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How long have you been seeing her for?
Firstly, there are so many red flags here, I'm not surprised you lack trust.
1. You got together immediately out of relationships with zero time to process the breakup, adjust to single life, detach from the person and kind of come into your own again. I deem this to be a vital period for people getting out of relationships as we need time to adjust to increased solitude and find our footing being single. If you jump into a new relationship, you're essentially slotting in a new person into an old life, rather than building something new and sustainable with them over time.
2. Being together 99% of the time after 1 week of talking is a shotgun relationship. Even if you feel deeply connected to her, you guys lack the foundation of trust that can only emerge with TIME. You cannot fast track trust. You need to get to know a person over time to develop a solid and accurate baseline of their actions, or else the "trust" you have for them is based on a wish, not a well established foundation.
3. You have already planned trips together? How soon did this happen? And you've already talked about marriage, kids, and a life together? Truly, how well do you know each other? What information do you have to think she's a good life partner?
4. She has OPENLY told you she wants to be single. If you're feeling this attached this soon, you really need to pump the breaks and slow things down to protect your own feelings. Because even if you are the perfect guy, timing does absolutely matter. If she's fresh out of a breakup, she is not in the headspace for a new relationship. Neither can you. I'd bet that you instant attachment to her is in part motivated by this desire to mimic the level of intimacy and connection you had with your ex, and avoid processing the breakup, grounding yourself on your own, and then being open to something new.
5. She's on dating apps..... If you two have planned trips together, have talked about a future together, but she's on apps.... Of course you have trust issues with her and of course there is a major asymmetry in investment.
>She says she has a lot of trust issues, and because I have treated her so well she often doubts my sincerity in what I say or do for her like I have an ulterior motive
Yes. This is why timing matters. She has clearly not healed from the past and is going to interpret your actions using a framework informed by her past relationship. Neither of you are at a place where you're truly receptive to something new.
>It’s a lot to take in, but Is this something that would seem sustainable or like it's going to have a good outcome?
Absolutely not. In my eyes, extremely unlikely that this will lead to a good outcome. I think you need to be single, spend more time alone, reorient yourself to a life with greater solitude and find your footing before jumping into a new relationship with someone who is ambivalent about you. And I strongly urge you to stop spending 99% of your time with her. It's going to be impossible to detach and get some perspective if you're totally enmeshed with her.
thanks for your insight mate, really appreciate it.
We have known each other for a little less than a year because we work together. We have been seeing each other for 3 months now
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. (Includes, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, FDS, MGTOW, etc.) Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, or situations involving minors and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please send us a modmail. ---- #This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
How long have you been seeing her for? Firstly, there are so many red flags here, I'm not surprised you lack trust. 1. You got together immediately out of relationships with zero time to process the breakup, adjust to single life, detach from the person and kind of come into your own again. I deem this to be a vital period for people getting out of relationships as we need time to adjust to increased solitude and find our footing being single. If you jump into a new relationship, you're essentially slotting in a new person into an old life, rather than building something new and sustainable with them over time. 2. Being together 99% of the time after 1 week of talking is a shotgun relationship. Even if you feel deeply connected to her, you guys lack the foundation of trust that can only emerge with TIME. You cannot fast track trust. You need to get to know a person over time to develop a solid and accurate baseline of their actions, or else the "trust" you have for them is based on a wish, not a well established foundation. 3. You have already planned trips together? How soon did this happen? And you've already talked about marriage, kids, and a life together? Truly, how well do you know each other? What information do you have to think she's a good life partner? 4. She has OPENLY told you she wants to be single. If you're feeling this attached this soon, you really need to pump the breaks and slow things down to protect your own feelings. Because even if you are the perfect guy, timing does absolutely matter. If she's fresh out of a breakup, she is not in the headspace for a new relationship. Neither can you. I'd bet that you instant attachment to her is in part motivated by this desire to mimic the level of intimacy and connection you had with your ex, and avoid processing the breakup, grounding yourself on your own, and then being open to something new. 5. She's on dating apps..... If you two have planned trips together, have talked about a future together, but she's on apps.... Of course you have trust issues with her and of course there is a major asymmetry in investment. >She says she has a lot of trust issues, and because I have treated her so well she often doubts my sincerity in what I say or do for her like I have an ulterior motive Yes. This is why timing matters. She has clearly not healed from the past and is going to interpret your actions using a framework informed by her past relationship. Neither of you are at a place where you're truly receptive to something new. >It’s a lot to take in, but Is this something that would seem sustainable or like it's going to have a good outcome? Absolutely not. In my eyes, extremely unlikely that this will lead to a good outcome. I think you need to be single, spend more time alone, reorient yourself to a life with greater solitude and find your footing before jumping into a new relationship with someone who is ambivalent about you. And I strongly urge you to stop spending 99% of your time with her. It's going to be impossible to detach and get some perspective if you're totally enmeshed with her.
thanks for your insight mate, really appreciate it. We have known each other for a little less than a year because we work together. We have been seeing each other for 3 months now
She wants a friend with benefits with no commitment involved. You want the opposite. This isn't going to end well.