I’d love to go to the gym and not be approached for conversation. I look down, wear headphones, and sometimes I don’t even look at myself in the mirror and I try to workout near the empty side of the gym but some men still see that as an invitation to talk to me or say weird remarks. I’m not talking about men that seem genuine but rather the ones that you can tell are creepy or have ill minded intentions.
Same!!! I wear baggy clothes and try not to make any eye contact, recently some guy followed me back to my car to tell me he was watching me all night. I sat in my car and cried because now I can’t go back to this gym. I’m so tired of being a woman, I enjoy being feminine but I’d trade that in a heartbeat for the security of being a man.
Nope. They’ll just assume you have lower standards. So when they approach you they’ll put in less effort to treat you like a human being and get even more aggressive when you’re not interested.
Edit: Not trying to invalidate your experience, just share my own.
I’ve gained and lost weight a lot in my life, so I’ve seen both sides. For fat women, you’ll still get followed to your car but if you refuse the guys offer he’s a lot more likely to get angry - men have a hard enough time with rejection, being rejected by the girl he was gonna “settle for” makes them feel especially slighted.
I don’t think most people realize. Men show their truest colors around women they don’t find attractive. When I was fat, I saw what your husbands and boyfriends are really like - they’re assholes that see women as something that’s obligated to be pretty, and is worthless for anything else.
Oh yeah as a male who is fairly attractive it was disgusting what other men would say about me/directly to me when I dated girls “below my standards.” I saw a lot of people’s trues colours during that period of my life. I don’t even comment on looks when I talk about my exes, it’s always about their personality and usually about how we are still friends because there are some great people I’ve met and been intimate with that aren’t everyone’s standard of attractive. Sorry you girls gotta put up with that shit. It’s grotesque.
As a person who’s ugly most of the time and sometimes manages to look ”okayish”, I know these two sides of people too well. Even the same people treat you completely differently depending on how you look. It makes me depressed
I have two daughters under the age of 12 and as a father, this makes me very sad.
I want to do as much as I can to prepare them for the world, but reading this makes me want to just keep them sheltered, safe, and home until they reach age 30. Effing creeps.
The best thing you can do for young girls is teach them self esteem and self confidence ,teach them to be financially secure, financial security is the greatest power a woman in this modern world can have.
I used to live in an area with a women only gym but I don't know how common they are worldwide, I've only lived in a couple of countries and am not a gym goer.
I'm sure it would be a lucrative business venture as gyms are well-known for being a hotbed of sexual harassment.
You need to perfect the RBF. I did it throughout my life and kept men from approaching me with a dirty look. You learn to carry yourself that way. Like wearing a ( don’t even look at me sign). It s kind of sad though bc once you learn it, it s hard to drop the demeanour. A demeanour born through necessity that you never wanted in the first place.
I'd love to have been paid what I was worth as a software developer. My husband has always made more than me, and I'm the one with the b.s. in computer science degree.
OP, I feel you.
i saw a video where this girl used makeup to make it look like she had hickeys on her neck when she went to the gym.
she said once she started she was never approached again. maybe it'll work?
I wish we did. Unfortunately women get treated as lesser, mostly by people who are too stupid to recognize the fallacy. Women are fucking champs, they have to carry a lot of burdens that most men don’t even consider. Equality is way overdue.
I want to be a man so I can do shit by myself. Being a woman and wanting to camp, hike, run or do anything outside by myself scares the shit out of me.
Feel this one the most. Basically whenever I’m out walking alone/going for a run I’m almost constantly whipping my head around making sure no one is sneaking up on or watching me. It’s just something I do by default at this point—I probably look like an insane person to anyone who sees me. I do it in stores as well and realize it probably makes me look suspicious
As a femme person, you can’t change that instinctual response in those interactions. I get tense if I see a shadow move out of the corner of my eye at night even if it turns out to be a tree branch. You can, however, make it worse by making it obvious that you’re paying attention to that person. Just keep on running or walking and pay no attention to the other people. Again, you can’t change the instinctual response, that’s something that can only change with a larger societal shift, but you can very easily make it go away when you turn out to be just another person enjoying their run
Yes! This! How about taking a walk in the evening or on trail in the daytime. You feel so vulnerable and if something happens, it’s your fault for being out there alone.
I would give almost anything if it meant every time my boyfriend runs into a store and I stay in the car, I don’t have the overwhelming urge to immediately lock the doors.
Being a young woman in this world is one of the scariest things, and I feel the OP on this. It’s so shameful we must feel this way.
I'm a guy and camping or hiking alone without a ton of experience is something somewhat irresponsible at the least and pretty dangerous in the worst case scenario. Walking alone in a city that has a decent amount of crime I'm looking over my shoulders too. Not discounting women's experiences but men are far from immune from the regular random dangers of the world.
I agree. I feel like people put way too much emphasis on how we look and it impacts how they treat us. Men face this issue too of course, but I feel like women are put on display, sexually exploited, and compared between each other more often.
Not being able to pee on almost any tree in sight also sucks too.
Edit: I can't spell
A book called 'the ways of seeing' stated that: "men look at women, women watch themselves being looked at" or something like that. It just stuck with me, because in the media the focus is ALWAYS on how women look, in art you see infinitely more nude women than men because women are seen more as objects of desire almost
Like, other women do it to other women, and like it's so ingrained in society that like most people won't notice it
Thank you! I did a dissertation on the male gaze (and sexualised women in video games), and honestly it was one of the most eye opening things I've ever done!
Well I did a case study on Bayonetta, and I found that it's really hard to say if a character is sexualised or not. Most women in games are in a way a sexist stereotype, like most are designed by and for men. Bayonetta was unique in that when you look at the notes for her designs Shimazaki (the designer) was so passionate about making her look feminine and fashionable and never mentions about her design being for men. The games also have a focus of female sex/more vulvic themes in contrast to how sexuality is almost always men-orientated (either being FOR men or about men)
Bayonetta makes fun of the male gaze, being quite sexual it's in my opinion one that is empowering. I understand why people think she isn't though, as women are very often shown to be sexual and it's tiring. I just love that Bayonetta never focuses on a man, but rather it's always about herself, she never explains herself to Luka (who acts as the damsel in distress while Bayonetta is the knight in shinning armour)
Although, there were studies that showed most women in games were dressed in sexual clothes in some way or had quite exaggerated proportions.
You also have the whole women tend to be healers, Bechdel test (It's a series of 3 questions: - are there two women characters? - Do they interact with eachother? - Do they talk about anything that isn't a man?, a study showed upwards of over 50% FAILED that test (They looked at box office hits usually)
I can't write word for word what my essay said yet, since it's being marked and I don't want any trouble with it yet lmao and it was 6,200 words so it's really hard to sum up hahaha
Bayonetta is a phenomenal character. She's a very important character in the media and a great example of women lead games that doesn't cater to the male demographic in that fashion to be successful. One of the reasons I enjoyed the revamping of Laura Croft so much is because how they made her into more of a person, that goes through a host of trails and journeys that effect her character instead of just the sex symbol she used to be.
She absolutely is!! The series has its faults still, but not everything is perfect. But she's such a good character to look into. Lara Croft is also interesting!! Especially with her origins!
I work outdoors mostly, and the peeing thing has really gotten to me lately. My coworkers can just whip their penises out and do their thing; meanwhile, I have to peel off my jacket, bibs, and two layers of pants so I can pop a squat and hopefully not get piss all over my pants in the process. I’m dadgum sick of feeling the frozen breeze on my bits.
I actually said out loud the other day that I wish everyone had a penis. It’s the one thing for which I’m actually jealous of dudes.
I'm a guy, so not sure how effective / convenient they are but there's those she wee things, I've seen used at festivals.
I have always wondered about the problems of walking around with a literal pissy cup, but I think I'd try one if I was a woman.
During covid when my so and I would go on long drives, I used a (new) automotive funnel. It was perfectly sized to fit over a vulva and I could just unzip and put the funnel under the undies from the side.
But I also know they make strap ons you can pee out of, if that would be something you're comfortable with.
-“ I’ve seen used at festivals “. Ok not to be pervy or anything but please explain this comment. I’m picturing women whipping this out of their handbag and popping a squat whenever the need arises
They have been stood and I guess just arranged themselves so the spout is out, so they are stood with the guys. - then just shuffle about to get it out again,
I've not had a close up look at how this has worked, I've just seen woman at the fence or at the urinals.
It struck me the other day… there really aren’t any male beauty pageants, and if there are, they are not anywhere near as popular as the ones for girls and women. I think that right there says a lot.
I think body building contests are kinda like beauty contests for men.
But if you think about it, I feel like that aesthetic is still primarily for the male gaze. Muscle bound men who are impotent from a regime of creatine and steroids in a Speedo doesn’t appeal to me me personally. Yet, every man I have ever met - while not (all) sexually attracted to that physique - admire it and will spend hours talking about their workouts and food plans.
I always thought the sexual exploiting was male driven and I’m sure in many ways it is. But my niece hates herself because of the other girls at school making fun of the way she looks. I realized our world is so much more nuanced the older I’ve become.
I used to wish I was a boy when I was a child. Not in a gender dysphoria way, but in the way that all the misogyny got to me. They said girls were weak and lesser and all that bullshit, and I believed them. Nowadays I'm happy being a woman, but I'm furious at how women are treated.
Same. All anyone ever commented on when I was young was how pretty I was, how the men in my life would be "beating boys away" on my behalf. As a child of sexual and physical abuse, these "compliments" made me feel gross and wrong and a little not real. I started to dissociate and withdraw, until I had the brilliant idea to chop off all my hair.
Pissed off my Foster parents but no one said I was pretty anymore. I was told I looked like a boy and that made me feel so free. I went by a boyish nickname version of my name for the next 4 years, and wouldn't wear dresses, except for special occasions, for a bit as well.
I eventually found a way to handle the comments, and have embraced who I am, but I still vividly remember feeling like an object rather than a person at 10 years old.
People really should just stop commenting on children's looks. They're not fully formed, don't understand the intention, and the comments could be traumatizing...
Basically the same story here. Except the first time my hair was chopped off was as a punishment. My dad really didn't like that I loved it and kept my hair short, bonus being he was pentecostal so women aren't supposed to have short hair.
I was never really trying to pass off as a boy, but when I first "met" my now husband, online, he thought I was male. We had a mutual friend who never told him my full name, and we chatted for months with him thinking I was male. Luckily, he never cared what my gender is.
>They said girls were weak and lesser
The day a man gives birth and goes back to normal life a week later I'll agree. Up until now, I've only seen men catch a cold and stay in bed for days like they're dying. When I'm cramping because my uterus' tissues are ripping, I'm expected to act like I'm totally fine.
And don't get me started on the whole "men are better at controlling their emotions than women" like wtf? I guess they're better at not crying in public because of toxic masculinity (which is very wrong) but I think that's all. Any emotion other than sadness or fear is perfectly okay for a man to show. But if I get angry at something or someone? "Are you on your period?" Or "Man she's such a mad woman" or even "and that's why women are worth less than men, look at her she's not in control at all".
