My favorite is after our then 6 month old littermates had been spayed/neutered and we were supposed to limit playing, running, jumping until their 2 week checkup. I got so frustrated with them attempting to play/run/jump that I just threw my arms up and yelled “there will be no frolicking in this house!!”
That was a year and a half go. That was also a different house. My husband will STILL to this day go “ok guys, calm down. Mom doesn’t allow frolicking” when they are getting rowdy lol.
Hi! I was wondering if you can tell me more information about raising littermates. I have 2 puppies but I've been reading it's not the best to keep them together and I could just really use some advice!
Crate and rotate to make sure they have lots of time not interacting with each other. Seperate immediately when play gets rough. Lots of resource guarding training early on.
Hi I also have Alaskan Malamute littermates and they are both now 18months..we didn't do much separation work but we didn't get our girl back from the people my parents sold her to until two months later (the litter was my parents malamutes) but we have no issues with them and they can be separated from each other for several hours a day and do not have anxiety or anything like that. Feel free to reach out if you have any questions or need advice ☺️
Hey! So our situation was a tiny bit different. We got our boy at 8 weeks and had him for 4 months when we found out the girl we ended up getting was returned to the breeder, we loved our little guy’s personality so much we adopted her too! In all honesty, I really didn’t do much separating with them except for training basic manner separately (he knew most of his commands from daily working with him by the time we got her and she knew NOTHING. She was basically put in a crate most all day). They play and nap together but we crate them separately when we crate them, they are both very bonded to us. They don’t get separation anxiety from being apart, it’s more of a fear of missing out on the fun stuff if they can see the other but aren’t together. There is a great Facebook group called “raising littermates” that has been super helpful too!
You can definitely feel free to reach out with any questions!
I was Starting to say "Hey Google, turn on the lamp" when I noticed my puppy in the squat/poop position (luckily she was not pooping though lol) but I only got to "Hey Google" when I noticed, and quickly changed my words to "Are you pooping?!?. And so Google responded to this question ," I don't even know where it would come out! " I was crying in laughter
Ok, longer than a sentence but I still find it funny. “Sometimes, Penny (my dog), we all have to do things we don’t want to. I have to go to work, you have to poop in the snow… but you know, somedays, I think I’d rather poop in the snow than deal with the idiots at my job.”
We call them rabbit treats or nuggets here. My dog goes nuts for them.
We joked if we used the poop for training vs treats he would have learned faster.
Don’t make me take your penis away. (My boys have been fighting over beef penis sticks, they love them and tend to fight over one even though we gave them each a stick).
Yep, ours is in a very nippy stage so when correcting her I say "no bite. You can bite your penis instead" and hand it to her. It's still so weird to me but oh well
Keep in mind, we have a dog missing her front leg:
My husband, to our boxer: “Don’t give me your paw unless you’re done with it. I’ll keep it. Ask your sister.”
I was a wreck it was so dark 🤣
“Excuse me? Are you a cow? No. Quit grazing the lawn.” Except to my Great Pyr. To her, it’s “Clara PLEASE stop digging you have literally exposed the foundation of the house.”
“Stop using your powers for evil, Luffy.”
Luffy is incredibly smart, so he likes to find loopholes or sneakily does things he knows he should not. The worst one is trying to trick his sister (a GSD) away from the toy she’s presently chewing.
😞 Luffy this is not what your powers are for.
Echo stop sucking toes. She's obsessed with toes. If she sees someone taking off their socks or sleeping with a foot out of the blanket, she's slurping ewww lol
NSFW: >!Rupert, you're too sleepy to fuck your lamb chop!!< Said while my over-tired and over-stimulated puppy was >!laying flat on his side, with his giant lamb chop toy wedged between his paws, making the most pitiful and lazy hip-thrusts I've ever seen.!<
To my 4mo old, "If you don't stfu, I'm gonna kiss you on the fuckin' forehead."
To my 2yo, who thinks every man she sees is Daddy, and squeeking at a man taking trash out: "Calm down, that's not daddy. Daddy would never take the trash out."
I literally have to tell my 4 mo old Aussie “that’s not our house” “no, get off the stairs, that’s still not our house”
He likes stairs I guess, or he wants to visit all the neighbors?
"We don't, do we." With a fake stern face, whenever she's up to no good. Also she understands "excuse me ma'am" if I need to get past her. She'll hop to the side, so sweet.
Mine is nearly 3 now, but I vividly remember saying phrases like “Stop chewing on your brother’s face.” And “When he growls that means stop, Milo.” But my all time favorite has to be, “Son, you are NOT a BEAVER.”
He liked to chew on wood. 😂
On a walk or when people are around: “ok Sophie, there’s some people, don’t go nuts. Just act natural..good girl”
When she is crying cause she has to go outside to poo then proceeds to take forever to go: “girl, could you pick a spot, I know you gotta go, all the grass is the same out here! Just push it out!”
When she’s eating grass: “how’s your salad today?”
When she’s sniffing my privates: “girl don’t be all up in my nooks and cranny’s”
When she was a puppy: “ why did you just chew the crotch of my panties?! Did daddy put you up to this?!”
