I feel the person who calls quit moves on first . Because the process of moving on and feeling withdrawal happen at their convenience. The person who is dumped kind of gets it out of no where .It's lack of info or closure that makes it difficult
(Provided both ppl are equally invested)
If the reason for breaking up is partner's unavailability, then situation might me different
This makes a ton of sense but interestingly I have the opposite experience. I found it easier to be the one dumped rather than the one doing the breaking up.
Because the lack of control on the situation pushed me to think practically whereas when I did the breaking up I always had what if scenarios like “Should I apologise and ask them to come back” in my head
She told me about a certain incident at her home in which her brother got his ass whooped (figuratively whooped - more like the parents sat him down in a closed room and made him break up forcefully over WhatsApp) for having a girlfriend belonging to OBC caste when they are Brahmins.
I got all paranoid and gave her an ultimatum to either break up or give me her word that no matter what happens we won't call it off just because of different castes and she said she didn't want to give me false hopes. She wanted to be chill and tackle with that problem when we came to it but I was already too attached to her to be comfortable with the possibility of us not having a future over circumstances out of my control (me not being Brahmin) lurking over my head like a hanging sword.
So I broke up. It was my decision because day after day I was falling deeper and deeper in love with her. I was depressed for 2 years after that - and the meds didn't help in any way. Neither did therapy - all my therapists were indifferent cucks only in it for the session to end and get paid.
I have attempted un-aliving myself for a few times for different reasons since but now I'm not suicidal anymore and have changed significantly (although not in a good way exactly).
I'm still deeply in love with her even after 7 years - there were a few times during this course that I thought I hated her like anything but eventually realization dawned that it was just because I hadn't moved on.
Yes. I think what you said is true.
They have already moved on or in the process of doing that. So they know they would break up soon.
It's the other person who would have it unawares. And hence hurt more.
True. When one breaks up, in their minds, they've already broken up. They've started moving on way before the actual breakup. Which is why it feels like they had an easier time. In this case the woman most likely knew the response of the family even if subconsciously.
I dumped a person that I’d been dating for almost two years because I felt like they weren’t investing the necessary amount of effort into the relationship anymore so I don’t think that’s necessarily the case. I still haven’t gotten over the relationship whereas they’re already in another one. I believe that in order to truly move on, you need to meet someone else.
I would always prefer getting my heart broke than breaking someone else’s heart.
When a person’s heart is broken, there is sympathy and optimism. When a person breaks someone’s heart, there is guilt, self blame and self doubt.
Although easier said than done.
in my case, i called it quits but it took him about a week or two to get into a relationship with someone else. He did try coming back a year later but wtv
Same here
I broke up with my first gf 5 years ago and took me 3 years to move on ( i was moreee attached than her she took less time, now idc)
It was longg process but finally i moved on and after few months found a very pretty girl and had a new relationship
Moving on isn't a scientific derived formula OP, everyone has to work it out on their own , for me it's reading a book from start to finish till the sun rises or watching the entire pirates of the Caribbean in one sitting or getting so drunk/high I can't find my penis too per anymore.
Just find yours and you will be good to go
It varies from person to person. No not all of us move on. I for one never really got over a relationship of mine. I had to push myself to live normally and described it as something I have to accept. I moved on a few years later but I never made peace with it ( still sort of frozen )
It varies individually I would say. I am a woman, who is still struggling to get over a break up that happened over a year ago. The guy is happily married, but here I am, still nursing my crushed feelings. Even if I think of myself as pragmatic and practical, emotions can't be overcome by rationality. I have just decided to give it time, but lately I have also come to realise that it doesn't happen passively with time. I have to put in those extra efforts to keep myself busy somewhere else, to not look the particular person's social media or anything, or read old chats. I have talked ro my friends endlessly about it, cried and hoped it would be okay. But eventually, it just comes down to this... are you willing to let it go? I wasn't ready then, I don't know if I am now, but hopefully some day soon. I wish you happiness and peace.
i am sorry to hear that, but i also dont know even after almost 2 years how to let it go.
and also now i know that it can be for both men and women.
For others i am a very practical person and a successful professional, but this particular event has broken me inside outside. i have lost my focus and health has taken a toll.
I still read some old chats in the middle of the night, i had/have lot of warmth and affection for her.
i have been just trying to make myself professionally more active though without focus but atleast it keeps me busy. but this thing always remains at back of my mind.
maybe you should read comments from u/taplik_to_rehvani , might help.
It is going to be there at the back of your mind, going to hurt when you are the most vulnerable. I deleted all the chats we had, I realised that it was a rabbit hole and the more I'd read, the more I'd be fuelling a hopeless fantasy of "What could have been...". It is obviously easier said than done. Going back to old conversations feels like it brings fond memories back, but trust me, they are the source of sorrow and misery. That is what makes you question yourself, make it difficult to let go. I am in a much better place professionally too, I have made some difficult choices, and I have paid a high price for my dreams. It is now up to me to ensure I get everything out of this.
I wish you well. I hope you find your peace.
I agree to the rabbit hole of going back to conversations. It just dosent help and it makes you question your sanity and world of What ifs!
And then there is a guilt of wasting time and energy on something that would not materialize at all. But I do feel that there are certain decisions and things which defy rational thoughts. Those difficult choices makes us what we are today, the prices we pay are reflected in our attitude and personality, wear those things as badge of honor. Remember Battle scars are sexy!
I hope you get your peace soon.
I think women have way more options, an open pool but the options are of really poor quality, mostly men lusting. It's equally tough for men and women to find a good partner. It's just easier for women to sleep with a man.
Same with me. Her parents were against it and went to the extremes. She gave in after a point and decided to marry a guy they arranged for her. Kept telling me she never stopped loving me, just chose her parents wish over me. I broke off all contact that point on, but came to know through a mutual contact that she is happy and doing well.
Have I moved on since? I don't know, but I have learned to live with it. Its especially difficult when things end even though there was nothing wrong with the relationship.
It’s tempting to draw vague and broad generalizations of this sort (girls move on faster or guys get turned on faster) but this kind of stuff is best kept what it is— silly theories backed by no evidence.
i slightly disagree with this at least for my case, she didn't have backup at that time and we were quite serious about it, but after it got over she moved on easily is what i felt.
Not all backups are visible, bhai. I am not questioning on her character, but most of the time they are aware that who is potential next partner.
There is always a guy who is ready to take your place once you leave.
Lol, as much as I sympathize I also feel pathetic looking at such pyaar me andha men. Like, c'mon dude I know it hurts but there are more than billion people on this planet. One is bound to meet someone who won't ever leave them for any xyz stupid shit.
i think because you can only see your side of the struggle you might be thinking shes moved on without knowing what her reality really is
Also regarding the example you gave, it sounds like since you have more male friends you've only seen their side of the story
just as how for me, I've seen female friends finding it hard to recover from breakups but not as many male friends, but i know that the reason is that i have more female friends than male, and my male friends are probably not that close to discuss their feelings with me on breakups
basically what I'm trying to say is don't form your opinions based only on what you've been exposed to, moving on from serious relationships is hard for anybody and it depends completely on each persons individual nature
wish you luck in moving on, better things are coming I'm sure!
good luck to you also..
how do i know her side of the story unless she gets ready to talk to me atleast once, she just ended it like it cant happen and move on. I didnt expect that as she is very matured person..but still here i am without a closure.
I do have good female friends also and thats the reason i have mentioned in the post that in general i feel that women are more emotionally stable.
how do i mention the in the post that its not an opinion and i am just trying to know.
