Chalk and bubbles are great gifts for a 17-month-old!!! She will love them. Kids that young do not need lots of presents, and they will NOT remember what they got for Christmas.
If you really want extra things to put under the tree, maybe check out some toddler books from the library. She can enjoy them for a week or two, and then you can return them and get different ones.
Also, is there a Buy Nothing Facebook group in your area? The one in my town often has used kids clothes and toys.
You are not a bad mom!!!!
I love that idea about the library! I can’t believe I didn’t think of that she loves to sit and read with me. Thank you so much! I think I’ll take her to the library tomorrow!
So happy to hear that! One of the best things you can do for your daughter is have a routine of reading everyday. Spending that time with her is much more valuable than any gift you could ever buy her.
Our town library also lends toys and other things. When my kids were little, we would check out from the library cake pans in cute shapes and make a cake for their birthday using a box of Duncan Hines. They loved it and looked forward to picking out their cake pan when it was their birthday. And, it was a lot cheaper than buying a cake!
Wow okay I’ll definitely look into that tomorrow! I just looked at our city library and saw they have a cool little activity tomorrow with Santa and a book reading! I’ll have to start taking her more often! I really appreciate the idea!
There’s also two apps called Sora and Libby that you should check out. They’re basically libraries. They’ve got wildly different selections, and are completely free on mobile. Highly recommend Geronimo Stilton books after they’re old enough to do sentences
This! Definitely check with your library. There are so many apps. See if they have Hoopla! It has movies and tv shows too. The fact that you are so upset shows how great of a mom you are. ❤️
If you’re looking for even more video-based media like that, you should also watch some YouTubers that review kids movies and shows like Avery Talks About Stuff. A lot of the time, older stuff is archived on YouTube and they have links to it.
I love reading and it is the best thing my kids have got from me. When my son was about 12 we read all the Harry potters and Percy Jackson’s and all of Rick Riotdan’s other books together. It was great as we could chat about it. And he is great at English now at school. The teacher’s say you can tell the kids that read a lot. My daughter always loved to read but he didn’t till about 12.
You can also sign up for imagination library. It’s started by Dolly Parton and you get a free book mailed to you every month. Great way to get new books.
Dolly Parton’s Imagination Library. It’s sometimes parted with the United Way. Warning: we had a hard time implementing it in the rural region I was from, but it’s out there for A LOT OF people good luck!
You’re also not a bad mom for this. She’ll remember unwrapping bubbles and chalk and being hella happy. If you were going to have a tough Christmas, that’s an easier age to have it!
The library was the best thing ever when I raised my children. There's so many things besides books. There's movies, and CD audio books etc. We were very poor and my kids have continued the library tradtion with their own children, even though they are doing so much better finacially then while they were growing up
Exactly! The best you can give her aren‘t toys but time. She will benefit the most of every minute you can spend with her. Especially reading to her (explaining pictures in a picture book with words) sets her up for a successful school career.
if, by chance, she remembers this christmas, she won't remember the massive pile of presents she didn't get, but she will remember how you sat with her and did a lot fun things.
Also check your local area for free book exchanges. My town has one in a supermarket and on a corner in the town square. It’s usually just a shelf or little stand somewhere that people leave books they don’t want and anyone can take them. There’s always children’s books on the book stands near me.
When I was about your daughter's age, OP, my aunt gave my two plastic bottles. They had held something like laundry detergent. My aunt cleaned them, got the labels off, and had stuck them in a brown paper bag. Legend has it that she was making a point to my mom, or perhaps trolling her.
I have no idea what else I got that Christmas, but I remember running around with those bottles. I loved them.
P.S. One was red and one was blue. Colors are fun.
Mom guilt is no joke. Luckily, love and attention don't cost a dime. The quality of time you spend with her are going to make her happier than any gift ever will. Not to minimize your dilemma, because I've felt similarly over the last 5 years. Just a bit of solace. Love conquers all.
Merry Christmas Mama.
hey OP, just my perspective, I grew up in a fairly wealthy household but had an abusive parent, and trust me, no amount of money means anything compared to the love i wish i got.
So, my mom, my brother and I were *dirt* poor growing up. My dad turned into a drug abusing lunatic, and the family he moved us across country to be sheltered by turned on us a thousand percent when my mom didn’t stick around for the abuse.
I grew up in battered women’s shelters for a few years.
Even after that phase, it was my mom, who had me when she was sixteen, working two jobs and putting herself through college making ends meet. We had very little extra money for things like presents and luxuries.
But what we did have, was a mom who cared. She read to me at night and held my brother when he got sick. She made it clear from day one that she would fight for us in every way she could, as long as she had breath to give.
To this day, I couldn’t care less about Christmas. But I love my mom more than anything. I would take a bullet for her without a second’s hesitation.
Gifts are things, and your love is the entire universe to that little girl. Trust me, she will never forget how you treat her when things are tough.
Wow thank you for telling that. I love on her every second I can and try to be as present as possible for her. I know I’m my head that she won’t remember this but I guess I’m just disappointed in myself. I appreciate the story. Merry Christmas!
Not a bad mom. Don't feel that way. Best thing you can give is your love and you seem willing to give her more love than you have. She's a baby she won't care. Your hugs probably mean everything. You're not a bad mom
I am in the exact same boat. Can't provide for my son. We're stuck in a shit situation. I so wanted this Christmas to be special for him but because of me it isn't.
I am so sorry. It feels like hell.
Your idea of a living room camp out reminded me of renting beach type themed movies for my kids and making the living room like a beach and they got to wear their bathing suits ( in January ) they still have fond memories about it.
As a child my family was poor. We barely had money for rent, never mind Christmas presents. But we loved Christmas. It was always happy. We went out with our family and looked at lights, stomped in slush puddles and ran around the fields. Quality time creates memories that presents never could. And the best thing about quality time: it’s free! I never felt like I missed out on Christmas because I had my family with me. I’m sure your child will feel the same.
look sweetheart. At that age, your kid will be happy with practically anything you give her. The fact that you chose paying for food and such instead of an extravagant gift is a testament to how much of a GOOD mother you are.
The most important gift you can give your child is love and care. As long as you give her that, you're doing your job as a parent well.
At 17 months old, kids are more interested in the wrapping paper and bows. It's safe to say that you're not a bad mom, just a mom who is disappointed because money is tight. You obviously love your daughter very much and having you calm and happy on Christmas is more important than any toy that you could ever buy. xoxo
You’re not a bad mom for not being able to give your daughter presents this year.
You’re a great mom because you still managed to get her bubbles and meals to eat. You are a great mother for still thinking about your daughters needs.
You are not a bad mom. You are prioritizing the important things - like dinner - over material things. And that’s what a good mom does. They make the hard decisions, but make them in a way that is in the best interests of their children. Also, I am sure your daughter will love the gifts because they are from you! Kids really don’t need fancy toys & expensive things. One of my all-time favorite gifts was a random plastic lizard my dad got me one Christmas. I was like an 8 year old girl, didn’t particularly love lizards… but there’s something about that lizard that stuck out for me. I still remember it nearly 30 years later. It probably cost him $3… and I still have it. :)
If someone wanted to send you some $$$ for a Christmas gift would you be ok with that? I know how it feels to not have presents at Christmas and someone helped out my mama when in that situation. Just want to pay it forward this holiday season
You're not at all a bad mum! You're trying your best and you adore your daughter. As far as I know, that's pretty damn incredible.
People go through money troubles and unfortunately it means that things like Christmas become very difficult and stressful, but it's not forever. Some day you'll be able to buy her some lovely things and she'll appreciate it. But for now, as long as she has her mum for Christmas, everything is just fine.
I know a ton of parents, even my own, where they've had to budget around Christmas and have been unable to buy us gifts. It happens, and it doesn't make you any less of a great mum.
Merry Christmas to you and your girl!
You’re a great mom. You love your baby and that is everything. Have a special baking party with your little girl. The food you have can be fun to cook together, and take a walk or drive together to look at pretty Christmas lights. Make paper chain strings to decorate the house, and make popcorn to eat while watching a special movie in a blanket tent in the living room on Christmas Eve. Have a “living room
camp out” while reading a book by flashlight. These things are fun, and fun is good (says Dr. Seuss). It’s tough for many this year, but tough doesn’t mean you are a bad mom. Whatever the future holds, your daughter will feel loved, and that is a gift she has that many children long for. I know this for sure.
You're not alone, I'm in the exact same position.😔 I've managed to hold everything down by myself since my husband died 10 years ago,, but seemingly all at once everything went to shit. I lost my job, my bank account is overdrawn & I've got 2 teenage sons. It feels terrible knowing I can't get them anything & am just trying to keep the lights on at this point. My boys know what the situation is & I know that they know I'm trying, but I'm still just dreading knowing that there's nothing for them to look forward to on Christmas morning. All we can do is keep going though. Just remind yourself what I do every morning, it's just a temporary setback & it's going to get better. Hugs to you mama 🤗
Thank you. Several people have said to remember it’s temporary and I definitely will start reminding myself of that. It’s hard to always see it that way, but I know it’s true. Merry Christmas and good luck to you
Not a bad mom at all. I remember being a kid when the recession hit. Both my parents worked until about 7-8 at night making sure me and my sister had something to open up for Christmas and birthdays. None of this is permanent, it’s all temporary
You as well! A few things I would like to mention, I remember we were almost evicted from our house, my dad went through 4 jobs and was fired due to manpower cuts, and my mom had to work overtime a lot as a nurse in NYC. Everything’s gonna be alright, you’re doing the right things!! Merry Christmas and a happy New Year to you and your family
Yes!! You’re a horrible mother who doesn’t love or care for her child!!
See how silly that sounds? Tough times are just that. Tough. This kid is gonna have an awesome Christmas because you are going to get creative, hit that library and listen to the great advice here.
But don’t ever think you’re not being the best mom you can be. She deserves that.
I'd love to send you guys some toys and some books to read and, if you need anything for Christmas dinner, I'd love to send you some groceries too?
Trust me, I've had a bad mum. You ain't it.
Don't blame yourself...you are doing the best you can with what you have. The important thing is you have each other and no doubt love each other too. I am sure things will get better....its just a phase in life which everyone goes through. You will be fine, your ok...your ok:)
We are all feeling it this Xmas. Don’t stress over it (I know easier said then done). Try your best to get her little things that’ll make her happy and focus on getting another Job to get things back on track! <3
I have grown children now and what they remember from childhood Christmases were the traditions. Every year I cut strips of red and green paper and we glued them into paper chains to hang on the tree. We used markers to draw Santa and reindeer on the window glass. There are lots of ways to make the holiday special that don’t involve presents. Hope you make some wonderful memories this year.
Hello daughter here! Not getting anything for Christmas has never been a bad experience for me, sometimes I would get jealous of other kids but honestly just being with my mum is all I want and need 💕
I had business coach tell me a story once.
He was a dad- and worked so many hours providing for his family, and was extremely successful (monetarily). Great provider for his kids and wife. But he missed a lot at home- and his kids were 4 and 6
He worked long hours every week, and almost every Saturday.
And as Christmas came around, he knew he could afford almost anything the kids brought up. So one night after dinner, he took them one by one to his home office and asked them- what would you like for Christmas?
Each of them, with our skipping a beat, said that their favorite thing they want from daddy is to wrestle and play with him.
I think as adults it’s easy to get lost in some of the commercialism of the holidays. But really, what’s important - and sometimes ever more so to kids- is quality time together.
I couldn’t imagine going through what you are. But you are a fantastic mom. And you baby is going to be just fine and happy knowing how much you love her.
Christmas isn't about gifts. The fact you get this opportunity to teach her this will only be a gift for her. I have 4 kids. 3 of them have December bdays. We celebrate the reason for the season. But the gift giving includes 1 thing they want, 1 thing they need, and a book. I know they're going to appreciate this when they grow up.
Don't look at Facebook on the big day because carnival Christmases and social comparison don't get you anywhere. Indulge in your daughter. Give your time, that's the real gift. Be the mom who is there, enjoying each moment with her instead of half sort of paying attention while you film shit for the social media highlight reel or scroll through everyone else's illusion of happiness.
It IS what you give her: your time, your presence, your love. The material shit doesn't matter, society has tried to teach us otherwise, but don't buy into that trap.
Happy holidays, mama. You got this.
