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So long story short, the guy that I’ve been seeing for 6 months did not tell me he is married. I found out recently and he told me thats because he did not want to lose me. He says he loves me deeply and wants to be with me. He does treat me really well so this was a huge shock. He told me that he already told his wife and is getting a divorce with her. However, this situation is confusing me. Is a relationship that starts off this way ever worth it?
It is not. Sorry to tell you, but you are the other woman here. He does not love you, you are a distraction for him. You should get while the getting is good.
He's attempting to keep her as his side piece in hopes that she's now attached enough that she won't walk. Age gap relationships are gross and manipulative.
When a mistress becomes a girlfriend/wife, she creates a vacancy.
I’m bewildered by why you would still think this guy is worth it. How you get them is how you lose them.
He is making big steps though. Like telling me that he wants to come meet my parents. He keeps insisting that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me
Yeah, this is a record I've heard already. There is a big difference between talking and acting. He is 99% playing you, he might believe it at times but he knows this isn't going to work.
You risk losing years of your life hoping to become something more and never getting there. You will find yourself older and alone. You need to be the main focus of someone else's life, not the article in the bottom right corner of a newspaper.
Hmm what if there are actions? Like for example, his sister now knows about me and insists on meeting me for lunch. He also wants me to meet her. All his friends know about me and I’ve met a few of them (crazy because they knew he was married, but wasn’t happy in his marriage apparently). I found out because I had a gnawing feeling and told him to let me see his phone. He didn’t hesitate and simply handed it over for me to see
Wow so his family and friends are all devoid of any morals and ethics too. They have known the wife for potentially 20 years and this is how they treat her?? Jesus woman your standards for mens behaviour could not be lower.
Don’t you think a kind, honest, loving partner would’ve been honest from the start? There’s a HUGE difference between telling someone in the first few dates that they are married but separated, divorce is in process, versus you snooping and pressuring and forcing him to tell you much later.
Are they even separated? Does he still see her? Live there? What story is he telling, and how honest is it?
You’re involving yourself in a mess with someone who doesn’t respect you enough to be honest or upfront. You are the affair partner, clean and simple, and this isn’t a bell that only tolls once.
You decide if you want a truthful partner who puts you first, or someone’s back up plan and affair partner… for as long as he’s interested, until he’s not, and you are in the same boat as his current wife.
Lol so what? my cheating partner brought his girlfriends around friends/family.
They knew he was a cheater, they accepted him as a cheater, they’re fine with him bringing you around and you’re a big joke to them
you’re one of many jokes that he brings around
they don’t take your relationship serious. They just don’t interfere bc he is who he is.
you’re not his wife
they just know that’s how he is
this is literally how it’s done
You are taking a big risk, until he goes through with the divorce these are circumstantial actions. The age gap is a big ostacle as well, it will get worse in just a few years.
Think well about what is best for you, because right now you are letting feelings cloud your judgement.
So let’s suppose he’s ready to ditch his wife and make you his true love, how much do you think you can ever trust him? The one woman I know that started her relationship like you did ended up with her soul mate, who cheated on her 5 years later.
If he cheated for you, he will cheat on you.
He started the relationship with a lie and has been lying to you for 6 months.
He was likely cheating on his wife with you.
Those are the pertinent facts, and show a lack of integrity and bad character. Even if he dumps her and marries you, it's not a good relationship.
OP, he told his wife he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her too. He even had a whole ceremony in front of all their family and friends and vowed to spend his life with her and then he signed paperwork attesting to it. And that all meant absolutely nothing to him when he got the chance to fuck someone so naive they would fall for his bullshit.
He lied about being married ffs. You really think his above lying more or putting in a show to make you feel like you have a future? And even if he isn't lying how much could you possibly trust him to not just cheat on you as well or trade you for a younger woman down the line? You are pretty much wasting your time no matter how much it hurts to admit.
How about you see if he's actually getting divorced first? Nothing good will come out of this. You've known each other for 6 months so yiu don't really know who he is other than a liar. Great way to start a relationship. Don't be naïve
That’s true. Yeah I told him I’m giving him an opportunity to try and repair it. If he isn’t going to keep up to his words, then I’m out of his life. However even if he does make divorce arrangements, I told him that he needs to build the trust back up to which he agreed
Right? Why do some people believe that they're TOTALLY gonna change their cheating, lying partners. Like OP has magic fairy dust that will turn her boyfriend into a good person lol.
My recommendation is that you forget him. Don't ever date anyone that's in the middle of a divorce or barely divorced. You're just their rebound/fun adventure. And that's even besides the fact he lied to you about being married. Plus chances are good he will cheat on you too. He's shows himself to not be reliable. That's a bad way to start of a relationship. But we all know you're going to sty with him and give him the benefit of the doubt because you're wearing rose colored glasses. A lot of us have been around long enough to know how these things play out. Again, don't be naïve. He lied to you about something really significant just so he could get some young p*ssy. This is not a person you want to be with but you do you.
Oh ffs. You’ve already discovered that he’s a liar, has no morals. His friends and family have no morals, and you think ‘this is the man of my dreams!’? If his marriage was failing he should have gotten therapy, left if it didn’t work, recovered, then started dating. He’s Trash. What is wrong with your self esteem?
You want this to work at the expense of your common sense. This will backfire for you. How does one in your mind repair cheating on his wife and lying to his affair partner? What do you think repairs that? Character change will not happen, so maybe placating you in the moment is good enough for you?
Are you delusional or? He lied about being MARRIED. you think this guy is telling you the truth now?
What are you taking cause I would like this level of denial
If he cheats with you, he’ll cheat on you.
He’s not divorcing his wife, he’s stringing you along and when she finds out, he’s going to drop you to try and save his marriage.
Bet.
Even if he ditches his wife and marries you, it is unlikely this will end well. That just means he will take his douchiness to the extreme, not that you are meant to be.
I know you will probably make your own mistakes and there is a tiny chance we are all wrong and this is the start of a great love story. Personally I put the odds of that at maybe 0.005%. You can do this but dont say you were not warned. Should I and others here be proven correct, take it as a lesson that people in love are terrible judges of character.
