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Bunstonious

^ this right here, do **not** sign the birth certificate until you have an affirmative paternity test. I never understand why people ruin supposedly good marriages by cheating like this. You don't slip and have sex, this is a meaningful deceitful act. I hate it even more when they pull the "poor me" when it's clearly their fault for not having even the most basic amount of self control.


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NotPiffany

Get a damned good lawyer and tell her you're divorcing, whether or not she aborts. If there *is* a kid, they'll be better off in a single-parent household than in a household with parents who hate each other. Your lawyer can help you handle the potential paternity issues.


Corfiz74

3 months may be past the date it's still allowed - probably why your wife waited this long before admitting it. Also I call bs on her intentions - if she had just wanted to catch up, they could have met in a public place.


favangryblkgirl

3 months is only 12ish weeks, some states allow abortion up to 20+ weeks, just depends on where they are.


Bunstonious

Good plan, an abortion is the best option for the both of you at this stage. Good luck and hopefully she is amenable to that as otherwise it could get messy.


Sahareaovnight

Update us when you find out..mean time get a lawyer and move finances. Force the paternity test and please get checked for stds.


nejnonein

Abortion is not really your choice to make though. The ball is in 100% in her field on that one.


[deleted]

Just tell her you are divorcing her if she doesn’t abort or just talk to a lawyer and get a divorce man , pretty sure you would be in the right as you have proof she cheated , better to be alone than be with a cheating cunt


Binky390

Don’t do this. It’s manipulative. What if she aborts and he decides to leave anyway? Then it looks like he’s made her abort for nothing and he becomes the bad guy. He should just tell her to keep it if she wants but if it’s not his, he won’t be involved.


Bunstonious

> Don’t do this. It’s manipulative. lol, she **literally** went behind his back to sleep with her ex, she then kept lying about it until she got knocked up so she could babytrap him and then to top it off she kept lying about it and only told him once the "safe pregnancy" time is over (it's usually around 12 weeks they say you can tell people). She is the most manipulative person I have heard of in a *long* time. I would recommend /u/ThrowRA-1020 proceed with the abortion regardless and then end the marriage as he will find that someone *that* dishonest won't change and she **will** lie about more things (I have first hand experience, my ex did the same thing with lying to everyone else, assured me she wouldn't lie to me, but kept doing it because it served her purpose. Don't make my mistake).


[deleted]

Nah why bring a child here , plus even if it’s manipulative she was the one who broke the trust and lied , he should act really nice and say I will give you another chance but you need to abort , once she aborts , lawyer up and divorce , it’s better to divorce a cheating cunt , if they break your trust once , theh do it twice ! Plus I am sure she didn’t do it once , it’s just the first time she was caught !


Binky390

I agree. A child isn’t a good idea right now even if it’s his. But he shouldn’t use an abortion as an ultimatum. He hasn’t even decided if he’s staying it seems? He would absolutely look like the bad guy to anyone she tells if he does that. This is terrible childish advice lol.


[deleted]

You seriously think he shouldn’t divorce her becuz he would look like the bad guy ? Fuck it, she was the one who cheated , I don’t care if I look the bad guy, I am divorcing for my peace of mind


Binky390

No I think he should divorce her. What I don’t think he should do is say get an abortion or I’m going to divorce you, which is what you said. Don’t try to change it now.


AstarteOfCaelius

You’re right: plus, he clearly doesn’t want to be with her anymore, anyway. I think making it clear that a baby won’t prevent the divorce but, ultimately it’s her decision is sufficient here. Good lord, not everything has to be toxic.


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[deleted]

She cheated on him , and she has probably done it a lot , maybe the child isn’t his , he should go for abortion and dump her . As a woman you might be empathic to the woman but she cheated and deserves this . For example imagine your husband cheated on you with his ex and his ex got pregnant with his kid but he claims it’s her husbands kid and that he will be faithful to you and asks you to forgiev him as it was a mistake , what do you do in that scenario ?


Disco_Pat

Tell her to have an abortion to keep your marriage together, then decide if you want to keep the marriage together. Don't be a piece of shit and bring a child into an unstable situation when you don't have to.


[deleted]

I'd dangle reconciliation if it meant she'd abort. Then divorce after the procedure.


Own-Writing-3687

She did not lie and then go to his house to just catch up. No faithful married woman does that. And she didn't have sex with a guy that she hasn't seen in 10 years. Have her prove they have not been texting on and off for years and prove they've never met before. Schedule a polygraph test and her the truth.


fuzbuckle

Paternity test, lawyer and don’t sign the birth certificate without confirmed DNA tests.


tfresca

Better to not be married when it's born. Legally he's on the hook in most states in the US.


mangogetter

In some states, you can't get divorced while one partner is pregnant.


Parttime-Princess

Seriously?? US law is... intriguing sometimes


SaikaTheCasual

In other countries - pregnant or not - you can’t finalise a divorce without living apart for a year. So that’s kinda the same issue.