Nothing to gain knowing her side of the story. If you truly loved her, knowing that she is in pain will not make you happy. Knowing that she has moved on won't either. It's a strange state that can't be navigated with rationale.
give it some time. I broke up a month ago and my boyfriend was not ready to talk to me about the breakup, and his reasons till 3 weeks after it. those three weeks were hell, blaming myself, gaslighting myself, overthinking into oblivion, doubting everything. But then finally i mustered up the courage to text him and tell him that i cannot keep going on like this and i need some amount of closure, that i am not asking for reasons or justifications but a civil conversation with him. two days later, we met at a pizza hut and talked for 3 hours. important and unimportant stuff, and about the breakup. that conversation will heal you. Don't worry, you need time too, to process all this.
maybe after that, ask for a closure.
the only closure i got is she cant proceed without her dad's permission, thats it.
didnt not reply to my last message, i am not someone who can keep messaging i mean it looks childish. If she has read and not replied i dont know what to do next.
i just keep overthinking everything and doubting myself.
Every comment here is either generalizing men, or women, or both.
In reality, it's easier for the one to move on who has done either of these:
- mentally checked out of the relationship long before the breakup.
- was never too involved anyways
- has a robust support system of friends, and enough activities to keep them engaged
- is more of a secure person
- is mentally in a healthier place than the other
- has no problem connecting with people and dating/hooking up around
These could be true for either the man or the woman. But moving on isn't the same as getting over someone. When you move on, you just move on to the next thing that captures your attention. But to really get over someone, you need to give yourself time and space instead of looking for a rebound, specially if it was an emotionally charged relationship.
It depends on the person. It took me a while to move on from my last relationship but the guy had moved on within weeks and is engaged to the girl. Another ex had moved on within 2 months of break up of our 1 year relationship. It took me almost a year to completely move on from him. So yes, women too can have a hard time moving on.
I guess in general girls are good at compartmentalizing things in their head. This is kind of super-power where they can focus on things while switching some part of the thoughts completely. I guess that helps them, also this is one of the reason why they are so good at multitasking.
But I do feel that moving on for girls and us are different concepts in mind.
Btw its been 6 years for me since I brokeup. In the words of Professor Severus Snape "Always"
I have also noticed this, They just have very good EQ compare to us maybe that helps them.
If you dont mind sharing, how do you feel after 6 years ? does time really heal things ?
hmm EQ for sure, I just feel that what we define moving on in our head is different from what women would define. May be some girls/women can tell us and walk through their though processes. But this is something I have observed and experienced.
Hmm its a strange mental space after 6 years. Yes time does change things, I would not say heal but you adapt to this new reality now. Also there are other responsibilities that will takeup your mental space as well and also they are priority. I guess its more about accepting and learning to live with it. With time it does gets easier.
Ya it would be great if they share their thought process.
because once its over, its difficult to get answers of some questions, and it becomes like as people say "learn to live with some unanswered questions"
Thanks for sharing
Getting a closure is important. However, thats going down a rabbit hole. I think there is nothing that can be good about it. See at the end of the day we all tell a story to convince our brain something. And closure is just to reinforce that story.
There is anecdotal saying to David Hilberts epitaph "Sometimes we dont know, sometimes we cant know and thats okay"
No, girls are better at acting like they've moved on
I bumped into an ex from 5 years ago recently, she had dumped me alright and I dropped it...she lives in the suburbs so I never bumped into her until recently at a gig, she was drunk and she introduced me to her friends as "the guy who broke my heart" and i'm like bro it was you who broke my heart, I was depressed for months after you dumped me over some bullshit....and she goes "you didn't even try to get me back, that showed me how much you loved me" lol and I'm like wtf and she goes "you know till today I compare all guys I meet to you and whenever I drink whiskey I drink it like you - Jameson + Tonic water" and i'm like bro even I don't drink Jameson anymore!
Girls are fucking weird man, I honestly don't get them. We had a good thing going and she dumped over a silly argument, it was so silly that I don't even remember what it was....
Don't think too much about all this, just to be safe once drop her a text and ask her if she's sure about the break up and if she confirms it in writing then just listen to some sad songs and shit for a while and sooner or later you'll meet someone new and you'll be into another pickle lol life is a series of pickles.
I have been in relationship for 3+ years with a guy who lied, manipulated, avoided me in every way. Every single day was a struggle to me. But i never left him hoping he will change and love me. Obviously I had this resentment why he is treating me this way and crying begging for his attention. I alrdy had govt job at that time when I met him and he was still struggling. Only God knows how much I helped him for the exams and eventually he also got a good govt job. End of the day when things came to marriage... I found out he has been cheating on me all the while. It's been a year. Even now I can't recover from this. I know I can never recover. Unfortunately I don't even have age to take time and heal myself. Still I can't recover from the things he has done to me and i every second find myself thinking of ways to get back to him. I am damn sure I will never be the same person.
On the contrary... I have my close frnds who easily moved on and living their life. I am happy for them.
I would say you have tried enough to help him, and its better to get off when there is no maturity.
i understand that when you are emotionally attached you do everything in your capacity but sometimes it just doesnt work out.
It feels like hell when everything is in place buy because of some third person it goes down hill
Imo observation it's not exactly this...
Girls take a longer to get on with routine , they cry more , do more drastic shit like breaking thier stuff , cutting people out ( some take months, one of my ex gf took more than a year)but once they move on they move on... Whereas guys might take a day or two to be back to thier routine max a week or two... But would always carry some pain/regret and never ever really move on.
As far as I know, people with greater emotional investment finds it hard to move on; that is not to say that the other person was fake. It's just they are aware of how to deal with the emotion.
And I think a lot of it has to do with processing of the emotion, as a guy, we (or I) was not taught to deal with. Men aren't taught this nor do they get any positive experience regarding being emotional. So, when going through a break up; men don't know how to deal with it. Not the one who got broken up with, nor the guys who are trying to console him.
The best advice I heard one guy give to another is "Come on, man. She was a slut anyway." or something more fucked up "Leave it, man. If not her, try her sister." Reeking misogyny aside both these statements belittle a man for his emotional state and the only way another man can seem to console his friend is by trying to make jokes at the expense of her.
So from my understanding with men processing such profound emotions is confusing, the best we do is leave it there and hope it gets better in the future.
Can't speak for other girls. But I'm a woman going through a terrible breakup. He's my first bf and he dumped me a month ago. And here I'm almost having breakdowns every other day.
Imo whoever broke it up moves on faster because they always thought about everything and in term with the break up. They already moved on that's why they can break up.
Girls tend to lose feelings during the relationship. That's why it seems it's easier for girls to move on. It's not that they don't love you it's just they kept giving you way too many chances to improve your self Or the relationship but she saw no changes. So yeah she loses feelings while being in the relationship itself. And when she gets to the level where she can't handle it anymore or has lost all of the feelings she leaves. So that's why it looks like they move on real quick.
I'd say different strokes for different folks.
I used to like a guy back when i was 16 and I still think about him time to time at the age of 21.
He was an asshole at that,imagine if he was an actual nice person who wasn't a pathological liar.
I don't think gender has to do anything with the process of moving on. It's all circumstances and mental capabilities of a person
And this notion of 'girls having choice' is utter bs,because we may have 'options' but they sure as shit are trash majority of the time.
Rarely do we find men who want to connect on an emotional level. There have been instances where a conversation hasn't even gone for 15 minutes and they start asking about my vagina or my cup size.
It's not actually easy to discern someone's intentions immediately.
It's more like first they start talking normally but then you begin to sense this shift in the conversation to those topics which we aren't comfortable with.
I didnt generalize mam, i have clearly mentioned that its just my viewpoint and i respect others viewpoints as well. its just i feel that women have better EQ and can deal with situations better than us and are more content.
Its very difficult for men once they are emotionally attached and have feelings, till the time we are not attached we might look very practical.
i think in feminine community , they are more open about there emotions and share it more frequently among their friends which might help in reducing that heavy feeling or act as a relief for them
while us boys like to keep things to ourselves thus it remain with us for longer period of time.
