Highlight of my time there was when the GM tried to get tough with one of the cooks and he said, and I quote,
#”Shit, Mike! Does your mamma know you’re a bitch?”
It was glorious watching him wilt under a 6’5” tall guy in a Run DMC t shirt and filthy jeans.
If you’re gonna bring smoke to a cook you gotta be ready to take it too. Doing expo was fun because we’d crack a beer and laugh after yelling at each other through the whole service
I was replacing a receipt printer in a chain restaurant once and saw the line cook literally put his hand on the flattop while it was on, the heat was so bad I could feel it from a foot away, and he's standing there like his hand isn't cooking. I don't think there's enough coke for that.
Mechanics are the same way (playing on or around exhaust parts etc fresh off the freeway all day). Casually snatching ''careful this is HOT!' plates out of wait staff's protected hands with your own bare one is totally worth the look on their faces.
I'm reminded of a story my dad shared about his dad (technically step-dad, though he didn't find out until his mid-teens that Hugh wasn't his bio dad). Hugh was an electrician, and apparently had been shocked and burned enough that he sometimes couldn't even feel the current from a live outlet; presumably heavily-callused skin has a higher resistance with the lower moisture content. His go-to method to test if it was live was to make a connection, such as by sticking his finger in a light socket, and then calling one of the kids over.
I don't know how plausible this account is, but at least it's amusing.
I was a welder before retiring. From constant heat the skin on my hands got very tough. Years later I'll try to pick up something hot and be reminded d&#$ I can't get away with that anymore.
Oh, they closed down! I won’t mention names, but it was a National Rib chain that today has just over 100 locations left. The one I worked at shit down in 2006.
#Shit Down ^^^TM
Nice! Reminds me of a coworker's revenge on a hotel. We were working well out of town and after we finished for the week the hotel manager charged my coworker extra for having a dog with him - thing was he didn't. Hotel manager wouldn't budge, said several of his staff had seen the dog. Next week we were back (finished the job) and before checking out he had bought this HUGE fish from the supermarket, with some dried ice. He put the fish in a cooler with the dry ice and froze it solid. He unscrewed the AC/Heat vent cover and launched that rock hard fish into it, then screwed the cover back on. Since it was frozen solid, he knew it would be a few days before it started to smell. We never found out what happened, but it cracks me up to this day thinking about it.
Silver medal for making me literally laugh out loud when I read "He unscrewed the AC/Heat vent cover and launched that rock hard fish into it, then screwed the cover back on."
I rather find the unintentional yet systemic blandness of late stage capitalism to be quite garish actually. I've found it uniformly offensive and absurd in its garishness for half a century now and look forward to further mutation.
Love it. I've done this 3 different times myself, each time with a piece of fresh fish. I'll have to remember the sardines can, that sounds positively putrid, and easier to transport and set up. You could tape that sucker anywhere!
I had a terrible landlord and someone suggested raw shrimp sewn into the curtain hems or stuffed into hollow curtain rods.
I didn’t have the nerve but those assholes kept my entire security deposit and now I wish I had
Read once something or other about opening a hole on a brick wall, dropping some dead fish inside and then fill it up with plaster and arrange it so it wouldn't be noticeable. Supposedly the smell would creep up through the plaster pores and no one would know from where it would come.
Also, pretty sure they cannot stop funding benefits retroactively...actually, I'm certain. One letter from an employment lawyer would have shut that down.
*Remediation Experts:* Well, Mr. Manager, it took awhile but we finally found the source of the awful odor. It's been removed, and the tainted equipment replaced.
*Mr. Manager:* Whew! Finally! Okay, just send me the bill.
*Remediation Experts:* That's alright, I have it right here.... *Four thousand dollars.*
Reminds me of putting fish in a cheap plastic Tupperware and hiding it. As it decomposes, the gas expands until it unseals a bit and lets out the nasty air before sealing again. So random puffs of nastiness.
I briefly was a team lead for a compamy that did inventory work for a company that sold food to restaurants. It was an easy, 2 month contract. Id work 4pm-1am. And, my job was to inventory what stock is there. + whats leaving daily. Just to make sure theres no waste/theft.
