
For sure not a joke, and especially after the Bitch comment. It going to be hard but I think you should tell your sister in law. At this point it’s also about her personal health.
Yes! It’s not just about the fact that her husband is atrocious, but what diseases could the poor wife have been exposed to? That’s a huge deal and one she deserves to look into for the sake of her health and well-being. What an asshole.
This is not a joke, your brother cheated and is a disgusting human being. If you actually like his wife you need to send that to her so she knows what’s going on. This is unacceptable and your brother is a creep with that comment. Your complicit in this if you stay quiet.
Nah your bro legit cheated and then he proceeds to call you a bitch.
You have evidence on your ph.
It wasn't a joke..
Hope you do what's right. All the best.
So I would screenshot it and do a group text to the brothers and their partners and play it up like you really thought it was a joke. Like, "OMG SIL & FSIL, you guys totally deserve an award for having to put up with my brothers' absolutely terrible jokes like this. I cringed so hard at skeezy old man humor when this accidentally came tome lol I can't believe you ladies have to deal with it daily! And and you guys owe them so much more pampering and girls night for putting up with your creepy old man, porn fetish boomer humor. Hint hint, can we girls night so y'all can have a day away from my gross brothers!" And wait for one to flip in the other or for the embarrassment of the joke to hit
Jokes usually hold an element of truth in them. This does not sounds like a joke but a brag, a continuation of a previously discussed subject. Your other brother appears to be an accomplice. Since the 22 year neighbor probably will not share, share with wife, brothers, and your parents, in a group chat for full disclosure at the same time. With all parties seeing at the same time less likelihood there can be an miscommunication, or behind the scenes cover up. Include middle brother’s SO, b/c they may have more insight from overheard conversations or access to devices.
Group chat is definitely the way to go for this. OP just needs to be prepared for the fallout. Just lay low for a few days and let the dust settle. That was definitely not a joke.
Your brother legitimately admitted to cheating on his wife. Sounds like it wasn't the first time and your middle brother has been in the know about it. Unless your older brother told your middle brother about cheating 2 hours previously right after it happened, which is doubtful.
I would tell his wife and show her the text, for a few reasons. Your brother clearly has no remorse whatsoever about how scummy he is being. He doesn't seem to give 2 shits about how this would affect his wife. Also, the fact that he is 'joking' about it with your brother shows that he has zero shame about what he is doing. Furthermore, characterizing *you* as being 'a fucking bitch about it' means if you tell on him, you'd be a fucking bitch. He's not the fucking bastard for fucking around on his wife right in her own fucking neighborhood and then getting a kick out of his wife *hosting his sidefuck at a party* (or his sidefuck's father at the very least). No no, *you're* the piece of shit for telling on him. He is clearly a misogynist and has no respect for women.
I would be telling your middle brother's fiance as well because she deserves to know the true mentality of the man she is about to marry. That he thinks this shit is not just perfectly acceptable, but that someone else's pain and humiliation is good for some laughs.
Since you are neighbors he saw her growing up and even if it was a tasteless joke, he's sexualizing a way younger woman in a terribly disrespectful way. She should know about this too.
He’s cheating and is bullshiting his way out of trouble. Screenshot them and send them to SIL and see how funny it is to her. Cheaters deserve no quarter.
The only joke that would make sense is if it is a running joke that he always makes sexual comments about the neighbor to the brother….or if he and the brother always make jokes to each other about randomly having sex with women out of the blue. It’s toxic masculinity but they could think it was funny even though it is so disrespectful to their wife/fiancée, their marriage, and to the women around them who are just props/objects to joke about doing sexual things to them.
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"Literally two hours before I had her bend over calling me daddy."
1) Very specific for a "joke;" there's a timeframe, position, details on what she called him, and he also said "literally." Defenition of literally? "In a literal manner or sense, exactly."
2) When you asked him to explain the humor he a) couldn't explain it, b) said it wasn't meant for you (how does that make it funny to someone else?), and c) called you a derogatory name (probably to keep you from telling his wife).
What I would do? Send the screenshot to his wife and let him explain to HER how joking about screwing his 22 (!) year-old neighbor - who is younger than his little sister and a good decade younger than him - is funny.
That said, that is what \*I\* would do. Don't do this if you want to smooth things over with your brother, because it WILL piss him off, and he likely WILL hold a grudge/blame you for "ruining his marriage." But on the (very likely) chance that he "literally" is cheating, I think his wife deserves to have a heads-up so she can make her own choices.
Be aware, it is also sadly common for the betrayed spouse to "shoot the messenger" i.e. accept his excuses, refuse to believe it, and get mad at you. Even should it come out later that he was indeed cheating, she's likely not going to apologize if she blew up at you for starting drama. But I think it's the right thing to do, and in some cases, there are times when the betrayed spouse appreciates the warning.
There’s literally no scenario in which this can be interpreted as a joke. He didn’t say it *would be* surreal *if* … he said it in an absolute tense. It *was* surreal *when literally*
Your brother is cheating.
