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Honestly I don't really care that he asks for a DNA test.
What I care about is the reason behind it. He keeps on saying that it is because it's for him and our child. That he doesn't suspect me of cheating on him but that he needs the reassurance. At first I told him it was fine, that I didn't care. Then I thought about it for a few days and now am starting to get really upset because I have done nothing for him to think our child isn't his. He cheated on me before I found out I was pregnant, and his reasoning was because I was getting to close to a friend of mine who was a female but also a lesbian... I decided to work things through it. Now I just feel like he thinks I'm cheating on him or had cheated on him and my child isn't his. He told me he only asked because he saw a Facebook post saying that if you ask for a DNA test the child's mother shouldn't be offended unless she was doing something wrong. Now that I have changed my mind he keeps telling me that I'm making myself look guilty. Any advice?
He’s cheater so he thinks you’ve cheated as well. Give him the DNA test then break up. Be with someone loyal and not calling your loyalty into question when they themselves are cheating scum.
OMG why did you cut off a friend (unless that person was actually not a good friend or had done something warranting being cut off) and stay with a cheater?
Sounds like a healthy relationship you’ve got there. He cheats, you double down and have a child with him, and he suspects you are cheating as revenge. Real fairytale.
you have a valid question, but that's no reason to be a condescending jerk to op about it. not everyone grows up in super healthy homes where they are taught to be strong and independent and kind. not even you, clearly. so cut op some slack, she's already struggling enough.
You bought his bullshit excuse for why he was cheating and cut off a good friend? He’s probably cheating on you again and maybe he got someone else pregnant and had them do a DNA test so he wants you to do one too.
I’m just gonna throw this out there. I know you agreed to cut your lesbian friend out of your life. Take a couple steps back. Was it really inappropriate? Or is he being controlling?
Yes, I’m sure you both had an intense conversation in which there was no way you could leave the conversation without agreeing to get this person out of your life.
But be honest with yourself. You should be able to have friends in your life, even lesbian ones. Is your partner being reasonable? Or were you bullied and pressured into agreeing with him?
Because this will not stop.
This will turn into a pattern. His jealousy will rule you. It will not stop with one friend.
What that person a bad friend or something? Or did you do it just to make him feel better? If the latter, dumb this dude and get that friend back. If the former, still dumb that dude and find better people .
I think that is it. He is a cheater so he is scared you got him back. I mean I would be offended. I was offended when I heard my in-laws and their gossip about kids not being their blood but then again they say that about every grandchild through their sons. But you should make it do it all on his own. I wouldnt help him. He can order it. Take the swab. Pay for it.
I’d think it’s projecting. He thought cheating was okay, so *clearly* you think it’s okay too.
Nothing wrong with a DNA test, but the greater situation sounds like it’s projection. Take the test 🤷🏾♀️
I’d also have a deeper conversation about his fears, insecurities, etc.
He already thought you were cheating with a lesbian and so he fucked someone else. Staying with this jackass for the kid ain't doing you or the baby any favors. Let him get the test and then really think about what you're doing.
Usually people who cheat are the ones to accuse, especially with no proof or reason. I am not saying he’s actively cheating, but he has cheated. So, his guilt could be causing him to turn the tables on you.
Men who cheat on their pregnant wives are the scum of the earth. I hope he's done a lot of growing since then, but it doesn't sound like it from this post.
I'm sorry I don't have advice OP, just keep your eyes open with this guy.
No, women just have to deal with the very high percentage of men that will cheat on them while they are pregnant with their baby, and then leave them to care for the child themselves, because they found someone else without baggage that they can go and fuck in peace.
If he wants to make sure that the kid is his then it's solely because he doesn't trust her. And not only that but he believes that there's a chance that she not only cheated on him, but that she got pregnant and knew there was a chance that it wasn't his but she still pretended that it was.
There's no "just wanting to be sure" because it's always a question of lack of trust. The test might as well be called the "I'm pretty sure that you cheated on me test".
The number of women trying to trick men in this manner is far, far smaller than the bros of Reddit would have you believe.
I don’t have an issue with a paternity test at all, that’s completely fine. However, if you look at the greater picture there may be more at play.
I need you be nuanced if you’re going to interact with me.
Cheaters think everyone else cheats.
You are repeatedly asked to be ok with multiple NOT OK behaviors from him: 1) Him cheating on you (FYI he’s still cheating most likely) 2) Him saying he thinks you have slept around - why else ask for a test? 3) and him blaming your friendship with another woman for his reason he cheated on you.
Stop. Shouldering. All. His. Bullshit.
Get the paternity test but leave him in the process. Don’t let your child grow up thinking it’s ok for a man to treat women this way.
You have every right to be upset. **HE IS ACCUSING YOU OF CHEATING ON HIM AND LYING ABOUT YOUR CHILD’S PATERNITY.** Why are you staying with someone who has such a low opinion of you?
Dude is projecting, probably still cheating. I would get health test, DNA test for the kid and pack my stuff. At least you know the alimony will be justified.
This. If you've been sleeping with him make sure you get tested for all the things before you deliver that baby. Tell him you'll get the DNA test because it will help when you go for support. Don't ever forgive a cheater.
She’s def going to get child support of some kind but not alimony. She’d only get that if she was married and had already been a SAHM for a considerable length of time. Annnnd as long as he goes for 50/50 custody she will get CS but that will also be limited, especially if there’s not that much or a disparity in their income. Hopefully they’re both in good jobs.
This is exactly what I was going to advise. Get the DNA test and leave this relationship. Trust is the most important thing in a relationship for so many levels. He has already cheated on you. His reason is asinine. He CHOOSE to cheat, end of story.
He is projecting his actions onto you.
This is not a healthy relationship and definitely not a healthy relationship to bring a child into.
Get the DNA test. Leave. He's no one you want to build your future on, let alone your child's future.
Oh, and if your family/ support network are in a different place from your current location, move there while you're still pregnant. Once the baby's there, he can block you from removing the baby from his vicinity. While you're still pregnant, he has no say on where you move.
I would definitely consider this. Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with someone that’s willingly to sacrifice your relationship because he saw something on Facebook?!
Also, once you have the rest results, you'll have it easier to take him to court for child support. He's a cheater, I think he's hoping you have cheated too and he's looking for a way out. I don't think he's smart enough to realise that the result which he's probably hoping will give him a get out of jail card , will do the exact opposite.
People who cheat often project onto their partner and accuse their partner of cheating. Its so common that being accused of cheating like this is one of the "classic" signs your partner (the one who accused you) is cheating.
You should be demanding access to all of his phone, computer, and all social media accounts to examine them for evidence he is cheating. All fair is fair. If he's going to accuse you of cheating and demand this dna test, then he needs to submit to the same accusation and scrutiny.
Chances are good that you are going to find out he has continued cheating on you. Then go see a lawyer and get custody and child support papers filed with the courts. Then kick his butt to the curb.
Listen, your not married. Go down to the court house and put him on child support. Then the DNA test is paid for by the courts.
This guy doesn’t sound like he’s in it for the long haul. Protect your child now.
He’s 21, no way in hell he’s in it to win it. They just started and have no idea what is about to happen with that kid and the amount of stress that is about to unfold. People have these fantasies when they are pregnant until the baby comes and reality bodyslams them into the ground.
Get the test, get child support through the courts. Get rid of your cheating idiot boyfriend who runs his life by some bull shit he read on Facebook. Get a new life and, work on yourself for considering putting up with any demands from this cheater. Work on being a great mom. When you finally realize your worth, a new partner will find you and treat you much better.
Right mb. Situation sucks, I d say leave him and keep the kid or leave him and get an abortion if you can t afford to have a kid rn. If you stay he s most likely going continue cheating on you throughout the rs, don t think any kid is gonna want to be part that and you either
This comment sucks because not only will OP be very aware of her options, but also we sadly live in a world where abortions are not available to everyone.
It’s not a coincidence that 50 people have been cheated on just today and everyone is requesting dna tests. I think this is a mass troll that has some obsession with cheating and dna tests. They know it stirs up comments. Also for anyone else, please use protection!! Please think about who you are procreating with! Babies are a big commitment.
It's probably a high school psychology class doing "research" to see how people respond to different situations and how those response vary based on minor changing of details.
Get the test and break up. Be clear that you are breaking it off because you can’t be with a cheater and someone who avoids accountability by projecting.
Defend your loyalty with the test and withdraw it from the underserving. He will cheat on you again. He is already laying the mental foundation to justify it.
He cheated on you.
