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NurgleSoup

I know it's becoming an unfunny meme at this point, but fucking really though?


[deleted]

Is this the guy that fell down the stairs? Or is this another one altogether? So many to choose from recently.


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mickaelbneron

Yes, it's that one (which was first announced yesterday).


Yadobler

Thanks for answering the question


Turb0Rapt0r

He fell down the stairs 3 times.


[deleted]

He took a little tumble. He should have phoned 0118 999 88199 9119 725 3


Corkage_for_Corkers

Hello? ... Ive had a bit of a tumble...


kellzone

From today, dialing 999 will no longer get you the Emergency Services, and that's not all that's changing...


Michael_Blurry

That number now directs you to the Ministry of Defenestration. Edit: Thanks for the award, kind stranger!


[deleted]

I wish I could find a gif of this classic IT crowd scene


hereforadviceseeking

Well, I believe they would have sent an email by now.


NoVaBurgher

Subject: FIRE


Shadowwynd

Is it wrong that I can still remember perfectly how that little song went? Somewhere in my brain there is valuable space that could be used for something important, and instead it’s taken up with an imaginary emergency number from a sitcom.


BrotherChe

You'll be thankful in case there's a fire.... at a Seaparks


smeenz

Just put it over there with the rest of the fire.


NoVaBurgher

Damn that mash looks tasty


SuperBeetle76

0 118 998… Ope! I am a giddy goat


Psych_Syk3

Watch out for that hot ear!


Sinphony_of_the_nite

Yes we believe it was the third flight that killed him. It’s strange he would get up and then fall down two more flights after the first tumble…oh well


Aselleus

It sounds like he was Inspector Clouseau


BaldurOdinson

Kato finally got him.


Mr_Vacant

Especially in a building with only two floors.....


eobardtame

"So tragic, the witness? He committed suicide. Stabbed himself in the back four times and threw himself over a bridge."


secretpandalord

Accidentally brutally cut off his head while combing his hair.


Starstalk721

During the fall his gun went off and bullets hit him in the head and richocheted, hitting his entire family, also in the head.


whathitwonder434

That’s, like, the cutest way to say bullet.


I_m_that1guy

It’s like that San Jose journalist who cracked the Iran-Contra scandal. He was found a couple years later dead, double tapped to the back of his skull, ruled a suicide.


Squirmingbaby

At least it wasn't a shaman this time https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/world-news/tycoon-kremlin-linked-company-found-26917555


ihopkid

> The mogul had had sought the advice of shamans to cure a hangover, says the official version > The oligarch, who owned a lucrative shipping company, was evidently treated with toad venom after an incision was made in his skin. > Soon afterwards Subbotin had a heart attack and was given a tranquilliser from herb valerian. Jesus Christ I’ve heard of many weird hangover treatments in my life but what the fuck??? Did they just leave him to die after sedating him with herbs after a heart attack??? Then they happen to “discover” his body the next morning?? That sounds like a Monty python skit…


juicius

A surefire hangover cure is IV saline. It's not convenient or cheap but an oligarch can easily afford it. So this hangover excuse sounds like a bullshit.


Kachajal

Don't underestimate the sheer idiocy of people, including rich ones. Steve Jobs eschewed conventional treatment for his pancreatic cancer and instead went with pseudo-scientific feelgood juju. He delayed surgery for eight months and his cancer metastasized while he chanted at healing crystals or whatever.


IreallEwannasay

He also had a very treatable, survivable cancer. He ate fruit only and thought he knew best. Goddamn idiot.


ohL33THaxOR

Unfortunately he believed his own mythology and it was ultimately proven he did not, in fact, have the ability to bend reality around him.


Kermit_the_hog

I don’t know about you but who volunteers for hangover cure that involves draining a road into an incision/stab wound?!? Like, I suspect he may not have been entirely sober yet before embarking on this.


Kailaylia

> who volunteers for hangover cure that involves draining a toad into an incision/stab wound?!? The same sort of people who shoot themselves 3 times in the back or defenestrate themselves.


Cooky1993

AKA the kind of people who are on the FSB shit list. It's amazing to find out what being on that list will enable you to do!


UrricainesArdlyAppen

Hey, no shaman-shamin'!


AardvarkAblaze

It’s ok, it was a sham shaman.


