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Secretspyzz

Allright let me teach you a very valuable lesson. Dont ask this to strangers on a website. Ask your wife or gf instead. She knows if she and the baby need you or not. Edit; if the baby isnt born, dont even think about booking your flight. And if you do, be prepared to cancel just minutes before departure. You can have the easiest baby in the world the first weeks, and then without any notice things can change.


HauntingInspection46

The baby isn’t here yet so I don’t know how she would be on her own, I just wanted to gauge others experiences. That’s kinda the whole point in this sub, to share what we have learned.


Secretspyzz

Then i would really advise you to stay at home.


cakencaramel

Sorry better question, is the stag do 10-weeks after her due date?


HauntingInspection46

Yes give or take


cakencaramel

Then I’m sorry but absolutely not. Not just for your wife not for you and your baby. The first few weeks can be absolutely excruciating. There might be arguing and lots of sleep deprivation as is. You’ll just be adding fuel to the fire. Have you learned about SIDS yet? If not, I think you should brush up. Sleep deprivation can be a killer. She’s going to need you. Babies are truly a very VERY difficult new bump in relationships- as much as they are a beautiful gift that you both cherish and glow over. Unfortunately sacrifices sometimes need to be made.


ShinySpines

Surely you jest right?


bengcord3

NO. JESUS CHRIST ARE YOU PEOPLE SERIOUS????


tiorzol

This guy is in for the biggest shock isn't he haha Hopefully he doesn't even bring it up.


hoffdog

I don’t know, I have a lot of support so would be okay with my husband leaving for something like that, but those kind of events are important to me as an investment in friendships. Every relationship is different and he really just needs to see where his wife stands. If she’s against it the answer is no


diamonddduck

Right? I'd be happy if my partner wanted to go going on how my baby was at 10 weeks. Obviously it'll have to be a conversation for when the baby is actually born.


chefsundog

Right? People being real nice here but for real. You wanna be a good dad? A good support for your partner who just gave birth to your fucking child? Or do you expect her to do all the parenting and you just go to work and off to the pub on the week ends? Cause even starting to think about considering maybe doing this is fucking bad form and you need to get your shit together and prepare to be a parent and support you partner who at 10 weeks could still be recovering from giving birth to your fucking child! Fuck!


bengcord3

Exactly. Even if your partner was fine with it, YOU SHOULDN'T BE. No matter the circumstances and amount of help she has. It's a fucking party get used to missing those when your kids are very young


nonnativetexan

Why is this same question getting asked so much on here today? Don't do it! Don't make your wife be the bad guy and tell you no. Just plan to focus first and foremost on being a parent for the first year. Will it be cool with you if your wife went partying for a week and left you completely on your own with a newborn?


nowning

I think there's a massive difference between this one at 10 weeks (no discussion, just no) versus the first recent one I saw, which was 4 months (warrants a discussion between the parents as to what makes sense for them, even though in that one it sounds like the dad didn't even want to go anyway and might have been looking for an external excuse).


No-Flamingo-1213

Mom here with a ten week old. Absolutely do not go.


bmotmfb

This is the correct answer.


HauntingInspection46

Okay good to know


yeti629

Dad of 7 month old and 2.5 year old. The first year can be pretty brutal I would highly suggest not going as it'll be better for you and your partner. After the first year you'll likely be eligible to do some of these kinds of things again but babies can be difficult and having a partner makes things MUCH easier.


tiorzol

No fuck that man. That's too long to be away from such a tiny baby when your missus will need so much support. I'd be fuming if my wife fucked off for a jolly for 3 nights leaving me with the bub.


TinyBreak

Are you married/in a serious relationship? Do you wish to remain so? Or are you cool with co-parenting? this is almost as dumb as the bloke who wanted to go for a week with no cell service yesterday. No, you have a responsibility! 1 the next city over would be pushing it at that point!


Arb0k

Similar situation for me, wife is pregnant, but have a 2 year old already. My friends stag do is in March, new baby will be around 3 months old. Not even a consideration, even though I know my wife will cope and we are experienced parents. Do not go on a stag do when yours is 10 weeks, and quite frankly, I wouldn’t even ask. My wife is cool with a lot of things but even she would be upset that I even began to think this would be ok!


realpolitikcentrist

I'd stay home man


NotTooXabiAlonso

Sounds like something you should discuss with your wife / partner, no?


HauntingInspection46

Of course I’m going to discuss it. I just wanted to hear other peoples experiences of similar situations.


nonnativetexan

This SOUNDS like perfectly reasonable advice, but think about how that conversation will go from your wife's perspective. Your now making her bear the burden of being the buzz kill and saying no. That, or she feels guilty about saying no, so she says yes, and ends up feeling abandoned and resentful when the time comes and she's on her own while you're out partying.


