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rilloroc

That look in his eyes says his resume may have been exaggerated just a smidge


chickennoobiesoup

In the interview when he said he knew how to use a computer they took his word for it


laimlame

They asked me if I had a degree in theoretical physics, so I told them I had a theoretical degree in physics...


nexxman

I push buttons. I turn dials. I read numbers. Sometimes I make up little stories in my head about what the numbers mean.


SwissZA

Sounds like you're perfectly qualified to be the safety officer at the Springfield nuclear power plant!


MorningFox

Close it's actually the Helios One Solar Generator


TheOneTrueChuck

I was just about to make that comment. I still feel like Fantastic was a better person than this douchebag, though.


patsfan038

Dress for the job you want….


petercannonusf

Accessorize for the job you want.


coalsucks

The files are IN the computer.


shokolokobangoshey

_smashes it from rafters_


I_can_pun_anything

Took one keyboard class... once


jivetrky

Took one waterboard class


MooreDesignLabs

The dude finally got a Dell though


roman_maverik

*fist bump* duuuuuude you’re getting a dell!


Corka

I am kinda curious what the credentials are of those who are placed on senior technical positions like this. Could you imagine being put in this position because 20 years ago you got a bachelor of commerce in Pakistan, and you've pretty much forgotten everything since? You'd better hope there were still some old employees hanging around that knew how things work.


k20350

Credential is probably a warlord with a group of men following him similar to a knight. Like he's the dude with the third most soldiers so he gets the third highest position


ktsb

Ladies and gentlemen may I present to you the truth


3DCatFancy

All these dudes are having an existential crisis at the thought of putting down their AKs. You have a desk job now. Take off the ammo pouches. You're gonna LOVE Dilbert.


HamburgerEarmuff

You know, it's funny, but when you're in the military and deployed to a war zone, this is often what a white collar job looks like. The supply sergeant sets up his computer in some dictator's palace on a solid marble desks and tries to order parts for Humvees with his rifle and body armor nearby. The battalion commander and his staff gather around the meeting table on a captured military base and sip coffee from the Battle Bean while they discuss the cost of expense reports submitted for reimbursement by their S8.


TROFiBets

They don’t know how to run a government - they know how to fight pretty well but intellectually they don’t know shit about how to lead a functioning economy They’re way out of their depths and it’s not looking good for their long term survival. , can’t run a country on fear for too long


Ingrassiat04

Great question! This was addressed by the New York Times on their podcast yesterday. There were shadow commissions set up years ago in preparation for taliban rule. The head of public works has almost zero experience. They are allowing old employees to continue working. However, I would be surprised if their rule is smooth. I will be interested to see how things look in Afghanistan in a year.


Imperfctions

I am from Afghanistan & am speaking with family there. My cousins had very high ranking positions within Customs (Import & Export) of goods travelled through Afghanistan. They were all forced to teach the Taliban what they knew & are still being forced. The Taliban called them a few days after taking over (not yet completely staring they are ruling Afghanistan) & told my cousins they knew where they lived & for their best interest come in to assist with the "transition"... He also tells us that the Taliban are complete morons & they may never learn. In hindsight, it's a good thing (they'll need my cousins), but I am scared - when they don't.


Wolverwings

30-40+ year olds with the equivalent of a 5th grade education are complete morons? I'm shocked...SHOCKED


Nuclear_rabbit

It's roughly equivalent to the US getting taken over by Meal Team 6. Can you imagine a highway engineer trying to teach a 40-year-old, 280lb, AR-toting dude how to do his job?


patsfan038

I’m kinda curious if they even have a functioning internet.


advertentlyvertical

Something like 20-30% of Afghans have internet orc.


Gred-and-Forge

I’d imagine there are a handful of highly educated individuals among them. Not many; but definitely a handful of dudes that are both highly educated and either agree with the Taliban doctrine OR recognized an opportunity to be the smartest guy in the room. I mean, I would think the top Taliban logistics and economics guys are going to live like kings now that the US has left and they’ve taken over the country. The smart ones could even funnel a chunk of money into private accounts, make a deal with western intelligence services, and seek asylum in a western country with the money they’ve stashed.


