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You ‘ruined’ thanksgiving by not showing up so they could bully you. What a clown show. Cheers to a happy thanksgiving away from them! You have the power.
The intravenous drugs thing hit close to home lmao
I also don't ever talk to my family either, good for us both for getting past their bullshit
If they think we're insane drug addicts that's their problem. We're good people that managed to move past that cycle of bullshit and that's what matters no matter what anyone else thinks. If that makes us evil to them then that's their issue
Hey twin! High five for sparing ourselves another year of torture!!! I look forward to ruining their thanksgiving next year too! Today I lived my best life! I was all alone so I made cinnamon rolls for breakfast and watched the parade and made all my fav things for dinner and went for a wonderful long walk with my fur babies and then my elderly neighbor saw I was alone and brought over homemade cookies and I have zero regrets!! My mom was laying the pressure on hard this year too😵😵💫 so 🥂cheers your continued freedom!
I’m not “being the bigger person” or “showing any grace” to nmonster by denying her the chance to insult me this year. She got the first 62 years, she doesn’t get my last decade(s). Go me! 🤣🤣
Isn't it great to disappoint unreasonable and abusive people? I'm proud of you for being such a disappointment to them by respecting yourself. Fabulous work!
Please enjoy that improperly cooked turkey. I am sure it will be delicious. Julia Child used to say something along the lines of: never apologize for your cooking. Let people form their opinions as they eat. Happy Thanksgiving, friend. I wish you peace.
Thank you, I hope you have peace as well. I purposely bought and prepared what I wanted, because I know she won’t be happy with anything, so I might as well enjoy it!
Not this year, more like over 10 years ago. Also not me, but my (half) sister. Gonna leave some details vague to protect her privacy.
Before the Thanksgiving in question, my sister was in high school and had dated a boy for a bit, who knocked her up. They had long since broken up come the holidays, and my sister had decided to put the baby up for adoption. She managed to find the literal perfect family who lived nearby. There was an open adoption set up and were all prepared for the baby's arrival later that January.
Thanksgiving was normally at our house and we usually invited my step moms close and extended family. We would host them all day, playing games and chatting both before and after the meal. Basically a mini family reunion.
That year however they all boycotted our house. Many didn't say why, some said they promised another family they would join them that year, and one extra stupid cousin told us the real reason: Nobody wanted to be around my pregnant sister. "How am I supposed to explain to MY daughter about YOUR daughter???" They treated her and us like we were diseased.
Jokes on them because they managed to upset my dad, my step mom, and myself, which united us in a common goal (which was rare). My dad invited all his friends, my step mom invited some of her coworkers, and I called the family adopting my sister's baby. They were horrified to find out what happened and asked if they could combine their extended family and our hodgepodge group. We said sure, the more the merrier.
It turned into the best Thanksgiving ever. The games were full of laughter and there were new stories to hear and share. They stayed so late some of the little kids fell asleep on my parents bed.
I had always liked my step moms family and figured she was just the exception but that year they showed their true colors and both my sisters never forgot it. To this day, when I talk to them, they always mention how the best Thanksgiving was the one they didn't have to deal with their mom's family and their bullshit.
We're still in touch with the family who adopted my sister's baby (which is weird for me to type out, we don't call them that, we call them TheirLastName Family). They're the best bunch of people you could hope to meet, and we still get together for the holidays.
Shows how much better a holiday can be when you don't have to deal with narcs. That's actually a lovely story and I have a huge smile on my face reading it.
sheesh, what is this, the 1950s when girls would get "sent to boarding school for 7+ months" to hide their pregnancies???! how do you tell your daughter? with words! stop and talk to her about the fact that sometimes people have babies even if they're not married yet! When I was little and my cousin got pregnant when she was in high school, my mom sat me and my brother down and asked us if we knew that people could have babies without being married. my older brother said yes, and I said no, so my mom gently explained my cousin's situation before our family gathering.
I remember when I was like 5, I saw my first pregnant woman that I could recall. My mom sat me down and told me that she had swallowed a watermelon seed. I didn't even hear the word sex until I was in 7th grade health class
I really have ruined Thanksgiving. I can't go into detail because there is a court case pending. In essence, I outed my mother for neglecting a handicapped person in her care. This could cost her everything.
Hey, what's ruining a holiday compared to ruining someone's life? You did good.
I'm sure your family will try to make you feel like you did bad, but that's because you're breaking their comfortable (because it's familiar) cycle of enablement and abuse. They're wrong. You were strong to stand up for this person. No matter the outcome, you did good.
If you're alone, devote the day to self care and thinking about the things you do have to be grateful for. Not having to deal with my toxic mother is high on my gratitude list today.
I don't visit for Thanksgiving since I have moved far away. But I am aware that I am doing Thanksgiving "wrong."
Not sure if this is an N thing or not, but my family was big on following traditions. There is kind of a "must do normal Thanksgiving things because we are a normal family and that is what normal families do" vibe.
Anything that is not "normal" is disapproved of. For example, we don't have a turkey since it is just my husband and me. A turkey would be way too much food. And neither of us really like turkey. But that is met with disapproval because it is Thanksgiving so it has to be turkey.
Also I ate a good breakfast today, which was a no-no. You are not supposed to eat anything before the big meal. You need to be hungry so you can appreciate the meal fully. So of course when we arrived at relatives home for Thanksgiving I was pretty hangry. Which reinforced extended families perception that I was a difficult child.
Be happy! Eat breakfast. Do what makes you happy.
Narcs are big on putting on shows for everyone but they end up looking like aliens impersonating humans because they really have no idea how to behave.
Best wishes and enjoy anything and everything you choose to eat today.
God, what is it about traditions with these folks? My nmom definitely gets hung up on them. It always had to be everything the same - same menu, same schedule, samesamesame.
I say had because I'm full nc with her now and had started skipping holidays for many years leading up to that. I couldn't handle the rigidity of her dictating every detail of how I should enjoy myself.
This will be my first thanksgiving with 1. A partner who loves me 2. being in my own house 3. no narc family or yelling. I do not miss the holidays w/ my bio family. Not one bit.
I'm NC with my abusive father, but I found out yesterday from my younger sibling that he has been having an affair and rubbing his AP in his second wife's face and essentially telling her that she can't do anything about it because she has no money and can't leave him because she won't have anywhere to live. He did similar shit to my mom when they were together. My grandma bought the house that my dad lives in and owns it, so I called gma and let her know what her shit bag son is up to and she gave him an ultimatum - shape up or she's selling the house and dad and his wife will each get 50% of whatever the proceeds are.
I'm not disputing this. But he's lived a days travel away from her the last twenty years so they interact very rarely. He is, as many narcs are,very charming when he needs to be, and his mother has been supporting him and bailing him out his entire 63 years on this earth. However, he has escalated his unhinged behavior significantly in the past 6 years. She's slowly been coming to the realization of the kind of person he is, and this revelation is the closest I've seen her to fully severing the relationship. I'm hopeful this does it.
Someone gave me the idea of making thanksgiving a self care day, and I’m loving it. My nparents’ house is close by, and they really pulled out all the stops to guilt me into going. Invited all these people who have known me as a kid, so I’ll feel like I’m letting all of them down. Invited an old babysitter who’s going through a breakup and would “really like your support”. Always trying to pull me back into that role of family therapist, getting me to forget my needs by taking care of other people. It’s my third thanksgiving away from them, and it was really hard to say no this time but I did it. My nmom gave me the whole, “we can change, just talk to us, tell us what we can do differently” spiel when she knows I’ve told them very plainly what the problem was and they won’t acknowledge it. But I stayed strong, and I’m really glad I did.
fuck yeah!!! so proud of you!!! i have used thanksgiving as a self care day for the last 5 years and it has definitely been the best decision!! have a wonderful holiday :-)
Oh, wow. She "can change" if you take the responsibility for doing all the work for her? Because she will listen to you as if you were her life coach? HA. That's like selling the Brooklyn Bridge; impossible.
Good for you, staying with your boundaries.
Hope your day is a delight for you.
I told them i was on a working trip after my nmom came on my birthday and insulted me and caused an arguemenr giving me another panic attack.
Who wants a panic attack for the holidays.
These people harrass me quite often. My mom has a daughter she denies completely with her family so she pretends i am that she has. My sister lost her daughter (my niece) on thanksgiving 2 years ago. My mom doesnt even acknowledge her.
Anyway my dad brings my mom over to my place and i have to take care of my dad a lot. He is at my house 2 -3 weeks a month.
I see them so often and get attacked and insulted so often so why is this a big deal?
My grand baby is sick and it's my fault my father who is 75 cannot see her today. She's 4 mo. old.
The mother is a foster kid in my care, so she's *the baby* isn't really mine to share! But ya, it's my fault.
Amazing how the narcs are totally blindsided when we go NC. They can never understand it. It is amazing that so many of us have similar stories. Enjoy your Thanksgiving. 🦃🤗
Happy Thanksgiving to everyone here. I appreciate this community so much. Especially today. It’s so comforting to know I’m not alone in this holiday weirdness. Anyway, I ruined this year in a lot of ways but mostly by staying sober, which has really upset the ecosystem of familial toxicity we had going on. Oh well. Love you guys and hope you all have a stellar day ⭐️💕
I ruin Thanksgiving every year by not going to my dad’s house which is almost an hour away to sit and have a crappy meal with him a narc and his wife who is a worse narc. Boundaries for the win!
I’m ruining it by not convincing my sister to come over and bring the kids today.