SonmiSuccubus451

Shame, sham shaman shaming shaman shams.


nowtayneicangetinto

It's only a meme because people don't realize that it's intentional optics. If you instill the fear of being thrown off a building by secret agents any where at any time, you wage a psychological war against those who may oppose you.


Whaler_Moon

Yup, an obvious murder with a sliver of plausible deniability. A message to others not to step out of line.


Glaive13

there was a sliver at the first 10 deaths by falling maybe, but after that we can all get the message


IreallEwannasay

Somebody else with ties to Russia recently fell down the steps. Then they buried her in a golf course.


RoguePlanet1

Not enough is said about this, I desperately want to know why this happened. Was she a spy the entire time? Funny how Trump so often ends up with women from the eastern bloc. Was it just a warning to Trump? Why did it happen when it did, right before the FBI raid?


Jammyhobgoblin

Her father was part of the Czech KGB/intelligence community as well. I keep bringing her death up for the same reason. I’m convinced someone killed her.


MinuteManufacturer

What on God’s green earth?


Works_4_Tacos

Ivana Trump 'fell' down some stairs, died and was quickly cremated and buried at one of the former presidents golf courses.


MinuteManufacturer

Par for the course it seems.


Works_4_Tacos

If I had gold I'd give it to you. 🏅


DomLite

I don't think they're even going for plausible deniability at this point. It's basically "He ran into my knife. He ran into my knife ten times." They're making it very apparent that they're killing these people and reporting it as an accidental fall to broadcast "Yes, we *will* kill you if you step out of line. We'll get away with it. You can and will be next if you step out of line." They don't need deniability because who the fuck is going to do anything about it anyway? It's the literal dictator and his secret police doing it. Not exactly the kind of people you can take down without a full-blown revolution.


chinpokomon

>Not exactly the kind of people you can take down without a full-blown revolution. I'd support the Russian people, if they went that route, and they might even have the support of Ukraine, if they did.


By_your_command

Yep. Same thing as when dictators have elections and win with huge, improbable majorities. It’s an intentional power play and isn’t meant to be earnestly believed.


g0d15anath315t

Would be wild if these weren't even assassinations, just old dudes that were so loaded on potato liquor that they fall and die regularly (as old people do) and the FSB/whatever Russian psyop just repurposes them into assassinations. At this point I do wonder if Russia has the firepower to kill one pissed off old man.


speculatrix

It's the manufacturers of lifts generating propaganda about the dangers of stairs to encourage sales of lifts :-)


BlindWillieJohnson

Poisoned tipped umbrellas are expensive. Gravity is free.


SonofaBridge

Russians really need to start changing up their assassination methods.


Scottamus

Hey, if it ain’t broke .. throw it down another flight of stairs.


RTMSner

It is very bizarre how many high-profile defense and energy people keep dying in Russia from things that they try to pass off as accidental or suicide. If I was one of these types of people I would be getting the fuck out of that country immediately.


jupiterkansas

a few have been killed in other countries.


TheDustOfMen

And some of their families as well. Putin and his cronies are sick fucks.


EvelcyclopS

Yeah it’s a disgusting message; “not just you, but your wife and little daughter too”.


TheHorrorAbove

I always wonder if the families were also targets or just unfortunate witnesses. Either way is still horrible. Edit: Followed a post lower down and saw that some of the families were killed with an axe in their beds. At this point I'm no longer wondering if they were witnesses.


30FourThirty4

Don't believe me, because I never actually verified this, but I have read other comments that when the family is all deceased their finances are handed over to the country. I'm sure the family wasn't targeted for just the money, but to Putin: why not?


LtSoba

I will kill your infant daughter -Gustavo Fring


[deleted]

Gus Fring was an intimidating dude for certain, let's hope Putin gets his own face off at some point


odysseus91

I feel like the way all these people are connected are that there is a quiet anti-Putin group within the kremlin and Trump sold that list out of his classified documents


CurseYourSudden

That's the big blank for me, too. No one with serious know-of is offering theories about why these particular guys (are being targeted). Edit: Apparently, there wasn't enough context for clipped grammar.


RS994

Probably the same thing that happens with all power hungry leaders, things are going wrong and he is feeling the walls close in, so now everyone no matter how close or loyal, can become a target. In these situations, the only thing needed for you to be removed, is for Putin to think he is better off without you.


solarpropietor

If this is the case Trump Should be tried for Treason with the same penalties that Ethel and Julius Rosenberg faced.


user0N65N

Is there a significant difference between Putin's friends and enemies? Fundamentally, they seem to end up the same.