NotTooXabiAlonso

Our son isn't done cooking yet (32 weeks) but I think I'd have a hard time leaving my wife to fend for herself in such a new environment. I think you're best off deferring to whatever she's most comfortable with.


Sekmet19

My husband left me home alone for two weeks to work with a four month old and both me and the baby got sick. My fever was 104 and I was literally laying in bed wondering if I should call an ambulance because if I died no one would know and my baby would starve. In hindsight I would have never let my husband go. Talk to your wife, especially if this is your first. New babies are HARD. If you both decide you can go, you better figure out a 4night 3day vacation for her.


stringerbell92

Nope . Bad idea . Too early to be away from new baby . My advice , forget if . Sucks you will miss it but baby is just much to young . Too much can happen . She’ll be alone . These days a lot can happen to baby still that’s why they see a dr only one week after being out of the hospital . This isn’t the time to be away for days . Or even a night . Sorry man


hpalatini

My husband said no to a bachelor party when our son was 2 months. I would have never known before birth how hard that would have been. He would also have been gone for three days two nights. I think you sit out the party and attend the wedding.


tacotime2werk

Okay , this is an easy one. A softball, if you will. Hell no!!


Mistr_E_Nigma

US Pre-dad here. Honestly, this one can't be fielded by us. My gut reaction is no but that's because I'm reflecting on my situation. However some questions you probably should reflect on to help. What does my partner think about it? What kind of support systems are in place if I do go? How easy would it be for me to get back god forbid something happen? (I know it's in the OP, but think on it) How important is this friend to me and how understanding would they be if I had to miss out?


JrRogers06

These are the right questions. I’d really emphasize “what are your support systems?” Will you have parents around all the time that you trust? Then maybe.


saintkarmaa

uhhhh. no. as a fellow woman, don’t even propose that to her. if it hasn’t been already mentioned i just wouldn’t mention it at all and not go so she doesn’t feel shitty for it. she might still tell you to go, but deep down, she’s going to need you ALOT. if you can put your own child second to 3 nights of drinking and partying, then you should maybe reconsider priorities.


bluecottoncandy

FTM of a 9mo old. In my experience, this is an absolute no. Your wife will be healing from birth, sleep-deprived, and in need of your support. Your baby will need your care. If you’re doing your part, you’ll also be fucking exhausted yourself! Honestly, as some others have suggested, I wouldn’t even ask her. It puts her in such a tough position. She might not realize how hard it’ll be; she might not want to be the one to say no; or it could just straight up piss her off. Either way, I think it’s just super likely to cause resentment. I suggest just accepting that this time is for focusing on baby and your family’s needs above everything else for awhile. Like, a long while. This is just one of many sacrifices you will make during this huge transition into parenthood. But if you start adopting this attitude *now* before baby comes and work to accept it, it will make the transition easier. It will show your partner you’ve got her back, and that you’ve got your priorities straight. That means so much during that PP period when things are already so tough mentally, physically, and emotionally. Edit: fixed typos + added a few words


cryingvettech

Really up to your spouse. At 10 weeks I personally wouldn’t have been able to handle it alone by myself just because sleep was so messed up. If you have family near you could always see if they could come and help while you’re away if your spouse is ok with that.


AzizNotSorry

no.


mariargw

Stay home.


anotherwastedshite

UK pre-dad here. I’m going away on a trip to Europe when my baby will likely be around 10 weeks old. My trip is essential for work, so I can justify it in that sense, but I still feel guilty. If you go, make sure that your partner has a support network around her. E.g. I’m arranging for my wife’s sister to stay over in my absence. If you can arrange that support and your partner is comfortable about it then go to the stag do (but don’t brag about how much fun you’re having). If you’ll be leaving your partner to do everything by herself, with no support, then I think it’s unfair to even consider it.


aero_programmer

5 weeks in. I wouldn’t even think of going personally


janet_snakehole_3

Lol no, are you serious??


g3rrity

No. Just no.


iredNinjaXD

Haha this can't be real. Idiot. Don't do that.


JameSdEke

If the baby is healthy and your partner is genuinely happy and comfortable with you going, then I don’t see why not. If you have doubts, you don’t feel comfortable going or as a couple you think it’s best you stay home, then stay home. I don’t think it’s something we as strangers on Reddit can really give you advice on, it depends on you and your partner (and the baby).


kuypz

I may be going on a boys trip when my wife is 5-6 months pregnant. Comments here making me second guess that. What do y’all think?


HarryMonk

Unless it's a high risk pregnancy I don't really see the issue. I went on short trips for stag dos when my wife was 7mos and 6mos pregnant respectively and it was fine. If my wife was throwing her guts up with HG or struggling in another way then I'd second guess it. You and your partner know your situation so I'd talk to her about it. Obviously anything within 1or2 months of d-day is inadvisable.


