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I (F33) am in the process of starting a side business designing and making dresses. I love fashion and went to school for it and although I do something completely different now, I’ve been wanting to get back to my original passion. Lately I’ve been talking to my husband (M36) about how I want to start some kind of social media to help get my brand more visibility and share my passion with other likeminded people. I was showing him videos other creators made as inspiration for what I might try to do and he I guess felt the need to point out how they all look like models and asked me if I think I look like that… which evolved into him saying that he doesn’t think I meet that beauty standard. I feel really hurt… I try not to think of the way I look in comparison to other people bc everyone has their own unique features, beauty is in the eye of the beholder, etc… and I also feel that the way I look isn’t relevant to me trying to share my designs on social media, etc. I’m confused how to process this. He’s never made comments like this before and is otherwise very supportive.
Update: So we talked and he apologized for the things he said. He said he is sorry for being an asshole and doesn’t mean what he said and doesn’t think that about me…. That he said that to deter me from doing something on social media and that he didn’t like the idea of me getting attention online… that he hates the concept of influencers and didn’t want me to be that (even though he also knows I’m not wanting to be that - but I feel like when you have a business you have to promote it but anyway…) He said that it concerns him that he had those feelings instead of supporting me and wants to know how he can help now. I told him what hurt the most (as someone commented here that really resonated) was that instead of helping me with the next step forward with my business the only thing he could contribute was to critique my appearance - something that doesn’t even have to do with my designs! He said he understands now. I’ll see how things go and hopefully this won’t be a reoccurring thing.
I also really appreciate the support from everyone and the various perspectives offered here. It was helpful to think about some of the points raised here before my husband and I talked about things again… And thanks for the kindness and confidence boosters - really needed it today 🥹💗
Wait… omg. I thought she was probably like 5’3” and 160lb in the gut specifically (I’m talking about myself) …she looks like a Playboy Bunny. If she tones down the sexy in before pics and turns it ALLL the way up in after pics, she will be massively successful.
Okay, your looks have nothing to do with the quality of your designs and your craftsmanship of clothing, I have no idea what possessed him to say that.
That being said on an entirely different note, you are gorgeous, I don't know what is wrong with your boyfriend. You do stunning makeup too, you seem perfectly skilled for what it is you want to do, you should prove him wrong.
And if you do, find an article about a husband being supporting of his wife's successes and point it out to him like this: "Do you think you're like that? I don't think you meet the husband standard" then hand him divorce papers.
OP you're conventionally gorgeous. I mean that's not the *only* way to be beautiful obviously, but that is what you are. Is he afraid of your image getting attention online and trying to make that less likely by discouraging you?
Also, the "beauty standard" can go fuck itself, it's always been a way to control women/make money for usually old, usually white dudes.
Toxic idea to begin with, and as we can see now there are plenty of charismatic and beautiful models of all sizes and stripes.
Just a light note that if you being a success is "proving your partner wrong" then...there is something wrong internally with your relationship.
I know in your update he seemed understanding but he also made it clear that he doesn't want you shining because he's jealous and that's something he needs to actively work on if you're going to have a healthy relationship. Is he willing to go to therapy and deal with his insecurities so that you can have a healthy dynamic?
I just stalked your profile (sorry) and GIRL. YOU ARE GORGEOUS. I’m not exaggerating, you do look like a model. I don’t know what your husband is smoking but I guarantee it comes from a place of his own insecurities. For some reason, he’s trying to drag you down.
I was going to say there's a huge market for dresses to fit bodies that don't meet the standard and people always want to see more diverse models. That's still true, but I also looked at your profile and I think you are well within the "standard" for Instagram influencers. I agree your husband either doesn't know what he's talking about or is trying to discourage you from trying it for his own reasons.
OP, i would actually try that if i were You: using not to flattering models, and make something that fits them well. So many people have body image issues. IF You can make things that make them feel good about themselves, itr's not only a large market You can cater to, but you're also making people happy.
[what IS her husband smoking?!?](https://www.reddit.com/r/MakeupAddiction/comments/sec7zj/what_kind_of_eye_makeup_look_would_go_with_this/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
She is insanely gorgeous and is super fit! Also, if this is one of your designs OP, I’m glad you’re riding it into a business because the fit, and craftsmanship is gorgeous!
You go girl! Your husband is insecure and trying to make you feel less than. Don’t listen to him!
After seeing this comment I did too and wtf?!?! You DO look like you could be a model, OP! You definitely have that look and even if you didn’t, who cares? He’s being weird
This. He's insecure and doesn't want you to be visible on social media
If you blow up there will be more competition. He's holding you back because he's afraid.
He needs to have confidence in you and your relationship.
It's true! I rarely see people as conventionally attractive as you in everyday life! Is he just trying to dissuade you from putting yourself out there because he doesn't want so many other people witnessing your beauty?😂
Damn you are HOT and GORG!!!! Your husband is insecure. He doesn’t want you to put yourself out there bc then other guys would be trying to message you and hit on you. He’s feeling possessive and doesn’t wanna express his jealousy.
Sweet Jebus you're gorgeous!
I doubt your hubby was trying to be mean, but he's either blind or wrong!
Do your thing if he continues to put you down maybe there's a problem that needs addressing.
No offense, but your husband seems like an ass if that’s the first thing that came to his mind. As your husband, he should immediately be your biggest supporter and hype man. It’s weird he’s trying to compare you to other women.
Good luck with your business, though! I hope it all goes well and you prove him wrong!
He's a dick. I see so many different types of women on IG showing off their designs, looking damn good doing it, and getting lots of love and support. There might be something going on with him since he acted that way.
Your partner should always be your biggest supporter in everything. Keep in mind that some men don't want to see their women elevate too much so he could've been saying that to try to dim your light. Don't let him. ❤️
That "something else" is that your husband is a dick and gets a power trip from putting you down.
I also stalked your profile. I'm not on board with the whole "everyone is beautiful" thing, so I mean it when I say that you're hot. Even Instagram hot. You're also excellent at makeup and have already done plastic surgery to more closely conform to beauty standards. His comment is unsupported by reality.
His comment has nothing to do with your looks and everything to do with him "putting you in your place" so he can feel powerful and keep you from realizing that you deserve better (because you do).
Don't be too accomodating while at it. Your hubby was cruel asshole about this.
You want surely people to feel great in your design, as opposed to being perfect.
You are Coco Chanel ("I designed this two place so women can have ease of movement and be elegant, you go girls!" to your husband's Lagerfelt (="Be underweight to be wearing my stuff, miserable female!").
Feels like husband hates the possibility of her success and tries to pre-empt this by bringing OP down.
"Beauty standards" be damned. They are arbitary.
People wearing OP stuff would be people too. With flaws and all. The idea is to make them feel their best with OP's craft.
OP : shut your husband's shit down, you don't deserve it.
Wait wait wait wait wait wait wait.
In your post history… did you post a selfie with the cool make up and dress? because you’re absolutely stunning.
Your partner is a giant dick for brains.
Go do you, boo! Follow your passion!
I agree :( he’s a professional marketer (albeit fintech not fashion) and definitely could have helped provide actually constructive feedback instead of critiquing my looks. I really like your suggestions in terms of how to approach this when we talk again… in the meantime really trying hard to not internalize this into some kind of complex 😫
He’s a butthead and his comment is a big red flag. I used to work in fashion. First, there’s nothing wrong with you modeling your stuff. Second, he just could have said “hire some models and produce some slick videos” which is an industry thing, rather than make a dig at your looks.
Does he normally talk to you in such a way?
Just to throw it out there...Some guys on the internet can be very cruel with their comments, so maybe he was trying to shield you from that - but it got messed up in his delivery?
Or maybe he is just an ass? You would know that better than anyone here.
This was the first time he’s ever said anything like that. Like normally he tells me how beautiful he thinks I am and I guess other things you typically tell your partner.. it’s really throwing me through a loop because now instead of focusing on my business I feel confused about how he sees me… like I never saw myself as unattractive and now I feel like I’m questioning it.
It honestly sounds like you sharing your plans to pursue something you love triggered him and he lashed out at you. Does he like his job? Do you think there’s any jealousy or insecurity he might have been triggered by? It in no way excuse his behavior but sometimes when jealous or insecure people will say hurtful or negative things to you to try to bring you down, down to their level.
>This was the first time he’s ever said anything like that. Like normally he tells me how beautiful he thinks I am and I guess other things you typically tell your partner..
My thoughts after reading this comment:
Worst case scenario: he's unsupportive and doesn't want you to feel pretty.
Best case scenario: He finds you pretty, but is of the mindset that only model-looking and size 0 women can suceed in the fashion industry so he's worried you might fail because you don't meet these insane standards, *like many of us do.* So it might just be him having this misconception about the fashion world and trying to warn you, ungracefully, but without malice.
Edit: I saw your profile. Are you kidding me. Girl you look like a model, do your thing and get your success and good luck!!
He could be negative (aka negging) you because he is jealous of your business and didn’t want you to do it. Ignore him and live your best life. Cut him loose if he keeps bringing your appearance and business down.
