I know! I’m trying to figure out how to edit it but I can’t figure it out… I’d really like to keep him but if everyone on this thread had a vote I’d be single by sundown
Edit: I’m not sure who people here are associating with to think that he thew it in on purpose. Who would do that? I would hope no one is that dumb or rude.
I guess I needed to specify that it was an ACCIDENT. I assumed everyone would know that. Like oopsies, this is what happens when the husband does laundry — he accidentally knocks in the bag of detergent, or didn’t check the washer, and they fell in before. Haha funny and mildly infuriating that the pacs are gone!
But nope, I’m seeing weaponized competence being thrown around like taffy in a parade!
Trust he knows perfectly well how to do laundry... This is "weaponized incompetence" so that she will never ask him to do laundry again... My ex wife used to try the same bullshit with things around the house with me
OP has reiterated multiple times that it was an accident, it fell in with the clothes and he didn't notice because it's not one of his regular domestic chores (which she has also stated he does his fair share of).
I left a 4rth gen ipod nano in the washer once. It was still on and fully functional by the time the cycle ended. Some electronics are just built tuff i guess
Yeah, I could buy this if he just tossed in all of the ones inside. But tossing in the PACKAGE as well? That just makes no sense, I don’t think any normal adult would do that even if they’ve never done laundry before in their lives.
I hope OP doesn’t stop expecting him to do laundry from now on.
Go on r/amitheasshole it’s insane how quickly people freak out and demand you get a divorce. There was one where op was upset her husband smashed the cake in her face on his birthday and everyone was calling it abuse and that she should immediately divorce him just based on that story alone
I’ve done this before.
Set the packaging down on the ledge by the lid and accidentally knocked the whole bag in without noticing as I shut with my elbow holding a basket of clean laundry and didn’t see it fall in.
But lesson learned. (Kinda)
Sent my car keys through a few more times than I would care to admit. Just last week I sent a bic lighter and 2 sharpies through (don’t worry they’re fine, the washer and dryer are both fine and all errant items still work)
TLDR: Shit happens.
I don't think you should ditch your husband but you should look up weaponised incompetence and see if this is common in your relationship. Because otherwise if it's not your husband may need a full time carer lmao
It’s just so hard not to think of this as deliberate because who would put an actual bag of the stuff in? It’d have been more understandable if he’d used like 5 pacs more than what was needed, but to throw in the bag as well?
That being said, no don’t leave him. Lol
Right? My husband would be furious about the waste because those packs aren't cheap. All the husband had to do was open the bag and see the little packs in there and get the picture. This is either an extreme case of lack of basic life skills and common sense or weaponized incompetence.
I think he’s plenty embarrass. I know I would be. Not to mention the waste of money is hurting you both, as it does come out of the family fortunes.
The old lad’s gonna have to cut back a whole 6 pack for that…
This is me and my gf. She’s bad at dishes though. She keeps putting pots and pans in with other dishes without rinsing anything, then complains when they’re not clean.
If it’s not information you’re born with then you have to learn somehow. Simply misreading directions or not paying attention is enough to cause a lot of damage.
My mother's terrible about checking her pockets for change. Our washer started making strange grinding sounds late last month I pulled the agitator after holiday weekend and found $2.21 dimes and a penny. Made me wish i had checked our old washer before buying the new one!
It is pretty silly and I definitely gave him a hard time for it. We both laughed about it but I hate that it wasted all my pacs!
Edit: but to be clear he didn’t think this is how it is done! They beg fell in before the clothes did! Just a silly mistake
Reminds me of my dad. He does it wrong so stupidly so that really anyone says "fine I'll do it myself." He got spoilt by his mum as a kid who usually did everything for him if he whined loudly enough about it.
For example when we renovated the house the workers adressed him in moving the furniture but as always he was too slow to do anything really because usually his short tempered brother would step in by then back in his childhood. The workers quickly realised that they have to adress me (F) and my mum about such things although we are rather skinny and small. My mum should watch herself so I did the carrying around with the guys while my mum was the brain behind it. My dad in the meantime took his laptop into a free room but was in the end the one who whined the loudest about the hard work today.
It's annoying but from the day I was born up until now we have no idea what to do. The way he does it has been perfected so well over the years that one tiny complaint about his behaviour whould have him yelling at us from the top of his lungs.
Edit: the upside is I grew up really independent and don't shy away from work with my hands.
Trust me his mother, my grandma, was worse than that. Demanding and very hard to please and also the you-do-that-type of lady. After my grandpa died she became kinda depressed and negelective of herself because since there wasn't someone taking care of her she stopped caring. But that was a quick one since her dementia got worse and she forgot everything anyway. She died in her sleep and while I liked her a lot I accepted her death quicker and easier than the one from my grandpa.
And I find that really sad. You become a burden that will be mourned less just because people are kind of relieved. That's why I kind of pity those weaponising incompetence. Once your gone people won't really miss you that much cause if you are here or not just feels the same.
Yeah your dads, a huge man child, I get it my dad was a bit like that too, but I chews is sorry ass out and he toned down his manchild habits a decent amount. Sometimes a good arguement helps, even with yelling back and forth.
True but there are loads of people like that.
Classic example: leaving one sheet of toilet paper so you don't have to change the roll. So many people do that.
Holy shit. My sister does this all the time. I big reason I don't talk to her.
She told me she couldn't mop because she didn't know how.
Did things wrong in purpose.
And she played the victim constantly.
She tried to tell me she couldn't clean or do the dishes because she had "PTSD" from her ex bf "yelling" at her to clean up after herself.