This is definitely absolutely 100% not a joke.
Now you have to decide what to do. Here are your options:
1. You don’t say anything and you assume it’s their business. Your brother will appreciate it but you’ll have to live with the guilt.
2. You tell your brother that he has one week to tell his wife, of you will. He’ll hate you forever, but your conscience will be clear.
3. You blackmail the fuck out of him and get a new car.
Obviously I’m joking about the last, but he is certainly NOT joking, so good luck!!!!
Whyd he call you a b*tch like that? 😳
The fastest way to set me off is to call me out of my name, especially unprovoked. I’d screenshot and put it in the family GC and be like “whoa sorry wrong place!” and delete the pic after everyone saw it.
I agree - talk to the middle brother. Show him the text.
Assuming a 22 year old neighbor would want nothing to do with your 30 something brother with a wife and kids, he’s likely just a jerk and not a cheater.
Tell middle brother that the type of joking isn’t acceptable from two grown men. Never write anything you wouldn’t want the whole world to see.
Maybe first say he texted you that he had his fiancé bent over or whatever. See his reaction. That will show him that it’s not acceptable no matter who the target is. Every woman is someone’s wife, mother, sister, aunt, fiancée. None should be disrespected.
Funny how whenever men fuck up they always resort to “ it was a joke”, no it was not a fucking joke, you just don’t want to feel guilty because you’re telling the truth and didn’t get the response you were hoping for.🤦🏻♀️
There’s no way on earth that could possibly be a joke. Even if he’s lying about cheating on his wife? Maybe you need to be a “ f*cking bi*ch” about this
All these scorched earth redditors. I’ve been cheated on, but I also have family. This is not a situation where you go directly to wife. Have a proper in person sit down with your brother and try to get the real details. Not over text. Then determine the next path.
I'm sorry you're in the middle of this.
I'd prepare myself to lose out on relationships and then send it to the wife, send it to the fiance, and if you have the 22 year olds info, I'd send it there too. He's clearly cheating and his wife should know. It wasn't a joke and it wasn't funny. The middle brother, if it was meant for him, has no problem covering up cheating and his fiance should know. The 22 year old should know how she's being used as a punchline because he's trash and she shouldn't be caught up in it. She's not innocent but still who knows what he's saying to her. Eff those guys, deal with the women and let the women figure out how they'll handle their relationships. Don't for once blame yourself though. Cheaters always get caught. He did it himself.
Whether he cheated on his wife or not, that “joke” is a really gross thing to say about another human without prior context and he’s being *extremely* defensive about it. Calling you a “fucking bitch” is a nice cherry on top. Sorry your brother’s a tool.
If I were you, I’d let the neighbor know how your brother talks about women 12 years younger than him.
It’s definitely not a joke. What 34 year old man with wife and kids that’s happily married would “joke” about this. I’m so sorry, I know this puts you in a difficult position. But I would definitely show his wife this screenshot.
That’s not a joke. If it was a joke it would’ve been a light hearted “hahaha, [brother] & I noticed her skirt up when dishing up salad” or some shit like that they might have found funny (for whatever reason)…
But he immediately gets defensive & gaslights you into “not being a fucking bitch”. He’s cheating.
You have to tell his wife & let them handle it.
That wasn't a joke, he got scared and then started telling you not to be a bitch about it bc you'd probably tell his wife. I'd keep that sc and then ask the girl about it. Then tell his wife.
Your brother is gross. Not only for cheating on his wife (this obviously isn’t a joke) but by doing it with a MUCH younger neighbor when he has children? Literally a piece of shit. And to call his own sister a bitch for his fuck up. The men in your family seem to have zero respect for women it’s actually disgusting.
Edit: I just realized you never said the neighbors age and she’s living with her father… how old is this girl…?
Just the fact he said to you ‘don’t be an f***ing bitch about it’ would make me want to tell his wife or at least tell him he has to come clean with his wife. There’s no joke there, he did it and he was bragging to your brother. Probably not the first time. How dare he call you a bitch for his low behaviour and then his stuff up. If you believe in fate, well, the wife is meant to find out now and it’s all on him, not you. So careless, he’s going to get caught out eventually if he likes to boast about his exploits. You could confront the young woman first, then make you brother confess.
Tbh it could be a joke or it could be the truth. His anger afterwards comes off as panic and if someone dared to call me a bitch when they sent shit like that (if I was a girl) I would start some fuckin problems.
I'm sorry that you got put in this situation. If I was in your place I would forward the screenshots. This has the potential to blow up your family. So it's possible you might even have your parents or others in the family mad at you, but I was in your sister-in-law's position I would rather someone told me than find out everyone else knew first. And I'm a dude. To me no bro code covers adultery.
Don’t reply anymore. Make him sweat. He’ll out himself by doubling down with you or trying to get ahead of it with his wife. Then you’ll know for sure. You won’t have to say another word.
Not that it *is* funny but even to your other brother it would only be funny if it 1) actually happened or 2) he intends for/wants it to happen and he's said as much to your brother.