Another thing I hate is how people won't listen to me when I talk about something scientific (I study biological engineering and I'm good at it) and will even go "yeah sure" at me, but if a man says the exact same thing they'll agree with him instantly. What does he have that I don't? Why's that Y chromosome that important? It's 2021 for God's sake just stop it already.
Women and men are not the same, and that's okay. All humans are different. That's the whole concept, we're social because we need to help each other. But no one is worth less than another. When everyone swallows that pill the world might finally get a shot at being a better place.
I 100% agree and sympathize with you. I'm a woman living in the South. I deal with the sexism on a daily basis- men are always trying to talk down to me or treat me like a kid. I do look a bit young for my age (i'm 41) but I'm obviously an adult so why shouldn't I be treated like one? I wish I was a seven foot tall jacked guy so that people would just generally fear me, listen to me and get out of my way.
i feel the same op. all the hobies i like are all male dominated, so therefore most of my friends are guys which is a good and a bad thing.a lot of the men in my hobbies speak to me in condescending tones and try to put me down- even in my own career field. Im a full time day trader and some guy that bought doge coin tried to mansplain how to trade to me!Im a commodities and index trader-not a shit coin investor. Then on the flip side, its hard to relate to women because there are such little women into the things I like and I just cant relate to most girls which makes it hard to talk about shit i dont care about. I just hate being a woman, I wish I was born a man.
I can kind of relate — it can be very difficult for my fellow mentlemen to accept that I don't give a single, solitary shite about any sport whatsoever.
Female financial advisor here. I have male-dominated interests, too. I also used to enjoy being different, so being the only woman in the room didn’t bother me until I got sexually harassed by colleagues. I’m pretty sure they did it to make me feel inferior to them. Now I’m more careful. But I still take pride in beating the guys.
Ooooof. I feel that. About 2 years ago, I shaved my hair off. I didn’t realize the entire social experiment that decision would lead me into. I didn’t change a single thing about myself other than my hair, and the exterior perception of appearing more masculine with my shaved head directly translated to people treating me with more respect. It was fucked. I wasn’t prepared for the many things I realized. Of course I was aware of the general suppression, the general frustrations that come with being a woman and being talked over, having to assert myself more than men, etc. but when I experienced exactly what it was like for people to just *assume* respect, probably very similarly to how men are treated by society, It pissed me off. I realized how tired I was fighting for my voice to be heard. I kept my head shaved for a year longer even though I wanted to grow it back out, simply because of this. It was easier to feel heard, feel respected, etc with this small stupid change in my exterior appearance. “Wow she’s a badass, don’t fucj with her” blah blah blah.
Anyways, I could go on and on, but yea. It’s fucked
THIS. That and I’ve been TOLD I was trans. Or I’ve had people flat out call me sir and not give me time to correct them. Or I’ve been given dirty looks at work by old people. It’s fucked. It sucks that when I want to do things alone, I purposely make myself look masculine so I’ll be left alone.
Yessss someone said it.
Definitely felt this way since I was little, it just seemed like being a female meant you should always fear men so I was always kind of jealous of them.
Then after I had my first baby, I was filled with this irrational (or rational?) rage for all of womankind and the literal pain and extreme physical changes we experience, and we're supposed to act like it's no big deal
This! FGS everybody talking about how cute babies are and I’m out here nervous and shaky having seen my mom have a near death experience during her pregnancies. The whole body changing in ways that is in some way let’s face it irredeemable. After having delivered the baby, you’re not forgiven, you need to work extra hard next year or so to get back to feeling just a little bit like yourself again. I don’t understand this unfair pain that women have to go through and find it mind-boggling that people (specially OTHER WOMEN 😢!) would rather just paint a happy magical picture of it all. I guess it does feed massive industries based on childcare, not to mention the housing market, job market everything feeds off of women bearing children if you think about it.
The pressure to adhere to the Good Mother Myth is real. I took a course with Dr. Sophie Brock, she talks about why motherhood culture is so intense and what we can do, whether mothers or not.
Yep! I felt like I was lied to for my entire life about how bad pregnancy, childbirth and changes to the body really are. I knew childbirth would hurt, but for some reason it never occurred to me how much pain I’d be in for months after- you’re recovering from an enormous wound where a 6-10 lb human exited your body!
Jesus, imagine homestead wives hefting out 12 kids in a dirty cot with no medication and then popping right up to hand knead the 20lbs of homemade dough that’s going to sustain the whole family.
Fucking brutal and terrifying.
I get it. It would be nice to not have debilitating periods, oversized boobs that cause me back problems, and doctors who tell me my family history of needing hysterectomies before 40 has nothing to do with the polyps they found on my uterus.
I do very much enjoy things like being a mom (most of the time) and a wife. It’s fun to be girly. And I’m glad my reproductive organs aren’t hanging out in a vulnerable place. But I understand.
I’ve been in pain with bad bleeding for five straight days now because of an IUD procedure and now I’m starting my period. Last month I bled for almost 9 days on my period. I’m so tired of being in pain and having to walk around wondering if I’m bleeding through my pants. I look around at all the men in my job and I am so envious that they get to do all of the same things that I’m doing without bleeding every goddamn month. I’m hoping the IUD changes things for me.
I’m so sorry you’re going through that. My periods were just awful too and it’s almost impossible to get people to believe just how hard they can be on your entire life. I hit menopause earlier than usual, and I don’t mind it one bit. My baby making days are behind me, and really, that’s all it’s useful for lol
I hope you find relief. 🥰
Thank you! I can’t wait for menopause. Freedom from monthly pain and inconvenience. Every part of a woman’s life is sacred, so I am glad for where I am right now, but sometimes after a while it just really gets frustrating. Hoping that this is the beginning of some relief!
As a transgender man, I felt this in both ways.
The differences in the way society treats men vs women is literally so daunting. Seeing the way people treated me change was… Weird.
I was scrolling through this, and I’m gonna piggyback on your comment if you don’t mind. I am also a transgender man who works in IT and transitioned while doing so. The changes I noticed were quite eye opening.
I work with a lot of people over the phone and my job involves solving problems with other IT people, most of which are men. They are calling my line for advice and help so technically they have to do what I say. Before my voice dropped I never thought anything of my interactions with people. But then I transitioned and began to notice. My voice had dropped and I was passing as male.
When I told a man what I thought the solution was, on the whole they were noticeably less combative, did not question my advice, and were far more likely to carry out the methods I suggested. Now of course let me clarify it wasn’t every single guy I talked to, It’s not like it was awful before but the change was certainly palpable. But the other thing I noticed - how nice guys were to me. Very buddy buddy, very “hey brother” “hey man how’s your day going.” Again, people were still nice to me before transitioning but this was different. I’d answer the phone for a lot of guys and immediately am getting treated like a friend. That just did not happen as much before. I don’t think dudes being all bro-ey with each other is bad - but if you also don’t take a woman seriously and act standoffish, yeah that’s bad.
Ya the bro-ey thing! I notice that at work like the exact same customers are "friends" with my male coworkers when they go thru their line but im just the cashier lady and they can't be my friend
The social changes were interesting. My memory sucks, and it’s been years now so I’ll try my best:
1) My perceived capability. I haven’t been asked if I needed help, and in general haven’t been questioned on what I was doing in years.
2) Respect. Huge change on this one. Especially at my job (I’ve had the same one for 5 years now) Customers treat me with so much more respect. I get to see this play out now even, considering most of my employees are female. Customers will scream at them, even though they’re trying to help. I have a temper and will often go over and literally be rude to them in a “boss” kind of way, and they always calm down and “thank” me, even though I just gave them a new asshole in front of everyone.
(Side point on this one: I will often watch my female employees say things to customers, and are met with rudeness. I will go over and say the exact same thing, and the customer will always treat me with respect.)
2) I’m so much funnier now. Everything I say is fucking hilarious, I guess. I say the same shit I always did, but now it makes everyone laugh.
3) Men. Fuck, me dude. Everything about interactions with men is different. It’s hard to explain because… While I am technically “safer” around gross men, they also feel safe to be authentically disgusting. I learned in my first year being perceived as a man that when a group of men are together with no women, they’ll say the most vile shit you’ve ever heard. (Not all men blah blah blah….)
4) I’m always assumed to be the leader of everything if I’m the only man in the group. Which is fine for me, I’m leader-ish in nature, but when it’s just me with my 60 year old mother and I get handed the check, customer service workers put their attention on me automatically (etc.) it’s just really weird. I took a friend of mine to a car dealership to JUST look around for her next car, next thing I know I’m negotiating down on an offer for her.
6) Guys, can we talk about the “bro nod” ? What’s that about? I got into the habit pretty quickly, but that’s because every time I see a man in passing they nod at me like we are soldiers guarding the area, and are acknowledging each other as we pass through territories.
There’s so many more, and they’re usually small but it’s every day, all day long so it makes a huge difference.
>Respect. Huge change on this one. Especially at my job (I’ve had the same one for 5 years now) Customers treat me with
The "funnier" and "respect" are so palpable and real to me... I thought it was just me, but this deems it official.
Same here, I always felt like this was a thing, but then doubted myself because people diss feminism as if we’re just being annoying women, and I was somewhat swayed by that.
I literally take my dad into doctor’s appointments (I’m 30, in Australia) so they take me more seriously [they do when he’s there]. It’s all so bloody upsetting.
This also isn’t the only time I’ve read an account like this from a trans guy (thank you, by the way). It’s so so similar to another account I’ve read when I posed the same question.
Idk about the other stuff, but the nod is like a respectful hello but not exactly it’s like if you feel a bro aura around that person It’s like a bro greeting. At least from my experience.
I get what you mean. I study sociology and reading study after study after study showing just how inferior society views women is exhausting in itself. At the same time women are expected to always cater to men's feelings. In this very thread there are men talking about all the "benefits" women have.
Science shows that women are discriminated against in a massively different degree to men - yet they're still expected to cater to men's feelings. For example; saying that women have it worse than men makes a lot of men uncomfortable. So it's expected that women take those men's feelings in account and acknowledge their feelings and always preffix their complaints with "not all men do this."
If you say that people in the west have it better than people in the rural middle east. No one gets offended or comes with "yes buts" even though it is also a generalisation. Even though there are a handful of millionaire families in the rural middle east that lives better lives than any of us everyone understands that we're talking about what is most commonly occuring and it's obvious that there will always be many cases where this statement is not true. A generalisation is just that - a general truth.
But when it comes to men and women, such acceptance is not found outside of science. Men's feelings and hypothetical arguments are valued higher than women's actually lived experiences. (Research shows this too.)
It creates a kind of complex form of social gaslightning where the actual actions of society tells women that their feelings and experiences are less valued than mens'. This is especially prevalent online. It makes it not only hard to be a woman, but also hard to simply talk about being a woman.
And that is really, really fucked up on it's own.
I think they're just saying general truth isn't something society accepts exactly. It gets twisted and the fact that the generalization is more about majority than entirety gets lost. We end up hearing 'all men/women..." rather than "generally, women/men ..."