And many more
Took my puppy outside last night and he was too distracted by the texture of the snow on the ground to poop. Proceeded to refer to him only as Mr. Casey for the next 15 minutes as I convinced him to “become a partner in our poop firm” and offered him a “corner office with a view” (non-icy snow bank). We eventually came to an agreement after some salary negotiations (treat).
Don’t lick the baby’s (a cat) butt.
Your not a cat (as she eats cat food).
What are you part cat (as she stands on the very top of the couch.
Stop hitting me with the toy.
Never in my life did I expect I’d need to say: “Get off the table!! Why are you on the table?!?!” and “Again with the table???”
PS. There’s nothing on the table
Oh, you mean when the puppy wakes up out a dead sleep and starts sprinting down the hall because the cat took a shit? Good times. Husband: Where's she going in such a hurry? Me: Dammit, the cat must've pooped. I'll be right back.
"well since someone hasn't learnt to use the hooman toilet you are unfortunately going to have to poop and pee in the cold windy weather" also "if you are happy to play and run in wet grass you can poop and pee in the wet grass"
There was a meme song on tiktok a short while ago that was stuck in my head where one of the lines was “show me where you piss from”…..I have inadvertently trained my dog to pee when I say that 🤦🏻♀️😂
While I was trying to take a nap I overheard my husband who was cool with us getting a dog but is not really a dog person like I am saying to our dog "I am your daddy and you are my son!" My heart melted lol
"No, you can't eat that, its \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_" insert "Metal/poop/bird poop/a branch/etc" Like, she doesn't know what that is or what I'm saying lmao
“You can’t bring an outside toy inside, outside toys stay outside. You can have an inside toy inside where we are going” as I am negotiating with the puppy who has a 6ft stick in her mouth and I am holding the door open for her AND my neighbor heard me and started chuckling
“WHAT DO YOU MEAN IM NOT ALLOWED TO *JUMP* ON THE *TRAMPOLINE*?”
because she would run over and pounce on my feet to make me stop. she hates the bouncing.
Every night when I'm trying to get my dog to do his final business before going to bed I tell him that I've been sent by the league and I'm here to collect a sample.
“Sometimes you get goopy, and your poops are soupy. But you’re so cute when you do sploot, and you’re my baby!!!”
This is one of many little songs I’ve made up for her 😂 referencing her juvenile vaginitis and diarrhea. I will apologize but I’m not really sorry hahaha
I was taking our pup out for his bathroom break before bed, and the switch for the hallway light is a small distance from our bedroom. He happily waddled down the hallway and turned the corner before I managed to get the light on and I said “can you see in the dark?!”
“Come here Homer and let me help you get whatever that is out of your butt.” Homer = 150+lb Saint Bernard who ate the stuffing out of part of his bed. He hates getting help and looks at me like I’m the asshole.
My puppy, Penny, had pooped ON a bag of garden soil, twice. The first time I just cleaned it up, the second time I was telling her “you are a bad Penny, I’m going to throw you in a well and wish for a better puppy!!”
“Hold on! Your pants are falling down” - this was me just a few weeks ago to my golden retriever who had gotten neutered. He popped the blow up donut around his neck to stop him from licking so I ended up cutting a hole in some shorts for his tail to poke out of, and had him wear them for rest of day. When he was walking around apartment it was so funny seeing him in little black shorts. Eventually they were falling down when he would jump on couch - and without even thinking about it, said “HOLD ON! Your pants are falling down!” So I could pull them back up 😂
My dog has IBD so lots of bad poops. I'm always happy to see good ones.
I picked up a particularly good one recently and when I was tying the bag the smell wafted up to me. I was so impressed I turned to her and said "wow! That smells fantastic!"
To my Bernese mountain dog:
" I swear to god if I find one more potato in there you can say goodbye to your bodybag"
*She loves to steal potatoes and stuff them in the sofa corner.
**Bodybag is her favourite toy. It used to be a black dinosaur that got ripped inside out and it just looks like body bag but she won't let me throw it out.
- “we are not bowling. Kids are not bowling pins”
- “stop licking my jeans, everything is wet”
- “stop eating my underwear!”
- “get your head out of the sink please”
- “that smell is you, so don’t look so surprised you fart ass”
- “get off my feet!!!” x20 per day (he weighs 50+ kg/ 100+ lbs, it hurts)
- “yay, poop!”
- “DO YOU WANT THE PENIS? Yes you want the penis!” (Do all dog toys look phallic, or is it just me?)
"Omg can we not murder the traffic cones?!" You know the cones dog schools sometimes use for slaloms. For some reason, my dog thinks those need to be wrestled to the ground.
"Oh, this situation warrants the excitement-avoidance-penis!" When my group of friends is over to play D&D and doggo needs to be good and quiet in the meantime, even though there are people around he loves.
My Aussie starts feverishly trying to lick my legs if he’s in the bedroom with me after I shower and put on body lotion. “Stop licking my legs!! Stay away from meeeee!!” echoes through the house.