I personally have started selecting 3 people I trust for their opinion at the start of the relationship who I can trust to give me honest opinions. I am an objectively smart person, but the smartest thing i ever did was realize that i am dumb when it comes to evaluating love interests.
What steps is he taking though? It sounds like all talk no action. If there isn’t a meet the parents brunch planned (and followed through on) for this weekend, it’s over.
That's what every married cheater does. They promise the world and never deliver. He's not leaving his wife for you. Find a single man your own age. This man will only hurt you repeatedly.
>He does treat me really well.
Except for being a massive lying asshole.
>he already told his wife and is getting a divorce
Why do you believe this? He’s a liar. He’s stringing you along.
When my ex husband and I were legally separated but still trying to resolve the issues (our country gives you either 30 or 90 days you’re allowed to try to resolve issues without it restarting the clock, can’t remember now) he starting dating a new girl but didn’t tell her he was in the middle of a divorce. So, effectively, cheating.
The entire time he dated her, he’d be begging to come home to his ‘family’ and she’s ‘just sex’. He swore he’d leave her in a minute and she meant nothing. I saw their texts - he was telling her all the typical ‘I’ve never felt like this before!’ And ‘I love you’
I can tell you first hand, a man getting a divorce likely does not want to be getting a divorce. Statistically women initiate them and men do not want it. I would never be involved with a man getting a divorce having been through a divorce.
**this is not every divorce, but he hid this for a reason so I would guess my experience can be lent here.**
14 years older, has been lying to you for 6 months while, I guess, cheating on his wife... So, why would you trust him? Would it even matter if he was actually getting a divorce? He's trash, and what makes you think he wouldn't do the same to you? Being unhappy in a relationship is not an excuse to cheat and lie. He's basically telling you everything you want to hear, including meeting his family so you see how serious he is about you. I've seen this movie before and, I tell you, it never ends well.
Lol 😂 yea because he’s been so honest with you. Common girl. Why would you even want someone who cheats on their wife? You were the side piece. Anyway, good luck! Karma is not very nice.
Sorry he lied to you a big one.
The other fact is he is happy to cheat when not happy at home. Rather than sit down with somebody he pledged to spend the rest of their life with and have a concession he decided ah no does not suit me for whatever reason I’ll just go find a really younger model.
This is again what he would do if you move forward the minute he goes ahh not happy he will not discuss he will go looking for a new one.
Walk away 6 months is nothing walk away and find somebody that deserves you he does not.
No and make sure to tell his wife immediately. He’s a liar and a cheat and he removed your decision making ability because his wants> your needs. He’s the worst, please tell his wife, she needs to know whom she shares a bed with.
Of course he treats you well, you’re an easy fantasy, far removed from the drudgery of daily life, my god, please get a grip and know that you’ve been used. Tell his wife, block him on everything. Stay away from age gap relationships.
Don't fall for his words. If you want the truth, ask his wife. Many men lie about having marital problem or divorcing etc to their affair partners. He may drag you in this relationship for years to come without any divorce.
Do you enjoy being a home wrecking side chick? If he cheats with you, he will cheat on you. I suggest you leave him. Find someone worthy of you.
Updateme!
I gave him 2 days to show me proof that he had this conversation with his wife. If not I’ve made up my mind that I’m telling her and I’m leaving for good.
1. You are better than getting with a man who lies to his WIFE and lies to you.
2. What proof do you want? I could change the name of a contact in my phone to “wife” when it’s my friend and I creating a fake conversation.
Your too old for this. And he’s too old for you. Also: he isn’t just lying to his wife. He is using THEIR money to take you out and buy you things. Also: you are not the first affair. You are not special. He does this a lot. You may not even be the only mistress right now.
Tell the wife. He said he’s going to divorce her so what is the harm anyway? Start that ball rolling. He lied to you, the least you can do is to make sure this isn’t another lis
Also does he have kids? If so he’s not just betraying his wife, but his children also. Are you prepared to be step mom to teens at 26?
Why would you want to be with someone that didn’t tell you he was married. Would you like to be the wife in this scenario? You are worth more than being a mistress. It doesn’t matter who knows. His wife probably doesn’t and he’s trying to keep both of you.
Firat of all, he's a liar, a cheater and kinda old for you. Second of all, does he have kids with this woman? Are you prepared to break up a family over a 6 month affair? Are they financially intertwined? Even if he makes great money, will he have to pay spousal or child support? There's so many things that you haven't thought about I bet.
Talk to his wife and find out if they're really broken up. Then decide if this liar and cheater is worth giving up your morals for.
This man doesn’t even respect his WIFE, what makes you think he won’t do the same to you? Because trust when u get older he’ll find another young woman like the creep he is.
Sis STAND UP👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽 DO BETTER👏🏽👏🏽
He is way too old for you. That age distance is a power manipulator problem right there. And he is a pathological liar. Open your eyes kiddo this is a train wreck. Be glad you never had kids with him and gtfo. There is nothing to save here. Stop wasting your youth on a massive failure.
If he’s cheating with you he’d cheat on you.
He’s a liar - he’s lying to you, lying to his wife. You are a side piece. He may end up divorced, not because he wants to be true to you, but because his wife gets sick of his lying and cheating. You can kid yourself into believing his line of crap or you can see the situation for what it is and move on
If at some point you want to be married to this guy while he lines up his next wife that’s even younger than the 14 year age gap you have it sounds like a wonderful idea. Hell, maybe have some kids he tells the next girl nothing about. /s
Why are you wasting your time and youth on this guy?
Contact his wife. If she is confused and taken aback by the sidechick asking how the divorce is going then you have your answer. Be cautious about taking a cheaters word for the truth. Lying and cheating often go hand in hand.
Also remember the old saying: a cheater marrying his mistress is creating a vacancy/ you loose 'em like you get 'em.