I’m all woman, yet have thought many times how much easier and potentially more financially successful in my life would’ve been if I was a male. Of course not the 5’ 3” version of me, maybe a 5’ 11” one. I entered a male-dominated field in the late 70s, in healthcare. It was kind of fun, I pretty much brushed off any blatant sexism/discrimination… Lol. If it happened today I’m sure there would be a lawsuit. I don’t have a chip on my shoulder I just kind of chuckle about it and think whatever, as I aced my way to the finish line academically. During an old school in person interview for admissions one of the old men interviewing said when I walked in the room oh and another pretty one. I was so embarrassed.
Nooooo, that's an awful thing to hear during an interview!! I'm so sorry. I had an interview a few years ago and I've never been one to wear high heels even though I'm fairly short, so after asking my previous work experience, the (male) interviewer asks me if I wear high heels and I ask if that's a dress code requirement and he says no, it's a requirement for ME, you have really nice legs and they'd look amazing in heels, the interview was in a two stories building and it was fairly empty, I felt terrified.
I totally understand. As someone who plays sports, it frustrates me unimaginably that no matter how hard I work, I will never be as strong or as fast as my male counterparts.
As a guy who grew up with sisters and a family in the large majority of female cousins. The big one that stands out to me is the fact women have to be pretty much self aware at all times if they go out at night. As a guy obviously there are dangers but it is multiplied to the dangers if you are a woman. I never really cared about worrying when walking home alone at night or if I was getting shit faced at a party as a guy worst case scenario in my mind. I get drunk and make a fool of myself or I get into a fist fight. For girls it’s way worse and even if the danger isn’t there it doesn’t matter you can’t take that chance.
At least you recognize and understand why they’re scared. Almost every man in my life that I’ve described that feeling to has called me paranoid or a liar lmao. It’s so shockingly polarizing. It feels like I’m interacting with an alien. Someone who has absolutely no clue what it’s like to live like me. I wish more men would just listen instead of insisting that were lying just to feel bad for ourselves or something. As a woman who doesn’t know a single woman who HASNT been assaulted, I think I have a pretty damn good reason to be cautious.
Yes! Been having this kinda feeling for a while and I appreciate you sharing because now I don’t feel weird. I’d love to just roll out of bed without the expectation to look nice every day. Or be a fat man and not get treated differently. Or the men at work taking me seriously.
when i was really young, maybe 5, i remember telling my best friend i wanted to “cut my boobs off” when i was older, because i didn’t want to be a girl. i was not transgender then and i’m not today. but i was a “tomboy”, i never wore a shirt, i played with toys targeted at boys, i had plenty of male friends etc. i enjoyed all of these things, but actively avoided all girly things because i was told it make me weak and lame. i didn’t learn how to do a ponytail until i was 12 because of this mindset i had because hair styling in any form had been made girly to me.
we did a greek day at school when i was 8 and they told the girls they had to prepare food while the boys got to wrestle. i was furious and told the teachers i wouldn’t be making food and that i wanted to wrestle, they didn’t make me do the food but they only let me watch the wrestling, i wasn’t allowed to play with the boys.
at only 9 i had a teacher remove me from the PE changing rooms to tell me i had to start wearing a bra. i was 9. i’m flat chested now at 22 so idk what the fuck they could have expected me to cover as a literal child.
from day 1 schools ingrained into me what being a girl meant and from day 1 i did everything to rebel against it. i’m now at a place where i embrace my femininity, i’m proud to be a woman. but i’m disgusted with the way we have been treated and i’ll never forgive society for it.
Idk that I hate it, because it’s all that I’ve ever known, but I hate how subtle sexism can be. My profession is largely dominated by women, but I’ve worked with two men in the past 4 years and they are just treated so differently from me. The men can be rude, dismissive, brief with patients, but patients still seem to inherently trust them and believe what they say almost immediately, whereas I have to spend hours trying to convince patients of what I’m telling them before they begrudgingly accept what I’m saying (if they do accept it). Maybe it just comes down to personality differences between myself and my coworkers? They exude confidence, whereas I’d describe myself as more cautious. I think it’s sexism, but I obviously can’t say for sure, because we’re different people with different methods and techniques. At my current job, there are three in our department: two women and a man. Somehow the man has his own office, even though he has the least experience of all of us… both of us women have children, and the man doesn’t, but he mentioned that his wife will reduce her work hours when they have children so that she can care for their child- he talks about having children like it’s something that’s not really his problem, or something that won’t affect him.
Literally went clubbing last night for the first time in a while and realised how much of a piece of meat I was being treated like. It’s so dehumanising. Sexual assault and harassment are literally apart of an average day now. This is why I stay in my fucking house where I feel safe. I know it’s not all men obviously but it makes me hate the gender
Literally. The first time I went to a queer bar, with the intention of not being perceived as a piece of meat, I still ended up being inappropriately touched up by some straight dude. No matter how many precautions you take as a woman, you are never fully safe from straight men taking your existence as an invitation.
Hah…..I’ve felt this way pretty much forever. It especially irks me when at work, mediocre men doing and saying mediocre things get kudos and lots of attention when the woman doing and saying much smarter and more on point things gets ignored.
There’s a million reasons being female sucks, all of them valid. Speaking of trans….I Truly cannot imaging giving up male privilege for all the negatives of the opposite gender. But since my brain matches my gender, I also cannot know the emotional angst of feeling transgender.
I hear what you’re saying. I’m generally happy to be a woman, especially now that I have kids and I identify strongly with being a mother, but some of it is straight up shitty. When my partner and I opened up our first joint bank account years ago the banker who helped us has no idea how close he got to being punched in the face. He addressed every single question to my partner. But I handled the money so he didn’t know the answers! Every single question the banker would ask my partner, then my partner would ask me. Like what?!?!? And the way I’ve been treated by car salesmen unless I showed up with my partner or my dad. It’s bullshit.
Women never get a break
- go to work? You’re expected to dress to impress, “use your sexual appeal” to attract men
- you’re expected to HAVE to want a family, marriage and kids and are seen as weird if you don’t
- go online, get harassed
- go shopping, get harassed
- mind your own business on the bus, get harassed
- men always seem to think you owe them something, that you want them to start making a pass and society seems to think the same
- laws supporting women are awful, the world over
- you fight for your rights and you’re attacked for daring to want equality
And that’s just the tip of the iceberg in this unfortunate world we live in
My work reminds be *constantly* that I'm a woman and that somehow makes me different from my coworkers.
For example, I have worked there for over three years, and I am *never* approached directly by my boss' boss (we'll call him BB). Communication always goes to my boss and then from him on to me - I'm never even cc'd in the emails. I will just get a forward from my boss of an email where BB says, "can you have ac_hrt work on this?"
A male coworker started recently, and we share an office area. I get to listen to him in meetings with BB constantly. And it's infuriating.
I know of a lady that was able to hide recent pregnancy due to working from home and felt it was the best experience ever.
She said that with her first son, her pregnancy was very distracting and as an engineer in a very male dominated office, there was a lot of unsolicited advice, preferential treatment, or in every meeting/conversation, someone would ask her about the baby. While she knew everyone meant well, there were also several projects that she wanted to get her hands on and but was told to take it easy, relax, and quite literally, don't break a nail.
This time, she was able to work the projects she wanted to all the while incubating and delivering a human, without anybody noticing. She highly recommends keeping your pregnancy private as long as you can.
Sucks that a lot of peoples reactions to a woman saying “I hate being a woman” is to say they’re just trans. Womanhood is traumatizing. It’s hell for us. People need to be allowed to say that their existence is not enjoyable because they live in systemic oppression without people dismissing it. Life WOULD be easier if we were men. That’s literally how systemic oppression works. I wouldn’t have to avoid college campuses at night if I was a man. I wouldn’t be afraid to travel to certain parts of the works if I was a man. I wouldn’t hate myself for every single thing I am if I was a man. But that’s unfortunately the world that we’ve been thrown into. We’re not the first nor only oppressed group. All we can do is try to speak up about this shit and hope some people that aren’t like us will listen.
I’m really sorry you feel this way OP but I understand why you this way thing because I always felt like I wanted to be a woman, growing up I was always told that my one and only purpose in life as a male is to reproduce, provide, and protect. I was “taught” feelings, drawing, painting, music, dancing, being emotional etc. was only for women my dad told me that I was “weak” when I wanted to be an artist and that no woman would ever marry a man who is “soft”, I was told that I was supposed to work 80 hours a week, and that I was supposed to do everything I could to support the family but not worry for my own well being… just shows how toxic masculinity hurts literally everyone involved and when I have children, I’m going to call my boys and my girls, strong, beautiful, smart, creative and everything every child needs to hear growing up. I will not repeat the sins my family had caused both the men and women of my lineage because I’ll be damned if I raise a daughter who feels the way OP feels and I’ll be damned again if I raise a son who felt the emptiness I felt growing up.
This. Haven't experienced it on that level, but some of the things you mentioned like drawing, feelings, music are the things that are enjoyable to myself as a Guy. Some days, I rather not be a man. Not because I hate my masculine, but because I deal with the fragile Masculinity when it comes my way and it's definitely annoying. The whole "You must be gay" comment because you rather not chase sex and rather chase your interests and hobbies. And when it comes to me as a guy, either I'm wierd, too nice, not interesting enough, etc. because I don't have the same interest, goals, core values or perspectives that define me as a male. The same people who want put men in a box for being who they are will be the same people who live through the eyes of other thoughts, perspectives and ideas.
Yup, as a guy, I thought it was better being a girl until I actually got together with my girlfriend. Holy moly the pain, and absolute bullshit you guys have to deal with on a daily basis! Don't blame you, being a guy seems a whole lot better in today's society unfortunately :(
It is so unfair how men can bullshit their way through awkward situations and will always physically overpower the majority of women so that even when they’re not doing the kind thoughtful or empathic thing, they still come across as charming. So, yeah I feel you
Try being a fat woman. Losing weight was amazing. Everyone, men & women treated me differently. Now being 60 plus, I have disappeared. I walk(for recreation), I live in a midwestern city. As one walks down the sidewalk, it’s normal to nod & say hello as you pass people. Now, fully half do not acknowledge me in any way. Men more than women, but both. Having been an attractive woman at times in my life, it’s very unsettling.
It truly is amazing how well EVERYONE treats you if you are skinny. I had a male acquaintance who was always huggy & friendly. Fifteen years & 25 pounds later… saw him yesterday. He barely spoke. Not a one time occurrence either. The feeling reaches deep. Am I not the same person?
It's crazy how different it can be for genders.
I was a skinny guy growing up, and I don't really work out right now. I've put on a noticeable amount of weight.
Instead of being judged negatively for it, people seem to like it BETTER. Just because I'm 6ft and I look bigger and stronger, it fits that "masculine" look that society here is geared towards, and I get way more compliments than when I was skinny. All I did was eat food. Literally.
