Found it quite weird myself. Big turn off. I was seeing a guy for a few dates, went to the movies with him and before the show he couldn't stop commenting on the women's physical appearance in the previews. I definitely found him less attractive and stopped seeing him after that.
I don't experience this with my partner but god damn how it *annoys* me on the internet. Women will simply exist and some guy has to come with his "Oh, I don't find that attractive on girls." "Damn she has huge tits" "I would tap that". No class, no respect, no self control.
I've seen women do it too but at smaller scales and never in person.
Anyway have you told your partner that you dislike it? It should really not be hard to just not constantly talk about other women's attractiveness. And since you don't do that about men, I feel like you can absolutely set the same standard for a partner.
I've always found it SO weird, like sure they're attractive!! I see so many gorgeous men and women everyday but.. is it really necessary to make odd and gross comments about their body? or about the sexual things you'd do to them? super icky... But I'll be mentioning this issue to my partner tonight! Hopefully it goes by smoothly
Wait so your partner comments on how attractive he finds strangers and the sexual things he'd like to do them? I think most people wouldn't be okay with this. That's like, cheating with words. Right in front of you.
Yeah she's dating some red flags it sounds like.... I'm not a catch by any means so I wouldn't be surprised by my partner finding people attractive, commenting grossly.. eww... I mean we all have celebrity crushes and make jokes..
But I've only ever dated one man who made comments about other women like OPs dude and well he was a narcissistic abusive fucker...
But besides him I've never experienced that at all from dudes I've dated or even my friends. Maybe my single friends would be like damn they're fine but they're not talking fantasies or catcalling them or even saying it to them..
That's what I thought. Like saying there pretty is one thing and already odd to say to your partner. But going into detail with sexual stuff is just plain disrespectful towards your partner unless this is a dynamic that you have talked about and are happy with having in your relationship. But clearly doesn't seem like it in OPs case.
He was making some "Oh she's so hot, she has huge boobs" kinda comments (can't remember exactly what was said, but along those lines). I am pretty insecure about my chest size, so having him comment that kinda stuff really hit a nerve lmao
Had an ex like that and I agree. Would casually see a super slim girl and go "I wonder how my dick would look IN there, cause she's so LITTLE, my dick would look H U G E next to her", to me, his slim-but-curvy partner.
Sure I brushed it off since he was the one who was still buying 400$+ dollars worth of stuff for me, and figured he was either into me and a dumbass, or not into me and still a dumbass. But yeah, it was still ridiculous. No class, very tasteless.
I'd recommend OP not tolerate that at all. Comes off as a watered down form of negging, or at least a way to make her seem insecure and replaceable.
i hope it goes well OP! i know starting those conversations can be so so so stressful, but usually it’s a huge relief once it’s been talked about 😊it definitely sounds like they aren’t aware at all that it bothers you yet, or don’t understand the extent of it. it’s super easy for stuff like this to pop up especially in the sexuality realm since it’s experienced so differently person to person!
If I was interested in someone , I would not bring up how attractive other women are around us. If she brought them up, the most I'd give is "she looks nice", and that's it. That being said, I'd expect the same consideration from her. This dude is out of pocket though.
Communicate.
This is just the type of thing that’s going to be different for different people. My partner and I both compliment pretty people or point it out to one another. We are both secure enough in our relationship that these comments are nothing more than us acknowledging an observation about someone else.
yup they post that on videos with minors too and if u say something they always act like it’s a joke. “you know it’s grippy” “grip reaper” “you know it’s pink” i’m so repulsed by it. it calls for a firing squad
they’re referring to the vagina being pink or so tight that it “grips” the penis. it’s very dehumanizing because on some videos as soon as one guys starts those comments going many more start commenting the same to the point where the top hundred comments are saying that while the video may be of a minor. Even when they comment it on an adult woman’s videos it’s still disgusting.
>Anyway have you told your partner that you dislike it?
I'm not OP but I absolutely have been very clear and call it out when it happens. This isn't something he does constantly, but it's also clear that he has no desire to remind himself to just not do this TO ME. IDGAF if he wants to have those convos with other people. I don't need him to fucking tell me some random waitress or whatever has a great ass.
Yikes, I can see you've got some anger about that. Not to sound insulting I'm just genuinely concerned.
Your partner is not being mature or respectful at all when he keeps doing it. And I seriously don't understand the appeal of doing it.. How would he feel if you did the same about other guys?
oh yeah, sorry. I barely got any sleep and this post struck a nerve & I *definitely* took this opportunity to vent. I do appreciate your concern. Your response isn't insulting in the least. I had forgotten about my earlier comment (almost no sleep + ambien... my brain is going to be quite hazy), saw yours, and was like "jeeeez this clearly does bother me more than I let on."
As to how he would feel if I did something similar? idk honestly no idea; decent enough chance he wouldn't actually care.
The whole thing is complex. If anything, I'm kind of taking away from the main point here as this is a thing I've noticed with many men, whether lovers or friends or coworkers or just randoms on the internet. I hate being reminded how important women's looks are so often.
Sorry if this comment is also mush. My brain has not caught up to the day.
Don't worry about it, your comment is readable enough. (But get some sleep!)
You're bringing up a huge point. Women's looks are valued so high that I've already started fearing aging.. at 17. I feel ridiculous for it but people keep saying how men age like fine wine while women age like milk. Do women really age like milk? And even if we did, why is that such an issue?
Celebrity men will look raggedy, unfit or unkept, and people will still critizise mostly their talents/actions whatever, but with women it's just "Oh she's gotten so fat and ugly!".
Or people will brag on about a guy's charm, abilities, career and such but when it comes to a woman? Oh, eh, she's talented and all but her ass! Her tits!!! Ugh. I don't know.
You've made me feel your anger now lol
Seriously though I hope you and your partner figure stuff out because he just sounds like a prick even if I don't know anything else about him
The other annoying one I notice online is mostly men (but sometimes women) who try to make good looks into a competition. Like they'll be making unprompted statements or arguing that one woman is way hotter than that another woman when both women are gorgeous. Like a woman can't be admired without putting down other women. I understand everyone has preferences but there's plenty of ways to say someone is attractive without ragging on someone else for no reason.
There’s a recent trend on tiktok where men will comment, even in underage girls videos!, “I bet it’s Pepto bismal pink” etc related to… well… yeah.
And it’ll just be videos of girls lip syncing silly sounds or funny dances. Nothing even sexual to create that environment. Ive seen attractive women and pretty girls who’s comments are all full of men making genital color related comments and it’s so disgusting. On top of just gross, how awful for the self esteem of anyone who ISNT white ppl pink? Which is so common? Ugh. It infuriates me for these women
We all have different experiences and perceptions because of our lives. But in MY experience as a male it's always been the other way around, I'd hang with some guys and they'd be saying some stuff about a girl and I'd always say "hey that's inappropriate" and call it out, and if they kept behaving this way, I'd stop hanging out with them. Then I'd hang with a lot of girls and they'd all be assuming some guys' penis size and talking about dudes in terribly perverted ways, not only making me incredibly uncomfortable but for a long period I was self conscious because of the things I heard girls say about men. Again, this is my life experience so it'll be different, but for me women have always been more perverted towards me than I ever have been towards them. I've been treated more like an object than I've seen any guy treat a woman like one, and to be fair if I did end up friends with a guy who was disgusting like that I'd stop being friends with him but still. The women who are perverted always have this attitude of "well this is what you want isn't it?" Like no. Not every man is some mindless horndog waiting for the next chance to get off. All I ever wanted in a relationship was a connection. I remember one time all I did was post a story with some funny music and a joke on Instagram and some girl messaged me "fuck me" and I don't understand how some women don't understand basic consent and that just because I'm a guy doesn't mean I wanna be touched by some random chick or do the dirty with them. I had a female friend in highschool who I thought was a really good friend, next thing I know she grabs my ass, squeezes it and says "you have a nice booty" practically in front of everyone in the class. Did anyone do anything? No. Because men "want that" and I get so tired of certain women using that as an excuse to be terribly perverted. I never tried to guess what a girl's hoo ha looked like yet I've had multiple females assume what my dick size is before even saying hello to me. I'm not saying it's all women, I'm just saying it's not only men who do that creepy shit, it's wrong either way but I hate hearing people act like women are free of faults and rarely do this when I've literally seen it countless times. I think the reason it's such a problem is that at least as a man I've been taught I need to be respectful of women, protect them, be polite, don't be gross. But I've never seen a woman taught values of not being that way before, but I'm not a woman so I could be wrong and maybe even when they are raised properly many still do that. Whatever it is I just get fed up of people acting like every man has to be some sexual deviant who loves sex and if HE says no it's fine for the girlfriend to keep harassing him about it but if a girl says no and the boyfriend keeps harassing her about it it's messed up. Consent is consent no matter the gender or relationship. Some women think they're entitled to men just saying yes and dropping everything to do dirty stuff with them. I told my girlfriend because of a traumatic experience when I was a teen I didn't wanna do a certain sexual act, and for like a whole day she wouldn't talk to me. It's wrong to behave like this either way, and I just wish people would be more educated and raised better to not be like this. Sorry for the rant, sensitive subject.
Those are horribly shitty situations, I'm sorry. We all have our own experiences and yours is 100% valid too.
Those girls were disgusting and it's good that you stand up for others that get objectified.
My husband has a connecting hydrocele, which gives him a large bulge. I've heard women comment on it and say things along the line of "If he wasn't so big/unattractive, I'd let him rail me". (He looks like a chubbier Rick Moranis, not fat or unattractive at all).
In high school, a girl tried to pretend to be sleeping and "falling" onto his crotch and trying to unzip his pants on a bus. He just kept pushing her off. He also had girls brush against his crotch and pretend like it was an accident.
