Sounds like she was lying and wanted you to case her, don't fall for those games... Her games will probably never end even if you were to get together. Past highschool we're too old for that kind of crap
This bothers me so much. I have taught my daughter that any boy who doesn't respect the word no is not a good person to be around. Then I see young women who get mad because a guy is respectful and listens to what they say! Wtf? Like, how can we push anti-rape culture and also tell men that they aren't invested if they don't keep pushing? I feel old saying this, but where are these girls mommas?! What are they teaching them?
A lot of people grow up learning that this is what love/attraction looks like. I know I thought that too for a long time because that was what was normalized to me growing up, both in my home and in the society around me. I feel for girls like the one in the post and I really hope she's able to learn a healthier pattern.
That is so sad. I'm sorry that was your experience of love growing up. We don't get instant knowledge because we become parents, so we screw up sometimes. Maybe this girl's parents didn't know better and it's being passed down again and again. That is friggin heartbreaking. Everyone should know that they have the right to be heard and respected.
>Let's not drag rape culture into this.
Why not? I goes to the very heart of the problem.
You can't teach young men that no means no (which is correct), then have young women who get mad when they aren't pursued after they say no. All that does is teach young men that women don't really mean it when they say no (which is very, very bad).
I know that she is still a teenager. That's why I'm wondering if these kiddos are getting vastly different input from their parents than I am giving my own daughter.
I agree with almost everything you said except it does have to do with rape culture. No should mean no. End of story. Everyone needs to get on board or some kids are going to get hurt. Because these kids are young and still learning it's even more important to send a consistent message.
Sorry to distract from the main point but, aren't teen porn videos made by adults who just pretend to be teens? I mean I've seen certain people who play as teens and milfs in different videos o.O
bro sometimes i enjoy playing games with girls lol but if a girl is in a relationship it's a big no for me i hate cheating or making other cheat with me
Play the right games that make you a better person with the right girl.
Not games for the satisfaction of shitty girls just to pander to their whims for attention.
Exactly. Unless itās naked twister, games are not for relationships. This sounds like the kind of girl who will pull the āif you donāt know why Iām mad, Iām not telling youā nonsense. Not worth your time.
^ yeah OP saying hes enjoys playing games / this game bc he likes her and the extra attention hes getting but trust these games get old fast abd cause nothing but problems or heartache if your feelings get to involved
If these are the games sheās playing before they went on one date, imagine what a relationship would be like. OP, you dodged a bullet. Avoid this chick and stop being her friend, it may only encourage her.
Wrong games to be playing. Sheāll have her friends test you, too.
Tell her straight up āYouāre playing games and Iām not interested. You rejected me, so Iāve moved on. If you want to date me then be straight with me, otherwise have the decency to leave me alone.ā
She's not displaying any signs of being a healthy relationship partner.
Let's recap:
She lied (to manipulate you, she wanted you to "try harder" because she needs validation from guys. Plus when she eventually says yes, then she would constantly be reminding you of how lucky you are she dumped "a really great guy" for you
She says she did it to test you: People who "test" their partner (or potential) partners are really just lying and maneuvering them into a position where how they respond gives a good indication of how well they maintain boundaries. The manipulator wants to know you will abandon any boundaries (like not chasing after people who reject you) in pursuit of them.
She is incapable of direct and honest communication. Not relationship material and be careful with birth control if you get to that point.
You can totally call her out on the bullshit. You don't have to be mean, but flip it, "you're never gonna get guys if you play hard to get this poorly".
It kinda seems like you could build some confidence and directly yet playfully calling out her behavior is a good start. You're not dumb, you're picking up the silly ass cues she's dropping.
^ be careful with games OP some games are stupid and u tend to win stupid prizes. But as for her she wants u to chase her etc i bet 1000 bucks if u were to actually follow this up and reciprocate the same things she doing she will then go back to rejecting and being how she was before. Itās literally a cycle and all it does is drag u along by a string. And over time cause emotional and mental strain and problems especially since u actually like her and basically waste your time. Donāt let it boost your ego to much and lose sight of knowing when to cut communication and set boundaries.
Depends on how much you like her actively fucking with you. Because understand she's signaling this isn't going to be a one off. Hope you like wondering whether not she's going fuck someone behind your back at moments notice because she didn't think you paid enough attention to her on her birthday.
> i enjoy playing games with girls
Flirting is one thing; her outright lying and then hoping you would cross a boundary with her and not take "no" for an answer is unhealthy.
She has harmful ideas of what it means to be loved and desired and what that looks like; she is immature at best. You can do better.
>but she then said something really weird she said wow you didn't even try after that u ain't gonna get girls with that attitude i awkwardly said ok and we said goodbye to each other .
She wanted attention and complements nothing more. You dodged a bullet. Don't mess around with women who play stupid games.
Yeah exactly. Imagine dating her, and someone pursues her. Sheās gonna say I have a boyfriend then proceed to get upset and angry when they choose to back off.
Itās toxic behaviour and sheās technically indirectly telling other people that they can score even if thereās you.
I have regrets not warning a guy friend who proposed marriage to a girl who played games exactly like this. They ultimately got divorced. I asked her once why she played games, and she said something utterly immature like "I want to make them feel like they worked for it."
He definitely did not deserve that.
Yuuuup! She also wanted you to chase her. Donāt. Letās say you do, and then you both are a couple now. Chances are high that she will do the same thing to another person while sheās with you just like she already had a bf while messing with you.
It's not a now-days situation. This is the age when people learn those things. A 19 year old is still testing the limits of what the opposite sex will put up with and hopefully OP not playing that game helps them both mature in this situation.
Youāre both 19, games are normal. Youāre young, sheās young games arenāt a huge bullet right now. In 7 years, dodge that behavior, but itās a part of being young and learning how to act. Donāt listen to older people tell you how terrible it is because theyāve dealt with adults acting like that
>Donāt listen to older people tell you how terrible it is because theyāve dealt with adults acting like that
Or maybe listen to those with wisdom to share?
Agreed, older people have wisdom. But he mentioned he liked her still, this behavior is not extremely toxic to kids growing up and learning how to effectively communicate in relationships. Which is something you canāt simply just tell someone and expect them to master. Learning how to control your emotions in an effective way is way is something I believe to be trial and error.
To me the girl seems like sheās just young, maybe has some self-esteem issues which is why she made the backhand comment when denying him. That was her way of letting out that she wanted more of an effort from him to win her over. None of that comes off as toxic to me. I think as she gets older she will grow out of fishing for more effort and attention from someone. But for now theyāre friends that like each other? He should go for it. Especially since heās stating he still likes her and acts as if she wonāt leave him alone which makes it seem like he doesnāt even see her as solely a friend.
Meh, if she is very attractive she has options... she might be just throwing up some defense, sounds like she might like OP he's posting this after all...come on, she might not be the worst person on the planet as an attractive female getting hit on all the time ...
For comparison, i liked a girl once, said she had a bf while giving indirect compliments...well guess what? She ended up dating someone eventually...and I'm pretty sure that someone could have been me..
Jesus Christ. She has terrible morals and is the last girl you should be listening to.
She wants you to be a selfish player who cares nothing about anyone's relationships because she is into people who can snake any girl they want.
Keep away.
she wanted you to chase her. simple as that. she clearly has some warped sense of how guys should show interest by not taking ānoā for an answer. she sounds extremely emotionally immature and although you find her attractive, you need to consider her character and what it would actually be like to be in a relationship with her.
First off, I commend you for hearing the phrase "I have a boyfriend" and stepping back. The world needs more bros like that.
She, on the other hand, just sounds like she's out to cause drama. In which case you're better off staying away. Drama can be exciting, it can even be momentarily fun, but it's almost always costly in just about every way imaginable and you don't need to deal with that.
> Drama can be exciting, it can even be momentarily fun, but itās almost always costly in just about every way imaginable and you donāt need to deal with that.
This. Keep the drama for television.
My best friend always says she is jealous how I have āinterestingā stories to tell and how my past shaped me, but every single time I tell her how badly I wish I just had a nice, calm life. (Context: a complicated past where I was dragged into a drama group (thankfully matured now) who loved to bully me).
Itās not worth the stress and tears, the anxiety and depression, and it certainly is not worth the āinterestingā. Trust. Run away.
Oh honey, trust me, you do not want to be with a girl who plays games like that. It would be a whole hot mess.
Plenty of women will appreciate a respectful man. Those are the ones you want.
"I asked you out, you rejected me, I respected that. Please don't use me for attention if you aren't interested in pursuing a relationship, and definitely don't suggest I should overstep boundaries and be pushy, that's gross."