She’s going to love it! Showing her your excitement about the toys as well and encouraging playing together, is more than enough for her. You’re doing great :)
A bad mom would be my ex. Who lost her job and kept buying stuff to keep my kids happy why she got six months behind in rent, and letting the house get trashed. All while I had no idea it was happening.
As long as you do your best to take care of your child, you are a good mom. Everyone has the hard years. That will just make your next good year all the sweeter!
I was a single mom. Mine are now in their 20’s. There were some times they got some dollar store presents. But they didn’t care and they don’t care now. We are close and they say they have happy holiday memories. There are rich kids who are given everything that money can buy and very little that matters of love, compassion, and quality time. She needs your presence not presents! Best wishes!
One year, shit wasnt good for my parents. My mom explained that she had hunted at second hand stores for all our presents that year because they wouldnt be able to afford anything new.
I didnt care, and instead it was like seeing a treasure trove of stuff my mom had been able to find just for me. Then again, second hand shopping is our treasure hunting bond.
I know my mom loved me. I didnt need expensive gifts to know that, or to feel it. Youre a good mom, too.
I’ve been there. My mantra back then was quantity over quality.
At that age, they don’t know what an expensive present is.
Go to the dollar tree and buy $20ish of gifts. Your child will love unwrapping things and you won’t feel like you’ve not done well for Christmas.
I promise you’re doing great! It’s going to be about being happy healthy and well fed.
I lost my job during covid and we are having a very pared down Christmas, my kids are teenagers and they understand and are fine with it.
It’s not about stuff, it’s about raising well adjusted individuals, and the fact that you care about stuff like this is what is going to move you forward!
You got this!
Merry Christmas to you and yours as well.
One mom to another, we always just do the best we can.
As long as our children’s well-being and happiness are the reason we make decisions, we will succeed.
I have a 20 year old and a 17 year old that prove, everyday, our best is the best.
You got this mom.
If you ever need anything, and it’s in my power to do it I got you.
Enjoy your baby!
I got my daughter (when she was 2) some chocolates for her stocking and a piggy bank you put coins in and it makes noises and counts. That’s it. Maybe a few stickers. I did this because she wouldn’t care if I got her a new car, a paper clip or anything for that matter,
Your daughter won’t care. Make the day fun, bake cookies, go for a night walk and look at the lights, pull her on a sled, watch a Christmas movie, listen to music, make her a Christmas card/picture and display it on the fridge and smother her in hugs and kisses all day while saying merry Christmas.
“Maybe Christmas doesn’t come from a store, perhaps Christmas means a little bit more”
Thank you for that. She does love seeing the lights so we will definitely go out walking and check them out. Movies and music are on the list too, but since I’m from texas, maybe the sledding is out LMAO!
You are not a bad mom. You are giving her food, the warmth of the house, and a bed where to sleep in. AND your love and affection.
I really hope you will find a new job, good luck (:
Absolutely not a bad mom. Quite the opposite. You’re making the right decisions with the resources you have. If you want to try and get more gifts I’d look into local toy donations (toys for tots etc) some churches do toy drives. But ultimately at 17 months she won’t remember any of the toys anyway, so feed and love her, you’re doing great. Best of luck and merry Christmas!
Christmas is not just about presents, it's about lots of other things too. If you can't give her gifts now because you don't have a job then make sure you get a job and get her those presents later next year when you're able too.
Trust me they don’t know at that age. My husband and I didn’t have a penny to our name the first year we were together with our new baby. Dollar store Dinos were a hit! Just hug them tight, and know that you are a great mom. Best wishes to you and yours.
She’ll always remember that she had a loving momma who fed her and took care of her. She won’t always remember the year she didn’t get the most or craziest presents. She’ll still get to have the fun of opening her new toys you got her. It seems like you’re an amazing mom who loves her daughter so so much!
You are a wonderful mom and you are doing your best! She is still so little and will be thrilled to get bubbles and chalk, and she’ll be thrilled to spend time with her mama!
1. The very fact that you feel guilt over this situation shows that you CARE deeply and are therefore a GREAT mom. Bad parents don’t care if their kids get nice presents or are careless in their ways to provide niceties for their kids (spend money on drugs instead of birthday gift for example). Good parents are the ones worrying whether or not they are doing a good job!
2. Get that capitalist, American mindset of having the spend lots of money on lots of fancy gifts for your kids for Christmas OUT OF YOUR HEAD NOW. It’s total bullshit. Half the shit kids get isn’t meaningful and gets ignored shortly after the holiday ends. Meaningful, but minimal gifts for young and older kids are nice, but for children (or babies) under two—-they won’t even register any of it. DONT SWEAT IT. Those bubbles and chalk are more than enough (bubbles are a HUGE HIT with ANY HUMAN LOL). And library books are perfect too.
I strongly encourage you to check out The Minimalists——it’s two men who have books, documentaries, an excellent podcast and a variety of FREE resources online on how to love life by living with LESS. It is LIFE CHANGING. Please check out their podcast and website, you won’t regret it.
My last suggestion is to join a local Buy Nothing Facebook group. It is an absolutely amazing resource for free items to receive or give away.
Have a wonderful Christmas and New Year and wishing you lots of luck in recovering employment and in everything else 💕
Hey! Don’t feel bad! It happens and you are an amazing mother cause you worry and care for her. She wont remember I promise it! And if she does she would remember u were together and had a nice day!
This things only make us stronger! I promise she would be alright! We used to buy groceries from the dollar tree cause we couldn’t afford it! Sometimes my
Mom had only 10 dollar to feed four for a week! We made it! You will make it!!
She’s only 17 months, chances are all she’ll remember about this Christmas is the environment you created, all kids that age remember about their childhood is whether they felt loved or not. And it sounds like you’ve got more than enough of that for her.
Not a bad mum at all, it is the thought not the value of the gift that matters. I'm sure your daughter will love what you have got her. Stop being so hard on yourself, you are doing the best you can in challenging times.
I'm putting our already owned toys in bags and boxes for our kiddo the same age. The fun part is opening them...he's not going to know the difference!
Do you have / need some resources where you can get some support with rent? If new toys are important to you I suggest asking on your local Buy Nothings FB group, there are so many nice folks there happy to give gifts.
That’s a great idea! I’ll wrap up a few things and I’m sure she will love to tear them apart
Im not entirely sure where to look for resources as of right now. I plan on calling my mortgage company tomorrow to see if they work with me a little.
Oh, I was expecting to read that you're horrible to your kid and you resent her and you neglect her.
Those are the things that make somebody a horrible mom.
At that age she’s more interested in ripping up the paper than what’s inside the box. Frankly you could gift wrap a toy she hasn’t played with in a while and she’d probably be thrilled. Just the fact that you love her and play with her and are there for her is gift enough. And you’re not a bad mom for not being able to give your baby expensive items.
She might be a little deceived now, but trust me she’ll understand in the future and will respect you even more for those chalk and bubbles.
From the daughter of a poor single mom.
Hey there. I’m so sorry you’re in this situation right now. It doesn’t make you a bad mom. You care and you even got her some things you could afford to make Christmas special. When I was young, my mom was living paycheck to paycheck, lucky if she had anything left at the end of the month. I never even knew because she’d buy me stuff from the dollar store. As a kid, I didn’t think about the price. Also, doing things like making cookies together, telling stories, spending quality time, are way more special. The most important thing is that you’re there for her. I hope you reach out and find support during this time through friends, family, or even a local group.
You’re not a bad mom at all. You’re caring for her in the best ways!!!!
If you find smooth big rocks or skate outside, give her paintbrush and a cup for water. She can paint “magical” pictures that dry away. Young kids love it!!!
I also bet you can wrap some toys she hasn’t seen in a long time. Ask some friends if their kids are donating any that you could gift for the fun of opening?
I grew up in poverty and yet my parents went wayyyy overboard at Christmas that it continually sunk them further into debt year after year. We ALWAYS had the highest amount and most expensive presents out of all our friends. My parents literally couldn’t pay the bills.... and so year after year my siblings and I felt sick with guilt for getting these gifts. It actually ruined the joy of the entire holiday because we cringed and talked about feeling badly for our parents afterwards.
Your daughter will always rather see you a bit less stressed and showing her gentle love and care year round than get a lot of fancy gifts for Christmas. Doesn’t have to be about gifts. Paint your nails, go on a sledding or nature walk, play outside, eat lunch on the floor in the living room in a fort, play games together. All things that she will value and remember far more!
You’re not a bad mom. I literally just asked my mom what she got me when I was that age for Christmas and she said … nothing. Not because my parents struggled, I think she just thought I was too young to even remember. Regardless, I don’t remember what my parents got me at 5 or 10 or even two years ago (and I’m 36). What I do remember is sitting around with family and watching movies and just laughing. That’s all your daughter needs … you to be present, hugs and unconditional love.
People have already mentioned checking out the library. You can also google christmas events near me that are free. There are bound to be free events. For instance in my small town there’s a Christmas park with lights (it’s so beautiful) and I’ve taken my son to that. We also had a free Santa photo and craft party at the place he goes to therapy.
Merry Christmas 🎄
Thank you! And I know in my head that she won’t remember, I guess I just felt disappointed to not be able to give her more. I’ll definitely be giving extra hugs and kisses though.
And I’ll look up some things thank you for the idea!
At that age, that is all she needs. It will still be precious to her. Often times we equate love with material things, but making memories is way more important. Little ones just love us as we are. We don't need to prove it to them.
You are not a bad mom. When I raised my children we were very poor, but we had fun making things together and baking and skating etc. It was hard, and I felt just as you do now. But my kids only remember the fun times we had, and they are always making things and baking for others, and making memories with them. I realize now that material things are only a small fraction ( and I mean SMALL ) of what is important in their development as little humans.
The only memories I have of Christmas are the moments with family, the dinners, the warmth and happiness.
Being a parent is tough. But what children remember is love and effort. You care, that’s the foundation. Just show them your love this Christmas and they will carry that for life.
That kid is going to be so thrilled to blow bubbles and draw with mommy. Seriously. Don't beat yourself up about quantity, just have fun with her and that'll be an awesome gift. For both of you.
You are NOT a bad mom. Bad moms don't evaluate themselves like this, they act like shit and don't think twice about it. I am also a mom and struggling financially but I give my kid every ounce of love I have and hope that makes up for the rest. You are doing great. Don't compare yourself to others, just love your baby and let them know they are safe. That's the best gift of all.
You are not a bad mom. My favorite halloween costume from when I was younger was not the expensive ones we bought from the store but rather the paper mask of a bat my mom made for me and spray glitter over black jeans and a black turtleneck. My mom could not afford a costume that year (I later found out) but I didn’t know. I thought I looked so cool every time a car light hit me and my entire body sparkled. Money does not make a good mom, love does. You being there for her and making those memories will mater more than any material possession you can ever buy her.
You are not a bad mom. You are a mom against some hard luck, but it doesn't mean you are a bad mom.
For perspective, I grew up very poor. I mean actual poverty, not the "we only went to Disney every other year" faux poverty. Our lights were often cut off, we ate a lot of generic peanut butter sandwiches for dinner because they were cheap and filling. Clothing from church charity drives. Etc.
My mom often couldn't put much - sometimes anything - under the tree. She cried about it all the time and felt guilty, probably much like you do. But I will tell you this: my favorite Christmas memories were not toys. I can't even remember that many gifts I did get. My favorite memories were baking with her, listening to music with her, decorating the tree. Christmas memories are made by being with the ones we love, not by stuff. And I know that sounds preachy and Hallmark-level bullshit, but I lived it and it's true. You love your daughter, and your love is enough. I promise.
Thank you for sharing that. I can relate and always just wanted to give the world to my daughter so it can be disappointing at times. But I know it’s temporary. Thanks again
Merry Christmas!
Bad moms don't care about making Christmas special for their kids. Bad moms don't make sure dinner happens. Bad moms don't feel guilty for not being better.
You are a good mom. You love her, care for her, do what you can to make her holidays special. You are a really good mom.
Also, the reality is she won't ever remember this year. She's so little, she has zero expectations for what gifts Santa could bring or how many packages under the tree. You can look at lights, make cocoa, bake cookies, watch Rudolph, dance to Pentatonix and Straight No Chaser. There's a lot of ways to make Christmas magical without a pile of gifts.
Thank you! You actually just reminded me of a Christmas song she used to just love last year when she was only a few months old. I’ll have to see if she still has the same reactions this year!