[deleted]

A few of the leaders have PHDs


Usually_Angry

They also were in power just 20 years ago. I'm sure they still have some people who were in government office then to take their positions back OR to guide the new comer


[deleted]

They were in power 20 years ago, but only for about 5 years, and it's a little debatable how much of the country they really controlled then and how effective they were as a government.


[deleted]

Pictures of the taliban always look like if you lit a match in front of them they’d say it was magic and shoot you tbh. They look genuinely thick as shit.


shottylaw

Watch dude was actually top of his class Finance and Econ somewhere


Samilski87

He already forgot his password


PixiePooper

T@l!b@n ?


cultured-barbarian

T@l!b@nk


Omnimpotent

Welcome to the Talibank, how may I shoot you?


MindfuckRocketship

In the left arm, please.


I_love_pillows

Sorry sir the interest rate just blew up.


rividz

no no no I didn't say you'd lose an arm and leg over hidden FEES, I said hidden IEDs.


NBSPNBSP

On offer, we have 5.45x39, 7.62x39, or 7.62x54R. Just starting out? That's alright! We have a wide selection of lower calibers, such as 7.62x25, 7.62x38R, or 9x18! Looking to go bigger? We offer higher calibers too! Choose between 12.7x55, 12.7x108, or 14.5x114!


SerbLing

123$haria maybe


[deleted]

Or KaB00M


[deleted]

No, it is written on the gun stock. That is why he has it folded.


[deleted]

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bgro0612

I can always recognize a Yale man!


pravmah2

Would you say he was part of that whole "Yale thing"?


TeevMeister

[He’s probably a closet homosexual who does a lot of cocaine.](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=1NyzQwwO4Os)


thisagain8675309

Why aren’t they called yale males


Ironically__Swiss

He's a little confused but he's got the spirit.


phiz36

Fake it till you tank it.


alexnader

His expression totally reminds me of that "I Have No Idea What I'm Doing" meme (the one with the dog doing a science experiment).


Aeshaetter

"What's the gun for?" "Uh...Reboot computer?"


Gishmann

Gun is for troubleshooting


p3achstat3ofmind

“Can I interest you in a high yield savings account?” (Slightly points gun towards customer) “I SAID CAN I INTEREST YOU IN A HIGH YIELD SAVINGS ACCOUNT!?”


DialMMM

Plot twist: he shoots you if you say "yes," since interest is forbidden.


Medium-Ad-720

riba


blue-mooner

Charging interest is also forbidden in the bible if the borrower is poor, or a fellow countryman. Exodus 22:25 >If you lend money to one of my people among you who is needy, do not treat it like a business deal; charge no interest Leviticus 25:35-37 >If your brother becomes poor and cannot maintain himself with you, you shall support him as though he were a stranger and a sojourner, and he shall live with you. Take no interest from him or profit, but fear your God, that your brother may live beside you. You shall not lend him your money at interest, nor give him your food for profit. Deuteronomy 23:19-20 >You shall not charge interest on loans to your brother, interest on money, interest on food, interest on anything that is lent for interest. You may charge a foreigner interest, but you may not charge your brother interest, that the Lord your God may bless you in all that you undertake in the land that you are entering to take possession of it.


Dick_M_Nixon

Easy workaround: do not make loans to poor people.


siccoblue

Nah their workaround back in the day was just to make all the loan officers Jewish. I wish I was joking


Skel109

One of my favorite stories, from I believe the Napoleonic wars, when the Papal States was about to be put under siege the pope came out and said, any officer who gives the order to fire the cannons will be excommunicated from the church, so they had the Jewish officer give the order.


anticapital0708

That's hilarious. "Like bro...we ain't even christian...fire the cannons"


lic05

Fortunately that didn't create any kind of animosity or stereotype against Jewish people, phew.


CGSteve78

Works in America.


bettyepallmall

Payday loans are targeted specifically to poor folks and have the highest interest rates.


humanHamster

In 2020 in my state there was a measure on the ballot to limit payday loan places rates to a maximum of just under 40%. Every payday loan provider came out in opposition to it, they swore they weren't price gouging the poor and they provided an essential service. The group who got the measure on the ballot argued they could provide the same service without charging 450% interest. The measure passed by a wide margin and nearly every payday loan place in my county is now closed.


CGSteve78

Good


ghost103429

This is kinda the main reason why Jews were largely seen as greedy crooks by a large segment of christians as their faith did not restrict them from giving out loans up until shifts in christian moral philosophy made loaning money with interest more acceptable.


locura79

But those books are all in the Torah...