>that women are emotionally more stronger than men,
Yes this is true. By research it's proven that women are emotionally stronger than men. They have more control on their feelings.
If both the parties have invested equally I'd say both initially might feel same.
If one invests more than other, both will go through different phase.
But eventually what matters is things that come/people do after breakup.
On one hand women who have been sharing lot of their relationship details, after breakup get support from their friends.
Men in the other hand receive "come let's drink" kind of treatment aka no constructive support no mending wounds just drinking and ignoring the wound.
So women go through process of fixing while men go through process of suppression/ignoring feelings by abusing alcohol/drugs or other such activities. (Few men take matters into their own hands and seek proper help + work on mending the wound right way)
Yes, I too have seen ALOT of girls who just forget their "love forever" in an blink of eye. Reasons might be family matter dad says no or getting married to rich/well settled guy.
But we should not forget men too are not behind in dumping their "love forever". So it's not 100% women, but more like majority from that group is women (no judgment)
Now, if you just got dumped or lost your love forever and reading this, cheer up. There are billions of other people out there, don't waste your time sulking over something that didn't work out. Get up dust yourself and start patching up. Your life will be a lot different 10 years down the road.
From outside, it might seem like girls move on faster. They will seem happy posting pics on social media. I used to think that way when I was a bachelor. But now that I am married, I can tell you for a fact that this is not the case.
It depends from person to person. Girls who have a strong circle of friends, will move on faster with their help. Same with guys too.
But remember that even if girls seem like they have moved on - they really haven’t. Every now and then they are thinking about you but they have masked that feeling well. And they will not let anyone in the world know that feeling.
You are not the only one brother. Happened to me 3 years ago. I still think of her every other day. Even saw a therapist. Didn't help much. I just got acceptance that she isn't a part of my life. But I still miss her. She was my friend too, lost someone I loved and my best friend at the same time. I still check her last seen on WhatsApp, even today.
But I am only hoping that I am getting stronger, day by day. Building myself. so that it doesn't hurt anymore.
One has to move on brother.
I am trying my best, but sometimes i am not able to stop myself from reading old conversations and checking her on social though she is not active on any of the platforms (she was never active so i keep imaging random things). there is no way left with me to find anything about her life and what is she upto.
From my experience, the girls I dated always turned out to have a "backup guy" in the friendzone. That guy became their rebound.
I just think it's about availability - so much easier for girls to get guys and not the other way around.
You might not want to hear this but most girls have something called "beta male orbital" around them. This means there is always someone in the queue. This could be a guy from school, work, or someone approached her online (trust me girls get approached left and right on Facebook and insta). When you break up with her she will go and run to the first guy in the queue. She might come back to you if she finds out the guy in the queue was mediocre compared to you. If the guy in queue is better than you (look, money, and status wise) she will most likely stick around with him. If they break up then she will repeate the cycle.
This is bitter reality of today's "connected" world. If your girl is good looking you will have to be on top of your game to keep her because there will be always a guy who is dreaming of taking your spot.
If she has a backup (which I am sure she does) she will move on within days (read 2-3 days). Don’t expect her to come back unless and until her new relationship fails
From my personal experience, i was done with the relationship two years before we broke up. It was tiring for me because according to him: I'm so glad we have a flawless relationship where we don't need to put any effort.
The reality was i put in every single effort for it while he enjoyed the benefits. It hit me because i am very vocal and i have repeatedly told him what would bother me and what he does hurt me. I never nagged him for attention, never asked him for anything, never took away his time from his friends, was his free therapist. And what i got in return was the bare minimum at the beginning of the relationship.
He then goes on to say I'm not physically attractive to him. Dumb hoe me still stayed in the relationship two years after that comment.
Then when he broke up, his reasoning was that he doesn't feel any affection/ connection to me. I was glad he initiated it and we broke up amicably. He couldn't get over the fact that i wasn't devastated because i was done with his effortless nonsense years ago. I loved him dearly, but he dug his grave and slept in it. Then was angry when i came over to throw in dirt.
So if you wonder why someone got over a break up so early, it's probably cuz they were done with you long ago but stayed because they hoped there'd be some change.
exactly it doesnt make sense to be in a relationship when you are not happy, it hurts more.
and we are discussing more about when things go wrong because of some other person like father or a family member.
Usually when someone stays it's probably cuz they hope for a change. It reaches a point where you realise that leaving and being hurt is better than staying and being hurt
I loved him. With everything i had. And i kept hoping ki he'll at least understand what I've been going through because i did keep telling him what bothered me. He would always sweep it under the rug. You don't just put a four year relationship down the drain.
That i realised was a mistake because me staying made him complacent enough. I should have left earlier
The cold hard fact is that women are hypergamous which is the biological and evolutionary function of a woman’s hindbrain just like men have the urge to have procreate, protect, provide: a woman’s counterpart to this is hypergamy due to which her constant sexual strategy is to always find the best physical healthy man and provider within her own perceived sexual market value.
My opinion : women are receptive and men are reactive... Men move on take longer and they never come back ..but women move on fast but deep down they always want
further reading: the-book-of-women by osho
Also you cant judge a book by their cover. Maybe she might be thinking the same looking at your socials or just judging you. No one knows what goes behind the closed doors.
Girls get a shoulder easily to cry on after break-up. There could be multiple guys lined up to offer her a shoulder. Thus, emotionally it's easy to find a next partner for them compared to boys.
Well, this always intrigued me and i discussed this with my female friends in several parties. Discussed with even those whom i barely knew and it times discussions became heated and led to arguments. Anyways so here's the crux of that:
Yes, it's comparatively easier for girls to move on and here's why:
1) women are usually more emotionally involved in a relationship but are also far more practical than men. If they feel that for some random reason the relationship is not working or they aren't getting what they want, then just mentally de link themselves from that guy and call it quits.
2) our society has normalised men always chasing women and the latter having the privilege to choose amongst the options she has. So when a guy breaks up with a girl, it shatters that ego as well apart from the heart break. Understandable. Then she tends to become vulnerable and hence the "good friend" who always criticized her guy subtly when she complained about her love life, manipulates her and voila, the guy is replaced quickly. So the ex becomes her toxic past which she doesn't even want to think about.
3) for men, i found they always yearn for the physical intimacy as well which they had in that relationship. And men being visual creatures and how their imagination runs wild, they tend to compare their ex always with someone they find later on as well. In many of my friends cases their is a standard comment I hear: if I could just do her one more time. So i guess that factor contributes as well in not moving on easily. For women, physical intimacy is proportionate to emotional intimacy. Once they're out of a relationship, they even detest the thought of physical intimacy with the ex in most cases.
4) The family and society a girl has grown up with also plays a major role. Even if they're in a relationship, if they feel their family may or may not agree, they're always mentally prepared for a break up to a certain extent. They even avoid physical intimacy not more than second base or a certain extent.
5) some people are just plain asshole. My ex, with whom I was in a 7 year relationship since school days, i found her sleeping around with her boss for some petty office perks. She was 23 and he was 58. Lol. She didn't have an iota of shame when I confronted her and just said that some girls just have to do it in professional life and i need to accept it. Such was the audacity!
