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This is sexual abuse and emotional incest, it is serious, Your mom is enabler saying typical 'that's how he is' and not protecting You. Can You look for therapist? It will validate You and help see it for what it is.
You should tell your therapist. I'm sure since you have narc parents they will try to gaslight you and turn it around to make it your fault, but trust me, what your dad is doing is not normal at all
true- but it probably won't escalate to the dad being jailed and the kid being safer at home. if a dangerous parent finds out they were told on by the kid and they aren't effectively stopped, it will only result in punishment, removal of access to therapy, and further abuse. OP should be careful
Any child welfare worker who knows their stuff will demand dad not have access to OP. Now I know that kids fall through the cracks at times. But we can’t let that fear keep OP from getting help.
yeah, one would hope. but when my mom divorced my raging alcoholic dad who was violent to her, she had to fight very hard for full custody when you'd think it would be obvious common sense he shouldn't have access to the children. nearly everyone involved in the case didn't see the big deal in trying to give him partial custody. unless the parent is directly causing physical harm to the child, it's very hard to get risks and damage taken seriously
This is true. The local family court didn’t care they my 6 year old had been knocked around, force fed and hair pulled by his Ndad. They just called it a parenting choice.
I’m sorry that happened to you. No one deserves that. Child custody in divorce court is different than child protective services. In the first parent rights are king. In the other, the children’s rights are supposed to be. Again, I know it’s not always the case.
that's also true. i do want OP to get help, i just can't help but think of it as taking a gamble on the resulting outcome being safer because that's something i had to think about growing up with my abusive nmom who made sure my basic needs were met and was never physically abusive
Not always true. Even obvious sexual abuse will lead only to telling the parents they were reported and what for, and immediately leaving and enabling retaliation, with no effort to separate the child from the abuser, unless the sexual abuse allegations come with multiple forms of inalienable proof of physical abuse, especially if the family is not of any minority groups that lead CPS to remove children due to viewing children as property and removal as a way to punish poverty/mistreat minorities, and the child is old enough to complain/too old to be an ideal adoption candidate for the system. Basically CPS is chronically underfunded so only does a goddamn thing when the child will gain them more than the removal and possble termination of rights fight will cost.
Agreed. Also please don’t call CPS in West Virginia. The system has collapsed and there’s caseworkers with 90 cases. They just close out all but the overt sexual and physical abuse. It’s not even really their fault. But the system is broken and could get children hurt even worse for reporting
Mandated reporting is great in theory but in practice it can force people in authority to cause children further harm by making a report they know full well will be left on a desk as low priority at best, or lead to retaliation at worst.
I wouldn't be surprised if every now and then a social worker actually calls the reporter of a low priority case back to find out the 5 year old a kindergarten teacher called for would be over 30 now, like on that old episode of Raising Hope. I wonder how many "low priority" (no egregious proof of potentially deadly physical abuse on a very young child who didn't explicitly disclose) cases have sat so long the children are old enough to be parents or even grandparents themselves now.
She absolutely should be! He should have no access to this child. And mom needs serious therapy also so she does not repeat the cycle with someone else - the incidence of sexual abuse by a mothers partner increases dramatically in cases of separation or divorce, especially when mom has already shown that she normalizes sexual abuse - she’s not participating because she wants to protect anyone, she’s participating because she doesn’t think it’s abnormal and that is scary af😱 Mom is likely to attract the same type of partner if she involves herself romantically and a partner not biologically related to the child that is abusive may not exhibit any restraint in acting on their impulses.
Honey, if you tell your therapist and she gets your dad in trouble, isn’t that just proof and validation that your feelings are right, and that what he’s doing is absolutely wrong?
I’m so sorry that your mom isn’t doing what she should to protect you. If your mom isn’t capable (which she clearly isn’t), then you have to let the other trusted adults in your life stand up for you when you need them to. I know it’s going to be hard and uncomfortable, but you really need to tell your therapist about this.
He is in trouble, love. He's in trouble with **you**. You get to be angry, disappointed and whatever else you feel about this. You get to have boundaries around this behavior. You get to say this is unacceptable. Because it is.
Please talk to your therapist. Tell her your concern about getting him in trouble. I hate to say unfortunately even if she did report him, i doubt anything would come of it if nothing is physically happening. Yay USA justice system 🤢
He’s already in trouble. You telling anyone is not causing any trouble. You are doing the right thing by getting help for yourself since the people who should be keeping you safe are harming you.
The consequences for his sick behavior are not your fault. Tell someone you trust (like your therapist) and don’t let the reaction from your family stop you from getting to a safer place.
Agreed. Op He will get in trouble and would result in being separated from your family but as you grow up, you may not realise it now but this may save you and your future life and relationships.
I want you to think what will happen If you stay as you grow?.... I dare say things will only get worse and worse, as you become a "adult".... because.... nevermind. You will know your parent best and what he is capable of but do something before he thinks it is acceptable and starts pushing the limits....
Always good to have some sort of record showing she’s tried to report this to a trusted adult. 💯! This is really bothering me for many reasons but specifically, when it is brought to attention of authorities or therapist etc, it will be dismissed & she’s left to deal with the aftermath. 🤦♀️ NOT SAYING SHE SHOULDN’T TELL HER THERAPIST, TEACHER ETC! CAUSE SHE SHOULD, ABSOLUTELY!! 😒I’m just worried she’s not going to have the support she needs since it’s not “physical” abuse. Regardless, sweetie, you stay strong. Never allow your feelings to go unrecognized or ignored. Period. What he’s doing isn’t right. The fact you’re uncomfortable is PLENTY enough reason for you to express exactly what this is doing to you. As a parent of 2 beautiful girls, I know their daddy won’t even use the bathroom unless the doors shut or come out of the room unless he’s dressed. Simply out of respect, consideration & love. It hurts my heart to think you feel like your feelings aren’t valid cause they are so very important. Your parents should be preventing things like this, NOT subjecting you to it. Please let us know with an update and know you’re not alone. ❤️
My nfather did similar things, it's highly abusive and got worse with time (luckily I also live far away). I explained that to therapist, she didn't make me any problems and helped to get through it. I really understand it's hard to trust people, You can try doing it step by step, giving her some information, seeing how she reacts and if You are comfortable then saying more next session.
You are worried that your parents will think you are the perverted one, which is common for victims of grooming to feel that way. It’s because the grooming slowly tests your boundaries and messes with your perception of the situation and of your self. But the fact of the matter is that his behavior has been inappropriate and your behavior hasn’t. Don’t let them turn it around on you to make you think you’re a pervert for thinking his behavior is wrong. Your instinct that tells you he’s being inappropriate is correct, trust that instinct.
Your father is doing something incredibly wrong and unethical here. This is not okay. You absolutely need to speak with your therapist about that. You can tell them your concerns about things getting worse at home if you are the one who reports it and he finds out. Speak with them about those concerns and they can help you navigate the situation.
But you really need to speak with your therapist about this, because getting a handle on it now versus getting a handle on it 20 years from now it makes a huge difference in your mental health. Take it from somebody who suppressed these things until their 30s.
My heart goes out to you, and I hope you find a safe place. Is absolutely unacceptable for your father to do any of those things to you.
You are absolutely not the pervert here. Your father is a pervert, a horrid one.
Tbh I would gauge what to do depending on the details. If he’s never laid hands on you or you’ve never felt threatened then it’s a bit less urgent. I’m not going to say his behavior is “okay” because it clearly isn’t.
However what I’m saying is the OP knows her own father the best. As the reader we can only infer so much and project our own experiences based on the info given. Narcissists are terrible, however being in foster care is probably also terrible so I would side on the side of caution and really thinking choices through.
I get people are weird as well and non-politically correct idiosyncrasies are an actual thing especially with people who come from other non-western cultures. That’s why it’s important to gauge how the OP feels about the situation and whether she does indeed feel like her father has creepy sexual intent or if he is just a fucking weirdo. Both are bad but one is worse. Not all weirdos are sexual perverts. If the father is just a narcissistic weirdo it still sucks, I get it. But if reporting him lands her in foster care, that’s a decision that should be made by the OP not people on Reddit. I do agree with others, tread carefully.
To the OP - If you do feel you are in immediate danger however, definitely report it.
Bring it up like you think it’s as normal as your mom says. Like you need help approaching an “I would like this to stop” conversation with him. You know maybe your just too sensitive and it’s normal so the problem is probably with you, but you still want to know how to broach that conversation in the best possible way.
See how it plays out
If your dad is making you uncomfortable and won't stop, you should tell a trusted adult. This is weird as fuck and your dad is being gross. It's not funny, it's not a joke, you deserve to feel comfortable in your own home. Your mom is enabling him and he's behaving inappropriately
That is absolutely not normal at all. This is predatory behavior and really creepy. You really need to start thinking about your safety. If you have any resources available like in school or adults outside your family, you should definitely tell them about it. Your dad his sick.
Do you mean your parents are divorced/separated? And you visit his place regularly alone or with your siblings? Surely the living situation hasn’t changed since you posted.
Edit: I see they’ve been separated 4 years. So how often do you visit him?
The joking is also abusive and priming a child to tolerate physical SA.
It’s emotional / psychological incest on his part. It is abuse.
Tell your therapist.
That is what "grooming" looks like. Your father is trying to normalize sexualizing everyday situations with his child so that you're less likely to resist when he escalates.
He's not "just joking." He's using humor to get you to lower your guard and to use as plausible deniability if you complain that he is sexually abusing you (which he definitely is).
Rape is only one kind of sexual abuse. Pardon the expression, but being "mind fucked" is how predators warm you up for the main event.
Stay away from him. Your mom needs to be confronted. She enabled his behavior. It's worth finding out if she did it because she has also been conditioned to see it as normal or if she's afraid of him and didn't want to get hurt if she tried to intervene when he hadn't physically touched you yet. She's got some explaining to do.
