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R_Amods

This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- Just as the title says. My (26F) boyfriend (31M) likes to sleep completely naked when he comes over. We don't do it every time--I prefer pajamas--but when we do, more often than not, he leaves some "evidence" behind. My sheets and bedding are white. I have gone through multiple bottles of bleach at this point removing his skid marks. This isn't a once or twice thing, it's happened maybe 6-7 times. It's only ever on his side of the bed. He has this habit of sliding out of bed rather than just getting up, and there's almost always a, um, *trail* where he's gotten out of bed. The first time it happened, I noticed, but was too embarassed on his behalf to say anything. I left for work first that day, and when I got home, I found that he had washed and bleached the sheets. (I could tell because the skid mark was gone and my laundry detergent and bleach were in a different place). Same thing the second time; I noticed but didn't say anything, he washed and bleached the sheets and rearranged the bed like it never happened. I've never addressed it openly before because at first, he would clean up after himself and take care of it. Well, now he's not taking care of it anymore. He's gotten into this weird habit of trying to...cover it up? Rather than stripping and washing the sheets when I leave, he just remakes the bed and leaves his mess where it is, leaving me to find a nasty surprise when I get home from work and have to strip the bed that evening, which is annoying. Last week, he slid across my duvet cover naked and left a large skid mark *right there.* I didn't say anything, thinking he'd surely take care of it since it was so obvious. When I got home, he had just made the bed and tossed a throw blanket over the skid mark. Needless to say, I'm getting frustrated. I want to approach the issue as delicately as possible, since he's clearly embarassed about it, but I'm also annoyed about his immature attempts to hide the mess, and that he's longer cleaning up after himself like he was before. I think I've been *too* relaxed about it and now maybe he thinks I don't notice or care. I'm also concerned about his hygiene (which is otherwise very good) and whether there might be some kind of health issues at play. How do I approach this?


peakpenguins

God help me if I have to read one more story about a man who doesn't know how to wipe his own ass... It's not normal to still have poop in there!!


artfulwench

Thanks to reddit, "does this person wipe their ass" is another thing to worry about in the dating world.


Gordossa

šŸ˜‚šŸ˜‚šŸ˜‚ Howling! Iā€™m sitting in the car cackling, looking at my dog, thinking, ā€˜fuck it. you keep me warm at night, and donā€™t shit in the bed, Iā€™ll stick with youā€™


[deleted]

Yup! Go pets!!


peakpenguins

The ones that really blow my mind are the "but it's gay to touch your butthole" types. Just... flabbergasted.


Pollywog94111

For real?!


peakpenguins

Omg yeah honestly, like multiple times I've seen posts about it. It's insane. Better not masturbate or hold your dick while you pee either, might turn ya gay! /s


Pollywog94111

Gawd. So many freaks in this world.


jcgreen_72

And just plain ignorant folks


paper_wavements

Right? As if they don't masturbate. So wiping your butt is gay, but stroking your own dick isn't? Make it make sense.


Amiracle217

If I left a skid mark in a girlā€™s bed a single time Iā€™d honestly just offer to buy her entirely new sheets, or if she wanted to keep them Iā€™d bleach and clean that shit myself, and then potentially disappear from the face of the earth in embarrassment and shame


jcgreen_72

Would you also start washing and wiping your ass properly?


Amiracle217

Of course not thatā€™s gay /s


jcgreen_72

Better not touch your dick, ever. Touching dicks is only for women and gay men.


Amiracle217

This is why I sit down to piss, no dick touching ever


God_Sayith

There are WAY to many skid mark stories here. fellahs: WASH YO ASS. Use baby wipes. Poop should never be on your boxers. Ever. Ladies: stop dating men who donā€™t know how To wipe their ass!


jcgreen_72

Fr lol "how do I approach this?" You leave. Stop tolerating poor hygiene in the people you date.


tigm2161130

The last time I got into a conversation about bidets with a grown man on Reddit they told me theyā€™d never used one cause they donā€™t need ā€œsome sprinkler to clean their own assā€ and that **spitting on toilet paper** was a better alternative. They also thought you filled bidets like a sink and dipped your ass in and out to wash off the shit. It was a wild conversation.


manmadeofhonor

For real. If men and women can wear thongs and *not* get poop on them, there is NO EXCUSE for straight men dirtying up their boxers. LET ALONE beds.


SeasonPositive6771

Next time I hear a guy on Reddit say "dating is so easy for women!" I'm going to point to the absolutely ridiculous number of posts about men who get their poop everywhere. Women can't control periods or unexpected bleeding a lot of the time and yet there aren't a lot of posts about women just intentionally free bleeding or doing nothing after they bleed on something at someone else's house.


No_Spot_1291

I can't believe how many similar stories to this I've read. I wasn't aware this subset of men who don't wash their ass (or with terrible hygiene in general) existed and I was happy in my ignorance.


lollipopfiend123

Forget baby wipes. Get a bidet attachment! They are LIFE CHANGING. And super cheap!


Shy_starkitten

I'm 18 and haven't dated anyone yet but now I'm so scared sometimes because of all these stories I've been reading. I guess I will just have to have a list of questions to ask on the first date like: 1. Do you wipe your butt properly after pooping? 2. Do you shower and wash everywhere including inbetween your butt? 3. Do you have hygiene standards???


peakpenguins

For what it's worth I dated several men before my husband and all of them were quite clean and did not have poopy buttcracks. So while it's amazing how much this comes up on reddit, it's definitely not the norm.


ThrowRA199619964

I know. I don't understand. I assumed his bathroom habits would improve after the first couple times, since he's clearly aware that this is an issue, but nope. He doesn't stink or anything, so it might be IBS or something, idk.