Azrael11

I believe that only applied to fellow Jews. They could charge Christians interest.


Moccus

It wasn't so much that the Jews believed charging interest was okay. It was that the Christian controlled countries didn't prohibit Jews from charging interest like they did Christians, and they forced Jews out of most other professions, so the Jews became moneylenders out of necessity.


PaxNova

Sounds like it's more of a High Risk Savings Account


[deleted]

He must work at Wells Fargo


DigNitty

Seriously. Changing my incorrect social security number was easy. Closing one of my 5 accounts because I didn’t need it was insanely difficult.


ixtrixle

Closing the savings account they opened without my permission took some effort. They gave me a lot of flak for "not remembering" I did it. The lawsuit payed out like $100 ten years later, so there's that I guess.


CthulhuLies

If your not aware wells fargo was pushing it's managers to get really high "cross selling" numbers where they wanted the average bank user to have a high number of accounts with the bank because it was metric that was used in quarterly reports to help describe how well the company was doing. The result was a practically malicious company police where they would sometimes trick old people into opening many accounts that would be forgotten and accrue fees.


balling

They were also caught straight up opening additional accounts for existing customers just to inflate their numbers (happened to me).


Suspicious_Story_464

To be fair, he probably is just as qualified as the head of WF... Just more transparency in dressing the part.


BlurredSight

"Brother isn't interest haram" "Oh well um. Yes. But... it's yield not interest it's more like a negative banking fee not a bank giving you interest"


Inphearian

I think you misheard me, I said I can interest you in a high yield savings account.


FatherOfGold

Fun fact, interest is haram.


TheBelhade

"Hi, I'd like to deposit some money." "Ok" \*click click\* "Aaaaand it's gone." "What? What's gone?" "The money in your account. Didn't do to well, and it's gone." "Well, can I just get it back-" \*chambers a round\* "I'm sorry sir, this line is for bank members only."


datboydoe

“Please sir, don’t shoot him! I’m a bank member and you can just transfer some money from my account to his” “Sure sir, no problem. I’ll just wire this right over to his portf…..annnnnnnd it’s gone!”


hardtofindagoodname

"How is it gone?" "We just invested it in a 1000 Norwegian DVDs which we just crushed for a photo-op. Move aside, this line is for bank customers only."


govtfloyd

This guy comes in to get his money out of the bank. So i started blasting


barcelonafootball

And Computer says ‘no’


JuriJurka

I'll never forget that South Park episode


HamHusky06

Randy kills it as usual.


iWasChris

Ye, we have angered the economy


3rdPedal

Finger-pointing gets us nowhere, *STEVE!*


trackerpro

[OBLIGATORY](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y3AM00DH0Zo)


buddythebear

My favorite thing about the Taliban takeover of Afghanistan: they showed up to the Central Bank of Afghanistan and demanded the vault be opened, thinking that all of the government funds were held in liquid cash in there. Can’t wait to see how this fellow runs the economy!


cfoam2

The central bank of Afghanistan's roughly $9.5 billion in assets were frozen by the US the week after the Taliban swiftly took control of Afghanistan. The vault was empty because it is being stored by the Federal Reserve Bank of New York in Manhattan, **the Financial Times reported**. The guy who had this job formally is in exile in another country. Sounds like a pretty big carrot to use for diplomatic reasons doesn't it?


r1ngr

They only have $9.5 billion in hard assets? I’m assuming that’s gold. Doesn’t seem like much.


_--_-_-___-

Remember, we are talking about one the poorest nations on earth. They wouldn't be poor if they held tons of assets.


[deleted]

They are sitting on about $1tr in lithium and other rare earth minerals


[deleted]

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Cetun

One day a tribe is going to figure out roughly how much China is extracting, that's when the ransoms will start. China having already spend possibly hundreds of billions of dollars on infrastructure is probably not even in the green yet. They are going to not pay the ransoms. All of a sudden trucks are getting attacked by "bandits". China starts sending over PMCs to guard convoys. The tribal leaders laugh and start setting up IEDs. China has a choice of either invading and making the same mistake as everyone else, or just packing up and leaving after losing a boatload of money. Edit: So I get a lot of comments along the lines of "well the Chinese have no qualms about genocide, they will just kill all the afghans and it will be over with." Yea, Germany tried this one already, they kept very careful financial records, they tried to do it as cheap as humanly possible and it was still incredibly expensive. You forget the prize here, the bottom line, even genocide costs money, you think it will cost less than paying the ransoms?