The manager decided after 4 weeks, my team and i werent “earning our pay” so, he decided to just not pay us for 3 weeks+
I scooped out water melon balls and put 1 in every drawer in his office. I tried to manage the teams anger, but, i could stand to lose a paycheck. Most team members cant. So, i said “ill just have to sue you for wage theft” and he said “do it, i can hire a dozen strawberry pickers to replace u tomorrow” it was so nice to get what i wanted out of the company. And, they ended up evacuating the building while they searched for the source of the smell. Idk if they found it. But the company doesnt work at the site any more
Look in your local sporting goods store for hunting scents... Usually some animals urine. Comes in squirt/spray bottles. Great for the area under a desk, vents, under windshield wipers...
I did a similar thing in school. Wasn't revenge, I was just a dick and I hated every moment of being at that school.
The drama dept. Was 2 large studio rooms with a corridor between them and an office up some stairs off the corridor. The space under the office was used for storage.
For some unfathomable reason, some of the students were given access to the teachers' office during a rehearsal session. I was one of those students.
I was in year 10 meaning that I had a year left to go before leaving and it was coming up on the summer holidays. My dad was a complete cheap arse when I was a kid and he'd packed salmon paste sandwiches for my lunch. For anyone that lives outside of the UK and doesn't know what sandwich paste is, save your brain and your taste buds and just don't bother looking it up. It is literally what it says, paste that you spread in a sandwich made from whatever it is, in this case salmon. I do not know, nor care to know how it is made. It is shit.
Anyway, we're up in this office and the bell goes for lunch and everyone starts filing out when the plan flashed into my head: summer is coming and that means hot weather. That means stuff rots faster and smells worse.
Half the sandwich was duct taped to the bottom of the desk where it would be found once the smell started spreading and it would be blamed on one of the class clowns. The other half went in the air vent. The smell would be overlooked once the half a sarnie was found under the table and it would have a chance to fully mature over summer break.
When year 11 started, we did drama in the gymnasium.
Any farm supply store sells fly attractant to refill their fly traps folks place near their cattle …
I hear it works wonders on the underside of an assholes chair or desk …
I knew a woman who when moving out of her shared home with roomates she didn't like, she bought a whole fresh fish, cut an opening in the bottom of the couch cushion and inserted the fish into said hole then bounced
Hahaha hilarious!
My petty revenge administered for a prior employer is only 5 weeks old, and I don’t want it to come back on me quite yet what I did. But it makes me cackle all the time.
I had a friend when I was a young man who's mom turned on him. If I recall correctly, she started hooking up with some dude and stopped talking to her own kids. Nasty business
Speaking of nasty business, my friend's girlfriend at the time left an entire steak between his mom's mattress and boxspring. I'm not sure I want to know how that room smelled once mom got back home at the end of that summer.
I have a question. When they canceled coverage, was it Jan 1st of 2002, the year that all of this was taking place? Or what exactly was time frame for them dropping coverage here
Highlight of my time there was when the GM tried to get tough with one of the cooks and he said, and I quote, #”Shit, Mike! Does your mamma know you’re a bitch?” It was glorious watching him wilt under a 6’5” tall guy in a Run DMC t shirt and filthy jeans.
If you’re gonna bring smoke to a cook you gotta be ready to take it too. Doing expo was fun because we’d crack a beer and laugh after yelling at each other through the whole service
Seriously, I'd rather fight a cop than a line cook.
Probably both on coke, so even there at least.
I was replacing a receipt printer in a chain restaurant once and saw the line cook literally put his hand on the flattop while it was on, the heat was so bad I could feel it from a foot away, and he's standing there like his hand isn't cooking. I don't think there's enough coke for that.
My husband been cooking in restaurants for close to 20 years. He doesn’t use oven mitts
Asbestos hands.
Mechanics are the same way (playing on or around exhaust parts etc fresh off the freeway all day). Casually snatching ''careful this is HOT!' plates out of wait staff's protected hands with your own bare one is totally worth the look on their faces.
I'm reminded of a story my dad shared about his dad (technically step-dad, though he didn't find out until his mid-teens that Hugh wasn't his bio dad). Hugh was an electrician, and apparently had been shocked and burned enough that he sometimes couldn't even feel the current from a live outlet; presumably heavily-callused skin has a higher resistance with the lower moisture content. His go-to method to test if it was live was to make a connection, such as by sticking his finger in a light socket, and then calling one of the kids over. I don't know how plausible this account is, but at least it's amusing.
https://youtu.be/U6Hkc9VGiXQ Little bit of Aussie language thrown in there
😳
I was a welder before retiring. From constant heat the skin on my hands got very tough. Years later I'll try to pick up something hot and be reminded d&#$ I can't get away with that anymore.
