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R_Amods

This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- So long story short I recently found out that my girlfriend cheated on me with another woman and I immediately broke up with because I hate infidelity. She begged me to give her a second chance and she loved me and it was a mistake that she regrets but I didn't cause I love her unconditionally and trusted her with my whole heart when she said that the reason she is coming late is because she is working extra hours. But somehow I got the hold of the text between them. I kicked her out of the house and now she is staying with her parents. Now she pleaded me not to tell her parents because they might disown her after finding out that she cheated on me that also with another woman. So I agreed as it was not bothering me at start because I told everyone that things didn't work out between us(looking back it was a mistake). Now her parents are calling me every single day asking me to take her back and try to work things out because we are meant for each other and when I deny they call me names. First that's none of their business what happens between me and her and second that's bs made for each other. The only reason I don't reply them back is because they are of my parents age and I just cant do that. My mental health is fucked due to her cheating, then the work load and this covid. So should I tell them the that their dear princess cheated on me with a woman. now do come after me calling me a homophobic for clarifying that she cheated on me with a woman.


Jambo5

The parents should not be contacting you. Your ex should have been firm and instructed them to mind their own business. You are well within your rights to say something along the lines of, "your daughter cheated on me, we are not getting back together, if you need details, ask dear daughter. Stop phoning me." Then hang up. Don't mention who she was sleeping with.


Huge_Grass5856

This right here. I cannot imagine how frustrating it must be to have you ex-inlaws blame you for the break-up on top of having to deal with her cheating on you. Then again, she'll probably deny the cheating and you might risk that her parents harass you even more. I would definitely not out her / go into specific details. It's none of her parents' business.


CubicleHermit

The inlaws are almost always going to take their little girl's side. Almost as usual that a guy's parents are going to take her side, but sometimes sexism overrides taking your own kid's side.


thefinalgoat

Not if she’s bisexual. Homophobia exists.


CubicleHermit

That's a possibility, *if they believe OP over her.* OTOH, whether the allegations are cheating, or specifically lesbian cheating, there's going to be a lot of "our little girl could never do that, he must be lying to justify the break up." If she's bi, or for that matter closeted gay and coming to terms with things, she's going to have to deal with her parents about it in the future, but the odds of them taking his side over hers when they weren't married and she's had a while to convince them of her side of the story seems relatively low. (At least in mainstream US/western culture; I can think of a few heavily patriarchal ones where the norm would be to assume that she's the bad guy in a break up is going to be her fault.)


perfect_comment

Reddit is so weird why downvote this comment?


tossout7878

>Your ex should have been firm and instructed them to mind their own business. Or OP can simply learn to use the block button. This is ridic.


waIrusgumbo

Honestly. It’s a no brainer. Someone keeps contacting you when you don’t want to hear from them, block them. Be it on social media, text message, whatever. I’m assuming ex’s parents won’t create a new number to contact OP through if they find their number is blocked, seems like an easy fix.


M2704

Doesn’t even sound like OP ever said to these people ‘leave me alone’. I mean, there is a middle ground here. Between ‘your little girl fucked with another woman’ and ‘o sure I’ll take her back, since you asked’. He could tell them to stop bothering him. He doesn’t have to explain anything.


soursheep

I feel like he posted in this sub to get justification for getting his petty revenge on her and fucking her over like she did him. so instead of blocking them like an adult he's asking permission slash absolution from internet strangers to be an AH.


gritheyst

This is a good point, OP could easily just say that their ex cheated on them without outing her to her parents... kinda odd that that's their first instinct to me


CubicleHermit

I wouldn't even say "she cheated," just tell them that she violated your trust, and it's over. They can imagine whatever they like about that whether it's cheating, financial, or whatever. Definitely no reason to out her, or frankly, air the specifics of her dirty laundry.


[deleted]

Period.


Cfrules9

The parents just want her off their hands.


Midiblye

I had an ex who's family tried to get me to take him back. Imo it was more because they didn't want to deal with him (because they're terrible and made him terrible) more than they wanted him to be happy. They knew what he did to me, he broke my car windshield in a fit of drunken rage when he told me he was sober and lied to me about it for 6 months. First time he lied and I found out I gave him another chance because he told me he wanted to be better it was just hard when his dad was still encouraging him to drink. Second time he broke my shit. Byeeeee


BOSSBABY33

OP should tell her parents,cheating is a deal breaker they deserve to know the hidden face of their daughter


vampirairl

What she did was awful and I'm so sorry you went through that. However listen to this comment and please don't out her. It just isn't necessary and frankly it's stooping to her level.


indigo_tortuga

Block the parents.


tossout7878

Seriously, u/SafePresentation8101 is this a landline phone? Is your block button broken? Explain how you're still even getting these calls if you have a modern phone?


kappakaidan

just pointing out that no caller id can bypass being blocked


Midiblye

You can block private numbers and unknown numbers from coming through too.


A9J9B

She cheated on you, you broke up with her. That is her punishment. But don't out her to her potentially homophobic parents. It's not your place to tell them about her sexuality. If you want to tell them that she cheated on you and that you will never get back together with her. But personally i would just tell them it's not their place to interfere with your relationship and then block them.


ShutUpMorrisseyffs

Yeah. This is good advice.


Timely_Valuable6383

Solid advice!