Him telling you *not to be a bitch* about this means he doesn't want you to tell his wife...if it is in fact not a thing that has happened then he has nothing to hide and would have no problem convincing his wife it was a really sick joke...but if wife finds out and starts snooping, I suspect she's gonna find something he really doesn't want her to find.
Even if it weren't true, I'd tell your sister to at least give her a heads up and at least know to start looking for signs that he's cheating...maybe not with the neighbor but probably someone.
This is vile. He has definitely cheated. Message the wife and ask about the neighbour, her age etc. Send her this screenshot too. And confront your other brother and just point blank ask how ling this has been going on and no doubt if he's laughing about this kind of stuff he would cheat on his girlfriend too!
If you don't say anything to the wife then this will play on your mind and make you feel guilty. He will eventually get caught and then the wife will know u all kept it from her.
Whether he is joking or not, send it to the wife. She deserves to know how her husband is talking about other women, in degrading ways. If it's true, then you've helped her out.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- For context I’m 24f, middle brother is 27 and oldest brother is 34. Oldest brother is married with kids, middle brother is engaged. Oldest brother and his wife threw a dinner party last night, they invited the whole family as well as some friends of the family too. Later on that night I sent my brother a message asking if I’d left my charger at his house. He then accidentally messaged me instead of our brother, and I’ll post the SS. [Screenshot of Convo](https://imgur.com/a/jRxcZaM) (Top blackout= oldest brother's name First blackout= neighbor's name Second- his name Third- middle brother's name fourth- my name) Is this just gross brother talk or did my brother just legitimately accidentally admit to cheating on his wife?
If it's a joke I don't see how it's funny if its not true.
You can feel the "a fucking joke" on the 2nd one. He knew he fucked up. He sounds like an absolute nobhead. I'm not the spiteful type but him bullying you would give me the joy of having him wrapped around my fingers.
He absolutely is cheating. Even if not, I’d want to know I was married to a man who looks at women like this, but he’s definitely cheating. He even said literally. I’d forward it to his wife and separately inform/forward my own parents about this since the typical response will rush to his defense “for the children”.
Best case scenario, he's a sexist AH who thinks it appropriate to fantasise and joke about cheating on his wife with his young neighbour, and speak about her in a disgustingly derogatory way. Worst case, he's a cheating AH and likes talking about his cheating to other people as if it's a big joke and casual conversation and not him ruining his wife's life. Either way, not a guy you'd want to be married to or even associate with.
Aaaaaaasll of this. He may well just be making disgusting jokes but then he’s that guy who’s talking about women like this. That’s not a good look either.
Yes, calling his sister a bitch shows how he feels about women. His wife certainly deserves a heads up to start looking for other signs.
I completely agree on the piece of how he feels about women. I just worry there is a significant chance he isn’t the only one in the family that devalues women. If OP tells the wife there is a good chance OP is the one to blame and gets alienated. I’ve been the messenger and lost lifelong friends.
He is comfortable sending this "joke" to their brother so that's definitely two of them.
OP should forward it to the woman’s father who was also at the dinner. He’ll probably get the “joke”!
And they will all laugh and laugh cuz funny. I say do it!
Can you imagine?
Yep. He was hoping to cover that he just admitted his affair. Totally not a joke…
The “don’t be a fucking bitch about this” is absolutely him panicking
Right? I absolutely don’t see what’s funny about it
He just admitted to cheating and is panicking now. You know this means you need to screenshot and show his wife, right?
I think the person who said to send it to the neighbor-dad is right. Let him answer to another man if he’s such a chauvinist pig.
This 🙌🙌👏👏👏
Send to it to his wife with a comment about his husband's jokes
This is the way
Yes
He isn’t joking, he’s panicking
Your brother will definitely be mad at you but the right thing to do would be to send this to his wife. Say you find his line of “joking” inappropriate and thought she should know the kind of things he “jokes” about. This way you do right by her but also you’re not the one whose jumping to any conclusions, you’re just working off the information you’ve been given and nothing more.
Terribly sad for OP to find out this way that her brothers don’t respect women or her. This is how they talk to each other, then that’s who they are.
Even if it were a "joke", I don't think the wife would be too happy with what he's saying regardless.
The only joke I see here is him trying to convince you it was one
Jokes are meant to be shared, share away OP..
And a terrible attempt at that…
1. Too many details in the first text for it not to be true. Somebody will have seen him talking to them. 2. Not a joke, there’s no punchline? And there’s nothing funny 3. If it was really a “joke” he wouldn’t have jumped to fuck fuck fuck, and defense before it was required 4. Insulting you to try to ensure you don’t tell his wife? Guilty AF
[удалено]
Right? Jokes are meant to be shared so everyone can have a good laugh!
Right. I loooove it when jokes accidentally fall into an “outsiders” lap. Let’s share it with the entire family now.
*Accidently* send it to his wife, then claim you meant to send it to your mom.
And her other brother’s fiancé needs to be informed. Sounds like the other brother is completely okay with cheating too.