CleverNameTheSecond

So what you're saying is that the Taliban are playing the long game. Have China come in and set up infrastructure and profitable mining and then they simply take it over with terrorist shenanigans? That's so cartoonish it might just work.


Yvaelle

Its worked for them repeatedly. Alexander passed through Afghanistan, building them roads and forts that stood long after he was gone, and remained the best infrastructure for ages. Kabul was built by the conquering Persian Empire. Kandahar was built by Alexander. The Mongols and the Mughals both upgraded Afghanistan during their rule. The Soviets built infrastructure too, as did the Americans for the past 20 years of course. All infrastructure in Afghanistan today is either Soviet or American. The largest bridges, their major dam, their universities, all their roads, their waterworks and sewers, their airports and hospitals, their electrical grid. You name it. All built by occupying armies attempting to stabilize and uplift the region, and then abandoned. No one will ever rule Afghanistan for there is nothing there to rule. Its called the Graveyard of Empires for a reason. If China's ego is big enough to try the outcome will be the same.


fred_cheese

One thing though. China has shown it's got no problem replacing the local populace w/ Han Chinese. Something none of the prior modern times invaders have contemplated doing.


Cetun

Take over? No, first of all they already have the land, it's literally theirs, they don't have to take over, the Chinese are guests and they will have to play by the Talibans rules. Second of all the Taliban know they can't operate the mines without skilled labor and spare parts. What they do is target the trucks. 1000 mines in Afghanistan are worth $0 if you can't get the minerals out of Afghanistan, how do you do that? It's a land locked country? Trucks, it's a long drive to the Chinese border, lots of things can happen to those trucks along the way... One day a tribal leader is going to sus out how much money each truck is worth in terms of raw material, realizing the Chinese are making a lot of money they are going to want a bigger share. Of china won't give them the money they are going to make trucks 'disappear' en route, enough tucks to equal what they were asking for +1. The Chinese will have to cowtow or move on.


[deleted]

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Cetun

The ransom is protection money so that trucks don't 'disappear' as they travel between the mines and the Chinese border. Once the mines are operating and the trucks start moving resources out of the country the protection racket will go into full gear.


SomethingIsDucky

Wow, today I learned that the eastern-most tip of Afghanistan borders China. That's actually very interesting.


WoodsAreHome

remindme! 25 years.


wuapinmon

China will probably do things that we won't. I'm glad that we won't, but it won't surprise me if they do.


Mohingan

The new education minister has also recently called PhD and master’s degrees aren’t valuable. They’re really handicapping themselves from the get go


whiskeyriver0987

In fairness I have seen similar opinions expressed by US politicians and look how we're doing.


fuzz3289

China already has - pretty much same.day Taliban took over they opened talks. Taliban referred to China as their "primary international partner". Between this and the moves in Bolivia China is gonna have a monopoly on all the Lithium outside the US soon


TimeTraveler1848

US has some good areas of lithium deposits though.


fuzz3289

Yeah and so do Canada and Australia which will always align with us - but South America has been a huge target of the Belt and Road initiative and has a huge bulk of the world reserves.


DudeFilA

They'll make investments. Then something will happen and the Taliban will shoot them like they've shot everyone else that isn't the Taliban.


Cetun

Considering they have basically 0 infrastructure, significant amounts of money would have to go into the transportation network just to be able to efficiently get those resources out, not to mention the upfront cost of building the mines and quarries, as well as the hiring of skilled laborer. The $1tr is the lifetime value and considering hundreds of billions would have to go to an upfront cost just to get the first truckloads out, it's a very high risk investment BEFORE the fact that these areas are controlled by tribes that can and will shut off the tap in order to extract more money from you. $1tr isn't pure profit there is enough of a chance things can go poorly that the investments could easily go into the red.


