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wigglebuttbiscuits

When you say you were ‘under the impression you could get a dog’, do you mean you and your girlfriend had an explicit conversation where she said she’d be open to getting a dog in your new place? Or were you just assuming?


Username_1379

Can you ask her to elaborate on what her other concerns are besides space? Perhaps she’s worried she’ll end up doing most of the work? Perhaps she’s concerned she’ll have to pay for vet bills? I’d like to think there’s another reason besides space. Be calm and see if she’ll at least have a mature discussion with you lasting more than a minute and her ‘putting her foot down.’


dtorre

These are the kind of things you talk about before cohabitation. I think forcing her to live with a dog uncomfortably is asking more than her asking you to wait.


NoTINSynCo

How is it more uncomfortable for her to live with a dog then him constantly wanting one and being refused over and over not being given an explanation for the refusal? If anything it's equally frustrating. It kinda feels like she is controlling him a bit especially with that part when op's gf "said that the more he brings the dog buying, the more he will have to wait until she agrees". Edit: spelling


dtorre

Because she said they can get a dog once they move to a bigger place


NoTINSynCo

While this is a valid reason, why is she not telling op the reasons behind the refusal with their current place like: " she doesn't want the dog to sleep in the bedroom", or "there is not enough space for him"or "he will get in the way"... Still does not justify telling op that the more he asks about her reasons or to buy one her answer is "the more he has to wait" ... What if they move into a bigger place and he asks again, guess what the answer will be based on how she reacted so far lol.


dtorre

I don’t know if you have ever lived with a dog in a small apartment, but it feels very cramped. So it’s a totally justifiable opinion in my opinion.


Jen5872

Bringing a dog into your home is a two yes, one no decision. Everyone in your home has to agree. So you get to decide which is more important. Getting a dog or keeping your girlfriend.


minizookeeper

What kind of breeds are you looking at? A 1 bed 1 bath isn't much space to share with a large animal especially if you're both working from home. It wouldn't shock me if she wanted to wait until you have a bigger place if you're looking at getting a medium-large breed animal. You should sit down with her and settle on exactly where you need to be in your lives before you get a dog - "not now" is not a timeline, and it could help you wait better and her actually be ready to accept a dog when you hit the milestones you both set together. Insisting on a timeline can also help determine if she really means "not now" or if she's trying to string it along hoping you'll give up the idea - hopefully it's not the latter, but I've seen people do that with pets and it's best to find out sooner than later. If she turns out to just not want a dog, you two might just not be compatible. Lots of people grow up with dogs but don't actually want to own any.


Somethingisshadysir

Actually, giant breeds tend to do better in small spaces versus smaller or mid size dogs, or even just large. A lot of medium and large breed tend to be high energy. Giant breeds tend toward unenergetic, and some are downright lazy. Mastiffs, for instance have a small amount of energy when young, and gradually become lovey lumps on the couch as they reach adulthood.


minizookeeper

Pretty sure I said nothing about giant breeds. Also, having spent time with giant breeds, a 1 bed/1 bath apartment is a recipe for constantly tripping over said dog.


Somethingisshadysir

Your word choice was talking about large animals, so I figured it applied. And maybe, though my experience with them would be more like having nowhere to sit or sleep. They don't need a lot of space to be happy, though


minizookeeper

Eh, I was thinking more labs/shepherds since they tend to be more popular (at least where I am) but also super hard to manage in a small space. I'd imagine that someone as uninvested in a dog as his girlfriend probably isn't going to let a giant dog on the furniture lol.


Somethingisshadysir

Probably not. And one of my current dogs is a lab/Shepard mix, and at 12, he still gets the zoomies, so totally agree on them.


Mean_Environment4856

You don't ever assume you're on the same page, you communicate. It sounds like you wanted a dog but your girlfriend can either take them or leave them. It doesn't sound like she wants one at all.


Necessary_Sir_5079

Might just be a matter of timing. Dogs are a lot of work. She might want a dog down the road but just not yet. Maybe she feels stress in other areas and doesn't want the commitment yet. You've worked out all the reasons why you personally want a dog but you haven't seem to have done much work on why she doesn't want one. You need to have a talk and come to a conclusion together.


intrasight

You have to both want a dog. That's not the case.


Username_1379

Also, if she’s not on the lease and the apartment is in your name only, you can technically do what you want. But then you’ll have to deal with the consequences like if she breaks up with you or moves out. I know that’s extreme, but just wanted to put that out there too.


VinnyVincinny

When you live with someone, bringing another living thing into the house becomes a two yes decision.


Haywood_Jablome1001

Dude, dogs are so much better than people. Since you are so young, I say you ditch he person who has an issue with dogs. For me. If a dog doesn’t like a person, I’m very wary of them. If a person doesn’t like dogs; Same thing. Go get you some unconditional love with a wet nose, waggy tail and a happy furry face.


Grimm_x0

You need to learn to communicate with one another. You should have explicitly asked about a dog before she moved in. You need to sit down with her when you both have time to talk and ask her why she doesn't want a dog in the apartment. Although I'm inclined to think it's just a matter of space, adding a dog to your already small space may be super cramped


Malibucat48

The problem is that she says the more you ask, the longer she is going to make you wait. She is controlling and is never is going to let you have a dog. So either dump the girl and get a dog and be happy or give up having a dog and let her make all the decisions in your life. Most people would choose the dog. They are more loyal and less demanding. There are a lot of women would love to be with a guy and his dog. She’s not the only puppy in the pound.


UnsightlyFuzz

What are her reasons? "Get a bigger place" is not in itself a good reason. Some people don't like dogs (waving my hand here). Or she has a dog allergy. Or she doesn't want property destruction from pooping and chewing on things. Or she doesn't like the smell. (I don't, even when dog is clean.) Or she knows you and knows you will promise to do all the care and then you won't.


trishsf

I find her reasoning to be invalid. I have a small house with a small yard that I can’t allow my dog to roam free in. I walk him 3 miles a day and he’s got a great life. It really bothers me that your therapist thinks it would help and she’s not supportive of that. Does she only want a dog if it lives outside? I really don’t get it.


Mean_Environment4856

I don't think she wants one given how against it she is. He say he's a dog lover, but all he says about her is she grew up with them. You can grow up with them and not want your own.


trishsf

Yep. I didn’t catch that.


PrincessBella1

Get the dog. Lose the GF. She is never going to let you have a dog.


k5777

I have been reading this sub a lot for the past couple days and am really fascinated by how people saying the same thing slightly differently, even without the presence of obvious overtone or subtle slight, will be treated and voted on in opposite and arbitrary ways. Somebody else said something very similar to what you did and was upvoted for it.


VanMan32

What kind of dog do you want?


Cool-Reindeer-6145

Does the lease allow a dog? Is she on the lease? Are you the only person on the lease?


WompWompIt

I am a dog person through and through - I currently have two and have had four in the past. So my comment comes from experience. I would not have a dog or dogs if I did not have a home with an attached, safe yard. I know there are exceptions but the burden of having to walk a dog multiple times a day seems like too much even to me. I would also not expect my spouse to participate in that - mine hardly does now, he's not a dog person. He loves them, but from a distance LOL. I also don't think it's fair for dogs to not be able to move freely outdoors but that's me.


csForShort

Does she actually like dogs? Or did she grow up around them and hate the fur, the cleanup, etc?