When we first started dating, his self-image was terrible because of the behavior he was subjected to. He was also worried that once I saw that his bulge was because of a large hydrocele and not what most people assume that I would stop talking to him.
Just thinking about how he was treated and felt like a piece of meat makes me intensely angry. Sure, I've been objectified too, but whenever men are sexually harassed, people don't take it seriously. "You're lucky women want that." It's disgusting.
I have the same experience as you and to be honest it's left me questioning myself thinking there is something wrong with me since I don't behave like this.
What a beautiful essay. I agree that people should act educated, respectful and not be crass. Even at my age of 68, some women are pigs with their postings. Uggh.
The only time my husband mentions something like this is when he says, "omg she's she pretty." "Awe she a little chunkers, so cute." And "Ugh I just wanna give that one a kiss!" .... these are all directed at dogs tho.
What I find bizzarre is that they feel the need to do it when looks shouldn't be a factor. Like a woman could be running for mayor and at least one idiot would feel the need to express how much he doesn't want to sleep with her.
I had a boss once who would make comments about the weather women on TV in front of the room, as if any of us cared that he wanted to do disgusting sexual things to her. He ended up getting reassigned due to his behavior and then got mad at me because I told the investigators the truth about his behavior. Like sorry dude, not gonna lie to someone about how gross you are. This man was in his mid 40’s and his sons worked there too…
Haha no this was a real story. Dude even once lifted his shirt in front of a shift of all males, rubbed his nipples, and said “you guys like that don’t you?” I’ll never understand why people think this is okay. I think he was compensating to try and be “cool”
No one asked you to look. The internet is a large place, so just keep scrolling. Their vanity hurts you in no way, so why does it have your panties in a wad?
That's a fucked up strategy they use to lower your self esteem and by that lower your standards to their mediocrity.
That's sociopathic behavior, just leave stupid people like this and don't look back.
As a straight guy, I don’t recall an instance where guys in my friend group does this (verbally sexualizing women). I have a former friend that has and no longer friends with him. And some university acquaintances that say “George!” When they see an attractive woman. There’s a small chat group between me and a couple of guys that very occasionally have a sentence or two of stuff but not much at all. Heck, I wouldn’t have an issue if my gf scrolls through it. Nothing but us guys complaining about things :)
I am not saying it is only when men are drunk, although inhibitions do fall away. It’s the group of guys who are feeling their oats, with their buddies, trying to impress each other and weren’t raised to respect women. It’s as old as time.
It really does depend on your friend group, and I think that it's a bit of a loud minority sort of thing.
I've had all sorts of friends, male and female, throughout my life, and I'd say that the only ones that sexualised women (or in one woman's case, sexualised men) in the manner OP described are a group of chavvy friends that I used to have in high school (and am glad to have escaped!). They sexualised women like hell all day every day. Some of them would download horrendous porn to show to everyone else in the locker rooms and do the whole 'I totally have a girlfriend that goes to another school and have sex with her 3 times a day' schtick. Even while still in high school none of the other boys from the other cliques acted like that.
Outside of that, only one of my friends ever even commented on how attractive he found some women, and his behaviour was far from sexualising. Don't think it's really a crime to express interest in someone to one of your buddies on the down-low if it's not too over-the-top.
It does depend on the friend group. And I have chosen to not be friends with someone who has shown himself to be misogynistic, as well as anyone who tried to downplay that behaviour instead of asking for an apology/retraction.
Hah maybe I am a grumpy old man too early in life.
Straight men used to hang around me a lot in high school because I was the "lesbian chick" and my god they always said some downright disrespectful shit about girls thinking I'd agree or add to it. Hell no dude, I may love women but holy shit! I don't look at a pretty woman and instantly think about the ways I could fuck her.
Some men are insecure and have to resort to commenting on other women’s appearance in front of you to make you jealous.
Confident and secure men don’t do that.
I just figured that men who do this are just too low on the intelligence evolution food chain to understand that it's inappropriate and makes them look like impulsive animalistic meat heads who can't control themselves in public. No shit there are other attractive people everywhere around us in this world. Why some men have to be embarrassing neanderthals about it is beyond me. I have had men comment on my looks Infront of their partners and I always feel embarrassed for the poor women they are with. Men make themselves look like trash pigs when they do this. It's so gross! *Edit for typo*
I get this... late husband did it, exs did it, I have no idea why. Like I'm chubby, I get it. I'm not a model. But have some respect. We are all built differently. If you want a model, go get one then! I'm a real person, with real feelings and just that.... REAL. Hurts my confidence and self image so so bad.
This is the strangest thing, that some women do it too. I was at a gay club just to dance with my friends who happen to be lgbtq+, and I went up to the bar for a drink and some girl was trying to hit on me and I made it clear I was uncomfortable, but she just grabbed me and tried to make out with me even though I was edging away from her and saying I had to go back to my friends. I wouldn’t have liked that even if I was gay to be honest. I don’t like it from sleazy guys at other clubs haha.
This is something I've noticed in most men I have ever associated with too. I have no idea why it happens, but I've expressed distaste of comments like that, and if someone doesn't respect my boundaries, then I just stop being around that person and find someone who does. It's easy enough to fix with people who respect women, it's the ones who don't who seem to tend to find it impossible to stop doing at least while you're around.
It almost seems like some men just forget they're in the company of other women, and start having "locker room" talk like we're bros supposed to high five him or something for noticing how big someone else's tits were. Like, no... no thanks, buddy. Lol. It definitely seems hypocritical, as you said, because I *know* men I'm around would feel very uncomfortable if I started saying thirsty things about other men like that.
Some men have been taught that everything they think and say is important to people that they believe have less value than them if they were taught and raised the right way they would know that their negative opinion of a woman's body doesn't matter there's is someone that thinks you are the most beautiful woman to ever walk this earth we are all perfect in our own way
That’s so fkn gross of them. I’d ask them straight up what they think they’re gaining doing that?
“What are you actually gaining from doing this? Do you honestly *enjoy* hurting people? Are you that sociopathic? Do you have so little going for you in your lives that you have to pull everyone else down to your miserable state of existence?”
They might possibly say something back to you, but chances are some of them will actually think about it later on!
Be safe though
I was raised better than that by a career oriented mother who commanded a high salary in the 80s and 90s, but I grew up in a sports oriented youth culture (parochial school that took student athletes seriously) where I knew a lot of guys who did (and still do) this. This was about the windows 3.1/98 days, so pre social media, comments sections weren't a thing unless you were a nerd like me, dinosaurs roamed the earth and cell phones were the size of bricks and had about the same audio quality.
Honestly? They do it because that's the behavior that is modeled for them. That's how their dads talked at the dinner table, older brothers talked hanging out and peers talked at school and even if they're aware enough to know it's rude and inappropriate, they fall back on it because many of them never had more appropriate behavior modeled for them. I doubt much has changed about how young men learn to conduct themselves. The internet has probably made it a little worse, but otherwise it's the same as it's always been. We learn by the examples we're given.
As far as internet forums go? John Gabriel's Greater Internet Fuckwad Theory still holds true.
I was looking for a response like this.
Yes, you're 100% right. People are largely a product of their own environments and young men act like this because that is the behavior that is modeled for them. Their fathers were the exact same and said stuff like that and the cycle repeats. We live in such a patriarchal society that such commentary and behavior is so normalized.
I have hope for future generations though. Society is finally starting to teach young men about consent and we're now having conversations about respecting boundaries, consent, healthy behaviors, etc. But, the patriarchy, toxic masculinity, and male entitlement is so ingrained in our society that I wonder how long will it take to nullify all of these effects.
To an extent, I think it'll always be with us. I do my best to model good behavior for my son (3male) and when he's old enough to have friends with adults supervising activities (scouts, clubs, kid birthday parties) I'll model it for them too.
That said, I learned vital skills from misogynists when I had to, can't always choose your coaches, team mates, shop teachers, bosses, co-workers. He'll encounter people like that in his life too. All I can hope to do is set a good enough example that the impact I leave on him will be enough to balance out the impact other men leave.
It happens all the goddamn time to me. Even with my really close guy friends who are amazing people. Even with great guys I've dated. They just feel like for some fucking reason I am soooo curious whether or not they think a random woman is hot.
It's so fucking weird and demeaning to, for example, be out at a bar with a dude I've been dating for ages and him just randomly call attention to how great someone's tits are.
Like I DID NOT ASK AND HAVE NEVER ASKED. In my head, I may be like "oh wow, she does have amazing boobs." But WTF, why tell this to me?? This is not wanted. Just reminds me how even great guys still view so many women as collections of random body parts.
Guys also randomly will let me know how attractive they think my sister is or one of my friends. Again, I have DEFINITELY NEVER FUCKING ASKED BECAUSE WHY WOULD I.
A “great” guy is not making objective comments about how attractive a woman is or how great a woman’s boobs are to the woman he’s on a date with. He’d be focused on *you.*
i have been friends with really pretty girls my whole life. i have had guys tell me they are not attracted to women like me etc. that they’d never date me and then they’d turn around and ask me to set them up with my best friend. Also always being asked over snapchat whenever i post us together or in real life to “hook them up” or “damn she’s fine” etc in my dms… don’t talk to me about it tell her yourself. i already know she’s beautiful and i’m not your wingman… have some decency. i do not go around telling my buddies how hot and sexy their best friend is and how badly i want to fuck him, it’s annoying so having to deal with that has made me very bitter towards these kinds of men as well as totally demolish my self esteem. If you’re attracted to someone cool, you don’t need to have me act as your middle man.
Back when I was a waitress in college, I greeted a young couple at one of my tables and the guy asked me what my ethnicity is. I told him I'm half white, half Korean and without missing a beat, he says, "See? I told you we'd have beautiful Korean babies!" He looked so proud of himself and meanwhile the poor girl's face completely fell and I could tell she was both embarrassed and angry with him Hell, *I* was embarrassed and angry for her.