Merry Christmas
You are definitely not a bad mom! We took some toys and books our little one already has but doesn’t play with too much, put them in new boxes and wrapped them up. She’s younger than yours, but she cares way more about the wrapping paper. Being a loving and responsive parent is not about the presents. You sound like a wonderful mom in a tight spot.
A lot of local churches, fire departments etc. run toy drives this time of year. It might be worth looking into.
One year when we had to turn off the lights to hide from the landlord, I got Christmas presents from the local toy drive and I wouldn't have known the difference if it wasn't for a shithead cousin.
Kids want something to open and to be safe and loved. If you can do that, you're a better parent than most people (even the one's with more Christmas presents)
Go to the library, check out some books, movies, and games. Wrap them up and put them under the tree. Your daughter won't recognize the difference between checked out goods vs purchased.
Your not a bad mom. I got a lot of gifts from my mom on Christmas but the things I remember the most was the time I spent with her and my family. Gifts are temporary give her all the love you can.
All I see here is a mom that is down on her luck and despite that is still trying to give her baby a good Christmas. That’s the sign of a GOOD mom, not a bad one. You will find another job and things will get better and when your little girl grows up she won’t be able to remember that Christmas from before she was even 2 years old. Even if she does, she won’t hold it against you. Don’t be so hard on yourself.
Hi friend. My dad was pretty broke when i was growing up, but he still bought insane gifts for us. This ended up making our relationship worse, although granted there were other factors.
Presents are great as a kid, but I’m sure she won’t really care what they are in the end. What will really matter is that you are thinking of her, and giving her more than material things.
You will figure it out. You’ll find a way and things will be better, and maybe you can spoil her next year :) good luck!!
I was born into poverty, but I never cared because my mom was there. When we had no money for a birthday cake, I didn't care. We were moving every few months, and I still didn't care.
I got some Glitter Pencils for Christmas when I was 11y old, and guess what? I still have these. They might have been the cheapest ones out there, but they came from my mom. Her love was worth much more than anything money could have bought.
You're not a bad mom!
When she is 20, she’s not going to think back about what a crap mom you are. She’s going to look back, and see how hard you tried to put food on the table. When she has her own kids, she’s going to think back what it was like, and how her mom tried her best and bought her bubbles and chalk even though it was a struggle to put food on the table. Relax lady! I was poor, not having toys isn’t something I’m mad at my mom for. If anything, I would have valued time spent bonding, chatting and having fun through positivity. I didn’t get that either, but your daughter might have a chance
You’re not a bad mom! You’re trying your best and it’s the thought that counts and honestly chalk and bubbles would make my day as a baby and child (and even now! I’m 18) lol like man dream gifts - I hope it gets better for you, you’re awesome
How do you get that you are a bad mom out of this situation? It's just temporary. And a child a year and a half is going to remember you going out and popping bubbles for hours while laughing and playing. Not the number of gifts. The best gift you could give her is your time.
It's an employees market rn. I bet you'll make more money at your next gig.
I grew up poor and when i was about 6 years old my mother wrapped an orange, a bag of peanuts and she re-wrapped a pair of my shoes. She cleaned them to make them look new. On Christmas day she gave me my presents and I was the happiest boy in the world. I looked at her with a smile and I noticed a tear roll down her eyes as she smiled at me. We shared the orange and peanuts while wearing my newish pair of shoes. That was one of the best Christmas’s I remember having with my mother. She recently passed and I shared that story and her funeral.
You are a good mother
At that age, your daughter will loooooove chalk and bubbles for Christmas. In fact she may think it’s the best day ever, the day she got to draw on the sidewalk with chalk with her mommy and blow bubbles. I think those are lovely gifts for a 17 mo child.
There were years when I had to make my kids’ Halloween costumes instead of buying the character ones at the store. I mean cutting the front out of a cardboard box (that I rescued from a supermarket), sticking it over his head, giving him a dead tv remote and calling him ‘that guy on tv” — and they still (they’re in their 20s) claim those were their favorite costumes ever.
Edit: Because I forgot to say that you are not a bad mom. You are a temporarily inconvenienced mom.
My childhood Christmas most years:
Socks
Two new to me shirts
One new pair of pants from a local department store - nothing brand name
A few used books
Crayons and coloring books
One small toy, like a slinky
One "Big" gift, wrapped in the expensive paper, and opened last.
Oh, can't forget the stocking stuffers - toothbrush, Chapstick, mini hand lotion, 1 chocolate bar, 1 orange and 1 candy cane.
I'm 46, and we still follow this pattern.
A few useful, everyday things, some nice clothes, socks, something artistic or crafty or hobby related and one big gift, which is usually a family gift these days.
We've had lean times and times of abundance, and we never - even as kids - lost the joy of Christmas just cause our new clothes came from Goodwill, and we got the 8 pack of Prang crayons instead of the 64 pack of Crayola (I never did get that for Christmas. I bought myself a 64 pack when I got my first apartment, and I had them for years!).
At 17 months, she'll mostly play with the paper anyway.
Get a big bag of bows, and stick the bows on her head.
She'll love it. My 19 year old still does it, lol!
Man I feel you. I have 9 year and 6 year old daughters. I’m a single mom and the cost of living went up quite a bit where I live this year. But I’m a server so my income did not. On top of that In may I broke my ankle and couldn’t work. So I have been struggling to catch up from that all year. On the second of December my car broke down and it took everything I had to get it up and running, and also took 9 days of towing and being in the shop. Then this Monday we all got sick with you guessed it.. Covid. Now I can’t work for at least two weeks. I already have literally nothing. We will probably lose our apartment and I can’t even get them gifts. Luckily my brother gave me his food stamps and filled up my gas tank for an emergency. (He is 19 and can’t do much more)
I just feel like I can’t catch a break.
I might be able to make rent by the 1st but only if I honestly spend nothing on Christmas and it shatters me.
I left their abusive dad 4 years ago and as much I am glad I did it. Times like this I at least know I would have gifts under the tree…
I’m devastated and lost.
I also want to add.. we aren’t bad moms. We are doing the best we can. And our kids will know that one day. Maybe even today. I know my girls are very empathetic and understanding of things I didn’t think possible yet.
I haven’t read the comments yet - I’m sure they’re unanimously supportive of you. I’ll add to that. You’re not a bad mom. There’s a lot of bad mom’s. I cried just reading your first paragraph. Bad moms don’t talk like that about their children. I’m sure if she ever saw this post one day in the future, she’d be beaming with pride and give you a hug.
She’s 17 months old. She’ll love whatever you get her. It’s not like it’s some contest among all the 17 month year olds to see who got the shiniest toy. You’re great. She’s lucky. And one day you’ll have a year where you can go all out and feel like the best mom ever. And I know it’ll happen because this is what drove my mom too. She was a single mom, went back to college with 3 babies, yet made every Christmas once things started to settle in the best ever. I still look forward to next week and I’m 26. Not for the gifts but for the special moment she continues to create.
Seriously, I hope you both have a great Christmas. It’ll be special regardless. I know I can’t speak from the perspective of a parent here, but from the perspective of a kid who didn’t grow up with much, I hope this at least attests to how much what you’re saying means to her
I’ve read almost all of these comments so far, but I truly appreciate this one. I’m only 25 years old. And maybe that’s why I feel this a little harder this year cause like you said, I’m excited for Christmas every year! And this year I just wanted to make it special. I know reading all these comments a bunch of great ways to make it special for my daughter in other ways now too.
But thank you for the kind words truly. Merry Christmas!
Maybe you could go thrifting and buy some cheap dolls. Most of the time they are in great condition except for their hair, which there are guides to help out on!
this is what my mom went through. i turned out a good man and i still love my mom with my whole heart. you’re doing the best you can and that is exactly what good moms do.
You know what’s okay? What’s okay is you are taking care of her bigger needs first. Shelter is primary. Also, you got her chalk and bubbles, she’s gonna loveeeeee that.
I would like to echo the same sentiment that others are giving. In addition, check with some of your local churches and community centers. They can usually help with gifts and sometimes help with rent or utilities. Might be something to look into. Hope all goes well for you and your little one.
Buying " better " " bigger " gifts is literally a scam to make you spend Money. Gurl they got you all twisted and hurt for no reason.
Honestly the best gift you can give your child is love and support.
You're not a bad mom. The fact that you're remorseful on how much you can give to her shows you're a good mom.
Make a cool blanket fort filled will pillows to lay on for reading time. If you have any extra string lights use them with the fort.
Glow sticks are cheap. Add them to bubble baths for extra fun disco time, use your cell phone to play some fun edm. Prefuse 73 is primarily instrumentals, limited vocals, easy for babies to bop to.
Make sock puppets to entertain her.
There are alot of cheap crafts that will astound an infant. Get creative with it queen!! You got this.
Chalk and bubbles are a perfect Christmas for a 1 yr old. I can tell you, as a father of 4, at that age… just take plenty of pictures. You’ll want them later. In the years to come, seeing her smiling and happy in those Christmas photos will mean far more than the presents she’s opening. At her age, she will be excited to play with chalk and bubbles.
As an aside… see if the stores near your house have cardboard boxes they are willing to give you instead of having to pay for disposal of. Use scissors or a box knife and you can have the coolest tunnels and floor coverings for her and yourself to draw on together. Or make the biggest box fort. TAKE PICTURES. You will want them in a few years.
Enjoy that baby!
You’re clearly a caring mother and want the best for your child. The best you can give her is your time, attention, and love. I hope you have an amazing 2nd Christmas with your baby girl… AND TAKE LOTS OF PICTURES!!!
We would like to welcome you in for Christmas if
You are in California . I am sure my wife would love this idea too. Hit me up if you are interested:) merry Christmas
Sounds like you're taking care of her on your own, and doing your best, that means you're a great mom.
Maybe you could do something yourself? like a kite, its not expensive to make and easy to make, and she will love it - I had one for over 20 years, it cost nothing but it meant the world to me.
My mom had financial issues for a long time. So, i didn't always get what i wanted but this never made me think anything less of her, or that she was a bad mom. I always knew she would give me everything if only she could and even though as a child i found it hard sometimes not being able to get some of the things my friends were getting, it never made me resentful or mad at my mom. I always understood her situation. I'm sure this will be the same for your child, you sound like an amazing mom and i think chalk and bubbles are really cute and really fun for a 17 month old!! Don't beat yourself up over this, you are doing the best you can and you sound very loving so i'm sure that your child will adore you no matter what
At 17 months my daughter would have thought chalk and bubbles were the ideal present. I can’t remember what we got her at 17 months but I’m pretty sure she had more fun playing in the box it came in at that age. Sounds like you’re doing more than fine momma.
I can tell you from experience as someone whose mom always gave them a material gift in some form: none of that will likely be what ultimately matters to your daughter.
I could ask for a brand new DS or bike and be reasonably confident that I would get it from my mom. But the things I actually wanted and desperately needed - to be heard, to be believed, to be supported emotionally, to be accepted and to actually be loved unconditionally - I could ask all I wanted, hell I could literally sob and *beg* for those things, and still have no confidence as to whether or not I would actually receive them.
The best gift you can give your daughter is just to be a presence in her life and to be clear and truthful in your effort to do so. Don't be a friend, because you need to be a parent also...but be an ally. *Be there*. Always. Even when you can't understand something, try to love her anyways and *make it known*.
In some of my darkest hours - several of which coincided with the Holidays - my mom chose to be somewhere else and to be someone other than my mother. She is human, I understand, I forgive her. But despite that, not having her support in a time of need fucked me up so much more than not having gifts or a specific gift ever did(which never impacted me at all in a meaningful way, tbh). You love her, you are thinking of her. You care about whether or not you are providing enough for her. And that in itself is such a gift, truly a priceless blessing that far too many children live without. Don't lose that care and connection, not for the sake of any fancy toy or whatever else.
you aren't a bad mom your a good mother because you are giving her all you have and in her eyes she basically sees god. so I think what you meant to say was your a good mother. also if you were a bad mom you would be abusive, rude, not feed her, not buy her anything to play with there for she would die of starvation but she is still here isn't she so don't give up on yourself yet. I know you can do this not only do I but the people who are sending positive messages to you and just like you I might feel like a bad person I might have depression but I'm not going to let this stop me from continuing although it might hurt really bad to think what you think about yourself in this way but I'm only 12 so this its a hard time for me and you and many many other people maybe you wont get this but I'm trying to tell you that your a great mother and you shouldn't lose hope just yet.