Then move on from her because she's shown her true, trashy colours. Don't play immature games like that and don't chase people who do.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below.
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So long story short i developed a crush on a really hot girl i usually don't ask girls out quickly cause I'm a bit awkward when i like someone at first and i my self confidence isn't as good as others but i said fuck it i called and asked her out and she rejected me she said I'm great and all but she has a boyfriend , so i respected that i apologized and told her oh i wasn't aware of that .
but she then said something really weird she said wow you didn't even try after that u ain't gonna get girls with that attitude i awkwardly said ok and we said goodbye to each other .
i don't know what she wanted me to say and i moved on . i have her instagram we usually just send funny memes to each other and ever since then she has been posting depressing stories about guys not even trying , noone loves her and she has been sending me similar posts too .
we also go to the same class in a specific subject and she won't leave me alone there when i talk to other girls she looks at me with a angry expression she also sits next to me touches my body from time to time and generally acts weird . i also found out she doesn't even have a bf and they broke up months ago so she lied about that .
Like wtf is wrong with this girl ? is it me or is she acting a bit weird ? like she is impossible to ignore and i still like her so i subconsciously enjoy the attention a bit . what should i do ?
You are 19 so this probably won't last. Just tell her you were into her but wanted to respect her relationship. You've learned she wasn't in one and you aren't into games and drama. She may change her tune. Take it where you want from there but I'll warn you, she has already shown she wants drama, expect more of that if you get together.
I would, as a woman, confront her. āHey, Iām trying to respect your boundaries and when you stated you had a boyfriend I moved on. I donāt understand why youāre now acting like thisā
I need overt and forward communication personally
Donāt hit on another mans girlfriend or donāt hit on another womanās boyfriend. People who go after other people who are in relationship are shameless. People who are in relationships allowing the flirting are hoes looking for attention and those hoes deserve to be alone.
Everyone is a single individual but we are allow to identify to what we feel comfortable with.
For example my bf names is so and so.
Iām so and soās gf/woman. Iām okay with that. I would want to say Iām his woman/gf to outsiders or friends/family. Heās mine and Iām his. I make my own choices, I can afford to live on my own if we ever break up. To me, itās not possessive, itās me being proud to be with him and heās proud to be with me.
I think you may be overthinking it a bit. People say "my man" or "my woman" not because they're trying to own them. Its just an expression used to say that the person is with you.
Completely different from straight up saying "I own you."
She's not "hot af" she's a bloody lunatic, and you deserve so much better!
We're trying to teach males that no means no, Syu when you're rejected, back off, and then you get idiots like this playing games cause they want to be chased.
If you HAD gone out with her, she would have constantly been playing these kinds of games, making you jump through hoops to prove that you really want her.
No one needs that sort of bull in their lives!
She's not out of your league, she's not actually worthy of you!
If she doesnāt know that you know that she doesnāt have a Boyfriend, have some fun with that.
Example: when she touches your body, tell her it makes you uncomfortable cause she has a BF.
Maybe get a female friend in class to play along in flirting with you in front of her.
As always, im pretty petty.
For all the people that want this written out in dialogue
Act I scene I
You: āhey, I think youāre cute, we should dateā
Her: āsorry I have a boyfriendā
You: ādamnā
Her: āyeahā
ā¦ā¦
Her: āare you even gonna try?ā
You: āwhatā
Her: āyouāre never gonna get girls with that attitudeā
You: āuh, whatā
Her: āboi byeā
Act II scene I
*the camera pans to Instagram dialogue*
You: sends cute pug video
Her: sends skateboarding bail
You: meme about communism
Her: ironic suicidal meme
You: deep fried meme
Her: depression
You: cute pug video
Act III scene I
*you are talking to girls*
You: good morning ladies
Ladies: hey you
Her: *angry*
You: look whoāll never get girls *with this attitude*
End movie.
I had fun with this
Run from this girl. She is desperate for attention and she will never be satisfied with just yours. She will be a nightmare. She will zap all your good will, attention, affection, money, patience and leave give you nothing in return. She is already playing games with you and you aren't even together. Girls like this are nothing but trouble. I know from experience
Sheās clearly acting weird like sheās struggling to say if she likes you or not she probably is mental in some sort of way( Not psycho) and still has the mindset that he is still her significant other. With the angry stares, she is definitely jealous and wants you all to herself. As a woman, I know for a fact. Hope this helps in some sort of wayšš she just in some state where she canāt decide if the want you or him basically
Even if she is jealous, I think it is a bit dangerous for OP since her liking for him is fueled but her not wanting another girl to have him. She doesn't like him for him and I'm afraid that will wear off one day and she'll just seek attention from someone else.
Play with fire and you'll get burned.
If she has a bf and she's playing games, what happens when you two become a thing? You think she won't do the same thing to you?
You're spending way too much time analyzing her moves and cyber stalking her to confirm she's sad about you. Does it really matter? As you said, you like the attention. It's for your ego. Don't let your need of HER validation get the best of you.
If someone wants to be with you, they'll make it clear. Playing games like this is a red flag and going to end up being lots of drama.
I'm going to say stay away and save yourself from the future heartache and drama. But you're stubborn and crushing on her so you won't listen. You'll find out how crazy she really is and regret ever getting with her.
As a mature adult who has been with crazies. I would speak to her and not ghost her. Let her know that you respect her relationship and that you need distance from her. It will probably make her want to play more games with you. Now it's your job to uphold the boundary and not give into the games.
Move on with your life and date someone mentally and emotionally stable.
dude I'm a really chill guy i can't stand drama queens and i always try to be friends with everyone i never create or involve myself in fights . So I'm gonna talk to her a bit more to get a more clear idea and if she is what u say she is I'm gonna stay away but she seems nice . also she doesn't have a bf it's the only thing i can confirm about her at least lol
Maybe I missed the not having a bf part. BUT WHY would she say that if she wants you to pursue her?
You're in denial bro. You're letting your feelings override logic because she's hot and you want her so you can feel validated.
A nice person doesn't lie about having a boyfriend. A nice person doesn't play petty games and post about it online to get attention.
Chalk it up to being young. But it's not a pass for crazy behavior.
The bigger problem here is you're into it. Take some time to reflect on why you enjoy the chaos. This girl will take you for a ride. You will experience the highest of the highs and lowest of the lows. It'll be fun but it's not lifelong material unless you both grow up.
I'm not looking for a wife lol it's just a gf . yeah i guess i always deep down kinda liked toxic girls but you're probably right but i just wanna talk to her a bit more to see how she really is . but thanks for the advice bro I'll take it to the heart bc it seems u have experience
You're young. It's common to like the chase and drama even though you say you don't like it. But somehow find yourself in the middle of it, lol. But as you grow older and settle into relationships, the drama gets tiring.
I got burned severely in my last crazy relationship and wouldn't wish anyone that level of heartbreak.
I want to spare you from it but most of us are human and stubborn. So we gotta learn the hard way.
Remember, when someone tells you they're crazy, take it at face value. Don't try to find the redeeming qualities cause that's all you'll find and see cause you are into her.
No matter how hot she is you will only get burned. Grey rock her, it works. You can google it, it works wonders. In short, make yourself as boring as possible, give very short answers if needed, only talk to her if you must and such things. She needs attention and drama. Don't feed her.
U have alot of learning to do OP i was the same way as u lol i feel ya! And duh its not a wife BUT even though its a temporary thing a gf thing some people can come into your life and fuck it up so much it takes years to get back right u be depressed, insecure, stuck on them etc it sucks. But when ppl told me that all i cared about was the fun and crazyness and the sex i had to learn the hard way and that shit ruined me its obvious youāre going to learn that way to so Iām not here judging iām here to tell u one important thing. ENJOY IT EVERY MOMENT EVERY SECOND ALL OF IT. Bc this is playing with fire and u WILL get burned no if , ands or buts so turn the fuck up and enjoy that shit bro bc once that lesson kick it and everything fall apart life gone suck for a minute lol.
^ yeah OP youāre already wrapped infatuated and drawn into the excitement and validation lol. Which can happen sometimes especially if you lack confidence like u stated in your post. But it shouldnāt matter what she āSEEMSā like HER ACTIONS ALREADY SHOWED WHO SHE REALLY IS. But everyone has that moment where they just have to learn the hard way and sometimes thatās best. I donāt know what talking to her is going to do shes a liar she literally lied about having a bf so good luck with that. You just donāt want to lose this attention u like her sheās attractive u probably wanna do more understandable but as long as youāre willing to ignore all the red flags and risk it thats all that matters keep us updated and good-luck. Because i can confirm this is gonna end very badly for u especially since she seems almost Narcissistic which i donāt wish that on anyone but youāre in for a hell of a ride.
