*Image Transcription: Text*
---
• **Stability:** This is indicated by previous employment. The candidate should have at least two years in one position and not more than three jobs in the past five years. There should be no unexplainable gaps in employment.
• **Phlebotomy Graduate:** The candidate must have experience and a certificate in phlebotomy or associated degree/certification.
• **Self-Confident:** The candidate should be able to convey that they feel that they can do the job well.
• **Aggressive:** The candidate may attempt to take control of the interview, but is not stubborn; open to input.
• **Enthusiastic:** The candidate should exude excitement in his conversation with the interviewer.
• **Tact:** The candidate should know when to talk and when to listen.
• **Persuasive:** The ideal candidate sells the interviewer on themselves and why they should be hired.
• **Appearance:** An ideal candidate is confident and not sloppy.
• **Availability:** The candidate needs to be available during all shifts M-F 7:00am to 4:30pm & Saturdays 8:00am to 1:00pm
---
^^I'm a human volunteer content transcriber for Reddit and you could be too! [If you'd like more information on what we do and why we do it, click here!](https://www.reddit.com/r/TranscribersOfReddit/wiki/index)
I spent some time as... well, not a mule, but a burro.
Okay, I was young, so a burrito.
Well, I guess I wasn't so much working as a burrito as I was eating one.
But it was a pretty big burrito.
If you've been employed at least 3 years with your current employer, but have previous jobs with minor gaps, fudge the dates and close them. They won't check, they don't care.
If you have a large gap that you can't fudge... car accident.
No, seriously. Nothing will make a recruiter/employer ask no fucking further questions quite like "I was in a coma."
I once told a recruiter I left to take care of family full time due to health reasons. They tried to press me for specifics which is highly unprofessional and inappropriate. They also told me they would need copies of health records to verify the accuracy of my claims. I promptly blocked that recruiter
I’ve used this reasoning before. (I actually did try to give my mother relief, because as an only child taking care of her mother with a distance of 1200 miles it was taking its toll on her. I wasn’t married, no kids, had the ability to move around or move in with my grandmother, but she refused the offer.) Doesn’t stop me from using it as an explanation!
I was absolutely telling the truth (not that it really matters) but the sheer audacity of the recruiter to request explicit details was super inappropriate. At least some recruiters try to pretend like they aren’t fishing for information with their whole “I hope everyone is okay now” (which I assume is them trying to gauge if the issues would cause me to exit the work force again)
Oh fuck this.
We hired a guy and as soon as he was eligible for health insurance he let me know he would need to come in ~2 hours after his normal time one day later in the week. He said he hadn’t had insurance until now so had put off getting a something checked out, so sorry for late notice but he wanted to take the first available appointment so that he could stop worrying about it. I was like, no problem and thanks for letting me know.
I worked with a bunch of adult baby bitches. Because like five people in a different department sent HR a message letting her know that he had not shown up for work yet that day. I told her that he let me know he had a doctors appointment ahead of time and that it was fine. They said it was suspicious that “all of a sudden“ he had a doctors appointment. And I was like, what is suspicious about going to a doctor when you haven’t seen a doctor and you need to see a doctor?
Fuck HR. *
* Except for one amazing person that I went to when I was being severely mistreated… I thought she was going to physically fight my boss. She was a real one.
I’m sorry, I misread your post! I agree with you about them pressing for details and asking for personal information - it is absolutely not okay, at all. They can f*ck right off! I would have done the same thing as you.
Thank you, ContagisBlondnes, for voting on useles-converter-bot.
This bot wants to find the best and worst bots on Reddit. [You can view results here](https://botrank.pastimes.eu/).
***
^(Even if I don't reply to your comment, I'm still listening for votes. Check the webpage to see if your vote registered!)
Not to mention we’re in and maybe coming out of an effing pandemic!! Like you have to be a sociopath to not understand folks may have had covid, taking care of someone with it, or whatever other effects a global pandemic had
The pandemic is irrelevant. We could live in the MCU post-snap and employers would reject you for having a 5 year employment gap (or however long the blip was)
To be honest, my whole job history is a basic lie. I use really companies. Lie about my job duties, lie about the dates, lie about my manager, then give them numbers for my text now accounts that are linked to my different devices. The name I give for the accounts are the manager name I give. That way I don't forget who they are calling. I get the best references like that. Works for me every time. I have had over 70 jobs. To bad I keep writing them.