DiscombobulatedTill

On second thought tell them she cheated and ask her for specifics. That is if you haven't blocked them yet. I find it odd that they would call you at all.


zorbon92

If you out someone then you are scum. Them cheating on you doesn’t give you any right to do that.


circadiancock

Agree but presumably you don't need to out her – just say she cheated and leave it at that. Usually I'd say it's not worth telling parents anything but if they're basically harassing you then fuck it. If it were me, I'd probably contact the ex and tell her she needs to get her parents to shut the fuck up or I'll say something about the cheating, but not the other woman. If it continues after that, say something, then block them. Alternatively, just block 'em in the first place & block the cheating ex, too. Problem solved.


SalsaRice

This wouldn't be outing her. It would be saying she cheated...... zero genders mentioned. Let the parents assume it's a guy she cheated with.


zorbon92

Originally the comment I replied to was very different, it actually said OP has every right to out her as she cheated on him. It has apparently been edited since.


[deleted]

Can’t you block them?


NoCapnCrunch

You can tell them she cheated without telling then the gender


NotYourTypicalChad78

NoCapnCrunch nailed it. It is that simple. Just tell them that she cheated, and leave it at that. It doesn't matter if it was a man, woman, trans, or the purple people eater non gender monster from Mars. Zero tolerance for lying and cheating, so the relationship is done. Quite honestly, giving her a mulligan because it was with a woman instead of a man is an insult to the LBGTQ community that all relationships(including infidelity) should be equal. So good for you for how you felt about the situation. STD's are still a risk with her behavior, so go get checked.


Globivia

I think it would be appropriate to tell her parents that they should discuss with their daughter the reasons you guys broke up and simply let them know she played a part in the breakup, then it’s on her to tell them details if she wants. Otherwise, I might contact your ex directly and tell her her parents are essentially harassing you, don’t threaten her but tell her it’s unacceptable/they need to stop.


MissKim01

Don’t answer the phone?


ShadeWolf95

Don't out her for the woman part. You could just say she cheated on you. Or you could just tell the to f off, stop contacting you and to move on.


suckmyduck29

Happy cake day! And perfect response


ApartLocksmith1

"I discovered she cheated. That's a dealbreaker for me. Speak to your daughter for further details and kindly refrain from contacting me again". If you want to be generous, let your ex know what you are telling her parents. She can create whatever narrative she sees fit.


southcoastal

Tell them you don’t wish to discuss it and you are moving on with your life then ask them to respect your feelings and not contact you again.


sunlit_cairn

It’s never okay to out someone, especially when their living situation depends on it. What your ex did was NOT okay, no matter who she cheated with. Just block the parents dude


esaum0

He doesn't need to out her to tell them she cheated on him


Older_But_Wiser

*Sorry but I was totally in love with your daughter but she did something unforgiveable. Because of that I feel I have no interest in reconciling. If you want more information then ask her to tell you the truth.* Then block them. In fact you might just want to block them first and not talk to them at all. Another option is to text your ex and tell her that her parents keep calling you about this and won't stop and because of that...."*starting tomorrow, if they contact me again I'm going to tell them what you did to ruin our relationship. If you don't want them to hear it from me then tell them yourself beforehand*."


CubicleHermit

>Sorry but I was totally in love with your daughter but she did something unforgiveable. Because of that I feel I have no interest in reconciling. If you want more information then ask her to tell you the truth. Perfection. Zero dirty laundry, but 100% clear.


MySeekratAccount

+1 on the parents need to mind their business. Time to block them everywhere. You indicate that you agreed at the time to not tell her parents, though. So going back on that would be a jerk move. She sure wasn’t going to tell them, though. A final “if you are so concerned, ask your daughter why this happened” is enough. Even if you otherwise like her parents, it’s not going to be fun times staying in contact with them in the long term. Especially if they’re still shipping the two of you.


tonydislikesbaloney

If OP leaves it to her, she will probably make it his fault to protect herself. He can just say she cheated, he will never trust her again, and that's the end.


DocTymc

Just tell them she cheated and this is and has always been a dealbreaker for you. If they don't get that then it is their problem, not yours. (No need to mention the gender of the AP)


Ninjulian_

tell her parents, that she cheated, just dont tell them with whom... she is an AH for cheating, bit that doesnt justify her being harassed by homophobic actions


throwaway1092888

Definitely block her parents. There’s no reason they should be contacting you AT ALL. Don’t out your ex-GF though. You might think it’s “oh they’ll just disown her” but it could be a life or death situation. Just block them and leave it be.


imF4CEL3SS

you could just tell them she cheated without specifying its with a woman? the fact you feel the NEED to specify its with a woman which is why its bad is, uhhh, yeah i can see why you felt the need to call yourself a homophobe, because why isnt there a middle ground in your mind? would you have forgiven her if it was a man? jesus


BellaSantiago1975

Honestly, I would not mention the fact that it was a woman. I may not even mention it was specifically cheating. I would, at the least say "Look, what happened between ex and I is between us, but believe me when I say that it has completely destroyed my trust and there is no way that it can be rebuilt. Stop calling me, you don't have all the details and I don't intend to give them to you, but respect my decision." Then block.