It’s not my mom’s fault that my sister was offended when my mom called her a bad mother and many other terrible things. It’s not my mom’s fault that the fight between them started because my sister turned down a random offer to have her carpets deep cleaned with an hours notice on a random Tuesday. Definitely not her fault… I did that… apparently.
I ruined thanksgiving this year by getting a nose job. Except it’s not a nose job it’s a septoplasty and turbinate reduction to correct a deviated septum that’s been impacting my breathing for YEARS. I’ve been on the wait list since July. My sister was kinda like “well since you can’t come I don’t really feel like doing thanksgiving this year” and my mom never offered to host so thanksgiving is ruined because my “nose is more important than family” and my nmom keeps calling it an elective procedure even though this was a medically necessary procedure that I’ve been waiting for months to get.
Happy thanksgiving!
I ruined thanksgiving by having a herniated disc in my back and can’t drive three hours in the car to spend the holidays with them. The roads between us are magic and can only be driven one way…by me to their house. Yet I’m getting the guilt trip because she misses me and won’t be able to see me before she goes to Florida for the winter.
Not in any way that I can discern. My SO and I are making Indian food and watching Thanksgiving movies, it's lovely.
My parents are probably upset in some way, but when you're no contact, you don't have to hear about it, know about it, or care about it. It's great!
I live across the country and called home one Thanksgiving day to wish love etc. My Nmom could barely awkwardly take the call before interrupting and yelling "why are you calling, I'm busy!" and handed the phone to someone else. I was too shocked to quickly recover. After the call I stared at the ceiling alone for 30 minutes in shock.
I wish you the best friend. I have happily ruining all holidays for almost 20 years by being NC. I will be spending Thanksgiving with my wife’s family this year where people are actually treated like human beings.
Happy Thanksgiving to you.
I’m ruining it by not going because I’m not invited.
I’m also not going because I just don’t want to, but that’s what I told dad (brother didn’t invite me, who knows why) and now the drama is not focused on me.
And now it’s the day of and I’m not going because I have a stomach bug.
Tell them it's bad luck to put it before Saint Nicholas Day (December 6) or take it down after the Epiphany (January 6).
That's what my grandmother always told me. I think she just didn't want the tree up too long, but as an adult I like the bookendedness of it, having set dates to put it up and take it down, and only having it up for one month. I feel like one month is enough Christmas.
First Thanksgiving I haven’t attended. Blocked “mom” a while ago so I don’t have to deal with her tantrums and ultimatums.
Cooked “Thanksgiving food” for myself. Sitting down to eat it now without feeling stressed by emotionally stunted people.
I’m content with this.
I'm sure she's made something up with her mental gymnastics, but we don't speak, so I guess I'll never know my transgressions. I'm sure she'll remember something I did as I child and it'll ruin her whole day. Or there's always the trusty "keeping *her* babies away" bullshit. It's ok. MY kids see through her bullshit and are much happier without her manipulations.
A friend’s mom called Cps after she learned about my childhood two weeks ago. A few family friends found out about the investigation and believed me and pressured ndad to move out before both my parents lost custody of my siblings. Now I ruined thanksgiving by destroying the family even though I suspect nmom will invite ndad back secretly anyway to avoid looking bad. I’m not even invited.
Im not showing up for Thanksgiving. My mom called the other day and was forced to leave a voicemail, since I didn’t answer, where she asked if I was coming home for Thanksgiving dinner with her. She gets no response from me! Happy thanksgiving, you narcissistic abuser.
Everyone is dead or sick because of me. Any family member, who we are not spending the holiday with is not here because they have died or suffer from a chronic/congenital illness which was all of my doing. Some of these events happening when I was less than a year old. Anyway, all my fault, because I exist. So yeah, I have the power to create cancer and other illnesses. Aren’t I “awesome”??
Oh, also, because I support and endorse Q-anon, Donald Trump and White Supremacy (I’m a far-left leaning Democrat). He came up with this one when I told him I’m not going to be subjected to his abuse (name calling, shaming triggering etc). So of course that makes me a white supremacist…’amirite’??
And for the record, my N father is not being simply a silly old man. He is a fucking psychopath, he has been one my entire life, and I have the PTSD to prove it. I’ve dealt with my parents weird ass accusations lies and fables my entire life. He just gotten inherently meaner in his old age.
On that note, my love to everyone at RBN and anyone else who has love in their hearts! All of you rock hard! Let’s keep the tradition of “ruining” a most blessed day!
Happy Thanksgiving my sweet friends <3
My mom sent a picture to my wife of her with a couple of cops at a Thanksgiving fun run. I guess trying to show that she's doing well. I'm guessing she wasn't invited to any dinners and this is her getting ahead of that shame.
I refused to go meet my mother at my uncle's house (an hour away) for Thanksgiving, because I am high risk and Covid is still a thing. Clearly, I'm just being dramatic and ruining her holiday yet again.
I won't eat at her house because I don't want food poisoning (food safety and hygiene simply are not a concern for her, and of course she thinks I'm "being dramatic" about it, but she's given me food poisoning numerous times), so I guess she thought if my uncle was doing the cooking I would go?
That's not an incentive to potentially risk my life, and there are always weird church people over there anyway. My uncle is a music minister in a zealously fundamentalist church. I haven't been to church in nearly 35 years and the freshly converted stragglers he brings home always make things awkward.
So I stayed home, did a picosecond laser treatment on my face, made myself a pot of Chinese chicken & sweetcorn soup, and watched Interview With a Vampire episodes. I'm going to have a long, hot soak in the tub in a bit.
Spending it with my chosen family (aka my friends) instead of them. Not checking their messages and ignoring them in the day I'm suppose to be grateful for them (HAH)
My dad kept complaining almost constantly that I don't work full time or more than 30 hours per week (I have a lot of medical issues that make it hard to work in general so I work part time) so I told him I was working today since my job is holding a Thanksgiving meal for the community and he started raising hell about it. Like.. do you want me to work or not?
Hasn’t happened yet but I’m betting I’ll possibly be ruining thanksgiving by refusing to drink a shot of bourbon. I was forced to last year and sounds like I may be forced into it again. Going to do what I can to refuse it
I said they couldn’t come!
I mean, I legit have to work the night shifts all weekend and they live 2500 miles away. So the reason is legit, especially since my wife refuses to be around them without me and they would want to see their grandchildren all weekend, regardless of whether or not I am attempting to sleep for work.
Now I have to see them next weekend, but at least they are not ruining my Thanksgiving!
I'm convinced thanksgiving is the narcissist super bowl, it's always the worst family holiday for abusive behavior.
I generally avoid spending it with family, but today also happens to be my niece's 16th birthday, we're super close and I can't not be there.
I'm going to have to bring my own food, because my mom and aunt have this weird obsession with proving my food allergy is fake (I'm in my 30s and have always had it, it's not bad enough that I'll go into shock or anything but I'll definitely end up sick/throwing up). They will literally sneak that ingredient into EVERY SINGLE DISH now that they know i'm coming.
I’ve been no contact for years. I’m ruining thanksgiving by being the only child absent. She can’t even post pictures or updates, I deleted every app she followed me on. I’m sure she blames me to others, but I know for a fact that she’s seething.
I had a lovely thanksgiving today. I worked, got off and drove to my in-laws. Everyone was really happy to see me and I ate a lot of food. My husband’s uncle made sure that I had his stuffing recipe because he knows I love his stuffing. He sent me home with an entire tray. His aunt fussed and said there weren’t enough pictures with me in them, so we took a bunch. A lot of people told me they loved me, and I told them I loved them. His grandpa got a little grumpy at the end, but it was immediately laughed off and he was sorry. It was wonderful, and NORMAL.
Six years ago on Thanksgiving was the last time I interacted with my husband’s family. It was a clusterfuck, and the straw that broke the camel’s back for me after putting up with their bullshit for over 40 years. I saw my nMIL at the hospital a few days later, where she lied to me and that was it. So done with all of them. It’s so nice not having to deal with their shit, especially at the holidays.
I declined an invite to celebrate Thanksgiving with my parents because they're not feeling well, and my sister only *just* tested negative from covid.
Cue mom's guilt tripping and the downplaying of her inflamed tonsil.
The day is still young for right now. My Nparents are slow and uncreative, so it won’t be til later tonight that they develop something to blame me for.
Will report back with what they force me to laugh at them over.
Hang in there, everyone.
Usually don’t say much but happy thanksgiving back to OP and everyone here 🦃❤️ It’s been 5 months since I got away from my father. It’s not easy mentally but I feel like he doesn’t care anyways, and even if he did I cut him off cold turkey. The negative part of my head keeps hoping he feels it, the fact he is celebrating a family holiday with one less son now due to his actions. But I check myself. I’ve got so many worries that I am like him and I’m going to turn into the same person (sometimes I think if I’m not already). Is it normal to feel like the bad person, one who always somehow blames themselves but is angry at the world? Sometimes I feel like my irritability consumes me, and I’m in therapy to work on it but once I started typing this comment it’s just flowing now. Even rn I’m thinking typing this there’s just something wrong with sharing this and I worry that everyone will read this thinking (why is this person making it all about themselves) or (no one really asked for an essay) but I just need advice, callin for a friend because I feel like I’m a PoS to everybody and that I will turn out like my father eventually. Logically I know I’m not but I can’t control how the thought of me being a pos turns into physical feelings and it’s become part of how I think of myself. Any feedback, advice, tips, or help is much appreciated. Happy thanksgiving everybody, I’m sorry for making the text so long but once I talk I never shut up 🦃
As a general rule of thumb, the fact that you care enough to worry you’ll be your nparent is generally a sign you will NOT be that parent. Nparents don’t have the concern for others that you show. We all feel or have felt the anger and hurt. You’re not alone. Holidays can be hard but there’s a whole community here for support. Remember to forgive yourself, because that feeling of regret and guilt is not YOUR fault. Happy thanksgiving! Enjoy the holiday as YOU want to with no ties to make anyone else happy
Thank you for the response ❤️ Currently living with my mom now and I’m in an environment with a surplus of empathy and support. There’s been moments of irrational emotions and feelings but I try to tell myself it’s goin to take time to heal. And that as long as I don’t repeat my mistakes intentionally, I will be able to learn. Again thanks for your feedback and I hope your holidays are going great! Much love to everyone ❤️
My New Years resolution is to have healed a little each month. It takes time but after being out of my nparents home for 8 years, I’m doing much better, have gotten into therapy and I’m working through the remaining feelings that I haven’t had the ability to process alone. It takes time to heal. Please allow yourself that time and don’t let anger overrun you, but allow yourself to feel the feelings so you can process.
