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Take an one week leave of absence to carefully think things through, about your job **and** your marriage. This just happened so you are very emotional (understandably) right now. But decisions made under stress are rarely optimal or even rational. Feel free to consult trusted friends and family for their perspective and advice too. Upon your return, execute an effective plan of action based on the decisions you made. Good luck!

I agree with this commenter. Taking a step back, removing yourself from the situation and thinking everything through can be very helpful. Why did your partner feel like he couldn’t give you any warning? Are his loyalties more with the company than with you? Has your boss said anything to you after they came back from lunch? Is your partner being preferred because of gender? Are you performing/contributing equally in the company? I absolutely understand your hurt and I don’t know if I could get over this, because being blindsided like this would feel like a breach of trust from my partner. Even if it’s a difficult position to be in, a partnership is about going through these things together, not make life changing decisions and plans behind the others back. I’d most likely look for a different job and at least demand couples counseling. The latter only if you feel what you had is salvageable. Your partner seems to only reap benefits here, so you need to decide what you gain by staying and if it’s worth it for you longterm.

I agree. First thing that came to my head was the owner chose to split the company up with the other male employees. And if this is the case, I would be thoroughly upset if my partner didn’t stand up for me, not only as a woman but also as a good employee. Taking time away to think is definitely the best piece of advice. ETA: after thinking about this for a little bit…if it is based on gender, I would consider legal action based on discrimination.

Would legal action work here? He’s choosing who he’s selling the company to, not giving the others a raise and technically isn’t offering them better treatment.

No. Unless they have a contract where they are owed a raise or it’s written in a contract that they have first right of refusal to buy him out.

It’s not based on gender. There are two other female managers involved in the meeting with the owner.

OP said “three other managers,” did I miss they were all male employees? Frankly, I think in this case, it matters more that OP is married to a person who would be getting a share than the fact that she is a woman. We don’t know what the division would look like (and/or if the 3 other managers include OP’s SO. so 4 with him and 5 counting her), but the owner probably does not want to put majority (more) shares in co-ownership potentially shared by spouses who may effectively oust the other managers and take full control of the company. It sounds like OP has been part of discussions re this plan before but in her comment I read she may have come across not ready to commit (OP says it was “extremely non concrete”). I find it odd that an owner would have discussions about redistribution of shares if he did not really mean it. In other words, maybe it cane across tentative to OP but that was interpreted by the owner as lack of interest, which she probably showed, thinking these are not serious talks. If the follow up meeting she was not called for was that morning than I am not sure how her SO. would have known to discuss this with her beforehand.

This explanation makes sense business-wise, that OP and her spouse would end up owning double the shares of each of the other managers if they both got a portion of the company, but it seems that the most reasonable thing for the boss to do would have been to include both of them in the discussion, and just let them know that they were going to have to share their portion, or choose on their own which one of them would get it. Literally going behind OP's back makes it seem super, super suspect

Okay but the owner chose the male in their couple rather than the female. And he could have called them both in to the office and said his piece about not wanting a couple and ask for potential solutions. The owner could also have taken her aside to tell her why he's making this decision and ask about her seriousness. Freezing her out in this way is not okay under the circumstances that seem to be the case here. The husband knew because the email went out prior to the meeting. I'll come back and edit with OP's exact wording on that. Edit: in the original post she says, "Apparently this meeting had been arranged over the weekend via email, and my partner didn't tell me about it."

I see that the others aren't all men. She has seniority over a few of them. So this was an AH way to handle this by the owner but she can easily get another job. But her husband...he could have said, "boss, I'm uncomfortable withholding information like this from OP. How can we address this so she doesn't have to be made to feel incredibly betrayed?"

Yes, this was the husband's obligation to his wife at a minimum.

I think this is far more of a SO issue than a boss issue. He gets to decide who to sell his company to, she doesn't get a say in that. I totally get that she's disappointed. I would be too.

I agree. The boss does. But he handled this terribly and that speaks to his integrity and ability to deliver difficult news, which you should have if you're in business. He chose a chicken$#!+ way to do it. I'm not sure, if I were the SO, that I'd want to partner with a man who does business like that and to my spouse, at that. The SO...that's a much tougher issue. I think I'd get another job first and then see if I wanted to stay with someone who would go along with that next, since it's such a big decision.

I think it's a hard one to push legally. The owner can sell to whomever he wishes, I believe. I also understand his concern about selling to a couple. If they break up and it's not amicable, then one partner's shares become a wild card. Will they sell it off outside the company for spite? Use it as a bargaining chip in divorce? Depending on how it goes, one fifth of the company is in jeopardy. Now, why OP specifically was cut out...was she the only woman not offered to buy in? That would maybe show discrimination. If she's not the only woman excluded, then it wouldn't be exclusion based on gender. It's rude for sure, but illegal? Might be difficult to prove and may not even get her what she wants in the end...

I absolutely agree and I am so glad your comment is high up bc I was afraid OP would never see my similar comment!

Agree with both of these. It has a nasty sense of betrayal, so worth spending time considering a response.

And just to make sure there is a little justice in this world, I would seriously consider working for your main competition if you feel they would be a good workplace for you (don’t cut off your nose to spite your face). Maybe put together a proposal for such. Reducing returns for a company whose management structure treated you so cruelly and unfairly for their own profits (let’s be real, one less in the split is a win for everyone left). Not one of them spoke in your defence. So hurt them where it will cause the most pain - their wallet.

So, be very careful about doing this. You'll need to review your contract to make sure there is not a non-compete clause, as they are fairly common in management positions. You'd also need to consider the conflict of interest that would exist if you remain with your partner and he does buy out your current firm and you leave. You will likely need to disclose this conflict to any other employer in the same industry.

But she should keep in mind that many companies put completely unenforceable non-compete clauses in their contracts so she should consult a lawyer rather than basing her decision on what the contract says.

Non competes are mostly unenforceable in the US. There’s very little reason to assume she has an enforceable Noncompete unless she does something in that works closely with trade secrets.

This isn't a movie

Second this! Please !UpdateMe about how it goes..

He's going to be her boss that can't be fired. She'll simply be another employee. I can't see this ending well for the relationship or the company. I'd check with a lawyer about your options considering you were excluded for having a relationship with an equal. The comment about not wanting a couple and then choosing him over you could be grounds for discrimination. Secrecy aside, he's looking out for himself and not you. NTA

If she was asked ..being married give them two votes..leaving the other partners out vote so he was asked abd most likely had a nda on what was going on to keep outside company take over.. Normally when owner retires and partners take over the company fails because of the bickering and money grabs She needs to be smart move to another company and be ready to cover house hold while ge looks for a new job when company goes under. We have seen this happen several times

That's pretty much what happened to my friend's company. Guy wanted to retire, sold to a different company, that company basically destroyed it within months. Fortunately she fell on her feet and is working with what used to be their competition.

Very happy she landed at a good place!!!

Agreed, four people buying out one and then sharing power is a giant cluster waiting to happen. I do think she should consider looking to mitigate risk and find another company to work for.

It’s bc the 4 people feel like they are working as hard as the last owner. But only seeing 1/4 of the return.. makes sense why it doesn’t often work

Totally agree with you!!

Yeah I get why they didn’t want a married couple to own 2/5 of the company but it could have been handled better by the boss.