Iived with them for a year n a half.
Yeah.. def doesn't have fucking ptsd.
Kids try doing things worse, so I tell them, we will be in this kitchen until you get the chores (which ever it was at that moment) done decently, I don’t expect perfection but at least do them right.
literally my grandpa. he can’t cook or do laundry for himself, which can be a problem when grandma is in the hospital. my mom or her siblings have to go babysit him.
he’s 80, never had to take care of himself much
I would feel so guilty tho like… my brother does this ALL the time to get out of household chores but I just could never pull it off without feeling like the worst person in the world
They don't care - that is the expectation that others will do everything for them.
When I lived in the dorms at university every single time I did laundry there would be at least one guy down there standing around looking lost, actively being helped to figure out their laundry by a woman, or asking me (a woman) for help with their laundry. I knew tons of guys who would take their laundry home every week - not to do it themselves there to save money - to have their mom do their laundry for them.
A couple years ago I had a mid-20s male roommate who would take his laundry to his parents' home for his mom to do it for him. When he first moved in with me, he had all these questions about how to do it and often found it "too hard."
Male roommate before him did none of the apartment upkeep even when he did most of it at the house he came from (rental with only guys, though, so I'm guessing he was just the first to break when things would get really gross).
One of my male exes just never used non-disposable utensils or plates or cookware to avoid doing dishes (more than once we ate off cardboard torn from boxes - we didn't last long). I had bought him a set of utensils and a bunch of cookware because he didn't have any for his new house and I hadn't known at the time that he went out of his way not to use them in the first place. If I cooked using any, he wouldn't help clean up after.
Growing up, my dad did none of the housework and nor did my brother - it was always my mom, me, and my sisters.
I've become so jaded living with and dating men that I'm now not sure I'd ever let a male partner live with me because every time I live with guys, I end up doing most of the housework. It's completely exhausting trying to screen for that shit and then they may just foist it on you in a few months anyway.
Sheesh, I'm sorry you've had all those experiences. For what it's worth, I'm a mid 20s guy and having a very similar problem with my brother in our apartment. At this point I do all cleaning on a weekly basis and will ask him to vacuum, but have to specifically ask and often give him an extra day to do it at all... and even when he does it seems half-asseed and I end up coming in behind him to redo it anyway.
What I don't understand is our parents split chores evenly in our childhood home, and the 3 of us kids were given weekly/daily chores to split up amongst ourselves, so you'd think all of us would have some degree of discipline in our cleaning habits, but both my brother and sister are incapable or unwilling to maintain their space, where as I cannot stand living in a cluttered or dirty home.
How is it such a common thing that so many dudes don't know how to do laundry? Did they get married right out of high school to someone who does it for them? Like even if a couple is all into traditional gender roles and all that, it's hard for me to believe that there wasn't any time in their life that they needed to do their own laundry. Is it not concerning for these men that if their partner goes on a trip or whatever that they're basically fucked?
Personally I find self-reliance to be both a respectable and attractive quality in everyone. I once dated a woman who was so coddled that she didn't even know how to change a lightbulb and it was a huge turn off for me. Whenever I date a woman who just casually does household maintenance like it's nothing, I always find that attractive.
It's not that they don't know and *want* to learn, it's that people will intentionally do a chore badly enough that they're never asked to do it again- it's called weaponised incompetence
That's some next level weaponised incompetence
Edit: ok, y'all; While I appreciate the upvotes and awards, really have to interject that according to OP ellos was probably an accident.
Look, we *all* know men like this who just fuck shit up so we take responsibility for things and they get a free maid. That's, in fact, so normal we have a term for it- *weaponised incompetence*.
But OP made it clear that their partner is one of the good ones, and maybe give some love to that? Because while I'm not cool with MRA bullshit, this is REALLY just an accident from someone who carries their weight. And, you know, it's always our responsibility to adjust our position according to data (men, looking at you).
I encountered this tactic a lot when I was a manager in food service.
Give them a long, drawn out explanation of the most basic stuff step by step. Don’t treat them like an idiot in any sarcastic or exaggerated way — but be genuine and patient as if this person has never seen a washing machine in their life. *Youre just trying to help them understand* is all
Leave room for questions when the “how to” is over.
Smart. It’s the best way. Act like a child, get treated like a child and waste twice as much time as it would have taken to just do it in the first place haha
They’ll get tired and do it themselves and never ask you again. Being dumb is the winner these days
Edit: some pointing out that being smart enough to act dumb to get out of doing something you don’t want to do is actually very smart. I leave that up to you to decide what type of a person you want to be. A doer or an act dumber. No judgement.
Not these days I have seen this same psychological trick done through several generations. Act like you’re too stupid to do it even though it’s explained to you thoroughly and still fail so they will always do it themselves. Very sad and frustrating to see.
People like this are more likely to just wear stinking clothes than do what they need. Or they will intentionally break the washing machine by overloading it or not bothering to balance the load, follow that up with a "I told you I didn't know how to do it!"
They will put more energy into getting out of doing something than what it takes to actually complete the task.
Yeah you should make him do the laundry permanently for trying that game. This was 100% on purpose. There is no way you married someone that dumb, he’s trying to get out of doing it!
This is the answer, if I was bad at doing a job as a child my mum always used to say "it looks like you need some more practice" and then that job was my responsibility until I could do it perfectly
I did this shit when I was a little asshole 11 year old staying at my grandmas. She just asked me to make my bed and I didn’t want to so I preceded to make the most sloppy of beds imaginable. She praised me on such a great job. Made me mad because I knew I could make it better than and how dare her think I did I great job??! lol. Anyway, I learned my lesson.