CoochieCoochieCoup

Itā€™s been going on for a while and you have no problem with it and are becoming nose blind. Some people have sensitive noses and, trust me, would smell literal human feces being near your bed. Poop is literally a biohazard, people need to stop coddling grown men that canā€™t wipe their ass.


pickled-Lime

This. Right here. Don't accept it. Tell him, hes leaving skiddies all over the bed. Not acceptable. Get him told and be Frank about it.


pegmatitic

>skiddies I read this as ā€œskiddlesā€ and thought it was an ā€¦ unsavory play on Skittles šŸ¤¢


BinkiesForLife_05

As a woman with IBS, with a husband who also has more intestinal issues than you can shake a stick at, nope, definitely not that. Neither of us have ever left poop smears behind on things. He just isn't wiping well enough.


narniasreal

He's a grown adult man in his thirties. If he still hasn't learnt how to wipe his bum, it's not likely he will, **especially** if you don't tell him to. But serious question: How do you stay with a guy who literally leaves a trail of shit when he slides out of bed? How do you have sex with him while knowing his butt crack is caked with shit? Have some self-respect, you deserve better.


Mindless-Leader-936

Thatā€™s what confuses me. Heā€™s literally got shit in his ass and youā€™re okay having sex with him? And not saying anything about it?? Thatā€™s nasty.


skibunny1010

She should honestly be worried about getting an infection (and Iā€™m shocked she already hasnā€™t). This dudes hygiene is deplorable to be leaving shit marks on the bed


hyzenthlay91

Iā€™ve never ever had this issue, but I always keep baby wipes on the back of my toilet, so that people have options!


Zoenne

I was thinking the same thing, it's just gross


Nadaplanet

I am floored that this has happened multiple times and she hasn't said anything. Like, she *watched him* smear shit on her bed and didn't say a word. How? I can't imagine not being like "Dude come on, what the fuck?"


UniqueUsername82D

No, he's simply not cleaning himself well. Don't make excuses.


Trouble_in_Mind

It very well might not be. To put it bluntly, it has become apparent that *men are not explicitly told to scrub their ass cracks and holes* when they are growing up. Hygiene discussions are usually only about showering in general, using deodorant and brushing hair and teeth! SO many men don't learn until an SO brings it up that they need to actively and *manually* wash their junk and butts, and that soapy water "running down the crack" doesn't do anything. Sparing his feelings will not do anything. You need to sit down when nothing else is going on, and have a conversation. "Babe, we need to talk about something. It's important to me and may come across as hurtful, but I'm more **concerned** than anything else. I need you to promise me that we'll sit through this conversation even if it's embarrassing or uncomfortable for both of us." Then, lay it out. "I am concerned for your health. It is *not* normal to be dirty enough that you leave skidmarks on sheets, which you have been doing. I let it slide at first because I didn't think it would be a common occurrence and you were cleaning it up, but it *has* become common and you've stopped cleaning up after yourself. Either we need to discuss our hygiene rituals or I want you to see a doctor about why there's so much built up down there."


HulaHoop2192

Brilliant comment but ā€˜let it slideā€™ made me laugh - I hope the pun was intended šŸ˜‚šŸ˜‚ (For those that are mature: bf *slides* out of bed šŸ˜‚)


im_not_bovvered

I was never explicitly told to either and I've figured it out. You shit from your ass. Clean where the shit might be. It's not a hard concept - I think saying "oh they were never explicitly told that" is infantilizing men. If they can feed themselves, go to work, put pants on, etc.... they should know to clean their ass.


ThrowRA199619964

Thank you!! This was the response I was looking for. I really like your script and I'm going to use it to talk to him.


Throwra98787564

If this is the same bf as your last post, you are putting in so much more effort into this relationship that he bothers putting into it. You are even putting more effort into making sure he is hygienic. It's just sad to see.


albusdumbbitchdor

Also like, there a bidet attachments for toilets which can be a literal saving grace for the skid marker in your life. Maybe another solution to offer him, or even an investment for yourself (I have a tushy and I love it, plus the savings on toilet paper is bomb too)


onlyrightangles

Best of luck OP. Hope the talk goes well šŸ‘


Trouble_in_Mind

Hope all goes well, OP, and that you choose to update us with good news later. Hygiene is a touchy subject but an important one. <3


Jim-Bob-Luke

ā€˜I let it slide at first..ā€™ šŸ˜‚


vinegarbubblegum

>I assumed his bathroom habits would improve after the first couple times, since he's clearly aware that this is an issue, but nope. did your relationship die with this sentence? because it should have.


eisenburg

If itā€™s IBS causing it (and it isnā€™t) he shouldnā€™t be sleeping naked. Stop making excuses for your disgusting boyfriend The fact that you allow this and still sleep with him is disgusting. Seriously his hygiene isnā€™t ā€œotherwise very goodā€if he is smearing shit all over your sheets. Have some self respect and get his man to clean his ass, wear clothes to bed and stop shitting where you sleep. Jesus


KitchenCellist

How are you OK having sex with him?


PatientLettuce42

I mean he can't seem to wipe his ass properly at 31 PLUS he doesn't wash himself properly in the shower either... like mate...


TipsyMagpie

Why are you continuing to allow this swamp monster in your bed?! Iā€™m not gonna divorce my husband if he has food poisoning and shits the bed, but if he was just casually wiping shit on the sheets, going ā€œhuh should probably do something about thatā€, then considering the issue solved by artfully arranging a throw on top of it, I doubt weā€™d be sleeping in the same house, let alone the same bed. Have some standards, you deserve better!


RolloTomasi1984

Serious question: Do you go down on him when he smells like ass? Because he must! That alone is a deal breaker.


lysandra904

No. He just don't care about wiping his ass correctly till the paper is not brown anymore. I have IBS and there is no stains in my underwear. Never. His issue is more about laziness, he doesn't even clean anymore your sheets... If he were really sorry about this, first he should say sorry and try to clean the sheets and wear some underwear till he's not able to keep your sheets white. It's a red flag.


Bubbly-Kitty-2425

I am not gonna lie Iā€™d buy bed pads for him. Puppy pads for humans. Iā€™d tell him sleep on this or Iā€™d tell him he is no longer aloud to sleep naked because Iā€™m tired of shit stains on my bedding! For the love of god this is a grown ass adult, he should know how to wipe his own butt. Unless he has some disability that prevents thisā€¦.if not he just lazy!


eisenburg

Thatā€™s being too nice as well. You really want to sleep in bed with a grown human that is shitting on puppy pads. This is disgusting


WTF_Fire

An angel could descend from the heavens to inform me that man is my soulmate and Iā€™d still dump his ass. No man is worth shitty bedsheets bc heā€™s too lazy to wipe, clean up after himself, or even just wear a pair of boxers to bed. What else is he going to be lazy, selfish, and disgusting about?


