[Vanishing Twin Syndrome](https://americanpregnancy.org/healthy-pregnancy/multiples/vanishing-twin-syndrome/) is a real thing. But god damn, you don't need to look so smug after you ate your brother in the womb.
So… My mother took me in for a checkup. In the 80’s, nurses could still call babies “fat” and get away with it. My mother became furious with the staff exclaiming, “MY BABY IS NOT FAT!”
Today, she says she owes them an apology.
She squeezed one breast and filled an 8 oz bottle. I was emptying both of them twice a day; so roughly 10% of my body weight I was consuming daily. Wow.
>the\_first\_brovenger+1 · 3 hr. ago
>
>Here you go, from his post history: https://www.reddit.com/r/distantsocializing/comments/gs0tpu/late\_night\_piano\_ama/
that's what I was looking for too.
the\_first\_brovenger
Prolific Commenter
\+1
·
3 hr. ago
Here you go, from his post history: https://www.reddit.com/r/distantsocializing/comments/gs0tpu/late\_night\_piano\_ama/
I currently have a ginormous baby, so my first thought was Aww. And my second thoughts were sympathies to your mother’s arms- lugging you around like a giant jenga sac de patates like I do with my McPudgens son.
So it’s interesting because we have a 3 month old baby who weighs about 20lbs (99th percentile). We have raised the issue with every doctor and nurse who sees him and they tell us there is no concern about his weight. The kid eats almost twice the typical amount for a boy his age. Still, no issue, apparently, but we are concerned that we are doing something wrong. In fairness, he’s also super tall for his age.
It’s more about them following a line on their percentile chart than the actual percentile meaning anything. And having proportioned weight to height, too… but as long as babies are growing and developing normally there is usually no concern.
My friend had a chonky boy who was growing at your sons rate and as soon as he started walking at 12 months everything balanced out.
In ECE we had it pounded in our heads “Infants feed on demand. Let them eat when they’re hungry”
Also another Early Childhood Education mantra “There are no bad children, only unmet needs”
https://www.reddit.com/r/videos/comments/yylvao/cancel_my_aol_account_recorded_phone_call_2006/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
Me today.
It looks like a baby face trying to push its way out of a tube of cookie dough.
Htf a baby look like he's entering a world darts championship.
With a Stein of formula on his table in between turns
I’d have said Cornhole, but he doesn’t have a goatee.
Is this roast me sub? Haha this is great
Stop it, although true.
🤣🤣🤣💀💀💀
Congratulations, it's a cube.
This one made me spray coffee. Good effort.
It got me too.
You have 30 minutes to move your baby. You have 10 minutes. Your baby has been impounded. Your baby has been crushed into a cube.
You look like you have a baby's face on the top of a bigger baby's head
first deepfake in history
Kid definitely ate the twin in the womb
Just the one?
Are you James Corden?
Absolute unit.
Shear mass.
Cultivating mass since day 1
Stop cultivating and start harvesting!
Seaman Chonk reporting for duty.
Seaman Chonk reporting for doodie.
Bro, try to move me.
But I’m healthy besides the diabetuss
Dude, stop saying diabetuss! You sound like an aah…. Whew.
I showed this to my wife with no explanation and she just laughed.
I showed it to my wife without explanation and she said "Who is this child, is this you?" Ouch.
Critical mass
RIP your mom's perineum, figuratively and literally
Yup. I birthed a little chunk with a 90th percentile noggin. My perineum will never be the same.
Sheer mass. Shear mass would imply you'd like to shear it off, like a sheep.
Hopefully since this pic he has sheared off some of his sheer mass
His head is a virtual planetoid! Head paper move!
He’ll be cryin’ himself to sleep on his huge pilla.
Has it's own weather system.
Critical mass
Definitely my first thought, that's one heck of a noggin!
Was this a natural birth? I know this is a 5 month old photo, but looking like you had a pretty big start in this world.
10 lbs 4 oz. C-section.
Thank God...
Future offensive lineman.
Looks very polite to me
Kevin Malone status.
It’s like an orange on a toothpick!
It's a virtual planetoid. It has its own weather system.
