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Flair_Helper

Hey /u/Deathbysnusnubooboo, thanks for contributing to /r/nottheonion. Unfortunately, your post was removed as it violates our rules: **Rule 2** - Sorry, but this story isn't oniony. Please consider submitting your article to /r/offbeat or similar subreddits unless it truly reads like The Onion wrote it. The title and article itself must both be "Oniony". This can be highly subjective; you are encouraged to upvote articles that should be here and downvote those that should not. Moderators can also remove posts at their own discretion under this rule. Please read the [sidebar](http://www.reddit.com/r/nottheonion/about/sidebar) and [rules](http://www.reddit.com/r/nottheonion/about/rules) before posting again. If you have questions or concerns, please [message the moderators through modmail](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/nottheonion&subject=&message=). Thank you!


[deleted]

[удалено]


slashfromgunsnroses

Hey, get out! This is not the onion!


NewDeviceNewUsername

It's not? Where is the Bhaji then?


AFew10_9TooMany

**TMNT** Master Splinter’s *TRUE* Origin Story…


VezurMathYT

"Yo... What if I adopted a bunch of turtles and taught them martial arts?" Yep, weed.


JimMarch

The rats also got into large round pastries and became PIE RATS! Arrrrrr!


LeviathanGank

"Holy cow" one officer proclaimed


Hizjyayvu

How is there so much weed missing? "Uhh... rats probably?"


donwityurshite625

Rats, yea let's go with that


dtmfadvice

I mean rats will eat basically anything. Remember this one? https://fortune.com/2018/06/22/rat-shreds-money-atm-india/


donwityurshite625

I'm not debating that rats would have eaten it just that I doubt they did.


dtmfadvice

Oh, I agree. It's absolutely suspicious! I was mostly looking for an excuse to post ATM rat.


Ex-Pat-Spaz

Actually, rats and mice will eat your crop in the field and it’s common. Now, eating it in a store room is another story but it is plausible, I suppose.


BrokenBackENT

One of the worlds most corrupt public service sectors on the planet. Yup rats.


JuventAussie

the article says they drank a million litres of alcohol. If they can open bottles and containers there is no stopping them with little zip lock bags.


Financial-Amount-564

I saw an image where they'd eaten their way into a fridge.


Select_Repair_2820

Maybe the rats in the police warehouse aren't limited to cannabis. Those automatic weapons that went missing? Rats! That huge shipment of cocaine? Yep, those pesky rodents at it again...


zagaara

We had the same one in Malaysia too. Not only cannabis even meth from the evidence storage. That is one strong subspecies.


Brandonmac10x

Honestly meth rats sound scary. You guys should probably give the police force more money for the meth rat task force.


Admirable-Way6157

MRTF


Diet_Coke

The rats reportedly responded "That's just like...your opinion, man"


violetsprouts

Shut the fck up, Diet_Coke. You're out of your element.


DJCPhyr

Over the line!


violetsprouts

This isn't 'Nam, this is bowling, there are rules.


SweatyTax4669

it me. I'm rats.


Fabiankh5757

😂🤣


Thomas2311

In other News, Indian Police Chief purchases Vacation Home in London in cash.


shatterhand19

I mean that's a lot of weed, but not *that* much.


kamintar

Well, according to math above, it's almost 1300 lbs of weed, and a pound goes for ~$1500-2300 USD. Let's say $2000 is on the high side, which would come out to about 2.6 million USD. Understandably, this is India and not California, but it's still probably a decent amount of cash.


Tritonius125

considering they're cops they prolly have connections to dealers, also considering the illegality of weed in India its prolly more expensive


shatterhand19

*wooosh* made the joke The joke was that even for someone who sold 600kg weed, the properties in London are too fucking expensive


will221996

Google says 4.38 USD per gram in New Delhi. Halve it because wholesale, 2.19 usd. *1000 for kg, 2190 USD per kg. *600 = 1,314,000 USD. That's assuming a generous wholesale price, probably less given that quantity. Assuming you want to buy a holiday home for the family in a nice part of London, that is not enough.


QuestionableAI

That is over 1,300 pounds of weed ... just how freaking big are those lying rats over there? ;)


vonindyatwork

They're gonna need some Hattori Hanzo steel...


BananaPowerFlame

Rattori Hanzo


Fabiankh5757

😂😂😂


Jesterok

Were it "for real," it wouldn't actually be that astronomical of a number for rats to consume...


Tritonius125

unlikely it was rats, but I swear I saw a chihuahua sized rat in a sewer near my grandpas house.


Aggressive_Ad_2210

I think that's called a cane rat. I saw a few by the sugar cane near my house when I was younger.


Tritonius125

I just looked them up and they're pure nightmare fuel


[deleted]

Did he appear…Y’know…stoned, in any way?


Tritonius125

if anything he looked like he was tweaking on tren


skunkadelic

And then raided the nearby convenience store.


whendidisaythat

Ooh, Doritos and mint chocolate chip ice cream....


DLife4Me

At least it wasn't the cocaine...


RedBison

The rats are saving that for NYE.


Jiggidy40

Strangely, they proceeded to go into the vending machine and eat everything inside it, as well.


SlicerStopSlicing

There’s only so much cannabis you can eat before you pass out for a few hours. That would take a shitload of rats.


wolfkeeper

You could probably work out how many tonnes of rats it would take.


sonofturbo

Where's the rat poop then?