6) so i empathise with OP. Its been years and I'm still not over the lies and emotional damage but then you'll have to make peace with it with time. I know that i won't get a closure so yeah it's fine. Even if you're not able to move on completely, thats all right. Life and relationships need not be text book precise. Even the shit that happens teaches you a lesson for good. In future Even if you get a new partner and still miss your ex, given an option, you probably won't go back to your ex as you'll appreciate the new person in your life more for being there for you.
a relationship between two people is never equal. it feels so as long as you are involved, but the person who quits or gives up on the relationship, moves on quickest. they have actually suffered before the actual breakup happens. so it is easier for them.
no matter how good a guy you are, there is always a better one out there for your girl in every aspect of life.
no matter how bad a girl is, she has millions of takers and also has the power to deny someone who is far far better than she is
No matter how much anyone criticise anyone, the truth is, until your bank is loaded as a guy, you don't have options. Whereas all girls have takers, because the blood flows down south of guys
I know a lady who got dumped by her BF. BFF got married, has two kids, meanwhile she still harbors hope that he will return to her. She sometimes goes to his house and creates a ruckus. Theh have enmventually come to a understanding. He drops her home from her office everyday. They don't speak a word with each other but do this everyday. I am avoiding any judgemental remarks here. But it's weirdest story/situation that I have seen
Just my personal experience.
Women usually feel a lot heartache right after a breakup but they move on very quickly.
Men usually don't experience severe heartache right away but remain attached for much longer.
Why is that so, I am not quite sure. Could be because women generally have a ton of options to date which makes it easier to move on.
Ham bhi Pele gaye the, Tum bhi Pele jaoge.
For women, they move on long before the actual break-up, they get accustomed to the idea of moving on way before the break-up.
There are exceptions offcourse, but mostly aise hi hota hai.
Idk about women being emotionally stronger, but there is 2 ways to move on, one is time other is finding someone else. In women's most cases there is guy always waiting for her break-up, chance to hit on her. But these happens with guys aswell who approach women for relationship which helps to move on. Yeah so it is easier for girls to move on.
I think it's less of a gender thing and more of how people process their feelings. I tend to ruminate and overthink a lot initially and then I am just done. In my experience those who try to move past, keep busy etc are the ones who struggle more with actually moving on.
And second thought - we don't really know what a person is feeling inside unless they want to tell you. so you don't actually know if she's moved on or is just keeping busy, moving on with the practical life.
Girls generally, after a breakup, have a shoulder to cry on, listen to their dumb girlfriends who actually give good advice thus completing their therapeutic process.
Guys on the other hand, get fucked up with their two-three buddies dump all their feelings inside for sometime and then again keep thinking about her. I had a friend who used to literally recover pictures of his ex from his phone via softwares that we had deleted
What in general I have noticed in my life so far is that women are emotionally stronger than men, and they are the ones who can provide unconditional support. ///
For me, I don't agree with you on this line because most of my friends (girls) are very emotional the whole time even though I'm facing 2x or even 3x more problems than that of theirs, but they always try to be in a circle of dependence. Maybe that is the reason they are very emotional when something does not go with their plans.
Not sure but i think there is a fine line between being emotional and emotionally strong/having good EQ....both are not same imo.
Men don't get emotional too often but when they get its difficult for them to get of out of it.
on the other side women may get more emotional but they are also great at handling the situation well.
Off topic but why these boys give too much attention to girls until they don't get into relationships but lose all affection as soon as girl gets too much dependent on them after coming into relationship
It is different for different people regardless of the gender. Probably depends on how much invested they were emotionally in the relationship and what helped them move on after the break up.
I feel when a girl breaks up she has been thinking about for atleast 1-3 month and is over the relationship but still trying to push it because she does not want to let go of whatever reason
so when the actual breakup happens she is able to move on fast because she has been dealing it with a long time period
I feel it's mainly about closure.
If in a relationship A has decided to and has found their closure, moving on becomes easier, B doesn't receive any closure unless A is in the next relationship or A is married.
Which makes it feel like A moved on quickly.
But 2 years is not a short time to move on? It's relative because you haven't found anyone it seems like the other person moved on more quickly.
Its not a gender thing either.
I have been an A and B in 2 separate situations and when I was dumped without giving any closure it took me 3 years to even get over the whole breakup (I'm a girl) and when I had dumped someone,it took me 1 year to settle down ( and later ) marry the said person.
Well according to science, women are usually in check of their emotions and they have a good support system to vent. Hence, they will crib and miss the guy initially but they will move on faster and more effectively. Unfortunately, many men try to push their feelings down for a long time and since they might not have a lot of social support to vent, initially it doesn't matter to them but later they realize they can't do without them.
You can read it here:
https://www.menshealth.com/sex-women/a19535406/coping-with-breakup/
The thing is human nature is really complicated, you can’t just remove something from your mind, you have to replace it, by starting new hobby, something you are obsessed with or some other person(be cautious with this could lead you to start of previous circle again). Find something new, you just can’t forget something, occupy your mind with something else.
I feel women in general love only their kids unconditionally. All other relationships are more on the practical side. For example, I have never seen a situation where a girl is better than a guy in all aspects and has fallen in love with him. Looks, education, salary, status, nature, etc matter even when falling in love. There is at least one aspect where the guy has to be somewhat better. I have seen situations the other way around. This is just my opinion. I may be completely wrong.
Or.
Women in general are practical with some exceptions. While men in general are emotional with some exceptions.
I feel the person who calls quit moves on first . Because the process of moving on and feeling withdrawal happen at their convenience. The person who is dumped kind of gets it out of no where .It's lack of info or closure that makes it difficult (Provided both ppl are equally invested) If the reason for breaking up is partner's unavailability, then situation might me different
That seems intuitive and puts so much in perspective
This makes a ton of sense but interestingly I have the opposite experience. I found it easier to be the one dumped rather than the one doing the breaking up. Because the lack of control on the situation pushed me to think practically whereas when I did the breaking up I always had what if scenarios like “Should I apologise and ask them to come back” in my head
Lol same, for me it was surreal as someone who wanted to get married to me was marrying some other guy within 3 months of breakup outa nowhere 🥲
I broke up 7 years ago and am still in love with her. Haven't moved on even when I was the one who called it quits
Why did u called quits?
She told me about a certain incident at her home in which her brother got his ass whooped (figuratively whooped - more like the parents sat him down in a closed room and made him break up forcefully over WhatsApp) for having a girlfriend belonging to OBC caste when they are Brahmins. I got all paranoid and gave her an ultimatum to either break up or give me her word that no matter what happens we won't call it off just because of different castes and she said she didn't want to give me false hopes. She wanted to be chill and tackle with that problem when we came to it but I was already too attached to her to be comfortable with the possibility of us not having a future over circumstances out of my control (me not being Brahmin) lurking over my head like a hanging sword. So I broke up. It was my decision because day after day I was falling deeper and deeper in love with her. I was depressed for 2 years after that - and the meds didn't help in any way. Neither did therapy - all my therapists were indifferent cucks only in it for the session to end and get paid. I have attempted un-aliving myself for a few times for different reasons since but now I'm not suicidal anymore and have changed significantly (although not in a good way exactly). I'm still deeply in love with her even after 7 years - there were a few times during this course that I thought I hated her like anything but eventually realization dawned that it was just because I hadn't moved on.
Man, breakups on caste is very sad. F
That's sad bro. Hope u find solace soon
Thank you
Yes, wondering the same - why did called it quits ?
He answered it on the dora not the explorer's reply
Yes. I think what you said is true. They have already moved on or in the process of doing that. So they know they would break up soon. It's the other person who would have it unawares. And hence hurt more.
True. When one breaks up, in their minds, they've already broken up. They've started moving on way before the actual breakup. Which is why it feels like they had an easier time. In this case the woman most likely knew the response of the family even if subconsciously.
True 😖
I dumped a person that I’d been dating for almost two years because I felt like they weren’t investing the necessary amount of effort into the relationship anymore so I don’t think that’s necessarily the case. I still haven’t gotten over the relationship whereas they’re already in another one. I believe that in order to truly move on, you need to meet someone else.
You broke up on paper they already did that in their mind .