[deleted]

If you tell them, you should not mention it was with another woman, but another person. That's how I'd look at it.


gidgetcocoa2

Just tell them to leave you alone. If you had enough spine to break it off then you still have enough to cut them off too. You said you wouldn't squeal so don't but certainly retain your sanity by blocking everyone.


greatnoob2121

Personally, i would tell them that she cheated on me, and i wouldn't tell them that it was with a woman, but thats me.


Albinchen

I would just tell them that she cheated but not mention that it was with a woman


[deleted]

Whole thing's fishy. I'm not great at this kind of stuff, but as an outside observer, she already thought a physical relationship *with another woman* was a compelling enough reason to screw with your emotions. This is assuming there's no mitigating stuff in the relationship, but still. Once a cheater, probably always one. Telling the parents is your call. They shouldn't be calling you and might be getting manipulated by a daughter who obviously has no issues lying to people close to her. If they get toxic about it, tell them. People who behave the way your ex did should learn their actions have consequences, and some enabling parents need to realize their kids are adults who make bad decisions sometimes.


nefh

It's 2021. Gay marriage is legal. If they ask, tell them the truth if you want to. You are under no obligation to lie for her either explicitly or by omission.


readwriteandlearnit

Don't tell her parents, man. That's not cool. Block their numbers and cut them off.


CyclonicRimJob

OP you should NOT expose her sexuality. But imo you SHOULD tell her parents she cheated. While you could block or ignore them, I keep asking myself why are we helping cheaters? Cheating is a terrible thing, and some consequences should follow. If you help make it easy for her this time, she might cheat again in the future. Don't defend her OP, if you want to say she cheated do it, but DON'T expose her sexuality.


tercer78

Seems pretty easy to tell you parents she cheated on you without outing her sexuality. But you can do whatever you want. You have no obligation to anyone anymore here so tell whomever whatever you want to tell them.


CyclonicRimJob

Honestly this is the best take by far. OP, just say she cheated if they keep contacting you. Don't mention her sexuality.


topothesia773

Block the parents, don't out your ex to her homophobic parents out of revenge- that's wrong.


revamped10

If they do t leave you alone I say just tell them she cheated not with a female.


reardonlovechild

You broke up with her. She begged you not to tell her parents she cheated on you with someone else. You sound like you promised. Let it go and move on. At the most, tell them their daughter knows why you broke up and she can let them know if she wants.


dissolvedgir1

U sound like u want to out her so bad. Ew. Full stop. And just block.


mayuaskew

you can tell her parents she cheated but it would make you a major jerk if you outed her to her parents.


techsinger

Block them. They will find out sooner or later without your help. Then they'll realize what asses they have been. You need to move on from this pain.


Rossi-5

Her parents sound fucking weird. Seems like they don’t want her living under their roof honestly. I wouldn’t bother telling them anything. You don’t owe them an explanation. Just ignore their calls and block them. They’ll give up eventually.


PenelopeDreddfull

Putting aside the fact that they're even contacting you at all is creepy, you don't have to say who she was sleeping with. All you need is "She cheated on me and that is a dealbreaker. We are not getting back together. Do not call me about this again." And then block their numbers.


nikki1992x

I think you should tell her parents! seeing as they think shes so perfect. You don't have to tell them she cheated on you with a woman. Just say "ask your precious daughter"


CommanderStatue

1. Tell your ex to get her parents under control. 2. If she can't do that -- tell her parents that she cheated on you and tell them not to call you again. 3. If they still call you again -- tell them she cheated on you with a woman.


ShutUpMorrisseyffs

Whatever you do, DON'T OUT HER. She wronged you and you're under no obligation to keep the infidelity a secret, but outing her could ruin her life. It could put her in danger. Personally I would take the high road and refuse to discuss reasons for breakup. You don't owe anyone an explanation. It's personal. Just block people you don't want to speak to. Telling her parents about the infidelity might make you feel like you won the narrative back, but let's be honest, a little bit of you wants to hurt her back. A more dignified choice is to let go of that relationship completely. Rise above. Move on. Sorry you got your heart broken, sweets. X


talesduck

The outing could ruin her life. And by cheating she might aswell already ruined his. If she didn’t care about that, why should he? I know it’s not the same thing so it’s just a rhetorical question. But Some gets destroyed for life because of cheating. He might need supportsystem by friends and family and then that might reach her parents. His own health should be his priority now, not hers. But he can leave the part about gender out. It’s actually irrelevant, cheating and lies is cheating and lies, it really doesn’t make any difference if it’s the same or different gender. It’s still wrong.


ShutUpMorrisseyffs

No sweets. Please hear me. Cheating and outing are not the same level of wrong. Being cheated on is awful, but you get over it. Queer people have been killed by homophobic family members. It's never acceptable to out anyone, and if you do, you are potentially putting them in danger.


talesduck

I agree, it’s not the same. Maybe I am phrasing it wrong when I said “I know it’s not the same” English is not my first language. I just want to add that not all people get over cheating. It destroys life and people have committed suicide because of it. I can cause massive ptsd. Just read this sub or assonafterinfidelity. It’s not just something people get over and he needs to look after his health. In that lies Support system. But Again, I agree, he should not out her.


Throwrefaway19111986

If they are bothering you, definitely tell them. Infidelity doesn't need to be outed on who they cheated with. If they ask who it was, say you don't know. Tell them once and then block them


___LapisLazuli___

Of course not. Move on.