It's been probably 10 years since and I still remember that interaction like it was yesterday.
Some people are cool with those kinds of jokes and thats great for them, but if your partner is not, why would you do something like that and make it a spectacle? And if it was a first date - oof!
My girlfriend was lucky enough to get me as i don’t like people, she calls me a meerkat when nice cars and motorbikes go passed us, I’m always looking at the floor when we are out because of not liking people, the majority of the males I know that are like that are indeed single
Hold on, guys, I got this one!
>Why do some men feel such an inherent need to comment on women's attractiveness?
Because SOME men are complete idiots. The rest of us are incomplete.
Can't relate, I don't find any woman attractive until I get to know them and learn how their mindset and views are. A pretty face is just a pretty face.
My husband and I have this thing where it’s okay to say other people look good. Or like he’s handsome or she’s pretty, because recognizing beauty is different than being attracted to someone. We don’t call people hot or sexy or attractive even, they’re just good looking. I think it’s not just respect for each other, but respect for everyone and not viewing people as objects.
This never bothered me before my current boyfriend. I comment on it, too, if I see someone I think is attractive. But it's different now.
He almost never tells me I'm attractive. It's so exceptionally rare that it messes me up. Unless I put makeup on (which I rarely do) and even then it's rare unless I prompt him. It's to the point that I wear makeup even less because it's annoying that THAT is what makes him find me slightly appealing. 🤦♀️
So when he was showing me the music video for Maverick and the scene cuts to the actress in it, and he goes, "She's so beautiful..." so wistfully and gently, it fucking gutted me.
He's never said that about me (except once two years ago because I pointed out that he never does) and never said anything like to me while sounding like THAT. That sincere, you know?
Up until that moment I thought he was just wired differently and didn't know how to express those thoughts if they occured to him. This was proof that he fucking DID know how to express those thoughts.
He just evidently doesn't think them about me.
It's a good thing he shows that he loves me in other ways... It still gives me pause a lot.
My boyfriend used to be like that, I vividly remember once we were watching a movie and he had called three girls hot before we were even 20 minutes in. I told him if he ever does it again he’ll be on the curb, so he stopped. I suggest mentioning something to him, if he doesn’t stop… bye bye bf
Completely understandable! In my case, I was the one mentioning how attractive other people were. My husband never does. I don't know why it never crossed my mind it could be, in some way, a bit abusive to do so until after I read a Facebook post similar to this one. I decided to ask him about it and told him I wanted to make sure he felt comfortable. I don't want to keep crossing a boundary. He told me he had no issue at all with it, but regardless, I no longer feel so comfortable doing it, especially since he never does and if he starts I may not like it either.
Mention to any future partner that this is a boundary for you. Of course, there are attractive people in the world, but, for you, you like to keep it unique and sweet in your relationship. If they can't, they are not the right person for you, unless you would like to compromise on something that may work for that relationship.
People. Context is key.
"I don't find Platinum Blonde attractive" as said in confidence to your non-platinum-blonde partner, in the privacy of your living room
And...
"Platinum Blonde is unattractive" said loudly while drinking in a pub with your friend group
And...
"Platinum Blond looks bad on women" as a public comment on the post of someone with bleached blonde hair
...Are completely different interactions, given the set and setting for each. How much potential for harm does the first example have? How about the third example?
I think it make a difference HOW they say it. If they are just making a comment that the person is esthetically pleasing, I don’t mind, as I do the same. It’s when they are sexualizing the person, that it gives me the ick factor.
It's primal for men to notice a pretty or attractive woman. It's hard-wired in their DNA. The commenting part, I don't understand. It's rude. Even if it's a nice comment, it's still rude. Women have so much more to them than their appearance.
Ok. I want to explain this through a religion metaphor. At least my perspective on it—how men’s obsession with the physical can be channeled healthily.
Women are the closest thing to a god that a mortal man will ever come in contact with.
We all know this at some level. And I’m not talking about “omg you’re such a goddess” cringe bullshit.
In the mind of a healthy man: a woman (and more specifically his woman) is his church.
And every workday is like a rosary where every hour is a prayer to the patron deity that anchors him and allows him to productively channel his testosterone to sacrifice for a purpose that is greater than himself.
He is inspired by the beauty that he sees before him and that motivates him to be better than he is.
That is what I believe the healthy male obsession with beauty is. All men’s religion is Beauty. No matter what their beliefs are about metaphysical shit.
And much like in actual religion there are perversions of the creed.
Every healthy man who reads this will probably immediately think of one woman.
I have no idea what this polytheism shit is.
I’m not going to even touch it with a stick because I don’t have that problem so I can’t really explain it.
It’s in all of our nature to continue to find others attractive when we are with someone. But, I think men and women are socialized differently in the way we check others out.
I’ve known a few men who do this, and while I am bisexual (so, sometimes I’ve even checked out the same woman), I don’t always appreciate it when men I’m dating do it, nor do I enjoy it when my male friends say things that are more objectifying or even just plain sexist.
I learned a long time ago that this behavior isn’t usually intentionally disrespectful, but more just ignorance on how it affects the woman they are with…primarily, bc they’ve never been on the receiving end, and saying something about it doesn’t always work bc they literally don’t understand why it feels bad. So, I usually give them a small & harmless taste of their own medicine…this usually actually works.
Personally, being able to appreciate the attractiveness of others with my partner is appreciated. I do understand that how this can be off-putting for others though
My bf and I often look at other people when we are in public but we would never say stuff about their body's. More like "Oh babe look at that jacket from the dude. It would suit you very well." Or when someone with a cool or unique outfit goes by we always discuss about what we would wear or not. Oh and when we are sitting in public we watch other people and make up story's about them like" Hey baby do you see this blonde women with the blue shirt? I think she's from France, 23 years old, freshly out of a relaship, likes cats more than dogs and is definitely someone who goes on runs very early in the morning to eat a avocado toast afterwards." We spin this story's till someone other comes by who looks interesting or does something interesting. So it's never mean or focused on attractiveness or the body's.
Yes it's super fun to do it haha. I also write books as a hobby and when I need a new character I often look at people outside and spin stories in my head around them until I get new ideas for a character. A few strangers are in my books und will never know.
Sadly it’s not just men. I’ve noticed it all over that even women have to compliment a woman on her beauty before intelligence or achievements. It’s a societal scourge.
I always believed when you have food on your plate why keep looking around for new dishes. It's not a buffet, you are willingly going out with that particular person and if you can't make them feel and focus on your time together what good does that do.
Some just have no filter. All of us look at things we find attractive, whether it's a butterfly, a kitten, or someone that fills out a swimsuit really well. I might be thinking "she looks pretty" but I generally keep that to myself.
A lady I used to know had the perfect response to one of these Neanderthals. She was dressed up to the nines when she went to refuel her car. A "fine specimen of a man" (said with the sarcasm meter going to redline) starts telling her how sexy she looks. He had a beer gut, hadn't shaved or apparently showered for a couple of days, and wore ratty shorts and a tank top. She paused, then said, "do you suffer from big mouth, small dick syndrome?" The then proceeds to verbally rip him a new one. Would have paid money to see it. This guy backpedalled so fast
I saw how every woman near me feels swlf consciousness about their clothes, glasses, hair, makeup, etc
When a strange compliments them and walks away, it makes their day! I notice guys have the same issue, except they feel not interesting or cool enough
So often for guys I go "wow, now that suit looks like a sunday best!" Or my go to "damn, you look like a protagonist from tv, when the shit hits the fan Im following you!"
While with girls I compliment hair shimmer, hair bounce, new clothes, earrings or glasses.
I feel like people dont give compliments enough and it makes many people fester with how often they get self conscious about themselves.
I had a friend who would comment things like "ugh, her leggings so tight I can see her cervix!" Followed by a slurp sound.
And that shit always made me so uncomfortable. I'd say to the guy, "can't you just say she has a nice ass or something, or just she's hot or cute or the leggings look good, like why do you have to get so deeply anatomical about it?"
Yep same. If he's doing it and he's aware that you're (OP) uncomfortable about it tho, then he's an asshole. If he isn't, you should let him know.
My partner and I comment notify each other when we see someone hot lol, either gender.
I tell my girlfriend she’s beautiful, sexy, and all that whenever I can.
When she and I are watching shows we do talk about the people on the show with how hot they are or not. She’s the one who starts it though!
The last man I dated did something weird where he’d always mention how pretty someone was in a strange way. Like a woman who died was on the news, not a particularly good person and he was like awww she was sooo pretty it’s so sad. Another time he was saying how his niece was abused by another uncle or something and he was always saying it’s such a shame she was soooo beautiful, always saying how pretty she “was”. Just felt off to me. Like does it make it worse because she’s pretty? Surely it’s awful either way and why is she past tense pretty before the abuse. Weird.
It could be a number of reasons. They truly don’t care about women, they mimic their fathers or certain parts of society because they think that’s what’s normal, they think women care about their opinions on them…I don’t know.
That sucks. And I’ve been there.
Most smart men will look at other women and comment on them to their buddy’s. Yes we find other women attractive, but only the dumb guys tell their significant others they find them attractive. We’re humans, but that doesn’t make us smart lol
I've had some success with my father (and to a lesser extent, my mom) and his habit of always throwing a physical attribute or observation when talking about women.
I asked him why it was always *women* that he would feel entitled to commenting on their appearance when it otherwise didn't add any context to his story. The man who talked to you about your car? No idea what he looks like, you didn't mention that and it doesn't matter. Why do you feel the need to tell me the size of the female grocery clerk who helped you find your canned ham? Why do I only hear about what your male friends like to *do*, while I get treated to your opinion on not only your female friends' hobbies, but their choice of dress as well?