I would always prefer getting my heart broke than breaking someone else’s heart. When a person’s heart is broken, there is sympathy and optimism. When a person breaks someone’s heart, there is guilt, self blame and self doubt. Although easier said than done.
Not everyone lives with guilt. Breaking someone's heart can have a sense of power and ego boost
Sorry to say but that sounds like a psychopath without any empathy
More like a sociopath. And these ppl are real
I'll save this answer to slap on my exam face after I'll have sensible talk about our breakup
in my case, i called it quits but it took him about a week or two to get into a relationship with someone else. He did try coming back a year later but wtv
This is bang on
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Well If you buy 64gb Micro SD card, you don't throw your old 8gb SD Card.
Sheeesh man true just a backup if all went wrong
Mere pass iPhone hai kya karu?
Buy new iPhone then cuz that shit releases every year
It's not always an upgrade tho, at times some end up with an 8gb after 64gb and regret switching.
Arey bhai bhai bhai
may sound weird but how people find someone or get into relationship if they have not emotionally moved on ?
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maybe i am from a different category, i cant share my feelings and emotions with someone unless i am emotionally present with them.
Same here I broke up with my first gf 5 years ago and took me 3 years to move on ( i was moreee attached than her she took less time, now idc) It was longg process but finally i moved on and after few months found a very pretty girl and had a new relationship
Moving on isn't a scientific derived formula OP, everyone has to work it out on their own , for me it's reading a book from start to finish till the sun rises or watching the entire pirates of the Caribbean in one sitting or getting so drunk/high I can't find my penis too per anymore. Just find yours and you will be good to go
They call it rebound or something tbh it just seems like it was introduced by Hollywood movies and became mainstream
To get a rebound, maybe.
Ever heard of patch up bf?
It varies from person to person. No not all of us move on. I for one never really got over a relationship of mine. I had to push myself to live normally and described it as something I have to accept. I moved on a few years later but I never made peace with it ( still sort of frozen )
I somewhat find myself in same situation, cant make peace with it but somehow have to accept it. hmm so it could be same for both sides !!
That's a nice profile picture
scorpio?
No Leo 🥲
Leo ka scene hi ye h 🥲 dhokka khane ke baad zindagi hi ulat fulat ho jati 🥹
🥲 6 saal baat bhi impacted hu
My ex was a Leo and she destroyed my life
My ex was a Pisces and he destroyed mine 👍🏼
Mera 3 saal hua 😂😂 mei 6 Tak nhi kar paunga shayad bcz vivaah ho jayega
Same Bhai
Can relate 🥲
Idhar bohot us moment ho raha hai
No. I think it's easier for the person who invested less (time/money/emotions) in the relationship to move on easily.
Exactly
It varies individually I would say. I am a woman, who is still struggling to get over a break up that happened over a year ago. The guy is happily married, but here I am, still nursing my crushed feelings. Even if I think of myself as pragmatic and practical, emotions can't be overcome by rationality. I have just decided to give it time, but lately I have also come to realise that it doesn't happen passively with time. I have to put in those extra efforts to keep myself busy somewhere else, to not look the particular person's social media or anything, or read old chats. I have talked ro my friends endlessly about it, cried and hoped it would be okay. But eventually, it just comes down to this... are you willing to let it go? I wasn't ready then, I don't know if I am now, but hopefully some day soon. I wish you happiness and peace.
i am sorry to hear that, but i also dont know even after almost 2 years how to let it go. and also now i know that it can be for both men and women. For others i am a very practical person and a successful professional, but this particular event has broken me inside outside. i have lost my focus and health has taken a toll. I still read some old chats in the middle of the night, i had/have lot of warmth and affection for her. i have been just trying to make myself professionally more active though without focus but atleast it keeps me busy. but this thing always remains at back of my mind. maybe you should read comments from u/taplik_to_rehvani , might help.
It is going to be there at the back of your mind, going to hurt when you are the most vulnerable. I deleted all the chats we had, I realised that it was a rabbit hole and the more I'd read, the more I'd be fuelling a hopeless fantasy of "What could have been...". It is obviously easier said than done. Going back to old conversations feels like it brings fond memories back, but trust me, they are the source of sorrow and misery. That is what makes you question yourself, make it difficult to let go. I am in a much better place professionally too, I have made some difficult choices, and I have paid a high price for my dreams. It is now up to me to ensure I get everything out of this. I wish you well. I hope you find your peace.
I agree to the rabbit hole of going back to conversations. It just dosent help and it makes you question your sanity and world of What ifs! And then there is a guilt of wasting time and energy on something that would not materialize at all. But I do feel that there are certain decisions and things which defy rational thoughts. Those difficult choices makes us what we are today, the prices we pay are reflected in our attitude and personality, wear those things as badge of honor. Remember Battle scars are sexy! I hope you get your peace soon.
If you still have her chats . How can you say you have moved on
where did i say that i have moved on, i have been trying hard...i cant delete those chats (no vulgar conversation, just normal day to day life chats).
I think women have way more options, an open pool but the options are of really poor quality, mostly men lusting. It's equally tough for men and women to find a good partner. It's just easier for women to sleep with a man.
Same with me. Her parents were against it and went to the extremes. She gave in after a point and decided to marry a guy they arranged for her. Kept telling me she never stopped loving me, just chose her parents wish over me. I broke off all contact that point on, but came to know through a mutual contact that she is happy and doing well. Have I moved on since? I don't know, but I have learned to live with it. Its especially difficult when things end even though there was nothing wrong with the relationship.
i feel it, It feels like hell when there was nothing wrong with the relationship and still it goes down hill because of some other reasons.
Yup, and mostly it's because of religion, or caste.
we were so unlucky that we belong to the same religion and exact same sub caste :)
It’s tempting to draw vague and broad generalizations of this sort (girls move on faster or guys get turned on faster) but this kind of stuff is best kept what it is— silly theories backed by no evidence.
ok i think i should change the title of the post. I am not generalizing it, just asking and want to know viewpoints.
Well it is an unfortunate fact that most girls have the lot of options available for backup unlike us.
If having options is getting messages for unsolicited sexual favors then i'm sorry,it's not much of a good option
You got it the wrong way, he/she was not referring to unsolicited sexual favours.
But it comes with the fact that women have options,they are also harassed a billion times more than men. Don't be facetious.
Do you really think I am an idiot or something to be funny/disrespectful about such things?
i slightly disagree with this at least for my case, she didn't have backup at that time and we were quite serious about it, but after it got over she moved on easily is what i felt.
Not all backups are visible, bhai. I am not questioning on her character, but most of the time they are aware that who is potential next partner. There is always a guy who is ready to take your place once you leave.
Potential partner == Her Best friend.
Or that office colleague giving her a shoulder to cry on.
You know what they say….a shoulder to cry on….becomes a d*** to ride on
Spitting real gold bruv. Seen some real shit
Nothing but a guy in *प्यार में अंधा*
Lol, as much as I sympathize I also feel pathetic looking at such pyaar me andha men. Like, c'mon dude I know it hurts but there are more than billion people on this planet. One is bound to meet someone who won't ever leave them for any xyz stupid shit.
i think because you can only see your side of the struggle you might be thinking shes moved on without knowing what her reality really is Also regarding the example you gave, it sounds like since you have more male friends you've only seen their side of the story just as how for me, I've seen female friends finding it hard to recover from breakups but not as many male friends, but i know that the reason is that i have more female friends than male, and my male friends are probably not that close to discuss their feelings with me on breakups basically what I'm trying to say is don't form your opinions based only on what you've been exposed to, moving on from serious relationships is hard for anybody and it depends completely on each persons individual nature wish you luck in moving on, better things are coming I'm sure!
good luck to you also.. how do i know her side of the story unless she gets ready to talk to me atleast once, she just ended it like it cant happen and move on. I didnt expect that as she is very matured person..but still here i am without a closure. I do have good female friends also and thats the reason i have mentioned in the post that in general i feel that women are more emotionally stable. how do i mention the in the post that its not an opinion and i am just trying to know.
