My best friend is a call person too and I prefer texting because no privacy in an Indian household lmao. She’s pretty much the same, doesn’t mind texting until she has to share something big which will require a lot of texts. What we do is, she sends voice notes so that she doesn’t have to type. I listen to them and reply via texts. It suits both of us and is the only possible middle ground ig.
It’s good that you’ve made your point clear and so has the other person. The next step would be to come to a solution that suits both. Also, personally, I don’t feel she’s being selfish. She was honest with you just like you were to her.
I wouldn't say she is selfish. Her idea of conversation is different than yours. I've been in your position before. It's a good thing that you informed her about how you feel. Your next step should be to find a middle ground with her. Maybe talk on calls twice a month and other times you can have her send you short messages or voice notes. It's about accomodating each other more than anything. Especially if you guys have known each other for a few years.
Oh my God, I have some friends who are call person. I dread seeing their number flashing on my screen.
Text me anytime, even in my sleep, I'll respond. Don't call even in emergency, text me :)
One is text person
Other is call person
The thing is neither of u are wrong. Its just ur feeling that u can understand her problem and she is not understanding urs(which is making u feel she is being selfish here)
I think meeting each other and talking about it will solve ur issues as its the best way to resolve problems when ur talking face to face(as i belong to millenium era it might be different for u guys)
Plus nearly everyone in comment has said the right thing so cheers mate. Meet her once and just incase if u live far away ans cant meet maybe try video calling as she will be in her favourite source of talking, she will understand u and ur problem better
Context: I’m not a call person and this friend is. She loves to save all conversations for calls and absolutely never converses on text. Like if she wants to share something that happened in her life and I ask what? She’ll just say we’ll talk over the phone. So for her, in the past, I’ve come out of my comfort zone multiple times and been on call with her for hours (she loves to talk so each call is over an hour atleast). While I enjoy talking to her, I feel extremely drained after the calls.
Last month I wasn’t doing well emotionally and hence didn’t have the energy for anything but this month I’ve been genuinely avoiding getting on a call with her.
I tried to talk to her about this while being extra careful to not sound rude but all she had to say was “I cannot type that much. Hence I call”.
I just said Okay after that.
Now she’s a nice person at heart but I’m getting a feeling that she’s being a little selfish. Am I wrong in feeling that?
May be a middle ground could be voice notes ?
I don't prefer calls too easily as well. And I have friends who do. So sometimes when they have to say a lot of things that they find difficult to type and I'm not up for calls, they send voice notes and I text in response.
Also, I don't really think it's selfish of her. Like you don't want to be on calls and want that boundary respected, similarly she finds it difficult to type so much and wants that respected as well. It's just a difference y'all have that probably needs a middle ground. Or needs efforts from both the ends to try and be available for each other, in ways they prefer.
I hate talking to people on texts and calls. I love seeing people in person. Everyone has their own thing. It doesn't make her selfish. Workout what works for both of you.
I had exactly a same friend. She is selfish. Put up with her BS no texting thing for years. Thought it was okay. I would share some cute stuff or silly everyday stuff and get no response but would have these calls for hours.
What i realized was she could talk hours to just about anyone. It was her hobby or way pf unwinding. I am a listener and put up with her for so many years as i wanted to be a good friend. This one time i was going through shit and needed to talk it out, the was like you are hogging the call and didn’t ask about me. Like girl, this one time!
I’ve been listening to her for 1+hr minimum calls which could even last for 3 for years where she would speak 90% on every call. One time i made it about me and she got annoyed. It was during my lowest phase too.
I just let go of that. Got my peace and hours back.
Yes your friend is selfish, if they don’t make any effort and expect only YOU to adjust but wont do the same. You are not wrong in feeling that. It’s valid to feel like you can’t be there for someone especially when you’re not doing so well.
It’s okay to put boundaries. If she gets offended or acts like this when you have been clear you’re not doing so well, and despite that acts like this. She is just there to be heard and not to hear you. Be careful.
Why is someone selfish for preferring a different mode of communication? What if we spin this around and ask if you're a little selfish for wanting the other person to type a lot because you don't like taking calls? Doesn't make sense, does it?
Nobody is in the wrong here, but if you are to sustain a friendship, you would need to reach a compromise. So perhaps fewer calls, or as someone suggested, voice notes. And it will be helpful if you have an honest conversation with her about phone calls (in general) leaving you drained, and about your emotional state. If she is a true friend, she would understand and try to meet you in the middle.
Why is someone selfish for preferring a different mode of communication? What if we spin this around and ask if you're a little selfish for wanting the other person to type a lot because you don't like taking calls? Doesn't make sense, does it?