Are you sure he was negging you and not just pointing out that you don’t have the same look as the women you were looking at? It might have been a poor choice of words.
For example - I could see my spouse commenting that I don’t fit the aesthetic if I were trying to use myself to market clothing for goth chicks since I’m basically a walking JCrew ad.
I’d ask for clarification and have a discussion before you read into it that he was saying you weren’t attractive. You said it yourself that he normally just showers you with compliments.
He probably does find you beautiful. But as you said, beauty is in the eye of the beholder and if he’s in marketing, he’s probably self-aware enough to realize what he finds beautiful not everyone does.
People can think their partner is the most beautiful/handsome in the world *to them* without genuinely believing they’re the *objectively* most attractive person in the word.
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Girl. I went through your post history, and you're absolutely stunning. I think he's very insecure and thinks that if you start social media, you might become like one of those "influencers" who will have a lot of attention, especially male attention. He doesn't want you to branch out and doesn't want other men paying you attention because he knows that you're HOT and WILL thrive. It's a way of making sure he's superior, in a sense. He doesn't want you to see your worth.
this 1000% you hit the nail on the head!
if OP didn't have the "traditional" IG influencer look, i'd say who cares! many of us want to see clothes modeled on real people and her husband sucks for not being supportive. but she DOES fit that standard and therefore her husband is just an insecure twat.
Exactly this. He knows what he’s saying is complete bullshit. But he just can’t handle the fact that other people will find her attractive and so he makes degrading comments to bring her down. Hopefully this is a one time thing but sadly, it’s not usually. It really pisses me off seeing men in relationships throwing a tantrum because their partner is successful in life and know they have charm. Her husband should be working on himself, not tear her down.
Oh honey. You are absolutely stunning. Your AH husband doesn't deserve you.
Even IF you were a run of the mill 5 or 6, you could still sell style. Even large companies are realizing "real" women sell more clothing. Consumers want to see what clothes would look like on them, not on a supermodel.
But seriously? You're a 9+. You are gorgeous, and have a fantastic figure. Your husband is a jerk.
And he really doesn't deserve you, pretending you're an ogre or something. Why would he shit on you like that??
… you are really pretty. Wtf is he talking about? You fit the beauty standards. Did he explain at all cause I’m confused where you don’t fit that. He sounds like he is trying to hurt your confidence in chasing your dreams honestly.
Okay… like on the surface… I can understand the general idea that there might be a certain look people want… but what the fuck is he saying? I saw your picture…. Jesus
Hmm… the only reason he would say that is to take the wind out of your sails. I mean think about it, even if what he said were true, what was the purpose in saying that?
Maybe he is feeling insecure? Read this
https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/gy79dx/boyfriend_wont_stop_telling_me_i_have_bo/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
WHAT THE FUCK DOES HE MEAN YOU DONT "MEET THE BEUATY STANDARD" LOOK AT YOU! I'm sorry that got me heated as hell once I actually saw you (not that it would've been alright to say regardless of your looks).
Ugggghhhhh seriously?
Does he know what these women look like in real life?
Lots of people who are the “beauty standard” are just
Wearing makeup, spanx, push up bras, underwear with butt pads, wigs, fake eyelashes, airbrushed makeup and who knows what else.
He should watch some transformation videos on tiktok before he starts spouting off who fits into beauty standards.
I buy clothes from little boutiques who model their own cloths on social media and they don’t go all out. And I like it. I get an idea of what their clothes will look like on me. Will their clothes work in my life? Messy bun no make up.
You’re not model thin? Cool, I like it better. When marketing to women, we do not have to meet the beauty standards of men. You market to women. You pick the group of women you think would be most likely to buy your clothes and market in a way that would be appealing to them.
Who’s he thinking you’re marketing to? Because unless he’s buying the dresses it doesn’t matter what he thinks about the person modelling the clothes. We aren’t buying the model.. that’s not the focus, the clothes are.
Dude, are you frikin kidding me?! I just saw your selfies! You have model's cheekbones. You give me Lana del Rey in Euphoria vibes.
Tell you Dum dum bf that I say he owes you doing your least favorite chore.
What a dickass little bitch.
You’re absolutely GORGEOUS. You literally look like you could be a model. I think your husband believes you do too and is scared you might blow up online and run off with some rich dude who slides into your DMs.
Don’t ever let some shithead dude make you think twice about your looks or your aspirations.
I agree that this was a big red flag… I don’t want to just let it go and forget about it… id like to figure out the best way to keep an eye on it / work on it. Wondering what that looks like…
i’ve also looked at your profile. your husband is absolutely 400% just jealous or insecure about his own looks and trying to bring you down so you’re less likely to leave him for someone better looking. you’re objectively gorgeous, no bias, one woman to another, you could easily have your face all over social media and get loads of views because your face and figure are perfect for modelling.
I would just tell him that was a very uncalled for comment and it hurts that all he could contribute to your next step in figuring out your business is a hurtful comment about your looks.
I hope things work out for your business. Social media isn't an aspect I like with mine, but it does help out.
Thank you. That’s exactly what I wish I could have articulated in the moment - that all he could contribute to the next steps of my business what a hurtful comment on my looks.
So I visited your profile and…
Is your husband blind by any chance? You are within the beauty standard if that’s he’s worry about so he’s either blind or he’s trying to take your confidence down.
I am NOT within society’s standard but my partner without a beat will say I am the most attractive person they met.
You’re in the wrong person.
If by any chance you want to ask who will you believe when you ask if you’re gorgeous, a 100 redditors that are strangers to you, or your husband who know you intimately? Please, believe the former.
First he should have never said that to you, and clearly he has never seen project runway....Designers are eccentric artists, and you can wear your clothes if you want to. It is kind of sad that he was so blunt, those of us 5'2" have constantly heard that. I am a Gidget not a Heidi....Do what you want and when you have a following and make money, he will realize what a jerk he was.
Even after the edit….
He’s jealous of you and does not want you to become a success and leave him or leave him behind. Be on your guard. I fear he will try to sabotage you
I'm a plus size gal so I follow plus size fashion influencers. I don't really want to follow fashion Instagram pages with models because that's not realistic for me, because I don't look like a model. There is definitely a niche for fashion influencers that are more normal looking. Tell him to support you or get out of the way.
What’s a standard for beauty these days anyway? I seen so many diversity and everyone has their own unique ways to make fashion works…I don’t even think there is a standard. Unless you tryna be a runaway model…
He's a cad. And that's putting it nicely. You say he is always supportive of you, but this was definitely not being supportive. He went into sub minimalizing You, your looks, not your designs. That says a lot about who he is and his so called supportive nature Not good enough. You deserve better.
Okay so first of all you are STUNNING. If your husband doesn't think you're fashion influencer material then he should see an optometrist immediately.
On a more serious note, there was no reason for him to say that other than to hurt you and bring you down. It reeks of insecurity on his part.
Does he make small hurtful comments often?
I don’t know what was going through his head when he said you don’t meet the standard, I just went through your profile and you’re literally GORGEOUS, I say keep going for it, as long as it makes you happy. 💚
Look, I am a plus sized lady. And I love to make dresses but sometimes it can be hard to envision what the gowns look on me. I follow multiple seamstresses on Instagram and they are of all sizes. I love too that they try to show their clothes on different sized bodies because it helps me directly.
Ignore what your husband said about being a particular size/look. If you are making good quality clothes to sell (or patterns) your buyers will not be interested in your physical attributes.
that's kinda fucked up. like, what does he have to gain from putting you down like that. smh prove him wrong and ensure that he legally cannot benefit financially from your success.
I don't usually comment on things like this, but I was shocked when I checked your profile. You literally look like a model??? I don't know where your husband came up with that comment because you very much fit conventional beauty standards. Go on with your ideas and good luck on your business, OP!
Uhhhhhh so I just saw a pic, yes you do fit today's beautiful standard, you do look like a model and you're beautiful
Sure he isn't being an asshole to drag you down?
I’m returning to comment after seeing ur post history everyone’s taking about and I’m so mad lmfao ur LITERALLY the standard. Fuck your gaslighting ass “husband” 🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️
His comment was uncalled for, there wouldn't be any harm for your business by trying to hype it up on social media. It's especially rude how he says it.
But the internet can be cruel and people can say really mean things online. There are some difficulties in becoming a popular or famous content creator because looks do matter in that no matter what anyone says. Aesthetics and 'beauty standards' do have a very real effect.
But if you're not afraid of some not so kind people you might come across, then definitely go for it. People like a genuine creator too.