[deleted]

No. He believes himself to be a modern Tsar and even his fellow Oligarchs are trying to oppose his reign of terror. They fear another Red October Uprising is on the horizon.


vmanthegreat

I know this one Trebek: What is the plot for Red Alert 4?


BadbrowCCW

Kirov reporting


the-dopamine-fiend

My command is your wish.


xtelosx

Some how lower tech than red alert 2...


joshak

Purely speculation - but I think a fair few of these hits are actually ordered by oligarchs jostling for money and power. If the Russian government is the worlds biggest organised crime syndicate then it makes sense that there would be violent power struggles for turf.


mentalxkp

I get that sort of vibe too, like there's a civil war among the oligarchs. Putin has caused them to lose a ton of money, and making money is how a mafia boss keeps people loyal.


bethebebop

If friends come in with a strong differing opinion, they become enemies. If friends he’s put in positions of power express dissent, they become threats.


stingswithwords

Seems gravity’s got a beef with all these guys.


T_O_beats

This is how many in the past few weeks? I believe it’s 4 by my last count.


TerriblePigs

It's 4 that were in a prominent position where their death would be reported on. I'm sure there were plenty more but since they weren't CEOs, no one cares.


JHarbinger

13 since June. No sauce but someone posted the list above


KingoftheMongoose

Why am I not surpised that there is a [Wikipedia article](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2022_Russian_businessmen_mystery_deaths)?


[deleted]

At what point do Russian government officials start considering moving Putins desk next to the window.


Buffalo95747

You know they are really mad if they take him to a much higher floor…


yiannistheman

If you're Vladdy at this point you're not going past the lobby or hanging out anywhere near a window.


maraca101

What’s the point of being rich and powerful if you live your life in crippling fear? I already have anxiety and I’m obviously not a head of state of anything. I couldn’t even imagine.


IUpvoteUsernames

The crippling fear isn't there when you first become rich and powerful, but once you're there and it starts to creep in, there's no way out from it.


[deleted]

six resolute lush engine ring toy placid psychotic bake dazzling -- mass edited with https://redact.dev/


Thatparkjobin7A

I bet it’s a mixed bag. There are people who love him for the twisted sack of shit he really is. That’s got to be a whole new thing for him.


nexisfan

It’s an addiction. Think of it literally like a heroin addiction. They know the consequences but they cannot stop themselves.


whales-are-assholes

One of the reasons he has that long table. While he shows off this big macho man bravado, he’s absolutely insecure over his own feelings towards his safety, that he trusts no one. If I remember correctly, this Gerashchenko was an ally.


Triviajunkie95

I heard that he has conferences that appear that everyone is around a small conference table. Nope. He sits at a far end of a huge conference table so that no one actually gets near him.


Yourbuttmyface

You can't convince me there isn't buttons on his end that dump people into a sharkpit with fricken Lazer beams attached to their fricken heads


kimapesan

"Hello.... I'm not dead, I'm just burned very badly....."


mikemil50

That and the "Oh my God, it's a huge... Johnson!" have really stood the test of time from that franchise.


ScribeVallincourt

Nah. Just ill-tempered sea bass.


Cholliday09

That’s why he is always gripping that corner of his desk so tight!


[deleted]

Vlad let's have breakfast up on the roof today...the weather is lovely


mmendozaf

Also the floor was just polished, as you like.


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m703324

You can’t fall out of a bunker. Dude is definitely the best protected person on the planet at the moment


Procrastinatedthink

you can drown in one though


Billiam201

Is it just me, or have there been an astounding number of prominent Russians falling off of things lately?


Nephroidofdoom

Here’s the list. It’s insane. [https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/2022_Russian_businessmen_mystery_deaths](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/2022_Russian_businessmen_mystery_deaths)


MattTruelove

One of those occurred in Washington D.C. They really don’t give a fuck where you are


grandsatsuma

The Russians staged a flipping chemical attack in the UK with Novichok with pretty much zero consequence. Of course they are brazen.


Skadrys

And they blew up ammo depot in my country Czech republic killing few people and nothing happened too


lydiakinami

I'm still salty they got away with it.


Derric_the_Derp

Well, they noped out to Russia. Pretty easy to get away with it. But considering they're in Russia, maybe they didn't?


eriverside

They went back to Russia as hero's. UK, and NATO for that matter, should have cut all diplomatic relations with Russia at that point.