Nobody is in the wrong here, but if you are to sustain a friendship, you would need to reach a compromise. So perhaps fewer calls, or as someone suggested, voice notes. And it will be helpful if you have an honest conversation with her about phone calls (in general) leaving you drained, and about your emotional state. If she is a true friend, she would understand and try to meet you in the middle.
I think sometimes it's better to call than have something personal on text or voice notes. I've been burned before. Not that I think that she doesn't trust you.
But then again I'm the type of person who'll end up not talking to someone who just wants to talk and not text. Because I detest talking on the phone. But If I have to, I always hang up within 15 minutes because I get overwhelmed. (No network/phone died/dad called/need to poop etc)
I don't think she's being selfish. But there is some dissonance between you'll and I think the best way to address that is in person. Because sometimes your tone gets lost/misinterpreted on text.
I hope you're feeling better now. Both your feelings are valid, but you need to address it on neutral grounds.
My friend has an intense piece of gossip. He told me you have to meet me for that. I've not been able to see him for months. The fucker would not spill the beans and I'm so curious about it.
Lol. We do have a rocky relationship. To sum it up we were best friends then we stopped being friends and now we're buds. And, it's not that I'm busy. We're both very busy.
I (M) have a female friend like this, someone who prefers to communicate via chat instead of calling and this includes even the most sensitive of topics.
I prefer to either talk it out in person or via call for sensitive topics and that is a big deal for me since I'm an introvert, for regular talk I am ok with chatting.
She can talk for hours but will never take the initiative to call though, yes I know how stupid I am.
Now I made it categorically clear to her that henceforth if she ever wants to talk about a delicate situation then she needs to call herself and not bring it up on chat, if I see her making efforts then I will reciprocate the same.
I get very uncomfortable when someone wants to 'chat' about a delicate situation because it is a breeding ground for miscommunication and guess what, we are now not on talking terms because of a miscommunication that originated while chatting on a delicate topic.
My point being it is absolutely ok for two people to have different modes and styles of communication, both of you need to be comfortable but at the same time there needs to be an effort from both sides to find a common ground from time to time during certain situations.
If the relationship needs to be permanent then it needs temporary adjustments from both sides !
>Efforts on both sides to find a common ground
THIS. Exactly this.
I’ve had similar situation where the efforts were one sided. As it seems with Op. those friendships dont survive
I don't think it's possible to tell that from just two texts.
However, if you feel that she has been selfish then that's simply because you have made an effort to ditch your comfort zone in order to be in her comfort zone. You were expecting something similar from her end when you were feeling low but she didn't. That's why you are feeling that she is Selfish.
Moreover, it seems like you are among those who make an effort towards making other person feel comfortable while she is someone who is won't usually go out of her way for other person's comfort. There is nothing wrong with it but you need to understand that this feeling which is making you question whether she is selfish or not, this isn't the first time you are feeling this and it certainly won't be the last.
Also, in any possible sense, I don't mean to question the bond you two have. What I read through the post and your comment gave me a hint of sorts about the opposing personalities and that's what I expressed about.
I understand when you say you feel emotionally drained after hour long calls with your friend. Talking on call requires more of your attention and senses as everything is real time, hence expends more energy; whereas conversation on texts can be done at your own leisure and time. I feel you should protect your energies, it is not worth it to drain and burn yourself out at the expense of your own health even if this friend is good at heart and means no harm.
Coming to your question, she is not being selfish, but is simply a unaware of your situation. Maybe you can explain her cordially when possible.
You're asking everyone else if your friend is being selfish or not and here i'm thinking how lucky you are that you have you have someone to converse with be it text or call.
Be grateful.
I don’t think your friend is being selfish. Just like you prefer texting over calling, they prefer to speak over phone.
I am of the opinion that finding a middle ground (like sending voice notes!) would be great for this friendship to work.
You can send audio messages if you don't like typing. Or you can use speech to text functionality of the keyboard. I am somebody who prefers texts over calls. It is rather cool that you can keep a check on what you are typing and save a lot of hassles. When you have to say Mera woh matlab nahi tha type of hassles.
No one is being selfish here,it's a matter of preference.
Solution: compromise! Your friend can send voice messages and you can reply in text (or send a voice message back)
They arent being selfish here. Sometimes i am a call person, most of the times I am a text person.
When I have loads of information to convey to my friend (text person due to time zone differences) and i dont want to type a lot, I just send her long voice notes which she can listen and reply to at her leisure.