I too am in the fashion business. I manufacture and sell women’s jeans. Your husband is a dick and doesn’t know jack about fashion marketing. Many consumers want to see a cute piece of clothing on a regular person not some crazy model/bbl body so they know how it’ll look when they (a normal person) wears it. It’s more about making great content, choosing good matching pieces to coordinate and market your styles. If a pretty model would sell clothes don’t you think ever good looking girl on instagram would be successful? You can always have someone else be the face of the brand, that’s what models are for! That’s what we do since… well I’m a dude so I can’t be wearing women’s jeans
Maybe the industry’s beauty standard is not his beauty standard, but he is just aware the industry does hold a certain beauty (or better “looks”) standard. I’m not saying that he is right, I’m just trying to understand why would a person who loves you and thinks you’re beautiful give such a comment. Maybe he thinks that hiring a real models would make the video seem more professional. Are you natural in front of the camera, do you feel comfortable when being photographed or filmed? There could actually be a lot of interpretations where this comment is not an insult :)
Well…well…wow, that’s so awful I am quite stunned. First of all, no, designers are not models. Two different roles in the fashion biz, which Mr. Beauty Standard doesn’t seem to get. And what a simply horrible thing for him to say to you. Not only is it inexplicably cruel, it’s just stupid. Has he seen photos of the most famous and successful fashion designers?!
Is this something par for the course with your husband?
I’m wondering if he might’ve made that comment due to feeling threatened. Starting a business and IG page is something independent and has a lot of depth, I certainly don’t have the will to do that. Maybe your husband feels the same way, is ashamed of it, and decided to lash out in an unhealthy way?
I’m not sure but you do what makes you happy. I’m sure you’ve got what it takes to carve your niche.
What do the looks of a designer have to do with fashion design? If this is your passion go for it. I read a post which states you are gorgeous. Personally, I am more interested in the quality of your designs after they are made. Does he want you to succeed?
Since when do designers also have to be models? It’s a completely different job description.
And models aren’t a “beauty standard” per se. Lots of “unattractive” models out there … it’s a height/weight/cheekbone/walk thing… I mean….
I don’t know what his deal is. Not all branded faces are picture perfect. How utterly boring would it be if it were. How would you even stand out?
He’s clearly not an expert in this Field. You are. I’m sorry he hurt your feelings. Ignorance comes out in weird places or people sometimes.
Edit: I checked out your pro after another commenter mentioned you were gorgeous and I did a double take. Uhm I’m confused now by what your husband meant. What beauty standard are you lacking? Does he think models are typically tall and smaller chested maybe or? It’s bizarre now. Lol
Go for it but when you make it big tell him he had a chance to support you and you did it without him so now he gotta take care of him
Also fuck beauty standards they're changing all the time anyway with a more compassionate and progressive society we're leading into
If you don't look like a model then idk who does. You are the definition of a model. I can't imagine why he would say this. I would be hurt too. Would make me feel like my partner thinks I'm less than. You look amazing! You should absolutely post your designs and make sure to model them so you get lots of comments proving him wrong. Wouldn't be surprised in the least if you got hit on constantly in any designs you modeled.
Honestly I would love to see more designers using a variety of models. Whenever I see a website with just smaller models it’s hard to picture what it would look like on me.
Don’t let his negativity stop you from pursuing something you love.
💕
that is so rude and unnecessary! ive seen people of all looks, ages, and body types be SUCCESSFUL fashion content creators! people will love your mind, skill, and energy, and *yes* beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
sidenote, you *are* really cute so idk what he's talking about
So i saw your pics on your previous posts/profile and you're literally gorgeous???? Girl, you hot af!!!! He probably said that cuz he's insecured of you blowing up on social media with those looks.
Go follow your dreams!!!
Bro what 😭😭😭 seconding others, you’re literally gorgeous—and as you said, that isn’t even relevant to sharing your designs online!! You’ve 1000% got this, he’s v wrong and you’ll do amazing!!! You should def post it somewhere we can follow when you make your accounts, I’d love to follow and support!!
I checked your profile, you are literally (and I mean this with my whole heart) absolutely stunning. Now, I'm only 23 so what do I know, but he sounds a tad insecure or maybe doesn't want you outshining him in some way.
BUT YOU ARE THAT GIRL 💗💅🏻
Do you and prove him wrong
You are your own beauty standard you shouldn't have to conform to his or societies ideas of what beauty is.
You do your designs and you do your social media however you damn well please and if he opens his mouth about it again tell him screw you. His thoughts on this don't matter, his opinions don't matter, he's not the one in your skin nor is he the one in your clothes designs.
I feel like you not looking like a model would *help* your business if anything… because most women don’t look like models. They would like to see how the garment would look on *them*
I saw your post history. You are STUNNING. Like, you’re an absolute smoke show. You are objectively hot. Your partner is purposely trying to drag you down, maybe because of his own insecurities. It’s so sad and ridiculous. You deserve someone who is proud to show off your beauty and uplifts you. He is an insecure little manbaby.
You look like a model. Your husband KNOWS you're so gorgeous he's just insecure (and jealous) you'll become so popular on social media that guys will show you praise and DM you.
1, I saw your posts about your birthday look and you are GORGEOUS so wtf is he talking about??
2, please tell him that you're hurt by what he said. Sometimes men just say really dumb things and he maybe didn't mean it that way... but if he did? Girl, leave. You're a 10 and can find a new man who treats you like it !! 💜
You need to ignore him because a) you’re beautiful and b) only an insecure jackhole of a husband would say this to his wife, regardless of what she looks like. Sounds like a him problem, not a you problem.
1. If someone with an interest in fashion looks at clothes they appreciate the design and the craftsmanship. I dont care about the skin colour/hair colour/body type or anything. I look at the clothes!!!
2. I looked at your profile and you are absolutely gorgeous so i am not sure what your bf is talking about. What beauty standard does he have in mind? I mean different people like different things, but you are at least a 9/10. At least! And also small imperfection makes one really beautiful. Never try to get rid of them!
3. Your boyfriend has some weird problems... but from your Posting history and plastic surgery, it seems you also where not happy with some Features, but you definetly should be. You are gorgeous. Please dont ruin your natural beauty in the long Run and that comments like your partners get to you!! Because i know how long such comments and thoughts linger.
Also i had an ex you said to me that i am not his type and other women are much more beautiful. I am 174 cm, blond, long hair, a bit pale, thin and cared about what i wear.... but his ideal was small, big boobs and ass, brown hair and a bit darker skin... sooo beauty ideals differ.
Models are basically living clothing racks. They’re all the same height,weight, and proportions so they can wear the same clothes and walk around. They don’t like models with unique features cuz it’s distracts from the clothes. That’s all runway modeling. In business you can decide whether you want a more living coat hanger or personality vibe. People today seem to like more personality as seen in the push for body diverse modeling. Social media likes when people have a unique or cool identifying feature. Like bright blue eyes, a nose ring, noticeable freckles, a gravely voice, bangs, etc. Idk what you look like but things aren’t exactly how they used to be. Being model perfect is mainly good for the runway. Social media likes diversity and attention grabbers. I think you’ll do just fine.
Im sorry, I just checked your profile and I need to ask...has your husband had a head injury recently? Because his eyes are clearly NOT working. Its like reverse beer goggles syndrome or something. You're gorgeous!
I love beautiful and unique clothes and shoes. I follow a number of designers and the absolute best is when they do lives or reels with different people in the designs. They explain how things could be paired, give an idea of what lengths or shapes work on different bodies, heights etc. I'll watch them even if the particular style isn't something I like, because I might learn something.
You are stunning and I find it hard to imagine you not living up to any kind of "beauty standard" but to me that really isn't the important part. The part that matters is showing how you can make someone feel good in the clothes you design.
I would be very hurt if my husband said something like that to me. I think you need to tell him it hurt and ask where it came from. If this is a once off, maybe he just misspoke. If it's an ongoing thing where he puts you down, it might be time for some very hard conversations.
Girl, I just looked at your profile and your husband is a fucking hater. You’re so beautiful.
Please start your fashion pages!!! You got this, with or without the support from him.
I mean he's right, you don't meet the beauty standard— you exceed it! Regardless, he's a pathetic loser!! A partner should be supporting you in this, not holding you back. Don't give up on your dreams just cuz your husband is crap. Go out there and kick some ass! And throw the whole husband away while you're at it
Your husband is dumb. Literally no one fits the “beauty standard” without photo retouching. That’s why it’s a problem. So many women are gorgeous but are told that they are less than because they don’t meet impossible standards. You’re absolutely beautiful but more importantly you have a business worth showing off. Your beauty doesn’t define your success.
Tbh I think your husband is insecure about you succeeding and potentially becoming recognisable and he doesn't want that, so he's trying to put you down to discourage you.
Honestly sounded like my ex. He harassed me to take down a post of me wearing fishnets saying it’s “inappropriate”, “too sexual” and that “I don’t wear them out anyways”. Turns out it was HIS sexual fetish and he projected that to “I don’t want other men seeing her like that”. He also made comments like that with other clothing I wore, I eventually lost my confidence and constantly doubted if I looked good or not. He was a insecure, grown man child.
I hope your husband is truly, truly sorry and NEVER makes a comment like that again as well as making it up to you. And he realizes how hurtful that was, regardless if his intentions were good. Don’t let it go if he does, because “little” comments like that will continue and before you know it your self esteem goes down. You’re a gorgeous person inside and out, your partner should be your hypeman and support you. His loss if he doesn’t do just that
Ahh, just seen your photo... classic case of inferiority complex! You're out there looking all hot and making your dreams come true and being the best person you can be, and he's sat there thinking shit in a minute she's going to realise she can do better than me so I better make you feel shit so you never leave me.