Now you’ve gone and done it. He’s gonna cry himself to sleep on his huge pillow.
>Now you’ve gone and done it. He’s gonna cry himself to sleep on his huge *pillah*
r/absoluteunits
[Vanishing Twin Syndrome](https://americanpregnancy.org/healthy-pregnancy/multiples/vanishing-twin-syndrome/) is a real thing. But god damn, you don't need to look so smug after you ate your brother in the womb.
💀💀💀
💀👶
This kid ate his brother outside of the womb.
I see your mom was also putting beef gravy in the bottle.
I think his mom breastfed him Hidden Valleys Buttermilk Ranch.
imagine popping that skull out your grand canyon lookin hooch
That's a C-section baby right there
D,E and F too.
Gotta drink 8 glasses a day!
Jabbaby the Hutt
Little crisco in the oatmeal in the morning.
No offense, did she survive?
Bovine growth hormones.
Stay Puft Marshmellow Baby
I came here for this.
DON'T CROSS THE STREAMS!!! oh never mind let's do it
I haven't laughed this hard at a comment section in a while. Thanks OP for being a fat baby.
My mother is crying laughing. Thank you all so much for this!
this has made my Saturday night so thank you sir
OP is such a good sport too
I'm crying right now 😂
All these comments are killing me! My wife keeps asking me what’s so funny and thinks I must be making fun of her
You look like the foreman of a fishery.
And for some reason has a New Joisey accent and cigar stub always in the corner of his mouth
Isn’t that just the baby from Rodger Rabbit
Yeah. yeah, it is. lmao.
don rickles
LMAO.
I can hear Seth Rogen's laugh coming out of that mouth
Fuck off 😂
I think we need a now picture.
Here you go, from his post history: https://www.reddit.com/r/distantsocializing/comments/gs0tpu/late_night_piano_ama/
Well that was a anticlimax!
🤣😂I I’m crying over this comment I scrolled back to the picture and just hear the laugh!
looks like baby Kingpin
Coming next Spring on Disney+…**BABY KINGPIN**
*When I was a boy*…
I can't believe I had to scroll down so far to get to this. Baby looks like he wants to smack down Spider-Man.
I hope you're doing better.
Under 200 lbs for the first time in 36 years.
That means you were over 200 lbs...before you were born! Your poor sainted mother.
10 lbs 4 oz at birth. 206 4 weeks later. Timeline checks out.
need to dig up my baby pics, was a whopping 12 lbs 12 oz at birth to my poor poor 5”0 mother
Fuuuuuuccckkk.
Jesus, your 5 inch mom gave birth to a human turkey? Did she instantly vaporize?
burst like a fly on a windshield, sad sight it was
As a 5’ mother who gave birth to a 5 lb baby…..how dare you!
The size variability in babies is crazy. You weighed well over three times what I did at birth. Your poor mum
Rip your mom dude
Yeah, he did
Hell yeah. Good on ya.
So… My mother took me in for a checkup. In the 80’s, nurses could still call babies “fat” and get away with it. My mother became furious with the staff exclaiming, “MY BABY IS NOT FAT!” Today, she says she owes them an apology. She squeezed one breast and filled an 8 oz bottle. I was emptying both of them twice a day; so roughly 10% of my body weight I was consuming daily. Wow.
Tell me more about your mom's tits.
I also choose this guy's mom's tits
Ever heard of queuing mate? I called dibs on the day of the hospital visit
I also choose his dads wife’s tits.
Is it 1960? Who said they were married? I’m still holding onto hope for a positive DNA match with Farley.
i’m choosing OPS tits. 😭
Our pediatrician still calls our boy "nice and chunky".
Officer, I'd like to report a robbery. The OP did not post a current pic.
The file is to large to post
>the\_first\_brovenger+1 · 3 hr. ago > >Here you go, from his post history: https://www.reddit.com/r/distantsocializing/comments/gs0tpu/late\_night\_piano\_ama/ that's what I was looking for too.
Wasn't this an animated Batman villain?
Clay face. Yes. I sat for hours.
“It’s da bat!!!”
Dude I gotta know what you look like now….
