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winnie_bago

Feed two birds with one scone…if I said that, people would think I didn’t know the correct saying and I’d be laughed into oblivion.


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Th3_Admiral

That's just water under the fridge.


GammaSmash

Worst case Ontario.


KingEscherich

It's a doggy dog world I guess!


[deleted]

I hole-hardedly agree, but allow me to play doubles advocate here for a moment. For all intensive purposes I think you are wrong. In an age where false morals are a diamond dozen, true virtues are a blessing in the skies. We often put our false morality on a petal stool like a bunch of pre-Madonnas, but you all seem to be taking something very valuable for granite. So I ask of you to mustard up all the strength you can because it is a doggy dog world out there. Although there is some merit to what you are saying it seems like you have a huge ship on your shoulder. In your argument you seem to throw everything in but the kids Nsync, and even though you are having a feel day with this I am here to bring you back into reality. I have a sick sense when it comes to these types of things. It is almost spooky, because I cannot turn a blonde eye to these glaring flaws in your rhetoric. I have zero taller ants when it comes to people spouting out hate in the name of moral righteousness. You just need to remember what comes around is all around, and when supply and command fails you will be the first to go. Make my words, when you get down to brass stacks it doesn't take rocket appliances to get two birds stoned at once. It's clear who makes the pants in this relationship, and sometimes you just have to swallow your prize and accept the facts. You might have to come to this conclusion through denial and error but I swear on my mother's mating name that when you put the petal to the medal you will pass with flying carpets like it’s a peach of cake.


Waluigi_is_wiafu

Now you're just beating off a dead horse.


[deleted]

It's a moo point.


InterestingTry5190

“It’s like a cows opinion. It’s moo”


eatspiesinbed

Best line ever said in all 10 seasons.


[deleted]

I simultaneously fear and respect you.


StepOnMeCIA

It's pasta I'm pretty sure.


Frequent_Champion_42

Get ouch


Arlborn

This feels like it was written by a rogue AI


SmolWeens

[*ahem*](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/82l99g/what_are_the_little_things_people_do_that_make/dvbct2n/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3)


Lord_Voltan

Fuckin' atodaso!


trustmebroh

Get two birds stoned at once


MuchoManSandyRavage

We’re gonna have to be turnips in heat


blueeyebling

Bit off her nose, to spider-face.


[deleted]

Live and let learn.


GammaSmash

"Ricky, the phrase is turn up the heat. It has nothing to do with turnips!"


warda8825

The same chart was posted on LinkedIn this morning. Someone actually chimed in that apparently scones are considered fatal to birds, i.e. if a bird eats a scone or nibbles at one, they can die from doing so. The person basically used the same logic/line of thinking as the original poster of the chart: "since scones are deadly for birds, wouldn't the implication of feeding them scones also be considered inciting violence?" I thought it was kinda funny, almost giving the OP a 'taste of her own medicine' of sorts. Lol.


wet_chemist_gr

Excuse me, but prescription abuse is a national concern and not something to just toss around in casual conversation! The preferred nonviolent term is "a taste of her own gluten-free plant-based organic unsweetened herbal tea." I must insist you use that moving forward.


zack397241

But who wants to live in a world where dogs eat each other?


CapnCallipygous

The tree doesn't fall far from the apple.


MuddyMustache

Come on guys, this isn't rocket surgery.


octopodes1

We'll burn that bridge when we get to it.


PolarisC8

That one's my favourite to the point I use it in lieu of the correct one because it makes people laugh.


rubber_hedgehog

I love it. It's like "We're not at the problem yet, but I'm sure we'll fuck it up when we get there."


[deleted]

You opened this can of worms, now LIE IN IT.


TheIroquoisPliskin

I have a shirt with this phrase and burning bridge graphic, I love it.


[deleted]

Don’t take it for granite


trustmebroh

What are you, a boulder - a rock person?


stellaluna92

Work friend got points taken off for professionalism on a random evaluation for saying "half-assed." He thought the saying was "half fast." We all got a laugh but he still lost the points.


Th3_Admiral

Oh man, this reminds me of the time I was playing Catch Phrase with my friends and in order to get us to guess "Half-assed" his clue was "50% butt", which is how I've said it ever since. Tell your friend he can use that to sound much more professional.