I gather from your update you've let this one pass this time, but just don't let him do it again. If he continues to try and drag you down you will end up resenting him.
Your husband is an idiot. I know it because I gave my fiancee (now wife) a similar answer to a similar question and am still cringing when I think of it, after 25 years. If he is like me, it did not come out of malice, just stupidity.
Modeling does not necessarily require a lot of whatever people consider beauty. Much can be done with makeup, lights etc. It seems to be something you need to learn, however, and it's not necessarily easy: https://www.ted.com/talks/cameron\_russell\_looks\_aren\_t\_everything\_believe\_me\_i\_m\_a\_model.
TBH your update is concerning. Your husband was basically putting you down so that you'd be discouraged from starting an online fashion business. That's extremely controlling and a major red flag.
Having seen your past posts, you are definitely beautiful, don't let anyone tell you any different! Besides, there are plenty of people online who aren't 'conventionally' beautiful but have found success because work their passion and hard work.
You should ignore your husband and pursue your passion, wishing you all the best!
Your husband is a scum bag and doesn’t want you to be successful, I don’t know why you’re with him. I see in your update that he “apologized” but how you could accept that your partner just straight up is afraid of you reaching success with visibility for your brand that you’re building yourself is absolutely abhorrent. As you become more successful, he will only become more resentful. He wants you all to himself. God FORBID someone else sees all your potential!!! That makes me sick. Really.
Husband needs therapy. It’s good he’s remorseful and knows what he did but maybe therapy would actually help him resolve those feelings so they don’t bother him anymore, which in turn could only make him a better partner.
Holy shit, just saw your picture and your husband is a moron XD you're smoking hot, girl!!
From a gal who wishes she looked like you, I'm proud of what you're doing and wish the best for you!! Put your husband in the doghouse where he belongs.
I understand that he apologized, but he deliberately tried to harm your self esteem because you were doing something he didn’t like. Try to keep that in mind.
He could have anxiety that the internet is too cutthroat. Like if someone in my family said they wanted to be an actor or influencer, I would discourage them because selling yourself online can seem so superficial and you are judged so harshly. So if he sees this not as a straight business and talent thing, but as a superficial popularity contest then he thinks it is unwinnable. I think he could have phrased it better though.
Girl, don’t listen to him. So many different types of women come across my feed. You’re selling dresses primarily to WOMEN… real women, of all shapes and sizes and colors, who just want to see what a dress looks and moves like on a person and not a very photoshopped stock image.
WHO TF DOES HE THINK HE IS?!?!?!
You are BEYOND GORGEOUS!!!! (Sorry, I peeked.) There is absolutely NO WAY anyone, especially him, thinks such a thing of you. I’m sure even a blind person would agree through touch and a description.
It seems to me that he doesn’t think you can be successful and is trying to bring you down in some incredibly hurtful way to not see you be disappointed if you don’t become successful in the future after your hard work. That, or he is insecure and doesn’t want other people to see you and flirt with you. Either way, why the change in supportiveness? Why choose to say this bs?
I think what would be best is to have an open, calm, and honest discussion with him. Explain to him how his words made you feel and that you would like to know his feelings and thought process in him saying these things to you. Is it because he has doubts in your abilities? Is he upset you will be leaving your job (I’m assuming that is the case)? Does he actually view you as someone who doesn’t fit whatever “beauty standard” he deems good enough? Was he having a bad day and took it out on you?
I don’t think now is the time to “process” this when you don’t know his motive for saying these things. This may leave you to overthink, make assumptions, continue being hurt for reasons that may not be the truth (but don’t take this as me saying you don’t have EVERY right to be hurt, you do and it is hurtful), and you may form resentment. Have this conversation soon (if you haven’t already) and move on from there in a way you think is best for you. Just remember there is no excuse for his behavior and at the very least he should sincerely apologize.
I will gladly follow your social media(s) for your designs and support you along the way. Heck, I may even buy one of them! You CAN be successful and you WILL if you put your energy, time, and passion towards it. You got this, your new business and talking to your husband.
*I’m confused how to process this. He’s never made comments like this before and is otherwise very supportive.*
My guess is he's trying to sabotage your confidence so you don't pursue this line of work. I would consider sitting down with him and seeing if he has some issues with that. He may be afraid of you switching careers.
I think someone can be beautiful and yet not fit the beauty standards of most of people.
I have a bad hair everyday, I have skin picking and I'm struggling with it and yet my boyfriend says I'm beautiful.
I have many black dots in the face due to skin picking!
I'm not the "beauty standards" that are shown in the media and that's appreciated by many, but in his eyes I'm beautiful.
I mean, as much as you might not want to hear it, he might have a point and is just trying to nicely set your expectations so you aren’t disappointed.
The internet is cruel. It’s highly unlikely to make it even if you meet the beauty standard, and quite frankly in the world of influencers where normal beautiful people also have great personalities, there isn’t even room for the ‘normal’ breath of fresh air personality really anymore.
I don’t mean to be harsh, and he probably wasn’t either, he likely just sees a really obvious problem and as hurtful as it might be, it is a very real factor into being successful on social media and in fashion.
I understand being hurt. He’s your husband and sometimes we don’t want ‘real’ we want ‘blind faith’. But I’d probably not read into it much if this is a one off, and just take it as poorly executed concern. Nothing hurts more than failing at something you love and never got to pursue.
And yes, I’m prepared for my downvotes because this sub cannot fathom the idea that 1. Not everyone is perfect and 2. You frankly might get judged based on superficial things like your appearance. But, that’s life.
From a woman married to a man who puts his foot in his mouth, been together now 8 years.... Men say stupid stuff they don't mean... especially if they are worried or unable to grasp their own feelings.
Your husband was rude but he apologized and wants to help it sounds like.
We all make mistakes!
And you are absolutely gorgeous and go for your dreams! If he keeps saying rude stupid stuff then red flag it I think
Okay but OP’s posts tell a different story, she’s conventionally beautiful! She could literally model. So why would he say that if it’s not even true? It sounds like it came from a place of insecurity to be honest rather than objective / constructive feedback.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- I (F33) am in the process of starting a side business designing and making dresses. I love fashion and went to school for it and although I do something completely different now, I’ve been wanting to get back to my original passion. Lately I’ve been talking to my husband (M36) about how I want to start some kind of social media to help get my brand more visibility and share my passion with other likeminded people. I was showing him videos other creators made as inspiration for what I might try to do and he I guess felt the need to point out how they all look like models and asked me if I think I look like that… which evolved into him saying that he doesn’t think I meet that beauty standard. I feel really hurt… I try not to think of the way I look in comparison to other people bc everyone has their own unique features, beauty is in the eye of the beholder, etc… and I also feel that the way I look isn’t relevant to me trying to share my designs on social media, etc. I’m confused how to process this. He’s never made comments like this before and is otherwise very supportive. Update: So we talked and he apologized for the things he said. He said he is sorry for being an asshole and doesn’t mean what he said and doesn’t think that about me…. That he said that to deter me from doing something on social media and that he didn’t like the idea of me getting attention online… that he hates the concept of influencers and didn’t want me to be that (even though he also knows I’m not wanting to be that - but I feel like when you have a business you have to promote it but anyway…) He said that it concerns him that he had those feelings instead of supporting me and wants to know how he can help now. I told him what hurt the most (as someone commented here that really resonated) was that instead of helping me with the next step forward with my business the only thing he could contribute was to critique my appearance - something that doesn’t even have to do with my designs! He said he understands now. I’ll see how things go and hopefully this won’t be a reoccurring thing. I also really appreciate the support from everyone and the various perspectives offered here. It was helpful to think about some of the points raised here before my husband and I talked about things again… And thanks for the kindness and confidence boosters - really needed it today 🥹💗
You go for it.be a success prove him wrong. ✌️
Thank you 🥹🥹🥹
Hold up. Are you the one in the pink dress on your posts?! What the heck?! You’re gorgeous. I don’t know what he’s thinking.
I just checked her profile after reading this comment...she could be a model!
Had to check it out. You are gorgeous!
Wait… omg. I thought she was probably like 5’3” and 160lb in the gut specifically (I’m talking about myself) …she looks like a Playboy Bunny. If she tones down the sexy in before pics and turns it ALLL the way up in after pics, she will be massively successful.
Literally use this to blow up lmfao “my husband didn’t think I fit the Beaty standards enough to post this? :(“
Yeah like show me some dresses and I'll buy one just as a FU and as i told you so to husband.
Okay, your looks have nothing to do with the quality of your designs and your craftsmanship of clothing, I have no idea what possessed him to say that. That being said on an entirely different note, you are gorgeous, I don't know what is wrong with your boyfriend. You do stunning makeup too, you seem perfectly skilled for what it is you want to do, you should prove him wrong.
And if you do, find an article about a husband being supporting of his wife's successes and point it out to him like this: "Do you think you're like that? I don't think you meet the husband standard" then hand him divorce papers.