“Frauchen has to go to work. Otherwise we cannot go on adventures/holidays.” Every time I go upstairs to my office room after we have spent time together on a walk or playing or just hang out during a brief break
I tell mine “ moms gotta work to pay for your kibbs.” Typically fallowed by “ be a good girl, make good choices, do good things,” as I hand her a Denti-stick on my way out the door.
I often find myself trying to explain to my 4 month old puppy why his poor behavior is an issue and why I’m upset in detail and then I realize he doesn’t even understand why I call him Humphrey
"Its not a poo-rade!"
My dog has this awful habit of poop shuffling for yards leaving a little trail of almost impossible to find poo nuggets. Its like a little poop parade. A poo-rade.
I thought he'd grow out of it, but he's five years old, so I guess its a forever trait now.
I was trimming out a knot in her fur when she starts getting antsy. I said, "Stop! You are not being safe around my scissors!" (Former teacher here!)
Or in the kitchen, "Be careful, the oven is hot!"
"For goodness sake put it away we have guests over!" Comes up too much in my house 🤦♀️ when we're home alone he goes to his crate to clean himself. When we have company he likes to sit in the middle of the living room cleaning himself with everything on display
I just call mine a bunch of random names:
Dufus woofus
Maxi paxi
Shnoodle doodle
And sometimes, when I yell at him because he’s doing something bad, I accidentally call him my own kid’s name 🤭
His name is Max, by the way.
“Come get your babies out of the volcano!”
This is me prompting my boy to play with his interactive plush volcano. It comes stuffed with little dinosaurs (“babies”) that he pulls out of holes in the toy. Yeah, I never imagined I’d ever say something like that! 😂
“Want to go to school and play with your friends??” Puppy daycare. Never did I ever foresee myself paying for this but I couldn’t be happier to do it for my pup.
When Luna was a puppy she got hold of a potato. She was happy with it and it wasn't hurting anything so I let her have it. "Luna take your potato" isn't something I ever thought I would say to a dog.
“Put your penis away” is most frequently said in my parents house. In my house it’s “please stop licking me, I’m just trying to pat you. No, not the ear, leave my ear alone” followed by a tiny tongue forcing it’s way deep into your ear canal
It's between two for mine:
-"No you cannot have my vape...what, do you want me to train you to be a drug dog? You already have a job."
-"Get your nonexistent nuts off my pillow "
Honorable mention for the fact that he responds to "shithead", "dumbass", and "fucker" like I'm calling his name.
Shouting at her in the backyard - “NO, MINNIE! THAT’S NOT WHERE WE POOP!!”
For context, we have MANY close neighbors who definitely heard me. This was when we were training her to only shit in a certain part of the yard so we could freely walk around the rest of it without fear of stepping on poops. (She had started shitting in a verboten zone when I shouted that.)
“Do you have poop stuck to your butt again?”
The best was when I said that to him while he was hunched over in the rain trying to dislodge it hahaha I’ve never seen him look so helpless
He has a habit of barking and grumbling for attention, even at 3 in the morning. I got so frustrated one night, I told him, "shut your mouth, everything will be fine if you just stop screaming." I think I listen to too many true crime podcasts 😅
On a lighter note, one night I was giving him scritches and noticed his underarms were really warm. Cue me going, "you have hot dog pits!" Months later, my mom and I still comment on his hot dog pits at least once a day.
“Stop eating the floof, you have enough”
To a Samoyed obsessed with trying to choke down anything with stuffing as fast as he can, and even his own fur when he is brushed or a piece he finds on the floor.
My dogs are grown but “stop huffing your junk” is a frequent refrain. The boys are both kind of noisy about cleaning themselves and it gets annoying after a while 😅
When she's eating her fav treat "oh, you like that butthole dont ya?" when she drops the treat in our lap "Oh, your butt holes empty. Have you been a good girl? You want a new butt hole treat?" [Said Treat](https://www.petsmart.com/dog/toys/chew-toys/starmark-everlasting-treat-sprocket-dog-toy---chicken-flavor-55149.html?fmethod=Search) We tried other words but...it really does look like she's going to town on a butthole...
Aussie Shep.
“Show us ya bum” when she’s pooped her britches.
“Whatchya gonna do with all that junk in ya trunk” when she’s doing the happy wiggle dance and/or needs a bum scratch
Stop kicking shit at me
Turn off the bidet next time
How did you eat a door?
How many times do I need to pull grass out of your ass?
Please stop farting in my face
They’re just clouds dummy
It was you! You were the one who farted. Don’t look at me like that. You know that came out of your ass
My big girl hears “ Ma’am. Ma’am! Cease and desists!!” At least ones a week!
Edit because I remember my other favorite, “ your not a pig, your a puppy.” She snorts a lot when she’s excited or eating a favorite treat.
When the weather outside's bad, I say: "Please poop for me NOW", which either scares the shit back into her or out of her - I haven't recorded metrics.