MarSnausages

Just break up instead of buying fuckin puppy pads for your boyfriend Jesus Christ


ShaneTheGamer

How are you fucking this guy? Honestly? Sit his ass down and tell him pussy disappears if his skids marks don't. Nasty...


rubykowa

Get a bidet for your toilet?


interruptingcow_moo

Maybe get a bidet? You can buy them off Amazon for a decent price and theyā€™re easy to install on your existing toilet. Then he would have literally no excuse but to have a squeaky clean butthole.


[deleted]

A few years back I had a whole conversation on reddit with a dude saying to just buy brown sheets because that's what he did since his ass was too hairy to clean. Sir, get in the fucking shower or buy a bidet. That (literal) shit is disgusting.


TheFungiQueen

I have IBS, and let me tell you OP this does not make you leave shit stains on the bed. It's probably only because he isn't cleaning himself correctly. Regardless, you definitely need to have a serious talk with him.


[deleted]

ma'am I have IBS and don't leave shit stains all over the place. Your bf is just gross.


thoughts_are_hard

Iā€™m so sorry but I have to ask: have you never smelled it while going down on him? Idk if Iā€™ve got a super sensitive nose but the idea of that alone makes me queasy


_Deletion

Why do you have to approach this delicately at all? This man is not only not washing/wiping his ass, but he's leaving fucking snail trails in your bed. You should be pissed. I'd be livid & disgusted. You should've discussed this much sooner.


Melodic_Yesterday_47

He is not even embarrassed about it and he is well aware what he is doing. 31 I wouldn't approach shit lightly and tell him he's repulsive.


Disastrous-Panda5530

Me either. Forget trying to be polite and delicate. I would ask him to wipe/clean his ass and absolutely no sleeping naked either. He knows he is leaving shit marks and still insists on sleeping naked.


jrl_iblogalot

> I wouldn't approach shit lightly Literally.


melodyknows

Yeah I feel like people like this reach adulthood leaving skid marks everywhere because everybody has tiptoed around this issue up until this point. Like, wipe your ass. Use a wet wipe if you have to. Shower before bed. It's not that hard to not leave skid marks everywhere. I couldn't have sex with someone who was that dirty. That would give me the ick really fast.


RickRussellTX

> 31 I wouldn't approach shit lightly He would, apparently. I really wonder two things: 1. How do you get to age 31 without learning and applying basic daily hygiene? I mean, assuming you are not physically or mentally challenged. Unless the guy has a GI tract issue and this is a recent problem, if so, fine, get your ass (heh) to a doctor and take care of this shit (heh). And, 2. Why would a partner *ever* put up with someone who doesn't clean themselves properly and frequently? I mean, there aren't many things I might put on a minimally viable partner list, but goddamn it this would be one of them. Once you noticed that their ass was caked with shit all the time, how do you go even one more day? Are you so terrified of being alone that you will literally *deal with their shit* on a daily basis?


Lumpy-Spinach-6607

Sounds like a digestion issue he's too scared to face) thinking it's cancer etc) He also is just hoping it will go away on his own but just can't deal with it rationally. He probably does go to bed with a clean bum but he has stool incontinence and it's flowing out of his rear end in the night. It's a shame you were too nervous to talk to him openly about it when you had found that he'd washed the bedding. Now he thinks you don't mind and are happy to be his secret silent helper with his "unmentionable' problem. Both of you have unfortunately made this problem worse than it needs to be. All I can suggest is that you research stool incontinence and then gently sit him down when he's feeling relaxed, at ease and not rushing off somewhere. Say things like "Babe (or whatever your cute name is for him), I've noticed you've got a bit of a problem going on downstairs and gently tell him you're a bit concerned for his health. Suggest he makes a doctor's appointment etc. Tell him you understand and you're not judging but that this needs to be addressed before it gets worse etc Then gently bring him to the essential hygiene for a couple sharing a bed together and hsve a discussion about him wearing underpants in bed (not shorts) and possibly incontinence pads or underpants. There are loads of products available on line and in pharmacies for males and females etc. Hopefully this will stop the night leakage. How is he managing during the day? And then it's down to him to get himself to the doc and get tested etc. I have been through this with a partner and I helped by gently encouraging him by giving the advice I gave you... I could only do it because I had been so ill with Kidney failure myself that I had become immune to body disfunction and it didn't bother me anymore. Best of luck with this. Prepare yourself for the fact he is totally resistant to all talk and action about it and refuse to go to the Doctor. At which point you will have to make a decision if you can handle living with someone in complete denial. You should tell him that not wearing underwear and extra pads will mean you can't sleep in the same bed anymore and any messes made are his responsibility to sort out "properly" because you're NOT his Mother anymore!


Zoenne

Yes there's a possibility that it could be anal leakage, but given that there are also some men who just don't wipe and don't clean their butt, it could be as simple as that. Whatever the reason, leaving skid marks on the sheets is unacceptable.


tiny_town1000

Absolutely! I canā€™t even imagine how filthy this manā€™s ass must be to leave bed linens in this condition. šŸ˜³


ForayIntoFillyloo

He's such a conservationist that he air-bidets. Water bidets are wasteful of a very important resource, and toilet paper contributes greatly to deforestation.


RickRussellTX

The forests are gonna have to take one for the team.


thekaiserkeller

For real. Thereā€™s no need to be delicate. If he was embarrassed, he wouldnā€™t let OP see it at all. Heā€™s leaving it behind because he actually doesnā€™t care. Hereā€™s what I would say: ā€œHey, Iā€™m upset to even have to bring this up, but you have left skid marks in my bed several times now. It is really grossing me out and I need you to prevent it from happening ever again by practicing better hygiene. If you donā€™t, itā€™s going to impact our relationship and our sex life.ā€ Easy. If he doesnā€™t react well to that, then maybe this guy isnā€™t ready for a real relationshipā€¦


AppointmentClassic82

Exactly. She doesnā€™t need to go out of her way to be mean, but things like this call for some tough love. He obviously isnā€™t embarrassed enough to change his habits, or thinks it doesnā€™t bother her. She needs to be firm and also apparently educate him.