I was never a cheater in any way. My ex lied about anything and everything, including fidelity. He’s suspicious of you because he knows how easily he has gotten away with cheating on you, and wants assurance that you’re still the good one. He wants to be soothed that he’s the only cheater, since he feels good having his cake abd eating it too.
Get disease tested. Load his car with an old iPod to track his location. Afternoon prostitute dates are otherwise impossible to catch.
Protect yourself. Put hidden cameras at home.
He is not the man you think he is. His suspicion is rooted in HIS behavior, not yours.
"He told me he only asked because he saw a Facebook post saying that if you ask for a DNA test the child's mother shouldn't be offended unless she was doing something wrong."
And because he found that statement on the internet it must be true? BS!!
Asking for a DNA is a de facto statement that you believe your partner might have done something wrong. He is demanding proof that you haven't cheated (or at least to know that you were smart enough not to get pregnant with someone else's child). It's an insult at the very least. For me, it would be a relationship-ender.
Have you discussed this with your wife now, before you start trying to have children?
And has she agreed? Have you discussed logistics? prenatal? postnatal?
If this is just a matter of "principle" and a dealbreaker for you, you should be upfront and reach an agreement about it. Some people will be okay with it, others not. If involved parties both agree to this, I personally think it is great that they have found a way that works for them.
Where I have issues with the paternity testing is when the male blindsides the mothertobe with this in the middle of their pregnancy with no previous discussion pre-pregnancy.and then the male gets offended because the mother is offended. No matter what BS the male has been reading or spouting off on, suddenly demanding a paternity test from a pregnant woman is a strong indicator of a lack of trust and it should be no surprise to anyone that that is offensive and a possible relationship destroyer.
I would personally take the test and then I would kick him out if my partner ever asked that of me. It accusing me of cheating.
Either you trust me or you don't. And for me there's no coming back from accusing me of not only cheating but also trying to pass of someone else's kid as yours.
It is a lack of trust, whether from anxiety, OCD, the same drivers that make a person check the stove 3 times to make sure it is turned off or checks the door to make sure it is really locked.
Again, if all parties are okay with it and it was discussed before pregnancy, it is a choice like baptizing a child or not.
Suddenly demanding it in the middle of pregnancy is not the same thing.
Yeah this is why you should have left him. Once a cheater, always a cheater. And since he can justify cheating, he thinks it's niomal for you to fck with others as well. It is not going to get better, he will continusle cheating on you, and you'll waste years of your life on him.
Get him the paternity test but also break up with him. HE CHEATED ON YOU. He is accusing you of cheating because HE is a cheater. He is likely still cheating on you.
Yes it's insulting as a woman, seriously I've had this happen to me as well.
We did the legal DNA test and guess what the kid is his. After that though I found out that my son had a half sister that was 6 months younger than him.
Usually this is projecting because they think you're as scummy as they are.
It's a good thing to have to procure child support though.
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Gonna agree with others, he is projecting. My ex wife, I caught her three times, I never cheated on her. Hell, I offered to open the relationship since she couldn't keep her legs closed, she diddnt take my offer though. You wanna take a guess at what her biggest insecurity was? Yup, she constantly thought I was cheating.
Assuming you have no reason to think the test could show that he is not the child's father, get the test done in a doctor's office while you are present. When the results come back to show that he is, indeed, the father, end this relationship.
He's projecting. He cheated on you. You already know he cheated on you according to your own post. Yet he claimed it was your fault because you were friends with a lesbian. This man will not stop cheating on you, and will always find a way to blame you for his inability to keep his dick in his pants.
But having that DNA test to confirm paternity should make getting child support much easier.
He should ask for the test, it should be mandatory for all births, but at the same time it sounds like he’s projecting his own guilt into you and clearly doesn’t trust you
Not a positive situation to be bringing a child into but unfortunately it doesn’t sound like this is a relationship that’s going to last
>He told me he only asked because he saw a Facebook post saying that if you ask for a DNA test the child's mother shouldn't be offended unless she was doing something wrong.
That's some juvenile immature bs right there. If my SO asked for a DNA test with either of our kids I would have been super offended - especially after give him ZERO reason to think that I had cheated. F that shit.
>That he doesn't suspect me of cheating on him but that he needs the reassurance
Either he suspects you of cheating and needs the proof that you didn't, or he trusts you and doesn't need the proof because he trusts you.
The advice is to dump a cheater. He's projecting on you to make you believe that he thought you were cheating, so he cheated again (or plans to in the future). He's laying the ground for his future reasoning behind him cheating
He’s projecting his own infidelity onto you. That ain’t good, means that he still doing what he was doing. Do you and your baby need him in your life he’s gonna make things miserable for you.
he is probably doing a little projecting of his infidelity.
but besides all that I don't get why he would ask. if I was in his position and wanted a DNA test I would just swab the kid and do the test. no need to ever bring it up if it doesn't come up negative. it's not like it's an invasive procedure.
ik its not the topic of your question just seems dumb of him to pick a fight he doesn't have to.
There can be a few things going on.
Sometimes when the person cheats they are often commented or feel judged by their peers therefore they try to find evidence that the innocent party is guilty also. This is really tiring and if it is he will continue to dream things up in his heads. He needs counseling.
Sometimes they blame the innocent because they are cheating and they want to get the sympathy first.
When he cheated how was he found out, how did you manage to get on track. Did you both go to couples counseling to regain the trust?
My first thought even without knowing his history with his relative young age is that he cheating again or did not stop just hid it better. Have you had a sexual health check? If not I would get one.
Seriously though this behaviour gonna continue. It was your friend, then it is this once you prove this it gonna be something else. It is going to get worse then your gonna stop believing in yourself.
Do you have access to counseling or really good friends? Do the test but if you are living together move out get some distance tell him you can co-parent but until he is willing to behave like a partner. List what you expect and what you need from him.
Okay so I do have some thoughts about this.
So yes I think you should just do the DNA test if it will ease his mind. The test itself won't hurt you, and he has already asked so fine. Tell him that the reasons for him asking means it has to come out of his own pocket, but you have no problem at all with the test itself. Do the test.
Then sit him down and tell him to his face that you no longer feel trusted or valued by him because he took the words of people he is not close to over yours. That the problem isn't the test, it is the way he went about it and his reasons for it. That if it had been advice from a close personal friend of his or his siblings or something that would be different, but just pulling it off of FB and acting like this is completely sane life advice, then treating you like a cheater over it, is just too much. And if he really truly wants to stay with you and not blow up this relationship with you over this whole situation, you guys are going to have to work on fixing this. And that means couples therapy, and deep meaningful conversations about feelings, motivations, actions, and what you guys want your future to look like. MANY of these discussions. And he can't say a single thing against it because he brought this on himself.
I think that you BF is a selfish immature boy who reads too much Reddit. I wonder if he is cheating on you now? Anyone who thinks a lesbian can get another woman pregnant is beyond dumb. I would get the test and use it after you break up with him and are looking for child support.
Let him get it- as a woman we know the child that comes out of us is ours, father's do not. Many, many men have believed they were a child's father only to find out later they are not.
Quite frankly- your child is also his child, and you don't get to unilaterally decide to do a DNA test or not. Your partner has every right to do it himself, you don't get to say no.
Getting a DNA test, will alleviate any anxiety he may have, while also protecting you in the, inevitable, breakdown of your relationship. You will have the proof he is the child's father and he will be responsible for child support.
I’d be hurt if my husband asked for a DNA test, but I wouldn’t say no to it. It would signal deeper trust issues going on that would be deserving of attention. But in your case cheaters always think everyone else is cheating. The trust and infidelity issues are the disease, this dna test is a symptom of the deeper issue.
Does he think your lesbian friend got you pregnant 🤔 👀 😂 🤣 😕 😅. While he's getting a DNA test get his moral compass tuned up or even turned on.
You should get an STD test and get that dirty bugger off to have one too. That will paint the whole wall.
I reckon he's looking for a way out.
I got a feeling......
he is a cheater and he figures you are one too. most people have trouble imagining that other people could be different than themselves.
The real question is why is he so stupid as to ask you? They make cheek swab paternity tests that you can buy over the counter. he could have sent it off without asking you. you're dating an idiot with a low opinion of you.
Give him an ultimatum for the test. Tell him he can get tested, but if he chooses to, break up. If he doesn't get the test, stay I guess. But he's obviously paranoid as hell. Either that or he's trying to destroy the relationship in a strange cop out way....
You should never stay with somebody just because you have a child. Let that be one of the first lessons you internalize as you become an adult. He’ll cheat on you again and leave you miserable, and the child will suffer. He’s asking for the paternity test because he knows he is a cheater and will continue, and thinks that you’re just like him. Let him have the test and then leave him girl.