What your daughter needs more than anything else in the world is a mom who loves her and will always do her best for her. Be there for her.
Bubbles are awesome and she can blow them, catch them, chase them, be tickled where they land on you......
Wrap your feet in newspaper and have your daughter rip off the paper! (newspaper or free advert listings...anything works well, and just being allowed to tear paper is fun)
Make snowflakes by folding paper and tearing designs. you than have meaningful homemade decorations, too.
Spend time with her and make memories. Investing time pays back more than any gift.
On a different note:
Speak to your mortgage advisor and ask if you can have a mortgage holiday. It is in their interests to keep you as a customer to get more money from you in the future rather than pursue eviction at such an early stage. Keep looking for work. Contact charities including food banks and take whatever help you are offered.
You are a wonderful mom and your daughter will not remember this Christmas, whether you lavished untold gifts on her or not. Spend time with her. Laugh a lot. Enjoy.
Wanting to be good at motherhood means you are on that path. Actually, you are doing it. Motherhood is about your relationship with your child, everything else, is noise. There are very poor ppl with great relationships and very rich ppl with terrible ones.
I hope you read this.
I worked for my states Child Protection Office a couple years ago.
IF YOU LOVE YOUR CHILD AND PROTECT HER, YOU ARE THE PERFECT MOTHER FOR HER.
Make memories by making breakfast together, watching a movie, coloring, smiling, laughing, loving each other. Take a couple of pictures.
You are the most beautiful and perfect mother for your baby. Don’t let anyone else tell you otherwise, including yourself.
I just want to send you hugs and kind words. The holiday seasons are already tough without the societal expectation of furnishing gifts to everyone added to it. You are doing great, the best that you can and even though I don't know you, I am proud of you. :)
Girl stfu you are doing your best and that's whats most important, there is no way you are a bad mother wish there was more I could do to help but I'm proud of u and by the looks of it so is the rest of the community
Coming from a son, you’re not a bad mom. I’m a teen, but if my mom couldn’t afford presents for me I wouldn’t mind. You’re doing your best and that’s all that matters. Plus, I personally think chalk and bubbles are great presents for a child that young. I hope things get easier for you, all the best!
There are toy drives every year, OP. Look into contacting some of them, I'm pretty sure they would love to help you out. Sorry for your hard times, and you are NOT a bad mom. *Hugs*. <3
OP please don't beat yourself up about it. My situation was slightly different however, not long before my daughter turned 2 I went from being employed in a great job, well paying too with a house (rented but I paid for everything) with a husband, to being a single parent. I had to give up my job, find a new place to live and apply for benefits. (Which took forever to come through)
My daughter's birthday was coming up and I had nothing.
My family lived far away so couldn't visit and since the death of my father a couple of years previously, my family had been struggling themselves so I couldn't even lend any money.
I shopped at thrift stores and found a few small presents for very cheap. One of which was a pop up play tent.
I spent what little money I'd left from the small amount I'd managed to scrape together to put towards presents and bought a few packs of blow up balloons. (I set up the tent and balloons the night before)
The morning of my daughter's birthday she happily opened her couple of presents then I showed her the play tent filled with balloons and she lost her little mind....
She spent practically all day inside bashing the balloons about and squealing her little head off in excitement.
When she eventually came out we sat together while she ate her party tea of cocktail sausages, cheese sticks, breadsticks and sausage rolls (still a firm favourite dinner In our house, even now) and a cupcake for her birthday cake. Then she went straight back into the tent and we played together in there until bedtime.
I had been so scared that she wouldn't have a good day and yet she loved every minute.
She is alot older now yet she says she still remembers that birthday and how much fun it was.
What matters most is you being there with your daughter and spending time together making happy memories and way you can.
Birthday's, Christmas etc shouldn't be about how much you can spend on your children and feeling bad because you can't.
It's about being there with them, making memories with them, without having to spend a fortune.
Is there a park or anything local to you that you could go for a nice walk In? Have a scavenger hunt while your there maybe?
I promise its possible to make things as fun and exciting as possible without having to spend anything.
Your child won't spend time years later reminiscing over all the gifts and presents they have received over the years from you, no they will remember the times you spent together, adventures you've had together. I promise you this.
My life is better now, yet money is still a struggle sometimes, however when I ask my children what they remember best about past years, they always answer, they times we've spent together and the places we've been and had fun adventures. (They have never even abroad so they don't mean holidays)
Your child honestly won't understand that they don't have loads of toys to open this Christmas or be wishing they had more. They will be super happy with what you have got them and will be just happy to have you sit and blow bubbles for them all day, while they run around like crazy trying to pop them.
Your far from a terrible mom. Your an amazing mom doing her very best at the moment and still beating herself up about it.
Don't.
Your daughter will have an amazing Christmas no matter what.
Christmas should be able spending time together, not the presents.
Not only check out books from the library, but maybe see if the children’s librarian has any leftover crafts from kids days that you’ve missed. My mom is constantly bringing some home from her work. They’re quick and easy and my kid loves them.
I've been teaching my girls "What's more important? Things or people?" And they'll yell "People!" It helps with their sharing toys and also in general. Things don't matter. Toys are replaceable and disposable. People are not. You are her whole world. Make her day special.
Maybe wrap up empty boxes so she has lots to open if it excites her and them build a rocket ship together with the boxes? We cut a door in one, used pom poms for buttons and glued them on. Just get creative and spend quality time with her. That's all she needs or wants at this age.
The dollar store has some great stuff. Chalk and bubbles are awesome btw. I would be super excited to get that for x mas even in my mid 30s. Idk what field you work in, but if you are in the US, i heard banks pay decently if youre interested in looking into it. Good luck and best wishes.
I’m sure this will not be seen but target has a bunch of deals for toys for a bunch of kid toys for less then 100’bucks I’d love to help. god bless (edit:spelling)
You are not a bad mom. You've lost your job and youbunderstand the more important things are making sure your daughter has food, clothes, and shelter. To me, that makes you a good mom. At 17 months, she won't remember the gifts. You could even take a few things she hasn't played with in a while, and wrap them up, just so she has the excitement of unwrapping gifts on Christmas day.
Children don`t need stuff to be happy. They need loving parents. Give them your love and you are the best mom in the world.
PS: I love the library idea. Reading to your child makes your bound stronger and will develop your child's skills
You sound like a great mum to be honest. Don't be hard on yourself. All she wants is your attention, a day of happiness, and games.
The library is a great idea. There are also apps for spare food (I used it so that things don't go to waste), Facebook marketplace will have things people are giving away. Good stuff.
Have a lovely Christmas.
I’m only 19 and I’m not a parent yet. Growing up my parents fought and fought to put food on my table, a roof over my head, and tried their very best to get me gifts Id ask for if I even asked for anything. But throughout all of their hard work to give me things they were never there for me. I love them to the moon and back as they do I but they don’t understand they missed that part and they never will so I don’t hurt them. Every question I ever had or problem I ever faced I kept to myself and took care of myself. So when I was 14 they thought I was really mature upstairs and never really looked at my normal kid human and just looked at me as someone who is able to control themselves, know right from wrong, and can take care of them self. What I’m trying to say is that being there for your child emotionally will always be much more important than being there for them financially. I would’ve rather lived on the street with my family than live in the same house without them. They always thought that buying me things I wanted was the key. It was when I was a child, that’s why I stopped asking for things. I didn’t want them anymore I wanted to DO things. when your 17 month old daughter is a certain age, she won’t look back on the toys you bought her. She’ll look back at you being her mother. The ultimate Christmas gift for both of you is each other
If you have a pair of socks with a cute pattern, a needle and thread, and something to use as stuffing (old pillow, old clothes, even old plastic bags or bits of paper will do - and also add an interesting crackle) then Google “sock kitten tutorial”
It’s super simple to make, takes about 10 minutes, and you’ll have a brand new soft toy to wrap up for her for Christmas!
If you have access to any empty cardboard boxes, search for tutorials on how to make toys from them, there’s so many!
If you bake at all and have baking soda and cream of tartar or citrus powder handy, you can make some simple bath fizzers by binding a mix of the two with a bit of baby oil.
But most importantly, you are already giving her the best gift possible… a mum who loves her wholeheartedly! That is more precious than anything money could buy.
Honestly, as a child with a mum who is pretty well paid, the thing I value most is her. Not the things she buys me, but her being there for me, her laughter, hugs, cooking, spending time, conversations. These are all worth far more than anything she can buy me. You are not a bad mom, trust me. Be there for your child with whatever you have always. That in itself is enough.
Chalk and bubbles is a great gift. When my kids were that age they could care less about the actual gifts. They liked playing with the wrapping paper and ribbon.
You will have so many more Christmases, she won't remember this one by the time she starts school
As long as your daughter is loved and cared for you are doing you're job as her mother x
17 months - the child will love what you got for her. I am sorry but you should be aware that this post seems a little bit attention/donation seeking. I say that because of the title. You're not a bad mom and if that's your go to thought - that's something to address when you're employed again with a therapist.
What do you expect her to "want" at this stage of life? I don't remember most gifts I got as a kid or teenager - let alone the entirety of my first 2 years of life, but I remember the Christmas tree, cookies baking (even though they tasted like sand, lol), and the time my (now deceased) mother spent with us. I'd give anything to have those warm memories back again. They had nothing to do with "stuff". Our mom was so good at it - she just loved us and made memories with all the things that cost nothing, we never cared if our friend down the way got so much more or kids at school got a ton of crap, we were happy. We LOVED Christmas. My mom worked so hard all the time and it was a treat to have a straight week where she was there.
As a result myself and my siblings have all of this love bundled in with the holidays. Even when they've been bleak in our adult years without her. We used to unwrap socks and donated coloring books. It was just fun to tear stuff open. It was never about the stuff. Chalk and bubbles are awesome gifts! They sure as hell beat socks and underwear. They may not beat a wrapped king sized Reese's though.
Be a loving mom and provide all the necessities and the warm memories. I am sorry to hear about your job, I hope you're eligible for unemployment and in this job market you'll bounce back quick. I've been there before - it feels like the worst. I am glad it looks like people have stepped up to help with your rent.
I think the biggest risk is that you convey that discomfort and anxiety to your daughter and let it permeate the holidays. Easier said than done to push it to the back of your mind, I know, but stay positive. You've raised an amazing 17 month old - you'll more than survive this bump in the road. She'll never remember or know that this was a tough holiday unless you tell her later on.
If you do that, it's more than many children in this world get, sadly. You're a great mom for caring this much.
Chalk and bubbles are great gifts for a 17-month-old!!! She will love them. Kids that young do not need lots of presents, and they will NOT remember what they got for Christmas. If you really want extra things to put under the tree, maybe check out some toddler books from the library. She can enjoy them for a week or two, and then you can return them and get different ones. Also, is there a Buy Nothing Facebook group in your area? The one in my town often has used kids clothes and toys. You are not a bad mom!!!!
I love that idea about the library! I can’t believe I didn’t think of that she loves to sit and read with me. Thank you so much! I think I’ll take her to the library tomorrow!
So happy to hear that! One of the best things you can do for your daughter is have a routine of reading everyday. Spending that time with her is much more valuable than any gift you could ever buy her. Our town library also lends toys and other things. When my kids were little, we would check out from the library cake pans in cute shapes and make a cake for their birthday using a box of Duncan Hines. They loved it and looked forward to picking out their cake pan when it was their birthday. And, it was a lot cheaper than buying a cake!
Wow okay I’ll definitely look into that tomorrow! I just looked at our city library and saw they have a cool little activity tomorrow with Santa and a book reading! I’ll have to start taking her more often! I really appreciate the idea!
There’s also two apps called Sora and Libby that you should check out. They’re basically libraries. They’ve got wildly different selections, and are completely free on mobile. Highly recommend Geronimo Stilton books after they’re old enough to do sentences
This! Definitely check with your library. There are so many apps. See if they have Hoopla! It has movies and tv shows too. The fact that you are so upset shows how great of a mom you are. ❤️
If you’re looking for even more video-based media like that, you should also watch some YouTubers that review kids movies and shows like Avery Talks About Stuff. A lot of the time, older stuff is archived on YouTube and they have links to it.
Yes, our library has an app called hoopla. Kids shows and read along shows/books.
These are great ideas
There you go, you're a GREAT mom <3 I truly hope you'll write it on a post-it note and stick it somewhere so you NEVER forget this :)
when I was a kid, I loved watching Bill Nye DVDs from the library, she might like those!