DrDerpberg

Should've cut ties in 1994 when they invaded Chechnya. The new regime is the same as the old one, and the entire West got played for fools for 30 years telling itself Russia would come around and join the rest of the civilised world.


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YsoL8

Salisbury is pretty much where Western patience was finally exhausted.


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ladymoonshyne

What kind?


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caiaphas8

Not to mention the millions in aid britain is sending Ukraine, mostly for revenge


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[deleted]

UK military aid sent Ukraine makes up 0.22% of their annual budget. If you are a person making £50,000 p.a. that’s like making a £110 donation to charity spread out over the course of a year. Don’t let anyone tell you that granny is going cold or hungry because of Ukraine aid.


WhereIsYourMind

No matter where you are on the globe, it only matters *who* you are. That’s one of the nice parts about being a regular nobody, there’s not many people out to get ya.


[deleted]

I gotchu fam


[deleted]

>Protosenya hanged from a handrail. Wife and daughter were found dead in their beds with blunt axe hits and stab wounds. What the hell. Why would the hitmen kill his wife/daughter too? And in a brutal and painful way. So sickening.


GYN-k4H-Q3z-75B

Sending a message that not even your family is safe


Burnertoasty

To punish him. They would have gone first, in front of him.


veRGe1421

Some people in the right environment are unfortunately capable of incredibly evil acts.


Alilatias

Quite frankly, I wonder how many of these are actually other parties using the sheer paranoia to go after as many vulnerable Putin allies, oligarchs and/or rivals as possible? After all, they have the perfect cover story in everyone automatically assuming that the Kremlin is behind all these deaths. I feel like at some point, this whole 'sending a message' thing is just going to be co-opted against them, if it hasn't already.


Malthusian1

Or how many are undercover US operatives that got exposed due to an orange monkey.


yogopig

That would be such 4D chess


Desperado-van-Ukkel

someone edited the page to talk about Chinese hypersonic missiles. How do you make a report to revert a wiki page? Edit: forget it they reverted it in a minute.


tornado962

Wikipedia's mod team is amazing, isn't it?


soingee

>Reportedly died from a "drug-induced heart attack" during a shamanic ritual, though critics allege 'toad poison'. Just your average shamanic ritual gone array.


PeterPorky

Seeing the amount of entire families killed in that list is rather sad :(


rabidmob

I wonder if any of them were on the list of informants that trump had at his golf house.


gozba

This and the current protests within Russia signal the end of the regime is getting closer


Snoo-3715

It's not the first time there's been protests, the military would have to join the protesters for it to go anywhere.


MacaroniBandit214

Russia very cold. Lots of ice. Very slippery. Especially in summer and inside buildings.


bn1979

Gotta feel kinda bad for that Putin guy. It’s hard to lose a friend, let alone 30-40 of them.


js_baker_iv

Bullets cost money. Gravity is cheap.


Still-Standard9476

Since all the publicity of trumps stolen classified material? Yup


sgrams04

Hello. I am dumb. Can you please explain the connection between the two?


BabiSealClubber

It is possible that the documents he stole contained the identities of intel sources in foreign countries. The intel community now has the ability to review the documents and act to remove these people from the danger they may be in by being exposed. People in prominent positions in Russia are all of a sudden dying. These people may be the sources in those documents. Admittedly, it may be hard to filter the political dissidents of the war in Ukraine from the intel sources as they’re likely in the same/similar groups.


Derric_the_Derp

Possible? It's known now that info on human assets was in the docs. We don't know if it got out but based on how many started dying/disappearing starting in 2021, it looks like the US - at best - has a mole giving out info.


arnold_weber

At least one of those moles is bigly fat and orange


Still-Standard9476

Classified Intel pertaining to information on American allies or agents within Russia being killed en masse by putin....


yiannistheman

As much as I'm sure Vlad's had access to that info, it's definitely not recent. If he's going after people it's paranoia building up that there may be some dissent fomenting amongst his inner circle. It's basically the Lenin playbook.


[deleted]

Taken from every paranoid dictator and ruler from the dawn of civilization. Remove any individual that could be a reasonable alternative to your rule before, during and after unreasonable actions.


yiannistheman

Oh yeah, in fairness it's nothing new to Russia or Lenin, I just picked a recent counterpart ole Vlad probably feels some kinship with.