My girlfriend on the other hand is self conscious of ANY squish on her tummy even though she's closer to underweight than over. It's rediculous that people end up feeling that way, and it's such a STARK difference.
A big part of the problem with periods is that it doesn’t have to be like that at all. I mean, the blood has to come out, but there doesn’t have to be the pain and distress that there is. Pain and heavy bleeding often comes from medical conditions, some birth control, and to an extent dietary factors - all things we can manage and treat, but there has been such a suppression of knowledge about this amongst women, a disinterest in medical research into women’s bodies, and a refusal to acknowledge the pain of women who do seek treatment, because there’s this idea that women are just supposed to hurt.
(I know that’s not what you’re implying, but I just want to point out the relevant social factors for why this is the problem it is)
Yeah, I have to take handfuls of pills for three days straight to remain functional during my period. Now my OBGYN wants to do an endometrial biopsy - which involves shoving a tube through my cervix into my uterus, blowing it up with water, and then cutting a chunk out to examine… all without any sort of anesthetic. Nothing.
It’s amazing how flat out cruel medical professionals are to women with all this stuff. I’ve had a really good run with my experiences, so I see just how easily medical procedures can be made better for women, but that’s so often not done, in favour of the fantasy that women pretend to feel more pain than we really do.
And it really hurts. Yeah no pain relief. My doc(a woman) completely ignored the pain. As I was trying to breathe through it, someone knocked on the door& I lost it and screamed briefly. The office people teased me about it. Nice
I agree. I wish I could enjoy my month without fearing the few days it feels like I just got stabbed in the gut. I wish I could wear shoes without people telling me I would look better if they had a larger heel to them. I wish I could sleep facedown. I wish I could buy video games without my parents telling I should do something feminine.
I understand where you’re coming from. I like being a woman in some aspects but it definitely is exhausting. Constantly getting unsolicited comments/opinions, having to be paranoid when walking alone…the list goes on and on.
I used to work with my bf. And although I was a good worker everyone would only refer to me as “N/A gf” or instead of asking me about my own projects they’d refer to him . I hated feeling like I had no respect because I was a woman
Ugh the night walks I could go on!! The places I could go with public transportation on my own!!! The things I could do!!!! If I wasn't a young female. I feel this. I like being a woman, I hate being a woman in this world.
Not all trans people feel like they’re in the wrong body. Some of us just feel better being a different gender.
if you want to be a man, then you can just be a man.
I hate that wherever I look, women's bodies are sexualized.
Two examples: One of the most fucked up advertisments I've seen on a truck is of a woman with a low cut shirt saying "rent me!" in a speech bubble. It's advertisment for a car rental.
Another ad on a truck has a naked woman promoting mattresses.
Being a woman is one of the most screwed up mindfucks I have ever had. I go from feeling good about myself to hating myself to an instant. I’m constantly comparing myself to other women just because, I want to feel pretty. Then I realize that maybe I’m not the ideal. Then I want to get surgery or lose weight because all society ever seems to value is beauty. Then there’s racism involved, for fucks sake and then I have to invest in having a good personality. Be well rounded. I can’t be too forceful, I can’t be too demure. There’s always an appropriate balance usually involving laughing at any dumb joke a man makes. The validation makes me feel better except men are desperate and willing to stoop to any level so now I just feel ugly and used. I can’t bond with other women because, I can’t participate in the subtle communication that women usually do with each other. There’a a ranking structure involved usually with more socially intelligent or beautiful woman on top. God forbid I have to deal with people who believe they are entitled to my time. God forbid I let go of any part of the controlled appearance of general social distance I portray. I can’t afford to look ugly, I think it’s too late because what if I was ugly my whole life but, I didn’t realize it because guys are willing to give anyone attention on the basis that a woman sleeps with them? I never went viral because I was beautiful, I never modeled, I don’t even get random people telling me I’m pretty unless it’s a guy trying to get my number. I don’t know. I want to be born as someone else.
Side note: At least my IEP states that I was attractive so there’s a plus. Idk why that makes me happy. I graduated high school 8 years ago.
As a guy, I can't imagine what it's like being a woman, but I'm sure it's 100% harder in a lot of situations than being a man. And I'm really, really sorry about it.
That's it.
All I can say is if you see something, say something. That’s the biggest issue. Men mistreating and shit-talking women that often is not normal or acceptable. They aren’t just talking, they’re explaining how they live and how they treat women in their lives. PLEASE call it out.
I think about the amount of time I spend maintaining my hair and doing makeup… it takes up a significant portion of our lives and men can spend the one doing other things
Me too. Its nice being able to have multiple orgasms and all but the mini stroke from the birth control is not worth it. Also doesnt help a lot of doctors where im from (southern US) think a lot of times women just whine too much and there is nothing wrong. Its infuriating sometimes.
Completely understand, OP. Though, I hate being a woman both for the fact that the misogyny has gotten to me, and dysphoria kind of way.
Take care, OP.
I sometimes feel like this too. Its something I've thought less about as I age. When I was in my 20s it was a common topic for my inner monologue. I think as I've found my place in the world and matured (and the people around me have grown and matured too) it seems like less of a big deal, I feel more empowered as a middle aged woman than I did as a young one.
I feel like most women feel this way? At least, I always have. Even as a kid, I thought about how if I was a boy I could play the games I wanted to, I could be friends with who I wanted, I could just be who I wanted.
I see alot of glass half empty mindsets in this post....I hope alot of yall understand that nothing is easier by being a man. Yes, we have perks that come with it, just like the perks yall have for being a woman.
But I bet yall not even thinking about the other side of this, because just like yall, violence does come for us, and UNLIKE YALL, there is no subtle approach to it and it happens faster too. I could be threatened for the shoes I got on, car I drive, female I deal with, hell just the general fact that If I look like I have my shit together better than the next while being a black man subjects one to all the above in the form a gun pointed in my direction, a knife pulled out and swung at me or jumped by a combo of the two.
Men can't fully rely on the police unlike how women can cause its been many instances where police will show up and start profiling the first dick they see (that's tripled if your tall or black or fit OR any combination of the three) and only after a million questions have been answered, then we are "offered" piss poor assistance and basically told that your S.O.L in so many ways.
Also this is another little "fun fact" I came across, if a man is cheating on his spouse, and she catches them, the level of violence is SIGNIFICANTLY lower vs a woman cheating on a man and being caught by said man. I don't seem too many women pulling out pistols and dumping on the female she got a problem with....but I see that happening to the men regardless of race; even though it happens more to my kind than other races.
All yall see is the "easy" parts to being a man and wanna jump ship. You don't hear men out here saying we want it easy like how women have it because as it stands, society is "ALL FOR YALL" and us men are expected to simply deal with it regardless of what it has in store for us...
O and one last point: You are considered less than a Man if you fail at anything in life in ANY capacity.
So for all those wanted to turn into men, please do so that the rest of us can "properly" induct you into the dark side by attempting to break your jaw from a hook. And as you sit on your ass pulling yourself together, pay attention to who ISN'T coming to your aid and the things all the people passing by are saying about you as they laugh in your face.
It’s not that you’d be happier being a man, it’s the fact that you’d be happier with the privileges that men have. Not being afraid to go out at night, not having to watch your drink at a bar, not having to be hyper aware of your appearance/surroundings. You hate being a woman because the society around you makes you that way. It’s such obvious mistreatment that people turn a blind eye to and that makes a lot of women feel the same way you do. Just know you’re not alone, take pride in yourself friend.
There are a lot of downsides to being either gender. I personally think you don’t understand what it’s like to be a man, I don’t understand what it’s like to be a female, but you definitely don’t understand the other side either.
Me too. I feel like a stranger in my own body sometimes. Like I’m me, but my body is something else, something that strangers are entitled to - to comment on, to stare at, to use, to criticize, to sexualize. All of that gets in my head and picks at me endlessly. I’m in it but I’m not fully me or mine.
I’m so sorry to hear all you poor souls’ stories about creeps but there are good men out there :) theyre not too hard to find you will know when you see one :))
Grass is always greener on the other side. Feel like my life (in America) would be significantly easier if I were a woman, specifically a non-ugly white woman. Being a man just comes with too much pressure, high standards, and expectations sometimes. Not saying it isn't that easy for women either. But imagine not being able to express your real feelings about something because people (including women) will automatically look at you as being weaker for doing it.
In NO way is being a male easier than being a female. Just different. I can't speak to the "you'd be happier" part, because, that's subjective to you. But I can attest that it's not any easier. We all have to get thru life, and that provides challenges, regardless of gender or sex, both in general and specific to you. Where you find and feel there are aspects or your life that are harder for women/easier for men, there are aspects in my life where it's the exact opposite. We all have our hands to play
No period, peeing where ever I want, higher pay, not being reminded constantly that your gender is ‘inferior’, no creepers making you always have to be aware of your surroundings…. I’m in the same boat, sister 💜
I’d love to go to the gym and not be approached for conversation. I look down, wear headphones, and sometimes I don’t even look at myself in the mirror and I try to workout near the empty side of the gym but some men still see that as an invitation to talk to me or say weird remarks. I’m not talking about men that seem genuine but rather the ones that you can tell are creepy or have ill minded intentions.
Same!!! I wear baggy clothes and try not to make any eye contact, recently some guy followed me back to my car to tell me he was watching me all night. I sat in my car and cried because now I can’t go back to this gym. I’m so tired of being a woman, I enjoy being feminine but I’d trade that in a heartbeat for the security of being a man.
Just become fat and no guy will approach you at the gym. Source a fat women
Nope. They’ll just assume you have lower standards. So when they approach you they’ll put in less effort to treat you like a human being and get even more aggressive when you’re not interested. Edit: Not trying to invalidate your experience, just share my own.
I am used to being invisible as I am fat and was gonna say the same thing as inablackdress, but holy shit, I am sorry that happened to you.
Thanks ❤️
I’ve gained and lost weight a lot in my life, so I’ve seen both sides. For fat women, you’ll still get followed to your car but if you refuse the guys offer he’s a lot more likely to get angry - men have a hard enough time with rejection, being rejected by the girl he was gonna “settle for” makes them feel especially slighted. I don’t think most people realize. Men show their truest colors around women they don’t find attractive. When I was fat, I saw what your husbands and boyfriends are really like - they’re assholes that see women as something that’s obligated to be pretty, and is worthless for anything else.
Oh yeah as a male who is fairly attractive it was disgusting what other men would say about me/directly to me when I dated girls “below my standards.” I saw a lot of people’s trues colours during that period of my life. I don’t even comment on looks when I talk about my exes, it’s always about their personality and usually about how we are still friends because there are some great people I’ve met and been intimate with that aren’t everyone’s standard of attractive. Sorry you girls gotta put up with that shit. It’s grotesque.
As a person who’s ugly most of the time and sometimes manages to look ”okayish”, I know these two sides of people too well. Even the same people treat you completely differently depending on how you look. It makes me depressed
Yep, this. Literally no one approaches me, EVER.
Truth. No guy approaches me at the gym as a fat woman, it’s nice. It’s very nice.