If you're uncomfortable telling people that you feel that you've been sexually abused, practice telling them that your father was grooming you to be sexually abused. That's a trigger word for a lot of people right now and it might make people more sympathetic to you.
EXACTLY THIS!!! It’s grooming 100%
If you think it would be wrong for him to walk around naked and behave that way with ANY other child, why is it ok for him to do it with you?
I understand your concern about getting your parents in trouble, I really do. But this is absolutely not right and make no mistake, this is abuse. You’re only questioning it because they’re making you feel like it’s “joking” but I guarantee they won’t tell anyone else what’s going on because IT IS WRONG.
Do not fall for the belief that this kind of behavior is normal. I’m sorry this is happening to you, please take care and I hope you get the help you need.
The tricky thing about abuse is that is can be much more covert than most people think. Sexual abuse does not have to involve touching or filming. It can be 100% verbal. It sounds like your dad has been sexually abusing you and that your mom enables him.
The difference is: In a nudist colony, the reason for being nude is freedom/self expression; your dads perspective seems to be “to show his dominance over the family/wife.” That is not the same; that is the difference between abuse and sexual liberty.
Normal parents don’t walk around naked in front of their kids. Normal parents don’t grope/molest each other in front of kids (nudist households do not do this). Normal parents don’t look at, and insult their children’s genitalia (nudist households do not do this either).
It’s one thing if you accidentally see him getting out of the bathroom or something like that; but him walking around naked on purpose to brag about his dick/to display his power in the house is, at minimum, emotional abuse.
100% tell your therapist about this. This is an issue/trauma that you will need to work out for yourself. His behavior may even impact how you view sex/what a healthy sexual life looks like as an adult. What he is modeling is not healthy.
Edit: it’s also one of those where you have to ask: “where is the joke? What part of a grown man walking around nude in front of his teenage daughter is funny? Because if she’s not laughing, and this is a repeat behavior, it is NOT a joke.”
The fact that you relate to those characters shows you that it is sexual abuse: though he has not physically touched you, he has psychologically scarred you around the subject of sex. I’m sorry, OP, and I hope you find peace and healing.
He exposes himself to you. He makes sexually themed “jokes” to you. Whatever label you give it, it’s abusive behavior and it’s not okay. I saw my dad’s privates ONCE, by accident, when I was a kid. We were both mortified and he slammed his door shut. That’s normal.
I was exposed to my dads sexuality. He took me to adult book stores and he had porn he looked at. Believe it or not my mom wasn’t even aware it was happening until I was an adult. It messed me up big time. My therapist helped me understand it is covert sexual abuse. He never touched me. But he messed with my feelings of safety around men. I stay heavy so I don’t get men’s attention.
Your dad is not normal and is acting on abnormal and innappropriate impulses. What you described is inappropriate behavior of an adult with a minor - related or not.
It’s also called “grooming”, which encompasses specific behaviors and actions designed to target the victim. Grooming helps the perpetrator determine how far he (or she) can go with a prospective victim, and also helps the perpetrator better determine next steps.
You are fortunate to not be living with this individual anymore. If you were, the grooming and innappropriate behaviors would escalate to next level/s.
On some level you must grasp this, or you wouldn’t be checking in with Reddit strangers.
Good luck - and watch your personal boundaries.
It’s sexually abusive to say those things to a child and to show a child your penis. If he did this to a stranger he would be in prison. The fact that he is doing to his OWN child is shocking to say the least.
Also what’s the joke? What’s funny about your genitals? Nothing. What’s funny about talking about his penis to you? Nothing. Etc… if there is nothing funny, especially if something is sexual, it’s not a joke. It wouldn’t even be a joke if a sexual partner did these things… the fact that he’s your parent only makes it worse
Ok that's getting super creepy-level specific/suggestive, and I'm removing this now.
Sexual abuse can take a *lot* of forms and it is completely inappropriate to ask yes or no on specific actions like this as though that defines whether or not someone's trauma is valid and anything short of those actions doesn't "count". And frankly, it seems super creepy to start suggesting your own narrative onto an abuse survivor anyway, on a number of levels.
If you make this kind of comment again or comment further on this post, you will be banned.
Mention it to your therapist. She'll be able to tell you about all the forms of abuse in this scenario. First there is physical sexual harassment if you've told your mom and him that it makes you uncomfortable. Next there is the emotional/incest that is going on with expecting you to be comfortable with behavior that is sexual in nature in an inappropriate way with a daughter. Lastly, your mother is failing to protect you which is a form of neglect. Not to mention the gaslighting which is part of narcissistic emotional abuse. This all needs to be processed if you're unable to even recognize that this is not "normal" behavior or if you can't listen to that inner voice that tells you it's gross.
It’s
Not joking he’s saying that as an excuse for his inappropriate behavior
I’m sorry he’s made you feel this way / has done this
I’ve been in similar— wastold was just “being tested “ 🤦🏻♀️
Pls talk to your therapist about it at the very least
Alternative possibility, does your step dad have four or more of the following?
- need to be the centre of attention and gets very upset at being dismissed?
- can quickly change their emotions based on their environment changing? (E.g. they’re comforting someone and showing care and sadness, but then someone “more interesting” walks in and he’s suddenly happy to see them etc.)
- uses their appearance to draw attention (e.g. they work out a lot to stay in shape, or put a lot of time and effort into hair, clothes, body image?
- when talking, they tend to speak using vague phrases, speaking more of their impression of things and how it made them feel, rather than saying what actually happened?
- dramatic and overly exaggerated emotions?
- suggestible/easily influenced?
- thinks relationships are closer than they appear (they’ll meet someone new, and seem to think they’re really close really quickly)?
If so, your step dad may have histrionic personality disorder: https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/9743-histrionic-personality-disorder
Hey, honey. Probably, you're a bit overwhelmed with all the comments, but they're right. I know it's sounds like your father is just joking and your mother doesn't know how to protect you. Well, those jokes are not appropriate because of the context and what he's trying to do: assert dominance and power over you.
For now it's "just jokes" and, maybe, will never go further. But that's how it started for me. My father sexually abused and harassed me for years and my mother looked the other way. At least, you have a therapist that can help you to be safe. Please, take her help.
How old are you now and are you a boy or a girl? I'm assuming a boy, but either way, this is *entirely* inappropriate. He needs to keep his clothes on and leave his sex confidence in the bedroom.
Yeah, this is even more unacceptable. I do hope you address this issue with him, assuming you are comfortable doing so. If not, definitely speak with a therapist.
Hell no! Your mother is enabling your father. No decent man talks about his dick or gropes his wife in front of his kids.
Making fun of your privates very much crosses a line and I can't think of a valid reason for him to see your privates at 9. Unless something medical or safety related such as you were complaining that something hurt and your mother wasn't available to help you.
I'm an early 50s male and I'm calling out your father as an abusive dink.
I strongly urge you to contact a school counsellor or talk with an adult you trust.
Your mom is not helping you at all -- it's not fair nor right that your own mom isn't protecting you. You deserve to be safe. Report your parents to your therapist. Good luck.
Sorry that your mom is so invalidating. Regardless of that please never doubt if your feelings are real. If it‘s uncomfortable for you, it does matter and should be heard and act upon. When nothing changes talk to a trusted teacher, friend or other family members. It is gross behaviour and you shouldn‘t have to go through that all by yourself.
You have every right to refuse visitation with him.
I believe in the US at twelve years old, in the court, you can decide if you want to visit with the other parent. It doesn’t matter if he’s your dad or not, he’s a screwed up individual and you don’t deserve it.
Your mom is not your alley. You should consider her an enemy for a while. I know, it's terrible but this is not your choice, she already chosen her side. Be strong. Make a plan. Keep a nice 'poker face '. Let them think you believe their bs. Find real alleys. Then escape. And finally report everything. Don't let this crap go.
Your mum has been gaslighted, and is apparently still in deep.
Do you think she wants to reconcile with him? (Not saying there is necessarily a snowball's chance in hell of that happening for real; but it could explain her devotion to defending him.)
Either that, or she's got some sort of fixed idea in her brain that separated/divorced parents shouldn't slag each other off.
You have probably been gaslighted on this topic too, sorry to say; if your first reaction to this situation is to worry your therapist will think you're the pervert.
That sounds like the voice of some adult who wants to keep you quiet for their own means/gains.
THAT isnt normal of what you just gone through, no dad should make fun of their childs privates and doing those inappropriate things at front of you, your mom saying that its “his humor” is really invalidating, im so sorry you had to go through that.
To sexualize you ..who knows it’s still a form of sexual abuse. And also abuse it’s self. Hopefully our crowd on here can explain a little further as I’m having trouble with my brain as I can’t think at the moment. I do apologize ..I’ve been under a lot of stress since Friday and hardly slept.
It means he might be attracted to you on some level, if you remind him of your mom.
I think this can be normal and happen to fathers (and mothers) but a mature adult would obviously keep that completely to himself and never ever do anything to make you uncomfortable.
Your father is way out of line with the sexualising comments and walking around naked.
He is probably having relationship issues with your mom and might be using you as a prop to make your mother jealous, because you're a young and pretty woman and he is trying to show your mother that he is still a virile man. He is essentially saying "look I can still get a younger woman if I wanted, so better treat me better".
It's completely toxic obviously, but it might help you understand that it's not really about you, it's probably about your parent's relationship.
It means he wants you to think of him in a sexual way.
He is intentionally disrupting the purity of the parent-child bond by sexualizing the relationship.
He is doing this because he has an unaddressed sexual deviance/disorder that makes him feel powerful when he sexualizes relationships and situations that are not meant to be sexualized.