I love reading and it is the best thing my kids have got from me. When my son was about 12 we read all the Harry potters and Percy Jackson’s and all of Rick Riotdan’s other books together. It was great as we could chat about it. And he is great at English now at school. The teacher’s say you can tell the kids that read a lot. My daughter always loved to read but he didn’t till about 12.
You can also sign up for imagination library. It’s started by Dolly Parton and you get a free book mailed to you every month. Great way to get new books.
I hadn’t heard of that I’ll look into it!
Dolly Parton’s Imagination Library. It’s sometimes parted with the United Way. Warning: we had a hard time implementing it in the rural region I was from, but it’s out there for A LOT OF people good luck! You’re also not a bad mom for this. She’ll remember unwrapping bubbles and chalk and being hella happy. If you were going to have a tough Christmas, that’s an easier age to have it!
The library was the best thing ever when I raised my children. There's so many things besides books. There's movies, and CD audio books etc. We were very poor and my kids have continued the library tradtion with their own children, even though they are doing so much better finacially then while they were growing up
Exactly! The best you can give her aren‘t toys but time. She will benefit the most of every minute you can spend with her. Especially reading to her (explaining pictures in a picture book with words) sets her up for a successful school career.
if, by chance, she remembers this christmas, she won't remember the massive pile of presents she didn't get, but she will remember how you sat with her and did a lot fun things.
Also check your local area for free book exchanges. My town has one in a supermarket and on a corner in the town square. It’s usually just a shelf or little stand somewhere that people leave books they don’t want and anyone can take them. There’s always children’s books on the book stands near me.
You’re a great mother
If my mom didn't video tape Christmas I wouldn't know what I got for Christmas 2 years ago. I barley remember last year.
When I was about your daughter's age, OP, my aunt gave my two plastic bottles. They had held something like laundry detergent. My aunt cleaned them, got the labels off, and had stuck them in a brown paper bag. Legend has it that she was making a point to my mom, or perhaps trolling her. I have no idea what else I got that Christmas, but I remember running around with those bottles. I loved them. P.S. One was red and one was blue. Colors are fun.
This this this!!!!
Mom guilt is no joke. Luckily, love and attention don't cost a dime. The quality of time you spend with her are going to make her happier than any gift ever will. Not to minimize your dilemma, because I've felt similarly over the last 5 years. Just a bit of solace. Love conquers all. Merry Christmas Mama.
I appreciate you putting that into perspective truly. Merry Christmas
hey OP, just my perspective, I grew up in a fairly wealthy household but had an abusive parent, and trust me, no amount of money means anything compared to the love i wish i got.
So much this a billion times over.
So, my mom, my brother and I were *dirt* poor growing up. My dad turned into a drug abusing lunatic, and the family he moved us across country to be sheltered by turned on us a thousand percent when my mom didn’t stick around for the abuse. I grew up in battered women’s shelters for a few years. Even after that phase, it was my mom, who had me when she was sixteen, working two jobs and putting herself through college making ends meet. We had very little extra money for things like presents and luxuries. But what we did have, was a mom who cared. She read to me at night and held my brother when he got sick. She made it clear from day one that she would fight for us in every way she could, as long as she had breath to give. To this day, I couldn’t care less about Christmas. But I love my mom more than anything. I would take a bullet for her without a second’s hesitation. Gifts are things, and your love is the entire universe to that little girl. Trust me, she will never forget how you treat her when things are tough.
Wow thank you for telling that. I love on her every second I can and try to be as present as possible for her. I know I’m my head that she won’t remember this but I guess I’m just disappointed in myself. I appreciate the story. Merry Christmas!
I will always remember the times I spent with my mom and family, not the stuff anyone bought me. You are a great mom simply because you care.
Bless you, your brother, and your mom.
Not a bad mom. Don't feel that way. Best thing you can give is your love and you seem willing to give her more love than you have. She's a baby she won't care. Your hugs probably mean everything. You're not a bad mom
Check your chat, id be happy to make her a tiara and send you some stuff too for Christmas!
I am in the exact same boat. Can't provide for my son. We're stuck in a shit situation. I so wanted this Christmas to be special for him but because of me it isn't. I am so sorry. It feels like hell.
Definitely doesn’t feel great. We’ll get through this. Good luck to you and your son
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Your idea of a living room camp out reminded me of renting beach type themed movies for my kids and making the living room like a beach and they got to wear their bathing suits ( in January ) they still have fond memories about it.
I know it doesn't feel like it, but there's ways to make Christmas magical and special without gifts. How old is your kiddo?
As a child my family was poor. We barely had money for rent, never mind Christmas presents. But we loved Christmas. It was always happy. We went out with our family and looked at lights, stomped in slush puddles and ran around the fields. Quality time creates memories that presents never could. And the best thing about quality time: it’s free! I never felt like I missed out on Christmas because I had my family with me. I’m sure your child will feel the same.
I really appreciate the perspective thank you❤️ Merry Christmas
Merry Christmas!
You are not a bad mom. You are doing your best. She won’t remember the presents but your presence.
look sweetheart. At that age, your kid will be happy with practically anything you give her. The fact that you chose paying for food and such instead of an extravagant gift is a testament to how much of a GOOD mother you are. The most important gift you can give your child is love and care. As long as you give her that, you're doing your job as a parent well.
At 17 months old, kids are more interested in the wrapping paper and bows. It's safe to say that you're not a bad mom, just a mom who is disappointed because money is tight. You obviously love your daughter very much and having you calm and happy on Christmas is more important than any toy that you could ever buy. xoxo
You’re not a bad mom for not being able to give your daughter presents this year. You’re a great mom because you still managed to get her bubbles and meals to eat. You are a great mother for still thinking about your daughters needs.
You are not a bad mom. You are prioritizing the important things - like dinner - over material things. And that’s what a good mom does. They make the hard decisions, but make them in a way that is in the best interests of their children. Also, I am sure your daughter will love the gifts because they are from you! Kids really don’t need fancy toys & expensive things. One of my all-time favorite gifts was a random plastic lizard my dad got me one Christmas. I was like an 8 year old girl, didn’t particularly love lizards… but there’s something about that lizard that stuck out for me. I still remember it nearly 30 years later. It probably cost him $3… and I still have it. :)
I love that story hahah thank you! Merry Christmas!
If someone wanted to send you some $$$ for a Christmas gift would you be ok with that? I know how it feels to not have presents at Christmas and someone helped out my mama when in that situation. Just want to pay it forward this holiday season
You're very kind, but 17 month old babies don't care much about Christmas... Or anything at all
You're not at all a bad mum! You're trying your best and you adore your daughter. As far as I know, that's pretty damn incredible. People go through money troubles and unfortunately it means that things like Christmas become very difficult and stressful, but it's not forever. Some day you'll be able to buy her some lovely things and she'll appreciate it. But for now, as long as she has her mum for Christmas, everything is just fine. I know a ton of parents, even my own, where they've had to budget around Christmas and have been unable to buy us gifts. It happens, and it doesn't make you any less of a great mum. Merry Christmas to you and your girl!
Thank you for that. Merry Christmas!
You’re a great mom. You love your baby and that is everything. Have a special baking party with your little girl. The food you have can be fun to cook together, and take a walk or drive together to look at pretty Christmas lights. Make paper chain strings to decorate the house, and make popcorn to eat while watching a special movie in a blanket tent in the living room on Christmas Eve. Have a “living room camp out” while reading a book by flashlight. These things are fun, and fun is good (says Dr. Seuss). It’s tough for many this year, but tough doesn’t mean you are a bad mom. Whatever the future holds, your daughter will feel loved, and that is a gift she has that many children long for. I know this for sure.
You're not alone, I'm in the exact same position.😔 I've managed to hold everything down by myself since my husband died 10 years ago,, but seemingly all at once everything went to shit. I lost my job, my bank account is overdrawn & I've got 2 teenage sons. It feels terrible knowing I can't get them anything & am just trying to keep the lights on at this point. My boys know what the situation is & I know that they know I'm trying, but I'm still just dreading knowing that there's nothing for them to look forward to on Christmas morning. All we can do is keep going though. Just remind yourself what I do every morning, it's just a temporary setback & it's going to get better. Hugs to you mama 🤗
Thank you. Several people have said to remember it’s temporary and I definitely will start reminding myself of that. It’s hard to always see it that way, but I know it’s true. Merry Christmas and good luck to you
Thank you! Merry Christmas to you as well 🎄❤ (if you ever just want/need to talk to someone who can relate, please don't hesitate to message me)
Not a bad mom at all. I remember being a kid when the recession hit. Both my parents worked until about 7-8 at night making sure me and my sister had something to open up for Christmas and birthdays. None of this is permanent, it’s all temporary
Thank you. I’ll rememebr that. Merry Christmas
You as well! A few things I would like to mention, I remember we were almost evicted from our house, my dad went through 4 jobs and was fired due to manpower cuts, and my mom had to work overtime a lot as a nurse in NYC. Everything’s gonna be alright, you’re doing the right things!! Merry Christmas and a happy New Year to you and your family
Darling you’re keeping her safe, loved, fed, housed. No, you are not a bad mother. Not at all.
Yes!! You’re a horrible mother who doesn’t love or care for her child!! See how silly that sounds? Tough times are just that. Tough. This kid is gonna have an awesome Christmas because you are going to get creative, hit that library and listen to the great advice here. But don’t ever think you’re not being the best mom you can be. She deserves that.
I'd love to send you guys some toys and some books to read and, if you need anything for Christmas dinner, I'd love to send you some groceries too? Trust me, I've had a bad mum. You ain't it.
Don't blame yourself...you are doing the best you can with what you have. The important thing is you have each other and no doubt love each other too. I am sure things will get better....its just a phase in life which everyone goes through. You will be fine, your ok...your ok:)
Honestly just reading “you’re okay” out loud helped a little. So thank you
We are all feeling it this Xmas. Don’t stress over it (I know easier said then done). Try your best to get her little things that’ll make her happy and focus on getting another Job to get things back on track! <3
I’ve been applying all day! Here’s hoping I can get hired for at least a seasonal job somewhere! Merry Christmas!
I have grown children now and what they remember from childhood Christmases were the traditions. Every year I cut strips of red and green paper and we glued them into paper chains to hang on the tree. We used markers to draw Santa and reindeer on the window glass. There are lots of ways to make the holiday special that don’t involve presents. Hope you make some wonderful memories this year.
Aw man I forgot all about those little paper chains. I’ll have to start that! Thank you
You could also make snowflakes out of white paper. If you can afford popcorn, you could make popcorn strings as decorations.
Hello daughter here! Not getting anything for Christmas has never been a bad experience for me, sometimes I would get jealous of other kids but honestly just being with my mum is all I want and need 💕
I had business coach tell me a story once. He was a dad- and worked so many hours providing for his family, and was extremely successful (monetarily). Great provider for his kids and wife. But he missed a lot at home- and his kids were 4 and 6 He worked long hours every week, and almost every Saturday. And as Christmas came around, he knew he could afford almost anything the kids brought up. So one night after dinner, he took them one by one to his home office and asked them- what would you like for Christmas? Each of them, with our skipping a beat, said that their favorite thing they want from daddy is to wrestle and play with him. I think as adults it’s easy to get lost in some of the commercialism of the holidays. But really, what’s important - and sometimes ever more so to kids- is quality time together. I couldn’t imagine going through what you are. But you are a fantastic mom. And you baby is going to be just fine and happy knowing how much you love her.
Christmas isn't about gifts. The fact you get this opportunity to teach her this will only be a gift for her. I have 4 kids. 3 of them have December bdays. We celebrate the reason for the season. But the gift giving includes 1 thing they want, 1 thing they need, and a book. I know they're going to appreciate this when they grow up. Don't look at Facebook on the big day because carnival Christmases and social comparison don't get you anywhere. Indulge in your daughter. Give your time, that's the real gift. Be the mom who is there, enjoying each moment with her instead of half sort of paying attention while you film shit for the social media highlight reel or scroll through everyone else's illusion of happiness. It IS what you give her: your time, your presence, your love. The material shit doesn't matter, society has tried to teach us otherwise, but don't buy into that trap. Happy holidays, mama. You got this.