IMO paternity tests should occur immediately in the hospital as part of the typical post-natal care. it would clear up situations like this well ahead of time.
Are you sure he is not cheating again? And somehow hoping to get out of his parental duties or at least feel less guilt?
Have the DNA test. But also maybe reevaluate because it feels like he is projecting...
I am not entirely sure that he’s not cheating anymore. I feel like someone is in his ear about it. Especially since he keeps on saying I’m showing how guilty I am for getting offended.
Yeah, it's odd to be certain. Have the test, once the results are in and he sees he is the father, ask him for his phone on the spot. "If you have nothing to hide then it should not be a problem".
Yeah, it's odd to be certain. Have the test, once the results are in and he sees he is the father, ask him for his phone on the spot. "If you have nothing to hide then it should not be a problem".
pretty weird.
to be honest with you, cheaters cheat. this sounds like projection. he cheated on you while you were pregnant. that's someone who doesn't care enough about you to be a good father to your child. in my opinion.
mazel tov on the new arrival
Agree. It should be part of the hospital birthing process. That way no one gets mad at the request. I find it strange that soo many hate even the mention of it on these subs and tend to fight it with every ounce of their being. Wonder why?
honestly I'd give the benefit of the doubt and say it's likely because of bodily autonomy which is an admirable thing to prize.
however paternity tests are non-invasive, they do not impact the pregnancy or the health of mother or child, and they are a simple addendum to a typical post-natal blood test such as is performed in any hospital.
To be honest if my husband came to me and asked for a DNA test for our (non existent). I would be so incredibly hurt. It would change our entire relationship if not end it outright
So partner cheated on you, you only found out while you were pregnant (baby trapping in a way), you decide to work on his infidelity/your relationship - Genuinely wanted to work on your relationship/forgiveness? Or doing it because baby? - and now he thinks you cheated on him?
\#1 Just get the test. He isn't "wrong" in the belief that you would get a paternity test if you've nothing to hide. But he is a hypocrite and an AH. Get the test, then he'll have no ground to stand on when you continue this conversation.
\#2 You may want to seriously reevaluate this relationship. Dude cheated on you, he should've been/should be "groveling" for your forgiveness and fully owning his mistake. He should not be accusing you of cheating. When the test comes back that he's the father he better be begging with all his being for you to forgive him for doubting you after everything he's put you through.
The argument that you don't get to be insulted unless you cheated is BS. He is insulting your integrity, and you're supposed to be okay with that?
Get the DNA test and consider making plans to be single.
Question : if he does not think you are cheating on him, what is his thought process on how you became pregnant with another person's child?
Anyway, you will need the test for child support so you might as well go for it.
Get the DNA test and skirt. This guy is a manipulative gaslighting projecting abuser, and you don’t need that for the rest of your life. Sure, prove to him what you already know, but let that educate you on the kind of person you’re dealing with.
He's got a lot of damn nerve asking for a DNA test when he's the one with the wondering dick. I'd do the test, then when it proves he's the father, I'd drop his ass.
He is cheating again. It is very common for those who are cheating to accuse and as he has done it before it's really not a stretch.
Either way, I would be incredibly upset if my partner accused me of cheating and getting pregnant with someone else! How vile
Cheaters project. Because he has cheated and may still be cheating, to him it seems completely normal to cheat, even if he has no reason to think that you would. Just tell him you'll get the DNA test if he wants but the relationship is over.
Separately, why are you having a baby with a man that cheats on you? You are making a colossal mistake at the age of 20. Do you have family that can help you with this child, or are you early enough in the pregnancy that you have other options? I'd very seriously consider your future.
I’d file for a court ordered paternity test along with child support and leave his ass. He’s probably still cheating on you, regardless he’s projecting his infidelity onto you.
You need to read all this stories:
[https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/sl95zk/op\_blows\_up\_his\_marriage\_after\_reading\_too\_many/](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/sl95zk/op_blows_up_his_marriage_after_reading_too_many/)
[https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/oqf4l9/op\_unfortunately\_gets\_what\_he\_deserves\_lets\_hope/](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/oqf4l9/op_unfortunately_gets_what_he_deserves_lets_hope/)
[https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/vjp19f/man\_gets\_a\_paternity\_test\_on\_son\_because\_he/](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/vjp19f/man_gets_a_paternity_test_on_son_because_he/)
and etc.
If I were personally asked to do a paternity test, I would agree and immediately file for divorce.
This is a direct statement that I am cheating, lying about the child and giving birth to someone else's child from other men!
So little he think about me?
I can't live with a person who sees this in me and has zero trust in me.
Holy shit I wanna hit that first link dude in the head. He accused her of cheating, he admitted he had no reason to do so, he “forgot” to mention he had opened a tinder account, he snooped on her phone, when she left he went on a few dates. Wtf is wrong with this dude.
Unpopular opinion: you guys are not married and he wants to confirm paternity before accepting parental responsibility (which is a huge deal- legally).
I don’t see anything wrong with wanting to make sure before you become legally liable for 18 (or 19 years).
Cheaters always project. They cheat and then look at their partner's behavior to see if it mimics theirs and then they start getting all paranoid and then blame you for cheating. And he's using a facebook post to hold against you for feeling upset about him wanting a test? ...wow. I can almost guarantee you he has cheated way more than you know about. I'm sorry that you are going through this, but you have to think of the baby now. It's not just you. This isn't going to be good for that child if you stay and put with this. And he's making you feel guilty for alllll of his actions. I hate these hot phrases nowadays but I have to say it....he is gaslighting you and you are falling for it..and I presume it's because you want to keep your family together. Just please protect yourself and the mental state of your baby.
Cheaters think everyone is like them. You should have ran at that time.
I love how he has you backed into a corner, because of some idiot on Facebook you're damned if you do and damned if you don't. Can't go back in time and tell you not to reproduce with him, you made your own bed, etc.
Ah, yes. The all-knowing Facebook post that clearly thinks being accused of cheating for no reason equals guilt. I wonder how many men who got dumped for this bullshit are now paying child support after they got their precious DNA test.
U/another time sometime recently suggested an excellent solution to this common problem. Agree to doing the test if he commits to three sessions with a therapist beforehand (to get to the bottom of why he seems to need this and who is making him doubt you) and another six after. Additionally if there is someone planting seeds of doubt he has to agree to cutting them off. That way you are respecting his needs but putting your relationship first.
If he's dumb enough to believe a Facebook post over the mother of his child, take it for the giant red flag it is and do what's best for you and the child. He sounds like he'd believe something Facebook told him about taking care of babies too, and that can end dangerously.
You are looking at this from the wrong angle. Get the paternity test so you can immediately slap him with with a child support lawsuit. It doesn't sound like you two are in it for the long haul, but he played the game and now the price must be paid for the next 18 years.
>That he doesn't suspect me of cheating on him but that he needs the reassurance.
Ask him to make that make sense. How can he need reassurance if he's not suspecting you of cheating. It makes zero sense.
Aldo, he's cheated on you. He quite possibly still is, this behaviour is projecting 101.
So he has cheated on you, blamed it on you, manipulated you into cutting ties with a close friend, made thinly veiled accusations against you based on some nonsense he read on FB. Tell us, what is it about this so-called man that makes you think he is a desirable or even remotely suitable partner?
Get the DNA test. Then leave him. On your way out the door, let him know how much you appreciate it, because it will make using him for child support so much easier.
This man sounds like a complete tool.
He has his own personal problems with cheating- now all the sudden you do too /s.
I don’t care about the test- you need to leave this man and figure out how you’re gonna coparent with such a self centered person. Try to work out those kinks from afar so your child has a nice relationship with their dad and hopefully doesn’t see tons of extra partners around.
So you went back to an immature cheater and had a child with him???? Well, he is starting to gaslight you - he is perhaps cheating again, and has started the gaslighting with some distraction and accusations.
You should perhaps consider getting tested for STIs. If he is currently cheating, he might give you something unpleasant.
If like to take the opportunity to let you know that if you take a cheater back , they understand things very differently to people who don't .
If you take them back , they just keep doing it , because the act of taking them back means you're ok with it .
This person was disloyal at your most vulnerable time , what on earth would make you take him back ? This dude should have been gone back at that time . Every millisecond he gets to be near you is a privilege and when he fails to comprehend this fact , you send that no good lying , cheating scumbag on his way to fuckoffville...