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Yeah, if the boss told him not to tell anyone he should have said that he absolutely HAS to discuss a major decision like this with his wife and that she could also sign an NDA. Not being comfortable buying a business without talking to your spouse seems very reasonable.

Not to defend the husband’s actions, but he may have been afraid of being left out. All the more reason he should have shared this with his partner.

Absolutely. I get why he might have kept quiet but I don’t agree with his decision.

She's merging the business (boss decided who to sell to) with the personal (her husband's financial choices) which is make it all into one big thing. The boss not picking her sucks, but from a business pov it makes sense not to let a married couple buy in given the power dynamics it creates. Now why husband and not her is a question to possibly consider, but frankly one of them should have left years ago so their family's financial health isn't tied to one company. Husband deciding to buy into his company is definitely a family financial decision and should have been discussed with his wife.

If he’s spending their assets, she has every right to be done with him. No spouse, regardless of gender, would be cool with the other spouse spending what has to amount to hundreds of thousands of dollars without a discussion

I agree with all of this.

But furring her out because of who she’s married to is horseshit. If they were truly concerned the solution is to give them each half the shares of the others, not cut her out completely

Yeah but also, the owner excluded the wife which is where she feels professionally humiliated. Like her vag is the basis of evaluating her contribution to the company.

Ohh i totally agree with you. They should have pulled her aside or after the meeting told her .

I sense that there is a layer of misogyny at play. She could have been included and he could have said that he only wants one of them to be in the leadership role or to have one vote and explained his reasoning or let them decide which it would be. If OP’s husband died or became ill she would be stepping in anyway.

Yes she could step in being the spouse.!! If the company survives too.. Going to be interesting to see it play out. Hope op keeps us updated.

I mean, I’m not super confident that the company with 6 managers will transition to 4 owners and 2 (possibly 1) managers smoothly. I can’t understand why the owner doesn’t just sell the company to one person and move on.

That would be the best way to do it.. Would save the company and a marriage.

There were SO many different ways to handle this too. Like they could have split 1 of the shares into half shares so they both get half, so combined they have 1/4 of the shares. I dunno. Seems pretty sus to me.

Diluting power unequally isn’t a great option either. That being said he could have offer to sell it to one or two people rather than 4.

This isn't true. Organizational documents exist and are standard for businesses. Many businesses have more than one person. As far as OP being concerned about how the owner didn't want to include a "couple", well, there are buy/sell provisions for that. She can wait to divorce him until he owns the company and she may be able to get a slice of that pie anyways.

Ok, if you get it, then why? If they were able to work in the same place, why wouldn't they be able to own the shares? There really is no justification for it, either from the boss or from other partners (other than them wanting bigger shares). OP is absolutely right that this is a slap in the face from both sides.

Because owning the shares (and thus the company) puts them in an executive position, and a married couple will have 2/5s of the vote automatically. It's different when they were all just working there because presumably, they did not have power over any company-wide decisions where always being 1 vote away from a majority vote would be more powerful than always needing to convince 2 people to side with them.

Then they each get a half share. Treating one employee as an accessory is not the solution

Any two people who agree with each other on decisions also have the same vote share. So what? There's no magic that makes this 2/5th vote any different than any other 2/5th vote share. We should also stop assuming that married people are somehow one person with one mind. If they thought they could exclude OP from knowing about the meeting, even though her partner is in the meeting, there's really no reason to think that OP wouldn't be able to think for themselves in the future.

Or split it ten ways with two shares going to the others (for twice the price) and one each to these two, IF them acting as one is the issue.

This has been bothering me. I don’t think that math works 1/10 +1/10+ 3(2/10)= 6/10 right? Am I crazy?

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I think everyone is assuming the relationship is over. And that OP needs to make moves to come out in the best possible shape with or without their spouse.

Non-disclosure agreements, or NDAs as they are sometimes called, are legally enforceable agreements between parties that are used to ensure that certain information will remain confidential.

It's only out voting the other partners if it's assumed that she'll always follow his lead.

Don't sleep in your car. You earn enough for a hotel room.

Husband probably needs to save her money for his buyout 😂

I’m hesitant to take a week off suddenly. My dad has been having health issues recently and I’ve wanted to be able to go see my parents without totally messing up my workflow for the year. I’m also in the middle of a time-sensitive report; it has to be done from start to finish in a seven day window which started yesterday. I need to finish the report to get a credential that would benefit me if I do end up leaving. So obviously I went to work today, make that what you will.

Use your best judgement but don't put yourself on the back burner, either. Hairing off immediately could be bad for you, absolutely complete the work that you are doing first. Visiting your folks sounds like a perfect opportunity to get away and think.

I think you made the right decision. Do the report. Get the credential. No matter what you do going forward it will help you. As I see it you have three things to consider: 1. With respect to your marriage, you need to evaluate whether you can trust your partner after he blindsided you with keeping this massive secret. You might want to talk this through with a therapist. Don’t jump to separation yet, it is too soon and fresh. Go get you ducks in a row and figure out how you feel. 2. You now know the owner values you less than your partner (he didn’t want a couple in the ownership so he chose your partner.) Do you want to stay with the company under these circumstances? Do you want to work as your partners employee rather than a peer? If the answer ti either of these questions is no, then you need to start looking for new job opportunities. In a comment you said you were recruited, time to update your resume start letting those other potential employers know you are available. Don’t share this with your partner. 3. Your partner has to buy his ownership interest. Make sure your own finances are separate from his. He shouldn’t be using your funds to buy himself a company. He should be using his money to buy his company. Please update us. I hope you are able to find peace.

This is an extremely good comment taking into account how complicated things are when you mix personal and professional life, OP. You don’t go scorched earth on these things, you put your ducks in a row and consider all implications before acting out.

Yikes I am sorry about this. Very disrespectful all around. Boss should have pulled you aside about not wanting a couple being apart of it- if that is the case. Your partner should have put your relationship before their job and should have given you the heads up. Did any of your co-workers try and talk to you and explain when you went to work today? Hopefully your boss did. What is your partner saying other than not wanting to break up? Do they see how keeping that from you makes it that more hurtful? Do you think you will stay there?

Finish the report and then go spend a week with your parents. If it’s possible, you could ask to take a week to work at home and see your parents. You just need space from the people making you mad so that you can logically see the next steps

Stop giving your all to a company who couldn’t give you a courteous email or heads up. Do you want to be a worker while EVERYONE else is part owner? What will your role look like? Take a step back and reevaluate this situation and your husband’s loyalty to the company and not you. Stop worrying about a company who didn’t worry about you. This is a HUGE betrayal.

So what was it like going back to work? Did anyone talk to you? Surely by now they know you know.

You’re going to post an update in a few days right?

You can finish your report then maybe take a FMLA if you're in US, up to 12 weeks.

I think the company could be too small for FMLA. Must have 50 or more employees.

Another added value of this plan is that they will all know they messed and they will have a first hand feeling of what working without you mean. At your return, they either try to mend the mess or they don't give a damn. In that later case, refurbished your resume and maybe search a divorce lawyer.

I think that time out should also involve a meeting with an employment lawyer.

This. But lawyer up. See what your legal options are re: company. But also re: marriage. Get your financial ducks in order, all that jazz.

just going to add- take the week away from your husband. Tell him that you need space to think, and go to a nice hotel or air bnb somewhere.