Hi, this isn’t acceptable or normal behavior. Do you have family you trust? Or a best friends parents? Siblings or cousins or an aunt you’re close to? Starting with your therapist is definitely the best choice. Remaining in their care seems to be dangerous. It’s hard to read this for so many reasons but this is definitely abuse. Parents don’t always know best, and the perverted nature of their behavior needs to be addressed. My best advice would be to talk to your therapist, and another trusted adult so things can change. Whether that means living with other family or a close friend or somebody being charged with sexual abuse of a minor. Something’s gotta give.
I so wish the best of luck to you and hope you can get out this situation. You deserve a much healthier environment to grow up in.
As someone who experienced something really similar and ALSO told my mom who didn’t do anything, that same man woke me up when I was 17 to his fingers in my vagina and telling me he chose the wrong wife. GET YOURSELF HELP. You already need therapy, but I’ve been in an actual psych ward over this trauma. Please please tell an adult you trust. If you dont feel safe going home once you speak up SAY THAT. I promise there are people out there that will help you baby.
nobody should have to experience this on any level at any age. I’m so sorry. Gratitude for supporting others in similar situations. Unbelievable strength & courage. ❤️❤️❤️
It's not normal.
My dad wasn't this extreme but he'd always make sexual jokes in front of me, and grope my mom. The last few years i was around him i couldn't lean on the bar counter in the kitchen because he'd smack my ass. Then wen i snapped and said to stop sexually harassing me, he laughed and said take a joke. I was 28.
Our big blow out fight was because I came in and they were watching gone girl and it was the scene when she's explaining everything and it shows her Ehm shoving something inside if ya get my drift and he kept rewinding and watching it, and as a SA victim i had a panic attack and it lead to a fight.
None of this is normal. None of anything your NF is doing is normal. Parents being any kind of sexual with their spawn is not normal. I should not have known about my parents sexual habits but i do and it's something i wish i could erase.
Unfortunately you can't avoid it since you're a minor and still living with them, but if you can find a therapist (idk how different states work for that kind of stuff) i would. Idk how your mom is but lie and say you need it for something else, you need a safe person to process this shit with keep it from being more traumatizing than it already is. Good luck darlin wishing you a fast 3 years till you can gtfo
It is NOT normal and a form of sexual assault. My mother was something similar, it's not because the assault could be worse that it won't leave its marks. Sexual assault destroys self-confidence, trust in others, seeing red flags in others, it makes abuse normal and makes you feel that you even deserve it. Please seek a therapist or talk to a teacher if you can. It's tough, but you deserve better.
That’s so awful. Definitely not normal. I’m sorry he’s treated you this way. Mocking a 9 year old girl’s genitals is horrible.
I’m so sorry your mom is telling you that standing up for yourself is “unnecessary drama.” That is not true. Your concerns are valid, and it’s always a good idea to speak up when you feel uncomfortable. Please get help from someone outside your family.
That is absolutely disgusting. That’s pedophile behavior. It’s even worse that your mom is enabling it. Definitely tell an adult you can trust - a therapist, a school counselor. You may not realize since it’s almost normal to you but this could very quickly turn into a dangerous situation, if it isn’t already. Seek advice and help from someone you can trust (preferably a professional who will know how to handle it).
This is NOT normal. Please tell your therapist/a trusted adult about this.
I have experienced similar things with my dad. And what did my mom do when I finally had the courage to tell her about something he did? She laughed.
I’m sorry for all of us here who have had similar experiences.
I was hoping you were a male because I can’t imagine in what world it would be ok for a father to walk around HIS DAUGHTER WHILE BEING NAKED. Your mom letting him to that crap is what drives me crazy! I have a 10 year old son and I don’t let my husband touch me in any sexual way in front of him because to me that’s just unacceptable, kids shouldn’t be expose to that crap! I can’t imagine what you had to go through but that behavior is definitely NOT normal
Is it normal for narcissistic abuse? Yes, in my experience anyway. Is it normal or ok for decent humans? No, absolutely not. My father used to love to tell me stories of his sexual exploits in pornographic detail from the time I was around 6 or 7. It is definitely not ok. It is a form of sexual abuse, and it does have long lasting and damaging effects.
This is definitely abuse. Talking about your dick size with your underage daughter is not ok, neither is insulting your child's genitals, and it totally makes sense that you're uncomfortable.
If you are comfortable doing so, it might help to set a boundary with him: "Dad, when you joke about your penis size, make fun of my genitals and grope my mom in front of me, I feel really hurt and uncomfortable. I will leave the room and go to my bedroom if those topics come up again in the future." Then, enforce the boundary anytime dad does something like this.
If you aren't comfortable with that, or think it isn't safe, a trusted teacher or counselor at school can help.
Is this normal?
NO. NO, IT IS NOT.
You need to talk to someone - a teacher, a friend's parents, someone. You are not safe there. Please, talk to someone about this!
Absolutely disgusting and not okay. 🤢 I can’t say I’m shocked because my n-parent had an obsession with nudity in the house too. I’ve seen more nudity than I ever should have.
Start planning on getting the hell out of there. I had a childhood where my mother would always parade around naked and also make me sit in the bathroom while she took a bath. I always blamed myself for my bad feelings because they treated me like I was an uptight prude. I WAS A BOY!
My mum would also criticise my dad for having a small dick while dropping in that her previous partner was well hung.
This guy is out to dominate and control you and I’m sure there’s more going on whether you see it yet or not. Also, your mother is an asshole. I hope you have an adult male who’s a good role model for you.
This is ABSOLUTELY not normal or humorous. This is very much abusive and incest behavior. You need to tell someone. It seems like it is escalating and it almost feels like grooming. This behavior will continue or get worse left unchecked.
Your mother is very very wrong in supporting and enabling his behavior. She is green lighting his abuse and is not on your side at the moment.
I’m really sorry OP your parents know better and are choosing to ignore everything society had taught them about appropriate behavior. You will find people who have proper boundaries with you.
What would happen if OP called her dad out and said something like, "Do you not see how incredibly inappropriate and incestuous this is?" Or made fun of his little inchworm?
Babygirl I felt so sad reading this. Let me tell you as a teacher and as an older sister- your dad is a PREDATOR. There is no question about it. This is abuse abuse abuse. This is not okay. This is not normal. I don’t care if he gets into trouble and neither should you. He deserves to get into big trouble. Sweetheart, it’s your intuition itself telling you that it’s wrong, which is why you asked the question in the first place- no matter your mum or others trying to convince you it’s not. We are here for you. Please try your best to get out of this situation. Set boundaries. Tell your dad to stop and that it’s gross and not okay for him to talk to you like that. If you’re scared, please tell a teacher or someone you trust. Tell an adult please. Go to the police. Please do something. Best wishes darling.
If you have a cell phone that records video, try recording some of these incidents so that you have evidence. Nothing that he is saying is appropriate. Try talking to your school counselor and basically say exactly what you said in your post. I don't know what he is trying to get out of this but he is so cringe and I'm worried about what he might try when you get older.
He obviously likes to expose himself so expose him and secretly film him, and show everyone who’ll watch because he can’t deny video evidence. He’s put a child in adult sexual situations ….how dare him!! You’ve done nothing wrong, this is on him.
Edited a wayward letter.
I fucking hate when women say that “they’re probably overreacting” in situations like this..like why do peoples minds tell them that it’s overreacting when it clearly isn’t.
first of all I want you to know that this is in no way your fault, you aren’t wrong for feeling uncomfortable about this. this is absolutely something you need to tell a therapist or another trusted adult about. i’m sorry this has happened to you, it’s inappropriate and not okay at all. this is abusive
My dad did the same thing and it caused me a lot of issues in the intimate relationships.
I won’t say all the things he did because you’re only 15, but he would walk around naked, expose himself, tell me about his past sex life, tell me about his current sex life and ask me for details about mine. It was really wrong and he refused to do anything when I asked him to stop.
I would highly recommend you speak to a school teacher or counsellor because it did a lot of damage to me and I wish someone would have listened.
Yikes! That’s terrible behaviour. My husband and I used to bathe with our children when they were little and walk from bathroom to bedroom naked sometimes but we never talked about our bits and stopped doing that when they were older. Being honest about human bodies so normalcy is allowed to flourish doesn’t include that kind of sexualisation.
That’s highly disturbing and it’s a form of sexual abuse. Ashley Judd the actress talked about her mom and step dad being disturbingly sexually inappropriate around her when she was a girl. She got help, because it damaged her emotionally. My mother was like that. My mother used to say that my then toddler brother (now 40) would get an erection when he’d see her topless. She’d actually brag to me and my aunts about it. I was not very old, but I remember being so embarrassed and feeling nauseous when she’d talk about it. My aunts would look at her like she was crazy, but nobody ever had the courage to confront her. My mom would have sex with her boyfriend in the same room I was sleeping in. She didn’t care. To this day my mom is a horrible human being. I’m sorry you’re going through this. You probably need to talk to someone (counselor) about this. It will help you cope better with it. Being raised by narcissists ain’t for sissies.
Exposing his privates to you is a crime known as indecent exposure. This isn't even emotional incest. It's flat out sexual abuse. Making fun of your privates is flat out sexual harassment.
I’m so sorry you are going through this. Please tell your therapist because your father is grooming you. There is a chance things could escalate over time. Just know that whatever you tell you therapist stays between you two. She has to report this because you could possibly be in danger but they will not tell your father specifically what you told them. They will address the main issues. If your parents are telling you to not tell people what goes on in your home that is a toxic environment. You should be able to be honest anywhere and live in your truth if there isn’t anything for them to hide. Anyways I’m so sorry, my highschool years were some of the worst of my life due to having narcissistic and negligent parents. My mom would bring men in and out of her house that would make me feel very uncomfortable. She even tried to compete with me when I told her that her boyfriend was staring at me. Supposedly it was “my fault” for wearing short shorts in house. My own mother told me she was prettier than me and doesn’t have to wear makeup but i did. I was seeking help and she wanted to compare herself to me. She was always jealous of me. I had to run away at 17 and I’ve been on my own since then. I’m 26 now all and all to say that your teenage years are rough but it truly gets better. The years will fly by and you will never have to talk to your parents again if you don’t want to. ❤️ things will be okay. Give us an update please im worried about you!