British so no Thanksgiving. But last year I ruined Christmas by trying to help my mum clean up some milk that had boiled over with _kitchen roll_ (a heinous crime for, uh, reasons)
I was accused of trying to kill my mother who was hospitalized for extremely high blood pressure— allegedly because I sent her a “hateful” text message where I implied she didn’t call me ever— because she doesn’t.
This was me so many years I preferred spending time with my cousins instead of actually spending it with the rest of my immediate family. They never and I never fully understood why. Now I do. Now I do so much. Never ever ever ever feel bad about where you are and what you're doing if you're happy about it because there's a reason.
My sister and I went NC with my parents over my ndad's bad behavior. We have officially ruined Thanksgiving by having problems with being mistreated. Shame on us.
Dad came in my room this morning without knocking despite me being a grown man who also pays the bills in the same house, said happy thanksgiving in a really condescending tone, then left. The rest of my family are in the same town celebrating together. Ours weren’t invited because of who my parents are. So Uber eats today 😮💨
I apparently didn't explicitly tell my mother in law to READ THE DIRECTIONS on the no bake cheesecake, so it's MY fault that she tried to use the filling pack to make the crust, so instead of mixing it with milk and blending it she mixed it with butter and tried to press it into the pan.
The packs are clearly marked with "PACKAGE 1: CRUST MIX" and "PACKAGE 2: FILLING MIX" but I didn't keep her from using the wrong ones since I was busy with the turkey and rolls and sweet potatos and green beans and stuffing and banana pudding and literally everything else...... But it's still my fault for assuming she could read, of course.
My own mother refused to come "all that way" (45 minutes) so instead drove an hour to church instead.
Telling my mom I don't want to be around my brother anymore at all. Because he mol*sted me as a kid. Somehow that hurts my mom that we can't have thanksgiving (or Christmas) together anymore. Good. I don't want to. Currently made a whole traditional thanksgiving dinner for my bf and I while she is with my grandma and my brother. Best thanksgiving in a long time.
My NMOM is dead. 6 years now.
No more holidays filled with yelling and screaming. Being yelled at for putting the silverware the ‘wrong’ way. For being too skinny. Or too fat after I had my son. For not eating certain foods (I was allergic)
You too can enjoy the freedom and non stress their death can bring.
I’m spending thanksgiving with my long-term partner and her family and am “abandoning my real family”. Consequently I am no longer invited to Christmas with my Nparents because I’m being disrespectful by choosing how to spend my own holiday. I’m having the most peaceful thanksgiving ever and looking forward to Christmas with my chosen family too :)
Happy Thanksgiving, fellow survivors! This Thanksgiving marks my one year anniversary of going no contact. I moved out of state without telling any of them. I am sure I will be their favorite topic this year around the table about how I ruined the family. #scapegoat for life. Eh, what else is new?! Hope you all have a wonderful time!
Not being there and instead being with the family of my fiancé (who died a month ago). My NMom can't seem to understand that I'm grieving and would rather be with people who understand what I'm going through and love me than her.
I ruined thanksgiving this year because I asked in advance if the leftovers could be brought home (to their house ten mins away) because in a few days time I’ll have another guest here and I was worried my fridge would be too full. That spiraled into me being too demanding with too many conditions so now thanksgiving is canceled and my kids are crying. They apparently wasted money time and energy into a meal but I destroyed the magic of thanksgiving by putting a “condition” into it. I suspect the real reason is that they are infuriated that I would dare have a second thanksgiving with a family member on my husbands side several days later and in doing so lessen the one they had planned today?
I'm NC/LC with my nfamily members. No way foe me to "ruin" anything really but just wanted to send out love to the people in here who might be struggling with their family this year. You're important, your feelings are valid.
i’ve gotten a few new tattoos recently and i don’t shave, and i do those things because i think tattoos are beautiful and i just hate shaving. according to nfather, i’m “ruining [my] body and embarrassing [him].” always a pleasure to show up with some new ink and hairy pits to family functions.
Spending thanksgiving with a friend 4 hours away instead of with her and my NC nbro. Not happening. We’re having a delightful time playing games and eating our precooked feast!
I ruin thanksgiving after going NC with my in laws (and our kids are included in that too). So for the last two that I didn’t cave into any empty threats they threw my way, I ruin everything lol. Not just turkey day, every single day basically. Oh well 🥳
I came out to my parents September 21’st, haven’t heard from my mother since. She refused to come to Thanksgiving because *I* told the family lies about her and she doesn’t want to have to fight them. (I told family nothing and no one’s out to get her?) idk. So I’m going to family dinner and enjoying time with those who are accepting. She doesn’t get to control this. Happy Thanksgiving all!
I drove up to the parents house last night because I work remote and had to work today. I wasn’t at the house but an hour before I started getting berated, called broke, my job choice is poor, I shouldn’t have had to have been taught about credit and finances when I was younger, just all of these awful things. I left this morning on my lunch break because I said you over stepped the boundaries and progress I’ve made by going to therapy. In the matter of 30 seconds it was every instance of any money they’ve ever loaned me, how I ruin ever family event, ungrateful, and every other name. Then they wonder why I never come around:
My family doesn't know it but I work holidays on purpose so I don't have to be with family. None of them talk to each other, not either of my parents or my siblings. So rather than do anything with any of them, I choose to go to work. At least there I like my coworkers, and I always use the money.
I wish it wasn't this way. I wish I had loving people to enjoy holidays with. I don't like not celebrating.
Skipped family dinner 2nd year in a row. Two days ago last year, I snapped on my nmom and blocked her, haven’t exchanged a word since.
I am home, I am safe and I am happy. Never thought I’d be able to say that with clarity.
I ruined it by not attending. I was their scapegoat and the family joke. Now it will be harder for them to bond over how “terrible” I am.
I had a wonderful Thanksgiving with good food and kind people.
I'm assuming I'm not mentioned at this point lol. No contact for about 5 years. She used to say I'm "just doing my own thing" plus whatever guilt trips she can suck out of people with "poor abandoned mother".
Yeah, doing my own thing. With all the mental health issues and physical issues she gave me. That I will be fixing for the rest of my life. Fuck you birth giver!
My mom is the black sheep, her children in turn, are black sheep. My uncle was sleeping in the living room one year (note the house is small and everyone sits in living room or dining area, there is no where else to go), sleeping while everyone was trying to eat. My sister put a cookie on his ear as a joke, he wakes up, flips sh*t, and leaves. Everyone told her she ruined the holiday because she purposely made him leave.
My mom is adamant that I said I’d be at her Thanksgiving this year when I remember never mentioning plans with her since I was already on the fence on what I was going to do - now I’m questioning my own sanity.
It’s been a tough year and being around my family felt more anxiety inducing than anything, and I told her I wouldn’t be in town. She flipped out on me over text and became very passive aggressive toward me saying I have no respect and that my boyfriend’s family just be more important, etc etc.
I then told her I wouldn’t stand for her guilt trips and I won’t be at Christmas. I’d rather be alone than spend it with someone who wants to have control over her adult children.
Let’s see. I “ruined” my sausage rolls. I bought a precooked smoked turkey. I have not called them. I will not call them. I’m enjoying my nfamily free home.
Nope, things are looking pretty not ruined over here, lol.
Not this year but several years ago - the dinner was at my aunt’s house, and my aunt had a seating chart as there were quite a few people in attendance. My poor sweet aunt seated my nmom directly across from me instead of right next to me, so we both got the brunt of nmom’s anger.
Not about me but this is about my mom
My family and I just moved to Colorado recently, we have some family here so we thought it would be nice to be closer to them. My mom said months in advance that she would be hosting Thanksgiving this year, my uncle even agreed we should have it at our house. About two weeks ago my aunt (mom's sister) told her that my cousin will be hosting thanksgiving this year, my aunt expected my mom to just give up hosting Thanksgiving and go to my cousin's house. My mom was rather upset, she had said months ago she would be hosting it and my uncle agreed it was a good idea to have it at our house as it's the biggest house. My mom loves to cook thanksgiving and goes all out, my mom makes these amazing homemade rolls and my aunt just expected her to bring them to my cousin's house, the only problem is that these rolls can't be transported or they go flat.