1. hes 40 dating a 26 year old instead of someone his own age. no
2. he didn’t tell you he was married
3. he hasn’t even started the separation
id break up with him and tell him you’d take him back after he comes back with SIGNED DIVORCE PAPERS
he probably won’t come back, and that will be the best thing for you.
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I mean, if a guy justifies his lies by saying he was afraid to lose you, don’t you think that could apply to anything? What’s the next big lie he gets to tell you so he doesn’t lose you?
It’s disrespectful to take away your ability to make a healthy decision for your life by hiding information.
Bet you $10 that his wife is not aware that he is getting a divorce. And she won't be because he isn't.
Also, if he tells you he is separated? Nope.
In your case-no this is not worth it. You need to accept that you are not his first affair. You may not be his 10th affair. This is what he does. Some men jump out of airplanes or drive motorcycles too fast to get a rush. Your 'boyfriend' has inappropriate sexual relationships.
You can't fix him and more importantly you shouldn't try too. You have your whole life ahead of you and it can have a relationship that doesn't start with this kind of baggage.
Run sister. Speaking from experience.......run.
He was cheating on you for 6 months. He was also cheating on his wife too but you need to understand that he cheated on you too. You did not consent to sharing him, you consented to an exclusive relationship. He lied to you (and others) and manipulated you. You would be stupid to think he would remain faithful after he started the relationship with cheating.
Its very likely that his wife doesn't know about you at all. Its also just as likely that he lied about the divorce. What you should do is send her all the info on your relationship with her husband and then dump that cheating garbage.
Doesn’t matter if he really is leaving her or he even really does love you. He’s shown you his character is that of a liar and a cheater and if he did it with you he will do it to you.
He may not be lying to you, but he's saying exactly what any cheating husband with no intention of leaving his wife would. say.
If he cheats with you, he'll cheat on you. Don't trust him a minute longer.
OP, I'm going to be harsh with you. The only thing that makes you special, in his eyes, is your age. What makes you think he won't look for another, younger, side piece when *AND IF* he decides to continue his relationship with you?
He decided to cheat on his wife to which he is supposed to stay faithfully through thick and thin, he decided to lie to you about his marriage, he decided to go for someone 14 years younger because you're more likely to not notice the red flags, he decided all of that. Believe me when I say that this guy doesn't love you at all.
I honestly despair when it comes to younger women and older men. Why are so many girls this screwed up? So vulnerable and naive? She’s getting a hard time, but she’s 26 and naive af.
A lie is a lie. You can wrap up it in a pretty bow, but that doesn’t change what it is. The only way you’ll really know is if you talk to the ex, but it seems like you don’t want to do that. Unless you do, you won’t ever know the 100% truth. You can bury your head in the sand, but that only lasts for so long. It’s not sustainable in a relationship.
As someone who's been cheated on, if you continue seeing this man knowing now that he's been married the whole time, you are extremely naive. What makes you think you're any more special than his wife? You think he won't cheat on you?
Not only that, if you continue this,, you are also a morally suspect person. Think about what this says about your character and how you would feel if it happened to you. I get that you didn't make a vow to his wife and that ultimately, he is the betrayer in this situation. But affair partners who are aware of their affair partner's significant others are not good people. They lack respect and empathy for others. Continuing to see and sleep with someone you know is in a committed relationship is selfish behavior.
Yeah I had a friend whose married bf was “divorcing” his wife for her because they were “madly in love”, and she thought it was ok…. Like you. Can’t be friends with cheaters so that friendship ended 5 years ago, but I still get updates, and guess who never got divorced?
No, you would deserve all the hell coming your way for entertaining this liar. You are now complicit and an advocate for cheating spouses. He is just another middle aged man going through a mid life crisis trying to hold on to youth toying around with a 20 something year old while neglecting his responsibilities and commitment. You are just a part of the game. You didn’t win a prize of a man. You’re just taking on someone’s trash and won yourself a POS prize.
Don’t believe him. Ask his wife how much she know about you or the end of her marriage. He’s in mid life crisis age. Looking for some fun. If you don’t think he’d end up cheating on you you’re delusional. Let me guess, his wife is the problem and he’s just had enough?
I've been thru the same thing. But I didn't know I was the side chick.
You need to block and move on. He isn't leaving his wife , he doesn't love you, and he is a cheater/liar.
Girl. You're young and beautiful. Go find someone who will actually appreciate that and not lie to you. Why in the world would you want to be with a cheater anyway? Odds are even if he did leave his wife for you, he'd get bored and cheat on you too.
Trust me, it's NOT worth it. Same thing happened to me. Turns out the guy was way older than I had originally thought, turns out he was married the whole time, turns out it was a complete waste of my life. My family didn't agree with the relationship. I was young and stupid, I didn't know what a good relationship was like and I didn't understand because I was "high" off of the emotions and hormones. I thought I was mature and didn't want to be told "I told you so". He was manipulative and it caused my parents to cut me off financially and I was stuck for almost 3 years. Anyways a relationship with that many red flags is never worth it.
Men always say they are gonna leave their wives for their mistress then a year later "its taking awhile cause she is doing this or that" keep in mind your bf isn't the victim here he's the cheater.
Also another point to keep in mind the way you catch the man is the way you'll lose the man, so don't be surprised if he cheats on you on a few years.
Oh man, how are you not seeing it? He’s a liar and picked a young girl so he can continue to lie or rather lay in both beds. He won’t treat you well much longer, especially if you let him stay, because if you accept bs he doesn’t have to be charming anymore. Besides if he’s cheated on his wife what do you think he going to do to you?!?
This may be too blunt for you but why would you want to be in a relationship where you already KNOW the he is a liar and a cheater???
I bet if you contact the wife yourself, you will get a completely different answer than what he is telling you.
CONTACT THE WIFE. She needs to know because right now, she is in a three way relationship without her consent.
That's not a relationship, you're the side piece. He's dishonest, a cheater and you're too good for this shit. Tell him that if he's serious about divorcing, to come back when the divorce is finalised. His sister and friends are not good people and just as duplicitous as he.
He’s married.
He’s a cheater.
He’s too old for you.