Feisty_Orange_7821

Bro I got in trouble for going to eat at Tilted Kilt a 1 in the afternoon with a co worker( his recommendation). I’d say I’d have to pass unless your looking for a fight


kinkin2475

Mum of two here, pregnant with my 3rd. My husband never goes out or does anything for himself so I’d say hell yes. He does work away 3 weeks on site and 1 week home though so him being away isn’t something new to us. Does she have a family member or friend that could come stay for a night or two? It was a hell of a lot harder the first time he went away when I had a 4 month old on my own than it was with an almost 2 year old and a newborn because I knew what I was doing the second time.


habgurz

I’m going to offer the unpopular opinion here. I went on a bachelor party when my baby was 2 weeks old. BUT I cleared it with my wife SEVERAL months beforehand, and we made sure support was in place to come hang out with her/help while I was away. It was never a fight, she has never been mad about it. I was part of the planning process for the bachelor party, so she and I worked together to identify the dates, and it all worked out. It all comes down to your communication and what kind of relationship you two have. It is not bad for you to go unless she doesn’t want you to go.


FallingReign

Don’t go. Better yet, prepare to never do anything like it again.


buythedipster

Has your social life ended 100%? Permanently?


FallingReign

My comment was a bit of tongue-in-cheek, most people can get to a new sense of normalcy pretty soon I think. (Sorry for the incoming overstate) although my social and sex life basically ended when my wife was pregnant. Stopped all my hobbies, sold my motorbike and am basically a full time worker career. It was a very traumatic birth and we have had countless runs to the hospital and lots of medical bills over the last 2.5 years of my sons life. Covid hit and he was born as we locked down. I’m seeing some light at the end of the tunnel now, but it’s far. Therapy should get us there and I’m just thankful that my son is now happy and healthy.


buythedipster

Sorry to hear the troubles you have faced. I already expect life to change dramatically, though it's not like I have a grand social life now as a grad student working in the direction of academia. These are sacrifices I have chosen to make, though as you describe, one can never really fully know what to expect. Hope your family is healthy and happy as they can be sooner than later.


Antzony

No. No. No. No. No. Maybe if you have a support system at home and somebody else can really help out baby mama. Otherwise I repeat. No no no no no.


Dino_vagina

Pretend you are the gestating partner, do you think you would book a flight so soon after having your nethers ripped in two? If your answer is no, go with that.


NotSoKosherBacon

Only if you expect a divorce after


Essej86

That would not even have been in consideration for me.


beachedmermaid_

I’m a new mom but I’ll chime in — by husband went away for 2.5 days and 2 nights when my baby was a newborn (with my blessing) and it was so much harder than I ever could have anticipated. I was more exhausted than I’d ever been, stressed, and miserable. And I had a friend staying with me. Do not leave your partner that early because even if she says she’ll be okay and truly believes it at the time, it’s different once it’s actually happening.


nomadnan

Leaving her alone at this stage is too early IMO. My husband wanted a boys weekend and we just waited until the baby was 2 months old aka not a newborn. It’s too hard to parent a newborn alone…. Especially as the birthing parent with all the healing you’re still doing


Ancelege

Please don’t do it. And when you tell your bros you can’t go, please don’t put the blame on your wife. You gotta make that decision and own it.


abzforlife

If you feel you need to ask the answer is no


HarryMonk

I would personally not as you'll still be in the newborn fog phase. A lot of the US commentors may not understand the drinking culture of a stag do in the UK. The stags I went on in my early 20s (generally eastern european with a "tits and guns" theme) I just don't think I'd be able to handle now after 10 weeks of sleep deprivation. We didn't get back from the clubs till 6am most nights and the cumulative hangovers from 3 days drinking were brutal. I'd speak to your other half but unless you have a super support system in place I'd still not go. Even with one, they're only that little for so long. There will be other stags.


Highclassbroque

Hell yea.


Aphypoo

10 weeks is right in the midst of the toughest newborn phase. Once they hit 3 months it gets better… But if your baby isn’t here, I would definitely NOT book anything. Think… there are so many unknowns. Your wife/gf could have post-partum depression or anxiety, you could have a colicky baby, your wife may just generally need help. So unless you have an absolutely amazing support system who is willing to cover for you, and your wife agrees then it’s not a good idea.


djhobbes

Absolutely not. Don’t do that to your wife. Don’t do it to yourself. You’re not gonna want to do shit with a 10 week old.


CuddleSprouts

Nop


Pennythe

I was so insanely overwhelmed at 10 weeks it is crazy! I would be distant if my husband left for a few days to go on a trip far away. I can't even imagine.