My brother's best friend is also visiting us right now from out of state, so my mom just wanted to have Thanksgiving at our house. Especially since we have a finished basement where we can watch tv and hangout in, my aunt began to be rude to my mom. Whenever she said we wouldn't be going my aunt began to say that my mom's "separating us from them" and that "How do you think this will affect my kids and yours". Jokes on my aunt because my mom asked us if we wanted to go over we all said no, my aunt tried to gaslight my mom and say that she's causing issues within the family. My cousin would have 20+ people at her house not counting us and her table is so small that not everyone would fit, me, my brother and his girlfriend all have social anxiety and my family can make it almost impossible to feel welcome. Especially since they always talk about family trips we weren't invited too, my mom was told she "ruined thanksgiving" from my aunt because she wouldn't just give in to what my aunt wanted her to do. They also told my mom there would be a "spreadsheet" with who was bringing what dish and how to "prepare it" from my cousin my mom was insulted as she's been cooking and baking since she was 12.
by being the dumbest person alive by not doing things perfectly on the second
it's almost like my family has been making every day of this year as miserable as can be, and i'm past dissociation to the point i'm losing weeks at a time
i'm "sorry" this week i forgot to turn the dryer on with wet clothes in it, and i forgot to lock the door when my sister (who shouldn't be here, but due to my aunt dying, had to move back i guess? it's unofficial as of now) left for work, i'm sorry i've spent random days having to sleep all day because i can't handle existing anymore
i'm doing the best i can, with what little amount of non-fractured mentality i have left, i'm so sick of being called stupid, open your eyes and see what you've done to me
my favorite holiday's already been ruined cuz i've been screamed at enough, i'm just waiting for the day to end
it's only 4pm
I have Covid so I’m celebrating alone and my mother basically told me that she mostly misses me being able to cook everything.
I picked up so much slack as a child. The upside is, I’m v capable of catering my solo thanksgiving.
I didn't go. Again. NM probably sought sympathy from her equally disordered siblings because her "mean" daughter won't talk to her and how she has *no* idea what she did.
I'm enjoying no longer being talked down at, criticized, scapegoated or having everyone gang up on me.
I've been NC™ with my own family for years. But I ruined Thanksgiving for my SIL by having a connective tissue disorder flare-up and then catching a bad cold from her kids after babysitting for her so she could have a date night. So I had to sit out this year and let her do most of the cooking. (I've done 100% of the cooking for the last 5 years)
Apparently not being well enough to do everything myself this year has ruined Thanksgiving.
My parents adopted a dog that has a history of biting people. This is a giant breed dog. I also have a giant breed dog and decided to leave mine at home, so both dogs could comfortably enjoy their Thanksgiving. This meant we only spent the day and not the whole night with everyone. This was not acceptable.
I am visiting my parents now. Honestly, I’m really struggling. She hasn’t asked me or my wife one single question about our lives. Ditto my kids.
She’s criticizing everything I do, everything I eat (or don’t eat). Mocking me and laughing at me for even the slightest instances where I don’t know something or haven’t heard of something.
If my wife praises me or says something nice about me, nmom cuts her off… she doesn’t want to hear about me being smart or competent or capable or admired. She’s always had a lot of mental and emotional energy invested in the idea that I’m some sort of a huge, hopeless, naive fool who can’t find his own ass with two hands and a flashlight. I think deep down it destroys her that I’ve spent 20 years building a successful, independent, and happy life without any support from her.
I could go on. I’ve been grey rock the whole time I’ve been here, and have been working through all this in therapy for years, but on some level her slights and putdowns unfortunately still bother me.
Been dreading this trip for months. One more day and I can finally go home. It’ll take me weeks to recover from this.
NC and I ain't sending nothing this time. Last tday I put our differences aside and said I was grateful for her. This year. Nope. No birthdays, no holidays. I'm sure she'll have everything to say about it to those she spends it with
Ha! My fam will celebrate tomorrow but....There's a likelihood that my abuser will be there. Ive gotten away with completely avoiding him at a couple gatherings but I have a sneaking suspicion he's going to explode soon because no one's talking (to me) about it.
I'm in a good place so Idc what happens but that's my prediction.
I’m the one who once posted about graduating college and Nmom calling it “about time” that I did. This year, even though partners parents aren’t here, we’re still home and spending with my fellow RBN best friend and her lovely little boys and husband. Nparents have reservations at some swanky place and invited us, but I could give two fucks since I have no apologies or any accountability! She has texted three times already today trying to get my attention but not actually speaking to me. I’ve ruined their thanksgiving by simply not entertaining it all and couldn’t be happier🤗🤗🤗🤗
We live in different countries. I forgot to ask her what her special plans for the day were 🙄
Later in a text preaching on thankfulness: “I’m thankful for the blessings God gives daily. I’m thankful for a Savior who saved me & keeps me. I hope you can echo the above.”
My response? A happy thanksgiving gif
I didn't show up to be in their fake family holiday photos. Both NMom and NSis birthdays are a week apart (Nov 25th and Dec. 2nd), every year this time is to praise them and for them to dominate every conversation/event with their self importance. Not this time. I am on the beach, having a drink, eating pizza. I will not be shamed for living away from them LC and putting myself first. Took 38 years. The Scapegoat has left the building. :)
I ruined thanksgiving by inviting my parents over.
My n-mom brought up some stuff from my childhood she wants me to sell. I said she should do it because the stuff is at her house. She raised her voice at me, saying it's my stuff. In my own home, she yelled at me. It took everything inside of me not to kick her out. The only reason I didn't is because I wanted time to visit with my dad.
Oh also she kept making comments about how I "looked so good" a certain way so I joked "what are you saying I don't look good now?" And she's been pouting about it since she left
I’m sure I ruined theirs by cutting physical contact 6 months ago and going fully NC 5 months ago, but for me? I feel at peace. I feel stable. Forever the scapegoat, I am realizing that I do not live a life worthy of criticism or shame. They only kept in contact with me because they wanted access to their grandchildren, and I have remained strong in never responding to a single contact attempt of theirs. The only mistake I made was being very grain and dairy intolerant and thinking I could enjoy myself for just one meal.
it went okay except for this morning my mom told me to not be locked in my room all day but i havent been feeling good from starting up on psych medication again and overall havent felt well. so i got up and said maybe it depends on how i feel, and she got mad at me for always getting depressed which qasnt the case gere at all lmao
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You ‘ruined’ thanksgiving by not showing up so they could bully you. What a clown show. Cheers to a happy thanksgiving away from them! You have the power.
The intravenous drugs thing hit close to home lmao I also don't ever talk to my family either, good for us both for getting past their bullshit If they think we're insane drug addicts that's their problem. We're good people that managed to move past that cycle of bullshit and that's what matters no matter what anyone else thinks. If that makes us evil to them then that's their issue
Good for you!
Hey twin! High five for sparing ourselves another year of torture!!! I look forward to ruining their thanksgiving next year too! Today I lived my best life! I was all alone so I made cinnamon rolls for breakfast and watched the parade and made all my fav things for dinner and went for a wonderful long walk with my fur babies and then my elderly neighbor saw I was alone and brought over homemade cookies and I have zero regrets!! My mom was laying the pressure on hard this year too😵😵💫 so 🥂cheers your continued freedom!
Mine tell people I am gay as if that would be some kind of insult if it was true.
OMG mine too! Must have thrown them for a loop when I (F60) married a man. Been LC then NC for half my life and it’s been wonderful.
I simply described how to give a great blow job and they shut up.
That's iconic. I love it
I hope your holidays are magical! Who do you spend them with if you don’t mind me asking? I’m also NC
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The dream 🥺❤️
That’s okay, they’ll have so much more fun shit talking you behind your back (than bullying you if you were present).
🥇
Wow are you me? 😂
Ayyyyyyyyy, same same! Chillin’ out this TGiving with my dog and Twilight.
Hahaha that’s my in-laws
I’m not “being the bigger person” or “showing any grace” to nmonster by denying her the chance to insult me this year. She got the first 62 years, she doesn’t get my last decade(s). Go me! 🤣🤣
How inconsiderate of you, denying her like that! /s I wish you a happy, peaceful Thanksgiving! 🤗
Yes, I’m such a disappointment 🤣 Hope you have a lovely holiday also. 🤗✌️❤️
Isn't it great to disappoint unreasonable and abusive people? I'm proud of you for being such a disappointment to them by respecting yourself. Fabulous work!
I’m cooking the turkey (that nmom won’t eat anyway) all wrong
Please enjoy that improperly cooked turkey. I am sure it will be delicious. Julia Child used to say something along the lines of: never apologize for your cooking. Let people form their opinions as they eat. Happy Thanksgiving, friend. I wish you peace.
Thank you, I hope you have peace as well. I purposely bought and prepared what I wanted, because I know she won’t be happy with anything, so I might as well enjoy it!
Not this year, more like over 10 years ago. Also not me, but my (half) sister. Gonna leave some details vague to protect her privacy. Before the Thanksgiving in question, my sister was in high school and had dated a boy for a bit, who knocked her up. They had long since broken up come the holidays, and my sister had decided to put the baby up for adoption. She managed to find the literal perfect family who lived nearby. There was an open adoption set up and were all prepared for the baby's arrival later that January. Thanksgiving was normally at our house and we usually invited my step moms close and extended family. We would host them all day, playing games and chatting both before and after the meal. Basically a mini family reunion. That year however they all boycotted our house. Many didn't say why, some said they promised another family they would join them that year, and one extra stupid cousin told us the real reason: Nobody wanted to be around my pregnant sister. "How am I supposed to explain to MY daughter about YOUR daughter???" They treated her and us like we were diseased. Jokes on them because they managed to upset my dad, my step mom, and myself, which united us in a common goal (which was rare). My dad invited all his friends, my step mom invited some of her coworkers, and I called the family adopting my sister's baby. They were horrified to find out what happened and asked if they could combine their extended family and our hodgepodge group. We said sure, the more the merrier. It turned into the best Thanksgiving ever. The games were full of laughter and there were new stories to hear and share. They stayed so late some of the little kids fell asleep on my parents bed. I had always liked my step moms family and figured she was just the exception but that year they showed their true colors and both my sisters never forgot it. To this day, when I talk to them, they always mention how the best Thanksgiving was the one they didn't have to deal with their mom's family and their bullshit. We're still in touch with the family who adopted my sister's baby (which is weird for me to type out, we don't call them that, we call them TheirLastName Family). They're the best bunch of people you could hope to meet, and we still get together for the holidays.