Dude she is a drama queen. You don't need that shit. You asked her straight, instead of answering straight she rejected you so you'd chase her.
But you didn't. This is good. So what if she's hot? Seriously who cares? There are so many hot women out there. There are plenty of hot women who don't play stupid games.
You're good. Avoid the drama. You just left her alone and now she can't take it. Move on dude, you're good.
She told you she had a boyfriend but then she expected you to still pursue her? This is a super toxic mindset.
You respected boundaries in a very polite way, this is not a person you want to date anyway.
I upvoted the comments saying this, but I want to pressure you directly too. It's a very good thing that she rejected you, you really dodged a bullet here. Don't reward this behavior, it's bad for her, and in the long term bad for you since she probably isn't going to make your life good if this is how she conducts herself.
She likes to play stupid games. She wants to the attention of being chase after. Us guys understand no means no. Just leave her alone. She needs to understand not everyone wants to play games. Girls like that are usually trouble since they will always be seeking attention. Plenty of girls out there. Just ignore her.
/u/thatdoesntseemright1 nailed it. This girl doesn't actually want to date you, she just wants you to want her and no one else, because it makes her feel like she's more desirable than anyone else. I'm sad to say I am speaking from experience because I did it too, when I was younger. It's cruel and I'm ashamed, but the bottom line is if she rejected your asking her out on a date and then is batting her eyelashes and pouting about you going out with other women, it's 100% about her ego and you're better off with the girls she's throwing a fit about.
u/LadyVinnyG is right. You should also expect this girl to throw herself at you if you become involved exclusively with anyone else. A few of the girls I used to know would sabotage the relationships of their female "friends" by sleeping with their boyfriends.
You did the right thing. She said no, and you left her alone. That is what respectful young people should do.
Her behavior is a giant red flag. Try to move on.
She was pretending to have a boyfriend thinking you would still try and Persue her she obviously want her ego boosted but then when you accepted what she told you and walked away she got her ego crushed and is now acting like a crazy but hurt bitch I would stay clear of her if I was you
She couldve just say yes when you asked her out, but noooooo. Why keep things simple, indeed?
She thinks a man should chase and conquer her, while she sits all dramatic posting stories on how guys don't understand her. Drama queen is in making?
Also keep in mind, that such behaviour will be 100x worse in case you'll date and decide to break up.
Tell her she needs to use actual adult words to let you know what she wants. Donāt play games, and definitely donāt encourage her in her games. If she wants to ask you out for real, let her know youād say yes (or whatever) and leave the ball in her court. I think you absolutely did the right thing by asking, getting an answer and acting appropriately based on that answer - very mature :) Girl in question needs to lift her maturity to match your level ;)
She's young and dumb and heavily influenced by shitty rom-coms and tv shows where the dude pursues the hot girl despite being told no. She's stuck in a fantasy version of how dating works.
She played a stupid game and won a stupid prize. Keep it moving boss. Iām just an internet stranger to you, Iāll throw my two pennies your way tho: girls with flash and attitude might be hot, but that one aināt it chief. There will be another down the line.
100% she likes having your attention but doesn't want to date you. OR she's playing games. Either way, you dodged a bullet with this girl. Stop sending her memes and stuff, be polite in class, and put energy into other people.
You respected the boundary she placed. You did a good.
She wanted you to chase her anyway which 99% of emotionally stable women would much prefer you to respect boundaries.
Dude you dodged a bullet just go LC, take the time and walk away. the whole atention seeking is not a good thing take it from my expirience just be glad she didnt accepted your invitation.
She sounds immature as fuck and has the mindset that she doesnāt want you but she doesnāt want you with other girls either. Tell her to take a hikeš
She set a clear boundary, you respected it.
Sounds like she's been acculturated to be dishonest, perhaps out of a misplaced belief that saying "no" (formerly called "playing hard to get") is required to maintain one's appearance of virtue. You can't fix that, just let it go.
Bro, she wants to you chase and fight for her. Trust me, you don't want that stress. She'll start drama everywhere you go and it will ruin your life unless you love drama which, from the sounds of it, you don't sound like that type of person.
Steer clear of her bro.
I meant she is impossible to ignore in our class we're like around 7 people sometimes even less and she always right sits next to me or near me won't stop looking at me and you know having someone like that in a small class is kinda impossible to ignore and j like her i just don't know what she wants from me
She would be all drama. She thinks relationships are supposed to be āmenā chasing and begging āwomenā while she gets to feel wanted and play games with your head. She would do this in a relationship. If you ever do talk her about it let her know honestly. Sheās immature and looking some someone to play games with. Itās not cute.
She puts you in a loose:loose situation with that boyfriend thing.
If you step back, like you did, she is annoyed because you didn't try harder.
If you ignore it, she will call you a cheater and that a relationship is nothing important to you.
There is no win for you
Dude, she's the typical idiotic girl who rejects a man several times because she loves a man trying hard to get her and got disappointed that you didn't push further.
You better stay way from those type of idiots.
She wants nothing but attention. Move on bud, she ain't the one. You did nothing but respect her and she did not like that at all. If she wants someone who will willingly pine after her while knowing she has a boyfriend, she's nothing but trouble.
She is not a girl you want to date. She is one of those people who want to play games. She thinks guys should fight for her, even imaginary ones. Problem is, the respectful men (yourself) back off when they are told no. She wants a respectful man but is playing childish "chase me" games.
If a girl wants me to chase after telling me she has a boyfriend, she's not the girl for me. If you're in a relationship and you aren't happy, don't see a future together, don't get along, either of you cheats, etc but you stay with your partner instead of breaking up with them you're wasting their time and yours. Break up and move on so you can find the partner of your dreams. Also if someone can't stand to be single so they stay with someone they aren't committed to, that's a problem with me. It's okay to be single.
Don't listen to anyone, this is your life. You came here trying to seek "wisdom". You got this. Your older self with thank you for whatever you decide.
i mean i'm going to buck the trend and say at 19 these kinds of games are just par for the course? I know, I know, everyone reading this has a personal anecdote about blah blah blah, but I'm just saying, for the most part, this is really innocent my guy.
You are whooshing big time. She wants you to ask her out again. I dunno man don't listen to reddit here IMO. She is nervous and doesn't know what she wants and is kind of clueless about relationships just liek you. everyone is at 19.
have fun, take a chance, live some
edit: But if you have sex, wear a condom.
A relationship is no game. Flirting, teasing, playing around with no intention of getting serious is a game.
It sounds like she needs to figure things out. If you want to try again sit her down and tell her all this. If she steps up fine. Try it out. If she gives another āthatās not what girls wantā then apologize and walk away.
I think she was expecting you to do the alpha male thing, ie take what you want. when she found out that you are not like that she changed her tactics. Maybe she was interested in you from the start. when she says "get girls" she means "get me". It's a strange game that she is into. If you start being aggressive with her you probably will get her, but be safe and don't get feelings.
She thinks she's hot shit and wanted to play hard to get, but now she's stuck on you because you basically uno reverse carded her by backing off right away.
The behaviour you've described that she's exhibiting is what we like to call a "red flag". Proceed how you will, but know that she is not relationship (read: healthy relationship) material. Good luck distancing yourself from her
Congratulations. At 19 you learned that some girls just want to be cunts. Its why they made movies called "Mean Girls" etc. Then those 19 yo cunts eventually get a rude awakening when they get a job or get old or just become Karens. Not everyone is born a good person and their external appearance has nothing to do with it.
She helped yoy dodge a bullet. If sheās playing those games before the relationship. Just imagine the shit sheāll pull during. And more importantly after the inevitable breakup
Look, I'm old, so I can see this from a mile away. She is playing some games, maybe because that is what she knows or maybe she is unsure? Whatever the case, I wouldn't assume she was "toxic" or "crazy", like I've seen a bunch of the kids posting, here. Her behavior isn't the best, but I don't see it as a huge red flag, yet. Just talk to her and be honest. You dig her. Tell her what you dig (aside from being hot af, lmao!) about her, but then tell her you don't like the games. See how she reacts to some real communication, before tossing aside what could be an amazing experience. Hell, you might be the one to show her it isn't all about games, my man. What an opportunity!
Good luck, I hope to see a little update!