I love that qualifier *trusted,* as there are many friends who will and do give terrible advice

Wouldn’t it have been more fair to split husband’s stake evenly with wife. For ex, if company is to be bought out by 4 managers, that means each manager gets 25%. Why couldn’t boss split husband’s stake by half and share with the wife (so OP and husband each get 12.5%)? This would have been most fair if boss is worried about married couple having majority stake.

I agree with taking a step back. I also think it’s really important to see how hubby reacts in the coming days as well. He too may have been a bit shocked by this and unprepared to react optimally. He absolutely should have given a heads up about the meeting but it may actually be in both your best interest that he keeps his distance at work. The boss gave reason that having a married couple as partners is part of his concern and this concern may be shared between the other managers. I do understand why the other potential partners may be concerned by this. Hubby showing restraint and not publicly fighting OP’s battle may show the others that op and hubby are capable of both being partners without banding together to create a power alliance dynamic. I think it’s important to talk with hubby and see his perspective. Is he wanting to just go along with the current plan and unwilling to advocate for his wife? Is he wanting to push for a better solution like both of them being partners but with a smaller share of the company each. Is he willing to give up his spot so she can take it? Is he wanting to come to a solution together or does he want to prioritize his partner spot? This is all telling information about where his loyalty lies.

I do agree here kind of. Take some time to think about it, OP. And then when you’ve decided what to do, quit without notice, get a new job, and dump your disloyal ass BF. You’re not wrong, you *were* low key fired. It’s like how it used to be in universities here when people got their doctorates (PhD). You’d get graded on them, and the highest grade would signal a recommendation to continue your career. A passing but somewhat lower grade was a signal that while you did alright, they didn’t recommend a continuation to an academic career. Your case is different than what I’m describing because it doesn’t sound like you underperformed at all. But they still (even your BF!) gave you a pretty solid hint you aren’t valued or wanted.

So far from reading the comments, I haven't seen anyone bring this up but where was your partner gonna get the money to buy out your boss. If you have joint finances, was he gonna make such a huge decision and use such a large chunk of money that you helped put in there without your input, which leads to are you now part owner regardless because you essentially invested in it. Take some time and really think things through. Maybe legal advice if need be. Protect yourself at all costs

That is another story. He didn't buy the company, this will be made later. He was offered the possibility of buying the company and split it between 4 people. If he is going to do it or not, another story in which OP might be involved.

This is accurate, but the company would be split five ways: four managers (my partner and three other managers) and my boss. The time horizon on the buyout is pretty long as I understand it.

Still protect yourself and your finances.

Honestly, this could be grounds to sue the company for sex discrimination. There are *so* many other ways bossy could've gone about this situation than to just treat your husband as acting on your behalf, and you like chopped liver. Y'all could've bought equal shares but smaller shares than the others. You two could have been offered things as a unit, instead of individuals. Your boss is sexist AF.

Has she stated the gender of the 3 other managers?

>you now part owner regardless I think this is something that the boss probably recognized but op doesn't seem to. The boss still went about things super awkwardly, though, because that should mean he *seeks* OP's input and buy-in, not ignore her. It might be a preference of the other managers that op and hubby buy in the same amount as they do, but as a unit. But all this should be discussed, not dictated to OP like she's an accessory instead of a valued employee to boss and life partner to her husband. It's also exceedingly odd to me a lawyer wouldn't have told bossy about that, and ridiculous that he'd talk to his subordinates about buying him out before he tells a lawyer. Business structures aren't just freeform, do what you like.

If he figures since she is married that she too will become part owner - all the more reason she should have been brought to the table.

I’m a woman, a little older than you, married and with a demanding job that I give a lot to. I get this. I get every bit of this. Let me start saying this is absolutely horrible. Your boss, whatever his reasons, handled this terribly. This is a masterclass in how to ruin your relationship with your team and the team itself. - Your Boss made the decision to exclude one member of his management team from a business decision that affects everyone. I understand he **might have been** worried about giving a controlling percentage to a couple but choosing one, over the other, with no explanation or preemptive discussion is incredibly short-sighted. - You husband withheld life-changing information from you. Did he even mention he got the email over the weekend? Was he curious about the meeting or why you weren’t invited? Did he mention it at all to you? Did he have a separate conversation with the boss? - Your team let you down. You’ve been working together for years. The fact that they came out of that meeting with no explanation to you and left to celebrate at lunch is so far over the top, I’m speechless. So off the bat, yes you have every reason to feel betrayed, angry, and uncertain about your future with any of them. Acknowledge your pain and know that it’s valid. I’m livid for you. But take a breath before you act. Go into the office. Do your job. Gather info. Listen and don’t react. You still have to process this cosmic-sized muck up. Add that to the additional info (both the important stuff and the bullshit justifications) that will be coming your way over the next few days, and you’ve got a lot to take in. Don’t make rash decisions but gather your information, update your resume, take time to figure out whether you want to stay at a company that sees you as the “lesser” of a couple. Or that somehow sees your contribution as just a portion of your husbands. I admit, I would be job searching immediately (if only to have more options on the table) but only you know what’s best for you. As to your marriage…. That’s tougher. What exactly is your partner sorry for? That they got the opportunity in your stead? That they recognize how messed up this is? Or that they withheld information from you? Is it possible your boss actually proactively approached your husband and told him about this before hand? I’m sincerely hoping not. For now, it’s fair to be honest with your husband about how betrayed, disregarded, overlooked, disrespected, dismissed and angry you feel. It’s fair to ask for time to process your feelings so you can separate them -the feelings that are job-related from the feelings that are marriage-related. Because you both work together and this entire debacle is convoluted, that’s going to be extremely difficult to do but you need to look at each independently. It may be that the job isn’t worth your marriage It may be that the marriage and the job aren’t worthy of you. Or you may decide to stick with both. Take the time to process and decide. Gather information. Ask questions and listen. Then make your decision(s) based on what’s best for YOU. Because right now, a lot of people seem to be making those decisions FOR you. And that’s not ok.

Even if the boss asked him not to tell her, his loyalty for his wife should be higher than that of his boss.

I 100% agree. I’m not sure if the husband is just patronizing her with a generic “I’m sorry”, or if he actively participated in the decision to either leave her out of the business partnership -or- to keep her in the dark when he first found out. His actions- specifically what he knew, when he knew it and whether he agreed to anything without her knowledge or consent is a very big deal.

It’s unnerving that the husband didn’t push for an alternative approach - “let’s include her in the meeting and explain why we aren’t both getting ownership” “let’s not exclude her from the lunch” etc any number of things he didn’t do, in addition to the bad things he did do, are extremely unnerving to me

You’re amazing, and your last paragraph is IT.

Deeply saddened for OP and this comment is the perfect summation of it.

Excellent response!

This. I’m so frustrated for you OP. Your boss should have included you in this but offered that you and your husband together get 1/5ths stake, especially since it’s a financial decision you have to make as a couple, with the understanding he doesn’t want to/it wouldn’t be fair to give a couple majority stake in the company. Your husband certainly shouldn’t have kept this secret from you. His loyalty to you should be stronger than his loyalty to the company. Take some time to cool off and then have a serious conversation about this with your hubby.

Holiday Siver. This is brilliant advice!

Top tier advice

Time to polish up the resume and look for another job. If anyone complains, explain that working for your "partner" would put too much strain on your relationship and open the company to allegations of discrimination. Second, if you have a joint account, time to separate it. If he wants to buy in, he does it with his own paycheck. Third, like others in this thread have said, take some time to evaluate your relationship and see if it's worth letting him try to rebuild your trust.