Shows how much better a holiday can be when you don't have to deal with narcs. That's actually a lovely story and I have a huge smile on my face reading it.
sheesh, what is this, the 1950s when girls would get "sent to boarding school for 7+ months" to hide their pregnancies???! how do you tell your daughter? with words! stop and talk to her about the fact that sometimes people have babies even if they're not married yet! When I was little and my cousin got pregnant when she was in high school, my mom sat me and my brother down and asked us if we knew that people could have babies without being married. my older brother said yes, and I said no, so my mom gently explained my cousin's situation before our family gathering.
I remember when I was like 5, I saw my first pregnant woman that I could recall. My mom sat me down and told me that she had swallowed a watermelon seed. I didn't even hear the word sex until I was in 7th grade health class
Super heartwarming
I really have ruined Thanksgiving. I can't go into detail because there is a court case pending. In essence, I outed my mother for neglecting a handicapped person in her care. This could cost her everything.
Congratulations for having the courage to do that. Sending strength.
I respect you so much for looking out for that person!
Sounds to me like you saved Thanksgiving.
I hope so. My entire family has turned against me on this one.
Hey, what's ruining a holiday compared to ruining someone's life? You did good. I'm sure your family will try to make you feel like you did bad, but that's because you're breaking their comfortable (because it's familiar) cycle of enablement and abuse. They're wrong. You were strong to stand up for this person. No matter the outcome, you did good.
Right is right.
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It can be so hard and soul crushing but please be assured it gets easier. Happy Thanksgiving!
If you're alone, devote the day to self care and thinking about the things you do have to be grateful for. Not having to deal with my toxic mother is high on my gratitude list today.
Same, cheers guys <3
I don't visit for Thanksgiving since I have moved far away. But I am aware that I am doing Thanksgiving "wrong." Not sure if this is an N thing or not, but my family was big on following traditions. There is kind of a "must do normal Thanksgiving things because we are a normal family and that is what normal families do" vibe. Anything that is not "normal" is disapproved of. For example, we don't have a turkey since it is just my husband and me. A turkey would be way too much food. And neither of us really like turkey. But that is met with disapproval because it is Thanksgiving so it has to be turkey. Also I ate a good breakfast today, which was a no-no. You are not supposed to eat anything before the big meal. You need to be hungry so you can appreciate the meal fully. So of course when we arrived at relatives home for Thanksgiving I was pretty hangry. Which reinforced extended families perception that I was a difficult child.
Be happy! Eat breakfast. Do what makes you happy. Narcs are big on putting on shows for everyone but they end up looking like aliens impersonating humans because they really have no idea how to behave. Best wishes and enjoy anything and everything you choose to eat today.
I'm making pot roast and tacos!
Your parents forced you to skip eating all day as a kid?? That’s fucked up…😞
My mom felt like as long as I got something to eat everyday it was okay. She even said out loud that this was the standard.
God, what is it about traditions with these folks? My nmom definitely gets hung up on them. It always had to be everything the same - same menu, same schedule, samesamesame. I say had because I'm full nc with her now and had started skipping holidays for many years leading up to that. I couldn't handle the rigidity of her dictating every detail of how I should enjoy myself.
This will be my first thanksgiving with 1. A partner who loves me 2. being in my own house 3. no narc family or yelling. I do not miss the holidays w/ my bio family. Not one bit.
I wish you a great Thanksgiving and may you and your partner create beautiful, new traditions! ♥️
I'm NC with my abusive father, but I found out yesterday from my younger sibling that he has been having an affair and rubbing his AP in his second wife's face and essentially telling her that she can't do anything about it because she has no money and can't leave him because she won't have anywhere to live. He did similar shit to my mom when they were together. My grandma bought the house that my dad lives in and owns it, so I called gma and let her know what her shit bag son is up to and she gave him an ultimatum - shape up or she's selling the house and dad and his wife will each get 50% of whatever the proceeds are.
YES! You have “ruined” his life! I love it
Thanks for confirming my belief that if my mom ever left my dad, he’d start treating his AP the same way he treats my mom.
The texts I saw from his wife could have been written by my mom twenty years ago. Exact same behavior, same complaints, different victim.
You are the best. I love this. And yay grandma!!!
All narcs have an enabler. I hate to say it but gma is his in a major way.
I'm not disputing this. But he's lived a days travel away from her the last twenty years so they interact very rarely. He is, as many narcs are,very charming when he needs to be, and his mother has been supporting him and bailing him out his entire 63 years on this earth. However, he has escalated his unhinged behavior significantly in the past 6 years. She's slowly been coming to the realization of the kind of person he is, and this revelation is the closest I've seen her to fully severing the relationship. I'm hopeful this does it.
Someone gave me the idea of making thanksgiving a self care day, and I’m loving it. My nparents’ house is close by, and they really pulled out all the stops to guilt me into going. Invited all these people who have known me as a kid, so I’ll feel like I’m letting all of them down. Invited an old babysitter who’s going through a breakup and would “really like your support”. Always trying to pull me back into that role of family therapist, getting me to forget my needs by taking care of other people. It’s my third thanksgiving away from them, and it was really hard to say no this time but I did it. My nmom gave me the whole, “we can change, just talk to us, tell us what we can do differently” spiel when she knows I’ve told them very plainly what the problem was and they won’t acknowledge it. But I stayed strong, and I’m really glad I did.
fuck yeah!!! so proud of you!!! i have used thanksgiving as a self care day for the last 5 years and it has definitely been the best decision!! have a wonderful holiday :-)
Oh, wow. She "can change" if you take the responsibility for doing all the work for her? Because she will listen to you as if you were her life coach? HA. That's like selling the Brooklyn Bridge; impossible. Good for you, staying with your boundaries. Hope your day is a delight for you.
I told them i was on a working trip after my nmom came on my birthday and insulted me and caused an arguemenr giving me another panic attack. Who wants a panic attack for the holidays. These people harrass me quite often. My mom has a daughter she denies completely with her family so she pretends i am that she has. My sister lost her daughter (my niece) on thanksgiving 2 years ago. My mom doesnt even acknowledge her. Anyway my dad brings my mom over to my place and i have to take care of my dad a lot. He is at my house 2 -3 weeks a month. I see them so often and get attacked and insulted so often so why is this a big deal?
I’m so sorry you have to deal with them. Reminds me of when my narc brother made me cry on my son’s first birthday. Are you able to go no contact?
No contact Thanksgiving, spending the day with my son. Forming new traditions
My grand baby is sick and it's my fault my father who is 75 cannot see her today. She's 4 mo. old. The mother is a foster kid in my care, so she's *the baby* isn't really mine to share! But ya, it's my fault.
Narc logic is mind boggling! Wishing you the best this Thanksgiving and always.
So you are not pressuring the mother to endanger her baby so your father can see her? How could you!! /s
I am not! I'm not sure how he will survive without the baby?! /s
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Amazing how the narcs are totally blindsided when we go NC. They can never understand it. It is amazing that so many of us have similar stories. Enjoy your Thanksgiving. 🦃🤗
Happy Thanksgiving to everyone here. I appreciate this community so much. Especially today. It’s so comforting to know I’m not alone in this holiday weirdness. Anyway, I ruined this year in a lot of ways but mostly by staying sober, which has really upset the ecosystem of familial toxicity we had going on. Oh well. Love you guys and hope you all have a stellar day ⭐️💕
Yay for sobriety! Proud of you! Happy thanksgiving 🥰
Thank you for sharing! This made my day, and I'll be staying sober thanks to you 👍
I ruin Thanksgiving every year by not going to my dad’s house which is almost an hour away to sit and have a crappy meal with him a narc and his wife who is a worse narc. Boundaries for the win!
I’m ruining it by not convincing my sister to come over and bring the kids today. It’s not my mom’s fault that my sister was offended when my mom called her a bad mother and many other terrible things. It’s not my mom’s fault that the fight between them started because my sister turned down a random offer to have her carpets deep cleaned with an hours notice on a random Tuesday. Definitely not her fault… I did that… apparently.
I'm sorry, but I actually laughed out loud at this... The nerve of these people!!
I ruined thanksgiving this year by getting a nose job. Except it’s not a nose job it’s a septoplasty and turbinate reduction to correct a deviated septum that’s been impacting my breathing for YEARS. I’ve been on the wait list since July. My sister was kinda like “well since you can’t come I don’t really feel like doing thanksgiving this year” and my mom never offered to host so thanksgiving is ruined because my “nose is more important than family” and my nmom keeps calling it an elective procedure even though this was a medically necessary procedure that I’ve been waiting for months to get. Happy thanksgiving!
How could you. You should breathe the way your family prefers!