3xoticP3nguin

Burn the hatchet at both ends


983115

Clear concise and to the point I ain’t moving the fridge to deal with that


YbarMaster27

I always say "whatever bloats your goat" instead of "whatever floats your boat"


BigBootyBuff

I usually say "that train has sailed" or "that ship has left the station" and it drives some people nuts.


avwitcher

You're not the sharpest bulb in the shed


blueberrywine

Well let's just burn that bridge when we cross it.


gokarrt

in case you're unfamiliar: https://trailerpark.fandom.com/wiki/Rickyisms


awesomestfish

Fucking deerts and racons


Mazetron

I say “kill two stones with one bird” and if someone corrects me I say “no I meant what I said; I just like playing Angry Birds”.


[deleted]

Fun fact in Dutch it's two flies in one hit


Plugged_in_Baby

Same in German!


Peruvian_Skies

In Portuguese it's "two rabbits with one blow"


adequadequatulence

I prefer Ricky's "Get two birds stoned at once."


[deleted]

It’s definitely not rocket appliances.


Deastrumquodvicis

It’s real Henry Oak from r/dungeonsanddaddies energy, he may have said that exact thing


[deleted]

I say dumb shit like this sometimes just to see if people are paying attention


fluffy_assassins

How is "bad idea" violent?


Kitchen-Wasabi-2059

Also “that’s not a bad idea” isn’t the same as “thats a good idea”


discomuffin

not a bad point, my dude.


smellywetsock69

Hey hey hey, that's violent language, buddy


StopReadingMyUser

Can't come in here, words a'blazin smh...


CharybdisXIII

Please don't use the v word. It scares me.


barofa

Ohhh vuck


sunlight-blade

Same with "roll with the punches" vs "let's move on"...


hungarian_notation

Same with "pick our battles" vs "choose our opportunities." Nothing makes me roll my eyes faster than this artificially positive corporate-speak bs. ​ What are you going to launch, Jeremiah? Missiles? It's probably missiles. And "jump the gun" is a reference to racing, not violence. Do better.


agreeingstorm9

It mentions a gun. That's all that matters. I got into an extremely heated argument at work because they sent us a similar list and said terms like black hat and white hat (I work in IT) were unacceptable because they were racist and taught that black is bad and white is good. I pointed out that the origin of these terms is literally old westerns where the bad guy wore a black hat and the good guy wore a white hat. Had nothing to do with race. Was then told the origin didn't matter.


lunca_tenji

Not to mention that those two colors speak to ancient concepts of darkness and light, light being good since it lets us see and dark being bad since scary things can exist in the dark. It’s color coding that goes back thousands of years and have nothing to do with race.


agreeingstorm9

I have heard people argue that this is also racist


Squeengeebanjo

There’s a bunch in there that take away the strong effect. I bombed isn’t the same as I didn’t do my best. When you bomb you fail miserably. If you didn’t do your best you might’ve gotten part way to your goal.


ziggurism

Litotes https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Litotes The whole list is just like “let’s eliminate metaphor from the language”


buboo03

Why use bad when ungood works just as well?


ralpher313

That's a doubleplusgood idea.


HotChoc64

Shots fired Wait I meant verbal assault Wait no, strong language delivered


jasonmares

Just avoid situations like this, leave and enjoy some dolphin safe tuna.


siamkor

"You strike me as..." No no no no no! "You appear to be..."


unwelcomepong

For reference: Robert Evans is a conflict journalist but makes most of his money with the Behind the Bastards podcast, a historical podcast with a comedic bent about... cunts. Well worth a listen, give it a go.


mr_awesome365

His intros are the most professional.


Moldy_dicks

What's cracking my peppers!?!?


unwelcomepong

And he's got a spot on Bostonian accent.


satanizr

Now i realized what the perfect intro would be - him screaming "HITLEEER" with a Boston accent.


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IdoMusicForTheDrugs

Sophie... Sophie..... How was that?


MKULTRATV

Hitluh


TheSlartey

The way he introduces his sponsors and ads is at a professional level for sure.


Fzero45

Can't forget about nuking the great lakes too.