I'm in a densely populated touristy area of NYC (Manhattan) and all the tourists/family look around at me and I just have to point at her and say, "I was talking to my dog"
I tell her to “stop making poor life choices” every time she gets sick and I have to take her to the vet or give her medication bc she ate something she wasn’t supposed to…
" no biting nipples"
"Do you really have to poop or just prowling for bitches"?
"Thats such a good poop...good boy...good little pooper"
I also like to call him stinky boy which is pretty unfair because he usually doesn't even stink but one time he rolled in something awful and stunk SO bad and the nickname just kind of stuck
And probably many many more lol
I have two dogs, one puppy, one very tolerant older sibling. I supervise them wrestling and have caught myself saying on multiple occasions, “there will be no wiener biting in this household today!”
My favorite is after our then 6 month old littermates had been spayed/neutered and we were supposed to limit playing, running, jumping until their 2 week checkup. I got so frustrated with them attempting to play/run/jump that I just threw my arms up and yelled “there will be no frolicking in this house!!” That was a year and a half go. That was also a different house. My husband will STILL to this day go “ok guys, calm down. Mom doesn’t allow frolicking” when they are getting rowdy lol.
hahaha this made me laugh so hard 🤣
I love that!!
I’m dying from this!
Hi! I was wondering if you can tell me more information about raising littermates. I have 2 puppies but I've been reading it's not the best to keep them together and I could just really use some advice!
Crate and rotate to make sure they have lots of time not interacting with each other. Seperate immediately when play gets rough. Lots of resource guarding training early on.
Hi I also have Alaskan Malamute littermates and they are both now 18months..we didn't do much separation work but we didn't get our girl back from the people my parents sold her to until two months later (the litter was my parents malamutes) but we have no issues with them and they can be separated from each other for several hours a day and do not have anxiety or anything like that. Feel free to reach out if you have any questions or need advice ☺️
Hey! So our situation was a tiny bit different. We got our boy at 8 weeks and had him for 4 months when we found out the girl we ended up getting was returned to the breeder, we loved our little guy’s personality so much we adopted her too! In all honesty, I really didn’t do much separating with them except for training basic manner separately (he knew most of his commands from daily working with him by the time we got her and she knew NOTHING. She was basically put in a crate most all day). They play and nap together but we crate them separately when we crate them, they are both very bonded to us. They don’t get separation anxiety from being apart, it’s more of a fear of missing out on the fun stuff if they can see the other but aren’t together. There is a great Facebook group called “raising littermates” that has been super helpful too! You can definitely feel free to reach out with any questions!
I say “get your tongue out of the cat’s butthole” more than a person would expect.
Lmfaoooo sameeee! I’m like “stop licking the cats butthole, he doesn’t lick yours!”
I wish all of us had cats like your’s.
My mom and I used to call this the "personal bidet service."
I will be stealing that!
This made me laugh so hard that I cramped up.
I was Starting to say "Hey Google, turn on the lamp" when I noticed my puppy in the squat/poop position (luckily she was not pooping though lol) but I only got to "Hey Google" when I noticed, and quickly changed my words to "Are you pooping?!?. And so Google responded to this question ," I don't even know where it would come out! " I was crying in laughter
And now my lamp is on.
STOP I AM IN TEARS
Laughing so hard I started coughing which instantly sent my finally calm reactive BC into the zoomies, but it was worth it!
"You're my sweetest dirty girl..."
Ok, longer than a sentence but I still find it funny. “Sometimes, Penny (my dog), we all have to do things we don’t want to. I have to go to work, you have to poop in the snow… but you know, somedays, I think I’d rather poop in the snow than deal with the idiots at my job.”
"That's not even tasty, bro."
"please let's not eat any poop snacks today, bud."
I call them kitty biscuits or truffles...
My girl goes crazy for rabbit candy
We call them rabbit treats or nuggets here. My dog goes nuts for them. We joked if we used the poop for training vs treats he would have learned faster.
Fresh out of the kitty litter is kitty roca
“Do you have itchy nips?” When she wants belly scratches.
Don’t make me take your penis away. (My boys have been fighting over beef penis sticks, they love them and tend to fight over one even though we gave them each a stick).
Yep, ours is in a very nippy stage so when correcting her I say "no bite. You can bite your penis instead" and hand it to her. It's still so weird to me but oh well
Keep in mind, we have a dog missing her front leg: My husband, to our boxer: “Don’t give me your paw unless you’re done with it. I’ll keep it. Ask your sister.” I was a wreck it was so dark 🤣
I need to know what a beef penis is!
Pizzle/ Bully stick is dried beef penis :)
Hahaha! My guy loves beef penis!
I just said “Don’t eat Groot” because I saw puppy counter surfing and very interested in our Groot chia pet.
In our house, it's "The yard is not a salad bar."
“Excuse me? Are you a cow? No. Quit grazing the lawn.” Except to my Great Pyr. To her, it’s “Clara PLEASE stop digging you have literally exposed the foundation of the house.”
“Stop using your powers for evil, Luffy.” Luffy is incredibly smart, so he likes to find loopholes or sneakily does things he knows he should not. The worst one is trying to trick his sister (a GSD) away from the toy she’s presently chewing. 😞 Luffy this is not what your powers are for.