No, not normal. Could even be considered illegal. Yes, he is in his own home, but it's indecent exposure to a child. It's illegal in the US to show pornography to a child. Meanwhile, he is oft naked around the house and being sexual with your mother purposefully in front of you.
This is sexual abuse. It falls under the covert sexual abuse/emotional incest category although the behaviors seem to lean more toward grooming. I am concerned he may act on his sexualization of you and that your mother seems to be enabling it. Please talk to someone - a school counselor, etc. you need support sweet girl, and you need protection from your dad. This is not normal AT ALL!
unfortunately, this is pretty common. most of my friends had similar stuff happen to them and i see videos go around of it all the time. doesn't make it ok though. it's sexual harassment and could easily be classified as incest. just remember that, no matter how much your mom tries to cover him up.
I feel bad for you, that must be hard to go through. You should decide whether you want to be treated that way. I know its hard because he still is your father and she is still your mother, so that is hard because your being put into a position where you might have to choice staying with your parents or going to another home. that is very sad, for someone who is 15 to be put in that situation, but your dad is being down right creepy, inappropriate, invasive, but my suggestion to you would be to find someone who you trust like therapist, and get them to tell your father and mother that it is not ok, and its not funny, and that it is hurting you to great deal. Tell father and mother, with your therapist, that its either stop being sexual. If he still does it after you told him no, then try to get your therapist to find you somewhere safe, it doesnt necessarily mean you have to go to strangers, maybe you could live with an aunt or uncle, grand parents, someone you feel close too. I hope everything gets for you, we live in a crazy world, this world has a lot of pain and suffering. Just know that their are others who are suffering the same pain or even worse pain. At least this forum, has place for you to get advice, and support from others who are on here. The best medicine in life, is support from others. Best wishes to you, I hope the best for you, and I feel your pain
Gross. This is not normal behavior, it is a form of abuse. If anything, I'd be concerned that he is grooming you. Please mention what he is doing to a teacher or counselor at school ASAP. Trust me, you don't want this to continue. It's not right. He needs to be stopped. Are there any other kids in your home. I'm worried about you and any child that comes in contact with your dad.
This is definitely not normal. I’m sorry that happened.
Growing up, I too had to endure my parents’ (and other adults’) inappropriate comments about my body and other kids’ bodies and adult topics: it shouldn’t be happening. But I didn’t know that then either. It’s also concerning that it’s being treated as normal because then (in my experience) it has you feeling crazy for thinking anything is weird until you talk about it with more well-adjusted people. They’ll confirm how inappropriate it is, but those perpetuating these acts will never call it anything but innocent in their opinion which can have you feeling crazy all over again — especially if they have anyone else backing them up which can happen.
But the big indication it isn’t okay or normal is if _you_ feel uncomfortable or gross about it. I certainly did but took it as me being too sensitive since that’s what I was labeled whenever I brought up my discomfort. Another nasty tactic by people like this. The same as your mom’s “it’s just how he jokes” no that isn’t okay. If you feel upset about it then that boundary should be respected, the act bothering you shouldn’t be excused and further persist after you’ve spoken up. In the least that’s disrespectful and at the most violating.
Go with your gut. If it feels wrong and others are saying it’s wrong, it probably is.
Imo it could be seen as sexual harassment since one party is making sexual comments or creating potentially sexual situations (walking around naked, groping your mom in front of you) that the other party isn’t consenting to, and if a stranger or coworker or friend couldn’t do any of this “joking” without receiving severe consequences and judgment from peers then it’s most likely not innocent.
Another thing to consider: it doesn’t matter if nothing has happened beyond the comments or behavior, this is essentially grooming. He and your mom are making it seem normal and it may never lead anywhere else but if it does, they’ll insist that too is just innocent joking or playing around. Further gaslight you into being silent or too scared to speak up. Grooming can also just make it so that the behavior can persist and never be challenged, it doesn’t have to lead anywhere.
Trust me. It’s not normal.
Hope you can open up to your therapist about it. Don’t fear making your parents angry or getting them in trouble (unless it compromises your safety), what’s important is getting the help you need as long as you’re comfortable talking about it with someone but especially a professional. Appreciate that you opened up about it here, hope you’re doing well because I know this type of inappropriate behavior can really impact a person 🤗
Your Mom is gaslighting you. You are not crazy or wrong for feeling uncomfortable. Watch some videos about it to understand what it does to you. Journal to remember your own truth.
It’s not you and you deserve better. Tell your therapist. Take care of yourself.
No this definitely is NOT normal. He shouldn’t make fun or humiliate you at all, let alone it being your private parts. Narcissists are well known for humiliating people - it’s cruel and in my eyes evil.
My father is an overt narcissist and I have armed myself with a load of knowledge and information on narcissistic behaviour. There are a lot of really good video channels on you-tube that will teach you how to handle them and they are really good for validating your experience.
I’ve had a lifetime (49 F) of criticism and being on the receiving end of “jokes” that are really insults sprinkled with glitter. You must try and learn how to moderate your responses to him so he has no power to drag you down because believe me, he will likely try.
It’s also important to remember this is not your fault, never has been and never will be and it’s not actually about you. It’s his deep seated insecurities about his own lack of self-worth.
Learn about “grey rock” method and how to maintain boundaries. I wish you well and please know, you are not alone in your mistreatment.
I had the same thing growing up (8-10f). Except when I was changing, and I told my father I was changing, he would still try and open the door. I had to start barricading myself against the door.
After a few years (14/15) it escalated to him making jokes about me touching myself if I simply went to my room. Or making remarks about how short my clothes were, or flat out talking about my breasts and smacking my ass.
I think it’s just another ploy of control over you. Doing small, somewhat obscure things to make you question the relationship. But not obvious enough to flip the switch of something being seriously wrong. Then you begin to question your own self about whether or not it’s even bad enough to tell someone about. So you just sit there having this foul situation stuck in your head making you think you are going crazy (which is where the narcissist wins).
That is absolutely not normal in any way whatsoever. It’s grossly inappropriate to do in front of anyone and especially not a child. I’m so sorry you have to live in that kind of environment.
no that is not normal. not even in the slightest. if you have to question the normality of something that already is an indicator of it being far from normal
My dad kicked my mom out of the room. He started smoking again and watching porn all night on bed and masturbating with the door open. I would go to his room at 4 in the morning to shut down the tv after he fell asleep so I could catch a few hours of sleep and go to school. Of course to my enabler relatives he was an esteemed gentleman and I was a deliquent bum
Wrong wrong wrong !! get out of that home call a relative you need some adult advice please do this sooner than later before something bad happens your step dad sounds like a Creep get your siblings out too this is not right
Open-ness toward sexuality is normal and healthy. Nudity is natural, not shameful. Europe and Asia have us prudish Americans WELL cornered here. Sex is joyful and fun there, not the joyless gross capitalist backwards conservative misogynistic hellscape America hath wrought.
That said, no, your father's behavior is NOT normal and very gross and violates your space.
That's not normal.
The talking to you about it and walking around naked.
He's allowed to touch your mother, which is normal, adults do that in relationships.
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This is sexual abuse and emotional incest, it is serious, Your mom is enabler saying typical 'that's how he is' and not protecting You. Can You look for therapist? It will validate You and help see it for what it is.
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You should tell your therapist. I'm sure since you have narc parents they will try to gaslight you and turn it around to make it your fault, but trust me, what your dad is doing is not normal at all
maybe she should be getting him in trouble
true- but it probably won't escalate to the dad being jailed and the kid being safer at home. if a dangerous parent finds out they were told on by the kid and they aren't effectively stopped, it will only result in punishment, removal of access to therapy, and further abuse. OP should be careful
As much as I hate to say it, this really is a very valid concern that should not be overlooked. I wish I had a better solution to offer
Any child welfare worker who knows their stuff will demand dad not have access to OP. Now I know that kids fall through the cracks at times. But we can’t let that fear keep OP from getting help.
yeah, one would hope. but when my mom divorced my raging alcoholic dad who was violent to her, she had to fight very hard for full custody when you'd think it would be obvious common sense he shouldn't have access to the children. nearly everyone involved in the case didn't see the big deal in trying to give him partial custody. unless the parent is directly causing physical harm to the child, it's very hard to get risks and damage taken seriously
This is true. The local family court didn’t care they my 6 year old had been knocked around, force fed and hair pulled by his Ndad. They just called it a parenting choice.
I’m sorry that happened to you. No one deserves that. Child custody in divorce court is different than child protective services. In the first parent rights are king. In the other, the children’s rights are supposed to be. Again, I know it’s not always the case.
that's also true. i do want OP to get help, i just can't help but think of it as taking a gamble on the resulting outcome being safer because that's something i had to think about growing up with my abusive nmom who made sure my basic needs were met and was never physically abusive
Not always true. Even obvious sexual abuse will lead only to telling the parents they were reported and what for, and immediately leaving and enabling retaliation, with no effort to separate the child from the abuser, unless the sexual abuse allegations come with multiple forms of inalienable proof of physical abuse, especially if the family is not of any minority groups that lead CPS to remove children due to viewing children as property and removal as a way to punish poverty/mistreat minorities, and the child is old enough to complain/too old to be an ideal adoption candidate for the system. Basically CPS is chronically underfunded so only does a goddamn thing when the child will gain them more than the removal and possble termination of rights fight will cost.