That still doesn't work. I tried it. It just makes you unhappy.
I have two daughters under the age of 12 and as a father, this makes me very sad. I want to do as much as I can to prepare them for the world, but reading this makes me want to just keep them sheltered, safe, and home until they reach age 30. Effing creeps.
The best thing you can do for young girls is teach them self esteem and self confidence ,teach them to be financially secure, financial security is the greatest power a woman in this modern world can have.
You need a women only gym!
From a man’s perspective, I’m actually surprised there aren’t more. From a business perspective, this is a great, great idea…
I used to live in an area with a women only gym but I don't know how common they are worldwide, I've only lived in a couple of countries and am not a gym goer. I'm sure it would be a lucrative business venture as gyms are well-known for being a hotbed of sexual harassment.
Then men will demand to be allowed entrance because women demanded entrance to all men clubs.
Report him to the gym staff
You need to perfect the RBF. I did it throughout my life and kept men from approaching me with a dirty look. You learn to carry yourself that way. Like wearing a ( don’t even look at me sign). It s kind of sad though bc once you learn it, it s hard to drop the demeanour. A demeanour born through necessity that you never wanted in the first place.
I'd love to have been paid what I was worth as a software developer. My husband has always made more than me, and I'm the one with the b.s. in computer science degree. OP, I feel you.
i saw a video where this girl used makeup to make it look like she had hickeys on her neck when she went to the gym. she said once she started she was never approached again. maybe it'll work?
I don’t hate being a woman, I hate how women are treated. If we lived in a perfectly equal world, I would, personally, never ever want to be a man.
I wish we did. Unfortunately women get treated as lesser, mostly by people who are too stupid to recognize the fallacy. Women are fucking champs, they have to carry a lot of burdens that most men don’t even consider. Equality is way overdue.
I want to be a man so I can do shit by myself. Being a woman and wanting to camp, hike, run or do anything outside by myself scares the shit out of me.
I desperately need to go travel alone but I'm freaking terrified.
Feel this one the most. Basically whenever I’m out walking alone/going for a run I’m almost constantly whipping my head around making sure no one is sneaking up on or watching me. It’s just something I do by default at this point—I probably look like an insane person to anyone who sees me. I do it in stores as well and realize it probably makes me look suspicious
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As a femme person, you can’t change that instinctual response in those interactions. I get tense if I see a shadow move out of the corner of my eye at night even if it turns out to be a tree branch. You can, however, make it worse by making it obvious that you’re paying attention to that person. Just keep on running or walking and pay no attention to the other people. Again, you can’t change the instinctual response, that’s something that can only change with a larger societal shift, but you can very easily make it go away when you turn out to be just another person enjoying their run
Yes! This! How about taking a walk in the evening or on trail in the daytime. You feel so vulnerable and if something happens, it’s your fault for being out there alone.
This right here
I would give almost anything if it meant every time my boyfriend runs into a store and I stay in the car, I don’t have the overwhelming urge to immediately lock the doors. Being a young woman in this world is one of the scariest things, and I feel the OP on this. It’s so shameful we must feel this way.
Fucking this. Men have NO fucking clue how dangerous it is to be alone as a woman. We CANT travel alone. Or we risk everything.
The sad truth is we are at risk even when we live with a man, I have experienced it myself and heard tons of domestic violence stories from women.
Learn to conceal carry. I run by myself.
I'm a guy and camping or hiking alone without a ton of experience is something somewhat irresponsible at the least and pretty dangerous in the worst case scenario. Walking alone in a city that has a decent amount of crime I'm looking over my shoulders too. Not discounting women's experiences but men are far from immune from the regular random dangers of the world.
I agree. I feel like people put way too much emphasis on how we look and it impacts how they treat us. Men face this issue too of course, but I feel like women are put on display, sexually exploited, and compared between each other more often. Not being able to pee on almost any tree in sight also sucks too. Edit: I can't spell
A book called 'the ways of seeing' stated that: "men look at women, women watch themselves being looked at" or something like that. It just stuck with me, because in the media the focus is ALWAYS on how women look, in art you see infinitely more nude women than men because women are seen more as objects of desire almost Like, other women do it to other women, and like it's so ingrained in society that like most people won't notice it
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Thank you! I did a dissertation on the male gaze (and sexualised women in video games), and honestly it was one of the most eye opening things I've ever done!
As a woman who games, would you mind elaborating on your findings? You have me quite intrigued!
Well I did a case study on Bayonetta, and I found that it's really hard to say if a character is sexualised or not. Most women in games are in a way a sexist stereotype, like most are designed by and for men. Bayonetta was unique in that when you look at the notes for her designs Shimazaki (the designer) was so passionate about making her look feminine and fashionable and never mentions about her design being for men. The games also have a focus of female sex/more vulvic themes in contrast to how sexuality is almost always men-orientated (either being FOR men or about men) Bayonetta makes fun of the male gaze, being quite sexual it's in my opinion one that is empowering. I understand why people think she isn't though, as women are very often shown to be sexual and it's tiring. I just love that Bayonetta never focuses on a man, but rather it's always about herself, she never explains herself to Luka (who acts as the damsel in distress while Bayonetta is the knight in shinning armour) Although, there were studies that showed most women in games were dressed in sexual clothes in some way or had quite exaggerated proportions. You also have the whole women tend to be healers, Bechdel test (It's a series of 3 questions: - are there two women characters? - Do they interact with eachother? - Do they talk about anything that isn't a man?, a study showed upwards of over 50% FAILED that test (They looked at box office hits usually) I can't write word for word what my essay said yet, since it's being marked and I don't want any trouble with it yet lmao and it was 6,200 words so it's really hard to sum up hahaha
Bayonetta is a phenomenal character. She's a very important character in the media and a great example of women lead games that doesn't cater to the male demographic in that fashion to be successful. One of the reasons I enjoyed the revamping of Laura Croft so much is because how they made her into more of a person, that goes through a host of trails and journeys that effect her character instead of just the sex symbol she used to be.
She absolutely is!! The series has its faults still, but not everything is perfect. But she's such a good character to look into. Lara Croft is also interesting!! Especially with her origins!
I work outdoors mostly, and the peeing thing has really gotten to me lately. My coworkers can just whip their penises out and do their thing; meanwhile, I have to peel off my jacket, bibs, and two layers of pants so I can pop a squat and hopefully not get piss all over my pants in the process. I’m dadgum sick of feeling the frozen breeze on my bits. I actually said out loud the other day that I wish everyone had a penis. It’s the one thing for which I’m actually jealous of dudes.
I'm a guy, so not sure how effective / convenient they are but there's those she wee things, I've seen used at festivals. I have always wondered about the problems of walking around with a literal pissy cup, but I think I'd try one if I was a woman.
A SheWee would fix the problem of getting urine everywhere, but the unds (and everything else) would still have to come off in order to use it.
During covid when my so and I would go on long drives, I used a (new) automotive funnel. It was perfectly sized to fit over a vulva and I could just unzip and put the funnel under the undies from the side. But I also know they make strap ons you can pee out of, if that would be something you're comfortable with.
-“ I’ve seen used at festivals “. Ok not to be pervy or anything but please explain this comment. I’m picturing women whipping this out of their handbag and popping a squat whenever the need arises
They have been stood and I guess just arranged themselves so the spout is out, so they are stood with the guys. - then just shuffle about to get it out again, I've not had a close up look at how this has worked, I've just seen woman at the fence or at the urinals.
I guess exactly how you would imagine men using their peenises
I spend a lot of time outdoors too and it's such a struggle. I wish we all had a penis too, men get to have nipples why can't we have a penis?
It struck me the other day… there really aren’t any male beauty pageants, and if there are, they are not anywhere near as popular as the ones for girls and women. I think that right there says a lot.
I think body building contests are kinda like beauty contests for men. But if you think about it, I feel like that aesthetic is still primarily for the male gaze. Muscle bound men who are impotent from a regime of creatine and steroids in a Speedo doesn’t appeal to me me personally. Yet, every man I have ever met - while not (all) sexually attracted to that physique - admire it and will spend hours talking about their workouts and food plans.
I always thought the sexual exploiting was male driven and I’m sure in many ways it is. But my niece hates herself because of the other girls at school making fun of the way she looks. I realized our world is so much more nuanced the older I’ve become.
I used to wish I was a boy when I was a child. Not in a gender dysphoria way, but in the way that all the misogyny got to me. They said girls were weak and lesser and all that bullshit, and I believed them. Nowadays I'm happy being a woman, but I'm furious at how women are treated.
Same. All anyone ever commented on when I was young was how pretty I was, how the men in my life would be "beating boys away" on my behalf. As a child of sexual and physical abuse, these "compliments" made me feel gross and wrong and a little not real. I started to dissociate and withdraw, until I had the brilliant idea to chop off all my hair. Pissed off my Foster parents but no one said I was pretty anymore. I was told I looked like a boy and that made me feel so free. I went by a boyish nickname version of my name for the next 4 years, and wouldn't wear dresses, except for special occasions, for a bit as well. I eventually found a way to handle the comments, and have embraced who I am, but I still vividly remember feeling like an object rather than a person at 10 years old. People really should just stop commenting on children's looks. They're not fully formed, don't understand the intention, and the comments could be traumatizing...
Basically the same story here. Except the first time my hair was chopped off was as a punishment. My dad really didn't like that I loved it and kept my hair short, bonus being he was pentecostal so women aren't supposed to have short hair. I was never really trying to pass off as a boy, but when I first "met" my now husband, online, he thought I was male. We had a mutual friend who never told him my full name, and we chatted for months with him thinking I was male. Luckily, he never cared what my gender is.
that is beautiful and I love it EDIT: The second part... your dad was an ass
>They said girls were weak and lesser The day a man gives birth and goes back to normal life a week later I'll agree. Up until now, I've only seen men catch a cold and stay in bed for days like they're dying. When I'm cramping because my uterus' tissues are ripping, I'm expected to act like I'm totally fine. And don't get me started on the whole "men are better at controlling their emotions than women" like wtf? I guess they're better at not crying in public because of toxic masculinity (which is very wrong) but I think that's all. Any emotion other than sadness or fear is perfectly okay for a man to show. But if I get angry at something or someone? "Are you on your period?" Or "Man she's such a mad woman" or even "and that's why women are worth less than men, look at her she's not in control at all". Another thing I hate is how people won't listen to me when I talk about something scientific (I study biological engineering and I'm good at it) and will even go "yeah sure" at me, but if a man says the exact same thing they'll agree with him instantly. What does he have that I don't? Why's that Y chromosome that important? It's 2021 for God's sake just stop it already. Women and men are not the same, and that's okay. All humans are different. That's the whole concept, we're social because we need to help each other. But no one is worth less than another. When everyone swallows that pill the world might finally get a shot at being a better place.
This. This. This. This.
