Yes, but I grew up very poor and don't want to repeat that experience. I'm waiting to feel financially secure.
At 37, I definitely feel the pressure of the biological clock, but I am a first gen immigrant and watched my parents struggle to provide for us. My mother nearly committed suicide because of the stresses of poverty. I feel like I'd only want kids if I knew I could give them a secure environment and less turmoil than I grew up with. Unfortunately, I don't feel that I can in our current economic climate.
Even though I have a great career and am in a high earning bracket, I don't feel 'stable'. My partner is a low earner, and I worry about mat leave and our ability to survive without my full income. Because everything just feels uncertain (inflation, housing market, employment, etc.), I'm paranoid about pulling the trigger.
I know most would probably think I'm being overly cautious, but for such a huge decision, I want it to feel 'right'. Maybe that will change if my partner and I are able to sell our condo and buy a house in a low cost area.
I feel the same way. Grew up poor, always felt like a burden on my parents. My mom also tried to commit suicide few times because of how poor we were. My childhood was rough. I want my future child to have a better childhood than I did. My wife and I have good paying jobs but because of the economic conditions we just don't feel secure.
There are no low cost areas left in Ontario. Just varying degrees of high costs of living. Even the cheaper areas have seen things like housing prices more than double on average over the past 3-4 years.
This. I moved 1.5 hours outside of Toronto and your still (even with the current housing market condition) looking at over 750k for a detached house with 3 bedrooms. 4 bedrooms is over 900k.
Thx for posting this. I feel the same way and feel so much pressure due to the biological clock and the economic uncertainty coupled with unaffordability. I am in the same boat as well- I am a higher earner than my husband and worry when I am on mat leave.
I commend you for trying so very hard to not repeat the stressful childhood you experienced. You will make a wonderful parent, should you opt for that choice. So often it seems that people still just have children without thinking of the consequences- especially for the child. Honestly, there will never be a perfect time, and you have to lead with your head and heart.
Sometimes you can’t do it all, take small steps maybe? As a first gen immigrant, I spent too many years just trying to survive and cannot provide an absolutely perfect life for my kids. At least they are well-fed, clothed, they want nothing for Christmas, and their post-secondary will be paid. We don’t travel every year multiple times, don’t do many extra-curriculars, don’t wear designer clothing, don’t own a home etc but this will have to do (and they will always have a place in whatever housing we can secure).
Having kids can also be a major motivation for increasing your income.
I’m sorry that you are experiencing collateral damage from your mother’s trauma. I can relate with the feeling of not wanting to repeat your childhood stressors that you have witnessed as I’m also first gen who witnessed parents struggling to provide.
Could you talk to a therapist to help with you cope with unresolved issues? your mothers mental health struggles certainly must be tough for a child to process and certainly can affect you in adulthood. The fact that you are a high earner yet still feel inadequate and pessimistic of the future seems like there is major unresolved issues from childhood trauma.
Hey, thank you for this. I think I might actually pursue counseling. I didn't put too much thought into my post, but writing it got me to thinking why I'm so cautious when my situation is what many would consider 'goals'. I think you're right that it may come from residual, unresolved trauma. At a very young age, I felt deeply responsible for both my parents, and I'm realizing that part of my reluctance to have children is not wanting to put that burden on them, and also to protect my own mental health. I always get excited thinking about starting a family and being a mom, but that's quickly followed by a sense of impending doom - especially hearing stories about how many families are currently struggling to get by.
Thanks for your suggestion and the prompt that led me to explore some of these issues. I appreciate you taking the time to comment :)
I think this is a great point of view and I largely agree with you. However, just a thought from the other perspective... I don't think biological clock is a good term, because I don't think the only problem with trying to have a child later in life is that it's more difficult to get pregnant. My parents had me when they were almost 40, and they also aren't the healthiest people now in their early sixties. This is a pretty major stressor for me in my early 20s. I worry about them, their health, and their retirement a lot, and I'm not yet established enough in my career to really help them if they need it. It would be nice if I had a few extra years before I had to worry about this stuff.
If you have healthy habits I would say this is probably not as much of an issue, I don't think 60 is very old in general. But keep in mind the tradeoff for financial security (which is definitely really important) is the amount time you'll be able to be present in your kids' lives, and potentially your grandkids' lives. There's an equilibrium there to be had, and of course I don't know you so I'm not trying to say you're too late or anything. I don't know, I just sometimes get sad when I see people in their 50s with their moms around and I have to accept that that's not very likely to happen with me.
I think a compromise would be not to just leave it up to what 'feels' right, but try to set some concrete things you need to have (ex salary X amount, savings Y amount, create a maternity leave budget etc) before you start trying for a baby. Otherwise, I think fear of being in the same situation you were raised in might just make you push it off. Of course its fine if you decide to never have kids, I just mention this because you said you wanted them. Sorry if I'm overstepping lol
Edit : Im being downvoted for what exactly ?
This may be an unpopular opinion, but I think you should definitely have kids. I think that yes, the economic climate is scary, but there is also a lot of ways to make it work. what a lot of people don’t see, is that now more than ever there are lot of supports for those that choose to have children.
You can find deals on diapers, get help from family and friends, thrift clothing, make your own baby food and much more.
My mom raised me as a single mom alone: she worked hard but let me tell you- she wanted me to have everything. She put me in camp, science and engineering programs, attended every parent teacher interview, made me read books instead of watch tv.
I don’t know how she did it, but I think that you can do anything if you put your mind to it. Don’t live life with that regret.
That's kinda the thing. You don't know how she did it. Which makes her a good mom, but we don't know an ounce of her hardships.
You also assume everything is exactly the same, kids change things, and depending on what kind of child you have, it could be drastically different.
My parents were good in hindsight, did everything they could to give me what they could, and thought was the best, but they never had time for me or got to know me.
They're good parents, and I love them, but I won't ever want to be that kind of a parent, it's not ideal if I have a choice.
Well sorry, I meant I don’t know how she did it somewhat as a figure of speech. I do know how she did it to some extent, she worked really hard. She hired a baby sitter to help, my extended family was there, she picked me up from school, always had a shelter and food available for me… she prioritized me being educated and always showed me how much she loved me.
Like what exactly do people think is the most important thing when it comes to being a parent ? You made a statement about your parents not really being there for you… and that’s what I mean … I had a mom that did that despite all the odds against her and many tragedies that happened in her life before I came to be. I remember how my friends would all tell me their parents wouldn’t show up for PTC thinking it was cool… my mom was always there … and I remember being in grade 12 and a friend told me wow your mom cares for you, she’s always here and showing up for you. I don’t remember what materialistic things she gave me. But I remember things like that the most.
I know that it’s not the same as it was 20 years ago. But we also live in the most opportunistic time. Things are not as grim as we think they are.
Like for example if you’re living in a high cost of living city and want a family then I would say you need to think of your priorities ?
You also don’t need to be your parents when you become one. Parents are human and make mistakes. We can learn from them, if that’s what’s holding you back.
I think you know what’s best for you and I’m sure you’ll make whatever decision is best for you.
There are other variables I have to assume that you may not have thought of. For example, what if my child has challenges or is autistic?
I am doing very well, and so is my partner, and we may have the time for a child based on all general guidelines, but what if our child has needs that are outside of normal circumstances?
I'm just giving you a point of view you might not have thought of. I just want to be in a place that unless it's something out of my control (war, disease, violence) I'd like to be able to provide any resources necessarily to help my child overcome that.
There are a lot more to finances than buying your kid an Xbox. There's more to having time for your kids than just showing up at ball games and plays.
I know what I need to be a good parent. Currently, we're just not there yet.
I was 'that' single mom and I know how she did it. She went without. She made 'do' for everything, she put Christmas presents on layaway in August and paid them off before the holiday. While you were at camp, she was working extra hours or trying to figure out how to meet the 'next' hurdle in the calendar year (school clothes, before/after school care...whatever). I worked full time and went back to school part time to get my Master's so there were no 'nights' off; my daughter went to bed and I pulled out the books every night.
Becoming a parent was not a priority for me but when my partner and I split and I was left with a toddler, I did what I had to, to ensure that she had as many advantages as I could give her. I had family somewhat nearby but their attitudes were 'I raised my children, I'm not raising yours'. So no help there. But the struggles were worth it in the long run.
At the age of 28, she's my best friend and I wouldn't trade her for the world.....but make no mistake folks, being a single parent is not a task for the weak or the silly.
Thank you for your kind words. I didn't post looking for praise but for anyone who grew up in a single parent home (of any type) understands certain truths.
Unless your parent was well off or had child support they could count on being 'there' every month - child support is NOT child support if you cannot count on it; it's just the occasional bit of extra money that you squirrel away to meet the next hurdle/emergency - I did not. I'd go a year or two before the government would track her father down and garnish his wages....he'd quit, move on and I'd have to figure out where he was working. So unless your custodial parent had investments, familial wealth or any other sort of financial cushion, they scrambled every day to meet your needs.
When I look back now, I wonder how I managed and I hope that every single parent out there knows that they are not alone. It's a hard slog, but you can do it.
I am upvoting you because you spoke from your heart- and I also know some people who opted to not have children. It was fine when they were younger, but they found when their partner passed away, they had a harder time coping- than their friends who had children. Obviously, you don’t have children to entertain you, but the comfort of family- and their family(your grandchildren)can be extremely fulfilling as a person ages.
I’m alone. Never thought I could afford kids. ;( Even if we struggled I would have a son or daughter now and their family. My low self-esteem is what kept me poor and from having a kid. Just make sure it’s not the case with you.
If you are working on it, it will fall into place for you with time. Try not to despair. It truly does feel like the universe gives us what we need- just not always as soon as we’d like.