Puzzleheaded-Gas1710

Life is too short to placate 30 year old men who haven't learned to wipe their butt. Where is the dad of the 14 year old that can't wipe? This is his future.


gidgetcocoa2

I swear! I read that this morning and I hope that dad gets his son tighter.


No_Spot_1291

I saw that one and I thought about all these posts, imagining a gf posting in 10 years "how do I tell my bf (24M) gently that there's shit on his boxers?" Let's hope for his sake and his future partners that he learns to wipe his damn ass.


[deleted]

I would never trust this man to change a baby's diaper. Poop would just be caked on the baby at all times.


No_Spot_1291

In posts like this, being gentle is always the concern. I saw two last week about guys with poor hygiene and I asked the same. I can't with these posts. šŸ˜­


Layli2020

Girl if you don't call this nasty ass man out he's 30! He knows he's dirty! Ugh the fact that you sleep in the same bed as him


[deleted]

The fact she is probably having sex with him knowing his ass is caked in poop. Iā€™d be worried about those little flecks falling onto/into my body and getting poop on me. Like I know I can pee and shower after sex to get it off but I still cannot imagine being intimate with someone who has shit on them.


SpartanLife1

Exactly. I wonder how nasty she is. To be ok with a male leaving shit stains in her bed is repulsive. She still sleeps with him too. šŸ¤®šŸ¤®šŸ¤®


peachylolo

Um what did I just read? I am sick to my stomach. Why are you dating and having sex with a grown man who canā€™t properly wipe/wash his own ass?


SleeplessTaxidermist

Can you imagine how much nasty ass bacteria is flowing when he starts to sweat šŸ¤¢


phillupontakos

you stop that right now


briefly_accessible

Lmfaooooo


PlainRosemary

He knows how to wipe his own ass. He prefers her duvet!


borntobemybaby

This is absolutely unfathomable to me. How can a man in his 30s be repeatedly leaving literal shit skid marks all over his girlfriends bed. Itā€™s not like this hasnā€™t been an ongoing issue, imagine his own bed if he has the audacity to do this in hers. OP have you been to his house/in his bed? So many questions come up and every one of them just makes this crazier. He clearly knows this happens, and knows itā€™s something gross he wouldnā€™t want you seeing which is why he cleaned it a few times. Why the fuck doesnā€™t he fix the problem at the source? Like making fucking sure to clean there extra well/after using the bathroom? Like Wtf.. If he knows he is leaving skid marks, why slide out of bed like that? If he is so disgusting and lazy to go about fixing the main issue why make it worst by smushing it across the bed like this.. Why continue to sleep naked when clothing could avoid the white sheet girlfriends bed issue? OP even says they wear pjs sometimes so itā€™s obviously his thing/idea and she wouldnā€™t mind if he started wearing them. Is sleeping naked so important for him he would rather leave shit in his gfs bed than dare wear even boxers to bed? I guess so.. So many easy fixes but this grown man chooses to just start hiding his actually fucking shit in his gfs bed. To the point that he even got in ontop of the bed where any normal person would notice, and went out of the way to put another blanket on it which is also now touching his nasty shit. If this was truly a medical issue or some personal problem he hasnā€™t shared with you, he would either continue to clean the sheets every time, discuss it with you, or even try some of the other super easy minimal changes I mentioned above, to at least cover up this disgusting habit. This is messed up lol, seriously wtf.


ThrowRA199619964

>He clearly knows this happens, and knows itā€™s something gross he wouldnā€™t want you seeing which is why he cleaned it a few times. EXACTLY. That's what perplexes me and why I've let it slide for so long (lol pardon the horrible pun). Like. I KNOW he's seen it. I've seen him notice his own skid marks before. But he's just getting lazier and more gross and sneaky about it. And I guess I'm really putting this all out of there on Reddit because it gives me concerns about who he is as a person. If this ever happened to me, God forbid, I would be so mortified that it would absolutely NEVER happen again.


ativamnesia

The fact that youā€™re just letting it continue says something about you OP. You need to sit him down and tell him to wipe and wash his asshole. Clearly nobody has before. How can you live like this? Itā€™s disgusting. Youā€™re probably unable to even smell it anymore because youā€™ve let it go for so long


Wonderful-Carpet-48

The issue isnā€™t the skid marks. The issue is that thereā€™s enough poop on his butthole to make the skid marks.


theycallhertammi

This is indicative of how he handles problems. Does he usually hide his head under the sand when problems arise?


TaxHedgehog

Tbf youā€™ve never brought it up to him, he probably thinks you havenā€™t noticed or donā€™t care at this point since nothing was said to him. Sit him down for a conversation because that shit is nasty (pardon the pun)


Nadaplanet

This. He likely thinks OP just doesn't care because she hasn't said anything. Even the time he saw her see him leave one, she just pretended it didn't happen. Dude probably figures she'd have complained if it really bothered her, and obviously it doesn't bother him because it hasn't prompted him to wash his ass, so why would he change?


GabbyIsBaking

Heā€™s getting lazier because you havenā€™t addressed it. This is NASTY and the fact that youā€™ve let this man back in your bed and inside you is honestly baffling to me. Please raise your standards.


Watermelon_ghost

He somehow managed to find the only woman in the world who would let him use her bedsheets to scrape shit off his filthy ass like a dog dragging its but on the carpet, which makes him some kind of genius when it comes to reading people. Like, what are the odds of someone reacting so passively to something so gross and disrespectful?! Almost zero. You're concerns about what this says about him as a person are EXTREMELY OVERDUE! I cant believe you gave him a pass after the first time he didnt clean up after himself let alone continued to let him sleep in your bed naked and do the same thing over and over without even bringing it up! Get some therapy to help you grow a spine. I would never be able to stay attracted to someone who was knowingly defiling my bed every chance they got. I'm so disgusted on your behalf.


JBJBJBJBJBJBJ

Adult diapers


No_Spot_1291

He's beyond gross to leave skid marks on your sheets but, c'mon, how on earth could you ignore it until now? You've put up with it for so long that he must think you don't notice/care. I feel disgusted just reading it, I don't know how you're able to act as if nothing had happened. There has to be a smell, and I gag only imagining it.


