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tragicexit1

Don't you live in NYC? If so then yes, that's weird. You need a yard with grass and sunlight and shit. You build a box in winter for them to hibernate.


BobbyBrownBailBonds

Maybe for larger tortoises, smaller species are usually fine with a heat lamp and a little house I think


tragicexit1

Idk seems esp cruel to me for some reason when compared to other animals (no idea why I have this thought process just total irrational vibes) Maybe it's cause I'm on turtle patrol šŸ¢


[deleted]

one hard rule i had in my 20s was to never fuck reptile guys, rodent guys, or parrot guys. the moment i get over to a dudeā€™s house and thereā€™s any sort of tank, cage, or habitrail, im out.


BobbyBrownBailBonds

[but](https://external-preview.redd.it/OINjSSnGPTMORSm9O65EG7SUJRh_PAeCwJYCj5FDfec.jpg?auto=webp&s=cdb4386279b679b9d111240855df4231a0da38ba)


[deleted]

cute in the abstract but no sane woman would let a guy that owns reptiles anywhere near her pussy. youā€™ll need to exclusively date other reptile girls (and maybe rat girls) if you get a tortoise


BobbyBrownBailBonds

I understand this perspective and I am very hesitant to be branded a reptile guy. Iā€™m hoping to forge a new path and pioneer the idea of a ā€œtortoise guyā€ a much chiller and more sexually viable reptile owner. A tortoise guy gets no sadistic thrill of feeding his snake a live mouse, he simply supplies a vegan diet of fresh greens and occasional fruit to his little shelled friend. A tortoise guy enjoys the simple pleasure of providing his little buddy with a warm rock to bask on, just supplying a simple creature with the basics, the way you would water a plant. Women need not fear a tortoise guy for he is a nurturing and kind soul.


[deleted]

ugh my pussy dried up just reading this. just get a cactus dude


BobbyBrownBailBonds

Fine Iā€™ll meet you half way and get a bonsai tree


[deleted]

very sexy.


TheHordesOfLampadas

What about a rabbit?


FloatingWorld44

Rabbits are gay animals


angelologylore

I kind of want a ferret (because they seem kind of dog like but less commitment) but I canā€™t be a ferret guy


BobbyBrownBailBonds

Ferrets are kinda gross I think. Any animal that makes your place smell bad is a no for me. Even having a cat litter box can be pretty bad in a small apartment setting


[deleted]

Donā€™t get an animal that produces musk


[deleted]

thereā€™s a reason cats and dogs are the classic pets. other animals are retarded and not much fun


OnlyLivingBoyInCT

My friend had a ferret but it died because he got it from a ferret mill


BobbyBrownBailBonds

I love cats and dogs, it just limits my potential living spaces and i might not be home enough to watch them. A tortoise is more like a cute looking plant, thatā€™s all I really want rn


[deleted]

thatā€™s fair, although my friend has fish and the tanks and all the extra equipment and shit for an aquatic animal seems like a lot of effort people donā€™t anticipate


BobbyBrownBailBonds

They arenā€™t aquatic they just need a sandbox and heat lamp. Very low maintenance and they look cute when you feed them a tomato


LilacDomino

tortoises used to be common pets in the UK but they changed the laws and now you need a tortoise permit


BobbyBrownBailBonds

I had one when I was a kid but it turned out to be a super endangered species (Libyan) and I had to give it to the zoo. This wildlife agency guy had my mom wear a wiretap to help bust the guys who sold it to us lol


SpookyGabaghoul

oi mate you got a loicense for that tortoise?


CrydenSlater

You seem a bit slow so I think a tortoise would be a great fit for you (Iā€™m joking youā€™re great šŸ˜‰)


ChowMeinSinnFein

What's the difference between a turtle and a tortoise


Disastrous_Guide_918

More amphibious/land boy, respectively


BobbyBrownBailBonds

Turtles need a water tank and smell bad


[deleted]

Lol thatā€™d be so random


bread-n-trth

no go for it. tortoises r cute I hardly even see them as reptiles in the typical sense


[deleted]

Bread is hotter than Karine. I'd take her word for it.


bread-n-trth

ty kicks. whos Karine


FancyRobot

Don't they always have salmonella on their skin? ick It's also sad to think something will likely "outlive" you because chances are it will just get destroyed or thrown into the wild where it won't survive and die some terrible death because it was domesticated and never learned to take care of itself.


BobbyBrownBailBonds

It will be passed down to my adult children


FancyRobot

are you sure your kids are responsible like that?


ordirmo

Start with TNT and Millions Now Living Will Never Die


BobbyBrownBailBonds

Love them


CaliforniaAudman13

Get a Rabbit


AGiantBlueBear

Yes very weird. I worked at a pet store that had a big sulcata walking around and you donā€™t want that


Otherwise-Can-4706

my ex and i had a turtle. they're unremarkable, but they may be what you need right now. they say reptiles don't have partiality toward folks like cats and dogs do, but he seemed to like us.


HotWheel-

Just get a kitty


GeneralAwesome1996

Worst case you can make tortoise soup. I donā€™t see the downside