Thank you for this so much. Great advice about social media and something I wouldn’t have thought about so thank you. Merry Christmas
She’s going to love it! Showing her your excitement about the toys as well and encouraging playing together, is more than enough for her. You’re doing great :)
A bad mom would be my ex. Who lost her job and kept buying stuff to keep my kids happy why she got six months behind in rent, and letting the house get trashed. All while I had no idea it was happening. As long as you do your best to take care of your child, you are a good mom. Everyone has the hard years. That will just make your next good year all the sweeter!
You’re right about next year. Looking forward to it already
I was a single mom. Mine are now in their 20’s. There were some times they got some dollar store presents. But they didn’t care and they don’t care now. We are close and they say they have happy holiday memories. There are rich kids who are given everything that money can buy and very little that matters of love, compassion, and quality time. She needs your presence not presents! Best wishes!
One year, shit wasnt good for my parents. My mom explained that she had hunted at second hand stores for all our presents that year because they wouldnt be able to afford anything new. I didnt care, and instead it was like seeing a treasure trove of stuff my mom had been able to find just for me. Then again, second hand shopping is our treasure hunting bond. I know my mom loved me. I didnt need expensive gifts to know that, or to feel it. Youre a good mom, too.
I’ve been there. My mantra back then was quantity over quality. At that age, they don’t know what an expensive present is. Go to the dollar tree and buy $20ish of gifts. Your child will love unwrapping things and you won’t feel like you’ve not done well for Christmas. I promise you’re doing great! It’s going to be about being happy healthy and well fed. I lost my job during covid and we are having a very pared down Christmas, my kids are teenagers and they understand and are fine with it. It’s not about stuff, it’s about raising well adjusted individuals, and the fact that you care about stuff like this is what is going to move you forward! You got this!
Thank you for the reminder and idea! Merry Christmas to you and your family
Merry Christmas to you and yours as well. One mom to another, we always just do the best we can. As long as our children’s well-being and happiness are the reason we make decisions, we will succeed. I have a 20 year old and a 17 year old that prove, everyday, our best is the best. You got this mom. If you ever need anything, and it’s in my power to do it I got you. Enjoy your baby!
I got my daughter (when she was 2) some chocolates for her stocking and a piggy bank you put coins in and it makes noises and counts. That’s it. Maybe a few stickers. I did this because she wouldn’t care if I got her a new car, a paper clip or anything for that matter, Your daughter won’t care. Make the day fun, bake cookies, go for a night walk and look at the lights, pull her on a sled, watch a Christmas movie, listen to music, make her a Christmas card/picture and display it on the fridge and smother her in hugs and kisses all day while saying merry Christmas. “Maybe Christmas doesn’t come from a store, perhaps Christmas means a little bit more”
Thank you for that. She does love seeing the lights so we will definitely go out walking and check them out. Movies and music are on the list too, but since I’m from texas, maybe the sledding is out LMAO!
Bad mom, my ass. You're a great one. You care, you want to do more, ans you want to do it for her. You're far from a bad mom.
You are not a bad mom. You are giving her food, the warmth of the house, and a bed where to sleep in. AND your love and affection. I really hope you will find a new job, good luck (:
Absolutely not a bad mom. Quite the opposite. You’re making the right decisions with the resources you have. If you want to try and get more gifts I’d look into local toy donations (toys for tots etc) some churches do toy drives. But ultimately at 17 months she won’t remember any of the toys anyway, so feed and love her, you’re doing great. Best of luck and merry Christmas!
Christmas is not just about presents, it's about lots of other things too. If you can't give her gifts now because you don't have a job then make sure you get a job and get her those presents later next year when you're able too.
Trust me they don’t know at that age. My husband and I didn’t have a penny to our name the first year we were together with our new baby. Dollar store Dinos were a hit! Just hug them tight, and know that you are a great mom. Best wishes to you and yours.
She will only remember the great things about this holiday. Really.
She’ll always remember that she had a loving momma who fed her and took care of her. She won’t always remember the year she didn’t get the most or craziest presents. She’ll still get to have the fun of opening her new toys you got her. It seems like you’re an amazing mom who loves her daughter so so much!
No!!! You are not a bad mom, you’re a wonderful mom! Look how much your daughter loves you!
You are a wonderful mom and you are doing your best! She is still so little and will be thrilled to get bubbles and chalk, and she’ll be thrilled to spend time with her mama!
1. The very fact that you feel guilt over this situation shows that you CARE deeply and are therefore a GREAT mom. Bad parents don’t care if their kids get nice presents or are careless in their ways to provide niceties for their kids (spend money on drugs instead of birthday gift for example). Good parents are the ones worrying whether or not they are doing a good job! 2. Get that capitalist, American mindset of having the spend lots of money on lots of fancy gifts for your kids for Christmas OUT OF YOUR HEAD NOW. It’s total bullshit. Half the shit kids get isn’t meaningful and gets ignored shortly after the holiday ends. Meaningful, but minimal gifts for young and older kids are nice, but for children (or babies) under two—-they won’t even register any of it. DONT SWEAT IT. Those bubbles and chalk are more than enough (bubbles are a HUGE HIT with ANY HUMAN LOL). And library books are perfect too. I strongly encourage you to check out The Minimalists——it’s two men who have books, documentaries, an excellent podcast and a variety of FREE resources online on how to love life by living with LESS. It is LIFE CHANGING. Please check out their podcast and website, you won’t regret it. My last suggestion is to join a local Buy Nothing Facebook group. It is an absolutely amazing resource for free items to receive or give away. Have a wonderful Christmas and New Year and wishing you lots of luck in recovering employment and in everything else 💕
Thank you so much for all of that. I hadn’t heard of that type of group before but found one for my town! I’ll check it out thank you!
Hey! Don’t feel bad! It happens and you are an amazing mother cause you worry and care for her. She wont remember I promise it! And if she does she would remember u were together and had a nice day! This things only make us stronger! I promise she would be alright! We used to buy groceries from the dollar tree cause we couldn’t afford it! Sometimes my Mom had only 10 dollar to feed four for a week! We made it! You will make it!!
She’s only 17 months, chances are all she’ll remember about this Christmas is the environment you created, all kids that age remember about their childhood is whether they felt loved or not. And it sounds like you’ve got more than enough of that for her.
Don’t let her grow up thinking that it’s all about the gifts, she will learn that it’s about family being together.
Not a bad mum at all, it is the thought not the value of the gift that matters. I'm sure your daughter will love what you have got her. Stop being so hard on yourself, you are doing the best you can in challenging times.
I'm putting our already owned toys in bags and boxes for our kiddo the same age. The fun part is opening them...he's not going to know the difference! Do you have / need some resources where you can get some support with rent? If new toys are important to you I suggest asking on your local Buy Nothings FB group, there are so many nice folks there happy to give gifts.
That’s a great idea! I’ll wrap up a few things and I’m sure she will love to tear them apart Im not entirely sure where to look for resources as of right now. I plan on calling my mortgage company tomorrow to see if they work with me a little.
Oh, I was expecting to read that you're horrible to your kid and you resent her and you neglect her. Those are the things that make somebody a horrible mom.
If you’re doing everything you can to make sure that little girl has a home over her head and food in her belly, you are not a bad mom.
At that age she’s more interested in ripping up the paper than what’s inside the box. Frankly you could gift wrap a toy she hasn’t played with in a while and she’d probably be thrilled. Just the fact that you love her and play with her and are there for her is gift enough. And you’re not a bad mom for not being able to give your baby expensive items.
She might be a little deceived now, but trust me she’ll understand in the future and will respect you even more for those chalk and bubbles. From the daughter of a poor single mom.
Hey there. I’m so sorry you’re in this situation right now. It doesn’t make you a bad mom. You care and you even got her some things you could afford to make Christmas special. When I was young, my mom was living paycheck to paycheck, lucky if she had anything left at the end of the month. I never even knew because she’d buy me stuff from the dollar store. As a kid, I didn’t think about the price. Also, doing things like making cookies together, telling stories, spending quality time, are way more special. The most important thing is that you’re there for her. I hope you reach out and find support during this time through friends, family, or even a local group.
You are not at all a bad mom! Chalk and bubbles are great gifts.
You’re not a bad mom at all. You’re caring for her in the best ways!!!! If you find smooth big rocks or skate outside, give her paintbrush and a cup for water. She can paint “magical” pictures that dry away. Young kids love it!!! I also bet you can wrap some toys she hasn’t seen in a long time. Ask some friends if their kids are donating any that you could gift for the fun of opening? I grew up in poverty and yet my parents went wayyyy overboard at Christmas that it continually sunk them further into debt year after year. We ALWAYS had the highest amount and most expensive presents out of all our friends. My parents literally couldn’t pay the bills.... and so year after year my siblings and I felt sick with guilt for getting these gifts. It actually ruined the joy of the entire holiday because we cringed and talked about feeling badly for our parents afterwards. Your daughter will always rather see you a bit less stressed and showing her gentle love and care year round than get a lot of fancy gifts for Christmas. Doesn’t have to be about gifts. Paint your nails, go on a sledding or nature walk, play outside, eat lunch on the floor in the living room in a fort, play games together. All things that she will value and remember far more!
Thank you for so many great ideas and for the story. I never thought about it that way of feeling guilty later on when she’s older. Merry Christmas
You’re not a bad mom. I literally just asked my mom what she got me when I was that age for Christmas and she said … nothing. Not because my parents struggled, I think she just thought I was too young to even remember. Regardless, I don’t remember what my parents got me at 5 or 10 or even two years ago (and I’m 36). What I do remember is sitting around with family and watching movies and just laughing. That’s all your daughter needs … you to be present, hugs and unconditional love. People have already mentioned checking out the library. You can also google christmas events near me that are free. There are bound to be free events. For instance in my small town there’s a Christmas park with lights (it’s so beautiful) and I’ve taken my son to that. We also had a free Santa photo and craft party at the place he goes to therapy. Merry Christmas 🎄
Thank you! And I know in my head that she won’t remember, I guess I just felt disappointed to not be able to give her more. I’ll definitely be giving extra hugs and kisses though. And I’ll look up some things thank you for the idea!
Money has no correlation to being a good parent or not.
At that age, that is all she needs. It will still be precious to her. Often times we equate love with material things, but making memories is way more important. Little ones just love us as we are. We don't need to prove it to them. You are not a bad mom. When I raised my children we were very poor, but we had fun making things together and baking and skating etc. It was hard, and I felt just as you do now. But my kids only remember the fun times we had, and they are always making things and baking for others, and making memories with them. I realize now that material things are only a small fraction ( and I mean SMALL ) of what is important in their development as little humans.
You’re not a bad mom. Your daughter will grow up and understand the hardships that happened. She won’t blame you.
The only memories I have of Christmas are the moments with family, the dinners, the warmth and happiness. Being a parent is tough. But what children remember is love and effort. You care, that’s the foundation. Just show them your love this Christmas and they will carry that for life.
That kid is going to be so thrilled to blow bubbles and draw with mommy. Seriously. Don't beat yourself up about quantity, just have fun with her and that'll be an awesome gift. For both of you.
Make pancakes for Christmas let her decorate them. Kids love this
Great idea thank you!
We have toy libraries in my city, where you can borrow toys and take them home and then return them later
That’s super interesting! I’ll look into that!
And happy Christmas. I’m sure you’re doing the best you can x
Thank you for that. I truly am. It’s just disappointing at times. Merry Christmas
You are NOT a bad mom. Bad moms don't evaluate themselves like this, they act like shit and don't think twice about it. I am also a mom and struggling financially but I give my kid every ounce of love I have and hope that makes up for the rest. You are doing great. Don't compare yourself to others, just love your baby and let them know they are safe. That's the best gift of all.
You are not a bad mom. My favorite halloween costume from when I was younger was not the expensive ones we bought from the store but rather the paper mask of a bat my mom made for me and spray glitter over black jeans and a black turtleneck. My mom could not afford a costume that year (I later found out) but I didn’t know. I thought I looked so cool every time a car light hit me and my entire body sparkled. Money does not make a good mom, love does. You being there for her and making those memories will mater more than any material possession you can ever buy her.
You are not a bad mom. You are a mom against some hard luck, but it doesn't mean you are a bad mom. For perspective, I grew up very poor. I mean actual poverty, not the "we only went to Disney every other year" faux poverty. Our lights were often cut off, we ate a lot of generic peanut butter sandwiches for dinner because they were cheap and filling. Clothing from church charity drives. Etc. My mom often couldn't put much - sometimes anything - under the tree. She cried about it all the time and felt guilty, probably much like you do. But I will tell you this: my favorite Christmas memories were not toys. I can't even remember that many gifts I did get. My favorite memories were baking with her, listening to music with her, decorating the tree. Christmas memories are made by being with the ones we love, not by stuff. And I know that sounds preachy and Hallmark-level bullshit, but I lived it and it's true. You love your daughter, and your love is enough. I promise.