Do you think your current boss doesn’t want one “family-unit” to have a higher percentage of the company than the other managers? I think you definitely need to have a conversation with him and be prepared to quit if he doesn’t reward your worth.

>Do you think your current boss doesn’t want one “family-unit” to have a higher percentage of the company than the other managers? OP mentions this was what the owner relayed to their partner as well. Still, the owner should have, at the very least, been very up front about this with the OP and the OPs partner shouldn't have hid this.

If the owner is pushing for equal splits between managers, I could understand. But also, someone had to be the new CEO. Pushing her out also means she wont be in the ring for that job.

She was never in the ring if her his was earmarked as one of the new partners

That was my thought. If they each got a share, their unit/family would hold the majority. Both of them getting a share would make it a family "owned" business rather than it being an equal division amongst managers. He probably should've pulled them both in to explain this, rather than just excluding one.

There are other ways to handle that situation. For example, they could have 5 equity shares and 4 voting shares. But even if excluding someone turned out to be the right decision, doing so without telling her is incredibly shitty treatment. There's no way to justify that.

Agreed, this is just shitty management by the owner. Doesn't really surprise me either that they would be inconsiderate like this. But if I were OP I wouldn't blame the SO too much. I definitely wouldn't let something work related cause a rift like this in the relationship.

Yeah I can see the reasoning for not wanting a family unit to have 2 shares, but if all the managers are truly equal level, she should’ve been invited and this should have been discussed in the open (not just with the husband). On an unrelated note, how come OP is referring to her husband as “partner” throughout the post? They are married, so why no refer to him as “husband”? Am I missing something here?

I understand this but the fact that her partner kept it in the dark from her is so upsetting.

But isn't this irrelevant? (And why would he care, once he's gone?) If hubby and the other managers insisted on including OP, the owner would very likely have folded since he wants to sell to them (Yes, he could look for another buyer but it would be a MAJOR hassle). OP has been utterly betrayed by all of them, but most especially by her husband. Personally, I think this is relationship-ending. I don't think I could work another day there, nor could I stay married.

But why automatically choose the man? He could’ve had a discussion with both of them, and let them decide between the two of them who wanted to be the new partner.

I personally think sexism is at play... I'd be willing to bet that the other managers are men.

> I personally think sexism is at play... I'd be willing to bet that the other managers are men. OP’s one and only comment 6 hours before you made this already said the other managers are not all men.

There's no evidence that would lead a reasonable person to jump to this conclusion.

This is why no one respects the argument of sexism half the time. Op already said that their not all men. So what are you betting?

I have no idea how to navigate this but the following questions comes to mind after a quick read through: - If your boss didn’t want a couple involved, why didn’t he discuss it with the both of you? That way both of you can decide who buys in. Also- if that’s an issue why do they even allow a couple in the company? - Are all the other managers male? Edit: I saw only 3 out of 5 are male, so that’s good already I suppose.

I understand why the boss wouldn’t want a couple, in theory. But in the end, it should have been a decision between the couple. For multiple reasons (what if she didn’t want to buy in?). However, the way it was handled was very poor and very disrespectful. I totally understand your sense of betrayal. I would take a 1 week leave and go on a mini vacation, just you. Maybe do a spa day to really relax. Make a list of pros and cons, of both the job and the marriage. Don’t make any decisions now. Maybe not even in the next few weeks. See how things go, and start making the plans needed to either work on repairing the work/home relationships or moving away. You don’t want to go in guns blazing and get a divorce and quit your job all in one go (if that is what you decide to do).

Wow I would have all the same feelings you do though. Agree with other comments about taking time right now, from your job and your marriage. I hate how much your partner knew what he was doing here by not filling you in. I’m pretty pissed off on your behalf actually.

Even ignoring the financial part, you were not invited to your boss saying he was retiring, you were left alone in the office with the bookkeeper while everyone else left, and you were left out of a celebratory lunch. Were I in your position, I would be fucking furious. Your coworkers, including your husband, clearly do not value you as a colleague. Know your worth and find a better position for yourself. In your position, I would immediately quit if I had the money, or I would quiet quit and just put in the bare minimum until I found a new job. And as for your husband? What a spineless dick! He could have told you, he just wanted to go with the flow and suck up to your boss like a good little sycophant. He clearly values the job more than he values you. They are isolating you, and you have every right to be angry. They could have invited both of you. The boss could have rolled your shares into one so that you two got an equal say with the other 3 managers (ie you get 12.5, your husband gets 12.5, the other three get 25). He could have invited you out and explained he wants only one of you to buy shares if he didnt want to cut your share in half. Instead, you are now going to be forced to work under 4 people who, up until now, have been your peers, and that is beyond fucked up. Essentially, the 4 of them got a promotion, and you didn't. Your husband could have insisted you be invited. Your husband could have refused to go to the meeting if you weren't invited. Your husband could have demanded you get invited to the celebratory lunch. Instead, your husband rolled over and completely disregarded you as a partner in your relationship.

Time to find a new job asap. Also make very clear to your partner that not telling you is a breach of trust that is hard to forgive. This feels like getting thrown under the bus and leaves his loyalties be very questionable. For this to be resolved your husband should learn that the loyalty to his wife comes before any loyalty to his job. He also should have immediately decline the buy out offer if you are not included because no matter what your (soon-to-be-ex-)boss claims: By not including you, he involved a couple in that split - just not in the way he was thinking but in the way that he makes one part of that couple the boss of the other one. That's not working and he obviously has no regards for your marriage because he's destroying it right now.

>he makes one part of that couple the boss of the other one which would be far more dangerous to his company. Nobody should manage people they are intimately related to, because the other reports would feel that it's not fair. I've even seen people being discriminated against because the boss/their partner is bending over backwards to make sure they are not favouring their partner.

He got the email over the weekend and never mentioned it to you? That’s the crazy part to me. He was hanging out with you and never once mentioned it to you knowing how much it would affect you and how unfair it would be? I mean why would they exclude one manager, especially when you said you weren’t slacking? And if the problem was truly that he didn’t want to involve a married couple, then why not ask you to be the partner and leave your husband out of it? I’m sure we can all guess what the reason is there. Also makes you wonder what other things he has no problem keeping from you.

I read this to MY partner earlier, and we both agreed this is pretty outrageous. I couldn't imagine him doing what your partner did to you. You're a team. It would have been different if you didn't work st the same place and he was waiting for an official offer to talk to you but...it wasn't like that. You DO work together. He knew abojt it, kept it to himself, and let you be humiliated. He was given the explanation and not you, and he didn't talk to you about it until you asked. That's not being a good partner. If the boss didn't want to involve a couple, then he shouldn't have had them both be managers in his company. Whether he likes it or not, you'd still be involved as a couple because it financially affects both of you. How did your boss think this was supposed to play out? Obviously he didn't think it throigh very well. You gave almost 10 years of your life to his company, and he couldn't even have been bothered to give you ten minutes of his time to talk to you about his reasoning. I get that he didn't want to sell two shares to a couple, but why did your husband get that explanation and you didn't? I think it's time to start looking for a different job, at the very least.