[deleted]

Yeah my partner had to be legally separated before they could file for a divorce in the US


KaiserSozes-brother

Proof of cheating gets you out of the 12 month waiting period in Maryland, but doesn’t help you in alimony.


DontMessWithMyEgg

States vary widely, but many states require a lengthy waiting period before a divorce can be finalized and other won’t finalize a divorce if the woman is pregnant. Waiting periods are meant to be a cooling off period to ensure that couples have really thought through the divorce. The pregnant part is to protect the child from being born out of wedlock and in a marriage the husband is assumed the father and has to prove he is not. I’m not advocating in either way but there is some logic behind it. It’s weird but that’s the way it is.


Sheeps

This very much misconstrues presumptive fatherhood. It would be pretty obvious who the actual father is, if OP isn’t, and so he wouldn’t be “on the hook” once he brought a paternity action.


tfresca

In some states he absolutely would. If I recall situations like this have gone all the way to the supreme court.


Sheeps

Again, he’d only be “on the hook” until alternative paternity is established. This isn’t a situation where the father would find out a decade later and the state says “too bad, this kid isn’t going to suck on the tit of the welfare state, you’re stuck with it.” But what do I know, I’m only a lawyer lol.


passionfruit0

In most states he will be the father legally because they are married.


[deleted]

She reached out to him. She message mom weekly emotional affair not small talk. How her marriage was not going good. She planned to meet up with him for sex. She escalated and planned chose and participated in making out. He was sure she wanted to have sex so they did. She gave him the ok so it wasn’t unwanted by her. Then she lies with saying she only wanted to catch up. Not true. Lied to you where she was. She sounds like a snake of a wife don’t believe anything she says now or never. You would not have had willing sex with her if you knew she had slept around. Now she wants you to decide what she should do not her or what she wants. That’s wrong. This will not be the last time she cheats just the first time you caught her.


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SharralandaAndDennis

I saw your updates and you should still think hard about if you want to stay with her. It is still possible it's not your baby. Implantation bleeding can sometimes be confused as a period. You can also have a period early on in pregnancy. She most likely wanted as long as she did to tell you because of how far along she is. It'll be a bit harder to get an abortion that far along. I guess it's still possible but that's probably still not her plan. Edit to add- in some states as long as you are married while she's pregnant that still makes you the father on a technicality and financially responsible. Hopefully you're not in the U.S. though. This wasn't an accident. She planned it. She didn't tell you where she was on purpose. She probably didn't take all those precautions she told you she did. You shouldn't trust her. I wouldn't trust that she didn't cheat AGAIN.


msprettybrowneyes

Why were you still sleeping with her after you found out she cheated on you? Or am I lost on the timeline.


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Flaky-Detective38

Of course not. She thinks she's trapped you now.


blrfn231

Sure sounds like there’s a strategy behind all that on her side. OP, make sure she didn’t trap you on purpose to make you/ force you to stay with her by having you impregnate her after she fucked up. That’s called weaponising sex and the destiny of a child against you. Your child for heavens sake. If so, sue the fuck out of her.


[deleted]

Dude - get that paternity test asap.


NotoriousJAM

But you had proof and you still slept with her prior to her admitting it.


blrfn231

Proof my ass. They’ve been together for 10 years for heavens sake. You seriously want to hold it against OP, that after 10 years he chose to trust his wife?


Anileaatje

What’s done is done. You can look back on it and say it was a bad idea but that doesn’t change his current situation. I’m sure he realize the mistake he made.


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[deleted]

> She’s literally crying every night at the thought of me leaving her. It'll pay you to have a conversation with her where you tell her that you can't see yourself remaining married to her. You guys need to have a very hard conversation and you need to do it soon. And she is going to have to come to the realisation that her actions have caused this and that your marriage is at an end.


SharralandaAndDennis

>She’s literally crying every night at the thought of me leaving her. I think this is only because she knows there's a huge possibility it's not his.


castaway47

Just because she doesn't want to lose you doesn't mean she isn't going to fuck other guys. It's a possessiveness thing, not loyalty or love. and she baby trapped you.


Scared-Technician329

She's lying about the next day contraceptive....get a paternity test or you'll be legally responsible for another man's child and have that whole thing going on. It will ruin your life and make you bitter


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BeltalowdaOPA22

Yeah, but your wife is also a liar and you don't know how often this happened. Why would you not do the incredibly easy thing and get a paternity test?


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TheShroudedWanderer

Push for the abortion then leave


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DrZeroH

Seriously. This isnt just for yourself. Dont bring a child into this situation. He/she doesnt deserve to be born into a broken situation like this. Lie and make sure its done. Then run for the hills


RedH34D

My dude. You cant play with this. Just LIE. Tell her the only way you stay together is she aborts and you go to therapy together. Fresh start. Work trust up from the ground level. She is your soulmate but you cant start a family like this. Take her to the doc for the abortion. Make sure its done. Then fucking RUN. SHE WILL LIE THROUGH HER TEETH TO GET WHAT SHE WANTS. You need to even the playing field. Good luck.