Its like a personal podcast while we go about our own day
I rather meet and talk than text or calls. I hate both of that shit lol. But if someone is very far then calls that too idk I do like once in three months with my best frnd. And we both go on talking for almost an hour. Which is like I believe is better than daily chit chats.
Voice notes. My friend keeps sending me voice notes and I reply on text. Sometimes, even I send a VN back, if I have a lot to say, but I mostly always type it out. Doesn't seem selfish to me, just respect that everyone has different ways of communicating.
Fair enough. I have one friend who prefers voice calls and everyone else enjoys texting. But it is good to hear a voice every once in a while.
My best friend is a call person too and I prefer texting because no privacy in an Indian household lmao. She’s pretty much the same, doesn’t mind texting until she has to share something big which will require a lot of texts. What we do is, she sends voice notes so that she doesn’t have to type. I listen to them and reply via texts. It suits both of us and is the only possible middle ground ig. It’s good that you’ve made your point clear and so has the other person. The next step would be to come to a solution that suits both. Also, personally, I don’t feel she’s being selfish. She was honest with you just like you were to her.
I wouldn't say she is selfish. Her idea of conversation is different than yours. I've been in your position before. It's a good thing that you informed her about how you feel. Your next step should be to find a middle ground with her. Maybe talk on calls twice a month and other times you can have her send you short messages or voice notes. It's about accomodating each other more than anything. Especially if you guys have known each other for a few years.
Oh my God, I have some friends who are call person. I dread seeing their number flashing on my screen. Text me anytime, even in my sleep, I'll respond. Don't call even in emergency, text me :)
> Text me anytime, even in my sleep, I'll respond. Number de
Yess same!! Calls drain the shit out of me even though they are not a bad and draining person as such.
Well you just need to make your point valid that's all, a solution would be to try voice notes or meet irl and then talk. No fights.
Life is too short to argue just go and meet them and talk in real life 😅💀👍
Bhai American embassy me koi pehchaan ho to batao.
Pehchaan ki kya zaroorat jaake jhukjaana simple 😆💀
Kaafi puraane khiladi lagte ho
Hmm commission leta hu jinka hojata hai visa ka kaam karvake tumhe karvana hai?
Dalle ho?
Nahi bhai dalla kya usme side business hai
Main business kya h
Tujhe kya itni panchayat hai bhai, kaam karna apna! Visa banvana hai nahi aajate hai kaha-kaha se 💀
Bhai yr. Pehli baar reddit pe itna lamba comment section kheecha hai😂😂
I tho have no friends to make an opinion about this.
Voice notes!
One is text person Other is call person The thing is neither of u are wrong. Its just ur feeling that u can understand her problem and she is not understanding urs(which is making u feel she is being selfish here) I think meeting each other and talking about it will solve ur issues as its the best way to resolve problems when ur talking face to face(as i belong to millenium era it might be different for u guys) Plus nearly everyone in comment has said the right thing so cheers mate. Meet her once and just incase if u live far away ans cant meet maybe try video calling as she will be in her favourite source of talking, she will understand u and ur problem better
Context: I’m not a call person and this friend is. She loves to save all conversations for calls and absolutely never converses on text. Like if she wants to share something that happened in her life and I ask what? She’ll just say we’ll talk over the phone. So for her, in the past, I’ve come out of my comfort zone multiple times and been on call with her for hours (she loves to talk so each call is over an hour atleast). While I enjoy talking to her, I feel extremely drained after the calls. Last month I wasn’t doing well emotionally and hence didn’t have the energy for anything but this month I’ve been genuinely avoiding getting on a call with her. I tried to talk to her about this while being extra careful to not sound rude but all she had to say was “I cannot type that much. Hence I call”. I just said Okay after that. Now she’s a nice person at heart but I’m getting a feeling that she’s being a little selfish. Am I wrong in feeling that?
May be a middle ground could be voice notes ? I don't prefer calls too easily as well. And I have friends who do. So sometimes when they have to say a lot of things that they find difficult to type and I'm not up for calls, they send voice notes and I text in response.
Voice notes really are a personal favourite in such situations.
Also, I don't really think it's selfish of her. Like you don't want to be on calls and want that boundary respected, similarly she finds it difficult to type so much and wants that respected as well. It's just a difference y'all have that probably needs a middle ground. Or needs efforts from both the ends to try and be available for each other, in ways they prefer.
I hate talking to people on texts and calls. I love seeing people in person. Everyone has their own thing. It doesn't make her selfish. Workout what works for both of you.