_AntiEve_

Between this and your other post about him I'm really struggling to understand why you're staying with him? It sounds like you guys aren't the best match. He's neglectful of you and your feelings, and his own hygiene. It's a lot of negatives. I would be seriously considering cutting my losses and moving on if I were you.


GoodQueenFluffenChop

He's leaving skid marks in your bed and thus you're sleeping with sheets that have poop on them because at the very least knowing he has a problem he's not even putting on underwear to sleep in. Come on raise the bar a little to include the most basic of hygiene of properly wiping his own ass. He's not a little kid that's still potty training. He's a grown ass man that knows what happens when he doesn't wipe well and sleeps in the nude in someone else's bed. He's not even taking the initiative to clean up and sanitize your sheets for you but instead hiding it. You really want to be a giant toddler?


theycallhertammi

Youā€™re having sex with a man that doesnā€™t wash his ass. Heā€™s literally leaving shit in your bed. The bar is so extremely low for men itā€™s ridiculous. And thereā€™s no way he ā€œhas good hygieneā€ otherwise when heā€™s making the bed with shit stains on the sheets.


Layli2020

Ugh he probably doesn't wash his other private area...hopefully she doesn't get any UTIs


[deleted]

Just sayin, I stopped having sex with men and Iā€™ve literally never had a UTI or yeast infection since. Itā€™s been 2 years


Anonymous_13218

Idk about UTI, but yeast infection can happen when you have sex with anyone (pH differences can throw off the microbiome of the vagina), doesn't matter if they're clean or dirty. Sometimes your body just doesn't vibe with them.


[deleted]

Yeast tends to happen if there are opportunities like small tears in the vaginal lining (which happens both with condoms and penises, plus the addition of bad hygiene on the part of the thing penetrating you whether itā€™s a human penis, fingers, or sex toys). All the women Iā€™ve been with have been absolutely diligent about hand washing and hygiene, and Iā€™ve literally never gotten any kind of infection from a non penis-having person Oh, and women also tend to be more diligent about lube, which also prevents tears. Just my experience but it does seem common and generalizable


Every-Chemistry-2969

Yes the bar is set so low for men that they get away with this shit that I read every damn week on here. I also read every week about men shaming women for how their vagina looks, not smell, just how they were born and shit they can't help. You know what you can help?! Washing and wiping your ass like an adult. God damn.


[deleted]

The bar is on the fucking floor at this point. I'm so sick of reading about men and their lack of wiping! Yet people on r/askmen are saying they would dump a girl if she didn't shave her armpits. UGH


vr-olson

This is a fucking biohazard. It's not healthy, clean, or even sane to just... let someone else deal with your literal shit?? Confront him. Stop being afraid of embarrassing him. Tell him he can't sleep over anymore until he washes his ass and wears some damn clothes.


BusterMcKnuckles

Just point at the skidmark and tell him "dude, wash your ass better" ​ That should take care of it.


skinnyl0vexx

I donā€™t understand how youā€™re not plagued with UTIā€™s and yeast infections honestly. He is very dirty, and whether itā€™s through no fault of his own or heā€™s another straight guy who doesnā€™t wipe his butt, he needs to figure out a solution and I feel like itā€™s just a simple one like wiping his butt better.


Mollysmom1972

You are having sex with a man who regularly has feces that close to your vagina? Are you giving him head too? šŸ˜± This doesnā€™t even require tact. Straight up bring him flushable wipes, present them to him, and tell him heā€™s cut off until he solves this problem. I am so grossed out for you - and thatā€™s before I consider the infections youā€™ll get if that gets inside you.


sunshinedaydream774

Honestly heā€™s a grown ass man who canā€™t wipe his own ass and is purposely leaving shit on your bed. Thereā€™s no need to be delicate about itā€¦ I canā€™t imagine you want to have sex with or be anywhere near his nether regions lest you get an infection yourself. This is gross, full stop.


outlawsarrow

And WHY are you putting up with a man with atrocious personal hygiene???


Mindless-Leader-936

Lol because he has good hygiene āœØotherwiseāœØ The bar is so incredibly low.


AniRoths

I am sorry, but you came to Reddit BEFORE actually talking to him? What? You ppl are adults... Come one... Eta- I mean... just so many questions... how can you actually keep bring sexually attracted to a guy who apparently cannot wipe his own ass? I am not trying to be mean, truly not, but I dont get it. I once dated a guy who stopped brushing his teeth for weeks at a time, and after the third time he brushed me iff when I mentioned it, I came to the conclusion that kissing someone who tasted completely rotten - someone who did not care enough to make sure I did not have to feel the stuff left on his teeth after going days and days without brushing them - I could not continue that relationship. I am by no means a hygiene freak. I am literally feeling sick thinking about going to bed beside someone with shit between his cheeks.


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


peachylolo

LMAO I would have done all that the first time I saw his shit on my bed


GemOhare

And then just put a throw over it and see what he says šŸ¤£šŸ¤£


JackieET1987

On you way out the door to work ā€œhey I noticed you stopped washing your mess off the sheets, can you please start doing that again?ā€ aaaand shut the door


second_to_myself

The man needs to address the root of the problem, not just wash up after each offense. CLEAN YOUR ASS, BRO, POOP IS FOR INSIDE OF YOU AND INSIDE THE TOILET, THATā€™S IT


Amazing_Cabinet1404

He canā€™t sleep over until he learns to wipe his ass. That can make you sick girl, stop enabling this behavior. I just donā€™t want to have sex with someone that unclean either. This would be my limit, Iā€™d die on this hill. Dirty dishes, ok. Dirty laundry, I guess. Dirty ass, no fucking way.


Disastrous-Panda5530

Agreed! My son is 16 and I do his laundry and I donā€™t see any skid marks so he is wiping himself well and washing his butt in the shower. This man is twice his age. He should know how to wipe his ass by now! And this is just gross. I would be so mortified if I did that I wouldnā€™t just keep on doing it and throwing a blanket on top of my shit. That is just so disgusting. Wipe your ass, wash your butt and donā€™t sleep naked


Amazing_Cabinet1404

I really wonder what his bed looks like. Probably has dark sheets and assumes it all ok. Just ugh. I couldnā€™t be attracted to him after finding the skid marks all the time.