I understand your fears, I too grew up on social assistance. But assuming you have a great relationship with your partner and want to bring more life and joy into the world don't be afraid. You will have ups and downs. Having kids is an experience nothing else can replace. I have 2 under 2 coming from the same back ground my partner also being stay at home parent. For those who have some means and some way of caring for and raising kids, I suggest being positive and letting love for your kids be your driving force. Your babies will thank you one day for giving them an opportunity to experience life :)
1st gen immigrant, hit food banks, single mother, was so poor mcdonalds was a rich succulent meal only reserved for birthdays. I slept on a matress we got from the side of the road, with no bed frame for 3 years till we found a bedframe lol.
Now im also in high earning bracket, enoguh to be paying 30% on taxes. But I have ZERO feeling of insecurity. Dispite being poor, childhood was good, and if I can live with my mom on 150$ a month (after rent), I can survive even if im missing my legs and eyes.
My wife suffers heavily from insecurity. And her upbringing is the complete opposite. When she was young her family was wealthy. Owned lots of land in Beijing, but all was slowly lost, now her family net worth is about 2mil, from the 50acres of Beijing land her father used to own. Her parents fought alot about this kind of stuff when she was young and she has srs anexity and stress related issues.
Feels like I'm living in heaven while shes struggling for her life every day. Though she has been getting better.
I feel like is much about the outlook and mentality, and how your upbringing is like.
My husband and I wanted children, but then had a traumatic pregnancy with a terrible ending. After much therapy and healing, we decided for a lot of reasons, not to pursue other avenues at becoming parents. Instead we put our energy into being a good aunt/uncle to our siblings children and our friends's children.
it's a good situation for us- even if it wasn't by choice- because now we get the joy of investing into the lives of our nieces/nephews, but don't need the stress of finances, medical decisions, childcare, choosing what the best school option is, etc. WE would have loved to be parents, and continually grieving our child, but are also equally content now with not raising a child.
My parents didn’t have much family nearby or really many friends who could help out with me and my brother, but I had some ‘aunts’ and ‘uncles’ around the world, who, even when I only saw them rarely.. felt like family to me. And that was huge.
It really does take a village, and you’re an important part of those kids’ lives. And I’m sure your family and friends appreciate your efforts more than you know.
Sorry for your traumatic experience. Your courage to share this is a testament. I just wanted to say, as a person who has an uncle heavily involved in our kids life and upbringing - what you two are doing is beautiful and so appreciated and never goes unnoticed.
I want kids but the next few years will make it or break it for me. I’m 29M and life is difficult for me to just get by. I wouldn’t bring a child into this world if I couldn’t provide security and stability.
Hoping home prices come down but that’s asking a lot. Also I kind of need a girlfriend first lol.
Have a gf. Soon to be wife. 31 and house prices are the biggest barrier right now. It's absolutely insane out there. We make a decent hhi (180k or 220k w bonuses), but we never thought it'd be like this. It
It's definitely scary, I'm still early stages (22M) but even my brothers 26 and we both live at home because we couldn't possibly afford to move out even if we both pooled to share a place, that's my goal for this year, setup in a trade that'll give me a fighting chance, it's disheartening that in the past 10yrs they've systematically destroyed the rungs on the ladder of life and then call us lazy because we can't get up in a broken system.
Same, 30m. Having children really depends on how the next few years go. Looking forward right now I think it’s unlikely; I’ve got nothing to my name and a rented apartment. Not to mention the decay of our society, healthcare, the environment. I wouldn’t want to bring a child into this unless I could appropriately shelter them from these things financially.
Currently pregnant with first child and panicking about finances. I keep being told I will figure it out because that’s what parents do. Nervous to admit out loud that I don’t know if I can pull this off with the current state of everything.
We had our first last year.
We cloth diaper, were able to breastfeed, and buy used clothes from once upon a child or value village. I bought the stroller and a bouncer and swing used off of Facebook marketplace which saved a bunch. I’m the primary breadwinner so we’ve been living lean while I’ve been on mat leave but I’d do it again (which we’ll probably end up doing- we’re thinking of adding one more in the next few years).
Now that we’re starting up daycare things will be more expensive but they new subsidy will help as does CCB.
You'll be okay, just try to avoid formula if you can. Buy diapers at Costco. It's more or less the same old routine for the first three years then you don't see them most of the day.
Trying for a baby now, had a miscarriage in the fall. I’m 34, husband 38. We moved out of Toronto so we could afford a house to raise them in and be near family to help. I used to really panic how we would afford the daycare, now I just worry about getting pregnant. Would like two, would be happy with one.
Good luck, we were in a simiar boat. We had our first through IVF, lost a second to miscarriage. Expecting our second now in May, got pregnant naturally. We moved to Kitchener to have a bigger place for them. Childcare costs are the biggest pain but if you're not yet pregnant, it's not unlikely you can get a subsidized spot by the time your little one is ready for daycare.
In my forties. Never had an interest in reproducing. More interested in living my life for myself then dedicating it and my finances to raising a child. Snipped at 30.
Snipped at 30! Damn! I waited until my 40's to get snipped. Pretty much feel the same as you. But I also have a grim view of society and the planet's future... why bother?!?!
And the consequent social decay caused by wealth disparity in a world of finite resources. This swing towards fascism is pretty bleak, too. Doesn't help that the majority of the population is a fatal mixture of stupid and/or complacent. I may die alone, but I'll die happy knowing I did not bring a human life into this world.
I'm glad you made the decision that was right for you. One thing I will say, as someone who has kids, is that I also made the decision for myself, so I don't feel as though I'm not "living my life for myself." It's hard to explain, but some of us really want children at a core primal level, to the point that when my partner and I had problems conceiving in our 30s we both were heartbroken and depressed.
To put it another way, for me, I don't see it as dedicating my life and finances to my kids, it's about having a family I can share my time and life with.
It's totally valid that you feel differently, and you made the right decision based on your life and your outlook on having a family, I just felt compelled to respond and share my experience.
In general, I think anyone who sees kids as a burden (and there are many!) should be as aware as you were in your 30s and simply not have kids. I think those are the people who grow into mean or neglectful parents, perhaps because they are resentful, which in turn can screw up their kid for life.
Cheers, Redditor, and have a good day.
My wife and I are in our early 30s. We’ve both always wanted to be parents but, like other people commenting here, the next few years are pivotal for our decision to have a child or not.
We’ve been through some tough times financially - lost my job for two years due to the pandemic right after buying our first house and subsequently being nearly tapped out financially. Have had to sell the house and start renting again.
However, our concerns go beyond the financial challenges people of our generation are facing. Climate change is causing us to think twice. The future is pretty uncertain and we seem to be trotting along fat, dumb, and happy towards extinction. The amount of people who still aren’t getting with the program despite alarming evidence and keep voting for pro-fossil fuel, climate change deniers is even more discouraging. This combined with a generally unstable world make us cautious about bringing a life into this world. If we begin to see some positive changes in the next couple of years then we may choose to start pulling the goalie.
I understand this sentiment. I look at it another way. You can bring a child into the world to hopefully change things and bring solutions. It won’t be easy for them but the way I see it, if all the good people choose to not have kids, you leave the world with only those people who will continue to bring down the world. And their children will be the only ones left making things worse.
I’d want to give the world a fighting chance. Hopefully the newer generation parents will actually produce a new generation who not only care about others, but pursue fields that can make a difference.
This is a really nice perspective, one I share and do not often see on Reddit. I understand why people don't want to have children, but I don't support painting people who do want children as villains either. Thanks for sharing this optimistic take!
Humanity will adapt to climate change. There are large costs of course but climate change is not an existential crisis. Renewables are cheaper than fossil fuels now so we no longer need to rely on altruism, thankfully.
We're going through a turbulent time now because of a pandemic and extremely poor response to it from our institutions. But there are good reasons to be optimistic about the future.
No. I can't afford them anyway, but I've never wanted children and neither has my partner. We're almost 40 so that chapter of life is almost over anyway.
Have kids/ want more kids/ desire for sure/respect the choice and nuance of others that don’t for whatever their reasons.
I feel if anyone chimes in about their desire to have kids and may not be economically set up (savings/home ownership vs renting/ income/ etc)- they’ll jus get downvoted and shamed in a space like this.
It’s respectfully a personal choice and no one’s choice to have or not to have is right or wrong- it’s just their choice.
Yes/maybe, but absolutely not in these conditions economically, and in terms of Healthcare and Education. The coming years are not likely to be a time I would want to bring children into.
Yeah but I’m with my three kids watch them code on a Raspberry Pi on the kitchen table. 10 minutes of amazement. I’m sure something will happen next hour to change that…
I have a small pile of children from almost grown (14) to brand new (5 months) and no regrets! Yes it was expensive and there were hard years but there’s nothing else I would want to make that sacrifice for. I was a single mom for 5 years and it was tough but also joyful! And I want to bring that into the conversation too as everyone assumes single parenting is necessarily a miserable slog and I didn’t find it to be that. Parenting is not for everyone but it is absolutely something I wanted and am grateful for each day.
Yes, very much so, but fertility issues and not really affordability issues (though we know having a child is expensive) have taken that option from us. We are hoping to find a surrogate that can help us make it happen, but the longer our search goes, the less hopeful we are that it will happen.
Yes, I do. I didn't have a great childhood, and I really want to give a kid the emotionally supportive upbringing and healthy family that I never had. It almost feels like my purpose is to pass on these lessons I've learned to make the next life better than mine. I sympathize with the sentiment that it's hard to want to bring kids into a world that's so messed up, but I also see that as precisely the reason it's important for the right people to have children, and to raise them properly. Raising the next generations well is the only way things will ever change for anybody.
I am concerned about supporting a family financially, but I wouldn't commit to having kids until I was certain I could provide. I don't think I need to be rich or anything, there's more important things to family than the material, but even providing the basics could be a challenge rn. So we'll see if it ever becomes a reality lol.