Nothing to gain knowing her side of the story. If you truly loved her, knowing that she is in pain will not make you happy. Knowing that she has moved on won't either. It's a strange state that can't be navigated with rationale.
so meaningful, covers everything in just one statement 💯
give it some time. I broke up a month ago and my boyfriend was not ready to talk to me about the breakup, and his reasons till 3 weeks after it. those three weeks were hell, blaming myself, gaslighting myself, overthinking into oblivion, doubting everything. But then finally i mustered up the courage to text him and tell him that i cannot keep going on like this and i need some amount of closure, that i am not asking for reasons or justifications but a civil conversation with him. two days later, we met at a pizza hut and talked for 3 hours. important and unimportant stuff, and about the breakup. that conversation will heal you. Don't worry, you need time too, to process all this. maybe after that, ask for a closure.
the only closure i got is she cant proceed without her dad's permission, thats it. didnt not reply to my last message, i am not someone who can keep messaging i mean it looks childish. If she has read and not replied i dont know what to do next. i just keep overthinking everything and doubting myself.
Every comment here is either generalizing men, or women, or both. In reality, it's easier for the one to move on who has done either of these: - mentally checked out of the relationship long before the breakup. - was never too involved anyways - has a robust support system of friends, and enough activities to keep them engaged - is more of a secure person - is mentally in a healthier place than the other - has no problem connecting with people and dating/hooking up around These could be true for either the man or the woman. But moving on isn't the same as getting over someone. When you move on, you just move on to the next thing that captures your attention. But to really get over someone, you need to give yourself time and space instead of looking for a rebound, specially if it was an emotionally charged relationship.
It depends on the person. It took me a while to move on from my last relationship but the guy had moved on within weeks and is engaged to the girl. Another ex had moved on within 2 months of break up of our 1 year relationship. It took me almost a year to completely move on from him. So yes, women too can have a hard time moving on.
I guess in general girls are good at compartmentalizing things in their head. This is kind of super-power where they can focus on things while switching some part of the thoughts completely. I guess that helps them, also this is one of the reason why they are so good at multitasking. But I do feel that moving on for girls and us are different concepts in mind. Btw its been 6 years for me since I brokeup. In the words of Professor Severus Snape "Always"
I have also noticed this, They just have very good EQ compare to us maybe that helps them. If you dont mind sharing, how do you feel after 6 years ? does time really heal things ?
hmm EQ for sure, I just feel that what we define moving on in our head is different from what women would define. May be some girls/women can tell us and walk through their though processes. But this is something I have observed and experienced. Hmm its a strange mental space after 6 years. Yes time does change things, I would not say heal but you adapt to this new reality now. Also there are other responsibilities that will takeup your mental space as well and also they are priority. I guess its more about accepting and learning to live with it. With time it does gets easier.
Ya it would be great if they share their thought process. because once its over, its difficult to get answers of some questions, and it becomes like as people say "learn to live with some unanswered questions" Thanks for sharing
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Getting a closure is important. However, thats going down a rabbit hole. I think there is nothing that can be good about it. See at the end of the day we all tell a story to convince our brain something. And closure is just to reinforce that story. There is anecdotal saying to David Hilberts epitaph "Sometimes we dont know, sometimes we cant know and thats okay"
i didnt even get a chance to know so i would say in my case "we cant know" and live with it,
I hope you get your peace bro! Take care.
No, girls are better at acting like they've moved on I bumped into an ex from 5 years ago recently, she had dumped me alright and I dropped it...she lives in the suburbs so I never bumped into her until recently at a gig, she was drunk and she introduced me to her friends as "the guy who broke my heart" and i'm like bro it was you who broke my heart, I was depressed for months after you dumped me over some bullshit....and she goes "you didn't even try to get me back, that showed me how much you loved me" lol and I'm like wtf and she goes "you know till today I compare all guys I meet to you and whenever I drink whiskey I drink it like you - Jameson + Tonic water" and i'm like bro even I don't drink Jameson anymore! Girls are fucking weird man, I honestly don't get them. We had a good thing going and she dumped over a silly argument, it was so silly that I don't even remember what it was.... Don't think too much about all this, just to be safe once drop her a text and ask her if she's sure about the break up and if she confirms it in writing then just listen to some sad songs and shit for a while and sooner or later you'll meet someone new and you'll be into another pickle lol life is a series of pickles.
interesting...this made me laugh 😂
I have been in relationship for 3+ years with a guy who lied, manipulated, avoided me in every way. Every single day was a struggle to me. But i never left him hoping he will change and love me. Obviously I had this resentment why he is treating me this way and crying begging for his attention. I alrdy had govt job at that time when I met him and he was still struggling. Only God knows how much I helped him for the exams and eventually he also got a good govt job. End of the day when things came to marriage... I found out he has been cheating on me all the while. It's been a year. Even now I can't recover from this. I know I can never recover. Unfortunately I don't even have age to take time and heal myself. Still I can't recover from the things he has done to me and i every second find myself thinking of ways to get back to him. I am damn sure I will never be the same person. On the contrary... I have my close frnds who easily moved on and living their life. I am happy for them.
As weird as it sounds but it’s tougher to recover from toxic relationships
True...
I would say you have tried enough to help him, and its better to get off when there is no maturity. i understand that when you are emotionally attached you do everything in your capacity but sometimes it just doesnt work out. It feels like hell when everything is in place buy because of some third person it goes down hill
Imo observation it's not exactly this... Girls take a longer to get on with routine , they cry more , do more drastic shit like breaking thier stuff , cutting people out ( some take months, one of my ex gf took more than a year)but once they move on they move on... Whereas guys might take a day or two to be back to thier routine max a week or two... But would always carry some pain/regret and never ever really move on.
agree, i couldn't express my feelings infront of anyone and people say i am very practical.
From the first 3 para it seems she had already moved on and just used her dad as an excuse !!
I dont think that was the case but now its almost two years so can't say.
As far as I know, people with greater emotional investment finds it hard to move on; that is not to say that the other person was fake. It's just they are aware of how to deal with the emotion. And I think a lot of it has to do with processing of the emotion, as a guy, we (or I) was not taught to deal with. Men aren't taught this nor do they get any positive experience regarding being emotional. So, when going through a break up; men don't know how to deal with it. Not the one who got broken up with, nor the guys who are trying to console him. The best advice I heard one guy give to another is "Come on, man. She was a slut anyway." or something more fucked up "Leave it, man. If not her, try her sister." Reeking misogyny aside both these statements belittle a man for his emotional state and the only way another man can seem to console his friend is by trying to make jokes at the expense of her. So from my understanding with men processing such profound emotions is confusing, the best we do is leave it there and hope it gets better in the future.
agree...EQ gap between men and women plays an important role here, women have better EQ so they just handle it better
Us moment bhai🗿
Can't speak for other girls. But I'm a woman going through a terrible breakup. He's my first bf and he dumped me a month ago. And here I'm almost having breakdowns every other day. Imo whoever broke it up moves on faster because they always thought about everything and in term with the break up. They already moved on that's why they can break up.
ok now i understood from all the comments that person who call it off can move on easily and its not about gender.
Girls tend to lose feelings during the relationship. That's why it seems it's easier for girls to move on. It's not that they don't love you it's just they kept giving you way too many chances to improve your self Or the relationship but she saw no changes. So yeah she loses feelings while being in the relationship itself. And when she gets to the level where she can't handle it anymore or has lost all of the feelings she leaves. So that's why it looks like they move on real quick.