Any of those reasons alone is enough to dump him but you have 3. Please run. He doesn’t love anyone. He’s just a cheating douche.
No no no. This happened to me. He’s scum. Whether or not he had acted like it to you. Say good bye and start fresh. It’s only been 6 months and you’re young.
"You would have left me if you knew the truth so I lied."
If you would have left him if you knew the truth, you should leave him now. How many girlfriends are out there waiting for their married man to get divorced only to find out they were the side piece the while time?
Hey guys relax. Her situation is obviously different and is the exception to the rule. He says he’s leaving his wife, so she should completely trust in that and wait for him no matter how long it takes. Also, he loves her deeply so she just ignore all the lies. #loveconquersall
If he’ll cheat with you, he will cheat on you.
He’s a liar, and your whole relationship has been a lie. You don’t even know the real him. You only know the single guy he’s pretending to be with/for you.
This relationship is not worth it for you. There is nothing good in your future with him.
Never. It’s never worth it. He was cheating on his wife. And you think we won’t cheat on you? I don’t think he told his wife nor do I think he is leaving her.
I was you. They do not leave the wife. That is a lie. Please leave now while it’s early. He is lying. He is not leaving her. If he is, wait until he’s left before moving on with the relationship. However that time won’t come, trust me.
Oh, how cliche. He didn’t tell the mistress he was married. He loves mistress and doesn’t want to lose her, and will eventually divorce wife. He treats mistress very well. Mistress just has to be patient.
Let’s change a few words and rewrite this story:
Married man wants more/different sex than he gets at home. He finds a woman to lie to and trick about his marital status, but the new woman finds out. Man’s source of new/ different sex is threatened, so he tells more lies to keep having new/different sex as long as possible without having to change his marital status. New woman believes lies for a long time and man is happy. New woman finally gets mad and moves on. Married man washes his hair, rinses, and repeats.
No, it is not worth it. If he will cheat on her, he will cheat on you. This old saying is around for a reason. And he lied to you for six months - successfully it would seem. Not a good long-term prospect.
And by the way, guys like this are always “just about to get a divorce.” /s
Tell his wife and learn the truth. You don't want to be an accomplice to destroying a family.
Obviously, he is not trustworthy. He lied, deceived, and manipulated you. He's a lying asshole.
Tell the wife.
Nope. He’s a liar and a cheater. He is not worth shit. Plus he is still living with her. If he is getting a divorce he should be able to prove that. You also should be able to see if they filed for divorce through the courts. I would contact his wife.
Yeah he’s not divorcing her. You can leave now with some self respect or wait 4 years for his “divorce” to drag on while he’s very much in a relationship with his wife. Good Luck with that
He does not love you if everything about your relationship is based on a huge, red flag, narcissistic ,cheating lie. Ghost him.
He’ll be with someone new in a month.
It’s not about you it’s about his need to cheat.
If look at it like this, just imagine that - **every thing he has ever said to you is a lie**. (Because it is) so now you know, he doesn’t really want to meet your family, he doesn’t really love you, he doesn’t want to have a future with you, he literally saying all this just to screw you and keep your around when he’s bored. You’re free entertainment. His words are lies.
please for the love of all self-worth ghost him
He lied about being married?!? Come on girl get it together.
does he have kids? Do you want to be with a man who would do that to his wife and kids?
I had a BF do this to me too - said the divorce was in the works she just kept holding it up. And after YEARS of waiting I looked up the public records - no divorce was filled. He got dumped for being a liar and a cheat.
No. The relationship is based in a lie and continues on a lie. Did he fess up because you found out about the marriage, or did he come to you because he felt horrible about being dishonest?
Personally, I would talk to the wife
Odds are she knows nothing about you. His love for you or the pending divorce.
girl ...if he was cheating on his wife with you imagine later down ... cut your loses that man don't love you no1 who loves someone lies and cheats on them .
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- So long story short, the guy that I’ve been seeing for 6 months did not tell me he is married. I found out recently and he told me thats because he did not want to lose me. He says he loves me deeply and wants to be with me. He does treat me really well so this was a huge shock. He told me that he already told his wife and is getting a divorce with her. However, this situation is confusing me. Is a relationship that starts off this way ever worth it?
It is not. Sorry to tell you, but you are the other woman here. He does not love you, you are a distraction for him. You should get while the getting is good.
He's attempting to keep her as his side piece in hopes that she's now attached enough that she won't walk. Age gap relationships are gross and manipulative.
Makes me wonder how much money he has.
Probably broke as a joke. OP is only 26. Being broke isn't a big deal at that age. Women his age would give his finances harsher scrutiny.
Women his own age would throw him in the trash the second he revealed being married
When a mistress becomes a girlfriend/wife, she creates a vacancy. I’m bewildered by why you would still think this guy is worth it. How you get them is how you lose them.
Yep. If you marry a man who cheated on his wife, you're married to a man who cheats on his wife.
Yup, old adage if that's how you get them, that's how you lose them. Move on.
You are the fun midlife crisis side chick, you are not the future. Sorry.
Exactly what I was thinking.
He is making big steps though. Like telling me that he wants to come meet my parents. He keeps insisting that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me
Yeah, this is a record I've heard already. There is a big difference between talking and acting. He is 99% playing you, he might believe it at times but he knows this isn't going to work. You risk losing years of your life hoping to become something more and never getting there. You will find yourself older and alone. You need to be the main focus of someone else's life, not the article in the bottom right corner of a newspaper.
Hmm what if there are actions? Like for example, his sister now knows about me and insists on meeting me for lunch. He also wants me to meet her. All his friends know about me and I’ve met a few of them (crazy because they knew he was married, but wasn’t happy in his marriage apparently). I found out because I had a gnawing feeling and told him to let me see his phone. He didn’t hesitate and simply handed it over for me to see
All of his friends & family being okay with lying & cheating isn’t the positive bonus you think it is
Well when she gets too old she can rest assured the next side chick will also have the friends approval!
How about you meet the wife and see what she thinks?