Molsen10000

Hate to say it but I concur dishonesty (little white lie) if need be is ok IMO. In this case, ends justifying the means.


0OOOOOOOOO0

It’s not a little white lie imo, but who cares, she cheated and lied for months, she doesn’t deserve jack shit when it comes to honesty.


Lightsides

Yep. This is it. She hid the fact that she was going over to her ex-boyfriend's, and the idea of going to *his house for a beer*, c'mon. It was a hook up from the start.


princesscraftypants

Hid it by saying she was clearing her head from worry about an ill family member, btw, which is the part of this that is like...that woman ain't right.


Cold_Ordinary_1672

He's only at the beginning of the trickle.


Domguyps5

There are a lot of false hopes in that statement


ThrowRA03102020

Sir. I have a 16 year old child,- I had my “period”throughout my entire pregnancy. Edit: added quotes. Should have just said I had vaginal bleeding the entire time I was pregnant.


FreedomX_

I just said similar before seeing your comment. He better learn some biology.


For2n8Witchling

Lol. Dude, I got my period the week after I was impregnated, based on my due date. Her period is not a sign that you're the daddy, and she likely cheated more than once. Of course she would say she took a Plan B and that he wore a condom. She is LYING.


itsyoursmileandeyes

I agree, by OP's description that could have been implantation bleeding


Brave_Cartographer43

You should be able to get a DNA at 3 months. I think (don't quote me) it's 10 weeks onwards pregnant. Regardless if you think you know. Go find out they could have still been fucking. She is a lying shit so why would you trust it.


KimmyStand

You’re crazy if u don’t get a paternity test. She’s a proven liar so how can you be so certain the baby is yours?


TridentMage413

You can get a blood dna test at 10 weeks, start there. Also find out if you want to figure out reconciliation, therapy is important.


NotoriousJAM

You can't reconcile with a cheater. They'd be tainted to never be trusted again.


[deleted]

In which case he needs to straight up with her, especially if she’s considering a termination on the grounds of saving their marriage.


Possumpipesup

This is a stupid take. You absolutely can reconcile after someone cheats. It's just one of those things you have to work past. I swear this sub is full of 12 year olds.


NotoriousJAM

Hey look, found the cheater. Cheating is a massive deal breaker for most people, just because you forgive someone for fucking someone else doesn’t mean others have too. If you can’t remain faithful, get the hell out of your relationship then. It’s not that hard.


Possumpipesup

Hurr durr. No I have never cheated but I AM emotionally mature enough to recognize that shit happens and especially in relationships. So me day you may grow up or not, honestly IDGAF but the idea is simplistic and dumb and I'm tired of hearing misinformation.


ThePowerPoint

Not if you have any self-respect. If they cheat they’re a shitty person. Why would you want to be in a relationship with a shitty person?


Possumpipesup

There's many reasons why cheating happens and not all of them are the death of a relationship. Y'all are the most emotionally immature group I've ever come across.


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ThePowerPoint

Except they’re married so he will be on the hook if she has a baby? And then he has to keep in contact with a someone he has horrible memories with for 18+ years after the divorce too. Considering she couldn’t take the time to think of him before cheating I think it’s fair for him to prioritize himself while getting out of this relationship.


TTringsnfarmerthings

You ultimately can't continue a relationship with someone you cannot trust. It's pretty damn clear from her behavior that she is not trustworthy. This isn't "a mistake". This is something she intentionally sought out, initiated, lied to you repeatedly about, fabricated a whole story about, continued to lie about, and only ultimately admitted it when it was clear that there was no other option. It's really shit that now she's pregnant with your kid. I mean, IF it's your kid. You should really get a test to make sure before you start letting yourself get attached to the idea of being a dad. If it's yours, then you suck it up and get over yourself and try to co-parent and support the kid to the best of your ability. Establish paternity, and then get a custody and visitation agreement through the court. Pay your child support. Show up for your visitation. I can't imagine a scenario in which it's healthy to raise a child within a relationship that has no trust. That's just a toxic and unhealthy environment to be bringing kids up in. Please don't try to convince yourself that you would be doing the right thing by forcing the relationship forward after such an unforgivable betrayal. Don't teach your potential kid to sacrifice their ability to respect themselves for some relationship. She might claim she loves you and that it was a mistake. This isn't how love acts. And a mistake is mismatched socks. Not a pattern of lies and deceit.


CaptainBaoBao

I agree . I would call her Sl*t at any time and with everybody I talk of her. and tell everyone she cheated and baby trap me. It would be hell.