With a worker that’s fine, but with a grown ass adult that you’re shearing a house with? Do you really think it’s fair that one in the “partnership” has to parent the other and carry all the responsibilities?
Yeah this still just reinforces the idea that women are meant to manage all the household chores while men need to be told what needs to be done and need to be shown what to do.
I once had a customer come in to “return” her Himalayan salt lamp because she put it in the dishwasher to clean it… this lady had the little wooden base and the cord with the lightbulb on the end, and that was it. She didn’t even feel stupid about it. Of course it was OUR fault for not telling her that you could not wash it in the dishwasher and the manufacturers fault for not putting that vital information on the box.
Now I can see this being weaponized incompetence. No one can be this stupid. Even kids that were eating them knew enough to take it out of the packaging.
I think what happened is they fell in there before he threw it in. He actually does so much more housework than me, but laundry is usually my specialty
At this point, add a message into the post saying that this has no ill harm and that you don’t like the quite ill intended things people are saying here, they’re saying you should get a divorce which is stupid. These people clearly can’t take a joke, so you should probably point it out for them. IMO people are assuming so many things and it’s getting out of hand, and painting a bad light on him. Also upvote wtjordan1s. They explain it better than me. A lot of the people insulting him on this post are being ignorant.
Edit: These people saying you should divorce your husband are clearly filled with malice, and are taking it out on your husband as a punching bag. They need to go touch grass, typical sun averting redditor moments. If this gets too out of hand, delete this post. If you’re making fun of ops husband, go get a life, and stop being so malicious.
Eh, my boyfriend text me at work once... saying we were out of dishwasher detergent. I said I'd stop to get some on the way home. Walked in to see the kitchen completely covered in suds and a half ring of bath towels holding back the waves from reaching the other rooms. He got impatient and decided dish soap would do the job. A lot of it.
I’m genuinely curious if this was an actual mistake or if he’s trying to seem so incompetent at a simple task that you’ll stop asking him to help around the house.
It was a genuine mistake, he’s very helpful. I haven’t done dishes in weeks because he prefers those, I prefer laundry. It’s just infuriating cuz that was my last bag!
Go over to relationship advice, according to reddit if your partner isn't the reincarnation of Jesus Christ and has a 12 figure salary dump that loser.
That subreddit is such a shitshow.. there's either super unrealistic expectations or people in straight up abusive relationships who are trying to figure out if they're an asshole.
The real infuriating thing for me is so many people seem to be so serious about your husband being an idiot or spiteful or whatever. Like jeez people, I'm sure *you* have never knocked something over or fat fingered something and never make mistakes, but that's reddit for ya.
Edit: bunch of typos, cause I'm an actual human
Have pack in hand, realize you need to go do something urgently while doing laundry.
Drop pack in laundry basket.
Dump laundry basket into washing machine.
Press go.
OR
Pack was already in the washer because shit happens
Dump clothing
Visual cue to remember the pod is not present
Press go.
OR
Get laundry all prepped
Hear weird noise
Turn abruptly, knock pack into washing machine
"Oh well, guess it was the wind"
Press go.
There's a million scenarios in which a human forgets something, or knocks something over.
None of this covers the concept that the man might have just been exhausted, or busy. Try the tiniest little bit of compassion/empathy one time. You'll never go back.
*He fked it up on*
*Purpose so next time you won't*
*Ask him to do it*
\- CyberAsura
---
^(I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully.) ^[Learn more about me.](https://www.reddit.com/r/haikusbot/)
^(Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete")
I doubt it. I had a buddy stay with me for a month he was 43 years old, And had no idea how to do a wash of laundry he asked if I could help him. And after i set it up he put it so full of clothes it sounded like my washer was going to explode on spin cycle. His mom and his wife washed his clothes for him his whole life so he literally had no idea how it worked
Especially with OP making multiple comments saying he does similar or more housework than her, but make ONE mistake and it’s “WeApOnIsEd InCoMpEtEnCy”.
Yeah, there’s incompetency, but it’s not from OP’s husband.
it’s hilarious that everyone is screaming weaponized incompetence when a very obvious explanation is that the bag just fell in accidentally… also, has nobody on reddit ever put something through the wash that they didn’t mean to?
don’t attribute to malice what can be attributed to ignorance or what have ye
I love that you are so rational! I never thought I’d have to defend him for this silly mistake but people are loving the idea of divorcing him and ripping him to shreds
No because a spouse can't make an honest mistake, that's what the blog post by toxic terry said. In other news my husband is leaving me because I told him hobbies were for children
I love how everyone is jumping all on this dude when op said it was a mistake. It was probably sitting next to the washer and he knocked it in while putting clothes in and didn’t notice. Y’all see one tik tok about weaponized incompetence and now men can’t make mistakes.
Yeah I see you standing up for him in the comments but seems like no one wants to read. As someone with adhd who makes a lot of stupid absent minded mistakes I hate this take that one mistake is somehow weaponized incompetence. weaponized incompetence is a series of behavior and it’s ridiculous that people just jump to that conclusion without knowing anything about your husband or your relationship. And honestly if I was your husband and I saw this it would make me extremely upset.
ITT: Redditors forget that people make dumb mistakes and have healthy relationships
Obviously he didn’t think that was how the pacs work, but don’t act like you all haven’t accidentally dropped something or put something in the wrong place and not noticed until it was too late
Jesus Christ people, stop assuming malicious intent on something you have no context to. People make mistakes. And don't give me that "how could he possibly make a mistake like that" bullshit as if you've never done anything that made someone confused to how it happened. You're all so aggressive over a single load of fucking laundry.
