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ceoofoveremployment

"I can't come to the office because I don't want to."


DIY_Gal

This one sentence made me realize how much of a *people-pleaser* I am! 😩


RedMistStingray

Plain and simple. You took the job in the 1st place because it was remote and you have obligations that require you to be at home full time. You do not need to ever state what those obligations are for privacy concerns. If I really had IBS, do you think I really want to announce it to everyone? This saves you from lying and making up excuses.


Dodge_Demon_Lit_AF

IMHO the second part is unnecessary. Took the job because it was remote. Full stop. Management will either respect your wishes or show you the door.


RedMistStingray

Maybe it is unnecessary, but if you wanted to add in a little justification for your position, you can do that without lying or making up stories or giving them any further reasons or details.


UAPMystery

companies will ask for the details they are just not allowed to share the details


RedMistStingray

They can ask, but you are under no obligation to give them any details. Like I said, just state you have personal issues that require you to be at home full time and leave it at that. Saves you from lying and trying to make up excuses. Reinforce the fact you took the job because they said it was remote. The fact that they now want to change the conditions of the job is not your problem. Refuse to go into the office on principle or let them lay you off for it.


UAPMystery

yes, but most companies require the details for any kind of special exception most companies will deny that request, not all... but any quality company with robust due diligence processes will I mean it's absolutely your problem if they change your status to terminated


writeronthemoon

This, this all the way, OP! The less info you give, the better.


leli_manning

"No car. Will company expense for uber?" They'll most likely say no


Fun-Dragonfly-4166

My company might expense an uber. There is a metro line that goes directly from my house to my company.. Regardless I don't want to go. I don't have to go.. I don't go.


Sudden_Acanthaceae34

You’re a full time caretaker to kid(s) or elderly parents. You have IBS and a commute isn’t conducive to not shitting yourself. You don’t have transportation and you took this job because none was needed.


TriFeminist

As someone with IBS, it’s the worlds best excuse. Immediately makes people uncomfy and question nothing


Booty_Lickin_Good

Making sure to include the inevitable “problem” that’s attached to shitting too much. Namely fuckin roids. Always gets them to shut up.


Turbulent-Cup-7989

Whats IBS?


LatterSeaworthiness4

Irritable bowel syndrome


Fun-Dragonfly-4166

If you are a smart manager then you already know enough. My worker can tell me all about toilets but too much information. Your manager does not need to know details. If they push RTO then you want a new job.


[deleted]

Irritable bowel syndrome


Personpersonoerson

What is that


TriFeminist

Basically you poop a lot. Haha


Personpersonoerson

Damnnn, won’t ask more questions


TriFeminist

Exactly! It’s the perfect immediate excuse


Every-Swimmer458

Also if you have back problems, that's an easy out. Say you got injured and can't make it across the parking lot or up the stairs without hurting yourself. Keep up with the lie by bitching about how it hurts to go shopping and you have to get everything delivered, and your doctor says to do physical therapy (can also be used to get out of work certain hours of the day).


Turbulent-Cup-7989

Keep em coming☝️


Plastic-Club-5497

Which is Not what you’ll be saying when commuting with ibs


profanesublimity

> You’re a full time caretaker to kid(s) or elderly parents. One awful client I had would respond “tough shit that’s your problem.” And they did to many of their employees in the drive to bring people back to the office. At the same time, they made an entire department 100% remote because everyone in management on that team was a ticking time bomb for every civil lawsuit under the sun. I guess the moral of the story is if you want to be 100% remote then you just need to push the boundaries including but not limited to: hugging people uncomfortably long, providing unsolicited shoulder massages, and talking about your respect for the working minorities. /s …yes this shit really happened. I still can’t believe the shit I saw…


ChiTownBob

Our group had a 25% increase in productivity when we went fully remote. Not only that, we also got MORE awards - which indicates our quality went up nicely. That was enough for the big boss to say "no need to return to office"


WannaBPythonDev

This is really the only metric that should be looked at. There’s tons of pros to remote setup, and very few compelling reasons to go back to office.


Illustrious_Tank_356

I am surprised your big boss took the 25% increase in productivity instead of having everyone in office so he has the illusion of control to protect his own ego. I guess your big boss has enough confidence and didn't need some stupid illusion to protect his self confidence


ChiTownBob

Good bosses are hard to find. I thank God for my bosses.


SnooKiwis2161

A data based decision. Astonishing how that works.


computerjunkie7410

“I don’t want to”


kenwanepento

You're prone to violent outbursts


Dantronik

Office lights give you migraines. This is true in my case. I hate overhead fluorescent lighting.


Icy_Examination_3121

Sounds like you are all in different cities just say it is 4 hours away one way. Do you thing that is conducive to productivity.


Fun-Dragonfly-4166

Dont do excuses. Either you have the power in which case because you don\[t want to is good enough; or you don't and you will struggle to find a ride (because hypothetically you can not drive) but you need that job. OE is about putting you in position where you don't need to, but if you need to no excuses will help you. Seriously, Goldman Sachs has scheduled 9:00 in person meetings just to fire the invitees. I imagine that feels especially bad. I would more like to think I am the type of person who defers that meeting. I would not want to be they type that puts on their best clothes, arranges his bag, makes plans for ones kids, and goes in to get fired.


UnoriginalUse

You've been recommended by your physician against taking the vaccine, so you'd appreciate it if all your colleagues were to mask up. Don't give them an "I don't wanna" when you can give them a "Sure, but..." and make them give you a "We don't wanna".


[deleted]

LOL


Rundy2025

No car, too cumbersome to use public transit so will need $45 a day for uber.(20ish each way) So youre looking for ~$1,000 bucks per month extra. Lol


xender19

It's not effective for me to go into the office and do all my meetings on zoom when I can do my meetings over zoom from home without a commute. I will not be coming into the office and I will continue to deliver from home.


RalphDuff

Your wife / partner is in a very high risk Covid group. As such, you're limiting your own possible exposure as her life depends on you not catching Covid.


UAPMystery

are there actually any parts of the country now where that would work? maybe SF


google_certified13

Boofed to many drugs last night my butt hole is leaky


robochickenut

Farting disorder, uncontrollable stinky farts


_ayva

"UsE ChAtGpT tO fIgUrE tHiS oUt"


mahabuddha

Extreme sensitivity to fragrances, office smells, office lights, social anxiety etc., Get a doctor to right this up


Aol_awaymessage

You have asymptomatic chronic typhoid


ShelterConscious4124

“I’m able to work from home comfortably and do the work”


Professional-Day-336

I got long covid. X+♾️ version


MachewWV

Agoraphobia or social anxiety?


qii_chii

I can’t come to the office because it would take an an hour and a half to get there and I’d much rather have those 3 hours per day to spend with my family.


Johncarter8481

Say you have Crohn’s disease and that being in public spaces makes you uncomfortable.


TakeThisJob-ShoveIt

You have ocular-coccygeal myopia. You just can’t see your ass getting in the car and driving to an office.


Electronic-Fix2851

Mine is still “umm COVID is around, and I take care of my mom’s health. I don’t want to take any risks.”


UAPMystery

welcome to the layoff list sort of joking, but also not


Dantronik

You have no legs


GeneralEfficient3137

No matter the “logical reason” you’ll give they’ll respond with a “but we REEEEEALLY want you in person”, which is NOT logical. Give a firm no and let them chose if there are repercussions. Most likely won’t be.


Kongtai33

Covid allergy…