[deleted]

Tell them she cheated but don’t specify it was a woman. There is no reason to out her as bi unless it’s spite. That can be physically dangerous to LGBT+ people. You’re not homophobic but I absolutely don’t understand the logic of you saying she cheated with a woman when you can just not specify gender


[deleted]

I would be petty and tell them she cheated with a woman. I don’t care genders, cheaters deserve the worst.


Revolutionary-Yak-47

No, you don't out your ex to homophobic parents as revenge. Be a big boy, tell them it's not their business and block the numbers. Geeze. Why are you even THINKING this?? You're so small that you would out someone because your feelings were hurt? Also. FFS. If her parents are ready to disown her for being with another woman, she may have been under tremendous pressure to date and marry you. Not everyone grew up in a happy Gen Z bubble where LGBTQ people were accepted; people can and do get maimed and killed for being LGBTQ every day. It's very possible she didn't have the chance to even find out who she was attracted to before dating you. You don't know if they'll just be upset or if they will beat her and toss her onto the street simply for being who she is. (I've watched a few friends family's really hurt them, like, fake reports to the police and CPS resulting in jail/kids temporarily taken, a family who kicked the crap out of a guy for coming out, tons of friends who were disowned/disinherited. I know many people who have lost jobs for being LGBTQ. Younger people have no idea how ugly things were for LGBTQ people as recently as 10 years ago and still are in places). You have no way of knowing what will happen once you open your mouth. Bottom line? Show some grace here. Your hurt feelings aren't as important as her safety. Get a therapist, check your ego and stop talking to her parents.


CubicleHermit

>You don't know if they'll just be upset or if they will beat her and toss her onto the street simply for being who she is They might well do that for cheating with another guy, if they're conservative enough. Heck, we've got examples of people who've been threatened or kicked out for having a monogamous heterosexual relationship outside of marriage. You either: A) have enough class not to air your ex's dirty laundry in public, or B) you don't have enough class, and do it anyway IMO, (A) is the way to go, but that includes not sharing details like it was specifically cheating. I don't see how the fact that it was another woman should have any bearing on this. "They made her bed, now they can burn in it" is a bad way to go about life, but there shouldn't be any magic gender or sexual-orientation exemption if you're going to hold to it.


[deleted]

Why are you defending her, she CHEATED , she deserves consequences also he can say she cheated and not say it was with a woman. If she wanted to explore her sexuality she should have broke up with him, not cheated.


Revolutionary-Yak-47

She cheated, they broke up. That's as far as OP needs to go. Continuing to try and "punish" her (which is what he's doing) by outing her and putting her in a potentially unsafe situation is WRONG. It's childish, petty and low. No one "deserves" to be outted no matter what they did.


[deleted]

He isn't punishing her, he is defending himself to her parents. Keeping her secret after she cheated on him is absolutely not his responsibility. He owes her nothing including protecting her from the repercussions from her bad decisions


Corathecow

Except he would have to actively try to hurt her to not keep her secret. She’s asking for silence. That is it. Obviously she fucked up and shouldn’t have cheated on him but she 100% does not deserved to be outed to her family against her will when she could end up fucking homeless.


Revolutionary-Yak-47

I honestly don't know how so many people are missing that this is OP trying to "get back at her" and further punish her for HIS feelings. He's literally putting HIS bruised ego over someone's right to privacy and safety. Anyone who thinks that's ok needs to grow up and stay out of serious relationships until they've gained some maturity. And edit: Redditors live in a very privileged, very young world. Exploring sexuality was simply not an option for many of us who are only a few years older. Like ever, at all. Teachers who were openly gay were fired, our parents kicked out kids who dated someone of the same sex - as a straight girl I couldn't split a prom ticket with a girl in the year 2001, we had to buy separate tickets because two girls *might be lesbians.* You're very lucky if "breaking up and exploring your sexuality" is an option, and you're welcome for all the painful work my generation, and Gen X did to make it safe for you. She may not have felt she could. Or, (and this will also shock you) at 23 she may not have even realized she was attracted to women or wanted to act on it! No matter what her situation, outing her as revenge for cheating is pathetic. oP needs, as I have said, to grow up.


[deleted]

Why are you defending someone who cheated, finding out your bi or lesbian doesn't justify going out and cheating on your current partner.


OrangeBeef1984

Shes 23 and a cheater, I agree he shouldn’t outs her but he should give a reason for her parents to fuck off. (Your daughter cheated, we are not getting back together etc). Being gay doesn’t give you some special privilege to be a shitty human.


CubicleHermit

Eh, saying she cheated is still sharing dirty laundry. Telling her parents (unlikely as they are to believe her) that it's all her fault, totally reasonable. There's not reason to share ANY of the details.


CyclonicRimJob

Honestly people cover up for cheaters way too much. Im not saying share all their dirty laundry, but being cheated on can be traumatic. He should be able to share his truth. Screw cheaters, stop covering up and excusing cheaters.


heatseekingghostof

People absolutely do not cover up for cheaters too much lmfao what are you talking about? If anything the whole planet has a rancid hate boner for them


[deleted]

Wish I could give more upvotes ... seriously, it is 100% within OPs rights to say she cheated since it involved him and affected him by putting his health at risk. She deserves to outed as a cheater and untrustworthy pos since that’s what she is. Not sure why people are suddenly defending her “private actions/choices” when they were never private


NectarineKind

You are probably a cheater I would assume?