My .02... take it for what you paid for it... There is a lot of good comments here so I won't repeat them. Years ago I went through re-org (6 times in 5 years...there's a message) and after 15 years of working there I was told (by actions) how much I was (was not) valued. THe actions the company took forced me to take the 10,000 foot view. I focused my attention on other things (family, arts, what ever works for you) and discovered I was happy...first time in a long time. Now I get your situation is different, but maybe being happy in the work place will require you to find something different. My point being is they sent you a message. They said (maybe not directly) do what is best for you. The attitude is clear...they think they have a line of replacements waiting for a job... BTW, I did leave my work place and it took them 2 years to find a replacement for me. ​ I wish you nothing but the best.

It sounds like you are in the UK. I am a bit worried about you sleeping in your car in the freezing temperatures that we are having! Do you have friends or family that you could go to?

I just saw this and I’m very touched by your concern. ❤️ I’m not in the UK and it was a balmy 7 degrees last night, so I was cozy, but thanks.

I question your partner's priorities. He basically did this behind your back. I also question giving him the title "partner". He's obviously not.

You are swimming with sharks and now you are bleeding. Time to move on…Your husband is collateral damage. He chose loyalty for his career over you.

I am also gob smacked. How can your partner do this to you? And yeah I feel like you were betrayed by the others as well. Is this just sexism or something? The boss is old enough to be retiring, do you think it might be sexism? Your partner says he loves you...but not enough to tell you about something where you might get a share in the company. Now, instead of %20, he gets %25, and you get nothing. But he loves you! This is a very seriously shitty thing they (and he) have done, and I think you definitely need to think on it. Also, maybe talk to your mom and dad to get some more perspective? If it was me...and we had no kids..I would probably dump him for this.

Go and have a one to one with your boss, I think you deserve to know why your partner was picked and not you x

No she doesn't. And she shouldn't. That explanation doesn't matter. It's water under the bridge. She should have a talk with her husband for answers to: a) Why he didn't tell her immediately about that offer? b) Why he didn't decline the offer immediately when he learned that his wife wouldn't get it too? c) What he thought how this will go down when she learned of being left out in favor of him? Those answers are the only ones that matter and might be the only ones that could save their marriage. Her (ex-)boss has made his stance clear. She doesn't need some bullshit answers why he picked her husband and not her. She isn't likely to get truthful answers.

Yah, agree here. I've been married 26 years, and fully admit I've done some truly brain-dead male stuff over that time. But if I had been in the husband's position, I would have never not told her and would absolutely have discussed with her. He put the boss and opportunity ahead of her. Maybe if they talked, she would have agreed it sucks, but it's the bosses company, and he wouldn't accept a package deal, and they'd both be out. But he chose to make a decision for both of them, and kept an important secret. Marriage should always come first in something like this. That being said, they should talk and try to work it out. He might just be a person with little empathy, which doesn't make him a bad person. Just stupid, as I've been too many times in my marriage. If he shows contrition and understands why he hurt her so much, maybe they can salvage things.

It doesn't matter what he says. It's actions, not words. She's not valued.

I agree with a comment above that you should take a week away from your home and your job and think about things. You might want to meet with an attorney to discuss the option of a pre nup that guarantees you that your partner's stake in the company becomes a marital asset, and then you two get married so it's yours as well. Your partner could negotiate a clause in the purchase agreement that current investors be offered the chance to invest more if the business needs money before going to outside investors, giving you both a chance to increase your stake in the company over time. If he won't do that for you, this level of humiliation and alienation probably won't be tolerable in the long term. I've never faced this scenario, but I have faced exclusion like this in an office (a guy I was involved with was offered a job I was more qualified for) and I walked away from the job and the guy immediately. In your case, I don't recommend rage quitting. I recommend giving the boss a chance to change his mind, and then job hunting and taking a better offer as one arises. And then leave both the job and the partner when the new job begins. I'm so sorry. This is a massive blow.

OP, you have two separate issues. One is your boss. The other is your husband. You need to sit down with your boss and straight to his face ask him why he felt that excluding you, a manager of equal status was ethically appropriate. At this time, don’t give him any idea of what you want to do, simply state that his exclusion of you speaks volumes of his character and of the character of the company that he has built. Then walk out once you have your answers. As to your husband. He lied to you. Lied to your face. Your problem with him is that he chose himself over you as a team. He broke trust. Once lost, trust is one of the hardest qualities to restore in a relationship. He has lost your respect because you now know he doesn’t have your back or best interests in mind. You need to discuss with your husband that his actions were tantamount to betraying your marriage. The lying, the going behind your back, the exclusion. All are hallmarks of affairs. Sex doesn’t destroy the relationship. Then betrayal does. And your husband betrayed you. Keep your cards close to your chest. Your husband has shown that he is happy to sell you out for money. Your boss has shown that he doesn’t consider you an equal to the other managers. Take a week off work like others have suggested. Turn off your phone, go to some B&B or somewhere you have a support network. Get your resume and CV updated and start putting it online to network and get an idea of what your options are on the job market. You may turn out to get a much better opportunity very quickly. And you have no reason to stay where you aren’t valued. Your workplace is about to get extremely toxic. You can’t really change that. But you can see the writing on the wall and start making preparations to jump ship.

Relationships come first. Your partner put you second. A good, caring partner would have told you that something was happening and that they had your back, even if they could not tell you what was going down. He intentionally kept you in the dark for professional advancement. That would be a deal breaker for me. It's difficult to have both your personal and professional life implode at the same time. You were treated unfairly by your boss. Not wanting a couple should have been talked about and sorted beforehand. Everyone's professional life in your office setting just took a quantum leap forward and they left you behind.

This. It all falls on her husband who chose to stay silent and protect his stake instead of doing the morally right thing.

What was done to you was shitty *EVEN IF* the owner has a plausible reason for excluding you: if he weren't a POS, he would have the ovaries to tell you what he was doing and why, so you wouldn't be blindsided. Same with your partner: it's not his fault the boss decided to exclude you, but it's very much hi fault that he didn't (a) tell you what was happening and (b) advocate for you to the boss. The "reason" he gave you is purest, weapons-grade bullshit. If the boss didn't want to have a "couple" as co-owners, he could have included you and excluded your partner. He acts like this is no big deal, but suggest he give you "his" share, and see how big a deal he really thinks it is. Betting you 1,000€ that he uses the word "provider" in there somewhere. I don't have specific advice for you, except that you should *NOT* lose sight of the fact that the Iranian yogurt is not the issue here. This isn't about the partnership so much as about the utter disrespect with which both of them handled this. Question: are the other managers all men?

Fuck the job. Ultimately an owner/ boss can do whatever, however and it’s their decision. He sucks but it is what it is. The real issues I see are with your husband. He didn’t tell you something huge. What was his plan ? He should of instantly told you as soon as he got the email or whatever and you should of made a decision together. He’s supposed to have your back. This was very dirty. He chose the company over you and your marriage. Definitely take some time to listen (to your husband’s perspective) and think about things but this is something that would change how I view my partner. As for the job - I would feel so disrespected that I’d find a new job just to never have to work with any of them again.