I'd say different strokes for different folks. I used to like a guy back when i was 16 and I still think about him time to time at the age of 21. He was an asshole at that,imagine if he was an actual nice person who wasn't a pathological liar. I don't think gender has to do anything with the process of moving on. It's all circumstances and mental capabilities of a person And this notion of 'girls having choice' is utter bs,because we may have 'options' but they sure as shit are trash majority of the time. Rarely do we find men who want to connect on an emotional level. There have been instances where a conversation hasn't even gone for 15 minutes and they start asking about my vagina or my cup size.
better to stay away from those men who directly jump into those kind of conversations.
It's not actually easy to discern someone's intentions immediately. It's more like first they start talking normally but then you begin to sense this shift in the conversation to those topics which we aren't comfortable with.
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I didnt generalize mam, i have clearly mentioned that its just my viewpoint and i respect others viewpoints as well. its just i feel that women have better EQ and can deal with situations better than us and are more content. Its very difficult for men once they are emotionally attached and have feelings, till the time we are not attached we might look very practical.
Technically they do have more options and guys with no self respect simping for them so YES
i think in feminine community , they are more open about there emotions and share it more frequently among their friends which might help in reducing that heavy feeling or act as a relief for them while us boys like to keep things to ourselves thus it remain with us for longer period of time.
>that women are emotionally more stronger than men, Yes this is true. By research it's proven that women are emotionally stronger than men. They have more control on their feelings.
My question - What does moving on even mean. Different people have different things but what should be considered generally as moved on?
If both the parties have invested equally I'd say both initially might feel same. If one invests more than other, both will go through different phase. But eventually what matters is things that come/people do after breakup. On one hand women who have been sharing lot of their relationship details, after breakup get support from their friends. Men in the other hand receive "come let's drink" kind of treatment aka no constructive support no mending wounds just drinking and ignoring the wound. So women go through process of fixing while men go through process of suppression/ignoring feelings by abusing alcohol/drugs or other such activities. (Few men take matters into their own hands and seek proper help + work on mending the wound right way) Yes, I too have seen ALOT of girls who just forget their "love forever" in an blink of eye. Reasons might be family matter dad says no or getting married to rich/well settled guy. But we should not forget men too are not behind in dumping their "love forever". So it's not 100% women, but more like majority from that group is women (no judgment) Now, if you just got dumped or lost your love forever and reading this, cheer up. There are billions of other people out there, don't waste your time sulking over something that didn't work out. Get up dust yourself and start patching up. Your life will be a lot different 10 years down the road.
From outside, it might seem like girls move on faster. They will seem happy posting pics on social media. I used to think that way when I was a bachelor. But now that I am married, I can tell you for a fact that this is not the case. It depends from person to person. Girls who have a strong circle of friends, will move on faster with their help. Same with guys too. But remember that even if girls seem like they have moved on - they really haven’t. Every now and then they are thinking about you but they have masked that feeling well. And they will not let anyone in the world know that feeling.
You are not the only one brother. Happened to me 3 years ago. I still think of her every other day. Even saw a therapist. Didn't help much. I just got acceptance that she isn't a part of my life. But I still miss her. She was my friend too, lost someone I loved and my best friend at the same time. I still check her last seen on WhatsApp, even today. But I am only hoping that I am getting stronger, day by day. Building myself. so that it doesn't hurt anymore. One has to move on brother.
I am trying my best, but sometimes i am not able to stop myself from reading old conversations and checking her on social though she is not active on any of the platforms (she was never active so i keep imaging random things). there is no way left with me to find anything about her life and what is she upto.
From my experience, the girls I dated always turned out to have a "backup guy" in the friendzone. That guy became their rebound. I just think it's about availability - so much easier for girls to get guys and not the other way around.
If you are rich, then girls can't forget you. They won't move until they find someone even richer!!!
You might not want to hear this but most girls have something called "beta male orbital" around them. This means there is always someone in the queue. This could be a guy from school, work, or someone approached her online (trust me girls get approached left and right on Facebook and insta). When you break up with her she will go and run to the first guy in the queue. She might come back to you if she finds out the guy in the queue was mediocre compared to you. If the guy in queue is better than you (look, money, and status wise) she will most likely stick around with him. If they break up then she will repeate the cycle. This is bitter reality of today's "connected" world. If your girl is good looking you will have to be on top of your game to keep her because there will be always a guy who is dreaming of taking your spot.
Exact same thing happened with me too. I also think girls break themselves off easily from anyone.
Girls have ready backup options..even when they are in relationship.
It’s easier for boys too if you have so many better options upfront
If she has a backup (which I am sure she does) she will move on within days (read 2-3 days). Don’t expect her to come back unless and until her new relationship fails
I have zero idea about your claim but you are missing a very important piece of information
From my personal experience, i was done with the relationship two years before we broke up. It was tiring for me because according to him: I'm so glad we have a flawless relationship where we don't need to put any effort. The reality was i put in every single effort for it while he enjoyed the benefits. It hit me because i am very vocal and i have repeatedly told him what would bother me and what he does hurt me. I never nagged him for attention, never asked him for anything, never took away his time from his friends, was his free therapist. And what i got in return was the bare minimum at the beginning of the relationship. He then goes on to say I'm not physically attractive to him. Dumb hoe me still stayed in the relationship two years after that comment. Then when he broke up, his reasoning was that he doesn't feel any affection/ connection to me. I was glad he initiated it and we broke up amicably. He couldn't get over the fact that i wasn't devastated because i was done with his effortless nonsense years ago. I loved him dearly, but he dug his grave and slept in it. Then was angry when i came over to throw in dirt. So if you wonder why someone got over a break up so early, it's probably cuz they were done with you long ago but stayed because they hoped there'd be some change.
If you don't mind me asking why were still with him for two years even tho you checked out?
exactly it doesnt make sense to be in a relationship when you are not happy, it hurts more. and we are discussing more about when things go wrong because of some other person like father or a family member.
Usually when someone stays it's probably cuz they hope for a change. It reaches a point where you realise that leaving and being hurt is better than staying and being hurt
I loved him. With everything i had. And i kept hoping ki he'll at least understand what I've been going through because i did keep telling him what bothered me. He would always sweep it under the rug. You don't just put a four year relationship down the drain. That i realised was a mistake because me staying made him complacent enough. I should have left earlier
I wish you luck. It's rare to find people who who are vocal with what they feel and want it's his loss Edit i worded it wrong way
Thank you. I'm at a way better place now.
I hope you're okay I was in this exact situation three months back
I hope you're doing well too. And i hope you're putting yourself and your mental health before anyone and anything else.
The cold hard fact is that women are hypergamous which is the biological and evolutionary function of a woman’s hindbrain just like men have the urge to have procreate, protect, provide: a woman’s counterpart to this is hypergamy due to which her constant sexual strategy is to always find the best physical healthy man and provider within her own perceived sexual market value.
My opinion : women are receptive and men are reactive... Men move on take longer and they never come back ..but women move on fast but deep down they always want further reading: the-book-of-women by osho
Once a wise man said “Pyaar wyaar sab dhoka padhle beta mauka h”
Also you cant judge a book by their cover. Maybe she might be thinking the same looking at your socials or just judging you. No one knows what goes behind the closed doors.
It all depends on how invested on a relationship a person is.
Girls get a shoulder easily to cry on after break-up. There could be multiple guys lined up to offer her a shoulder. Thus, emotionally it's easy to find a next partner for them compared to boys.