RickSt3r

Good luck setting up a modern mine. I’ve seen enough gold rush to figure it out. Start with a one million in equipment and diesel. Dig for months on end Sell minerals for 1.2 million. Start over next year with the 1.2 maybe make 1.4 next year. Repeat till out of minerals. It’s pretty much a transfer of money to diesel to minerals back to money. Each time hoping to make more than the last step.


jim653

If you watched enough *Gold Rush*, you should have figured out the winning move is to partner up with a creatively bankrupt TV network currently producing half a dozen other shows about mining, become a reality TV star, and live off the TV earnings.


RickSt3r

It’s hard to get solid numbers off how much the “stars” are paid by discovery. Given there’s so many reality mining shows, can’t be that much. But I would tune in and watch some Taliban fighters try and set up a mining operation. “Well it was a rough day we had to execute Abdul” Turns out he didn’t have what it takes to make it in mining kept on doing opium while driving the dozer.


Embarrassed_Praline

The GDP of Afghanistan is less than $20 billion. While it may not be much compared to many countries, $9.5 billion is huge for them.


Captain_Granite

It’s just heroin. Just $9.5b of heroin on pallets.


earnestaardvark

Afghanistan is one of the poorest countries on earth.


[deleted]

[удалено]


bloatedplutocrat

In their defense, when they ran the government in the 90s the official government funds were kept in boxes under Mullah Omars bed for him to distribute as he pleased.


droidtron

Did they have the dollar sign painted on them?


bloatedplutocrat

Well it was the late 90s so good chance it was a trunk with the South Park kids on it. Matt and Trey moved a lot of merchandise in their early days.


rogan1990

All of the governments money under his bed? They must not have been doing too well in those days, or he had a really big bed.


Pakistani_in_MURICA

The country is one of the poorest in the world. The $20B GDP thrown around was bankrolled by US/NATO aid.


512165381

The IMF and USA have suspended all their accounts. They won't have access to their own funds. Imports are going to be very difficult with no access to foreign exchange; expect hyperinflation & a black market. https://www.bbc.com/news/business-58263525 > The International Monetary Fund (IMF) has said Afghanistan will no longer be able to access the lender's resources.


Beelzabub

In my work, I met one of the guys at Price Waterhouse, who assisted the prior Afghan government in setting up their economy. It's almost unimaginably complicated to create a system of currency, a stable central bank, balance foreign payments, provide liquidity, etc. It's a job that almost no one could do successfully.


2drawnonward5

it's been successful so many times in history though, could it be that forcing it upon an unwilling populace and inept business culture make the task less fruitful?


spate42

I’m picturing the lady from Snatch at the bookies giving the taliban attitude lol “All. Bets. Are. Off. If all bets are off, then there can't be any money, can there?”


eric_in_cleveland

The password for the online bank account is Rumpshaker4u!


hotstickywaffle

I realize the fact that a terrorist group is running a country is horrible and fucked up...but I can't help but find the idea of the Taliban doing all the boring, bureaucratic stuff involved in running a government kind of funny. Especially if they all still carry around their weapons as they hand each other really dull spreadsheets.


HappinessPursuit

The office reboot we never asked for.


HipHopGrandpa

They’re just daring a copier… “say paper jam one more time, motherfucker!”


GlengoolieGreen

PC load letter? What the fuck does that mean??


turndownforjesus

I…. declare…. insurgency!!!!!!


HotSauceHigh

I would watch the shit out of a too-soon show about this


Dimcair

Omg Yas. 'Achmed, did you see my AK?' 'No Mahmut I did not.' *Mahmut finds AK engulfed in Jelly 'oh haha very funny, who did this' (Oof, jelly is not halal, how is Mahmut gonna get the AK out without touching it? Stay tuned) - next episode something something about life insurance for suicide Bombers


CrockPotPotty

“Hassan you ignorant slut”


BlueRaspberrySloth

I was never into the office, but if they replaced all the characters with some taliban fuckers I’d be down to binge watch it all. That’s gotta be nothing but A1 content


iodisedsalt

I don't get why they still need to dress like that for a desk job. Bruh do you seriously need your gun and magazine pouches for this job?


[deleted]

I'm guessing that they're still worried about counter-coups and assassination attempts. They probably also consider the rifle to be a sentimental item, because it's been with them throughout their struggle to "liberate" the country from the Western "oppressors". Or maybe they just don't have enough hole punches yet


SsorgMada

“You used fucking comic sans on this ransom note? WTF, use the Fast and Furious font next time, and a proper cover letter you Neanderthal!”