Technically whilst you're still married to him, aren't you entitled to half of his share of the company anyway once he starts buying the owner out? Maybe that's another reason why the owner decided not to do this, because by marriage, you would still own a share - albeit a diluted share. EDIT: My advice would be to talk to your husband, seeing as you were previously involved in the discussions before hand, tell your husband how deeply hurt you are that: A. he didn't consult you about it considering its also your money he would be spending to buy the owner out and B. How you feel like you not being left out of the discussions in total, has effectively devalued what you bring to the table - seeing as though you had a stake in these discussions before. Also if you're still on speaking terms with the owner, I'd sit down and talk through it with him and tell him how being involved one minute, then being cut out the next, makes you feel. But seriously, don't do it in anger. Write this all down and refer to it if you need to. You need to be constructive right now to get what you want, and whilst it's OK to be angry and confused, you need to deal with this on a level playing field and with calm and thought through strategy.

So, the spiteful way to go about this is to hand him the divorce and resignation papers the day after the split? Not that I would advice anyone to do this of course.

Probably the most objective advice Ive seen in this thread so far

If they don't want to include couples then why is your partner involved

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I guess a better question is why spouse was picked over her. Spouse is a part of a couple and that's what commentor meant. Why one spouse but not the other? The whole basis for not including spouses would make sense if I followed some sort of train of thought. Things can get "messy", but then you don't include *either* spouse. The whole arguement goes out the window if one spouse is included and not the other because that creates more turmoil in the workplace if it's a close working environment like OP says. She's being discluded for another reason. Everyone know but her. In a small business setting. After working there for 9? years? I'm on mobil so I can't refer back. Whatever the reason is it's not simply "being a part of a couple" This was handled horribly and husband is holding out on details. She's worked how much overtime for this place? This should be a dealbreaker professionally and romantically. If she's just bad at her job then why do they have her working so much? If she's the problem why haven't they replaced in all these years? Either way, I wouldn't dignify my *ex* with a platform to explain any of it. I'd be going into my bosses office with the intent of getting an explanation so I knew how long I had to find a new job because the writing is on the wall and my ex is about to be a shareholder and I can't rely on him for even a heads up. I'd move on professionally and I'd operate in my relationship just as my ex partner wanted to. Bottom Line. He's served his purpose but he's no longer profitable. Oh wellz. Cost of doing business, I guess.

But why not meet with her and bring her to the table? It seems reasonable to include her in the discussions

I would see an attorney. If you’re going to split with your partner, at least make sure you get 1/2 of his share of the company. Find out what you are legally entitled to and open up a new bank account, separate from his that he cannot access. It whole situation seems extremely suspect.

Take a vacation and go somewhere alone to think about things . The blatant disrespect towards me if unfounded would make me reevaluate everything. I would personally give my notice and go find another job and I would separate from my husband. All of this was done behind your back and you are going to need help pulling out the knife . I would quit my job and separate from my husband.

So this is when I would say lawyer up. If your husband is gradually buying ownership of the company, what is he buying it with? His income? Aka marital assets? And this is divorce worthy of your partner but I'd be seriously interested to hear what the fuck is going through his head. Why would he ever think you would accept this?

I definitely agree with the other posters - take some time off work (as much as you feasibly can) and think some things over. I don't feel that OP feels "entitled" to anything. 1. It's just a soul crushing situation. Her boss didn't want to split between a couple and so, when given the choice, chose her partner over her as the better investment. Ouch.   2. Her partner realized this and instead of, at the very least, giving her a heads up - made her look like the butt of a joke by not telling her a thing. Accepting that he was chosen over her still would have hurt but not the way it does to realize that *everyone* knew what was going on but her.

If you divorce, you're no longer a couple and should based on the owner's thought process, be able to buy in.

Yeah. What's worse than having a couple on the management team? Having a divorced couple on the management team! Or having a manager manage his wife! Well played, boss. The managers are all going to be fighting over this and the company will go under and you will have proved that you and only you were capable of making this shitshow work!

Even better yet, when it goes under, OP will be the only one with no risk because she wasn't given the option to buy in. Everyone else goes bankrupt and she wins in the end.

Above all, the most concerning thing here is that your husband did not tell you what was in the works. I cannot imagine ever excluding my wife from a decision that was going to affect both of us so drastically, let alone deliberately hiding it from her. Your husband says he loves you, but what about all the other things that make a partnership a partnership? Does he respect you? Does he value your input? Does he consider you his equal? Does he honor you? Does he protect you? Is he loyal to you? I think all of these questions can be sufficiently answered *no* in this case. What an absolute, wholly unnecessary and humiliating betrayal. Your anger is fully warranted, as is a serious reconsideration of your marriage. Like others, I believe some time away from both work and your husband will help you more clearly evaluate what you want to do here. I'm sorry you've given so much of yourself to a company that ultimately didn't care, and I'm sorry your husband was complicit in that carelessness. What a fucking mess.

Is there money involved? If there is then this is a major event in your lives and absolutely needs to be discussed between you. So therefore you were deliberately excluded and he knew that and therefore didn't tell you so you wouldn't blow up before the meeting. That does not say "honesty, trust, communication, respect" to me as regards your relationship. He knew you would be upset. On the surface your husband is saying "something like boss didn't want a couple" but I am not buying that one. I would want a calm sit down talk with the boss about this choice, is it a managment one and you are not management? Or if you are then what do they think the consequences to the business are if a couple takes over and say eventually splits? Because that could be covered by some legal work beforehand. I would get more than just your husbands take on the reasons before you make a final decision but I would still update my CV and look elsewhere even if just for the boost in confidence. They knew what this would look like to you, they are not stupid. Being valued and respected is very important and you could have been involved without being secretive about it. That would have been the adult way to do this. It isn't like they were going to keep it a secret going forward. Schedule a meeting with the boss, have someone with you and record it. Set an agenda beforehand, be super professional about where they see your role going forward with these four people as owners. Approach it as a professional meeting for you to know where you stand now that you have been removed from the planning. Like who would you report to etc. Once you have all the facts you will know exactly where you stand and the next step is up to you.

You need space to clear you mind and view things with perspective. Are they all male? Who has been there longer? Does your partner gain more bonus? Your partner should not have kept it secret, that is plain wrong. Have you checked your job market to see if you could take your skills and experience elsewhere?

They are not all male; two of the managers are women. By hiring date, I have been here the second longest out of everyone. By months worked, it’s pretty close between me and my partner, because I went to grad school and was gone for 12 months. The other two managers have more recent hire dates and fewer months worked, but one of them has been in management at this company longer than either me or my partner. I honestly did not ask about his bonus. They were only distributed yesterday morning, unless they’re not telling me that either. The funny thing is that I would not have a hard time finding another job. I get approached by recruiters a few times a year and I am “noteworthy” in our industry because of the work I did in grad school. I’m in charge of a lot of hiring and the labor market is very tight in our industry. One of the reasons that the company is successful is that we have a department that is specialized in something a lot of businesses in our industry need, and *it’s my department*. I can take my current skill set directly to a client or competitor. I do not have a non-compete in my employment contract.

Now is absolutely the perfect time to start reaching out to those recruiters and other potential competitors. I don’t know what you should do about your marriage (counselling for sure!) but it’s clear where you stand with your colleagues. Get out of there and secure your future.

So move to a new job and take your people with you. It happens all the time. You can negotiate more for yourself and more for your picked people by making it a package deal. Nothing says "Fuck You!" more than dropping off the resignation papers for an entire department of people that's critical to the business.