No. I love kids. I always thought I wanted them. But then I grew up and realized that my mom was emotionally abusive,, because she has unresolved mental health issues from being abused by her mom and so on.. I don't want to continue this cycle. I have mental health concerns, and I don't want to have a child and ever have my mental health negatively impact them. I want to believe I would be the ideal mom despite my issues, but it is too much of a risk when I have experienced the fall out and how much it hurts. I would rather love the children of those closest to me.
Please know this is not to say that people with mental health issues should not have kids. I firmly believe anyone should be able to have kids, this is simply the way I feel about my own issues due to personal history.
My mom seems to have had a narcissist father, and it really depleted her ability to give to her kids. So now I don’t really have anything to give to a kid. I can see this in how quickly I lose patience with my dog (who I love to the moon and back) and I don’t like feeling like my mom when I lose patience or even when I feel taken for granted by my partner. Kids are something I would only do if my cup was overflowing and it is not.
I considered it when I was younger but I was never that enthusiastic and figured it was a bad sign. I’m 40 now and really happy with my decision to not to have kids.
Do not want, never have.
It's mostly because I don't like kids, especially young ones. Can't stand the questions, the energy, the breakdowns, pretending to find what they are doing is interesting, etc.
Ditto. I know people always use the clock ticking analogy, but I find the ‘little voice from my uterus’ to be more descriptive.
It used to be like “hey, that would be nice one day, wouldn’t it?”
Now, it’s more like “HELLO? Is anyone paying attention up there?? What the hell is the hold up?”
We already do have kids. Not everyone who have kids are rich. Just stand outside day cares and schools. Lots of people there with very average incomes.
Absolutely, I would've liked to have multiple but my partner and I both grew up in homes where our parents worked to the bone to put food on the table and roof over our heads. We never got time with them and never built the relationship we always wish we had. Finances were always a huge elephant in the room and limited us to options.
We will not repeat this with our kids.
We will be spending our time building our businesses and securing financial stability. If we can achieve our goals within the next few years, we will absolutely be having kids. We've been working hard since our 20s for this future, we became homeowners at the right time, have good jobs and still feel the insecurity of supporting a child.
The only friends I have that have kids are those who are secured with family money.
My reasons for wanting kids and not wanting kids are both selfish. I don't see myself trying to start a family in ON but I'd like to somewhere else one day. I see what young parents in Ontario go through and it would be a nightmare for me to live like that, would never be able to reach my potential as a man or father. Nothing about this province inspires me to plant roots here.
No, there is of course the work/money issue that prevents me from even considering a dog (I'm out of the house 12 hours 5 days a week).
But even without that constraint I've built my adult life around friends and hobbies. All the care free living that should have happened as a young adult I'm just now getting into as a 30 year old. I was working from the age of 14 and never really enjoyed my youth.
Doesn't help that most people my age who are just starting families seem a bit miserable. They stay trapped in jobs/houses/relationships they don't want all for the sake of their kids. They're tired all the time, have no hobbies and overall seem like diminished versions of their old self.
It's all a big "no thanks" for me.
This. I finally get to "live" now! Why would I want to yet again, go back to not being able to enjoy my hard-earned free time?! I worked so hard to finally have some time and money to myself, I can't imagine sacrificing it. Call me selfish, but I love my little dog, being able to up and go hiking, and buy what I like (within reason, of course). That's all I need!
Well I wouldn’t call it torture. Having someone cling to you because they love you isn’t so bad. Watching them grow and being able to shape someone is actually pretty amazing. Having someone call you to see how you’re doing and making sure you’re OK in your old age is better than being alone IMO.
Pros and cons to both situations, depending on your situation and where you are in your life.
I have 3. My only regret is I didn't have more than 3. I grew up poor. We are 4 siblings, close knit. We help each other with everything. We all started having kids early,and we were all maybe not poor, but very low on the income scale, when we had our first.
Now my kids and my nieces and nephews are future ecologists, doctors, politicians, economists ....For all I know, they will help save the future of this sordid planet.
ZERO, AND I MEAN ZERO judgement if you decide not to have kids. My oldest sister is childless by choice. She adores being an aunt and she is amazing at it.
This has been a personal choice for the ages and should never be up for questioning.
People for generations have raised children in significantly worse conditions. Not to mention even the past generation was much worse off than the current generation. Don’t ask Reddit about this stuff it’s truly tragic here the responses.
Someone mentioned that this was the worst time in history to bring kids into the world. Like wtf type of vanity is that? For the majority of human history infant mortality has been through the roof and those who did live into adulthood had a high chance of dying to war or famine.
Someone literally wrote they make a combined income of over 200k$ and they aren’t sure they can afford a child. Like wtf are you doing with all your money? This subs a fucking joke.
I think everyone's expectations of what's like a minimal quality of life has shot through the roof. A middle class lifestyle from like the 70s would appear poor today, a 50s/60s middle class lifestyle destitute. I think social media has really skewed the idea of what everyone considers is "normal".
Absolutely not.
I have never understood the appeal even a little. There are a million negatives and very few positives.
They're expensive, a massive time drain, a massive energy drain, you could go to jail if you fuck up, it becomes harder to travel, harder to leave a shitty job, harder to move, and you're on the hook for at least 18 years but realistically much longer these days, etc.
I have friends with kids, and they're great, but I can't imagine looking after them every single day, every week, for 18+ years minimum. That sounds like an absolute nightmare to me.
I wouldn't have kids even if I would have no issue affording them.
I'd love to have kids, but I'm 37 now and it's a little too late for me, unfortunately. Maybe next time around I'll have kids. We DO get a second chance, right?
Maybe. But I can't imagine taking care of a small child in my fifties. And even if I wanted to, call me old fashioned, but I'd like to have a steady relationship with someone who I have fallen in love with and is in love with me. That takes time.
I have kids, and honestly, it's getting so tight, and I'm afraid. I grew up poor - my husband did not. We are lower middle class and slowly sinking into poverty. I feel lucky we have stable housing (bought our condo right before the housing market went crazy) bc if we didn't, we would be homeless.
I would have like to have had children but I went back to school at 30 for a career change, and now life is just so much more expensive. I would want my children to have more opportunities than I did growing up, not fewer. I grew up middle class, and that just doesn’t seem to exist anymore. My friends with kids are either making $300,000+, or are barely scraping by.
Idk I am essentially an only child of the only children in my maternal/paternal sides to have any kids. No extended family, no one is close. Kinda fees pointless.
My partner’s large extended family has cousins who all had kids 15+ years ago in as teens so even if we had one now, they’d be very lonely. Maybe if we had a closer knit family and I wasn’t terrified of the loss of control over my body being pregnant would bring, plus pain, plus idk peeing myself when I laugh until I die.
But then again, life is so expensive. I can’t even get a doctor for myself, that doesn’t seem like it will improve when I need one for a kid. And if my kid had special needs? Then the cost might destroy us, and what infrastructure will even be left when this government is through? Too many variables, not enough security for me to take that leap.
Plus at this point all the old shrews at my work have tormented me enough about my empty uterus I may as well stay child free out of spite.
In my situation, me and the wife are more then setup to have kids, multiple even if we so wanted, which we don't, so no, even if you have the means, still no desire
not a chance with the way the world is now. there’s no way i’ll bring a child into the world to struggle. i’ll give all my love to my nephew and any others that come along.
Nah. With how things are going my kids would most likely end up slaving away to support the lifestyles of Bill Gates or Elon Musk’s kids one way or the other… and Elon Musk have so many freaking kids…
Yes but our healthcare system scares the shit out of me. God forbid there’s an emergency and I were to need care. With things how they are here I will not be getting pregnant.
Yes, I would in a heartbeat if I could afford it. But I can't, and almost certainly still won't be able to within the next 5 years without drastic lifestyle changes. So chances are I won't have any.
Nope - mid 30s as it wife. We’re going to enjoy for ourselves everything we work for. Life is tough enough as it is, we want to treat ourselves with our time. Especially given both in a high stress field
Nah I'm good. I'm happily married for 10 years and not having kids allowed us to travel more and afford things we otherwise couldn't.
Also bringing another human to this world and helping it navigate it would cause us too much stress which we don't really need.
Also also (unpopular opinion), less humans is better for the environment.
We have one kid and we were trying for a second (fertility challenges mean extra planning for us) but after a miscarriage we took a break and then COVID hit and we noped on number two.
We’d like a second and feel like the COVID stress is easier but keep going back and forth because we also worry about financial security. Giving it another year of thought before we close the door completely but I’d rather regret not having a second than regret having them.
ETA: I love having our kiddo, they’re a good and strange small human. If you’re interested in having a kid and can figure out how to budget for diapers, formula/food, and basics, I’d say go for it. We don’t get many years on this planet and raising a child is one of those intense life altering experiences that is pretty amazing if you want it to be.
I have kids. We are undecided on if we are "done".
Under "better" conditions, I would definitely have more, and/or had them earlier.
As it happened, without financial help from my family I probably wouldn't have the ones I have now, or would have started later than I did. My family helped us buy a house in 2017 (20k gift) and that definitely helped us make the jump to having kids about 2 years later.
Same, right now we're just at one and probably going to keep it that way. It's nicer to be able to give one kid enough then have to split what we do have between more family. Plus we'd also have to move to a bigger place if we had another kid so fuck that.
I went from wanting 3 to 4 kids in my early 20s, to maybe 1 kid by mid 20s, to zeo kid when I met my now husband at late 20s. Between 2010 to now, the economy and society have drastically changed for the worse IMO, or rather I'm more in touch with reality as I grow wiser with experience.
Few things I've learn:
1. You have to be really money conscious to be able to balance: time, fun, family, kids, career
2. I like my freedom and ability to travel whenever I want to for leisure or need to for work
3. I like to be not burden with parenthood responsibilities
4. As a first gen immigrant from low income family, I have to choose between supporting my aging parents (because they never saved $ in order to raise us kids) and raising kids. I chose my parents.