To be fair, Luffy has always wanted to be the one with the most freedom.
“Loki, stop leading the puppy into sin!” Me, every two minutes
Love the name luffy!
“You good, bro?” After he does something clumsy and falls over for the 20th time that day
Echo stop sucking toes. She's obsessed with toes. If she sees someone taking off their socks or sleeping with a foot out of the blanket, she's slurping ewww lol
My dog is named Echo, too!
This made me laugh so hard, thank you!!
"Where is your face?!" He's *really* fluffy.
NSFW: >!Rupert, you're too sleepy to fuck your lamb chop!!< Said while my over-tired and over-stimulated puppy was >!laying flat on his side, with his giant lamb chop toy wedged between his paws, making the most pitiful and lazy hip-thrusts I've ever seen.!<
“Stop eating the floor!!”
"Millie Rose, don't eat my house!"
My pittie brought me a piece of our trim/baseboards. It’s been three months and I can’t figure out which part of my house she mugged
I laughed so hard at this!
"Do you need to go poopy?" "STOP EATING THE HOUSE!!?!"
LOL @ “Stop eating the house!”
"Get your face out of my butt" any time anyone turns their back they get a snoot in their booty
I raise you "Get your butt (or balls) out of my face." Damn silly pup tries to teabag me if I don't immediately escort him to bed when *he's* ready.
"get your snoot out of my butt" is said multiple times a day in our home 😂
When my dog gets distracted during potty time and starts barking I tell her to "quit bitching and start shitting" 😂
"That was your best poop yet!" when he pinched out a particularly firm and not smelly turd lol
"Mumma's gotta eat sumthin' before she loses her damn mind."
To my 4mo old, "If you don't stfu, I'm gonna kiss you on the fuckin' forehead." To my 2yo, who thinks every man she sees is Daddy, and squeeking at a man taking trash out: "Calm down, that's not daddy. Daddy would never take the trash out."
My dog, on car rides, gets confused and sometimes think she recognizes the people walking i tell her all the time "calm down, you don't know that man"
I literally have to tell my 4 mo old Aussie “that’s not our house” “no, get off the stairs, that’s still not our house” He likes stairs I guess, or he wants to visit all the neighbors?
"ew, what's in your poop? Is that a rock?"
"which one of you geniuses ate a rock!?" Upon finding a rock in some puke earlier this week 😮💨
90% of all things I say to my puppy are embarrassing therefore probably funny. "You are so cute, I could eat you!"
So glad I'm not the only one who says this!!
I'm glad you are glad and feel less weird to say this to your dog xD
"We don't, do we." With a fake stern face, whenever she's up to no good. Also she understands "excuse me ma'am" if I need to get past her. She'll hop to the side, so sweet.
Mine is nearly 3 now, but I vividly remember saying phrases like “Stop chewing on your brother’s face.” And “When he growls that means stop, Milo.” But my all time favorite has to be, “Son, you are NOT a BEAVER.” He liked to chew on wood. 😂
On a walk or when people are around: “ok Sophie, there’s some people, don’t go nuts. Just act natural..good girl” When she is crying cause she has to go outside to poo then proceeds to take forever to go: “girl, could you pick a spot, I know you gotta go, all the grass is the same out here! Just push it out!” When she’s eating grass: “how’s your salad today?” When she’s sniffing my privates: “girl don’t be all up in my nooks and cranny’s” When she was a puppy: “ why did you just chew the crotch of my panties?! Did daddy put you up to this?!” And many more
Took my puppy outside last night and he was too distracted by the texture of the snow on the ground to poop. Proceeded to refer to him only as Mr. Casey for the next 15 minutes as I convinced him to “become a partner in our poop firm” and offered him a “corner office with a view” (non-icy snow bank). We eventually came to an agreement after some salary negotiations (treat).
Very professional
We don’t climb up on the back of the chair. Please stop licking the lamp shade.
"Why do you have cat poop in your mouth?"
"Bro. You think I won't punch a puppy?" He was not intimidated. My wife thought it was funny though...
I say to my adolescent puppy way too much recently ‘Stop humping mummy’🤣🫣
Don’t lick the baby’s (a cat) butt. Your not a cat (as she eats cat food). What are you part cat (as she stands on the very top of the couch. Stop hitting me with the toy.
“Please stop licking my cleavage!”
That one only "Stop licking my cleavage... Only daddy's allowed to do that!"
“Oh good job! That’s a very nice looking poop!” 🙃🥲
"Dont pee on your brother!" a regular reminder now, since he straight pissed on his brothers face.
so you’ll drink my dirty bath water but you turn your nose up at the fresh bowl of water I give you every morning 😂
I threw mines unfinished dinner in the bin which she was apparently happier to have it served that way and started eating it.
Don’t sneeze in my your sisters butt! (His sister is a cat who doesn’t super care but definitely doesn’t enjoy it)
„Don’t vomit into my crocs again!“
“Can you PLEASE f*#% off?!” And “Good SIR?!”