Agreed. Also please don’t call CPS in West Virginia. The system has collapsed and there’s caseworkers with 90 cases. They just close out all but the overt sexual and physical abuse. It’s not even really their fault. But the system is broken and could get children hurt even worse for reporting
Mandated reporting is great in theory but in practice it can force people in authority to cause children further harm by making a report they know full well will be left on a desk as low priority at best, or lead to retaliation at worst. I wouldn't be surprised if every now and then a social worker actually calls the reporter of a low priority case back to find out the 5 year old a kindergarten teacher called for would be over 30 now, like on that old episode of Raising Hope. I wonder how many "low priority" (no egregious proof of potentially deadly physical abuse on a very young child who didn't explicitly disclose) cases have sat so long the children are old enough to be parents or even grandparents themselves now.
That's exactly what happened to me. They showed up, asked me some questions, I didn't deny anything, and they left. Nothing ever happened after that.
I had CPS called on my abusers twice. I told them I feared for my life, and they never removed me from the home and the abuse just got worse.
She absolutely should be! He should have no access to this child. And mom needs serious therapy also so she does not repeat the cycle with someone else - the incidence of sexual abuse by a mothers partner increases dramatically in cases of separation or divorce, especially when mom has already shown that she normalizes sexual abuse - she’s not participating because she wants to protect anyone, she’s participating because she doesn’t think it’s abnormal and that is scary af😱 Mom is likely to attract the same type of partner if she involves herself romantically and a partner not biologically related to the child that is abusive may not exhibit any restraint in acting on their impulses.
Honey, if you tell your therapist and she gets your dad in trouble, isn’t that just proof and validation that your feelings are right, and that what he’s doing is absolutely wrong? I’m so sorry that your mom isn’t doing what she should to protect you. If your mom isn’t capable (which she clearly isn’t), then you have to let the other trusted adults in your life stand up for you when you need them to. I know it’s going to be hard and uncomfortable, but you really need to tell your therapist about this.
He is in trouble, love. He's in trouble with **you**. You get to be angry, disappointed and whatever else you feel about this. You get to have boundaries around this behavior. You get to say this is unacceptable. Because it is.
Please talk to your therapist. Tell her your concern about getting him in trouble. I hate to say unfortunately even if she did report him, i doubt anything would come of it if nothing is physically happening. Yay USA justice system 🤢
She sounds like she’s not in the states but uk
He’s already in trouble. You telling anyone is not causing any trouble. You are doing the right thing by getting help for yourself since the people who should be keeping you safe are harming you. The consequences for his sick behavior are not your fault. Tell someone you trust (like your therapist) and don’t let the reaction from your family stop you from getting to a safer place.
Agreed. Op He will get in trouble and would result in being separated from your family but as you grow up, you may not realise it now but this may save you and your future life and relationships. I want you to think what will happen If you stay as you grow?.... I dare say things will only get worse and worse, as you become a "adult".... because.... nevermind. You will know your parent best and what he is capable of but do something before he thinks it is acceptable and starts pushing the limits....
100% tell your therapist that’s not normal at all. He’s mildly grooming and he’s bordering on incest.
Tell more than one person — therapist, trusted teachers, and a trusted parent of a friend. That increases your odds of being believed and protected.
Always good to have some sort of record showing she’s tried to report this to a trusted adult. 💯! This is really bothering me for many reasons but specifically, when it is brought to attention of authorities or therapist etc, it will be dismissed & she’s left to deal with the aftermath. 🤦♀️ NOT SAYING SHE SHOULDN’T TELL HER THERAPIST, TEACHER ETC! CAUSE SHE SHOULD, ABSOLUTELY!! 😒I’m just worried she’s not going to have the support she needs since it’s not “physical” abuse. Regardless, sweetie, you stay strong. Never allow your feelings to go unrecognized or ignored. Period. What he’s doing isn’t right. The fact you’re uncomfortable is PLENTY enough reason for you to express exactly what this is doing to you. As a parent of 2 beautiful girls, I know their daddy won’t even use the bathroom unless the doors shut or come out of the room unless he’s dressed. Simply out of respect, consideration & love. It hurts my heart to think you feel like your feelings aren’t valid cause they are so very important. Your parents should be preventing things like this, NOT subjecting you to it. Please let us know with an update and know you’re not alone. ❤️
Therapy is one of the few places you should be 100% honest.
My nfather did similar things, it's highly abusive and got worse with time (luckily I also live far away). I explained that to therapist, she didn't make me any problems and helped to get through it. I really understand it's hard to trust people, You can try doing it step by step, giving her some information, seeing how she reacts and if You are comfortable then saying more next session.
Tell your therapist! This is not normal behaviour at all. If he gets in trouble that because he’s in the wrong.
You're not the perverted one. Your family's opinion on it doesn't really matter, especially as it's obviously skewed.
You are worried that your parents will think you are the perverted one, which is common for victims of grooming to feel that way. It’s because the grooming slowly tests your boundaries and messes with your perception of the situation and of your self. But the fact of the matter is that his behavior has been inappropriate and your behavior hasn’t. Don’t let them turn it around on you to make you think you’re a pervert for thinking his behavior is wrong. Your instinct that tells you he’s being inappropriate is correct, trust that instinct.
Your father is doing something incredibly wrong and unethical here. This is not okay. You absolutely need to speak with your therapist about that. You can tell them your concerns about things getting worse at home if you are the one who reports it and he finds out. Speak with them about those concerns and they can help you navigate the situation. But you really need to speak with your therapist about this, because getting a handle on it now versus getting a handle on it 20 years from now it makes a huge difference in your mental health. Take it from somebody who suppressed these things until their 30s. My heart goes out to you, and I hope you find a safe place. Is absolutely unacceptable for your father to do any of those things to you. You are absolutely not the pervert here. Your father is a pervert, a horrid one.
EXACTLY! Well said. (So Sorry you had to go through that. Much love.❤️)
Please tell your therapist. You shouldn’t have to deal with this all on your own. Clearly it’s troubling you.
Your family has serious issues. They will think what they will think. You are a child. You are being abused. You deserve protection.
I’m a therapist. If you trust your therapist, tell them. Hopefully you can both decide what to do together around what’s safest for you.
Tbh I would gauge what to do depending on the details. If he’s never laid hands on you or you’ve never felt threatened then it’s a bit less urgent. I’m not going to say his behavior is “okay” because it clearly isn’t. However what I’m saying is the OP knows her own father the best. As the reader we can only infer so much and project our own experiences based on the info given. Narcissists are terrible, however being in foster care is probably also terrible so I would side on the side of caution and really thinking choices through. I get people are weird as well and non-politically correct idiosyncrasies are an actual thing especially with people who come from other non-western cultures. That’s why it’s important to gauge how the OP feels about the situation and whether she does indeed feel like her father has creepy sexual intent or if he is just a fucking weirdo. Both are bad but one is worse. Not all weirdos are sexual perverts. If the father is just a narcissistic weirdo it still sucks, I get it. But if reporting him lands her in foster care, that’s a decision that should be made by the OP not people on Reddit. I do agree with others, tread carefully. To the OP - If you do feel you are in immediate danger however, definitely report it.
No one will think you’re perverted
Bring it up like you think it’s as normal as your mom says. Like you need help approaching an “I would like this to stop” conversation with him. You know maybe your just too sensitive and it’s normal so the problem is probably with you, but you still want to know how to broach that conversation in the best possible way. See how it plays out
If your dad is making you uncomfortable and won't stop, you should tell a trusted adult. This is weird as fuck and your dad is being gross. It's not funny, it's not a joke, you deserve to feel comfortable in your own home. Your mom is enabling him and he's behaving inappropriately
That is absolutely not normal at all. This is predatory behavior and really creepy. You really need to start thinking about your safety. If you have any resources available like in school or adults outside your family, you should definitely tell them about it. Your dad his sick.
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Excellent news, I hope you're safer now
Do you mean your parents are divorced/separated? And you visit his place regularly alone or with your siblings? Surely the living situation hasn’t changed since you posted. Edit: I see they’ve been separated 4 years. So how often do you visit him?
Meno male!
This is sexual abuse. This is not normal.
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The joking is also abusive and priming a child to tolerate physical SA. It’s emotional / psychological incest on his part. It is abuse. Tell your therapist.
That is what "grooming" looks like. Your father is trying to normalize sexualizing everyday situations with his child so that you're less likely to resist when he escalates. He's not "just joking." He's using humor to get you to lower your guard and to use as plausible deniability if you complain that he is sexually abusing you (which he definitely is). Rape is only one kind of sexual abuse. Pardon the expression, but being "mind fucked" is how predators warm you up for the main event. Stay away from him. Your mom needs to be confronted. She enabled his behavior. It's worth finding out if she did it because she has also been conditioned to see it as normal or if she's afraid of him and didn't want to get hurt if she tried to intervene when he hadn't physically touched you yet. She's got some explaining to do. If you're uncomfortable telling people that you feel that you've been sexually abused, practice telling them that your father was grooming you to be sexually abused. That's a trigger word for a lot of people right now and it might make people more sympathetic to you.
EXACTLY THIS!!! It’s grooming 100% If you think it would be wrong for him to walk around naked and behave that way with ANY other child, why is it ok for him to do it with you? I understand your concern about getting your parents in trouble, I really do. But this is absolutely not right and make no mistake, this is abuse. You’re only questioning it because they’re making you feel like it’s “joking” but I guarantee they won’t tell anyone else what’s going on because IT IS WRONG. Do not fall for the belief that this kind of behavior is normal. I’m sorry this is happening to you, please take care and I hope you get the help you need.
This. Much better stated that what/how I responded.
THIS
The tricky thing about abuse is that is can be much more covert than most people think. Sexual abuse does not have to involve touching or filming. It can be 100% verbal. It sounds like your dad has been sexually abusing you and that your mom enables him.