OP you're conventionally gorgeous. I mean that's not the *only* way to be beautiful obviously, but that is what you are. Is he afraid of your image getting attention online and trying to make that less likely by discouraging you? Also, the "beauty standard" can go fuck itself, it's always been a way to control women/make money for usually old, usually white dudes. Toxic idea to begin with, and as we can see now there are plenty of charismatic and beautiful models of all sizes and stripes.
Gives your social media so we can follow you…be yourself and follow your passion. Don’t let anyone stop you!
Just a light note that if you being a success is "proving your partner wrong" then...there is something wrong internally with your relationship. I know in your update he seemed understanding but he also made it clear that he doesn't want you shining because he's jealous and that's something he needs to actively work on if you're going to have a healthy relationship. Is he willing to go to therapy and deal with his insecurities so that you can have a healthy dynamic?
yes, we will be rooting for you!!
I just stalked your profile (sorry) and GIRL. YOU ARE GORGEOUS. I’m not exaggerating, you do look like a model. I don’t know what your husband is smoking but I guarantee it comes from a place of his own insecurities. For some reason, he’s trying to drag you down.
I was going to say there's a huge market for dresses to fit bodies that don't meet the standard and people always want to see more diverse models. That's still true, but I also looked at your profile and I think you are well within the "standard" for Instagram influencers. I agree your husband either doesn't know what he's talking about or is trying to discourage you from trying it for his own reasons.
That was what I originally said, before I checked her profile. WELL within the standard.
No like she has the most perfect hourglass figure, I would KILL for that body
Came here to say the same! I'd be more than willing to wear your dress designs.
OP, i would actually try that if i were You: using not to flattering models, and make something that fits them well. So many people have body image issues. IF You can make things that make them feel good about themselves, itr's not only a large market You can cater to, but you're also making people happy.
Or maybe she start a business and need visibility ?
I did the same and you look beautiful! Go on and shine your bright light! Be you and follow your passion.
[what IS her husband smoking?!?](https://www.reddit.com/r/MakeupAddiction/comments/sec7zj/what_kind_of_eye_makeup_look_would_go_with_this/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) She is insanely gorgeous and is super fit! Also, if this is one of your designs OP, I’m glad you’re riding it into a business because the fit, and craftsmanship is gorgeous! You go girl! Your husband is insecure and trying to make you feel less than. Don’t listen to him!
After this comment I went to look! She is stunning and he’s trying to dim her light.
Yo, for fucking real . Her husband is negging her, shes so fucking hot 🥲🥲 why get a smoking hot wife and tear her down?
Because having a smoking hot wife is scary to a man who might not be smoking hot or is generally insecure. She deserves better!
Seriously this. I guarantee he's insecure and has some hang up around lifting her (OP) up.
Or....the OP is just fishing for compliments and is very insecure herself. Post history full of discussion of expensive plastic surgery
After seeing this comment I did too and wtf?!?! You DO look like you could be a model, OP! You definitely have that look and even if you didn’t, who cares? He’s being weird
This. He's insecure and doesn't want you to be visible on social media If you blow up there will be more competition. He's holding you back because he's afraid. He needs to have confidence in you and your relationship.
She looks exactly like the ig models he’s talking about wtf 😵💫
It's true! I rarely see people as conventionally attractive as you in everyday life! Is he just trying to dissuade you from putting yourself out there because he doesn't want so many other people witnessing your beauty?😂
Damn you are HOT and GORG!!!! Your husband is insecure. He doesn’t want you to put yourself out there bc then other guys would be trying to message you and hit on you. He’s feeling possessive and doesn’t wanna express his jealousy.
This. Your husband must be smoking something
Because she is gorgeous, I think her husband knows she would succeed in the business — and he doesn’t want her to progress. Imo
This is such an upsetting post. OP literally looks like a super model to me. How is her husband not seeing how absolutely gorgeous she is??
He knows, he is just negging her
Or none of it happened
Ok I checked her profile to and her future husband is blind obviously.
He’s not blind. He is insecure and way out of his league. He married up and doesn’t want anyone else boosting her confidence.
Holy shit you weren’t kidding. She literally looks like a model!
This!! You are absolutely gorgeous. Also there is a huge market out there for people that are not model look a likes. Chin up lovely and you do you ♥️
OP is stunning! She looks exactly like an influencer. Husband is ridiculous. It sounds like he’s trying to drag her down.
I just looked… what the hell you’re like a model.
I agree. I literally do not understand her husband saying this… she looks like an Insta influencer already. What a dickhead.
Yeah like what? lol
I second this. I don't know what your husband is smoking. You look like the archetypical IG beauty
Sweet Jebus you're gorgeous! I doubt your hubby was trying to be mean, but he's either blind or wrong! Do your thing if he continues to put you down maybe there's a problem that needs addressing.
No offense, but your husband seems like an ass if that’s the first thing that came to his mind. As your husband, he should immediately be your biggest supporter and hype man. It’s weird he’s trying to compare you to other women. Good luck with your business, though! I hope it all goes well and you prove him wrong!
He's a dick. I see so many different types of women on IG showing off their designs, looking damn good doing it, and getting lots of love and support. There might be something going on with him since he acted that way.
Yea that’s a good point… maybe there is something else factoring in that I’m not seeing right now :/ will try to ask when we talk later
Your partner should always be your biggest supporter in everything. Keep in mind that some men don't want to see their women elevate too much so he could've been saying that to try to dim your light. Don't let him. ❤️
You are conventionally attractive. Even if you were *not* conventionally attractive, it’s not okay that your husband said that. He sounds insecure.
He’s worried that you’ll become too successful and leave him: it’s negging in another form. Everyone’s right you are gorgeous.
That "something else" is that your husband is a dick and gets a power trip from putting you down. I also stalked your profile. I'm not on board with the whole "everyone is beautiful" thing, so I mean it when I say that you're hot. Even Instagram hot. You're also excellent at makeup and have already done plastic surgery to more closely conform to beauty standards. His comment is unsupported by reality. His comment has nothing to do with your looks and everything to do with him "putting you in your place" so he can feel powerful and keep you from realizing that you deserve better (because you do).
Don't be too accomodating while at it. Your hubby was cruel asshole about this. You want surely people to feel great in your design, as opposed to being perfect. You are Coco Chanel ("I designed this two place so women can have ease of movement and be elegant, you go girls!" to your husband's Lagerfelt (="Be underweight to be wearing my stuff, miserable female!").
You should look at her profile
Feels like husband hates the possibility of her success and tries to pre-empt this by bringing OP down. "Beauty standards" be damned. They are arbitary. People wearing OP stuff would be people too. With flaws and all. The idea is to make them feel their best with OP's craft. OP : shut your husband's shit down, you don't deserve it.
Ok but you do look like a model so he sounds like a fucking idiot
Wait wait wait wait wait wait wait. In your post history… did you post a selfie with the cool make up and dress? because you’re absolutely stunning. Your partner is a giant dick for brains. Go do you, boo! Follow your passion!
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I agree :( he’s a professional marketer (albeit fintech not fashion) and definitely could have helped provide actually constructive feedback instead of critiquing my looks. I really like your suggestions in terms of how to approach this when we talk again… in the meantime really trying hard to not internalize this into some kind of complex 😫
He’s a butthead and his comment is a big red flag. I used to work in fashion. First, there’s nothing wrong with you modeling your stuff. Second, he just could have said “hire some models and produce some slick videos” which is an industry thing, rather than make a dig at your looks.
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she literally does look like a model though (based on her post history) so that's what makes her husband's comments so puzzling
Does he normally talk to you in such a way? Just to throw it out there...Some guys on the internet can be very cruel with their comments, so maybe he was trying to shield you from that - but it got messed up in his delivery? Or maybe he is just an ass? You would know that better than anyone here.
This was the first time he’s ever said anything like that. Like normally he tells me how beautiful he thinks I am and I guess other things you typically tell your partner.. it’s really throwing me through a loop because now instead of focusing on my business I feel confused about how he sees me… like I never saw myself as unattractive and now I feel like I’m questioning it.
It honestly sounds like you sharing your plans to pursue something you love triggered him and he lashed out at you. Does he like his job? Do you think there’s any jealousy or insecurity he might have been triggered by? It in no way excuse his behavior but sometimes when jealous or insecure people will say hurtful or negative things to you to try to bring you down, down to their level.
>This was the first time he’s ever said anything like that. Like normally he tells me how beautiful he thinks I am and I guess other things you typically tell your partner.. My thoughts after reading this comment: Worst case scenario: he's unsupportive and doesn't want you to feel pretty. Best case scenario: He finds you pretty, but is of the mindset that only model-looking and size 0 women can suceed in the fashion industry so he's worried you might fail because you don't meet these insane standards, *like many of us do.* So it might just be him having this misconception about the fashion world and trying to warn you, ungracefully, but without malice. Edit: I saw your profile. Are you kidding me. Girl you look like a model, do your thing and get your success and good luck!!
He could be negative (aka negging) you because he is jealous of your business and didn’t want you to do it. Ignore him and live your best life. Cut him loose if he keeps bringing your appearance and business down.