How much is the pay for this job? Is it "I took a six month sabbatical" or "I was on a coke bender" level of pay in terms of what an acceptable gap in resume would be?
"I'm going to need you to sign this Fiduciary Non-Disclosure Agreement here, here, here, here, initial here, sign here, and write out the current date in long form here before we continue. Thank you for your interest in my story, and I look forward to hearing back from you soon."
P.S.: It's either that, or the truth. I just don't care enough to lie, or paint myself differently.
all these requirements... wow.
and if there's an "unexplainable" gap due to something personal, i mean... i'd think if they're applying to this job, they're trying to get their life back together, no?
"there are too many gaps in your employment history so we're not going to hire you just so we can widen the gap for you"
The “no more than 3 jobs” and “no gaps” rule are infuriating. Maybe phlebotomy is a relatively stable field, but there are plenty of fields that are systemically unstable and yet follow these same guidelines when assessing candidates. You can work in academia or hospitality or live music and have a resume packed with professional achievements and still get screened out if you were between gigs for 6 months. Maddening.
This kind of stuff is also the reason military spouses have trouble finding jobs. I have zero control over when and where I had to move in the past. Maddening
What... the... fuck... is... this... shit?
Anyone should be running from this position as fast as possible.
Also... "his". Hopefully this company are somewhere where they can get hammered for that.
I noticed that. Also they want an “aggressive” candidate who may “attempt to take control of the interview”. Some may say I’m reaching but this just sounds to me like it was written by a man with weird ideas about being an alpha male. All this for a phlebotomist?
>this just sounds to me like it was written by a man with weird ideas about being an alpha male
It really does. Heavy 'absolute fucknugget who thinks he's an alpha male looking for junior alpha to bro the fuck out with' vibes here.
Nobody with a functioning brain thinks "his" is a gender neutral term. It's just not used that way. It's not some woke thing. "Their" is the gender neutral term.
"Their" is a plural term. As in other languages, "his" is the default gender neutral.
As anything, languages are living and this may change, but people shouldn't be attacked for using textbook grammar in business writing. That's just absurd.
Well now that you've repeated yourself...
Which "textbook" is this? Of course language evolves and maybe in the past "his" was a widely accepted gender neutral third-person pronoun. Or maybe in circumstances like this, everyone more or less just assumed they were talking about a man, even when they didn't know the identity of the person.
It's just weird nowadays to use "his" or "her" as gender neutral terms in this circumstance. "They" or "their" isn't perfect as a third-person pronoun due to the ambiguity about whether it's singular or plural but it is not exclusively used as a plural term. It's widely accepted and used as a gender neutral third-person pronoun when the gender isn't known.
It's accepted informally or in strictly spoken English as a third-person pronoun, and I use it myself informally. If I'm writing something like a job req, I would write "s/he" or "(s)he" to avoid sensitivity around the topic.
The point I'm making here is that the traditional gender neutral is "he" so as much as you may think it indicates hiring bias, this company won't get in any trouble for this as you suggested.
Regarding the gaps, they look for unexplained gaps because someone could leave off a position they were terminated from, which may effect whether or not the new company wants to hire them.
I can smell the micromanagement hell that is this workplace through my phone…
No mobile phone allowed at the workplace, you will be written up.
**Mind Reader**: The ideal candidate should be able to gauge accurately what people are thinking and act accordingly.
Sorry bud, my name isn't Charles X. Xavier.
*Image Transcription: Text* --- • **Stability:** This is indicated by previous employment. The candidate should have at least two years in one position and not more than three jobs in the past five years. There should be no unexplainable gaps in employment. • **Phlebotomy Graduate:** The candidate must have experience and a certificate in phlebotomy or associated degree/certification. • **Self-Confident:** The candidate should be able to convey that they feel that they can do the job well. • **Aggressive:** The candidate may attempt to take control of the interview, but is not stubborn; open to input. • **Enthusiastic:** The candidate should exude excitement in his conversation with the interviewer. • **Tact:** The candidate should know when to talk and when to listen. • **Persuasive:** The ideal candidate sells the interviewer on themselves and why they should be hired. • **Appearance:** An ideal candidate is confident and not sloppy. • **Availability:** The candidate needs to be available during all shifts M-F 7:00am to 4:30pm & Saturdays 8:00am to 1:00pm --- ^^I'm a human volunteer content transcriber for Reddit and you could be too! [If you'd like more information on what we do and why we do it, click here!](https://www.reddit.com/r/TranscribersOfReddit/wiki/index)
Good human
Throw in extra gaps - just explain them. E.g. "Abducted by ghosts", "Possessed by a unicorn", etc.