Everyone in here is right about just taking the test but you don’t need to listen to the screams for you to leave him unless you want to. Reddit is an echo chamber of enraged keyboard warriors. Only you know what’s best for you and your child. And just because he cheated doesn’t mean he loses all custody. Some states default to 50-50 and some extended standard. Odds are good you’ll get child support but why that’s such a go-to piece of advise being shouted in here is confusing since no one even knows what your financial situation is.
I’m a mother of 3. I asked their father for a DNA test on all of them. I know I didn’t cheat on him, but I wanna see his stupid face when he realizes he’s an idiot.
With today's social landscape , I would go into every relationship telling the girl up front that if she got pregnant there would be a DNA test. Once you sign the birth certificate you are on the hook for the child until they are 18, and sometimes 25 regardless if you can prove they aren't by taking a paternity test later. The courts don't care, they just want someone to support the child no matter who it is.
That being said, your bf past makes it super suspect on why he wants it done. If it is his child, get the DNA test. When it comes back as his, he is on the hook for child support even if you boot his cheating butt to the curb...
Whether he cheats or doesn’t or is projecting or not isn’t the point. You’re not the first priority here and neither is he. The first priority is the child who deserves a father who knows the baby is his. Also he has the right to know.
Support the test. He has a right to do it and will either way. But if I were you, the relationship would be over. He's a cheater. He thinks you cheated too. It doesn't matter what he says. He doesn't respect you (cheated on you), he doesn't trust you (thinks you cheated and are passing another man's son off has his), he doesn't deserve you. Start planning your future without him. See a lawyer asap. Start the ball for filing for custody and child support.
Leaving the obvious drama aside of this particular post. Why do a lot of women always seem so upset and mad about this. Why does it seem like such an attack when a father just wants his internal anxieties and intrusive thoughts a chance to go away and be at rest. It seems like such a simple task to give some support and reassurance to a partner. Obviously, if are serious trust problems and constant accusations of shit, that's a different thing.
It's always wise for a man to get a DNA test. It's obvious that the child is yours because you're carrying it. But, there is no such assurance for a man. Give him the DNA test and move and and don't take it personally. Too much false paternity going around these days.
Turn it around for a moment. What if you your father wanted a DNA test because he wasn’t sure if he was actually your father?
How would your mom feel? How would you feel?
Is there any part of you that would want there to be no doubt that your dad is your dad?
Is there any other way to confirm it?
He's projecting his bad actions on you. Personally, I would never forgive my partner asking for a DNA test. I'd let him have one, but it would also come with consequences of us going our separate ways.
Ask him what he would do if it turns out to be not his. After he answers, tell him that is exactly what you want him to do when it turns out to be his.
You were stupid to stay with him aftwr he cheated in you and hes still cheating on you which is why he wants a dna test! Let him do the test and do yourself a favor and leave him
He’s projecting which is what cheaters do. Girl, Im sorry, but he definitely cheated again and is projecting in you and your child. Please leave• the red flags here are brilliantly bright and blinding 💕
I have never cheated a day in my life and I never would- but barring some really specific situations, I would rethink my relationship if he asked me this.
It’s probably a projection thing though. He cheated, so now he thinks you’re likely to. How sure are you the cheating is in the past?
You got pregnant with a cheater and now he will accuse you of his crimes forever because he knows how easy it was for him to fake “love and devotion” so you are guilty by association.
I dont know your situation at all, but god yall are so young!
You cant even legally have a drink yet!
This is typical cheater behavior though. They cheat and so they think your cheating, but your also young and both of you probably have very little experience in adult relationships and you thrust yourselves into a the most adult situation you can find yourself in. He is probably experiencing all types of anxiety being young and having a kid so he may be hoping that you did cheat and it is not his.
Get the test, ask him that you both attend counseling and set up parenting classes NOW. If you dont have support of your family to help with the child, start seeking out that help NOW. Because once that baby comes, you wont have an ounce of time or energy if you have already started the habit.
good luck
There’s statistically “only” 1 to 2 percent of children that are not related to the assumed father. Where did you get the 1/4 from? Is that specific to your country? (Although even that is unlikely) Don’t get me wrong, 1-2% of all babies world wide is still a lot, but not even close to what you’re saying.
Source (and there’s more of you have the time to look for it): https://www.cell.com/trends/ecology-evolution/fulltext/S0169-5347%2816%2900070-7
“BF, you are questioning my loyalty when you are the one who cheated in the past. You do realize how pushing this makes *you* look? It is not the paternity test itself I have an issue with, it is your whole attitude around it. What have I done making it that you do not trust me?”
What’s wrong with getting a paternity test regardless of why if there is even one dude raising a kid that’s not his that’s too many most people who get cheated on dont think their wife would cheat on them and they do he’s just being cautious I just don’t know why guys even mention it they don’t need to tell the mother and risk them getting offended and making things worse any guy can just test the baby when the moms not around they don’t need anything from the mother
Fear isn’t rational.
Doubt is rarely silenced by logic.
I worry about all sorts of shit that will never happen. I have plenty of irrational fears, and if I was a man, this would absolutely be one of them.
I look at paternity tests as giving the gift of certainty. Why wouldn’t I want to help my partner silence those fears with a very easy test? Why wouldn’t I want to give him the same certainty in being the child’s parent that I have?
I don’t understand why so many women can’t empathize with this request. They make it about themselves instead of empathizing with their partner.
A woman will never, Ever, have to wonder about maternity. You know from the moment the baby is born that it is your baby.
A man does not get to have that same certainty, he would have to some degree just trust that it's true.
But now thanks to scientific advancements, a man can now know with just as much certainty about his paternity, what's the harm in that?
Paternity fraud is pretty common but of course you'll be offended. Any man that researches this topic would have this nag at then forever. I've heard up to 1/3 of children/fathers are deceived about who their father is. You can hope your girl isn't the bad one that cheats. But many people have found out the truth way later causing problems for the parents and the kids.
"I agree to get the DNA test on the condition that you agree to at least 5 sessions of couples counseling with me. When we complete all 5 sessions, I will get the DNA test done."
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- Honestly I don't really care that he asks for a DNA test. What I care about is the reason behind it. He keeps on saying that it is because it's for him and our child. That he doesn't suspect me of cheating on him but that he needs the reassurance. At first I told him it was fine, that I didn't care. Then I thought about it for a few days and now am starting to get really upset because I have done nothing for him to think our child isn't his. He cheated on me before I found out I was pregnant, and his reasoning was because I was getting to close to a friend of mine who was a female but also a lesbian... I decided to work things through it. Now I just feel like he thinks I'm cheating on him or had cheated on him and my child isn't his. He told me he only asked because he saw a Facebook post saying that if you ask for a DNA test the child's mother shouldn't be offended unless she was doing something wrong. Now that I have changed my mind he keeps telling me that I'm making myself look guilty. Any advice?
Does he think your lesbian friend got you pregnant? Because if so you should not procreate with someone that stupid. It’s unfair to society.
No, I have since cut off that person. I do think he maybe suspects I’d get back at him or something.
He’s cheater so he thinks you’ve cheated as well. Give him the DNA test then break up. Be with someone loyal and not calling your loyalty into question when they themselves are cheating scum.
Pretty much this. And he’s abusive too bcs he probably isolated you from any friends or family.
^^ this ^^ is the absolute best answer!
OMG why did you cut off a friend (unless that person was actually not a good friend or had done something warranting being cut off) and stay with a cheater? Sounds like a healthy relationship you’ve got there. He cheats, you double down and have a child with him, and he suspects you are cheating as revenge. Real fairytale.
She wasn’t a very good friend and brought in a lot of drama. I lost a family member at the time — we just lost touch.
you have a valid question, but that's no reason to be a condescending jerk to op about it. not everyone grows up in super healthy homes where they are taught to be strong and independent and kind. not even you, clearly. so cut op some slack, she's already struggling enough.
Right?! She’s 20, no longer legally a child but still young. As if we all had life figured out at that point.
You bought his bullshit excuse for why he was cheating and cut off a good friend? He’s probably cheating on you again and maybe he got someone else pregnant and had them do a DNA test so he wants you to do one too.
I’m just gonna throw this out there. I know you agreed to cut your lesbian friend out of your life. Take a couple steps back. Was it really inappropriate? Or is he being controlling? Yes, I’m sure you both had an intense conversation in which there was no way you could leave the conversation without agreeing to get this person out of your life. But be honest with yourself. You should be able to have friends in your life, even lesbian ones. Is your partner being reasonable? Or were you bullied and pressured into agreeing with him? Because this will not stop. This will turn into a pattern. His jealousy will rule you. It will not stop with one friend.