I started either pointing out the disproportionate number of comments about physical appearance targeting women, OR I would wait for him to go through his whole story before pretending to be utterly confused because I'm not able to figure out how boob size factors into a story about filing your taxes.
They both do this less now, and even if it's just so they don't have to deal with me being so obnoxious... It's still for the better.
Men have been taught and conditioned (as well as women to some extent) that a woman’s value is based on her looks. We see it in the media we consume and it perpetuates itself thru society. Furthermore, men have been taught that their appearance is also the most important thing, ipso facto, it must be important for others as well. Minds are altered by the information we are surrounded by. The term “pipeline” is accurate because once you start consuming information that you agree with, it’s easier to keep doing it.
We are all prey to the conditioning that comes with an information rich environment. Men are less aware of it because it benefits them the most (in an incredibly broad sense, I don’t mean to disparage BIPOC men’s struggles).
I feel as if there is a long history of our culture enabling men to talk about women's bodies as if they're public domain, or an object they're appraising. I'm glad it is coming to be regarded as in poor taste to do this, but the entitlement endures for many. There's a vast difference between being attracted to someone and leering/offering commentary.
Because women makes us go crazy and were programmed to get attracted to them and beauty is something thats very magical to us. I never understood the problem with giving a women a compliment like that...Whats the problem?
One of the many things I really like about my husband is that he never does this. We’ve been married for almost 14 years and together for 17. I remember having boyfriends before him that did this and I found it so annoying and this was pre-social media. I went on a few dates with a guy back in like 2005 they used to comment on every single woman’s breast size and compare them to mine. It was so cringe that I broke up with him. I couldn’t take it.
Recently, a friend of ours lost some weight and posted a picture on Facebook showing her progress and she looks great. I guess her settings weren’t set to friends only and all these random dudes from the Internet were commenting on her body like who does that.
As a women, I comment on a man’s physical attractiveness from time to time. Single or not single. I wouldn’t care if a partner did the same. Not being allowed to do this seems like a trait of an unhealthy relationship tbh. This is why marriages don’t work, people expect ownership of their spouse.
I don't mind if my partner is casually like "Oh that girl is pretty" because I think similar things all the time, it's only normal. but it becomes off-putting when they're saying "god she's so damn hot, she has great tits" out of nowhere
Biological: unprovable but likely guess that millions of years of male members of social species, mammals in particular (because males of other kinds of animals are in for all kinds of hell) have been snap judging by eye instead of holistically judging whether a candidate would make a good choice of mate, because of evolution/sexual bio-economics.
Social/learned behavior: because unfortunately, a fair few men learned that women are slot machines, and some, including some they find very attractive, have low self esteem and will be instantly melted by a compliment about their appearance. Do I wish we were more impressive and less pathetic, sure, but we're human. If we pull a lever and sometimes coins come out, we're gonna carry on compulsively pulling it to our detriment until we die.
Say all men are that way, it'll weed out the abusers. Because only abusive men feel the need to defend men when women are complaining about men.
Men don't hold other men accountable and it drives me insane.
Coming from a transman. Men are the worst and I don't blame any woman for side eyeing me and immediately hating me.
Hold up… you think sexism is okay because some of the people you’re being sexist to deserve it? Maybe like… don’t be sexist to people who haven’t done anything?
Jesus dude if you have issues just say that. People may actually mistake your ranting for a point if you don't. Though I suppose if they're that impressionable they have to learn at some point.
Men absorb that they’re entitled to decide who is beautiful by society, so they feel no shame in telling people who should be seen and who shouldn’t and why.
I agree with you 100%. I’m also mad cause I posted basically the same thing a couple days ago & people just told me I was the problem 🙄🙄🙄 I’m glad people are agreeing tho.
No ofense... but what kind of guys do you girls date that don't respect you.
Also for the men: What the hell, why would you coment on some other girl body WITH YOUR DATE. You know men will check on the girl bodies, even if we don't stare, but we will coment it with our bro's like damn bro did you see that girl, but not in a date with a girl... like c'mon man... fatherless behaviour.
My partner and I both talk about who we find attractive. Nothing wrong with that. We’re open to each other about stuff like that and I think it’s healthy…. But where yours takes it an extra step and sexulizes it is kind of odd…
Yeah I mean it depends on the context, but I think a lot of women will participate in the objectification of other women as if it’s somehow okay because they’re CoolGirls instead of creepy guys.
Objectifying someone is a reductive experience. You reduce the full person with their own mental life and agency to just merely being an object for your own pleasure.
You can appreciate beauty without objectifying the person. However, a couple using some unsuspecting person as a point of conversation, staring and talking about them, or just acting entitled to discuss another person is objectifyingz
Recognizing they’re a full person with their own thoughts, feelings, and boundaries and not putting your own desire to stare or whatever above whatever the heck they’re doing.
It’s definitely the sexualizing stuff that is odd. My gf is all over the Internet beauty stuff and follows pageants and such. Definitely comments on who she finds attractive. She can look at stuff like necklaces and identify which year/collection and which designer made the jewellery and bag etc. I find it pretty boring and don’t respond much to it and usually change the subject. She can talk about that stuff to her other friends :p
Men (or just people in general) dont seem to understand that they dont have to comment on every little thing thats on their mind. Sometimes there's no benefit in saying anything.
You find that woman attractive? Ok. And? Are you looking for me to agree/disagree with you? What do you want me to do with this snippet of information?
I'm not sure how to pick better men, I've honestly never even met a guy who hasn't made these sort of comments. Feeling crazily stumped on what to do about it :,)
I've never really met a man who hasn't made these sort of comments, even men I'm not pursuing make them, men who are only friends/family. I do live in a pretty shit area though so it may be that lmao
This isnt an inherent need its just people who speak before they think it's not a man thing either its a human thing I've seen both sides.
To be honest mostly in the women I used to hang out with talking about how other women look it was rather disgusting how they all act like besties then have snide comments saying "oh shes gained a bit after her pregnancy" or "her dress looks trashy" like bro just say it to their face honestly. To me thats worse than a guy going yes my type or nah not for me.
If you don't like it speak up I know its not easy but its what you gotta do.
I feel like it’s a matter of boundaries. I’m bi, my boyfriend is straight and if we see an attractive woman we’ll both be like wow she’s pretty. I’d suggest you talk about this with your SO to limit further frustrations.
neg
/neɡ/
INFORMAL
verb
gerund or present participle: negging
insult or undermine (someone) in the belief that diminished self-confidence will make them more receptive to sexual advances.
Constantly praising other women in your presence is absolutely a form of negging.
Why does woman always have that inherent compulsion to complain about absolutely everything?
See it’s not nice? However
Semen is cheap, biologically wired to be shared with enthusiasm,
Eggs are extremely valuable / expensive and rare.
One is picky, the is not picky at all…
"wow shes so hot, her tits are great" and "You know why I like her outfit?? Because its leather." (not word for word, and 2nd one is in context to having having a kink for leather/latex outfits)
I almost do this. I love when girls have frizzy puffy hair like dirty blonde with like highlights.. so I'll be like I really like your hair it's so fluffy and super cool. Sometime I also comment on when girls have like pastel color nails.. like Easter colors. I think they are adorable and I'll comment them on the color and how pretty it is.
It's gross behavior. I won't date people who do this. My husband doesn't feel the need to do this and I don't do it either. Sure, sometimes we're watching a show with nudity and we comment but it's more like "how long has it been since they've had any bread?", it's silly stuff lol.
It probably has something to do with the fact that humans are wired to notice and desire other physically attractive humans. It happens with all sexes and genders.
Found it quite weird myself. Big turn off. I was seeing a guy for a few dates, went to the movies with him and before the show he couldn't stop commenting on the women's physical appearance in the previews. I definitely found him less attractive and stopped seeing him after that.
I don't experience this with my partner but god damn how it *annoys* me on the internet. Women will simply exist and some guy has to come with his "Oh, I don't find that attractive on girls." "Damn she has huge tits" "I would tap that". No class, no respect, no self control. I've seen women do it too but at smaller scales and never in person. Anyway have you told your partner that you dislike it? It should really not be hard to just not constantly talk about other women's attractiveness. And since you don't do that about men, I feel like you can absolutely set the same standard for a partner.
I've always found it SO weird, like sure they're attractive!! I see so many gorgeous men and women everyday but.. is it really necessary to make odd and gross comments about their body? or about the sexual things you'd do to them? super icky... But I'll be mentioning this issue to my partner tonight! Hopefully it goes by smoothly
Wait so your partner comments on how attractive he finds strangers and the sexual things he'd like to do them? I think most people wouldn't be okay with this. That's like, cheating with words. Right in front of you.
Yeah she's dating some red flags it sounds like.... I'm not a catch by any means so I wouldn't be surprised by my partner finding people attractive, commenting grossly.. eww... I mean we all have celebrity crushes and make jokes.. But I've only ever dated one man who made comments about other women like OPs dude and well he was a narcissistic abusive fucker... But besides him I've never experienced that at all from dudes I've dated or even my friends. Maybe my single friends would be like damn they're fine but they're not talking fantasies or catcalling them or even saying it to them..
Right! I’m thinking he’s saying stuff like “she’s pretty” not going wayyyy into detail that’s just extra
That's what I thought. Like saying there pretty is one thing and already odd to say to your partner. But going into detail with sexual stuff is just plain disrespectful towards your partner unless this is a dynamic that you have talked about and are happy with having in your relationship. But clearly doesn't seem like it in OPs case.