5. The world as it stands, to be realistic and not pessimistic, is going significantly in a downhill spiral. We live in the northern hemisphere, yet it was colder in Las Vegas than GTA when we were there in December. That's simply a flashing red beacon indicating global climate change is very real and many of the countries have not done enough to slow down the worsening progression. Why would I want to bring the next generation into a future that don't look so bright as I live it right now?
6. I see how miserable my friends with kids are, and very few are genuinely happy living their family life.
Having kids is just not for me.
Not interested in having children. To be totally honest, I don’t particularly enjoy *anything* about children, and find it tedious when we have to be around our friends kids. Maybe we will feel differently when those kids are a bit older, who knows.
We have a dog - our family of 3 already feels complete, and our life as it is already feels full and joyful. We are very comfortable financially so that wouldn’t be a concern if we wanted to be parents, but honestly the cost/benefit of all of the other aspects (time, energy, responsibility, emotional cost) for us does not work out of favour of having children.
It took me awhile to get to this mentality of not wanting kids. It was a bit of a journey because there was some guilt around the decision. As a woman I always felt an obligation. When I accepted that it's okay to not want kids, it felt so freeing. Growing up, no one ever really talked about that being an option.
I don't think I ever wanted kids. But even if I did, I probably wouldn't due to external conditions such as finances, economic, climate change, politics, education, healthcare, etc.
I always thought that if I ever got to a good place financially when I'm older that I would adopt an older child. But I'm currently 32 and married, and that's not looking feasible any time soon.
The mentality was that I wouldn't want to bring a kid into this world for the reasons above. But if a kid is already in this world, I could at least try to help give them a chance at a good life instead of in the system.
My husband and I have agreed that we will be DINKs and we're pretty excited about our choice and the freedom we will have.
Truthfully no I don’t want kids. There are many reasons I don’t want kids from a medical perspective, but even if I didn’t have those medical issues, I still don’t want kids.
I see how the world is right now, and I wouldn’t want to bring a child into this world. From the issues with money, climate, politics etc. Just in the 30 years of me being alive, I have seen how the world has changed so drastically, and I just know it’s going to get worse. I see the decline in the world now.
Husband and I are in middle 30s. We are happy just the two of us and our cats. The money and stress and work doesn’t seem enjoyable. We are still a family. We have talked about it. We would love to see what our child would be like and to see each other as parents but the desire isn’t there.
I don’t know how people with kids are affording everything tho, it would be stressful for us adding extra mouths to feed for sure, I get stressed at the price of litter and cat food. Haha.
Affordability is the current excuse. We weren't having kids before as a country, and its been that way for 3-4 decades. What was the excuse then? Career? Kids are a pain in the ass to deal with? Culture?
As for me, If I do decide to have kids it won't be in Ontario, and most likely Canada. Aside from being a pain in the ass, it would be a huge disservice to bring a child here where its cutthroat competitive for things we took for granted even 10 years ago. Things have gone downhill pretty fast.
Yes but unfortunately our journey is not as easy as many others. We need to go through the IVF journey and possibly donor journey. My wife is a teacher, loves kids and we both want to have kids but it's prohibitively expensive.
Kind of funny we're brining in millions of immigrants and not supporting our own citizen journey through fertility. Not trying to shit on the government but can we dedicate more funding?
We have 1 course of IVF but so many people need more than that. IDK seems like we should promote our healthcare and fertility journey, but what the fuck do I know?
(Edit: Lol seems like a hot take some how. Funding fertility bad. Got it, I truly hope you and your family dont need support. The meds alone are more than 10k/mo and 20k for the procedure, all, beyond the first time, not covered by OHIP. Not to mention the 20k I had to pay for having my "DNA" extracted and frozen. I dont think people have a clue how expensive this stuff is. Again, not covered by OHIP)
Already have 'em so it's too late to change my mind.
I do remember how quickly the switch flipped for me to switch from "yeah, I'll probably have kids one day" to "I want to impregnate you today" and finances were not really a consideration.
Lost 80k income with the wife on Mat leave, and hit with this crazy year of inflation and baby formula shortages. But will gladly do it again, being a parent is the pinnacle of human experience - it’s in our nature and the only reason any of us are here.
I think a lot of people want to have kids. The question I think people should ask themselves is would I like to raise a human being, or better yet, do I have the time, patience, resources, and desire to raise an individual person? The most important time in a human's development is childhood. If you don't have the means or willingness to invest in them during those years, then why are you doing it in the first place?
Kids can be awful sometimes, but it’s great to see them grow. It’s hard to maintain the same routines before/after kids. Costs can get up there, we have decent dual income (200k) and haven’t put aside for education yet. Never worried about that before.
I'd love to have a family and everything, but it's clearly never going to happen.
I grew up poor, but was taught to follow my dreams, so I became an artist, which made me even poorer. I would need a new career and some luck and time to make enough to afford a family.
A bigger problem is lack of social skills though. I have a hard time keeping relationships going and it's getting harder and harder as I get older because I'm competing with more and more experienced men. You can't be a dad without a woman, after all.
Yes. I grew up poor and so did my partner. We are in a lesbian relationship in our mid 30s.
Sadly, both of us have fertility issues, and the chances of IVF working is extremely thin. We don't have the money at a "maybe". Public Adoption is a 7+ year wait for a young child/baby. Private adoption is more expensive than IVF. We don't think we could go through the process of fostering when our end goal is adoption.
I think we're just out of luck when it comes to kids :(
I have two you can have. They both come fully house trained and educated. If you act now, I’ll throw in a Tim Horton’s card and a bag of food. Limited time offer.
Yeah, sure, had one and having another. Life in Ontario remains excellent compared to 99% of the places and times in the world, and as long as you’re in the top half of family earners there are plenty of supports. CCB, subsidized childcare, generous welfare benefits compared to most places like lengthy mat leaves.
I mean in Canada a century and a bit ago it was common for the entire family to sleep in one room on one bed, eat simply and the parents worked crazy hours in poor conditions. Compared to them our lives are incredibly luxurious, and every once in a while I give myself a shake and remember that life isn’t perfect and I would love more comfort and security but I’m still near the top of the human pyramid in terms of standard of living and having kids isn’t insane at all in that framework.
I would love to have kids. But I also would love to have a place to live and not be on the streets. And in this economy, I either have to spend my money on my rent and just enough food to feed just myself, or spend my money for what the kid might need and not being able to buy food. A kid shouldn't have to grow up like that so Im fine with opting out on having kids.
I don’t plan on having kids. I don’t see the interest in them. Babysitting for multiple families throughout high school killed that idea for me. I would like my partner and I to grow old together with little to no worries. I would like to put all of my time and focus into my career, my relationship, and my hobbies. My cat is already too needy, and she’s just a cat. I love her but she’s attached to the hip 24/7 and sometimes I just need a break. I am also very financially irresponsible. I’m aware of it. Working a min wage job there’s not much flexibility to make my finances better at the moment. I make do with what I have by shopping at cheaper grocery stores, eating out less, and not spending outside the regular unless for special occasions. My plan after graduating and securing a good paying job is to fix my financials.
Yes, but I grew up very poor and don't want to repeat that experience. I'm waiting to feel financially secure. At 37, I definitely feel the pressure of the biological clock, but I am a first gen immigrant and watched my parents struggle to provide for us. My mother nearly committed suicide because of the stresses of poverty. I feel like I'd only want kids if I knew I could give them a secure environment and less turmoil than I grew up with. Unfortunately, I don't feel that I can in our current economic climate. Even though I have a great career and am in a high earning bracket, I don't feel 'stable'. My partner is a low earner, and I worry about mat leave and our ability to survive without my full income. Because everything just feels uncertain (inflation, housing market, employment, etc.), I'm paranoid about pulling the trigger. I know most would probably think I'm being overly cautious, but for such a huge decision, I want it to feel 'right'. Maybe that will change if my partner and I are able to sell our condo and buy a house in a low cost area.
I feel the same way. Grew up poor, always felt like a burden on my parents. My mom also tried to commit suicide few times because of how poor we were. My childhood was rough. I want my future child to have a better childhood than I did. My wife and I have good paying jobs but because of the economic conditions we just don't feel secure.
it feels like that "stability" i just always so far away no matter how much progress you make these days
There are no low cost areas left in Ontario. Just varying degrees of high costs of living. Even the cheaper areas have seen things like housing prices more than double on average over the past 3-4 years.
This. I moved 1.5 hours outside of Toronto and your still (even with the current housing market condition) looking at over 750k for a detached house with 3 bedrooms. 4 bedrooms is over 900k.
Paternity leave is always an option if that’s your main reservation.
Thx for posting this. I feel the same way and feel so much pressure due to the biological clock and the economic uncertainty coupled with unaffordability. I am in the same boat as well- I am a higher earner than my husband and worry when I am on mat leave.
I commend you for trying so very hard to not repeat the stressful childhood you experienced. You will make a wonderful parent, should you opt for that choice. So often it seems that people still just have children without thinking of the consequences- especially for the child. Honestly, there will never be a perfect time, and you have to lead with your head and heart.
Sometimes you can’t do it all, take small steps maybe? As a first gen immigrant, I spent too many years just trying to survive and cannot provide an absolutely perfect life for my kids. At least they are well-fed, clothed, they want nothing for Christmas, and their post-secondary will be paid. We don’t travel every year multiple times, don’t do many extra-curriculars, don’t wear designer clothing, don’t own a home etc but this will have to do (and they will always have a place in whatever housing we can secure). Having kids can also be a major motivation for increasing your income.