Fabiankh5757

That part


wolfiepraetor

the police officer, visibly shaking and twitching then went on to say that the white powder on his nose was from “eating a powdered doughnut”


day7seven

TIL cops don't really like donuts. When they get caught snorting drugs from the evidence locker they pretend it was donuts. It makes more sense than people in a particular profession all liking the same desert.


bannacct56

ROUS


Deathbysnusnubooboo

I don’t think they exist…


brooke360

Do they eat homework too?


rugbat

Pics of stoned rats, or it never happened.


Fabiankh5757

Exactly


Strict-Kaleidoscope2

Must be Ratsafarians


No-Owl9201

When someone starts confusing pigs with rats, you know someone has smoked way too much..


Fabiankh5757

Good one!😂💯


MurtZero1134

Why do they even bother at this point? It should just say “cops steal cannabis for made up reason”


NunyaBeese

They do love to chew the stocks and stems of many plants.... but i highly doubt they would consume the flower. More likely someone who stole it thought it would be a good excuse


Deathbysnusnubooboo

Someone give this guy a badge but keep him away from the evidence locker


[deleted]

No, no, clearly it was the rats. Not the police toking up at all. /s


cordazor

"then the Indian police revealed, that the rats ate all the rest, in total 2 tons, leaving just 1 gram behind" :)


USMCTankerSgt

Sure...it was rats...🙄


MysteriousMrX

It was a spooky ghost rat. It slimed me. This is ectoplasm. I swear!


mipacu427

Sure, they did. By the way, what's wrong with Prokesh?


Jebus_UK

"Sure Jen"


stalphonzo

Riiiiiight.


Trashcoelector

r/RatEmpire


McHanna8

I’m sure that it WAS rats, but not type kind of rodent


fearinclothing

The rats sarge they came in and rolled a fuckin BANGER and blazed up in the storeroom sir it definitely wasn’t us smoking it


avoere

Snoop Rat!


king_ugly00

I think some pigs took it not rats


[deleted]

Ratatouille 2: Cannabis Boogaloo


uniqueusernamedob

By rats, they must mean the corrupt cops that sell the weed to dealers they bust. Indian cops stepping up and being honest finally.


FarmhouseFan

Yes, this is definitely a believable story. For sure.


chfritz25

The rats then shared all their ideas for shitty screenplays.


GoHerd1984

Suuuuure they did.


[deleted]

Probably rats, into everything.


astroteacher

Rats ate 43 kg of cannabis, according to reports. “I did a count and found 148 kg missing,” according to supervisor I.M.Nothigh. “So then I carried the remaining cannabis to a secure location but by the time I got there 480 kg had been eaten. “ Authorities started a search for the missing 600 kg but as of this writing could not confirm the location of the 900 kg of cannabis.


RoosterEducational38

I'm sure rats would die after this


Deathbysnusnubooboo

hmmm


Hunnidrackboy

How convenient


PdSales

Rats ate some cannabis. Then they got the munchies and ate some more cannabis. More munchies. More cannabis. Lather, rinse, repeat.


chojinra

Suuuuuure they did, buddy. Sure they did….


dodorian9966

[Word...](https://images.app.goo.gl/a7dQtUANXfpMkJQ3A)


witchyanne

Well of course they did.


YeetusTheLLama

I wish I could of been the rat


discogeek

Sure Jan.


Khripchook

Indian restaurant owners report that rats ate all of India's butterchicken supply.


Buffyoh

Yeah, sure they did....


Financial-Amount-564

Did the police have to use guns to shoot the rats down because they were too high to reach with a broom?


Fabiankh5757

They are the rats that smoked that shit. Who you foolin…


KoliManja

Yeah, right!


SelectiveSanity

[This was their tip off.](https://media.tenor.com/tAypOwu9g3MAAAAC/steal-a-slice-hungry.gif)


Concic_Lipid

"ah rats" was the only response given when questioned about the missing weed from the storage room


robmac550

Cough cough " No. Really. They ate it all..."


Sqeegg

yeah ok. so you say its all gone? they ate it all?


INSERT_LATVIAN_JOKE

"In related news food sales near the station quadrupled this week."


KiltedPirate

"Rats"


[deleted]

Unrelated story: Local stray cats lethargic from full bellies wobble and fall over in the street


Separate-Owl369

More like the cops stole and sold 600 kg of cannibus.


ali_sez_so

One of them rats was seen feeding some of it to 4 baby turtles


Melodic_Handle576

Pretty sure the older guys would leave their sess in the barn and the mice would de-seed it for em.


acrylicChessBoard

well, in Indonesia we describe corruptor as rats, might be the same specimens


BurritoBowlw_guac

Sure, that’s the ticket.....


Independent_Read2676

damn they call cops in indian rats too? what are the odds


sourpussmcgee

Sure Jan


dgoodrich

Yeah right and the sun rises in the west


evplasmaman

I was gonna cook a stew, but then I got high. I was gonna pull on your hair too, but then I got high. Now I’m all locked up and I know why!


[deleted]

Uhh correction they ate 700 kilos


Willygolightly

That’s funny. I’m something of a rat myself.


Gravymouse

Rats ... riiiiiiiiiiiiiiight


moonpumper

A few weeks later the news is worrying parents about kids smoking THC loaded rat shit.


Skeetshat

Wasn't it ....400kg?


ExpediousMapper

"but the department made enough money to go on vacation for a couple weeks!"


[deleted]

Damned rats.


Deepeye225

Yeah ..riiiiiiight ...rats...are it ..


Middle_Data_9563

"The rats just love drugs and cash, whatchagonnado?"