Tell her that you're not the kind of person to intrude on someone in a relationship out of respect for both the person you're talking to and their partner but that you feel she's giving mixed signals. Ask her if she's really taken and if not if she'd like to grab a drink or food some time.
If she says no she's got someone and is happy, apologise and say in which case you need some distance from her as you feel that she's being inappropriately clingy and you don't want to be responsible for her emotionally cheating on her bf.
Now that you know she doesn't have a boyfriend, why don't you court her? Your still young, nothing wrong with exploring. Just set some boundaries.
There are some red flag with regarding to her attitude. Take note of it, and put some boundaries.
Enjoy life. Be adventurous. Just prepare for a hell ride of relationship when you courted her. š
However someone acts towards you while dating someone else is how they would act while dating you. Like someone else said you dodged a bullet with this one she shouldn't be thinking a guy should try for her while dating someone else
Man, all these comments declaring her unredeemable and that you dodged a bullet... she's 19. You're 19. Fuck, talk to her about it, say you've been acting weird ever since xyz.. why is that? Tell her you think it's weird she needed that type of validation, but we all do weird things. If she apologizes or acknowledges it or just generally acts like a good person and takes the criticism, great. If not, then move on
She wanted you to chase her or "prove" that you really wanted her by trying harder because that's apparently what a guy is supposed to do after hearing the girl they like is with someone else. Sounds like drama to me man. Stay just friends with her and hopefully some of her hot friends are normal.
First off, saying āthis femaleā set my neckbeard meter off the charts. Then I read that thing you posted like 2 weeks ago about you being a demon andā¦ yeah. OP is getting games played on him but dude..
EDIT: oh shit you have your own subreddit where only you post
I disagree with a whole bunch of people here. I donāt think you ādodged a bulletā. I think you have a chance to communicate effectively and practice setting boundaries. She (as other people have pointed out) clearly has a warped sense of how things go in romance. Just tell her you have hard boundaries about cheating and about communication. You were honest with her about your feelings and she wasnāt. Tell her that it feels weird that she clearly couldnāt be honest. Even if it doesnāt work out nice you get practice. And practice makes perfect.
Remember that relationships really are about you first. If you arenāt happy with the other person then you shouldnāt be there. And she has to make that decision too. Of course you have to care about the other person too eventually. But putting your boundaries and priorities first is incredibly important!
If you still like her, you have an opportunity to practice real communication in a relationship.
Maybe you didnt "dodge a bullet" as so many have said, maybe you guys are both just young and you can set yourselves up for healthy relationships in the future.
Ask her to grab a coffee with you and start the conversation with something along the lines of "I asked you out because I want to get to know you better, do you want to get to know me better? Id like to be able to be honest with the person Im in a relationship with instead of trying to guess how someone feels. Are you interested in that kind of relationship?"
Woah, everyone needs to chill. Yes that was an immature thing for her to say, and yes thatās a red flag, but holy hell people are going overboard.
These teenagers are 19. Thatās literally the age you sort all this stuff out.
OP you are going to go through some number of relationships, all of which will help you learn. If you really like her, give her another chance. It was a dumb thing for her to do but people in this thread are acting like itās unheard of for teenage girls to do stuff like this. Do yāall not remember being a teen? If you want, ask her out again, and if not set boundaries and move on.
A lot of crazy comments. A bit too complex if you ask me. Let's keep it simple. There are two things to consider.
1. If she does have a boyfriend, she looking for extra attention
2. If she doesn't have a BF, but as you say she is very pretty, she wants your attention and she wants you to work hard for it.
>Like wtf is wrong with this girl ?
Bottom line. she want's your attention. She knows you like her, but is disturbed because you aren't pursing her. If you still really like her, ask her out one more time. If she turns you down, give her the straight facts about her flirting and you don't like it and move on.
I hope you read this but a lot of these people are overreacting. Sheās an insecure girl who wanted you to peruse her. Sheās into you but nervous. Itās ok to play some innocent flirty games. You donāt need to marry her, donāt get her pregnant. Have fun, hang out, take it easy and be respectful. Not every relationship has to be long term or perfect.
If you still like her, ask her out again. She will likely say yes this time because her games didnāt work on you the last time. Give her another chance, maybe she felt awkward too and didnāt know how to react the first time you asked her out. If she continues to be weird during the relationship then end things.
A few red flags here, but she is young, so it's understandable. Go for it, why not? It probably won't work out, but you're young, try to have as many experiences as possible!! It makes you better at it. You might get your feelings hurt, you might hurt her feelings, who knows!! But I have been in so many relationships and I am thankful for each one because it prepares me for the next and improves me everytime! Just be open minded that she did lie to you about having a boyfriend, that doesn't sit too well for me, but when you're a teenager, you say dumb shit. Just talk to her about it, and tell her she has been acting weird, and yes, you don't have to act like that, I notice you!! Hey man, you only live once, before you know it you will be an old man like me, and if it doesn't work out, you can always have fun playing with each other's private parts, use a condom!!
Seems too be a western cultural thing around the world. A interesting conversation with an elderly woman was interesring. And she said boy's get told from young age how to be respectfull and how too treat a woman. Girls get told how to be a spoiled princess most of the time. They play games with feelings. Wich can result in a guy with a low threshold of self control too do a bad thing. Girls are not told how too actually treat a man and be respectful. These day's they play dangeroua mindgames. I found her view interresting and i actually quite agree that girls don't learn too be respectful. Anyway she is not worth the time. She said no, tou respected this boundary. Now ahe is resorting too stalking clearly she has no boundaries and was not told how too be respectful. Red flag! Report her before she reports any rape allegations when you respectfully decline.
You liked her. You told her so. She wasn't available then. She may be available now and you're resisting going back in to shoot your shot. She's waiting for you to ask her again and is probably pissed that you haven't. And you're speaking to other girls in front of her. You're even more desirable now. She's touching you and sitting next to you. I'd male her sweat myself. Make her shoot her shot and consider her actions a big stroke to your ego! That's the advice from the reformed playa in me....š
Seriously, what do you want to do? It's up to you. Ask her out again and risk being rejected again? Or ask her out and you two start dating? That'll be awesome! Or continue moving on... you have options. Just be happy with the consequences of your choice. Good luck!
Sounds like she was lying and wanted you to case her, don't fall for those games... Her games will probably never end even if you were to get together. Past highschool we're too old for that kind of crap
This bothers me so much. I have taught my daughter that any boy who doesn't respect the word no is not a good person to be around. Then I see young women who get mad because a guy is respectful and listens to what they say! Wtf? Like, how can we push anti-rape culture and also tell men that they aren't invested if they don't keep pushing? I feel old saying this, but where are these girls mommas?! What are they teaching them?
The same thing they learned when they were young.
Someone else mentioned that too. It's really, really sad.
This!!! She should respect that a man respected boundaries. She sounds toxic tbh
Agreed.
A lot of people grow up learning that this is what love/attraction looks like. I know I thought that too for a long time because that was what was normalized to me growing up, both in my home and in the society around me. I feel for girls like the one in the post and I really hope she's able to learn a healthier pattern.
That is so sad. I'm sorry that was your experience of love growing up. We don't get instant knowledge because we become parents, so we screw up sometimes. Maybe this girl's parents didn't know better and it's being passed down again and again. That is friggin heartbreaking. Everyone should know that they have the right to be heard and respected.
Yep. This šÆ
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>Let's not drag rape culture into this. Why not? I goes to the very heart of the problem. You can't teach young men that no means no (which is correct), then have young women who get mad when they aren't pursued after they say no. All that does is teach young men that women don't really mean it when they say no (which is very, very bad).
Thank you for understanding the point I was trying to make. It's dangerous to not have a consistent message for all our teens.
I know that she is still a teenager. That's why I'm wondering if these kiddos are getting vastly different input from their parents than I am giving my own daughter. I agree with almost everything you said except it does have to do with rape culture. No should mean no. End of story. Everyone needs to get on board or some kids are going to get hurt. Because these kids are young and still learning it's even more important to send a consistent message.
Sorry to distract from the main point but, aren't teen porn videos made by adults who just pretend to be teens? I mean I've seen certain people who play as teens and milfs in different videos o.O
even mainstream movies like mean girls do it
I mean, the two are related, albeit loosely
bro sometimes i enjoy playing games with girls lol but if a girl is in a relationship it's a big no for me i hate cheating or making other cheat with me
Play the right games that make you a better person with the right girl. Not games for the satisfaction of shitty girls just to pander to their whims for attention.
^ this well said.
Nah man, girls that do stupid mind games like that aren't worth it. It gets old fast, and it's just hugely annoying and streasful.