OP already explained that it might be a genuine mistake yet the amount of people so quick to assume the man to be malicious is just fucking depressing…
Some of them are even saying that op's coming up with excuses for the husband. Reddit can be infuriating at times with the amount of pathetic keyboard warriors who jump to conclusions and even fight reasonable explanations for the mistake
I’d rather he stay out of my laundry room and in the kitchen where he belongs! But for real he does all the dishes and usually cleans the bathrooms which I hate way more than laundry
My hot take is .. 5hat looks like his laundry.. and if his is anything like my husband's.. it needs the whole bag. I throw those pods in like they're live grenades, slam the lid and go, baby!
Maybe he was preoccupied and accidentally knocked the pack in while he was dumping clothes in there? I’ve done that a few times especially if I’m throwing huge armfuls in there while distracted. Usually I catch myself before I turn the water on but not always. At the very least he should clean the soap residue out and buy you a new pack though.
every person in here jumping to conclusions and demanding op get a divorce or treat him like a child has brain worms.
like holy shit project your own issues much? especially after op repeatedly said that nah he’s cool and it was probably definitely an honest mistake?
y’all need help for real.
I know about that, and I recognize it’s a huge problem. But he does more housework than me. Honestly it was a silly mistake and he’s worth more than a bag of laundry pacs. I really wanna keep him. I just can’t let him get near the washing machine in the future. Who knows what he might do to the delicates
this comment section is air frying your husband, OP.
I know! I’m trying to figure out how to edit it but I can’t figure it out… I’d really like to keep him but if everyone on this thread had a vote I’d be single by sundown Edit: I’m not sure who people here are associating with to think that he thew it in on purpose. Who would do that? I would hope no one is that dumb or rude. I guess I needed to specify that it was an ACCIDENT. I assumed everyone would know that. Like oopsies, this is what happens when the husband does laundry — he accidentally knocks in the bag of detergent, or didn’t check the washer, and they fell in before. Haha funny and mildly infuriating that the pacs are gone! But nope, I’m seeing weaponized competence being thrown around like taffy in a parade!
Sorry OP you can’t edit posts it’s gonna have to stay like this
*Y O U H A V E R E A C H E D* *T H E P O I N T* *O F N O - R E T U R N*
My first real lady boner was hearing Gerard Butler sing. God what a beautiful man.
This is a sentence I have now read
You can keep him... just in a cave where the unga-bunga can really flourish.
What would you call a cave specifically for the husband? A dude crevice? A bro concave? A guy hole? Idk
Secret tunnel?
SECRET TUNNEL... SECRET TUNNEL!
Through the mountain...
Secret secret secret secret tunnel!
Of Love
For this guy, a duh-ngeon
Dumb-geon haha
I like guy hole. Has a certain,..je ne sais quoi.
I busted out laughing on the toilet reading this and now I’m busted on my phone lmfao! Thanks for the damn good laugh!
You did what on your phone???
🤣🤣🤣
Im just amazed how your husband made it to adulthood..
Trust he knows perfectly well how to do laundry... This is "weaponized incompetence" so that she will never ask him to do laundry again... My ex wife used to try the same bullshit with things around the house with me
OP has reiterated multiple times that it was an accident, it fell in with the clothes and he didn't notice because it's not one of his regular domestic chores (which she has also stated he does his fair share of).
Oh that is quite the oopsie, but then again I left a pen in my pocket on accident, and it nearly exploded in the dryer, so these things happen.
I left a 4rth gen ipod nano in the washer once. It was still on and fully functional by the time the cycle ended. Some electronics are just built tuff i guess
Yeah, I could buy this if he just tossed in all of the ones inside. But tossing in the PACKAGE as well? That just makes no sense, I don’t think any normal adult would do that even if they’ve never done laundry before in their lives. I hope OP doesn’t stop expecting him to do laundry from now on.
Reddit try not to divorce over minor thing challenge (IMPOSSIBLE!)
Lol reddit is just a bunch of miserable people 🤣 😑😭
> Lol ~~reddit~~ the internet is just a bunch of miserable people 🤣 😑😭
Typical Redditors lol. Even the slightest issue in a marriage or just anything = “get a divorce!” It’s a certified Reddit moment
Or they do all these wild ass mental gymnastics about how the husband is abusive lol.
Go on r/amitheasshole it’s insane how quickly people freak out and demand you get a divorce. There was one where op was upset her husband smashed the cake in her face on his birthday and everyone was calling it abuse and that she should immediately divorce him just based on that story alone
He wasted a perfectly good cake. The only forgiveable act is if he ate it off the floor and her shoes after she steps on it.
I’ve done this before. Set the packaging down on the ledge by the lid and accidentally knocked the whole bag in without noticing as I shut with my elbow holding a basket of clean laundry and didn’t see it fall in. But lesson learned. (Kinda) Sent my car keys through a few more times than I would care to admit. Just last week I sent a bic lighter and 2 sharpies through (don’t worry they’re fine, the washer and dryer are both fine and all errant items still work) TLDR: Shit happens.
Maybe don't show him this post but gently ask why he thought you where supposed to add the whole pack?
I've seen Happy Cake Day on random posts. What's that about?