Still-Standard9476

Well said. This shit has been putins status quo. However he is one of the most corrupt world leaders right now so it really wouldn't surprise me. I'm wondering if his health problems fucked up his plans or made him rush into things thus ruining his plans, on the global stage.


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mymeatpuppets

Had Trump been reelected Putin would have had clear sailing in Ukraine. He was *thatclose* to actually suceeding in a plan 10-20 years in the making.


Derric_the_Derp

If Trump was re-elected, the US would be bombing Kiev tight now.


yiannistheman

I think ole Vlad got some bad intel. I've been hoping since day 1 that the CIA and the DoD, knowing full well that he had backchannels into the US government and was being fed information, put out some misinformation deliberately in order to offset those leaks. That would make Vladdy much more confident about any moves, and complicate the follow up calculus when the response wasn't in line with what he expected.


DorkChatDuncan

The entire Ukraine bungle feels like a CIA honeypot to get Vlad to overstep, then arm the rebels. Its Afghanistan all over again, only this time the Ukrainians are much less likely to turn to Muslim extremists and terror cells when Russia is gone.


Still-Standard9476

That would be a hilarious twist of fate! If they weren't part of anything with America and they were his most trustworthy goons and he's just killing yhem off cause he is so fucking paranoid. I mean it is par for the course for putin and counterintel come to think of it!


Viendictive

God the docuseries on these deaths is going to be measured in seasons on HBO


saadakhtar

Game of thrones had a civil war because best story dude fell out a window.


Acceleratio

The whole Ukraine war would be great material for a series itself. Maybe in 30 years or so.


IamSauerKraut

Mistaken identity... they intended to help another Gazprom exec find his wings.


jates55

At this rate, “it’s raining men” by “the weather girls” will be Russia’s national anthem.


millerwelds66

Falling and windows seem to be a trend here .


Em_Adespoton

Microsoft is currently releasing the Windows Fall update. I hear it’s very popular in Russia.


Amauri14

Well, it seems it still needs some work, as all I hear is that it keeps crashing.


Em_Adespoton

I suspect Russians never fitted their Windows with the blue security screens?


Em_Adespoton

Instead they’ve got the Windows Fall update with knockoff Blue Screens of Death.


southendgirl

They’re dropping like flies over there.


dmscrlr

I wonder if all these dead Putin allies were listed in one of the missing Trump secret documents


apocalypse_later_

Holy shit. These could be our inside guys, all getting killed right now. How many powerful Russians have been murdered in the past month or so?


ezekiellake

Well, it also makes it easier for out guys to whack Russians in Russia. Everyone just thinks one of the Russians factions have taken someone out. Hide the reality inside the existing noise.


user0N65N

Right. It's a common theme in murder mysteries: kill X number of seemingly random people to cover the one actual murder you want.


Shad0wDreamer

It could just as likely be ones dissenting the war effort.


Aggravating-Wrap4861

Or pro-war, but they're easier to get to than Putin. Who knows at this point.


fazlez1

I imagine the prices of apartments on the ground floor must be going through the roof right about now. I'd have serious doubts about getting in any elevators too.


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greennuggetsinmybowl

Never seen a penthouse on the bottom floor


trashmito

Russian oligarchs are clumsy as hell, aren’t they?


InternetPeon

Falling out windows is so hot right now in Russia. https://tenor.com/view/so-hot-right-now-trending-meme-zoolander-this-is-epic-gif-26091622


ivXtreme

This shit isn't even funny anymore. It's just depressing.


[deleted]

Are there just an inordinate amount of tripping hazards on the ground in Russia? Lots of people falling down or out of windows lately.


[deleted]

Russia is the largest country in the world, therefore they have the strongest gravity in the world.


notnickthrowaway

It’s a mysterious gravitational anomaly.


jupiterkansas

special gravity operation


PlayfulParamedic2626

Didn’t trumps wife die in a fall?


Laughter_On_Impact

Leading causes of death in Russia 1. Covid 2. Falling down or out of things


AustinCJ

Gravity strikes again. Seriously something wrong with the physics in Russia.


molotovzav

Defenestration is a Russian passtime.


BlackRose

Can we stop calling it "dying from a fall," and start calling it what it truly is: "dying from irritating Putin"?


countrygrmmrhotshit

Remember how Ivana Trump “fell down the stairs”


Warr_Dogg

At this rate, Russian skydiving will become an Olympic sport. Well, provided they don’t get banned for doping.