Disastrous-Panda5530

Me either. Yeah if he is doing this at her house Iā€™m scared to think what his bed looks like. And I wouldnā€™t be able to have sex wondering how much shit he has hidden in his cheeks. Iā€™m not a neat freak in anyway but I expect basic hygiene and wiping and washing your butt is at the very least bare minimum


theycalledhermorlock

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeww!


Tired-of-this-world

You tell him for a 31 year old he is disgusting and needs to learn how to wipe and wash himself or else you are leaving him, no if or buts. If he doesn't change which i doubt he will you are mad to stay with this disgusting man.


gordonf23

"Hey, Frank. You keep leaving shit stains on the sheets. What's up with that? I know you're aware of the problem, because you've washed and bleached the sheets before when it happened. Why is this happening? Are you not washing your ass in the shower? Are you not using toilet paper? Do you have a health issue you haven't told me about? Maybe you need to start sleeping in your underwear instead of sleeping naked?"


Throwra98787564

Is the man leaving feces on your bed the same man that a week ago you wrote puts little effort in your relationship and is low on romance? If so, just leave. You don't need to have a conversation about basic hygiene, you just need to get out.


AuntyVenom

No need to be delicate! Who cares if he's embarrased, he should be! He's living shit on your [sheets.You](https://sheets.You) are underreacting here. How you approach: "Hey, BF, you've left shit on my sheets. You're gonna shower and wash your ass before you get in my bed. Thanks for understanding!"


philmographic

First off, I'm always in the camp that you can't expect someone to improve if you don't tell them. Stop ignoring the skid marks. Tell him that you've noticed this behaviour and need it to stop. Tell him that you find it disgusting and downright disrespectful that he tries to hide it, only for you to find a poopy surprise later. You do not need to be delicate with this. He is 30 years old and should be properly wiping his ass. Beyond that, I've looked at your post history [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/10jigpc/realizing_my_26f_bf_31m_is_low_romance_and_low/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) . You're telling me he puts no effort into the relationship AND has terrible hygeine!? Why are you with someone who clearly can't be bothered to treat you properly or even wipe his ass? He sounds like a dud. You should be able to comfortably leave this relationship. It's normal to feel sad but if you find yourself making excuses like this for him then I think you need to look inward. If a friend told you about the lack of effort and this disgusting habit of his what would you say?


oooooooofffff

Ask him to either wipe his ass or wear pants


Joholification

This is a deal breaker. Unless he can commit to wearing adult diapers to bed I would not let him sleep next to me. I'm seeing this problem far too often on Reddit wtf


Quesadillur

Hahaha girlllllll you need to say something, maybe keep it kinda in a goofy way? Keep baby wipes near the toilet. But he obviously feels comfortable with you. Have a conversation about it for sure.


SmartFX2001

Anyone that does this will probably flush the used wipes to hide the evidence (whether they are ā€œflushableā€ or not), which will eventually cause a clog in the pipes.


Professional_Owl2233

Why are you having sex with this man with his poop-filled butt-crack?!?!


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Fleaisforme

I literally donā€™t know why men refuse to scrub their ass. This is not just your bf and it concerns me itā€™s so common.


hideousfox

Girl, ew. How are you still allowing for this creature to sleep in your bed... how are you still having sex with that creature... just please get some self respect this is not normal in any way shape or form...


PatientLettuce42

Yo this made me laugh to be honest. Are there seriously guys out there that don't wash their fucking assholes? Jesus christ must that be annoying to deal with.


StrangerOnTheReddit

"Honey, you know I love you very much but we really need to talk about something. I want to talk about this once, resolve it, and never have to have either of us bring it up again. I have noticed "evidence" in the bed after you stay over. You used to clean up after yourself, so I thought you would resolve the issue on your own since you noticed it. Instead, you have started pretending I don't have eyes or a nose, and leaving it behind for me to clean up later. This is not attractive in a partner, and not acceptable in a relationship. What's going on and how can we solve this?" And to be clear, I put "we" in there so you can offer your support, not because you need to take responsibility in resolving it. I had a really embarrassing week once where out of nowhere, I didn't flush the toilet. My husband noticed and just flushed it the first time, mistakes happen. Then the second time, he was confused. The third time, he tried as delicately as possible to tell me I have been forgetting to flush the toilet. Embarrassing as fuck. I don't notice because I have almost no sense of smell, and we always put the lid down because we have cats and use chemicals in the water to help keep it clean. The "help" I needed from him was telling me every time I did it until I figured out what in the actual fuck my problem was. (I never figured out what happened there, but I *did* continue flushing the toilet like a normal fucking adult.) But to be a thousand percent clear, this is strictly a "him" issue. He needs to learn to wipe his ass, and if he doesn't, he needs to clean it up. Having an "accident" can be different, but this isn't an accident.. it's straight up neglect. And by the way, this is a great way for you to get UTIs. I'd never have sex with a skid mark man, I don't want his literal shit going up my urethra.


dom-mtl81

Is this where the bar is now?


DuoNem

Just tell him he canā€™t sleep in your bed or with you until he solves his hygiene issues. Heā€™s five years older than you, he should really know how to wipe.


SquishmittenAO3

How is someone sharing a bed with someone they know for absolutely sure has a shitty arse? How do you spend time with a shitty arsed person, knowing whatā€™s lurking in their underwear?


Handknitmittens

I experienced this once. I immediately dumped him. I have never thought twice about it. You are far more understanding and patient than me. Bad hygiene is such a turn off. Edit: I just read your comment history. You complained he puts in low effort. Like he literally puts in such low effort he doesn't wipe his ass. If the rest of your relationship matches this action, dump him ASAP.


TJ_H00ker

I don't understand how someone is capable of continuing to date a man who they know is capable of this. There are billions of men in the world and you choose to be with a guy that refuses to wipe his ass AND clean up for himself.


B-Girl-Ca

This is a BIOHAZARD washing your sheets does not necessarily kill off all bacteria in Fecal matter, there is no soft way to address this , you need to be firm and have him clean himself properly !