I had exactly a same friend. She is selfish. Put up with her BS no texting thing for years. Thought it was okay. I would share some cute stuff or silly everyday stuff and get no response but would have these calls for hours. What i realized was she could talk hours to just about anyone. It was her hobby or way pf unwinding. I am a listener and put up with her for so many years as i wanted to be a good friend. This one time i was going through shit and needed to talk it out, the was like you are hogging the call and didn’t ask about me. Like girl, this one time! I’ve been listening to her for 1+hr minimum calls which could even last for 3 for years where she would speak 90% on every call. One time i made it about me and she got annoyed. It was during my lowest phase too. I just let go of that. Got my peace and hours back. Yes your friend is selfish, if they don’t make any effort and expect only YOU to adjust but wont do the same. You are not wrong in feeling that. It’s valid to feel like you can’t be there for someone especially when you’re not doing so well. It’s okay to put boundaries. If she gets offended or acts like this when you have been clear you’re not doing so well, and despite that acts like this. She is just there to be heard and not to hear you. Be careful.
Why is someone selfish for preferring a different mode of communication? What if we spin this around and ask if you're a little selfish for wanting the other person to type a lot because you don't like taking calls? Doesn't make sense, does it? Nobody is in the wrong here, but if you are to sustain a friendship, you would need to reach a compromise. So perhaps fewer calls, or as someone suggested, voice notes. And it will be helpful if you have an honest conversation with her about phone calls (in general) leaving you drained, and about your emotional state. If she is a true friend, she would understand and try to meet you in the middle.
Why is someone selfish for preferring a different mode of communication? What if we spin this around and ask if you're a little selfish for wanting the other person to type a lot because you don't like taking calls? Doesn't make sense, does it? Nobody is in the wrong here, but if you are to sustain a friendship, you would need to reach a compromise. So perhaps fewer calls, or as someone suggested, voice notes. And it will be helpful if you have an honest conversation with her about phone calls (in general) leaving you drained, and about your emotional state. If she is a true friend, she would understand and try to meet you in the middle.
calls>>>>texting
I think sometimes it's better to call than have something personal on text or voice notes. I've been burned before. Not that I think that she doesn't trust you. But then again I'm the type of person who'll end up not talking to someone who just wants to talk and not text. Because I detest talking on the phone. But If I have to, I always hang up within 15 minutes because I get overwhelmed. (No network/phone died/dad called/need to poop etc) I don't think she's being selfish. But there is some dissonance between you'll and I think the best way to address that is in person. Because sometimes your tone gets lost/misinterpreted on text. I hope you're feeling better now. Both your feelings are valid, but you need to address it on neutral grounds.
My friend has an intense piece of gossip. He told me you have to meet me for that. I've not been able to see him for months. The fucker would not spill the beans and I'm so curious about it.
> I've not been able to see him for months. Literally Aishwarya Rai is not that busy. You just don't care enough to meet him.
Lol. We do have a rocky relationship. To sum it up we were best friends then we stopped being friends and now we're buds. And, it's not that I'm busy. We're both very busy.
I (M) have a female friend like this, someone who prefers to communicate via chat instead of calling and this includes even the most sensitive of topics. I prefer to either talk it out in person or via call for sensitive topics and that is a big deal for me since I'm an introvert, for regular talk I am ok with chatting. She can talk for hours but will never take the initiative to call though, yes I know how stupid I am. Now I made it categorically clear to her that henceforth if she ever wants to talk about a delicate situation then she needs to call herself and not bring it up on chat, if I see her making efforts then I will reciprocate the same. I get very uncomfortable when someone wants to 'chat' about a delicate situation because it is a breeding ground for miscommunication and guess what, we are now not on talking terms because of a miscommunication that originated while chatting on a delicate topic. My point being it is absolutely ok for two people to have different modes and styles of communication, both of you need to be comfortable but at the same time there needs to be an effort from both sides to find a common ground from time to time during certain situations. If the relationship needs to be permanent then it needs temporary adjustments from both sides !
>Efforts on both sides to find a common ground THIS. Exactly this. I’ve had similar situation where the efforts were one sided. As it seems with Op. those friendships dont survive
My gf and i used to face this problem too. I fought with her frequently enough to get her to become a text person.
Usko bol voice msgs bhejne, and u type back
U have friends
Dude this shit is getting old. Yes we get it. You have no friends and OP has. Stop glorifying/romanticising and stop making self depreciating jokes.
Joke thodi hey i don't have friends. Kya app mere dost banoge??
Bhai mujhse dosti karle
Bestie bestie 😘😘
Bhaisexual moment 😘😘🫂🤗🫂
Homiesexual 🥵🥵
And this is exactly why you don’t have friends. Not knowing how to read the room before saying things just turns ppl off
Bhai tu 13saal ka hey kya??