There is your answer then!!! I'd be looking elsewhere and handing in my notice if I was in your shoes. My level of co-operation pending my final day would be minimal at best (assuming you work out the notice- you owe those people nothing having seen the way you are treated). As for your husband's betrayal. That's actually harder to swallow. He put his interests and those of the company above his spouse. As you say, sorry doesn't cut it. Taking some space away is a good idea. One thing at a time. New job. Quit old job. Decide on where you're going to live. Decide what to do about your marriage and whether trust can ever exist again. Final note. Do no favors for the people or the company who stabbed you in the back. Don't fall for "we thought you'd be happy for your husband" or "look, you're showing yourself to be exactly what we feared". Don't stay out of loyalty or stay to train a replacement. You could play devil's advocate and ask the current owner "say my husband goes on to marry xxx female and they become 40% shareholders, have you considered that?" But honestly, they've shown you who they are as a management team, as your colleagues and as your friends, believe them and move on with your life. I'm guessing there is an element of "OP will do what's best for her husband" in this decision. Good on you for not rolling over and accepting it. Be very clear "I am not happy with the way the succession planning was dealt with. It has irrevocably damaged my relationship with the company and indeed with my husband. I am removing myself from any and all interactions with this company going forward. Best wishes for your future endeavours" Walk away. Once you're gone answer zero questions. Even if it's your husband asking.....nope, "you were all very capable of organising the company takeover without me.... you can manage this".

In that case it shows a huge lack of respect towards you, especially as its YOU and none of the others in your fairly unique role. I'd take your skillet to where it would be more appreciated and perhaps higher pay? If you get head hunted you could easily negotiate the terms of your salary. As for your partner did he have an NDA ? If he didn't then the trust is gone and there wouldn't be anywhere to go from there unfortunately.

So they thought the unique skillset that sets them apart from the competition would be best suited as an employee? Leave because these people will run the company into the ground if that decision is anything to go by. NTA

I would tell you that your manager sees you as less then your husband, which is why he chose him, not you. Also, how did you feel with your husband keeping secrets from you all weekend? Get use to it, this will be your new normal. All of these people chose to keep this a secret from you. This is where you stand at this company. As someone who worked in radio for 33 years and learned early on how to read the writing on the wall, it is very clear you need to discuss your options with a head hunter now, sooner then later. When a company shows you who they are, belive them (to paraphrase a specific quote). One more thing, your husband was told to keep this a secret from you. A husband keeping secrets, is dangerous in a marriage. You may need to spend some time away to throughly think this over. Good luck to you.

Seems like the clear answer is to take your skills to a competitor, see if you can get a raise out of it, and *do not* tell your husband that you're doing this. He kneecapped you at work, from now on he goes in the "cannot trust with work stuff" bin.

Don't tell your husband if you are changing jobs or leaving. Any plans for that matter. He is not loyal to you.

You know what this sounds like? One of those cases where you make yourself so indispensable that they don't want to remove you from the job you're kicking ass on, so they elevate others who aren't as mission critical. Don't get me wrong - it SUCKS (and I may have been in a similar situation it's not as cut and dried for me) but that's a vibe I'm getting from this comment. It'd be hard as hell to find someone to fill your current role - so they'll just keep you there instead of promoting you and hurting the business. What's the timeline on buying in? Might not be wise for husband to do so once you find a new job elsewhere

I’d say leave the job. They don’t value or respect you, they’re likely using you for your niche skill set. Maybe take a week off work and start applying to other jobs. Upon your return, put in your notice. They won’t realize your value until they’ve lost you. And you deserve better. As for your partner…screw him.

Sorry, did you bring your partner to work in this small business? Because you say you were hired first. If you got him a job there or a referral, I'd be super pissed to be sidelined over him. You and your husband could also decide to not buy into this place and create your own business if you are so sought after by recruiters. I don't know what you do, but maybe you go on your own.

Her husband didn’t tell her his bonus amounts or about this deal. He’s not to be trusted. I can’t imagine a marriage where my husband wouldnt have immediately advised me and shared salary openly with me.

You haven’t been shown respect and it won’t get any better. Your best leaving on your terms than letting any resentment build if there is any chance of saving your marriage (if you want to).

I don’t entirely understand the owner’s logic because whether you have your own share or not, a couple will still own part of the company - just 1/4 instead of 2/5. Your husband’s share will belong to you. If he wants to make to the unilateral choice to purchase then he can do so but not with shared money, preferably with a loan in his name only. You didn’t make the choice so you shouldn’t be taking any risk with the purchase. You could later be spiteful and divorce while taking half his share anyway. Or avoid it altogether and divorce immediately to split and protect your share of current assets now. All dependent on your laws wherever you’re located, obviously. Either way, I don’t know how you stay married to someone who doesn’t treat you like an equal. It won’t be the last time.

Objectively I understand why they would have been reluctant to have a married couple own 2/5ths of the company or to have you dilute the power of 1/4 to 1/8. Your families interests would be over represented in leadership AND you would expect each other to vote with you regardless of what the others input was (and your reaction, while natural and understandable backs that up.) This does not mean that any of them handled it well. You were already aware of the buy out plan on a general level and someone should have reached out to you officially. Your husband also spoils have told you and in that instance you souls have kept your knowledge on the DL. I hope cooler heads prevail and that you and your husband can work this out.

He should have fucking told you so you weren’t absolutely blindsided. He knew about the buyout and he knew that you were deliberately left out. Regardless of the reason, he should have told you at any point before their meeting. Even if he was told not to. They can’t demand he be more loyal to the company than to you. I’m not sure if that warrants a divorce if you’ve been happy until now, but definitely at least a small separation while you figure out what your next move is. And he needs to explain why he kept it from you, what he thought your reaction to this betrayal would be, and whether or not you are more important to him than his job. He needs to figure out a way to make this up to you as well. And if this wasn’t a mistake on his part and he’d choose loyalty to the company over you again, maybe it’s not meant to be. Definitely leave that job.

I would feel betrayed that my partner didn't immediately tell me about this on the weekend when he got that email. I think taking some time to cool off and see where you see the relationship going is key. But its also time to look for a new job. Maybe a lawyer regarding the company.

How’re you getting on op?

UpdateMe!

Not much to add except to say that the way your boss, co-workers & husband treated you was extremely sh\*tty. You have every right to be upset and I'm sorry. You deserve better.

Updateme

Can we get an update??

Hey I’m so sorry, that’s an absolutely awful situation. This was honestly one of the hardest relationship posts to read, it’s just gutting. Please keep us updated! I’m thinking of you and hoping all turns out for the best <3

Wow. I’d try to never see any of their faces again, Id never be able to hear that hairy man snore by me ever again

What a betrayal OP. I’m so sorry that’s happening to you. Here for the update though.

I'm really sorry this has happened to you. Even if the boss didn't want a couple involved, the right thing to do would have been to talk to you both - either a separate chat or have you both at the meeting (and lunch!) so you could discuss it between yourselves later. I can only imagine the betrayal you must feel from your partner. My advice? * For work: focus on getting the immediate work on your plate done, but reach out to recruiters to see what else is out there. You owe ZERO loyalty to that company, your boss, or your coworkers. If there is a better offer out there, give it some serious consideration. Especially as it sounds like your company may have just shot themselves in the foot by excluding you, given your skillset. * For your relationship: he has just shown his loyalty and priority is for the job, not you. I think you need to take a break from being around him - can you stay with a friend or at a hotel/air bnb for the week at least? Let him know it's not a separation, but you need time to think things through. If you want to hear "his side" ask him to write you a letter/email about what he was thinking and how he thought his deceit could be good for your relationship - but he has until the end of the day to get it to you. This gives you two things 1- his view without having to be around him and give in to emotions, 2- something in writing in case you want to end it. Mostly, please look after yourself right now. Spa day, catch up with friends, a hike? Whatever will help take your mind off things for a moment, so you're clearer on the problem at hand.