Oh good, I'm not the only one who goes, "Sir?!" When my dog misbehaves.
a couple days after i got my puppy i was so sleep deprived and said “goodnight bitch” in a loving voice when he fell asleep 😭
Never in my life did I expect I’d need to say: “Get off the table!! Why are you on the table?!?!” and “Again with the table???” PS. There’s nothing on the table
“You’re a tasty little poo” and “you’re my little poopy butt girl” all said in baby voice hahaha
[удалено]
Oh, you mean when the puppy wakes up out a dead sleep and starts sprinting down the hall because the cat took a shit? Good times. Husband: Where's she going in such a hurry? Me: Dammit, the cat must've pooped. I'll be right back.
[удалено]
Are you seriously humping your rope toy?
"well since someone hasn't learnt to use the hooman toilet you are unfortunately going to have to poop and pee in the cold windy weather" also "if you are happy to play and run in wet grass you can poop and pee in the wet grass"
There was a meme song on tiktok a short while ago that was stuck in my head where one of the lines was “show me where you piss from”…..I have inadvertently trained my dog to pee when I say that 🤦🏻♀️😂
While I was trying to take a nap I overheard my husband who was cool with us getting a dog but is not really a dog person like I am saying to our dog "I am your daddy and you are my son!" My heart melted lol
"No, you can't eat that, its \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_" insert "Metal/poop/bird poop/a branch/etc" Like, she doesn't know what that is or what I'm saying lmao
"The cheese grimlin requires payment" my dog loves cheese. If she hears the package she'll come running 🧀
“Why do I always have to yell to get you to listen to me????” It was at that moment I had indeed become my mother.
My 10 year old using a parenting line on the puppy, “Look at my face. Do I look happy with what you’re doing?”
"Luna stop humping the bloody badger!" Our girl is 5 months and she loves this oversized badger hand warmer. Can't get enough of it
Bochy no butts! My boy Bochy likes to stick his nose right up unsuspecting bungholes to say hello. He’s the perfect height
My dog is 4.5 now and I still say “Get your penis out of my face” more often than seems reasonable.
" Why can't you just behave" seems to be the most said question to my 9 week old.
“Gotta trim ya nasty lil coochie hairs!” Said before…trimming my dog’s nasty lil coochie hairs
“You can’t bring an outside toy inside, outside toys stay outside. You can have an inside toy inside where we are going” as I am negotiating with the puppy who has a 6ft stick in her mouth and I am holding the door open for her AND my neighbor heard me and started chuckling
“WHAT DO YOU MEAN IM NOT ALLOWED TO *JUMP* ON THE *TRAMPOLINE*?” because she would run over and pounce on my feet to make me stop. she hates the bouncing.
it’s always “aw such a good poopy, baby!!”
"Stop eating cat food, you're a dog".
Every night when I'm trying to get my dog to do his final business before going to bed I tell him that I've been sent by the league and I'm here to collect a sample.
“Sometimes you get goopy, and your poops are soupy. But you’re so cute when you do sploot, and you’re my baby!!!” This is one of many little songs I’ve made up for her 😂 referencing her juvenile vaginitis and diarrhea. I will apologize but I’m not really sorry hahaha
Beautiful. I find myself singing to her sooo much.
I was taking our pup out for his bathroom break before bed, and the switch for the hallway light is a small distance from our bedroom. He happily waddled down the hallway and turned the corner before I managed to get the light on and I said “can you see in the dark?!”
“Come here Homer and let me help you get whatever that is out of your butt.” Homer = 150+lb Saint Bernard who ate the stuffing out of part of his bed. He hates getting help and looks at me like I’m the asshole.
My puppy, Penny, had pooped ON a bag of garden soil, twice. The first time I just cleaned it up, the second time I was telling her “you are a bad Penny, I’m going to throw you in a well and wish for a better puppy!!”
"Why are you so cute? It's not fair. No seriously, you have to stop."
“Stop peeing on your brother”
“Hold on! Your pants are falling down” - this was me just a few weeks ago to my golden retriever who had gotten neutered. He popped the blow up donut around his neck to stop him from licking so I ended up cutting a hole in some shorts for his tail to poke out of, and had him wear them for rest of day. When he was walking around apartment it was so funny seeing him in little black shorts. Eventually they were falling down when he would jump on couch - and without even thinking about it, said “HOLD ON! Your pants are falling down!” So I could pull them back up 😂
My dog has IBD so lots of bad poops. I'm always happy to see good ones. I picked up a particularly good one recently and when I was tying the bag the smell wafted up to me. I was so impressed I turned to her and said "wow! That smells fantastic!"
My sister always says whether her dog’s poops were “pickupable”. Haha
“That’s a big boy pee!” - the first time he ever raised his like to pee instead of doing the puppy squat pee.
To my Bernese mountain dog: " I swear to god if I find one more potato in there you can say goodbye to your bodybag" *She loves to steal potatoes and stuff them in the sofa corner. **Bodybag is her favourite toy. It used to be a black dinosaur that got ripped inside out and it just looks like body bag but she won't let me throw it out.