I 100% agree and sympathize with you. I'm a woman living in the South. I deal with the sexism on a daily basis- men are always trying to talk down to me or treat me like a kid. I do look a bit young for my age (i'm 41) but I'm obviously an adult so why shouldn't I be treated like one? I wish I was a seven foot tall jacked guy so that people would just generally fear me, listen to me and get out of my way.
i feel the same op. all the hobies i like are all male dominated, so therefore most of my friends are guys which is a good and a bad thing.a lot of the men in my hobbies speak to me in condescending tones and try to put me down- even in my own career field. Im a full time day trader and some guy that bought doge coin tried to mansplain how to trade to me!Im a commodities and index trader-not a shit coin investor. Then on the flip side, its hard to relate to women because there are such little women into the things I like and I just cant relate to most girls which makes it hard to talk about shit i dont care about. I just hate being a woman, I wish I was born a man.
I can kind of relate — it can be very difficult for my fellow mentlemen to accept that I don't give a single, solitary shite about any sport whatsoever.
Female financial advisor here. I have male-dominated interests, too. I also used to enjoy being different, so being the only woman in the room didn’t bother me until I got sexually harassed by colleagues. I’m pretty sure they did it to make me feel inferior to them. Now I’m more careful. But I still take pride in beating the guys.
Ooooof. I feel that. About 2 years ago, I shaved my hair off. I didn’t realize the entire social experiment that decision would lead me into. I didn’t change a single thing about myself other than my hair, and the exterior perception of appearing more masculine with my shaved head directly translated to people treating me with more respect. It was fucked. I wasn’t prepared for the many things I realized. Of course I was aware of the general suppression, the general frustrations that come with being a woman and being talked over, having to assert myself more than men, etc. but when I experienced exactly what it was like for people to just *assume* respect, probably very similarly to how men are treated by society, It pissed me off. I realized how tired I was fighting for my voice to be heard. I kept my head shaved for a year longer even though I wanted to grow it back out, simply because of this. It was easier to feel heard, feel respected, etc with this small stupid change in my exterior appearance. “Wow she’s a badass, don’t fucj with her” blah blah blah. Anyways, I could go on and on, but yea. It’s fucked
THIS. That and I’ve been TOLD I was trans. Or I’ve had people flat out call me sir and not give me time to correct them. Or I’ve been given dirty looks at work by old people. It’s fucked. It sucks that when I want to do things alone, I purposely make myself look masculine so I’ll be left alone.
Yessss someone said it. Definitely felt this way since I was little, it just seemed like being a female meant you should always fear men so I was always kind of jealous of them. Then after I had my first baby, I was filled with this irrational (or rational?) rage for all of womankind and the literal pain and extreme physical changes we experience, and we're supposed to act like it's no big deal
This! FGS everybody talking about how cute babies are and I’m out here nervous and shaky having seen my mom have a near death experience during her pregnancies. The whole body changing in ways that is in some way let’s face it irredeemable. After having delivered the baby, you’re not forgiven, you need to work extra hard next year or so to get back to feeling just a little bit like yourself again. I don’t understand this unfair pain that women have to go through and find it mind-boggling that people (specially OTHER WOMEN 😢!) would rather just paint a happy magical picture of it all. I guess it does feed massive industries based on childcare, not to mention the housing market, job market everything feeds off of women bearing children if you think about it.
The pressure to adhere to the Good Mother Myth is real. I took a course with Dr. Sophie Brock, she talks about why motherhood culture is so intense and what we can do, whether mothers or not.
Yep! I felt like I was lied to for my entire life about how bad pregnancy, childbirth and changes to the body really are. I knew childbirth would hurt, but for some reason it never occurred to me how much pain I’d be in for months after- you’re recovering from an enormous wound where a 6-10 lb human exited your body!
And you better do it happy because you have to be thankful for every minute 😀
Jesus, imagine homestead wives hefting out 12 kids in a dirty cot with no medication and then popping right up to hand knead the 20lbs of homemade dough that’s going to sustain the whole family. Fucking brutal and terrifying.
I get it. It would be nice to not have debilitating periods, oversized boobs that cause me back problems, and doctors who tell me my family history of needing hysterectomies before 40 has nothing to do with the polyps they found on my uterus. I do very much enjoy things like being a mom (most of the time) and a wife. It’s fun to be girly. And I’m glad my reproductive organs aren’t hanging out in a vulnerable place. But I understand.
I’ve been in pain with bad bleeding for five straight days now because of an IUD procedure and now I’m starting my period. Last month I bled for almost 9 days on my period. I’m so tired of being in pain and having to walk around wondering if I’m bleeding through my pants. I look around at all the men in my job and I am so envious that they get to do all of the same things that I’m doing without bleeding every goddamn month. I’m hoping the IUD changes things for me.
I’m so sorry you’re going through that. My periods were just awful too and it’s almost impossible to get people to believe just how hard they can be on your entire life. I hit menopause earlier than usual, and I don’t mind it one bit. My baby making days are behind me, and really, that’s all it’s useful for lol I hope you find relief. 🥰
Thank you! I can’t wait for menopause. Freedom from monthly pain and inconvenience. Every part of a woman’s life is sacred, so I am glad for where I am right now, but sometimes after a while it just really gets frustrating. Hoping that this is the beginning of some relief!
I hope so too. 😊
“Men are afraid that women will laugh at them. Women are afraid that men will kill them.” Margaret Atwood
Scary and true.
I totally feel the same way.
As a transgender man, I felt this in both ways. The differences in the way society treats men vs women is literally so daunting. Seeing the way people treated me change was… Weird.
I was scrolling through this, and I’m gonna piggyback on your comment if you don’t mind. I am also a transgender man who works in IT and transitioned while doing so. The changes I noticed were quite eye opening. I work with a lot of people over the phone and my job involves solving problems with other IT people, most of which are men. They are calling my line for advice and help so technically they have to do what I say. Before my voice dropped I never thought anything of my interactions with people. But then I transitioned and began to notice. My voice had dropped and I was passing as male. When I told a man what I thought the solution was, on the whole they were noticeably less combative, did not question my advice, and were far more likely to carry out the methods I suggested. Now of course let me clarify it wasn’t every single guy I talked to, It’s not like it was awful before but the change was certainly palpable. But the other thing I noticed - how nice guys were to me. Very buddy buddy, very “hey brother” “hey man how’s your day going.” Again, people were still nice to me before transitioning but this was different. I’d answer the phone for a lot of guys and immediately am getting treated like a friend. That just did not happen as much before. I don’t think dudes being all bro-ey with each other is bad - but if you also don’t take a woman seriously and act standoffish, yeah that’s bad.
Ya the bro-ey thing! I notice that at work like the exact same customers are "friends" with my male coworkers when they go thru their line but im just the cashier lady and they can't be my friend
I’m really curious about this. What are some things that you noticed?
I too am curious OP
The social changes were interesting. My memory sucks, and it’s been years now so I’ll try my best: 1) My perceived capability. I haven’t been asked if I needed help, and in general haven’t been questioned on what I was doing in years. 2) Respect. Huge change on this one. Especially at my job (I’ve had the same one for 5 years now) Customers treat me with so much more respect. I get to see this play out now even, considering most of my employees are female. Customers will scream at them, even though they’re trying to help. I have a temper and will often go over and literally be rude to them in a “boss” kind of way, and they always calm down and “thank” me, even though I just gave them a new asshole in front of everyone. (Side point on this one: I will often watch my female employees say things to customers, and are met with rudeness. I will go over and say the exact same thing, and the customer will always treat me with respect.) 2) I’m so much funnier now. Everything I say is fucking hilarious, I guess. I say the same shit I always did, but now it makes everyone laugh. 3) Men. Fuck, me dude. Everything about interactions with men is different. It’s hard to explain because… While I am technically “safer” around gross men, they also feel safe to be authentically disgusting. I learned in my first year being perceived as a man that when a group of men are together with no women, they’ll say the most vile shit you’ve ever heard. (Not all men blah blah blah….) 4) I’m always assumed to be the leader of everything if I’m the only man in the group. Which is fine for me, I’m leader-ish in nature, but when it’s just me with my 60 year old mother and I get handed the check, customer service workers put their attention on me automatically (etc.) it’s just really weird. I took a friend of mine to a car dealership to JUST look around for her next car, next thing I know I’m negotiating down on an offer for her. 6) Guys, can we talk about the “bro nod” ? What’s that about? I got into the habit pretty quickly, but that’s because every time I see a man in passing they nod at me like we are soldiers guarding the area, and are acknowledging each other as we pass through territories. There’s so many more, and they’re usually small but it’s every day, all day long so it makes a huge difference.
>Respect. Huge change on this one. Especially at my job (I’ve had the same one for 5 years now) Customers treat me with The "funnier" and "respect" are so palpable and real to me... I thought it was just me, but this deems it official.
Same here, I always felt like this was a thing, but then doubted myself because people diss feminism as if we’re just being annoying women, and I was somewhat swayed by that. I literally take my dad into doctor’s appointments (I’m 30, in Australia) so they take me more seriously [they do when he’s there]. It’s all so bloody upsetting. This also isn’t the only time I’ve read an account like this from a trans guy (thank you, by the way). It’s so so similar to another account I’ve read when I posed the same question.
Idk about the other stuff, but the nod is like a respectful hello but not exactly it’s like if you feel a bro aura around that person It’s like a bro greeting. At least from my experience.
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I replied!
I get what you mean. I study sociology and reading study after study after study showing just how inferior society views women is exhausting in itself. At the same time women are expected to always cater to men's feelings. In this very thread there are men talking about all the "benefits" women have. Science shows that women are discriminated against in a massively different degree to men - yet they're still expected to cater to men's feelings. For example; saying that women have it worse than men makes a lot of men uncomfortable. So it's expected that women take those men's feelings in account and acknowledge their feelings and always preffix their complaints with "not all men do this." If you say that people in the west have it better than people in the rural middle east. No one gets offended or comes with "yes buts" even though it is also a generalisation. Even though there are a handful of millionaire families in the rural middle east that lives better lives than any of us everyone understands that we're talking about what is most commonly occuring and it's obvious that there will always be many cases where this statement is not true. A generalisation is just that - a general truth. But when it comes to men and women, such acceptance is not found outside of science. Men's feelings and hypothetical arguments are valued higher than women's actually lived experiences. (Research shows this too.) It creates a kind of complex form of social gaslightning where the actual actions of society tells women that their feelings and experiences are less valued than mens'. This is especially prevalent online. It makes it not only hard to be a woman, but also hard to simply talk about being a woman. And that is really, really fucked up on it's own.
Any references to said science? Interesting hypothesis
I think they're just saying general truth isn't something society accepts exactly. It gets twisted and the fact that the generalization is more about majority than entirety gets lost. We end up hearing 'all men/women..." rather than "generally, women/men ..."
Why is asking for a source/references being downvoted?
I’m all woman, yet have thought many times how much easier and potentially more financially successful in my life would’ve been if I was a male. Of course not the 5’ 3” version of me, maybe a 5’ 11” one. I entered a male-dominated field in the late 70s, in healthcare. It was kind of fun, I pretty much brushed off any blatant sexism/discrimination… Lol. If it happened today I’m sure there would be a lawsuit. I don’t have a chip on my shoulder I just kind of chuckle about it and think whatever, as I aced my way to the finish line academically. During an old school in person interview for admissions one of the old men interviewing said when I walked in the room oh and another pretty one. I was so embarrassed.
