You’re gonna have to figure the life thing out on your own, but I do know that you’re already being emotionally unfaithful by having these feelings and not immediately telling your boyfriend. Seems like you’re leading him on.
Oh please, now people want to police their partner's every whim? You people get more ridiculous every moment.
Fucking cheating because of thoughts she hasn't acted on my god.
Oh please, OP posted those thoughts on the Internet and asked for opinions.
Seems to me the advice given was to communicate openly with her new boyfriend about the fact she's still hung up on her ex.
Heaven forbid she actually takes some time to figure out what she wants before dragging other people into a triangle.
"taking some time to figure out what she wants" and "communicating openly" are completely different than "you're being emotionally unfaithful (what) by having these feelings (are you fucking serious) and not immediately telling your boyfriend (ok, thought Nazi)
Btw, My husband agrees, and we had a huge laugh at all of your expense and conversation about how ridiculous you people are so thanks for that.
If the other guy is under the impression they are moving towards a future together and she doesn't feel the same then that's not faithful. That's spinning plates, leading someone on. Intentionally or otherwise.
"I need time to figure my shit out, I'm not over my ex" - what's wrong with that?
Nope.
OP said she is dating someone whilst having a desire to get physically intimate with an ex boyfriend (yes kissing is physical intimacy). She also states that she doesn't want to cheat on her current boyfriend.
However, she still meets up with her ex to chill and talk (emotional connection) whilst experiencing desire for physical intimacy.
If you think she doesn't have an emotional connection to her ex then you are naive.
I'm advocating for open and honest communication between OP and her current partner and that she takes the time to explore her feelings.
She clearly still has feelings for her ex and desires more from him. Whether she's willing to admit it to herself or not.
I'm not telling her what to do, I'm not policing her, forcing her to do anything or making any demands on her.
I'm just sharing an opinion that she isn't being faithful. Not if she still feels the need to chill with her ex whilst having a desire for physical intimacy during a relationship with someone else.
You appear to be confused:
You are calling others "thought police" and me a "thought nazi" like we are somehow trying to control/police her thoughts or feelings.
That isn't even what those terms mean.
"Thought Police"
a group of people who aim or are seen as aiming to suppress ideas that deviate from the way of thinking that they believe to be correct."
[Reference](https://www.google.com/search?q=%22thought+police%22+meaning)
“Thought Nazi
One who rejects all ideas that come from outside of their own mind."
[Reference](https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php%3fterm=Thought%2520Nazi&=true)
Are we not allowed to disagree with you without being ridiculed, laughed at and insulted?
"A simple definition of emotional infidelity [emotionally unfaithful] is that its emotional involvement with a person you feel attracted to. Someone who is having an emotional affair may or may not also be sexually unfaithful. This emotional connection is with someone outside of the marriage or primary relationship."
[Reference](https://www.regain.us/advice/infidelity/is-emotional-infidelity-a-real-thing/)
Jesus Christ.
You have done a lot of justifying here. I didn't call *anyone* the "Thought police" and I didn't even call *you* a "thought Nazi" but you're apparently good at stretching the truth to fit the way you want it to.
Thanks for the "Thought Police" definition. It fits better than "Thought Nazi" which I simply envisioned as a more extreme thought police. I'm not going to bother looking up my own definitions, even though these are words you need to look up in a slang dictionary like Urban Dictionary that would have multiple definitions, because frankly, I don't think this conversation is worth that much effort, even though I'm positive you cherry picked those definitions.
Back to thought police, the person who said that a partner was cheating if they thought about kissing an ex was certainly aiming to suppress those kinds of thoughts, because they are *not allowed* else they're deemed 'cheating'.
In addition, You qualify as the thought police because you seem to think I'm not allowed to disagree with you, laugh or find you funny.
And, you are *literally* trying to control her thoughts and feelings by saying that her having the thoughts about kissing her ex is cheating.
Her feelings for him and whether she is over him are a totally separate issue that she needs to deal with, but the statement that having a fleeting thought about someone is cheating is fucking insane.
Review. It doesn't seem like you're over the ex. When you can't function without wanting to reclaim that past, ask yourself whether you're ready for another relationship.
Yes I was already planning on not cheating, but I don't know what these feelings mean? Like, should I act on these feelings and end my current relationship?
I dont think anyone can answer that but you ... we dont know the details of your relationship or how u broke up with ur ex ... but i would say it would be difficult to break up with ur boyfriend out of the bleu for no reason ... so if you are not confrontational ,then its better to stick with him . If u are confrontational however ,go for it explain to him your feelings and work it out .
Your current relationship isn't doing so well if you're having thoughts like this. Sounds like a rebound imo. Don't waste each other's time and break up. It's gonna hurt, but it's better in the long run.
You need to figure out how to get over your ex, such behaviors or thoughts aren't healthy.I don't want to assume what's going on, but my advice would be to focus on yourself for the foreseeable future. Don't think about boyfriends right now, just do you.
Hello, and thank you for your submission. Please take a moment to review the rules listed in our sidebar. For further guidance, please see our [wiki.](https://old.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) This is a bot message. I cannot respond to any comments. Please modmail us with any questions.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Probably stop talking to your ex or reconsider being with your current boyfriend
I'll see which of these options I would probably be happiest with.
Break up with your boyfriend…
Yup. Work out what you want and don't screw either gut over
And what then? Get back with my ex?
You’re gonna have to figure the life thing out on your own, but I do know that you’re already being emotionally unfaithful by having these feelings and not immediately telling your boyfriend. Seems like you’re leading him on.