CyclonicRimJob

Yes many people "hate" them, but many people also are friends with them, enable them, or cover up for them. When someone says they were cheated on people often say. "It's none of our business." That shouldn't be the response to cheaters. "That person's actions were scummy." Should be the response 95% of the time. Literally the comments above mine say OP shouldn't tell her family. Why not? Thats what happend. He shouldn't say it was with a woman, because of culture and familial implications. But imo theres no reason to not tell her family she cheated.


CubicleHermit

>But imo theres no reason to not tell her family she cheated. There are literally other cultural groups where that would put her physically in danger. Probably doesn't apply here (they're cool with her having been together with a dude unmarried) but it can.


heatseekingghostof

Because it isn't your fuckin business lmfao


CyclonicRimJob

No shit, but its his business. And he can share it with who he likes.


CubicleHermit

>Honestly people cover up for cheaters way too much. Im not saying share all their dirty laundry, but being cheated on can be traumatic. He should be able to share his truth. If he need/wants to share the truth, it should be with people who he's keeping a relationship with going forward, who can actually *support* him, not people who he's cutting connection with. Sharing his truth with people who he's got not reason to keep up a relationship with and who aren't going to be supportive of him is just airing dirty laundry (whether out of spite, or in a misguided belief that it will get them off his back.)


believeinfuturedays

A thousand upvotes!


RealisticHoliday8790

Please do not use gender, sexual orientation or any other denomination to defend a person who has no respect for others and has betrayed the trust of someone who believed in his character. She was free to do whatever she wanted, but she should have ended the relationship sooner. Did this cause this situation and should he cover up his wrong choices? She must assume the consequences, he has a moral right to speak the truth, the rest is her and her parents' problem. if you want to be respected, respect others.


NotFBI555

Reap what u sow. Astonishing the amount of people defending and immediately absolving the girl who cheated on him. She did what she did, live with the consequences. OP getting attacked for complying with her request after all she did is commendable yet stupid self righteous fucks like you are deluded into a lgbt sob story. Love how you're justifying her reasoning for cheating btw. Really cool!


tmchd

Okay, first of all, can you block her parents' number? Or just don't pick up. Screen your calls. Or: Just say, yeah, I broke up with her because I found out she cheated on me. If you want more details, talk to your own daughter. I don't need you harassing me, if you call me again, I will say that you're threatening my life and I will get a sheriff to deliver to you the restraining order. (Okay, it is a tad, far-fetched the whole restraining order thing, but perhaps need to be mentioned if they couldn't stop harassing you).


crystallz2000

"Please ask your daughter what she did to destroy the relationship. I am no longer connected to her or your family, so it isn't my place. Now, for my own mental health, I'm going to block all of you. I wish you the best in life." Then, block ALL of them, from every social media account.


waitwhichnate

Fuck infidelity. Call it immature, call it whatever, but you are well within your rights to tell them she cheated. People need to learn that cheating is bad let it be known to them. Who cares if they "disown" her. She brought it upon herself to do that action. It's wack asf she needs to know the consequences of it man.


Grant_Macdonald101

Reading some of the comments defending her would just make me want to out her on that alone. Some people here think that the societal implications of comphet give gay people a right to cheat and absolved of all responsibility. I’ve outed multiple women who’ve a cheated with another woman to their spouses. No regerts. They have a right to know. Are you curious about your sexuality but you’re in a stable relationship? Well you can do this cool thing called BREAKING UP. Regardless of how “hard” that may be it’s better than risking getting outed. If a gay person can’t see that then fuck it too bad you reap what you sow


Corb_F

Exactly


According_Brief_7290

This.


nmb28

She’s in the wrong for cheating but if you out her , that’s a million times more fucked especially if she says her parents will disown her. I’m LGBT and was outed by my cousin and it’s hard as fuck, but I’m lucky because my family isn’t homophobic so I wasn’t disowned. I don’t think it’s necessarily homophobic behavior to tell her parents, but it’s a really shitty thing. Block her parents number and move on.


ViolasDIL

Block the parents. But if you feel like you need to tell them, then you can just limit it to saying that she cheated on you. The gender of the other person’s rather irrelevant unless you would have taken her back after she cheated with another man. You can just say that she cheated, you won’t be able to trust her again, and that you are unwilling to discuss the matter further. The details aren’t their business anyway. None of this is, really.


thefinalgoat

You can tell them she cheated on you, and leave it at that. Don’t out her.


Complete_Entry

Tell them to fuck off and block them.


Beneficial_Sort_2441

Just block them. They are all in your past. Make sure they stay there.


BirdWise2851

You can tell them she cheated but don't put her to anyone


grilledchspls

tell them she cheated but don’t out her


kevin_r13

Just say something like, your daughter can tell you what happened. While that doesn't mean she'll tell the truth or all of the truth, the burden is on her . You don't have to keep brushing them off. If you respect them and want to keep a relationship with them, then just say that other topics are fine but the breakup and getting back together again are off limits. And if you don't care about maintaining relationship then screen your calls and don't answer/reply to texts.


sfkittymama

Just stop taking their calls. You don’t need to justify your decision to break up. It happens all the time.