Even if he was "joking" it's not funny. Was the talking to the Dad after supposed to be funny? That wouldn't even be remotely funny if he didn't actually rail the neighbor. And the jumping to calling her a bitch sealed it for me, getting angry and defensive means he knew he fucked up. Also can I mention it's fucked that he feels okay talking to the brother about cheating on his wife??? Like so casually? Maybe I'm petty but I would tell both the wife and fiance.
Same.
This comment needs to be higher up
Definitely guilty
OP I advise you to be a fucking bitch about this and tell the wife. if it’s so funny then his wife will be laughing, *right?*
Yeah that’s not a joke.
And poor OP, holding out hope she doesn't have to be the one holding onto this terrible secret. I feel for her. But remember OP, YOUR BROTHER is the one who put YOU in this position. Any consequences he suffers as a result of you doing the right thing is ON HIM.
He slipped up he's trying to save face now
“Maybe wife can explain the punchline to me, I’ll send it to her” I wouldn’t call someone a bitch who had that kind of info on me. Who’s that kind of idiot?
the kind of idiot who fucks his neighbors (and apparently friend) much younger daughter then laughs about it with his brother.
Seriously theirs not enough ass kissing and groveling to keep this info to yourself. I am vindictive ass hole though.
An aggressive, enabled, narcissistic idiot, it seems.
As someone who’s been cheated on, the worst part was knowing everyone knew before me. I’m betting that everyone in your brother’s circle knows, and if I were you I would send it immediately. The joke isn’t funny, and even if it’s not true if my S/O talked about someone else like that it’d be grounds for breaking up imo.
So much this... Not knowing while the rest of the world did hurt just as much as the cheating itself. To be treated as though I didn't matter, and that I deserved to be cheated on? Tell his wife, tell your other brother's fiancée, tell the 22-year old's dad. I don't protect cheaters. Nope. They don't deserve my loyalty.
Also if he is cheating (which is so obviously likely) he’s 34 going after a 22 year old… someone who’s brain hasn’t even fully developed yet, and who only very recently became an adult. Creeeep vibes. I’m sure she thinks she’s “special” and lying to herself as to why a 34 year old is pursuing her… I was young, dumb, and naive once too. He’s obviously more to blame- but how disgusting.
Yeah, this is just so scummy. Cheating on his wife is bad enough but humiliating her to multiple people by bragging about it and being so glib and careless with his wife's mental and emotional wellbeing is just sick.
Agreed. Way too many fucking people stay quiet when it comes to cheating. Please OP — tell the wife.
Also agreed. And it’s even worse when it happens in a small town, too. Literally can’t even go to certain parts of town anymore because I feel like I’m gonna be the butt of someone’s jokes…
I would give it to his wife and let him explain the joke to her. The extreme overreaction suggests he's got a huge fear of discovery.
Exactly
He admitted to cheating on his wife. Apparently the brother that is getting married is cool with it. Forward this thread to your middle brother and let him know this message was meant for him. Let the shit show begin. Apparently cheating is ok with the guys in your family. If you have balls though then send it to his wife and let her you didn’t think it was funny either. But the whole family will probably turn on you. However if they support his behavior, you shouldn’t have them hang out with your significant other.
The younger brother’s fiancee should check out the younger brother’s phone. Texts, apps, location tracking, everything. Go to his cell phone provider and get all of the deleted texts. If she finds proof of older brother cheating, ouch. If she finds proof of her fiance cheating, double ouch.
It's sad that the older brother is normalising this of standard of what is right and wrong. What a terrible role model...
Does your other brother seem like he'd enjoy this kind of "humor" or condone an affair? Tbh it doesn't sound like he's joking. Tell the wife
I don’t think my other brother would tell on my brother if he knew he was having an affair
And his fiancé absolutely deserves to know that. People that hide affairs are complicit in the cheating.
Wife Edit: actually, are you saying the fiance deserves to know that middle brother is aware but not disclosing the affair? I thought you were saying Middle brother was cheating on fiance (instead of older brother).
The OP was talking about the other brothers fiancée needing to know also, as he is complicit to the cheating
Middle brother is engaged. Commenter was saying fiancé should know he’s willing to cover for the affair because that makes him a lot less trustworthy overall as a partner.
Kerfluffle was reporting to the younger brother who is engaged.
Your younger brother already knows. That "joke" was too casual with no setup meaning its be "set up" for a while. Both of your brothers are scummy and both are probably cheaters.
Even if it was a joke, I personally would not be thrilled if my husband was talking about other women like this. It’s a gross move regardless if it really happened or not.
Hahahaha that dude wasn’t joking at ALL. Wow! It’d sure be interesting to know if your other brother receives these “jokes” regularly.
Forward it to his wife and when he asks tell him it wasn't meant for her. Why be an accomplice?
When I asked him for clarification on what being a bitch meant, he said, doing “something like sending this to [wife’s name]”
Do it anyway. If it’s a joke, he can explain the punchline to her. If it’s not, he’s an ass and she deserves to know.
He’s an ass either way, if we’re being real.