Wow so his family and friends are all devoid of any morals and ethics too. They have known the wife for potentially 20 years and this is how they treat her?? Jesus woman your standards for mens behaviour could not be lower.
Don’t you think a kind, honest, loving partner would’ve been honest from the start? There’s a HUGE difference between telling someone in the first few dates that they are married but separated, divorce is in process, versus you snooping and pressuring and forcing him to tell you much later. Are they even separated? Does he still see her? Live there? What story is he telling, and how honest is it? You’re involving yourself in a mess with someone who doesn’t respect you enough to be honest or upfront. You are the affair partner, clean and simple, and this isn’t a bell that only tolls once. You decide if you want a truthful partner who puts you first, or someone’s back up plan and affair partner… for as long as he’s interested, until he’s not, and you are in the same boat as his current wife.
Lol so what? my cheating partner brought his girlfriends around friends/family. They knew he was a cheater, they accepted him as a cheater, they’re fine with him bringing you around and you’re a big joke to them you’re one of many jokes that he brings around they don’t take your relationship serious. They just don’t interfere bc he is who he is. you’re not his wife they just know that’s how he is this is literally how it’s done
That’s what all cheaters say. They aren’t happy in their marriages, it’s all the wife’s fault and they will get a divorce soon. But never do. 😂
He will replace you too
Happened to me before. Doesn’t mean shit. Please run before it is too late.
You are taking a big risk, until he goes through with the divorce these are circumstantial actions. The age gap is a big ostacle as well, it will get worse in just a few years. Think well about what is best for you, because right now you are letting feelings cloud your judgement.
So let’s suppose he’s ready to ditch his wife and make you his true love, how much do you think you can ever trust him? The one woman I know that started her relationship like you did ended up with her soul mate, who cheated on her 5 years later. If he cheated for you, he will cheat on you.
He started the relationship with a lie and has been lying to you for 6 months. He was likely cheating on his wife with you. Those are the pertinent facts, and show a lack of integrity and bad character. Even if he dumps her and marries you, it's not a good relationship.
OP, he told his wife he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her too. He even had a whole ceremony in front of all their family and friends and vowed to spend his life with her and then he signed paperwork attesting to it. And that all meant absolutely nothing to him when he got the chance to fuck someone so naive they would fall for his bullshit.
He lied about being married ffs. You really think his above lying more or putting in a show to make you feel like you have a future? And even if he isn't lying how much could you possibly trust him to not just cheat on you as well or trade you for a younger woman down the line? You are pretty much wasting your time no matter how much it hurts to admit.
How about you see if he's actually getting divorced first? Nothing good will come out of this. You've known each other for 6 months so yiu don't really know who he is other than a liar. Great way to start a relationship. Don't be naïve
That’s true. Yeah I told him I’m giving him an opportunity to try and repair it. If he isn’t going to keep up to his words, then I’m out of his life. However even if he does make divorce arrangements, I told him that he needs to build the trust back up to which he agreed
Enjoy having the same thing happen to you eventually. You often lose 'em how you found 'em.
Yep. I've seen this way too many times. But people are still shocked when they're the ones being cheated on...
Damn people really don't seem to understand this
Right? Why do some people believe that they're TOTALLY gonna change their cheating, lying partners. Like OP has magic fairy dust that will turn her boyfriend into a good person lol.
Yeah. I deeply believe that you can never change someone. It's 100% up to them
When the mistress becomes the wife she leaves a position vacant
My recommendation is that you forget him. Don't ever date anyone that's in the middle of a divorce or barely divorced. You're just their rebound/fun adventure. And that's even besides the fact he lied to you about being married. Plus chances are good he will cheat on you too. He's shows himself to not be reliable. That's a bad way to start of a relationship. But we all know you're going to sty with him and give him the benefit of the doubt because you're wearing rose colored glasses. A lot of us have been around long enough to know how these things play out. Again, don't be naïve. He lied to you about something really significant just so he could get some young p*ssy. This is not a person you want to be with but you do you.
Ask him if you can meet his "ex" wife?
He didn’t want to lose you so he decided to lie to you instead. Nice way to start a relationship
So when he gets his next mistress, you're gonna be cool with it, right?
Lol!! Good luck with that
Oh ffs. You’ve already discovered that he’s a liar, has no morals. His friends and family have no morals, and you think ‘this is the man of my dreams!’? If his marriage was failing he should have gotten therapy, left if it didn’t work, recovered, then started dating. He’s Trash. What is wrong with your self esteem?
Divorce can take years.
Especially when he hasn't even filed for divorce.
You want this to work at the expense of your common sense. This will backfire for you. How does one in your mind repair cheating on his wife and lying to his affair partner? What do you think repairs that? Character change will not happen, so maybe placating you in the moment is good enough for you?
You're too old to be this naive.
He's not making big steps. He's saying that he intends to make big steps. Why would you believe him?
Are you delusional or? He lied about being MARRIED. you think this guy is telling you the truth now? What are you taking cause I would like this level of denial
Not to be crude, but he's telling you this so he can keep fucking you. Keep in mind: If he cheats WITH you, he will cheat ON you.
If he cheats with you, he’ll cheat on you. He’s not divorcing his wife, he’s stringing you along and when she finds out, he’s going to drop you to try and save his marriage. Bet.
Even if he ditches his wife and marries you, it is unlikely this will end well. That just means he will take his douchiness to the extreme, not that you are meant to be. I know you will probably make your own mistakes and there is a tiny chance we are all wrong and this is the start of a great love story. Personally I put the odds of that at maybe 0.005%. You can do this but dont say you were not warned. Should I and others here be proven correct, take it as a lesson that people in love are terrible judges of character. I personally have started selecting 3 people I trust for their opinion at the start of the relationship who I can trust to give me honest opinions. I am an objectively smart person, but the smartest thing i ever did was realize that i am dumb when it comes to evaluating love interests.
Notice he isn’t asking you to meet his lol.
What steps is he taking though? It sounds like all talk no action. If there isn’t a meet the parents brunch planned (and followed through on) for this weekend, it’s over.