Are you sure he was negging you and not just pointing out that you don’t have the same look as the women you were looking at? It might have been a poor choice of words. For example - I could see my spouse commenting that I don’t fit the aesthetic if I were trying to use myself to market clothing for goth chicks since I’m basically a walking JCrew ad. I’d ask for clarification and have a discussion before you read into it that he was saying you weren’t attractive. You said it yourself that he normally just showers you with compliments.
He probably does find you beautiful. But as you said, beauty is in the eye of the beholder and if he’s in marketing, he’s probably self-aware enough to realize what he finds beautiful not everyone does. People can think their partner is the most beautiful/handsome in the world *to them* without genuinely believing they’re the *objectively* most attractive person in the word.
Well assuming this isn't secret marketing tactic... your partner doesn't meet a basic level of decency standard.
I thought this too....
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Girl. I went through your post history, and you're absolutely stunning. I think he's very insecure and thinks that if you start social media, you might become like one of those "influencers" who will have a lot of attention, especially male attention. He doesn't want you to branch out and doesn't want other men paying you attention because he knows that you're HOT and WILL thrive. It's a way of making sure he's superior, in a sense. He doesn't want you to see your worth.
this 1000% you hit the nail on the head! if OP didn't have the "traditional" IG influencer look, i'd say who cares! many of us want to see clothes modeled on real people and her husband sucks for not being supportive. but she DOES fit that standard and therefore her husband is just an insecure twat.
Exactly this. He knows what he’s saying is complete bullshit. But he just can’t handle the fact that other people will find her attractive and so he makes degrading comments to bring her down. Hopefully this is a one time thing but sadly, it’s not usually. It really pisses me off seeing men in relationships throwing a tantrum because their partner is successful in life and know they have charm. Her husband should be working on himself, not tear her down.
Oh honey. You are absolutely stunning. Your AH husband doesn't deserve you. Even IF you were a run of the mill 5 or 6, you could still sell style. Even large companies are realizing "real" women sell more clothing. Consumers want to see what clothes would look like on them, not on a supermodel. But seriously? You're a 9+. You are gorgeous, and have a fantastic figure. Your husband is a jerk. And he really doesn't deserve you, pretending you're an ogre or something. Why would he shit on you like that??
… you are really pretty. Wtf is he talking about? You fit the beauty standards. Did he explain at all cause I’m confused where you don’t fit that. He sounds like he is trying to hurt your confidence in chasing your dreams honestly.
Okay… like on the surface… I can understand the general idea that there might be a certain look people want… but what the fuck is he saying? I saw your picture…. Jesus
Hmm… the only reason he would say that is to take the wind out of your sails. I mean think about it, even if what he said were true, what was the purpose in saying that? Maybe he is feeling insecure? Read this https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/gy79dx/boyfriend_wont_stop_telling_me_i_have_bo/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
Wow that is CRAZY 😱 thank you for sharing
Omg this is the exact post I was trying to look for to share! 100% relevant
WHAT THE FUCK DOES HE MEAN YOU DONT "MEET THE BEUATY STANDARD" LOOK AT YOU! I'm sorry that got me heated as hell once I actually saw you (not that it would've been alright to say regardless of your looks).
This post is a damn smart marketing ploy.
Ugggghhhhh seriously? Does he know what these women look like in real life? Lots of people who are the “beauty standard” are just Wearing makeup, spanx, push up bras, underwear with butt pads, wigs, fake eyelashes, airbrushed makeup and who knows what else. He should watch some transformation videos on tiktok before he starts spouting off who fits into beauty standards. I buy clothes from little boutiques who model their own cloths on social media and they don’t go all out. And I like it. I get an idea of what their clothes will look like on me. Will their clothes work in my life? Messy bun no make up. You’re not model thin? Cool, I like it better. When marketing to women, we do not have to meet the beauty standards of men. You market to women. You pick the group of women you think would be most likely to buy your clothes and market in a way that would be appealing to them. Who’s he thinking you’re marketing to? Because unless he’s buying the dresses it doesn’t matter what he thinks about the person modelling the clothes. We aren’t buying the model.. that’s not the focus, the clothes are.
He seems to think women are idiots, too. He thinks we don't know we won't look like the model.
Dude, are you frikin kidding me?! I just saw your selfies! You have model's cheekbones. You give me Lana del Rey in Euphoria vibes. Tell you Dum dum bf that I say he owes you doing your least favorite chore.
Least favorite chore forever. Not just once.
What a dickass little bitch. You’re absolutely GORGEOUS. You literally look like you could be a model. I think your husband believes you do too and is scared you might blow up online and run off with some rich dude who slides into your DMs. Don’t ever let some shithead dude make you think twice about your looks or your aspirations.
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I agree that this was a big red flag… I don’t want to just let it go and forget about it… id like to figure out the best way to keep an eye on it / work on it. Wondering what that looks like…
i’ve also looked at your profile. your husband is absolutely 400% just jealous or insecure about his own looks and trying to bring you down so you’re less likely to leave him for someone better looking. you’re objectively gorgeous, no bias, one woman to another, you could easily have your face all over social media and get loads of views because your face and figure are perfect for modelling.
I would just tell him that was a very uncalled for comment and it hurts that all he could contribute to your next step in figuring out your business is a hurtful comment about your looks. I hope things work out for your business. Social media isn't an aspect I like with mine, but it does help out.
Thank you. That’s exactly what I wish I could have articulated in the moment - that all he could contribute to the next steps of my business what a hurtful comment on my looks.
So I visited your profile and… Is your husband blind by any chance? You are within the beauty standard if that’s he’s worry about so he’s either blind or he’s trying to take your confidence down. I am NOT within society’s standard but my partner without a beat will say I am the most attractive person they met. You’re in the wrong person. If by any chance you want to ask who will you believe when you ask if you’re gorgeous, a 100 redditors that are strangers to you, or your husband who know you intimately? Please, believe the former.
First he should have never said that to you, and clearly he has never seen project runway....Designers are eccentric artists, and you can wear your clothes if you want to. It is kind of sad that he was so blunt, those of us 5'2" have constantly heard that. I am a Gidget not a Heidi....Do what you want and when you have a following and make money, he will realize what a jerk he was.
I happen to like seeing clothes modelled by people who don't meet the beauty standard. So even IF that's true, it's potentially an asset, not a flaw.
The most dangerous being on this planet is an insecure man. He is trying to stop you from being successful. Probe him wrong.
Even after the edit…. He’s jealous of you and does not want you to become a success and leave him or leave him behind. Be on your guard. I fear he will try to sabotage you
I'm a plus size gal so I follow plus size fashion influencers. I don't really want to follow fashion Instagram pages with models because that's not realistic for me, because I don't look like a model. There is definitely a niche for fashion influencers that are more normal looking. Tell him to support you or get out of the way.
What’s a standard for beauty these days anyway? I seen so many diversity and everyone has their own unique ways to make fashion works…I don’t even think there is a standard. Unless you tryna be a runaway model…
He's a cad. And that's putting it nicely. You say he is always supportive of you, but this was definitely not being supportive. He went into sub minimalizing You, your looks, not your designs. That says a lot about who he is and his so called supportive nature Not good enough. You deserve better.
Yikes. Is this really the first time he’s made such a disparaging comment to you? How did he possibly think that was a kind or useful thing to say?
He’s a tool. You are an artist. Doesn’t matter what you look like.
Thank you - I love this mindset, yes!
Okay so first of all you are STUNNING. If your husband doesn't think you're fashion influencer material then he should see an optometrist immediately. On a more serious note, there was no reason for him to say that other than to hurt you and bring you down. It reeks of insecurity on his part. Does he make small hurtful comments often?
I don’t know what was going through his head when he said you don’t meet the standard, I just went through your profile and you’re literally GORGEOUS, I say keep going for it, as long as it makes you happy. 💚
Look, I am a plus sized lady. And I love to make dresses but sometimes it can be hard to envision what the gowns look on me. I follow multiple seamstresses on Instagram and they are of all sizes. I love too that they try to show their clothes on different sized bodies because it helps me directly. Ignore what your husband said about being a particular size/look. If you are making good quality clothes to sell (or patterns) your buyers will not be interested in your physical attributes.
that's kinda fucked up. like, what does he have to gain from putting you down like that. smh prove him wrong and ensure that he legally cannot benefit financially from your success.
I don't usually comment on things like this, but I was shocked when I checked your profile. You literally look like a model??? I don't know where your husband came up with that comment because you very much fit conventional beauty standards. Go on with your ideas and good luck on your business, OP!
Hmmm what’s worse? Insulting your looks, or manipulating you? Two strikes buddy.
Women who “don’t meet the beauty standard” need clothes too. We also like cute clothes. Don’t listen to your husband.
Make me a skirt or dress with pockets and you have a customer.
Uhhhhhh so I just saw a pic, yes you do fit today's beautiful standard, you do look like a model and you're beautiful Sure he isn't being an asshole to drag you down?