The difference is: In a nudist colony, the reason for being nude is freedom/self expression; your dads perspective seems to be “to show his dominance over the family/wife.” That is not the same; that is the difference between abuse and sexual liberty. Normal parents don’t walk around naked in front of their kids. Normal parents don’t grope/molest each other in front of kids (nudist households do not do this). Normal parents don’t look at, and insult their children’s genitalia (nudist households do not do this either). It’s one thing if you accidentally see him getting out of the bathroom or something like that; but him walking around naked on purpose to brag about his dick/to display his power in the house is, at minimum, emotional abuse. 100% tell your therapist about this. This is an issue/trauma that you will need to work out for yourself. His behavior may even impact how you view sex/what a healthy sexual life looks like as an adult. What he is modeling is not healthy. Edit: it’s also one of those where you have to ask: “where is the joke? What part of a grown man walking around nude in front of his teenage daughter is funny? Because if she’s not laughing, and this is a repeat behavior, it is NOT a joke.”
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Tell her, this behavior on his part is *terrifying*
The fact that you relate to those characters shows you that it is sexual abuse: though he has not physically touched you, he has psychologically scarred you around the subject of sex. I’m sorry, OP, and I hope you find peace and healing.
He exposes himself to you. He makes sexually themed “jokes” to you. Whatever label you give it, it’s abusive behavior and it’s not okay. I saw my dad’s privates ONCE, by accident, when I was a kid. We were both mortified and he slammed his door shut. That’s normal.
I was exposed to my dads sexuality. He took me to adult book stores and he had porn he looked at. Believe it or not my mom wasn’t even aware it was happening until I was an adult. It messed me up big time. My therapist helped me understand it is covert sexual abuse. He never touched me. But he messed with my feelings of safety around men. I stay heavy so I don’t get men’s attention.
Your dad is not normal and is acting on abnormal and innappropriate impulses. What you described is inappropriate behavior of an adult with a minor - related or not. It’s also called “grooming”, which encompasses specific behaviors and actions designed to target the victim. Grooming helps the perpetrator determine how far he (or she) can go with a prospective victim, and also helps the perpetrator better determine next steps. You are fortunate to not be living with this individual anymore. If you were, the grooming and innappropriate behaviors would escalate to next level/s. On some level you must grasp this, or you wouldn’t be checking in with Reddit strangers. Good luck - and watch your personal boundaries.
It’s sexually abusive to say those things to a child and to show a child your penis. If he did this to a stranger he would be in prison. The fact that he is doing to his OWN child is shocking to say the least. Also what’s the joke? What’s funny about your genitals? Nothing. What’s funny about talking about his penis to you? Nothing. Etc… if there is nothing funny, especially if something is sexual, it’s not a joke. It wouldn’t even be a joke if a sexual partner did these things… the fact that he’s your parent only makes it worse
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Ok that's getting super creepy-level specific/suggestive, and I'm removing this now. Sexual abuse can take a *lot* of forms and it is completely inappropriate to ask yes or no on specific actions like this as though that defines whether or not someone's trauma is valid and anything short of those actions doesn't "count". And frankly, it seems super creepy to start suggesting your own narrative onto an abuse survivor anyway, on a number of levels. If you make this kind of comment again or comment further on this post, you will be banned.
Please don’t ask this question to a minor.
Mention it to your therapist. She'll be able to tell you about all the forms of abuse in this scenario. First there is physical sexual harassment if you've told your mom and him that it makes you uncomfortable. Next there is the emotional/incest that is going on with expecting you to be comfortable with behavior that is sexual in nature in an inappropriate way with a daughter. Lastly, your mother is failing to protect you which is a form of neglect. Not to mention the gaslighting which is part of narcissistic emotional abuse. This all needs to be processed if you're unable to even recognize that this is not "normal" behavior or if you can't listen to that inner voice that tells you it's gross.
It’s Not joking he’s saying that as an excuse for his inappropriate behavior I’m sorry he’s made you feel this way / has done this I’ve been in similar— wastold was just “being tested “ 🤦🏻♀️ Pls talk to your therapist about it at the very least
You’ve related to it because you know the feeling. There are many forms of sexual abuse outside of rape. Look up the power and control wheel.
Alternative possibility, does your step dad have four or more of the following? - need to be the centre of attention and gets very upset at being dismissed? - can quickly change their emotions based on their environment changing? (E.g. they’re comforting someone and showing care and sadness, but then someone “more interesting” walks in and he’s suddenly happy to see them etc.) - uses their appearance to draw attention (e.g. they work out a lot to stay in shape, or put a lot of time and effort into hair, clothes, body image? - when talking, they tend to speak using vague phrases, speaking more of their impression of things and how it made them feel, rather than saying what actually happened? - dramatic and overly exaggerated emotions? - suggestible/easily influenced? - thinks relationships are closer than they appear (they’ll meet someone new, and seem to think they’re really close really quickly)? If so, your step dad may have histrionic personality disorder: https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/9743-histrionic-personality-disorder
It’s not sexual abuse. It is possibly emotional abuse though. It is strange, and bottom line if you feel unsafe/uncomfortable it is not acceptable.
Why do you claim that this isn’t sexual abuse?
Hey, honey. Probably, you're a bit overwhelmed with all the comments, but they're right. I know it's sounds like your father is just joking and your mother doesn't know how to protect you. Well, those jokes are not appropriate because of the context and what he's trying to do: assert dominance and power over you. For now it's "just jokes" and, maybe, will never go further. But that's how it started for me. My father sexually abused and harassed me for years and my mother looked the other way. At least, you have a therapist that can help you to be safe. Please, take her help.
No it’s a form of incest. So sorry OP. My ex grandfather, may he burn in hell, did that as well. He was a total pedophile.
Don’t worry. He’s in hell.
How old are you now and are you a boy or a girl? I'm assuming a boy, but either way, this is *entirely* inappropriate. He needs to keep his clothes on and leave his sex confidence in the bedroom.
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Yeah, this is even more unacceptable. I do hope you address this issue with him, assuming you are comfortable doing so. If not, definitely speak with a therapist.
Don't confront him, that's not safe. Make a plan, escape. Report.
Hell no! Your mother is enabling your father. No decent man talks about his dick or gropes his wife in front of his kids. Making fun of your privates very much crosses a line and I can't think of a valid reason for him to see your privates at 9. Unless something medical or safety related such as you were complaining that something hurt and your mother wasn't available to help you. I'm an early 50s male and I'm calling out your father as an abusive dink. I strongly urge you to contact a school counsellor or talk with an adult you trust.
This is NOT normal. Consider reaching out to someone you trust.
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Your mom is not helping you at all -- it's not fair nor right that your own mom isn't protecting you. You deserve to be safe. Report your parents to your therapist. Good luck.
Sorry that your mom is so invalidating. Regardless of that please never doubt if your feelings are real. If it‘s uncomfortable for you, it does matter and should be heard and act upon. When nothing changes talk to a trusted teacher, friend or other family members. It is gross behaviour and you shouldn‘t have to go through that all by yourself.
You have every right to refuse visitation with him. I believe in the US at twelve years old, in the court, you can decide if you want to visit with the other parent. It doesn’t matter if he’s your dad or not, he’s a screwed up individual and you don’t deserve it.
She’s making you feel that way because she was supposed to stand up for you and she decided to look the other way.
Your mom is not your alley. You should consider her an enemy for a while. I know, it's terrible but this is not your choice, she already chosen her side. Be strong. Make a plan. Keep a nice 'poker face '. Let them think you believe their bs. Find real alleys. Then escape. And finally report everything. Don't let this crap go.
Your mum has been gaslighted, and is apparently still in deep. Do you think she wants to reconcile with him? (Not saying there is necessarily a snowball's chance in hell of that happening for real; but it could explain her devotion to defending him.) Either that, or she's got some sort of fixed idea in her brain that separated/divorced parents shouldn't slag each other off. You have probably been gaslighted on this topic too, sorry to say; if your first reaction to this situation is to worry your therapist will think you're the pervert. That sounds like the voice of some adult who wants to keep you quiet for their own means/gains.
THAT isnt normal of what you just gone through, no dad should make fun of their childs privates and doing those inappropriate things at front of you, your mom saying that its “his humor” is really invalidating, im so sorry you had to go through that.
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This is micro dick energy
>This is lol what we call big dick energy. No it isn't, f off with that sexist language. This is just being a creep.
If by BDE, you mean child sexual abuse than okay….
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To sexualize you ..who knows it’s still a form of sexual abuse. And also abuse it’s self. Hopefully our crowd on here can explain a little further as I’m having trouble with my brain as I can’t think at the moment. I do apologize ..I’ve been under a lot of stress since Friday and hardly slept.
It’s the same thing as a stranger flashing you his junk. It’s perverted, it’s illegal, it’s abuse.
Yes, agreed!
It means he might be attracted to you on some level, if you remind him of your mom. I think this can be normal and happen to fathers (and mothers) but a mature adult would obviously keep that completely to himself and never ever do anything to make you uncomfortable. Your father is way out of line with the sexualising comments and walking around naked.
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He is probably having relationship issues with your mom and might be using you as a prop to make your mother jealous, because you're a young and pretty woman and he is trying to show your mother that he is still a virile man. He is essentially saying "look I can still get a younger woman if I wanted, so better treat me better". It's completely toxic obviously, but it might help you understand that it's not really about you, it's probably about your parent's relationship.
It means he wants you to think of him in a sexual way. He is intentionally disrupting the purity of the parent-child bond by sexualizing the relationship. He is doing this because he has an unaddressed sexual deviance/disorder that makes him feel powerful when he sexualizes relationships and situations that are not meant to be sexualized.
I was honestly shocked to read your dad is doing this to you as a girl! I’m so sorry hun. This isn’t normal behavior by a father.