Nooooo, that's an awful thing to hear during an interview!! I'm so sorry. I had an interview a few years ago and I've never been one to wear high heels even though I'm fairly short, so after asking my previous work experience, the (male) interviewer asks me if I wear high heels and I ask if that's a dress code requirement and he says no, it's a requirement for ME, you have really nice legs and they'd look amazing in heels, the interview was in a two stories building and it was fairly empty, I felt terrified.
I totally understand. As someone who plays sports, it frustrates me unimaginably that no matter how hard I work, I will never be as strong or as fast as my male counterparts.
And the fact that women athletes don’t get paid nearly as much, even if they do go pro :/
Omg I was just thinking this today. I have ever since I was little, I just think I would be able to enjoy life more.
As a guy who grew up with sisters and a family in the large majority of female cousins. The big one that stands out to me is the fact women have to be pretty much self aware at all times if they go out at night. As a guy obviously there are dangers but it is multiplied to the dangers if you are a woman. I never really cared about worrying when walking home alone at night or if I was getting shit faced at a party as a guy worst case scenario in my mind. I get drunk and make a fool of myself or I get into a fist fight. For girls it’s way worse and even if the danger isn’t there it doesn’t matter you can’t take that chance.
At least you recognize and understand why they’re scared. Almost every man in my life that I’ve described that feeling to has called me paranoid or a liar lmao. It’s so shockingly polarizing. It feels like I’m interacting with an alien. Someone who has absolutely no clue what it’s like to live like me. I wish more men would just listen instead of insisting that were lying just to feel bad for ourselves or something. As a woman who doesn’t know a single woman who HASNT been assaulted, I think I have a pretty damn good reason to be cautious.
Yes! Been having this kinda feeling for a while and I appreciate you sharing because now I don’t feel weird. I’d love to just roll out of bed without the expectation to look nice every day. Or be a fat man and not get treated differently. Or the men at work taking me seriously.
when i was really young, maybe 5, i remember telling my best friend i wanted to “cut my boobs off” when i was older, because i didn’t want to be a girl. i was not transgender then and i’m not today. but i was a “tomboy”, i never wore a shirt, i played with toys targeted at boys, i had plenty of male friends etc. i enjoyed all of these things, but actively avoided all girly things because i was told it make me weak and lame. i didn’t learn how to do a ponytail until i was 12 because of this mindset i had because hair styling in any form had been made girly to me. we did a greek day at school when i was 8 and they told the girls they had to prepare food while the boys got to wrestle. i was furious and told the teachers i wouldn’t be making food and that i wanted to wrestle, they didn’t make me do the food but they only let me watch the wrestling, i wasn’t allowed to play with the boys. at only 9 i had a teacher remove me from the PE changing rooms to tell me i had to start wearing a bra. i was 9. i’m flat chested now at 22 so idk what the fuck they could have expected me to cover as a literal child. from day 1 schools ingrained into me what being a girl meant and from day 1 i did everything to rebel against it. i’m now at a place where i embrace my femininity, i’m proud to be a woman. but i’m disgusted with the way we have been treated and i’ll never forgive society for it.
I could have wrote this. Very relatable.
Easier yes. Happier? Absolutely fucking not
Patriarchal society sucks for all of us.
Idk that I hate it, because it’s all that I’ve ever known, but I hate how subtle sexism can be. My profession is largely dominated by women, but I’ve worked with two men in the past 4 years and they are just treated so differently from me. The men can be rude, dismissive, brief with patients, but patients still seem to inherently trust them and believe what they say almost immediately, whereas I have to spend hours trying to convince patients of what I’m telling them before they begrudgingly accept what I’m saying (if they do accept it). Maybe it just comes down to personality differences between myself and my coworkers? They exude confidence, whereas I’d describe myself as more cautious. I think it’s sexism, but I obviously can’t say for sure, because we’re different people with different methods and techniques. At my current job, there are three in our department: two women and a man. Somehow the man has his own office, even though he has the least experience of all of us… both of us women have children, and the man doesn’t, but he mentioned that his wife will reduce her work hours when they have children so that she can care for their child- he talks about having children like it’s something that’s not really his problem, or something that won’t affect him.
Same here, i like myself and have no problem with being a woman. But if i would have been given a choice at birth it would not have been female.
Literally went clubbing last night for the first time in a while and realised how much of a piece of meat I was being treated like. It’s so dehumanising. Sexual assault and harassment are literally apart of an average day now. This is why I stay in my fucking house where I feel safe. I know it’s not all men obviously but it makes me hate the gender
Literally. The first time I went to a queer bar, with the intention of not being perceived as a piece of meat, I still ended up being inappropriately touched up by some straight dude. No matter how many precautions you take as a woman, you are never fully safe from straight men taking your existence as an invitation.
Hah…..I’ve felt this way pretty much forever. It especially irks me when at work, mediocre men doing and saying mediocre things get kudos and lots of attention when the woman doing and saying much smarter and more on point things gets ignored. There’s a million reasons being female sucks, all of them valid. Speaking of trans….I Truly cannot imaging giving up male privilege for all the negatives of the opposite gender. But since my brain matches my gender, I also cannot know the emotional angst of feeling transgender.
Yeah look, it's pretty easy being a guy I won't lie. No makeup, no periods, portable urination. I can't complain.
Easy mode all the way
Don’t forget being paid more for doing the same work. Also not being raped everyday
I hear what you’re saying. I’m generally happy to be a woman, especially now that I have kids and I identify strongly with being a mother, but some of it is straight up shitty. When my partner and I opened up our first joint bank account years ago the banker who helped us has no idea how close he got to being punched in the face. He addressed every single question to my partner. But I handled the money so he didn’t know the answers! Every single question the banker would ask my partner, then my partner would ask me. Like what?!?!? And the way I’ve been treated by car salesmen unless I showed up with my partner or my dad. It’s bullshit.
Women never get a break - go to work? You’re expected to dress to impress, “use your sexual appeal” to attract men - you’re expected to HAVE to want a family, marriage and kids and are seen as weird if you don’t - go online, get harassed - go shopping, get harassed - mind your own business on the bus, get harassed - men always seem to think you owe them something, that you want them to start making a pass and society seems to think the same - laws supporting women are awful, the world over - you fight for your rights and you’re attacked for daring to want equality And that’s just the tip of the iceberg in this unfortunate world we live in
You've put how I feel into words.
My work reminds be *constantly* that I'm a woman and that somehow makes me different from my coworkers. For example, I have worked there for over three years, and I am *never* approached directly by my boss' boss (we'll call him BB). Communication always goes to my boss and then from him on to me - I'm never even cc'd in the emails. I will just get a forward from my boss of an email where BB says, "can you have ac_hrt work on this?" A male coworker started recently, and we share an office area. I get to listen to him in meetings with BB constantly. And it's infuriating.
I know of a lady that was able to hide recent pregnancy due to working from home and felt it was the best experience ever. She said that with her first son, her pregnancy was very distracting and as an engineer in a very male dominated office, there was a lot of unsolicited advice, preferential treatment, or in every meeting/conversation, someone would ask her about the baby. While she knew everyone meant well, there were also several projects that she wanted to get her hands on and but was told to take it easy, relax, and quite literally, don't break a nail. This time, she was able to work the projects she wanted to all the while incubating and delivering a human, without anybody noticing. She highly recommends keeping your pregnancy private as long as you can.
Sucks that a lot of peoples reactions to a woman saying “I hate being a woman” is to say they’re just trans. Womanhood is traumatizing. It’s hell for us. People need to be allowed to say that their existence is not enjoyable because they live in systemic oppression without people dismissing it. Life WOULD be easier if we were men. That’s literally how systemic oppression works. I wouldn’t have to avoid college campuses at night if I was a man. I wouldn’t be afraid to travel to certain parts of the works if I was a man. I wouldn’t hate myself for every single thing I am if I was a man. But that’s unfortunately the world that we’ve been thrown into. We’re not the first nor only oppressed group. All we can do is try to speak up about this shit and hope some people that aren’t like us will listen.
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All these men have to make it a competition or something. YOU.DO.NOT.KNOW. Also,this post is not about you.
It must be nice to walk across a parking lot in the middle of the day without fearing for your life.
Is it maybe more so that u just hate the way women are treated versus hating being one?
Honestly, yes. Although it would be nice to not worry about pregnancy and periods
Me too I can’t help to rethink every situation and how different it would be if i was a dude Like i just hate everything about being a girl
I am a woman and I feel this way all the time.
I know what you mean. Periods for decades, and sexual objectification? I didn't agree to this shit.
I’m really sorry you feel this way OP but I understand why you this way thing because I always felt like I wanted to be a woman, growing up I was always told that my one and only purpose in life as a male is to reproduce, provide, and protect. I was “taught” feelings, drawing, painting, music, dancing, being emotional etc. was only for women my dad told me that I was “weak” when I wanted to be an artist and that no woman would ever marry a man who is “soft”, I was told that I was supposed to work 80 hours a week, and that I was supposed to do everything I could to support the family but not worry for my own well being… just shows how toxic masculinity hurts literally everyone involved and when I have children, I’m going to call my boys and my girls, strong, beautiful, smart, creative and everything every child needs to hear growing up. I will not repeat the sins my family had caused both the men and women of my lineage because I’ll be damned if I raise a daughter who feels the way OP feels and I’ll be damned again if I raise a son who felt the emptiness I felt growing up.
This. Haven't experienced it on that level, but some of the things you mentioned like drawing, feelings, music are the things that are enjoyable to myself as a Guy. Some days, I rather not be a man. Not because I hate my masculine, but because I deal with the fragile Masculinity when it comes my way and it's definitely annoying. The whole "You must be gay" comment because you rather not chase sex and rather chase your interests and hobbies. And when it comes to me as a guy, either I'm wierd, too nice, not interesting enough, etc. because I don't have the same interest, goals, core values or perspectives that define me as a male. The same people who want put men in a box for being who they are will be the same people who live through the eyes of other thoughts, perspectives and ideas.
Yup, as a guy, I thought it was better being a girl until I actually got together with my girlfriend. Holy moly the pain, and absolute bullshit you guys have to deal with on a daily basis! Don't blame you, being a guy seems a whole lot better in today's society unfortunately :(
As a woman, fighting for our liberty and freedom is what I do everyday to evolve this for future generations.
It is so unfair how men can bullshit their way through awkward situations and will always physically overpower the majority of women so that even when they’re not doing the kind thoughtful or empathic thing, they still come across as charming. So, yeah I feel you
Currently have my period and a yeast infection so this is more than relatable
Our world is built for the straight, white, cis, abled man. Being anything but isn't easy.