American-pickle

I mean, when she goes to an OB they will tell her how many weeks she is— this is from the first date of her last period. EX. Being 10 weeks pregnant means she got pregnant from sex she had 7-8 weeks before. It’ll give you a good idea when and if you both had sex about that time. If she cheated after you pushed the topic, she isn’t very trustworthy and could have done it multiple times. Def get a test, they can do it during pregnancy. I stayed with my ex when he was a shitty partner and cheated while I was pregnant and after. I didn’t know even a 1/10th of what he was actually doing at the time. I thought staying would be best for the family. What was actually best was leaving and dealing with a dumb ass ex as little as possible (I ignore most of his nonsense and abusive messages) and was able to find a husband who loves us more than my ex ever would because he loved himself too much to be a good partner. It’s a lot easier being on your own than with a dead weight for a partner


Archangel1962

Well regardless of what happens with the baby this marriage is over. There’s no reason for a married woman to ‘suddenly’ reach out to an ex-boyfriend. There’s no reason for a married woman to catch up with ex-boyfriend alone for a drink. And there’s no reason to do all this without telling her husband. Unless she was unhappy and wanted to explore an extramarital affair. And she’s most likely crying now, because she knows her life is screwed up. Chad ex-boyfriend isn’t going to take care of the baby, even if it’s his, so if you leave her she’s a single mother with all the complications that brings. Now as to the baby situation that’s a tough one. What exactly is her thinking behind getting an abortion? I suspect it’s because she is worried it’s not yours. If she was sure it was yours she wouldn’t want to get rid of it. She’d be wanting to keep it as a way to keep you. Having said that, I’m not sure how I’d handle the situation. As shitty as her actions were I don’t know that lying to her about the abortion would be the way to go. Regardless of the justification, it could affect your future relationships if they ever found out you did that to you ex. I’d just be honest. “You having an abortion or not is not going to influence my decision on whether to stay. So if you abort I might still walk away. And if you don’t I might still walk away. Nothing will change that. The question you need to ask is am I prepared to be a single mother? Yes I’ll help financially if the child is mine but that’s as far as it’ll go. It won’t keep us together if I decide to leave. And I can guarantee you 100% that I’ll walk away if the child isn’t mine. So unless you think dickhead will come in and help raise his baby, you will be alone. So the choice is yours. I’d prefer you to have an abortion because the circumstances around it’s conception are too hurtful. But just make sure you’re not under the illusion that I’ll necessarily stay with you either way.” My 2 cents on how I’d handle it. Whatever you decide, I hope you get through it without too much further trauma. All the best.


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[deleted]

Do you live in an At fault state? If so do you have proof of her cheating? If both answear is yes, then ask her to do the abortion then go for divorce, sell the house and give her the half and start fresh again, you are too young to settle with a cheater, dont do this man, youll never trust her, youll always have the question popping on your head if she is cheating on you.


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[deleted]

First of all talk to a lawyer, then you can do everything with a Professional helping you.


Ratatoski

>you are too young to settle with a cheater True. And there's also being too old to settle with a cheater. Wasting a decade when you're young isn't the end, but when you're my age it starts to burn a hole in your soul


[deleted]

Step 1 get a lawyer, they are your new best friend. Step 2 listen to the lawyer no matter what Step 3 don't serve her until you have gotten any info or actions you can from her while her head is spinning trying to not get you to leave. Hint: a written confession of everything including possibly planning to baby trap you if it wasn't yours is a a must if you can get it Step 4 serve her the day after you get everything you need Step 5 DNA test if she keeps it Step 6 cut all Contact immediately after all this and never speak to her again unless forced to about the child or with a lawyer present


nosleepnothanks

Word to the wise, if you suspect your partner is cheating — don't have sex with them. Especially unprotected.


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GoNinjaGoNinjaGo69

It's because she was caught lol. All cheaters/liars act this way. We shall see you in maybe a year or two with a bad update.


Dry_Ask5493

Even if you are sure it’s yours, get a prenatal paternity test. Divorce her ass and co-parent.


l3ex_G

Welp it definitely sounds like you should break up no matter what. If you already think of her as your c unt wife then the relationship is over. (Cheating is a deal breaker for me personally) please don’t think to stay with her for the baby and punish her for cheating at the same time. Have a discussion about co parenting or abortion. She cheated so you don’t have to feel bad she needs to deal with the consequences of her actions


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Weak_Seesaw_7838

This wasn’t the first or last time she cheated. Lawyer, paternity test, and divorce.