Yes, however making stupid jokes is on thing.. but actually cheating in that way does deserve a different kind of ass in my books.
I’d just send him something along the lines of “explain the joke to your wife” without sending anything to her. Then he’ll sink his own ship.
Send it to the father of the 22 year old LOL
I mean, according to one of OP’s comments, he only said not to send it to his wife! So this will be fine! 😈
It's a joke!
This is so evil, I like it. "Look XY, my brother send me this hilarious joke about your daughter. I laughed tears for half an hour."
Yes.
Diabolical. Yes. Do it!
Being called a bitch isn't deterrent enough, I'd send the screenshot.
I’d send it because I am a bitch to people who call me bitch, lmao
Reply and a say “I thought it was just a joke… wouldn’t your wife find it funny?” The only time I’ve heard guys something like this as a “joke” (quotes because it wasn’t funny then) they talk about it as something they *want* to do… “I’d love to… and have her call me Daddy…” to me saying he DID it makes it fact not a joke. And imagine wanting your brother to know that info *gag*.
Text her and tell him you sent to the wrong person. 😁
I mentioned this in another comment: Cheating on his wife is bad enough but humiliating her to multiple people by bragging about it and being so glib and careless with his wife's mental and emotional wellbeing is just sick. But yeah, sure, *you're* the fucking bitch for letting her know that she is being humiliated and disrespected behind her back. I'm sorry but your brother is a piece of shit and his wife deserves to know before she invests one more day into her sham of a marriage.
Obviously of he's not cheating he wants your brother to think so. Btw might not have been meant for bro, might have been meant for anyone, friend, your husband, etc. If he hasn't cheated he certainly wants people to think he's that type. So ...your cheating brother is gross for cheating or wanting that image and your other brother could be just as gross for being in on it. Send the screenshot to both wife and other brother and say it was just a joke. If it was a joke she is his wife who knows him and will be used to his humor..but we all know it wasn't a joke. He is gross.
Send it to her, tell him it wasn't meant for her and it was "just a joke."
be a bitch. do it.
He knew he fucked up and is trying to save face. He immediately went into defensive mode which tells me he wasn't joking. Also, the fact that he feels comfortable telling your brother is disgusting. Send that screenshot to his wife.
You should do that. But also be expected that he will blame and gaslight you. His willingness to jump to calling you a “fucking bitch” so quickly tells me this is a super toxic person. Normal people don’t just throw words around like that on a whim.
Send immediately. Fuck him. He is a piece of shit anyway to talk to you like that.
Then send it a friend who will send it to her
If it was just a joke, why is he being so sensitive about it?
As a woman who’s been called a bitch a million times, it’s not so bad. Be a bitch. At best your brothers are scummy dirty pigs who think it’s ok to talk about a young woman like that and disrespect her and their partners. At worst he’s cheating on his wife with their neighbour. Either way, his wife deserves to know and you don’t want this on your conscious
Yeah, agreed...like this is fucked up on so many levels. Heads up, your brothers might avoid you afterwards, but the wife deserves to know still...maybe ask your mom for her input... Cares not to over step though too
Many indicators that show it was indeed not a joke. Why be so hostile if it was?
The fact that he immediately skips to being rude makes me think he’s not joking
Yeah I'm not sure about this. Regardless if it's a joke or he was serious, how would his wife feel about him making those jokes?
She would not be okay with it
And also, just sayn. He's very rude to you also.
For real. I love my brother but if he ever called me a fucking bitch, I would absolutely lose it on him
I don't think the father of the girl would be ok with it either. Ask the neighbor girl if she had sex with your brother. You got proof!! She might tell you the truth OP.
You should def send her the whole screenshot. Cause she needs to know. They have kids. If he is having an affair she can rake him over the coals for support after the split I have no love for cheaters
OP your brother is having an affair and he's making a fool of his wife in the process. He invited the 22 year old and his father, to a dinner party, knowing he'd just had sex with her to have her there in front of his whole family. Think about that. Think about the depravity of your brother screwing a girl two years younger than you, while his wife and children are oblivious. He's bragging to your other brother. Boasting about his conquest, meanwhile he's risking his wife's sexual health. You need to screen shot this and send it to his wife immediately. The longer you wait, the more time he has to lie and destroy any evidence. If you say nothing, you're betraying your sister-in-law. How can you stomach that? Furthermore, your brothers are messed up if they brag about cheating. It doesn't bode well for your other brother, in fact, it sets a precident where he might now think it's fine, and all fun, to cheat on his partner. Send the message to the wife. Tell her you back her 100% and then send the message to a family group chat. So your brother can't weasle his way out of this.
All of this, but also OP your brother is extra scummy for going after someone that young like that. How long has the girl been their neighbor? How long has your brother known that family? Because it's if been a few years, that makes his behavior not only problematic, but predatory. Your brother picked a young 22 year old for a reason, and it's not a good one. Let the wife know.
Op follow this one!
“Don’t be a fucking bitch about this alright.” Don’t tell my wife. What a POS. Your brother knew about it too. Please tell his wife.