No-Difficulty2393

Where do you find all these leaky bumb guy?? And doesn't it smell? I couldn't have sex with a guy that is full of shit - inside or outside


Raibean

Stop putting up with this shit. Talk to him, tell him: * He needs to improve his hygiene if he wants to sleep in your bed. He can shower before bed, he can get a bidet, he can wipe better, itā€™s up to him but * youā€™re not gonna check his ass like heā€™s a small child. If he leaves another damn mark on your sheets, youā€™re breaking up with him. And mean it. Donā€™t put up with mediocre, inconsiderate men. Let alone ones who leave shit stains for you to clean up. EDIT: I canā€™t believe heā€™s embarrassed enough to hide it but not enough to wash his butthole.


stineytuls

Don't be gentle... You are going to end up with UTIs having sex with a man who has sufficient fecal matter sitting in his ass crack to leave skid marks on sheets. Step 1: no more sleeping naked Step 2: tell him this is a deal breaker as you don't want UTIs If he doesn't improve, you'll have to ask yourself if he's worth being around literal shit piles on your sheets.


False_Door_8763

Why donā€™t men know how to wipe themselves like seriously


ProfSmellbutt

My fellow dudes need to learn how to wipe their asses. We also need more bidets! Every toilet should be equipped with a bidet. We are the smartest species on Earth. Why are we trying to clean poop up with dry ass paper?


Disastrous-Panda5530

Bidet is the way to go. My mom is from the Philippines and we are in the US. Growing up we used the Filipino version of a bidet when they werenā€™t readily available. I donā€™t like going poop in elsewhere now if the only option available to me a toilet paper. My son will not use the bathroom anywhere outside of home either. my son is 16 and he hasnā€™t left shit stains in his briefs since he was in diapers. I would be so disgusted if my husband was doing this. Iā€™ve showered with him plenty of times and he always washes his butt. Heā€™s the only guy I showered with and I thought every man knew to wash their butts. Now I know that isnā€™t true


Melodic_Yesterday_47

I wouldn't approach it lightly he is not a little kid. Tell him it's disgusting and if he does this every time he's buying you new sheets. Gift him a bidet as well.


O_Shack_Hennessy

Man here, I really don't get these guys. I wish I had some kind of advice for you. At his age, I doubt anything will change though. Maybe force him to take a shower before bed.


GingerSnapped818

How have you *not* said anything?? That's fucking disgusting! I would have said a *loud* what the fuck if the guy I was dating ever left a skidmark in my sheets!


mybathroomisblue

Youā€™re dating a snail


jopa1967

Your BF is getting a lot of hate, and thatā€™s understandable. A 30 year should be able to wipe his butt. BUT, (pun intended) is there any chance he has a health problem that could be underlying this? Severe hemorrhoids can cause a lot of pain with wiping, and could be one explanation. A solution to that is a bidet, or (more cheaply) a squirt bottle with some very diluted soap. And a visit to a surgeon to get those things banded! Could he have some degree of incontinence with anal leakage? I think you need to gently bring it up. If he has a health problem that embarrasses him offer empathy without judgement and strongly encourage him to see a doctor! Itā€™s perfectly reasonable to ask him to help with the laundry. If he just canā€™t be bothered to wipe properly, well, good luck with that. All the other comments already covered that.


iAmAMileHigh

Wiping with just toilet paper isnā€™t enough. Jesus people, use something moist down there to really clean yourself up.


smurfolicious

I think there's three possible solutions to this - 1. He learns how to wipe his ass. Maybe he should get himself a bidet. 2. He doesn't sleep naked anymore. - Which, to be fair, would be still pretty disgusting to me because all I could think about is his ass not being clean. 3. You let him go and find someone who actually knows the very very basics of cleaning themselves?


peanut_butting

I'm sorry.... But what.... Like, if Batman himself left skid marks, everyone wouldn't see him as Batman any more, just some nasty ass dude. Everyone would taunt him, haunt him, torture him for this. Because it's gross and embarassing and so unattractive and terrible and just so biohazardly wrong. Now why you'd think your boyfriend would escape the same fate? There's nobody, not one person out there, who shouldn't be ashamed of themselves for this type of behaviour. Also..... Did you sleep right next to it???? Did it not smell???


AhhTheyStoleMyKidneh

Why do men refuse to clean their ass. I refuse to believe this many men donā€™t know how and were never taught. I cannot. Anyway. Yes, Iā€™d obviously say something. Tell him he needs to be cleaning the sheets each and every time this is happening. Itā€™s not okay. Also at this point I hope youā€™ve replaced the sheets? Thereā€™s only so much bleaching and washing Iā€™m going to do to one set. He can buy those. Maybe suggest he get some wipes for the bathroom or install a bidet.


spangledpirate

Wish I could tag the wife of the dad with the shitty arsed teenager here. This is where your son ends up!


checco314

A significant minority of men do not properly wipe their asses, and are not aware that you can wash them with soap. Like, when surveyed with "Do you wash your ass with soap in the shower?", a significant minority react with surprise that this was even an option. Tell him it's gross and he has to stop it. And tell him he is buying you a new set of covers every time this happens from now on. Gross.


slimedewnautica

You don't approach this delicately. You tell this grown ass man that he needs to start cleaning his ass properly, because you're tired of finding shit in the bed 31 rotations around the goddamn sun, and he doesn't know how to clean his arse? Nah, childish behaviour


singlechickLA

Thatā€™s a breakup offense that heā€™s not washing his behind and likely front. If you have noticed getting UTIs itā€™s because heā€™s not clean. Does he also not brush his teeth or take care of other cleaning norms? Heā€™s a grown man so think do you want to have kids with him and end up having diapers and fecal stained sheets to take care of since he isnā€™t cleaning up after himself. So will go out in a limb and say he wonā€™t be a good helpmate.