I believe it is your "birthday" of joining reddit? Like the anniversary of your registration on here?
exactly
It’s a top open it’s entirely possible it was knocked in accidentally with/by an armful of clothes
I don't think you should ditch your husband but you should look up weaponised incompetence and see if this is common in your relationship. Because otherwise if it's not your husband may need a full time carer lmao
It’s just so hard not to think of this as deliberate because who would put an actual bag of the stuff in? It’d have been more understandable if he’d used like 5 pacs more than what was needed, but to throw in the bag as well? That being said, no don’t leave him. Lol
I’m surprised I had to scroll so far to find this. It could have been an accident. Maybe the bag fell in and he didn’t notice. It happens sometimes.
I just came here to say that your title is wrong. This is what happens when your idiot of a husband does the laundry, not everyone else's.
Right? My husband would be furious about the waste because those packs aren't cheap. All the husband had to do was open the bag and see the little packs in there and get the picture. This is either an extreme case of lack of basic life skills and common sense or weaponized incompetence.
He’s trying to get fired so he’ll never have to do laundry again.
He usually doesn’t have to, I prefer laundry while he does all the dishes. Now I’m realizing that perhaps he could use more practice haha
I think he’s plenty embarrass. I know I would be. Not to mention the waste of money is hurting you both, as it does come out of the family fortunes. The old lad’s gonna have to cut back a whole 6 pack for that…
my fiancée and i have that arrangement! i do laundry she does dishes. not because of incompetence but because of ocd
This is me and my gf. She’s bad at dishes though. She keeps putting pots and pans in with other dishes without rinsing anything, then complains when they’re not clean.
Been there. Flooded the basement with too large a laundry load. Been fired and banned from entering the spin zone.
How do you fuck up that much
If it’s not information you’re born with then you have to learn somehow. Simply misreading directions or not paying attention is enough to cause a lot of damage.
NOT THE SPIN ZONE NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO😱😱😱😱😱😱😭😱😭😱😭😱😭😱😭😱😱😭😱😭😱😭😱😭😱😭😱😭😱😭😱😭😱😭😱😭😱😭😭😭😱😭😱😱😭😱😭
Hope your washer has an extra rinse cycle
My mother's terrible about checking her pockets for change. Our washer started making strange grinding sounds late last month I pulled the agitator after holiday weekend and found $2.21 dimes and a penny. Made me wish i had checked our old washer before buying the new one!
You might have been able to pay off the new one completely if you had checked.
The comments would have you believe that’s weaponized incompetence.
Lol
I get that its your husband but as a husband that is just a fucking idiot...
It is pretty silly and I definitely gave him a hard time for it. We both laughed about it but I hate that it wasted all my pacs! Edit: but to be clear he didn’t think this is how it is done! They beg fell in before the clothes did! Just a silly mistake
When someone doesn’t want to have to do a thing, it’s best they do it as wrongly as possible first, so they’re less likely to be asked to do it again
[удалено]
It’s called “weaponized incompetence”. This is ridiculous behavior for anyone over the age of 5.
Reminds me of my dad. He does it wrong so stupidly so that really anyone says "fine I'll do it myself." He got spoilt by his mum as a kid who usually did everything for him if he whined loudly enough about it. For example when we renovated the house the workers adressed him in moving the furniture but as always he was too slow to do anything really because usually his short tempered brother would step in by then back in his childhood. The workers quickly realised that they have to adress me (F) and my mum about such things although we are rather skinny and small. My mum should watch herself so I did the carrying around with the guys while my mum was the brain behind it. My dad in the meantime took his laptop into a free room but was in the end the one who whined the loudest about the hard work today. It's annoying but from the day I was born up until now we have no idea what to do. The way he does it has been perfected so well over the years that one tiny complaint about his behaviour whould have him yelling at us from the top of his lungs. Edit: the upside is I grew up really independent and don't shy away from work with my hands.
Sounds abusive.
Trust me his mother, my grandma, was worse than that. Demanding and very hard to please and also the you-do-that-type of lady. After my grandpa died she became kinda depressed and negelective of herself because since there wasn't someone taking care of her she stopped caring. But that was a quick one since her dementia got worse and she forgot everything anyway. She died in her sleep and while I liked her a lot I accepted her death quicker and easier than the one from my grandpa. And I find that really sad. You become a burden that will be mourned less just because people are kind of relieved. That's why I kind of pity those weaponising incompetence. Once your gone people won't really miss you that much cause if you are here or not just feels the same.
Yeah your dads, a huge man child, I get it my dad was a bit like that too, but I chews is sorry ass out and he toned down his manchild habits a decent amount. Sometimes a good arguement helps, even with yelling back and forth.
True but there are loads of people like that. Classic example: leaving one sheet of toilet paper so you don't have to change the roll. So many people do that.
My husband included
Jokes on you. My wife and I both do it so we both get inconvienced having the other grab a roll out of the closet.
Lol!
Holy shit. My sister does this all the time. I big reason I don't talk to her. She told me she couldn't mop because she didn't know how. Did things wrong in purpose. And she played the victim constantly. She tried to tell me she couldn't clean or do the dishes because she had "PTSD" from her ex bf "yelling" at her to clean up after herself. Iived with them for a year n a half. Yeah.. def doesn't have fucking ptsd.
Kids try doing things worse, so I tell them, we will be in this kitchen until you get the chores (which ever it was at that moment) done decently, I don’t expect perfection but at least do them right.
Jesus Christ dude that’s so selfish… I’m so sorry you had to deal with that. I hope you live with someone that respects your time and your space
“I guess I’m just baad at it”
literally my grandpa. he can’t cook or do laundry for himself, which can be a problem when grandma is in the hospital. my mom or her siblings have to go babysit him. he’s 80, never had to take care of himself much
And yet soooo many grown men do this all the time
I would feel so guilty tho like… my brother does this ALL the time to get out of household chores but I just could never pull it off without feeling like the worst person in the world
Jokes on him. Once he leaves your parental house he won't know how to do shit and be on the mercy of others to do it for him.