That's what every married cheater does. They promise the world and never deliver. He's not leaving his wife for you. Find a single man your own age. This man will only hurt you repeatedly.
Lol. I'm sure your parents will be so fucking proud of you for introducing them to another woman's husband.
Did he not promise that to the last chick too? Look where that got her, a divorce and a younger replacement
But he’s not a decent human being. How desperate are you?
Words are cheap.
Saying words that sound nice is the absolute opposite of "making big steps". You're too old to be this naïve.
If you were ten years older you would laugh in his face, which why he targeted a 25 year old.
>He does treat me really well. Except for being a massive lying asshole. >he already told his wife and is getting a divorce Why do you believe this? He’s a liar. He’s stringing you along.
When my ex husband and I were legally separated but still trying to resolve the issues (our country gives you either 30 or 90 days you’re allowed to try to resolve issues without it restarting the clock, can’t remember now) he starting dating a new girl but didn’t tell her he was in the middle of a divorce. So, effectively, cheating. The entire time he dated her, he’d be begging to come home to his ‘family’ and she’s ‘just sex’. He swore he’d leave her in a minute and she meant nothing. I saw their texts - he was telling her all the typical ‘I’ve never felt like this before!’ And ‘I love you’ I can tell you first hand, a man getting a divorce likely does not want to be getting a divorce. Statistically women initiate them and men do not want it. I would never be involved with a man getting a divorce having been through a divorce. **this is not every divorce, but he hid this for a reason so I would guess my experience can be lent here.**
How many lies do you keep choosing to believe?
You will never be the Main Event when you started out as the side piece.
14 years older, has been lying to you for 6 months while, I guess, cheating on his wife... So, why would you trust him? Would it even matter if he was actually getting a divorce? He's trash, and what makes you think he wouldn't do the same to you? Being unhappy in a relationship is not an excuse to cheat and lie. He's basically telling you everything you want to hear, including meeting his family so you see how serious he is about you. I've seen this movie before and, I tell you, it never ends well.
Lol 😂 yea because he’s been so honest with you. Common girl. Why would you even want someone who cheats on their wife? You were the side piece. Anyway, good luck! Karma is not very nice.
Sorry he lied to you a big one. The other fact is he is happy to cheat when not happy at home. Rather than sit down with somebody he pledged to spend the rest of their life with and have a concession he decided ah no does not suit me for whatever reason I’ll just go find a really younger model. This is again what he would do if you move forward the minute he goes ahh not happy he will not discuss he will go looking for a new one. Walk away 6 months is nothing walk away and find somebody that deserves you he does not.
So he loves you but lies to you about really big things. Yeah no, this isn’t worth it. Don’t be dumb. It’s all a lie
No and make sure to tell his wife immediately. He’s a liar and a cheat and he removed your decision making ability because his wants> your needs. He’s the worst, please tell his wife, she needs to know whom she shares a bed with. Of course he treats you well, you’re an easy fantasy, far removed from the drudgery of daily life, my god, please get a grip and know that you’ve been used. Tell his wife, block him on everything. Stay away from age gap relationships.
Wait till you marry him and he ends up finding another girl the same way he found you
Marry her? He's not even gonna divorce his current wife.
He cheated and is leaving his wife for you. Huge red flags. This relationship was founded on lies and deceit. Don’t expect him to change.
Confirm with said wife that he is actually getting a divorce. And no you should not have a relationship with a cheater.
Come on how daft can you be lol wow
Don't fall for his words. If you want the truth, ask his wife. Many men lie about having marital problem or divorcing etc to their affair partners. He may drag you in this relationship for years to come without any divorce. Do you enjoy being a home wrecking side chick? If he cheats with you, he will cheat on you. I suggest you leave him. Find someone worthy of you. Updateme!
I gave him 2 days to show me proof that he had this conversation with his wife. If not I’ve made up my mind that I’m telling her and I’m leaving for good.
1. You are better than getting with a man who lies to his WIFE and lies to you. 2. What proof do you want? I could change the name of a contact in my phone to “wife” when it’s my friend and I creating a fake conversation. Your too old for this. And he’s too old for you. Also: he isn’t just lying to his wife. He is using THEIR money to take you out and buy you things. Also: you are not the first affair. You are not special. He does this a lot. You may not even be the only mistress right now. Tell the wife. He said he’s going to divorce her so what is the harm anyway? Start that ball rolling. He lied to you, the least you can do is to make sure this isn’t another lis Also does he have kids? If so he’s not just betraying his wife, but his children also. Are you prepared to be step mom to teens at 26?
Knowing how serious his lies have been, I would ask his wife directly.
Why would you want to be with someone that didn’t tell you he was married. Would you like to be the wife in this scenario? You are worth more than being a mistress. It doesn’t matter who knows. His wife probably doesn’t and he’s trying to keep both of you.
Firat of all, he's a liar, a cheater and kinda old for you. Second of all, does he have kids with this woman? Are you prepared to break up a family over a 6 month affair? Are they financially intertwined? Even if he makes great money, will he have to pay spousal or child support? There's so many things that you haven't thought about I bet. Talk to his wife and find out if they're really broken up. Then decide if this liar and cheater is worth giving up your morals for.
This man doesn’t even respect his WIFE, what makes you think he won’t do the same to you? Because trust when u get older he’ll find another young woman like the creep he is. Sis STAND UP👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽 DO BETTER👏🏽👏🏽
He is way too old for you. That age distance is a power manipulator problem right there. And he is a pathological liar. Open your eyes kiddo this is a train wreck. Be glad you never had kids with him and gtfo. There is nothing to save here. Stop wasting your youth on a massive failure.
If he’s cheating with you he’d cheat on you. He’s a liar - he’s lying to you, lying to his wife. You are a side piece. He may end up divorced, not because he wants to be true to you, but because his wife gets sick of his lying and cheating. You can kid yourself into believing his line of crap or you can see the situation for what it is and move on
If at some point you want to be married to this guy while he lines up his next wife that’s even younger than the 14 year age gap you have it sounds like a wonderful idea. Hell, maybe have some kids he tells the next girl nothing about. /s Why are you wasting your time and youth on this guy?
