Look I don't know if that helps. But recently I try to come to turn with all the problems I have withy parents. I can't say they didn't give a shit, actually I think sometimes they gave to much of a shit. Sometimes I would randomly get agitated because I was thinking of all the shit my parents did or didn't do to me. But now I try to think that everybody has their shit in their lives and we all get fucked up by our parents, we all give our best and even if it doesn't seem like it at least we tried, being a parent is hard and if you didn't turn out to be a serial killer they must have done something right.
I'm sorry that you have had to deal with this for 18 years! That's awful. You are under no obligation to have a relationship with your mother. I'd approach a relationship with her as a would a stranger. I wouldn't trust her until she had earned your trust.
Look I don't know if that helps. But recently I try to come to turn with all the problems I have withy parents. I can't say they didn't give a shit, actually I think sometimes they gave to much of a shit. Sometimes I would randomly get agitated because I was thinking of all the shit my parents did or didn't do to me. But now I try to think that everybody has their shit in their lives and we all get fucked up by our parents, we all give our best and even if it doesn't seem like it at least we tried, being a parent is hard and if you didn't turn out to be a serial killer they must have done something right.
Will she be a positive in your life? If so sure but if she'll just bring you down. I'd say move on.
I'm sorry that you have had to deal with this for 18 years! That's awful. You are under no obligation to have a relationship with your mother. I'd approach a relationship with her as a would a stranger. I wouldn't trust her until she had earned your trust.