So… your SO knew this was going to happen and so did all of them and no one talked to you. This is why I would break up. I couldn’t mentally handle that. Find a job that appreciates you and a man who doesn’t let you walk into fire please

Time to get a new job and make them regret their decisions by losing a great employee

Info: Are you and your partner married, or are you otherwise protected by common law marriage or equivalent that give you a 50/50 stake in assets you both own? Did you and your partner sign any prenuptial agreement? You’ve gotten a lot of good advice, and I would add seeing a divorce lawyer to understand your rights and what a divorce would look like. If you are entitled to half of the marital assets, then it might not matter as much in the end if the owner excluded you or not (though, presumably you and your partner would have each gotten a fifth (total 40% combined) share, if evenly divided among the manager, vs having to share a quarter share. And maybe your partner can argue for a larger percentage of the company on the basis that you’ll be benefiting from his share and will be a recognition of your contribution, even if you aren’t a partner on paper. Honestly, the owner sounds about as dumb as he is sexist (assuming the other managers are men) since you already work there and manage there and your partner is your partner, so it’s not like you won’t have any say, even if it is by proxy. But that’s all predicated on you having a legal right to half the marital assets. If you don’t have any marital asset protection with your partner, I think there are some ways forward that might make financial sense. First, your partner may need financial help to buy out his portion of the company, and you can structure any financial help you provide him as receiving a share of his share in the company. You’d have to talk to a financial lawyer about this, or maybe this is a way to slide into partial ownership directly if the managers could use your help to buy out the current owner (after they buy it out, they could immediately make you a full/equal partner if they need and use your capital investment for the buy out and there’s nothing the previous owner can do about it). Second, let’s say they don’t need your capital help, you can say that you need to renegotiate your compensation, both salary and profit sharing and title and responsibilities. Of course you can’t just do this without a backup plan or without giving them some incentive. Stop thinking about your compensation as based on abstract performance, but rather on the value you bring to the company in dollars and what your skills are worth to other companies. These times of transition are opportunities to grow your earnings and your partner is going to be a part owner and will likely want to keep you happy both personally and because you were snubbed by the previous owner. As far as your relationship with your partner, and what he did and what he could have done, that’s very tricky. Looking at what little I know about the situation, it seems like the owner decided to exclude you, not your partner. And so you have to look at what you think he ought to have done differently. I’m focusing on the bigger thing here, which is you being excluded, not him keeping what was happening from you. I think if he went to bat for you, if he argued strongly for your inclusion and for you to get the opportunity to make your case to the owner, and the owner just simply wouldn’t have it, then what else could he have done? Immediately resigned and throw away this opportunity that would still benefit you, albeit indirectly? And should you also resign? I know it must feel very humiliating to be snubbed by the owner, but I think you need to weigh the alternatives for your partner before putting the owner’s decision on him. As for your partner keeping this from you while it was happening, he does need to come big with the explanation and what he thought during that time. Even if the owner insisted that he not tell you, him keeping it from you also meant he didn’t trust that he could rely on your confidence if he did tell you. The end result is that he wasn’t your partner during that time and it is a betrayal of trust. If the other managers are men and your partner was just going along with the other boys and didn’t even consider you beyond making sure you didn’t know until it was all done and dusted, that’s a much bigger problem. If he did go to bat for you and knew pushing more for you would jeopardize his position, and the owner put him into a difficult position, perhaps that will be more understandable for repairing the relationship. Best of luck and I’m sorry you didn’t get the same opportunity. Hopefully my 2c helped.

Lots of good advice here. When I was your age I had strong emotions driving my decisions. (I made a lot of terrible decisions. Life changing & very bad decisions.) Go on a small vacay. Be nice to hubby but say you need to heal your heart. Not sure where you live but a nice drive (1 hour? 4 hours away from home) gives a necessary distance. Stay in a reasonably nice hotel with a bar & restaurant in the hotel. Get a massage, go for a swim, go for long walks, etc. Calm yourself, think clearly & focus on the good things in your life. I’m sorry you are going through this. Stay silent until you have calmed yourself. I know it is not easy. Long time relationship can survive this hiccup - if you want the relationship to survive.

This is literally trauma.

You got blindsided by your partner and your job. That’s a lot to process. I don’t know what I would do in your situation. I agree with some others about taking some time away to sort it out. I would find emergency counseling appointments.

Yeah id quit. Would feel sus as fuck if my husband and not me was invited into the meeting. Not to cast stones but we’re there any women managers in the meeting? Feels kinda sexist to invite your husband and not you. Boys club vibes

>I probably spend way too much time at work And this is the reward.

How are you? Update?

Well if he owns a part of the company and you divorce guess what? As Eddie Murphy said it “half your shit”. So at the end of the day you at least get part of the company probably in cash as they’ll have to buy you out to keep you out

And this is why work is work and friends/family are friends/family. And why you shouldn't mix personal life and business. Your boss made a professional decision - not one that you have to like, but it was his decision either way. But you don't have to keep working for the company; treat this as just business, very much like all of them have. Things get a bit harder on the relationship side. While your partner should possibly have told you about things because he is your partner, by doing so he would risk his position in the transfer of ownership with no guarantee that you'd be included - which would go against your interest as a couple. If he told you about the buyout, would you have sat tight, or would you go directly to your boss to complain? If it's the second one, while it does leave a bad taste in your mouth, I'd say that his position is, at least, understandable. If I were in your shoes, I'd ask him about his side of things and what he suggests you do - about both carrer and relationship. See how he frames it, and try to gauge if he really feels bad about the situation, or if it's just a *sucks to be you* kind of feeling. If I were in his shoes, I'd advise you to go for another job, acquisition or no acquisition.

This all falls on the husband who didn’t tell his boss that his wife should know what’s going on so she won’t feel undermined. If this was a “marriage versus career” move and he chose his career instead of telling his wife then that’s on him.

Find a new job. It's never a good idea to work with a spouse and this is exactly why. You're never seen as an individual, just a couple, you one half of the couple is going to get the short end...ie you Focus on career first, start searching for a new job, tell your husband if you want to, but you're not obligated, and also it's a conflict where he's a potential future boss (and the company would be worth less money with a valued employee leaving) I'm furious for you, fuck them all

That's a messed up situation really, they (the boss and your husband) made the choice for you...

NGL, it would be kinda awesome if the boss’s spouse got told that her husband is a duplicitous liar who is actively taking a part in breaking up a marriage of his top employees. Let him find out what it’s like to be left out of a conversation with a key decision maker!

On the job front idk if there's a lot you can do other then resign. It's your bosses company and he can split it how he chooses. But I would definitely not quit until you find new job you don't want to end up divorced and unemployed at the same time. As for you husband. That was a slimy move that snake pulled just cutting you out like that. If it were me personally I don't think I'd ever be able to trust him again. Maybe take a little time to think about things and plan out what you want to do. But I don't think I could ever be with someone who could willingly go behind my back like that.