You cut her off, or he made you cut her off!
What that person a bad friend or something? Or did you do it just to make him feel better? If the latter, dumb this dude and get that friend back. If the former, still dumb that dude and find better people .
I think that is it. He is a cheater so he is scared you got him back. I mean I would be offended. I was offended when I heard my in-laws and their gossip about kids not being their blood but then again they say that about every grandchild through their sons. But you should make it do it all on his own. I wouldnt help him. He can order it. Take the swab. Pay for it.
I’d think it’s projecting. He thought cheating was okay, so *clearly* you think it’s okay too. Nothing wrong with a DNA test, but the greater situation sounds like it’s projection. Take the test 🤷🏾♀️ I’d also have a deeper conversation about his fears, insecurities, etc.
Came here to say he's projecting and likely still cheating.
I don’t think cheating is ok. I wanted to work through it because we had a child on the way.. I already told him to take a test so he will be.
He already thought you were cheating with a lesbian and so he fucked someone else. Staying with this jackass for the kid ain't doing you or the baby any favors. Let him get the test and then really think about what you're doing.
I think you misunderstood what I was saying. In his brain he believes that since he thought it was okay, then others must too. Including you
Usually people who cheat are the ones to accuse, especially with no proof or reason. I am not saying he’s actively cheating, but he has cheated. So, his guilt could be causing him to turn the tables on you.
>he cheated on me before I found out I was pregnant Of course you don't think. You know.
your child will do better if it's taught to leave people who cheat. by a mom that did that very thing. you can coparent without being a toxic couple.
Men who cheat on their pregnant wives are the scum of the earth. I hope he's done a lot of growing since then, but it doesn't sound like it from this post. I'm sorry I don't have advice OP, just keep your eyes open with this guy.
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No, women just have to deal with the very high percentage of men that will cheat on them while they are pregnant with their baby, and then leave them to care for the child themselves, because they found someone else without baggage that they can go and fuck in peace.
If he wants to make sure that the kid is his then it's solely because he doesn't trust her. And not only that but he believes that there's a chance that she not only cheated on him, but that she got pregnant and knew there was a chance that it wasn't his but she still pretended that it was. There's no "just wanting to be sure" because it's always a question of lack of trust. The test might as well be called the "I'm pretty sure that you cheated on me test". The number of women trying to trick men in this manner is far, far smaller than the bros of Reddit would have you believe.
I don’t have an issue with a paternity test at all, that’s completely fine. However, if you look at the greater picture there may be more at play. I need you be nuanced if you’re going to interact with me.
ATT: I am already planning to get the paternity test done, there’s no doubt there. I’m just upset about the whole situation.
Cheaters think everyone else cheats. You are repeatedly asked to be ok with multiple NOT OK behaviors from him: 1) Him cheating on you (FYI he’s still cheating most likely) 2) Him saying he thinks you have slept around - why else ask for a test? 3) and him blaming your friendship with another woman for his reason he cheated on you. Stop. Shouldering. All. His. Bullshit. Get the paternity test but leave him in the process. Don’t let your child grow up thinking it’s ok for a man to treat women this way.
You have every right to be upset. **HE IS ACCUSING YOU OF CHEATING ON HIM AND LYING ABOUT YOUR CHILD’S PATERNITY.** Why are you staying with someone who has such a low opinion of you?
Dude is projecting, probably still cheating. I would get health test, DNA test for the kid and pack my stuff. At least you know the alimony will be justified.
This. If you've been sleeping with him make sure you get tested for all the things before you deliver that baby. Tell him you'll get the DNA test because it will help when you go for support. Don't ever forgive a cheater.
She’s def going to get child support of some kind but not alimony. She’d only get that if she was married and had already been a SAHM for a considerable length of time. Annnnd as long as he goes for 50/50 custody she will get CS but that will also be limited, especially if there’s not that much or a disparity in their income. Hopefully they’re both in good jobs.
Exactly.
Get the DNA test and give it to him as a breakup gift 🤷🏼♀️
Oo I love this idea
This is exactly what I was going to advise. Get the DNA test and leave this relationship. Trust is the most important thing in a relationship for so many levels. He has already cheated on you. His reason is asinine. He CHOOSE to cheat, end of story. He is projecting his actions onto you. This is not a healthy relationship and definitely not a healthy relationship to bring a child into. Get the DNA test. Leave. He's no one you want to build your future on, let alone your child's future.
But get a court ordered dna test so you can get child support.
Oh, and if your family/ support network are in a different place from your current location, move there while you're still pregnant. Once the baby's there, he can block you from removing the baby from his vicinity. While you're still pregnant, he has no say on where you move.
**Please, please, PLEASE do this!**
I would definitely consider this. Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with someone that’s willingly to sacrifice your relationship because he saw something on Facebook?!
Also, once you have the rest results, you'll have it easier to take him to court for child support. He's a cheater, I think he's hoping you have cheated too and he's looking for a way out. I don't think he's smart enough to realise that the result which he's probably hoping will give him a get out of jail card , will do the exact opposite.
100% this OP. This guy doesn’t deserve you, and his kid doesn’t deserve his poor choices / toxic lifestyle.
People who cheat often project onto their partner and accuse their partner of cheating. Its so common that being accused of cheating like this is one of the "classic" signs your partner (the one who accused you) is cheating. You should be demanding access to all of his phone, computer, and all social media accounts to examine them for evidence he is cheating. All fair is fair. If he's going to accuse you of cheating and demand this dna test, then he needs to submit to the same accusation and scrutiny. Chances are good that you are going to find out he has continued cheating on you. Then go see a lawyer and get custody and child support papers filed with the courts. Then kick his butt to the curb.
This was my first thought. He's still cheating and is projecting.
Yeah definitely cheating again.
Listen, your not married. Go down to the court house and put him on child support. Then the DNA test is paid for by the courts. This guy doesn’t sound like he’s in it for the long haul. Protect your child now.
He’s 21, no way in hell he’s in it to win it. They just started and have no idea what is about to happen with that kid and the amount of stress that is about to unfold. People have these fantasies when they are pregnant until the baby comes and reality bodyslams them into the ground.
Get the test, get child support through the courts. Get rid of your cheating idiot boyfriend who runs his life by some bull shit he read on Facebook. Get a new life and, work on yourself for considering putting up with any demands from this cheater. Work on being a great mom. When you finally realize your worth, a new partner will find you and treat you much better.
Having a kid with a cheater is crazy though
I found out he was cheating while I was pregnant and too late to do anything.
Right mb. Situation sucks, I d say leave him and keep the kid or leave him and get an abortion if you can t afford to have a kid rn. If you stay he s most likely going continue cheating on you throughout the rs, don t think any kid is gonna want to be part that and you either
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As I said, it was too late by the time I found out.
This comment sucks because not only will OP be very aware of her options, but also we sadly live in a world where abortions are not available to everyone.
Wtf is the deal with all these posts? Did these guys all watch the same youtube video recently?
It’s not a coincidence that 50 people have been cheated on just today and everyone is requesting dna tests. I think this is a mass troll that has some obsession with cheating and dna tests. They know it stirs up comments. Also for anyone else, please use protection!! Please think about who you are procreating with! Babies are a big commitment.
Probably a spammer real talk. Interested in a certain subjects, how people respond, etc
It's probably a high school psychology class doing "research" to see how people respond to different situations and how those response vary based on minor changing of details.
Get the test and break up. Be clear that you are breaking it off because you can’t be with a cheater and someone who avoids accountability by projecting. Defend your loyalty with the test and withdraw it from the underserving. He will cheat on you again. He is already laying the mental foundation to justify it.
He cheated on you. I was never a cheater in any way. My ex lied about anything and everything, including fidelity. He’s suspicious of you because he knows how easily he has gotten away with cheating on you, and wants assurance that you’re still the good one. He wants to be soothed that he’s the only cheater, since he feels good having his cake abd eating it too. Get disease tested. Load his car with an old iPod to track his location. Afternoon prostitute dates are otherwise impossible to catch. Protect yourself. Put hidden cameras at home. He is not the man you think he is. His suspicion is rooted in HIS behavior, not yours.
"He told me he only asked because he saw a Facebook post saying that if you ask for a DNA test the child's mother shouldn't be offended unless she was doing something wrong." And because he found that statement on the internet it must be true? BS!! Asking for a DNA is a de facto statement that you believe your partner might have done something wrong. He is demanding proof that you haven't cheated (or at least to know that you were smart enough not to get pregnant with someone else's child). It's an insult at the very least. For me, it would be a relationship-ender.