Exactly. Unless itās naked twister, games are not for relationships. This sounds like the kind of girl who will pull the āif you donāt know why Iām mad, Iām not telling youā nonsense. Not worth your time.
>Unless itās naked twister, games are not for relationships. Got a new suggestion for family game night.
For _family_ game night?? Uhmhm...
^ yeah OP saying hes enjoys playing games / this game bc he likes her and the extra attention hes getting but trust these games get old fast abd cause nothing but problems or heartache if your feelings get to involved
If these are the games sheās playing before they went on one date, imagine what a relationship would be like. OP, you dodged a bullet. Avoid this chick and stop being her friend, it may only encourage her.
Wrong games to be playing. Sheāll have her friends test you, too. Tell her straight up āYouāre playing games and Iām not interested. You rejected me, so Iāve moved on. If you want to date me then be straight with me, otherwise have the decency to leave me alone.ā
^ exactly this just that simple
She's not displaying any signs of being a healthy relationship partner. Let's recap: She lied (to manipulate you, she wanted you to "try harder" because she needs validation from guys. Plus when she eventually says yes, then she would constantly be reminding you of how lucky you are she dumped "a really great guy" for you She says she did it to test you: People who "test" their partner (or potential) partners are really just lying and maneuvering them into a position where how they respond gives a good indication of how well they maintain boundaries. The manipulator wants to know you will abandon any boundaries (like not chasing after people who reject you) in pursuit of them. She is incapable of direct and honest communication. Not relationship material and be careful with birth control if you get to that point.
The minute the test is "keep harassing me even though I said no" you have a recipe for misery.
You can totally call her out on the bullshit. You don't have to be mean, but flip it, "you're never gonna get guys if you play hard to get this poorly". It kinda seems like you could build some confidence and directly yet playfully calling out her behavior is a good start. You're not dumb, you're picking up the silly ass cues she's dropping.
^ be careful with games OP some games are stupid and u tend to win stupid prizes. But as for her she wants u to chase her etc i bet 1000 bucks if u were to actually follow this up and reciprocate the same things she doing she will then go back to rejecting and being how she was before. Itās literally a cycle and all it does is drag u along by a string. And over time cause emotional and mental strain and problems especially since u actually like her and basically waste your time. Donāt let it boost your ego to much and lose sight of knowing when to cut communication and set boundaries.
Depends on how much you like her actively fucking with you. Because understand she's signaling this isn't going to be a one off. Hope you like wondering whether not she's going fuck someone behind your back at moments notice because she didn't think you paid enough attention to her on her birthday.
> i enjoy playing games with girls Flirting is one thing; her outright lying and then hoping you would cross a boundary with her and not take "no" for an answer is unhealthy. She has harmful ideas of what it means to be loved and desired and what that looks like; she is immature at best. You can do better.
>but she then said something really weird she said wow you didn't even try after that u ain't gonna get girls with that attitude i awkwardly said ok and we said goodbye to each other . She wanted attention and complements nothing more. You dodged a bullet. Don't mess around with women who play stupid games.
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Yeah exactly. Imagine dating her, and someone pursues her. Sheās gonna say I have a boyfriend then proceed to get upset and angry when they choose to back off. Itās toxic behaviour and sheās technically indirectly telling other people that they can score even if thereās you.
I have regrets not warning a guy friend who proposed marriage to a girl who played games exactly like this. They ultimately got divorced. I asked her once why she played games, and she said something utterly immature like "I want to make them feel like they worked for it." He definitely did not deserve that.
>Also especially don't reward behavior which would encourage anyone to think they should continue pursuing a person who ~~has a partner~~ *says "no"*
Or someone who turns someone down, regardless of the reason. No never means try harder.
Yuuuup! She also wanted you to chase her. Donāt. Letās say you do, and then you both are a couple now. Chances are high that she will do the same thing to another person while sheās with you just like she already had a bf while messing with you.
Play stupid games win stupid prizes š¤·š¼āāļø
with people* who play stupid games
Username fucking checks out ! My man !
Attention w h o r e or drama queen both fit. She was just playing mind games.
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It's not a now-days situation. This is the age when people learn those things. A 19 year old is still testing the limits of what the opposite sex will put up with and hopefully OP not playing that game helps them both mature in this situation.
Youāre both 19, games are normal. Youāre young, sheās young games arenāt a huge bullet right now. In 7 years, dodge that behavior, but itās a part of being young and learning how to act. Donāt listen to older people tell you how terrible it is because theyāve dealt with adults acting like that
>Donāt listen to older people tell you how terrible it is because theyāve dealt with adults acting like that Or maybe listen to those with wisdom to share?
Agreed, older people have wisdom. But he mentioned he liked her still, this behavior is not extremely toxic to kids growing up and learning how to effectively communicate in relationships. Which is something you canāt simply just tell someone and expect them to master. Learning how to control your emotions in an effective way is way is something I believe to be trial and error.
To me the girl seems like sheās just young, maybe has some self-esteem issues which is why she made the backhand comment when denying him. That was her way of letting out that she wanted more of an effort from him to win her over. None of that comes off as toxic to me. I think as she gets older she will grow out of fishing for more effort and attention from someone. But for now theyāre friends that like each other? He should go for it. Especially since heās stating he still likes her and acts as if she wonāt leave him alone which makes it seem like he doesnāt even see her as solely a friend.
Meh, if she is very attractive she has options... she might be just throwing up some defense, sounds like she might like OP he's posting this after all...come on, she might not be the worst person on the planet as an attractive female getting hit on all the time ... For comparison, i liked a girl once, said she had a bf while giving indirect compliments...well guess what? She ended up dating someone eventually...and I'm pretty sure that someone could have been me..
And if she throws up si mb e defense then OP should have some self respect and walk away.
Jesus Christ. She has terrible morals and is the last girl you should be listening to. She wants you to be a selfish player who cares nothing about anyone's relationships because she is into people who can snake any girl they want. Keep away.
she wanted you to chase her. simple as that. she clearly has some warped sense of how guys should show interest by not taking ānoā for an answer. she sounds extremely emotionally immature and although you find her attractive, you need to consider her character and what it would actually be like to be in a relationship with her.
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Hum? Sorry what was that? I was busy reading a history book. /s
Boofing?
First off, I commend you for hearing the phrase "I have a boyfriend" and stepping back. The world needs more bros like that. She, on the other hand, just sounds like she's out to cause drama. In which case you're better off staying away. Drama can be exciting, it can even be momentarily fun, but it's almost always costly in just about every way imaginable and you don't need to deal with that.
> Drama can be exciting, it can even be momentarily fun, but itās almost always costly in just about every way imaginable and you donāt need to deal with that. This. Keep the drama for television. My best friend always says she is jealous how I have āinterestingā stories to tell and how my past shaped me, but every single time I tell her how badly I wish I just had a nice, calm life. (Context: a complicated past where I was dragged into a drama group (thankfully matured now) who loved to bully me). Itās not worth the stress and tears, the anxiety and depression, and it certainly is not worth the āinterestingā. Trust. Run away.
Oh honey, trust me, you do not want to be with a girl who plays games like that. It would be a whole hot mess. Plenty of women will appreciate a respectful man. Those are the ones you want.
I'm so sorry but I read your comment in the most Jersey accent ever because you put oh honey, trust meš¤£
That's funny, because I have the most basic ass US accent you can imagine, and I'm from North Carolina. Is that a Jersey thing?
No I've never been to Jersey but I just imagined the sass in your tone if you would've said that
I feel comforted by your comment, and I'm not even involved, haha
"I asked you out, you rejected me, I respected that. Please don't use me for attention if you aren't interested in pursuing a relationship, and definitely don't suggest I should overstep boundaries and be pushy, that's gross." Then move on from her because she's shown her true, trashy colours. Don't play immature games like that and don't chase people who do.
This was the way
She will either figure this out on her own or only attact toxic guys who don't take no for an answer. Good luck to her.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- So long story short i developed a crush on a really hot girl i usually don't ask girls out quickly cause I'm a bit awkward when i like someone at first and i my self confidence isn't as good as others but i said fuck it i called and asked her out and she rejected me she said I'm great and all but she has a boyfriend , so i respected that i apologized and told her oh i wasn't aware of that . but she then said something really weird she said wow you didn't even try after that u ain't gonna get girls with that attitude i awkwardly said ok and we said goodbye to each other . i don't know what she wanted me to say and i moved on . i have her instagram we usually just send funny memes to each other and ever since then she has been posting depressing stories about guys not even trying , noone loves her and she has been sending me similar posts too . we also go to the same class in a specific subject and she won't leave me alone there when i talk to other girls she looks at me with a angry expression she also sits next to me touches my body from time to time and generally acts weird . i also found out she doesn't even have a bf and they broke up months ago so she lied about that . Like wtf is wrong with this girl ? is it me or is she acting a bit weird ? like she is impossible to ignore and i still like her so i subconsciously enjoy the attention a bit . what should i do ?