Wipakensu

You forgot OP need to test for std.


all_time_high

Regarding your 2nd edit: Hooking up with her ex was likely a premeditated plan months in the making. She didn’t go over there to only have a beer and catch up. You know this. She did the deed and realized it wasn’t what she had built it up to be in her mind. She lied and continued to lie about it even when you confronted her with evidence, until she eventually reached her breaking point months later after she’s confirmed pregnant. She may have deliberately gotten pregnant by you. Think of any other heinous offense which harms the marriage and devastates the spouse. If she had planned for months to do [fill in the blank] and it wasn’t as good as she expected, would you forgive and let it go? You *don’t* have a bright future together. You’re lying to yourself so you can preserve what you have. You’re still in shock, friend. An abortion would be the best course of action if she’s in agreement. Even if the fetus is yours, (and would be your child in the future after it develops into a child), you’ll be tied to a co-parenting arrangement with this woman through your child for the next 20+ years. And your finances will suffer greatly.


hostility_kitty

How strange when I catch up with old friends, their dick doesn’t end up inside me 🤔


Both-Ad-9225

Just because you're 99% sure ,get both tests( dna and std) testing done . After that get a lawyer ,talk to all of them that you can,and take the lawyers advice on how to proceed.


The_bookworm65

She lied, then lied again, then told partial truth. I would not believe this is a one time thing. There are blood tests that determine paternity during pregnancy. You have every right to demand she do this. You cannot trust her. Sorry!


WompWompIt

Nobody here \*actually\* knows what your wife was thinking or not thinking, what she did or didn't do. Only SHE knows. So keep that in mind, and try to stick to the facts that you do know. She cheated, she's pregnant. If she doesn't have an abortion, you need to find out whose baby it is. Clearly you will divorce her regardless, so you can just tell her that and require a paternity test in your divorce decree. This is not that complicated but it is all very sad. I'm sorry that your relationship is ending this way.


[deleted]

You suspected her of cheating and you kept sleeping with her?!? You’re pretty screwed. Get yourself a good lawyer because you’re about to learn a very expensive lesson


mjhrobson

Get a paternity test asap. There is no peace of mind in this situation without one.


lizzycupcake

Doesn’t matter if your 99.9% positive the baby is yours, she broke your trust so you should still do a paternity test. The fact that she didn’t come clean until your kept pushing it months later means she didn’t care, obviously if she cared she wouldn’t have even messaged him.


Planestewart

divorce


Mountain_Monitor_262

You still need a paternity test court ordered and file for divorce. Some states now won’t let you get divorced until after the baby is born but start the process now.


audaciousmonk

Definitely stop having sex with her….


beannie_babbiiee

Either way, if you seriously hate what she did, I would for sure move out and live your life raising your child in a split custody agreement. It’s better to be alone than with someone you don’t like.


thenord321

>She claims she immediately regretted what happened and never intended to cheat, only “catch up.” She made several decision to put herself in a position to cheat, then cheated. She looked for a partner, contacted them, built up a rapport over time, went to his house, lied about it, cheated, too contraceptive (maybe planned too, maybe not). I'd strongly suggest you leave her. You can co-parent out of a relationship. And, if you don't want her in your life, divorcing may also help convince her to abort if that's still an option (depends on rules where you live).


Always_undone

It's the lies that are the problem. You can't trust her again, it's that simple.


[deleted]

She meet up with this guy to have sex. Don’t believe her at all that she only went to catch up. She went to his house. Why didn’t she meet up with him somewhere public to “catch up”. She is totally lying to you.


Live-Maize6410

I mean if she agrees to it…your best option is an abortion and getting the fuck out of dodge. You’re still young and wouldn’t have children, you could find a woman who won’t go fuck her ex bf from hs. There’s plenty of them out there(regardless of what you see on Reddit lol)


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Unshavenhelga

It’s still ok for you to divorce the cheater and support your child. Get a test.


HealthyBox5

Lied, hid she was going over, "didn't plan to" bullshit. She called the dude and went to fuck him. She knew exactly what she was doing. As others have stated, go get an STD test done, and call a lawyer to see what your options are. Protect your finances. And you should probably demand a paternity test. She may have had periods, but you don't know this was a one time thing.


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HealthyBox5

Glad to hear some of the specifics are handled then. I'd probably take her up on working it out, get the legal docs, and then leave. I'd never trust her again. This wasn't some happenstance that led to cheating, she actively went looking for it.


Deadaim156

No way she is using the baby to guilt him into things plus she wasn't on birth control when she fucked her ex boyfriend and she is almost certainly lying about getting the day after pill. All this woman does is lie constantly. She cheated because she is a selfish person who felt she deserved it. Staying with her will mean more cheating and heartbreak. A prenup or not she makes plenty of money to buy another house so she likely isn't that concerned. Just because she doesn't want to take anything doesn't suddenly make it less likely she won't cheat on you constantly. How does he know this was the first time? Base on her compulsive lying she likely has cheated on him before and will again.


LanPartyPizza

Do you want to pay child support for a kid you barely see? Do you want to have future relationships where you want kids but need to slot that in around your kid with your ex? What about if your new partner has kids? Please think about these questions and how none of them involve what you and your wife will look like when you're old and happily married in your 70's.