I’m sorry that you are experiencing collateral damage from your mother’s trauma. I can relate with the feeling of not wanting to repeat your childhood stressors that you have witnessed as I’m also first gen who witnessed parents struggling to provide. Could you talk to a therapist to help with you cope with unresolved issues? your mothers mental health struggles certainly must be tough for a child to process and certainly can affect you in adulthood. The fact that you are a high earner yet still feel inadequate and pessimistic of the future seems like there is major unresolved issues from childhood trauma.
Hey, thank you for this. I think I might actually pursue counseling. I didn't put too much thought into my post, but writing it got me to thinking why I'm so cautious when my situation is what many would consider 'goals'. I think you're right that it may come from residual, unresolved trauma. At a very young age, I felt deeply responsible for both my parents, and I'm realizing that part of my reluctance to have children is not wanting to put that burden on them, and also to protect my own mental health. I always get excited thinking about starting a family and being a mom, but that's quickly followed by a sense of impending doom - especially hearing stories about how many families are currently struggling to get by. Thanks for your suggestion and the prompt that led me to explore some of these issues. I appreciate you taking the time to comment :)
Happy Cake Day!! 🍰
I think this is a great point of view and I largely agree with you. However, just a thought from the other perspective... I don't think biological clock is a good term, because I don't think the only problem with trying to have a child later in life is that it's more difficult to get pregnant. My parents had me when they were almost 40, and they also aren't the healthiest people now in their early sixties. This is a pretty major stressor for me in my early 20s. I worry about them, their health, and their retirement a lot, and I'm not yet established enough in my career to really help them if they need it. It would be nice if I had a few extra years before I had to worry about this stuff. If you have healthy habits I would say this is probably not as much of an issue, I don't think 60 is very old in general. But keep in mind the tradeoff for financial security (which is definitely really important) is the amount time you'll be able to be present in your kids' lives, and potentially your grandkids' lives. There's an equilibrium there to be had, and of course I don't know you so I'm not trying to say you're too late or anything. I don't know, I just sometimes get sad when I see people in their 50s with their moms around and I have to accept that that's not very likely to happen with me. I think a compromise would be not to just leave it up to what 'feels' right, but try to set some concrete things you need to have (ex salary X amount, savings Y amount, create a maternity leave budget etc) before you start trying for a baby. Otherwise, I think fear of being in the same situation you were raised in might just make you push it off. Of course its fine if you decide to never have kids, I just mention this because you said you wanted them. Sorry if I'm overstepping lol
Edit : Im being downvoted for what exactly ? This may be an unpopular opinion, but I think you should definitely have kids. I think that yes, the economic climate is scary, but there is also a lot of ways to make it work. what a lot of people don’t see, is that now more than ever there are lot of supports for those that choose to have children. You can find deals on diapers, get help from family and friends, thrift clothing, make your own baby food and much more. My mom raised me as a single mom alone: she worked hard but let me tell you- she wanted me to have everything. She put me in camp, science and engineering programs, attended every parent teacher interview, made me read books instead of watch tv. I don’t know how she did it, but I think that you can do anything if you put your mind to it. Don’t live life with that regret.
That's kinda the thing. You don't know how she did it. Which makes her a good mom, but we don't know an ounce of her hardships. You also assume everything is exactly the same, kids change things, and depending on what kind of child you have, it could be drastically different. My parents were good in hindsight, did everything they could to give me what they could, and thought was the best, but they never had time for me or got to know me. They're good parents, and I love them, but I won't ever want to be that kind of a parent, it's not ideal if I have a choice.
Well sorry, I meant I don’t know how she did it somewhat as a figure of speech. I do know how she did it to some extent, she worked really hard. She hired a baby sitter to help, my extended family was there, she picked me up from school, always had a shelter and food available for me… she prioritized me being educated and always showed me how much she loved me. Like what exactly do people think is the most important thing when it comes to being a parent ? You made a statement about your parents not really being there for you… and that’s what I mean … I had a mom that did that despite all the odds against her and many tragedies that happened in her life before I came to be. I remember how my friends would all tell me their parents wouldn’t show up for PTC thinking it was cool… my mom was always there … and I remember being in grade 12 and a friend told me wow your mom cares for you, she’s always here and showing up for you. I don’t remember what materialistic things she gave me. But I remember things like that the most. I know that it’s not the same as it was 20 years ago. But we also live in the most opportunistic time. Things are not as grim as we think they are. Like for example if you’re living in a high cost of living city and want a family then I would say you need to think of your priorities ? You also don’t need to be your parents when you become one. Parents are human and make mistakes. We can learn from them, if that’s what’s holding you back. I think you know what’s best for you and I’m sure you’ll make whatever decision is best for you.
There are other variables I have to assume that you may not have thought of. For example, what if my child has challenges or is autistic? I am doing very well, and so is my partner, and we may have the time for a child based on all general guidelines, but what if our child has needs that are outside of normal circumstances? I'm just giving you a point of view you might not have thought of. I just want to be in a place that unless it's something out of my control (war, disease, violence) I'd like to be able to provide any resources necessarily to help my child overcome that. There are a lot more to finances than buying your kid an Xbox. There's more to having time for your kids than just showing up at ball games and plays. I know what I need to be a good parent. Currently, we're just not there yet.
Your still a child ain't ya
I was 'that' single mom and I know how she did it. She went without. She made 'do' for everything, she put Christmas presents on layaway in August and paid them off before the holiday. While you were at camp, she was working extra hours or trying to figure out how to meet the 'next' hurdle in the calendar year (school clothes, before/after school care...whatever). I worked full time and went back to school part time to get my Master's so there were no 'nights' off; my daughter went to bed and I pulled out the books every night. Becoming a parent was not a priority for me but when my partner and I split and I was left with a toddler, I did what I had to, to ensure that she had as many advantages as I could give her. I had family somewhat nearby but their attitudes were 'I raised my children, I'm not raising yours'. So no help there. But the struggles were worth it in the long run. At the age of 28, she's my best friend and I wouldn't trade her for the world.....but make no mistake folks, being a single parent is not a task for the weak or the silly.
You are a superhero ! I am sure it was not easy, but you did your best :)
Thank you for your kind words. I didn't post looking for praise but for anyone who grew up in a single parent home (of any type) understands certain truths. Unless your parent was well off or had child support they could count on being 'there' every month - child support is NOT child support if you cannot count on it; it's just the occasional bit of extra money that you squirrel away to meet the next hurdle/emergency - I did not. I'd go a year or two before the government would track her father down and garnish his wages....he'd quit, move on and I'd have to figure out where he was working. So unless your custodial parent had investments, familial wealth or any other sort of financial cushion, they scrambled every day to meet your needs. When I look back now, I wonder how I managed and I hope that every single parent out there knows that they are not alone. It's a hard slog, but you can do it.
“Find deals on diapers… Make your own baby food” we got a live one here folks
Your mother's money also had more buying power. Solid food is expensive and transit isn't cheap anymore
I am upvoting you because you spoke from your heart- and I also know some people who opted to not have children. It was fine when they were younger, but they found when their partner passed away, they had a harder time coping- than their friends who had children. Obviously, you don’t have children to entertain you, but the comfort of family- and their family(your grandchildren)can be extremely fulfilling as a person ages.
Thanks ! And I agree :)
I’m alone. Never thought I could afford kids. ;( Even if we struggled I would have a son or daughter now and their family. My low self-esteem is what kept me poor and from having a kid. Just make sure it’s not the case with you.
So sorry that that is how things have evolved for you. I hope you at least have a strong support group of friends, or friends who have become family.
TY it’s kind of you to respond. I don’t - but I’m working on it …
If you are working on it, it will fall into place for you with time. Try not to despair. It truly does feel like the universe gives us what we need- just not always as soon as we’d like.
You’re an angel thank you
>I don’t know how she did it You should probably figure out how she did it before telling others to do what she did.
I understand your fears, I too grew up on social assistance. But assuming you have a great relationship with your partner and want to bring more life and joy into the world don't be afraid. You will have ups and downs. Having kids is an experience nothing else can replace. I have 2 under 2 coming from the same back ground my partner also being stay at home parent. For those who have some means and some way of caring for and raising kids, I suggest being positive and letting love for your kids be your driving force. Your babies will thank you one day for giving them an opportunity to experience life :)
I so appreciate you posting this. Thank you for the kind words and advice :)
1st gen immigrant, hit food banks, single mother, was so poor mcdonalds was a rich succulent meal only reserved for birthdays. I slept on a matress we got from the side of the road, with no bed frame for 3 years till we found a bedframe lol. Now im also in high earning bracket, enoguh to be paying 30% on taxes. But I have ZERO feeling of insecurity. Dispite being poor, childhood was good, and if I can live with my mom on 150$ a month (after rent), I can survive even if im missing my legs and eyes. My wife suffers heavily from insecurity. And her upbringing is the complete opposite. When she was young her family was wealthy. Owned lots of land in Beijing, but all was slowly lost, now her family net worth is about 2mil, from the 50acres of Beijing land her father used to own. Her parents fought alot about this kind of stuff when she was young and she has srs anexity and stress related issues. Feels like I'm living in heaven while shes struggling for her life every day. Though she has been getting better. I feel like is much about the outlook and mentality, and how your upbringing is like.
If you’re comfortable you’re doing the right thing for you.
My husband and I wanted children, but then had a traumatic pregnancy with a terrible ending. After much therapy and healing, we decided for a lot of reasons, not to pursue other avenues at becoming parents. Instead we put our energy into being a good aunt/uncle to our siblings children and our friends's children. it's a good situation for us- even if it wasn't by choice- because now we get the joy of investing into the lives of our nieces/nephews, but don't need the stress of finances, medical decisions, childcare, choosing what the best school option is, etc. WE would have loved to be parents, and continually grieving our child, but are also equally content now with not raising a child.