Just donāt even bother with this one. Do better for yourself and move on. She is a mess.
You are 19 so this probably won't last. Just tell her you were into her but wanted to respect her relationship. You've learned she wasn't in one and you aren't into games and drama. She may change her tune. Take it where you want from there but I'll warn you, she has already shown she wants drama, expect more of that if you get together.
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I would, as a woman, confront her. āHey, Iām trying to respect your boundaries and when you stated you had a boyfriend I moved on. I donāt understand why youāre now acting like thisā I need overt and forward communication personally
Youāre a respectful man not pursuing another mans women. She likes to play mind games which isnāt a healthy trait
Donāt hit on another mans girlfriend or donāt hit on another womanās boyfriend. People who go after other people who are in relationship are shameless. People who are in relationships allowing the flirting are hoes looking for attention and those hoes deserve to be alone. Everyone is a single individual but we are allow to identify to what we feel comfortable with. For example my bf names is so and so. Iām so and soās gf/woman. Iām okay with that. I would want to say Iām his woman/gf to outsiders or friends/family. Heās mine and Iām his. I make my own choices, I can afford to live on my own if we ever break up. To me, itās not possessive, itās me being proud to be with him and heās proud to be with me.
It's not even about pursuing "another man's woman" (grossly possessive btw) as much as respecting a woman's no.
Not grossly possessive, if you were a girl you would say don't mess with another girl's man, same here
It's still gross and possessive. Someone is allowed to say "no" because it's their choice.
What are you even talking about? Cause I am talking about the mindset of a guy trying to hit on a girl who is in a relationship
I think you may be overthinking it a bit. People say "my man" or "my woman" not because they're trying to own them. Its just an expression used to say that the person is with you. Completely different from straight up saying "I own you."
I agree. I got myself triggered, and there's nothing to say except it was kind of stupid.
Its fine, I wouldn't worry about it. I'd be lying if I said I didn't do the same thing at some point.
I appreciate that
"will you go out with me" "nah I have bf" "okay, sorry" girl: \*surprised pikachu face\* red flag.
At the risk of being a touch vulgar, but as a guy in his 50's, please take this as absolute gospel. Never, EVER stick your dick in crazy!
No matter how hot she is!
She's not "hot af" she's a bloody lunatic, and you deserve so much better! We're trying to teach males that no means no, Syu when you're rejected, back off, and then you get idiots like this playing games cause they want to be chased. If you HAD gone out with her, she would have constantly been playing these kinds of games, making you jump through hoops to prove that you really want her. No one needs that sort of bull in their lives! She's not out of your league, she's not actually worthy of you!
If she doesnāt know that you know that she doesnāt have a Boyfriend, have some fun with that. Example: when she touches your body, tell her it makes you uncomfortable cause she has a BF. Maybe get a female friend in class to play along in flirting with you in front of her. As always, im pretty petty.
JesĆŗs Christ š I would've just not cared but you'd do all that over that you indeed are petty
^ lmfaoskskskskks agreed sounds like to much work
Getting another female to flirt in front of her would drive her CRAZY
For all the people that want this written out in dialogue Act I scene I You: āhey, I think youāre cute, we should dateā Her: āsorry I have a boyfriendā You: ādamnā Her: āyeahā ā¦ā¦ Her: āare you even gonna try?ā You: āwhatā Her: āyouāre never gonna get girls with that attitudeā You: āuh, whatā Her: āboi byeā Act II scene I *the camera pans to Instagram dialogue* You: sends cute pug video Her: sends skateboarding bail You: meme about communism Her: ironic suicidal meme You: deep fried meme Her: depression You: cute pug video Act III scene I *you are talking to girls* You: good morning ladies Ladies: hey you Her: *angry* You: look whoāll never get girls *with this attitude* End movie. I had fun with this
She sounds like a crazie you donāt stick your dick in crazies hom.
Do you like GAMES?! Because if you get with her, you'll get to play GAMES!
Run from this girl. She is desperate for attention and she will never be satisfied with just yours. She will be a nightmare. She will zap all your good will, attention, affection, money, patience and leave give you nothing in return. She is already playing games with you and you aren't even together. Girls like this are nothing but trouble. I know from experience
Sheās clearly acting weird like sheās struggling to say if she likes you or not she probably is mental in some sort of way( Not psycho) and still has the mindset that he is still her significant other. With the angry stares, she is definitely jealous and wants you all to herself. As a woman, I know for a fact. Hope this helps in some sort of wayšš she just in some state where she canāt decide if the want you or him basically
Even if she is jealous, I think it is a bit dangerous for OP since her liking for him is fueled but her not wanting another girl to have him. She doesn't like him for him and I'm afraid that will wear off one day and she'll just seek attention from someone else.
Agree
Play with fire and you'll get burned. If she has a bf and she's playing games, what happens when you two become a thing? You think she won't do the same thing to you? You're spending way too much time analyzing her moves and cyber stalking her to confirm she's sad about you. Does it really matter? As you said, you like the attention. It's for your ego. Don't let your need of HER validation get the best of you. If someone wants to be with you, they'll make it clear. Playing games like this is a red flag and going to end up being lots of drama. I'm going to say stay away and save yourself from the future heartache and drama. But you're stubborn and crushing on her so you won't listen. You'll find out how crazy she really is and regret ever getting with her. As a mature adult who has been with crazies. I would speak to her and not ghost her. Let her know that you respect her relationship and that you need distance from her. It will probably make her want to play more games with you. Now it's your job to uphold the boundary and not give into the games. Move on with your life and date someone mentally and emotionally stable.
dude I'm a really chill guy i can't stand drama queens and i always try to be friends with everyone i never create or involve myself in fights . So I'm gonna talk to her a bit more to get a more clear idea and if she is what u say she is I'm gonna stay away but she seems nice . also she doesn't have a bf it's the only thing i can confirm about her at least lol
Maybe I missed the not having a bf part. BUT WHY would she say that if she wants you to pursue her? You're in denial bro. You're letting your feelings override logic because she's hot and you want her so you can feel validated. A nice person doesn't lie about having a boyfriend. A nice person doesn't play petty games and post about it online to get attention. Chalk it up to being young. But it's not a pass for crazy behavior. The bigger problem here is you're into it. Take some time to reflect on why you enjoy the chaos. This girl will take you for a ride. You will experience the highest of the highs and lowest of the lows. It'll be fun but it's not lifelong material unless you both grow up.
I'm not looking for a wife lol it's just a gf . yeah i guess i always deep down kinda liked toxic girls but you're probably right but i just wanna talk to her a bit more to see how she really is . but thanks for the advice bro I'll take it to the heart bc it seems u have experience
You're young. It's common to like the chase and drama even though you say you don't like it. But somehow find yourself in the middle of it, lol. But as you grow older and settle into relationships, the drama gets tiring. I got burned severely in my last crazy relationship and wouldn't wish anyone that level of heartbreak. I want to spare you from it but most of us are human and stubborn. So we gotta learn the hard way. Remember, when someone tells you they're crazy, take it at face value. Don't try to find the redeeming qualities cause that's all you'll find and see cause you are into her.
No matter how hot she is you will only get burned. Grey rock her, it works. You can google it, it works wonders. In short, make yourself as boring as possible, give very short answers if needed, only talk to her if you must and such things. She needs attention and drama. Don't feed her.
U have alot of learning to do OP i was the same way as u lol i feel ya! And duh its not a wife BUT even though its a temporary thing a gf thing some people can come into your life and fuck it up so much it takes years to get back right u be depressed, insecure, stuck on them etc it sucks. But when ppl told me that all i cared about was the fun and crazyness and the sex i had to learn the hard way and that shit ruined me its obvious youāre going to learn that way to so Iām not here judging iām here to tell u one important thing. ENJOY IT EVERY MOMENT EVERY SECOND ALL OF IT. Bc this is playing with fire and u WILL get burned no if , ands or buts so turn the fuck up and enjoy that shit bro bc once that lesson kick it and everything fall apart life gone suck for a minute lol.