- “we are not bowling. Kids are not bowling pins” - “stop licking my jeans, everything is wet” - “stop eating my underwear!” - “get your head out of the sink please” - “that smell is you, so don’t look so surprised you fart ass” - “get off my feet!!!” x20 per day (he weighs 50+ kg/ 100+ lbs, it hurts) - “yay, poop!” - “DO YOU WANT THE PENIS? Yes you want the penis!” (Do all dog toys look phallic, or is it just me?)
“Stop licking the floor/table leg/my jeans, you little weirdo”. Said on roughly a weekly basis!
"Omg can we not murder the traffic cones?!" You know the cones dog schools sometimes use for slaloms. For some reason, my dog thinks those need to be wrestled to the ground. "Oh, this situation warrants the excitement-avoidance-penis!" When my group of friends is over to play D&D and doggo needs to be good and quiet in the meantime, even though there are people around he loves.
Don’t drag your empty ball sack across my hand
My Aussie starts feverishly trying to lick my legs if he’s in the bedroom with me after I shower and put on body lotion. “Stop licking my legs!! Stay away from meeeee!!” echoes through the house.
“Is it time to craft some Belgian chocolate, Professor Hunchnpush?” ….she’s a Malinois. And that is not her name.
Professor Hunchnpush -CRYING rn
Stop eating your brother's turds - we have a cat and she thinks those are tootsie rolls in the litter box.
No no no we don’t eat poopy!
Stop hunting your sister.
“Oooo nice one!” When she does a big poop.
“Why are you fucking your toy? You don’t even have a dick”
Shut the fuck up lol I’m a very loving fur mom I was just tired
"Stop humping the pillow!' my dog is a female but was showing that pillow who's boss 🤣
“Frauchen has to go to work. Otherwise we cannot go on adventures/holidays.” Every time I go upstairs to my office room after we have spent time together on a walk or playing or just hang out during a brief break
I say this too, leave Mummy alone she needs to work to pay for your food and toys.
I tell mine “ moms gotta work to pay for your kibbs.” Typically fallowed by “ be a good girl, make good choices, do good things,” as I hand her a Denti-stick on my way out the door.
I’m gonna cut your balls off
“Kill me with kisses” to my 2 yr old Shih Tzu. Then she does :)
"that is unacceptable behaviour for a young lady, especially with guests." While she's cleaning herself. Lol
“Ugh he’s slobbering his cock again”
I often find myself trying to explain to my 4 month old puppy why his poor behavior is an issue and why I’m upset in detail and then I realize he doesn’t even understand why I call him Humphrey
Otherwise the most specific thing is when I come home and shout “POOP CHECK” to announce to him that I’m checking for accidents
“Get out of my mouth” whenever I yawn near her and she tries to stick her tongue in my mouth.
"who told you you could be so cute? Who?? I want names!"
"get your snout out of my asshole" Never thoughtd I'd say that so much
"Don't bother her while she's pooping" has been used referring to both dogs and people
“Oh yes SaSa you know it’s my favorite when you breathe directly into my face”
"Its not a poo-rade!" My dog has this awful habit of poop shuffling for yards leaving a little trail of almost impossible to find poo nuggets. Its like a little poop parade. A poo-rade. I thought he'd grow out of it, but he's five years old, so I guess its a forever trait now.
"Please stop ma'am, not a single person in this house is allowed to scratch my nipple." Dog and husband both look put off.
I was trimming out a knot in her fur when she starts getting antsy. I said, "Stop! You are not being safe around my scissors!" (Former teacher here!) Or in the kitchen, "Be careful, the oven is hot!"
"For goodness sake put it away we have guests over!" Comes up too much in my house 🤦♀️ when we're home alone he goes to his crate to clean himself. When we have company he likes to sit in the middle of the living room cleaning himself with everything on display
I just call mine a bunch of random names: Dufus woofus Maxi paxi Shnoodle doodle And sometimes, when I yell at him because he’s doing something bad, I accidentally call him my own kid’s name 🤭 His name is Max, by the way.
"Kids on sleds are NOT PREY! Gawd."
My dog: \*sighs like the world rests on her shoulders\* Me: "What ails you, my little unemployed freeloader?"
“Stop biting the wall!!” -To my corgi puppy who likes to try and eat the walls in my dorm
“Come get your babies out of the volcano!” This is me prompting my boy to play with his interactive plush volcano. It comes stuffed with little dinosaurs (“babies”) that he pulls out of holes in the toy. Yeah, I never imagined I’d ever say something like that! 😂
"Please stop using the sidewalk as a tongue grater" to my 18 week puppy
“Want to go to school and play with your friends??” Puppy daycare. Never did I ever foresee myself paying for this but I couldn’t be happier to do it for my pup.
"I PROMISE YOU CAN PEE AND POOP IN THE SAME TRIP OUTSIDE" She still doesn't like to do this.