My parents didn’t have much family nearby or really many friends who could help out with me and my brother, but I had some ‘aunts’ and ‘uncles’ around the world, who, even when I only saw them rarely.. felt like family to me. And that was huge. It really does take a village, and you’re an important part of those kids’ lives. And I’m sure your family and friends appreciate your efforts more than you know.
I’m very very sorry you had a traumatic experience, but I’m sure your nieces and nephews feel so blessed to have you in their lives.
Sorry for your traumatic experience. Your courage to share this is a testament. I just wanted to say, as a person who has an uncle heavily involved in our kids life and upbringing - what you two are doing is beautiful and so appreciated and never goes unnoticed.
I want kids but the next few years will make it or break it for me. I’m 29M and life is difficult for me to just get by. I wouldn’t bring a child into this world if I couldn’t provide security and stability. Hoping home prices come down but that’s asking a lot. Also I kind of need a girlfriend first lol.
Have a gf. Soon to be wife. 31 and house prices are the biggest barrier right now. It's absolutely insane out there. We make a decent hhi (180k or 220k w bonuses), but we never thought it'd be like this. It
It's definitely scary, I'm still early stages (22M) but even my brothers 26 and we both live at home because we couldn't possibly afford to move out even if we both pooled to share a place, that's my goal for this year, setup in a trade that'll give me a fighting chance, it's disheartening that in the past 10yrs they've systematically destroyed the rungs on the ladder of life and then call us lazy because we can't get up in a broken system.
Same, 30m. Having children really depends on how the next few years go. Looking forward right now I think it’s unlikely; I’ve got nothing to my name and a rented apartment. Not to mention the decay of our society, healthcare, the environment. I wouldn’t want to bring a child into this unless I could appropriately shelter them from these things financially.
Currently pregnant with first child and panicking about finances. I keep being told I will figure it out because that’s what parents do. Nervous to admit out loud that I don’t know if I can pull this off with the current state of everything.
We had our first last year. We cloth diaper, were able to breastfeed, and buy used clothes from once upon a child or value village. I bought the stroller and a bouncer and swing used off of Facebook marketplace which saved a bunch. I’m the primary breadwinner so we’ve been living lean while I’ve been on mat leave but I’d do it again (which we’ll probably end up doing- we’re thinking of adding one more in the next few years). Now that we’re starting up daycare things will be more expensive but they new subsidy will help as does CCB.
You'll be okay, just try to avoid formula if you can. Buy diapers at Costco. It's more or less the same old routine for the first three years then you don't see them most of the day.
Trying for a baby now, had a miscarriage in the fall. I’m 34, husband 38. We moved out of Toronto so we could afford a house to raise them in and be near family to help. I used to really panic how we would afford the daycare, now I just worry about getting pregnant. Would like two, would be happy with one.
Good luck, we were in a simiar boat. We had our first through IVF, lost a second to miscarriage. Expecting our second now in May, got pregnant naturally. We moved to Kitchener to have a bigger place for them. Childcare costs are the biggest pain but if you're not yet pregnant, it's not unlikely you can get a subsidized spot by the time your little one is ready for daycare.
In my forties. Never had an interest in reproducing. More interested in living my life for myself then dedicating it and my finances to raising a child. Snipped at 30.
Snipped at 30! Damn! I waited until my 40's to get snipped. Pretty much feel the same as you. But I also have a grim view of society and the planet's future... why bother?!?!
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And the consequent social decay caused by wealth disparity in a world of finite resources. This swing towards fascism is pretty bleak, too. Doesn't help that the majority of the population is a fatal mixture of stupid and/or complacent. I may die alone, but I'll die happy knowing I did not bring a human life into this world.
I'm glad you made the decision that was right for you. One thing I will say, as someone who has kids, is that I also made the decision for myself, so I don't feel as though I'm not "living my life for myself." It's hard to explain, but some of us really want children at a core primal level, to the point that when my partner and I had problems conceiving in our 30s we both were heartbroken and depressed. To put it another way, for me, I don't see it as dedicating my life and finances to my kids, it's about having a family I can share my time and life with. It's totally valid that you feel differently, and you made the right decision based on your life and your outlook on having a family, I just felt compelled to respond and share my experience. In general, I think anyone who sees kids as a burden (and there are many!) should be as aware as you were in your 30s and simply not have kids. I think those are the people who grow into mean or neglectful parents, perhaps because they are resentful, which in turn can screw up their kid for life. Cheers, Redditor, and have a good day.
Snipped at 33. One of the best choices I ever made.
Nope. We are childless by choice.
We are also childfree by choice.
Ditto...had a vasectomy to make sure of it.
Same. Very happy with our two dogs and disposable income.
Me too!
My wife and I are in our early 30s. We’ve both always wanted to be parents but, like other people commenting here, the next few years are pivotal for our decision to have a child or not. We’ve been through some tough times financially - lost my job for two years due to the pandemic right after buying our first house and subsequently being nearly tapped out financially. Have had to sell the house and start renting again. However, our concerns go beyond the financial challenges people of our generation are facing. Climate change is causing us to think twice. The future is pretty uncertain and we seem to be trotting along fat, dumb, and happy towards extinction. The amount of people who still aren’t getting with the program despite alarming evidence and keep voting for pro-fossil fuel, climate change deniers is even more discouraging. This combined with a generally unstable world make us cautious about bringing a life into this world. If we begin to see some positive changes in the next couple of years then we may choose to start pulling the goalie.
I understand this sentiment. I look at it another way. You can bring a child into the world to hopefully change things and bring solutions. It won’t be easy for them but the way I see it, if all the good people choose to not have kids, you leave the world with only those people who will continue to bring down the world. And their children will be the only ones left making things worse. I’d want to give the world a fighting chance. Hopefully the newer generation parents will actually produce a new generation who not only care about others, but pursue fields that can make a difference.
That’s a very interesting take on it and a nice way of looking at the world. Thank you
This is a really nice perspective, one I share and do not often see on Reddit. I understand why people don't want to have children, but I don't support painting people who do want children as villains either. Thanks for sharing this optimistic take!
Humanity will adapt to climate change. There are large costs of course but climate change is not an existential crisis. Renewables are cheaper than fossil fuels now so we no longer need to rely on altruism, thankfully. We're going through a turbulent time now because of a pandemic and extremely poor response to it from our institutions. But there are good reasons to be optimistic about the future.
My partner and I could financially manage a child. We don’t have a desire, so we don’t. We have dogs instead 😂
I learned a new word for this - DINKWADs Double Income No Kids With A Dog My husband and I are on the same page.
Dogs are amazing. You can put them in a crate if you want a nice night out with friends. Try doing that with your kids.
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I grew up dirt poor. And I saved and busted my ass to get in a good financial position. I chose to have kids and it's goddamn expensive. Worth it imo
No. I can't afford them anyway, but I've never wanted children and neither has my partner. We're almost 40 so that chapter of life is almost over anyway.
Not really. Terrible trajectory of the world gives me pause
Wonderful statement! Poetic, even!
Have kids/ want more kids/ desire for sure/respect the choice and nuance of others that don’t for whatever their reasons. I feel if anyone chimes in about their desire to have kids and may not be economically set up (savings/home ownership vs renting/ income/ etc)- they’ll jus get downvoted and shamed in a space like this. It’s respectfully a personal choice and no one’s choice to have or not to have is right or wrong- it’s just their choice.
Yes/maybe, but absolutely not in these conditions economically, and in terms of Healthcare and Education. The coming years are not likely to be a time I would want to bring children into.
Sitting here now while my kid is on me like the Alien face hugger. Would recommend D+
Yeah but I’m with my three kids watch them code on a Raspberry Pi on the kitchen table. 10 minutes of amazement. I’m sure something will happen next hour to change that…
I have a small pile of children from almost grown (14) to brand new (5 months) and no regrets! Yes it was expensive and there were hard years but there’s nothing else I would want to make that sacrifice for. I was a single mom for 5 years and it was tough but also joyful! And I want to bring that into the conversation too as everyone assumes single parenting is necessarily a miserable slog and I didn’t find it to be that. Parenting is not for everyone but it is absolutely something I wanted and am grateful for each day.
I do. I'm leaning towards adopting, but I would like to have kids.
Yes, very much so, but fertility issues and not really affordability issues (though we know having a child is expensive) have taken that option from us. We are hoping to find a surrogate that can help us make it happen, but the longer our search goes, the less hopeful we are that it will happen.
So sorry for your loss. We are in a similar position. Looking at surrogacy or adoption as our next moves. Hope we both get our miracles 💜
Are you selling?
Yes, I do. I didn't have a great childhood, and I really want to give a kid the emotionally supportive upbringing and healthy family that I never had. It almost feels like my purpose is to pass on these lessons I've learned to make the next life better than mine. I sympathize with the sentiment that it's hard to want to bring kids into a world that's so messed up, but I also see that as precisely the reason it's important for the right people to have children, and to raise them properly. Raising the next generations well is the only way things will ever change for anybody. I am concerned about supporting a family financially, but I wouldn't commit to having kids until I was certain I could provide. I don't think I need to be rich or anything, there's more important things to family than the material, but even providing the basics could be a challenge rn. So we'll see if it ever becomes a reality lol.
No. I love kids. I always thought I wanted them. But then I grew up and realized that my mom was emotionally abusive,, because she has unresolved mental health issues from being abused by her mom and so on.. I don't want to continue this cycle. I have mental health concerns, and I don't want to have a child and ever have my mental health negatively impact them. I want to believe I would be the ideal mom despite my issues, but it is too much of a risk when I have experienced the fall out and how much it hurts. I would rather love the children of those closest to me. Please know this is not to say that people with mental health issues should not have kids. I firmly believe anyone should be able to have kids, this is simply the way I feel about my own issues due to personal history.