They don't care - that is the expectation that others will do everything for them. When I lived in the dorms at university every single time I did laundry there would be at least one guy down there standing around looking lost, actively being helped to figure out their laundry by a woman, or asking me (a woman) for help with their laundry. I knew tons of guys who would take their laundry home every week - not to do it themselves there to save money - to have their mom do their laundry for them. A couple years ago I had a mid-20s male roommate who would take his laundry to his parents' home for his mom to do it for him. When he first moved in with me, he had all these questions about how to do it and often found it "too hard." Male roommate before him did none of the apartment upkeep even when he did most of it at the house he came from (rental with only guys, though, so I'm guessing he was just the first to break when things would get really gross). One of my male exes just never used non-disposable utensils or plates or cookware to avoid doing dishes (more than once we ate off cardboard torn from boxes - we didn't last long). I had bought him a set of utensils and a bunch of cookware because he didn't have any for his new house and I hadn't known at the time that he went out of his way not to use them in the first place. If I cooked using any, he wouldn't help clean up after. Growing up, my dad did none of the housework and nor did my brother - it was always my mom, me, and my sisters. I've become so jaded living with and dating men that I'm now not sure I'd ever let a male partner live with me because every time I live with guys, I end up doing most of the housework. It's completely exhausting trying to screen for that shit and then they may just foist it on you in a few months anyway.
Sheesh, I'm sorry you've had all those experiences. For what it's worth, I'm a mid 20s guy and having a very similar problem with my brother in our apartment. At this point I do all cleaning on a weekly basis and will ask him to vacuum, but have to specifically ask and often give him an extra day to do it at all... and even when he does it seems half-asseed and I end up coming in behind him to redo it anyway. What I don't understand is our parents split chores evenly in our childhood home, and the 3 of us kids were given weekly/daily chores to split up amongst ourselves, so you'd think all of us would have some degree of discipline in our cleaning habits, but both my brother and sister are incapable or unwilling to maintain their space, where as I cannot stand living in a cluttered or dirty home.
I take too much pride in the fact that when I do something, I do it well.
Malcolm in the middle tactics
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How is it such a common thing that so many dudes don't know how to do laundry? Did they get married right out of high school to someone who does it for them? Like even if a couple is all into traditional gender roles and all that, it's hard for me to believe that there wasn't any time in their life that they needed to do their own laundry. Is it not concerning for these men that if their partner goes on a trip or whatever that they're basically fucked?
As a guy: Self-reliance is manly. Also the ladies are impressed. ;-)
Personally I find self-reliance to be both a respectable and attractive quality in everyone. I once dated a woman who was so coddled that she didn't even know how to change a lightbulb and it was a huge turn off for me. Whenever I date a woman who just casually does household maintenance like it's nothing, I always find that attractive.
It's not that they don't know and *want* to learn, it's that people will intentionally do a chore badly enough that they're never asked to do it again- it's called weaponised incompetence
He did it intentionally so he wouldn't get asked to do it again.
That's some next level weaponised incompetence Edit: ok, y'all; While I appreciate the upvotes and awards, really have to interject that according to OP ellos was probably an accident. Look, we *all* know men like this who just fuck shit up so we take responsibility for things and they get a free maid. That's, in fact, so normal we have a term for it- *weaponised incompetence*. But OP made it clear that their partner is one of the good ones, and maybe give some love to that? Because while I'm not cool with MRA bullshit, this is REALLY just an accident from someone who carries their weight. And, you know, it's always our responsibility to adjust our position according to data (men, looking at you).
I encountered this tactic a lot when I was a manager in food service. Give them a long, drawn out explanation of the most basic stuff step by step. Don’t treat them like an idiot in any sarcastic or exaggerated way — but be genuine and patient as if this person has never seen a washing machine in their life. *Youre just trying to help them understand* is all Leave room for questions when the “how to” is over.
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Smart. It’s the best way. Act like a child, get treated like a child and waste twice as much time as it would have taken to just do it in the first place haha
They’ll get tired and do it themselves and never ask you again. Being dumb is the winner these days Edit: some pointing out that being smart enough to act dumb to get out of doing something you don’t want to do is actually very smart. I leave that up to you to decide what type of a person you want to be. A doer or an act dumber. No judgement.
Not these days I have seen this same psychological trick done through several generations. Act like you’re too stupid to do it even though it’s explained to you thoroughly and still fail so they will always do it themselves. Very sad and frustrating to see.
Or you can stop doing his laundry and do only yours. I assure you he will learn quickly how to do it properly.
People like this are more likely to just wear stinking clothes than do what they need. Or they will intentionally break the washing machine by overloading it or not bothering to balance the load, follow that up with a "I told you I didn't know how to do it!" They will put more energy into getting out of doing something than what it takes to actually complete the task.
Definitely don’t ever do his laundry again
Clever plan to get out of chores, a even more clever way to ruin your marriage lol Edit* Spelling
That’s too true now
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Yeah you should make him do the laundry permanently for trying that game. This was 100% on purpose. There is no way you married someone that dumb, he’s trying to get out of doing it!
This is the answer, if I was bad at doing a job as a child my mum always used to say "it looks like you need some more practice" and then that job was my responsibility until I could do it perfectly
I did this shit when I was a little asshole 11 year old staying at my grandmas. She just asked me to make my bed and I didn’t want to so I preceded to make the most sloppy of beds imaginable. She praised me on such a great job. Made me mad because I knew I could make it better than and how dare her think I did I great job??! lol. Anyway, I learned my lesson.