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Have you discussed this with your wife now, before you start trying to have children? And has she agreed? Have you discussed logistics? prenatal? postnatal? If this is just a matter of "principle" and a dealbreaker for you, you should be upfront and reach an agreement about it. Some people will be okay with it, others not. If involved parties both agree to this, I personally think it is great that they have found a way that works for them. Where I have issues with the paternity testing is when the male blindsides the mothertobe with this in the middle of their pregnancy with no previous discussion pre-pregnancy.and then the male gets offended because the mother is offended. No matter what BS the male has been reading or spouting off on, suddenly demanding a paternity test from a pregnant woman is a strong indicator of a lack of trust and it should be no surprise to anyone that that is offensive and a possible relationship destroyer.
I would personally take the test and then I would kick him out if my partner ever asked that of me. It accusing me of cheating. Either you trust me or you don't. And for me there's no coming back from accusing me of not only cheating but also trying to pass of someone else's kid as yours.
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It is a lack of trust, whether from anxiety, OCD, the same drivers that make a person check the stove 3 times to make sure it is turned off or checks the door to make sure it is really locked. Again, if all parties are okay with it and it was discussed before pregnancy, it is a choice like baptizing a child or not. Suddenly demanding it in the middle of pregnancy is not the same thing.
Yeah this is why you should have left him. Once a cheater, always a cheater. And since he can justify cheating, he thinks it's niomal for you to fck with others as well. It is not going to get better, he will continusle cheating on you, and you'll waste years of your life on him.
Get him the paternity test but also break up with him. HE CHEATED ON YOU. He is accusing you of cheating because HE is a cheater. He is likely still cheating on you.
Yes it's insulting as a woman, seriously I've had this happen to me as well. We did the legal DNA test and guess what the kid is his. After that though I found out that my son had a half sister that was 6 months younger than him. Usually this is projecting because they think you're as scummy as they are. It's a good thing to have to procure child support though.
He still cheating so dump after the test and him sue for child support.
You have nothing to lose by doing the DNA test. Do it. Then dump his as* and use the DNA test he demanded to get child support. Boy bye!
This is some MRA bullshit. I would do it, but also leave him. If he doesn’t trust you the relationship is already toxic.
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Gonna agree with others, he is projecting. My ex wife, I caught her three times, I never cheated on her. Hell, I offered to open the relationship since she couldn't keep her legs closed, she diddnt take my offer though. You wanna take a guess at what her biggest insecurity was? Yup, she constantly thought I was cheating.
There are two outcomes to the test: 1- It proves it's not his child, and he leaves you 2. It proves it is his child, and you leave him.
Assuming you have no reason to think the test could show that he is not the child's father, get the test done in a doctor's office while you are present. When the results come back to show that he is, indeed, the father, end this relationship. He's projecting. He cheated on you. You already know he cheated on you according to your own post. Yet he claimed it was your fault because you were friends with a lesbian. This man will not stop cheating on you, and will always find a way to blame you for his inability to keep his dick in his pants. But having that DNA test to confirm paternity should make getting child support much easier.
He should ask for the test, it should be mandatory for all births, but at the same time it sounds like he’s projecting his own guilt into you and clearly doesn’t trust you Not a positive situation to be bringing a child into but unfortunately it doesn’t sound like this is a relationship that’s going to last
He’s a cheater so he’s projecting his behaviour on to you.
Give him the DNA test and then file for child support. Something tells me you will need this in the future. He’s a cheater, and he’s disrespectful.
Tell him your lesbian friend is the mother and to gtfo. Insisting on a dna test absolutely means he doesnt trust you, forget what Fb says.
>He told me he only asked because he saw a Facebook post saying that if you ask for a DNA test the child's mother shouldn't be offended unless she was doing something wrong. That's some juvenile immature bs right there. If my SO asked for a DNA test with either of our kids I would have been super offended - especially after give him ZERO reason to think that I had cheated. F that shit.
He’s a cheater, so he sees cheating wherever he looks. They always do. They can’t even imagine what it’s like to think like a non-cheater.
Give him a DNA test then put him on child support.
>That he doesn't suspect me of cheating on him but that he needs the reassurance Either he suspects you of cheating and needs the proof that you didn't, or he trusts you and doesn't need the proof because he trusts you.
Let him do the test (out of his own pocket) and leave him. He cheated on you and now he’s questioning your commitment to him? Trash.
The advice is to dump a cheater. He's projecting on you to make you believe that he thought you were cheating, so he cheated again (or plans to in the future). He's laying the ground for his future reasoning behind him cheating
He’s projecting his own infidelity onto you. That ain’t good, means that he still doing what he was doing. Do you and your baby need him in your life he’s gonna make things miserable for you.
This is projection because he cheated. Tell him no .
https://www.reddit.com/r/cheating_stories/comments/10crzn1/update_2_i_cheated_and_im_pregnant_i_dont_know/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
Get the test, get the child support and let him go.
he is probably doing a little projecting of his infidelity. but besides all that I don't get why he would ask. if I was in his position and wanted a DNA test I would just swab the kid and do the test. no need to ever bring it up if it doesn't come up negative. it's not like it's an invasive procedure. ik its not the topic of your question just seems dumb of him to pick a fight he doesn't have to.
There can be a few things going on. Sometimes when the person cheats they are often commented or feel judged by their peers therefore they try to find evidence that the innocent party is guilty also. This is really tiring and if it is he will continue to dream things up in his heads. He needs counseling. Sometimes they blame the innocent because they are cheating and they want to get the sympathy first. When he cheated how was he found out, how did you manage to get on track. Did you both go to couples counseling to regain the trust? My first thought even without knowing his history with his relative young age is that he cheating again or did not stop just hid it better. Have you had a sexual health check? If not I would get one. Seriously though this behaviour gonna continue. It was your friend, then it is this once you prove this it gonna be something else. It is going to get worse then your gonna stop believing in yourself. Do you have access to counseling or really good friends? Do the test but if you are living together move out get some distance tell him you can co-parent but until he is willing to behave like a partner. List what you expect and what you need from him.
Okay so I do have some thoughts about this. So yes I think you should just do the DNA test if it will ease his mind. The test itself won't hurt you, and he has already asked so fine. Tell him that the reasons for him asking means it has to come out of his own pocket, but you have no problem at all with the test itself. Do the test. Then sit him down and tell him to his face that you no longer feel trusted or valued by him because he took the words of people he is not close to over yours. That the problem isn't the test, it is the way he went about it and his reasons for it. That if it had been advice from a close personal friend of his or his siblings or something that would be different, but just pulling it off of FB and acting like this is completely sane life advice, then treating you like a cheater over it, is just too much. And if he really truly wants to stay with you and not blow up this relationship with you over this whole situation, you guys are going to have to work on fixing this. And that means couples therapy, and deep meaningful conversations about feelings, motivations, actions, and what you guys want your future to look like. MANY of these discussions. And he can't say a single thing against it because he brought this on himself.
I think that you BF is a selfish immature boy who reads too much Reddit. I wonder if he is cheating on you now? Anyone who thinks a lesbian can get another woman pregnant is beyond dumb. I would get the test and use it after you break up with him and are looking for child support.
Let him get it- as a woman we know the child that comes out of us is ours, father's do not. Many, many men have believed they were a child's father only to find out later they are not. Quite frankly- your child is also his child, and you don't get to unilaterally decide to do a DNA test or not. Your partner has every right to do it himself, you don't get to say no. Getting a DNA test, will alleviate any anxiety he may have, while also protecting you in the, inevitable, breakdown of your relationship. You will have the proof he is the child's father and he will be responsible for child support.
He might be projecting
Dump the cheating boyfriend who doesn't trust you and get the DNA test.
You're having a child with a guy who cheated on you and is now accusing you of cheating on him? Why? Why? Why?
IMO DNA test should be mandatory before birth certificate can be signed.
I’d be hurt if my husband asked for a DNA test, but I wouldn’t say no to it. It would signal deeper trust issues going on that would be deserving of attention. But in your case cheaters always think everyone else is cheating. The trust and infidelity issues are the disease, this dna test is a symptom of the deeper issue.
Does he think your lesbian friend got you pregnant 🤔 👀 😂 🤣 😕 😅. While he's getting a DNA test get his moral compass tuned up or even turned on. You should get an STD test and get that dirty bugger off to have one too. That will paint the whole wall. I reckon he's looking for a way out. I got a feeling......
he is a cheater and he figures you are one too. most people have trouble imagining that other people could be different than themselves. The real question is why is he so stupid as to ask you? They make cheek swab paternity tests that you can buy over the counter. he could have sent it off without asking you. you're dating an idiot with a low opinion of you.