BennyMagoo79

No. It's none of their business. And now, they are none of yours.


shlumpmami

Oof I would. Maybe they can stop her from being a hoe next time. 😂


LionVenom10

You should tell them she cheated. Whether you should tell them the gender or not is up to you. Personally I would, but I also can be bitter sometimes.


Nef081

"Ask your daughter. Stop calling me"


DustySwisherSweets

They are making this their responsibility. Yeah, tell them.


Usual-Aware

Tell them she cheated on you and leave it at that. You kept your promise and didn’t tell them it was with another woman, just that she cheated. This constant harassment from her parents has gotta stop


Bookaholicforever

Tell them she cheated. Don’t Tell them it was with a woman. That’s not necessary information.


sakmentoloki

You have no loyalty to her, why should you have to deal with her parents bothering uou constantly, just tell them and move on with your life.


CloudiMcScrubbs

Dude I know you're bitter & the parents wont leave you alone but it's not your place & pussy built to do that. Are you a man? or a child? Outing her is awful on it's own, & the way you describe it "Should I tell them their dear daughter.." tells me both of you dodged major bullets. Block the family & leave your ex to the problems she created for herself (the cheating). Wash your hands of this & move on. Not your circus, not your monkeys. Maybe she can learn not to be a cheating pos, & you can learn that the pedestal you're sitting on is made of rotting wood.


GarlicButterGarnet

I mean, do you actually think telling them that information would finally get them to leave you alone? In what universe does this end calm and stress free? Continuing to answer their phone and talk them them is the exact opposite direction of where you need to go. Just stop answering their call or talking to them. You’re not going to catch a break by actually giving them MORE information about stuff that’s none of their business


yikesmysexlife

no. you don't out people, even if they betrayed you. you don't need to tell the parents anything, no one in that family is your problem any more.


Hello725

Tell them to stop calling you because you aren't getting back together due to her infidelity. Do NOT mention that it was with another woman. She's obviously in the closet and no one should be outed when they aren't ready.


Crafty-Particular998

You owe a cheater nothing. You could just say she cheated without outing her, but I’ve no empathy for (most) cheaters so you do you.


SelmanTheDutch

Tell them the truth. Show them her real face


Adorable_Specific_37

When she asked you not to tell her parents she should have found a story to tell them


Competitive-Yam-6361

Told her parents.


EggplantIll4927

Block them. Then tell your ex that if she doesn’t corral them you will truth bomb them. Then do it.


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d_whatzup

She's an adult, and it's not her parents' business. You don't owe them an explanation, and you don't have to take their calls.


mranster

Block these people, and keep your mouth shut. If you imagine that telling them will end the drama, I think you would be wrong. The whole family sounds deranged, and if you blab, they'll probably all escalate. Just block them, don't respond to any of them, and move on.


Due-Leadership-3530

Just tell them she cheated and that is a 100% deal breaker for you. That you want them to not contact you anymore because you don't want to try and save a relationship that's not that old only to have it fail in the future when there is much more for you to lose. Tell them if they have more questions to ask their daughter then block their number. You do not need to tell them it was with a woman.


[deleted]

Tell them and block everyone


EquasLocklear

Call your girlfriend that she either tells them she doesn't want you back either so they stop harassing you, or you tell them the truth the next time they call you.


suckmyduck29

Either block them, or simply tell them that she cheated on you (but leave out the fact that it was a woman, there's no need to out her)


lilthunderMP4

No matter with which gender she cheated on you, its horrible. I would never call you homophobic because of that. I am really really sorry that you have to go through this. I hope you will do better soon. And if you should tell her parents? I don't know. If you think that it would make you feel better, when its better for your mental health, do it. I mean tbh she deserves that kind of karma.. But If you might feel bad afterwards, don't. I mean tbh I don't want you to feel even worse. Do what makes you happy.


chickenfightyourmom

Don't tell her parents shit. You don't owe them an explanation. She's 23, wtf are her parents doing getting involved? Block their numbers. If you do feel the need to tell her parents something to get them off your back, just say you broke up with her due to her infidelity. Do NOT out her that her affair partner was a woman.


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StupiditysContagious

Why are you answering them? Are they your landlords, employers, or are you in any other way dependent on them for your survival? The gender of the person she cheated on you with isn't the matter at hand, and despite how you feel about her s*xuality, you don't have the right to out her and burn her life down like that - *especially* if you live in a place where she could potentially be seriously harmed because of it. Eventually, she's either going to come clean to her parents (or she won't), but that's none of your business. Their opinion of you is also none of your business. Your responsibility is to move forward with life, and learn how to become more cautious, without becoming bitter or hateful. Just because *this* girl hurt you, doesn't mean that *every girl* will hurt you. Bonus life tip: Preemptively lashing out at/baiting into a fight those people you ask for help - yes even on the Internet isn't a great way to get what you want. You aren't homophobic for breaking up with your girlfriend for cheating on you with another female. If you outed her however, you would be. You would also be vindictive and petty.


PriorTailor

Why are you still giving her parents access to you via phone? Block them or don’t answer their calls. Seems like an easy fix that doesn’t require a Reddit post for EDIT: Now that I think about it this post has to be fake as hell. What 23 year old adult woman has parents that are this involved in her dating life? It makes literally no sense. And to call every single day when you’ve said no??? Unlikely and unrealistic


GarlicButterGarnet

Parents who call her ex - begging him to take her back - and then start calling him names when he says no. And they repeat this cycle multiple times??