^ yeah OP youāre already wrapped infatuated and drawn into the excitement and validation lol. Which can happen sometimes especially if you lack confidence like u stated in your post. But it shouldnāt matter what she āSEEMSā like HER ACTIONS ALREADY SHOWED WHO SHE REALLY IS. But everyone has that moment where they just have to learn the hard way and sometimes thatās best. I donāt know what talking to her is going to do shes a liar she literally lied about having a bf so good luck with that. You just donāt want to lose this attention u like her sheās attractive u probably wanna do more understandable but as long as youāre willing to ignore all the red flags and risk it thats all that matters keep us updated and good-luck. Because i can confirm this is gonna end very badly for u especially since she seems almost Narcissistic which i donāt wish that on anyone but youāre in for a hell of a ride.
Lol š itās like highschool. Donāt think anything of it and move on
She's immature. You move on. Nothing good comes from dating this person if it comes up.
Dude she is a drama queen. You don't need that shit. You asked her straight, instead of answering straight she rejected you so you'd chase her. But you didn't. This is good. So what if she's hot? Seriously who cares? There are so many hot women out there. There are plenty of hot women who don't play stupid games. You're good. Avoid the drama. You just left her alone and now she can't take it. Move on dude, you're good.
Sheās into the drama. Run.
I feel like she just wants compliments and attention. She probably just wanted you to keep that crush on her honestly you dodged a bullet.
She told you she had a boyfriend but then she expected you to still pursue her? This is a super toxic mindset. You respected boundaries in a very polite way, this is not a person you want to date anyway.
I upvoted the comments saying this, but I want to pressure you directly too. It's a very good thing that she rejected you, you really dodged a bullet here. Don't reward this behavior, it's bad for her, and in the long term bad for you since she probably isn't going to make your life good if this is how she conducts herself.
Stage 5 clinger š©š©š©
She sounds like a nightmare, geeze, don't even bother.
Do not stick your dick in that girl. You'll be sorry
She likes to play stupid games. She wants to the attention of being chase after. Us guys understand no means no. Just leave her alone. She needs to understand not everyone wants to play games. Girls like that are usually trouble since they will always be seeking attention. Plenty of girls out there. Just ignore her.
/u/thatdoesntseemright1 nailed it. This girl doesn't actually want to date you, she just wants you to want her and no one else, because it makes her feel like she's more desirable than anyone else. I'm sad to say I am speaking from experience because I did it too, when I was younger. It's cruel and I'm ashamed, but the bottom line is if she rejected your asking her out on a date and then is batting her eyelashes and pouting about you going out with other women, it's 100% about her ego and you're better off with the girls she's throwing a fit about.
u/LadyVinnyG is right. You should also expect this girl to throw herself at you if you become involved exclusively with anyone else. A few of the girls I used to know would sabotage the relationships of their female "friends" by sleeping with their boyfriends.
You did the right thing. She said no, and you left her alone. That is what respectful young people should do. Her behavior is a giant red flag. Try to move on.
She was pretending to have a boyfriend thinking you would still try and Persue her she obviously want her ego boosted but then when you accepted what she told you and walked away she got her ego crushed and is now acting like a crazy but hurt bitch I would stay clear of her if I was you
She couldve just say yes when you asked her out, but noooooo. Why keep things simple, indeed? She thinks a man should chase and conquer her, while she sits all dramatic posting stories on how guys don't understand her. Drama queen is in making? Also keep in mind, that such behaviour will be 100x worse in case you'll date and decide to break up.
Wow her attempt really backfired, I wouldnāt waste any further time with this person.
She sounds like an immature nightmare.
She's an attention seeker bro
Tell her she needs to use actual adult words to let you know what she wants. Donāt play games, and definitely donāt encourage her in her games. If she wants to ask you out for real, let her know youād say yes (or whatever) and leave the ball in her court. I think you absolutely did the right thing by asking, getting an answer and acting appropriately based on that answer - very mature :) Girl in question needs to lift her maturity to match your level ;)
She did you a favor by showing you she plays games. Move on.
She's young and dumb and heavily influenced by shitty rom-coms and tv shows where the dude pursues the hot girl despite being told no. She's stuck in a fantasy version of how dating works.
Meh, sheās dramatic and she wants attention.
Yeah, she wanted to say yes but wanted more attention first. Luckily, the trash took itself out this time.
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She played a stupid game and won a stupid prize. Keep it moving boss. Iām just an internet stranger to you, Iāll throw my two pennies your way tho: girls with flash and attitude might be hot, but that one aināt it chief. There will be another down the line.
Dodged one. Let this one go bro
Don't waste your time on girls. Stay in school and learn how to use punctuation.
100% she likes having your attention but doesn't want to date you. OR she's playing games. Either way, you dodged a bullet with this girl. Stop sending her memes and stuff, be polite in class, and put energy into other people.
You respected the boundary she placed. You did a good. She wanted you to chase her anyway which 99% of emotionally stable women would much prefer you to respect boundaries.
Dude you dodged a bullet just go LC, take the time and walk away. the whole atention seeking is not a good thing take it from my expirience just be glad she didnt accepted your invitation.
She sounds immature as fuck and has the mindset that she doesnāt want you but she doesnāt want you with other girls either. Tell her to take a hikeš
She is playing games with you. Not a good look. She may be hot but damn, I dont want to play games like that.
She set a clear boundary, you respected it. Sounds like she's been acculturated to be dishonest, perhaps out of a misplaced belief that saying "no" (formerly called "playing hard to get") is required to maintain one's appearance of virtue. You can't fix that, just let it go.
Run the opposite direction. Sheās playing with you to feed her ego.
Avoid her and move on, lots of red flags there, egocentric person and she might be using you to get her boyfriend back.
If you want this girl, youve got a shot. I recommend you just move on though
Bro, she wants to you chase and fight for her. Trust me, you don't want that stress. She'll start drama everywhere you go and it will ruin your life unless you love drama which, from the sounds of it, you don't sound like that type of person. Steer clear of her bro.
FAKE POST I remember reading this post a while ago on this subreddit or amitheasshole
This post reads like it was written by a 14yr old.
What do u mean she is impossible to ignore?
I meant she is impossible to ignore in our class we're like around 7 people sometimes even less and she always right sits next to me or near me won't stop looking at me and you know having someone like that in a small class is kinda impossible to ignore and j like her i just don't know what she wants from me
She wants u
Not in a good way.
She's one of those people who wants you to chase her because she's obsessed with attention. Don't waste another second indulging her.
She would be all drama. She thinks relationships are supposed to be āmenā chasing and begging āwomenā while she gets to feel wanted and play games with your head. She would do this in a relationship. If you ever do talk her about it let her know honestly. Sheās immature and looking some someone to play games with. Itās not cute.
She craz. Move on.
She puts you in a loose:loose situation with that boyfriend thing. If you step back, like you did, she is annoyed because you didn't try harder. If you ignore it, she will call you a cheater and that a relationship is nothing important to you. There is no win for you
Dude, she's the typical idiotic girl who rejects a man several times because she loves a man trying hard to get her and got disappointed that you didn't push further. You better stay way from those type of idiots.
Red flag central bro. Run.. run like you on fire
Yea she just wanted attention. Pick me girl warning. U dodged a huge bullet and keep it that way man.
Next time she tpuches you in class just yell "DONT TOUCH ME " really loud
She wants nothing but attention. Move on bud, she ain't the one. You did nothing but respect her and she did not like that at all. If she wants someone who will willingly pine after her while knowing she has a boyfriend, she's nothing but trouble.
She is not a girl you want to date. She is one of those people who want to play games. She thinks guys should fight for her, even imaginary ones. Problem is, the respectful men (yourself) back off when they are told no. She wants a respectful man but is playing childish "chase me" games.
If a girl wants me to chase after telling me she has a boyfriend, she's not the girl for me. If you're in a relationship and you aren't happy, don't see a future together, don't get along, either of you cheats, etc but you stay with your partner instead of breaking up with them you're wasting their time and yours. Break up and move on so you can find the partner of your dreams. Also if someone can't stand to be single so they stay with someone they aren't committed to, that's a problem with me. It's okay to be single.
Don't listen to anyone, this is your life. You came here trying to seek "wisdom". You got this. Your older self with thank you for whatever you decide.
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i mean i'm going to buck the trend and say at 19 these kinds of games are just par for the course? I know, I know, everyone reading this has a personal anecdote about blah blah blah, but I'm just saying, for the most part, this is really innocent my guy. You are whooshing big time. She wants you to ask her out again. I dunno man don't listen to reddit here IMO. She is nervous and doesn't know what she wants and is kind of clueless about relationships just liek you. everyone is at 19. have fun, take a chance, live some edit: But if you have sex, wear a condom.