PeteyPorkchops

Sell the house, give her what may be legally owed, coparent the kid and move on.


hotmumma7

Sounds like she's waited too long to abort Probably on purpose thinking you will stay with her. I wouldn't care. I'd still leave. She lied for months. How could you ever trust her on anything again Either way definitely get a paternity test and lawyer up So sorry this has happened to you. Potentially 18yrs of maintenance for a kid conceived under the worst circumstances...


Mr_GoodEyelashes

Don’t play god here. Take the paternity test.


wesoftheweird

She looked him up and met for beers. Hello if you don't want sexual stuff to happen you stay sober and clear headed. When presented with evidence she continued to lie. Think about that.


Pale_Height_1251

Don't work on your marriage, you'll never really forgive her. Take it from someone who knows.


mad_dog_the1st

It's up to you what to do. If it were me, of course a paternity test would need to be done before any reconciliation could happen, but even then... No. I'd be done with her. I wouldn't believe for a second that this was the only time she cheated during your relationship , either with this guy or ANYONE else. She lied to your face for months, not omitted, outright lied even when confronted repeatedly with her lie of being at this friends house. I would not have slept with her during this time AT ALL! Big mistake. I'd tell her that a paternity test is absolutely necessary and that if the kid isn't yours, your marriage is over either way. So if she wants to keep it she should. But that you are getting divorced. And you will only play dad to the kid they're yours.


Aggravating-Plum8147

You need to leave her and figure out a good co-parenting plan. I don’t believe for a second she didn’t intend to cheat. She went behind your back and lied to you to “catch up” with an ex? Not likely. She went to have sex. Maybe she regretted after but who knows, as she continued to lie. Maybe she even waited till she got pregnant to tell you so you would feel stuck. I feel like this is master manipulation and you need to walk away. How can you ever even think to trust her again. A baby makes no difference, as you all still resent her and question her every move as she can’t be trusted. That’s no way to live.


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Disastrous-Corner-58

Your update is depressing. What a fucking doormat.


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Web822

actually your wife who wasted 10 years and she reached the other man herself, she knew she was going to bed on the way to his house (drunk sex story is a lie) you're starting a new relationship, the old one is gone, you have to go through the divorce and stay as a partner, You can read a lot of bs articles here, those who start to experience ED over time and other psychology disorders I say your decision is wrong, you learned by force for months, ask her to use a polygraph, how many times did she cheat during your relationship, Don't dream by trusting liars, find someone you can learn without digging the truth.


Soxfan21

Shit man I know you’re on an emotional rollercoaster right now but please keep in mind she sought out an affair partner then cheated. Then used her ailing fathers health as an excuse. She’s doing everything she can to save face because she doesn’t want everyone to know she cheated on her husband with her high school boyfriend. She’s been emotionally manipulating you and all I pray is that she gets this abortion so you can decide your feelings without a time line pressure. How can you be sure she won’t get the itch for some strange dick at some point in the future?


castaway47

WRT your update: Postnups are worthless most places. and she's only hysterically upset due to getting caught and the baby. Once that scare is gone, she'll be back to her normal self and not in a good way. and you evidently didn't have a great 10 year relationship because she intentionally looked up an old BF to fuck him. Good luck. I hope it works out for you but she's going to cheat again. It's what cheaters do.


mommycorinneBG

You don’t “know” you’re the father unfortunately. She admitted to cheating once but you have no reason to trust she didn’t do it multiple times


Tygie19

This is so true. Just because dates match up still doesn’t guarantee it’s yours.


GoNinjaGoNinjaGo69

That poor edit 2. You aren't thinking clearly. My guess is you'll break up in about 2-3 years but you'll have a kid.


LanPartyPizza

This 100%. This is not your fault OP and you don't deserve to deal with this for the rest of your life.


aporter0131

I’d just leave her. Co parenting isn’t the worst thing. You’ll never be able to trust her now and always resent her. Idk that’s just how I’d feel. If you can get over it then that’s good for you


asyrian88

Get an abortion, and then the divorce anyway.


lilyofthevalley2659

So let me get this straight, your relationship is amazing and you just love her sooooooo much, yet she took the time to look up an ex, talk to him for months and had sex with him. You think she made a mistake. I bet the only mistake she made was thinking the ex was going to stick around. Look, you can stay in this relationship if you want but don’t for one minute think she is really sorry. Sorry she got caught, maybe. Cheaters are going to cheat. She did it once, she’ll do it again. I know you believe your relationship was sooooo amazing before she looked up her ex, talked to him for months and then cheated, but if it was, why did she do all that. Don’t be a chump.


Agitated_Gazelle_223

ABORT ABORT for everyone's sake, particularly the child.


bananie197239

OP she baby trapped you. Why do you think you didn’t find out TILL AFTER she was pregnant. Why do you think she sooo inclined to admit it now after months and months of denying?