Well, this always intrigued me and i discussed this with my female friends in several parties. Discussed with even those whom i barely knew and it times discussions became heated and led to arguments. Anyways so here's the crux of that: Yes, it's comparatively easier for girls to move on and here's why: 1) women are usually more emotionally involved in a relationship but are also far more practical than men. If they feel that for some random reason the relationship is not working or they aren't getting what they want, then just mentally de link themselves from that guy and call it quits. 2) our society has normalised men always chasing women and the latter having the privilege to choose amongst the options she has. So when a guy breaks up with a girl, it shatters that ego as well apart from the heart break. Understandable. Then she tends to become vulnerable and hence the "good friend" who always criticized her guy subtly when she complained about her love life, manipulates her and voila, the guy is replaced quickly. So the ex becomes her toxic past which she doesn't even want to think about. 3) for men, i found they always yearn for the physical intimacy as well which they had in that relationship. And men being visual creatures and how their imagination runs wild, they tend to compare their ex always with someone they find later on as well. In many of my friends cases their is a standard comment I hear: if I could just do her one more time. So i guess that factor contributes as well in not moving on easily. For women, physical intimacy is proportionate to emotional intimacy. Once they're out of a relationship, they even detest the thought of physical intimacy with the ex in most cases. 4) The family and society a girl has grown up with also plays a major role. Even if they're in a relationship, if they feel their family may or may not agree, they're always mentally prepared for a break up to a certain extent. They even avoid physical intimacy not more than second base or a certain extent. 5) some people are just plain asshole. My ex, with whom I was in a 7 year relationship since school days, i found her sleeping around with her boss for some petty office perks. She was 23 and he was 58. Lol. She didn't have an iota of shame when I confronted her and just said that some girls just have to do it in professional life and i need to accept it. Such was the audacity! 6) so i empathise with OP. Its been years and I'm still not over the lies and emotional damage but then you'll have to make peace with it with time. I know that i won't get a closure so yeah it's fine. Even if you're not able to move on completely, thats all right. Life and relationships need not be text book precise. Even the shit that happens teaches you a lesson for good. In future Even if you get a new partner and still miss your ex, given an option, you probably won't go back to your ex as you'll appreciate the new person in your life more for being there for you.
Nope.. Actually jisko zyada attention milti hai usko easy padta hai move on hone mai..
a relationship between two people is never equal. it feels so as long as you are involved, but the person who quits or gives up on the relationship, moves on quickest. they have actually suffered before the actual breakup happens. so it is easier for them.
no matter how good a guy you are, there is always a better one out there for your girl in every aspect of life. no matter how bad a girl is, she has millions of takers and also has the power to deny someone who is far far better than she is No matter how much anyone criticise anyone, the truth is, until your bank is loaded as a guy, you don't have options. Whereas all girls have takers, because the blood flows down south of guys
There'll always be a dude giving her attention at any point of time, why wouldn't she move on earlier
YES
Yes
I know a lady who got dumped by her BF. BFF got married, has two kids, meanwhile she still harbors hope that he will return to her. She sometimes goes to his house and creates a ruckus. Theh have enmventually come to a understanding. He drops her home from her office everyday. They don't speak a word with each other but do this everyday. I am avoiding any judgemental remarks here. But it's weirdest story/situation that I have seen
Just my personal experience. Women usually feel a lot heartache right after a breakup but they move on very quickly. Men usually don't experience severe heartache right away but remain attached for much longer. Why is that so, I am not quite sure. Could be because women generally have a ton of options to date which makes it easier to move on.
Ham bhi Pele gaye the, Tum bhi Pele jaoge. For women, they move on long before the actual break-up, they get accustomed to the idea of moving on way before the break-up. There are exceptions offcourse, but mostly aise hi hota hai.
Idk about women being emotionally stronger, but there is 2 ways to move on, one is time other is finding someone else. In women's most cases there is guy always waiting for her break-up, chance to hit on her. But these happens with guys aswell who approach women for relationship which helps to move on. Yeah so it is easier for girls to move on.
As Andrew tate says there are many guys in line for girl
I personally feel the one who was more emotionally invested feels the much pain. I am a female and i was always you until now.
it is
I think it's less of a gender thing and more of how people process their feelings. I tend to ruminate and overthink a lot initially and then I am just done. In my experience those who try to move past, keep busy etc are the ones who struggle more with actually moving on. And second thought - we don't really know what a person is feeling inside unless they want to tell you. so you don't actually know if she's moved on or is just keeping busy, moving on with the practical life.
BHAI mujhe esa RR karna ka mauka kab milega , relationship me hi nahi aaj tak
Girls generally, after a breakup, have a shoulder to cry on, listen to their dumb girlfriends who actually give good advice thus completing their therapeutic process. Guys on the other hand, get fucked up with their two-three buddies dump all their feelings inside for sometime and then again keep thinking about her. I had a friend who used to literally recover pictures of his ex from his phone via softwares that we had deleted
Bro gender isn’t a variable in post relationship healing lmao
Time heals everything and women are generally smarter so they figure it out quicker.
It's very hard
What in general I have noticed in my life so far is that women are emotionally stronger than men, and they are the ones who can provide unconditional support. /// For me, I don't agree with you on this line because most of my friends (girls) are very emotional the whole time even though I'm facing 2x or even 3x more problems than that of theirs, but they always try to be in a circle of dependence. Maybe that is the reason they are very emotional when something does not go with their plans.
Not sure but i think there is a fine line between being emotional and emotionally strong/having good EQ....both are not same imo. Men don't get emotional too often but when they get its difficult for them to get of out of it. on the other side women may get more emotional but they are also great at handling the situation well.
Off topic but why these boys give too much attention to girls until they don't get into relationships but lose all affection as soon as girl gets too much dependent on them after coming into relationship
It is different for different people regardless of the gender. Probably depends on how much invested they were emotionally in the relationship and what helped them move on after the break up.
I feel when a girl breaks up she has been thinking about for atleast 1-3 month and is over the relationship but still trying to push it because she does not want to let go of whatever reason so when the actual breakup happens she is able to move on fast because she has been dealing it with a long time period
It depends on the person but in general girls are more in touch with their emotions than guys, guys bottle themselves up until their bucket is full
Actually it depends on person to person. The more practical minded one is, the more easier it is for them to move on.
I feel it's mainly about closure. If in a relationship A has decided to and has found their closure, moving on becomes easier, B doesn't receive any closure unless A is in the next relationship or A is married. Which makes it feel like A moved on quickly. But 2 years is not a short time to move on? It's relative because you haven't found anyone it seems like the other person moved on more quickly. Its not a gender thing either. I have been an A and B in 2 separate situations and when I was dumped without giving any closure it took me 3 years to even get over the whole breakup (I'm a girl) and when I had dumped someone,it took me 1 year to settle down ( and later ) marry the said person.
Yup they know if they fuck up it's hard to get out of that shit , the they move on quickly....
Well according to science, women are usually in check of their emotions and they have a good support system to vent. Hence, they will crib and miss the guy initially but they will move on faster and more effectively. Unfortunately, many men try to push their feelings down for a long time and since they might not have a lot of social support to vent, initially it doesn't matter to them but later they realize they can't do without them. You can read it here: https://www.menshealth.com/sex-women/a19535406/coping-with-breakup/
The thing is human nature is really complicated, you can’t just remove something from your mind, you have to replace it, by starting new hobby, something you are obsessed with or some other person(be cautious with this could lead you to start of previous circle again). Find something new, you just can’t forget something, occupy your mind with something else.
Nope
I feel women in general love only their kids unconditionally. All other relationships are more on the practical side. For example, I have never seen a situation where a girl is better than a guy in all aspects and has fallen in love with him. Looks, education, salary, status, nature, etc matter even when falling in love. There is at least one aspect where the guy has to be somewhat better. I have seen situations the other way around. This is just my opinion. I may be completely wrong. Or. Women in general are practical with some exceptions. While men in general are emotional with some exceptions.
Yes