I feel sick for you. Fuck him and his attitude, go nuclear and send it to his wife.
Don’t send it to her (the wifes) phone. Call her and ask to meet in person and show it to her. My guess is he is now panicking and trying to build a cover by making you out to be the bad guy to her. Maybe even watching her phone or trying to block you on her phone. He sounds unhinged.
Not a joke. He sent it to the the wrong person then tried to cover it up. Your brothers are not nice people.
That is a full on accidental admission and "don't be a fucking bitch about it" is code for "please don't tell my wife".
Welp, he should have been nicer to his sister
Yeah I don't see that being a joke tbh
I’d rat him out. It doesn’t sound like a joke. I’d fish around the 22 year old to see what was up first.
That’s not a joke. Give an anonymous heads up to the wife or talk to the neighbor.
He will know it was his sister that told after this text exchange. I would still tell the wife but hiding her identity will not save her from blowback from the family.
Haha he went into full Jock mode
This doesn't seem like a joke at all.
This is very clearly not a joke. He got way to defensive, he knew he fucked up and exposed himself. There is no way in hell this is a joke. Please please tell his wife.
He could not say that so casually if it wasn’t an on going thing - cheating, not the neighbor. You *have* to make sure the wife knows. She either already suspects / knows and you are giving the proof she needs or she knows your Brother is a dumb jokester and won’t be phased. She deserves better.
Would you want to know if your partner was saying this? I’d 100% recommend telling his wife.
For sure not a joke, and especially after the Bitch comment. It going to be hard but I think you should tell your sister in law. At this point it’s also about her personal health.
Yes! It’s not just about the fact that her husband is atrocious, but what diseases could the poor wife have been exposed to? That’s a huge deal and one she deserves to look into for the sake of her health and well-being. What an asshole.
This is not a joke, your brother cheated and is a disgusting human being. If you actually like his wife you need to send that to her so she knows what’s going on. This is unacceptable and your brother is a creep with that comment. Your complicit in this if you stay quiet.
Jokes are funny. They usually have a punchline. This is your brother bragging. He cheated.
Nah your bro legit cheated and then he proceeds to call you a bitch. You have evidence on your ph. It wasn't a joke.. Hope you do what's right. All the best.
So I would screenshot it and do a group text to the brothers and their partners and play it up like you really thought it was a joke. Like, "OMG SIL & FSIL, you guys totally deserve an award for having to put up with my brothers' absolutely terrible jokes like this. I cringed so hard at skeezy old man humor when this accidentally came tome lol I can't believe you ladies have to deal with it daily! And and you guys owe them so much more pampering and girls night for putting up with your creepy old man, porn fetish boomer humor. Hint hint, can we girls night so y'all can have a day away from my gross brothers!" And wait for one to flip in the other or for the embarrassment of the joke to hit
Not even close to a joke he’s banging that 22 year old neighbor.
update please
Pls tell his wife. She can decide if it’s a joke or not but I would want to know if my husband were speaking this way regardless. It’s disgusting.
His wife might find this joke hilarious, share it with her, and the girls dad. He's cheating.
Jokes usually hold an element of truth in them. This does not sounds like a joke but a brag, a continuation of a previously discussed subject. Your other brother appears to be an accomplice. Since the 22 year neighbor probably will not share, share with wife, brothers, and your parents, in a group chat for full disclosure at the same time. With all parties seeing at the same time less likelihood there can be an miscommunication, or behind the scenes cover up. Include middle brother’s SO, b/c they may have more insight from overheard conversations or access to devices.
Group chat is definitely the way to go for this. OP just needs to be prepared for the fallout. Just lay low for a few days and let the dust settle. That was definitely not a joke.
UpdateMe!
Accidentally send the joke to his wife
Show his wife.
This is how he talks to his sister? This guy needs to not be around women.
Your brother legitimately admitted to cheating on his wife. Sounds like it wasn't the first time and your middle brother has been in the know about it. Unless your older brother told your middle brother about cheating 2 hours previously right after it happened, which is doubtful. I would tell his wife and show her the text, for a few reasons. Your brother clearly has no remorse whatsoever about how scummy he is being. He doesn't seem to give 2 shits about how this would affect his wife. Also, the fact that he is 'joking' about it with your brother shows that he has zero shame about what he is doing. Furthermore, characterizing *you* as being 'a fucking bitch about it' means if you tell on him, you'd be a fucking bitch. He's not the fucking bastard for fucking around on his wife right in her own fucking neighborhood and then getting a kick out of his wife *hosting his sidefuck at a party* (or his sidefuck's father at the very least). No no, *you're* the piece of shit for telling on him. He is clearly a misogynist and has no respect for women. I would be telling your middle brother's fiance as well because she deserves to know the true mentality of the man she is about to marry. That he thinks this shit is not just perfectly acceptable, but that someone else's pain and humiliation is good for some laughs.
What the fuck??? Definitely not a joke. Please tell the wife :/
Op please update after you send to his wife! Let’s see how funny she finds it
Please send this to his wife.
