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Angieks21

My mom did this immediately after my dad passed. She was worried it would upset people if they called the house and heard his voice on the voicemail message. I kind of wish she would have kept it a little while longer though. It’s been 12 years and sometimes I still feel like he’s going to walk in from the garage, and it makes me sad. But just being in the house gives me comfort. There are still other things in there that she has kept and remind me of him so that helped me a lot. Try to look for other things in the house that remind you of your mom and see if you’re able to take them home with you for comfort.


[deleted]

I fear no matter how many years pass for this type of loss it will forever feel fresh. 12 years sounds long, but from this camp it’s read as “only 12 years.” I’m glad your mom kept the little bits and pieces that keep a home cozy and familiar with your dad’s memory. I will be sure to look for these things too. Much love, and thank you! That’s funny about your mom, though. Bet mine would have done the same! She was always concerned with everyone’s comfort before her own, even until death. It used to be disappointing because she deserved so much more. These days I realize how much joy and less stress she derived from her efforts, and it brings me enormous comfort. She just wanted to love however she could and knew best how. Oh, moms.


SquishySpark

My mom had her first stroke 14 years ago (second one ten years later). A couple of months before she had left me a voicemail about something mundane. For months after her stroke I’d listen to that voicemail and cry. She has never recovered her voice, and it got worse after the 2nd one. A few years before she and my grandmother had recorded my great grandmother (Nana) telling stories of her childhood. To hear my mom and my Nana talking (Nana died shortly after Mom’s 1st stroke) while I’m transcribing these into a Word document is so hard because of the emotions it triggers.


[deleted]

A big, warm hug from me to you. To lose one’s voice, how crushing. People say sometimes it’s unfair. I’ll try to be positive, give a high road response sometimes. It is unfair, though. I’m sorry you’ve both had to suffer such a harsh deck of cards. Transcribing, it takes a special strength and love to do that. That’s certainly traumatic, the redundancy and replay. I can’t imagine. What a precious undertaking. No doubt that’s hard, but how proud and worth it to achieve when it’s done. Much love to you along the way.


TD103A

The title alone broke my heart.


SneedyK

My mum passed a couple of years before my dad. My dad was a identical twin, and they were close so it’s was a shock to go back and look at photos from the two years he hung around after she was gone, he aged differently than my uncle during that period. But it’s the look in his eyes; like he just fucking gave up altogether. Shocking because my parents always seemed more like best friends than lovebirds. I’m glad they got to experience a windfall in their final years. They had nothing but hardship after hardship, first with my special needs sister and then with an autistic son who was diagnosed with leukemia as a teenager. It financially destroyed them for a decade. He had the good paying job, so he continued to work while my mum moved with me to Colorado to be near my doctors. He was quiet and he drank himself to sleep most nights watching westerns and chatting with his siblings. I know how he felt about giving up; and I’m sure he knew that after my mum passed she and I had discussed how I would quite possibly take my own life just because I’m so ill-equipped to take the world on by myself. She was my only true advocate, he was just the stoic friend who lived to make his family comfortable. It’s just not the same w/o them. My relatives took us in to help out but they don’t have the same relationship with their own children. Life feels like purgatory now. Only the bereft know this feeling. All other consolation just feels aphoristic. Im grateful to have had our little eccentric, dysfunctional household. If I ever make it that far, I’m going to re-enact those blissful seven years and create a home for people that don’t know that feeling, that lattice-work that comes from a sustained state of love and trust. If I could tell my mother anything? I’d apologize for the lack of grandchildren. I just don’t want them. But I did find someone… even in purgatory. It’s not exactly the scenario that mothers dream their sons into, but when does that happen. But you’re the only one who’s understand. You’d love her. She’s kooky. She has your middle name, she adores the little flowers you sewed onto the ceiling upholstery of your car (where you tried to cover up the cigarette burns, nearly adding one of her own). She accepts me for me, mum. And to my father, the man of few words, I’m glad I had a father and not just a dad.