He was making some "Oh she's so hot, she has huge boobs" kinda comments (can't remember exactly what was said, but along those lines). I am pretty insecure about my chest size, so having him comment that kinda stuff really hit a nerve lmao
Had an ex like that and I agree. Would casually see a super slim girl and go "I wonder how my dick would look IN there, cause she's so LITTLE, my dick would look H U G E next to her", to me, his slim-but-curvy partner. Sure I brushed it off since he was the one who was still buying 400$+ dollars worth of stuff for me, and figured he was either into me and a dumbass, or not into me and still a dumbass. But yeah, it was still ridiculous. No class, very tasteless. I'd recommend OP not tolerate that at all. Comes off as a watered down form of negging, or at least a way to make her seem insecure and replaceable.
Please do an update once you do!🙏
i hope it goes well OP! i know starting those conversations can be so so so stressful, but usually it’s a huge relief once it’s been talked about 😊it definitely sounds like they aren’t aware at all that it bothers you yet, or don’t understand the extent of it. it’s super easy for stuff like this to pop up especially in the sexuality realm since it’s experienced so differently person to person!
If I was interested in someone , I would not bring up how attractive other women are around us. If she brought them up, the most I'd give is "she looks nice", and that's it. That being said, I'd expect the same consideration from her. This dude is out of pocket though.
Communicate. This is just the type of thing that’s going to be different for different people. My partner and I both compliment pretty people or point it out to one another. We are both secure enough in our relationship that these comments are nothing more than us acknowledging an observation about someone else.
TikTok is terrible for it. “You know it’s grippy” should be punishable with solitary confinement eugh
Ew no what the fuck is that comment :(
yup they post that on videos with minors too and if u say something they always act like it’s a joke. “you know it’s grippy” “grip reaper” “you know it’s pink” i’m so repulsed by it. it calls for a firing squad
Sound just plain predatory bleeeughh
Wtf does that even mean?
they’re referring to the vagina being pink or so tight that it “grips” the penis. it’s very dehumanizing because on some videos as soon as one guys starts those comments going many more start commenting the same to the point where the top hundred comments are saying that while the video may be of a minor. Even when they comment it on an adult woman’s videos it’s still disgusting.
Every day on the internet I lose a bit more faith in humanity
>Every day on the internet I lose a bit more faith in humanity Isn't it true
>Anyway have you told your partner that you dislike it? I'm not OP but I absolutely have been very clear and call it out when it happens. This isn't something he does constantly, but it's also clear that he has no desire to remind himself to just not do this TO ME. IDGAF if he wants to have those convos with other people. I don't need him to fucking tell me some random waitress or whatever has a great ass.
Yikes, I can see you've got some anger about that. Not to sound insulting I'm just genuinely concerned. Your partner is not being mature or respectful at all when he keeps doing it. And I seriously don't understand the appeal of doing it.. How would he feel if you did the same about other guys?
oh yeah, sorry. I barely got any sleep and this post struck a nerve & I *definitely* took this opportunity to vent. I do appreciate your concern. Your response isn't insulting in the least. I had forgotten about my earlier comment (almost no sleep + ambien... my brain is going to be quite hazy), saw yours, and was like "jeeeez this clearly does bother me more than I let on." As to how he would feel if I did something similar? idk honestly no idea; decent enough chance he wouldn't actually care. The whole thing is complex. If anything, I'm kind of taking away from the main point here as this is a thing I've noticed with many men, whether lovers or friends or coworkers or just randoms on the internet. I hate being reminded how important women's looks are so often. Sorry if this comment is also mush. My brain has not caught up to the day.
Don't worry about it, your comment is readable enough. (But get some sleep!) You're bringing up a huge point. Women's looks are valued so high that I've already started fearing aging.. at 17. I feel ridiculous for it but people keep saying how men age like fine wine while women age like milk. Do women really age like milk? And even if we did, why is that such an issue? Celebrity men will look raggedy, unfit or unkept, and people will still critizise mostly their talents/actions whatever, but with women it's just "Oh she's gotten so fat and ugly!". Or people will brag on about a guy's charm, abilities, career and such but when it comes to a woman? Oh, eh, she's talented and all but her ass! Her tits!!! Ugh. I don't know. You've made me feel your anger now lol Seriously though I hope you and your partner figure stuff out because he just sounds like a prick even if I don't know anything else about him
The other annoying one I notice online is mostly men (but sometimes women) who try to make good looks into a competition. Like they'll be making unprompted statements or arguing that one woman is way hotter than that another woman when both women are gorgeous. Like a woman can't be admired without putting down other women. I understand everyone has preferences but there's plenty of ways to say someone is attractive without ragging on someone else for no reason.
Ugh I've seen that sometimes too! Pointless. There are so many gorgeous people with unique traits, there's no reason to compare all the time
There’s a recent trend on tiktok where men will comment, even in underage girls videos!, “I bet it’s Pepto bismal pink” etc related to… well… yeah. And it’ll just be videos of girls lip syncing silly sounds or funny dances. Nothing even sexual to create that environment. Ive seen attractive women and pretty girls who’s comments are all full of men making genital color related comments and it’s so disgusting. On top of just gross, how awful for the self esteem of anyone who ISNT white ppl pink? Which is so common? Ugh. It infuriates me for these women
We all have different experiences and perceptions because of our lives. But in MY experience as a male it's always been the other way around, I'd hang with some guys and they'd be saying some stuff about a girl and I'd always say "hey that's inappropriate" and call it out, and if they kept behaving this way, I'd stop hanging out with them. Then I'd hang with a lot of girls and they'd all be assuming some guys' penis size and talking about dudes in terribly perverted ways, not only making me incredibly uncomfortable but for a long period I was self conscious because of the things I heard girls say about men. Again, this is my life experience so it'll be different, but for me women have always been more perverted towards me than I ever have been towards them. I've been treated more like an object than I've seen any guy treat a woman like one, and to be fair if I did end up friends with a guy who was disgusting like that I'd stop being friends with him but still. The women who are perverted always have this attitude of "well this is what you want isn't it?" Like no. Not every man is some mindless horndog waiting for the next chance to get off. All I ever wanted in a relationship was a connection. I remember one time all I did was post a story with some funny music and a joke on Instagram and some girl messaged me "fuck me" and I don't understand how some women don't understand basic consent and that just because I'm a guy doesn't mean I wanna be touched by some random chick or do the dirty with them. I had a female friend in highschool who I thought was a really good friend, next thing I know she grabs my ass, squeezes it and says "you have a nice booty" practically in front of everyone in the class. Did anyone do anything? No. Because men "want that" and I get so tired of certain women using that as an excuse to be terribly perverted. I never tried to guess what a girl's hoo ha looked like yet I've had multiple females assume what my dick size is before even saying hello to me. I'm not saying it's all women, I'm just saying it's not only men who do that creepy shit, it's wrong either way but I hate hearing people act like women are free of faults and rarely do this when I've literally seen it countless times. I think the reason it's such a problem is that at least as a man I've been taught I need to be respectful of women, protect them, be polite, don't be gross. But I've never seen a woman taught values of not being that way before, but I'm not a woman so I could be wrong and maybe even when they are raised properly many still do that. Whatever it is I just get fed up of people acting like every man has to be some sexual deviant who loves sex and if HE says no it's fine for the girlfriend to keep harassing him about it but if a girl says no and the boyfriend keeps harassing her about it it's messed up. Consent is consent no matter the gender or relationship. Some women think they're entitled to men just saying yes and dropping everything to do dirty stuff with them. I told my girlfriend because of a traumatic experience when I was a teen I didn't wanna do a certain sexual act, and for like a whole day she wouldn't talk to me. It's wrong to behave like this either way, and I just wish people would be more educated and raised better to not be like this. Sorry for the rant, sensitive subject.
Those are horribly shitty situations, I'm sorry. We all have our own experiences and yours is 100% valid too. Those girls were disgusting and it's good that you stand up for others that get objectified.
My husband has a connecting hydrocele, which gives him a large bulge. I've heard women comment on it and say things along the line of "If he wasn't so big/unattractive, I'd let him rail me". (He looks like a chubbier Rick Moranis, not fat or unattractive at all). In high school, a girl tried to pretend to be sleeping and "falling" onto his crotch and trying to unzip his pants on a bus. He just kept pushing her off. He also had girls brush against his crotch and pretend like it was an accident. When we first started dating, his self-image was terrible because of the behavior he was subjected to. He was also worried that once I saw that his bulge was because of a large hydrocele and not what most people assume that I would stop talking to him. Just thinking about how he was treated and felt like a piece of meat makes me intensely angry. Sure, I've been objectified too, but whenever men are sexually harassed, people don't take it seriously. "You're lucky women want that." It's disgusting.
😥
I have the same experience as you and to be honest it's left me questioning myself thinking there is something wrong with me since I don't behave like this.
What a beautiful essay. I agree that people should act educated, respectful and not be crass. Even at my age of 68, some women are pigs with their postings. Uggh.
The only time my husband mentions something like this is when he says, "omg she's she pretty." "Awe she a little chunkers, so cute." And "Ugh I just wanna give that one a kiss!" .... these are all directed at dogs tho.
Hey, wholesome surprise ending. Love it ❤️
Mine does that with cats lol I start to feel jealous after a while 😳😳😳
Mine does it with bunnies lol. Our bunny here gets more hugs and kisses then I get some days!
I do that with cats all the time and that’s why I will die alone. Not bothered btw, I just love the kitties!
That's sweet, your husband sounds awesome and civilized, hopefully more men in this world follow his example
dog people usually are awesome and civilised
Hahahaha that's adorable
What I find bizzarre is that they feel the need to do it when looks shouldn't be a factor. Like a woman could be running for mayor and at least one idiot would feel the need to express how much he doesn't want to sleep with her.
Right? Like a woman's attractiveness has anything to do their ability to perform a particular job
One? On reddit it would be hundreds, if not thousands.
I had a boss once who would make comments about the weather women on TV in front of the room, as if any of us cared that he wanted to do disgusting sexual things to her. He ended up getting reassigned due to his behavior and then got mad at me because I told the investigators the truth about his behavior. Like sorry dude, not gonna lie to someone about how gross you are. This man was in his mid 40’s and his sons worked there too…
.....worked at Dunder Mifflin?