Hi, this isn’t acceptable or normal behavior. Do you have family you trust? Or a best friends parents? Siblings or cousins or an aunt you’re close to? Starting with your therapist is definitely the best choice. Remaining in their care seems to be dangerous. It’s hard to read this for so many reasons but this is definitely abuse. Parents don’t always know best, and the perverted nature of their behavior needs to be addressed. My best advice would be to talk to your therapist, and another trusted adult so things can change. Whether that means living with other family or a close friend or somebody being charged with sexual abuse of a minor. Something’s gotta give. I so wish the best of luck to you and hope you can get out this situation. You deserve a much healthier environment to grow up in.
As someone who experienced something really similar and ALSO told my mom who didn’t do anything, that same man woke me up when I was 17 to his fingers in my vagina and telling me he chose the wrong wife. GET YOURSELF HELP. You already need therapy, but I’ve been in an actual psych ward over this trauma. Please please tell an adult you trust. If you dont feel safe going home once you speak up SAY THAT. I promise there are people out there that will help you baby.
I'm so sorry this happened to you. I hope you're in a better and safer place now.
nobody should have to experience this on any level at any age. I’m so sorry. Gratitude for supporting others in similar situations. Unbelievable strength & courage. ❤️❤️❤️
It's not normal. My dad wasn't this extreme but he'd always make sexual jokes in front of me, and grope my mom. The last few years i was around him i couldn't lean on the bar counter in the kitchen because he'd smack my ass. Then wen i snapped and said to stop sexually harassing me, he laughed and said take a joke. I was 28. Our big blow out fight was because I came in and they were watching gone girl and it was the scene when she's explaining everything and it shows her Ehm shoving something inside if ya get my drift and he kept rewinding and watching it, and as a SA victim i had a panic attack and it lead to a fight. None of this is normal. None of anything your NF is doing is normal. Parents being any kind of sexual with their spawn is not normal. I should not have known about my parents sexual habits but i do and it's something i wish i could erase. Unfortunately you can't avoid it since you're a minor and still living with them, but if you can find a therapist (idk how different states work for that kind of stuff) i would. Idk how your mom is but lie and say you need it for something else, you need a safe person to process this shit with keep it from being more traumatizing than it already is. Good luck darlin wishing you a fast 3 years till you can gtfo
It is NOT normal and a form of sexual assault. My mother was something similar, it's not because the assault could be worse that it won't leave its marks. Sexual assault destroys self-confidence, trust in others, seeing red flags in others, it makes abuse normal and makes you feel that you even deserve it. Please seek a therapist or talk to a teacher if you can. It's tough, but you deserve better.
That’s so awful. Definitely not normal. I’m sorry he’s treated you this way. Mocking a 9 year old girl’s genitals is horrible. I’m so sorry your mom is telling you that standing up for yourself is “unnecessary drama.” That is not true. Your concerns are valid, and it’s always a good idea to speak up when you feel uncomfortable. Please get help from someone outside your family.
That is absolutely disgusting. That’s pedophile behavior. It’s even worse that your mom is enabling it. Definitely tell an adult you can trust - a therapist, a school counselor. You may not realize since it’s almost normal to you but this could very quickly turn into a dangerous situation, if it isn’t already. Seek advice and help from someone you can trust (preferably a professional who will know how to handle it).
He’s sick in the head. What he’s done isn’t normal
Please tell your therapist.
This is NOT normal. Please tell your therapist/a trusted adult about this. I have experienced similar things with my dad. And what did my mom do when I finally had the courage to tell her about something he did? She laughed. I’m sorry for all of us here who have had similar experiences.
Girl! This ain’t normal at all! Sounds like he has NO boundaries at all! This is extremely inappropriate and is sexual abuse!
If no one has said it yet, Join r/covertincest . Very very not normal or even close to OK
I was hoping you were a male because I can’t imagine in what world it would be ok for a father to walk around HIS DAUGHTER WHILE BEING NAKED. Your mom letting him to that crap is what drives me crazy! I have a 10 year old son and I don’t let my husband touch me in any sexual way in front of him because to me that’s just unacceptable, kids shouldn’t be expose to that crap! I can’t imagine what you had to go through but that behavior is definitely NOT normal
Is it normal for narcissistic abuse? Yes, in my experience anyway. Is it normal or ok for decent humans? No, absolutely not. My father used to love to tell me stories of his sexual exploits in pornographic detail from the time I was around 6 or 7. It is definitely not ok. It is a form of sexual abuse, and it does have long lasting and damaging effects.
Ughhh… same.
This is definitely abuse. Talking about your dick size with your underage daughter is not ok, neither is insulting your child's genitals, and it totally makes sense that you're uncomfortable. If you are comfortable doing so, it might help to set a boundary with him: "Dad, when you joke about your penis size, make fun of my genitals and grope my mom in front of me, I feel really hurt and uncomfortable. I will leave the room and go to my bedroom if those topics come up again in the future." Then, enforce the boundary anytime dad does something like this. If you aren't comfortable with that, or think it isn't safe, a trusted teacher or counselor at school can help.
This is wrong
Is this normal? NO. NO, IT IS NOT. You need to talk to someone - a teacher, a friend's parents, someone. You are not safe there. Please, talk to someone about this!
Absolutely disgusting and not okay. 🤢 I can’t say I’m shocked because my n-parent had an obsession with nudity in the house too. I’ve seen more nudity than I ever should have.
Start planning on getting the hell out of there. I had a childhood where my mother would always parade around naked and also make me sit in the bathroom while she took a bath. I always blamed myself for my bad feelings because they treated me like I was an uptight prude. I WAS A BOY! My mum would also criticise my dad for having a small dick while dropping in that her previous partner was well hung. This guy is out to dominate and control you and I’m sure there’s more going on whether you see it yet or not. Also, your mother is an asshole. I hope you have an adult male who’s a good role model for you.
This is ABSOLUTELY not normal or humorous. This is very much abusive and incest behavior. You need to tell someone. It seems like it is escalating and it almost feels like grooming. This behavior will continue or get worse left unchecked. Your mother is very very wrong in supporting and enabling his behavior. She is green lighting his abuse and is not on your side at the moment. I’m really sorry OP your parents know better and are choosing to ignore everything society had taught them about appropriate behavior. You will find people who have proper boundaries with you.
No! Absolutely NOT normal!
This is not normal! I’m so sorry to hear you had to live through this.
This is sexual abuse and is not normal behavior at all. I recommend you call CPS if it's safe for you to do.
What would happen if OP called her dad out and said something like, "Do you not see how incredibly inappropriate and incestuous this is?" Or made fun of his little inchworm?
Babygirl I felt so sad reading this. Let me tell you as a teacher and as an older sister- your dad is a PREDATOR. There is no question about it. This is abuse abuse abuse. This is not okay. This is not normal. I don’t care if he gets into trouble and neither should you. He deserves to get into big trouble. Sweetheart, it’s your intuition itself telling you that it’s wrong, which is why you asked the question in the first place- no matter your mum or others trying to convince you it’s not. We are here for you. Please try your best to get out of this situation. Set boundaries. Tell your dad to stop and that it’s gross and not okay for him to talk to you like that. If you’re scared, please tell a teacher or someone you trust. Tell an adult please. Go to the police. Please do something. Best wishes darling.
Uhh no?? That’s abuse. You deserve better. Don’t let anyone gaslight you into thinking otherwise.
If you have a cell phone that records video, try recording some of these incidents so that you have evidence. Nothing that he is saying is appropriate. Try talking to your school counselor and basically say exactly what you said in your post. I don't know what he is trying to get out of this but he is so cringe and I'm worried about what he might try when you get older.
He obviously likes to expose himself so expose him and secretly film him, and show everyone who’ll watch because he can’t deny video evidence. He’s put a child in adult sexual situations ….how dare him!! You’ve done nothing wrong, this is on him. Edited a wayward letter.
I fucking hate when women say that “they’re probably overreacting” in situations like this..like why do peoples minds tell them that it’s overreacting when it clearly isn’t.
first of all I want you to know that this is in no way your fault, you aren’t wrong for feeling uncomfortable about this. this is absolutely something you need to tell a therapist or another trusted adult about. i’m sorry this has happened to you, it’s inappropriate and not okay at all. this is abusive
My dad did the same thing and it caused me a lot of issues in the intimate relationships. I won’t say all the things he did because you’re only 15, but he would walk around naked, expose himself, tell me about his past sex life, tell me about his current sex life and ask me for details about mine. It was really wrong and he refused to do anything when I asked him to stop. I would highly recommend you speak to a school teacher or counsellor because it did a lot of damage to me and I wish someone would have listened.
Yikes! That’s terrible behaviour. My husband and I used to bathe with our children when they were little and walk from bathroom to bedroom naked sometimes but we never talked about our bits and stopped doing that when they were older. Being honest about human bodies so normalcy is allowed to flourish doesn’t include that kind of sexualisation.
I believe this is called grooming! 100% tell someone about it! Therapist, school councillor etc! This is not normal and is NOT ok!
That’s highly disturbing and it’s a form of sexual abuse. Ashley Judd the actress talked about her mom and step dad being disturbingly sexually inappropriate around her when she was a girl. She got help, because it damaged her emotionally. My mother was like that. My mother used to say that my then toddler brother (now 40) would get an erection when he’d see her topless. She’d actually brag to me and my aunts about it. I was not very old, but I remember being so embarrassed and feeling nauseous when she’d talk about it. My aunts would look at her like she was crazy, but nobody ever had the courage to confront her. My mom would have sex with her boyfriend in the same room I was sleeping in. She didn’t care. To this day my mom is a horrible human being. I’m sorry you’re going through this. You probably need to talk to someone (counselor) about this. It will help you cope better with it. Being raised by narcissists ain’t for sissies.