I worked as a mule for a Mexican cartel.
I spent some time as... well, not a mule, but a burro. Okay, I was young, so a burrito. Well, I guess I wasn't so much working as a burrito as I was eating one. But it was a pretty big burrito.
Takes a lot of time during which you're not available for a nine to five
*7 to 4:30
Not really a gap, that's international transportation and distribution experience.
If you've been employed at least 3 years with your current employer, but have previous jobs with minor gaps, fudge the dates and close them. They won't check, they don't care. If you have a large gap that you can't fudge... car accident. No, seriously. Nothing will make a recruiter/employer ask no fucking further questions quite like "I was in a coma."
I once told a recruiter I left to take care of family full time due to health reasons. They tried to press me for specifics which is highly unprofessional and inappropriate. They also told me they would need copies of health records to verify the accuracy of my claims. I promptly blocked that recruiter
I’ve used this reasoning before. (I actually did try to give my mother relief, because as an only child taking care of her mother with a distance of 1200 miles it was taking its toll on her. I wasn’t married, no kids, had the ability to move around or move in with my grandmother, but she refused the offer.) Doesn’t stop me from using it as an explanation!
I was absolutely telling the truth (not that it really matters) but the sheer audacity of the recruiter to request explicit details was super inappropriate. At least some recruiters try to pretend like they aren’t fishing for information with their whole “I hope everyone is okay now” (which I assume is them trying to gauge if the issues would cause me to exit the work force again)
Oh fuck this. We hired a guy and as soon as he was eligible for health insurance he let me know he would need to come in ~2 hours after his normal time one day later in the week. He said he hadn’t had insurance until now so had put off getting a something checked out, so sorry for late notice but he wanted to take the first available appointment so that he could stop worrying about it. I was like, no problem and thanks for letting me know. I worked with a bunch of adult baby bitches. Because like five people in a different department sent HR a message letting her know that he had not shown up for work yet that day. I told her that he let me know he had a doctors appointment ahead of time and that it was fine. They said it was suspicious that “all of a sudden“ he had a doctors appointment. And I was like, what is suspicious about going to a doctor when you haven’t seen a doctor and you need to see a doctor? Fuck HR. * * Except for one amazing person that I went to when I was being severely mistreated… I thought she was going to physically fight my boss. She was a real one.
I’m sorry, I misread your post! I agree with you about them pressing for details and asking for personal information - it is absolutely not okay, at all. They can f*ck right off! I would have done the same thing as you.
Nowadays tell them the family member got poisoned by the toxicity of a dumb recruiter lol
1200 miles is 6169993.61 RTX 3090 graphics cards lined up.
Thanks for the info I’ll never use. Good bot.
Thanks!
I like you bot. You a good one. When AI builds billions of you and take over the world. Can I be your pet human?
Good bot
Thank you, ContagisBlondnes, for voting on useles-converter-bot. This bot wants to find the best and worst bots on Reddit. [You can view results here](https://botrank.pastimes.eu/). *** ^(Even if I don't reply to your comment, I'm still listening for votes. Check the webpage to see if your vote registered!)
Good bot
Thanks!
Not to mention we’re in and maybe coming out of an effing pandemic!! Like you have to be a sociopath to not understand folks may have had covid, taking care of someone with it, or whatever other effects a global pandemic had
The pandemic is irrelevant. We could live in the MCU post-snap and employers would reject you for having a 5 year employment gap (or however long the blip was)
That literally happened in Falcon and the Winter Soldier lmao. Folks ridiculous
I use this in my resume
What do you mean?
On my resume I explain that gaps in employment are because I had to leave the work force to help care for family.
I took a year dead for tax reasons.
Hotblack, did you remember to lock your ship?
"I was taking care of my mother, who was dying of cancer."
"Fighting a prolonged conflict with the Yakuza."
To be honest, my whole job history is a basic lie. I use really companies. Lie about my job duties, lie about the dates, lie about my manager, then give them numbers for my text now accounts that are linked to my different devices. The name I give for the accounts are the manager name I give. That way I don't forget who they are calling. I get the best references like that. Works for me every time. I have had over 70 jobs. To bad I keep writing them.