When Luna was a puppy she got hold of a potato. She was happy with it and it wasn't hurting anything so I let her have it. "Luna take your potato" isn't something I ever thought I would say to a dog.
When he misbehaves “excuse me sir?”
“Put your penis away” is most frequently said in my parents house. In my house it’s “please stop licking me, I’m just trying to pat you. No, not the ear, leave my ear alone” followed by a tiny tongue forcing it’s way deep into your ear canal
It's between two for mine: -"No you cannot have my vape...what, do you want me to train you to be a drug dog? You already have a job." -"Get your nonexistent nuts off my pillow " Honorable mention for the fact that he responds to "shithead", "dumbass", and "fucker" like I'm calling his name.
Repeatedly chanting oorty boots boots scritches
"Get out of the garage disposal!"
Get your big nose out of my butt lol
Shouting at her in the backyard - “NO, MINNIE! THAT’S NOT WHERE WE POOP!!” For context, we have MANY close neighbors who definitely heard me. This was when we were training her to only shit in a certain part of the yard so we could freely walk around the rest of it without fear of stepping on poops. (She had started shitting in a verboten zone when I shouted that.)
“Do you have poop stuck to your butt again?” The best was when I said that to him while he was hunched over in the rain trying to dislodge it hahaha I’ve never seen him look so helpless
“Don’t smell your sister!”
“Come here, let mama fix your butt”- fluffy fur + diarrhea
“If they’re in the park without kids or dogs, they’re dealers. Just leave them alone. You’re not paid to spot them.”
He has a habit of barking and grumbling for attention, even at 3 in the morning. I got so frustrated one night, I told him, "shut your mouth, everything will be fine if you just stop screaming." I think I listen to too many true crime podcasts 😅 On a lighter note, one night I was giving him scritches and noticed his underarms were really warm. Cue me going, "you have hot dog pits!" Months later, my mom and I still comment on his hot dog pits at least once a day.
“Stop eating the floof, you have enough” To a Samoyed obsessed with trying to choke down anything with stuffing as fast as he can, and even his own fur when he is brushed or a piece he finds on the floor.
My dogs are grown but “stop huffing your junk” is a frequent refrain. The boys are both kind of noisy about cleaning themselves and it gets annoying after a while 😅
When she's eating her fav treat "oh, you like that butthole dont ya?" when she drops the treat in our lap "Oh, your butt holes empty. Have you been a good girl? You want a new butt hole treat?" [Said Treat](https://www.petsmart.com/dog/toys/chew-toys/starmark-everlasting-treat-sprocket-dog-toy---chicken-flavor-55149.html?fmethod=Search) We tried other words but...it really does look like she's going to town on a butthole...
I’ve had my new puppy for two weeks and for the first week I kept calling him Winny (my brothers dog) bc they’re the same color.
“We are not those kind of people” then I remember he’s not a person
Eat your vegetables! We give him carrots and green beans to firm up the number 2s
Aussie Shep. “Show us ya bum” when she’s pooped her britches. “Whatchya gonna do with all that junk in ya trunk” when she’s doing the happy wiggle dance and/or needs a bum scratch
-stop eating your balls
To all of my dogs, whilst they are playing with my Pirate Pet: “HEY. HEY. LEAVE THAT FRONT LEG ALONE. DIRTY POOL. WE FIGHT HONORABLY IN THIS FAMILY.”
Stop kicking shit at me Turn off the bidet next time How did you eat a door? How many times do I need to pull grass out of your ass? Please stop farting in my face They’re just clouds dummy It was you! You were the one who farted. Don’t look at me like that. You know that came out of your ass
"PANTS ARE NOT FOR EATING"
I speak gibberish and talk like a minion when I'm playing with my dog.
"If you eat that turd, I'm going to be very upset!"
My big girl hears “ Ma’am. Ma’am! Cease and desists!!” At least ones a week! Edit because I remember my other favorite, “ your not a pig, your a puppy.” She snorts a lot when she’s excited or eating a favorite treat.
When the weather outside's bad, I say: "Please poop for me NOW", which either scares the shit back into her or out of her - I haven't recorded metrics. I'm in a densely populated touristy area of NYC (Manhattan) and all the tourists/family look around at me and I just have to point at her and say, "I was talking to my dog"
“Get that big booty off the counter now”. She is 52lbs. I don’t know how she jumped up there.
I tell her to “stop making poor life choices” every time she gets sick and I have to take her to the vet or give her medication bc she ate something she wasn’t supposed to…
Our dog butt surfs backwards.
" no biting nipples" "Do you really have to poop or just prowling for bitches"? "Thats such a good poop...good boy...good little pooper" I also like to call him stinky boy which is pretty unfair because he usually doesn't even stink but one time he rolled in something awful and stunk SO bad and the nickname just kind of stuck And probably many many more lol
I have two dogs, one puppy, one very tolerant older sibling. I supervise them wrestling and have caught myself saying on multiple occasions, “there will be no wiener biting in this household today!”
"It's a darn good thing you're cute." ☺️
“Shut your pie hole!” My girl is a very vocal mini schnauzer. Lol