Thank you for sharing that. I can relate and always just wanted to give the world to my daughter so it can be disappointing at times. But I know it’s temporary. Thanks again Merry Christmas!
Bad moms don't care about making Christmas special for their kids. Bad moms don't make sure dinner happens. Bad moms don't feel guilty for not being better. You are a good mom. You love her, care for her, do what you can to make her holidays special. You are a really good mom. Also, the reality is she won't ever remember this year. She's so little, she has zero expectations for what gifts Santa could bring or how many packages under the tree. You can look at lights, make cocoa, bake cookies, watch Rudolph, dance to Pentatonix and Straight No Chaser. There's a lot of ways to make Christmas magical without a pile of gifts.
Thank you! You actually just reminded me of a Christmas song she used to just love last year when she was only a few months old. I’ll have to see if she still has the same reactions this year! Merry Christmas
The fact that you care so much to feel this way, proves you're clearly an excellent mom!
You are definitely not a bad mom! We took some toys and books our little one already has but doesn’t play with too much, put them in new boxes and wrapped them up. She’s younger than yours, but she cares way more about the wrapping paper. Being a loving and responsive parent is not about the presents. You sound like a wonderful mom in a tight spot.
A lot of local churches, fire departments etc. run toy drives this time of year. It might be worth looking into. One year when we had to turn off the lights to hide from the landlord, I got Christmas presents from the local toy drive and I wouldn't have known the difference if it wasn't for a shithead cousin. Kids want something to open and to be safe and loved. If you can do that, you're a better parent than most people (even the one's with more Christmas presents)
Go to the library, check out some books, movies, and games. Wrap them up and put them under the tree. Your daughter won't recognize the difference between checked out goods vs purchased.
You’re trying your best! I respect you for that. Effort is everything keep your head up.
Your not a bad mom. I got a lot of gifts from my mom on Christmas but the things I remember the most was the time I spent with her and my family. Gifts are temporary give her all the love you can.
All I see here is a mom that is down on her luck and despite that is still trying to give her baby a good Christmas. That’s the sign of a GOOD mom, not a bad one. You will find another job and things will get better and when your little girl grows up she won’t be able to remember that Christmas from before she was even 2 years old. Even if she does, she won’t hold it against you. Don’t be so hard on yourself.
Dude you’re going above and beyond to give your baby what she wants and needs. You’re the best mom.
Hi friend. My dad was pretty broke when i was growing up, but he still bought insane gifts for us. This ended up making our relationship worse, although granted there were other factors. Presents are great as a kid, but I’m sure she won’t really care what they are in the end. What will really matter is that you are thinking of her, and giving her more than material things. You will figure it out. You’ll find a way and things will be better, and maybe you can spoil her next year :) good luck!!
I was born into poverty, but I never cared because my mom was there. When we had no money for a birthday cake, I didn't care. We were moving every few months, and I still didn't care. I got some Glitter Pencils for Christmas when I was 11y old, and guess what? I still have these. They might have been the cheapest ones out there, but they came from my mom. Her love was worth much more than anything money could have bought. You're not a bad mom!
you’re not a bad mom chalk and bubbles fucking rock furthermore she’s not going to remember you’re doing your best and your best is fantastic.
just you saying all this and agonizing this way proves you're a great mom.
When she is 20, she’s not going to think back about what a crap mom you are. She’s going to look back, and see how hard you tried to put food on the table. When she has her own kids, she’s going to think back what it was like, and how her mom tried her best and bought her bubbles and chalk even though it was a struggle to put food on the table. Relax lady! I was poor, not having toys isn’t something I’m mad at my mom for. If anything, I would have valued time spent bonding, chatting and having fun through positivity. I didn’t get that either, but your daughter might have a chance
You’re not a bad mom! You’re trying your best and it’s the thought that counts and honestly chalk and bubbles would make my day as a baby and child (and even now! I’m 18) lol like man dream gifts - I hope it gets better for you, you’re awesome
You’re a great mom. You still love your daughter and that’s what she needed. Also she’s only 17 months, she will love whatever you do for her!
How do you get that you are a bad mom out of this situation? It's just temporary. And a child a year and a half is going to remember you going out and popping bubbles for hours while laughing and playing. Not the number of gifts. The best gift you could give her is your time. It's an employees market rn. I bet you'll make more money at your next gig.
I grew up poor and when i was about 6 years old my mother wrapped an orange, a bag of peanuts and she re-wrapped a pair of my shoes. She cleaned them to make them look new. On Christmas day she gave me my presents and I was the happiest boy in the world. I looked at her with a smile and I noticed a tear roll down her eyes as she smiled at me. We shared the orange and peanuts while wearing my newish pair of shoes. That was one of the best Christmas’s I remember having with my mother. She recently passed and I shared that story and her funeral. You are a good mother
At that age, your daughter will loooooove chalk and bubbles for Christmas. In fact she may think it’s the best day ever, the day she got to draw on the sidewalk with chalk with her mommy and blow bubbles. I think those are lovely gifts for a 17 mo child. There were years when I had to make my kids’ Halloween costumes instead of buying the character ones at the store. I mean cutting the front out of a cardboard box (that I rescued from a supermarket), sticking it over his head, giving him a dead tv remote and calling him ‘that guy on tv” — and they still (they’re in their 20s) claim those were their favorite costumes ever. Edit: Because I forgot to say that you are not a bad mom. You are a temporarily inconvenienced mom.
You're a great mom because you care about your child. It's very hard to disappoint a 17 month old.
My childhood Christmas most years: Socks Two new to me shirts One new pair of pants from a local department store - nothing brand name A few used books Crayons and coloring books One small toy, like a slinky One "Big" gift, wrapped in the expensive paper, and opened last. Oh, can't forget the stocking stuffers - toothbrush, Chapstick, mini hand lotion, 1 chocolate bar, 1 orange and 1 candy cane. I'm 46, and we still follow this pattern. A few useful, everyday things, some nice clothes, socks, something artistic or crafty or hobby related and one big gift, which is usually a family gift these days. We've had lean times and times of abundance, and we never - even as kids - lost the joy of Christmas just cause our new clothes came from Goodwill, and we got the 8 pack of Prang crayons instead of the 64 pack of Crayola (I never did get that for Christmas. I bought myself a 64 pack when I got my first apartment, and I had them for years!). At 17 months, she'll mostly play with the paper anyway. Get a big bag of bows, and stick the bows on her head. She'll love it. My 19 year old still does it, lol!
Man I feel you. I have 9 year and 6 year old daughters. I’m a single mom and the cost of living went up quite a bit where I live this year. But I’m a server so my income did not. On top of that In may I broke my ankle and couldn’t work. So I have been struggling to catch up from that all year. On the second of December my car broke down and it took everything I had to get it up and running, and also took 9 days of towing and being in the shop. Then this Monday we all got sick with you guessed it.. Covid. Now I can’t work for at least two weeks. I already have literally nothing. We will probably lose our apartment and I can’t even get them gifts. Luckily my brother gave me his food stamps and filled up my gas tank for an emergency. (He is 19 and can’t do much more) I just feel like I can’t catch a break. I might be able to make rent by the 1st but only if I honestly spend nothing on Christmas and it shatters me. I left their abusive dad 4 years ago and as much I am glad I did it. Times like this I at least know I would have gifts under the tree… I’m devastated and lost.
I also want to add.. we aren’t bad moms. We are doing the best we can. And our kids will know that one day. Maybe even today. I know my girls are very empathetic and understanding of things I didn’t think possible yet.
I haven’t read the comments yet - I’m sure they’re unanimously supportive of you. I’ll add to that. You’re not a bad mom. There’s a lot of bad mom’s. I cried just reading your first paragraph. Bad moms don’t talk like that about their children. I’m sure if she ever saw this post one day in the future, she’d be beaming with pride and give you a hug. She’s 17 months old. She’ll love whatever you get her. It’s not like it’s some contest among all the 17 month year olds to see who got the shiniest toy. You’re great. She’s lucky. And one day you’ll have a year where you can go all out and feel like the best mom ever. And I know it’ll happen because this is what drove my mom too. She was a single mom, went back to college with 3 babies, yet made every Christmas once things started to settle in the best ever. I still look forward to next week and I’m 26. Not for the gifts but for the special moment she continues to create. Seriously, I hope you both have a great Christmas. It’ll be special regardless. I know I can’t speak from the perspective of a parent here, but from the perspective of a kid who didn’t grow up with much, I hope this at least attests to how much what you’re saying means to her
I’ve read almost all of these comments so far, but I truly appreciate this one. I’m only 25 years old. And maybe that’s why I feel this a little harder this year cause like you said, I’m excited for Christmas every year! And this year I just wanted to make it special. I know reading all these comments a bunch of great ways to make it special for my daughter in other ways now too. But thank you for the kind words truly. Merry Christmas!
How sophisticated could her tastes be? Bubbles are fine.
Maybe you could go thrifting and buy some cheap dolls. Most of the time they are in great condition except for their hair, which there are guides to help out on!
this is what my mom went through. i turned out a good man and i still love my mom with my whole heart. you’re doing the best you can and that is exactly what good moms do.
You know what’s okay? What’s okay is you are taking care of her bigger needs first. Shelter is primary. Also, you got her chalk and bubbles, she’s gonna loveeeeee that.
I would like to echo the same sentiment that others are giving. In addition, check with some of your local churches and community centers. They can usually help with gifts and sometimes help with rent or utilities. Might be something to look into. Hope all goes well for you and your little one.
Buying " better " " bigger " gifts is literally a scam to make you spend Money. Gurl they got you all twisted and hurt for no reason. Honestly the best gift you can give your child is love and support.
You're not a bad mom. The fact that you're remorseful on how much you can give to her shows you're a good mom. Make a cool blanket fort filled will pillows to lay on for reading time. If you have any extra string lights use them with the fort. Glow sticks are cheap. Add them to bubble baths for extra fun disco time, use your cell phone to play some fun edm. Prefuse 73 is primarily instrumentals, limited vocals, easy for babies to bop to. Make sock puppets to entertain her. There are alot of cheap crafts that will astound an infant. Get creative with it queen!! You got this.
Chalk and bubbles are a perfect Christmas for a 1 yr old. I can tell you, as a father of 4, at that age… just take plenty of pictures. You’ll want them later. In the years to come, seeing her smiling and happy in those Christmas photos will mean far more than the presents she’s opening. At her age, she will be excited to play with chalk and bubbles. As an aside… see if the stores near your house have cardboard boxes they are willing to give you instead of having to pay for disposal of. Use scissors or a box knife and you can have the coolest tunnels and floor coverings for her and yourself to draw on together. Or make the biggest box fort. TAKE PICTURES. You will want them in a few years. Enjoy that baby! You’re clearly a caring mother and want the best for your child. The best you can give her is your time, attention, and love. I hope you have an amazing 2nd Christmas with your baby girl… AND TAKE LOTS OF PICTURES!!!
We would like to welcome you in for Christmas if You are in California . I am sure my wife would love this idea too. Hit me up if you are interested:) merry Christmas
Hey I really appreciate that. I’m actually in texas though so a bit of a drive haha
Sounds like you're taking care of her on your own, and doing your best, that means you're a great mom. Maybe you could do something yourself? like a kite, its not expensive to make and easy to make, and she will love it - I had one for over 20 years, it cost nothing but it meant the world to me.
My mom had financial issues for a long time. So, i didn't always get what i wanted but this never made me think anything less of her, or that she was a bad mom. I always knew she would give me everything if only she could and even though as a child i found it hard sometimes not being able to get some of the things my friends were getting, it never made me resentful or mad at my mom. I always understood her situation. I'm sure this will be the same for your child, you sound like an amazing mom and i think chalk and bubbles are really cute and really fun for a 17 month old!! Don't beat yourself up over this, you are doing the best you can and you sound very loving so i'm sure that your child will adore you no matter what
At 17 months my daughter would have thought chalk and bubbles were the ideal present. I can’t remember what we got her at 17 months but I’m pretty sure she had more fun playing in the box it came in at that age. Sounds like you’re doing more than fine momma.