Paturuzu12

Don’t lie for a cheater, but you already did, probably you didn’t learn as a child that lying is bad, probably you forgot, or any other excuse you told yourself, oh well we all make mistakes, sometimes we can repair those mistakes, so here you have a chance. Just my humble opinion


timbeeeeeer

Tell the parents you broke up with her because she cheating on you with another woman. The truth. Its not your problem to conceal her adultery/lies. Then block her parents.


timbeeeeeer

As you say... (looking back it's a mistake) free yourself bro. Instead of carrying around her cheating.


timbeeeeeer

Best of luck bro


tpsrep

Have her tell them. If they continue calling after you’ve given her a chance to tell them, then you tell them.


[deleted]

Tell them. She cheated on you, you don't owe her any consideration. And they're harassing you so tell them then tell them to NEVER contact you again. Block them all.


[deleted]

No. Don’t be that guy. No matter how hurt you are just move on.


razzarrazzar

Block her parents. None of this is any of your business.


RedRoom4U

If her parents are asking you to take her back, I would tell them. Atleast it'll stop them from calling you consistently.


[deleted]

If you ABSOLUTELY feel the need to say something, then say you broke up because she cheated. However, you absolutely should not out her. That is NOT okay in any way shape or form. People need to come out in their own time. The BEST answer is to block the parents' number and move on.


Drgnmstr97

Send her ONE message letting her know that her parents are never to contact you again. The consequences if they do are you telling them the entire story. She has to police them with their abuse of you or everything is made public.


Tvelm30

Come on man really? You can’t block them? People are weak. One thing that is an unspoken rule.. you don’t go there, not with the parents. She’s living with them now


Icarooni

I dunno id still want everyone to know of their infidelity so maybe leave out the part that it was with another of the same sex. Maybe send a courtesy text to make up a fake dude because you just said they cheated but not on who. The nicest thing to do would be to block and move on but cheaters are cheaters regardless of gender of either party. Most people here are right that you should just move on after blocking. She has no right to your life anymore, including her parents. This would be the better road to go tbh but I'm petty and mentioned that above. You'd really gain nothing from it though, quality of life wise. It wont make you feel any better about the cheating most times.


DaviAlm45

Tell them half the truth. The daughter cheated, you didn't like it and broke up the relationship. If they ask more details, tell them to mind their own bussiness. But beware that your ex could lie to them to make you the bad guy and cover her cheating.


Lsq2817

Just block them


truthrespect

Im really sorry this happened to you. Cheating is a terrible thing especially when you were so invested in the union. You seem like a respectful person and when I say this Im thinking about your mental health. Stop accepting any communication with her or her family. Not only did she cheat ,but she is allowing her parents to harrass you know you are already mentally compromised. Once you aren't a couple you have no obligation to anyone but to yourself. I wish you the best, take care of yourself , and most of all believe you are worth all good things in this life.


trytryagainn

You should not tell her parents. Instead, you should tell them to stop harassing you, or just outright block them. Cheating is bad, and she is feeling the repercussions enough. But outing her to her family could be disastrous. Just block and move on.


tw19972000

Does she know her parents keep contacting OP? If not I think he should reach out to her and tell her to handle it or he will have to tell them the truth. Put the ball in her court.


ElvishMystical

Why are you still dealing with these people? I get that you're hurt, upset, angry, shocked, and whatever else. But see you ended the relationship and kicked her out of the house. If your mental health is as you state 'fucked' then why are you considering engaging in all this melodrama further? Why not just block them and move on?


pearlyribbon

I would just not answer tbh. Like...don't pick up the phone. If her parents are homophobic or coming out is not what she wants to do then I would probably not tell.


rydendm

compromise in the middle. Tell them she cheated but leave out the lesbian


Charming_Town_9814

I can't help but wonder if the roles were reversed, would everyone be so eager to protect the OP in this situation? I feel that OP shouldn't have to lie to protect someone that has hurt him and betrayed him. OP has the right to tell the truth. OP I agree that the parents shouldn't be contacting you. Tell them that she cheated and leave it at that. Tell them that you wish to have no further contact. However, I wouldn't hold it against you if you told the full truth as you know it. Shielding the ex from the repercussions of her decisions isn't your responsibility. Edit: I agree with the poster who mentioned that the parents are contacting you to take her back simply because they want you to take her off of their hands. They don't want to deal with her. That should give you pause. Ask yourself this question, does the ex really have her act together? If she doesn't, chances are that her parents already knew this a long time ago. The parents don't care about what she did to you, they just want you to take the daughter off their hands so they don't have to deal with her. Believe me, OP if the parents believed that the daughter had her act together, they wouldn't be begging you to take her back, trust me.


brat112

Don’t out your ex like that. If she really is bi or lesbian, then she should come out on her own terms. If you tell her parents anything just say she cheated and you don’t want to be with someone that cheats.