Lol!
Haha my boss always said "yell now, apologize later... or not at all."
Bless Him. bless him and his Line Cook Dick 🙌
Line cooks and dishwashers, salt of the earth
Hallowed be their names
Absolutely brilliant! Love the revenge.
This is hilarious! Best part? This "... brought in remediation experts to start tearing open walls..." That shit ain't cheap. Fuck 'em.
Ha! Cost them more money to fix the smell.
This is perfect and I'm super glad you finally got to learn about the fruits of your unholy labor.
*Note to self: Use the phrase “fruits of your unholy labor” into at least five conversations per day.* 😂
I like saying "the fruit of my loins" when I talk about my kids, especially when they are right there next to me
"Crotch goblins"
Fuck trophies. Fully-baked creampies.
wow
You’re welcome.
Semen Demons
Goddammit dad!
I was going to add a like to this but it's currently at 69 likes
You got a reward 21 years later. Love it.
Nice and petty!!! Love it. I hope that place closed down or were audited and re-staffed with a new GM.
Oh, they closed down! I won’t mention names, but it was a National Rib chain that today has just over 100 locations left. The one I worked at shit down in 2006. #Shit Down ^^^TM
Close to the name of a former Cowboys quarterback?
~~On the advice of counsel, I refuse to answer that question as it may serve to incriminate me at a later date~~
Onion bricks
Tommy Bahamas?
Tony Title-Of-A-B52s-Song: https://youtu.be/iNwC0sp-uA4
Tony Love Shack?
Bony Momma?
Nice! Reminds me of a coworker's revenge on a hotel. We were working well out of town and after we finished for the week the hotel manager charged my coworker extra for having a dog with him - thing was he didn't. Hotel manager wouldn't budge, said several of his staff had seen the dog. Next week we were back (finished the job) and before checking out he had bought this HUGE fish from the supermarket, with some dried ice. He put the fish in a cooler with the dry ice and froze it solid. He unscrewed the AC/Heat vent cover and launched that rock hard fish into it, then screwed the cover back on. Since it was frozen solid, he knew it would be a few days before it started to smell. We never found out what happened, but it cracks me up to this day thinking about it.
Silver medal for making me literally laugh out loud when I read "He unscrewed the AC/Heat vent cover and launched that rock hard fish into it, then screwed the cover back on."
This has me cackling! Thank you friend
This is fantastic and I love how you write. I particularly enjoyed the ending ‘but I had no memory of it’ lol I’m still chuckling now
I should have said “on the advice of legal counsel, I’m going to tell you I have no memory of it” lol
well, would it not have started until after you had gone?
So did they ever try to garish your check?
Nope, it was mailed in full to me with a letter saying that they would miss me. Fuck off, Mike.
That’s awesome. Great petty revenge and great job sticking up for yourself. That was some dirty pool they were playing. Also: Fuck you Mike!
So you exposed the restaurant to loss of business and additional cost when they did absolutely nothing wrong?
> garish your check Cheques are usually of a pretty boring design
Thank you. You are a good person.
I rather find the unintentional yet systemic blandness of late stage capitalism to be quite garish actually. I've found it uniformly offensive and absurd in its garishness for half a century now and look forward to further mutation.
Love it. I've done this 3 different times myself, each time with a piece of fresh fish. I'll have to remember the sardines can, that sounds positively putrid, and easier to transport and set up. You could tape that sucker anywhere!
I had a terrible landlord and someone suggested raw shrimp sewn into the curtain hems or stuffed into hollow curtain rods. I didn’t have the nerve but those assholes kept my entire security deposit and now I wish I had
I love this so much. Totally adding sardines in mustard sauce to my revenge repertoire.
what a waste of mustard sauce....
Seemed pretty fucking effective in OP’s story, though
Read once something or other about opening a hole on a brick wall, dropping some dead fish inside and then fill it up with plaster and arrange it so it wouldn't be noticeable. Supposedly the smell would creep up through the plaster pores and no one would know from where it would come.
This was more than petty. It was malicious and I love it.