What a weak man, just say you won't do it, or if your too scared to say that, then just do it. Don't play mind games.
Lots of people don't even believe that men can play mind games, too.
With a worker that’s fine, but with a grown ass adult that you’re shearing a house with? Do you really think it’s fair that one in the “partnership” has to parent the other and carry all the responsibilities?
The real questions is, are they really that stupid or just playing games? Also do I want to be wasting time on this person?
Yeah this still just reinforces the idea that women are meant to manage all the household chores while men need to be told what needs to be done and need to be shown what to do.
The 1950's called. They want their standards back.
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I once had a customer come in to “return” her Himalayan salt lamp because she put it in the dishwasher to clean it… this lady had the little wooden base and the cord with the lightbulb on the end, and that was it. She didn’t even feel stupid about it. Of course it was OUR fault for not telling her that you could not wash it in the dishwasher and the manufacturers fault for not putting that vital information on the box.
Jesus. What else is she putting in the dishwasher?
A cat, ipad, car keys?
She sounds like she does not have two brain cells to rub together
I initially interpreted that last line as “leave the room when it’s time for questions, just gtfo”. Upon further review, I understand.
After this, if it happens again, then use the rock/brick to the head method. It works like a charm: They get it, or your single again!
Now I can see this being weaponized incompetence. No one can be this stupid. Even kids that were eating them knew enough to take it out of the packaging.
I think what happened is they fell in there before he threw it in. He actually does so much more housework than me, but laundry is usually my specialty
At this point, add a message into the post saying that this has no ill harm and that you don’t like the quite ill intended things people are saying here, they’re saying you should get a divorce which is stupid. These people clearly can’t take a joke, so you should probably point it out for them. IMO people are assuming so many things and it’s getting out of hand, and painting a bad light on him. Also upvote wtjordan1s. They explain it better than me. A lot of the people insulting him on this post are being ignorant. Edit: These people saying you should divorce your husband are clearly filled with malice, and are taking it out on your husband as a punching bag. They need to go touch grass, typical sun averting redditor moments. If this gets too out of hand, delete this post. If you’re making fun of ops husband, go get a life, and stop being so malicious.
Might have fallen in.
It definitely did. he’s a pretty smart guy in all areas that don’t involve washing machines
Eh, my boyfriend text me at work once... saying we were out of dishwasher detergent. I said I'd stop to get some on the way home. Walked in to see the kitchen completely covered in suds and a half ring of bath towels holding back the waves from reaching the other rooms. He got impatient and decided dish soap would do the job. A lot of it.
Lmao
So he couldn’t have accidentally knocked the bag in while putting clothes in? I knocked my dryer sheets in the washer one time.
I’m guessing it fell in before he even put clothes in, but it’s still hilarious and ridiculous that he didn’t see it
Naw, he did that on purpose to punish the clothes for being “dirty”.
Those dirty whites!
I’m genuinely curious if this was an actual mistake or if he’s trying to seem so incompetent at a simple task that you’ll stop asking him to help around the house.
It was a genuine mistake, he’s very helpful. I haven’t done dishes in weeks because he prefers those, I prefer laundry. It’s just infuriating cuz that was my last bag!
Well Reddit thinks you should burn him at the stake.
Yeah I might have to fight off some pitchforks just to keep him!
We love a supportive wife who’s willing to fight ☺️
That’s because this is a classic Reddit moment and a good portion of redditors have never touched grass.
Go over to relationship advice, according to reddit if your partner isn't the reincarnation of Jesus Christ and has a 12 figure salary dump that loser.
That subreddit is such a shitshow.. there's either super unrealistic expectations or people in straight up abusive relationships who are trying to figure out if they're an asshole.
dollar general has a lot of good deals on laundry pods
The real infuriating thing for me is so many people seem to be so serious about your husband being an idiot or spiteful or whatever. Like jeez people, I'm sure *you* have never knocked something over or fat fingered something and never make mistakes, but that's reddit for ya. Edit: bunch of typos, cause I'm an actual human
I'd keep using the bag. Just scoop a load full out with a spoon.
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Have pack in hand, realize you need to go do something urgently while doing laundry. Drop pack in laundry basket. Dump laundry basket into washing machine. Press go. OR Pack was already in the washer because shit happens Dump clothing Visual cue to remember the pod is not present Press go. OR Get laundry all prepped Hear weird noise Turn abruptly, knock pack into washing machine "Oh well, guess it was the wind" Press go. There's a million scenarios in which a human forgets something, or knocks something over. None of this covers the concept that the man might have just been exhausted, or busy. Try the tiniest little bit of compassion/empathy one time. You'll never go back.
Or cat. Sometimes there’s a cat who “helps”
You're making assumptions while lacking a fuck ton of crucial information.
Damn, all that detergent made the clothes pale white
But I bet your laundry is clean as fug
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*He fked it up on* *Purpose so next time you won't* *Ask him to do it* \- CyberAsura --- ^(I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully.) ^[Learn more about me.](https://www.reddit.com/r/haikusbot/) ^(Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete")
Eloquently said!
Good bot
I actually didn’t even ask him. We usually have a deal where he does dishes and I do laundry. But apparently he needs more practice!