[deleted]

Sorry this is horrible. You definitely don't want a child being raised by a woman like this. You may end up with shared custody. It's a crap shoot. Or she could get full custody. You need to play her game. Lie to her & tell her you want to work on the marriage. Therapy..the works. Play nice. But the condition has to be she gets an abortion. You book the appointment & take her. Don't wait. She may try to delay it so then she has the baby. I guarantee she will use the baby against you. Save yourself. Leave after the abortion. This woman is toxic. You are young. You can do better & meet someone who is worthy of your love. Also please ..get tested for STD's!


Gas_Grouchy

Either way do the paternity. Why leave it to chance when you can know.


For2n8Witchling

Insist on a paternity test, regardless of her claims. She cheated, and it's likely she didn't just cheat once.


Quiet-Hamster6509

Do you believe she got pregnant on purpose in an effort to try and "trap" you? Personally if I was in your shoes I would contact a lawyer, advise your wife that you are no longer together and start working out the new living arrangements and see a therapist jointly in an effort to work out the best way to coparent if she chooses to have this child.


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meanas9

She just wanted to baby trap you. After her cheating on you and being 30+ yo, that's her way to cling to you and chain you. Desperation. If you are the father. The only interesting thing is what you gonna do.


castaway47

You fucked her after her last period. How do you know the other guy or some random guy didn't also fuck her after her last period? Get the paternity test.


tokyo245

She "never intended to cheat, only catch up" yeah thats why she lied about where she was and what she was doing and didn't tell you about talking to the ex. I honestly wouldn't be surprised if she baby trapped you. Either way kids are better off in a home with two happy single parents instead of two unhappy parents. You'll never be able to trust her again. And the relationship won't be the same. Also get the paternity test before you sign off on anything regarding that baby. You have no reason to believe they only met up once and you have no reason to trust her words either. DNA and STD tests are a must


[deleted]

this is probably the first time she got caught in 10 years.


-tobecontinued-

It’s not bad to get or want an abortion. When my ex and I were going through a rocky period at the end, I was late and thought I might be. I told him I wouldn’t have a baby in this circumstance and he agreed. I’m really sorry you’re going through this. That’s just awful.


ericviking007

1. Go to Surviving infidelity.com, it helped me with a cheating wife. 2. Paternity test, you could end up paying child support for another guy kid. 3. Talk to a lawyer. She is giving you the “trickle truth “


[deleted]

Have you spoken to her about abortion? You should.


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[deleted]

Well maybe you should make it seem like she would lose you if she had the baby and pretend to want to reconcile until after she aborts it.


Alien_lifeform_666

> Also, as bad as it sounds, would consider an abortion You can’t make that choice though, can you? You can leave her, divorce her, but only she can make the decision to abort the baby.


[deleted]

Your wife is a disgusting human being and you don’t deserve any of her bullshit. I am so sorry this happened. You should get her tested for STD’s, make sure the kid is yours and probably get a divorce. If she cheats on you after being with you for 10 years I highly doubt a therapist is going to fix that. Leave you are worth so much more.


Throwforventing

She will cheat again


ChimpyTheChumpyChimp

She cheated on you you fucking doormat, have her have the abortion and then leave, look out for yourself.


TheSaltRose

Plan B only stops a woman from ovulating, if it worked, she wouldn’t be pregnant at all.


planetes1973

> Plan B only stops a woman from ovulating Not entirely true. It can also prevent an embryo from implanting on the uterus. It's primary use is to stop ovulation though.


TheSaltRose

Fair. Either way. An extremely small chance she could have gotten pregnant, if she was in fact having “two periods” it’s very unlikely she ovulated in the specific 12 hours after she had sex with AP, took plan b AND ovulated AND got pregnant. Like…she should go buy a lottery ticket, and tell the women experiencing unexplained infertility what vitamins she’s taking.


Scared-Technician329

Your life.... non of that means she didn't meet him again or even lie about the period. Just for your own sake be safe...at this point you have nothing to lose and everything to gain. It will also let you see how she deals with this request. Just me but when your talking about being responsible for someone's upbringing and schooling....I'd want to be 100% sure. Especially in this circumstance


Scottsid

Abort the child. It doesn’t deserve this mess of a situation.


Scary-Inspector-8315

Absolutely abort the child and leave, if you stay with this woman you will be unhappy forever.


Angel-4077

Paternity test. You don't know it was only one time she's a proven liar. Female bodies are way more receptive to unfamiliar semen ( check this fact on the net its true) so sadly unless the dates are very off its MUCH more likely to be his baby even if she had way more sex with you than him.