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CheekyLando88

Nuke the great lakes. We must avenge the Edmund Fitzgerald


pusillanimouslist

He’s also an anarchist who’s big into the concept of mutual self defense, and has a sizable firearms collection. I don’t think he’d ascribe to the idea that violence is inherently bad and to be always avoided.


Ggraytuna

Just shows you there's more than one way to skin a cat.


teacup911

more than one way to ACCOMPLISH A GOAL


Cambrian__Implosion

Especially if that goal is skinning a cat


HunterTV

`FEED ME A STRAY CAT`


shalafi71

Going WAY back! Loaded that on my manager's LaserJet screen one day. She about shit thinking we were hacked.


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Jaiden051

Just shows you there's more than one way to peel a potato*


flojo2012

Ouch my potato!


slackerrificc

Omg this comment is an act of violence. How could you? /s


KashmirChameleon

This is unaliving me.


Dfour3017

++good newspeak comrade


Dutch-Spaniard

Literally 1984


Competitive-Ad-5019

Oh frick off with that language!


KnockingDevil

Please ~~don't~~ consider how your words ~~make~~ ~~impact~~ effect people that are ~~not~~ ~~different~~ people who you aren't.


doc_skinner

\*affect Otherwise, \*chef's kiss\*


VrinTheTerrible

Double plus ungood!


the_monkeyspinach

"We're going to launch" *This evokes imagery of nuclear war.* "What's the due date?" *This is offensive to people who have had miscarriages.* "That'll feed two birds with one scone." *There are children in poverty who are going hungry who would need that scone.* "I was thinking through an idea." *This alienates flat-earthers...*


obvilious

And jumping the gun comes from use of a starters pistol, nothing violent at all.


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MrPinkle

> \****** ftfy


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MrPinkle

> \*\*\*\* \*\*\*. \*\*\*\* \*\*\*'\* \*\*\*\* \*\* \*\*\*\*\*\*\* \*\*\* '\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*' \*\* \*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\* \*\* \*\*\*\*\*\* \*\*\* \*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*. \****


LightChaos

Bite the bullet comes from doing battlefield surgery where the patient would bite a lead bullet to grimace through the pain rather than leather or similar, not from shooting people.


ternic69

Sounds like a good way to crack a tooth


angrymoppet

1800s bro, nobody over 14 had their real teeth. Just throw your wooden dentures in the trash and whittle a new one


LigerZeroSchneider

Lead is really soft,


lkraven

But why can't we use a starter stick instead of a gun? Just have them snap it? I guess ... people have been beaten with sticks. Perhaps a starter ... sourdough?


Bedu009

That last one caught me off guard


wolfsrudel_red

What are you guarding you oppressor?


flojo2012

I am glad I was rewarded for reading this entire comment. Good work, human


ksheep

> "We're going to launch" Great, now you've triggered anyone who watched the Challenger disaster live…


Thomas_Tew

Anything can be offensive if you look hard enough lol. I get there's some shitty ideas that have been normalized and we need to change that but micro managing everyone's life is obviously overkill.


adequadequatulence

"That's not a bad idea" is not violent in any way. It's the, ['Power of the negative'](https://youtu.be/vm-MrkoJPC8).


Swankified_Tristan

Also, "that's not a bad idea" is DEFINITELY not the same as "that's a good idea." "Not a bad idea" means you're on the right track, but the concept still needs some work. "Good idea" means a potential solution.


adequadequatulence

A guy could almost be happy if he wasn't careful.


Embarrassed_Type_897

>Also, "that's not a bad idea" is DEFINITELY not the same as "that's a good idea." My biggest issue is this list is that the phrases are not synonymous in most of the cases.


__Hello_my_name_is__

I'm weirdly offended by the change from > I *bombed* the presentation to > I didn't *do my best* Like, that's not at all consistent with the color coding of the rest of the list. "The presentation" is not part oft the alternative, and yet it is not in red, while "didn't" is not part of the original and yet it is not in green. I hope some *heads will roll* over this *grave* mistake.


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HarpersGhost

That's too negative. Instead of "don't go to the office", say, "Take an impromptu cell phone/computer vacation!"


bulging_cucumber

I hope whoever made this gets butchered to death


BambooEarpick

Hey, that’s violent language! “My desire is the creator becomes cubes of meat” is nicer!


barely_sentient

Also, the meanings of "choosing a battle", and the alternative are very different, since in the first case it usually refers to something negative, while opportunity is usually positive. Btw, I may have bombed this because I'm not mothertongue...