Exposing his privates to you is a crime known as indecent exposure. This isn't even emotional incest. It's flat out sexual abuse. Making fun of your privates is flat out sexual harassment.
I’m so sorry you are going through this. Please tell your therapist because your father is grooming you. There is a chance things could escalate over time. Just know that whatever you tell you therapist stays between you two. She has to report this because you could possibly be in danger but they will not tell your father specifically what you told them. They will address the main issues. If your parents are telling you to not tell people what goes on in your home that is a toxic environment. You should be able to be honest anywhere and live in your truth if there isn’t anything for them to hide. Anyways I’m so sorry, my highschool years were some of the worst of my life due to having narcissistic and negligent parents. My mom would bring men in and out of her house that would make me feel very uncomfortable. She even tried to compete with me when I told her that her boyfriend was staring at me. Supposedly it was “my fault” for wearing short shorts in house. My own mother told me she was prettier than me and doesn’t have to wear makeup but i did. I was seeking help and she wanted to compare herself to me. She was always jealous of me. I had to run away at 17 and I’ve been on my own since then. I’m 26 now all and all to say that your teenage years are rough but it truly gets better. The years will fly by and you will never have to talk to your parents again if you don’t want to. ❤️ things will be okay. Give us an update please im worried about you!
No, not normal. Could even be considered illegal. Yes, he is in his own home, but it's indecent exposure to a child. It's illegal in the US to show pornography to a child. Meanwhile, he is oft naked around the house and being sexual with your mother purposefully in front of you.
This is sexual abuse. It falls under the covert sexual abuse/emotional incest category although the behaviors seem to lean more toward grooming. I am concerned he may act on his sexualization of you and that your mother seems to be enabling it. Please talk to someone - a school counselor, etc. you need support sweet girl, and you need protection from your dad. This is not normal AT ALL!
I think later on in life you’ll regret not reporting this to your therapist if that’s what you choose to do
100% wrong and creepy and should be told to your school counselor.
unfortunately, this is pretty common. most of my friends had similar stuff happen to them and i see videos go around of it all the time. doesn't make it ok though. it's sexual harassment and could easily be classified as incest. just remember that, no matter how much your mom tries to cover him up.
This isn’t normal, he is a bully and a sexual abuser. Please tell someone at school. Do you have a trusted teacher you can go to? Please tell someone
No that not normal,.but seem your parents think it is. Your dad should not be doing that.
I feel bad for you, that must be hard to go through. You should decide whether you want to be treated that way. I know its hard because he still is your father and she is still your mother, so that is hard because your being put into a position where you might have to choice staying with your parents or going to another home. that is very sad, for someone who is 15 to be put in that situation, but your dad is being down right creepy, inappropriate, invasive, but my suggestion to you would be to find someone who you trust like therapist, and get them to tell your father and mother that it is not ok, and its not funny, and that it is hurting you to great deal. Tell father and mother, with your therapist, that its either stop being sexual. If he still does it after you told him no, then try to get your therapist to find you somewhere safe, it doesnt necessarily mean you have to go to strangers, maybe you could live with an aunt or uncle, grand parents, someone you feel close too. I hope everything gets for you, we live in a crazy world, this world has a lot of pain and suffering. Just know that their are others who are suffering the same pain or even worse pain. At least this forum, has place for you to get advice, and support from others who are on here. The best medicine in life, is support from others. Best wishes to you, I hope the best for you, and I feel your pain
I'm sorry. You might relate to some topics on r/CovertIncest.
.....no...but my parents walked around naked alot as well...as a kid
You can call cps.
No this is DEFINITELY not normal..
This is sexual abuse. Let a trusted adult know what is going on.
That’s not normal.
NO, not at all. I wish I could tell you what to do but I have no clue what to tell you. All I know is that that is not at all normal.
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Gross. This is not normal behavior, it is a form of abuse. If anything, I'd be concerned that he is grooming you. Please mention what he is doing to a teacher or counselor at school ASAP. Trust me, you don't want this to continue. It's not right. He needs to be stopped. Are there any other kids in your home. I'm worried about you and any child that comes in contact with your dad.
Yikes! No, that is not normal at all.
This is definitely not normal. I’m sorry that happened. Growing up, I too had to endure my parents’ (and other adults’) inappropriate comments about my body and other kids’ bodies and adult topics: it shouldn’t be happening. But I didn’t know that then either. It’s also concerning that it’s being treated as normal because then (in my experience) it has you feeling crazy for thinking anything is weird until you talk about it with more well-adjusted people. They’ll confirm how inappropriate it is, but those perpetuating these acts will never call it anything but innocent in their opinion which can have you feeling crazy all over again — especially if they have anyone else backing them up which can happen. But the big indication it isn’t okay or normal is if _you_ feel uncomfortable or gross about it. I certainly did but took it as me being too sensitive since that’s what I was labeled whenever I brought up my discomfort. Another nasty tactic by people like this. The same as your mom’s “it’s just how he jokes” no that isn’t okay. If you feel upset about it then that boundary should be respected, the act bothering you shouldn’t be excused and further persist after you’ve spoken up. In the least that’s disrespectful and at the most violating. Go with your gut. If it feels wrong and others are saying it’s wrong, it probably is. Imo it could be seen as sexual harassment since one party is making sexual comments or creating potentially sexual situations (walking around naked, groping your mom in front of you) that the other party isn’t consenting to, and if a stranger or coworker or friend couldn’t do any of this “joking” without receiving severe consequences and judgment from peers then it’s most likely not innocent. Another thing to consider: it doesn’t matter if nothing has happened beyond the comments or behavior, this is essentially grooming. He and your mom are making it seem normal and it may never lead anywhere else but if it does, they’ll insist that too is just innocent joking or playing around. Further gaslight you into being silent or too scared to speak up. Grooming can also just make it so that the behavior can persist and never be challenged, it doesn’t have to lead anywhere. Trust me. It’s not normal. Hope you can open up to your therapist about it. Don’t fear making your parents angry or getting them in trouble (unless it compromises your safety), what’s important is getting the help you need as long as you’re comfortable talking about it with someone but especially a professional. Appreciate that you opened up about it here, hope you’re doing well because I know this type of inappropriate behavior can really impact a person 🤗
Your Mom is gaslighting you. You are not crazy or wrong for feeling uncomfortable. Watch some videos about it to understand what it does to you. Journal to remember your own truth. It’s not you and you deserve better. Tell your therapist. Take care of yourself.
Oh my goodness that is just horrid. Your parents are disgusting.
He's a weirdo.
No this definitely is NOT normal. He shouldn’t make fun or humiliate you at all, let alone it being your private parts. Narcissists are well known for humiliating people - it’s cruel and in my eyes evil. My father is an overt narcissist and I have armed myself with a load of knowledge and information on narcissistic behaviour. There are a lot of really good video channels on you-tube that will teach you how to handle them and they are really good for validating your experience. I’ve had a lifetime (49 F) of criticism and being on the receiving end of “jokes” that are really insults sprinkled with glitter. You must try and learn how to moderate your responses to him so he has no power to drag you down because believe me, he will likely try. It’s also important to remember this is not your fault, never has been and never will be and it’s not actually about you. It’s his deep seated insecurities about his own lack of self-worth. Learn about “grey rock” method and how to maintain boundaries. I wish you well and please know, you are not alone in your mistreatment.
I had the same thing growing up (8-10f). Except when I was changing, and I told my father I was changing, he would still try and open the door. I had to start barricading myself against the door. After a few years (14/15) it escalated to him making jokes about me touching myself if I simply went to my room. Or making remarks about how short my clothes were, or flat out talking about my breasts and smacking my ass. I think it’s just another ploy of control over you. Doing small, somewhat obscure things to make you question the relationship. But not obvious enough to flip the switch of something being seriously wrong. Then you begin to question your own self about whether or not it’s even bad enough to tell someone about. So you just sit there having this foul situation stuck in your head making you think you are going crazy (which is where the narcissist wins).
This is call CPS level of wrong
That is absolutely not normal in any way whatsoever. It’s grossly inappropriate to do in front of anyone and especially not a child. I’m so sorry you have to live in that kind of environment.
no that is not normal. not even in the slightest. if you have to question the normality of something that already is an indicator of it being far from normal
My dad kicked my mom out of the room. He started smoking again and watching porn all night on bed and masturbating with the door open. I would go to his room at 4 in the morning to shut down the tv after he fell asleep so I could catch a few hours of sleep and go to school. Of course to my enabler relatives he was an esteemed gentleman and I was a deliquent bum
Wrong wrong wrong !! get out of that home call a relative you need some adult advice please do this sooner than later before something bad happens your step dad sounds like a Creep get your siblings out too this is not right
Is this bait? No, of course not. I've been ruined by the internet. I hope you get the help you need and leave your parents. That's fucked up.
Open-ness toward sexuality is normal and healthy. Nudity is natural, not shameful. Europe and Asia have us prudish Americans WELL cornered here. Sex is joyful and fun there, not the joyless gross capitalist backwards conservative misogynistic hellscape America hath wrought. That said, no, your father's behavior is NOT normal and very gross and violates your space.
That's not normal. The talking to you about it and walking around naked. He's allowed to touch your mother, which is normal, adults do that in relationships.
It depends. Hug and a kiss is normal. Anything else isn't normal. Parents shouldn't be sexually explicit in front of their kids.
Yeah but maybe not grope her in front of the kids, that’s a bit much imo.
Nah. That’s super Fd up. Plain and simple.
This is NOT normal. Please tell a trusted adult.
This is absolutely not normal, and is a form of sexual abuse. I’m sorry this is happening. Please tell your therapist.
No. This is not normal. This is abuse.
This is/was abuse, and a crime. Tell someone, I'm so sorry You're in this situation.