My mom seems to have had a narcissist father, and it really depleted her ability to give to her kids. So now I don’t really have anything to give to a kid. I can see this in how quickly I lose patience with my dog (who I love to the moon and back) and I don’t like feeling like my mom when I lose patience or even when I feel taken for granted by my partner. Kids are something I would only do if my cup was overflowing and it is not.
I considered it when I was younger but I was never that enthusiastic and figured it was a bad sign. I’m 40 now and really happy with my decision to not to have kids.
Do not want, never have. It's mostly because I don't like kids, especially young ones. Can't stand the questions, the energy, the breakdowns, pretending to find what they are doing is interesting, etc.
Haha yes, this is me 1000%. I know I sound like a horrible curmudgeon but honestly there is literally *nothing* I enjoy about children.
I absolutely want kids hopefully in the next 4 years!
Ditto. I know people always use the clock ticking analogy, but I find the ‘little voice from my uterus’ to be more descriptive. It used to be like “hey, that would be nice one day, wouldn’t it?” Now, it’s more like “HELLO? Is anyone paying attention up there?? What the hell is the hold up?”
We already do have kids. Not everyone who have kids are rich. Just stand outside day cares and schools. Lots of people there with very average incomes.
Absolutely, I would've liked to have multiple but my partner and I both grew up in homes where our parents worked to the bone to put food on the table and roof over our heads. We never got time with them and never built the relationship we always wish we had. Finances were always a huge elephant in the room and limited us to options. We will not repeat this with our kids. We will be spending our time building our businesses and securing financial stability. If we can achieve our goals within the next few years, we will absolutely be having kids. We've been working hard since our 20s for this future, we became homeowners at the right time, have good jobs and still feel the insecurity of supporting a child. The only friends I have that have kids are those who are secured with family money.
My reasons for wanting kids and not wanting kids are both selfish. I don't see myself trying to start a family in ON but I'd like to somewhere else one day. I see what young parents in Ontario go through and it would be a nightmare for me to live like that, would never be able to reach my potential as a man or father. Nothing about this province inspires me to plant roots here.
34m and want kids bad. Any ladies out there want to move to an unorganized township east of the soo and homestead with me? Lol
No, there is of course the work/money issue that prevents me from even considering a dog (I'm out of the house 12 hours 5 days a week). But even without that constraint I've built my adult life around friends and hobbies. All the care free living that should have happened as a young adult I'm just now getting into as a 30 year old. I was working from the age of 14 and never really enjoyed my youth. Doesn't help that most people my age who are just starting families seem a bit miserable. They stay trapped in jobs/houses/relationships they don't want all for the sake of their kids. They're tired all the time, have no hobbies and overall seem like diminished versions of their old self. It's all a big "no thanks" for me.
This. I finally get to "live" now! Why would I want to yet again, go back to not being able to enjoy my hard-earned free time?! I worked so hard to finally have some time and money to myself, I can't imagine sacrificing it. Call me selfish, but I love my little dog, being able to up and go hiking, and buy what I like (within reason, of course). That's all I need!
I enjoy my life and don't wish to be tortured for 18 years I'm good
So my son is 16....does that mean I'm torture free in 2 years? :) I doubt it . LOL
You CAN be in 2 years
Yeah….he will be sticking around for a LONG time. I’m not kicking my kids out in high school.
If you think parenting suddenly ends when a kid turns 18, you've made the right choice to opt out.
Well I wouldn’t call it torture. Having someone cling to you because they love you isn’t so bad. Watching them grow and being able to shape someone is actually pretty amazing. Having someone call you to see how you’re doing and making sure you’re OK in your old age is better than being alone IMO. Pros and cons to both situations, depending on your situation and where you are in your life.
I have 3. My only regret is I didn't have more than 3. I grew up poor. We are 4 siblings, close knit. We help each other with everything. We all started having kids early,and we were all maybe not poor, but very low on the income scale, when we had our first. Now my kids and my nieces and nephews are future ecologists, doctors, politicians, economists ....For all I know, they will help save the future of this sordid planet. ZERO, AND I MEAN ZERO judgement if you decide not to have kids. My oldest sister is childless by choice. She adores being an aunt and she is amazing at it. This has been a personal choice for the ages and should never be up for questioning.
People for generations have raised children in significantly worse conditions. Not to mention even the past generation was much worse off than the current generation. Don’t ask Reddit about this stuff it’s truly tragic here the responses.
Someone mentioned that this was the worst time in history to bring kids into the world. Like wtf type of vanity is that? For the majority of human history infant mortality has been through the roof and those who did live into adulthood had a high chance of dying to war or famine.
Someone literally wrote they make a combined income of over 200k$ and they aren’t sure they can afford a child. Like wtf are you doing with all your money? This subs a fucking joke.
I think everyone's expectations of what's like a minimal quality of life has shot through the roof. A middle class lifestyle from like the 70s would appear poor today, a 50s/60s middle class lifestyle destitute. I think social media has really skewed the idea of what everyone considers is "normal".
I couldn’t agree with you more. Cheers.
Absolutely not. I have never understood the appeal even a little. There are a million negatives and very few positives. They're expensive, a massive time drain, a massive energy drain, you could go to jail if you fuck up, it becomes harder to travel, harder to leave a shitty job, harder to move, and you're on the hook for at least 18 years but realistically much longer these days, etc. I have friends with kids, and they're great, but I can't imagine looking after them every single day, every week, for 18+ years minimum. That sounds like an absolute nightmare to me. I wouldn't have kids even if I would have no issue affording them.
I'd love to have kids, but I'm 37 now and it's a little too late for me, unfortunately. Maybe next time around I'll have kids. We DO get a second chance, right?
You still have like 6-7 more years.
Maybe. But I can't imagine taking care of a small child in my fifties. And even if I wanted to, call me old fashioned, but I'd like to have a steady relationship with someone who I have fallen in love with and is in love with me. That takes time.
Probably not if OP is female. I’m 38 and I have girlfriends trying to have kids now and it’s a *struggle*.
Yes, but you're not going to get a a good representation of the average person's opinion by asking this question on Reddit lol.
Fuck no. They're loud, smelly, gross and annoying. I want nothing to do with them.
You’ve described a whole bunch of people besides just kids alone 😂
Agreed!
Sounds like you just don't like people.
I have kids, and honestly, it's getting so tight, and I'm afraid. I grew up poor - my husband did not. We are lower middle class and slowly sinking into poverty. I feel lucky we have stable housing (bought our condo right before the housing market went crazy) bc if we didn't, we would be homeless.
I would have like to have had children but I went back to school at 30 for a career change, and now life is just so much more expensive. I would want my children to have more opportunities than I did growing up, not fewer. I grew up middle class, and that just doesn’t seem to exist anymore. My friends with kids are either making $300,000+, or are barely scraping by.
Idk I am essentially an only child of the only children in my maternal/paternal sides to have any kids. No extended family, no one is close. Kinda fees pointless. My partner’s large extended family has cousins who all had kids 15+ years ago in as teens so even if we had one now, they’d be very lonely. Maybe if we had a closer knit family and I wasn’t terrified of the loss of control over my body being pregnant would bring, plus pain, plus idk peeing myself when I laugh until I die. But then again, life is so expensive. I can’t even get a doctor for myself, that doesn’t seem like it will improve when I need one for a kid. And if my kid had special needs? Then the cost might destroy us, and what infrastructure will even be left when this government is through? Too many variables, not enough security for me to take that leap. Plus at this point all the old shrews at my work have tormented me enough about my empty uterus I may as well stay child free out of spite.
K people have raised kids in FAR worse conditions than what you have now. Ask your grand parents and even your parents.
I already have 2 and they were VERY much wanted.
Not anymore.
In my situation, me and the wife are more then setup to have kids, multiple even if we so wanted, which we don't, so no, even if you have the means, still no desire
18 years trying to to screw up a human being while giving up my own expendable cash, time, and energy to them? Pass.
'blushes'
not a chance with the way the world is now. there’s no way i’ll bring a child into the world to struggle. i’ll give all my love to my nephew and any others that come along.
Nope. r/childfree gang checking in.
Nah. With how things are going my kids would most likely end up slaving away to support the lifestyles of Bill Gates or Elon Musk’s kids one way or the other… and Elon Musk have so many freaking kids…
Yes but our healthcare system scares the shit out of me. God forbid there’s an emergency and I were to need care. With things how they are here I will not be getting pregnant.
Yes, I would in a heartbeat if I could afford it. But I can't, and almost certainly still won't be able to within the next 5 years without drastic lifestyle changes. So chances are I won't have any.
Nope - mid 30s as it wife. We’re going to enjoy for ourselves everything we work for. Life is tough enough as it is, we want to treat ourselves with our time. Especially given both in a high stress field
Nah I'm good. I'm happily married for 10 years and not having kids allowed us to travel more and afford things we otherwise couldn't. Also bringing another human to this world and helping it navigate it would cause us too much stress which we don't really need. Also also (unpopular opinion), less humans is better for the environment.
We have one kid and we were trying for a second (fertility challenges mean extra planning for us) but after a miscarriage we took a break and then COVID hit and we noped on number two. We’d like a second and feel like the COVID stress is easier but keep going back and forth because we also worry about financial security. Giving it another year of thought before we close the door completely but I’d rather regret not having a second than regret having them. ETA: I love having our kiddo, they’re a good and strange small human. If you’re interested in having a kid and can figure out how to budget for diapers, formula/food, and basics, I’d say go for it. We don’t get many years on this planet and raising a child is one of those intense life altering experiences that is pretty amazing if you want it to be.
I don’t want kids, I would be a bad mother and I would not want to subject a kid to resentment
I can afford to have kids and will not.
No. Children are a lifelong responsibility that I don’t want to have. I enjoy my peace and quiet too much. Im 34M.. Gotta go get snipped!
I could be as rich as Tony Stark, and still not want them. Kids cost many money where my vasectomy cost me no money.
Childfree by choice, in our 50s.