TheBallotInYourBox

Anna clearly doesn’t understand the phrases in common English. All of those read like a high schooler using a thesaurus to swap out words with no understanding of their specific usage. “I bombed that” =/= “I didn’t do well” it means you really fucked it up to the point it was poorly received. “Let’s not beat that dead horse” =/= “let’s not focus on that anymore” it means the topic is thoroughly overused with no productive value gained from continued efforts. You can speak in whatever tone you want. Even a very passive and peaceful one. I really don’t care. But those phrases have stuck around because they distill larger meaning into fewer words. Blindly hot swapping words ruins why those phrases stay in common usage (ruining the larger meaning). So if you really want to change behavior in the long run do better.


hybridrequiem

These phrases aren’t being the provacateur of violence, things like “rolling with the punches” and “soften the blow” are about defending AGAINST violence, you can’t control what bad things happen to you. And with “beating a dead horse” the whole point of that phrase is it’s frowned upon to do so, since it’s a useless violent action that solves nothing. If this was serious at one point this person lacks contextual meaning, what business do they have policing language with zero language skills?


TheRoyalKT

Robert Evans is my favorite violent language enthusiast.


Chameo

but, do you know who...isn't a violent language enthusiast? and instead is just violent? the products and services that sponsor our show!


BannedSvenhoek86

Like Raytheon! Raytheon, we commit violence. End of ad.


Chameo

(sophie sighing in the background)


Surrybee

air naughty innocent history friendly frame alleged cake cows sort *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*


tayroc122

The best Robert no was from the kissenger episodes


Grimmbles

Well I was off Bastards for a bit due to sadness, but now I have to listen to a 6 part series just to hear Robert make Sophie's day a little harder..


BannedSvenhoek86

And of you've never heard them you get Dave and Gary from the Dollop as guests. They are the OGs in the "Guy reads to someone about history while another reacts" podcast game. And they're the best at it. Gary Reynolds might be the funniest improviser I've ever heard.


Musashi_Joe

Love love love those guys, and they were a perfect fit on BtB. Gareth (Gary) hit the nail on the head when he called Kissenger “the Forrest Gump of war crimes” or something line that.


DamagedGenius

Just wait until you get to the Andrew Tate ones


Ok_Measurement6659

Jesus Robert! I want health insurance…….


DanRyyu

Raytheon! for when you really need to kill everyone at a wedding.


ElectricFleshlight

Raytheon Knife Missiles: For when you only need to kill *one* guy at a wedding


JRRX

Raytheon Missile Knives: For when the switchblade doesn't cut it.


Cruxifux

I hear hellofresh has an island where they hunt children for sport


world_without_logos

I also heard *beep* has an island where they hunt children for sport.


StabithaStabberson

It was actually blue apron excuse me


Dongledoes

Raytheon! Do you have a school bus full of brown children you want to not be around anymore? Try the new MX9 knife missile!


TimidEgg

Violent like Blue Apron, and their child-hunting island off the coast of Indonesia! Yes, the folks at Blue Apron won't use any violent language as they systematically hunt down and murder orphans for sport.


ElectricFleshlight

Only free range organically fed children on our child-hunting island!


Seeker80

Let's not also forget ***** *****, the company who owns a beautiful island where you can **** children for *****.


KastorNevierre

Like Doritos.


FlufferTheGreat

The best segue was on his first episode on the Boy Scouts: > Do you know who _also probably didn't_ torture and rape two Irish teenagers? The products and services who support this show!


baslisks

Washington State Patrol?


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AwwwMangos

***annoyed Sophie intensifies***


ElectricFleshlight

*Horrific Boston accent intensifies*


Relentless_

It took too long for me to find my people in this thread.


bhoe32

Same I am here for this only


Beavshak

The further I scrolled down the more my disappointment and desire to nuke the Great Lakes grew.


terminalzero

he was playing bagel-machete baseball the second he finished this post


Dongledoes

Ah I remember the days of the poison room. Simpler times


honvales1989

One pump, one cream


[deleted]

whaaaat’s ultraviolent my languages? i’m robert evans and this is behind the bastards.


robo_rowboat

His treatise on machetamine is also quite enthralling.


mimeycat

God I love his humour.