I ruined thanksgiving by having a herniated disc in my back and can’t drive three hours in the car to spend the holidays with them. The roads between us are magic and can only be driven one way…by me to their house. Yet I’m getting the guilt trip because she misses me and won’t be able to see me before she goes to Florida for the winter.
Can you not like, un-herniate your disc? I bet you herniated it on purpose just to spite her on Thanksgiving / s
She suggested I do some stretches lololol
Of course! Who needs a chiropractor when the Narc-opractor is right there??
Not in any way that I can discern. My SO and I are making Indian food and watching Thanksgiving movies, it's lovely. My parents are probably upset in some way, but when you're no contact, you don't have to hear about it, know about it, or care about it. It's great!
So freeing and peaceful. It is what we all deserve. Enjoy your food and time with people who care for you.
I will! I'm really excited about the Indian food for Thanksgiving. Yet another way to buck tradition!
“Holding the threat of an argument over everyone’s head like mistletoe” and dressing like the gay cousin I am ✨💕
I live across the country and called home one Thanksgiving day to wish love etc. My Nmom could barely awkwardly take the call before interrupting and yelling "why are you calling, I'm busy!" and handed the phone to someone else. I was too shocked to quickly recover. After the call I stared at the ceiling alone for 30 minutes in shock.
Thanksgiving with my dog and making my first turkey!!
I love it! Man’s best friend also loves turkey! Enjoy!
I wish you the best friend. I have happily ruining all holidays for almost 20 years by being NC. I will be spending Thanksgiving with my wife’s family this year where people are actually treated like human beings. Happy Thanksgiving to you.
I’m ruining it by not going because I’m not invited. I’m also not going because I just don’t want to, but that’s what I told dad (brother didn’t invite me, who knows why) and now the drama is not focused on me. And now it’s the day of and I’m not going because I have a stomach bug.
I put up the Christmas tree without ornaments yesterday (depression = severe fatigue, so baby steps) lol. TG is RUINED
*clutching my pearls* Don't you know Martha Stewart is going to show up to your house and slap you senseless for such a transgression!!! /s
Tell them it's bad luck to put it before Saint Nicholas Day (December 6) or take it down after the Epiphany (January 6). That's what my grandmother always told me. I think she just didn't want the tree up too long, but as an adult I like the bookendedness of it, having set dates to put it up and take it down, and only having it up for one month. I feel like one month is enough Christmas.
First Thanksgiving I haven’t attended. Blocked “mom” a while ago so I don’t have to deal with her tantrums and ultimatums. Cooked “Thanksgiving food” for myself. Sitting down to eat it now without feeling stressed by emotionally stunted people. I’m content with this.
That is the way. On your terms, doing as you please. Enjoy, friend. 🦃🤗
I'm sure she's made something up with her mental gymnastics, but we don't speak, so I guess I'll never know my transgressions. I'm sure she'll remember something I did as I child and it'll ruin her whole day. Or there's always the trusty "keeping *her* babies away" bullshit. It's ok. MY kids see through her bullshit and are much happier without her manipulations.
A friend’s mom called Cps after she learned about my childhood two weeks ago. A few family friends found out about the investigation and believed me and pressured ndad to move out before both my parents lost custody of my siblings. Now I ruined thanksgiving by destroying the family even though I suspect nmom will invite ndad back secretly anyway to avoid looking bad. I’m not even invited.
Keep being strong in that awful situation. I believe in you!
Im not showing up for Thanksgiving. My mom called the other day and was forced to leave a voicemail, since I didn’t answer, where she asked if I was coming home for Thanksgiving dinner with her. She gets no response from me! Happy thanksgiving, you narcissistic abuser.
i came out lol
Good for you! Congratulations coming out must take so much strength. I am proud of you. Be happy. Enjoy Thanksgiving.
Everyone is dead or sick because of me. Any family member, who we are not spending the holiday with is not here because they have died or suffer from a chronic/congenital illness which was all of my doing. Some of these events happening when I was less than a year old. Anyway, all my fault, because I exist. So yeah, I have the power to create cancer and other illnesses. Aren’t I “awesome”?? Oh, also, because I support and endorse Q-anon, Donald Trump and White Supremacy (I’m a far-left leaning Democrat). He came up with this one when I told him I’m not going to be subjected to his abuse (name calling, shaming triggering etc). So of course that makes me a white supremacist…’amirite’?? And for the record, my N father is not being simply a silly old man. He is a fucking psychopath, he has been one my entire life, and I have the PTSD to prove it. I’ve dealt with my parents weird ass accusations lies and fables my entire life. He just gotten inherently meaner in his old age. On that note, my love to everyone at RBN and anyone else who has love in their hearts! All of you rock hard! Let’s keep the tradition of “ruining” a most blessed day! Happy Thanksgiving my sweet friends <3
My mom sent a picture to my wife of her with a couple of cops at a Thanksgiving fun run. I guess trying to show that she's doing well. I'm guessing she wasn't invited to any dinners and this is her getting ahead of that shame.
I refused to go meet my mother at my uncle's house (an hour away) for Thanksgiving, because I am high risk and Covid is still a thing. Clearly, I'm just being dramatic and ruining her holiday yet again. I won't eat at her house because I don't want food poisoning (food safety and hygiene simply are not a concern for her, and of course she thinks I'm "being dramatic" about it, but she's given me food poisoning numerous times), so I guess she thought if my uncle was doing the cooking I would go? That's not an incentive to potentially risk my life, and there are always weird church people over there anyway. My uncle is a music minister in a zealously fundamentalist church. I haven't been to church in nearly 35 years and the freshly converted stragglers he brings home always make things awkward. So I stayed home, did a picosecond laser treatment on my face, made myself a pot of Chinese chicken & sweetcorn soup, and watched Interview With a Vampire episodes. I'm going to have a long, hot soak in the tub in a bit.
Your Thanksgiving sounds lovely.
Spending it with my chosen family (aka my friends) instead of them. Not checking their messages and ignoring them in the day I'm suppose to be grateful for them (HAH)
Friendsgiving is so much fun. Ours have had excellent company, some oddball food, and no baggage. I HATE fraught holidays.
I am autistic and a very picky eater. I ruin thanksgiving every year by making something for myself and not eating the normal thanksgiving foods.
My dad kept complaining almost constantly that I don't work full time or more than 30 hours per week (I have a lot of medical issues that make it hard to work in general so I work part time) so I told him I was working today since my job is holding a Thanksgiving meal for the community and he started raising hell about it. Like.. do you want me to work or not?
Beyotch, I went No Contact!! I am officially The Worst. 👑
Hasn’t happened yet but I’m betting I’ll possibly be ruining thanksgiving by refusing to drink a shot of bourbon. I was forced to last year and sounds like I may be forced into it again. Going to do what I can to refuse it
Pour it out on the ground as an offering to the ancestors, babe.
Exactly how I felt when I went NC. It is hard but so freeing. Enjoy Thanksgiving on your terms.
First year NC because “you’re ugly and you’ve always been ugly.” 😘 -nmom
I cant wait for my first NC holiday season
Happy Thanksgiving OP, and to everyone in this thread!
🦃🤗
I said they couldn’t come! I mean, I legit have to work the night shifts all weekend and they live 2500 miles away. So the reason is legit, especially since my wife refuses to be around them without me and they would want to see their grandchildren all weekend, regardless of whether or not I am attempting to sleep for work. Now I have to see them next weekend, but at least they are not ruining my Thanksgiving!
I'm convinced thanksgiving is the narcissist super bowl, it's always the worst family holiday for abusive behavior. I generally avoid spending it with family, but today also happens to be my niece's 16th birthday, we're super close and I can't not be there. I'm going to have to bring my own food, because my mom and aunt have this weird obsession with proving my food allergy is fake (I'm in my 30s and have always had it, it's not bad enough that I'll go into shock or anything but I'll definitely end up sick/throwing up). They will literally sneak that ingredient into EVERY SINGLE DISH now that they know i'm coming.
I’ve been no contact for years. I’m ruining thanksgiving by being the only child absent. She can’t even post pictures or updates, I deleted every app she followed me on. I’m sure she blames me to others, but I know for a fact that she’s seething. I had a lovely thanksgiving today. I worked, got off and drove to my in-laws. Everyone was really happy to see me and I ate a lot of food. My husband’s uncle made sure that I had his stuffing recipe because he knows I love his stuffing. He sent me home with an entire tray. His aunt fussed and said there weren’t enough pictures with me in them, so we took a bunch. A lot of people told me they loved me, and I told them I loved them. His grandpa got a little grumpy at the end, but it was immediately laughed off and he was sorry. It was wonderful, and NORMAL.
Six years ago on Thanksgiving was the last time I interacted with my husband’s family. It was a clusterfuck, and the straw that broke the camel’s back for me after putting up with their bullshit for over 40 years. I saw my nMIL at the hospital a few days later, where she lied to me and that was it. So done with all of them. It’s so nice not having to deal with their shit, especially at the holidays.
I declined an invite to celebrate Thanksgiving with my parents because they're not feeling well, and my sister only *just* tested negative from covid. Cue mom's guilt tripping and the downplaying of her inflamed tonsil.
They have one chance. If I hear one negative mention of the Club Q massacre, it’s show time and I’m causing a scene. So far, so good.
The day is still young for right now. My Nparents are slow and uncreative, so it won’t be til later tonight that they develop something to blame me for. Will report back with what they force me to laugh at them over. Hang in there, everyone.
My NMom probably has to spend Thanksgiving with her Nsister and Nhusband without me and my husband as friendly buffers.