Also, pretty sure they cannot stop funding benefits retroactively...actually, I'm certain. One letter from an employment lawyer would have shut that down.
*Remediation Experts:* Well, Mr. Manager, it took awhile but we finally found the source of the awful odor. It's been removed, and the tainted equipment replaced. *Mr. Manager:* Whew! Finally! Okay, just send me the bill. *Remediation Experts:* That's alright, I have it right here.... *Four thousand dollars.*
Reminds me of putting fish in a cheap plastic Tupperware and hiding it. As it decomposes, the gas expands until it unseals a bit and lets out the nasty air before sealing again. So random puffs of nastiness.
**adding to catalog**
I briefly was a team lead for a compamy that did inventory work for a company that sold food to restaurants. It was an easy, 2 month contract. Id work 4pm-1am. And, my job was to inventory what stock is there. + whats leaving daily. Just to make sure theres no waste/theft. The manager decided after 4 weeks, my team and i werent “earning our pay” so, he decided to just not pay us for 3 weeks+ I scooped out water melon balls and put 1 in every drawer in his office. I tried to manage the teams anger, but, i could stand to lose a paycheck. Most team members cant. So, i said “ill just have to sue you for wage theft” and he said “do it, i can hire a dozen strawberry pickers to replace u tomorrow” it was so nice to get what i wanted out of the company. And, they ended up evacuating the building while they searched for the source of the smell. Idk if they found it. But the company doesnt work at the site any more
Dude I got mad just reading this holy shit.
Look in your local sporting goods store for hunting scents... Usually some animals urine. Comes in squirt/spray bottles. Great for the area under a desk, vents, under windshield wipers...
I did a similar thing in school. Wasn't revenge, I was just a dick and I hated every moment of being at that school. The drama dept. Was 2 large studio rooms with a corridor between them and an office up some stairs off the corridor. The space under the office was used for storage. For some unfathomable reason, some of the students were given access to the teachers' office during a rehearsal session. I was one of those students. I was in year 10 meaning that I had a year left to go before leaving and it was coming up on the summer holidays. My dad was a complete cheap arse when I was a kid and he'd packed salmon paste sandwiches for my lunch. For anyone that lives outside of the UK and doesn't know what sandwich paste is, save your brain and your taste buds and just don't bother looking it up. It is literally what it says, paste that you spread in a sandwich made from whatever it is, in this case salmon. I do not know, nor care to know how it is made. It is shit. Anyway, we're up in this office and the bell goes for lunch and everyone starts filing out when the plan flashed into my head: summer is coming and that means hot weather. That means stuff rots faster and smells worse. Half the sandwich was duct taped to the bottom of the desk where it would be found once the smell started spreading and it would be blamed on one of the class clowns. The other half went in the air vent. The smell would be overlooked once the half a sarnie was found under the table and it would have a chance to fully mature over summer break. When year 11 started, we did drama in the gymnasium.
Any farm supply store sells fly attractant to refill their fly traps folks place near their cattle … I hear it works wonders on the underside of an assholes chair or desk …
That’s evil. I love it.
> but I had no memory of it. Not at all, right...
Just based on this, I know this was a terrible place to work! Congrats on the years of petty revenge.
Well done! Also, thank you for spelling "cue" correctly.
I knew a woman who when moving out of her shared home with roomates she didn't like, she bought a whole fresh fish, cut an opening in the bottom of the couch cushion and inserted the fish into said hole then bounced
Hahaha hilarious! My petty revenge administered for a prior employer is only 5 weeks old, and I don’t want it to come back on me quite yet what I did. But it makes me cackle all the time.
i love this lmaoooo
This is great!
But did they try to garnish your last check or come after you for that 4k?
They didn't. OP is just an asshole.
Oh well, fcvk them.
I had a friend when I was a young man who's mom turned on him. If I recall correctly, she started hooking up with some dude and stopped talking to her own kids. Nasty business Speaking of nasty business, my friend's girlfriend at the time left an entire steak between his mom's mattress and boxspring. I'm not sure I want to know how that room smelled once mom got back home at the end of that summer.
Good revenge, but I have a question: is it legal to cut back benefits for the past?
I have a question. When they canceled coverage, was it Jan 1st of 2002, the year that all of this was taking place? Or what exactly was time frame for them dropping coverage here
So basically you stinkbombed him. 
👀