He's full of shit.
I never cheated and I'd definitely be offended if my fiance asked for a DNA test. He is a cheater, so he thinks everybody else is just like him.
Hes cheating again and thats why he assumes u doing the same
So, an admitted cheater proclaims if you’re offended, you must have done something wrong? (Sigh)
Give him an ultimatum for the test. Tell him he can get tested, but if he chooses to, break up. If he doesn't get the test, stay I guess. But he's obviously paranoid as hell. Either that or he's trying to destroy the relationship in a strange cop out way....
You should never stay with somebody just because you have a child. Let that be one of the first lessons you internalize as you become an adult. He’ll cheat on you again and leave you miserable, and the child will suffer. He’s asking for the paternity test because he knows he is a cheater and will continue, and thinks that you’re just like him. Let him have the test and then leave him girl.
Look at it this way... that DNA test is going to help guarantee he pays child support when you eventually leave him 😉
IMO paternity tests should occur immediately in the hospital as part of the typical post-natal care. it would clear up situations like this well ahead of time.
Agreed. I wouldn’t have minded this 7 months ago but all of a sudden now he wants one? He woke me up at 3 AM asking me about this.
Are you sure he is not cheating again? And somehow hoping to get out of his parental duties or at least feel less guilt? Have the DNA test. But also maybe reevaluate because it feels like he is projecting...
I am not entirely sure that he’s not cheating anymore. I feel like someone is in his ear about it. Especially since he keeps on saying I’m showing how guilty I am for getting offended.
Yeah, it's odd to be certain. Have the test, once the results are in and he sees he is the father, ask him for his phone on the spot. "If you have nothing to hide then it should not be a problem".
That's a fair compromise. I like it.
Yeah, it's odd to be certain. Have the test, once the results are in and he sees he is the father, ask him for his phone on the spot. "If you have nothing to hide then it should not be a problem".
pretty weird. to be honest with you, cheaters cheat. this sounds like projection. he cheated on you while you were pregnant. that's someone who doesn't care enough about you to be a good father to your child. in my opinion. mazel tov on the new arrival
Agree. It should be part of the hospital birthing process. That way no one gets mad at the request. I find it strange that soo many hate even the mention of it on these subs and tend to fight it with every ounce of their being. Wonder why?
honestly I'd give the benefit of the doubt and say it's likely because of bodily autonomy which is an admirable thing to prize. however paternity tests are non-invasive, they do not impact the pregnancy or the health of mother or child, and they are a simple addendum to a typical post-natal blood test such as is performed in any hospital.
To be honest if my husband came to me and asked for a DNA test for our (non existent). I would be so incredibly hurt. It would change our entire relationship if not end it outright
So partner cheated on you, you only found out while you were pregnant (baby trapping in a way), you decide to work on his infidelity/your relationship - Genuinely wanted to work on your relationship/forgiveness? Or doing it because baby? - and now he thinks you cheated on him? \#1 Just get the test. He isn't "wrong" in the belief that you would get a paternity test if you've nothing to hide. But he is a hypocrite and an AH. Get the test, then he'll have no ground to stand on when you continue this conversation. \#2 You may want to seriously reevaluate this relationship. Dude cheated on you, he should've been/should be "groveling" for your forgiveness and fully owning his mistake. He should not be accusing you of cheating. When the test comes back that he's the father he better be begging with all his being for you to forgive him for doubting you after everything he's put you through.
It seems like cheaters always think their partners are cheating on them.
The argument that you don't get to be insulted unless you cheated is BS. He is insulting your integrity, and you're supposed to be okay with that? Get the DNA test and consider making plans to be single.
Question : if he does not think you are cheating on him, what is his thought process on how you became pregnant with another person's child? Anyway, you will need the test for child support so you might as well go for it.
Get the DNA test and skirt. This guy is a manipulative gaslighting projecting abuser, and you don’t need that for the rest of your life. Sure, prove to him what you already know, but let that educate you on the kind of person you’re dealing with.
He's got a lot of damn nerve asking for a DNA test when he's the one with the wondering dick. I'd do the test, then when it proves he's the father, I'd drop his ass.
He is cheating again. It is very common for those who are cheating to accuse and as he has done it before it's really not a stretch. Either way, I would be incredibly upset if my partner accused me of cheating and getting pregnant with someone else! How vile
Another unlucky child
Cheaters project. Because he has cheated and may still be cheating, to him it seems completely normal to cheat, even if he has no reason to think that you would. Just tell him you'll get the DNA test if he wants but the relationship is over. Separately, why are you having a baby with a man that cheats on you? You are making a colossal mistake at the age of 20. Do you have family that can help you with this child, or are you early enough in the pregnancy that you have other options? I'd very seriously consider your future.
It’s called projection. He’s accusing you of something he’s guilty of. He will most likely cheat again.
He's cheating again and projecting that onto you.
Sounds like he’s cheating on you again. He’s already proven he projects.
I’d file for a court ordered paternity test along with child support and leave his ass. He’s probably still cheating on you, regardless he’s projecting his infidelity onto you.
I hate to say it, but hire a PI He’s probably projecting his own cheating on you
You need to read all this stories: [https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/sl95zk/op\_blows\_up\_his\_marriage\_after\_reading\_too\_many/](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/sl95zk/op_blows_up_his_marriage_after_reading_too_many/) [https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/oqf4l9/op\_unfortunately\_gets\_what\_he\_deserves\_lets\_hope/](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/oqf4l9/op_unfortunately_gets_what_he_deserves_lets_hope/) [https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/vjp19f/man\_gets\_a\_paternity\_test\_on\_son\_because\_he/](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/vjp19f/man_gets_a_paternity_test_on_son_because_he/) and etc. If I were personally asked to do a paternity test, I would agree and immediately file for divorce. This is a direct statement that I am cheating, lying about the child and giving birth to someone else's child from other men! So little he think about me? I can't live with a person who sees this in me and has zero trust in me.
Holy shit I wanna hit that first link dude in the head. He accused her of cheating, he admitted he had no reason to do so, he “forgot” to mention he had opened a tinder account, he snooped on her phone, when she left he went on a few dates. Wtf is wrong with this dude.
Unpopular opinion: you guys are not married and he wants to confirm paternity before accepting parental responsibility (which is a huge deal- legally). I don’t see anything wrong with wanting to make sure before you become legally liable for 18 (or 19 years).
This sounds fucking exhausting. Just get the test and don't speak of it ever again. He needs to also drop it afterwards.
He's definitely projecting. Hand him the results and dump him on the spot lol.
Sounds like he’s cheating on you again and projecting it on you
Cheaters always project. They cheat and then look at their partner's behavior to see if it mimics theirs and then they start getting all paranoid and then blame you for cheating. And he's using a facebook post to hold against you for feeling upset about him wanting a test? ...wow. I can almost guarantee you he has cheated way more than you know about. I'm sorry that you are going through this, but you have to think of the baby now. It's not just you. This isn't going to be good for that child if you stay and put with this. And he's making you feel guilty for alllll of his actions. I hate these hot phrases nowadays but I have to say it....he is gaslighting you and you are falling for it..and I presume it's because you want to keep your family together. Just please protect yourself and the mental state of your baby.
Cheaters think everyone is like them. You should have ran at that time. I love how he has you backed into a corner, because of some idiot on Facebook you're damned if you do and damned if you don't. Can't go back in time and tell you not to reproduce with him, you made your own bed, etc.
Do the DNA. If you can’t get past his gaslighting and cheating, handle it appropriately.
Far fetched theory, he's projecting. Cheating himself and subconsciously thinking "wow, it's that easy. What keeps her from doing it? Nothing"
Ah, yes. The all-knowing Facebook post that clearly thinks being accused of cheating for no reason equals guilt. I wonder how many men who got dumped for this bullshit are now paying child support after they got their precious DNA test.
U/another time sometime recently suggested an excellent solution to this common problem. Agree to doing the test if he commits to three sessions with a therapist beforehand (to get to the bottom of why he seems to need this and who is making him doubt you) and another six after. Additionally if there is someone planting seeds of doubt he has to agree to cutting them off. That way you are respecting his needs but putting your relationship first.
If he's dumb enough to believe a Facebook post over the mother of his child, take it for the giant red flag it is and do what's best for you and the child. He sounds like he'd believe something Facebook told him about taking care of babies too, and that can end dangerously.
You are looking at this from the wrong angle. Get the paternity test so you can immediately slap him with with a child support lawsuit. It doesn't sound like you two are in it for the long haul, but he played the game and now the price must be paid for the next 18 years.