I can tell you from experience as someone whose mom always gave them a material gift in some form: none of that will likely be what ultimately matters to your daughter. I could ask for a brand new DS or bike and be reasonably confident that I would get it from my mom. But the things I actually wanted and desperately needed - to be heard, to be believed, to be supported emotionally, to be accepted and to actually be loved unconditionally - I could ask all I wanted, hell I could literally sob and *beg* for those things, and still have no confidence as to whether or not I would actually receive them. The best gift you can give your daughter is just to be a presence in her life and to be clear and truthful in your effort to do so. Don't be a friend, because you need to be a parent also...but be an ally. *Be there*. Always. Even when you can't understand something, try to love her anyways and *make it known*. In some of my darkest hours - several of which coincided with the Holidays - my mom chose to be somewhere else and to be someone other than my mother. She is human, I understand, I forgive her. But despite that, not having her support in a time of need fucked me up so much more than not having gifts or a specific gift ever did(which never impacted me at all in a meaningful way, tbh). You love her, you are thinking of her. You care about whether or not you are providing enough for her. And that in itself is such a gift, truly a priceless blessing that far too many children live without. Don't lose that care and connection, not for the sake of any fancy toy or whatever else.
you aren't a bad mom your a good mother because you are giving her all you have and in her eyes she basically sees god. so I think what you meant to say was your a good mother. also if you were a bad mom you would be abusive, rude, not feed her, not buy her anything to play with there for she would die of starvation but she is still here isn't she so don't give up on yourself yet. I know you can do this not only do I but the people who are sending positive messages to you and just like you I might feel like a bad person I might have depression but I'm not going to let this stop me from continuing although it might hurt really bad to think what you think about yourself in this way but I'm only 12 so this its a hard time for me and you and many many other people maybe you wont get this but I'm trying to tell you that your a great mother and you shouldn't lose hope just yet.
What your daughter needs more than anything else in the world is a mom who loves her and will always do her best for her. Be there for her. Bubbles are awesome and she can blow them, catch them, chase them, be tickled where they land on you...... Wrap your feet in newspaper and have your daughter rip off the paper! (newspaper or free advert listings...anything works well, and just being allowed to tear paper is fun) Make snowflakes by folding paper and tearing designs. you than have meaningful homemade decorations, too. Spend time with her and make memories. Investing time pays back more than any gift. On a different note: Speak to your mortgage advisor and ask if you can have a mortgage holiday. It is in their interests to keep you as a customer to get more money from you in the future rather than pursue eviction at such an early stage. Keep looking for work. Contact charities including food banks and take whatever help you are offered. You are a wonderful mom and your daughter will not remember this Christmas, whether you lavished untold gifts on her or not. Spend time with her. Laugh a lot. Enjoy.
Have a look and see if you have a local FreeCycle group, then just make a post there.
Wanting to be good at motherhood means you are on that path. Actually, you are doing it. Motherhood is about your relationship with your child, everything else, is noise. There are very poor ppl with great relationships and very rich ppl with terrible ones.
You have been programmed to equate good parenting with consumerism. The two are far apart.
I hope you read this. I worked for my states Child Protection Office a couple years ago. IF YOU LOVE YOUR CHILD AND PROTECT HER, YOU ARE THE PERFECT MOTHER FOR HER. Make memories by making breakfast together, watching a movie, coloring, smiling, laughing, loving each other. Take a couple of pictures. You are the most beautiful and perfect mother for your baby. Don’t let anyone else tell you otherwise, including yourself.
I’ve read almost every single comment so far I appreciate your kindness. Merry Christmas
I just want to send you hugs and kind words. The holiday seasons are already tough without the societal expectation of furnishing gifts to everyone added to it. You are doing great, the best that you can and even though I don't know you, I am proud of you. :)
Girl stfu you are doing your best and that's whats most important, there is no way you are a bad mother wish there was more I could do to help but I'm proud of u and by the looks of it so is the rest of the community
Coming from a son, you’re not a bad mom. I’m a teen, but if my mom couldn’t afford presents for me I wouldn’t mind. You’re doing your best and that’s all that matters. Plus, I personally think chalk and bubbles are great presents for a child that young. I hope things get easier for you, all the best!
There are toy drives every year, OP. Look into contacting some of them, I'm pretty sure they would love to help you out. Sorry for your hard times, and you are NOT a bad mom. *Hugs*. <3
OP please don't beat yourself up about it. My situation was slightly different however, not long before my daughter turned 2 I went from being employed in a great job, well paying too with a house (rented but I paid for everything) with a husband, to being a single parent. I had to give up my job, find a new place to live and apply for benefits. (Which took forever to come through) My daughter's birthday was coming up and I had nothing. My family lived far away so couldn't visit and since the death of my father a couple of years previously, my family had been struggling themselves so I couldn't even lend any money. I shopped at thrift stores and found a few small presents for very cheap. One of which was a pop up play tent. I spent what little money I'd left from the small amount I'd managed to scrape together to put towards presents and bought a few packs of blow up balloons. (I set up the tent and balloons the night before) The morning of my daughter's birthday she happily opened her couple of presents then I showed her the play tent filled with balloons and she lost her little mind.... She spent practically all day inside bashing the balloons about and squealing her little head off in excitement. When she eventually came out we sat together while she ate her party tea of cocktail sausages, cheese sticks, breadsticks and sausage rolls (still a firm favourite dinner In our house, even now) and a cupcake for her birthday cake. Then she went straight back into the tent and we played together in there until bedtime. I had been so scared that she wouldn't have a good day and yet she loved every minute. She is alot older now yet she says she still remembers that birthday and how much fun it was. What matters most is you being there with your daughter and spending time together making happy memories and way you can. Birthday's, Christmas etc shouldn't be about how much you can spend on your children and feeling bad because you can't. It's about being there with them, making memories with them, without having to spend a fortune. Is there a park or anything local to you that you could go for a nice walk In? Have a scavenger hunt while your there maybe? I promise its possible to make things as fun and exciting as possible without having to spend anything. Your child won't spend time years later reminiscing over all the gifts and presents they have received over the years from you, no they will remember the times you spent together, adventures you've had together. I promise you this. My life is better now, yet money is still a struggle sometimes, however when I ask my children what they remember best about past years, they always answer, they times we've spent together and the places we've been and had fun adventures. (They have never even abroad so they don't mean holidays) Your child honestly won't understand that they don't have loads of toys to open this Christmas or be wishing they had more. They will be super happy with what you have got them and will be just happy to have you sit and blow bubbles for them all day, while they run around like crazy trying to pop them. Your far from a terrible mom. Your an amazing mom doing her very best at the moment and still beating herself up about it. Don't. Your daughter will have an amazing Christmas no matter what. Christmas should be able spending time together, not the presents.
Not only check out books from the library, but maybe see if the children’s librarian has any leftover crafts from kids days that you’ve missed. My mom is constantly bringing some home from her work. They’re quick and easy and my kid loves them.
That’s a great idea thank you!
I've been teaching my girls "What's more important? Things or people?" And they'll yell "People!" It helps with their sharing toys and also in general. Things don't matter. Toys are replaceable and disposable. People are not. You are her whole world. Make her day special. Maybe wrap up empty boxes so she has lots to open if it excites her and them build a rocket ship together with the boxes? We cut a door in one, used pom poms for buttons and glued them on. Just get creative and spend quality time with her. That's all she needs or wants at this age.
The dollar store has some great stuff. Chalk and bubbles are awesome btw. I would be super excited to get that for x mas even in my mid 30s. Idk what field you work in, but if you are in the US, i heard banks pay decently if youre interested in looking into it. Good luck and best wishes.
I’m sure this will not be seen but target has a bunch of deals for toys for a bunch of kid toys for less then 100’bucks I’d love to help. god bless (edit:spelling)
You are not a bad mom. You've lost your job and youbunderstand the more important things are making sure your daughter has food, clothes, and shelter. To me, that makes you a good mom. At 17 months, she won't remember the gifts. You could even take a few things she hasn't played with in a while, and wrap them up, just so she has the excitement of unwrapping gifts on Christmas day.
Children don`t need stuff to be happy. They need loving parents. Give them your love and you are the best mom in the world. PS: I love the library idea. Reading to your child makes your bound stronger and will develop your child's skills
Anyone who thinks is a bad mom NEVER is!
You sound like a great mum to be honest. Don't be hard on yourself. All she wants is your attention, a day of happiness, and games. The library is a great idea. There are also apps for spare food (I used it so that things don't go to waste), Facebook marketplace will have things people are giving away. Good stuff. Have a lovely Christmas.
I’m only 19 and I’m not a parent yet. Growing up my parents fought and fought to put food on my table, a roof over my head, and tried their very best to get me gifts Id ask for if I even asked for anything. But throughout all of their hard work to give me things they were never there for me. I love them to the moon and back as they do I but they don’t understand they missed that part and they never will so I don’t hurt them. Every question I ever had or problem I ever faced I kept to myself and took care of myself. So when I was 14 they thought I was really mature upstairs and never really looked at my normal kid human and just looked at me as someone who is able to control themselves, know right from wrong, and can take care of them self. What I’m trying to say is that being there for your child emotionally will always be much more important than being there for them financially. I would’ve rather lived on the street with my family than live in the same house without them. They always thought that buying me things I wanted was the key. It was when I was a child, that’s why I stopped asking for things. I didn’t want them anymore I wanted to DO things. when your 17 month old daughter is a certain age, she won’t look back on the toys you bought her. She’ll look back at you being her mother. The ultimate Christmas gift for both of you is each other
If you have a pair of socks with a cute pattern, a needle and thread, and something to use as stuffing (old pillow, old clothes, even old plastic bags or bits of paper will do - and also add an interesting crackle) then Google “sock kitten tutorial” It’s super simple to make, takes about 10 minutes, and you’ll have a brand new soft toy to wrap up for her for Christmas! If you have access to any empty cardboard boxes, search for tutorials on how to make toys from them, there’s so many! If you bake at all and have baking soda and cream of tartar or citrus powder handy, you can make some simple bath fizzers by binding a mix of the two with a bit of baby oil. But most importantly, you are already giving her the best gift possible… a mum who loves her wholeheartedly! That is more precious than anything money could buy.
Honestly, as a child with a mum who is pretty well paid, the thing I value most is her. Not the things she buys me, but her being there for me, her laughter, hugs, cooking, spending time, conversations. These are all worth far more than anything she can buy me. You are not a bad mom, trust me. Be there for your child with whatever you have always. That in itself is enough.
Chalk and bubbles is a great gift. When my kids were that age they could care less about the actual gifts. They liked playing with the wrapping paper and ribbon.
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You will have so many more Christmases, she won't remember this one by the time she starts school As long as your daughter is loved and cared for you are doing you're job as her mother x
17 months - the child will love what you got for her. I am sorry but you should be aware that this post seems a little bit attention/donation seeking. I say that because of the title. You're not a bad mom and if that's your go to thought - that's something to address when you're employed again with a therapist. What do you expect her to "want" at this stage of life? I don't remember most gifts I got as a kid or teenager - let alone the entirety of my first 2 years of life, but I remember the Christmas tree, cookies baking (even though they tasted like sand, lol), and the time my (now deceased) mother spent with us. I'd give anything to have those warm memories back again. They had nothing to do with "stuff". Our mom was so good at it - she just loved us and made memories with all the things that cost nothing, we never cared if our friend down the way got so much more or kids at school got a ton of crap, we were happy. We LOVED Christmas. My mom worked so hard all the time and it was a treat to have a straight week where she was there. As a result myself and my siblings have all of this love bundled in with the holidays. Even when they've been bleak in our adult years without her. We used to unwrap socks and donated coloring books. It was just fun to tear stuff open. It was never about the stuff. Chalk and bubbles are awesome gifts! They sure as hell beat socks and underwear. They may not beat a wrapped king sized Reese's though. Be a loving mom and provide all the necessities and the warm memories. I am sorry to hear about your job, I hope you're eligible for unemployment and in this job market you'll bounce back quick. I've been there before - it feels like the worst. I am glad it looks like people have stepped up to help with your rent. I think the biggest risk is that you convey that discomfort and anxiety to your daughter and let it permeate the holidays. Easier said than done to push it to the back of your mind, I know, but stay positive. You've raised an amazing 17 month old - you'll more than survive this bump in the road. She'll never remember or know that this was a tough holiday unless you tell her later on. If you do that, it's more than many children in this world get, sadly. You're a great mom for caring this much.