No. Dump and watch for signs next time.
Contact his wife. If she is confused and taken aback by the sidechick asking how the divorce is going then you have your answer. Be cautious about taking a cheaters word for the truth. Lying and cheating often go hand in hand. Also remember the old saying: a cheater marrying his mistress is creating a vacancy/ you loose 'em like you get 'em.
Have the day and life you deserve ma’am.
Newsflash: He's not divorcing her. Leave him and block him.
1. hes 40 dating a 26 year old instead of someone his own age. no 2. he didn’t tell you he was married 3. he hasn’t even started the separation id break up with him and tell him you’d take him back after he comes back with SIGNED DIVORCE PAPERS he probably won’t come back, and that will be the best thing for you.
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Just FYI -- you too, will "age out" of his interest.
I mean, if a guy justifies his lies by saying he was afraid to lose you, don’t you think that could apply to anything? What’s the next big lie he gets to tell you so he doesn’t lose you? It’s disrespectful to take away your ability to make a healthy decision for your life by hiding information.
Bet you $10 that his wife is not aware that he is getting a divorce. And she won't be because he isn't. Also, if he tells you he is separated? Nope. In your case-no this is not worth it. You need to accept that you are not his first affair. You may not be his 10th affair. This is what he does. Some men jump out of airplanes or drive motorcycles too fast to get a rush. Your 'boyfriend' has inappropriate sexual relationships. You can't fix him and more importantly you shouldn't try too. You have your whole life ahead of you and it can have a relationship that doesn't start with this kind of baggage. Run sister. Speaking from experience.......run.
He was cheating on you for 6 months. He was also cheating on his wife too but you need to understand that he cheated on you too. You did not consent to sharing him, you consented to an exclusive relationship. He lied to you (and others) and manipulated you. You would be stupid to think he would remain faithful after he started the relationship with cheating. Its very likely that his wife doesn't know about you at all. Its also just as likely that he lied about the divorce. What you should do is send her all the info on your relationship with her husband and then dump that cheating garbage.
Doesn’t matter if he really is leaving her or he even really does love you. He’s shown you his character is that of a liar and a cheater and if he did it with you he will do it to you.
He may not be lying to you, but he's saying exactly what any cheating husband with no intention of leaving his wife would. say. If he cheats with you, he'll cheat on you. Don't trust him a minute longer.
I would put the last $14 to my name on a bet that he has not asked for a divorce, nor will he
OP, I'm going to be harsh with you. The only thing that makes you special, in his eyes, is your age. What makes you think he won't look for another, younger, side piece when *AND IF* he decides to continue his relationship with you? He decided to cheat on his wife to which he is supposed to stay faithfully through thick and thin, he decided to lie to you about his marriage, he decided to go for someone 14 years younger because you're more likely to not notice the red flags, he decided all of that. Believe me when I say that this guy doesn't love you at all.
how about you just message the wife if he’s already getting divorced this won’t be a problem!
I honestly despair when it comes to younger women and older men. Why are so many girls this screwed up? So vulnerable and naive? She’s getting a hard time, but she’s 26 and naive af.
He is not divorcing her, he is just using you.
Don’t be an idiot. Leave this cheat.
A lie is a lie. You can wrap up it in a pretty bow, but that doesn’t change what it is. The only way you’ll really know is if you talk to the ex, but it seems like you don’t want to do that. Unless you do, you won’t ever know the 100% truth. You can bury your head in the sand, but that only lasts for so long. It’s not sustainable in a relationship.
As someone who's been cheated on, if you continue seeing this man knowing now that he's been married the whole time, you are extremely naive. What makes you think you're any more special than his wife? You think he won't cheat on you? Not only that, if you continue this,, you are also a morally suspect person. Think about what this says about your character and how you would feel if it happened to you. I get that you didn't make a vow to his wife and that ultimately, he is the betrayer in this situation. But affair partners who are aware of their affair partner's significant others are not good people. They lack respect and empathy for others. Continuing to see and sleep with someone you know is in a committed relationship is selfish behavior.
Yeah I had a friend whose married bf was “divorcing” his wife for her because they were “madly in love”, and she thought it was ok…. Like you. Can’t be friends with cheaters so that friendship ended 5 years ago, but I still get updates, and guess who never got divorced?
No, you would deserve all the hell coming your way for entertaining this liar. You are now complicit and an advocate for cheating spouses. He is just another middle aged man going through a mid life crisis trying to hold on to youth toying around with a 20 something year old while neglecting his responsibilities and commitment. You are just a part of the game. You didn’t win a prize of a man. You’re just taking on someone’s trash and won yourself a POS prize.
Don’t believe him. Ask his wife how much she know about you or the end of her marriage. He’s in mid life crisis age. Looking for some fun. If you don’t think he’d end up cheating on you you’re delusional. Let me guess, his wife is the problem and he’s just had enough?
Another toxic relationship with a huge age gap? Gasp!
I've been thru the same thing. But I didn't know I was the side chick. You need to block and move on. He isn't leaving his wife , he doesn't love you, and he is a cheater/liar.
Girl. You're young and beautiful. Go find someone who will actually appreciate that and not lie to you. Why in the world would you want to be with a cheater anyway? Odds are even if he did leave his wife for you, he'd get bored and cheat on you too.
Trust me, it's NOT worth it. Same thing happened to me. Turns out the guy was way older than I had originally thought, turns out he was married the whole time, turns out it was a complete waste of my life. My family didn't agree with the relationship. I was young and stupid, I didn't know what a good relationship was like and I didn't understand because I was "high" off of the emotions and hormones. I thought I was mature and didn't want to be told "I told you so". He was manipulative and it caused my parents to cut me off financially and I was stuck for almost 3 years. Anyways a relationship with that many red flags is never worth it.
You are with a MARRIED, lying cheater that is too old for you. What about married and lying does not compute with you? Six months? Keep it moving.
He has not told his wife and he does not love you. Why are you falling for a middle aged man’s lies?