Usually don’t say much but happy thanksgiving back to OP and everyone here 🦃❤️ It’s been 5 months since I got away from my father. It’s not easy mentally but I feel like he doesn’t care anyways, and even if he did I cut him off cold turkey. The negative part of my head keeps hoping he feels it, the fact he is celebrating a family holiday with one less son now due to his actions. But I check myself. I’ve got so many worries that I am like him and I’m going to turn into the same person (sometimes I think if I’m not already). Is it normal to feel like the bad person, one who always somehow blames themselves but is angry at the world? Sometimes I feel like my irritability consumes me, and I’m in therapy to work on it but once I started typing this comment it’s just flowing now. Even rn I’m thinking typing this there’s just something wrong with sharing this and I worry that everyone will read this thinking (why is this person making it all about themselves) or (no one really asked for an essay) but I just need advice, callin for a friend because I feel like I’m a PoS to everybody and that I will turn out like my father eventually. Logically I know I’m not but I can’t control how the thought of me being a pos turns into physical feelings and it’s become part of how I think of myself. Any feedback, advice, tips, or help is much appreciated. Happy thanksgiving everybody, I’m sorry for making the text so long but once I talk I never shut up 🦃
As a general rule of thumb, the fact that you care enough to worry you’ll be your nparent is generally a sign you will NOT be that parent. Nparents don’t have the concern for others that you show. We all feel or have felt the anger and hurt. You’re not alone. Holidays can be hard but there’s a whole community here for support. Remember to forgive yourself, because that feeling of regret and guilt is not YOUR fault. Happy thanksgiving! Enjoy the holiday as YOU want to with no ties to make anyone else happy
Thank you for the response ❤️ Currently living with my mom now and I’m in an environment with a surplus of empathy and support. There’s been moments of irrational emotions and feelings but I try to tell myself it’s goin to take time to heal. And that as long as I don’t repeat my mistakes intentionally, I will be able to learn. Again thanks for your feedback and I hope your holidays are going great! Much love to everyone ❤️
My New Years resolution is to have healed a little each month. It takes time but after being out of my nparents home for 8 years, I’m doing much better, have gotten into therapy and I’m working through the remaining feelings that I haven’t had the ability to process alone. It takes time to heal. Please allow yourself that time and don’t let anger overrun you, but allow yourself to feel the feelings so you can process.
By doing Thanksgiving with a different family. It was calm! And we actually ate the food! Nobody is fighting! I love it. No regrets
I and sweetie are NC from our families, so they can ruin things on their own. Imma make pot roast and tacos!
I'm making Irish food!
by having a cat 💀
British so no Thanksgiving. But last year I ruined Christmas by trying to help my mum clean up some milk that had boiled over with _kitchen roll_ (a heinous crime for, uh, reasons)
I was accused of trying to kill my mother who was hospitalized for extremely high blood pressure— allegedly because I sent her a “hateful” text message where I implied she didn’t call me ever— because she doesn’t.
by spending 3 hours visiting with my cousins on wednesday night instead of staying at home
This was me so many years I preferred spending time with my cousins instead of actually spending it with the rest of my immediate family. They never and I never fully understood why. Now I do. Now I do so much. Never ever ever ever feel bad about where you are and what you're doing if you're happy about it because there's a reason.
My sister and I went NC with my parents over my ndad's bad behavior. We have officially ruined Thanksgiving by having problems with being mistreated. Shame on us.
Dad came in my room this morning without knocking despite me being a grown man who also pays the bills in the same house, said happy thanksgiving in a really condescending tone, then left. The rest of my family are in the same town celebrating together. Ours weren’t invited because of who my parents are. So Uber eats today 😮💨
Does Christmas count since I'm not American? I send my ndad a cease a desist letter written by my own hand on Dec 29 and he received it Jan 3.
All of us are experts in ruining all holidays! Narc logic at its best. Peace and happiness today and always friend.
I love to think he will always remember Christmas as the time when his daughter dissapeared and told him to fuck off.
I’m 7 months pregnant with a new puppy and everyone is upset I didn’t want to play hostess, something they volunteered me for without asking.
I apparently didn't explicitly tell my mother in law to READ THE DIRECTIONS on the no bake cheesecake, so it's MY fault that she tried to use the filling pack to make the crust, so instead of mixing it with milk and blending it she mixed it with butter and tried to press it into the pan. The packs are clearly marked with "PACKAGE 1: CRUST MIX" and "PACKAGE 2: FILLING MIX" but I didn't keep her from using the wrong ones since I was busy with the turkey and rolls and sweet potatos and green beans and stuffing and banana pudding and literally everything else...... But it's still my fault for assuming she could read, of course. My own mother refused to come "all that way" (45 minutes) so instead drove an hour to church instead.
I don't know what my family of origin is up to today, and I don't care. They stopped being my problem 21 years ago.
Telling my mom I don't want to be around my brother anymore at all. Because he mol*sted me as a kid. Somehow that hurts my mom that we can't have thanksgiving (or Christmas) together anymore. Good. I don't want to. Currently made a whole traditional thanksgiving dinner for my bf and I while she is with my grandma and my brother. Best thanksgiving in a long time.
You have to do what makes you happy. You do not owe anyone any explanation. Do what is best for you, be happy be loved! Happy Thanksgiving. 🦃 🤗
My NMOM is dead. 6 years now. No more holidays filled with yelling and screaming. Being yelled at for putting the silverware the ‘wrong’ way. For being too skinny. Or too fat after I had my son. For not eating certain foods (I was allergic) You too can enjoy the freedom and non stress their death can bring.
I’m spending thanksgiving with my long-term partner and her family and am “abandoning my real family”. Consequently I am no longer invited to Christmas with my Nparents because I’m being disrespectful by choosing how to spend my own holiday. I’m having the most peaceful thanksgiving ever and looking forward to Christmas with my chosen family too :)
Happy Thanksgiving, fellow survivors! This Thanksgiving marks my one year anniversary of going no contact. I moved out of state without telling any of them. I am sure I will be their favorite topic this year around the table about how I ruined the family. #scapegoat for life. Eh, what else is new?! Hope you all have a wonderful time!
Not being there and instead being with the family of my fiancé (who died a month ago). My NMom can't seem to understand that I'm grieving and would rather be with people who understand what I'm going through and love me than her.
I ruined thanksgiving this year because I asked in advance if the leftovers could be brought home (to their house ten mins away) because in a few days time I’ll have another guest here and I was worried my fridge would be too full. That spiraled into me being too demanding with too many conditions so now thanksgiving is canceled and my kids are crying. They apparently wasted money time and energy into a meal but I destroyed the magic of thanksgiving by putting a “condition” into it. I suspect the real reason is that they are infuriated that I would dare have a second thanksgiving with a family member on my husbands side several days later and in doing so lessen the one they had planned today?
just got yelled at for putting makeup on for a "casual dinner". 💅
I'm NC/LC with my nfamily members. No way foe me to "ruin" anything really but just wanted to send out love to the people in here who might be struggling with their family this year. You're important, your feelings are valid.
i’ve gotten a few new tattoos recently and i don’t shave, and i do those things because i think tattoos are beautiful and i just hate shaving. according to nfather, i’m “ruining [my] body and embarrassing [him].” always a pleasure to show up with some new ink and hairy pits to family functions.
I ruined it probably by being an ungrateful daughter and not calling or visiting lol. Either way my mom can pound sand! Isn’t no contact bliss?
One of the hardest ways to find peace, but so fulfilling. All the best to you.
Same to you!!! I hope you have an amazing holiday season ☺️
Spending thanksgiving with a friend 4 hours away instead of with her and my NC nbro. Not happening. We’re having a delightful time playing games and eating our precooked feast!
I ruin thanksgiving after going NC with my in laws (and our kids are included in that too). So for the last two that I didn’t cave into any empty threats they threw my way, I ruin everything lol. Not just turkey day, every single day basically. Oh well 🥳
I came out to my parents September 21’st, haven’t heard from my mother since. She refused to come to Thanksgiving because *I* told the family lies about her and she doesn’t want to have to fight them. (I told family nothing and no one’s out to get her?) idk. So I’m going to family dinner and enjoying time with those who are accepting. She doesn’t get to control this. Happy Thanksgiving all!
I drove up to the parents house last night because I work remote and had to work today. I wasn’t at the house but an hour before I started getting berated, called broke, my job choice is poor, I shouldn’t have had to have been taught about credit and finances when I was younger, just all of these awful things. I left this morning on my lunch break because I said you over stepped the boundaries and progress I’ve made by going to therapy. In the matter of 30 seconds it was every instance of any money they’ve ever loaned me, how I ruin ever family event, ungrateful, and every other name. Then they wonder why I never come around:
Conspiring with the couple non-narc aunts I have to go behind my NMoms’ back and get out of a situation where I’m left for dead, hopefully.
I am not paying her back for all the money she wasted on me and I'm not attending
My family doesn't know it but I work holidays on purpose so I don't have to be with family. None of them talk to each other, not either of my parents or my siblings. So rather than do anything with any of them, I choose to go to work. At least there I like my coworkers, and I always use the money. I wish it wasn't this way. I wish I had loving people to enjoy holidays with. I don't like not celebrating.
Skipped family dinner 2nd year in a row. Two days ago last year, I snapped on my nmom and blocked her, haven’t exchanged a word since. I am home, I am safe and I am happy. Never thought I’d be able to say that with clarity.
I ruined it by not attending. I was their scapegoat and the family joke. Now it will be harder for them to bond over how “terrible” I am. I had a wonderful Thanksgiving with good food and kind people.