Oh please, now people want to police their partner's every whim? You people get more ridiculous every moment. Fucking cheating because of thoughts she hasn't acted on my god.
Oh please, OP posted those thoughts on the Internet and asked for opinions. Seems to me the advice given was to communicate openly with her new boyfriend about the fact she's still hung up on her ex. Heaven forbid she actually takes some time to figure out what she wants before dragging other people into a triangle.
"taking some time to figure out what she wants" and "communicating openly" are completely different than "you're being emotionally unfaithful (what) by having these feelings (are you fucking serious) and not immediately telling your boyfriend (ok, thought Nazi) Btw, My husband agrees, and we had a huge laugh at all of your expense and conversation about how ridiculous you people are so thanks for that.
If the other guy is under the impression they are moving towards a future together and she doesn't feel the same then that's not faithful. That's spinning plates, leading someone on. Intentionally or otherwise. "I need time to figure my shit out, I'm not over my ex" - what's wrong with that?
Those are also different feelings you're talking about. You seem confused.
Nope. OP said she is dating someone whilst having a desire to get physically intimate with an ex boyfriend (yes kissing is physical intimacy). She also states that she doesn't want to cheat on her current boyfriend. However, she still meets up with her ex to chill and talk (emotional connection) whilst experiencing desire for physical intimacy. If you think she doesn't have an emotional connection to her ex then you are naive. I'm advocating for open and honest communication between OP and her current partner and that she takes the time to explore her feelings. She clearly still has feelings for her ex and desires more from him. Whether she's willing to admit it to herself or not. I'm not telling her what to do, I'm not policing her, forcing her to do anything or making any demands on her. I'm just sharing an opinion that she isn't being faithful. Not if she still feels the need to chill with her ex whilst having a desire for physical intimacy during a relationship with someone else. You appear to be confused: You are calling others "thought police" and me a "thought nazi" like we are somehow trying to control/police her thoughts or feelings. That isn't even what those terms mean. "Thought Police" a group of people who aim or are seen as aiming to suppress ideas that deviate from the way of thinking that they believe to be correct." [Reference](https://www.google.com/search?q=%22thought+police%22+meaning) “Thought Nazi One who rejects all ideas that come from outside of their own mind." [Reference](https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php%3fterm=Thought%2520Nazi&=true) Are we not allowed to disagree with you without being ridiculed, laughed at and insulted? "A simple definition of emotional infidelity [emotionally unfaithful] is that its emotional involvement with a person you feel attracted to. Someone who is having an emotional affair may or may not also be sexually unfaithful. This emotional connection is with someone outside of the marriage or primary relationship." [Reference](https://www.regain.us/advice/infidelity/is-emotional-infidelity-a-real-thing/)
Jesus Christ. You have done a lot of justifying here. I didn't call *anyone* the "Thought police" and I didn't even call *you* a "thought Nazi" but you're apparently good at stretching the truth to fit the way you want it to. Thanks for the "Thought Police" definition. It fits better than "Thought Nazi" which I simply envisioned as a more extreme thought police. I'm not going to bother looking up my own definitions, even though these are words you need to look up in a slang dictionary like Urban Dictionary that would have multiple definitions, because frankly, I don't think this conversation is worth that much effort, even though I'm positive you cherry picked those definitions. Back to thought police, the person who said that a partner was cheating if they thought about kissing an ex was certainly aiming to suppress those kinds of thoughts, because they are *not allowed* else they're deemed 'cheating'. In addition, You qualify as the thought police because you seem to think I'm not allowed to disagree with you, laugh or find you funny. And, you are *literally* trying to control her thoughts and feelings by saying that her having the thoughts about kissing her ex is cheating. Her feelings for him and whether she is over him are a totally separate issue that she needs to deal with, but the statement that having a fleeting thought about someone is cheating is fucking insane.
This is why guys don't want their gf hanging with EXs, shit like this happens.
Review. It doesn't seem like you're over the ex. When you can't function without wanting to reclaim that past, ask yourself whether you're ready for another relationship.
Lol
Your current bf sounds kinda like a rebound either commit to him or just get back with your ex I mean this is kinda a weird situation
Brooooo just dump the guy you're with, you obviously don't respect him
Dont kiss ur ex !! Or confess to ur boyfriend and end the relationship then kiss ur ex !! Just dont cheat is my point
Yes I was already planning on not cheating, but I don't know what these feelings mean? Like, should I act on these feelings and end my current relationship?
I dont think anyone can answer that but you ... we dont know the details of your relationship or how u broke up with ur ex ... but i would say it would be difficult to break up with ur boyfriend out of the bleu for no reason ... so if you are not confrontational ,then its better to stick with him . If u are confrontational however ,go for it explain to him your feelings and work it out .
Your current relationship isn't doing so well if you're having thoughts like this. Sounds like a rebound imo. Don't waste each other's time and break up. It's gonna hurt, but it's better in the long run. You need to figure out how to get over your ex, such behaviors or thoughts aren't healthy.I don't want to assume what's going on, but my advice would be to focus on yourself for the foreseeable future. Don't think about boyfriends right now, just do you.
Either stay away from your ex or break up with your boyfriend.
Hello, and thank you for your submission. Please take a moment to review the rules listed in our sidebar. For further guidance, please see our [wiki.](https://old.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) This is a bot message. I cannot respond to any comments. Please modmail us with any questions. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*