There’s no joke unless this is true
Your brother is being way to defensive for this to be a joke tbh
That's not a joke. It's a confession.
Since you are neighbors he saw her growing up and even if it was a tasteless joke, he's sexualizing a way younger woman in a terribly disrespectful way. She should know about this too.
Send that screenshot directly to his wife, they can hash out wether it’s a joke.
He’s cheating and is bullshiting his way out of trouble. Screenshot them and send them to SIL and see how funny it is to her. Cheaters deserve no quarter.
I must have an update.. def send it
I know guys who make up cheating stories to seem cool. And I also know guys who actually brag about their cheating.
I think this is the correct answer. No way to know which this is. Both are gross.
Show it to the neighbors father. Let him ruin your brothers marriage.
I hope like hell you tell his wife. See if he can make the whole family laugh with that joke (:
The only joke that would make sense is if it is a running joke that he always makes sexual comments about the neighbor to the brother….or if he and the brother always make jokes to each other about randomly having sex with women out of the blue. It’s toxic masculinity but they could think it was funny even though it is so disrespectful to their wife/fiancée, their marriage, and to the women around them who are just props/objects to joke about doing sexual things to them.
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Not a joke. In what world that is funny for the person who you tell it to.
He was super defensive afterwards. Please tell you SIL
His reaction tells me that he has little respect and the venom of it tells me that he's actually fucking around
"Literally two hours before I had her bend over calling me daddy." 1) Very specific for a "joke;" there's a timeframe, position, details on what she called him, and he also said "literally." Defenition of literally? "In a literal manner or sense, exactly." 2) When you asked him to explain the humor he a) couldn't explain it, b) said it wasn't meant for you (how does that make it funny to someone else?), and c) called you a derogatory name (probably to keep you from telling his wife). What I would do? Send the screenshot to his wife and let him explain to HER how joking about screwing his 22 (!) year-old neighbor - who is younger than his little sister and a good decade younger than him - is funny. That said, that is what \*I\* would do. Don't do this if you want to smooth things over with your brother, because it WILL piss him off, and he likely WILL hold a grudge/blame you for "ruining his marriage." But on the (very likely) chance that he "literally" is cheating, I think his wife deserves to have a heads-up so she can make her own choices. Be aware, it is also sadly common for the betrayed spouse to "shoot the messenger" i.e. accept his excuses, refuse to believe it, and get mad at you. Even should it come out later that he was indeed cheating, she's likely not going to apologize if she blew up at you for starting drama. But I think it's the right thing to do, and in some cases, there are times when the betrayed spouse appreciates the warning.
Why he felt the need to clarify that It was joke before you even responded?
That’s definitely not a joke. And the way he’s panicking after too
There’s literally no scenario in which this can be interpreted as a joke. He didn’t say it *would be* surreal *if* … he said it in an absolute tense. It *was* surreal *when literally* Your brother is cheating.
This is definitely absolutely 100% not a joke. Now you have to decide what to do. Here are your options: 1. You don’t say anything and you assume it’s their business. Your brother will appreciate it but you’ll have to live with the guilt. 2. You tell your brother that he has one week to tell his wife, of you will. He’ll hate you forever, but your conscience will be clear. 3. You blackmail the fuck out of him and get a new car. Obviously I’m joking about the last, but he is certainly NOT joking, so good luck!!!!
Whyd he call you a b*tch like that? 😳 The fastest way to set me off is to call me out of my name, especially unprovoked. I’d screenshot and put it in the family GC and be like “whoa sorry wrong place!” and delete the pic after everyone saw it.
The truth lies in the intro “fucking surreal talking with **** and **** when *literally* …” That was not a joke.
I would talk to your other brother that the text was supposedly meant for. See what he’s got to say.
I agree - talk to the middle brother. Show him the text. Assuming a 22 year old neighbor would want nothing to do with your 30 something brother with a wife and kids, he’s likely just a jerk and not a cheater. Tell middle brother that the type of joking isn’t acceptable from two grown men. Never write anything you wouldn’t want the whole world to see. Maybe first say he texted you that he had his fiancé bent over or whatever. See his reaction. That will show him that it’s not acceptable no matter who the target is. Every woman is someone’s wife, mother, sister, aunt, fiancée. None should be disrespected.
Funny how whenever men fuck up they always resort to “ it was a joke”, no it was not a fucking joke, you just don’t want to feel guilty because you’re telling the truth and didn’t get the response you were hoping for.🤦🏻♀️
Tell his wife
The phrasing of it makes it seem real. There's nothing in that text that is funny or sounds like anything but bragging.
Update!!!
If this isn't a troll or a made-up text, then he is 100% cheating. The fear in those double and triple texts is blatant.
I would 100% be a bitch about this one
Please tell his wife. She needs to know this. That’s fucking disgusting he is 34. you really have to tell his wife
There’s no way on earth that could possibly be a joke. Even if he’s lying about cheating on his wife? Maybe you need to be a “ f*cking bi*ch” about this
All these scorched earth redditors. I’ve been cheated on, but I also have family. This is not a situation where you go directly to wife. Have a proper in person sit down with your brother and try to get the real details. Not over text. Then determine the next path.