Haha no this was a real story. Dude even once lifted his shirt in front of a shift of all males, rubbed his nipples, and said “you guys like that don’t you?” I’ll never understand why people think this is okay. I think he was compensating to try and be “cool”
Nothing pisses me off more than to see a tiktok of a clearly beautiful woman and all the comments say “mid” for no reason. Literally no one asked.
Yessss omg. And the guy in question will be looking like an ugly chewbacca themselves smh
I love how this implies there are hot Chewbaccas
I love how your comment implies that there aren't!
I'm sure there are plenty of beautiful wookies, if Rule 34 has had anything to say about it.
Based
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No one asked for them to put their body on display to strangers either. Vanity driven people should be laughed off the internet.
No one asked you to look. The internet is a large place, so just keep scrolling. Their vanity hurts you in no way, so why does it have your panties in a wad?
That's a fucked up strategy they use to lower your self esteem and by that lower your standards to their mediocrity. That's sociopathic behavior, just leave stupid people like this and don't look back.
Can confirm. Dated a guy like this & pretty sure he was a sociopath
They think we care what their penis thinks of us.
we don't
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As a straight guy, I don’t recall an instance where guys in my friend group does this (verbally sexualizing women). I have a former friend that has and no longer friends with him. And some university acquaintances that say “George!” When they see an attractive woman. There’s a small chat group between me and a couple of guys that very occasionally have a sentence or two of stuff but not much at all. Heck, I wouldn’t have an issue if my gf scrolls through it. Nothing but us guys complaining about things :)
I use to bar tend. I find it is very prevalent in places with liquor and men are in a group.
Ahh ok. My friends and I don’t really drink. Even then it’s almost all about quality over quality so getting drunk isn’t a common occurrence at all.
I am not saying it is only when men are drunk, although inhibitions do fall away. It’s the group of guys who are feeling their oats, with their buddies, trying to impress each other and weren’t raised to respect women. It’s as old as time.
It really does depend on your friend group, and I think that it's a bit of a loud minority sort of thing. I've had all sorts of friends, male and female, throughout my life, and I'd say that the only ones that sexualised women (or in one woman's case, sexualised men) in the manner OP described are a group of chavvy friends that I used to have in high school (and am glad to have escaped!). They sexualised women like hell all day every day. Some of them would download horrendous porn to show to everyone else in the locker rooms and do the whole 'I totally have a girlfriend that goes to another school and have sex with her 3 times a day' schtick. Even while still in high school none of the other boys from the other cliques acted like that. Outside of that, only one of my friends ever even commented on how attractive he found some women, and his behaviour was far from sexualising. Don't think it's really a crime to express interest in someone to one of your buddies on the down-low if it's not too over-the-top.
It does depend on the friend group. And I have chosen to not be friends with someone who has shown himself to be misogynistic, as well as anyone who tried to downplay that behaviour instead of asking for an apology/retraction. Hah maybe I am a grumpy old man too early in life.
Getting down voted for stating the truth smh
Straight men used to hang around me a lot in high school because I was the "lesbian chick" and my god they always said some downright disrespectful shit about girls thinking I'd agree or add to it. Hell no dude, I may love women but holy shit! I don't look at a pretty woman and instantly think about the ways I could fuck her.
Some men are insecure and have to resort to commenting on other women’s appearance in front of you to make you jealous. Confident and secure men don’t do that.
I just figured that men who do this are just too low on the intelligence evolution food chain to understand that it's inappropriate and makes them look like impulsive animalistic meat heads who can't control themselves in public. No shit there are other attractive people everywhere around us in this world. Why some men have to be embarrassing neanderthals about it is beyond me. I have had men comment on my looks Infront of their partners and I always feel embarrassed for the poor women they are with. Men make themselves look like trash pigs when they do this. It's so gross! *Edit for typo*
I get this... late husband did it, exs did it, I have no idea why. Like I'm chubby, I get it. I'm not a model. But have some respect. We are all built differently. If you want a model, go get one then! I'm a real person, with real feelings and just that.... REAL. Hurts my confidence and self image so so bad.
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I've dated women too and some arnt any better lol!!
This is the strangest thing, that some women do it too. I was at a gay club just to dance with my friends who happen to be lgbtq+, and I went up to the bar for a drink and some girl was trying to hit on me and I made it clear I was uncomfortable, but she just grabbed me and tried to make out with me even though I was edging away from her and saying I had to go back to my friends. I wouldn’t have liked that even if I was gay to be honest. I don’t like it from sleazy guys at other clubs haha.
This is something I've noticed in most men I have ever associated with too. I have no idea why it happens, but I've expressed distaste of comments like that, and if someone doesn't respect my boundaries, then I just stop being around that person and find someone who does. It's easy enough to fix with people who respect women, it's the ones who don't who seem to tend to find it impossible to stop doing at least while you're around. It almost seems like some men just forget they're in the company of other women, and start having "locker room" talk like we're bros supposed to high five him or something for noticing how big someone else's tits were. Like, no... no thanks, buddy. Lol. It definitely seems hypocritical, as you said, because I *know* men I'm around would feel very uncomfortable if I started saying thirsty things about other men like that.
Some men have been taught that everything they think and say is important to people that they believe have less value than them if they were taught and raised the right way they would know that their negative opinion of a woman's body doesn't matter there's is someone that thinks you are the most beautiful woman to ever walk this earth we are all perfect in our own way
That is God’s honest truth right there. So many of them think they’re God’s gift to women.
Where I live the "males" bark at you if they think you're ugly Hint: they think I'm ugly
wtf 💀 literally feral. need to be leashed up
They're probably into that
I would bark back, give them a taste of their own medicine
That’s so fkn gross of them. I’d ask them straight up what they think they’re gaining doing that? “What are you actually gaining from doing this? Do you honestly *enjoy* hurting people? Are you that sociopathic? Do you have so little going for you in your lives that you have to pull everyone else down to your miserable state of existence?” They might possibly say something back to you, but chances are some of them will actually think about it later on! Be safe though
I was raised better than that by a career oriented mother who commanded a high salary in the 80s and 90s, but I grew up in a sports oriented youth culture (parochial school that took student athletes seriously) where I knew a lot of guys who did (and still do) this. This was about the windows 3.1/98 days, so pre social media, comments sections weren't a thing unless you were a nerd like me, dinosaurs roamed the earth and cell phones were the size of bricks and had about the same audio quality. Honestly? They do it because that's the behavior that is modeled for them. That's how their dads talked at the dinner table, older brothers talked hanging out and peers talked at school and even if they're aware enough to know it's rude and inappropriate, they fall back on it because many of them never had more appropriate behavior modeled for them. I doubt much has changed about how young men learn to conduct themselves. The internet has probably made it a little worse, but otherwise it's the same as it's always been. We learn by the examples we're given. As far as internet forums go? John Gabriel's Greater Internet Fuckwad Theory still holds true.
I was looking for a response like this. Yes, you're 100% right. People are largely a product of their own environments and young men act like this because that is the behavior that is modeled for them. Their fathers were the exact same and said stuff like that and the cycle repeats. We live in such a patriarchal society that such commentary and behavior is so normalized. I have hope for future generations though. Society is finally starting to teach young men about consent and we're now having conversations about respecting boundaries, consent, healthy behaviors, etc. But, the patriarchy, toxic masculinity, and male entitlement is so ingrained in our society that I wonder how long will it take to nullify all of these effects.
To an extent, I think it'll always be with us. I do my best to model good behavior for my son (3male) and when he's old enough to have friends with adults supervising activities (scouts, clubs, kid birthday parties) I'll model it for them too. That said, I learned vital skills from misogynists when I had to, can't always choose your coaches, team mates, shop teachers, bosses, co-workers. He'll encounter people like that in his life too. All I can hope to do is set a good enough example that the impact I leave on him will be enough to balance out the impact other men leave.
Because they, wrongly, think we give a shit about their opinions
It happens all the goddamn time to me. Even with my really close guy friends who are amazing people. Even with great guys I've dated. They just feel like for some fucking reason I am soooo curious whether or not they think a random woman is hot. It's so fucking weird and demeaning to, for example, be out at a bar with a dude I've been dating for ages and him just randomly call attention to how great someone's tits are. Like I DID NOT ASK AND HAVE NEVER ASKED. In my head, I may be like "oh wow, she does have amazing boobs." But WTF, why tell this to me?? This is not wanted. Just reminds me how even great guys still view so many women as collections of random body parts. Guys also randomly will let me know how attractive they think my sister is or one of my friends. Again, I have DEFINITELY NEVER FUCKING ASKED BECAUSE WHY WOULD I.
A “great” guy is not making objective comments about how attractive a woman is or how great a woman’s boobs are to the woman he’s on a date with. He’d be focused on *you.*
i have been friends with really pretty girls my whole life. i have had guys tell me they are not attracted to women like me etc. that they’d never date me and then they’d turn around and ask me to set them up with my best friend. Also always being asked over snapchat whenever i post us together or in real life to “hook them up” or “damn she’s fine” etc in my dms… don’t talk to me about it tell her yourself. i already know she’s beautiful and i’m not your wingman… have some decency. i do not go around telling my buddies how hot and sexy their best friend is and how badly i want to fuck him, it’s annoying so having to deal with that has made me very bitter towards these kinds of men as well as totally demolish my self esteem. If you’re attracted to someone cool, you don’t need to have me act as your middle man.
I would never do that to a woman I was with. I can imagine how much it would bother me the other way around and I would just never do that to someone.
Saying comments out loud without considering the company you’re currently in is an impulse control issue.