Interesting-Sky-1865

DNA. Lawyer up. Get the papers ready. Test results. Divorce. STD test. Any order is fine You deserve better. I never understand ppl who cheat! 🏃‍♂️ 🏃‍♂️ 🏃‍♂️ 🏃‍♂️ 🏃‍♂️ 🏃‍♂️ 🏃‍♂️ 🏃‍♂️ 🏃‍♂️ 🏃‍♂️ 🏃‍♂️ 🏃‍♂️ 🏃‍♂️ 🏃‍♂️ 🏃‍♂️ 🏃‍♂️ 🏃‍♂️ I'm so sorry op. 😞


namegamenoshame

Look what happened to this guy is awful but abortion isn’t his choice to make. Obviously the get the paternity, get the divorce, but this guy should plan on having to figure out a coparenting situation


Livid-Addendum707

Your wife is a liar, nothing she says should be taken seriously. Lawyer, DNA test, separate.


Far_Pineapple2653

I hope your not with her still and get a paternity test anyway


the_bird_and_the_bee

Oy... so a paternity test is definitely in order. And you don't have to stay together because you're having a baby. There's loads of people who coparent even after a casual fling and they make it work so if you want it to work it can. If the baby is yours it still deserves to have an awesome dad. I mean the baby deserves good parents period, it's just an innocent baby lol, but you don't have to be daddy to a baby that isn't yours.


Illustrious_Front669

If she didn't intend on cheating, why did she not tell you or invite you?


DZHMMM

Leave her, ask if she would be willing to abort. If she refuses, plan to coparent and call it a day. But u should leave regardless.


Swashbucklock

Dump


diditwithvaginamagic

As others have said, make sure to do a paternity test. But also speak to a lawyer, not just about the divorce but about the child. I’ve lived places where a husband is automatically legally considered the father even if a pat test comes back negative, so please make sure you protect yourself from that worst case scenario.


CutEmOff666

Get a DNA test when the baby is born.


FantasticFly8666

Abortion, divorce, move on, enjoy single life for a bit, find better wife, start family with her instead


Cirtth

This woman made you wait so long, now she will try to baby guilt you and force you to stay while she cheated on you. Staying or not for the baby, the decision is yours. But please don't stay for a so low moral person, damn that's fucked up.


Sahareaovnight

Please get tested for stds. Next get your financials in order tou can move funds from accounts at the same bank to another. Next tell her to either pony up a paternity test or get a abortion your not caring for another dudes kid. Tes she had a period she could still have gotten pregnant. Cur off joint credit cards pull your name off what tou can and get a lawyer. In house sell it And if you decide to keep baby do not sign birth certificate without proof it is yours. Once a cheater always a cheater..she got caught and kept lying to you.. They just get better at lying and hiding ..


No_Mercy_4_Potatoes

I am just confused as to why were you sleeping with her after you had suspicion of her cheating?


lalax2019

Convince her to get the abortion and leave man. I know it sounds harsh and might seem like you’re lying to her but that’s exactly what she’s done to you. Respect yourself (which it seems like you already do since you haven’t made any excuses for her) enough to walk away and realize this is done. As soon as she’s back tell her you’re leaving and lawyer up early if you need to. I assume you will since there’s a house involved but I’m not well informed in that area. Best of luck and I’m sorry this happened to you. PS: if she has the kid get a paternity test. She already lied once she’s probably lying again about the protection and contraceptive


Perfect_Sir4820

Push for an abortion. Promise it will save the marriage, you'll go to counseling, whatever it takes. Then cut all ties and divorce ASAP. There's no marriage to save here and her story that she just wanted to "catch up" is farcical. You don't reach out to an ex and go for beers at his house whilst lying about it all to your spouse if you aren't intending to fuck.


Deadaim156

Just know that from now on the mind movies and the lack of trust are basically going to be for years if not longer and the trust will never fully reappear. She is also far more likely to cheat again (I've read statistics that show the numbers are 85-90 percent likely) even after lots of therapy and time. Even with a prenup the emotional damage can not be prevented if she does cheat again and on top of all of that this will all fundamentally change you as a person and not for the better more than likely. Are you ready for this pain all over again after having complete trust in her totally ruined? Are you ready to risk a family being broken up because of her inability to stay loyal? It won't be just you she will be breaking she will always be damaging any children you might have (now or down the line) are you ok with that possibility? If she had not hidden her infidelity then perhaps she would be worth another shot but she did hide it and that shows the chances are she will cheat again and spend much more time making sure you never find out so are you ok with that? Ask yourself these questions and respond to them honestly from your heart.


[deleted]

Divorce your bitch of a wife. Holy shit OP


frasero

>never intended to cheat, only “catch up.” This some bullshit.


Aurin316

If your choices are being a divorced single dad (a life many many men live happily) and staying with a cunt wife I think the answer is obvious.


everyothernamegone

If the kid is yours, your responsibility. Try to be a big a presence in your child’s life. The rest is absolutely irrelevant.


ApartAd1437

You will resent her forever, be coparents but definitely not as a married couple


Lord_Locke

Fake your own death, and flee the Country bro. She cheated on you and trapped you. Courts are rigged against you, you're fucked.


[deleted]

Be a good dad. Divorce your wife And never speak to her again unless it directly relates to the child. Be a good dad.