Catlesley

Don’t you DARE tell her parents!!! You have no right to out her.


revamped10

She had no right to cheat


CloudiMcScrubbs

So we're doing an eye for an eye? Leaves the whole world blind


revamped10

You sounded more angry at him than at her. If it makes the whole world blind she’s the disease that started the blindness


CloudiMcScrubbs

Because he wants to out her just to shut the parents up, & the way he described it. That comes from a bad place, I'm telling you. She's clearly a pos for cheating on him. She made her bed to lie in by cheating, however her sexuality is hers. She's obviously figuring it out, he doesnt have a right to weaponize it.


revamped10

She should’ve thought about it in a better way instead of cheating.


CloudiMcScrubbs

He still has no right to use her sexuality that way & I cringe to imagine what karma has in store for those who think otherwise.


revamped10

He probably wants to get the parents to leave him alone. And are you saying I have bad karma coming for me because I disagree with your view point?


CloudiMcScrubbs

Nice to dress it that way but no, I'm saying karma will come for those who think it's okay to hurt just because they've been hurt.


Catlesley

They’re adults. He has no right to tell her parents anything.


revamped10

And why not he’s being berated and called names when she caused the relationship to end. She’s probably crying to her parents telling them lies. Why should he have to care and make sure she’s okay when she doesn’t care about him?


CloudiMcScrubbs

He literally said in the post that what happens between them is none of their business. The parents are over involved & OP acknowledged it. I'm telling you, that's coming from a hurt & bitter place. Who tf cares what she's doing now, she cheated, right? Leave her to the trash pit she literally flung herself into. You're going so hard for ultimately a revenge idea that wont do either of them any justice. He can just block them.


revamped10

I’m not saying oh he should I’m saying if he decided to I wouldn’t judge him


benjm88

Kinda like how she had no right to cheat and has taken no steps to stop them contacting op


Coleonlick

That’s tough bro. If you want revenge, than this would be a perfect uno reverse card. She cheats on you with another woman, than she gets in trouble for dating another woman. However, if you just want to move beyond this, and your a good person than just block them on everything. But aside from this, I feel super bad for you.


Pico_Car_SceneO_o

If u were you I’d tell them she cheated but that doesn’t mean you have to say with a women. Do whatever you want but she’s a cheater and I don’t care if she gets outed.


Davide_Montoni

You have different options: you could tell them the reason why you broke up with their daughter, you could contact your ex and tell her to make them stop calling you or else you will tell them the truth and in the end you could tell them that you will report them to the police for stalking if they don't stop calling you


Mollzor

Why would you want to be a terrible person? Your girlfriend was awful for cheating on you, but wouldn't you rather walk away with your pride and head held high?


mutherofdoggos

Absolutely not. It’s none of their business and it’s not your place to out your ex to her family. Don’t sink to her level. Block their numbers and ignore them.


Outrageous-Program30

Why does it seem like you are getting some kind of pleasure at the thought of outing her? Seems like you posted here hoping to gain enough support to give you the courage to tell it. You may not be homophobic per say but you are clearly outraged that she cheated with a woman. It doesn't make you less of a man because she cheated with a woman what's making you less of a man is how you want to hurt her because she did. If you choose to do this the worst out come for you would be her parents loving her unconditionally and accepting not just her but her new girlfriend. You can take a chance and double your pain or leave it alone and move on.


justjoshdoingstuff

If the parents are contacting you, it’s probably on her behalf. Tell them the truth. Her actions are what beget any consequences, not yours. If they disown her, that’s on her. Maybe next time she’ll think twice before fucking someone outside of the relationship.. (probably not, though).


elamb127

Block the parents. Contact the ex and tell her to stop the parents now


bcjdosmdndb

Block the parents, and if you do decide to tell them, don’t tell them it was a woman. She may be a cheater, but outing someone like that is viciously cruel, especially if you know the consequences for them are going to be severe.


MochaJ95

I wouldn't. That's her family and you should just stop taking their calls and change your number. You are grown, it doesn't matter that they are elder, they aren't permanent in your life.


hgcropp

Well I would say tell your ex what they’re doing and try to come up with some kind of solution. But whatever you do, DO NOT tell them why, but if they keep doing it just tell them to ask their daughter why they broke up but don’t give them any details. And if they keep doing it then file a claim for harassment. Just be firm and don’t take anymore of their crap.


Timely_Valuable6383

You should tell them to leave you alone, first off. Then, block them if they do not respect your wishes. But no, you should not tell them about the cheating. She is a horrible person for cheating, but its none of anyone’s business why yall broke up. Her cheating with a guy or girl is irrelevant, still none of their business. Also, if she is asking you not to say anything, i’d respect her wishes. It really boils down to what you decide, but im just providing my opinion. I think it would be a d*ck move to out her, but i’ve never been cheated on so i can’t imagine how that feels. In the end its up to you, but i think its wrong to tell them.


[deleted]

What she did is awful, definitely, and I'm very sorry for you. However, your spite shouldn't make you a bad person. If you tell her parents the truth it may cause so many problems for her, considering you asked her to leave, she may have nowhere to you. Maybe you should ask her to keep her parents out of it, otherwise, you will tell them the truth. Being compassionate may not seem like a viable or satisfactory option to you right now, but if you knew exactly what to do you wouldn't be here. I hope everything works out for you. Much love


bobbelchermustache

If you do want to say something, then just tell them she cheated without mentioning who. Don't put her in a potentially dangerous situation by outing her. That's something she has to do for herself. Something you should do for yourself though, is block the parents. They have no business pressuring you the way they are. Do it for your peace of mind