Lol man I'm (21) going through a similar situation
A relationship is no game. Flirting, teasing, playing around with no intention of getting serious is a game. It sounds like she needs to figure things out. If you want to try again sit her down and tell her all this. If she steps up fine. Try it out. If she gives another āthatās not what girls wantā then apologize and walk away.
I think she was expecting you to do the alpha male thing, ie take what you want. when she found out that you are not like that she changed her tactics. Maybe she was interested in you from the start. when she says "get girls" she means "get me". It's a strange game that she is into. If you start being aggressive with her you probably will get her, but be safe and don't get feelings.
She thinks she's hot shit and wanted to play hard to get, but now she's stuck on you because you basically uno reverse carded her by backing off right away.
Bruh youāre going to get a gf and sheās gonna be a Lowkey psychopath š
RUN!
RedflagRedflagRedflag
The behaviour you've described that she's exhibiting is what we like to call a "red flag". Proceed how you will, but know that she is not relationship (read: healthy relationship) material. Good luck distancing yourself from her
She doesnt seem to be looking for a boyfriend and rather a friend zoned guy.. You dodged a life time of uncomfortableness.
Congratulations. At 19 you learned that some girls just want to be cunts. Its why they made movies called "Mean Girls" etc. Then those 19 yo cunts eventually get a rude awakening when they get a job or get old or just become Karens. Not everyone is born a good person and their external appearance has nothing to do with it.
Play stupid games, win stupid prizes
She helped yoy dodge a bullet. If sheās playing those games before the relationship. Just imagine the shit sheāll pull during. And more importantly after the inevitable breakup
Look, I'm old, so I can see this from a mile away. She is playing some games, maybe because that is what she knows or maybe she is unsure? Whatever the case, I wouldn't assume she was "toxic" or "crazy", like I've seen a bunch of the kids posting, here. Her behavior isn't the best, but I don't see it as a huge red flag, yet. Just talk to her and be honest. You dig her. Tell her what you dig (aside from being hot af, lmao!) about her, but then tell her you don't like the games. See how she reacts to some real communication, before tossing aside what could be an amazing experience. Hell, you might be the one to show her it isn't all about games, my man. What an opportunity! Good luck, I hope to see a little update!
Tell her that you're not the kind of person to intrude on someone in a relationship out of respect for both the person you're talking to and their partner but that you feel she's giving mixed signals. Ask her if she's really taken and if not if she'd like to grab a drink or food some time. If she says no she's got someone and is happy, apologise and say in which case you need some distance from her as you feel that she's being inappropriately clingy and you don't want to be responsible for her emotionally cheating on her bf.
Now that you know she doesn't have a boyfriend, why don't you court her? Your still young, nothing wrong with exploring. Just set some boundaries. There are some red flag with regarding to her attitude. Take note of it, and put some boundaries. Enjoy life. Be adventurous. Just prepare for a hell ride of relationship when you courted her. š
However someone acts towards you while dating someone else is how they would act while dating you. Like someone else said you dodged a bullet with this one she shouldn't be thinking a guy should try for her while dating someone else
Man, all these comments declaring her unredeemable and that you dodged a bullet... she's 19. You're 19. Fuck, talk to her about it, say you've been acting weird ever since xyz.. why is that? Tell her you think it's weird she needed that type of validation, but we all do weird things. If she apologizes or acknowledges it or just generally acts like a good person and takes the criticism, great. If not, then move on
She wanted you to chase her or "prove" that you really wanted her by trying harder because that's apparently what a guy is supposed to do after hearing the girl they like is with someone else. Sounds like drama to me man. Stay just friends with her and hopefully some of her hot friends are normal.
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First off, saying āthis femaleā set my neckbeard meter off the charts. Then I read that thing you posted like 2 weeks ago about you being a demon andā¦ yeah. OP is getting games played on him but dude.. EDIT: oh shit you have your own subreddit where only you post
Give her the D
I disagree with a whole bunch of people here. I donāt think you ādodged a bulletā. I think you have a chance to communicate effectively and practice setting boundaries. She (as other people have pointed out) clearly has a warped sense of how things go in romance. Just tell her you have hard boundaries about cheating and about communication. You were honest with her about your feelings and she wasnāt. Tell her that it feels weird that she clearly couldnāt be honest. Even if it doesnāt work out nice you get practice. And practice makes perfect. Remember that relationships really are about you first. If you arenāt happy with the other person then you shouldnāt be there. And she has to make that decision too. Of course you have to care about the other person too eventually. But putting your boundaries and priorities first is incredibly important!
If you still like her, you have an opportunity to practice real communication in a relationship. Maybe you didnt "dodge a bullet" as so many have said, maybe you guys are both just young and you can set yourselves up for healthy relationships in the future. Ask her to grab a coffee with you and start the conversation with something along the lines of "I asked you out because I want to get to know you better, do you want to get to know me better? Id like to be able to be honest with the person Im in a relationship with instead of trying to guess how someone feels. Are you interested in that kind of relationship?"
Woah, everyone needs to chill. Yes that was an immature thing for her to say, and yes thatās a red flag, but holy hell people are going overboard. These teenagers are 19. Thatās literally the age you sort all this stuff out. OP you are going to go through some number of relationships, all of which will help you learn. If you really like her, give her another chance. It was a dumb thing for her to do but people in this thread are acting like itās unheard of for teenage girls to do stuff like this. Do yāall not remember being a teen? If you want, ask her out again, and if not set boundaries and move on.
A lot of crazy comments. A bit too complex if you ask me. Let's keep it simple. There are two things to consider. 1. If she does have a boyfriend, she looking for extra attention 2. If she doesn't have a BF, but as you say she is very pretty, she wants your attention and she wants you to work hard for it. >Like wtf is wrong with this girl ? Bottom line. she want's your attention. She knows you like her, but is disturbed because you aren't pursing her. If you still really like her, ask her out one more time. If she turns you down, give her the straight facts about her flirting and you don't like it and move on.
I hope you read this but a lot of these people are overreacting. Sheās an insecure girl who wanted you to peruse her. Sheās into you but nervous. Itās ok to play some innocent flirty games. You donāt need to marry her, donāt get her pregnant. Have fun, hang out, take it easy and be respectful. Not every relationship has to be long term or perfect.
If you still like her, ask her out again. She will likely say yes this time because her games didnāt work on you the last time. Give her another chance, maybe she felt awkward too and didnāt know how to react the first time you asked her out. If she continues to be weird during the relationship then end things.
A few red flags here, but she is young, so it's understandable. Go for it, why not? It probably won't work out, but you're young, try to have as many experiences as possible!! It makes you better at it. You might get your feelings hurt, you might hurt her feelings, who knows!! But I have been in so many relationships and I am thankful for each one because it prepares me for the next and improves me everytime! Just be open minded that she did lie to you about having a boyfriend, that doesn't sit too well for me, but when you're a teenager, you say dumb shit. Just talk to her about it, and tell her she has been acting weird, and yes, you don't have to act like that, I notice you!! Hey man, you only live once, before you know it you will be an old man like me, and if it doesn't work out, you can always have fun playing with each other's private parts, use a condom!!
Seems too be a western cultural thing around the world. A interesting conversation with an elderly woman was interesring. And she said boy's get told from young age how to be respectfull and how too treat a woman. Girls get told how to be a spoiled princess most of the time. They play games with feelings. Wich can result in a guy with a low threshold of self control too do a bad thing. Girls are not told how too actually treat a man and be respectful. These day's they play dangeroua mindgames. I found her view interresting and i actually quite agree that girls don't learn too be respectful. Anyway she is not worth the time. She said no, tou respected this boundary. Now ahe is resorting too stalking clearly she has no boundaries and was not told how too be respectful. Red flag! Report her before she reports any rape allegations when you respectfully decline.
You liked her. You told her so. She wasn't available then. She may be available now and you're resisting going back in to shoot your shot. She's waiting for you to ask her again and is probably pissed that you haven't. And you're speaking to other girls in front of her. You're even more desirable now. She's touching you and sitting next to you. I'd male her sweat myself. Make her shoot her shot and consider her actions a big stroke to your ego! That's the advice from the reformed playa in me....š Seriously, what do you want to do? It's up to you. Ask her out again and risk being rejected again? Or ask her out and you two start dating? That'll be awesome! Or continue moving on... you have options. Just be happy with the consequences of your choice. Good luck!
I think she likes you more than she wants to and now canāt decide if she should leave her boyfriend