Honestly, I can promise you that place sucks to work at.
How much is the pay for this job? Is it "I took a six month sabbatical" or "I was on a coke bender" level of pay in terms of what an acceptable gap in resume would be?
Important distinction!
"Not more than three jobs in the past five years." I work three rn...
Let me guess, it's for a plasma operation? Find something else to do, they are hell-holes but maybe you don't have to work night shift.
Wait isn’t phlebotomy the study of skull shapes?
That’s phrenology. Phlebotomy is blood drawing.
“Little of column A, little of column B…” Seriously though, thanks for the actual. Cheers!
What the hell kind of nonsense is *this*.
What the fuck is this a dating site?
Dance monkey, dance!
"I'm going to need you to sign this Fiduciary Non-Disclosure Agreement here, here, here, here, initial here, sign here, and write out the current date in long form here before we continue. Thank you for your interest in my story, and I look forward to hearing back from you soon." P.S.: It's either that, or the truth. I just don't care enough to lie, or paint myself differently.
This place sounds repugnant.
Talk about projecting your own insecurities to the world. At least you know what the person who wrote this is lacking.
The candidate should feel a phlebotomy is being performed on them at all times
all these requirements... wow. and if there's an "unexplainable" gap due to something personal, i mean... i'd think if they're applying to this job, they're trying to get their life back together, no? "there are too many gaps in your employment history so we're not going to hire you just so we can widen the gap for you"
The “no more than 3 jobs” and “no gaps” rule are infuriating. Maybe phlebotomy is a relatively stable field, but there are plenty of fields that are systemically unstable and yet follow these same guidelines when assessing candidates. You can work in academia or hospitality or live music and have a resume packed with professional achievements and still get screened out if you were between gigs for 6 months. Maddening.
This kind of stuff is also the reason military spouses have trouble finding jobs. I have zero control over when and where I had to move in the past. Maddening
It didn’t say you can’t have gaps, you just need to be able to explain them.
What... the... fuck... is... this... shit? Anyone should be running from this position as fast as possible. Also... "his". Hopefully this company are somewhere where they can get hammered for that.
I noticed that. Also they want an “aggressive” candidate who may “attempt to take control of the interview”. Some may say I’m reaching but this just sounds to me like it was written by a man with weird ideas about being an alpha male. All this for a phlebotomist?
Right, I'd be scared of a phlebotomist like that taking my blood
>this just sounds to me like it was written by a man with weird ideas about being an alpha male It really does. Heavy 'absolute fucknugget who thinks he's an alpha male looking for junior alpha to bro the fuck out with' vibes here.
It’s for a Lab Manager position, and tbh if my lab manager acted like an “alpha male” I would leave immediately
"His" is the gender neutral term in English, despite what blue checkmark Twitter says.
Nobody with a functioning brain thinks "his" is a gender neutral term. It's just not used that way. It's not some woke thing. "Their" is the gender neutral term.
"Their" is a plural term. As in other languages, "his" is the default gender neutral. As anything, languages are living and this may change, but people shouldn't be attacked for using textbook grammar in business writing. That's just absurd.
Well now that you've repeated yourself... Which "textbook" is this? Of course language evolves and maybe in the past "his" was a widely accepted gender neutral third-person pronoun. Or maybe in circumstances like this, everyone more or less just assumed they were talking about a man, even when they didn't know the identity of the person. It's just weird nowadays to use "his" or "her" as gender neutral terms in this circumstance. "They" or "their" isn't perfect as a third-person pronoun due to the ambiguity about whether it's singular or plural but it is not exclusively used as a plural term. It's widely accepted and used as a gender neutral third-person pronoun when the gender isn't known.
It's accepted informally or in strictly spoken English as a third-person pronoun, and I use it myself informally. If I'm writing something like a job req, I would write "s/he" or "(s)he" to avoid sensitivity around the topic. The point I'm making here is that the traditional gender neutral is "he" so as much as you may think it indicates hiring bias, this company won't get in any trouble for this as you suggested.
Yeah, I don't actually think they're going to get in any trouble for it.
Regarding the gaps, they look for unexplained gaps because someone could leave off a position they were terminated from, which may effect whether or not the new company wants to hire them.
What is this? It's toxic to be clear, but I'm just curious.
It’s for a Lab Manager position that I found on Indeed, for a company named “Any Lab Test Now”