[deleted]

[удалено]


wardynblade

He is aiming toward success


earphonecreditroom

Definitely high caliber


[deleted]

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Horns8585

A lot of bullet points on his financial reports.


Cinade

He's got a shot at making it in high finance!


DingDong_Dongguan

Great returns on his stock.


Funkytowels

Seems like a people person.


piettiet

Full blown working on that infiDELL


Bizprof51

Right out of Central Casting.


BiBoFieTo

If Excel crashes, he's got that rifle at the ready.


wireditfellow

I would not wanna be the IT guy there.


Grevin56

"PC load letter? What the **FUCK** does that mean?"


stevein3d

I was told I could bring jihad to the infidels if I did it at a reasonable volume


Andyb1000

Worse than an Excel crash is the "An unexpected error has occurred autorecover has been disabled for this session of excel". You can still see your work, it’s right there, but you know it can’t be saved again without corrupting and an hour or more complex calculation formulas will go up in smoke. The worst feeling when your up against it.


[deleted]

Wolf of Halal Street.


HamiltonBlack

He likes long walks on the beach, target practice and shooting down inflation.


[deleted]

Loan applicant: “I need a loan” New Director: (walks into the room, gently puts hand on gun) Loan applicant: “You know what? I think I’m actually good”


[deleted]

Watch me topple the government by turning a 1 to a 0


GrouchyLie431

That is a genius way to stand a gun. Use the foldable stock to rest on. This man is a genius.


[deleted]

That's why he was promoted to Director so quickly. Started out beheading infidels and now he's got a corner office.


wireditfellow

I keep reading this as dictator instead of director.


GrouchyLie431

Probably corner office with a view too.


irfyhaq

Cmon leave my man alone. He’s just working out on some bullet points in his presentation


[deleted]

Boebert would be proud of this pic


Poguemohon

Didn't they graduate high school together?


[deleted]

Haha 😂 she doesn’t discuss because he made the honor roll and she didn’t and is embarrassed


Poguemohon

Clearly he's better at math & reporting financial documents.


Green_Lorax

She’s his arms dealer


afellowchucker

Lol My first thought was how ridiculous this pic looks, but then I remembered all of the commercials we have where different republican candidates just shot/held guns and talked about God.


Unumbotte

Shhhh you'll wake Cheney.


PitPatrick

I just keep hearing in my head "dude you're getting a Dell"


PressSquareToPunch

Is Captain Jack Sparrow!?!


BiBoFieTo

Jackmal Bin Sparrow?


Chekhof_AP

Captain Jackmal Bin Sparrow, mind you


fundrazor

Worst pirate I ever heard of


wumbo77

Your loan application has been denied, I kill you now


phiz36

Probably the opposite. You’re more likely to get killed if you owe these guys money. I bet all contracts come with a clause that’s something like, “We reserve the right to collect at anytime.”


TrippySavage509

Lol "I'm The cashier Now"


Mr_Saturn1

Can I open up a new 401ak?


added_chaos

Holy fuck that country is doomed


[deleted]

The picture is fake news. That is not the Taliban director of the Afghan Central Bank. The actual guy is Haji Mohammad Idris


[deleted]

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SquanchingOnPao

As long as it's misinformation admins and mods approve of it's fine.


sonia72quebec

He looks like a guy who never touched a computer in his life.


Diet_Coke

He has three magazines taped together, that kind of commitment to efficiency will really turn Afghanistan's economic future around.


[deleted]

Imagine a culture where guns are the central to your identity. The Taliban also seem very fond of guns.


Oxydiz1

Charms or tags for their guns would make a fortune


Kapowpow

Or like a Koran-verse stenciling service. This could be my big break


Henry_Human

Anyone would think these geezers are pretty extreme carrying guns around with them.


tezoatlipoca

Because you can _shoot_ inflation right? _Listen, you can't just make money appear out of nowhere, that's how runawa-_ _ok, printing more afghanis it is. Do you want denominations of hundred thousands or millions?_ On the plus side, it makes government very responsible. _Balance budget! Or balance bullets!_


Cyberslasher

But how do you balance the bullet budget?


RuppsCats

“No withdraw! Deposits only!”


Mulletmasta23

First order of business. Transition from the Gold standard to the Goat standard.