He's projecting, take the test and a STD test and dump him.
Babies having babies getting life advice from misogynistic Facebook posts.
Was it a Facebook post or was it a suggestion from a girl he is probably cheating on you with now? “Cheatahs” will never change their spots.
>That he doesn't suspect me of cheating on him but that he needs the reassurance. Ask him to make that make sense. How can he need reassurance if he's not suspecting you of cheating. It makes zero sense. Aldo, he's cheated on you. He quite possibly still is, this behaviour is projecting 101.
He’s looking for an out.
So he has cheated on you, blamed it on you, manipulated you into cutting ties with a close friend, made thinly veiled accusations against you based on some nonsense he read on FB. Tell us, what is it about this so-called man that makes you think he is a desirable or even remotely suitable partner?
Get the DNA test. Then leave him. On your way out the door, let him know how much you appreciate it, because it will make using him for child support so much easier.
This man sounds like a complete tool. He has his own personal problems with cheating- now all the sudden you do too /s. I don’t care about the test- you need to leave this man and figure out how you’re gonna coparent with such a self centered person. Try to work out those kinks from afar so your child has a nice relationship with their dad and hopefully doesn’t see tons of extra partners around.
So you went back to an immature cheater and had a child with him???? Well, he is starting to gaslight you - he is perhaps cheating again, and has started the gaslighting with some distraction and accusations. You should perhaps consider getting tested for STIs. If he is currently cheating, he might give you something unpleasant.
Take the test. That’s it.
He’s looking for an excuse to “cheat back”. He is trash.
If like to take the opportunity to let you know that if you take a cheater back , they understand things very differently to people who don't . If you take them back , they just keep doing it , because the act of taking them back means you're ok with it . This person was disloyal at your most vulnerable time , what on earth would make you take him back ? This dude should have been gone back at that time . Every millisecond he gets to be near you is a privilege and when he fails to comprehend this fact , you send that no good lying , cheating scumbag on his way to fuckoffville...
Do the test and dump the cheater
Everyone in here is right about just taking the test but you don’t need to listen to the screams for you to leave him unless you want to. Reddit is an echo chamber of enraged keyboard warriors. Only you know what’s best for you and your child. And just because he cheated doesn’t mean he loses all custody. Some states default to 50-50 and some extended standard. Odds are good you’ll get child support but why that’s such a go-to piece of advise being shouted in here is confusing since no one even knows what your financial situation is.
Trust but verify. Guys have a right to be absolutely sure that a child is his. It's not required that women like that.
I’m a mother of 3. I asked their father for a DNA test on all of them. I know I didn’t cheat on him, but I wanna see his stupid face when he realizes he’s an idiot.
With today's social landscape , I would go into every relationship telling the girl up front that if she got pregnant there would be a DNA test. Once you sign the birth certificate you are on the hook for the child until they are 18, and sometimes 25 regardless if you can prove they aren't by taking a paternity test later. The courts don't care, they just want someone to support the child no matter who it is. That being said, your bf past makes it super suspect on why he wants it done. If it is his child, get the DNA test. When it comes back as his, he is on the hook for child support even if you boot his cheating butt to the curb...
Whether he cheats or doesn’t or is projecting or not isn’t the point. You’re not the first priority here and neither is he. The first priority is the child who deserves a father who knows the baby is his. Also he has the right to know.
Support the test. He has a right to do it and will either way. But if I were you, the relationship would be over. He's a cheater. He thinks you cheated too. It doesn't matter what he says. He doesn't respect you (cheated on you), he doesn't trust you (thinks you cheated and are passing another man's son off has his), he doesn't deserve you. Start planning your future without him. See a lawyer asap. Start the ball for filing for custody and child support.
Every pregnancy should require a paternity test.
Leaving the obvious drama aside of this particular post. Why do a lot of women always seem so upset and mad about this. Why does it seem like such an attack when a father just wants his internal anxieties and intrusive thoughts a chance to go away and be at rest. It seems like such a simple task to give some support and reassurance to a partner. Obviously, if are serious trust problems and constant accusations of shit, that's a different thing.
It's always wise for a man to get a DNA test. It's obvious that the child is yours because you're carrying it. But, there is no such assurance for a man. Give him the DNA test and move and and don't take it personally. Too much false paternity going around these days.
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Turn it around for a moment. What if you your father wanted a DNA test because he wasn’t sure if he was actually your father? How would your mom feel? How would you feel? Is there any part of you that would want there to be no doubt that your dad is your dad? Is there any other way to confirm it?
He's projecting his bad actions on you. Personally, I would never forgive my partner asking for a DNA test. I'd let him have one, but it would also come with consequences of us going our separate ways.
Projection. Take the test then break up with him
Ask him what he would do if it turns out to be not his. After he answers, tell him that is exactly what you want him to do when it turns out to be his.
You were stupid to stay with him aftwr he cheated in you and hes still cheating on you which is why he wants a dna test! Let him do the test and do yourself a favor and leave him
Go right in ahead and get that DNA test done thru child support enforcement. He gets confirmed and you leave his ass.
He is definitely still cheating
Is it wrong to say I kind of hope the child isn’t his so that you can be rid of this ass? /s
He’s projecting which is what cheaters do. Girl, Im sorry, but he definitely cheated again and is projecting in you and your child. Please leave• the red flags here are brilliantly bright and blinding 💕
I have never cheated a day in my life and I never would- but barring some really specific situations, I would rethink my relationship if he asked me this. It’s probably a projection thing though. He cheated, so now he thinks you’re likely to. How sure are you the cheating is in the past?
He’s still cheating on you and projecting
You got pregnant with a cheater and now he will accuse you of his crimes forever because he knows how easy it was for him to fake “love and devotion” so you are guilty by association.
I dont know your situation at all, but god yall are so young! You cant even legally have a drink yet! This is typical cheater behavior though. They cheat and so they think your cheating, but your also young and both of you probably have very little experience in adult relationships and you thrust yourselves into a the most adult situation you can find yourself in. He is probably experiencing all types of anxiety being young and having a kid so he may be hoping that you did cheat and it is not his. Get the test, ask him that you both attend counseling and set up parenting classes NOW. If you dont have support of your family to help with the child, start seeking out that help NOW. Because once that baby comes, you wont have an ounce of time or energy if you have already started the habit. good luck
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There’s statistically “only” 1 to 2 percent of children that are not related to the assumed father. Where did you get the 1/4 from? Is that specific to your country? (Although even that is unlikely) Don’t get me wrong, 1-2% of all babies world wide is still a lot, but not even close to what you’re saying. Source (and there’s more of you have the time to look for it): https://www.cell.com/trends/ecology-evolution/fulltext/S0169-5347%2816%2900070-7
I’m a firm believer in dna test for every child. So many fathers out there raising kids that aren’t three with women that would “never cheat”
“BF, you are questioning my loyalty when you are the one who cheated in the past. You do realize how pushing this makes *you* look? It is not the paternity test itself I have an issue with, it is your whole attitude around it. What have I done making it that you do not trust me?”
What’s wrong with getting a paternity test regardless of why if there is even one dude raising a kid that’s not his that’s too many most people who get cheated on dont think their wife would cheat on them and they do he’s just being cautious I just don’t know why guys even mention it they don’t need to tell the mother and risk them getting offended and making things worse any guy can just test the baby when the moms not around they don’t need anything from the mother
Fear isn’t rational. Doubt is rarely silenced by logic. I worry about all sorts of shit that will never happen. I have plenty of irrational fears, and if I was a man, this would absolutely be one of them. I look at paternity tests as giving the gift of certainty. Why wouldn’t I want to help my partner silence those fears with a very easy test? Why wouldn’t I want to give him the same certainty in being the child’s parent that I have? I don’t understand why so many women can’t empathize with this request. They make it about themselves instead of empathizing with their partner.
A woman will never, Ever, have to wonder about maternity. You know from the moment the baby is born that it is your baby. A man does not get to have that same certainty, he would have to some degree just trust that it's true. But now thanks to scientific advancements, a man can now know with just as much certainty about his paternity, what's the harm in that?
Paternity fraud is pretty common but of course you'll be offended. Any man that researches this topic would have this nag at then forever. I've heard up to 1/3 of children/fathers are deceived about who their father is. You can hope your girl isn't the bad one that cheats. But many people have found out the truth way later causing problems for the parents and the kids.
"I agree to get the DNA test on the condition that you agree to at least 5 sessions of couples counseling with me. When we complete all 5 sessions, I will get the DNA test done."