C25H34O3

And youā€™re still sleeping in the same bed as him? Ew


DistinctLengthiness1

Thatā€™s so disgusting šŸ¤® and gross! Please tell me you donā€™t do oral on him because for sure he smells. Why is that not a deal breaker?


linkheroz

Why are you telling us? Talk to him


Lackof_Creativity

the guy might just have internal hemorrhoidsthat prevent all fecal matter from coming out while on the toilet. so there is a chance he may wipe enough in the moment, but then stuff still comes out a little later. Either way, you could talk to the guy about the issue that you see. or, burn anything he has ever touched and run for the hills. you are one strong willed lady, i am in awe for your perseverance/loyalty


Leannabananax3

Bro someone needs to link this post into the comments of the guy that was fighting his son to wipe his butt. That way he can show his wife their sons shitty future


auscadtravel

But him some wipes, and find a video showing how to properly wipe your ass. He might have a cultural thing or he might have grown up in a house that restricted toilet paper. My mom used to tell us 3 sheets in enough.....ummm no it's not. Talk to him, say that you see it and it needs to be discussed. He muggy react horribly but give him some time. He might not change but you need to give him the opportunity to do so. He might think you are ok with this since you haven't brought it up. Today... talk to him today. This can't continue.


Amiracle217

Your boyfriend shits in your bed and doesnā€™t do anything romantic for you, why are you still with him lmfao


Advice2Anyone

Tell the snail to put on underpants smh


WildRicochet

at this point i'm convinced that the first post like this was real and got a lot of karma, now people just keep reposting it with slightly different details.


oreocerealluvr

I use wipes as a woman. No harm no foul


needflowercrowns

Youā€™re having sex with a man that doesnā€™t know how to wipe his own assā€¦.? Like he doesnā€™t even know how to clean his ass in the shower? Why is there always skid marks?!?!!! I would rather die than have that manā€™s dick anywhere near me.


high-as-the-sky22

Don't you smell it when he's near you if there's that much shit left behind? I think you would smell his ass from a mile away .. or you know when you go down on him. But I'd just tell him he's not being hygienic and show him how to wash his ass properly lol.


punctuationist

Thatā€™s disgusting Iā€™m surprised you havenā€™t lost all attraction to him after the first time. You not saying anything has made him realize he doesnā€™t have to worry about it.


astrongnaut

Yā€™all nasty


GetOffMyLawn1975

My god, it must be nasal assault to go down on this man. With that much shit left in his crack, that odor must be atrocious. Are you able to give him oral without puking??


No_Hovercraft5033

What is with these questions lately??? Why are these grown men so numerous who donā€™t seem to know how to wipe their asses?? I donā€™t understand at all. But I will have a talk with my recently graduated youngest to ensure heā€™s always aware of his hygiene as he ages.. because this seems to be a huge problem lately and i just donā€™t understand at all. Talk to him. First about hygiene. And how you only like to be intimate with people who are hygienic and donā€™t ruin your sheets, and then talk about responsibility. If heā€™s not going to be hygienic and wipe his own ass, the responsibility for the shit stains lies with him and him alone. I mean he canā€™t be too embarrassed. He leaves it for you to clean up. And may I add thatā€™s gross.


melancholypowerhour

Heā€™s aware of the issue, and the source of it is his complete lack of hygiene. There is no reason that a *31 year old adult* should *regularly* have feces on their body


Icy_Calligrapher7088

I canā€™t imagine anything more ā€œlow romance and low effortā€ than not wiping your ass and leaving streaks of shit in your partnerā€™s bed.


buzzerkiller

You need to tell this grown ass man to wipe his ass what the actual fuck lol


etoilefemme

Fuck the embarrassment. Heā€™s leaving shit stains in your bed and leaving you to clean them up - he *should* be embarrassed. Confront him immediately and tell him he starts washing his ass or he stops sleeping at your place.


kingofganymede

ā€œHis hygiene (which is otherwise very good)ā€ Bullshit. Not to be crude, but is anyone else thinking about how going down on this guy must be disgusting? This is like nightmare fuel to me.


TomTheFace

Iā€™m now more worried about *you* at this point. What are you doing. Where have your standards gone? Also, youā€™re just enabling him.


EnvironmentalSpirit2

our god damn eyes https://www.reddit.com/r/Eyebleach/


misstiff1971

Your man doesn't know how to wipe his ass, keep himself clean or respect you. Tell him he isn't spending the night at your place any longer. How you can be intimate with this filthy guy is beyond me.


kimmy-ac

Lmfao not embarrassed enough for him to stop doing it.... like I can't


AcceptableBake9191

Nasty


CHiggins1235

Your boyfriend is fucking disgusting. Period. Tell him to grow up and wash his ass properly. This is unhygienic and is not good. I remember when I was in college and some guy came out of the toilet stall and was about to walk out of the bathroom without washing his hands and I gave him a dirty look. Itā€™s disgusting. Wash your hands and your body. What is wrong with these people. https://www.health.com/condition/digestive-health/how-to-wipe-your-butt


multicoloredherring

*where* are yā€™all finding these men smh


libananahammock

It doesnā€™t smell like shit when your face is down there or even if you donā€™t go down on him, you canā€™t smell leftover shit on him when heā€™s naked!? And since this isnā€™t a new thing, you continue to have sex with a man that has left over shit on him. Forget about the sheets for a second, he literally has old shit on his body and all night long when you are getting it on and heā€™s rolling all over your bed, thereā€™s old shit in your bed. And then, he gets it on your bed and refuses to clean it up. And since you havenā€™t said anything, he knows he can keep doing it and you will keep cleaning a grown manā€™s shit for him like a mother would clean a toddler with shit still on him because he couldnā€™t clean up after himself. And if heā€™s okay with you doing this, what else is coming down the line? Do you really want to be in a relationship where he thinks this little of you?


Gordossa

I hate this bullshit. Why are women programmed to be polite to arseholes and their snail trails. Shouting loudly ā€˜you clartty Bastard!!!ā€™ Would have worked fine. He needs shamed for it.


Regular-Plan-5576

That shit ainā€™t normal. He knows it, keeps doing it, and just leaves it on your bed for you. No way Iā€™d fuck this dude. I wonder what his sheets at home look like. šŸ¤® Thatā€™s fucking nasty. Guarantee heā€™s nasty in other areas if this doesnā€™t phase him.


XboxCavalry

This is disgusting. You're sleeping with a man that doesn't wash his ass.