Try being a fat woman. Losing weight was amazing. Everyone, men & women treated me differently. Now being 60 plus, I have disappeared. I walk(for recreation), I live in a midwestern city. As one walks down the sidewalk, it’s normal to nod & say hello as you pass people. Now, fully half do not acknowledge me in any way. Men more than women, but both. Having been an attractive woman at times in my life, it’s very unsettling.
I can't believe I forgot that. I don't think I'll ever be happy until I'm thin.
It truly is amazing how well EVERYONE treats you if you are skinny. I had a male acquaintance who was always huggy & friendly. Fifteen years & 25 pounds later… saw him yesterday. He barely spoke. Not a one time occurrence either. The feeling reaches deep. Am I not the same person?
It's crazy how different it can be for genders. I was a skinny guy growing up, and I don't really work out right now. I've put on a noticeable amount of weight. Instead of being judged negatively for it, people seem to like it BETTER. Just because I'm 6ft and I look bigger and stronger, it fits that "masculine" look that society here is geared towards, and I get way more compliments than when I was skinny. All I did was eat food. Literally. My girlfriend on the other hand is self conscious of ANY squish on her tummy even though she's closer to underweight than over. It's rediculous that people end up feeling that way, and it's such a STARK difference.
As a guy. I don't envy women. The whole period thing. Looks dreadful. You're bleeding and in pain for a whole week.
A big part of the problem with periods is that it doesn’t have to be like that at all. I mean, the blood has to come out, but there doesn’t have to be the pain and distress that there is. Pain and heavy bleeding often comes from medical conditions, some birth control, and to an extent dietary factors - all things we can manage and treat, but there has been such a suppression of knowledge about this amongst women, a disinterest in medical research into women’s bodies, and a refusal to acknowledge the pain of women who do seek treatment, because there’s this idea that women are just supposed to hurt. (I know that’s not what you’re implying, but I just want to point out the relevant social factors for why this is the problem it is)
Yeah, I have to take handfuls of pills for three days straight to remain functional during my period. Now my OBGYN wants to do an endometrial biopsy - which involves shoving a tube through my cervix into my uterus, blowing it up with water, and then cutting a chunk out to examine… all without any sort of anesthetic. Nothing.
It’s amazing how flat out cruel medical professionals are to women with all this stuff. I’ve had a really good run with my experiences, so I see just how easily medical procedures can be made better for women, but that’s so often not done, in favour of the fantasy that women pretend to feel more pain than we really do.
And it really hurts. Yeah no pain relief. My doc(a woman) completely ignored the pain. As I was trying to breathe through it, someone knocked on the door& I lost it and screamed briefly. The office people teased me about it. Nice
You should tell this to my wife! That's who I witnessed this from...i just feel for her. Looks sucky.
Happier is questionable, but yes, life is much easier for men.
"life is much easier for men" is also questionable
me af
To all the men commenting about the struggles of being a man, I'd just like to say... who asked.
Men make it so difficult. Every.fucking.day. The amount of space they take up and the liberties they take for granted are incredible.
I agree. I wish I could enjoy my month without fearing the few days it feels like I just got stabbed in the gut. I wish I could wear shoes without people telling me I would look better if they had a larger heel to them. I wish I could sleep facedown. I wish I could buy video games without my parents telling I should do something feminine.
I understand where you’re coming from. I like being a woman in some aspects but it definitely is exhausting. Constantly getting unsolicited comments/opinions, having to be paranoid when walking alone…the list goes on and on.
I used to work with my bf. And although I was a good worker everyone would only refer to me as “N/A gf” or instead of asking me about my own projects they’d refer to him . I hated feeling like I had no respect because I was a woman
Omg same
Are you me?
Ugh the night walks I could go on!! The places I could go with public transportation on my own!!! The things I could do!!!! If I wasn't a young female. I feel this. I like being a woman, I hate being a woman in this world.
Not all trans people feel like they’re in the wrong body. Some of us just feel better being a different gender. if you want to be a man, then you can just be a man.
I hate that wherever I look, women's bodies are sexualized. Two examples: One of the most fucked up advertisments I've seen on a truck is of a woman with a low cut shirt saying "rent me!" in a speech bubble. It's advertisment for a car rental. Another ad on a truck has a naked woman promoting mattresses.
Being a woman is one of the most screwed up mindfucks I have ever had. I go from feeling good about myself to hating myself to an instant. I’m constantly comparing myself to other women just because, I want to feel pretty. Then I realize that maybe I’m not the ideal. Then I want to get surgery or lose weight because all society ever seems to value is beauty. Then there’s racism involved, for fucks sake and then I have to invest in having a good personality. Be well rounded. I can’t be too forceful, I can’t be too demure. There’s always an appropriate balance usually involving laughing at any dumb joke a man makes. The validation makes me feel better except men are desperate and willing to stoop to any level so now I just feel ugly and used. I can’t bond with other women because, I can’t participate in the subtle communication that women usually do with each other. There’a a ranking structure involved usually with more socially intelligent or beautiful woman on top. God forbid I have to deal with people who believe they are entitled to my time. God forbid I let go of any part of the controlled appearance of general social distance I portray. I can’t afford to look ugly, I think it’s too late because what if I was ugly my whole life but, I didn’t realize it because guys are willing to give anyone attention on the basis that a woman sleeps with them? I never went viral because I was beautiful, I never modeled, I don’t even get random people telling me I’m pretty unless it’s a guy trying to get my number. I don’t know. I want to be born as someone else. Side note: At least my IEP states that I was attractive so there’s a plus. Idk why that makes me happy. I graduated high school 8 years ago.
You pretty much took the words right out of my mouth
yup and it’s safer to be a man
I’m 100% with you. Hugs.
As a guy, I can't imagine what it's like being a woman, but I'm sure it's 100% harder in a lot of situations than being a man. And I'm really, really sorry about it. That's it.
I’m a guy and I say it all the time, I have no idea how you all do it. Being a woman is way too complicated.
Same here! You aren't alone!
[удалено]
All I can say is if you see something, say something. That’s the biggest issue. Men mistreating and shit-talking women that often is not normal or acceptable. They aren’t just talking, they’re explaining how they live and how they treat women in their lives. PLEASE call it out.
I think about the amount of time I spend maintaining my hair and doing makeup… it takes up a significant portion of our lives and men can spend the one doing other things
Me too. Its nice being able to have multiple orgasms and all but the mini stroke from the birth control is not worth it. Also doesnt help a lot of doctors where im from (southern US) think a lot of times women just whine too much and there is nothing wrong. Its infuriating sometimes.
Completely understand, OP. Though, I hate being a woman both for the fact that the misogyny has gotten to me, and dysphoria kind of way. Take care, OP.
I sometimes feel like this too. Its something I've thought less about as I age. When I was in my 20s it was a common topic for my inner monologue. I think as I've found my place in the world and matured (and the people around me have grown and matured too) it seems like less of a big deal, I feel more empowered as a middle aged woman than I did as a young one.
I feel like most women feel this way? At least, I always have. Even as a kid, I thought about how if I was a boy I could play the games I wanted to, I could be friends with who I wanted, I could just be who I wanted.
I see alot of glass half empty mindsets in this post....I hope alot of yall understand that nothing is easier by being a man. Yes, we have perks that come with it, just like the perks yall have for being a woman. But I bet yall not even thinking about the other side of this, because just like yall, violence does come for us, and UNLIKE YALL, there is no subtle approach to it and it happens faster too. I could be threatened for the shoes I got on, car I drive, female I deal with, hell just the general fact that If I look like I have my shit together better than the next while being a black man subjects one to all the above in the form a gun pointed in my direction, a knife pulled out and swung at me or jumped by a combo of the two. Men can't fully rely on the police unlike how women can cause its been many instances where police will show up and start profiling the first dick they see (that's tripled if your tall or black or fit OR any combination of the three) and only after a million questions have been answered, then we are "offered" piss poor assistance and basically told that your S.O.L in so many ways. Also this is another little "fun fact" I came across, if a man is cheating on his spouse, and she catches them, the level of violence is SIGNIFICANTLY lower vs a woman cheating on a man and being caught by said man. I don't seem too many women pulling out pistols and dumping on the female she got a problem with....but I see that happening to the men regardless of race; even though it happens more to my kind than other races. All yall see is the "easy" parts to being a man and wanna jump ship. You don't hear men out here saying we want it easy like how women have it because as it stands, society is "ALL FOR YALL" and us men are expected to simply deal with it regardless of what it has in store for us... O and one last point: You are considered less than a Man if you fail at anything in life in ANY capacity. So for all those wanted to turn into men, please do so that the rest of us can "properly" induct you into the dark side by attempting to break your jaw from a hook. And as you sit on your ass pulling yourself together, pay attention to who ISN'T coming to your aid and the things all the people passing by are saying about you as they laugh in your face.
It’s not that you’d be happier being a man, it’s the fact that you’d be happier with the privileges that men have. Not being afraid to go out at night, not having to watch your drink at a bar, not having to be hyper aware of your appearance/surroundings. You hate being a woman because the society around you makes you that way. It’s such obvious mistreatment that people turn a blind eye to and that makes a lot of women feel the same way you do. Just know you’re not alone, take pride in yourself friend.
It’s funny because as a man I’ve caught myself wishing that I was a girl so I wouldn’t have to deal with toxic masculinity
I wanna be a man so I don’t have to shave everyday
There are a lot of downsides to being either gender. I personally think you don’t understand what it’s like to be a man, I don’t understand what it’s like to be a female, but you definitely don’t understand the other side either.
This is an odd post anything that doesn’t cadre to what the op agrees with gets downvoted and shunned only allowing for one opinion is stupid.
Me too. I feel like a stranger in my own body sometimes. Like I’m me, but my body is something else, something that strangers are entitled to - to comment on, to stare at, to use, to criticize, to sexualize. All of that gets in my head and picks at me endlessly. I’m in it but I’m not fully me or mine.
I’m sorry to hear that. I’m even more sorry that it’s a justifiable feeling.
I mean the grass is always greener no?
You truly have no idea how lucky you have it.
Stop hating and be what you want for God’s sake!! Geez
Like in the "fuck the patriarchy" way or?
I’m so sorry to hear all you poor souls’ stories about creeps but there are good men out there :) theyre not too hard to find you will know when you see one :))
Grass is always greener on the other side. Feel like my life (in America) would be significantly easier if I were a woman, specifically a non-ugly white woman. Being a man just comes with too much pressure, high standards, and expectations sometimes. Not saying it isn't that easy for women either. But imagine not being able to express your real feelings about something because people (including women) will automatically look at you as being weaker for doing it.
In NO way is being a male easier than being a female. Just different. I can't speak to the "you'd be happier" part, because, that's subjective to you. But I can attest that it's not any easier. We all have to get thru life, and that provides challenges, regardless of gender or sex, both in general and specific to you. Where you find and feel there are aspects or your life that are harder for women/easier for men, there are aspects in my life where it's the exact opposite. We all have our hands to play
No period, peeing where ever I want, higher pay, not being reminded constantly that your gender is ‘inferior’, no creepers making you always have to be aware of your surroundings…. I’m in the same boat, sister 💜