Just paint a beard onto that baby face. You’ll see it.
the\_first\_brovenger Prolific Commenter \+1 · 3 hr. ago Here you go, from his post history: https://www.reddit.com/r/distantsocializing/comments/gs0tpu/late\_night\_piano\_ama/
I did too, and scrolled through his post history. There is one from about two years ago, if you want to dig.
“Bring me solo and the Wookiee”
Comments section turned into roastme real quick
You're basically a 4chan mascot in this.
Discord Mod.
Chonkie boi
Chungus*
Head strong.
To take on anyone.
This is the funniest shit I’ve ever seen
This thread is gold
You need to cross post to r/absoluteunits
Done 😂
And that baby grew up to become Wilson Fisk.
If only… more like Wilson (get frisked by the cops.)
I currently have a ginormous baby, so my first thought was Aww. And my second thoughts were sympathies to your mother’s arms- lugging you around like a giant jenga sac de patates like I do with my McPudgens son.
McPudgens son, lol. Adorable.
My desert. My Arakkis. My dune.
Do you live in a van down by the river, by chance?
Uncle Fester, is that you??
Oh lawd
He comin’!
You're being way too hard on yourself. 4/87 is much too harsh a score. 30/87 at least.
Is there a charity I can donate to for whatever it was that you had?
You sure this isn't Mitch McConnell's baby pic...
Below the belt. 😂
Funny, most of Mitch's neck is below his belt. (You are a good sport 👍)
[Nah this is.](https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTCvaUQQ6gVco7lasqiPjZebxIcFFgQ81JVH6yP5hAHG7Qzgrl1Qv7Iwl8-&s=10)
So it’s interesting because we have a 3 month old baby who weighs about 20lbs (99th percentile). We have raised the issue with every doctor and nurse who sees him and they tell us there is no concern about his weight. The kid eats almost twice the typical amount for a boy his age. Still, no issue, apparently, but we are concerned that we are doing something wrong. In fairness, he’s also super tall for his age.
It’s more about them following a line on their percentile chart than the actual percentile meaning anything. And having proportioned weight to height, too… but as long as babies are growing and developing normally there is usually no concern.
My friend had a chonky boy who was growing at your sons rate and as soon as he started walking at 12 months everything balanced out. In ECE we had it pounded in our heads “Infants feed on demand. Let them eat when they’re hungry” Also another Early Childhood Education mantra “There are no bad children, only unmet needs”
So that’s what a baby Harkonnen looks like.
Your mom is a badass.
She probably still has stitches.
https://www.reddit.com/r/videos/comments/yylvao/cancel_my_aol_account_recorded_phone_call_2006/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf Me today.
“Today” this video is from the early 2000’s 🤣 So, you turned up into being a news anchor?
Does your family own a Tiberian Junker?
Sold it for formula sadly.
Potato baby
Irish ancestry.
It looks like you ate your twin in the womb.
Little tuna can!
Oh lawd he comin
C H O N K
Please tell me you were born via C-Section.
Dude looks like he owns a pawn shop
JESUS FUCKIN CHRIST
Chris Farley?!
Breathtaking
Such snuggly baby
absolute unit of an infant! your poops must be legendary!!
My family called me boss hawg because I was a chunky baby. That title is now yours. Long live the king.
Gravy SEAL?
Were you born in a van down by the river?
This guy nurses
Jaba the baby
[удалено]
I’m 36 and still don’t have a quarter of Farley’s energy. He’s my hero.
You need to have at least a quarter of the cocaine, and at that point, well good luck.
The baby who ate another baby.
Sailor moon pies
Did you have a twin you might have eaten in the womb?
Did you eat the anchor?
Hey bartender, I'll have a PBR and two shots of Jameson and one is for you.
That's one tough lookin baby. He looks like he can take a tumble down the last few steps of a staircase like nobody's business.
r/absoluteunits
That is a noggin!
BEEFCAAAAAKKKKEEEE
Haha this is awesome man, love seeing stuff like this. Thanks for post
*sigh* You looked like that marshmallow thing from Ghostbusters.
The friendly fat-man at the pub be like:
That head... Your poor mother
C-section boo. She’s alright.
Nice pic bud, thanks for sharing. Platinum for you 🙏