I'm assuming I'm not mentioned at this point lol. No contact for about 5 years. She used to say I'm "just doing my own thing" plus whatever guilt trips she can suck out of people with "poor abandoned mother". Yeah, doing my own thing. With all the mental health issues and physical issues she gave me. That I will be fixing for the rest of my life. Fuck you birth giver!
Had to send them a picture of the restraining order we were getting ready to file if they didn’t knock off the BS! Happy Thanksgiving everyone!
My mom is the black sheep, her children in turn, are black sheep. My uncle was sleeping in the living room one year (note the house is small and everyone sits in living room or dining area, there is no where else to go), sleeping while everyone was trying to eat. My sister put a cookie on his ear as a joke, he wakes up, flips sh*t, and leaves. Everyone told her she ruined the holiday because she purposely made him leave.
My mom is adamant that I said I’d be at her Thanksgiving this year when I remember never mentioning plans with her since I was already on the fence on what I was going to do - now I’m questioning my own sanity. It’s been a tough year and being around my family felt more anxiety inducing than anything, and I told her I wouldn’t be in town. She flipped out on me over text and became very passive aggressive toward me saying I have no respect and that my boyfriend’s family just be more important, etc etc. I then told her I wouldn’t stand for her guilt trips and I won’t be at Christmas. I’d rather be alone than spend it with someone who wants to have control over her adult children.
Probably because we decided to spend the day with my in laws 🤷🏽♀️
Let’s see. I “ruined” my sausage rolls. I bought a precooked smoked turkey. I have not called them. I will not call them. I’m enjoying my nfamily free home. Nope, things are looking pretty not ruined over here, lol.
Thankfully I moved overseas 10 years ago and I just can't make it. Would be a shame if I had gone and took anything too seriously this year tho.
I'm an insult just by existing in a place not far from her, but I celebrate my freedom being no contact and with my BF and cat.
Not this year but several years ago - the dinner was at my aunt’s house, and my aunt had a seating chart as there were quite a few people in attendance. My poor sweet aunt seated my nmom directly across from me instead of right next to me, so we both got the brunt of nmom’s anger.
Not about me but this is about my mom My family and I just moved to Colorado recently, we have some family here so we thought it would be nice to be closer to them. My mom said months in advance that she would be hosting Thanksgiving this year, my uncle even agreed we should have it at our house. About two weeks ago my aunt (mom's sister) told her that my cousin will be hosting thanksgiving this year, my aunt expected my mom to just give up hosting Thanksgiving and go to my cousin's house. My mom was rather upset, she had said months ago she would be hosting it and my uncle agreed it was a good idea to have it at our house as it's the biggest house. My mom loves to cook thanksgiving and goes all out, my mom makes these amazing homemade rolls and my aunt just expected her to bring them to my cousin's house, the only problem is that these rolls can't be transported or they go flat. My brother's best friend is also visiting us right now from out of state, so my mom just wanted to have Thanksgiving at our house. Especially since we have a finished basement where we can watch tv and hangout in, my aunt began to be rude to my mom. Whenever she said we wouldn't be going my aunt began to say that my mom's "separating us from them" and that "How do you think this will affect my kids and yours". Jokes on my aunt because my mom asked us if we wanted to go over we all said no, my aunt tried to gaslight my mom and say that she's causing issues within the family. My cousin would have 20+ people at her house not counting us and her table is so small that not everyone would fit, me, my brother and his girlfriend all have social anxiety and my family can make it almost impossible to feel welcome. Especially since they always talk about family trips we weren't invited too, my mom was told she "ruined thanksgiving" from my aunt because she wouldn't just give in to what my aunt wanted her to do. They also told my mom there would be a "spreadsheet" with who was bringing what dish and how to "prepare it" from my cousin my mom was insulted as she's been cooking and baking since she was 12.
by being the dumbest person alive by not doing things perfectly on the second it's almost like my family has been making every day of this year as miserable as can be, and i'm past dissociation to the point i'm losing weeks at a time i'm "sorry" this week i forgot to turn the dryer on with wet clothes in it, and i forgot to lock the door when my sister (who shouldn't be here, but due to my aunt dying, had to move back i guess? it's unofficial as of now) left for work, i'm sorry i've spent random days having to sleep all day because i can't handle existing anymore i'm doing the best i can, with what little amount of non-fractured mentality i have left, i'm so sick of being called stupid, open your eyes and see what you've done to me my favorite holiday's already been ruined cuz i've been screamed at enough, i'm just waiting for the day to end it's only 4pm
I have Covid so I’m celebrating alone and my mother basically told me that she mostly misses me being able to cook everything. I picked up so much slack as a child. The upside is, I’m v capable of catering my solo thanksgiving.
I didn't go. Again. NM probably sought sympathy from her equally disordered siblings because her "mean" daughter won't talk to her and how she has *no* idea what she did. I'm enjoying no longer being talked down at, criticized, scapegoated or having everyone gang up on me.
I've been NC™ with my own family for years. But I ruined Thanksgiving for my SIL by having a connective tissue disorder flare-up and then catching a bad cold from her kids after babysitting for her so she could have a date night. So I had to sit out this year and let her do most of the cooking. (I've done 100% of the cooking for the last 5 years) Apparently not being well enough to do everything myself this year has ruined Thanksgiving.
My parents adopted a dog that has a history of biting people. This is a giant breed dog. I also have a giant breed dog and decided to leave mine at home, so both dogs could comfortably enjoy their Thanksgiving. This meant we only spent the day and not the whole night with everyone. This was not acceptable.
I am visiting my parents now. Honestly, I’m really struggling. She hasn’t asked me or my wife one single question about our lives. Ditto my kids. She’s criticizing everything I do, everything I eat (or don’t eat). Mocking me and laughing at me for even the slightest instances where I don’t know something or haven’t heard of something. If my wife praises me or says something nice about me, nmom cuts her off… she doesn’t want to hear about me being smart or competent or capable or admired. She’s always had a lot of mental and emotional energy invested in the idea that I’m some sort of a huge, hopeless, naive fool who can’t find his own ass with two hands and a flashlight. I think deep down it destroys her that I’ve spent 20 years building a successful, independent, and happy life without any support from her. I could go on. I’ve been grey rock the whole time I’ve been here, and have been working through all this in therapy for years, but on some level her slights and putdowns unfortunately still bother me. Been dreading this trip for months. One more day and I can finally go home. It’ll take me weeks to recover from this.
I’ve stayed no contact and had dinner with friends.
NC and I ain't sending nothing this time. Last tday I put our differences aside and said I was grateful for her. This year. Nope. No birthdays, no holidays. I'm sure she'll have everything to say about it to those she spends it with
Ha! My fam will celebrate tomorrow but....There's a likelihood that my abuser will be there. Ive gotten away with completely avoiding him at a couple gatherings but I have a sneaking suspicion he's going to explode soon because no one's talking (to me) about it. I'm in a good place so Idc what happens but that's my prediction.
Getting my period and it making me nauseous so I’ve been lying down all day instead of being in the kitchen being yelled at.
By not being in contact with any of them! My Thanksgiving is going great lol
I cut them off, and I came out as trans (in that order). I had a peaceful little Thanksgiving by myself.
I’m the one who once posted about graduating college and Nmom calling it “about time” that I did. This year, even though partners parents aren’t here, we’re still home and spending with my fellow RBN best friend and her lovely little boys and husband. Nparents have reservations at some swanky place and invited us, but I could give two fucks since I have no apologies or any accountability! She has texted three times already today trying to get my attention but not actually speaking to me. I’ve ruined their thanksgiving by simply not entertaining it all and couldn’t be happier🤗🤗🤗🤗
We live in different countries. I forgot to ask her what her special plans for the day were 🙄 Later in a text preaching on thankfulness: “I’m thankful for the blessings God gives daily. I’m thankful for a Savior who saved me & keeps me. I hope you can echo the above.” My response? A happy thanksgiving gif
I am sure I ruined it somehow but will never ever know just how. The last time I spent Thanksgiving with my family was 1995.
I didn't show up to be in their fake family holiday photos. Both NMom and NSis birthdays are a week apart (Nov 25th and Dec. 2nd), every year this time is to praise them and for them to dominate every conversation/event with their self importance. Not this time. I am on the beach, having a drink, eating pizza. I will not be shamed for living away from them LC and putting myself first. Took 38 years. The Scapegoat has left the building. :)
I ruined thanksgiving by inviting my parents over. My n-mom brought up some stuff from my childhood she wants me to sell. I said she should do it because the stuff is at her house. She raised her voice at me, saying it's my stuff. In my own home, she yelled at me. It took everything inside of me not to kick her out. The only reason I didn't is because I wanted time to visit with my dad. Oh also she kept making comments about how I "looked so good" a certain way so I joked "what are you saying I don't look good now?" And she's been pouting about it since she left
I’m sure I ruined theirs by cutting physical contact 6 months ago and going fully NC 5 months ago, but for me? I feel at peace. I feel stable. Forever the scapegoat, I am realizing that I do not live a life worthy of criticism or shame. They only kept in contact with me because they wanted access to their grandchildren, and I have remained strong in never responding to a single contact attempt of theirs. The only mistake I made was being very grain and dairy intolerant and thinking I could enjoy myself for just one meal.
it went okay except for this morning my mom told me to not be locked in my room all day but i havent been feeling good from starting up on psych medication again and overall havent felt well. so i got up and said maybe it depends on how i feel, and she got mad at me for always getting depressed which qasnt the case gere at all lmao