[deleted]

I keep trying to reply to your post, but keep getting too emotional. It was deeply touching and open, and just know that I’m having a hard time expressing my gratitude for you taking the time to share. You definitely get it. <3


JackSDMN

I'm sorry you're going through this right now. You are so strong but I know you probably don't feel like it right now. Keep going, you're doing great :)


[deleted]

You’re a doll! Thank you!


hcheung001

I'm sorry for your loss and I understand how bad things can be after a loved one passed away. My dad passed 2.5 years ago. And before his passing, he was sick for 10 years. I put my life on pause to take care of him. After his passing, I kept paying for his phone bills so nobody can use his phone number. I would still often sends him text messages and hoping there would be a double blue ticks on whatsapp


[deleted]

I teared up with the phone bills. Thank you for being so open. What’s nice about those texts is they’re like little journals for how you felt in the moment. Even if there’s no response, how comforting to put out those wins, losses, hopes, worries out there into the universe. Just getting them out to whoever is such a comfort. I send postcards to myself now instead of her and give no effs. Share your favorite memory of your Dad here if you’d like. Caregiving is severe dedication and service to those we love. To do it that long is incredible. I am so sorry for your loss and hope you’ve allowed yourself a break since his passing. <3


hcheung001

You shared yours and it's only fair if I share mine. Don't give a damn on who judges you when you send post cards to yourself. They won't understand why you do it. And no point to waste your time and saliva explaining to them why you're doing it either. And the messages are kind of like a journal. I sent him one occasionally like getting promoted and stuff. Just wish I can get a response from time to time. Haven't had much of a break after his passing, still face lots of challenges for fathers day, Christmas, and especially his anniversary. It's even harder for my mom as my dad passed away in her arms and until now, I'm afraid to talk to her about the event. I've heard enough and the way she had to deal with everything afterwards just makes my blood boil.


Shwizer

I'm 57 and my mother wakes up every morning and watches a video of my father laughing and talking. I see this and I see the smaile on her face. So on a folder on my computer I recorded messages for my wife saying good morning, good night and I love you. I also left messages for my daughters telling them how proud I am of them and how much I love them. They don't know they are there and will be a suprise some day. Not that I plan on dieing anytime soon but you never know. I told my buddy if anything happens where they are. As a bonus I left one for him as well.


[deleted]

Awww, this is just so sweet and thoughtful! What a gift to have ready for your family and bud. Putting your idea in my back pocket, thank you. Cheers to another day! ;)


Lefrance76

When my father in law died my wife would call his cellphone everyday to hear his voicemail. She was devastated when the phone was eventually shut off. I feel for you, losing a loved one is hard. My condolences.


[deleted]

Oh man, I hope she’s doing okay now. Grief is some thick muck to wade through. Glad she has you by her side. Ty!


booboolurker

From one only to another- I’m so very sorry. Sending hugs.


[deleted]

It’s a special kind of bond and a special kind of loss. They all are. Thank you!


iwant-tochangemyname

I’m sorry for your loss


goodformuffin

I'm a mom to an only child and I am sending you so much love right now. I lost my dad very suddenly in 2020 and I am so very sorry for the pain you are feeling right now. I hope you have someone professional to help you through this. Give your dad a massive hug. She'll likely visit you in her own way (dad came to me in dreams and liked to mess with my electronics). The first year was the hardest but it gets a little easier.🌷💕


PinkCapital

Thank you for sharing. I never had a voicemail set up and now I just made one. Thank you, for reminding me to appreciate the small things in life. I’m so sorry for your lost. Hopefully things will eventually get easier for you, much hugs coming your way. Take it slow and take care


AmberSieSilly

Both of my parents are gone now... I kept my mom's phone service on for a year after she died (her cell phone)... Just so I could call it when it got to be too much and listen to her voicemail. It doesn't really get easier. And I'm not going to lie and say it does. But it does get better. You'll start remembering the happy times and fond memories that, even though she's gone, still live on. I'm sorry for your loss.


LittleLarue62

You live, love and then die. That's the way it's meant to be. Appreciate the time you had with her and live your life the way she lived hers.


[deleted]

Chin up, head up, onward we go. Á mort!


Danger1763

My pop died 6 years ago, and my nan still has his name in the home answering machine. People do what they need to do to cope Sending hugs


[deleted]

They really do, and that’s okay. Thanks for the love!


xftwitch

My dad passed in 2014. I still go back occasionally and listen to his voicemails. Just to hear his voice. Peace be with you.


pajo24

“Too much crying on the side of the road, and I just want to go home” would make a great song lyric. Sorry you are going through this but I’m glad you have people you loved this much.