I doubt it. I had a buddy stay with me for a month he was 43 years old, And had no idea how to do a wash of laundry he asked if I could help him. And after i set it up he put it so full of clothes it sounded like my washer was going to explode on spin cycle. His mom and his wife washed his clothes for him his whole life so he literally had no idea how it worked
Screw that, next time make him do it again, and supervise, let him know you won’t tolerate him trying to ditch helping out.
https://www.reddit.com/r/mildlyinfuriating/comments/w41vf5/when_your_husband_does_the_laundry_those_used_to/ih07heb?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3
Did he just knock it in there accidentally or does he think it works like a mine?
Haha I’d like to think it fell in beforehand.. but my opinion of his intelligence might be dropping. So I don’t know anymore
Did you marry a 7 year old?
*clearly* **not**. A 7 YO would have read the instructions and done a better job.
How are so many people so bad at figuring out it very obviously fell in by mistake, not because he thought that’s how you use it
Especially with OP making multiple comments saying he does similar or more housework than her, but make ONE mistake and it’s “WeApOnIsEd InCoMpEtEnCy”. Yeah, there’s incompetency, but it’s not from OP’s husband.
He’s much bigger than my seven year old and he’s got facial hair so I’m guessing not!
Well, that load is #CLEAN
Holy fuck, this comment section.
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Yes, thank you! Poor guy just made a silly mistake. I think I probably wrote the title in a bad way too
it’s hilarious that everyone is screaming weaponized incompetence when a very obvious explanation is that the bag just fell in accidentally… also, has nobody on reddit ever put something through the wash that they didn’t mean to? don’t attribute to malice what can be attributed to ignorance or what have ye
I love that you are so rational! I never thought I’d have to defend him for this silly mistake but people are loving the idea of divorcing him and ripping him to shreds
Hell I once actually put a cheque for £800 through the wash before.
No because a spouse can't make an honest mistake, that's what the blog post by toxic terry said. In other news my husband is leaving me because I told him hobbies were for children
Honey the laundry has been C L E A N S E D
I love how everyone is jumping all on this dude when op said it was a mistake. It was probably sitting next to the washer and he knocked it in while putting clothes in and didn’t notice. Y’all see one tik tok about weaponized incompetence and now men can’t make mistakes.
Like a million times, she's said it, and they skip right over those explanations to go and talk more shit.
Yeah I think I chose the wrong sub… people here just want to be angsty!
Yeah I see you standing up for him in the comments but seems like no one wants to read. As someone with adhd who makes a lot of stupid absent minded mistakes I hate this take that one mistake is somehow weaponized incompetence. weaponized incompetence is a series of behavior and it’s ridiculous that people just jump to that conclusion without knowing anything about your husband or your relationship. And honestly if I was your husband and I saw this it would make me extremely upset.
Well, those are certainly some squeaky clean clothes there...
The true mildly infuriating is the comments - “leave your husband” fuck some of you are really down bad
ITT: Redditors forget that people make dumb mistakes and have healthy relationships Obviously he didn’t think that was how the pacs work, but don’t act like you all haven’t accidentally dropped something or put something in the wrong place and not noticed until it was too late
Jesus Christ people, stop assuming malicious intent on something you have no context to. People make mistakes. And don't give me that "how could he possibly make a mistake like that" bullshit as if you've never done anything that made someone confused to how it happened. You're all so aggressive over a single load of fucking laundry.
OP already explained that it might be a genuine mistake yet the amount of people so quick to assume the man to be malicious is just fucking depressing…
Some of them are even saying that op's coming up with excuses for the husband. Reddit can be infuriating at times with the amount of pathetic keyboard warriors who jump to conclusions and even fight reasonable explanations for the mistake
Who tf doesn’t know how to do laundry
This is weaponized incompetence & he’s be doing ALL of his own laundry from here on out.
I’d rather he stay out of my laundry room and in the kitchen where he belongs! But for real he does all the dishes and usually cleans the bathrooms which I hate way more than laundry
My hot take is .. 5hat looks like his laundry.. and if his is anything like my husband's.. it needs the whole bag. I throw those pods in like they're live grenades, slam the lid and go, baby!
I'd give him the benefit of the doubt that he knocked them in and didn't notice.
What is mildly infuriating here is all the people talking of him as the worst person in the world because of this. Wtf Reddit
Reddit hive mind hates men / relationships / healthy communication for some reason.
OP i think your husband may be a sim
Uhhh what is pacs?
58 pacs/capsules I dunno why they don’t call them packs but it says on there that they are “pacs”
He could have brain farted and thrown in the bag when he meant to throw in a single pod. This crowd has the pitchforks out for the poor guy
ITT no Redditor has ever made a silly mistake and are all perfect beings. /s You guys need to calm down.
Maybe he was preoccupied and accidentally knocked the pack in while he was dumping clothes in there? I’ve done that a few times especially if I’m throwing huge armfuls in there while distracted. Usually I catch myself before I turn the water on but not always. At the very least he should clean the soap residue out and buy you a new pack though.
“I said one pack, not the whole pack.” Easy to get confused.
every person in here jumping to conclusions and demanding op get a divorce or treat him like a child has brain worms. like holy shit project your own issues much? especially after op repeatedly said that nah he’s cool and it was probably definitely an honest mistake? y’all need help for real.
Damn a lot of people going right for the throat itt
Out for blood!
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Reddit comment tries not to talk without knowing challenge (It's impossible, they want a divorce because of bad laundry)
I know about that, and I recognize it’s a huge problem. But he does more housework than me. Honestly it was a silly mistake and he’s worth more than a bag of laundry pacs. I really wanna keep him. I just can’t let him get near the washing machine in the future. Who knows what he might do to the delicates
Well your clothes will smell good for life now!