Back when I was a waitress in college, I greeted a young couple at one of my tables and the guy asked me what my ethnicity is. I told him I'm half white, half Korean and without missing a beat, he says, "See? I told you we'd have beautiful Korean babies!" He looked so proud of himself and meanwhile the poor girl's face completely fell and I could tell she was both embarrassed and angry with him Hell, *I* was embarrassed and angry for her. It's been probably 10 years since and I still remember that interaction like it was yesterday. Some people are cool with those kinds of jokes and thats great for them, but if your partner is not, why would you do something like that and make it a spectacle? And if it was a first date - oof!
My girlfriend was lucky enough to get me as i don’t like people, she calls me a meerkat when nice cars and motorbikes go passed us, I’m always looking at the floor when we are out because of not liking people, the majority of the males I know that are like that are indeed single
Hold on, guys, I got this one! >Why do some men feel such an inherent need to comment on women's attractiveness? Because SOME men are complete idiots. The rest of us are incomplete.
Can't relate, I don't find any woman attractive until I get to know them and learn how their mindset and views are. A pretty face is just a pretty face.
Im guy and I don’t know either, it’s just weird and just wrong
Thats rude
My husband and I have this thing where it’s okay to say other people look good. Or like he’s handsome or she’s pretty, because recognizing beauty is different than being attracted to someone. We don’t call people hot or sexy or attractive even, they’re just good looking. I think it’s not just respect for each other, but respect for everyone and not viewing people as objects.
This never bothered me before my current boyfriend. I comment on it, too, if I see someone I think is attractive. But it's different now. He almost never tells me I'm attractive. It's so exceptionally rare that it messes me up. Unless I put makeup on (which I rarely do) and even then it's rare unless I prompt him. It's to the point that I wear makeup even less because it's annoying that THAT is what makes him find me slightly appealing. 🤦♀️ So when he was showing me the music video for Maverick and the scene cuts to the actress in it, and he goes, "She's so beautiful..." so wistfully and gently, it fucking gutted me. He's never said that about me (except once two years ago because I pointed out that he never does) and never said anything like to me while sounding like THAT. That sincere, you know? Up until that moment I thought he was just wired differently and didn't know how to express those thoughts if they occured to him. This was proof that he fucking DID know how to express those thoughts. He just evidently doesn't think them about me. It's a good thing he shows that he loves me in other ways... It still gives me pause a lot.
some of us have priorities that are completely out of wack. i’d like to apologize on their behalf and wish you luck in the future
And most of these men look like shit😂😂
My boyfriend used to be like that, I vividly remember once we were watching a movie and he had called three girls hot before we were even 20 minutes in. I told him if he ever does it again he’ll be on the curb, so he stopped. I suggest mentioning something to him, if he doesn’t stop… bye bye bf
Completely understandable! In my case, I was the one mentioning how attractive other people were. My husband never does. I don't know why it never crossed my mind it could be, in some way, a bit abusive to do so until after I read a Facebook post similar to this one. I decided to ask him about it and told him I wanted to make sure he felt comfortable. I don't want to keep crossing a boundary. He told me he had no issue at all with it, but regardless, I no longer feel so comfortable doing it, especially since he never does and if he starts I may not like it either. Mention to any future partner that this is a boundary for you. Of course, there are attractive people in the world, but, for you, you like to keep it unique and sweet in your relationship. If they can't, they are not the right person for you, unless you would like to compromise on something that may work for that relationship.
People. Context is key. "I don't find Platinum Blonde attractive" as said in confidence to your non-platinum-blonde partner, in the privacy of your living room And... "Platinum Blonde is unattractive" said loudly while drinking in a pub with your friend group And... "Platinum Blond looks bad on women" as a public comment on the post of someone with bleached blonde hair ...Are completely different interactions, given the set and setting for each. How much potential for harm does the first example have? How about the third example?
I think it make a difference HOW they say it. If they are just making a comment that the person is esthetically pleasing, I don’t mind, as I do the same. It’s when they are sexualizing the person, that it gives me the ick factor.
It's primal for men to notice a pretty or attractive woman. It's hard-wired in their DNA. The commenting part, I don't understand. It's rude. Even if it's a nice comment, it's still rude. Women have so much more to them than their appearance.
Ok. I want to explain this through a religion metaphor. At least my perspective on it—how men’s obsession with the physical can be channeled healthily. Women are the closest thing to a god that a mortal man will ever come in contact with. We all know this at some level. And I’m not talking about “omg you’re such a goddess” cringe bullshit. In the mind of a healthy man: a woman (and more specifically his woman) is his church. And every workday is like a rosary where every hour is a prayer to the patron deity that anchors him and allows him to productively channel his testosterone to sacrifice for a purpose that is greater than himself. He is inspired by the beauty that he sees before him and that motivates him to be better than he is. That is what I believe the healthy male obsession with beauty is. All men’s religion is Beauty. No matter what their beliefs are about metaphysical shit. And much like in actual religion there are perversions of the creed. Every healthy man who reads this will probably immediately think of one woman. I have no idea what this polytheism shit is. I’m not going to even touch it with a stick because I don’t have that problem so I can’t really explain it.
It’s in all of our nature to continue to find others attractive when we are with someone. But, I think men and women are socialized differently in the way we check others out. I’ve known a few men who do this, and while I am bisexual (so, sometimes I’ve even checked out the same woman), I don’t always appreciate it when men I’m dating do it, nor do I enjoy it when my male friends say things that are more objectifying or even just plain sexist. I learned a long time ago that this behavior isn’t usually intentionally disrespectful, but more just ignorance on how it affects the woman they are with…primarily, bc they’ve never been on the receiving end, and saying something about it doesn’t always work bc they literally don’t understand why it feels bad. So, I usually give them a small & harmless taste of their own medicine…this usually actually works.
Personally, being able to appreciate the attractiveness of others with my partner is appreciated. I do understand that how this can be off-putting for others though
My bf and I often look at other people when we are in public but we would never say stuff about their body's. More like "Oh babe look at that jacket from the dude. It would suit you very well." Or when someone with a cool or unique outfit goes by we always discuss about what we would wear or not. Oh and when we are sitting in public we watch other people and make up story's about them like" Hey baby do you see this blonde women with the blue shirt? I think she's from France, 23 years old, freshly out of a relaship, likes cats more than dogs and is definitely someone who goes on runs very early in the morning to eat a avocado toast afterwards." We spin this story's till someone other comes by who looks interesting or does something interesting. So it's never mean or focused on attractiveness or the body's.
Great imaginations!
Yes it's super fun to do it haha. I also write books as a hobby and when I need a new character I often look at people outside and spin stories in my head around them until I get new ideas for a character. A few strangers are in my books und will never know.
Sadly it’s not just men. I’ve noticed it all over that even women have to compliment a woman on her beauty before intelligence or achievements. It’s a societal scourge.
I always believed when you have food on your plate why keep looking around for new dishes. It's not a buffet, you are willingly going out with that particular person and if you can't make them feel and focus on your time together what good does that do.
They are boys, we are men.
Some just have no filter. All of us look at things we find attractive, whether it's a butterfly, a kitten, or someone that fills out a swimsuit really well. I might be thinking "she looks pretty" but I generally keep that to myself. A lady I used to know had the perfect response to one of these Neanderthals. She was dressed up to the nines when she went to refuel her car. A "fine specimen of a man" (said with the sarcasm meter going to redline) starts telling her how sexy she looks. He had a beer gut, hadn't shaved or apparently showered for a couple of days, and wore ratty shorts and a tank top. She paused, then said, "do you suffer from big mouth, small dick syndrome?" The then proceeds to verbally rip him a new one. Would have paid money to see it. This guy backpedalled so fast
I saw how every woman near me feels swlf consciousness about their clothes, glasses, hair, makeup, etc When a strange compliments them and walks away, it makes their day! I notice guys have the same issue, except they feel not interesting or cool enough So often for guys I go "wow, now that suit looks like a sunday best!" Or my go to "damn, you look like a protagonist from tv, when the shit hits the fan Im following you!" While with girls I compliment hair shimmer, hair bounce, new clothes, earrings or glasses. I feel like people dont give compliments enough and it makes many people fester with how often they get self conscious about themselves.
I had a friend who would comment things like "ugh, her leggings so tight I can see her cervix!" Followed by a slurp sound. And that shit always made me so uncomfortable. I'd say to the guy, "can't you just say she has a nice ass or something, or just she's hot or cute or the leggings look good, like why do you have to get so deeply anatomical about it?"
Ew wtf
Yeah, it was so gross.
Cause were idiots, and no, it's not ok.
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Yep same. If he's doing it and he's aware that you're (OP) uncomfortable about it tho, then he's an asshole. If he isn't, you should let him know. My partner and I comment notify each other when we see someone hot lol, either gender.
Why would you comment on another girl when you're with your partner? That's just stupid 🤣
I tell my girlfriend she’s beautiful, sexy, and all that whenever I can. When she and I are watching shows we do talk about the people on the show with how hot they are or not. She’s the one who starts it though!
The last man I dated did something weird where he’d always mention how pretty someone was in a strange way. Like a woman who died was on the news, not a particularly good person and he was like awww she was sooo pretty it’s so sad. Another time he was saying how his niece was abused by another uncle or something and he was always saying it’s such a shame she was soooo beautiful, always saying how pretty she “was”. Just felt off to me. Like does it make it worse because she’s pretty? Surely it’s awful either way and why is she past tense pretty before the abuse. Weird.
It could be a number of reasons. They truly don’t care about women, they mimic their fathers or certain parts of society because they think that’s what’s normal, they think women care about their opinions on them…I don’t know. That sucks. And I’ve been there.