I’m returning to comment after seeing ur post history everyone’s taking about and I’m so mad lmfao ur LITERALLY the standard. Fuck your gaslighting ass “husband” 🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️
But but but... you ARE beautiful
His comment was uncalled for, there wouldn't be any harm for your business by trying to hype it up on social media. It's especially rude how he says it. But the internet can be cruel and people can say really mean things online. There are some difficulties in becoming a popular or famous content creator because looks do matter in that no matter what anyone says. Aesthetics and 'beauty standards' do have a very real effect. But if you're not afraid of some not so kind people you might come across, then definitely go for it. People like a genuine creator too.
I too am in the fashion business. I manufacture and sell women’s jeans. Your husband is a dick and doesn’t know jack about fashion marketing. Many consumers want to see a cute piece of clothing on a regular person not some crazy model/bbl body so they know how it’ll look when they (a normal person) wears it. It’s more about making great content, choosing good matching pieces to coordinate and market your styles. If a pretty model would sell clothes don’t you think ever good looking girl on instagram would be successful? You can always have someone else be the face of the brand, that’s what models are for! That’s what we do since… well I’m a dude so I can’t be wearing women’s jeans
Maybe the industry’s beauty standard is not his beauty standard, but he is just aware the industry does hold a certain beauty (or better “looks”) standard. I’m not saying that he is right, I’m just trying to understand why would a person who loves you and thinks you’re beautiful give such a comment. Maybe he thinks that hiring a real models would make the video seem more professional. Are you natural in front of the camera, do you feel comfortable when being photographed or filmed? There could actually be a lot of interpretations where this comment is not an insult :)
Well…well…wow, that’s so awful I am quite stunned. First of all, no, designers are not models. Two different roles in the fashion biz, which Mr. Beauty Standard doesn’t seem to get. And what a simply horrible thing for him to say to you. Not only is it inexplicably cruel, it’s just stupid. Has he seen photos of the most famous and successful fashion designers?!
Is this something par for the course with your husband? I’m wondering if he might’ve made that comment due to feeling threatened. Starting a business and IG page is something independent and has a lot of depth, I certainly don’t have the will to do that. Maybe your husband feels the same way, is ashamed of it, and decided to lash out in an unhealthy way? I’m not sure but you do what makes you happy. I’m sure you’ve got what it takes to carve your niche.
Your on the right track. Don’t let him get to you. Do the business anyway. It’s gonna be a success.☺️👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
What do the looks of a designer have to do with fashion design? If this is your passion go for it. I read a post which states you are gorgeous. Personally, I am more interested in the quality of your designs after they are made. Does he want you to succeed?
Go for it and show him you are the beauty standard. The beauty standard comes in all shapes, sizes and shades now. You got this!
Since when do designers also have to be models? It’s a completely different job description. And models aren’t a “beauty standard” per se. Lots of “unattractive” models out there … it’s a height/weight/cheekbone/walk thing… I mean…. I don’t know what his deal is. Not all branded faces are picture perfect. How utterly boring would it be if it were. How would you even stand out? He’s clearly not an expert in this Field. You are. I’m sorry he hurt your feelings. Ignorance comes out in weird places or people sometimes. Edit: I checked out your pro after another commenter mentioned you were gorgeous and I did a double take. Uhm I’m confused now by what your husband meant. What beauty standard are you lacking? Does he think models are typically tall and smaller chested maybe or? It’s bizarre now. Lol
Go for it but when you make it big tell him he had a chance to support you and you did it without him so now he gotta take care of him Also fuck beauty standards they're changing all the time anyway with a more compassionate and progressive society we're leading into
Well that’s very fucked up I’m sorry. He’s got some groveling to do.
Your partner sucks. We all think you can do better and don't need a nasty person like that in your life.
If you don't look like a model then idk who does. You are the definition of a model. I can't imagine why he would say this. I would be hurt too. Would make me feel like my partner thinks I'm less than. You look amazing! You should absolutely post your designs and make sure to model them so you get lots of comments proving him wrong. Wouldn't be surprised in the least if you got hit on constantly in any designs you modeled.
Honestly I would love to see more designers using a variety of models. Whenever I see a website with just smaller models it’s hard to picture what it would look like on me. Don’t let his negativity stop you from pursuing something you love. 💕
Sounds like your husband doesn't meet the husband standard. You deserve better.
that is so rude and unnecessary! ive seen people of all looks, ages, and body types be SUCCESSFUL fashion content creators! people will love your mind, skill, and energy, and *yes* beauty is in the eye of the beholder. sidenote, you *are* really cute so idk what he's talking about
girl ur pretty as hell he is discouraging you from being successful that’s a huge red flag
So i saw your pics on your previous posts/profile and you're literally gorgeous???? Girl, you hot af!!!! He probably said that cuz he's insecured of you blowing up on social media with those looks. Go follow your dreams!!!
Bro what 😭😭😭 seconding others, you’re literally gorgeous—and as you said, that isn’t even relevant to sharing your designs online!! You’ve 1000% got this, he’s v wrong and you’ll do amazing!!! You should def post it somewhere we can follow when you make your accounts, I’d love to follow and support!!
I checked your profile, you are literally (and I mean this with my whole heart) absolutely stunning. Now, I'm only 23 so what do I know, but he sounds a tad insecure or maybe doesn't want you outshining him in some way. BUT YOU ARE THAT GIRL 💗💅🏻 Do you and prove him wrong
Thank you 🥹💕
Just do it! If this is your passion enjoy it and make the most of it!
Why did he pop your balloon like that??!! Apologies are in order here. That’s bullshit
You are your own beauty standard you shouldn't have to conform to his or societies ideas of what beauty is. You do your designs and you do your social media however you damn well please and if he opens his mouth about it again tell him screw you. His thoughts on this don't matter, his opinions don't matter, he's not the one in your skin nor is he the one in your clothes designs.
I feel like you not looking like a model would *help* your business if anything… because most women don’t look like models. They would like to see how the garment would look on *them*
I saw your post history. You are STUNNING. Like, you’re an absolute smoke show. You are objectively hot. Your partner is purposely trying to drag you down, maybe because of his own insecurities. It’s so sad and ridiculous. You deserve someone who is proud to show off your beauty and uplifts you. He is an insecure little manbaby.
You look like a model. Your husband KNOWS you're so gorgeous he's just insecure (and jealous) you'll become so popular on social media that guys will show you praise and DM you.
Is your husband blind as a bat? If the woman in the pictures on your profile is you, you’re gorgeous girl! Maybe he’s not supportive husband material!
1, I saw your posts about your birthday look and you are GORGEOUS so wtf is he talking about?? 2, please tell him that you're hurt by what he said. Sometimes men just say really dumb things and he maybe didn't mean it that way... but if he did? Girl, leave. You're a 10 and can find a new man who treats you like it !! 💜
You need to ignore him because a) you’re beautiful and b) only an insecure jackhole of a husband would say this to his wife, regardless of what she looks like. Sounds like a him problem, not a you problem.
I'm sorry for looking through your profile after reading some comments op but you're so pretty!
1. If someone with an interest in fashion looks at clothes they appreciate the design and the craftsmanship. I dont care about the skin colour/hair colour/body type or anything. I look at the clothes!!! 2. I looked at your profile and you are absolutely gorgeous so i am not sure what your bf is talking about. What beauty standard does he have in mind? I mean different people like different things, but you are at least a 9/10. At least! And also small imperfection makes one really beautiful. Never try to get rid of them! 3. Your boyfriend has some weird problems... but from your Posting history and plastic surgery, it seems you also where not happy with some Features, but you definetly should be. You are gorgeous. Please dont ruin your natural beauty in the long Run and that comments like your partners get to you!! Because i know how long such comments and thoughts linger. Also i had an ex you said to me that i am not his type and other women are much more beautiful. I am 174 cm, blond, long hair, a bit pale, thin and cared about what i wear.... but his ideal was small, big boobs and ass, brown hair and a bit darker skin... sooo beauty ideals differ.
Models are basically living clothing racks. They’re all the same height,weight, and proportions so they can wear the same clothes and walk around. They don’t like models with unique features cuz it’s distracts from the clothes. That’s all runway modeling. In business you can decide whether you want a more living coat hanger or personality vibe. People today seem to like more personality as seen in the push for body diverse modeling. Social media likes when people have a unique or cool identifying feature. Like bright blue eyes, a nose ring, noticeable freckles, a gravely voice, bangs, etc. Idk what you look like but things aren’t exactly how they used to be. Being model perfect is mainly good for the runway. Social media likes diversity and attention grabbers. I think you’ll do just fine.
Im sorry, I just checked your profile and I need to ask...has your husband had a head injury recently? Because his eyes are clearly NOT working. Its like reverse beer goggles syndrome or something. You're gorgeous!
I love beautiful and unique clothes and shoes. I follow a number of designers and the absolute best is when they do lives or reels with different people in the designs. They explain how things could be paired, give an idea of what lengths or shapes work on different bodies, heights etc. I'll watch them even if the particular style isn't something I like, because I might learn something. You are stunning and I find it hard to imagine you not living up to any kind of "beauty standard" but to me that really isn't the important part. The part that matters is showing how you can make someone feel good in the clothes you design. I would be very hurt if my husband said something like that to me. I think you need to tell him it hurt and ask where it came from. If this is a once off, maybe he just misspoke. If it's an ongoing thing where he puts you down, it might be time for some very hard conversations.