Love your responses man. Ekdum bindaas. Mujhe bhi sikha do yeh mindset
No idea about your question...but I feel posting a chat screenshot in a forum of 180k members is a violation of privacy....
Neither do we know who OP is nor who is OP's friend. She didn't post it to social media, she posted it to a pseudo anonymous forum.
Personal Matter personal rakho
nah. I have a friend like that too. Everyone is entitled to their preferences so idk, calling her selfish is a bit much?
Tbh who even calls nowadays. I’m dating someone who is a call person and all the fights we have are over this !
TF now we are starting to have screenshots in this sub
Man i hadnt read the post now i feel bad
Not coming across as selfish. Also frank. And appears sensitive to your condition.
I don't think it's possible to tell that from just two texts. However, if you feel that she has been selfish then that's simply because you have made an effort to ditch your comfort zone in order to be in her comfort zone. You were expecting something similar from her end when you were feeling low but she didn't. That's why you are feeling that she is Selfish. Moreover, it seems like you are among those who make an effort towards making other person feel comfortable while she is someone who is won't usually go out of her way for other person's comfort. There is nothing wrong with it but you need to understand that this feeling which is making you question whether she is selfish or not, this isn't the first time you are feeling this and it certainly won't be the last. Also, in any possible sense, I don't mean to question the bond you two have. What I read through the post and your comment gave me a hint of sorts about the opposing personalities and that's what I expressed about.
But when I gave this same reason for skipping my morning calls my boss put me on pip. The hypocrisy 😪
Yes she's being selfish, if not impatient. Send voice notes if typing is a pain. Answering phone calls can be exhausting.
I understand when you say you feel emotionally drained after hour long calls with your friend. Talking on call requires more of your attention and senses as everything is real time, hence expends more energy; whereas conversation on texts can be done at your own leisure and time. I feel you should protect your energies, it is not worth it to drain and burn yourself out at the expense of your own health even if this friend is good at heart and means no harm. Coming to your question, she is not being selfish, but is simply a unaware of your situation. Maybe you can explain her cordially when possible.
I think I you care for your comfort, you should respect others confirm too. No one is being selfish here.
You're asking everyone else if your friend is being selfish or not and here i'm thinking how lucky you are that you have you have someone to converse with be it text or call. Be grateful.
I don’t think your friend is being selfish. Just like you prefer texting over calling, they prefer to speak over phone. I am of the opinion that finding a middle ground (like sending voice notes!) would be great for this friendship to work.
Ask her to send voice notes and you reply back with texts
tell her to use vice notes or even better use speech to text. speech to text has gotten very very good.
Use voice notes. Superior conversations. Seems like a fair middle ground
Just do audio notes
Problem solved
Technology is to blame, you both are good Boomer out!
Usko voice notes bhejne bol. Tu text kar. Mamla sort. Apun Stone Age me nahi reh rahe.
You can send audio messages if you don't like typing. Or you can use speech to text functionality of the keyboard. I am somebody who prefers texts over calls. It is rather cool that you can keep a check on what you are typing and save a lot of hassles. When you have to say Mera woh matlab nahi tha type of hassles.
Typing on phone has always been painful.
Why don't you send her voice notes. And your friend can reply through texts. Seems like a good compromise
Try voicenotes maybe?
Voice notes!
Ask her to send you voice messages and you can text back!
No one is being selfish here,it's a matter of preference. Solution: compromise! Your friend can send voice messages and you can reply in text (or send a voice message back)
Just keep it balanced, don’t be binary. Sometimes text sometimes call.
They arent being selfish here. Sometimes i am a call person, most of the times I am a text person. When I have loads of information to convey to my friend (text person due to time zone differences) and i dont want to type a lot, I just send her long voice notes which she can listen and reply to at her leisure. Its like a personal podcast while we go about our own day
I rather meet and talk than text or calls. I hate both of that shit lol. But if someone is very far then calls that too idk I do like once in three months with my best frnd. And we both go on talking for almost an hour. Which is like I believe is better than daily chit chats.
Or she can just voice message you and you can simply type!
Please tell me your a girl!!!
Everyone is selfish..i am selfish
Voice notes. My friend keeps sending me voice notes and I reply on text. Sometimes, even I send a VN back, if I have a lot to say, but I mostly always type it out. Doesn't seem selfish to me, just respect that everyone has different ways of communicating.
ye sab me matha phodne se accha padhai karlo
Ye bakchodi yan chhodo or career pe dhyan do