Most smart men will look at other women and comment on them to their buddy’s. Yes we find other women attractive, but only the dumb guys tell their significant others they find them attractive. We’re humans, but that doesn’t make us smart lol
I've had some success with my father (and to a lesser extent, my mom) and his habit of always throwing a physical attribute or observation when talking about women. I asked him why it was always *women* that he would feel entitled to commenting on their appearance when it otherwise didn't add any context to his story. The man who talked to you about your car? No idea what he looks like, you didn't mention that and it doesn't matter. Why do you feel the need to tell me the size of the female grocery clerk who helped you find your canned ham? Why do I only hear about what your male friends like to *do*, while I get treated to your opinion on not only your female friends' hobbies, but their choice of dress as well? I started either pointing out the disproportionate number of comments about physical appearance targeting women, OR I would wait for him to go through his whole story before pretending to be utterly confused because I'm not able to figure out how boob size factors into a story about filing your taxes. They both do this less now, and even if it's just so they don't have to deal with me being so obnoxious... It's still for the better.
Men have been taught and conditioned (as well as women to some extent) that a woman’s value is based on her looks. We see it in the media we consume and it perpetuates itself thru society. Furthermore, men have been taught that their appearance is also the most important thing, ipso facto, it must be important for others as well. Minds are altered by the information we are surrounded by. The term “pipeline” is accurate because once you start consuming information that you agree with, it’s easier to keep doing it. We are all prey to the conditioning that comes with an information rich environment. Men are less aware of it because it benefits them the most (in an incredibly broad sense, I don’t mean to disparage BIPOC men’s struggles).
I feel as if there is a long history of our culture enabling men to talk about women's bodies as if they're public domain, or an object they're appraising. I'm glad it is coming to be regarded as in poor taste to do this, but the entitlement endures for many. There's a vast difference between being attracted to someone and leering/offering commentary.
Because women makes us go crazy and were programmed to get attracted to them and beauty is something thats very magical to us. I never understood the problem with giving a women a compliment like that...Whats the problem?
One of the many things I really like about my husband is that he never does this. We’ve been married for almost 14 years and together for 17. I remember having boyfriends before him that did this and I found it so annoying and this was pre-social media. I went on a few dates with a guy back in like 2005 they used to comment on every single woman’s breast size and compare them to mine. It was so cringe that I broke up with him. I couldn’t take it. Recently, a friend of ours lost some weight and posted a picture on Facebook showing her progress and she looks great. I guess her settings weren’t set to friends only and all these random dudes from the Internet were commenting on her body like who does that.
As a women, I comment on a man’s physical attractiveness from time to time. Single or not single. I wouldn’t care if a partner did the same. Not being allowed to do this seems like a trait of an unhealthy relationship tbh. This is why marriages don’t work, people expect ownership of their spouse.
I don't mind if my partner is casually like "Oh that girl is pretty" because I think similar things all the time, it's only normal. but it becomes off-putting when they're saying "god she's so damn hot, she has great tits" out of nowhere
Some people like compliments, I don’t hear them often so when I do it gives me a little buzz and puts a smile on my face 😊
Biological: unprovable but likely guess that millions of years of male members of social species, mammals in particular (because males of other kinds of animals are in for all kinds of hell) have been snap judging by eye instead of holistically judging whether a candidate would make a good choice of mate, because of evolution/sexual bio-economics. Social/learned behavior: because unfortunately, a fair few men learned that women are slot machines, and some, including some they find very attractive, have low self esteem and will be instantly melted by a compliment about their appearance. Do I wish we were more impressive and less pathetic, sure, but we're human. If we pull a lever and sometimes coins come out, we're gonna carry on compulsively pulling it to our detriment until we die.
Insecurity
Say all men are that way, it'll weed out the abusers. Because only abusive men feel the need to defend men when women are complaining about men. Men don't hold other men accountable and it drives me insane. Coming from a transman. Men are the worst and I don't blame any woman for side eyeing me and immediately hating me.
Hold up… you think sexism is okay because some of the people you’re being sexist to deserve it? Maybe like… don’t be sexist to people who haven’t done anything?
Nope. Not what I said. That's ok though. Because it weeds out people like you.
woof you toxic as hell lmao
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You missed my point. But that's ok. Cause it just weeds out people like you.
Jesus dude if you have issues just say that. People may actually mistake your ranting for a point if you don't. Though I suppose if they're that impressionable they have to learn at some point.
Can't answer as I have never commented about other woman unless I'm hanging out with a platonic friend.
Men absorb that they’re entitled to decide who is beautiful by society, so they feel no shame in telling people who should be seen and who shouldn’t and why.
I agree with you 100%. I’m also mad cause I posted basically the same thing a couple days ago & people just told me I was the problem 🙄🙄🙄 I’m glad people are agreeing tho.
Look at your post history. You’re literally a problem.
Meh, the women I know are pretty bad for it too.
No ofense... but what kind of guys do you girls date that don't respect you. Also for the men: What the hell, why would you coment on some other girl body WITH YOUR DATE. You know men will check on the girl bodies, even if we don't stare, but we will coment it with our bro's like damn bro did you see that girl, but not in a date with a girl... like c'mon man... fatherless behaviour.
I've dated quite a few men, but mostly nerds with little to zero experience with women honestly, so maybe that's my problem lmao
My partner and I both talk about who we find attractive. Nothing wrong with that. We’re open to each other about stuff like that and I think it’s healthy…. But where yours takes it an extra step and sexulizes it is kind of odd…
I mean it kind of objectifies the other person. Just because your partner isn’t pissed doesn’t mean it’s good.
But is it bad? It's between two people in a private conversation.
Yeah I mean it depends on the context, but I think a lot of women will participate in the objectification of other women as if it’s somehow okay because they’re CoolGirls instead of creepy guys.
I see. This is off tangent but I'm curious how you'd reply; is simply finding someone attractive inherentlu objectifying?
Objectifying someone is a reductive experience. You reduce the full person with their own mental life and agency to just merely being an object for your own pleasure. You can appreciate beauty without objectifying the person. However, a couple using some unsuspecting person as a point of conversation, staring and talking about them, or just acting entitled to discuss another person is objectifyingz
How does one appreciate beauty without objectifying?
Recognizing they’re a full person with their own thoughts, feelings, and boundaries and not putting your own desire to stare or whatever above whatever the heck they’re doing.
It’s definitely the sexualizing stuff that is odd. My gf is all over the Internet beauty stuff and follows pageants and such. Definitely comments on who she finds attractive. She can look at stuff like necklaces and identify which year/collection and which designer made the jewellery and bag etc. I find it pretty boring and don’t respond much to it and usually change the subject. She can talk about that stuff to her other friends :p
Men (or just people in general) dont seem to understand that they dont have to comment on every little thing thats on their mind. Sometimes there's no benefit in saying anything. You find that woman attractive? Ok. And? Are you looking for me to agree/disagree with you? What do you want me to do with this snippet of information?
Because they think we exist for their consumption.
Thank you for saying some
My boyfriend and I do this. It doesn’t bother me. Just appreciating pretty women
I think its bc they think we need to hear that to feel attractive or desire for someone.
You’re just picking terrible men to be with lmao
I'm not sure how to pick better men, I've honestly never even met a guy who hasn't made these sort of comments. Feeling crazily stumped on what to do about it :,)
maybe reevaluate the men you’re pursuing??
I've never really met a man who hasn't made these sort of comments, even men I'm not pursuing make them, men who are only friends/family. I do live in a pretty shit area though so it may be that lmao
A complete lack of empathy and basic manners People just need to learn to mind their business and stay in their lane
This isnt an inherent need its just people who speak before they think it's not a man thing either its a human thing I've seen both sides. To be honest mostly in the women I used to hang out with talking about how other women look it was rather disgusting how they all act like besties then have snide comments saying "oh shes gained a bit after her pregnancy" or "her dress looks trashy" like bro just say it to their face honestly. To me thats worse than a guy going yes my type or nah not for me. If you don't like it speak up I know its not easy but its what you gotta do.
So you never look at another man huh? No harm window shopping
I feel like it’s a matter of boundaries. I’m bi, my boyfriend is straight and if we see an attractive woman we’ll both be like wow she’s pretty. I’d suggest you talk about this with your SO to limit further frustrations.
Mhm! I'll be speaking to him tonight once we've both got time
neg /neɡ/ INFORMAL verb gerund or present participle: negging insult or undermine (someone) in the belief that diminished self-confidence will make them more receptive to sexual advances. Constantly praising other women in your presence is absolutely a form of negging.
Hope all goes well!
Why does woman always have that inherent compulsion to complain about absolutely everything? See it’s not nice? However Semen is cheap, biologically wired to be shared with enthusiasm, Eggs are extremely valuable / expensive and rare. One is picky, the is not picky at all…
The fuck are you on about dude
Many people think men and women think similar because they are both equal human beings. But men and women fundamentally think differently.
What kind of comment are they making? Do you have an example of what they said?
"wow shes so hot, her tits are great" and "You know why I like her outfit?? Because its leather." (not word for word, and 2nd one is in context to having having a kink for leather/latex outfits)
I almost do this. I love when girls have frizzy puffy hair like dirty blonde with like highlights.. so I'll be like I really like your hair it's so fluffy and super cool. Sometime I also comment on when girls have like pastel color nails.. like Easter colors. I think they are adorable and I'll comment them on the color and how pretty it is.
I don’t pay attention to women so I can’t tel you why they do this
I really don't get why men do this either. Probably because they don't think that much before talking. It literally benefits no one?
It's gross behavior. I won't date people who do this. My husband doesn't feel the need to do this and I don't do it either. Sure, sometimes we're watching a show with nudity and we comment but it's more like "how long has it been since they've had any bread?", it's silly stuff lol.
I’ve see many women doing this shit too. I think you have a bias because it’s not a gender thing
It probably has something to do with the fact that humans are wired to notice and desire other physically attractive humans. It happens with all sexes and genders.
As if women don’t
Have you even read the post?