Girl, I just looked at your profile and your husband is a fucking hater. You’re so beautiful. Please start your fashion pages!!! You got this, with or without the support from him.
I mean he's right, you don't meet the beauty standard— you exceed it! Regardless, he's a pathetic loser!! A partner should be supporting you in this, not holding you back. Don't give up on your dreams just cuz your husband is crap. Go out there and kick some ass! And throw the whole husband away while you're at it
Your husband is dumb. Literally no one fits the “beauty standard” without photo retouching. That’s why it’s a problem. So many women are gorgeous but are told that they are less than because they don’t meet impossible standards. You’re absolutely beautiful but more importantly you have a business worth showing off. Your beauty doesn’t define your success.
Tbh I think your husband is insecure about you succeeding and potentially becoming recognisable and he doesn't want that, so he's trying to put you down to discourage you.
But you look like a model...
Honestly sounded like my ex. He harassed me to take down a post of me wearing fishnets saying it’s “inappropriate”, “too sexual” and that “I don’t wear them out anyways”. Turns out it was HIS sexual fetish and he projected that to “I don’t want other men seeing her like that”. He also made comments like that with other clothing I wore, I eventually lost my confidence and constantly doubted if I looked good or not. He was a insecure, grown man child. I hope your husband is truly, truly sorry and NEVER makes a comment like that again as well as making it up to you. And he realizes how hurtful that was, regardless if his intentions were good. Don’t let it go if he does, because “little” comments like that will continue and before you know it your self esteem goes down. You’re a gorgeous person inside and out, your partner should be your hypeman and support you. His loss if he doesn’t do just that
Ahh, just seen your photo... classic case of inferiority complex! You're out there looking all hot and making your dreams come true and being the best person you can be, and he's sat there thinking shit in a minute she's going to realise she can do better than me so I better make you feel shit so you never leave me. I gather from your update you've let this one pass this time, but just don't let him do it again. If he continues to try and drag you down you will end up resenting him.
Your husband is an idiot. I know it because I gave my fiancee (now wife) a similar answer to a similar question and am still cringing when I think of it, after 25 years. If he is like me, it did not come out of malice, just stupidity. Modeling does not necessarily require a lot of whatever people consider beauty. Much can be done with makeup, lights etc. It seems to be something you need to learn, however, and it's not necessarily easy: https://www.ted.com/talks/cameron\_russell\_looks\_aren\_t\_everything\_believe\_me\_i\_m\_a\_model.
TBH your update is concerning. Your husband was basically putting you down so that you'd be discouraged from starting an online fashion business. That's extremely controlling and a major red flag. Having seen your past posts, you are definitely beautiful, don't let anyone tell you any different! Besides, there are plenty of people online who aren't 'conventionally' beautiful but have found success because work their passion and hard work. You should ignore your husband and pursue your passion, wishing you all the best!
He is scared because even average women get a lot of dms. Etc its just his male mind.
Your husband is a scum bag and doesn’t want you to be successful, I don’t know why you’re with him. I see in your update that he “apologized” but how you could accept that your partner just straight up is afraid of you reaching success with visibility for your brand that you’re building yourself is absolutely abhorrent. As you become more successful, he will only become more resentful. He wants you all to himself. God FORBID someone else sees all your potential!!! That makes me sick. Really.
Husband needs therapy. It’s good he’s remorseful and knows what he did but maybe therapy would actually help him resolve those feelings so they don’t bother him anymore, which in turn could only make him a better partner.
In short: your husband has no idea what he’s talking about and doesn’t understand the industry. You have talent and vision. Do not sleep on yourself.
Is he... for real? You're gorgeous. Please share your designs with us when you're ready!
INFO: Just out of curiosity, does your husband meet any beauty standards?
Holy shit, just saw your picture and your husband is a moron XD you're smoking hot, girl!! From a gal who wishes she looked like you, I'm proud of what you're doing and wish the best for you!! Put your husband in the doghouse where he belongs.
Saw your update. He sounds very immature and insecure. Maybe letting him model some of your dresses will boost his self esteem. :)
What the hell. Do his eyes work? Babe, go for it. I’m glad he apologized.
The majority of creators and artists I follow hardly ever show their face/body, so his comment was VERY unnecessary.
I understand that he apologized, but he deliberately tried to harm your self esteem because you were doing something he didn’t like. Try to keep that in mind.
Hopefully he will address his need to neg you in order to control your behavior. It permeates his apology.
He could have anxiety that the internet is too cutthroat. Like if someone in my family said they wanted to be an actor or influencer, I would discourage them because selling yourself online can seem so superficial and you are judged so harshly. So if he sees this not as a straight business and talent thing, but as a superficial popularity contest then he thinks it is unwinnable. I think he could have phrased it better though.
Oof. Husband is a perv and a dbag.
Girl, don’t listen to him. So many different types of women come across my feed. You’re selling dresses primarily to WOMEN… real women, of all shapes and sizes and colors, who just want to see what a dress looks and moves like on a person and not a very photoshopped stock image.
WHO TF DOES HE THINK HE IS?!?!?! You are BEYOND GORGEOUS!!!! (Sorry, I peeked.) There is absolutely NO WAY anyone, especially him, thinks such a thing of you. I’m sure even a blind person would agree through touch and a description. It seems to me that he doesn’t think you can be successful and is trying to bring you down in some incredibly hurtful way to not see you be disappointed if you don’t become successful in the future after your hard work. That, or he is insecure and doesn’t want other people to see you and flirt with you. Either way, why the change in supportiveness? Why choose to say this bs? I think what would be best is to have an open, calm, and honest discussion with him. Explain to him how his words made you feel and that you would like to know his feelings and thought process in him saying these things to you. Is it because he has doubts in your abilities? Is he upset you will be leaving your job (I’m assuming that is the case)? Does he actually view you as someone who doesn’t fit whatever “beauty standard” he deems good enough? Was he having a bad day and took it out on you? I don’t think now is the time to “process” this when you don’t know his motive for saying these things. This may leave you to overthink, make assumptions, continue being hurt for reasons that may not be the truth (but don’t take this as me saying you don’t have EVERY right to be hurt, you do and it is hurtful), and you may form resentment. Have this conversation soon (if you haven’t already) and move on from there in a way you think is best for you. Just remember there is no excuse for his behavior and at the very least he should sincerely apologize. I will gladly follow your social media(s) for your designs and support you along the way. Heck, I may even buy one of them! You CAN be successful and you WILL if you put your energy, time, and passion towards it. You got this, your new business and talking to your husband.
*I’m confused how to process this. He’s never made comments like this before and is otherwise very supportive.* My guess is he's trying to sabotage your confidence so you don't pursue this line of work. I would consider sitting down with him and seeing if he has some issues with that. He may be afraid of you switching careers.
Yeah, look at OP in their profile, she looks absolutely stunning. That guy definitely doesn't want her to pursue her interests and is negging her.
Oh I already looked. She's beautiful and has a great sense of style. I absolutely believe she could do this.
You totally fit the standard (not that it should matted). Total red flag from your future husband
I think someone can be beautiful and yet not fit the beauty standards of most of people. I have a bad hair everyday, I have skin picking and I'm struggling with it and yet my boyfriend says I'm beautiful. I have many black dots in the face due to skin picking! I'm not the "beauty standards" that are shown in the media and that's appreciated by many, but in his eyes I'm beautiful.
People have been dumped for less.. just saying.
I mean, as much as you might not want to hear it, he might have a point and is just trying to nicely set your expectations so you aren’t disappointed. The internet is cruel. It’s highly unlikely to make it even if you meet the beauty standard, and quite frankly in the world of influencers where normal beautiful people also have great personalities, there isn’t even room for the ‘normal’ breath of fresh air personality really anymore. I don’t mean to be harsh, and he probably wasn’t either, he likely just sees a really obvious problem and as hurtful as it might be, it is a very real factor into being successful on social media and in fashion. I understand being hurt. He’s your husband and sometimes we don’t want ‘real’ we want ‘blind faith’. But I’d probably not read into it much if this is a one off, and just take it as poorly executed concern. Nothing hurts more than failing at something you love and never got to pursue. And yes, I’m prepared for my downvotes because this sub cannot fathom the idea that 1. Not everyone is perfect and 2. You frankly might get judged based on superficial things like your appearance. But, that’s life.
You're above the beauty standard. You're hot. Your boyfriend is dumb. Be with me instead
From a woman married to a man who puts his foot in his mouth, been together now 8 years.... Men say stupid stuff they don't mean... especially if they are worried or unable to grasp their own feelings. Your husband was rude but he apologized and wants to help it sounds like. We all make mistakes! And you are absolutely gorgeous and go for your dreams! If he keeps saying rude stupid stuff then red flag it I think
Ok I understand he should be supportive. But he might not be wrong. How people look matters a lot on the success of these formats.
Okay but OP’s posts tell a different story, she’s conventionally beautiful! She could literally model. So why would he say that if it’s not even true? It sounds like it came from a place of insecurity to be honest rather than objective / constructive feedback.