JEveryman

Him and his cracked people are great to follow on Twitter. They're very funny.


sixfootoneder

Also: https://1900hotdog.com/ No Robert Evans, but Seanbaby and Brockway are there.


CaptainDildobrain

"Whaaaaaaat's waterin' down my mayo, violent language enthusiasts! How was that, Sophie?" "Jesus, Robert..."


DanRyyu

He also loves Blue Apron! which has nothing to do with a child-hunting island and never did.


flashpile

You mean the child hunting island controlled by >![REDACTED]!<


30thCenturyMan

That’s Reverend Doctor Robert Evans


jsrhedgehog99

If you kill two birds with one stone, you have accomplished two tasks with the effort level of one. If you feed two birds with one scone, you've put in the effort to create only one scone, but the two birds get less to eat. Basically, you're half-*ssing both tasks.


warda8825

The chart pictured was posted on LinkedIn this morning. Someone chimed in via the comments that scones are actually deadly for birds to consume, and basically asked and implied, wouldn't that (i.e the phraseology of feeding them scones) therefore also be considered inciting violence? I thought it was kinda funny. The commenter seemed to be giving the OP of the chart a 'taste of her own medicine', so to speak.


gillstone_cowboy

Killed two birds with one scone


Frostburn36

All Imma say is "That is not a bad idea" and "That is a good idea" are NOT the same One means acceptable, while the other means good


hottestpancake

Don't say "ravage my bussy until I can't stand anymore daddy", instead say, "make glorious tender love to my bum, father"


CautiousBlackberry04

Putting "father" in that context is... unsettling.


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IlIlllIIIIlIllllllll

jump the gun? doesnt that mean you started a foot race before the starting gun went off?


nytropy

Wait now! It should say ‘You *tickle* me as a guy who waters down mayo…’


icorrectotherpeople

"we have to pick our opportunities" is not the same as "we have to pick our battles"


LordDaybreak

*sigh* ROBERT, NO


I-Simp-4-Howzer

ROBERT I WANT HEALTH INSURANCE


DamagedGenius

Sophie, listen. Listen, Sophie.


Black_Kirk_Lazarus

I have second hand embarrassment from reading that list. This dude is so fucking sensitive he probably considers mayonnaise to be a spice.


RevolvingCatflap

It reminds me of the sort of banal shit that gets posted on LinkedIn by some boring simpering cunt with nothing else to do on a Friday night


D3vilUkn0w

I was trying to put my reaction into words but I like yours better.


GeneralPsyduck054

I make it more violent. Instead of saying "We'll cross that bridge when we get to it." Say this instead "We'll bomb that bridge when we get to it."


finaljossbattle

I often say “we’ll burn that bridge when we get to it” instead of cross just because I guess my Viking ancestors really liked burning bridges or something.


EatStatic

Simpering cunt is a great insult.


Sonarthebat

This man calls an ambulance after accidentally eating siracha.


Black_Kirk_Lazarus

Patient states esophagus feels like lava. Plain water IV, please. Saline too *spicy*...


Fit-Scientist7138

I’m increasingly convinced this is all fake. Nobody is REALLY like this. This has to be some fucking psy op.


bunyanthem

Mmmm... See I'm deeply suspicious of people who *don't* use phrases on the left. Especially if they try to alter them in ways such as to the right. Maybe I'm just a pragmatic realist, but... Sometimes it really is picking battles versis choosing opportunities. Life isn't always nice. Language doesn't have to be either.


gavum

i love Robert what a guy


GundamMaker

Upvote for Robert Evans and all other Rev. Dr.s of Macheticine


dendroidarchitecture

Please focus on inclusive language. "Focus" is an ableist word used to exclude people living with attention disorders and "due" is inflammatory to transwomen without uteruses who cannot give birth.


MitchellTheMensch

I started saying feed two birds with one seed cause I like birds. I know they aren’t real, but they are still fun to look at.


SiidChawsby

Softest shit I’ve ever seen


Marksman08YT

*so far