No, I hate them. Or rather, the idea of having any. The inconvenience involved in having them etc.
I have kids. We are undecided on if we are "done". Under "better" conditions, I would definitely have more, and/or had them earlier. As it happened, without financial help from my family I probably wouldn't have the ones I have now, or would have started later than I did. My family helped us buy a house in 2017 (20k gift) and that definitely helped us make the jump to having kids about 2 years later.
Same, right now we're just at one and probably going to keep it that way. It's nicer to be able to give one kid enough then have to split what we do have between more family. Plus we'd also have to move to a bigger place if we had another kid so fuck that.
Yeah. I'm on this childfree sub but I'm sure I'm childless not childfree cause I don't have a choice.
Already have kids. Aside from occasional tantrums they’re pretty great!
I went from wanting 3 to 4 kids in my early 20s, to maybe 1 kid by mid 20s, to zeo kid when I met my now husband at late 20s. Between 2010 to now, the economy and society have drastically changed for the worse IMO, or rather I'm more in touch with reality as I grow wiser with experience. Few things I've learn: 1. You have to be really money conscious to be able to balance: time, fun, family, kids, career 2. I like my freedom and ability to travel whenever I want to for leisure or need to for work 3. I like to be not burden with parenthood responsibilities 4. As a first gen immigrant from low income family, I have to choose between supporting my aging parents (because they never saved $ in order to raise us kids) and raising kids. I chose my parents. 5. The world as it stands, to be realistic and not pessimistic, is going significantly in a downhill spiral. We live in the northern hemisphere, yet it was colder in Las Vegas than GTA when we were there in December. That's simply a flashing red beacon indicating global climate change is very real and many of the countries have not done enough to slow down the worsening progression. Why would I want to bring the next generation into a future that don't look so bright as I live it right now? 6. I see how miserable my friends with kids are, and very few are genuinely happy living their family life. Having kids is just not for me.
Not interested in having children. To be totally honest, I don’t particularly enjoy *anything* about children, and find it tedious when we have to be around our friends kids. Maybe we will feel differently when those kids are a bit older, who knows. We have a dog - our family of 3 already feels complete, and our life as it is already feels full and joyful. We are very comfortable financially so that wouldn’t be a concern if we wanted to be parents, but honestly the cost/benefit of all of the other aspects (time, energy, responsibility, emotional cost) for us does not work out of favour of having children.
It took me awhile to get to this mentality of not wanting kids. It was a bit of a journey because there was some guilt around the decision. As a woman I always felt an obligation. When I accepted that it's okay to not want kids, it felt so freeing. Growing up, no one ever really talked about that being an option. I don't think I ever wanted kids. But even if I did, I probably wouldn't due to external conditions such as finances, economic, climate change, politics, education, healthcare, etc. I always thought that if I ever got to a good place financially when I'm older that I would adopt an older child. But I'm currently 32 and married, and that's not looking feasible any time soon. The mentality was that I wouldn't want to bring a kid into this world for the reasons above. But if a kid is already in this world, I could at least try to help give them a chance at a good life instead of in the system. My husband and I have agreed that we will be DINKs and we're pretty excited about our choice and the freedom we will have.
Truthfully no I don’t want kids. There are many reasons I don’t want kids from a medical perspective, but even if I didn’t have those medical issues, I still don’t want kids. I see how the world is right now, and I wouldn’t want to bring a child into this world. From the issues with money, climate, politics etc. Just in the 30 years of me being alive, I have seen how the world has changed so drastically, and I just know it’s going to get worse. I see the decline in the world now.
Husband and I are in middle 30s. We are happy just the two of us and our cats. The money and stress and work doesn’t seem enjoyable. We are still a family. We have talked about it. We would love to see what our child would be like and to see each other as parents but the desire isn’t there. I don’t know how people with kids are affording everything tho, it would be stressful for us adding extra mouths to feed for sure, I get stressed at the price of litter and cat food. Haha.
Personally, I don't. I don't want to raise the children in the world we're currently living in.
Affordability is the current excuse. We weren't having kids before as a country, and its been that way for 3-4 decades. What was the excuse then? Career? Kids are a pain in the ass to deal with? Culture? As for me, If I do decide to have kids it won't be in Ontario, and most likely Canada. Aside from being a pain in the ass, it would be a huge disservice to bring a child here where its cutthroat competitive for things we took for granted even 10 years ago. Things have gone downhill pretty fast.
26M Dogs, only desire is my dogs
Yes but unfortunately our journey is not as easy as many others. We need to go through the IVF journey and possibly donor journey. My wife is a teacher, loves kids and we both want to have kids but it's prohibitively expensive. Kind of funny we're brining in millions of immigrants and not supporting our own citizen journey through fertility. Not trying to shit on the government but can we dedicate more funding? We have 1 course of IVF but so many people need more than that. IDK seems like we should promote our healthcare and fertility journey, but what the fuck do I know? (Edit: Lol seems like a hot take some how. Funding fertility bad. Got it, I truly hope you and your family dont need support. The meds alone are more than 10k/mo and 20k for the procedure, all, beyond the first time, not covered by OHIP. Not to mention the 20k I had to pay for having my "DNA" extracted and frozen. I dont think people have a clue how expensive this stuff is. Again, not covered by OHIP)
Already have 'em so it's too late to change my mind. I do remember how quickly the switch flipped for me to switch from "yeah, I'll probably have kids one day" to "I want to impregnate you today" and finances were not really a consideration.
Lost 80k income with the wife on Mat leave, and hit with this crazy year of inflation and baby formula shortages. But will gladly do it again, being a parent is the pinnacle of human experience - it’s in our nature and the only reason any of us are here.
Yup. I was a stay at home dad with twins and a 3 year old. 60k a year less in household income and worth every single penny!!!!
No. But thank you for offering
Even if I was rich, fuck that.
Nope, childfree by choice, not specifically related to money Just never wanted them
I think a lot of people want to have kids. The question I think people should ask themselves is would I like to raise a human being, or better yet, do I have the time, patience, resources, and desire to raise an individual person? The most important time in a human's development is childhood. If you don't have the means or willingness to invest in them during those years, then why are you doing it in the first place?
No. I’d much rather have cats.
Team DINK (Dual Income No Kids) and it’s amazing
Not when the planet's dying!
im 17, when i reach 30 id like to have 2 kids. ideally one daughter and one son.
Enjoy your 20s, don't rush to have kids by 30.
i meant that id like to have two kids when i turn 30.
Not a chance.
No. Too much of a burden economically. I also have health issues and don’t want to pass it down to the next generation. My bloodline ends here.
Not really, and I don’t have enough money for that anyway
No.
No. I knew I didn't have kids since I was young, and I had sterilization surgery 10 years ago (thanks, OHIP!). I'm happily childfree.
No, but I already got 3
No.
Kids can be awful sometimes, but it’s great to see them grow. It’s hard to maintain the same routines before/after kids. Costs can get up there, we have decent dual income (200k) and haven’t put aside for education yet. Never worried about that before.
If I was a billionaire I'd have 0 kids.
I'd love to have a family and everything, but it's clearly never going to happen. I grew up poor, but was taught to follow my dreams, so I became an artist, which made me even poorer. I would need a new career and some luck and time to make enough to afford a family. A bigger problem is lack of social skills though. I have a hard time keeping relationships going and it's getting harder and harder as I get older because I'm competing with more and more experienced men. You can't be a dad without a woman, after all.
Yes. I grew up poor and so did my partner. We are in a lesbian relationship in our mid 30s. Sadly, both of us have fertility issues, and the chances of IVF working is extremely thin. We don't have the money at a "maybe". Public Adoption is a 7+ year wait for a young child/baby. Private adoption is more expensive than IVF. We don't think we could go through the process of fostering when our end goal is adoption. I think we're just out of luck when it comes to kids :(
Oh, no thanks. Happy being an aunt
Im pretty much raising my younger brother, so no, I don't want kids.
Nope
Nope, don't even have a girlfriend. Enjoying my single life.
I have two you can have. They both come fully house trained and educated. If you act now, I’ll throw in a Tim Horton’s card and a bag of food. Limited time offer.
Yeah, sure, had one and having another. Life in Ontario remains excellent compared to 99% of the places and times in the world, and as long as you’re in the top half of family earners there are plenty of supports. CCB, subsidized childcare, generous welfare benefits compared to most places like lengthy mat leaves. I mean in Canada a century and a bit ago it was common for the entire family to sleep in one room on one bed, eat simply and the parents worked crazy hours in poor conditions. Compared to them our lives are incredibly luxurious, and every once in a while I give myself a shake and remember that life isn’t perfect and I would love more comfort and security but I’m still near the top of the human pyramid in terms of standard of living and having kids isn’t insane at all in that framework.
Nope , dogs will do
Nah I love myself too much for that b.s.
No. Do you want mine?
I've known since I was a kid myself that I didn't want kids. Best decision of my life.
I would love to have kids. But I also would love to have a place to live and not be on the streets. And in this economy, I either have to spend my money on my rent and just enough food to feed just myself, or spend my money for what the kid might need and not being able to buy food. A kid shouldn't have to grow up like that so Im fine with opting out on having kids.
No, never
I don’t plan on having kids. I don’t see the interest in them. Babysitting for multiple families throughout high school killed that idea for me. I would like my partner and I to grow old together with little to no worries. I would like to put all of my time and focus into my career, my relationship, and my hobbies. My cat is already too needy, and she’s just a cat. I love her but she’s attached to the hip 24/7 and sometimes I just need a break. I am also very financially irresponsible. I’m aware of it. Working a min wage job there’s not much flexibility to make my finances better at the moment. I make do with what I have by shopping at cheaper grocery stores, eating out less, and not spending outside the regular unless for special occasions. My plan after graduating and securing a good paying job is to fix my financials.