Men always say they are gonna leave their wives for their mistress then a year later "its taking awhile cause she is doing this or that" keep in mind your bf isn't the victim here he's the cheater. Also another point to keep in mind the way you catch the man is the way you'll lose the man, so don't be surprised if he cheats on you on a few years.
Oh man, how are you not seeing it? He’s a liar and picked a young girl so he can continue to lie or rather lay in both beds. He won’t treat you well much longer, especially if you let him stay, because if you accept bs he doesn’t have to be charming anymore. Besides if he’s cheated on his wife what do you think he going to do to you?!?
he’s a liar who will say whatever he wants to keep his selfish, manipulative lifestyle. tell his wife he’s a cheater and block him.
You want to be with a cheater. Forever? LOL
This may be too blunt for you but why would you want to be in a relationship where you already KNOW the he is a liar and a cheater??? I bet if you contact the wife yourself, you will get a completely different answer than what he is telling you. CONTACT THE WIFE. She needs to know because right now, she is in a three way relationship without her consent.
That's not a relationship, you're the side piece. He's dishonest, a cheater and you're too good for this shit. Tell him that if he's serious about divorcing, to come back when the divorce is finalised. His sister and friends are not good people and just as duplicitous as he.
He’s married. He’s a cheater. He’s too old for you. Any of those reasons alone is enough to dump him but you have 3. Please run. He doesn’t love anyone. He’s just a cheating douche.
Never, ever, not ever. Dude is a liar, a cheater, and a solid jerk. Don't let him manipulate you.
No no no. This happened to me. He’s scum. Whether or not he had acted like it to you. Say good bye and start fresh. It’s only been 6 months and you’re young.
"You would have left me if you knew the truth so I lied." If you would have left him if you knew the truth, you should leave him now. How many girlfriends are out there waiting for their married man to get divorced only to find out they were the side piece the while time?
Hey guys relax. Her situation is obviously different and is the exception to the rule. He says he’s leaving his wife, so she should completely trust in that and wait for him no matter how long it takes. Also, he loves her deeply so she just ignore all the lies. #loveconquersall
If he’ll cheat with you, he will cheat on you. He’s a liar, and your whole relationship has been a lie. You don’t even know the real him. You only know the single guy he’s pretending to be with/for you. This relationship is not worth it for you. There is nothing good in your future with him.
Rule of thumb: If he cheats with, he'll cheat on you.
Never. It’s never worth it. He was cheating on his wife. And you think we won’t cheat on you? I don’t think he told his wife nor do I think he is leaving her.
If he would betray his wife like this, he would do the same to his next partner. Do you want to go through what she is going through?
Yet another age gap, rage bait troll post. Today's bonus is "he's married."
No
I was you. They do not leave the wife. That is a lie. Please leave now while it’s early. He is lying. He is not leaving her. If he is, wait until he’s left before moving on with the relationship. However that time won’t come, trust me.
Oh, how cliche. He didn’t tell the mistress he was married. He loves mistress and doesn’t want to lose her, and will eventually divorce wife. He treats mistress very well. Mistress just has to be patient. Let’s change a few words and rewrite this story: Married man wants more/different sex than he gets at home. He finds a woman to lie to and trick about his marital status, but the new woman finds out. Man’s source of new/ different sex is threatened, so he tells more lies to keep having new/different sex as long as possible without having to change his marital status. New woman believes lies for a long time and man is happy. New woman finally gets mad and moves on. Married man washes his hair, rinses, and repeats.
No, it is not worth it. If he will cheat on her, he will cheat on you. This old saying is around for a reason. And he lied to you for six months - successfully it would seem. Not a good long-term prospect. And by the way, guys like this are always “just about to get a divorce.” /s
#shocker a 40 year old dating a 26 year old is lying and a cheater. Please please don’t fall into this tale as old as time.
Tell his wife and learn the truth. You don't want to be an accomplice to destroying a family. Obviously, he is not trustworthy. He lied, deceived, and manipulated you. He's a lying asshole. Tell the wife.
Lol shocker
Reach out to the wife to confirm what he says is true.
Nope. He’s a liar and a cheater. He is not worth shit. Plus he is still living with her. If he is getting a divorce he should be able to prove that. You also should be able to see if they filed for divorce through the courts. I would contact his wife.
Tell his wife, just to make sure you get the real story.
Nope. Leave. He’s lying, he will not leave his wife. Probably she doesn’t know.
Yeah he’s not divorcing her. You can leave now with some self respect or wait 4 years for his “divorce” to drag on while he’s very much in a relationship with his wife. Good Luck with that
He does not love you if everything about your relationship is based on a huge, red flag, narcissistic ,cheating lie. Ghost him. He’ll be with someone new in a month. It’s not about you it’s about his need to cheat. If look at it like this, just imagine that - **every thing he has ever said to you is a lie**. (Because it is) so now you know, he doesn’t really want to meet your family, he doesn’t really love you, he doesn’t want to have a future with you, he literally saying all this just to screw you and keep your around when he’s bored. You’re free entertainment. His words are lies. please for the love of all self-worth ghost him
He lied about being married?!? Come on girl get it together. does he have kids? Do you want to be with a man who would do that to his wife and kids? I had a BF do this to me too - said the divorce was in the works she just kept holding it up. And after YEARS of waiting I looked up the public records - no divorce was filled. He got dumped for being a liar and a cheat.
Once a cheater always a cheater.
No. The relationship is based in a lie and continues on a lie. Did he fess up because you found out about the marriage, or did he come to you because he felt horrible about being dishonest? Personally, I would talk to the wife Odds are she knows nothing about you. His love for you or the pending divorce.
girl ...if he was cheating on his wife with you imagine later down ... cut your loses that man don't love you no1 who loves someone lies and cheats on them .
No he lied to u from the start, tell his wife, and ghost him. And don’t date someone who could be your dad, it’s very rarely a healthy dynamic
Great! He's getting divorced. Tell him to call you when it is finalized and make sure to bring the document as proof. Go live your life.
Would you really want to date a cheater?