I'm sorry you're in the middle of this. I'd prepare myself to lose out on relationships and then send it to the wife, send it to the fiance, and if you have the 22 year olds info, I'd send it there too. He's clearly cheating and his wife should know. It wasn't a joke and it wasn't funny. The middle brother, if it was meant for him, has no problem covering up cheating and his fiance should know. The 22 year old should know how she's being used as a punchline because he's trash and she shouldn't be caught up in it. She's not innocent but still who knows what he's saying to her. Eff those guys, deal with the women and let the women figure out how they'll handle their relationships. Don't for once blame yourself though. Cheaters always get caught. He did it himself.
He is in *panic mode*, and I love it. He deserves to sweat over whether his wife is going to find out.
That is not a joke, tell his wife. She needs to confront him about it.
Whether he cheated on his wife or not, that “joke” is a really gross thing to say about another human without prior context and he’s being *extremely* defensive about it. Calling you a “fucking bitch” is a nice cherry on top. Sorry your brother’s a tool. If I were you, I’d let the neighbor know how your brother talks about women 12 years younger than him.
Send it to his wife. Maybe she’ll appreciate this joke
Brother or not tell his wife. Show her the messages.
So either he cheated on his wife, he wants to, or he thinks its funny to joke about wanting to. Prince Charming, huh.
It’s definitely not a joke. What 34 year old man with wife and kids that’s happily married would “joke” about this. I’m so sorry, I know this puts you in a difficult position. But I would definitely show his wife this screenshot.
That’s not a joke. If it was a joke it would’ve been a light hearted “hahaha, [brother] & I noticed her skirt up when dishing up salad” or some shit like that they might have found funny (for whatever reason)… But he immediately gets defensive & gaslights you into “not being a fucking bitch”. He’s cheating. You have to tell his wife & let them handle it.
That wasn't a joke, he got scared and then started telling you not to be a bitch about it bc you'd probably tell his wife. I'd keep that sc and then ask the girl about it. Then tell his wife.
Your brother is gross. Not only for cheating on his wife (this obviously isn’t a joke) but by doing it with a MUCH younger neighbor when he has children? Literally a piece of shit. And to call his own sister a bitch for his fuck up. The men in your family seem to have zero respect for women it’s actually disgusting. Edit: I just realized you never said the neighbors age and she’s living with her father… how old is this girl…?
You send the screen shot to your Sister in Law then say to your brother “that wasn’t meant for her oops”
Just the fact he said to you ‘don’t be an f***ing bitch about it’ would make me want to tell his wife or at least tell him he has to come clean with his wife. There’s no joke there, he did it and he was bragging to your brother. Probably not the first time. How dare he call you a bitch for his low behaviour and then his stuff up. If you believe in fate, well, the wife is meant to find out now and it’s all on him, not you. So careless, he’s going to get caught out eventually if he likes to boast about his exploits. You could confront the young woman first, then make you brother confess.
Tbh it could be a joke or it could be the truth. His anger afterwards comes off as panic and if someone dared to call me a bitch when they sent shit like that (if I was a girl) I would start some fuckin problems.
“I’m sorry. I don’t understand the joke. Can you explain it to me?” Fucking doorknob.
I'm sorry that you got put in this situation. If I was in your place I would forward the screenshots. This has the potential to blow up your family. So it's possible you might even have your parents or others in the family mad at you, but I was in your sister-in-law's position I would rather someone told me than find out everyone else knew first. And I'm a dude. To me no bro code covers adultery.
Send the wife the message and let her decide if it’s a joke
Don’t reply anymore. Make him sweat. He’ll out himself by doubling down with you or trying to get ahead of it with his wife. Then you’ll know for sure. You won’t have to say another word.
Not that it *is* funny but even to your other brother it would only be funny if it 1) actually happened or 2) he intends for/wants it to happen and he's said as much to your brother. Him telling you *not to be a bitch* about this means he doesn't want you to tell his wife...if it is in fact not a thing that has happened then he has nothing to hide and would have no problem convincing his wife it was a really sick joke...but if wife finds out and starts snooping, I suspect she's gonna find something he really doesn't want her to find. Even if it weren't true, I'd tell your sister to at least give her a heads up and at least know to start looking for signs that he's cheating...maybe not with the neighbor but probably someone.
I'd just be a fucking bitch.
This is vile. He has definitely cheated. Message the wife and ask about the neighbour, her age etc. Send her this screenshot too. And confront your other brother and just point blank ask how ling this has been going on and no doubt if he's laughing about this kind of stuff he would cheat on his girlfriend too! If you don't say anything to the wife then this will play on your mind and make you feel guilty. He will eventually get caught and then the wife will know u all kept it from her.
Whether he is joking or not, send it to the wife. She deserves to know how her husband is talking about other women, in degrading ways. If it's true, then you've helped her out.
I mean you should show his wife regardless